You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace. Our Bodies are also like that Are you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key. Our projects are like that. Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome. Our relationships are also like that Do you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship? We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world? All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow.   Links Get a New Podcast App Summary The main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results. The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling. The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors. The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships. For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key. The overarching solution is to put high-quality "inputs" or effort into the four pillars of life: body, mind, community, and soul. Our thoughts ultimately create our reality, so being mindful of our self-talk and inputs is crucial. Brian offers his discounted one-on-one coaching services to help men identify their ideal dream life and make a plan to put in consistent inputs across the key life areas to ultimately get their desired outputs and results. The main takeaway is that the quality of what we get out of our health, goals, and relationships is a direct reflection of the quality and quantity of what we put into those areas through our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and efforts. Applying this "you get what you give" principle is key to transforming one's life experience. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:42 The Three Spaces 00:07:35 Body and Mind 00:12:22 Nurturing Relationships 00:18:47 Input Equals Output 00:21:39 Putting in Effort 00:23:24 Closing Words

With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift. Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions. What is living with intention? Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time. But what if you don't know? review your actions and make decisions Why we don't live with intention? It's scary We are responsible Where do you start? Start by making a decisions Then plan out how you are going to reach those results Take action Take the Next Step Get coaching for 95% off Summary The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are: What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy. Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances. Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something. Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions. How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions. The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore. ( 00:00 ) Introduction to The Relaxed Male  ( 02:18) The Power of Intention  ( 00:02:53 ) Understanding Intentionality in Life  ( 00:06:37 ) The Impact of Intention on Life's Path  ( 00:07:43 ) Being Intentional as a Parent  ( 00:09:40 ) Consequences of Unintentional Actions  ( 00:14:31 ) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality  ( 00:16:59 ) Making Decisions for Intentional Living

In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder. Why does this happen? past disagreements It is easier Rejection free   How to rekindle the spark Know what the roommate syndrome is about. Start with the end in mind Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire. It starts with the small stuff Rediscover the silly you 95% Off Coaching Offer   Summary Here is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode: The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship. He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner. The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons: Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list.   Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem.   Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn. The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest. Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.

What does the world look like when you are curious Why it is good to get curious You see more out there You see what is possible Better at problem-solving You are more relatable More creative More Fulfilment Strengthens relationships Applying those to your relationships You understand your spouse or friend more You learn and discover more Curiosity helps you to connect even more it deepens the intimacy with your spouse Want to learn how to have more curiosity in your relationships then take the Next step?     Summary The main topic of this podcast episode is the importance of being curious in life, relationships, and personal growth. The host, Bryan, explains that having a curious mindset allows you to find more joy, happiness, and fulfillment. He discusses how when we are young, we are naturally very curious about the world around us. As we get older, that innate curiosity tends to fade as we settle into routines and stop questioning things as much. However, maintaining a sense of curiosity is vital for several reasons: Curiosity opens up new possibilities and helps spark creativity to solve problems in innovative ways, especially for entrepreneurs.   Being curious makes you a better problem solver in all areas of life rather than just accepting "That's how we've always done it."   Curiosity makes you more relatable and eager to learn from others. It shows you don't know everything.   A curious mindset is a growth-oriented abundant mindset, whereas a lack of curiosity leads to a scarcity mindset of just holding on to what you have. The episode emphasizes how curiosity can greatly strengthen relationships, especially with your spouse/partner. Asking questions, being interested in her perspective/hobbies, and striving to understand why she does things a certain way builds intimacy and makes her feel heard and understood. Practical tips are given like the "5 whys" approach to get to the root of someone's motivations by repeatedly asking "Why?" Curiosity about your partner's world helps create deeper connections. Even asking about topics you don't care about can make the other person feel you're a great conversationalist. Overall, the host advises making a conscious effort to embrace curiosity by asking more questions, being open to learning, and examining the details of the world around you. This curiosity will lead to more fulfillment, stronger bonds, creative problem-solving, and personal growth. 00:00:00 The Power of Curiosity 00:01:47 Embracing Curiosity in Life 00:05:30 Challenging the Status Quo 00:07:28 Embracing Growth Through Curiosity 00:11:10 Curiosity vs. Scarcity Mindset 00:11:25 Strengthening Relationships Through Curiosity 00:11:46 Unveiling Relationship Dynamics with Curiosity 00:17:59 Building Strong Connections Through Curiosity

After many years couples often find themselves in a strange predicament. The Sex and closeness fall off and people just sort of exist in the same house. There are lots of thoughts and interpretations of this. The decrease in intimacy has been a problem in marriage since marriages were implemented. Many today believe that the reason for the decrease in intimacy is the institution of marriage. That the very act of committing yourself to another person is why the fire dies down. It can be (See Roommate Syndrome) but it isn't the reason. Why do intimacy challenges come up? We are human and we can't do anything without some type of emotion mixed in. We are just emotional beings. We are also creatures of habit. We do not want to rock the boat too much out of fear that we will be scorned in some way. We don't want to be kicked out of our village and lose all that we have worked so hard to gather. So why do we fall into roommate syndrome? Routine The big reason is we find a routine that works for us. The wife likes her shows and you like yours so you go and watch TV in separate rooms. Instead of going out for a walk or doing something different. Don't want to stir up emotions Doing something new can cause people to feel different emotions. Nice guy syndrome Sorry nice guys but you strike again. Trying to control as much as you do causes people to not venture out into the fun areas of life. So we become bored. A relationship can't survive without sex? Funny how this is often the go-to for why we need sex in our lives. Yet that isn't fully the case. yeah, it would be nice to get boned on a regular basis, but men often have a higher sex drive than women. So we often want to have sex far more often than our spouse would like to have it. So what do you do? That is why you are here. Roommate Syndrome Roommate syndromes are when you have hit a plateau. You have found yourself and your spouse in a rut and this is a good place to be because it means it is time for you to grow. You have a choice Now it may seem as if we are struggling against an impossible wall but that is where our suffering is coming from our thoughts of the matter. We always have a choice. We can change and grow and become the people that lead our spouses out of mediocrity or we can let the marriage wither or we can just stay the same and hope that one of the people in the relationship doesn't venture out for some adventure with someone else. Stay and find out how to grow The one choice I feel most people want is to stay with their spouse and find out how to become the partner their spouse needs in their life. How to increase intimacy There are many different ways we can increase intimacy. We first need to know what type of intimacy we are growing. Any intimacy is one thing but it does help to know what type you are aiming for. According to All Points North, there are 5 types of intimacy we want in our relationships. Emotional intimacy This is, how much emotional connection are you and your spouse willing to have? How willing are you to open up to your spouse about emotions? There are some thoughts as to how deep you need this to be for a good connection with your wife. Spiritual Intimacy How are you and your spouse sharing yall's religion? Many people like to say they are "spiritual" and that's fine but what is your belief and is your belief compatible with your spouse? Intellectual Intimacy How much curiosity is there about each other? Social Intimacy How much do you share in each other's interests? Physical intimacy This is what we men want most. but to get this you often need to do some other things to get here. They want to feel emotionally safe and secure They want to feel trusted They have to trust their partner. Women are mental beings so their engines are started by you waving your ding-a-ling around. This is why women can't stand dick pics. Men, we love our penises but women don't. Start dating your girl again Time to go back into the old dating box in the back of your mental closet dust it off and start dating each other again. Schedule sex It may not seem as spontaneous but at the same time, it does create some habits that have long been lost. There have been couples that actually tried 365 days of sex. They came out of it with a stronger connection with their significant other. Have a Strong Man's Community Pillar Talk to other men and have a life outside of your marriage Go back to Cheesy Romantic stuff Yeah get romantic. Exercise that muscle. Flowers Start giving flowers regularly. Even today's women still like flowers. Love notes How often do you leave love notes for your wife to find? that is too few. DO more. Love texts Send a text to your wife at random times telling her how much she means to you and how happy you are. Might even throw a little saucy language in to spice the feeling up a little. Just no dick pics. Drop the Mental Fights Many people have mental arguments with their spouses. If you do this stop. If you find yourself in that space let her win in your mind. This is about respect for your wife if you don't stop your lack of respect will show up in other ways that your wife will pick up. Show Gratitude One of the greatest ways to get out of the scarcity mindset of no sex is to just start being grateful for your spouse. Then tell them why you are grateful. Be curious Relearn who your wife is or let the marriage fall apart This is also a solution it may not be what you want but it is a solution also.  Special Coaching Offer 95% off -  Summary Intimacy challenges that couples often face in long-term relationships. After the initial "honeymoon phase", issues like lack of sex, emotional distance, and falling into routines and "roommate syndrome" can arise. He makes the point that while a relationship can survive without sex, most intimacy problems stem from negative thought patterns - making assumptions about the other person's feelings, not processing emotions healthily, and getting stuck in unfulfilling routines out of fear of disrupting the situation. Goodwin identifies 5 types of intimacy that need nurturing: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, and physical. He suggests several ways to overcome roommate syndrome and reignite intimacy: Date your partner again like when you were first together Schedule sex, try new things to rediscover sensuality Build a strong male social circle apart from your spouse Do romantic gestures - flowers, notes, surprises Stop having unproductive "mental fights" criticizing your partner Be curious about your partner's life, ask questions Express gratitude for small things your partner does Give 100% effort without expectation of reciprocation The underlying message is that growth, discomfort and effort are required to sustain a thriving long-term intimate relationship. Sticking to routine out of fear often leads to dissatisfaction or the relationship falling apart entirely. ( 00:00 ) Intimacy Challenges ( 02:20 ) Relationship Struggles ( 09:40 ) Surviving Without Sex ( 12:32 ) Types of Intimacy ( 30:41 ) Overcoming Roommate Syndrome ( 34:10 )Ending Mental Fights ( 37:17 ) Showing Gratitude ( 39:29 ) Giving 100%, Expecting Zero

Men struggle with strong meaningful connections. Many even struggle with just having a relationship. So many men today don't have close relationships or their relationships are just surface-level connections that don't fulfill the purpose of a relationship. We men need relationships and yet we forsake our own needs for a plethora of reasons. So why do we need to have good strong relationships? Why can't we just hermitize ourselves and just be done with it? Benefits of a good relationship Why are relationships needed? What makes the messy emotional events of having relationships with both men and women good for us? Live longer This is mainly for married men but when a man has friends who force him to get out of the house and go do things. These men live longer and more fulfilled because they have a relationship with both men and women. Men who are isolated have stronger suicide tendencies Sadly many men do end their lives because they have isolated themselves. In fact a guy who starts to isolate needs strong relationships more than ever. Happier Why do men actually long for relationships. Relationships with women It helps them see life as an adventure Three desires of a man He wants a battle to fight. He dreams of adventure. He longs for a beauty to rescue We love to care We Love to be cared for We do like the input from women Men seek specifics in their relationships and often don't find them Praise and approval Respect Connection Space Security Physical Touch Relationships with other men A means to be pushed to be better others to learn from A refill of their masculine energy Men need to have a connection with those around them Why do men not have as many friends as they could have? Many men don't have close friends at all Sadly many men have stopped trying or using the internet as a cheap knockoff connection They lost their girl's challenge. Coaching Offer   Summary Introduction Bryan Goodwin hosts The Relaxed Male podcast, aimed at helping men remove the "nice guy" mindset and live life on their own terms. This episode (#221) focuses on the importance of relationships for men. Why Relationships are Important for Men Men struggle with relationships - romantic partners, family, friends, coworkers etc. Some men avoid relationships altogether through movements like "men going their own way." However, strong relationships provide several key benefits for men: Longevity Married men tend to live longer than single men, especially if the marriage is a strong, connected one. When a wife passes away, the widowed husband often dies soon after of "a broken heart." Lower Suicide Risk Men with solid relationships have lower tendencies towards suicide compared to isolated men. Friends will notice if a man starts withdrawing and pull him back out. Happiness Overall, married men report being happier than single men. Having masculine friendships pushes men to get out, try new activities and adventures they wouldn't alone. Benefits Men Seek in Relationships Words of affirmation/praise Respect Connection/security Physical touch (both platonic and romantic) Men are often the "romantics" craving spice from their wives Importance of Male Friendships Allow men to be their full, uninhibited selves Provide positive masculine energy that balances feminine energy from romantic partners Men learn from each other and push each other to grow Having a tight community of male friends is crucial Challenges to Building/Maintaining Friendships Many men lack close friendships - estimates of 15% having no close friends Online friendships are not a full substitute for in-person connection Romantic partners sometimes pressure men to drop male friends Men must be willing to stand up to this "test" from partners to keep respected friendships Bryan's Plug for Coaching Services For men wanting to improve their relationships (romantic or platonic) 3-month coaching package to change perspectives on relationships Connect with Bryan through the website to take advantage of a discounted offer Overall, the episode argues that all kinds of relationships - romantic, family, friendships - are vital for men's mental health, life satisfaction, personal growth, and even longevity. Building a strong community of male friends is particularly emphasized. 00:00:00 Introduction to The Relaxed Male 00:00:32 The Importance of Relationships 00:06:48 Benefits of Strong Relationships 00:11:22 Specific Benefits for Men 00:18:29 The Importance of Male Friendships 00:24:05The Role of Community in Men's Lives

Why do we get participation trophies? Easy bump of Satisfaction Empty victory How are you giving yourself participation trophies? Staying busy for the sake of busy or are you actually taking steps to go forward? Finding other things to do than what needs to be done. Buffering Example watching porn is you taking the participation prixe instead of actually building the connection withyour wife so that you have that much wanted intamacy. How are you taking the participation trophies of life? How are you going to stop? let me know in the comments section below. Want to start reaching for the real trophies in life? To do so take the next step Get Coached for 3 months for only $300 Sign up for special Coaching Offer Summary The episode argues that many people, especially men, settle for metaphorical "participation trophies" in their relationships instead of putting in the hard work required for a truly fulfilling relationship. Just like kids getting participation trophies in sports for merely showing up, adults give themselves participation trophies in relationships by engaging in avoidance behaviors and buffering techniques like drinking, watching porn, playing video games, etc. instead of doing the emotional labor to build intimacy. The host says these participation trophies in relationships provide an "empty victory" and hollow satisfaction, preventing true growth. For example, watching porn is the participation trophy instead of putting in effort to foster emotional and sexual intimacy with one's partner. Drinking after a hard day is the participation trophy instead of having a real discussion about issues with a spouse. The host urges men to stop settling for these relationship participation trophies. Instead, put in the work like pursuing personal growth, having vulnerable conversations, doing activities to nurture the relationship, etc. - which leads to the true "win" of a rich, fulfilling partnership. Giving up the participation trophy mindset and buffering behaviors is hard, but necessary to achieve relationship success beyond just going through the motions. 00:00:00 The Impact of Participation Trophies 00:11:31 Striving for Success Beyond Participation Trophies 00:16:27 Taking Action to Remove Participation Trophies

Why do we appear to turn to pain Why do we put ourselves through these ordeals? We overeat Face hangovers Withdrawals We would rather face pain than Find satisfaction Why do we want more pain in our lives? Pain is a better motivator than pleasure. It is too scary to avoid the pain scarcity in our lives Not being intentional Coaching Offer - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves into the intriguing topic of pain and its role as a motivator in life. Pain seems to have a paradoxical effect on humans, both repelling and attracting us. From childhood, we are drawn to experiences that involve pain, whether it's testing our physical limits or seeking thrills. As we grow older, our relationship with pain becomes more complex, as we navigate the fine line between seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort. The discussion reflects on how individuals often choose to endure familiar pain rather than face the unknown challenges that could lead to fulfillment. This avoidance of necessary discomfort can manifest in various ways, such as overeating, substance abuse, or failing to take proactive steps toward personal and professional growth. The speaker emphasizes the importance of confronting fears and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve true fulfillment in life. The conversation touches on the concept of a scarcity mindset and how it can drive individuals to seek temporary pleasures that ultimately result in greater pain. By reframing perspectives and adopting intentional actions, one can break free from self-imposed limitations and unlock a realm of possibilities. The speaker illustrates the power of shifting mindset towards gratitude, abundance, and proactive decision-making in order to pursue meaningful relationships and personal growth. Through candid self-reflection, the host acknowledges his own struggles with stepping into discomfort, particularly in the realm of professional endeavors. The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth by reaching out for coaching support. By embracing challenges, facing fears, and embracing discomfort, individuals can pave the way toward a more fulfilling and empowered existence. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:04:53 Facing Overeating 00:11:41 Freedom from Discomfort 00:18:20 Seeking Fulfillment 00:20:10 Embracing Discomfort

Never stop learning Read listen to podcasts Try new things Follow your curiosity Get out and enjoy the fresh air Go on a quest to find your purpose Do something scary Find a group of noble men to hang out with Porn is not your friend Dating When it comes to dating know what type of girl you want in your life. Yeah, there are the physical attributes but what character traits do you want in your wife? Date with the purpose of marriage Don't rush take a year to get to know her and then a year for the engagement. During this time Do some couples counseling and find out what she expects in marriage and share what you expect in marriage. Find out what each of you are going to bring to the table. Have some hard nos in place but also know when to be lenient on your standards. You aren't going to find the perfect woman. Look out for girls that are damsels in distress because you get a distressed damsel. You don't want a woman that you are always rescuing. Understand what respect is and does she actually respect you? What are your values? What are her values? are they compatible? Is she stable when she is upset or is she throwing temper tantrums? Does she have daddy issues? Is she talking about her ex's all the time How does she treat her parents in general How much responsibility does she take? How quickly is she saying she loves you? How are your friends and family responding to her? Are there double standards? Tries to separate you from your male friends? Tries to separate you from your family Talking about other people's secrets Has mental health issues Always in panic mode  Take me up on a Special Coaching Offer - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer Summary In this episode, I delve into the message for young men, aiming to provide guidance on navigating life's challenges and relationships. I emphasize the importance of intentional living and setting clear goals to achieve success. It's crucial for men to establish standards and values when it comes to relationships, understanding red flags to watch out for in potential partners. I discuss the significance of finding a compatible partner who aligns with your core values, respects you, and shares mutual goals. I highlight the impact of mental health issues in relationships, urging caution and advocating for healthy dynamics. Additionally, I touch on the dynamic of separateness from friends and family, emphasizing the need to preserve these relationships amidst romantic involvements. Furthermore, I address the role of physical attraction in relationships, while highlighting the underlying importance of shared values and respect in fostering a strong connection. I caution against falling into the trap of rescuing a damsel in distress, emphasizing the need for partnership based on mutual support and stability. I also stress the need for intentional dating, prioritizing meaningful connections over physical attraction. Ultimately, I encourage young men to approach relationships with intentionality, setting clear standards and boundaries to ensure healthy and fulfilling partnerships. By prioritizing respect, open communication, and shared values, men can cultivate strong, lasting relationships that contribute positively to their lives. Thank you for listening, and remember to share this valuable insight with others who may benefit. 00:00:00 Introduction to The Relaxed Male 00:02:45 The Unique Challenges Men Face 00:07:44 Continuous Learning and Growth 00:12:13 Misconceptions About Men in Society 00:13:27 Finding Your Purpose and Facing Fears 00:18:58 The Importance of Intentional Relationships 00:22:25 Choosing the Right Partner for Marriage 00:25:18 Taking Time to Know Your Partner 00:27:27 Planning for a Successful Future Together 00:31:36 Building a Strong Foundation in Relationships 00:39:46 Key Red Flags in a Potential Partner 00:43:50 Seeking Clarity and Guidance in Relationships 00:45:18 Special Coaching Offer for Personal Growth

This is a special Message for girls who are 12 and up You have the power You have always had power in a relationship you have a purpose You just have to find it. Dont do what society says Society wants to tell you that a powerful woman sleeps with many men No, you have more power than that. Yes you can manipulate men with your breasts and what is between your legs but that is cheating yourself You are not held back by some all-scary patriarchy. First look at what a patriarch is, It is the oldest man in the family, ie your grandfather. If you are being held back by anything it is by your own thoughts. Men find you sexier and more attractive when you dress up with a bit of modesty. Wearing revealing clothes just makes you look easy when you are single. Yes, you can appear more sexy when worn from time to time. but that only fully works when you are married and you and your husband are out at a social event. You have more power over men than feminists want to admit. You ask nicely and men will crawl across a desert of broken glass just to give you refreshing iced tea. You do have to bring something a relationship what is it? Yes, we men are easy, just show us boobs and hand us a sandwich and we are generally happy creatures for the most part. Yet there is more. Men will work themselves to the bone for their woman but they want something for their efforts. But we want our women to push us. to encourage us on our adventures. We want our beauties by our sides. Do your damnedest to stay sexually pure. this is for your enjoyment as much as your husband. when you sleep with a guy outside of marriage you sadly cheapen yourself and at the same time, you rob your future husband of a fuller richer connection. Because we do take sex to mean more than just a quick release. Sex has a bigger meaning for men. It is how we see our worth. Is our wife willing to have sex with us after we have worked long and hard slaying dragons? No? then what is wrong with us? How and where did we men fail? Understand that men do have emotions Men do share their emotions. They just don't share them as women do. We need other men around. with out other men we lose the masculinity we need in our life Don't try to fix men. You will wonder where the man you fell in love with went. Summary In this episode, I address young women, from ages 12 to about 30, and discuss the challenges they face in finding a good partner in today's society. I emphasize the power that women already possess, contrary to societal messages that may suggest otherwise. I highlight the importance of maintaining purity before marriage and the value it brings to a relationship. Additionally, I delve into the emotional aspects of men, the significance of male friendships, and the creation of value in relationships. I stress the role of personal growth and the importance of making choices that enhance one's value and contribute positively to relationships. By challenging societal norms and encouraging individual empowerment, I aim to guide young women towards building fulfilling and successful partnerships in their lives. 00:00:00 Empowering Young Women 00:01:02 A Message for the Women 00:01:32 Addressing the Struggles 00:02:50 Finding Valuable Men 00:03:37 Sensitivity and Uncomfortable Truths 00:04:06 Embracing Your Power 00:04:29 Debunking Myths and Stereotypes 00:07:07 Decisiveness and Differences in Approach 00:07:57 Harnessing Your Power 00:09:06 The Value of Modesty 00:11:28 Understanding Men's Emotions 00:12:38 Importance of Quality Male Friendships 00:13:33 Building a Strong Relationship 00:16:30 Cherishing Your Identity 00:20:24 The Beauty of Sexual Purity 00:21:34 Emotional Expression in Men 00:24:15 The Weight of Sexual Choices 00:26:46 Importance of Mutual Respect 00:28:18 Impact of Social Circles 00:29:47 Learning from Mistakes 00:30:32 Contribution to Relationship Value 00:31:01 Investing in Future Relationships

When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we simply don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary In this episode, Bryan, the host of The Relaxed Male, discusses the importance of effective communication in relationships. He expresses gratitude for the growing number of listeners and their support in sharing the show with others. Bryan acknowledges the struggle of wondering if anyone is listening but finds encouragement in hearing from men around the world. Bryan explains that the lack of communication often stems from not following certain rules or pillars. He introduces the four pillars of effective communication, as explained by Tony Overbay. These pillars include assuming good intentions, not starting off with "you're wrong," asking questions, and not playing the victim. Bryan emphasizes the importance of following these rules to improve communication with spouses, children, bosses, or anyone else. However, Bryan explains that he himself sometimes fails to follow these pillars. He admits to not fully listening to his spouse and often having other thoughts in his head. He shares that his spouse often expresses frustration about certain things, and they end up blaming each other, building a wall that hinders effective communication. Bryan further discusses the fourth pillar of good communication, which is not playing the victim. He explains that it's important to ask questions and find solutions instead of trying to coach his wife, as she sees it as "Zen Buddha bullshit." By asking questions, Bryan believes that they can understand each other better and avoid conflicts. He emphasizes that yelling and preaching only result in nobody listening. Moving on, Bryan delves into the importance of effective communication in relationships. He emphasizes that when we break the rules of engagement out of frustration, we actually lose the battle and create distance between ourselves and our partner. A lack of understanding can lead to a lack of respect, so it's crucial to ask questions and seek clarity. Bryan encourages listeners to approach conversations with curiosity and to avoid playing the victim. Instead, he suggests standing up for oneself, taking care of one's own needs, and making changes in communication tactics. He concludes by inviting listeners to share the podcast with others and offering a special coaching package to those interested in improving their communication with their partners. He encourages listeners to take action and looks forward to discussing another great topic in the next episode. 00:00:00 Rules of engagement for effective communication 00:01:02 Effective communication makes you the go-to person 00:02:11 Growing audience and the power of effective communication 00:09:32 Effective Communication: Understanding Frustration and Assumptions 00:12:05 The Importance of Active Listening and Avoiding Blame 00:15:00 Asking Curious Questions to Improve Understanding and Resolve Conflict 00:18:38 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships 00:20:01 Avoiding Disrespect and Playing the Victim in Conversations 00:22:38 Take Action to Improve Communication and Change Your Life

I can't because of my Flaws, limitations, confines, distortions, scars, imperfections, or irregularities So many in society want to help you be OK with your flaw by helping you fight for that flaw. We turn to being a victim of our flaws instead of bettering ourselves because of it. Yet there are a few good powerful questions you could ask yourself. What does this make possible? What can I learn from this limitation? Common Disabilities ADHD - Seen as you not being able to concentrate Introvert Dipsomania Anxiety autism Why does that flaw hold you back? Your thoughts about the flaw is why it is holding you back. there are plenty of blind people who write books. There are deaf people who record podcasts. Stevie Wonder is blind but plays the piano. Addicts drop their compulsions every day. You don't have to be held back, yet you are why? Why do you want that flaw to Hold You Back? It serves you by helping you to feel safe. It doesn't help you get to your next level but helps you play the victim. Your mind helps you to play small instead of going big. Why? because it believes you are safer if you stay at home and don't venture out. You can see it as a flaw or a superpower Is it holding you back or is it the reason you are going to be great? Maybe it is the obstacle that you need to overcome to be the best.   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of celebrating our flaws and overcoming barriers to achieve our goals. The host introduces the topic and explains the purpose of the show in helping men remove their "nice guy" personas and live life on their own terms. The focus is on assisting men facing challenges such as divorce, job loss, or daily struggles. Moving into the main discussion, we tackle the perception of flaws and why we tend to view them as reasons for failure. Challenging this perspective, we encourage listeners to see their problems as potential solutions. Gratitude is expressed towards the audience, including new listeners, and positive interaction with a gentleman from Bangladesh who found inspiration from the show is shared. The importance of celebrating flaws and debunking the notion of embracing limitations is explored, with examples like physical disabilities highlighted to challenge the idea that limitations hold us back. The episode delves further into how limitations can be seen as obstacles that we can overcome. The inspirational story of Oscar Pistorius, known as Blade Runner, breaking records despite not having legs is used as an example. Asking the question, "What does this make possible?" when faced with problems or barriers is emphasized as a powerful tool. The discussion then shifts to reframing certain flaws or conditions, such as ADHD, as superpowers rather than limitations. Societal norms that label ADHD as a limitation are questioned, with the perspective that it can be a valuable asset, especially in areas like entrepreneurship or multitasking. The overall message is to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about our limitations and embrace them as opportunities for growth. The podcast also explores the topic of introversion and how it should not be used as an excuse to avoid socializing. The increasing disconnect in our society is highlighted, with introversion being seen as a mindset that can be changed. Similarly, alcoholism and anxiety are both discussed as choices and normal responses, respectively, rather than limitations. The importance of facing anxieties and self-doubt head-on is emphasized. The notion of worrying about what others may be saying about us is also challenged, with the idea that negative talk can be seen as a positive influence we have on others. Autism is mentioned as a topic often talked down about, but the episode encourages embracing differences and uniquely viewing the world. It is emphasized that a diagnosis or being part of a specific group is not necessary and that individuals should focus on overcoming obstacles in their way. Success stories of individuals with autism, like Temple Grandin, are highlighted as proof that a so-called "flaw" doesn't have to hold us back. The speaker reflects on personal struggles with smoking and the decision to quit, sharing physiological issues and the lingering desire for a cigarette at times. It is emphasized that flaws and compulsions are just thoughts and circumstances that can be overcome through mindfulness and finding reasons to hold attention. Dedication and not allowing flaws to hold us back are key themes reiterated by the speaker. The speaker explores historical obstacles faced by black doctors and how they had to overcome them to prove their abilities. Listeners are urged to take control of their own power and influence in their lives, rather than resorting to destructive actions. The idea that flaws can either be destructive or become strengths, depending on how they are perceived, is reinforced. The speaker encourages listeners to see obstacles as opportunities and decide if they truly want to change in order to achieve their dreams. The episode concludes with a coaching offer exclusively for podcast listeners, providing an opportunity for one-on-one work with the host to gain confidence and find passion in life. 00:00:00 Introduction to celebrating flaws and barriers 00:03:43 The podcast is gaining momentum and reaching new listeners 00:07:00 Overcoming limitations by asking empowering questions 00:09:52 Boys vs Girls in Learning Styles 00:13:29 Introversion as an Excuse and Overcoming Limitations 00:15:28 Alcoholism as a Coping Mechanism and Perception of Disease 00:17:51 Uncertainty of gossip and assumptions about oneself 00:22:08 Challenging misconceptions and celebrating achievements despite flaws 00:25:38 Understanding and harnessing the strengths of ADHD 00:27:12 Black Doctors and Overcoming Obstacles 00:28:36 Using Flaws as Superpowers and Creating Change 00:30:08 Overcoming Obstacles to Achieve Dreams

  Many times we experience the circumstances that are other people's emotions. We people have emotional breakdowns at times. We often get ourselves into trouble for things we have no control over or any effect on if we try to change it. We often will get ourselves into more trouble if we try to change the other person's emotions. What is an emotion? Many people want us to use their manual on how to behave around them, and that works at times but people don't like to be manipulated all the time. What do we make other people's emotions mean? The truth of those emotions So we aren't supposed to care about how other people feel? No, but we put way too much stock in what we believe those emotions mean.   In this conversation, we discuss the universal nature of emotions and how people tend to put their emotions on display, which can lead to reactions from others. We introduce ourselves as Brian, a certified men's coach who helps men navigate through life challenges and become better leaders. We talk about the purpose of the show and express gratitude for the listeners. We also encourage listeners to share the show with others. We then dive into the topic of other people's emotions and how it can be a struggle, using the example of a wife getting angry. We explain the concept of the model, which involves examining the circumstances, thoughts, and emotions in a situation. We provide various emotions that could arise from a door-slamming incident and conclude by questioning the definition of a "slam." Next, I talk about how emotions are subjective and can often be misunderstood. I share a personal example of how my passionate speaking style can be misconstrued as yelling by my wife. I emphasize that most of the time, a person's anger or emotions have nothing to do with us and are a result of their thoughts. I discuss the model of circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, explaining how our thoughts create our emotions, which in turn lead to our actions and results. I highlight the problem of non-digital thinking, where we try to avoid certain emotions and end up causing more problems. I emphasize the importance of understanding and examining our emotions without resistance, even the negative ones like jealousy, to better understand ourselves. We then discuss how emotions are often displayed through our actions and body language. For example, when we're angry, we may scowl or sulk in a corner. Inaction is also a form of action, like not addressing a problem because of anger. Emotions can be challenging to control, which is why some people want a manual to help them feel better. However, others don't really care about our emotional state. People may rebel against others trying to manipulate their emotions through manuals. The issue arises when we attach meaning to other people's emotions. For example, if we see someone having a meltdown, we may interpret it as them being angry because they didn't get their own way. Sometimes, people's true emotions come out when they're drunk. This is when masks come off, and they may exhibit unpleasant emotions. Many people shy away from others displaying negative emotions, but we often try to fix the problem when it involves our loved ones' emotions. It's about being fully engaged in the present moment and noticing the thoughts that arise in our minds. When someone else's emotions trigger a reaction in us, it's important to recognize that their emotions are their own and not something we can control. We may interpret their actions as a reason to get angry or upset, but it's essential to be aware of our own thoughts and emotions at that moment. For example, I share a personal anecdote about interpreting my wife's sigh during an intimate moment as a sign of disinterest, which affected my own arousal. I later realized that her sigh may have been a momentary shift in her thoughts and not a reflection of her feelings toward me. I suggest that many men, particularly from my generation, struggle with porn-induced erectile dysfunction due to a lack of intentional focus on their thoughts. To overcome this, I emphasize the importance of being present with our bodies, paying attention to sensations and emotions, and letting go of unhelpful thoughts. I conclude that by practicing mindfulness and staying focused on the present, we can better understand our own reactions and choose how we respond to others' actions and emotions. When we pay attention and are intentional with our thoughts and emotions, we have more pleasant interactions with people. We can sit with and examine our unpleasant emotions and understand why they are not as scary as they seem. Emotions originate from thoughts and we have a wide range of emotions that make us human. We don't have to let other people's emotions control us, as we have the power to control our own emotions. It's important to understand and control our own emotions before trying to understand and respond to others. Taking the time to acknowledge our emotions and apologize for any wrongs can lead to better connections and understanding with others. We should be intentional with our actions and not use distractions, like playing video games, to avoid unpleasant emotions. At the beginning of the conversation, we expressed the importance of paying bills, even though it is not necessary. We mention that we and our spouse have discussed the issue and resolved it by voicing our concerns. We advise listeners to step away from heated arguments and take time to cool down and regain control of their thoughts. We emphasize the importance of intentional and effective communication for a better relationship. If listeners need assistance, we suggest setting up a consulting call with us. We explain that becoming a differentiated person, living as individuals while enjoying each other's company, can lead to a better life and relationship. We humorously mention the need for acceptance of each other's flaws. We offer a special coaching opportunity and encourage listeners to visit a specific website for details. This coaching package is currently free, but we mention that the price will increase for future participants. We also mention the importance of sharing the podcast and being part of the growing community. We end with gratitude and encourage listeners to take action.

The Correlation of the withdrawal of dads and The Lack of masculinity In the US, divorce rates more than doubled from 2.2 per 1,000 in 1960 to over 5 per 1,000 in the 1980s.  Marriages are decreasing Lack of dads and the increase of anxiety-ridden children Great Society - 1964 The government started taking the place of Fathers in the household and the marriage rates started to decrease in the 80's around 20 years for the new generation to start having kids. Dad's the Disciplinarian Dads the Mentor Dad baggage   links https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322877#Is-anxiety-increasing-in-the-U.S.? For instance, a meta-analysis published in 2010 took data from studies that included over 77,000 young people; the scientists found generational increases in mental health issues in 1938–2007. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.htm Increase anxiety and depression     Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host, Bryan Goodwin, discusses the crucial role that dads play in their children's mental well-being. He addresses the issue of dads being overlooked in the parenting process and the favoring of mothers in the court system. While recognizing the importance of moms, Brian emphasizes the need for dads to be actively present in their children's lives. Brian challenges common arguments against father involvement and highlights the benefits of having both parents actively participate in raising a child. He also delves into the historical context, discussing how social welfare programs have impacted marriage rates and subsequently led to a decline in mental health. The main speaker then shifts the focus to concerns about the mental well-being of younger generations, particularly millennials and Gen Z. They reference an article from Business Insider that raises alarm about Gen Zers bringing their parents to job interviews, suggesting a lack of independence and fortitude among this generation. Bryan argues that society lacks involved fathers, not just married men, but fathers who feel excluded or unwanted by women. They assert that this lack of father involvement contributes to the increase in mental health problems. While acknowledging that women can raise good kids without a dad, they emphasize the importance of having a father figure in a child's life. The roles of a father as a disciplinarian and provider of roughhousing play are highlighted as crucial for teaching restraint and discipline. Bryan criticizes the degradation of the role of dads in society, attributing it to the rise of toxic masculinity as a concept. They assert that toxic masculinity is not synonymous with masculinity itself but rather the absence of proper masculinity. The speaker believes that boys require male role models to learn what it truly means to be masculine. Addressing the issue of homelessness, Bryan argues that the absence of fathers in homes contributes to the problem. They suggest that living outside the city can be a more affordable option despite additional commuting costs. The speaker contends that homelessness has become comfortable for some individuals due to society's sympathies, emphasizing the need for discipline and mentorship from fathers. The importance of mentorship is further emphasized, as Bryan suggests that fathers should transition into becoming mentors for their children from the age of 13. Concern is expressed over the increasing number of girls identifying as boys and vice versa, with the speaker emphasizing the unique challenges faced by individuals of both genders. In the podcast, Bryan also discusses how kids are becoming more susceptible to manipulation and coercion, resulting in irreversible harm. They highlight the importance of waking up to these issues and taking action to protect children from the woke agenda. Taking funds away from schools is presented as an effective way to change teaching approaches, and the failed voucher program in Oklahoma is mentioned as an example. Bryan encourages dads to fight for their children and make sacrifices to be closer to them. They challenge the idea of being just an employee and suggest taking on bigger projects to generate income. The speaker offers a coaching package to help dads be better men and mentors for their children, with limited availability and a discounted price mentioned. The podcast concludes with Bryan providing contact information and encouraging listeners to reach out for assistance if needed. 00:00:00 The Importance of Dads for Kids' Mental Health 00:01:44 The Role of Dads and Moms in Raising Children 00:04:15 Dad's Role in Mentally Healthy Kids 00:11:35 Roughhousing and Disciplinarians: The Role of Fathers 00:13:20 The Decline of Fatherhood since the 1960s 00:14:47 Homelessness, Choices, and Mentorship 00:21:42 The Importance of Dads in Schools 00:23:42 Taking Control of Your Life and Being There for Your Kids 00:25:11 Mentoring Children for Success and Confidence

I just got off of a 7 day fast of no food or sugar. All I allowed myself was Water, Coffee, and salt. And today I wanted to share what I learned from that experience Why? What many people think fasting is What I experienced My reasons for trying a fast is I wanted to challenge myself. no diet reason No protest reason. no religious reason. Just wanted to see what it was like to fast for 7 days. I wanted to see what my thoughts when in that type of hardship was. I didn't focus on food but I noticed fast food signs everywhere. day 1 just hungry Day 2-3 Hungry at times But also noticed darker urine and no need to go poo the internet says that I wasn't getting enough water despite drinking 3 gallons of water in those two days alone Day 4-5 the hunger is still there from time to time along with the darker urine but it was beginning to lighten up to a bright yellow Oily stool Day 6-7 On normal enough days, nothing exciting happened. I was even able to go get my wife some food and not be tempted But I also went shopping and I could smell the food everywhere. Even the rotisserie chicken from across wal-mart. Results I showed myself that I could do hard things and this one didn't do the wear that the 22km walk did back in 2022. I do have worries that I may have slowed my metabolism down a bit but that is my biggest worry   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of challenging ourselves and the importance of embracing hardships. As the host of the show, I have a deep understanding of the struggles men face in their everyday lives, whether it be divorce, work-related issues, or family troubles. I am committed to helping men find the courage and confidence to relax and enjoy life to the fullest. We begin by discussing the need to push ourselves and do hard things, as our modern lifestyles have made us comfortable. Our ancestors faced regular hardships and challenges, such as the Great Depression, which forced them to adjust to difficult circumstances. It is time for us to adopt the same mindset and embrace challenges. We recognize that our eating habits have shifted from consuming food for sustenance to seeking comfort, which has contributed to the obesity problem we face today. To challenge this mentality, I recently embarked on a seven-day fast and completed a physically demanding challenge of carrying 22 pounds on my back while walking 22 kilometers. Although I faced difficulties during the journey, pushing my limits has always been something I enjoy. While there have been failures along the way, such as attempting a long bike ride, I have learned to recognize when something is beyond my capabilities. After completing the walking challenge, I realized that I had been neglecting other areas of my life, such as taking care of my house. This lack of fulfillment led me to understand the importance of pushing myself further. During the seven-day fast, I had to navigate through various physical and mental challenges. Hunger was to be expected, but it was manageable. With increased water consumption and proper electrolyte balance, I was able to sustain myself. As the days progressed, I faced temptations in truck stops and grocery stores, with enticing aromas constantly surrounding me. However, I remained focused on my fasting journey and resisted the urge to give in to these temptations. Throughout the fast, I became more mindful of my food cravings and worked to change unhealthy eating habits. I introduced healthier snack options and limited my indulgences. On the sixth and seventh days, I allowed myself a reward of cherry vanilla ice cream, acknowledging the need for balance. Beyond the physical challenges, I also focused on my thoughts and mindset during the fast. I realized that many of my thoughts revolved around food cravings and potential moments of self-pity. Dark humor among friends became a coping mechanism during this time, allowing me to navigate the tough moments. In conclusion, challenging ourselves and embracing hardships is crucial for personal growth and development. Whether it is a fast, a physically demanding task, or any other challenging activity, stepping out of our comfort zones is essential. I encourage listeners to seek out these opportunities and appreciate the good things in life that come as a result. As a token of gratitude, I offer a free coaching opportunity and provide guidance on how to sign up. Let's all strive to push ourselves and become better versions of ourselves. 00:00:00 Introducing the challenge and its significance 00:02:49 Reflection on the show's progress and personal challenge undertaken 00:04:36 An anecdote about the host's great-grandfather's resilience 00:08:11 The relationship between comfort eating and lack of challenges 00:10:09 Challenging Myself: Adventures and Bike Rides 00:11:40 From Bike Rides to Car Rides: Lessons Learned 00:13:36 The Experience of Fasting for Seven Days 00:19:03 Tempted by the Aromas of a Truck Stop 00:22:27 Grocery Shopping Temptations and Snack Selections 00:27:52 The Importance of Paying Attention to Your Thoughts 00:32:00 Embracing Discomfort and Overcoming Challenges 00:34:48 The Benefits of Taking on Challenges in Life

What is buffering? The avoidance of thoughts and emotions So we have a reason to not try Why do we buffer? So we do not have to face the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions we have Our mind's way of helping us stay small and not be noticed We like to look to the past for reasons to not go forward. We let the past hold us back from the success we could have. Ways we buffer Phrases I have never done this before That is how everyone else has done it before I have seen this before The Old days were better Talking about the past or nostalgia You won't let go of Grudges Links Mentioned 36 Questions Take The Next Step In episode 211 of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of how the past can hold us back and discuss the concept of buffering. Buffering refers to the act of avoiding thoughts and emotions by distracting ourselves with other activities. Unfortunately, many of these activities are unhealthy habits such as excessive shopping, video games, or pornography. Engaging in buffering behaviors prevents us from facing our problems head-on and hinders our personal growth and progress in life. To move forward, we must overcome our fear of discomfort and embrace new experiences, much like when we were learning to walk or ride a bike. By examining our thoughts and breaking down our problems, we can conquer buffering and achieve our goals. During this part of the podcast, I emphasize the importance of not allowing past experiences to hold us back from trying new things. To illustrate this point, I share a personal anecdote about learning to ride a bike and how I had to face challenges and make mistakes to eventually succeed. I highlight the significance of understanding our partners' preferences and energy in relationships, using the example of pet names. I stress the need for open communication and adapting our approach to better connect with our partners. Additionally, I discuss the significance of having realistic expectations when rekindling long-term relationships. We all strive for deeper connections with one another. It's not about constantly being at odds, but rather about forging meaningful bonds. For me, this involves focusing on two main pillars: my body and my community, with my wife playing a vital role in the latter. While we spend a significant amount of time together in the same house, it is crucial to intentionally spend quality time together. We have begun asking each other thought-provoking questions from a set of 36 questions designed to strengthen love and understanding. Reflecting on the past, I used to hold onto resentment towards my wife for rejecting me sexually. However, I have come to realize that sex is not solely about my desires. It takes effort to create a safe and comfortable space for my wife to want to engage in sexual intimacy. I need to appreciate and understand her perspective instead of dwelling on my frustrations. I now understand that relying on past hurts as an excuse to distance myself emotionally is counterproductive. Building a fulfilling physical relationship requires trust, mental insight, and a profound understanding of the person we love. I empathize with young men in today's dating world who may believe that offering sexual pleasure alone will sustain a relationship. Healthy relationships require so much more. Many men hold the misconception that sex is all they need in life. However, it is much more complex than that. Most men desire a wholesome and fulfilling relationship with their wives, yet many struggle to maintain it. Instead, they choose to buffer by indulging in activities such as watching television, reminiscing, or immersing themselves in pornography and video games. Unfortunately, this buffering behavior prevents them from cultivating deep relationships with their partners and children. Men often cling to grudges that ultimately end up harming themselves rather than the person they resent.  To live a fulfilling life, men must let go of the past, abandon buffering behaviors, and take intentional steps towards their goals. By doing so, they can cultivate better relationships, create successful businesses, and experience overall happiness. The key is to start making decisions and cease allowing past experiences or the actions of others to hinder our success. Victims never win, but those who take action and move forward do. If you are seeking assistance in achieving your goals, I urge you to reach out for free coaching for a six-month period. Through this coaching, you can improve your mindset, build strong relationships, discover your passion, and accomplish what you truly desire in life. Contact me for more information, but keep in mind that spots are limited and the offer for free coaching will not last forever. The price will eventually increase, so seize this opportunity now. Thank you for listening, and I wish you a fantastic week. Until next time! 00:00:00 The Past: A Barrier to Success 00:00:43 Introducing The Relax Mail and Helping Men Through Struggles 00:02:58 Appreciating Female Listeners and Their Impact 00:08:29 Childhood bike accidents and bruised crotch memories 00:10:35 Trying something new and making mistakes in relationships 00:18:28 Men are more complicated than just wanting sex and food. 00:20:01 Let go of the past and embrace new possibilities. 00:23:00 Stop looking back and start taking steps forward. 00:25:12 Stop being a victim and start being a doer. 00:28:14 A Slip of the Tongue 00:28:37 Limited Time Offer: 100% Off Coaching Package

New year has arrived how are you going to have the best year in your life? Plan and pursue Why having plans is needed - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-you-want-to-plan-your-year/ Build your 4 pillars Man's Mind Man's Body Man's Soul Man's Community Get a coach What I am doing this year Fasting 4 times Getting 10 clients Getting a coach End of the Year Information   In this episode of The Relaxed Male podcast, the host begins by welcoming listeners and discussing the importance of being intentional in the new year. They stress the need to make plans and set goals rather than just talking about them. The host acknowledges that decision-making can be challenging for men but encourages them to overcome their fear and take action. The main speaker dives into the concept of decision-making and the fear of missing out on other options. They believe that making decisions can make a person stronger, despite the common excuses people make to avoid planning and setting goals. They emphasize the importance of pushing oneself and going through challenges to become a better person. The speaker criticizes men who desire attention from attractive women without putting in the effort to improve themselves. They then share their own goal of fasting for seven days but mention that their spouse expressed concerns and questioned the safety of the decision. However, the speaker is confident in their ability to complete the fast and mention an example of someone who went over a year without eating. They acknowledge that hunger pains and temptations will be a challenge but express determination to overcome them. They plan to repeat the fasting challenge four times throughout the year to improve their physical pillar. The main speaker discusses the discomfort that comes with learning something new and the importance of having a plan. They share a link to a blog post about the benefits of planning and explain that our brain's natural inclination is to seek pleasure and avoid pain, making learning new things challenging. They also emphasize the need to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the discomfort of setting goals and experiencing failures. They introduce the four pillars of relaxed mail, which include the mind, passions, body, and community. The speaker suggests working on the mind by reading books and listening to educational podcasts, pursuing passions, taking care of the body through exercise and proper nutrition, and building a strong community of meaningful relationships. The speaker discusses the importance of having a strong community and setting a goal to have 10 close friends. They emphasize the need to actively engage with others, learn something special about them, and form meaningful relationships. They acknowledge that some may feel overwhelmed by this idea and come up with fear-based thoughts, but it is essential to open oneself up to others and build a community. The speaker highlights that seeking support and guidance from a community can help apply what one has learned and make progress in various aspects of life. They also mention the importance of having a coach who can help identify and overcome limiting beliefs, provide guidance and accountability, and propel personal growth further. The main speaker plans to fast four times and acquire 10 clients while seeking a business coach to enhance their coaching practice in the upcoming year. The main speaker continues by sharing the history of The Relaxed Male, which started as a men's catalog and evolved into a blog focused on helping men. They reflect on the growth of their podcast and the fluctuations in listenership over the years. They express gratitude for every listener and emphasize the importance of providing value and trusting that success will come with time and consistency. The host encourages listeners to share the podcast with others and invites them to explore new podcasting apps that offer interactive features. They also mention a few spots still available for free coaching and highlight the importance of genuine dedication to self-improvement. The episode concludes with a reminder to share the podcast on social media platforms and visit the show notes on the website for more information. The host also encourages listeners to get in touch and leave a message on the website if they're interested in free coaching. The episode ends with a message of gratitude to the audience and the anticipation of future growth. 00:00:00 Welcoming 2024 and Making It Your Best Year Yet 00:09:58 The Transformation of a Lump of Coal into a Diamond 00:16:27 Understanding and managing our wife's emotions 00:19:00 The importance of making a plan and setting goals 00:26:38 Building a Strong Community for Men 00:36:11 Consistency and Growth in Special Day Posts 00:46:05 Building a Viewership and Changing Society

In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, the main speaker discusses the importance of investing in oneself and the different aspects of life that are worth investing in. They highlight the benefits of learning new skills and investing time and money in personal development. The speaker emphasizes the value of maintaining physical health and pursuing passions wholeheartedly. They also emphasize the importance of investing in relationships and building a strong support network. Financial investments are mentioned as well, with the need to balance risk and potential outcomes. Additionally, the speaker discusses the value of acquiring knowledge through reading and attending conferences in one's field of interest. Coaching is also highlighted as a significant investment for personal growth and mindset shift, with the announcement that the main speaker is currently offering free coaching for six months. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to reach out and take advantage of the coaching offer, as well as a message of optimism for the year ahead. 00:00:25 Introduction and explanation for delayed episode recording 00:03:09 Differentiating between time and money as investments 00:06:30 What to invest in: personal, body, passions, relationships, finances 00:09:49 The significance of investing time in learning and self-improvement 00:11:38 Mastering Thoughts to Avoid Overeating and Unhealthy Habits 00:12:19 Mastering your body and learning new things 00:14:10 Investing in weight loss and pursuing passions 00:15:37 Investing in training and pursuing relationships 00:19:09 Investing in Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:20:26 Various Ways to Invest in Yourself 00:23:44 Major Returns through Coaching 00:25:30 Unlocking Possibilities through Coaching 00:27:16 Investing in Personal Growth through Coaching 00:28:24 Free Coaching Offer with Limited Spots Available 00:29:06 Double the Value: 6 Months of Free Coaching 00:30:53 Wrapping up 2023, Exciting Year Ahead

In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the topic of setting boundaries during the holiday season when families come together. We recognize that the mixing of families can sometimes lead to problems due to a lack of understanding of boundaries. As the host, I introduce the purpose of the show, which is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. We discuss the importance of boundaries and how they can make our lives better. We acknowledge that each family has their own set of expectations and rules, which can lead to stress and anxiety when different viewpoints clash. I mention the concept of a "manual," which is the set of thoughts and beliefs we have about how others should behave. We highlight the need to overcome the desire to control others and the potential conflicts that can arise. It is emphasized that letting go of rigid expectations and relaxing during the holiday season can lead to a more enjoyable experience. Moving on, I reflect on the idea of manuals and expectations that we have for ourselves and others. I give examples of how we all have our own manuals and expectations, such as expecting a two-year-old to stay at the table until they finish eating. I discuss the importance of respecting others and the emotional response that can arise when we hear someone being disrespectful. Political discussions at the dinner table are mentioned as a sensitive topic that can cause anxiety, particularly in young people. We explore how everyone has their own manual and how we can take things personally when others behave differently. The example of dealing with an intrusive mother-in-law and the harm that can stem from harmful manuals in such situations is brought up. Additionally, the potential problems that excessive drinking can cause, as people tend to speak their minds while intoxicated, are discussed. We then discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the fears and thoughts that may arise. It is mentioned that worrying about what others will think if we establish boundaries against them can be a concern. However, we emphasize the importance of prioritizing the well-being of ourselves and our families. The effectiveness of boundaries in limiting certain aspects of relationships is acknowledged, but also the potential for them to prevent people from getting closer to each other. For instance, if a boundary is set against a mother-in-law disciplining a child, it is important to be prepared to enforce it and deal with any potential backlash. The support and agreement of one's spouse when setting boundaries is emphasized, as it can make the process easier. Prior to attending a family gathering, it is recommended to discuss expectations with one's spouse and establish boundaries around issues such as excessive drinking. It is further emphasized to be prepared for others to have thoughts and opinions about the boundaries, but to remain firm in one's decisions. It may take time for family members to respect and adhere to the established boundaries, and they may try to test the limits. However, it is crucial to stand one's ground and enforce the boundaries that have been set. Some individuals may not respect the boundaries simply because they do not respect the person setting them. In the case of a mother-in-law, there is a high chance she may try to cross the established boundaries. To effectively set boundaries with family members, it is important to establish clear rules and communicate them effectively. It is acknowledged that there may be resistance or pushback, but standing firm in one's boundaries is crucial. By notifying family members in advance and calmly explaining expectations, it is possible to respectfully enforce the boundaries. It is recognized that one cannot control how others react, as they may have their own thoughts and objections. However, maintaining the integrity of the boundaries and following through on the consequences that have been established is emphasized. This may include leaving a family gathering early or missing out on certain events. It is normal for anxiety and worries to arise throughout this process, but understanding that setting boundaries is a personal decision can help alleviate some of these concerns. The idea that one is allowed to have their own thoughts and ramblings in their mind is mentioned, highlighting that they are just thoughts and not necessarily reality. It is acknowledged that what one perceives as yelling may not be perceived the same way by others. The importance of setting boundaries, even if they may seem unreasonable to some, is emphasized as a personal decision. The discussion concludes by encouraging listeners to share any resonating thoughts on social media and to reach out for help with setting boundaries or living life on their own terms. The availability of six months of free coaching is mentioned, enticing listeners to connect and see how they can help each other. The episode ends with a final thank you and well wishes until next time. 00:00:00 Setting Boundaries During the Holidays 00:02:28 The Challenges of Family Manuals and Expectations 00:07:15 The User Manual: Our Individual Expectations and Reactions 00:09:10 Balancing family dynamics and personal boundaries 00:11:00 Setting boundaries with intrusive family members 00:17:35 Establishing Boundaries with Family 00:19:30 Enforcing Boundaries and Consequences 00:24:13 Thank you for listening, share with others 00:25:20 Reach out for help in setting boundaries and living on your terms

In this part of the conversation, I, Brian, the host of the show called Relaxed Male, discuss the concept of victimhood and how I personally left behind the victim mindset. As a certified men's coach, I aim to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. In this episode, I focus on the negative impact of adopting a victim mentality and how it affected me. I explain that despite experiencing certain events in my early life, such as my parents' divorce and moving with my dad, I refuse to label them as traumatic. Instead, I believe that my anger and grudges stemmed from my own thoughts and perspectives. I share an example of how I had a difficult time following instructions and even got a teacher fired because I stubbornly refused to do something she asked of me. Throughout my academic years, I would often blame others for my lack of success, such as my dad for not disciplining me or my teachers for not teaching me effectively. However, I eventually realized that it was my own fault for not putting in the effort and taking responsibility for my actions. This pattern continued into my college years, where I blamed my roommate for not understanding my financial situation. But deep down, I knew that I needed to take control of my own life and stop playing the victim. It was only through this realization that I started to see the consequences of my lack of responsibility, such as being stuck in low-level jobs without any progression. As I became a parent and got married, I recognized that I needed to take responsibility not just for myself, but also for the direction of my family's life.   share how we would talk about our dreams, hopes, and aspirations as a family, but I never took the necessary actions to make them a reality. Eventually, I hit a midlife crisis at the age of 40, realizing I hadn't accomplished anything and missed out on opportunities like taking my kids camping. I learned the hard way that someday never comes and we need to approach life with intention, not playing the victim. Without direction, we're just floating and can't get anywhere. Playing the victim had also hindered my professional growth and nearly cost me my marriage. I started seeking intimacy elsewhere, which almost led to an affair. Thankfully, my wife found out before it went too far. I realized that playing the victim only holds me back and prevents me from taking responsibility for my actions. Victims do not earn respect because they refuse to learn from their experiences. Once I stopped playing the victim, I began making progress and achieving more in life. I emphasize the importance of accepting responsibility for all actions, even when the results may seem unfair. Taking responsibility also applies to leadership roles, as it builds trust within a team. I offer coaching to anyone who wants help in breaking free from the victim mindset. I mention a once-in-a-lifetime special where five people can receive six months of free coaching from me, but the spots are limited. Interested individuals can reach out to me through email or my website to sign up for coaching. I express gratitude to the listeners for tuning in and encourage them to ask questions or share the podcast/show with others. I let them know that I am open to having conversations and reaching out to others. I ask listeners to spread the message of Relaxed Male by sharing the podcast/show on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I emphasize that growth can only happen with the help of listeners sharing the content. In conclusion, I thank the listeners once again and wish them a great rest of the week. If you would like to take me up on the special offer please email me [email protected]   00:00:00 Introduction to the topic of victimhood and leaving it behind 00:01:35 Welcoming new listeners and addressing their problems 00:03:00 Sharing personal experience of parental divorce and custody 00:04:14 Grudges and anger towards parents and stepparents 00:05:19 Taking responsibility for personal thoughts and actions 00:06:57 Recognizing patterns of avoiding responsibility and facing consequences 00:09:08 Carrying victim mentality into college life and financial struggles 00:10:39 Realization of Lack of Responsibility and Stagnation 00:19:32 Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset 00:22:33 Embracing Leadership and Leaving Victimhood Behind

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I talk about the topic of overwhelm and how to control it. I introduce myself as a certified men's coach, grateful for the positive impact my show has had on men's lives thanks to the support of listeners. I explain that overwhelm occurs when we take on too much and feel uncertain about our next steps. I emphasize that overwhelm is not solely caused by external circumstances, but also by our own beliefs about needing to do more. I discuss the idea that overwhelm is not created by external circumstances such as work assignments or family pressures, but by our thoughts about these circumstances. I highlight that overwhelm is just an emotion, a vibration felt throughout our bodies. By understanding this, we can alleviate some of the pressure and not let overwhelm consume us. I identify specific thoughts that contribute to overwhelm, such as putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves, believing there are only extreme outcomes, and setting unrealistic expectations. By recognizing and challenging these thoughts, we can prevent overwhelm. I explain that overwhelm hinders our progress and prevents us from taking action. The belief that we must be perfect before starting something keeps us stuck. People-pleasing and the fear of disappointing others also contribute to overwhelm. Poor time management and an inability to say no can also lead to overwhelm and eventual burnout. To control overwhelm, we need to recognize when we're feeling it, understand that busyness doesn't solve the problem, and be intentional in our thoughts. We must question whether we've taken on too much and learn to say no. By changing our thoughts and beliefs, we can overcome overwhelm and regain control. I stress the importance of changing our thoughts and learning to say no when we don't have the capacity to take on more tasks. Effective time management and getting more done in less time can also help combat overwhelm. It's crucial to examine the beliefs that lead us to say yes to everything even when overwhelmed. Instead of pushing through and telling ourselves lies, it's better to be honest and communicate our limitations. By changing our thoughts and being intentional with our emotions, we can fight overwhelm. I offer free coaching sessions to assist those who need help in combating overwhelm. Listeners can reach out via email to get more information and start living a life without overwhelm. If this resonates with them, I encourage them to share the episode with others who may benefit. Thank you for listening and take care. 00:00:00 Introduction: Exploring Overwhelm and Control 00:06:12 Overwhelm: Understanding the Source 00:09:02 Breaking the Pressure Valve: Overwhelm is Just an Emotion 00:17:23 Overwhelm caused by poor time management and taking on too much 00:19:31 Control overwhelm by being intentional with thoughts and saying no

In episode,  we delve into the common challenge of setting new year's resolutions and subsequently abandoning them shortly after. This often stems from the obstacle of not having the desire to put in the necessary effort or make the required changes.  I shed light on the resistance and obstacles we encounter in various aspects of our lives, ranging from mundane tasks to substantial responsibilities like paying taxes. I lay emphasis on the importance of making choices based on our genuine desires, even if it entails exerting effort and making sacrifices. Life consists of a series of choices, and conquering the "I don't want to" mentality is pivotal for personal growth and success. The easiness of the path we choose often stems from our unwillingness to endure the discomfort associated with doing things we don't want to do. Reflecting on a blogging prompt, I realized that I consistently try to skip certain parts of my routine. I don't want to wake up early and exercise or engage in activities that take me out of my comfort zone. However, if I truly aspire to make changes in my life, I must rise above these desires. One effective way to tackle this is by having a clear vision of what I want to achieve. In my case, it involves building a prosperous coaching practice and leading life-changing trips for men. However, I cannot accomplish these goals if I settle for a meager income. I highlight the irony of complaining about wealthy individuals, as they provide opportunities for others. Stepping out of my comfort zone, I outline a specific vision for my future, including the house I intend to construct and the land I aspire to possess. Although this vision may evolve along the way, I presently possess a plan and a willingness to embrace failure as an integral part of the process. Despite attempting different approaches such as advertising and sales, they didn't yield desired results because I didn't have the inclination to pursue them in the first place. Moving on, we delve into the significance of honing selling skills and finding effective strategies to overcome obstacles. One suggestion is cultivating an accountability partnership to maintain motivation and stay on track. We underline the importance of examining the resistance we experience towards certain tasks and goals and assessing whether they align with our values and personality traits. Additionally, delegating tasks that fall outside our expertise or aren't worth our time is crucial. Appreciating the value of our time aids in prioritizing tasks efficiently. Shifting focus, we discuss the concept of our different zones. Initially, we address the issue of spending money on tasks that we could delegate to others. Instead of investing in expensive equipment, hiring technicians proficient in efficiently handling such tasks proves to be a cost-effective option. We then explore the idea of different zones within our work. The first is the zone of incompetence, where we falter with tasks that we lack skills in.  The zone of competence follows, where we possess proficiency but not necessarily passion. Many find themselves operating within the zone of excellence, where they exhibit high levels of skill but still experience friction and burnout. Lastly, there is the zone of genius, where our true passion and calling reside. Identifying and delegating tasks according to our zones is paramount. Mindset plays a crucial role in overcoming obstacles and achieving success. By examining our thoughts and making subtle shifts in perspective, we can surmount challenges and unleash our full potential. Concluding the episode, I express immense gratitude for listeners and make an exciting announcement. I will be giving away five spots for a six-month coaching package completely free of charge! Yes, you heard it right, absolutely free. However, this opportunity necessitates time, effort, and a testimonial from participants at the end. This arrangement enables me to obtain testimonials while simultaneously providing value to individuals. It doesn't matter who you are or what aspect you want to work on, we will collaborate for six months, once a week, to tackle any challenges you face and set you on the path to success. Interested individuals can email me at [email protected] , with the subject line indicating their desire for the free coaching. We will then schedule a Zoom call to find a mutually convenient time. Keep in mind that these five spots are limited, so act swiftly! Future opportunities at reduced rates will be available, but don't wait for that. Lastly, I reassure listeners that they can reach out to me through social media or personal contacts with any questions they may have. With that, I bid them a fantastic and productive week ahead, urging them to confront any obstacles head-on. 00:00:00 New Year's Resolutions: Overcoming the "I Don't Want It" 00:01:07 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Play Small 00:02:36 Teaser: Big Announcement at the End of the Show 00:04:35 The Resistance in Our Lives and the Swamp of Ida 00:06:11 Choosing "I Don't Want" Because It's Easier 00:07:18 Overcoming "I Don't Want" to Make Changes in Life 00:09:31 Dreaming of Living Off the Land 00:11:04 Accountability and Finding Alignment with Yourself 00:17:35 The Costly Mistake of Misallocated Resources 00:19:08 Finding Your Zone of Genius 00:22:21 Setting up a console call to address the problem 00:23:51 Announcement: Giving away free coaching spots for testimonials 00:24:38 Offering Free Coaching for All, Regardless of Gender or Genre 00:26:01 Limited Time Offer: Discounts Decrease Over Time

In this episode we explores the theme of redemption and the belief many men struggle with, feeling unworthy due to past mistakes. Bryan reflects on his own penchant for talking and lack of conversation opportunities while driving a truck. He highlights how many men limit themselves based on past actions and the false belief that they are undeserving of happiness and fulfillment. Bryan candidly discusses his personal journey of self-improvement, acknowledging his past shortcomings and struggles with a victim mindset. He emphasizes the importance of reflecting on how one has changed and evolved, even if they were the same person years ago. Bryan shares insights from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, which supports the belief that we shape our reality through our agreements. He discusses the power of words and the impact they can have on our self-esteem and pursuit of passions. Bryan introduces the four agreements: being impeccable with our words, not taking things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing our best. He explores the transformative power of positive thinking and the ability to let go of regrets. Bryan encourages listeners to embrace personal growth, confront their fears, and take steps towards fixing past mistakes. He offers a coaching program to help individuals examine their thoughts and adopt empowering beliefs. The goal of the podcast is to support men in living fearlessly and on their own terms. 00:00:11 The Road to Redemption Begins 00:01:38 Spike in Downloads and Gratitude to Listeners 00:03:09 Self-Worth and Redemption: Overcoming Past Mistakes 00:11:51 Embracing Personal Growth and Overcoming Victim Mentality 00:13:28 The Power of Agreeing or Disagreeing with Others' Judgments 00:22:27 Taking things personally and the realm of misery 00:25:15 Always do your best, live life to the fullest 00:32:42 Society's Misconception of Men

Accessing your why Your purpose What comes with purpose? Gratitude Growth mindset The desire to keep learning   See How I can Help you  Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I, discuss the importance of making small changes in our lives to find fulfillment and energy. I believe that understanding the root causes of our suffering and learning to relax and enjoy life is essential. I have noticed that many men start new endeavors with enthusiasm but quickly lose motivation. Today, I want to explore why this happens and highlight the importance of accessing our purpose or "why." I specifically discuss the example of losing weight and how it is crucial to shift our mindset from "I gotta" to understanding the deeper reasons behind our desire for change. Accessing our purpose and aligning our goals with self-love rather than external expectations can lead to fulfillment and energize us each day. I express gratitude for my listeners and share my excitement for future episodes and ideas. During the episode, I talked about the concept of a reticular activator, which is our brain's tendency to focus on the opposite of what we tell ourselves. I stress the importance of finding a personal "why" or motivation for pursuing goals. Accepting ourselves for who we are in the present moment is also crucial. For example, if we want to lose weight, we need to set achievable goals and focus on feeling better rather than solely achieving a certain weight. I also discuss the significance of self-acceptance and changing our perspective on our own body image. I emphasize that external factors and objects cannot bring lasting happiness or fulfillment, and that true motivation and energy come from within. I encourage my listeners to reframe their thoughts, find gratitude in everyday tasks, and cut out negative self-talk and self-judgment. I urge them to start seeing themselves in a better light and focus on feeling fulfilled rather than solely on physical appearances. Expanding our perspective and shifting our mindset is crucial. Let's stop fixating on our flaws and start accepting and loving our bodies. If that seems too difficult, we can find something we do like about ourselves, such as nice shoulders or a full head of hair. Starting with something positive, we can work on changing our self-talk and view of ourselves. It won't be easy, considering we've spent years criticizing ourselves, but we can't let old habits control us. We need to challenge negative thoughts and remind ourselves that we are not defined by our physical appearance. By changing our mindset and focusing on our purpose, we can experience more gratitude and fulfillment in life. It's important to embrace a growth mindset, accept that we will make mistakes, and learn from them. Failure is an opportunity for growth and improvement. With a desire to learn and grow, we can discover new strategies and techniques that work for us in our weight loss journey. Even small victories should be celebrated, as they can bring great satisfaction. To make progress, we must identify and eliminate limiting thoughts that drain our energy and replace them with empowering ones. This mental shift can make a tremendous difference. For those who need additional guidance, I offer coaching services to accelerate their transformation. I encourage listeners to consider alternative perspectives, share the podcast with others, and visit my blog, which contains a wealth of resources. Society needs stronger individuals dedicated to their beliefs, and together, we can foster personal growth. I express my gratitude to the listeners and look forward to the next episode. 00:00:00 Finding fulfillment and energy through a small mindset change. 00:02:23 Overcoming the cycle of motivation and failure. 00:03:20 Accessing your purpose and finding fulfillment in life. 00:09:50 Finding Fulfillment and Motivation from Within 00:10:45 Questioning the Government's Entitlement to Our Funds 00:11:18 Shifting Perspective: Finding Gratitude in Paying Taxes 00:14:03 Developing a Growth Mindset: Learning from Mistakes 00:21:31 Empowering Men to Become Better Versions of Themselves

In this part of the conversation, we discuss the prevalence of discussions around mental health and the increase in depression and suicide rates. Despite the increased awareness, rates of depression and suicide have continued to rise, leading us to question why this might be the case. We speculate that the emphasis on mental health may have unintentionally contributed to the increase by bringing more attention to these issues. One possible reason for the increase in mental illness is the constant attention given to it. When mental health is openly discussed, people may start to believe that they must have a mental health problem themselves. Additionally, the differences in how men express their thoughts and emotions compared to women could be contributing to higher rates of suicide and depression among men. We also consider the impact of artificial connections through phones and social media. While these connections provide instant gratification, they lack the depth and authenticity of real connections with others. Our society's emphasis on instant gratification and the lack of appreciation for delayed gratification and deeper connections may be contributing to the problem. Moreover, an unrealistic expectation that we should be happy all the time could also be a factor. This expectation leads us to believe that any negative feelings we experience are abnormal. Ultimately, it is likely a combination of these factors that is contributing to the rise in mental illness. We emphasize that it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time. It is okay to feel sad or anxious, as these emotions do not ruin a person's day. We criticize doctors for prescribing SSRIs without fully understanding their impact, as blocking emotions can lead to problems like anger and numbness. We believe that face-to-face conversations and meaningful connections are vital for emotional well-being. We encourage open communication and sharing emotions with trusted friends. It's natural to feel stress as an adult, and we suggest finding healthy ways to manage it. If anyone needs help in finding coping mechanisms, we offer our assistance. In conclusion, it's crucial to be open about our emotions and recognize that it's okay to not feel happy all the time. We encourage listeners to share this message with friends, especially those who may be struggling. We must stop stressing over not feeling 100% and acknowledge that sometimes carrying a little bit of anxiety is normal. Sharing this information on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or Threads can help spread the word about our men's group, the Relaxed Male, and how we're changing lives one thought at a time. If you need further assistance, visit relaxedmale.com/coaching to schedule a consultation call. Reach out to us with any questions or to connect by sending an email to [email protected] or visiting relaxedmail.com/contact. Thank you for listening, and we look forward to the next episode. Goodbye! 00:01:07 The obsession with talking about mental health 00:02:25 The rise of anxiety and different types of mental illnesses 00:03:49 The prediction that narcissism will be the next big topic 00:10:38 Artificial Calories: The Lack of Real Connections 00:11:53 Microwave Society: The Death of Delayed Gratification 00:12:40 Unrealistic Expectations of Happiness 00:13:52 Life is 50-50: Embracing Pain and Pleasure 00:15:47 The Problem with Doctors and Medication 00:21:29 Embracing Emotions and Making Positive Changes 00:23:05 Seeking Personal Coaching and Contacting the Speaker

Why can't you find a high-valued woman? The answer is in you. Your results are from your thoughts. How much do you value yourself? Your personal values will reflect in the quality, if your view of yourself is low you are not going to have quality returns on your endeavors. No matter what they are. To receive value you have to produce value. All of life is a transition. The women will not be of the quality you desire because they are only attracted to men who are of high value. Ayn Rand expresses this wonderfully in her book Atlas Shrugged. Actually, there are 2 Speeched that Fransisco D'anconia gives that play off of each other and they are both when he is talking to another character in the story named Hank Reardon. The one I wanted to share the most was the sex speech. “Do you remember what I said about money and about the men who seek to reverse the law of cause and effect? The men who try to replace the mind by seizing the products of the mind? Well, the man who despises himself tries to gain self- esteem from sexual adventures–which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value.” “You’d better explain that.” “Did it ever occur to you that it’s the same issue? The men who think that wealth comes from the material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think–for the same reason–that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of ones mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy on life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment–just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!–an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience–or to fake–a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer — because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut. He does not seek to . . . what’s the matter?” he asked, seeing the look on Rearden’s face, a look of intensity much beyond mere interest in an abstract discussion. “Go on,” said Rearden tensely. “He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a woman he despises–because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him. Observe the ugly mess which most men make of their sex lives–and observe the mess of contradictions which they hold as their moral philosophy. One proceeds from the other. Love is our response to our highest values–and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws–and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the woman he professes to love and draw him to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worthy of enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his body has vicious desires of its own which his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex–nothing but shame.” Rearden said slowly, looking off, not realizing that he was thinking aloud, “At least . . . I’ve never accepted that other tenet . . . I’ve never felt guilty about making money.” Francisco missed the significance of the first two words; he smiled and said eagerly, “You do see that it’s the same issue? No, you’d never accept any part of their vicious creed. You wouldn’t be able to force it upon yourself. If you tried to damn sex as evil, you’d still find yourself, against your will, acting on the proper moral premise. You’d be attracted to the highest woman you met. You’d always want a heroine. You’d be incapable of self-contempt. You’d be unable to believe that existence is evil and that you’re a helpless creature caught in an impossible universe. You’re the man who’s spent his life shaping matter to the purpose of his mind. You’re the man who would know that just as an idea unexpressed in physical action is contemptible hypocrisy, so is platonic love–and just as physical action unguided by an idea is a fool’s self-fraud, so is sex when cut off from one’s code of values. Its’ the same issue, and you would know it. Your inviolate sense of self-esteem would know it. You would be incapable of desire for a woman you despised. Only the man who extols the purity of a love devoid of desire, is capable of the depravity of a desire devoid of love. But observe that most people are creatures cut in half who keep swinging desperately to one side or to the other. One kind of half is the man who despises money, factories, skyscrapers and his own body. He holds undefined emotions about non-conceivable subjects as the meaning of life and his claim of virtue. And he cries with despair, because he can feel nothing for the woman he respects, but finds himself in bondage to an irresistible passion for a slut from the gutter. He is the man whom people call an idealist. The other kind of half is the man whom people call practical, the man who despises principles, abstractions, art, philosophy and his own mind. He regards the acquisition of material objects as the only goal of existence– and he laughs at the need to consider their purpose or their source. He expects them to give him pleasure– and he wonders why the more he gets, the less he feels. He is the man who spends his time chasing women. Observe the triple fraud which he perpetrates upon himself. He will not acknowledge his need of self-esteem, since he scoffs at such a concept as moral values; yet he feels the profound self-contempt which comes from believing that he is a piece of meat. He will not acknowledge, but he knows that sex is the physical expression of a tribute to personal values. So he tries, by going through the motions of the effect, to acquire that which should have been the cause. He tries to gain a sense of his own value from the women who surrender to him– and he forgets that the women he picks have neither character nor judgment nor standard of value. He tells himself that all he’s after is physical pleasure– but observe that he tires of his woman in a week or a night, that he despises professional whores and that he loves to imagine he is seducing virtuous girls who make a great exception for his sake. It is the feeling of achievement that he seeks and never finds. What glory can there be in the conquest of a mindless body? Now that is your woman chaser. Does the description fit me Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand What is a high-value woman? A Woman with a very low to no body count A Woman who sees the value of a woman and isn't out to try to be a man Has a secure attachment style Has worked through her daddy issues (See Body count) Isn't dragging around kids from different men (see body count) Puts her heart into all that she tries Is up for the adventure her man is going to take her on will confidently push her man to be better and will accept her man pushing her to do the same. Willing to work as a team with her man Doesn't use the term partner but husband Whether you are just divorced, not married, or married. You can up your value. Work on the 4 pillars as a start. Build your mind Build your body Feed Your Soul Grow your Community Sign up for a Consulting Call   This episode of The Relaxed Male, hosted by Bryan Goodwin, explores the topic of finding the right high-value woman. Bryan emphasizes that seeking a high-value partner is not derogatory, but rather a way to avoid low-quality relationships. He urges men to reflect on their own actions and take responsibility for their inability to find a high-value woman. Bryan shares personal experiences that led him to become a coach and help men navigate relationship challenges. He highlights the importance of seeing oneself as a high-value individual in order to attract high-value partners. In another part of the conversation, Bryan discusses Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged" and its impact on understanding the value individuals bring to society. He focuses on Francisco D'Anconia's speech on money at an anniversary party and its significance in highlighting the origin of money, the role of trade, and how it represents a person's effort and value. Bryan discusses the corrupting nature of money when sought for selfish gain and emphasizes that money should be obtained through work and productivity, reflecting one's character and values. He highlights the correlation between a person's values and their sexual choices, asserting that one's sexual preferences are a reflection of their fundamental convictions and philosophy in life. The conversation also delves into the concept of money and its connection to human morality. Bryan emphasizes that money should be seen as a means to create wealth and dismisses the guilt and shame often associated with prosperity. He emphasizes the importance of understanding that wealth has to be created and denounces those who denounce the idea of making money. Bryan also discusses the selfish nature of sex and its impact on a person's sense of worth, emphasizing that sex requires self-esteem and confidence. He argues that corrupting one's values leads to a distorted view of love and sex and advocates for embracing one's values and acknowledging the role of physical expression in relationships. Additionally, Bryan discusses the qualities that make a woman high-value, such as having a low or no body count, embracing femininity, having a secure attachment style, and working through any daddy issues. He emphasizes the need to value and respect partners, work as a team, and support each other's growth in relationships. Bryan also discusses the importance of expanding one's circle of friends, investing in personal development, and nourishing one's soul to increase individual value and attract higher-value partners. He encourages listeners to introduce others to their community and offers coaching sessions to help individuals recognize their worth and gain confidence. The episode concludes with a call to share the show with others, subscribe, and follow on preferred podcast platforms. Bryan expresses gratitude for the listeners' support and looks forward to continuing the conversation in future episodes. 00:00:01 Introduction to The Relaxed Male - Helping Men Embrace Authenticity 00:00:23 Introducing The Relaxed Male and the purpose of the show 00:03:22 Self-reflection on why one can't find a high-quality woman 00:06:07 Shifting mindset and perception of self-value 00:08:34 Reading and discussing Francisco D'Anconia's speech on money 00:11:19 The Connection Between Money, Wealth, and Intelligence 00:14:01 Money's Role in Providing Means and Satisfaction 00:16:17 Money as a Means of Survival and the Verdict on Livelihood 00:18:39 The Hatred and Love of Money and its Virtuous Nature 00:20:55 Corruption and the Decline of Society 00:32:44 Damned to Depravity: Equating Virtue with Pain 00:37:36 High Value Men and High-Value Women 00:41:26 The Role of Sex in Relationships 00:45:24 Building a Strong Relationship and Increasing Personal Value 00:50:36 Growing your community and increasing your value

In this episode, we celebrate the 200th episode of the podcast/show. Initially, the host had planned on offering live coaching sessions but unfortunately, no one signed up. This leads the host to reflect on what this lack of sign-ups means and how he can self-coach himself through this situation. He recognizes that berating himself or blaming others won't solve the problem and instead focuses on shifting his thoughts and approaching the situation with intentionality. Throughout the episode, the host shares his disappointment but also emphasizes the importance of learning from setbacks. The host ponders why no one signed up for the coaching and expresses a desire to improve and overcome such challenges in the future. The host starts by reflecting on why he hasn't been able to capture people's attention and mentions that he is currently listening to Robert Cialdini's book "Influence" to learn about ethical influence. He admits feeling disappointed and acknowledges that he let himself down by not learning the necessary lessons to attract people. Despite this setback, he remains determined to offer live coaching sessions in the future, approximately every 10 episodes. To process his feelings of being let down, the host decides to do a thought download. He explores the circumstance of nobody signing up for coaching and acknowledges that this thought might mean he needs to improve his communication skills or that he may not be a good coach. He also realizes the need to improve his advertising on Facebook and start promoting earlier to generate more trust from potential clients. The host understands the importance of learning from mistakes and generating more thoughts to gain a better understanding of his emotions. The host then moves on to using a model to process his thoughts and emotions. He explains the model and how it can be applied to any circumstance. The circumstance he chooses is that nobody showed up for coaching. The next step is to choose one thought to focus on, such as "I am not a good marketer," and examine the feeling that thought generates. The host introduces an app called "How We Feel" that helps break down emotions into four quadrants. The host realizes that the emotion that resonates with him the most is frustration. He discusses how frustration can lead to negative actions, such as wanting to quit or engaging in negative self-talk. The host emphasizes that engaging in negative self-talk or quitting won't lead to success in his business. He acknowledges that the problem lies in his thoughts and beliefs and the need to change them to gain control over his emotions and direction in life. He encourages embracing emotions, sitting with them, and fully experiencing them instead of avoiding them. Through exploring his frustration, the host describes how it feels in his body and acknowledges that emotions only last for a short time. He stresses the importance of questioning the truth and usefulness of thoughts and choosing better ones. For example, reframing the thought "I'm not a good marketer" as "I am an inexperienced marketer" and focusing on learning and growth. The host shares his desire to become a successful marketer and mentions a podcast by Ray Edwards that he highly recommends. He expresses his resolve to take action and start coaching others, using this podcast as a way to coach listeners. While no one has signed up for coaching yet, the host believes it will happen and he will become a great marketer through practice and learning. He discusses the importance of selling ideas and effective communication, particularly in relationships, and reflects on his experiences in coaching both men and women. The host also mentions the importance of finding the balance between promoting and overwhelming the audience and acknowledges the need for improvement in his marketing strategies. The host concludes the episode by expressing gratitude to the listeners for tuning in to the special 200th episode. He encourages them to leave comments on the website and share their thoughts. He emphasizes that his purpose is to help listeners overcome challenges and improve themselves as men. The host reminds listeners to take intentional steps towards having better relationships and offers his coaching services in the future. He reassures listeners that even as a coach, he still has emotional reactions but chooses not to respond to them. He believes that true freedom and joy can be found through intentional thoughts and navigating life's highs and lows. The episode concludes with the host expressing his gratitude once again and his hope to see listeners in 10 weeks for more coaching. The Model C - CIrcumstance T - Thought of the Circumstance F - The Feeling created by that thought A - The Action you perform because you are feeling that emotion R - The Result you have because of that action 00:00:00 Celebrating Episode 200 - Reflecting on Progress 00:01:10 Live Coaching Failure: No Sign-ups 00:03:34 Learning from Setbacks and Striving for Improvement 00:12:40 Understanding the Connection between Thoughts and Emotions 00:15:55 Exploring the Disappointment of not being a good marketer 00:19:21 Understanding Emotions: High Energy, Positive/Negative, Low Energy, Positive/Negative 00:28:03 Developing a Relationship and Dealing with Jealousy 00:33:14 Allowing Emotions to Pass and Shifting Mindset 00:37:36 Embracing Growth and Evolution 00:40:13 Relationship Coaching and the Nuances of Communication 00:48:01 Making Little Steps to Improve Your Relationship Ready for The Next Step? Sign up for a consulting call

In this episode, I share my recent experience at a hippie event in Oklahoma, where I had the chance to meet interesting people and try out some healthy vegan options. I even participated in a unique activity called sound bathing, which turned out to be an eye-opening and fascinating experience. This event reminded me and my listeners about the importance of not allowing obstacles and excuses to stand in the way of our dreams and desires. Excuses can be the biggest barriers to our success, whether it's in our personal lives or in achieving our goals. It's time to let go of those excuses, overcome obstacles, and start taking action towards the life we truly want. Moving forward, I talk about the benefits of coaching and encourage listeners to sign up for a coaching event. Coaching can help individuals overcome self-imposed limitations and address various areas of their lives, such as procrastination, overeating, and building connections with loved ones. I share my personal experience with attending events and trying new activities like getting a massage and wanting to try an ice bath. I emphasize the importance of not allowing excuses and other people's opinions to hinder our goals and dreams. I share a story of a violin player who gave up his dream due to discouraging advice from someone else, highlighting the pitfalls of seeking validation from others and making excuses for ourselves. It's crucial for us to take responsibility for our own actions and not let fear or external factors hold us back. I discuss the importance of believing in our own capabilities and setting our minds to achieve what we want. Seeking advice from high-quality individuals who have achieved success is valuable, rather than relying solely on friends who may not have the necessary expertise. Having a clear purpose or "why" is essential in overcoming obstacles and staying motivated. Making a plan and taking action, even if it means trying different approaches and making adjustments along the way, is crucial. I share my personal goal of helping others through coaching and express a desire to see men succeed in pursuing their dreams, regardless of societal stereotypes and challenges they may face. I encourage listeners to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and growth, starting small and putting in the necessary effort and time to achieve their desired outcomes. Finally, I talk about the journey with Relaxed Male, from a men's magazine to a store, men's wellness blog, and now men's coaching. Running Relaxed Male as a serious business for about two years now, I want to show everyone how amazing life can be and that achieving goals is possible for anyone. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and celebrating it as a stepping stone to our true purpose is important. I acknowledge that some listeners may have experienced trauma or have PTSD, and while therapy is crucial for baseline functioning, coaching can take them even further. I invite interested individuals to visit relaxedmel.com/trycoaching and sign up for a Zoom call to explore coaching further. I express my commitment to being there for anyone who joins and being willing to coach for as long as it takes. I encourage listeners to share this message with others who may need to hear it, as together, we can make Relaxed Male a movement and help men become their best selves. In closing, I remind listeners to take care and look forward to reconnecting with them in the next episode. 00:00:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Determination as Men 00:00:49 Welcome to the Relaxed Male and Reflection on Recent Event 00:02:00 Unexpected Experience at the Hippie Event 00:06:28 Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action 00:10:43 Excuses and opinions hinder us from reaching our goals 00:12:15 Giving up on dreams due to external discouragement 00:15:11 Know your why and overcome excuses with a plan 00:17:04 Start small, execute daily, and build towards success 00:20:14 Stop low-quality thinking and believe in your own potential 00:22:21 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Using Trauma as Fuel Take The Next Step  

In this episode, we dive into the topic of emotions and how they can sometimes hurt. As a men's coach, my main goal is to assist men in navigating their struggles and finding ways to live life on their own terms. I highlight the significance of understanding our thoughts and how they impact our overall ability to fully experience life. Additionally, I mention that I am testing out a new audio setup and extend an invitation to listeners to join me for a live coaching session to celebrate the 200th episode. I provide instructions on how to sign up for the session and encourage new listeners to subscribe to the show. Furthermore, I discuss the advantages of utilizing podcasting 2.0 apps and invite listeners to follow me on Pod Fans. Although I find it challenging to explain podcasting 2.0 in detail, I provide links for listeners to explore different apps for podcasting 2.0 at relaxedmale.com/podcast20 . Moving on to the topic of emotions, I emphasize that negative emotions, particularly fear-based ones, can feel like physical pain and become overwhelming. I encourage listeners to examine the thoughts that trigger these hurtful emotions and question why they experience pain from negative emotions. It's crucial to recognize that life is a mixture of both positive and negative emotions, and avoiding the negative ones only leads to an incomplete and unfulfilling life. I stress the importance of embracing and processing all emotions in order to fully appreciate the good moments. Emotions are simply vibrations in our bodies—some pleasant, some unpleasant—and their intensity and impact depend on our thoughts. Fear-based emotions may feel sharp and uncomfortable, but they are not actual physical pain. They are merely the vibrations created by our thoughts. By avoiding negative emotions, we miss out on the complete range of human experiences. Next, we delve deeper into our tendency to view negative emotions as painful and something to avoid. We use an analogy of wearing comfortable shoes to shield our feet, while individuals accustomed to negative emotions are like those who can walk barefoot on rugged surfaces without pain. When we avoid negative emotions, even minor difficulties become challenging to handle. However, if we confront and work through these emotions, we can build resilience and discover that life has its ups and downs. By expressing our emotions and seeking support from others, especially our "band of brothers," we can better process what is happening in our lives. Continuous efforts to avoid emotions only lead to amplifying worries and ultimately trouble. We also discuss how our thoughts generate emotions. If we constantly ruminate on these thoughts and emotions, they can snowball and prolong our suffering. However, by processing our emotions and allowing them to be, without overthinking, the actual emotional experience tends to last only a short time. The pain we may feel from past events is not solely due to the emotions themselves but rather our continuous focus and attachment to those emotions. It's common for us to avoid feeling sadness and resist it, but this approach only allows the emotion to grow and linger. Instead, it is beneficial to examine the emotion, feel its sensations throughout our bodies, and describe it in detail. By facing and accepting our negative emotions, we can allow them to run their course, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and complete experience of life. Society often promotes the idea of avoiding pain and striving for constant happiness; however, this perspective is neither realistic nor healthy. Negative emotions are a natural part of being human and can even contribute to personal growth and joy. If individuals require assistance in processing and transforming these negative emotions, seeking coaching or therapy is highly recommended. Through coaching, individuals can gain more control over themselves, enhance their relationships, and become the person they desire to be. To schedule a coaching consultation, visit relaxedmale.com/coaching . Lastly, I express the importance of seeking therapy if needed and encourage listeners to find a therapist who can help them address and improve their past experiences. Additionally, I extend my gratitude to the listeners for their support and encourage them to share the podcast with their friends and family through various platforms such as Facebook and Instagram. By spreading the word about the show, we can reach more men who may be struggling and help them find their path towards living life on their own terms. Thanking the listeners for their continuous support, I conclude by wishing everyone well until the next episode. 00:00:00 Understanding the Pain of Emotions and Feelings 00:00:39 Introduction: Brian, the certified men's coach 00:02:04 Announcement: Episode 198 and upcoming live coaching session 00:07:00 Unexpectedly diving into Podcasting 2.0 00:08:17 Analyzing the root cause of hurtful feelings 00:10:48 The Importance of Embracing Both Good and Bad Times 00:12:27 The Impact of Thoughts on Emotions and Vibrations 00:15:09 The Consequences of Avoiding Negative Emotions 00:18:12 The Cycle of Thoughts and Emotions 00:20:03 The Duration of Emotions and the Importance of Processing 00:20:28 Avoiding Sadness and Letting Emotions Grow 00:22:13 Facing Pain and Allowing Emotions to Run Their Course 00:24:27 Don't Fear Negative Emotions, Welcome Them 00:26:07 Try Coaching for Free and Discover the Power of Coaching Links Podcast 2.0 Apps Try Coaching What are you telling yourself when you are feeling hurt? Feelings are half the time unpleasant and uncomfortable Yeah the other half is Nice and pleasant many times we want to avoid the pain of our emotions yet that pain is nothing more than a vibration felt throughout our body. Now when it comes to emotions our thoughts create our emotions. That means when you have a thought about how your relationship is falling apart you are going to express emotions that relate to that. The thoughts of you failing your wife aren't going to generate pleasant feelings throughout your body. We also have thoughts about our pain and those are completely different from the original thought. Now this is where most of us get ourselves into trouble. Because we take the circumstance that we are sad mad or whatever fear-based emotion we are feeling and compound that with a thought we are having thoughts that we are sad. Are we ever going to not be sad, or I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy. And that thought and the corresponding emotions you have with it create the resistance you experience. This is why we buffer and avoid our emotions So how do you stop feeling the pain of that emotion? You don't! This is where so many people want to run and eat their emotions or drink till they can't remember. Yet the solution to living a 100% of your life is to feel the 50% pleasure and the 50% Pain. Both of those sides of the human experience are needed to fully live life to the max. Good news it's just a vibration! It will not hurt you and that is the big work we do in my practice we experience the vibrations, especially the unpleasant ones. You eventually find out that the unpleasant emotions are a lot like a fun house. It is a but anxiety anxiety-ridden at first but on the other side, you are laughing and having a good time.

  In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of being offended and discuss strategies to stop taking offense. As the host, my mission is to assist men in overcoming various challenges they face in their lives and finding happiness. I express my gratitude towards a listener who sent equipment to improve the sound quality of the podcast and mention an upcoming coaching session where individuals can share their issues. We begin by defining being offended as feeling hurt or insulted due to a perceived wrong. I explain that being easily offended has become a prevalent issue in today's society, with people using offense as a weapon. I highlight the importance of teaching younger generations that disagreement and discourse are valuable and that being offended often stems from a victim mentality. Additionally, I discuss how societal avoidance of sensitive topics has contributed to the rise of easily being offended. To illustrate the subjectivity of perception, I reveal that I see the sky as blue due to the interaction between sunlight and nitrogen in the air. I detail how discussions and disagreements can be influenced by emotions and personal biases. Drawing from personal experiences, I explain how expressing controversial ideas on social media can provoke strong reactions. I share my belief that government assistance can create dependency and discourage financial independence, based on my own experience and observations. To overcome being easily offended, I emphasize the importance of understanding the root of our emotions and embracing emotional adulthood. Rather than becoming defensive or angry when faced with differing opinions, I advocate for having mature conversations grounded in facts. Active listening and seeking to understand others' perspectives are key to effective communication. I assert that having differing views is acceptable, as long as mutual respect is maintained. By choosing our emotional responses and exposing ourselves to diverse viewpoints, we can become less easily offended. Further in the podcast, I discuss the significance of becoming comfortable with discomfort and controlling our emotions. I assert that nobody truly cares about these issues except for those directly involved, and each person's purpose and perspective are unique. I encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from learning how to navigate being easily triggered or offended. To support the movement, I encourage sharing the podcast on social media platforms and spreading the message of creating a community of strong men dedicated to positive change. I express gratitude for the support and urge listeners to subscribe to the show to receive new episodes every Thursday. 00:00:00 The Art of Not Being Offended 00:00:57 Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Find Relaxation 00:02:37 Improved Sound Quality Thanks to a Listener's Gift 00:04:59 October 14th: Try Coaching and Get Coached 00:07:06 Why Being Offended is Out of Control 00:13:21 The Science Behind the Blue Sky 00:16:04 Controversial Views on Poverty and Government Assistance 00:23:29 Embracing Different Views in Relationships 00:26:39 Building Bridges and Exposing Yourself to Different Perspectives 00:29:35 The Importance of Individual Perspective and Letting Others Be 00:33:22 Uniting Strong Men to Change the World What is being offended? Offended feeling or expressing hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult: The man replied in an offended voice, "My niece would never do anything like that!" being the recipient or victim of criminal or morally repugnant behavior: After the referral agent and the offender speak, the offended individual is invited to speak about how the assault affected them. dictionary.com Now These days the act of being offended is getting way out of hand. Why is Ofeended so out of control? We barred sensitive topics There are too many nice guys The get-along gang   What is Being Offended Its a thought What is needed to stop being offended Seek first to understand Get out of Emotional Childhood expose yourself to other views accept that no one really cares Understand that you are not the most important person in the room.

Welcome to this episode of The Relaxed Male, where I, Brian, the host, will be diving into the topic of forgiveness. We all have those moments in life where we make terrible mistakes and feel a deep sense of regret. Today, I want to emphasize the importance of forgiving oneself for these screw-ups. As the host of The Relaxed Male, my mission is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live life on their own terms. As a certified men's coach, I work closely with men who are going through challenging times such as divorces or job losses. My goal is to assist them in finding clarity and relaxation amidst their suffering. Each episode of the show focuses on changing one's perspective on life, identity, and thoughts to overcome pain and become victors instead of victims. In fact, I have some exciting plans coming up, including going live on YouTube and participating in a podcast posting challenge in November. But that's not all! I want to invite you, my listeners, to a try coaching event that I'll be hosting via Zoom. This is an opportunity for you to experience the power of coaching firsthand and learn how it can help you achieve your goals. You can sign up for the event and find all the details on the website. I want to thank each and every one of you for your continued support. The show is experiencing steady growth, and it wouldn't be possible without your listenership. If this is your first time tuning in, welcome! We have a lot to talk about, so let's dive into today's episode on how to forgive yourself. It's common to reflect on our past actions and realize that some choices were not the best. We may feel regret, self-shame, and start self-hating. But it's crucial to move past these feelings and give ourselves grace. We are human, and humans make mistakes. Constantly beating ourselves up and dwelling on past mistakes is not productive. It's important to pay attention to our thoughts because our mind has a tendency to ruminate and go over the same scenario repeatedly without finding any solutions. We need to stop criticizing ourselves and others. The shoulda, woulda, coulda mentality is not helpful. Instead, let's be aware of our thoughts and where they track to.  Our mind tries to muddy the water by offering alternative scenarios, making it difficult to see the actual circumstance. Taking responsibility for our actions and not making excuses is crucial. Forgiveness starts with accepting that we made a mistake and taking responsibility for it. It's about recognizing that it was the wrong thought and replacing it with a better thought. We must voice our mistakes out loud, removing the shame and guilt associated with them. It's important to acknowledge and address whatever is eating away at us. Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential, especially when we find ourselves dwelling on past wrongdoings. While some crimes may have legal consequences, forgiving ourselves is essential for our mental well-being. Shame, often influenced by religion or societal norms, can cause severe harm if we don't forgive ourselves. Misusing the power of our minds can be damaging, just like misapplying nutrition. Let's strive for moderation in all aspects of our lives and let go of past mistakes to maintain a healthy state of mind.  Bottling up secrets and not forgiving ourselves can lead to long-term adverse effects. I recently came across a book called "The Body Keeps the Score" and I'm curious to explore its content and see if it lives up to its praise. Being intentional with our thoughts and redirecting them away from self-criticism and shame is crucial. Granting ourselves grace and forgiveness is essential for personal growth and the ability to extend grace to others. If you're interested in taking your personal growth to the next level, I offer coaching services. Y ou can find more information on my website and check out the upcoming "try coaching" event on October 14th. I encourage you to share this message with others if you found it helpful or insightful. The Relaxed Male community is focused on helping men improve themselves in all aspects, including their mind, body, soul, and community. By working on these pillars, men can become more balanced and masculine, which is crucial in today's society. Once again, thank you all for your support and for tuning in. I wish you well until the next episode.  https://www.relaxedmale.com/trycoaching 00:00:00 The Struggle of Forgiving Yourself for Mistakes 00:03:09 Announcement: Try Coaching Event on October 14th 00:06:17 Growing the podcast and encouraging listeners to subscribe 00:10:04 Overcoming self-doubt and shame 00:12:58 Breaking free from rumination and finding solutions 00:13:46 Building a Bridge to Forgiving Yourself 00:15:12 Muddying the Water and Breaking Free from Guilt 00:23:53 The power of our mind and religion 00:25:20 The impact of secrets and fibromyalgia 00:32:50 Introduction to Coaching and Try Coaching Event

How to Find Motivation in completing your goals What's Holding Your Back? Fear Goals Not in Alignment Indulging in Confusion out of integrity Not challenging enough Strategies Monday Hour 1 The blank wall technique take small steps Track Your Progress Sign up for Try Coaching Event on October 16 If you don't want to be coached but want to see what it is about it will be streamed on Facebook . Take The Next Step  

What is Aimlessness? Cause of aimlessness nonintentional thoughts You are just floating How to find your rudder and get direction Take time each day to make short goals. What is your objective? Express to yourself why this is important Time for you to get out and start exploring Try stuff Volunteer Work on your 4 pillars News 6 weeks till episode 200 Monday Hour One Coaching On Air relaxedmale.com/coachingtryouts @podbeancom In this episode, we delve into the topic of aimlessness and explore ways to overcome it. Our goal is to assist men in letting go of the "nice guy" mentality and living life on their own terms. We start by highlighting the importance of having a sense of purpose and how challenging it can be to navigate through daily life without direction. To emphasize this point, we share a humorous anecdote about a quintessential dad, reminding us to embrace who we are and find humor in life's moments. Returning to our main topic of aimlessness, we delve into the concept and its negative consequences. While some may view aimlessness as liberating, it often leads to inefficiency and a lack of accomplishment. We discuss Parkinson's Law, which states that without specific goals and timeframes, projects tend to take longer than necessary to complete. Reflecting on personal experiences, we acknowledge how aimlessness can result in wasted time and a lack of fulfillment. This realization leads us to encourage listeners to discover their purpose and direction in life, thereby avoiding the aimless drift. We believe that finding one's purpose earlier in life, particularly between the ages of 25 and 30, allows for greater personal growth and success. Our own purpose is to help individuals overcome victim mentality and live with intention. Specifically, we aim to assist men in embracing their role and responsibilities in society. To break free from aimlessness, we pose the question of how to find one's rudder and take control of life's direction. We stress the significance of having a sense of purpose and the gradual acceptance of traditional gender roles as society recognizes the value they bring. We discuss the challenges faced by both stay-at-home parents and individuals working long hours and neglecting other aspects of their lives. Stressing the importance of being intentional and present, we offer advice on dating properly and finding fulfillment in spending time with children. We also touch on the cycle of aimlessness and how to escape it by exploring interests and setting daily and long-term goals. We encourage individuals to work on all four pillars of The Relaxed Male - mind , body , soul , and community - through activities like reading, exercising, trying new things, and volunteering. Experimentation is key, as it allows us to discover new passions and keep life exciting. While it's fine to make mistakes along the way, these experiences become stories that attract others to us. Ultimately, our soul shines when we do what we're meant to do, and we need to demonstrate our purpose rather than simply talk about it. To maintain focus and inspiration, it's essential to understand the "why" behind our goals and purpose. This understanding will motivate us and surpass the drive for pleasure, avoidance of pain, and efficiency. Without a clear "why," we may become lost in trivial matters. We encourage listeners to find their "why," set short goals aligned with their objectives, and explore and volunteer to truly discover themselves. Finally, we mention that we have six more episodes until episode 200 and share exciting news about offering coaching sessions exclusively for men. Interested individuals can sign up on relaxmail.com/coachingtryouts to receive guidance and support in overcoming barriers and obstacles in their lives. We clarify that this is coaching rather than therapy and that we're here to assist with issues such as divorce, motivation, and more. Concluding the episode, we mention a podcast platform called podbean.com that we've been enjoying and encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from it. We emphasize the importance of self-improvement and express our gratitude for the support. 00:00:00 The Challenge of Aimlessness: Finding Your Purpose 00:00:59 Introduction to The Relaxed Male Podcast 00:02:29 Caught off guard by a surprising revelation 00:02:39 Settling in at the friend's office for podcast recording 00:06:56 The dangers of aimlessness and lack of direction 00:09:08 The consequences of aimlessness in personal relationships and accomplishments 00:12:00 Finding purpose and taking control of your life 00:16:27 The Importance of Setting Daily Goals 00:19:23 Breaking the Cycle of Aimlessness 00:22:25 Working on the Four Pillars: Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:25:50 Finding Your Purpose and Overcoming Aimlessness 00:27:35 The Importance of Discovering Your "Why"  

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I discuss the topic of pain and why people have a tendency to avoid it. I share my own struggles with avoiding pain, using the example of neglecting my yard work due to excuses like podcasting and the hot weather. I question why people avoid pain when it is an inevitable part of life and emphasize that pain can be beneficial in motivating action and bringing about positive change. I use examples such as paying bills to avoid the pain of living without electricity and the fear of experiencing withdrawal symptoms for someone with addiction. I also highlight how pain can be a motivator for starting a business and taking responsibility for one's financial situation. I emphasize that we need to take responsibility for our own choices and the consequences that come with them. It's our decision to work for someone else, and that means they have control over our pay. Sometimes the agreed-upon price doesn't work out in our favor, but that's just how life goes. If we want to achieve our goals, we can't blame our employer. We need to take ownership and find ways to generate the value we need. This process involves experiencing pain and discomfort, which motivates us to work harder. Pain is a perception that creates an unpleasant feeling, but it pushes us to push past our limits. When we overcome the challenges and reach our objectives, we have reasons to celebrate and feel proud of ourselves. Pain also helps us gain clarity on our goals. Each failure and moment of discomfort allows us to learn and adjust our strategies. We understand that reaching high heights requires us to explore different paths, whether that means going above, below, around, or even with the help of others. Pain is necessary for personal growth and satisfaction. As we go through life, we experience various stages of growth and development. In the military, there are graduations and milestones, like transitioning from a trainee to a full-fledged soldier. Entrepreneurs also endure hardship and sacrifice as they build their businesses. These experiences can be painful, but they shape us and bring a sense of satisfaction. Many people have a fear of pain and avoid discomfort, but pain comes in different forms. It can be physical, like stepping on a nail, or it can be emotional, like the embarrassment of a failed client interaction. Both types of pain are processed in the same part of our brains. So, what are we actually afraid of when we avoid pain? Sometimes, pain is necessary to achieve our goals. Just like a skater wearing extra layers of underwear before attempting a dangerous trick, we may need to endure discomfort in order to reach success. Whether it's the discomfort of cold weather, interacting with new people, or waiting in line instead of using self-checkout, these experiences can lead us to better outcomes. Would we be willing to endure temporary irritation for long-term gains? Pain should not hold us back from pursuing our dreams or making changes. Physical harm is unlikely to result from starting a business or accepting a divorce. We often worry about things that are unlikely to happen, keeping ourselves up at night with unnecessary fear. So, instead of avoiding pain, we should embrace it as a necessary part of growth and progress. By pushing through discomfort and enduring temporary hardships, we can achieve the life we desire. So, what is pain actually? Pain is a fear of the unknown, specifically the fear of physical pain. It's unavoidable, especially if you have kids and end up stepping on Legos or other sharp objects. Pain is a way to learn what you are capable of, like lifting weights and pushing your muscles to the point of tearing. It can also be the discomfort and humility that comes with failure or being out of your comfort zone. However, the satisfaction and reward of overcoming pain and achieving your goals are worth it in the end. People may laugh or doubt you along the way, but their laughter often stems from their own fear and lack of courage to pursue their own dreams. Ultimately, pain is just a stepping stone on the path to success. I used to love going to the playground area that had various tubes and interactive learning activities. One of my favorite experiences was sitting in a swivel chair with a spinning bicycle wheel attached to it. When the wheel reached full speed, I would try to turn but couldn't. Instead, I would start spinning in the chair uncontrollably. There were other cool things too, like sticking your hands in gooey substances and a parabolic reflector that created holograms. I was always too afraid to put my hand inside, fearing that a cookie monster would grab it. But despite my fears, growing up as a Gen Xer allowed me to have amazing experiences and try new things. I would spend days at the playground, and even when I was left alone at home, I would have epic Star Wars adventures with my Millennium Falcon toy. I didn't let fear stop me from enjoying life and taking risks. I believe that today's younger generation should embrace that fearlessness and realize that what they're afraid of is nothing to be scared of. In this part of the podcast, I discuss the fear of emotions and how I want to help listeners overcome it. I encourage them to embrace the beauty that lies beyond their fears and challenges. Divorce is used as an example, indicating that it can be a tough experience but also an opportunity for personal growth. I emphasize the importance of working on the mind, body, and soul, as well as building strong friendships. If listeners are interested in taking the next step, they can schedule a consulting call through the provided link. I mention that willingness to step out of one's comfort zone is crucial for our collaboration, but even those who are more hesitant may still find potential in themselves. I also share that the podcast offers a wealth of resources, such as blog posts and over 660 episodes, to support personal development. Listeners are encouraged to share the podcast with others who may benefit from it, and I express the belief that society needs men who embrace their masculinity and live purposeful lives. I sign off by expressing my love and hoping to connect with listeners again in the following week.  Take The Next Step https://booking.appointy.com/en-US/relaxedmale/bookings/calendar?sr=1039192 00:00:00 The Purpose of Pain in Our Lives 00:00:41 Helping men overcome suffering and find fulfillment 00:03:10 Understanding the role of pain as a motivator and teacher 00:10:25 Embracing Failure for Clarity in Objectives 00:12:56 Reflecting on Bootcamp and Fondly Remembering the Challenges 00:19:58 The Game of Jacks 00:23:02 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Embracing Pain 00:26:50 Childhood Fears and Imaginary Adventures 00:29:10 Growing Up as a Gen Xer 00:31:33 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Life 00:33:34 Embracing Your Comfort Zone for Personal Growth 00:35:04 Spreading the Message of Positive Masculinity

On this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of thoughts creating results. As a certified men's coach, I help men who are facing various challenges in their lives, including divorce and daily struggles. We discuss how our thoughts shape our outcomes and why it is crucial to pay attention to them. Our thoughts play a significant role in either allowing us to succeed or holding us back from achieving our goals. Whether it's difficulties in getting clients or starting a business, or personal issues with how comments affect us emotionally, it's important to analyze our thoughts. Sometimes we may justify our negative responses, but deep down, we might agree with those criticisms to some extent. This agreement leads to negative patterns and behaviors, such as relying on alcohol as a coping mechanism. We often engage in self-sabotaging behaviors by agreeing with negative thoughts or criticisms about ourselves. However, we have the power to change our thoughts and create positive outcomes. We can shift our mindset and embrace empowering beliefs, which allows us to pursue our goals with more energy and purpose. By taking intentional actions and asking powerful questions, we can move closer to our desired results. Having a mindset of certainty is crucial when it comes to achieving our goals. Instead of thinking our dreams are not worth the effort, we should affirm them confidently. Our brain is more likely to support us in achieving our goals when we believe in them. Using Kevin Smith as an example, we discuss how his negative self-perception as a "fat slob" led to unhealthy habits and a decline in his creativity and productivity. However, after a heart attack, he changed his thoughts and behaviors, leading to significant weight loss and positive changes in his career. To create positive changes in our own lives, we need to change our thoughts about food and weight. It's important to identify our personal reasons for wanting to live a healthier life. We acknowledge the need for change and the importance of mindset shift, rather than solely focusing on losing weight. We encourage listeners to reach out for help and coaching if they want to support in making positive changes in their lives. By challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, and focusing on the four pillars of manhood, listeners can build healthier relationships, improve their overall well-being, and create a brighter future for themselves. In conclusion, our thoughts shape our outcomes, and by working together, we can create a positive impact in our lives and relationships. We encourage our listeners to share this episode with others who may be struggling, and to reach out for assistance or to support their fellow brothers. Thank you for being a part of this journey. 00:00:00 Understanding the Power of Your Thoughts 00:00:41 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Life's Struggles 00:02:06 Celebrating Growth and Overcoming Challenges in Podcasting 00:06:34 The impact of negative self-talk on weight gain 00:08:20 Overcoming insecurities about physical attributes 00:16:06 Kevin Smith's wake and the issue with continuous pot use 00:17:58 Kevin Smith's heart attack and change in mindset 00:25:54 Changing Thoughts for Personal Transformation 00:32:49 Rediscovering Intimacy with Your Partner 00:34:36 Empowering Men to Upgrade Their Lives

So what are you after in life? Are you out just to be happy? or are you after something more? Many men want to point to our founding documents and take from there that all we are supposed to be is happy. We are supposed to pursue happiness, yet are we able to actually catch our happiness, or would you settle for joy? How about something greater than happiness? Are you supposed to settle for just happiness? Let's look at this little thought experiment. What's the difference? Some people want to equate success with being happy. Yet after a little while, they find themselves in a bit of a crisis because they have accomplished al they have set out for and they are still not happy. Why is that? What is success? What does it mean to be successful to you? So if you are after happiness and tragedy strikes does that mean you failed? Now you are seeing the problem if trying to be happy all the time. There are many instances of life where you actually don't want to be happy. You get a divorce, a family member passes away. Those are things out of your control so how are you equating that to your scoreboard of life? So what do you want to pursue? Fulfillment may be a good objective to run after. What is fulfillment? Can you be successful and fulfilled? Would that make you happy? Can you go after both?   Want more help finding a fulfilling life? Sign up for a mini-session.

Roman code or Mos Maiorum Mos maiorum means the way of the elders 8 virtues Fideas - Be trust worthy The Latin word fides encompasses several English words, such as trust/trustworthiness, good faith/faithfulness, confidence, reliability, and credibility. It was an important concept in Roman law, as oral contracts were common.  Pietas - Be respectful Pietas was the Roman attitude of dutiful respect towards the gods, homeland, parents, and family, which required the maintenance of relationships in a moral and dutiful manner.  Religio and Cultus - Be religious Related to the Latin verb religare, "to bind", religio was the bond between gods and mortals, as carried out in traditional religious practices for preserving the pax deorum (“peace of the gods”). Cultus was the active observance and the correct performance of rituals. Religious practice, in this sense, is to be distinguished from pietas and its inherent morality. See religion in ancient Rome and imperial cult (ancient Rome). Disciplin - Be diciplined The military character of Roman society suggests the importance of disciplina, as related to education, training, discipline, and self-control. Gravitas and constantia - Self Control or Temperance Gravitas was dignified self-control. Constantia was steadiness or perseverance. In the face of adversity, a good Roman was to display an unperturbed façade. Roman myth and history reinforced this value by recounting tales of figures such as Gaius Mucius Scaevola, who in a founding legend of the Republic demonstrated his seriousness and determination to the Etruscan king Lars Porsenna by holding his right hand in a fire. Virtus - Core values Derived from the Latin word vir ("man"), virtus constituted the ideal of the true Roman male. Gaius Lucilius discusses virtus in some of his work and says that it is virtus for a man to know what is good, evil, useless, shameful, or dishonorable. Dignitas and auctoritas - serve others with dignatity Dignitas and auctoritas were the end result of displaying the values of the ideal Roman and the service of the state, in the forms of priesthoods, military positions, and magistracies. Dignitas was a reputation for worth, honor and esteem. Thus, a Roman who displayed their gravitas, constantia, fides, pietas and other values of a Roman would possess dignitas among their peers. Similarly, by that path, a Roman could earn auctoritas ("prestige and respect"). Us military Code of Conduct The Code of Conduct provides guidance for the behavior and actions of members of the Armed Forces of the United States. This guidance applies not only on the battlefield but also in the event that the service member is captured and becomes a prisoner of war (POW). The Code is delineated in six articles. Article I: I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense. Article II: I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist. Article III: If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy. Article IV: If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way. Article V: When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give my name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause. Article VI: I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America. Spartan code of Honor The Spartan hoplite followed a strict laconic code of honor. No soldier was considered superior to another. Suicidal recklessness, misbehavior, and rage were prohibited in the Spartan army, as those behaviors endangered the phalanx. Recklessness could also lead to dishonor, as in the case of Aristodemus. Spartans regarded those who fight, while still wishing to live, as more valorous than those who don't care if they die. They believed that a warrior must not fight with raging anger but with calm determination. Spartans must walk without any noise and speak only with a few words in the laconic way of life.  Other ways for Spartans to be dishonored include dropping the shield (rhipsaspia), failing to complete the training, and deserting in battles. Dishonored Spartans were labeled as outcasts and would be forced to wear different clothing for public humiliation.  In battles, the Spartans told stories of valor to inspire the troops and, before a major confrontation, they sang soft songs to calm the nerves. Bushido code Righteousness (義 gi). Justice is the most important virtue for the samurai. A true samurai does not attack the enemy without an important reason. Loyalty (忠義 chūgi). Loyalty is the 2nd most important thing in life. The samurai should always be loyal to his master. The samurai should also believe his duty to protect his master is the meaning of life. Honor (名誉 meiyo). A life without honor is not a life. If a samurai makes a mistake, he should honor his name by committing suicide. (Example: The story of 47 samurai (the Ako Incident). Respect (礼 rei). A samurai should always respect his enemy. A samurai respects his opponent before and after the fight. Even if a samurai kills his opponent, he is very respectful to the corpse. Honesty ( 誠 sei). A samurai never lies. “Deception” does not exist in the Book of a Samurai. Courage (勇 yū). A samurai fights until the end. A samurai is never afraid of anything. He is not afraid of death. A samurai is always brave because he fights for something he believes in. Consistency (誠 makoto ). A samurai never change their path. He is like a dragonfly, he always moves forward, he never moves back. What is your code? Why do you need a code? What is in a code? 00:00:00 Exploring Different Societal Codes of Conduct 00:00:37 Introduction to Relaxed Male and its purpose 00:10:52 The impact of parental expectations and disappointment 00:14:30 The erosion of respect and the need for a code of conduct 00:16:44 The importance of discipline in education and self-control 00:19:13 Virtus: knowing what is good, evil, and honorable 00:19:59 Roman Values: Dignitas, Auctoritas, and Core Virtues 00:24:53 Spartan Code of Honor: Equality and Prohibited Behaviors 00:26:18 Valor and Calm Determination: The Spartan Code of Conduct 00:28:17 Inspiring Troops and Calming Nerves: Singing in Battle 00:30:16 The Bushido Code: Values of the Japanese Samurai 00:33:19 Building Your Own Code: Why You Need a Code of Conduct 00:36:27 Importance of Writing and Displaying Core Values

In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, we dive into the significance of altering our thoughts in order to improve our lives. Our thoughts shape our reality, emotions, and outcomes. It's common for people to believe that making a big change, like switching jobs or losing weight, will automatically bring them happiness. However, that's not the case. Our happiness and overall results are determined by our thoughts. As we begin our discussion, I want to take a moment to express our gratitude to all the new listeners who have joined us recently. While our view count may have decreased, I'm not too worried since it's summertime and people have different priorities. However, I admit that I occasionally feel concerned about the numbers. But when I look at our unique downloads, I see spikes, indicating that people are still interested in our content. This serves as a reminder that our thoughts have a significant impact on our results, which ties perfectly into our topic for today. Instead of dwelling on the lower downloads, I realize it's more productive to focus on creating valuable content that truly resonates with our audience. I would rather have 10,000 dedicated listeners who genuinely appreciate our show than 10,000 downloads from people who don't find it worthwhile. So, before you embark on any major changes in your life, take a moment to reflect on how you think about the circumstances that are causing discontent. Whether it's your physical appearance or finding a partner, changing your thoughts is the first step towards achieving the life you desire. Losing weight rapidly to feel attractive to others might not address the deeper issues of self-worth and insecurity. Regardless of being overweight or physically fit, how one perceives oneself influences how they present themselves to others. Making changes, such as losing weight, doesn't guarantee happiness, as both thin and overweight individuals face their own unique challenges. Similarly, acquiring wealth or switching careers might not bring fulfillment if your mindset remains negative or dissatisfied. It's crucial to have the ability to say no and allow others to learn and grow on their own, even if it may feel uncomfortable for both parties involved. Changing our thoughts and finding contentment with our circumstances, whether in personal relationships or work situations, is the key to true happiness and growth. As we wrap up this segment of the podcast, I want to emphasize the importance of transforming our mindset in order to bring about positive changes in our lives. By recognizing and challenging our current thoughts and beliefs, we can break free from repetitive patterns and create a life that aligns with our true desires. It's essential that we take responsibility for our actions and show up differently if we want to attract different results. As always, I encourage you to share this podcast with others and subscribe to receive weekly episodes. Together, we can continue to grow and learn on this journey towards a more fulfilling and relaxed life. 00:00:00 The Impact of Circumstances on Discontent and Ill Feelings 00:00:54 Thoughts create our reality and results 00:02:19 Concerns about low podcast downloads and attracting new listeners 00:05:36 The importance of changing thoughts before making big life changes 00:09:12 Applying the concept to work and sales strategies 00:10:13 Shifting Mindset: Sales, Relationships, and Personal Responsibility 00:11:16 Changing Perspectives: Embracing Circumstances and Taking Ownership 00:14:28 Transforming Thoughts: Influence, Relationships, and Self-Improvement Take The Next Step and Get Coached.  

Getting the proper soul diet How are you helping yourself? Who are you talking to? How often are you talking to them? What are you doing for yourself? What are you doing for others? How do you start feeding your soul? Find what you are interested in. Look at different topics. Be hands-on. As long as you keep your interest occupied then good keep exploring that topic The moment you find your attention waning or you dread having to do something then you know that's not feeling your soul anymore Take what you have learned and apply it to the next lesson. But I don't know my purpose Make finding your purpose, your purpose. What do souls need? a purpose Friends A spouse Someone to they can lead (family) a reason to laugh a reason to try Would you like to get Coached?  Schedule a Call

How do you handle your mind? What is meant by gaining control of your mind? How is this skill even possible? Don't we have thoughts all the time? You can't control your emotions Why does your mind run like it does? Unintentional Thoughts Used to just go where it wants Learn mindfulness Meditation Journaling Pay attention to what you are thinking Breathe You are signaling to the thinking part of your mind that it needs to take control Slows you down Take slow deep breaths Write down your thoughts You can see what you are thinking Thought downloads are powerful tools to use Frees up your brain to not have to try to hold on to those thoughts Engage your band of brothers. They are there to help you Get in a workout Exercise is great for thinking and getting rid of excess energy use controlled violence Get coached This is change how you look at the world and your life faster than anything else. Take the Next step  

Life can get monotonous We all let life slide by. We find ourselves floating down that river You don't have to let it Take over You have to notice when you are letting your life slide. Ask questions about that thought. Sadly we don't allow ourselves to get curious anymore. Importance of Being Curious It allows you to become childlike in wonder. You come to understand yourself better when you do allow yourself to become curious. You have a deeper connection when you stop assuming you know it all. When you can be curious you find that you have more in common with those around you. It brings that spark back into your life that you have been missing. What if you allowed yourself to get curious again? You start being able to tap into all those important aspects that curiosity brings. Your curiosity knows no bounds. You are able to be curious about anything around you and anything in life. Curious about work What would happen if you become curious about what you do at work? Curious about your friends What would it look like if you actually become more interested in what your friends are doing? Curious about your wife. So many facets you could get curious about. Find the wonder in sex again. Find out what she is passionate about. Curious about your kids How would your kids react if you showed real interest in what is happening in their life? Do you think they would respect your thoughts more? They would Kids with parents who are fully engaged are less likely to turn to those who may not have your kids best interests at heart. Curious about yourself What you you do if you paid more attention to what you do in your life? Why do you look at porn? Why do you actually say one thing and then do the opposite? Why has it taken you 7 months to fix the toilet? When you pay attention to what you do and you get curious as to why you do that you find you have more insight as to what is actually holding you back. How to get curious about anything. Getting curious does require some intentionality Start with the 6 questions Who What When Where Why How 00:00:00 The Loss of Brightness: What Happened to Your Life? 00:00:56 Introduction: Brian, the Certified Men's Coach 00:01:43 Rediscovering Wonder: Looking at Life with Fresh Eyes 00:06:00 Embracing Wonder: Breaking Free from Monotony and Regret 00:09:43 Navigating Life's River: Steering Towards Intention and Fulfillment 00:12:15 The Quirks of Personal Food Preferences 00:15:02 Self-reflection and Questioning Our Habits 00:19:59 The Power of Curiosity and Asking Questions 00:23:45 Deepening Connections Through Curiosity and Understanding 00:24:20 Curiosity: The Key to a Strong Connection with Your Children 00:25:36 The Power of Curiosity: Sparking Joy and Attention 00:28:04 Curiosity and Learning: Does it Die with Age?  00:30:27 Curiosity and Relationships: Rediscovering Passion and Connection 00:33:14 Masculine Influence on Daughters and Feminism 00:36:25 The Impact of Quitting Porn and Alcohol 00:40:22 The Power of Asking Questions for Self-Reflection 00:42:29 Becoming the Stronger Man: Opening Up and Having Conversations 00:44:03 Embracing a New Perspective Take the Next Step

In this episode, we explore the power of positive thoughts and how they can help us overcome challenges. We acknowledge that it's common to feel overwhelmed by problems, but stress the importance of maintaining a positive mindset. We share personal experiences, such as dealing with internet issues, to illustrate how positivity can make a difference. We also express gratitude for our audience and their role in our success. By focusing on the positives and adopting a mindset of abundance, we open up more possibilities and increase our chances of finding solutions and achieving our goals. We also highlight the role of money in driving us forward. When we desire something, we naturally find a way to obtain it. We reflect on times when we were young and broke, but still managed to acquire the things we wanted through positive thoughts and a determined mindset. We emphasize that having a positive mindset can lead to more opportunities, rather than adopting a victim mentality or a negative outlook on life. However, we acknowledge that positive thinking alone is not a magic solution. Problems are an inherent part of life, regardless of our financial situation. We discuss how problems often create new problems, and it's important to be prepared and find solutions. We highlight the power of mindset in influencing our emotions, actions, and outcomes. We encourage listeners to be aware of their negative thoughts and actively replace them with positive and empowering thoughts. We also delve into the use of affirmations and stress the importance of believing in them for them to be effective. We challenge the belief that changing beliefs is impossible by providing examples of people switching religions. We emphasize that what we perceive to be true shapes our thoughts and beliefs. We discuss visualization as a key technique for finding solutions to our problems. Instead of visualizing failure, we should visualize success and how it would feel to achieve our goals. We emphasize the power of asking ourselves questions about where we want to be and how we will act, as it can help shape our mindset. Building a strong support system is also crucial for positive outcomes. We discuss the importance of surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals and cultivating a community that supports and uplifts us. We highlight the impact of good friends on personal growth and stress the importance of continuous learning. We encourage listeners to take proactive steps towards their goals, such as discussing them with friends and seeking the help of coaches. We acknowledge setbacks and failures as part of the journey but emphasize the importance of learning from them. Self-care is also highlighted as essential for maintaining a positive mindset and overall well-being. Engaging in hobbies and seeking support from professionals, such as coaches or therapists, are encouraged as ways to manage challenges and obstacles. Finally, we conclude by emphasizing the significance of intentionality in our actions. By being intentional, we increase our options and make success more attainable. Each victory fuels us to achieve more. We express gratitude to our listeners and encourage them to share the episode with their friends and family. We promote Relax Mail as a platform where we help people change their mindset and confront life's challenges, be it divorce or economic downturns. By managing our thoughts and living intentionally, we can navigate difficult situations more effectively. Setbacks can actually make us stronger if we change our mindset and perspective. We assure listeners that we are here to support them in finding solutions to their problems. We wish everyone a great week ahead! 00:00:00 Overcoming obstacles and problem-solving techniques 00:01:00 Technical difficulties and starting the episode without a script 00:03:10 Gratitude for audience support and introduction to the host 00:09:55 The Benefits of Capitalism and Working for Success 00:11:23 Changing Negative Thinking and Mindset 00:13:00 Overcoming Problems and Creating Solutions 00:15:06 Paying Attention to Negative Thoughts and Self-Doubt 00:17:40 Thought Work and Changing Negative Stories 00:20:07 The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs 00:23:11 Practice Gratitude and Surround Yourself with Positivity 00:29:20 Embracing Failure and Learning from Setbacks 00:31:00 Seeking Support and Changing Thoughts for Success

In this episode of "The Relaxed Male" podcast, I discuss how harnessing the power of a divorce can help men become better men. I begin by introducing the podcast as a place where men can remove the nice guy from their lives and find solutions to their suffering. I greet new listeners and acknowledge their role in the show's growth. I then talk about how people generally avoid discomfort and develop limiting thoughts about divorce. I argue that divorce was not celebrated in the past and still isn't because it involves breaking a vow between two people. I express concern about the hookup culture and how avoiding marriage is causing problems in modern society. I conclude with a scenario where a man's wife suddenly asks for a divorce. Moving on, I discuss how divorce can be a tumultuous time for men, where everything they were used to is uncertain and constantly shifting. Many men develop a victim narrative and blame their spouse for the divorce, and fighting over money can lead to depression and hopelessness. I share a personal story about a man named Wayne, who lost everything in his divorce and eventually committed suicide. I believe that divorce can be an opportunity for personal growth and transformation if approached with the right mindset. I encourage men to go through the discomfort and discard negative aspects of their past while adding controlled, positive elements to become better and stronger. It’s important to remain calm and understand your emotions, said by me in the next part of the podcast. Working on your mental and physical pillars, like learning how to communicate with your children or getting into shape, is crucial. You must take responsibility for your actions and understand where you went wrong in your marriage. I explain how taking responsibility can give you the ability to see what is possible in the future and how it can lead to a lot of accomplishments. Asking yourself questions like what could I change or not change, how can I learn from the experience, and where did I give my power away can help you claim your power and tell the truth. I emphasize that victims who don't take responsibility tend to have no respect. To overcome the victim mentality, individuals must take responsibility for their actions, including their lack of action. By accepting responsibility, individuals can harness their power to become better men. However, it is essential to realize that you cannot control your partner and their actions, but changing your thoughts and actions can improve your life and situation. I offer coaching to help individuals become stronger and higher value in society and encourage listeners to share this message with friends. I thank my listeners, encourage subscriptions, and remind them that new episodes are released on Thursdays at 3 a.m. 00:00:00 Introduction to Episode 184: Harnessing the Power of Divorce 00:00:47 Introduction and Welcome to Relaxed Male 00:03:10 The Problem with Divorce and Victim Mindset 00:11:34 Divorce: A Crucible for Personal Growth 00:14:16 Lessons Learned and Pillars Reinforced After Divorce 00:19:35 Taking Responsibility and Turning Discomfort into Power 00:22:13 Rebuilding Your Wealth with Emotional Strength 00:24:41 What Do You Stand to Learn from Your Experience? 00:27:01 The Power of Responsibility and Claiming it Back 00:30:15 You Can Change Your World by Changing Your Thoughts How people respond to Divorce We want to go to the victim narrative. Don't have the ability to control what we thought we could We also get a scarcity mindset We see our resources going and they are out of our control How does divorce make your life better? You learn what you are in control of You learn what pillars are needing shoring up. You see where you need to take responsibility Give you the ability to see what is possible We are stronger because of the experience Find out you can accomplish difficult circumstances Learn from the mistakes you made Answer the following questions What did I do? What Could I have changed? What could I not change? What do I stand to learn from this experiance? Where did I give My power away? You can stay out of the victim mindset The victim doesn't have any power The victim doesn't get respect Take the Next Step and Get Coached

How do you want to show up? What is showing up? are you present at the moment or are you always lost in thought? How are you valuing those you are around? living with intention Who do you want to be in your marriage What type of husband do you want to be? are you listening to her or are you trying to fix it? Your Family Are you showing them the values you have are you letting them find their values in life too? are you the go-to person when there is a problem or are you showing them that you blow up at an inconvenient time? Your son What type of example do you want to be for your son are you a mentor or are you an overlord Your work Are you presenting yourself with an owner's attitude or a Squatters? Offering solutions or just presenting problems Your band of brothers How do you show up for your friends? In your community Are you the go-to guy or the old curmudgeon? For yourself? How are you showing up for yourself? How are you valuing yourself?  

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves deep into the importance of celebrating fathers on Father's Day. He explains that dads play a crucial role in society by being the pillars of households. Dads not only provide for the family financially but also emotionally. Masculinity is a much-debated topic. According to the host, dads show their sons how to be masculine by being leaders, and mentors, and guiding their sons to be confident. Dads are an essential factor in teaching sons the glories of masculinity, such as fellowship with other men, which helps young men be confident with other men. One of the most significant roles of dads is to be the pressure valves for their families, providing laughter and mentorship during the teenage years. The teenage years are the most crucial time for children, and dads must be the positive role model that their children need during this period of their lives. The host encourages dads to live intentionally and be leaders and mentors for their kids. Dads can also lead to positive change in their communities, societies, and the country. The podcast delves deeply into the different roles that fathers play in the family. Fathers are not only providers and protectors, but they are also leaders and mentors. The host emphasizes the importance of fathers being actively involved in their children's lives. They should provide guidance and discipline while setting positive examples for their children. Even if fathers make mistakes, they can always work towards becoming better and providing more for their families. Bryan encourages all fathers to be great dads and contribute to making their families more cohesive and smoother running. Better dads make better children and better children make better societies. Fathers hold the key to the success of their families and the nation as a whole. The host concludes by reinforcing that it is essential for dads to celebrate Father's Day to recognize their efforts, appreciate their sacrifices, and inspire them to be better dads.

  The Problem with our problems Our thoughts about the circumstance often create our problem The problem is that of comparison We want the problem to be a bad thing when it may actually be good. Many times we get mad at problems because we are thinking intentionally We want to think we just solved a problem and so we shouldn’t have any more problems. Our solution to a problem just makes more problems appear. This is how we become better. We level up our problems. Life is 50/50 Define the problem. What is the problem? Defining the problem is, you, taking control of the problem. You are defining the problem. On your terms Ask Yourself these questions How do you see the problem? How do you WANT to see the problem? This is how I have been looking at the problem How do I actually want to look at the problem? - This is a very powerful question to ask yourself. Is it actually a problem? When we don't look at our problems with intentional thoughts we let our mind get to work on buffering and avoiding the real problem. This is where mental spin and confusion and feeling helpless come into play. We run from our problems. Why is it a problem? Break your problem down to the very core of the issue. Why is your problem a problem? You have to process your thoughts on the problem. If you don't you will all or dirty painful thoughts to get in Dirty is resisting the emotion Make your thoughts about the problems as clean as possible Define the problem as positively as possible and in as simple terms as possible Breaking a problem down like this you are taking control of your thoughts, and control of the problem too. Resolving the problem After you have processed your thoughts then you can start resolving your problems Take Full responsibility for your part of the scenario. Make a plan Take action on the plan The Real Problem Resisting the opportunity to grow If you do not break your thoughts about the problem down you will allow more problems and more thoughts about the problem and this will muddy the process. Your mind wants it middy that way you stay safe and where your mind feels comfortable. You will be tempted to blame You will feel more frustration are we thinking the problem is a problem or are we looking at it as an opportunity? Which one is more troublesome? Many times we make problems out of things that actually aren't problems. This is why the model is so handy. We can see our thoughts and adjust them. You can also change who you are blaming for the problem. many times the problem stops being a problem if we take on the responsibility  Schedule a Consult Call

Now we all know about doing what you say to other people. This is part of keeping your word and that is important. If you break your word there is a lack of trust. That lack of trust has ramifications through more than what you want to think, and this is part of what is keeping you from going for the big prize in life. You don't even believe in yourself. People Don't Believe You It may be a given but I would still reiterate the point that if you can't keep your word others are not going to believe you. Sounds crazy I know yet I have seen so many people who say one thing and then don't do it. I am guilty of this as every other person in the world is also guilty of doing this very same thing. We say we are going to mow the lawn and then the weekend comes around and the grass is still as long as it was at the start of the weekend. Why? That is from us not paying attention to the words we say and believing that words don't have meaning. Now this is different than believing that words have power. That is because words don't have power yet they do have meaning and that meaning is what allows for thoughts to be spread. Your Wife Doesn't Believe You How many times have you let your wife down and only for you to do the very same thing again? Why should she believe you? People Won't Believe You If you let your boss down too many times they are going to let you go. If you let your neighbor down too many times they will not include you. You Don't Believe Yourself If you let yourself down you believe that it has no ramifications in the grand scheme of things. Yet that is the worst one of all. You will not let your thoughts go. You often hold yourself accountable more severely than anybody else. So What Do You Do? Keep your word. If you say you are going to walk 15 minutes a day then walk 15 minutes a day. If you are saying you are going to do something do it for you. If you do it for yourself it may take a while but eventually, your wife or ex-wife will see that are actually a man of your word. You have to become a man of integrity. Start Paying Attention To What You Are Saying. Like your actions and thoughts, you need to start using your words with intentionality. If you say you are going to do something then say it Understand Why You Are Saying What You Are Saying. Are you just trying to make people like you? That's not gonna work. You can't make people do anything they don't want. You are just opening yourself up to be taken advantage of and be let down.

Something I hear over and over again is the man needs validation from his wife or the wife needs validation from her husband or friends or family or something to that effect. In this week's podcast episode, I am here to help you see that you are not a parking lot voucher and so you don't need to be validated. We also talk about the fact that I am out of the office and back in a truck and why that was a good thing. What is validation? Why do we seek it? How do we validate ourselves? Don't forget to subscribe

What happens when you try to fix other people's problems? The answer is a lot of unintended consequences. Many guys who are going through their divorce see that they are struggling to find their place in the current scenario and with men often having some aspect of a nice guy they try to rush to a person's aid. Why can't you fix a problem if you can? Trying to fix a problem isn't going to help anybody but yourself feel good about yourself. It doesn't help the other person with their problem it may give a temporary bandaid but it doesn't fix the issue at hand. Robert Lupton talks about the damage that churches and charities do when they try to fix a problem. In his book Toxic Charity: How the Church Hurts Those They Help and How to Reverse It Robert talks about how helping a person or caretaking is more destructive in the long run. This is because you take a person's reason to care. This act goes against a person's will to be self-sufficient. People have their own free will that they would otherwise be able to use if you hadn't taken it from them. So fixing a problem isn't going to help the target be better. Look at toddlers when they are wanting to dress themselves. They realize they have free will and so they want to use their newfound power. So they want to do it themselves. If you do it for them because of whatever reason and you get a 2-year-old who has meltdowns because they can't wear their Hawaiian shirt with shorts cowboy boots and a bucket hat that is the wrong color. Teenagers are the same way. That is what created the rebellion in them. We don't let them live life on their terms. Why? Not because it would damage them in any way but because of the thoughts we have about the circumstance. We think they will damage their future. When it's not your future to control. Yet we still try to "help" and then look in shock when the other person is frustrated angry resentful and ends up doing the very opposite of what you suggest. They actively will start to sabotage your actions. All because you tried to help because of your thoughts. So am I saying you shouldn't help others? No, the farthest from that point. I am saying don't help a person simply to make yourself feel better. Don't take a person's reasons to care because you want to care. The big reason fixing other people doesn't work is because you can't change how they think.

What is holding you back? The root cause is fear. Yet as I have talked before we run from fear. We avoid feeling fear in almost every aspect of life. This is where courage in the face of fear is most needed. Yet we hide from that fear by masking the fear. We often do many different activities to hide from the fact that we are feeling fear. When you are hiding from fear or any other emotion what you are really doing is not addressing the problem at hand. that problem is a thought that you are having. It doesn't matter what the thought is. If the thought is creating a fear-based emotion Why are you numbing? The key to all your ability to get up and go achieve what your desires are is that you have to stop numbing yourself. That is what overeating drug abuse alcohol abuse or any other item that could be termed as addiction, or distraction from a thought you are having. Instead of working on the thought and seeing how that thought does or doesn't serve you. We often just shove it out of the way and try to bury it. Yet it is interesting how that buried body just keeps rising back up and confronting us time and time again. So why are you numbing? What do I mean when I say you are numbing? What do I mean when I say numbing? Say your ex-wife says you need to pay more alimony. What does that do to you? Make you angry, anxious, or something similar? Many guys will display anger and then turn to liquor or if they are in a state that allows marijuana to be legal then they may strike up a bowl. Others turn to food, work, video games, or something very similar to that. Numbing is the act of us denying an emotion their time. Yes, emotions have a life span and they will get old and stale if we don't use them when it is time. Stale emotions are just as unpleasant as a stale piece of bread or potato chip. Though swelling a stale chip is actually easier than a stale chip. Resisting an emotion When you are trying to force yourself to feel something other than the emotion that is at hand that is resisting emotions. We often do this with fear-based emotions but it can happen at any time.

Now You hear me talk about Grown men and grown boys. I have juxtaposed the two against each other a few times. Yet I want to do it on the podcast because sometimes people just don't like to read. Yet there is a huge reason that it is important to differentiate these two. That reason is that one is the source of weakness and victim mindset while the other isn't. Boys are Consumers In active A victim Pass the blame Men are action takers Producers Take responsibility Leaders

What does it look like when you are living your life in fear? When you have a constant state of anxiety and fear how does one man cope? In fact, how does anyone cope? That is a huge and very important question to ask I come across so many men who are living in one form of fear or another. The Gentleman who is talking in this post shows all the detail of why living in fear causes you so many different forms of suffering and anguish. Anyone else in here dealing with a soon to be ex that still wants total control of your life ? She weaponizes the kids against me (2/7months) they don’t live here so I have to FaceTime them on her time only and if I miss the time allotted, she’ll get all crazy . This woman evens goes as far as blocking me on all ways to contact them when we aren’t on good terms ( when I don’t let her have her way ) what is the best way to go about this because I just want to move on and have my life without her trying to control me. Facebook Group User Some of the points that need to be made How do you move on? Stop playing by her rules Start working on yourself Build up your 4 pillars Get your priorities straight Set Boundaries and stick to them Weaponizing the Kids Yeah, she is because she sees that she has an influence on your life. That is all people want when they are like that. Bullys want to know they have some type of power over other people. Vengeful ex-wives are the same way. Their life is not making waves and they know they can create anxiety in their ex. So they do it over and over. Cause you are willing to let it happen. But the Kids! Yeah, it sucks that she is being that type of woman that she doesn't care about the kids enough to hold them, prisoner, over your head. This is the only leverage she has and desperate people love to use any leverage they can find. Another thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. Yeah, I get it you owe your soul to the last one. However f you didn't get a good representation from the last one then you will want to find a different one. Now I am not a lawyer I don't play one on tv or on a podcast I have gone through the whole kid's thing with an ex-girlfriend who wanted to play similar games. So record every interaction you have with your ex, Let her know that you are recording your calls and the talks you have with the kids all correspondents go into that file. If you call and the channel is blocked show proof that it is blocked and document all of that too. Most of all stop living your life in fear! This is the killer. This is why your ex is able to be the tyrant you are perceiving her to be. You are acting afraid when you could actually be pitying her. other links given Tests women do

To be busy is almost a badge of pride for most men. Yet is it really? Is it better to be busy or is there something else you want to focus on? If it is something else then why do we focus on being busy? Why is busy what we want to do and not the other thing? The fallacy of busy Being busy is not the goal we want. Whether we are running our own business or helping another person achieve their goals by being an employee. Being busy is wasting energy and time. I came across a thought about how busy is showing up in noticeable ways as I was writing this week's blog post and it is more of a conspiracy theory however it also shows a point. My thought was The interesting thing about all of the system that has unemployed people acting like they are busy is actually keeping the useless time wasters out of our way. Yet they are missing out. They believe they are working the system so they don't have to work yet the satisfaction a person gets from being productive is so much greater than just getting a check. to even get $600 a week for unemployment is a mere pittance when you look at the potential money and satisfaction one gets from actually accomplishing something. So with my social commentary out of the way. Let's dive into why being busy honestly doesn't serve you while Your productivity is the brass ring you want to aim for. Why you are busy but not productive - The Relaxed Male April 5, 2023 Busy is to avoid the thoughts of the results you are having. When you are busy you appear to not only those around you but to yourself too that you're doing something. and you are doing something. You are moving around. You are making lots of evidence that you are not standing still. Yet, motion doesn't mean productive. I can walk around in a circle in my backyard. That is motion, all that I am producing is a round place in the backyard where there is no grass. Now if that is my objective, then Yay! However, I am sure that objective doesn't serve me. So being busy is a waste of time and energy. That is the drawback you have to contend with your thoughts How to stop being a busy little bee? To have the ability to stop being busy you have to have a purpose. Not so much a life's purpose though that does help but what are you accomplishing today? That is what you want to find out. Give yourself a purpose. So stop being a busy bee and be a productive beaver. Plan your day Make a plan, and schedule what you want to achieve for today. This is a scorecard of what you try and the results you get. After you have made a schedule of what you want to accomplish then do it. You will fight with yourself over how tired you are. what's holding you back, and lots of other thoughts. That is your mind wanting you to stop and go back to the old way. This is where you have to pat your little mind on the head and say thanks for looking out for me but I want this. Then get to work. Monday Hour One This is how you get more done in a day than a normal person. Monday Hour One takes your focus and applies a magnifying glass to it. So suddenly you have the power of the sun focused on your task. Create a todo list Decide what is most important Grab your scheduler Schedule the important times first Now put your to-do list in. from the most important to the least. Now observe all the thoughts you are going to have about why it isn't going to work.

Note I talk about this being episode 171 and it is episode 172 Many times we claim that happiness is our goal. We want to be happy. We just want to be happy. Yet when it is time to take steps to be happy what is holding you back? Why do we avoid happiness? Because we are designed to look out for the bad. We know we have a better chance of staying alive if we worry about the tiger that might be in the rosebushes The Issue is that today there are not that many tigers roaming around our municipalities. So we take that fear and anxiety that we normally have and we translate it to mean we can't go for what makes us happy. We are misreading our signs. That we are stepping into an unknown.

So, how many times have you had someone yell at you about bout not judging them? What do they mean by the whole don't judge me? How do you not be judgmental? You cant What is actually happening people don't want to be told they are out of step. They don't want to be told they are wrong. It is a double standard It is a lot like how women want to dress nicely to attract the guys they find attractive but get mad when the normal guy finds them attractive.

We as humans have emotional responses about many many things. Some people have more responses than others. Yet one of the big choices a person is able to make is not to the benefit of someone else but to themselves. Yet for some reason many people don't want to better themselves. I have started to understand that many people often seek out suffering and pain in their lives. This sounds so odd to me because so many people actually complain that they just want to be happy. Yet when happiness comes along they turn away from it. Why? Well, that will probably be next week's episode. Today wanted to talk about Forgiving. One of the more basic aspects of the human condition. Because humans are emotional beings our actions are often performed under the influence of emotion. Those emotions may be Pride, accomplishment, anger, Frustrations, jealousy, and so on and so forth. Because of any of those emotions, you may also have the thought that you were wronged, and want an apology. Then again maybe you had someone who wanted to apologize to you. OR they want you to apologize. Do you apologize or do you not? When should you apologize? This is what we are going to be talking about. Why Forgive? Why should you forgive someone who wronged you? Well, that is the question. To understand why you first have to know what you are forgiving, and why you are forgiving them. There are factors only you will take into account and so you have to decide if that is worthy of forgiving. Does it serve you to hold on? When to forgive Is it their first offense or have they been slighting you since you have known them? Should You Forget? This is also up to you however there are some nuances to when How do you ask for forgiveness? 1. Take full unrelenting responsibility for your actions. 2. Voice the wrongs you did and why they were wrong. 3. Express how you are resolving the issue 4. Stop Talking and let the other person have their say. 5. It is their choice to forgive or not accept that choice.

Thoughts are what make your world yours. We love to have thoughts and share thoughts about what our thoughts are thought to mean. Our thoughts are fascinating when you step back and look at them. Especially when you can step back and see when a person is lost in their thought loops. A thought is nothing more than what we think. Was that the audience saying " Duh!"? YOu would think that it is a universal truth. Yet when you look at all the Karens in the world getting upset at everyone else for not thinking as they do. When you see someone who is just having an emotional meltdown, you step back and marvel at the whole scene and understand that their thoughts are at the root of their meltdown We talk about common sense but that actually means common thoughts. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. Our thoughts are our thoughts. Nobody else's thoughts whatsoever. Yet we want to think that our thoughts have no power and they do. They create our emotions. Leaves in a stream Method This is where you take your worrisome thoughts and you imagine you placing them on a stream. You then let them go. It is supposed to help you disengage with the thought as being something real and more of nothing but a thought The Thought Download This allows you to get your thoughts out in front of you so that you are able to see what exactly you are thinking. You are then able to see what is actually important and what is not. You can look at a thought and decide if it is important to you or if it is something you want to change. The Model The Model is at the heart of my coaching. It shows people how their thoughts are at the root of their obstacles. It is what they are thinking about a certain problem that is actually getting in their way. To use the model you want to lay out the following lines C T F A R Then each of those lines receives a particular item You have circumstances. This is the event you are having trouble with. The circumstance is neutral and is nothing but the facts. Thought is what you thought of the circumstance The feeling is how you feel about that circumstance. The Action is what did you do? The result is what happened This helps you see where your thoughts lead you astray. How your thoughts create your results and if you want to change where you are failing you have to change your thoughts around the circumstance. Bridging thoughts Many times when it comes to changing your thoughts. You can't just suddenly shift how you are thinking. It can and often takes time and patents because you are having to get your mind use to the new thought a little bit at a time so that you are able to get past the river of Misery Getting a coach The Quickest way to change your line of thinking be it your mindset or you want a whole new thought to run with your best bet is to get a coach. If you want to go this route then I suggest you set up a call. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take The Next Step->  

What happens when the pressure of life gets too much? How do so many men act like life doesn't bother them while you are sweating bullets? Frustration is a huge emotion when you are in a stressful situation. Examine why you are having all this pressure You are running to get the kids for your 4 hours of visitation. Yet you have a boss who is holding your job over your head. Stating that if you aren't at work when he says you will have plenty of time to play daddy. Then you have all the different hoops that your ex-wife is demanding that you jump through all kinds of hoops to be able to get the court-appointed visitation times. Then you have all the lack of funds. You are living on the wrong side of the tracks. In a roach-infested apartment. Squeeking by on less than half of the funds you had when you were married. While the ex is going on a trip to Jamaica next month. So yeah there is some pressure. is it a lack of time? Why do you not have enough time in the day? You have the same number of hours as anybody else. Where does the lack of time come from? It comes from a lack of discipline and time management. You aren't mad at who you believe you are mad at. So many times we want to take our frustrations out on other people. These are the people who you believe are at fault for your suffering. Those people may be your boss, your ex-wife, or her new boy toy. Yet who is really at fault? give you a hint it's none of those people. Frustration Why does frustration cause so much suffering? It is the feeling of fear that it isn't going to end. Why will it not end? because you are in control of the frustration. What causes frustration? Frustration is from you allowing yourself to lose control over your life. You are busy letting others control every aspect of your life and you wonder when you will get a turn. That is the big question when will you get a turn to control your own life? Frustration is also from the thoughts and fears you have about the circumstances you have at the moment. Why does your Soon-To-Be-Ex push your buttons so? Why is she able to get you so angered? What if you didn't play that game? What if you chose to not get angry anymore? what if you chose to let the chains of frustration rattle to the floor? To do that you have to stop looking at life as though it is happening to you. Start acting as if your life is yours. What are your thoughts about the circumstance? The biggest way to beat frustration back is to know where the frustration and stress are coming from. Like any emotion and feeling, that emotion is coming from you. More specifically from your thoughts about the circumstance. How to alleviate your pressure. Now just because you realize that it comes from you doesn't mean you now going to be free from frustrations, anger, and other negative emotions. Remember life is 50/50. However, there are ways that you are able to handle your emotions, especially fear-oriented emotions. Talk to your Band of Brothers These men are here to help you when the crap gets too thick and deep. Use them often. They have the ability to take that crap and turning into gold. All you have to do is talk to them. Whoop up on a tree Yeah if you have a lot of pent-up frustration anger and resentment. Grab a baseball bat and start waylaying a tree. Yell and scream as you are doing so. Let all that bad energy out. Don't worry about the tree unless it is a sapling you are actually going to help it more than hurt it. Seek Counseling If your friends aren't helping and have knocked over a whole forest of trees and still no resolution is in sight then go talk to a counselor. There could be deeper lying problems that They can help with Now if you are sure that it's not any deep-seated problem that you are facing and you are still struggling with time and want some help in fixing a frustratingly common problem then reach out and talk to me. We can look and see what this problem makes possible and you might be surprised. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take That Next Step

This week we have a long episode. Yet it is a great episode. I have a friend of mine who has gone through a divorce and we talk about how a divorce changes a man and how that can be for the better or the worse. This week we have Craig Ignatowitz from the podcast At Home with Craig, He has gone through 3 different divorces and so if anyone has some insight as to how divorce can affect a man it is this fine gentleman. Home Page - Athomewithcraig Podcast Twitter - Igster101

  One of the main traits that define a man is his ability to take action. Stop playing the ignorant game You do know you just don't want to have to say it out loud. I don't know is an indulgent action Make a decision One of the hardest parts boys have is when they are faced with a choice. How do they decide? How can you decide? Why are decisions so hard to make? What is a decision? It is the cutting away of a part of a choice. You are actually killing an option. If you are wanting to weigh out the pros and cons then do so. If you still can't then flip a coin. Talk to others but you have to make your own choice. Stop relying on others for your thinking. Start actually thinking Choose to take action and then do it!  

Let's go back to the first night your wife told you she wants a divorce. How did you act or what did you do? You had thoughts racing through your head like, She's going to take the house. I am going to have to live in an apartment again. She is going to take the kids away from me. Followed by tons of questions that get answered with scary thoughts. That first night and the rest of the week were pure hell. You were wondering where she was going each night while you stayed home with your mind cranking out thoughts and feeling scared of the future. Because of that fear, you were not taking action. You sat on the couch and kept thinking of more scenarios that ended in disaster and created more fear and anger and resentment in you. So what do you do? How do you get out of fear so you can take action? What is fear? Fear is an emotion and if you look at an emotion wheel you often see that fear is the opposite of love. It is a base emotion that builds other feelings. Fear builds out to be anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, and more negative feelings all coming from an element of fear. The thing is when we really look at it fear is us resisting a feeling. We are afraid that we might be humiliated. we fear being called out and feeling like an imposter. We fear the emotions that may rise up if we are rejected. We avoid it because the feeling might be unpleasant. However, emotions are nothing more than a vibration we feel throughout our bodies. Our life is 50/50 as is. Why is fear avoided? It doesn't feel good. Who wants to be afraid We want to use fear as an excuse and that's all it is. A story you are telling yourself. You living an unintentional life. Brooke calls it a mismanaged mind Some say that fear is your mind and past experiences telling you that you are in a place that will get you killed. And that isn't the case at all. Fear is going to happen. Fear is the opposite of love and it destroys. Fear will keep you away from your dreams. Fear will keep you playing small. All because you are afraid of what someone will think. What someone will say. Or how someone will act. We will tell ourselves all these stories about why something won't work when we are operating out of fear. I have written and talked about fear before and needs to be reiterated from time to time. From why fear is actually a compass to what fear means to your goals. There are a lot of thoughts about fear. Fear is what keeps us from finding contentment and fulfillment in our marriage. Why we find ourselves missing opportunities is thanks to fear. It is the 400-pound gorilla in our life. Fear is an emotion that keeps us from success. However, all of these are invalid reasons. Why? because if you want what you desire you have to pierce that veil of fear. and it actually is a very thin transparent opaque veil. We can't fully see the other side so we don't know how hard we need to go at it. what if there is a hole in the floor? Maybe a bear under the table? We don't know so we had better not try to get to the other side of the veil. Let's sit here till we have more information. What more info do you need? What you desire is on the other side of that fear. All you have to do is pass through it. Will it be uncomfortable? oh heck yeah! but that discomfort is the currency for your dreams. Does fear actually help you? Yes. It keeps you from jumping off a cliff. It keeps you from stepping out in front of the bus. Fear is used by your brain to keep you safe. The problem is that it has overdone it. We are afraid to even try to go for our dreams because we have been told it is hard. We can become horrible monsters when we are faced with fear. Look at the germans from the 20s to the 40s The fear in Germany caused them to actually blame their own shortcomings on a group of people. A madman was able to pour all the fears the bavarian people had into the Jewish population and people turned their brains off and performed the holocaust. So how do you overcome fear? You first have to understand what fear is and when you are in a state of fear. This could be a point of inaction or you making excuses. Now, this fear isn't when you are in a state of panic. Your amygdala has wrenched control away from the thinking part of your mind and you are in Fight flight or freeze. So that is when you need to have your after-action report run. 1) Recognize when you are in fear. Write out all your thoughts you are having about the circumstance you are in doesn't matter if they are thoughts or feelings just get them all written down. 2) Separate the thoughts from the feelings 3) Examine each thought you had and ask if that is really true. Get to the bottom of why you think that thought. When you understand the why, then you can start to change that thought and be able to move forward 4) If you are feeling fear at the moment allow it to flow through you. Just stop what you doing if you can and just name the feeling and state that is what you are feeling. You can even take the time to describe what you are feeling though out your body. As you do this you will notice that the feelings are not as intense and they are fading away. Emotions only last about 1-1.5 minutes. The reason you keep feeling fear or other emotions for longer is that you keep having the same thought over and over. Change your thought and you change your results Now I would like you to do me a favor and write down what it feels like when you are fearful. Describe your fear to me. then send it to me

Relationships like many things in life aren't always permanent. There are some relationships that will last only for the time of your airline's flight. While some may last for decades. Now, this needs to be said, If you are in a place where you are in danger then yeah time to leave. Do not pass go and forget about the $200. If you are in an abusive relationship then get out and find safety first. Then you can work on your thoughts. Yes, men can be in abusive relationships too. Those types of relationships are often not reported. However, it can be just as dangerous. If this is the case call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 800-799-7233 When should you leave a relationship? When you feel that the relationship has run its course When to not leave a relationship If you have any thoughts about the other person that is not one of love If you are complaining about the other person don't leave If you have thoughts that leaving the relationship will improve your position If think finding another person is the key to your happiness then don't leave. What leaving a relationship will not do make you happy remove your sorrow will not fix the problems that existed in the relationship What leaving will do Allow for a richer connection with the next person both for you and your old spouse Allows you to have a better understanding of your spouse You can truly remain friends with your ex Get coached

How many times have you found yourself off balance? Especially when you are going through something as unpredictable as a divorce. It is easy to be knocked off balance when you don't have your focus What happens when you are off balance? Small things set you off Your attention is easily drawn away from the important objective. You will not get anything accomplished easily You will find yourself in scarcity mindset more You will have more drama in your life Exercise To Try Close your eyes and stand on one foot. Very difficult right? Why? you don't have a point to focus on. Open your eyes and you are able to focus on a point. How do you get rebalanced? Find a point to focus on This is why you need to have a purpose. You are harder to knock off balance when you are focused on one thing. If you are swinging your head around trying to see what is coming at you. You will lose sight of where you are in relation to the different crises that are flying your way and you will get hit with more unneeded drama than if you just pressed on with your main focus. What are you focused on? is it important or is it something that others want you to focus on? Are you focused on what keeps you balanced, or has the storm around you caused you to lose focus? If you have just lost your focus then you have to regain that focus. If you don't have a focus this is where finding a focus is important. The benefits of finding a purpose to focus on You have a drive to your personality You stop focusing on the little stuff You take the important things to heart You have a better attitude You drop the need for drama in your life You get more done than anybody who doesn't have a purpose

Now I have talked about this a bit in Episode 82 The 3 A's There are 3 reasons for divorce and those are the 3 A's. These A's are trust destroyers. You can overcome these but it takes time and a lot of it. When I say, "time" I don't mean days or months I mean a minimum of 3 years but it can take as long as the offended party needs to trust in the offender again. Now those three A's are... Abuse Addiction Adultery You may hear something like, we just fell out of love. Ok but that isn't a reason to get a divorce. That is a thought and we are talking about thoughts soon. One side dropped the ball This is where often the woman gets tired of her man not being the man she married. Yes, this I am pointing at us dudes. Why? because when we marry we are often in shape and driven for a purpose. We are excited and out to conquer the world. Yet let a few years go by and we are sitting in front of the television watching sports and not going anywhere. We as men dropped the ball. Now the woman can do this too. However, this happens more to men than to women nowadays. Women initiate 70% of all divorces. They wouldn't do that as much if men were not dropping the ball. So yeah We do have to take responsibility for women not being satisfied with what we are doing. We failed many of their tests. When we give up and resign our lives to what it is. The women in our lives will not be happy. They want to go on an adventure with their man. The Emotional Connection Faded This is often a reason given when one side has given up. Now it is often stated because of the lack of being fed a love language. It could also be that one part of the marriage doesn't see an objective. They struggle with finding why. This is often tied to dropping the ball but it is also just as much that men not talking to their friends. You can wear out an emotional connection Yeah it's possible. When you turn to your wife with every possible problem you have. You will tire her out. Women need positive energy in their life. They get that energy from their men. Men take negative energy and share it with their other masculine friends. This is why you need a good group of men who you see on a regular basis. So you spread the negative out and you draw in the positive for your wife. If you don't do that enough your wife will tire of your emotionally draining her and she will leave. You have way too many weak pillars. Are you building your mind? What is your health like? How many friends do you have in your inner circle? What are you working towards? This is what women want to see in their men. Men who are driven to improve themselves. Men on a quest. This Nice Guy Women are smart and sadly the nice guy thinks the opposite. They believe they can manipulate the women in their life forever. Yet these women catch on fairly quickly and they start drawing away. They stop with the sex and start nagging. It becomes the problem that all nice guys complain about. The woman is distant and cold. Why? because the nice guy is a manipulative bastard and won't let his wife have her own emotions. Thoughts This is the reason behind all divorces. Even when we are looking at the 3 A's. A person's thoughts are behind those words. Thoughts are what keep men from going for the gusto. It is Your thoughts are what keep you on your couch, watching a game that you have power over. The thoughts that tell you your wife is cold or even frigid come from your mind. A person's thoughts are what create the emotions they feel. When they feel those emotions they make a judgment as to whether that emotion is good or bad. If the emotions are unpleasant they will try to do stuff that creates better feelings within their body. This could be an affair, use addiction, or may even turn to abuse. Thoughts are the most powerful item in a person's world so you can actually change a divorce by changing YOUR thoughts. You don't even have to find out what your wife's thoughts are. You just have to make the change in yourself and your world will change.

Tools Needed Notebook Pen/s Determination Plan Now I have been talking about Break the plan down into sizable chunks Use the Smart goal technique Specific - Measurable - Attainable - Relevant - Timely - This technique is just the start. It is nothing more than a starting place. This helps you get your thoughts in order and determine how you will proceed. Because when you take the SMART technique and add it to something like the 12-week year, you start making massive strides. this is because you are starting to become as intense to your cause as you have ever before. You are going to become gazelle focused. Things that start to draw you away typically will not have that power over you anymore. All because you do have a plan. 12-week year The 12-week year is a means of breaking up a year. Long goals into smaller more manageable bites. This means you have four subgoals. Those sub-goals are broken up into 12 mini-goals. Those mini goals are what you focus on each week. It takes the SMART goal strategy and applies Micro habits so that you have a better chance of succeeding. Execute This is where the rubber meets the road. You have to try and fail then try again only to fail some more. This is where your mindset starts to change. Growing and changing so that your goals are attainable is at the heart of all that we want to do. This means we have to grow and we have to fail. As we fail, we learn. As we learn, we grow. Rinse and repeat till you find your success. if you truly want the fulfillment, you were after you have to work on your thoughts. The thoughts create your results. When you have the right thought for the right circumstance you have success. So how do you figure out what the right thought is? Essentially, you use the scientific method. No not the method that modern scientist use, where they make a theory and think that is all that is needed. You have to try something that you believe might work, and when it doesn't examine why it didn't work make one small adjustment and try again. This is also called trial and error. Find a way to keep to the plan. This is where you will have to try and try and try again. you will find out that you are just playing the part and not actually making any progress. This can be highly frustrating. This can keep you from reaching those goals. This is why you need to review regularly. Review What is working and what isn't? Do you want to make sure you always ask yourself three questions? What worked What Didn't work What needs to be changed? Review your actions every week to find out what is working and what is not working. This allows you to make the needed adjustments to reach your goal. If writing a blog post every week isn't getting you the results you want then you might want to change something about the blog post. Maybe the type of blog post needs to be changed maybe you need to change to a podcast. How do you know, you try. As you keep trying, you're going to find thoughts that come up that are going to try to keep you from finding your goal. They are going to get you spinning in doubt and confusion. These thoughts are going to keep you playing small. All thanks to your brain wanting to make sure that it seeks pleasure, Avoids pain, and remains efficient as possible. Something new is unpleasant. Failure is painful and learning something new isn't energy efficient so going to a new possibility and goal goes against everything your brain doesn't want. That is until you reach your goal. If you are interested in reaching a new goal and seeing what is actually possible in your world. reach out and let's talk. If you would like to have a consult and see if we are a good fit, please Schedule today

This is the end of the year. Therefore it stands to reason that we are looking toward the future. Why you don't look to the future? I don't know how. What if I fail? I don't have the money I don't know what I want I have never done X. Are you looking to the future or are you just daydreaming? Many times we say we are looking at the future when in all reality we are daydreaming. The difference between planning and dreaming is the deadline. When are you going to achieve the goal? What is keeping you from even trying? Why try? Cause you are going to fail? The Motivational Triad Failing is a good thing When you fail you are learning how to not do something. You are also getting the right mindset needed for success. If you don't have the right mindset and it gets tough then you will not know how to handle the circumstance. You will fall back on your old ways of thinking. Remember your results come from your thoughts How to plan for the future? First, allow yourself to dream Write 50 those dreams down. Choose 5 you want to focus on first. Make a plan as to how you are going to achieve those 5 plans. When you complete one you choose a new one from the list. Your thoughts will create your Results If you think you can't then you won't If you think it is possible you will find a way. It is all about how you think of the circumstances. Do you have an end-of-the-year review? is it more than you just beating yourself up? Many times that is what we do and call it a review. What worked? what didn't work? What could you try instead of the stuff that didn't work?

With it being the Christmas season it is easy to want to hide away from relatives who stick their noses in other people's business. It is easy to just not go anywhere and avoid people. It is easier to spend time in your own misery than to spread it around and let other people see. What Family Is Your first friends people you bond to Where you are loved Human What Family Is Not family isn't just blood relations perfect Out to hurt you Why is Family Needed? the traditions are stronger than you want to admit These traditions allow for the kids to bond with those of earlier generations. The rituals of our lives are very important to our sense of self. Fall back on to those traditions You have memories with these people. Some good some bad. Which do you want to focus on?

Is it OK to be rich? These questions will bring up so many thoughts about money. I don't care about money/Money isn't important Money Is the Root of All Evil Money makes you greedy Money Tears families apart Money is nothing but a score Money is a circumstance Money is like alcohol Money is a tool

You are worthy Inferiority complexes Love Yourself Being the Bully to yourself Troubled by your past? Nobody really cares about your past. Building your Self-worth Kintsugi and Ikigai Find your purpose Feel like an imposter

Ok, Guys this week we are talking about what men need to stop doing to attract more women. The Thanksgiving Story The biggest reason I did this show is that on Thanksgiving my mom got an unsolicited Dick pick from one of the guys she is talking to. how do I know? because I was looking at a picture my mom's suiter had sent earlier when he sent her an image of his morning wood. This is something that seems to be running rampant. Women are complaining and men are winding why they aren't getting laid. This very reason is one of many reasons why men can't find a good woman to settle down with. It is as if Men actually don't want women to sleep with them. They want to get their rocks off and offend women at the same time. My Theory as to why So why are men not finding as many women as they would like I blame women's standards Women have dropped their standards. Now I am not talking about women who have unrealistic standards. You know those types that think that men should provide everything for them and they don't have to bring anything to the table. Not those women. I am talking about the average woman on the average dating app. These are the women who have dropped their standards. They go along with thinking they need to sleep with the guys because that's how you attract a guy. No that is how you attract scummy guys and they are inadvertently creating more scummy men. Where are the guys of a standard like Cary Grant? Well, women's lack of standards has created men who don't have any standards. I Blame men's standards Men have stopped trying to impress women. Many of today's men don't dress up for dates. Many men don't go on dates. They sit around the house and complain that they don't go out. Are you being held hostage? No, You have to go out by yourself to find adventure. There are too many nice guys running around. Yes, there are too many covert contracts creating, Scared of any emotional outburst type of nice guys running around society today. These men are the ones who are doing the drive-by crotch shots. Let me help you out men who like to send out dick pics. You are presenting the most unflattering part of you to the woman. Just let it stay a mystery till she wants to see it. Another problem with men's standards is that they don't want to have to work for the opportunity of sex. It is a numbers game where if you send enough pecker pics to enough women then you might get one to like it. It is far easier to watch a porno clip than to actually go out and build up a rapport with a woman. Get to know her. Yeah it can be a bit uncomfortable and the process takes longer than the average pornhub clip, but the dividends are vastly immeasurable. You might actually get something wet if you take the time to get to know a woman. You might actually find a good woman who wants to spend their life with you if you stop acting like the average dude and start acting above average. Take pride in who you are and what you believe, and for god sake get rid of the nice guy's schtick! All of this is a form of buffering and numbing it is not living. I blame dating apps Dating apps are the joining of the low-standard women and the low-standard men and it just perpetuates the whole numbers game. If you want to find a better woman who is of a higher caliber then get off the dating apps and start finding real women in real life. Yeah, it's scary but it is a better adventure. Do you want to get laid more? There are many different things men can do that will actually impress women so that they want to get naked for you. The Tactics aren't easy but they do pay off in the long run. Start by dropping porn Porn is an easy get your rocks off ploy. You don't have to talk to girls to see them naked. You don't have to do any of the uncomfortable social interactions. You just have to go to a website and Poof wa la boobs! Yet because of porn you have been rewiring your brain to be aroused by images, not by naked women. This is a rising problem in Millenial men this group is having more issues with ED than even older men. Men at that age should be walking around with permaboner yet because they watch so much porn they can't even rise to the occasion. If you are struggling with dropping the porn habit Matt Sinkovitz can help you out. If you don't want him then I can help you out. Stop chocking the Chicken This goes with the porn problem but also if you stop masturbating as much you will allow for more testosterone to be produced and you will actually have a greater drive to meet more women. Start Upping your Dress game If you wear basketball shorts, a tee shirt, and flip-flops then up your game by one step. Wear some dress shorts, a polo shirt, and some tennis shoes. Upping your uniform is one of the best ways to improve your chances of meeting and attracting women to you. All because you decided to dress just a little better Start treating women with respect That means stop flopping your giggle stick out at the slightest cause. Get to know her. Talk to her. have a deep conversation. You have to connect with a woman for her to want to be naked for you. Showing her your willy ain't going to do it. In fact, she will probably add clothes each time you show her your dingaling. Stop Being a Nice Guy This is going to be the hardest for many men. Being a nice guy is all they know and they are afraid that nobody will like them if they stop being a nice guy. The problem these men don't realize is that nobody likes them because they are nice guys. Once nice guys start allowing themselves to have their own thoughts and ideas, the act of sharing them with other folks is where they start developing better connections. You have to take those scary chances of having someone not agree with you to step out of your comfort zone. Also, understand that just because someone doesn't agree with your thoughts doesn't mean they don't like you. It means they have a different thought. Work on your 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male Work on the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. This will help you become more confident and stronger in who you are. Your body gets into shape so you look better to women. Your testosterone increases. You find your purpose and a woman loves a man who has a mission in life. Then the fact that you have a group of masculine men around to give you regular infusions of masculinity will set you up for dating success. Resources Matt Sinkowits Facebook Group F3 Nation

This week I have a special guest who has taken the time to find out how to get the best out of an awful situation. Andy Heller had the rug ripped out from under him after being married for 8 years and being the father of 2 kids. What did Andy do? Did he delve into shame and Scarcity? He may have tried but he didn't in the end. He actually started studying what was going on and taking notes. He also started going to a therapist and taking the advice they gave. From here, Andy started talking to other therapists Divorce attorneys, counselors, Mediators, and more. With all the knowledge Andy Heller gathered together he wrote a book about all that he discovered. It laid out tips and tricks as to how you can actually go through a divorce and keep your ex as a friend. You can co-parent with a lot less resistance from the other side. This book is simply amazing in how it helps men to take the higher ground. Tips Get a Special Master or SMA- This is like a special arbitrator and is a truly amazing tip that I had never heard of. Compromise often. The law of reciprocity is always in effect. Take Your Time - Too many bad decisions were made in a rush. According to the hostile spouse, you are the unreasonable one. Resources Book: Take The High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family Website: https://takethehighroaddivorce.com/

How closely have you followed your dreams? How often have you talked about something being nice or cool to have and leaving it at that? If you are like me then you probably do it fairly often. Then there are times that I will get very intentional about a specific idea and pursue it to fruition. The difference is striking. How do you follow your dreams? Have you ever made one of your dreams come true? If not why? If you ever wanted to see if there was magic, a higher being, or universal power, this will do that very thing. Dream Plan Set a goal Specific Measurable Attainable Relatable Timely Look at your goal daily. Tell those who support you of your goal. Now many people seem to think that this is a reason to not have to work. There are people who think, I just will use the laws of attraction to get millions of dollars into my bank account and I won't have to work. This is where they are wrong. You have to do the work for your dream. To sit and do nothing is actually giving the universe permission to do nothing too. For the universe to give you want you to desire you have to earn it. You have to put in the work and the goal will happen sooner. The less work you put into it the longer it will take. Why following your dreams works There are many theories as to why the laws of attraction work. My thought is that when you are putting the right thoughts in your head. You will work towards that goal. If you believe that saving your marriage is the most important thing you will focus on just that. Your brain is going to be on the lookout for things that will help make your marriage super. If you want your own business you will notice opportunities when they arise. Remember your thoughts create your results. One part is that you have to believe you can achieve your goal. This activates your brain to be on the lookout. If you don't believe you can achieve your goal then you are in fact telling your brain to not worry about it. Your brain is a computer that looks for evidence to back up your thinking. So if you think your podcast sucks then your going to find all the reasons that your podcast sucks. If you think you can make a million dollars in 1.5 years then you will find ways to make that million in that time frame. It is all up to you. You have to make sure you are reaffirming your thoughts and that your thoughts are what. you what. Are those thoughts serving you so you are able to reach your goal? If not then why?

It doesn't matter how you look at it, you have had the feeling that you have been wronged at least a few times in your life. It may be just a minor faux pas or something major where you have had a major grievance. We all have the opportunity to forgive at one point or another.  The problem most people have is that they have the opportunity to forgive someone and they don't. These people often struggle with the anger and resentment that builds up within themselves. All because there was some occurrence and there wasn't any satisfying resolution to it. Therefore these people often sit in that discomfort wanting someone to recognize the injustice that they faced. Many of these people fall into a victim mindset because they start identifying with their outrage and that violation as they continue to share their stories as to how their abuse happened and how grave the injustice was and how unfair it was. These people start carrying the heaviest thought any man can carry. It isn't grief, it isn't even the victim mindset. It is a grudge. Now I have talked about grudges before and how you can rise to your greatest self when you are weighted down with a grudge. A grudge is a lot like drinking poison and waiting for our enemy to die. You are throwing all your hate against someone who is barely even thinking of you. While that abuser is occupying almost every idle second of your thoughts. How can you dream of what you will become if you are letting the very person you claim to detest to live rent-free in your head? The question I pose is, how do you evict that nemesis forever? You may not like the answer but you forgive and you forget. What forgiving is and what it means Many people who have been wronged in the past just yelled, Bullshit! I do inderstand. It took a long time for me to get to the point where I forgave my mental tormentors. Yet when you do it is freeing. So what do I mean by forgiving those who wronged me? That is almost exactly what I mean. You simply forgive them. Now forgiving doesn't mean you forget what they did. I don't believe there is a way to forget that, but in reality, would you really want to? I wouldn't want to stay weary of them for the very fact of what they did.  So what do you mean when you said forget? I mean you stop thinking of them. If they come waltzing back into your thoughts you gently turn away from that thought. You may even say I don't care about them. Don’t give them any more of your energy.  What if they wronged you again? Then that would be a shame on you. If somebody has a track record of wronging you and you let them still wrong again you. That is not on the offender. That is on your shoulders and you need to correct that. Forgiving others So how do you forgive others? A lot of people sadly are so lost in their grudges and their own world of self-pity, that they don’t even see the opportunities for forgiveness. This is a lot like how people with a scarcity mindset think. Yet forgiving somebody is a simple process. How? You use three little words, “I forgive you”. Now I understand some folks can’t have it that easy and that’s fine but if you don’t leave you can forgive so that easily you don’t have to. You can make up as complex of a ritual as you want to forgive somebody. One of the big things a lot of people do is write a letter. In this letter, you address the person who offended you. write out all the grievances all the pain all the hurt all the hate and vitriol you have inside of you. End it with but I forgive you and I wish you well. Then fold it up put it in the envelope write the person's name on the front of the envelope and then burn the envelope and the letter and imagine using that fire as a means that all of your hate and rage and animosity towards this person goes up in the flames Now after that you still have a little bit of work to do and this goes for either method of forgiving the person after you have released them from any responsibility towards your pain which is what forgiveness is. Anytime that person comes to the forefront of your mind you have to tell yourself were not thinking about them and change your thought. Depending on how hard you have to work at this and how long you have held this grudge you will eventually convince your mind to stop thinking about that person. So every time that person comes to your mind you repeat I’m not thinking about them and then change the thought and then the next time he comes here she comes up we’re not thinking about them and you change your thought rinse and repeat until you don’t think about them anymore. Forgiving yourself Now this section is tougher than the other one. We have all screwed up at one time or another. We have wronged somebody and we feel guilty about it. Maybe even you feel a good bit of shame about what you did. Either way, you can, and actually should forgive yourself. You can give yourself some grace. There is nothing that we have done that is so horrendously unforgivable that we cannot forgive ourselves. And the methods of forgiving yourself are the same as forgiving other people. You can tell yourself, "I forgive myself". It may feel weird and bit awkward yet you are allowed to forgive yourself. You can also write yourself a letter. Taking time to address your shortcomings and faults. Express what the results of your transgressions were. Lay it all out. Then give yourself grace and write at the end, "I forgive Myself of it all". After writing it put it all in an envelope and then burn it. again imagine all of your guilt and shame going up in smoke as the letter burns up. Forgiving yourself of what you have done wrong is one of the first steps you need to do to be able to become the man you dream of. The ability to forgive yourself means you are also able to be forgiving of others. It is interesting that we can forgive others more easily than we can ourselves. Yet we are the most important player in our game of life. Removing the yolk of shame is one of the most freeing gifts we are able to grace ourselves. So as you overcome this huge obstacle celebrate when you do overcome this trial. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself. If you are struggling with this you can always reach out for a consult call and we can get you on the path to greatness.

We are talking about the Lonely man this week. We look at, why are there so many lonely men in society. Boosts! Main topic Today I wanted to talk about a post that has been making its rounds on social media and other sites. This is why there are so many lonely men in society today. Is the lonely guy lonely because he is toxic, or is it be of other factors? It is from Psychology Today and it came out back in August. This article is called The Rise of the Lonely Single Man: Men need to address their deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations. The total of this article has a definite swing of what I would call toxic masculinity. Yet they do pose the question as to why are there so many lonely men in today's society. Why are men not marrying? These are important questions for men to look at. Men live longer and actually happier when they're married to one woman. Main Points about Lonely Men Now there are several major points with this article that I bristle over and show why some of today's society is overcomplicating things. Yet the key point is that neither side is willing to bend. Online dating creates Lonely Men Yeah, a lot of people turn to this form of dating because it is easier and safer because you don’t have to meet a person eye to eye. Women are making unrealistic demands of men. They are becoming much like the types of men that they hate. I hear women say they want men who are open about their feelings and want a man who makes more than them. They want a man to help with the house and the kids. Yet they never really state what they are going to bring to the party. Men are easy Show us boobs and give us food and we will walk across a field of broken glass on our knees to in the desert to bring you a cold glass of sweet tea. The other problem that I see is that women actually make it too easy for men. They don't make them work to get to the Homebase. They in fact often are the ones who initiate sex. Now, this isn't bad if you are married. Yet when you are just dating try waiting to get to know the other person. You see both sides are so desperate for the quick release of satisfaction when it comes to sex that they aren't willing to hold off for a while and find out what type of connection you are going to build. Modern Relationship Standards and Lonely Men Then there are the cultural problems that cause women to not be happy about the quality of men. Then the men don’t have a reason to raise to the occasion and raise their standards. Men see that they are able to have it easy so they are busy sending dick pics instead of being a gentleman. Why should men be patient? They know that if they don't get the reaction they want from a woman on a dating site, they can just go to the next person. Society has turned men into a bunch of bonobo monkeys. They know all they have to do is sit around and with eventually a girl will come by and sleep with them. What about the INCELs? These are a special group. Many of them are somewhere on the Asperger's syndrome spectrum and so they miss the social cues. Then they also have their minds made up on certain girls and many of those girls are hard to find or they are so far out of their league that they don't have a snowball's chance in hell. Skills Deficits The good doc claims that men have several skills deficiencies and I would agree with him there. But what those skills are is where we differ. The Author says women want men with better communication skills and to be more emotionally open. Yet all you have to do is look at how society actually operates and see that isn't the truth. Yes, many women want their men to be their girlfriends and that is not possible. Get therapy This is also a means of getting men to be more feminine. Does therapy work? Yes, but it isn't for the man to get in touch with his touchy-feely side. It is so that he can get a handle on the way he copes with different stresses in his life. So he can change those coping mechanisms to a different style that actually serves him. It isn't for him to know how to cry in front of his girlfriend or wife. He does this when he is around his band of brothers. This is why men need a group of masculine men to turn to Become emotionally available This is a huge bag of hooey. Women don't like men who are crying on their shoulders because Bob in accounting was being mean to him. Women want men who are able to lift them up. Do women want to be supported? Yes. The same as men wanting support. Do women want to feel validated? Of course, they do, Everybody wants to feel as if they are validated but, that feeling doesn't come from the outside. It comes from your own thoughts. Everybody likes to be told they are doing good and to feel as if they are in the right. However, both sides are operating from emotional childhood. The Problem The problem with all of this is that both sides are operating from the line of thinking that the other side has to make them feel a particular way. Life doesn’t happen that way. Is there a problem with masculinity today? Heck yeah, there is. The problem that people are facing is that there is not enough masculinity in society today we have been faced with men being pushed aside back when they are boys and competing with girls instead of competing against boys. This competition is expanding into the dating realm. Women are facing many of the same stresses that men faced as they take on the helm of financial responsibility. This is the same that men in the 50s 60s and 70s faced. The stresses are gonna get piled on and the men aren’t going to be there to support the women. Men have been left behind in many aspects and this is actually a good thing as w whole. Because as women run further out into the lead they will realize that they need the men. They will struggle with this and so the need for women to understand how they are actually different and how men's difference is actually complementary to women will help them reach the levels they aspire to. So are men lonely? Yeah, they are and this article completely misses why there are lonely men out in society. This article dances all around but never really touches on why there are so many lonely men. That is because of the lack of masculinity. The author states that men not wanting to step up to their mental health and that they are in touch with their emotions and that is the farthest from the truth. I see men express their emotions on a daily basis. Men are laughing. Men are depressed or frustrated. You see all the emotions a human has. Now, are they going off and voicing what they are feeling? No, but women and society don't want a man expressing his emotions publicly like that. When you see a man crying, society ridicules them. Men and the rest of today's society is busy looking for a quick hit of dopamine from the algorithm. Instead of doing the delayed gratification of finding a good strong competent woman out in the wild. It is easier to flog the dolphin while watching a porno video that to talk to a woman and get to know her. It is easier to not ask than to ask and risk rejection. Yeah, the Nice guys are being ratted out of the bushes because women are now familiar with what the nice guy is. So many of these lonely men are nice guys who are caught with their covert contracts in hand and being denied what they want creating a wave of men who can't find a woman. These lonely men are the nice guys being weeded out.

Life is full of stress how you handle that stress can often determine what makes you or breaks you. Panic and stress Don’t use it as an excuse to not get your goal done Apply it as gas for your goal We panic and stress because we want to win Don’t hide/ resist it will tire you out

You look around you see many people of different degrees of wealth. Some are rich, some are very rich and others are filthy, stinking rich. The same goes for the other direction. You have those that don't make as much as you. Some are poor. There are those who are dirt poor and there are those who are so poor they can't even pay attention. You fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. You aren't filthy stinking rich nor are you destitute.  You often see people talking about the poor and how terrible it is that they exist. Some want to use the poor as a pawn for their own quest for power and try to pit the poor against the rich. People see people as being poor but in all reality, it is just people with very little money that they see as being poor. Yet when it comes to money you see the same people who cry for the poor say that they think money is the root of all evil. and the pursuit of money is greed. If you think of it, These strictly oppose each other.  So why do people want more money and curse money at the same time? That all boils down to the point that money is nothing but a circumstance. You have a certain amount of dollars in your wallet or bank account. You can also look at money as being a scoreboard for your value. You have a certain score and you want a higher score. So how do you increase your value? Money is a circumstance Money, as we have it today, is nothing more than an agreed-upon value. It's not worth more or less it just is.  It can also be seen as representing the amount of value you are providing to people. The more value you are providing the more money you receive. So the reason you have or don't have any money is completely dependent upon your thoughts.  Your thoughts create your results. They don't change the circumstance. Therefore why do you not have enough money? It is because of how you choose to think of money.  So why are the poor, poor? It is because of their choices. Yes, it sounds cruel but it is because of their thoughts about their circumstance. If they see it as a limited resource then their money is a limited resource. In contrast, those who are rich see money in a completely different light. They see it as something you can create. It is a limitless resource. Poor people see money as a pie and the more people take from the pie the less there is.  Yet when you look at the fact that there are more millionaires now than there were at the start of the industrial revolution you can see that money is always expanding. We make more value. It's not that the rich are getting richer because millions have left poverty behind and become successful. Do you think people who don't have money are a fact? Ok, let's put it to a test. So if we look at those who are under the US poverty level here in the US. Most food stamp recipients have a large-screen television. a car and a cell phone. Or they may have more than one of each of those. Now, look at those who are poverty-stricken in India. Do they have a car? Do they have a cell phone? Do they have a 60-inch television? You see the poor in the United States are still part of the 1% richest of the whole world. Your wealth is subjective. I know men who struggle with finding their purpose because they can't leave what made them millions. What happens if they don't make millions? They have enough to live comfortably for 3 lives but they are worried about going broke. Then you see people on Bimini who are all smiles and living their best life and barely clear 100 a week. Money is just a value, it is a circumstance. If it was a fact then millionaires would have the same reaction to finding one dollar on the sidewalk as the homeless man. People's thoughts about money How are you thinking of money? Does it elude you? Is Money hard to come by? Have you always been poor? Where does the money come from? How can you make money from nothing?  Why do you go to work? Is it because that's what you are supposed to do? Really? I know many homeless people who don't go to work, or they don't go to work as you see it. Why do you go to work? Is it just to pay the bills or is it because your business is to provide the best service you can to the company you work for? As I have been mentioning your thoughts about money will create your results in the money department. If you think you will never make enough, guess what. Your brain will only help you produce just enough cash to barely cover your bills. If you look at money as a limitless resource then you open a door that allows you to bring in more money. Why are there poor people? Though I have explained why poor people are poor I wanted to dive into some key aspects of what people believe.  scarcity mindset I have talked about the dangers of the scarcity mindset for a while. There are blog posts and other podcast episodes that talk about why scarcity holds people back.  You see when you have a scarcity mindset you are more focused on what you don't have and worry about what is not coming in and what is going out. Your view of the world around you is limited. Scarcity is a fear-based mindset. You believe you are going to lose what little you have instead of seeing how many opportunities are actually around you. Scarcity-oriented minds play a small because of the what-if factor.  The Scarcity people are more greed centered and less likely to share their thoughts because what if their ideas are stolen? I don't know how someone can steal a thought out of your head but that shows the lack of logic a scarcity-minded person is. Fixed Mindset Now Carol Dweck wrote a great book about the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. The fixed mindset is your life's success is based solely on your talents. So when you hit your limit you can't do any better.  While a person of wealth looks at the world as a huge playground for learning. If they don't know how to do something then get out there and learn it. Get your hands dirty. It is OK for a growth-minded person to fail simply because they know they are learning what doesn't work in the process. don't want to get uncomfortable This is the biggest reason that poor people don't become rich. They are afraid to get uncomfortable. I have argued with folks time and time again about this. Their thoughts are have you been in poverty before? The answer is yeah I was broke before. I spent a couple of years eating ramen noodles and lettuce sandwiches. It wasn't fun but I also wanted a change and did something way out of my comfort zone. I joined the Navy.  Many poor are comfortable in their misery. They don't want to have to give up their vices and bad habits to better themselves. They don't want to face the uncomfortable thoughts that they have centered around why they are broke and face the life-altering realization that their poverty was in their hands this whole time. No, the man wasn't keeping them down, They were keeping themselves poor. They didn't want to give up the newest mobile phone so that they can get to a better house. Why are you poor? So why are you broke? Is it because you don't want to make the change or because you see money as a finite resource? How you view money is vital if you want to make more of it. You cant have a lot of money and believe it is evil. If you would like help changing your mindset let me know by signing up for a consult call. Photo by Kostiantyn Li on Unsplash

Boosts! Chad 8599 sats - I heard your Boostagram on PC 2.0 so I’m checking out your podcast. Main Show Why do you do what you do? Sounds like a weird question to ask yet we always ask that and there is a reason why we keep doing the same things over and over. Why do certain people keep falling into the same traps time and again? Why do men pick the same type of woman over and over again? Why do we struggle on improving ourselves? Why do we struggle on losing weight? Why do we struggle on improving our minds improving our souls or improving our communities? The reason is because of what actually motivates us to do what we do. And this concept is called the motivational triad. The reasons why you are always going for that piece of german chocolate cake even though you are full. Why you are a creature of habit. Why do you lie to your boss, though you know it puts you out of integrity? These three motivations are what get us out of the bed. Seek pleasure Pleasure is more than just sex. Seeking pleasure is what motivates many addicts. It is what drives us to please our spouses. It also is what drives us to want to make friends and to get paid for our hard work. Seeking pleasure is also the reason we take up hobbies and other things that bring us satisfaction. Satisfaction is a type of pleasure. Approval is also a type of pleasure. When we get approval from somebody we are sure that we’re not going to be tossed out of the tribe. This is one of the large reasons nice guys do what they do. Nice guys want to please the women in their life that’s why they manipulate so many people to try to force people to like them. Nice guys need satisfaction and the pleasure to come from those around them. The Nice guy doesn’t seek personal approval he doesn’t seek internal validation. The nice guy is a codependent who requires validation from other people. To be able to get the pleasure that they want they’re going to do the manipulation, because of the second layer of the motivational triad this is also why nice guys do covert contracts and we’ll get into that in the next section. avoid pain There’s nothing scarier than pain. Often you’ll hear kids ask will it hurt? But pain isn’t just physical pain it is also it’s not even emotional pain people associate discomfort with pain. Nice guys create covert contracts because they don’t wanna have to deal with this comfort pain of possibly being rejected. We often avoid having those uncomfortable discussions because of this part of the motivational triad. As humans we often Don’t want to do things that create pain for us. That can be admitting to something wrong. That can be us not wanting to go out of the house. This is what causes us to avoid doing the hard scary things in life. Our mind is programmed to avoid that pain. Instead we need to use that pain as a compass stay and remain efficient This third part of the motivational triad is the reason we develop habits because our brain wants to make sure that it stays as efficient as possible so it’s easier for the mind to dive into a habit than it is to learn something new. Learning something new means that there’s a lot more energy that has to be burned a lot more energy being burned means that we are burning off more energy than normal or more energy than we have to and white if we don’t get to eat later on today? Then that means that our learning could possibly have killed us. So having to pay attention to every little detail is energy intensive for the brain. So the brain going to find ways to reduce that energy consumption. It does that by forming habits. This part of the motivational triad is why our habits system exists. You can look at it as the low-power mode of our mind if he can throw stuff into that better. Yet this also is where our brain likes to turn to when it “doesn’t know“ if it doesn’t have to work to come up with an answer if deems that better. So What does this mean? It means that we are able to make changes to what we do if we are aware of the whys that we do. If you understand why you don't want to do something scary you can actually do that scary thing. Your mind doesn't want you to get killed. So how do you remove that fear? By understanding why that fear exists in the first place. If you would like help in getting to the best you. Reach out and let's talk and see how I can help you.

We often come across people who claim we are wrong, or that we have someone who is completely wrong and has no clue about the topic at hand. An instance where so many people who didn't know what they were talking about are often seen as blowhards or complete fools. Today it seems like everybody has to be right. Insistent on being right and even when you prove that they’re wrong. they find a reason to be right. I’m not pointing out one particular set of folks with this either. I find myself being very insistent that I am right. What does being wrong say about you? So many times we don’t want to be seen as wrong. This could be because we think it will be detrimental to our reputation, or that we will lose respect in our particular tribe. If we lose the respect in our tribe then who knows maybe we will be kicked out. We might be banished and exiled to the wilderness and then how are we gonna protect ourselves? This is the basis of all our fears. We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turned us for answers and so we have to know the answers. We have to be right all the time. These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong. We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turn to us for answers and so if we have to know the answers, we won’t be good leaders. We have to be right all the time. These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong. What if you are wrong? So what if you are wrong? Is that really a bad thing? Is it really that critical to you and your organization, that you have to be right 100% of the time? The answer is no. You don’t have to be right hundred percent time. You don’t even have to be right 50% of the time. Yeah you feel good being right but being right isn’t always good. The times that you get it wrong is where the learning comes from. This is where your team gets to shine. They are able to actually contribute to the solution. You help your team by not knowing all the answers. Ego is the enemy Most of the time it is our egos that are fueling the arguments and disagreements online. This ego stops us from fully understanding the other side's line of thinking. Whether it is a Twitter user who’s always sliding into your discussion with their own perceived irrationally laid out thought or your aunt who’s got to correct you on seemingly everything. The ego is why people argue. They have to be right because if they are wrong, who knows what will happen? It isn't who they are that irritates you. It is what you believe about that person. The stories you have told yourself about that person are what is causing all the strife. Use curiosity as a tool So what would happen if you stopped and listen to what the other person said? How would you show up if the other person you are arguing with showed you the respect you believe you deserve? Know how to get that respect? You get curious. you ask questions. Ask one question strictly to hear their full answer. Then ask another question pertaining to that answer. Just keep doing that, just ask questions. You don't have to get a word in edgewise. You don't have to give your side of the argument at all. You hardly even have to speak. Doing this and the respect you build with the other person grows. How are you supposed to win the argument? Who said you lost? If you think you are going to be doing and recruiting for your side then think again. You aren't going to convert a socialist to a capitalist overnight. You aren't going to bring your soon-to-be ex-wife back into your arms simply because you stated some fact. Remember they have their own thoughts about the circumstance. So don't even worry about perceived victories. You are just building understanding. As the 5 habits of an effective person say. Seek furst to understand before being understood Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People When you take the time to understand another person you build a rapport with them. When the other person feels they are understood by you they are more likely to listen to what you have to say. The defenses are down when you actually try to understand where the other person is coming from. It doesn't matter how many facts you have in your arsenal if the other person doesn't hear them you are wrong.

There is a myriad of emotions that we men go through. in fact, we have all the same emotions that women have. Whaaaaa? Yeah, Men have the same emotional depth as women, Now we express those emotions differently and we may not use the same language for what we feel as our feminine counterparts but they are there. Many times we use emotions for the very same reason. This includes our avoidance of emotions through buffering. What is Buffering? Buffering is the act of doing other activities in order to not do the work at hand. This could be actual work like what we use to procrastinate but also can be avoiding emotional/thought work that needs to be handled so you can reach the next level. Buffering often shows up as playing video games, eating, drinking, spending overtime at work, having sex, and idle dilly-dallying when you want to get something else done, or a particular event happens. We often buffer in the means of consuming without applying thought to why. That is actually where we get ourselves into trouble. We aren't applying any thought. We just are doing something while in idle mode. It's just a numbing habit that we have in our arsenal. Why do men Buffer Often men buffer because they don't want to face the thoughts and emotional weight that comes with particular thoughts. Be it the effect of a job that isn't a good fit for us or a situation we have with our spouse. When we feel pain or are anxious about something often we turn to a buffer to avoid the pain. These buffering habits come into play when we are facing something painful. We often kick into our buffer of choice without even knowing that we are doing it. Our mind believes that it is saving us from a problem because it is faced with something that is uncomfortable. When in reality our pain is just sitting off to the side of our minds waiting to be processed. You see life is 50% pain and 50% pleasure until you step into the pain and fully allow it to be processed. Those painful emotions and thoughts don't go away. How do you avoid buffering? Paying attention to what it is you are doing and why you are doing it. This can be tough and a big challenge. yet when you are able, to be honest with yourself and step into that pain. You will find that your life is so much more productive and brighter. That can be difficult because you do have to accept that you are avoiding pain. To remove the act of buffering is the act of facing the pain you are avoiding. Want help to stop buffering so that you can step into that life you want? Set up a coaching consult

Many people hear discomfort and they shy away from it because the word brings up images of their skin being flayed off, or they have to lay on a bed of nails. You know, horrible things being done to them. Yeah, they are right none of that is very comfortable. In fact, all that sounds downright painful. Yet pain and discomfort actually are good things to have in your life? They help you gain the skill you need for the task at hand. Discomfort is needed in your life to teach you about resistance and perseverance. All of these seem to be fairly abstract. However, when you experience them you know precisely what they mean. Going through a period of discomfort shows you exactly what you are capable of doing. Discomfort is a lot like a catalyst a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change. google So as you go through whatever trial you are going through you find that you are stronger and better because of that period of discomfort. You see discomfort isn't just pain. Though what we perceive to be pain can be involved. There is the pain of failure. It may just be the discomfort of learning something new. I am fighting through this discomfort now. I'm trying to get the coaching business up and going. It takes a lot of work and new skills to get out of the old way of doing things. There have been a lot of discomforts and still a lot more discomfort has to go on. Trying something new is what makes learning uncomfortable. We feel lost and unsure of ourselves. The confidence we need is not at its fullest and things we can do to increase our confidence is not easy to do. Yet we do learn it if we take the steps and make an effort. Everything great has to have a moment of discomfort. There are examples of this all around us. The Chick Hatching Ever watch a baby chicken hatch? They are having to work to get out of the egg. The struggle is an actual struggle for life or death. Yet the mother hen doesn't do anything to help. Why? Because, if you help that baby chick get out of the egg they are weaker. They have to have that struggle of getting out of the egg so they can survive. The Butterfly Emerging The butterfly is much like the chick hatching from its egg. The struggle to emerge from its cocoon is what is needed for it to get the fluid to the tips of its wings. If you help a butterfly out of its cocoon its wings are shriveled and never fully expand to their full glory. All because they didn't have the discomfort of fighting out of its cocoon. Want more tomatoes on your Tomato vine? Ask any old farmer how to get more tomatoes. They will say that you have to take a broom and beat your tomato plants. The act of smacking your tomato plants with a broom or even just giving them a vigorous shake stresses them out. This stress gives them a reason to make sure they propagate. Beforehand they were very happy plants they got all the food and water they needed why be in a hurry to expend extra energy to make tomatoes when they can just hang out and enjoy the sun? Want more apples on your apple tree? This is very similar to tomatoes. If your apple tree isn't producing strike it with a hammer. or trim some limbs off. The act of damaging the tree doesn't really hurt it it just gives it a reason to do what is needed. Crepe mertles are the same way. You need to trim the branches back from time to time so they flower more. Want more success? Do the thing you fear. Use fear as a compass. There is actually very little that will cause you irreversible harm. The discomfort you are experiencing is nothing more than thoughts you have in your mind. That is your brain making sure you stay safe and comfortable. Being safe and comfortable keeps your wings small. That comfort keeps you weak and lost and afraid Are You down for the struggle?

going up a hill is hard You lose momentum when making a decision you are under more emotional influence The hill is the toughest of the path You don't have enough data We are faced with decisions all the time. But when do you want to make those decisions? Many people often make their decisions at the wrong moment. What is going up the hill? Going up a hill is at a time of heightened emotional state. This is when you let your emotions make decisions, not your thinking brain. The uphill battle is where our biggest challenges occur. We will slip into monkey brain thinking without letting the logical part of our brain really get a word in edge-wise. We have had many bad decisions happen while going up a hill. The patriot act, The Japanese internment camps, and many other examples where we as a whole make bad decisions while facing an uphill.  When in your life there have been times that you broke the 90% rule. You made the smart comment to your wife when you knew you should have kept your mouth shut. You threw your hands up and left a project because you got some bad news. You lashed out at a loved one when they were just trying to help. while going up a hill you will start to struggle. This struggle is when you want to push through and see if it was a good choice after 

You draw attention to other's lack of action You lose friends who just want to hang Your mother will worry about you People will judge you People will actively hope for you to fail Other people will feel bad about themselves They will resent you Self-improvement is lonely All that sounds like a good reason not to better yourself, right? Wrong that is the very reason to better yourself. You have to look at their lack of action as a motivator to actually propel yourself to better heights. The other people can come along but they most likely won't. Why? because they're scared and don't want to become uncomfortable. If you are living your life to make others feel better then you are actively not bettering yourself. You are living on other people's terms, not yours. Yes getting to the top of your goal or dream can appear lonely. but if you look around there are people who are in the same boat as you. They are fighting each day to get around their obstacles. They are working on their thoughts of a certain circumstance and the only way they can do it is on their own. You have the choice to take care of your friends and family members who don't want you to improve or you can improve and show them what is actually possible. You will want to pull those who don't want to follow yet that won't work either. They have to want to get to where you are on their own. You have a better chance of them coming along when you do it yourself. It seems cruel to a people pleaser to go on that adventure and to just leave people you love behind. However, it is the act of loving them that you need to leave them behind. Give them a reason to care. Give them a reason to even try. The only way you can do that is by improving yourself.

Main Topic The magic question What if you could be successful? what if You could take that dream vacation? What if you did have that house on the hill? What if that girl did agree to go on a date? What if your wife did decide to stay What if you showed your wife the needed attention she wanted? Limiting What if Questions what if you got fired? What if your wife did leave? What if you failed in your task What if it doesn't work? Yeah it is visualization which has been discussed on a few episodes

Many times I hear the words I don’t care. This is in response to what others think to how they act in a group. Many guys will sluff off the phrase I really don't care or that's just how I am. Is this productive or is it a mean's for you to not have to try? What happens when you don't care? There are many effects of a man not caring about something. Isolated Aggravated Feel alone - because restless Why do you not care? There are many reasons that men say they don't care. From appearing to sound stronger and more resilient than they really believe they are to trying to protect themselves. Many men want to avoid the drama that others bring into the mix. Yet they have their own drama that they like to partake in Maybe you need to care If you are on your journey of increasing your community then it may be a good idea to start caring Afraid to care? Caring for people is scary. They may have altier motives for talking with you. They may be using you. Then again they may earn your trust only to completely destroy it. You might get hurt - I am sure you will There are hazards to caring for people. They have their own thoughts and emotions and that makes interacting with them messy and full of drama. You will have people that appear to be of one standard and then you will find out that they are not of that standard. There are nice guys and good girls hiding around every corner. Victims are waiting to exploit your kindness. Yet They are actually fairly easy to spot once you notice them. you can even allow them into your circle of influence while you don't let them actually influence you. If you want help getting back to caring about people again so you can grow your community Sign up for a Consult call and let us see if we can work together.

This week I am talking to both Rich Chelson and Matt Glesspie of Operation: Tears of the 22 and how they got started. How they did it without knowing what they were getting into. How they did it scared. Now the sound quality isn't the same level that I am used to cranking out but that is part of the fun of trying new things out. So Listen as we talk about how they overcame some of the obstacles they faced as they built a 501(c)(3) from the ground up. If you want help finding your why on doing something new and unknown reach out and schedule a consult  

August 4-7 Tears of the 22 Retreat Thanks Those who gave Sats. Main Topic Uvalde 400 officers standing around waiting for someone to give orders Sniper couldn’t get clearance Possible result of defunding the Police Police don't want to be put in jail Don't want the responsibility laid on their heads Reminds me of Atlas Shrugged Men need to take responsibility and action when needed Can't have men afraid of the consequences of their noble actions. Yes there are actions that are not noble but taking a chance is needed in life When life and death are at stake you do it. If you want help with removing the Nice guy from your life Reach out and schedule a consult

Thanks to Hastirongod29 6 sats Angeltovar22 1 sat eddieem Boost! 2 sats robertgomez 60 Sats Event! Operation Tears of the 22: Mission Critical Main Topic man has had religion their whole lives there are many different types of religion The key point is that all of them have a god. Abrahamic Religions all have god. And they break apart from there Judaism, Islam, Christianity Each of those breaks down into subgroups, And those subgroups into smaller subgroups There are modern religions that turn Man into a god. Modern deconstructionists. Covidien's for example The environmental religion worships the earth Everybody believes in something. Even atheists have a god they turn to. What is religion used for? Give us a moral compass A place to meet other people on a common topic What Religion is not a guilt trip Why do people leave the church? Abuse Don't see a purpose Peer pressure They see it as a hypocrisy They see religious people as hateful Change of beliefs How to get the most out of your religion You get what you put in.

Thanks to boosts stream pay's @user50456778804705802114 @mariost2104380 @user1418343976470596460 @user6465513779413332560 @robertgomez640 @user6895229526496442710@ user8725507786725826810 @moncadad96 @oscar1990diaz106 @user1996186395908832112 @eddiem I have screwed up. I have don't it over and over again. I wasn't the perfect brother. I wasn't the perfect Son. I have let down my family many times over. I found out why lying does you no good. I have broken hearts, and I have failed as a father on many different levels. I have failed as a husband. I have rattled my marriage to its core. I have people pleased and let folks down many times in my long and storied life. I failed in many different careers, and I have had at least 8 failed business attempts. I have quit smoking only to take it back up again. I have failed to see how extraordinary I could make my life. That is until I stopped and looked at the path of destruction I have made. I blamed so many people for my problems. My Stepmom, my bio mom, my dad, my wife, my bosses, my kids, for the longest time it was always someone else to whom I would pan all the responsibility off to. Heck, I still do in a sense. But then I started looking at the common denominator in every circumstance. There was only one constant in each of those. That was me. About 6 years ago. I realized I didn't stand for anything. yeah I would pick and choose beliefs when they were in line with who I was with. Yet did it really define me? No, it didn't. Until 6 years ago and I woke up to the fact that I could change myself. Create the future from the future, not the past You can start over now It feels unsafe but that's ok Your mind is just wigging out Is there something wrong with you? Accept that you screwed up Look at where you went wrong Learn and plan how to not do that If you want to see what you are capable of Set up a consult call and let's talk.

The Operation Tears of the 22 Mission Critical Retreat. Storytime - home town alma mater is giving away free school supplies and I raised the question of why this seems like it will end badly? I got a lot of parents from that area chimed in saying it was a good thing. I really don't think it is, for many different reasons. I have several thoughts as to why not having the parents provide the supplies Well this is when you really need to have that debate. Just leave it alone? why? Because it’s easier? It’s with good intentions? Remember what the road to hell is paved with. I agree it sounds good on paper but the devil is in the details. What are you showing the kids about life? That they don’t need to worry? The system will take care of you? Just accept that free lunch with out looking to see if there is a hook on it? I’m leery of free stuff with it being an altruistic motive. Altruism is one of the most evil things a man can do for another man. Because everything has a cost and altruistic motives cost the victim his ability to care. So is it worth talking about yeah I think it is. This is where my thoughts on altruism come into play. Men have been taught that their first concern is to relieve the suffering of others. … To make that the highest test of virtue is to make suffering the most important part of life. Then man must wish to see others suffer in order that he may be virtuous. Such is the nature of altruism. Ayn Rand What you are getting when you're altruistic is that you have to hope for people to suffer so that you are able to give more of yourself. This is often why caretakers sabotage their wards. They have to be able to swoop in to rescue that person so that they feel needed. You are sacrificing yourself You are not taking care of yourself. You are putting yourself in harm's way You are causing that other person to be dependent upon you and your actions You are taking risks that are not needed You are not actually helping that person You are not allowing the other person to figure it out. You are making them dependent on you you are creating two victims at the same time. Miss conceptions of Altruism There are many different factors of altruism that many people get wrong. There are many myths Myth It makes you happy? Clears your concionce Makes the world better? Allows you to find new friends/partners Helps you get further in corporations More trust Truth No, it cants make you happy. Your thoughts can. Till you have to let the person live their own life Except that it takes care out of the world If you like codependent friends if not it makes them codependent Except that it erodes trust in the long run [Altruism] is a moral system which holds that man has no right to exist for his own sake, that service to others is the sole justification of his existence, and that self-sacrifice is his highest moral duty, value, and virtue. This is the moral base of collectivism, of all dictatorships. Ayn Rand this is one of the big things that Nice guys do. They have an altruistic sense of morality. They do it and expect others to go along with their thoughts and when they don't they get upset and resentful. If you would like help stepping into the real you. You can set up a consultation call

What is intention? So many times we are living our life because we see someone else doing something or we are told how we should live our lives and we blindly just do it. We don't think about does that fit what we want in life? You often see teenagers struggle with this. These Young people run from one fad to the next. This is why the current fad of gender studies is so damaging. Because they don't know if the permanent changes to their lives are what they really want. They think they do but they won't even know who they are and what they believe till they are around 26. Even after 26 many people still, don't question who they are. What do they stand for? They don't know what their standards are, and many nice guys haven't even had a thought for themselves in so long they hardly even know how to do that. You hear the intentional life being mentioned from time to time. The speakers are often talking about living in a way that makes you happy. So you can be in a constant state of joy. Well, that's not possible. Nor is it wanted It is living life on your terms. Signs you may want to start living with intention. Your life isn't going the way you want it too You don't make plans You are feeling burnout You are always putting out other people's fires Are you asking Disempowering questions? Feel like you are spinning How do you live life with intention? Have standards Listen Have a plan Follow that plan Dream Big and go for it Have boundaries and Enforce them Have your priorities straight

Now, this may sound like an obvious bit of knowledge but I see many men ask why is divorce so hard? There are many reasons as to why it hurts so much, why you are having to suffer, and more thoughts like that. Yet we keep with the dirty pain and keep resisting the facts that are at hand. We want to control the circumstances in our life. Yet doing so only increases the suffering we experience. What is dirty pain? This is the pain we resist. It is pain that we believe is happening to us and is keeping us in a perpetual state of suffering What is clean pain? This is the pain we feel as we allow the feeling we have to process out and let the emotion run its course. Why does divorce hurt so much? You have your own thoughts about the divorce The fact that you have been served or you have only been told that your spouse wants a divorce the thoughts you have about the circumstance surrounding the divorce are what causes your pain. It's not the fact that your wife said, "I want a divorce" It's not any of her actions around the topic. It is only your thoughts about the divorce and the indulgent emotions you have that keep you in this state of pain. The divorce is neutral. It's not good nor is it bad. If it wasn't neutral you and your spouse would both be feeling the same pain. Yet you see her out enjoying life, while you are sitting at home drinking scotch on the rocks and wondering where you went wrong. Wondering why he gets to have a good time and not you? It is the severing of an emotional bond You and your spouse had an emotional bond. Now that bond is cut into two. That is painful. Everybody is hurting. This is often why you get so many people lashing out at each other. That is because of the pain and the fear that they are feeling. The severing and end of a relationship are hard and so yeah it hurts because you are grieving the death of a marriage. You are caught in a thought loop Ever find yourself thinking over and over about something that was said. Or how do you react? This often is associated with people who have PTSD. They go over and over the tragedy they experienced. A person who is told that their partner doesn't want to be with them cause lots of emotional turmoil and those emotions are from the thought you are thinking. Then you think them over and over and over again hoping that you have a different result. The sad part is that doesn't change the circumstance that your wife is wanting a divorce. Resisting the emotions We hate to feel bad. So we resist the emotions we feel. We will start to eat more. We may turn to alcohol for the blurring effect it provides. We may turn into our depression or even work because then we don't have to face the circumstances. Yet life is 50/50 and to experience joy all the time would be weird. How your you like to react with happiness by being told that your marriage is over? There are times to be sad and times to be happy. Without the low parts of life, we cant fully enjoy the high times. Can divorce be easier? Yes, You can accept the pain and allow it to flow its course. It doesn't make it hurt any less at first. Yet as you keep working on your thoughts around the divorce you can start to see places where you can be grateful for the experiences you had with your spouse. Do the thought work Look at each thought you have. You can do this with a thought download. This is where you write each and every thought about the divorce down on a piece of paper. From here you can see what you are thinking about. You can then see what thoughts actually serve you and what thoughts actually don't serve you. You can choose to remove the thoughts that don't serve you and look at all the thoughts that do. Thoughts that you may have why did I waste all that time with her? What did I do wrong? How come she gets to be happy? Will I ever find love again? Why are women such bitches? When does the hurt go away? How can I get her back? How do I save My Money? None of these thoughts serve you. Some are disempowering while others are just flat-out indulgent thoughts that provide no solution. Allow the emotions to be Finally allow your emotions to be. Don't resist them. Don't run from them. Look and examine each emotion as you experience them. From here there are many different ways you can help yourself. Get coaching Join the Brotherhood

NEWS Operation Tears of the 22 is having its retreat for Veterans again this year. But instead of Byrds Adventure Center, They are having it at Adam Sandoval's Kriver Campgrounds. You can get your tickets for 4 days of fun and jeeping around. There are going to be bands in the evening and I will be there coaching everyone who wants it and some people who don't. So Sign up here! Main topic One of the biggest parts of having a fulfilling life is having that important network of masculine friends. The need to be able to meet and talk with other noble masculine men is often exactly what separates the men from the boys. Yet so many men don't have a close-knit set of friends. Those 3 a.m. people who you know if you called them at any time of the night, they would be in their pickup and heading your way. There is some stats that say that around 15% of men don't have any close friends. While Men 30 years ago around half of the men had 6 or more friends while now the average is about 27% that have 6 or more friends In today's society when men get married they often drop their friends for their family. It almost seems like this is how it goes and some men will wrongly state that this is even in the bible. Which is a misquote. It is talking about men will leave their parents and turn to their wives for the family. It doesn't mean they abandon their friends. When a man is married this is a bigger reason that they have a group of men with who they can turn, and share their life. These masculine friends are the foundation for men to have healthy masculine lives. Yet in today's society, it is not happening. So why do men need other men as friends and confidants? Spreads the pain Men take on a lot. They have the pressure of work and the pressure of family and trying to make sure that everyone is attended to while also bringing home meat for the family. Women in today's society are just now really starting to understand what it takes to be a man and why men come home stressed. What pressure of the working world is actually like. Not saying they can't handle it but there are advantages to being able to stay home with their kids. So with all those times that suffering comes along, it is good for men to have other men in their lives. That is because men are able to process pain and negativity in a completely different way than what women do. We can take on more and we often see ourselves as being noble for sacrificing our health for our families. The problem is that if you don't dump the weight it does cause problems. This is why s many men turn to alcohol and drugs. to deaden the pressure that they feel. They turn to these substances because they don't realize that yes men can handle all that negativity but it is better when you let other strong noble masculine men help shoulder the load. Men are meant to take on the negative painful events from those around them yet. We then turn around and deny our friends the opportunity to do what we do best. Help our brothers who need that positive lift. A good way to look at this is to try to lift a car by yourself is next to impossible, unless it is a smart car and you are Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson. Yet if you take 10 men they can lift and move a car with greater ease. This goes for your suffering and personal and professional pressures. Talk to your band of brothers and let them know that your wife is being distant. That you just got let go of your job and you don't know what to do. These times that you are suffering are the times you need your male friends. These masculine men are up for the challenge and can take the negative energy from you and spread that weight out amongst themselves and replace it with positive energy. That way you can share that positivity with your wife and kids. Beacon of positive light Speaking of positive light, men you are the beacon of positivity for your family. When you are positive and light the family knows that their world is good. When you are dour and negative your family responds to that. You aren't helping them live you are just spreading out the suffering to those who you are supposed to protect. This is why you give the negative to your close friends and they give you light. While you do the same for them. You and your friends can then return to each family and spread that light. Learn to be more masculine This is a tough one for the nice guys in the world. The nice guy often works very hard to be seen in the positive for the women in his life. that could be the teachers in school to their moms and their wife. Because men see through bull very easily and often will call out another crap. This is something Nice guys want to avoid. The emotional response isn't as easily controlled in men. So nice guys work very hard to avoid men so that they can manipulate the women who they see as easier. Nice guys don't realize that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Nice guys are afraid of masculinity and this is why so many are "feminists" and cry toxic masculinity when they see men being real men. Yet they desperately want what those men have. The only way you can become more masculine isn't by claiming you're an alpha and calling other males betas. No, you have to go and hang around other masculine men. Better mental health Now I have pointed at this a couple of times in this podcast episode but let's just finally say it outright. Men need other men in their lives for their own mental health's sake. Because you are able to share the pressures of your life with other men. You are able to relieve yourself of many mental problems. You also have the pleasure and satisfaction of being able to help those who are close to you. These men also push you to better yourself and encourage you to be in the pursuit of your purpose. Yeah, they may not agree with how you go at it but that is just fine. Because they know you will succeed. Men, you need other men in your life. For your health and happiness. Your wife isn't going to provide you with that happiness and fulfillment. She will do her part in it but when you are missing a critical part you are putting undue pressure on her. Want a better marriage then get some male friends. Want help finding your band of brothers? I can coach you Join our Brotherhood of Men group

How many times have you kept hitting the same wall over and over? How do you view events in your life? As we talked a couple of weeks ago about viewing your circumstances How do you act during a circumstance? Do you get riled up over some random dude cutting you off in traffic or do you just wave and carry on? Do you wonder why you are always finding the same women when you date? Maybe they are drama magnets or always having some type of emergency for you to come to the rescue? How about your kids? You have told them they can come to you for anything and yet when they do tell you they have and in algebra do you yell, scream and ground them for the rest of their life? Then when they are truly in trouble you find out they have been talking to that sketchy neighbor down at the end of the block. Ever wonder why they turn to them and not you? That could be because of the way you are seeing the world. Do you see doom and gloom all over the place? If you listen to any news these days I am sure you have some worry from one side of the aisle or the other. What would happen if you change the prescription? What would happen if you changed how you looked at the world? How would the world look if you stopped looking at the world as if it was out to get you and started looking at the world as if it was full of potential? How would you show up if you stopped thinking your ex was out to skin you for all that you had and started letting them just be as unhinged as they wanted to be? How would you show up for your kids if you chose to not let the Ex's antics affect you? Unconditional love It’s not rose-colored glasses. This is instead looking at everybody as if you are in a Disney cartoon. No, you have the choice to look at any relationship in your life and choose love as the lens you are seeing in life. Your son could show up with a D and you could show love. You can still provide consequences for that deficiency but you could do it in a way that you are showing your son that you love him and you are trying to help him. Yeah, there may be times that swats are needed but you can also do that out of love. Then again you may be able to choose a different action. Maybe you can actually give him chance to explain that he isn't able to see the board. There are a lot of better reactions to having when you come through life with the prescription of love than through the lens of anger or fear? What to do Stop Deep breath Ask yourself how would you like to show up? Is being worked up really serving your purpose? Pay attention to the words you tell yourself. If you say anything like if so and so would... I would if... I would like to but... I cant Not while... If you are pointing the finger at anybody other than yourself then you are playing the victim. You are not claiming your responsibility for your actions. and guess what they are all thoughts. There is not one single slice of fact in any of those statements. You are passing your power off to anybody if you are not taking the blame for your actions. If you want help changing your prescription let me know. I can help you look at what you are thinking and see what lens of life you are using. That lens may have served you for a while but now there is a better one you can try. If you are interested let's have a consultation and see what's possible.

Believe it or not, your woman wants to know if you are man enough. They need to be assured that you aren’t going to flake on them. That is what the 4 pillars of a relaxed male does, it helps men be there for those time their wives and girlfriends need them. He keeps himself up for these tests that will eventually happen. Now when I say tests I’m not saying these are tests that women even knowingly do. It’s not having your girlfriend's best friend try to seduce you just to see how loyal you are. These are tests women have been applying to their men for ages and those who fail, start having problems in their marriage while those who pass are stronger in their bonds. Why the test? Because they want to know how strong you are. Not just physically but in your convictions too. A woman likes to have a man who has a purpose. They like to have a man who will be there for them. Who will not change course just because someone in their circle tells them to? These tests have been around for many years and you can even find similarities to these in old bible tales and quests knights have to do for their fair maiden. We all have to face these quests and the better you do the more your wife will be able to relax and that will allow you to relax. Are you willing to give up your dreams for her? How many times have you started a project and I mean really started a project and the endeavor is starting to gain steam? Only for your wife to start getting moody and wanting to know that you aren't paying enough attention to her? Yeah for the last year of you not doing anything she didn't care about how much you shared in each other's world then out of nowhere she is demanding your attention? Why? Example woman wants her man to stop digging tunnel This is the test, Are you willing to give up on your dream or pursuits simply because she wants your attention? Many a nice guy has bombs this test. They take their project and go full stop, simply because their wife or girlfriend was making noise about their progress. What she is asking you is how real is this dream of yours? Can I stand between you and your dream? Can she? Only you can answer this. She may get emotional or even downright resentful about you pushing on. She may have thoughts that you are going to leave her behind. She may come up with projects that she seriously wants you to complete. What do you do? Do you ignore her? Leave your task to do her task or do you work twice as hard to get her project done so that you can turn back to your project? This again can only be answered by you. She isn't doing it to ruin you, in fact, she wants you to succeed. Even if she doesn't understand what you are trying to accomplish She wants to know that you are going to push on to your goal even as a hail of arrows comes flying your way. Are you man enough? Are you willing to give up your friends for her? Especially when you are getting engaged or freshly married. Many times women will see if they can get between you and your friends. She will complain that you are going out with your friends more than you take her out. You are talking to them from the moment you get home to the moment you go to bed. This really happens when you have a true band of brothers. This is a test many many men fail at and that is evident to those who go through a divorce and realize that they don't have any masculine friends to turn to. They made their wife and kids the center of their world and they are worse off for it. It is small part jealousy and partially wanting to see how much freedom you are willing to give up. This isn't malicious because if you persevere she sees what your dedication to her will bring. She will understand why you are called to do the thing you do. If you are not willing to ditch your friends then you can actually prove to her that she is safe. You won't just toss her to the side simply because someone wanted you to. Are you willing to stop being better for her comfort? Many times when you start improving yourself, and your wife isn't. Those improvements can make her uncomfortable. because you are reflecting back to her what she is failing to do. Are you willing to let her stay comfortable, or are you going to let her have her power and let her choose what she wants to do with her life? We each have our own choices and after we make them we want to be certain that we made the right choice. Many times we will even resist and hold on to our original decision not even realizing that we can change our minds at any time. You are the leader of your family. So lead by example. even if your wife comes up with reasons to make you late to your gym. Go and improve. She will see the benefits and may want to join you on your adventure. Then again she may want to stay in her current state. To give her the power to make her choice by not pressuring her to change is just as caring as what you are doing for yourself. So let her be uncomfortable, She can find her why and get healthy or she can choose to stay in her current shape. Yet if you give her the space to feel her emotions and you keep doing what you are doing she will see that you aren't willing to change for anybody and that you are dedicated to being with her through it all. Now sometimes there are women who just do not want you to succeed. These women are actually pretty rare. Though if you listen to Red Pill followers you would think that all women want you to fail and that simply isn't the case. Women want men who will lead by example. Yet If you find a woman who is just so unsure of herself that she takes any change in you as a threat to her security. You have a choice to make. You can change your life and sacrifice your health and well-being for her comfort, or you can let her decide what to do with her life. Now, these aren't the only tests women will do. They will often test you in many ways each day. How you handle those will determine how your relationship is. If you want to start improving yourself and how you see the world look into my coaching programs. Together we can remove the nice guy from your life and see what is fully possible in your relationship.

One of a man's responsibilities is to make sure his family is taken care of. It is something that we men often will take immense pride in. With that said there is one part of this responsibility that many of us men sadly drop the ball on. That is us being a good boy scout and being prepared for the unknown. Why prepare? Grocery stores only have about a 3 day's supply of food. We have seen supply chains disrupted many times in the last 2.5 years. There are still items that are disrupting the supply chain these days. There is the Bird flu that is hitting the US right now. You may have gone to the store and seen that pasta is running low or some other flour-based food product is scarce. You can thank the war in Ukraine for that. Then the fact that Russia produces 40% of the fertilizer for the world and now the other crops are going to not be as plentiful. SO there is a lot of uncertainty going on in the world. Then there is other problems that could crop up that could cause lots of problems for folks. Therefore it is a good idea to take the lessons learned from our great grandparents and those who went through the great depression and get prepared for something. What do you need? Food As mentioned before there is only a 3-day supply of food in a city. So it is good if you can have a garden. But if it is too late in the season to do that, then stock up on caned goods. IF you normally buy 2 cans of green beans then buy 3 and just store the extra. You want to have at least a 10-day supply or if you have the space aim for a 30 day. If there is ever a problem these cans will become valuable. So you can use them to trade. You can also help your neighbors if needed. Fuel. Your car doesn't run on hugs and kisses and if the grid were to ever go down then your electric car is screwed. Gas is still the best way to get from place a to place b in a relatively good amount of time. You may also need fuel for other things fuel is good to have. money How much money do you have saved up? It never hurts to have some greenbacks at the ready. If you have old coins that are valuable those can come in handy too. Have as much as you can stand free from the banks because they may one day lock you out of your accounts because you don't see their policies as right. There is a thing called ESG scores that banks are starting to slowly implement, and if our congress doesn't wake up to the dangers of it you may find that you have money but you are allowed to spend it anywhere. This is a delicate balance because if you have too much money the police will do a civil asset forfeiture. otherwise, known as legal theft. There are lots of stories of people who had 10,000 dollars of cash in a bag and the police took it and they never got it back. Network of friends This is huge. If you find yourself without a home a friend is often a good place to find shelter. They also have skills that you may not have. Know how to do basic repairs There may be a time that the plumber isn't able to get to your house. So you will have to learn how to repair that problem yourself. What if your car doesn't run? how do you get it to the mechanic? Know how to garden This is a great way to make money and help others all at the same time. Farmers' markets are rich in great healthy veggies and other items. So you could easily trade for some beef or other meat if you don't have any.

This episode is for both dads and moms because it is about our kids. Maybe not as much phone Let them struggle Failure is good for them Maybe get them out of the school system let loose of the reigns some Ask them questions without judgment Seek to understand before being understood https://apnews.com/article/entertainment-health-jill-biden-mental-1ebf72305a84aa70e14a8903ec90cad4?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab

Now through life, we all face circumstances in our life. Circumstances are not only the events we face, they are the fact of the events that we face. You see, when a circumstance happens around us, we have thoughts about that circumstance. Those thoughts could be good or they could be bad. It is all about how we think of that circumstance. In Episode 117 I talked about Circumstances and the fact that these events in our lives are not good nor are they bad until we apply thought to them. This is why people can have two different views of the same circumstance. Some people like the prequel trilogy of Star Wars and others don't. It isn't because they saw a different movie they have different thoughts on that movie. Try this experiment Grab a piece of paper. Write down 10 facts about your life. Now I want you to write a story of your life as if it was a tragedy. Use those 10 facts about your life that you wrote down, and it has to be true. Now on the other side of the paper, I want you to write out your life story as if it was a story of triumph or a story of redemption. Again you have to use all 10 of those facts and it has to be true. My stories 10 words Divorced parents Dad Remarried I was grounded Lived with dad Helped dad on the ranch Married Large Family VIsited Mom Mom remarried Moved a lot

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake to find that it was vanity; But the dreamers of day are dangerous men. That they may act on their dreams with open eyes to make it possible T. E. Lawrence Do you dream during the day? Many of us men don't allow ourselves to dream. We feel that our world is what Our circumstances dictate. We as men often feel trapped, and we resign ourselves to this life. yet that we don't have to we can change everything about our world all we have to do is start dreaming. It is a lot like Sebastian from The NeverEnding Story. once Fantasia was completely destroyed he had the ability to rebuild it any way he wanted with just a wish. If he wanted the Rockbiter back, the Rockbiter came back. There was the racing snail. His wishes are your dreams. so what are you dreaming?  Why do so many men give up on their dreams? That's a hard question, The reasons are vast and as numerous as there are men. Many times, men give up on their dreams and stop dreaming all together because they were told to. Maybe they had their mothers and fathers tell them that their dream is not realistic. maybe they had a teacher who told them that dream is dumb. May have even had a good friend who said that dream is impractical. Why do we give up a lot of time just because we do just that we give up? The world beat us down when we were young and aspiring young men. we tried to persue a dream and we failed and we decided that was it. we also have bought into particular beliefs and lines of thought Mike I'm married and have kids so I have to be rational now. No, you don't. you do have to take care of your family yes you have a certain set of responsibilities that you have to keep up with, but you can still dream. Do you dream? are they small dreams or do you dream big? Many times some of us men still dream. they're not Big Dreams they're more aspirations, just fleeting thoughts that we have about that would be nice if… My other men do dream they have large dreams they have audacious dreams they have dreams that scare many other men. those scared men are the ones who don't dream those men are the ones who were told not to dream. They were told it's better if you don't dream. get those men who did dream, and have conquered, literal worlds. Alexander the Great had monstrous dreams and he accomplished those dreams.  Don't be JUST a dreamer Dreamers only dream. They don't take action to realize those dreams. While a dreamer of the day will take the actions and have the confidence to fail. Each action taken is an action towards its goal. Even failure is a lesson on what to do to reach your goals. Make dreams and Take action Therefore go out and dream boldly. Dream big. Then choose a dream you want to pursue and go for it. A man is a complete man when he is going for his dreams and realizing them. If you need help finding your dreams and what it takes to reach those dreams then see how Bryan can help coach you. Want to build your community? Check out the brotherhood of men      

Pop culture has a way of telling people what they are missing. What the vibe of society is from decade to decade. And that is evident in today’s popularity of superhero movies. Television shows on popular streaming services have superhero television series. Superheroes are everywhere. Why well I think it shows The mindset and thoughts of society as a whole. In the past, You saw way back in the 20s there were songs like we’re in the money, and then in the 30s you saw songs like brother can you spare a dime. In the 50s it was the ideal family and in The 60s everybody was tired of all the wars and so there was the antiwar movement and all the movies about antiwar and the songs about anti-war, they were popular. 80’s The 80s were optimistic and hopeful. so that’s why there were so many science fiction movies. Movies about adventure. Even in the late 70s when Sci-fi really starting become popular. Star Wars came out and Star Trek made a resurgence. You had the adventure of the hero's journey and that showed a lot of what society was wanting. They were hungering and hankering for adventure. There was also the teenage angst of growing up. Popular movies like 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, and Weird Science were popular at that time also because the number one moviegoers at that time were just that you teenage and tween kids. They were movies tackling divorce like Kramer versus Kramer and Irreconcilable Differences a lot of society's problems were talked about in pop culture. There were many other genres out there that were popular too. From self-discovery to the search for knowledge to thoughts of how scary the future could be. 90’s Misadventures stories American pie The hangover Gross point blank Rommy and Michelle's Class Reunion This showed that the teenage angst group was finally starting to stretch their wings. And were having their experience expressed in absurd tales. 2000 We had a dystopian societies show up like hunger games, insurgent, and maze runner. This really showed that society didn’t like the direction it was going. Things were going to start falling apart and one group was going to rule them all. The superhero really started to take off. Yeah, we had Superman series of the 80s. we had a campy Tim Burton version of Batman. Yet the 2000s is when X-Men came out 2000 is when the superheroes really started to show up. The start where we wished we had superpowers was the Harry Potter series. I believe it really expressed how we were not happy with our limitations. We weren’t happy about being common. We wanted to be special. With Harry Potter, you got to live vicariously through a boy who thought he was normal and turned out he was extra special and that he had something greater about him than everybody else. We also had the X-Men start showing up along with Spider-Man. Then in the 2010s. This is when people really started getting a lot of superheroes you had marvel television series you had DC television series, There are the DC cartoons that do better than DC movies. You have Batman, Batman, and then Batman. The wave of Marvel movies that have been huge hits. Even the ones that some people say bombed made lots of money. Really shows the true angst of society. So why does everyone seem to like these hero movies? The big reason is that people wish they could escape their humdrum lives. All they do is get up, go to work, come home, and Go to bed only to repeat this process till Friday. They then have one day they can relax and then the stress of Monday starts to loom over them, and the process starts all over. this is the same for women as it is for men. Hearing that process would you want to wish for more? Our schools don't help this either. They are too busy teaching kids that they are victims of a system they have no control over and that the kids may not be born in the right body. Therefore it isn't a wonder so many anxiety-filled kids are coming into society wishing that they had more options. They don't know what they are sexually and the world hates them. So yeah they want a superhero to be around to save them from this world. What Society doesn't know What society doesn't know is that there is a superhero in each person. Now they may not be able to fly or be a speedster, but they have the ability to find fulfillment in what they do. This is because society wants little worker bees that don't question anything and just do what they say. Sounds great on paper but it fails miserably in the practical. This is because each person is an individual and the majority of people who are born are straight. This is where dads really need to step up to the plate. Be there for their sons and daughters and protect them from those who are actually grooming their children to be used in horrible ways. Dad's You are the original hero. You just have to change how you operate and start listening to your kids. Stop with the lectures., and I get it it is hard to stop. You want to make sure they understand that they screwed up, yet already knew that. That is why they are coming to you. They need a hero who will listen to the problem and let them work it out. They will be far more confident in their actions the next time if you do. The time you can jump into action is when there is a real danger. You can also show your kids how they can be super on their own. Show them that being their own person is the scariest and most exhilarating part of being a human being. To not care that you are different. That you actually have standards and that nobody can shove you off of that hill. That takes confidence and the ability to give yourself grace. If you can do that you are miles ahead of anybody in their class because they are all scared to step out on their own because what if they get shunned by their classmates? Hmm, what would happen? If you don't have kids that is OK you still have your own superpower. You are able to live your life on your terms. You don't have to follow what your mom and dad wanted you to be. You always wanted to paint and you still have an easel and paints stored away in the back of the storage unit. Why did you give it up? because someone said that you cant make money as an artist? You are right if you look at making money as many artists do. Where you are hungry for good judgment and afraid of bad. That fear will hold you back every time. What would you paint out if you didn't care if anybody liked your work or not? How would you paint if you painted only for yourself? Can you make money? Yeah, You have to first take care and process the thoughts that you have about the old ways, then change them. See about having Bryan Coach you The Brotherhood of Men

Now there are many different types of relationships around. Many work and more don't. Wanted to examine one relationship "Style" that is being talked about and the Nice guy thinks he will like it, yet the woman will become miserable. That style is the Female Led Relationship Thanks, to the Woke wave of Feminism you are seeing women we are wanting to change the family dynamic. Why? well, they are entering into relationships with the mindset that men are the scourge of society and that the traditional roles are the root of all suffering. Yet their suffering is created by their own actions and choosing the wrong partner. So you have a victim who is wanting to have control and thanks to the nice guys in society they are getting it believing they are going to get a free ride. They don't have to make any of the hard decisions. They don't have to worry about the accounting. They can just be comfortable and not have to worry about anybody getting upset because they won't be at fault. Sounds like a man's paradise right? No this is a man's nightmare along with it reinforcing the stereotype that men don't do anything What is a Woman-Led Relationship There are levels of the female-led relationship According to Momjunction.com, there are 4 different levels of Female-led relationships. Low Leveled Female Control the woman has low authority, and all the decisions are taken mutually by the man and the woman. The man allows his partner to take the lead in specific scenarios and, sometimes, she needs the permission of the man to make a decision. Momjunction.com Moderate Level of Female Control the female can enjoy being a leader for a while and has a sense of ruling the man. It helps boost her confidence and morale and makes the relationship more positive. The man also often enjoys the dominant attitude of the woman. At this level, the woman usually takes the day-to-day decisions, but she also sets boundaries regarding how far she is willing to go. MomJunction.com Defined Control In this type of female-led relationship, the woman makes most decisions and takes on the male roles too. The areas where she can be dominant are defined to ensure there is a demarcation. MomJunction.com Extreme Control Here there is extreme control by the woman and servitude by the man. This relationship is for women who like to have the ultimate power in the relationship. MomJunction.com There are Rules too The female makes most of the household decisions. The man shares his opinion before a decision is made, and the woman may value it. The woman can help motivate the man to work on getting rid of any bad habits like excessive smoking or dependence on alcohol by being authoritative. Although the man and woman distribute household tasks, the man agrees to do chores like cooking, cleaning, etc. The woman takes most financial decisions, and the man trusts his wife to take care of things. The woman also takes decisions regarding social events and social gatherings. Why would anyone like this? Because according to Liveboldandbloom.com women offer unique qualities Compassion and empathy Sensitivity Resilience in the face of adversity A nurturing attitude Intuition Emotional self-awareness Persuasiveness Inclusiveness Lemetropolelille.com also has some points it would like to add Women are more likely to communicate, thus creating an atmosphere of openness. This usually leads to fewer disagreements when the male consciously steps back from the leadership role. Both partners become more attentive. Both partners feel freer to express their feelings. When women are pleased in their relationships, they would be more willing to give in to the man’s requests. This satisfaction often translates to better action in the bedroom. There is a clear division or even sharing of responsibilities, as women are more likely to acknowledge the need for variations. The relationship is not tied down solely by children and gender roles. It is carried by mutual respect. It is even initiated by respect, coming from the male who gave up his natural role to humble himself to a woman he loves. As you read this and other articles stating the benefits of a female-led relationship you will see how they paint the scenario as it becoming a better relationship. The man is happier and things flow so much better. Yet this is far from the case. This is one reason so many women are divorcing. They sense that there is a lack in the relationship and cant explain it. Then they come across a more masculine man and suddenly they are more enamored with him. This leaves the submissive nice guy sitting in the ruins of his relationship wondering why she left. This often causes men to turn to the Red pill movement or MGTOW. VIctim-oriented relationships lead to creating more victims. The Traditional Relationship The issue here is that the feminists don't see how the traditional means of relationships are actually allowed for the growth and improvement of both parties involved. First women do have power. Now if we rewind back to the 70s and 80s My grandfather was a mountain of a man. I don't remember how tall he was but he was a big man barrel-chested and with a deep growl of a voice. The marriage to my grandmother was one of care and gentleness. He was also viewed by many in town to be a bit of an asshole. So my Grandad was a complex person, just as everybody else is. The feminists would think that my grandmother didn't have any power. She was a slave to his words and whims. Yet my grandmother had her own set of power over her domain, that house. She ruled that roost with just an iron fist as my grandad had over his domain. Grandad didn't set foot on her floors if she just mopped them. He was respectful to her and she to him. He did the finances and she took care of their 5 kids. They didn't approach their relationship with a victim mindset. They had a relationship of mutual respect. Did they argue and fit? I don't know I would assume so but I never witnessed it. Changing the circumstance isn't going to change your thoughts If you think you have to control another person to be happy then you are going to be in a world of hurt. If you think you are going to be able to just sit back and chill because you have abdicated your responsibilities to the other person? You have another thing coming. When two people are supposed to work together and one person is just loafing around guess what's going to happen. Resentment is going to build. You have to have good communication skills but you also have to do the thought work. Understand why you think you are not being fulfilled. Why is your spouse not making you happy? because they cant. I have mentioned many times before that you cant make a person feel anything. What you feel is from what you think. So if you think you are a victim in a relationship. Then you are going to find all the reasons why you are a victim. If you see yourself as an equal then you are going to find all the reasons as to why you are an equal.

What is the River Of Misery? This is a gap where on one side you are mentally and on the other side of the river is where you want to be. The River of Misery is the effort you make to get to the other side and have a new and better thought. What represents water in the middle is the struggle to get to the other side. There is all the cognitive dissonance, the effort to power over to a new thought, The tripping and failings that happen when you fall back into old ways of thinking. Bridge Thoughts What are Bridge Thoughts? These are small stepping thoughts that allow you to span the river of Misery. This allows you to slowly shift how you think so that you are able to take action. Why is the River of Misery so tough? Habits Social Pressure Your own Thoughts

Fear is one of those emotions that cripple us from all sorts of opportunities. Fear keeps us playing small. We don't live up to our possibilities. We don't shine as bright as we could. all because we are afraid. Of what? That depends on the person. They may be afraid of what others will think. That people may see them as a fraud that they are. A person may be afraid to fail or afraid that they may succeed and then what happens? The opposite of fear is love Curiosity is the replacement of Fear Curiosity allows you to connect to others and better understand where they are coming from. This understanding comes from love. So ask questions when someone is upset. Learn how to get curious about what you fear. Why did you really get angry? Often it is because someone scared you or you had thoughts that were frightening. This is often why we yell at our kids that they did something that scared us.

Now with this being released each Thursday I am just now getting around to talking about the slap that everyone's talking about. There is a lot to break down in this major event. Will Smith slaps Chris Rock Now most people have seen this video but if not here is what I was able to find on Youtube https://youtu.be/myjEoDypUD8 The Slap Video Now First thing I noticed was WIll laughing after the GI Jane joke. but if you look at Jada's reaction she wasn't impressed. Second who slaps like that? Is it real? I don't know but This is what you get when you are not living life on your terms. Many people would call this a beta male and I would call it being a nice guy. The events that took place at the Oscars is all because Will Smith is a people pleaser or a Nice guy. They will sacrifice their own dignity. to please someone else. I don't know Will and Jada's relationship personally but it's not a hidden fact that they have an "Open" relationship. An Open relationship opens the door for lots of problems and gives one party of the relationship an excuse to not be committed. A nice guy may protest but by the looks of it, Will wasn't willing to be seen as his own man and decided to go along with it. I would say that to be nice Will sacrificed his integrity and his masculinity to make sure that he kept his family together. This is what happens when a man fails to lead in his family, and the progressive mindset of getting along to get along doesn't serve him.

As you may know, I did a thing back on the 22 of Feb and It helped me out in ways I didn't know. First I have sympathy for those with bad knees. Wow, my knees were not happy after walking 22 km with 22 lbs on my back. Yet as I was doing my three laps I was able to correlate some of life's events to a ruck march. We go unprepared Are we ever prepared for the first attempt? You can control the weight of your pack What you believe and the other thoughts you have can really start weighing you down. https://www.relaxedmale.com/your-basket-of-beliefs/ You are eventually going to be going at life alone There are stretches of your life that are going to seem to be lonely. You will feel as if you have no one to talk with. The burden you are carrying is immense but at the same time they are just thoughts and beliefs It seems easy at first Each lap is a section of life. Your youth is full of energy. While your middle lap is still ready to go but not as fast. while the last can be where the most learning can happen. You will hit a wall For me, it was the third lap of the ruck march. but for you, it may be that notice that your wife is leaving you for another man, or that you have been cut out of a huge deal at work. You will come face to face with a challenge that can be scary and insurmountable. What is your choice? For me, it was that I could do hard things You will start to welcome Church and friends Those in religion and friends become very welcoming as you go. The church offers a well-earned respite of life and allows you to gain a new view. Hills Suck These habits you form become harder as you go We all need a Bob in our life. That one friend who keeps checking in on you even when you might wish that he go ahead to without you. Find your Bob and thank him for his dedication Coaching services Brotherhood of Men

The Model Series The Model Circumstance Thought Feeling Action Results Your results This is the last line of your model. When done correctly you will have the results reflect back to your thought line. If you don't get it you have more than likely mixed up your models. Why is the results important? It shows you whats actually happening in your life It is proof that you are on the right tract when you are trying to take massive action With the right results you will be able to atain your goals. Examples If you are wanting to lose weight you can see if your thought of "why am I so fat?", is actually allowing you to lose the weight. Hint it's not. The results line shows you if you are making progress at making $10,000 a month in your new business. If you aren't you can see why.

The Model Series The Model Circumstance Thought Feeling Action - This episode Results Your action What do you want to do? Is the action serving you? How this line fits into the model This is what we do based on how we are feeling. Our actions lead to the results. You have to change how you think of the circumstance if you want to change your action. Take trying to lose weight. Circumstance - You are 50 pounds overweight Thought - You can't stand how you look in the mirror Emotion - disgust Action - Eat to avoid feeling disgust Result - You don't lose weight and so you still cant stand yourself in the mirror This is where we often do the things we really don't want to do. Ask yourself does this action serve you? No. because the results aren't what you are wanting, are they? So you have to start changing your thoughts about the circumstance. You actually have to start being intentional in what you want and how you get to the goal. Intentional model Circumstance - You are 50 pounds overweight Thought - I have a plan to lose the weight Feeling - determined Action - Follow a diet and get exercise on schedule Result - You start losing weight You see how the action will change with a different thought. The new thought changes what you are feeling. That new feeling will help you with your new action. But remember that hippocampus discussion from the last episode? Yeah, you have to be very deliberate in your thoughts because the habit center of your brain wants to take over and it takes a lot of energy to change a habit. So you will fall back on old habits from time to time. This is where you have to use something like a journal to see your thoughts and work through your own models. See if that model is producing your results. If so keep at it. the small actions and the results from those actions lead to you taking massive actions in your life.

The Ruck March report The Model Series The Model Circumstance Thought Feeling - This episode Action Results What are emotions? VIbrations Emotions are vibrations that start in your mind and are felt throughout your body Emotions are also associated with different neurotransmitters and hormones your body produces dopamine - pleasure, happy gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), - Calming serotonin - Joy and contentment Oxytocin - love Endorphins - relaxed Hormones we avoid norepinephrine - FIght or flight cortisol - Stress Adrenaline - stress We often avoid these hormones because they don't feel good in general. Yet many people will seek them out like adrenaline because it also helps produce Endorphins There are also other parts of the brain that are into the process of emotions. Your brain's primary objective is to keep you alive. The prefrontal cortex - THinking part of the brain The amygdala - The Primative part The hippocampus - The habit center It is emotions that keep us playing small. They are sought out because we want to feel safe and The primitive part of our brain is the part that we don't want to have control. This is the warning system that we are venturing into unknown territory. Our brain also likes to not waste energy so as soon as a brain can offload a set of movements and thinking processes to the hippocampus it does. So with all this, it may look like you have a lot to overcome but your thinking part of your brain is the main control center of it all that is the prefrontal cortex. So how do you control your emotions? Emotions are not positive nor negative The 50/50- Principle Our life is 50% pain and 50% pleasure. You can spend your life fighting the perceived negative emotions and we do this by buffering or avoiding or indulging Buffering is using something to get the dopamine and serotonin hits we desire. We buffer to avoid pain but at the cost of suffering. Things we buffer on Porn video games social media food alcohol drugs Emotions don't last. The reason they keep coming up is because of our thoughts. We keep having the thoughts of something bad and we experience the emotions associated with that thought. Yet if you can do the thought work of changing how you see a circumstance you can change your emotion. Often we resist the so-called negative emotion and this act of dining the 50/50 principle causes us more pain and suffering. We avoid doing the hard things in life because we don't want to feel bad. We don't want to face the thoughts and beliefs we have formed. So we stay comfortable. We keep playing small. What if you were to allow the emotion to be. Allow yourself to feel that emotion. What would happen to you? What if we didn't run from that emotion just accepted that the emotion is there let it run its life and then carry on? What would you be able to do? You can choose to let emotion have power over you or you can choose to take the power you have back and live your life.

Announcements The Model Series The Model Circumstance Feeling Action Results This is the biggest obstacle you will encounter Thoughts are the start of your model, not the circumstance This is where the pain and suffering you have in your life is from This is where the joy and sense of accomplishment comes from Thoughts create the emotions you feel

Announcements Ruck March - Operation Tears of the 22 Operation Tears of the 22 website Operation Tears of the 22 Facebook Other Episodes on this series The Model Thoughts Feelings Actions Results When we are talking about The Model we have 5 lines that we are working with. The first line is the Circumstance line. Many people want to say this is the source of your problems but this is not actually the truth. It is the facts of your model but it isn't the truth. What is a Circumstance? Any event that is happening in your life. The event can be positive or negative, good or bad We often give this circumstance power These are things that are outside of our control They are facts and only facts. They do not have any modifiers in them (i.e. I spent way too much money, My wife is mad, My mother in law is controlling) If you are using words a person says that is to be a direct quote above all remember circumstances are neutral What do you mean a circumstance is neutral? No there are bad circumstances! The circumstance has no influence on your outcome. The choice of how you see the circumstance is how you will show up. The power a circumstance has over you is in your thoughts

What is actually holding you back? This is a question I ask often and for good reason because so many people focus on the wrong culprit. They think it is the thing in their life that is creating their pain. The Wife is making them mad. The kids are disappointing you. The promotion to that new position is because the boss is a jerk. None of these are the real reason why you are unhappy, unfulfilled, Feel as if you are chained to your desk. The person holding you back is you and the Model can show you how.   What is the Model?   The reason you are playing it small is because of your thoughts and that is what the model does so well. It shows you your thoughts and how they are getting in your way. The Model also shows if you are going off the path. Where your thoughts are leading you astray. Are you not getting the connection you want out of your marriage? Your thoughts and the model can help point out how   What is it used for?   Now The model isn't new. It's not anything I ever came up with. I am not that smart. The Model has been around for a good while or at least its concepts have been. My Mentor and teacher Brooke Castillo over at The Life Coach School is who put the concepts together to show people their minds. Show them that their thoughts are the biggest scariest obstacles they will face. The thoughts you have are a choice. What you choose to let rule you and it is what keeps you playing small or choosing to go for big leagues.   So how does it help?   What it does is, The Model allows you to see what you are thinking and how those thoughts you have, are giving you the results you are getting. You are not being oppressed by some boogie man you are being oppressed by you. You are unhappy because you chose to be unhappy. You are living in poverty because of the thoughts you had.   Parts of the Model   The model is actually simple to explain. You have a Thought about a Circumstance. That thought creates an emotion. That emotion leads to an action, and the action produces your result. So When you hear me talk about lines in the model they are as follows   C - Circumstance T - Thought F - Feeling A - Action R - Result   So let's break these down   Before the Model; The Thought Download   This is where you lay out all of your thoughts. You can make it about a particular topic, or you can just let your thoughts rain down onto a piece of paper. The choice is yours. The thought download allows you to see your thoughts and to pick apart what you want to. You can take 10 minutes or an hour. The amount of time is up to you.   Now I do recommend that you do this with a pen and paper. This allows you to see your thoughts but it also allows your brain to stop trying to hold on to these thoughts. Our brain is great at thinking but horrible at remembering. So when you write your thoughts down your brain doesn't have to waste energy trying to remember stuff. This often gums up the thinking process. Therefore I recommend doing a thought download daily. If for any reason it just frees up space.   Circumstance   These are the facts of the situation. It has to be free of descriptors, feelings, or thoughts. If you are struggling with your marriage. Your fact is, "you are married". It's not, "your wife hates sex". It is "you were passed up for a promotion" not 'Your boss is greedy SOB"   The circumstance line of the model is something we can all agree on. You could take it to a court of law and say yes that is a cat. Not everyone will agree that it is an extra fluffy cat because someone could say I know a cat that's extra fluffy and your cat there is just fluffy.   Why? Because your circumstance is neutral. They are not good nor are they bad. Circumstances aren't positive nor are they negative that is until we apply thought to that circumstance.   An example is The World Trade Center towers on 9/11 The attack was bad in our eyes. Yet on the other side of the world people were having celebrations that the towers fell. Was it good or bad? depends on the thought. Also, you weren't affected by the towers falling till you heard or saw the towers fall. Before that, you were having other thoughts about other circumstances   Thought   The Thought line of the model is what we think of the circumstance. This is where we apply the positive or negative aspects to the circumstance. This is where the problems or success originate. If your wife is not feeling lovey you can choose to have the thought of being a victim and thinking it's not fair, or you can have the thought that she isn't feeling connected enough, so how do you change it? More on Model switching later.   More episodes on thoughts   https://www.relaxedmale.com/disempowering-thoughts/ Disempowering Thoughts - Relaxed Male Podcast Episode 87   https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-root-of-your-suffering/ The Root of your Suffering - Relaxed Male Podcast Episode 103   https://www.relaxedmale.com/other-peoples-opinion/ Other Peoples Opinion - Relaxed Male Podcast Episode 104   Feeling   These are the emotions you feel. Now before you groan understand yes we all have emotions. No this isn't an instance where you get in touch with your feeeeeeelings. No, but you need to be aware of your emotions and what emotions you are having because what normally happens is that when we experience an emotion and it isn't a "positive" emotion or one that feels good, we avoid it. We do things like buffer or turn to other urges. These distract us from what we are really wanting to do.   Action   This is what you do when you feel that particular feeling. Do you lean into it or avoid it. What do you not do? Maybe if your wife rebuffed your advances you go to the living room or pout.   Results   This is the outcome of your action. So if we were still sticking to the wife not wanting sex then the results would be that you don't have the connection needed for your wife to want sex with you.   What to watch out for   Model switching   This is where you notice that you are running a particular model and you don't like the emotions being felt and you just change your thought so you have a better emotion. This can be used as buffering. Denying emotions doesn't work. Our life is 50% Pain and 50% pleasure. If you don't have the negative you won't appreciate the positive.   Mixed models   These models don't give you a proper result.   Needing help with figuring out your models? You can reach out to me or if you want coaching on how to use the model or coaching in general you can see how we can work together  

Many of us think we have huge insurmountable obstacles in our life. But do we really? Are the obstacles that are keeping you away from your goals and dreams really in your way? Are your problems as bad as you say? This week I wanted to challenge you on your thinking. You are telling yourself a huge lie in that you can't do something because of whatever the circumstance is. HOW? Well, I want to show you some men who overcame the obstacles in their world and it was because of their thoughts. Not the fact that they had problems but they refused to see their problems as something that would hold them back. A Hockey Accident It was Winter 1885 and A bunch of boys was playing hockey. Then suddenly a hockey stick collided with a young Wil’s face. It caused some serious injuries. These injuries caused Will to have to drop out of high school. Doing so interrupted his dreams and aspirations of going to Yale. Because of this, he did sink into a depressive state as he stayed home and tended to his mother who had Consumption. When she died in 1889 Will's brother and he opened a newspaper shop and eventually they pursued their passion for bicycles. From there they created the first heavier than air flying craft.  Yeah, Wilbur Wright could have just decided that his dreams were over; he wasn't going to be rich or famous. Wilbur could have very well done just that. Yet he overcame the obstacles he saw as his circumstance and sidestepped them. With the help of his brother Orville, they flew the first airplane. Only One Sell You have heard of starving artists. How about a world-famous artist that only sold one painting? Yep, there was one man who had a passion for painting. He couldn’t stop painting. Yet he only sold one painting. Well, actually he sold only one painting. He sold several drawings but only one painting. And it was only 400 Belgian francs on top of that. Now this one does end on a sad note; he died at the age of 37 thinking that he was an abject failure. Yet now Van Gogh’s paintings go for millions. Try Try Again What do you do if something doesn’t work? Do you give up? Maybe try another angle and then if that doesn't work give up? Would you try 10,000 different combinations before you gave up? Most of us wouldn’t yet without the bullheaded tenacity of Thomas Edison we would still be using oil lanterns for light. Yet Thomas didn’t give up. He would try one way and then try another way. He would try combinations of the other ways that didn’t work. Thomas wouldn’t give up. When he finally got a light to work and didn’t go out in an instant, he knew he was on the right track. He is famous for saying I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. This is the way of thinking you have to put in your head. Keep pushing, as you start your new business or whatever adventure. You are going to get it wrong. Do I hear “yeah, but…”? How about he has maybe a 7-grade education. He had ADHD. He found school boring. Yet, he still found knowledge the most interesting around him. He didn’t stop just because he didn’t have a school to go to, No. He pressed on. Abject failure This young man tried his hand at business and he failed several times. Our Gent even tried to get into public office. His first wife, who he loved dearly, died. His second wife nagged and scolded him because he wanted better and he wouldn’t just settle for good enough. At 27 he had a nervous breakdown and suffered from bouts of depression for the rest of his life. He then proceeded to lose 3 attempts to get elected into congress. Failed spectacularly. He couldn’t even get the position at the Land Office That wasn’t good enough for our destined hero. He tried to get the vice president and failed at that also. 19 of the 21 clergymen rejected his offer for his first run at the presidency. Yet eventually Abraham Lincoln did make it. Even then when he did become president the country broke out into Civil War. Yet he was able to reunite the country and remove slavery in the process. Fightful story How about one of the most prolific writers we have today. Stephen King's first book Carrie was rejected no less than 30 times. His work was rejected so many times that the nail he hung the rejection letters on couldn’t hold them. He even threw it in the trash at one point in the writing. Yet thanks to his wife Tabatha She convinced him to keep at it. Keep pushing. Keep trying. He persisted. He didn’t see the rejection as a “no”. He saw it as “not this publisher”. He was willing to be uncomfortable till someone took him up on the book. He eventually sold it and he became wildly successful. That's not the end of his troubles. He developed a liking for cocaine and liquor. At the height of his addiction, he doesn’t even remember writing the book Cujo. Again Stephen faced the challenge and got himself clean. You see, all of these men had several obstacles in their life. They didn't give up and thought it was too hard. Some of them even had what would be called a disability and they still didn’t stop. They had the drive and fortitude to press on till they found their acres of diamonds. This isn't all of them either. I could have talked about Ben Franklin's challenges or the fact that Jim Carry was homeless for a while. Walt Disney had some roadblocks on his adventure to become the largest media corporation in the world.

Visualize How would you be when you are successful Dress for success What would you have? act the part Won't that make you a fake? according to who? Their reactions to your success is a reflection of their shortcomings This gets your mind wrapped around what it will be like if you are successful If you were to just become successful overnight you mentally wouldn't know how to handle the pressure and responsibility of that success. You would self-sabotage and wind back at your starting place. You grow the skills needed Your friends will change and that is a good thing Brotherhood of Men Work with Bryan

Where you are at in your life? Are you struggling to find meaning or maybe no matter how hard you try you just aren't happy? This is a common problem for most men. They are sitting on the couch, their life is sort of Blah. Maybe you are wondering how in the heck you ended up in this predicament? You had so much fire when you were young and then life just took over. Now you are overweight. Watching a game on the huge screen television. You have the house, the cars, the kids, yet you aren't really happy, You aren't depressed either you are just sort of Meh! You are married and yet the sexual wild child you married now goes to bed in 2 layers of clothing socks on and maybe she lets you have some nookie once a month or so. The sex is almost like pitty sex. It achieves the purpose but there really isn't much passion in it. Where did you lose yourself? It is not that you aren't happy with the life you are pleased somewhat with what you have yet you believe that there should be more laughing and happiness floating through the air. Yet each week there is a new fire to put out. You have a honey-do list that isn't shrinking at all. You aren't overly joyous with where you are. The dream was to have the house and kids right? Well yeah but that is only one aspect and you are not facing the other parts of your life. We were told that if we work hard we will get far in life. So why are you not happy? Why are you not filled with so much joy that you can't stop laughing? Your wife's clothes should be falling off the moment you step into the house. What could you possibly be doing wrong? You do all the things that make sense to you. You stay away from negative people. You may go as far as not allowing negative people into your life. You may even keep a little sunshine in your pocket and you are such the little sunshine that some people may go as far as calling you Toxicly Positive because you can't stand having people around you that are not happy either. Yet no matter what you do you aren't feeling that happiness. and you hate that feeling. You want it gone. Wrong Expectations That is the whole problem. First off you have the wrong expectations. You think you should have this life of happiness and joy. You and your wife are always going to be intimately connected. So much so that you are not going to have to really have the hard conversation. It's just "I love you" and a hug with a passionate kiss and the relationship is just going to be ok. You expect your boss to throw you a promotion. Simply because you show up on time and do your work. You accomplished your goal of having a house and kids and so you were expecting that the rest of your life would fall into place. Stop arguing with me because if you did know that you wouldn't be expecting the wrong results you are getting Your kids aren't going to be the model citizen you think they are. Your life isn't just going to be smooth sailing. In fact, no matter how hard you try you are going to have negative emotions. The 50/50 Life Life is going to have pain it is also going to have pleasure. The problem for many men is that we avoid the pain to the core of our being. We have been trained by years and centuries and millennia that pain is bad. If you are uncomfortable then you are going to DIE!!! If you embarrass yourself in front of others they will judge you and kick you out of the village and you will die. That was true a million years ago when man was looking for a cave to shelter in. If we get too cold and we don't have a tribe to accept us then we will possibly be a bear snack. That's not the case for today. Yet our Monky brain in the back of our mind doesn't know that. It was formed to keep us alive. If you are not at the home base you are not comfortable. If you are not comfortable then you are doing something that is dangerous. If you are doing something that is dangerous then you will die! So whether you know it or not your mind is always trying to work against you if you are trying to do something new and exciting. Even learning something new is not comfortable. Your mind has to expend more energy to make new connections. So to learn a new skill uses more energy than the brain is comfortable with. Why, because, what if you can't get enough calories to replace the energy spent learning this new skill? You will die! You see your mind likes a particular hormone called dopamine. You get that squirt of the good stuff when you do something that the brain perceives as good. When you eat it is pleasureful. When you have an orgasm you did good. Pleasure is something we are always chasing. That pleasure though is often not actually in our best interest. You get pleasure from Watching porn and from sleeping with your wife. Yet to have sex with your wife runs the risk of being rejected (this is perceived as bad). You may get criticized (This is perceived as bad). Yet porn all you have to do you open up a webpage and watch a video and your brain gets that dopamine hit when you get your rocks off. The problem is that you aren't connecting with your wife. That connection isn't being built at all because you found an easier way to fulfill the need to have a dopamine hit. We also get a rush of dopamine when we eat. That rush comes because of all the calories that our body needs to run. Now your brain doesn't know that it's not the highest quality of food and honestly it doesn't care. It has a crazy amount of calories. Far more than the berries we have to go out and pick. So It is easier to fulfill that urge to eat at Wendy's because well they have bacon on almost everything. You also get a huge rush of dopamine when you take heroin. To our brain, these drugs are the best. Yet, we all know a person who is addicted to the dopamine blast that comes from taking illegal drugs. This is the best example of when we look to the comfort of the dopamine hit without examining what it does to us. This is the great thing about us humans is that we have a prefrontal cortex. No actions can come from our desires or urges without the forefront cortexes approval. That is one reason why tweakers are often very creative with how they get the means to acquire their drug of choice. It may not be the smartest thing in the world but it is ingenious. Your life is 50/50 which means that half of your experiences will be perceived as pleasurable and the other 50% will be unpleasant. Without paying attention to what you are thinking you will fall into the line of pleasure every time. While you will also avoid the painful experiences in your life. Life in Buffering Many times in your life you had some type of experience that wasn't pleasant. Maybe you were abused in some way. or you are just really beating yourself up for some reason. This negative emotion is often experienced as something that we don't want to have in our life. So we buffer from that experience.  The act of avoiding that negative emotion, will actually cause you more pain in the long run. a good example of this is overweight people who can't control their eating. many of these people are emotional eaters, while some are stress eaters. That basically means that they are one and the same. When someone who is an emotional eater has an unpleasant emotion, they push away that negative emotion by eating something that they like. for example, they may enjoy a whole tub of ice cream. this is because the ingredients in the ice cream send lots of dopamine to the brain. that makes the experience of eating ice cream very pleasant. so for a short time, their mind is not on the thought that generates the negative emotion. yet because they dodged that negative emotion they never really fix the problem. Therefore the overweight man can't lose weight because losing weight isn't a pleasurable experience at the start see. Now, it can be a pleasant experience at the end when he hits his target weight. The Emotional Bank A good way to look at this is like an emotional bank account. all the pleasant experiences are added to The emotional bank account. Buffering actually withdrawals from the balance of the emotional bank account. You are taking satisfaction and joy away from yourself. If you keep taking you eventually wind up like most people in some form of misery because you are overdrawn. You have trouble finding joy, contentment, and satisfaction because you don't have anything to draw from. So you can see that buffering only allows you to avoid the pain in your life. Yet it doesn’t absolve that pain. You have to face the fact that you don't like how you look. You have to face the fact that your wife may be looking at other men. Your means of avoiding the pain in your life leads to bigger problems. So it is actually better to face that pain and experience it now than to wait till the bill comes due with interest. The urge to not do it One of the hardest things to do in life is something new. You always seem to find something else to do. You could do your college thesis or you could play around of Call of Duty. You could learn the guitar or you could drink several beers.  We often wonder why we put off the project we know we need to do when that project may only take a few minutes. This is also why it is so easy for us to find ourselves browsing Facebook instead of doing whatever it is that we need to do. The instant reward is often more tempting than the delayed gratification we would get from doing the work. This all ties into the dopamine hits. We would rather be flooded from dopamine now than a small squirt at a later date. So we find interesting ways to talk ourselves into getting the dopamine hit than we do having the fear of maybe getting rejected while trying to find a client or making a sale. Yeah there is a bit of danger but why worry about that when you can be comfortable on the couch So why is this happiness not making you happy? Well its not so much not making you happy as it is leaving you feeling unfulfilled and that lack is what is causing your suffering. People who are not fulfilled are not pushing themselves to a big scary goal. They are trying stuff but they are not taking action to achieve their goals. The actions are not comfortable. They aren’t always fun. Sometimes those goals are uncomfortable and cause you to grow in places you didn’t think you had to develop.  Often when people are faced with something that is “hard” they seek out the easy way of getting it done. That is why so many people look for get-rich-quick schemes. They hope they can get rich without the difficult and needed mindset shift to actually have the money. That is why so many people show up on social media and then disappear a few months after they can't hold the money. You actually know this deep down and so you find excuses and talk yourself out of doing the difficult things because you don't want to do the challenging work on yourself. You end up playing small and then wonder why you can't make the big changes you need. You cant play small, you have to go big. Peaks and valleys As I mentioned before, we want to stay on the happy side of life. Yet that is impossible and we actually don't want to be happy all the time. You don't want to be grinning like a loon at a funeral. We want to be sad and grieve. Yet in normal circumstances, you will also have negative emotions, but you avoid them and don't allow them to happen. Why do you need the negative to have the joy? Because if we were happy all the time we wouldn’t know what joy really was. You have to have the valleys of pain and sadness to balance out the happy and victorious times we are shooting for. You need the valleys so you can get to the peaks without the valleys you don't have mountains. The higher the mountain the deeper the valley. Don't be afraid of the valley, yeah there may be swamps or other things down there but they are nothing you can't get out of. So how do you get satisfaction and accomplishments? You do the work. Use fear as a compass (Ep 26). Your life and your skills are like muscles and they have to be used. If they are new it will be messy. You will fail early and you will fail often. Yet don't look at those failures as failures but as points of learning. I am actually actively working on changing my vocabulary to get failure out of my lexicon of words I use. I want to start calling them points of learning. Because we all learn when something doesn’t work like we thought it would. Celebrate the wins you have. This will give you the dopamine hit you are looking for. Have your close friends and Include your band of brothers. Let them in on the celebration. Make each win as sweet as possible that way you get the reward your brain needs for the hard work. Notice when you are avoiding and succumbing to urges. When they are happening, listen to what your brain is saying, activate the thinking part of your mind. Go ahead and acknowledge what your monkey brain is saying and then set it aside. Your mind is just trying to protect you so ignoring it will only create resistance and that is where the urges become suffering. You have this. You can find and make the life you want. You can reach your dreams. You will find happiness in the struggle. To do that you have to get into the area of discomfort because that is the only place you will grow. Need help? You can work with me one on one or Join my exclusive men's group The Brotherhood of Men 

The clothes make the man. Have you ever heard that phrase? Well, there are reasons that getting dressed is important for you and what you want to accomplish. Dressing up is one thing but how do you normally dress? That is the question. This doesn't mean you have to be at the pentacle of men's fashion. In fact, I question the fashion industry and how they are trying to femininize men. Men do have a way to dress and the uniform they choose to wear for their battle is important. There is a reason for uniforms to be worn at work. The most common reason is to exude a standard for the customer. If you went to a Mcdonald's and everybody was wearing what they want you could have the cook wearing a tank top and a cap on backward. The person at the counter could have on hospital scrubs. The fry guy may even be shirtless. The standards would be way lower than they are now. Your impression of that establishment would be one that you may not go back to. The military has its own uniform standards and it is to help identify which side of the battlefield you are on. It also helps you to recognize who the leaders are versus who the privates are. Uniforms do serve a purpose. So what is your uniform? Sadly many guys don't have a uniform they dress in what is comfortable and don't care who they are out to impress. This is doing our women a disservice because the young men these days don't even dress to impress their date. I have seen some of the guys my daughter dated in high school and the impression was losers. When talking to kiddo about the guy she would make big fluffy generalizations about him having a nice personality. Yet a few months down the road she would be in tears because he cheated on her. My response to that is yeah I saw that when I saw him. How could I see that? well if you don't show yourself respect how are you going to respect others? That's how. He didn't show my daughter any respect by trying to keep his pants on his butt and looked like someone who is out solely for the chance to get a girl naked. So yes you can tell a lot about a man by how he dresses. That's not the only indicator of a successful man but it is a big indicator. Why is being well-dressed important? First, it shows others you are confident but also helps you feel more confident. To be able to make big strides in life you have to be confident that no matter what happens you are going to succeed. If you don't have confidence in yourself then the learning phase will cripple you. You also show pride in yourself with what you are wearing. If you don't have any pride, your outward appearance will show through. You look like a slouch people will perceive you to be a slouch. Not fair? Life ain't fair buddy. confidence pride in self You are perceived differently More productive Men who took pride in how they looked Washington - "nothing adds more to the appearance of a man than a dress." Gary Cooper How you can improve your dress Start with your base wear Take it up just a step You don't have to be the best dressed but dress better than expected. Look at styles that you resonate with Find ways you can step up your appearance get your hair in shape that goes for the beard

Do you have an attitude problem? Where are you now Not getting anywhere You are broke no connection in your marriage Feel alone Do you want to stay that way? The effects of your attitude Not having any friends Failed business Marriage is failing You can make a simple change Pay attention to your attitude My story Why change the attitude You will see people act differently around you. People will start looking at you as a leader, not as a hindrance What does a different attitude result in? Start taking responsability Start doing your job as if you own it. Start having the attitude that your wife has her own life and that you are there for the ride. Have the attitude that your kids are proud of the family Start having the attitude of you are going to be successful. The key is your attitude. Coaching Men's Group

There are many ways you can build your community. There is the church, schools, civic organizations, your place of employment, and your neighborhood. You can find men who you would like to aspire to be like just about anywhere. And right off the bat let’s point that out. These men will rub off on you. The phrase, “ Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” fits. If you want to be successful in business you want successful men. If you want to get in shape, have men who take pride in their health. Good marriages? Same thing. Find men who are noble masculine men. These men are going to be there to stand by your side. They will help you and you will help them. Each man has their own journey but that doesn’t mean they don’t need other men in their lives. These men will start to become your 3 a.m. people. There will be bonds developed and strengthened as each meeting happens. Why a men's group? Simply put men need other men in their life. The term toxic masculinity is there because men don’t have other men as close friends. They don't learn how to use their masculine energy for production and so it gets misused. Many men who are married don't have male friends that they see regularly. and to get the masculine interaction they have put that burden on their wives. Yes, that is a burden. You are expecting your wife to build you up when she is needing you to build her up. Yeah, that phrase may sound offensive to some feminists because they want to think that women are their own island. Yet that is untrue. We pour our energy into those who need it. We get our energy from our band of brothers. The men we spend close intentional time with. A close friend who can listen to what your struggle is and help put the needed plan into place. They will work through the needed thought work. These men will help you to succeed. Even when failures happen. They will help you change your mindset and how you are working through the problem. They will poke holes in your plan. They will push you to become better and cheer you when you are uncomfortable. These men are the most important people in your life. So why a group of men and not a group of men and women? Well, you can have a mixed group there is nothing wrong with that. Yet there is something special about an all men's group when you get the resonance of masculinity working so much can be done. If you want to have a better financial life, better sex life, better marriage, a better family life. Find or start a men's group and get it to where you are meeting monthly if not weekly. Finally, it is because we need to have a strong community pillar in our lives. we need a strong tight-knit group of men we can turn to with our troubles. We need a healthy outlet for frustration. You need a group of men who are the most dedicated friends you have ever had. We need the connection of other masculine men in our lives and the right men's groups provide all of that. Can you start a men's group? Absolutely! I encourage men to join any group they can find. If they can't find a group then start on. There are groups everywhere and in every town. If they don't fit your moral premise then why not go and pull the men you want together. How? Well, that is going to take you getting out of your comfort zone. You will have to go and talk to the men you are interested in. You cant rely on others to do that work for you. You have to hustle and talk to the men. Do the ask. Ask and ask again. They may not be able to make it the first 10 times but eventually, you will get them to say yes and they can try it out. Decide a day and ask your group to meet. It may be at a basketball court or someone's house. Then again it may be the back part of a coffee shop. The venue doesn't matter. I have a few online groups. We don't get to see each other but we talk each week. Sometimes it is only 2 men other times it is 4-6 the range differs because each of these noble men is busy on their path and making their world better. Then stick to that schedule, this is going to be tough because life will try to stop you from having this group. There will be forgotten dates and sometimes you may show up and it is only you. Yet you stay consistent. Those men who are finding value from it will keep showing up. It takes time but if you are consistent and dedicated you will get it working. What to look for in a men's group? If you are looking for a men's group to join you want one that meets regularly. For the same reason as if you were to make your own group. The group needs to be consistent. Everyone meet at the same regular intervals Then the caliber of men are in the group? This is also important. You want a group grouping of men who are dedicated to becoming the best at what they do. They are dedicated to achieving success and they are willing to get uncomfortable. If you have a bunch of guys who just meet to get drunk and play cards and there is not much more than that in the group then you have to decide if you want to stay. If they sit around and complain but don't take any action and have nothing but excuses to provide as to why they failed then you may want to look for another group. You don't want whiners. You want men whose mantra is, "Let's Find Out". You also need to have a group of men that you can trust. This is one of the biggest factors you need to have in a men's group. What is said in a men's group stays in the men's group. It doesn't get leaked out. You don't steal ideas. You don't use what is said as a weapon against the other men. To do that you have to have trust as the biggest and most sacred keystone to the group. This is because men are going to open up to each other and share their worries and pains and they need the trust that these men are looking out for their best interest. If that trust isn't there then the growth and friendship don't happen. Word of Warning on Men's Groups Now there are some points you want to look at. when you are running a group or a group you have joined. these are key points that you want to watch out for. Pay attention to the men Are they dedicated to each other or are they out for themselves? This type of group doesn't foster trust and will rot the group from the inside out. Also, is someone's attitude and demeanor changing? If so talk to them privately and see what's going on. See what they are struggling with and encourage them to share it in the group. If it appears that there is some danger or the man in question is going down a dark path get the other men in the group to surround the guy and encourage him to get back up to his original baseline. That may include him getting some counseling or therapy. Your girl will try to get in your way Whether you are married or not. If you have a woman in your life, there is a good chance she will try to find reasons to get you to stop going to the men's group. either by teasing and demeaning the group as a whole (calling it names like, little boys club) or making comments about how you are spending more time with the men in your life than you are of her. This is partly a test and partly because she sees you becoming a better man and she may think that you are not going to find value in her anymore and leave. The key here is to not give up the men's group. You cant help her by being a weak man. You have to work on yourself and she has to do the thought work to get her in a better spot. When she sees you getting better this is going to reflect on her as to how little she is doing for herself. This is an uncomfortable feeling and she wants to have you on a lower level so she doesn't have to face her own shortcomings. All you can do is encourage and lead her so that she will be a stronger woman and find the value she has in herself. I have had men who would have family crises happen when they go out on men's trips. The girl would text and call at all times of the day. There would be drama and accusations flying as the guy is only trying to improve himself. When it is time to focus on you, that who you focus on. So stick with the men's group. When your wife starts to get antsy you know you are doing good. You are becoming stronger and it is time to love your girl and help her to be better by leading her. Protect your group Some men will show and not be a good fit for the group. You, being the organizer, will be the leader of the group. So some may come in to see how they can use the group to their own advantage, and you will have to lead them out. These groups are not for just one person's advantage they are for each member's advantage. No one gets out of this unchanged. Each man you have contact with will adapt to your way of thinking and you will adapt to theirs. Your old limiting beliefs will be burned away and the very base and truest belief you have will emerge. Is the group equal? Make sure you are in a group of equals and not a group where one person is pontificating. This is a group coaching session. Now there is nothing wrong with group coachings. You learn a lot. The reason I point this out is that you often hear some people use the term mastermind and a mastermind is a meeting of equal peers. Each man talks and shares his thoughts. If the "leader" of the group is the only one talking and the others are listening then it's not a mastermind. There are men's groups found everywhere. You have to look for them or make one yourself. If you are interested in joining a men's group I have a paid exclusive men's group that meets weekly. it is a true mastermind group of men who each help each other become the better form of themselves. If you are interested you can go to the Brotherhood of Men page and read more. Special Note: Operation Tears of the 22 is having a ruck march to raise awareness of the 22 soldiers a day we lose to suicide. If you like to help and join us for the ruck march in Chaffee Crossing In Ft. Smith, AR. We would love to have you there helping to save the lives of our veterans. Tickets Here

The start of the year is here. This is the time everybody talks about what their goals are, what they want to achieve, and how they plan on how they are achieving it. Why are goals important? Why do you want to even think of goals? IT seems that nobody actually completes their goals. Especially when it comes to New Years Resolutions People start with good intentions and then around March that fire and determination you had all the way back at January first is up and gone. Then before you know it, it's November, and your goals come creeping back and you are realizing you didn't do anything you set out to do. You failed and the frustration of knowing you are no better of than you were the year before is sitting on your conscious. So why even try? Well, there is a reason to try. that reason is if you don't try you will actually be worse off. If you don't try you will just float through life. The problem that you are having with resolutions is that yeah you fail at them but why are you failing at them? You are not addressing the skill you failed to learn so you are destined to repeat that test till you achieve it. So, why do we need goals? because we need a challenge in our life. This is how we become better at what we do. We have to have the discomfort of failing and trying again before we get good at it. If you don't have goals you don't go anywhere. goals are the road maps for your life. Do you want to improve at your communication skills? then you have to practice speaking. DO you want to have a dream of traveling? Then you need to figure out the logistics of it all. How are you going to pay for the trips and the other expenses? These are all part of the goals you need to figure out. Are you wanting to start a business? Then you have to set goals for that business. If you don't then you will not get very far. Look at anybody who is equal to your definition of success. If you look at what they do as compared to what you are doing. You will see that they have a vision and they plan and then execute. You may be surprised but when you find out how many times those plans don't work out. Yeah, the successful people fail early and they fail often. The failures don't define them. it is the wins. So, you want to lose weight? Do you want to start your own business? Then firstly don't wait for the first of the year. Start now. Start planning, and there are several ways you can do this, and here are some ways that I can think of off the start 12 week goals What would be able to accomplish with baby steps? If you said not much I would say guess again. because baby steps are easier to make than big huge giant steps. So you are able to accomplish more by taking small deliberate steps. That is where the 12-week goal setting comes into play. 3 months is a smaller bite than a full year. and you can break the larger goals up into 4 easier to manage sections. Then those sections can be further broken up into weekly goals. That is the glory of the 12-week goal system. You can make small detailed plans that will allow you to make those important massive action steps towards your big goal at the end of the year. If this sounds like something you want to try, you can go to Develop Good Habits You can download templates that will help you on your way. Long term goals Look to the horizon. What do you see yourself doing? Where are you in your life? Long-term plans are good. They give you a place to head. These plans aren't set in concrete because you can adjust your direction. You may find out that your ideas aren't as aligned as you first thought. That way you can change your path because you are not married to your path. Setting long-term goals are those dreams you want. You want to be rich and travel all the time. Those types of dreams are good as long as you are making strides to actually achieve them. SMART Goals I am sure you have heard of these before. I know I have talked about them many times before this podcast was ever started. https://www.relaxedmale.com/december-time-for-goals/ https://www.relaxedmale.com/5-ways-remember-goals/ And several more along the same line. Goals are important if you want to find success in anything you do. You can't just head out in a direction without knowing some of the key waypoints you need to measure how close you are to getting where you are wanting to be. This is where SMART goals come into play. If you haven't ever heard of SMART goals then here is a brief overview. Specific Instead of saying you want to make more money lay down a specific amount you want to make. I want to make $100,000 at the end of the year. I want to make $10,000 in a month. That is specific. You want to lose weight! great say you want to lose how much weight? If you weigh 260 and you would like to get down to 200 then you want to lose 60 pounds of weight. That is specific. Don't say you want to be in better shape that's not specific. say you want a specific goal. Make your goal specific Measurable This ties in with the specific. Use a means of measuring. numbers work great for this. This is so that you are able to see how far you have gone. Attainable If you are wanting to make $1,000,000 by the end of the year and it is December 1 then your goal isn't very attainable. You need to have an attainable goal. And still, make that goal scary. So if you have never made that type of money before then why not say you want to make $100,000 in a month and see if you can make that. If you can, then keep pushing and change the goal to a new number like $500,000. If you made the $100,000 then the next set could be $250,000 or $500,000 the choice is yours. Again make your goal attainable. Relevant you need to make sure your goals are relevant to what you are wanting to accomplish. If you are trying to grow your business then making sure you get to ride in the tour de France probably isn't going to align itself with your goals. Don't have a goal that is going to fight your overall goals. Timely Put a time limit on it. a goal is a dream with a deadline. You have a finishing line to strive for. The smart goal is a great way for new goal setters to actually find where they are needing help and what your strong points are. Visualization Now many people will have some problems with this but it is a powerful tool to have in your goal-setting arsenal. This uses the goals of smart goal setting and long term goals but use your imagination and feel, think, smell and imagine what it would be like if you achieved your goal. What if you could make a million dollars a year? what would that look like? What if you had your dream car? what would it feel like? what would it sound like? what your it look like? is there a specific color you want? How would you feel if you were able to attain that goal? You can with visualizations. making a vision board is one tool you can use. But the key to it all isn't just sitting down dreaming and then waiting. No, you have to get off your ass and get to work trying to get that dream to become real. Small bite-sized goals There is a book called Atomic Habits and you can work your habits into goal setting. Make small changes to increase your results. Make it a habit to exercise each day by doing pushups before you walk into your bedroom or chain together with other habits you want. The possibilities are amazing when you apply small steps to your overall plans. Tools to help build habits and complete goals 12-week planner template Atomic Habits by James Clear The Brotherhood of Men

What are traditions? They are the ideas and values passed down from generation to generation. They are customs and beliefs that bind a culture together. The raising of a Christmas tree during Christmas. The celebration of a new year. Your birthday is special. You brush your teeth with your eyes closed. All are traditions and rituals we do. We have rituals for everything and every occurrence. We mark special days for remembrance. These may be days of triumphs, or they may be days of loss. There are plenty of people who still remember Kurt Cobain's day of death, while others see it as any other day. These are dates that we find it important to remember. On these days we may do something special. The fourth Thursday of November is Thanksgiving. We hold the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox in March as a great feast of when Jesus arose from the grave, aka easter. Each culture has a different way of celebrating each of its own holidays. Christmas which is coming up n the next day or two has many of its own unique traditions. In the US we set up a tree we string lights all over the place. We find the prettiest pine tree and bring it into our house. We then add lights to it and hang decorations from its boughs. We string holly and pine garland around and the smell of Christmas is amazing especially when you are using real pine. Sticky but it smells so good. Now there are some people who talk about how this is not true Christianity and all that stuff is pagan traditions. Is it? Well yeah to a point. Yet it is a part of our traditions anyhow. We have a theory as to why we use a pine tree instead of saying a young walnut tree. The reason is so that the values that the pagans had actually fit nicely with what the Christians had. So incorporating their traditions to fit in with ours was a good adjustment of traditions. Then you add the additions of American society and you have Saint Nicholas riding a sleigh being pulled by reindeer. While if you go to the Netherlands, Saint Nicholas rides a boat and he has a helper named Black Pete who helps him disseminate the gifts through several days. They use shoes instead of stockings. Yet the primary character is still the same. Some cultures actually have scary monsters running around Throwing bad children into bags and whipping them. In America, we have a family feast. Turkey, ham, brisket if you are in my house. While in Japan you have a bucket of KFC Chicken. In Catalonia, it is customary to have a dude dropping a duce in the manger scene. Some families like to have the Christmas pickle hidden in their tree. Shoot in Norway you hide your brooms on Christmas so witches do run off with them. There are so many different and fun traditions in the Christmas season alone. We haven't even talked about the other days of the year. Then there were traditions that died out thankfully, like the act of wassailing. Now I think wassailing can be brought back just not as it was originally. It started out as a roving band of drunk people demanding food from the lords or they would start getting rowdy. Yet because of wassailing, we get the tradition of singing carols door to door. These and all traditions are a time for remembrance and looking back on how we are connected to each other. Yeah, there are those who want to say our traditions are bad or not fair or something to that effect. Yet they have their own traditions and customs they want to observe. Why traditions are important They link us to our ancestors They allow us to show respect to those who also observe our traditions We are losing our traditions There are those who have worked tirelessly to change our traditions. These changes are often done in the name of fairness You can start your own traditions I talked about the 14 Christmas traditions you can start this year. Have a manly Christmas Watch a Christmas movie Die-hard is good A Christmas story Meet with your Band Of Brothers Serve someone in need with the Christmas Jar Classic Christmas Carols https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6u8Ct3nQZcQupR1qyVUYwT?si=4f82f6f9e5814489 Classic Christmas Songs https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX6R7QUWePReA?si=73bb886465c04f90

There are changes happening in our society, and there are two groups of people who are involved. There are the people who realize they can do better and do something about it and then there are the ones who want to sit around and complain about the quality of their life and have stuff handed to them. Because of this, you have two different factions forming. There is the great resignation and then there is the antiwork. Another way to look at this is the boys and the men. The Great Resignation These are the people who have gone through the pandemic and been forced to stay at home for over a year. While at the house they had plenty of time on their hands so they decided to tinker with some entrepreneurship. They found some success in providing value to those around them. So when it was time to go back to work they liked what they were able to make and wanted to keep at it. So they resigned from their own employees and have started running their own business. They are learning and taking their own life into their own hands. They see what is possible and have decide to climb that mountain. These people have become producers. What is antiwork? The term antiwork came up a couple of weeks ago when there was a story about stores getting spammed with an antiwork manifesto. Then the term has been cropping up more and more in life so I wanted to look into it thinking that I would find a bunch of people who just want to sit on their couch and play video games and bitch about the condition that they are in. Know what I found out? Just that, I see people complaining about Kellogg's strike and that their actions ain't fair. I see a lot of communists bitching and moaning about how capitalists are evil. They want more pay for equal work. The ANtiwork crowd wants to get more pay to do the same amount of work. The equivalent of getting a participation trophy. They want fast food to be anywhere from $15 to $25 an hour. That is an entry-level job. If you want to make more you may just have to put down the bong and sacrifice some of your comfort for the dream of having more income. The manifest talks about fair pay. The question is what's fair? Should a person who has put in3 years of hard work get paid the same amount as a new hire? Should a Person who has put in 5 years of mediocre work get paid the same amount as a person who has done 3 years of exceptional work? What is fair is you get paid for the amount of value you put in. The capitalist means of exchange of value for value. Now they did get it right if you are not getting paid as much as you like then you should consider finding a better-paying job. Don't just sit in the same place complaining that you are not getting paid enough. Go find better jobs. Businesses are hiring all over the place. Poverty wages exist because people don't want to strive for more. The moment it gets a bit uncomfortable they back out. So the poverty wage is not the business's fault but it is yours for settling. Now Barnaby Lashbrook over at Forbes talks about this a bit as to say there is a problem with work-life balance. He talks about how life should come first and work be the enabler. Well, that is the case already. Yet many people choose to not take life by the horns they would rather sit at home and do nothing about going out and living life. Barnaby also talks about how employers should be helping with a better work/life balance which is a false argument. Then you have the pinnacle of capitalistic thought Slate. Talking about the antiwork movement from a huge victim point of view. They do give some points where people were very ingenious to create some code to do the work they were hired to do and that's a good thing. You are hired to do a job and if you can do it efficiently and don't have to do it harder only smarter. That is providing value. I am no fan of unions Now I believe I understand why people are striking, and that is because they are getting hammered with work. There are fewer people who returned to work after the Wuhan flu ran through the country and thanks to the government people didn't just get back to work instead the government paid people more money to stay home. That extra $600 in unemployment kept people home. Now many companies like Kelloggs are struggling to meet the amount of volume they are expected to produce. They have orders to fill. So the people who did come home are having to take up the slack of the people who don't want to work. They are working 60 days straight That is a lot of work. That increases the burnout in anybody Is it fair? No, but visit Kellogg's fault, or is it the people who didn't want to show back up? Then again maybe it's the government's fault for incentivizing people to stay home. Yet many love the people are striking because of these work conditions. Now Kelloggs is stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are struggling to meet demand because they don't have enough workers to have a good schedule and then you have more people not working because they don't like the conditions. So Kelloggs is dropping the people who rejected the proposal and so Kelloggs did what every company has a right to do. You didn't show up to work you are fired. This is justifiable in my eyes you ain't gonna work then your not providing me any value so go pound sand. Now, who wins after the strike is over? I can tell you it's not Kelloggs and it's not the employees though they may see themselves as winning when it's all done because they are getting some extra time off and most likely more money in their pocket but who really wins here? It's the union bosses. They are the true mooches in this scenario. They did nothing other than getting more people for their members which means they get more money in their pockets. This is communism at its finest. Those at the top of the food chain get the money and power while the people they are supposed to be helping get scraps. Do I like unions? No. There is a time and a place for everything and rarely does a union actually help. They are more often than not, an arm of organized crime and they use their members to fill their bank accounts. The exchange of value is actually not there. What many people want to think is this antiwork movement is good. No its not it is not it is nothing more than a bunch of moochers who want to have something like universal income or something to that effect. Where they can receive some money for just sitting around and not providing any value. Success takes work and sacrifice Sorry, but if you want to be successful you have to provide value to people. Sitting around the house or going someplace and hanging out doesn't provide value. When you are home doing nothing you are consuming. That is what a grown boy does. While a grown man will go out and produce something. He will invest his time and energy and get paid little green certificates of appreciation for the effort. If he puts in more effort, he will get more certificates. The time it takes to make money is not the key it is the amount of value. and that is where so many Grown boys don't get it. They go to work and think that they are wasting their time. With that thought yeah they are wasting not only their time but their employer's money. They look forward to the coffee break, lunch break, the end of the day and they live for the weekend. While men who are producing don't see the weekend they see it as any other day. Do they take breaks and enjoy life? Yeah, and they can afford to go on very nice breaks. Then they are right back at work and feeling alive for producing a valuable product. Are you an Owner, a renter, or a squatter? I came across this concept on the Order of Man Podcast when Ryan Michler was talking to Pete Roberts of Origin. Pete talked about there being 3 types of people who are employed in a business. There are the Owners, The Renters, and the Squatters. A Squatter is a person who consumes the day they don't provide much if any value and only want to know what they get in return. They often can be seen skulking around the water cooler talking about how it must be nice to have all that the owner has, and complaining about what they don't have. The Renter does just enough to be a good employee. They show up on time and leave at quitting time. The Owner is the person with an owner's mentality and they show up early and they go home late. They take pride in the job that they do. They have no problem looking for other tasks that they can take on. Their eye is on the product. They want to make sure they provide the best and put their heart into what they are doing. These are the people who are often seen as the leaders of the organization. Instagram is instafake Many kids these days want to be successful. I heard a talk show host mention that his son is struggling with the concept of success. He is disheartened but the fact that he doesn't see himself being able to be successful. I have heard this several times and I believe it is because of what they are looking at on Instagram. You see many Young adults who are tooling around in nice cars and having these extravagant vacations. The interesting point is that many of these people don't own those cars and they are putting up airs that they are successful. To them, it is all about the followers. They are not providing much value and so they fall out of the limelight pretty quick. Yet the kids who see these people often don't realize they aren't seeing them as much anymore all they know is that a new influencer has cropped up and is showing them all that they wished for.

It doesn't have to be fixed As nice guys, we really hate having people not be at a certain level. If they are unhappy or upset for any reason, we feel we have to fix it. Even if people are having more fun and laughing beyond our comfort level, we have to find a way to fix the issue instead of just allowing people to be. Nice guys feel that they have to fix a problem out of the hopes that that person will start to like and appreciate us. When in all reality people do t want us to just fix it. In fact, most people don’t want us to come rushing in on a white horse and rescue them. They want to figure it out themselves. Much like a two-year-old, “No! I do it” You are annoying when you try to fix When you jump into a person's problem uninvited or otherwise you often become annoying. And this creates so much of the marriage problems that nice guys see in their married life. That fear darling bride is getting annoyed with you trying to fix everything when she has it under control and here you come crashing in like the Koolaid man and mess the whole thing up. allow those around you to live their life and process their emotions This is the hard part that many nice guys face. They can’t just step back they believe a person should be a certain way and when they don’t meet that expectation they either start talking in a passive-aggressive way or often aggressive form and this keeps the other person from being able to live their life in the fashion they want to live. Yeah, it can create some anxiety in you when your wife is upset with you or her best friend or the neighbor down the street. But these emotions will not kill her nor will they kill you. You can just be there for her. Sit with her listen. Don’t fix let her live life and know that you are by her side. It’s not up to us. It’s not up to you to fix the problem. It is not up to you to have people like you. They will like you for being who you are. Yeah there will be some people who will not like you and that is ok. You will not suffer some catastrophic loss of your limbs if you don’t make them like you. They are just humans, being.

We find ourselves stuck in so many situations and those circumstances are things that are beyond our control this is true. Yet there are so many times that we believe that stuck in that situation and so we either do nothing about it or complain about our situation. That feeling of being stuck and not being able to change is a part of the self-programming that we do. We are just bad at sports or we suck as a husband. Maybe our wife hasn't been intimate with us in many months so we start trying all sorts of different remedies. Many are literal magic pills we think will help. Go look at any convenience store counter and you will see small packages that are supposed to help you be a better lover in bed. They make claims that you will have a larger penis or last longer during sex. Some are directed at her. We men have been looking for an aphrodisiac that will turn our wife into a wild insatiable woman for eons. Because we want to blame our wives for the circumstance we are in and not how we are looking at the circumstance. Then again you may have yourself in a dead-end job. You complain about how you are never offered a promotion. So you just sit there and grow resentful. Then you take that resentment home and brood on it while you sit in front of the television or on a video game and do nothing about the problem. You feel stuck and the more you stay the more bogged down you feel. You think this is your lot in life, it's not a lot but it's your life. Then start to drink or find other avenues to escape the misery and suffering you feel. What is keeping you stuck in your current life? Realize that what is actually keeping you stuck isn't your boss not saying "good job" and telling you that you should be Vice president of shipping or your wife isn't fridge. Your suffering is caused by only one person. That person is you. Harsh I know I wish Pink pussy cat really did work in turning your wife into a nymphomaniac but in the end, it doesn't. She isn't turned on, night after night because you aren't giving her a reason to be turned on, night after night. The course your life is on at the moment may look sad dark and bleak It is that way because you chose to be that way. But there is good news, since it is your choice, you aren't stuck! How do you change where you want to go? First, you have to realize that there is a problem. That can be the easiest part because you are not being fulfilled and feeling motivated. The hard part is not pointing the discontent toward those who are not actually responsible. You have to start looking inward and examining your thoughts to see what is actually possible. Pick apart the places where you are actually going astray. Looking and examining yourself isn't self-hatred unless you fall into dumping all over yourself. If that is the case then Lighten up give yourself some grace. You are only human and you are going to screw things up. Take those screw-ups as learning moments. Grow from those and have fun as you learn. Life is way too short to take so seriously. As you go on your journey, you will see where your life is on the wrong track and that you are actually allowed to change tracks whenever you want to. Make a Plan Once you have pinpointed what is actually wrong with your lives plan, You can then start making changes to your life. You can switch tracks and modify your plan so that you are able to be more fulfilled and have a sense of purpose. It all starts with a plan Layout your plan Maybe you see you need some coaching or do some research on what it is that you would like to do. Invest in yourself decide that you are worthy of investing in. This is a sad part of many people who are in scarcity. They don't see themselves as worthy of being better. So they go through life without a plan or if they come across a plan it is some easy quick fix. This is the folly we fall into, we try quick fixes instead of doing the real work that is needed. We try changing our situation instead of changing how we are looking at the world. Listen to what your excuses are When you come up with a plan listen to what you are telling yourself. You will find 100 different reasons as to why this plan isn't going to work. This is your mind saying slow down your current life isn't so bad it's actually nice. No hard work you don't have to expel any extra energy and so why work so hard? In fact, use this as a bit of a ginger counter if you aren't getting a bit scared and you aren't hearing any reasons as to why this won't work then keep looking when your mind is coming up with all those reasons hard and fast the is probably the path you really need to take. Look at fear as if it was a compass Start small but make it scary too You don't have to uproot your whole life but make small changes. maybe it is you needing to shore up one or more of your Pillars. So you may need to start eating right and getting out and exercising. Or you need to go join a group of men so you can expand your community. Start small and find the joy in that little dopamine hit you get with each small success. Those small steps are the keys to massive action. Don't worry about not following it note for note You may decide to have a 10-year Don't worry if it doesn't turn out exactly as you planned you will be way, way closer at that point than if you never started.

Well as this comes out it is Thanksgiving! Time for the family and friends to come together and talk and share in each other's lives for at least a day. Then again it could be you have family that is coming over for several days. We have grandma wondering when you are going to stop being the bachelor or maybe it is your mom who is hounding you to find a girl and settle down. Your Uncle is wanting to share with you his latest conspiracy theory about how the lizard people in the government are using the nasal swab Covid test to mark those who will not comply so they can be rounded up and shot into space to fend for themselves. Maybe you have that cousin who is the family favorite and it looks like they have it all together yet to hear her talk you see that she is so deep in debt she can't see her way out of that hole. The point is that when we get our families together they bring their thoughts and opinions along for the ride. This means that you have liberals and conservatives sitting side by side. You have orthodox with the unorthodox passing bread. You have those that have been radicalized by our colleges making snide comments about how we are actually celebrating the genocide of the Native Americans and our taking over a continent. You have your devout Baptist Grandfather trying to convince your atheist uncle to come to church. This is life and this is family and this is a great scenario to talk about when we look at other peoples opinions We are thinkers Yeah, even your ditzy aunt is actually a thinker. We all are. We all have roughly 40,000-60,000 different thoughts each day. Then add to that mix that everything we have in our lives we have unique and individual thoughts. So your thoughts about a particular topic can never be the same as anybody else. Your thoughts are an opinion of that particular circumstance. Because us humans do like to mix our emotions up with our thinking this can cause many different emotions. You may have someone who likes to troll you while others may feel sorry for you. These are also just thoughts about the current circumstance that is happening. Remember all circumstances are natural, even when someone says, "you are wrong". That is just a circumstance and you have the ability to think whatever thought you want about the matter at hand. Many times when we hear someone else's thoughts we want to apply our own thoughts in the means of interpretation and make what they say mean something to us. When in reality they can mean just that or they can mean something the complete opposite. Then you add the element of emotions to that and now you start to see how things can get messy quickly. Because of our adding emotions to our interpretations we start getting worked up thinking that one relative doesn't like us or our cousin is just wanting the country to burn. When in reality that may be true or that may be nothing more than a thought. What about the truth! The truth that we are talking about is what we believe. A belief is nothing more than a thought we perceive to be true. I have talked a few times about what happens when someone changes religions. Were they wrong the whole time? They may think that but looking at the facts they just changed what they see to be true. It's not wrong. It's just their thoughts shifting with a new set of circumstances. With that, you can see that yeah Aunt Gladys simply believes that the government can control the weather and that there is a secret basement in a pizza parlor in upstate New York state. You can try to provide her with your interpretations of the facts but she can choose to disregard those facts for her own. Does the truth matter? Only to those who wield it. Nobody else cares about what your facts are They have their own. The whole political thing Yeah, you have your opinions about what is happening in your country. You may think some brilliant strides are being made, or you may think that your country is going to hell in a handbasket. Are you right or wrong? Does it matter what I think? No, You can have open and honest discussions about politics and religion. I actually think it is good to have these. I believe we have done our kids a huge disservice because these two topics were often banned from the dining room table. Yeah, some people are going to interpret what you say to mean something different. Yet, that is OK. Now don't take this as a means as to you not jumping into a discussion when it happens. That is the glory of the United States. You can have a different opinion and share it openly if you choose. That is why our country is so great. It is the sharing of different ideas and thoughts that create new ideas. How you can look at opinions Opinions are nothing more than thoughts. When someone gets upset with your ideas you can rest assured that you didn't make them mad or upset. It is their thoughts that have caused them to become angry or sad or even happy. You cant make grandma happy with your actions. She is happy with what she has interpreted your actions to mean. So when your family members get upset about whatever, know that they are not angry at you. They may direct it at you but it's not your actions. They are reacting to your actions. This goes for every aspect of life. When someone chooses to get angry at something you said, most often it is because they had an involuntary thought of what you said. Then they are choosing to react instead of responding to that thought.

As we talked last week on episode 102 we looked at our circumstances and talked about how those circumstances are actually neutral. So with that where does all of our pain and suffering actually come from? That is actually what I wanted to examine this week. Where does the pain in your life come from if it isn't from the external forces in your life? This is where many people actually get a bit turned off by what I am about to say. The results of your pain and suffering are thanks to how you think of your circumstance. Yep, your thoughts and how they are framed are where the hopelessness, the fear, the anxiety, the frustration. It is also the source of the joy, triumph, complete, and love all come from. It is how you think of what the circumstance means that creates the emotion. So I just change my thoughts? Well, it's not that easy. especially if it is a thought you have had for a very long time. It will take work for your mind to accept the new thought, and for you to believe that new thought. To be able to do that you will have to be aware of what your thoughts are and from there you can see when you are having that old thought and work to change it. This is often where having help like with a coach can come into play. This is because a coach will stay out of the emotional pit that you can find yourself in and help point out where the missteps are happening. A good example of this is what a business opportunity arises. As we know there is a battle over whether we as Americans have the right to choose to get a shot and still be able to provide for our family. There are companies that are firing or suspending their employees because they have justifiable reservations about betting the Covid vaccine. So this causes a bit of a quandary. Do you go against your values and get the shot or do you stand for your beliefs and try to find some other way to do your duty and provide for your family? An example of this is Andrew Crapuchettes, He saw the cancel culture and government actions are being wrong. He could have been angry or resentful or any other array of emotions, and who knows he may have felt all of those and more. Yet he chose to look at the problem not with a victim mindset and see it as this is bad. He saw an opportunity and took it. I am sure if you talked to him he had uncertainty about starting up a brand new adventure when the economy isn't firing on all cylinders. Yet his view was that it would work and so he started up a new job board. This job board is for those who have been displaced by the vax mandate and wants to put hard-working employees with employers that respect that person's right to choose. So he created RedBalloon.work and his site is growing as more people are wanting to work and want to choose whether the vaccine is a good idea for their circumstance. Maybe they already had covid and don't feel that they need to have the shot because of their natural immunity. Maybe an employee has an immune problem that could cause their immune system to overreact. Maybe there is a person who might have a heart condition and isn't sure the vax is a good idea. No matter what that person's circumstance is they have their own thoughts and RedBalloon.work is there to help put them with a company that understands their situation and is willing to stand against the mandates. Another example of this is the masks and whether or not they are needed we know the circumstances. Yet some people have the thought that they are not needed while others feel they need to wear a mask alone in a car on a lonely county road. Either of the people wrong? No, They are going off of their own thoughts. If you are interested in working on your thoughts then please reach out and contact me or Join the Brotherhood of Men

There have been a few events in all our lives these events or circumstances are always happening to us. These events can be seen as great and positive or they can be perceived as being disastrous and awful. I have had a few big events happen here recently. I have started certification in a coaching course that I have drooled over for several tears and the opportunity has finally presented itself. So, I decided to take it. I am going to be sharing what I learn and as I go through the class my definitions and uses of words may change as I make new discoveries about what I believe and if and when they change I will be sharing those with you here on the podcast and in the blog. Maybe your life has had circumstances where you were abused or you had a parent abandon you. Maybe you were raised by your mom and she had a parade of boyfriends come through each one treated you differently. Maybe you had an uncle who dumped all over your dream or a teacher who said you would never make it. Maybe you had a parent ground you from everything you liked to do. Then again maybe your life is in total disarray, or you live in an abusive relationship. You see your life as crap and the only solace you can find is a hit off the bottle or to drag on a bong. The point is we all have circumstances in our life and they are there. There is no denying that stuff happens. It may be good or it may be bad but it is a part of your life. What are circumstances? Now for ease, I do want to define what circumstances are. because our definitions and meanings of words can vary from person to person. What you think of as a circumstance by one person may be viewed as just an observance. So it will help if I can define what an event is. Circumstance = a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action. In other words, it is the facts of your life. You are broken. May seem as if it is a fact when in reality it isn't. You may have gone through some stuff in your life but is that provable in court? What you see as a hard life may be seen as "easy street" to another person. Many people here in the USA may see the poor but when you compare them to those considered poor in India or Africa you see that our poor are actually very wealthy. Circumstances are nothing more than the bare facts of your life. They are not the emotions you are feeling nor are they the opinions as to what you are feeling. They are just the facts. Your bank account says you only have 32 cents left. That is a fact. Your wife throws things at you. That is a fact. Your son smokes cigarettes. That is a fact. Your son is disrespectful. Not a fact. Your daughter shows too much skin. Not a fact Your wife hates you. Not a fact. Do you see the difference? Facts are concrete. They are not what you believe. Beliefs are thoughts you perceive to be true. They are not thoughts that is what you are thinking of the circumstance. Facts are facts, and I get that the definition of facts has been warped thanks to those who like to play with words and change them to mean what they think the word should mean. I try not to do that, and for one the definition of circumstance will be the facts and nothing more. Circumstances are neutral Now, this may be a bit shocking for some. Facts are neither positive nor are they negative. They simply are. Circumstances do not have a meaning till we apply a thought to them. So your life is hard and challenging is the thought you have about the circumstance of you not having enough money to buy a hamburger. Many people want to push back against the thought that a circumstance is neutral. They say so a car wreck where someone dies is neutral? Yep, it is. Natural disasters are neutral? Yes, they are. Your grandmother dying is neutral? Again yes it is. Even the events of 9-11 are neutral. They all are neutral until we apply our thoughts to that circumstance. The people in the USA were mad and horrified by the toppling of the twin towers. So our thoughts were that this was horrible and created a feeling of unease and anger in us. Yet on the other side of the world in the Middle East, there were people celebrating the falling of the World Trade Center Towers. Was one wrong? Well, that is a thought. An example of having two different thoughts on a single circumstance is when you and your friend go to the same movie at the same time in the same theater and both walk out of the movie with a different experience. I had this experience when I was dating a girl and we went to see Natural Born Killers. She hated the movie and I thought it was great. Were we seeing different movies? No, she just had a different thought of the movie we had just watched. It's about your thoughts Your thoughts are what's creating your suffering. I get that there may be a bit of cognitive dissidence going on there, but it is true. Your thoughts are what actually create your emotions and those emotions are what keep you from doing the things you want to do. So do I just change my thoughts? You can if you decide that the thought isn't serving you. If you are tired of having your life appear crappy then change how you are looking at your life. It takes work. Don't get me wrong it isn't an easy fix it takes examining what you are thinking over and over and over again to really get across the gap of changing your beliefs. You will want to go back to what is comfortable and doesn't take that much energy to do but if you work at it you can go from the comfort of self-imposed misery to the excitement of new adventures. Want help? Reach out and contact me or schedule a call and see what I can do to help you out. Brotherhood of Men also has room available

I remember when I was young I was put out by the fact that I really wanted to be in a place of management yet I always had to start at the bottom. This feeling has gone on for many men for centuries. There are those who think they deserve to be in a higher position than where they are. They don't have the skills to even contemplate the amount of work that actually takes. Many workers only see that the Managers don't do the manual labor of that industry. They don't see all of the other tasks that a manager has to do for their job. This is also why from time to time when someone is promoted the great worker makes a lousy manager. They focus on what they think a manager does instead of what a manager actually does. The problem with this thinking Nobody owes you anything You have to prove yourself victim-oriented Scarcity oriented You have to have skills You learn these skills from that position that you are in to have the block needed to climb to the next level. You have to show that you are dependable These skills allow you to be efficient at the next level of your profession. This is why the CEO gets paid more than the receptionist. How do you get into higher positions? Have a goal in mind Know that it's not instant If and when you screw up you will need to add some time to your deadline. Work as if it is all you can do ask for more responsibility Take on other tasks that you see needing to be done. This goes for you starting your own business You may think that running your own business means for a while you get to choose your own hours and you can have 4 day weekends and other luxuries while the money just rolls into your account. Yet that is the farthest from the case The Different Hats There are many different hats that you have to wear as a new business owner. Many think it's sunshine and rainbows shortly after starting. Yet that isn't the case. Many see yeah getting started is hard but that's actually the easy part. Keeping the momentum going is where the work actually happens. This is the problem with the Tech Industry They go out and make a business that has to have venture capital and don't even think of how to monetize their product. They get angel investors to throw millions or even billions of money at them and then you see the founders running around in fancy cars and huge executive suites without actually getting the other needed skills to effectively run the business. Sign up for a Discovery Call

It is time to review I was thinking of what I could do for a 100 episode. I guess I could have really hyped it up and probably should. Was surprised by how fast it went. It feels as if I should be just now hitting episode 50, yet here we are at one hundred. I need to put myself out there more. I don’t step out and talk to people nearly as much as I need to. If I want the business of Relaxed Male to become as successful as I dream it will then I have to start saying more than just, "Hey! How's the weather". Let boys be dangerous Now I knew that boys like to do some downright dumb stuff. Yet watching boys skateboard down a set of stairs or see who can jump the farthest on the neighborhood sketchiest ramp is actually good for boys as they are developing. The need for danger and excitement actually stays with boys as they progress into manhood. We need to answer that call of the wild and go on adventures. Test our skills against nature. Audio gets better when you upgrade When the show started out I just used my phone. It wasn't the best and I knew it wasn't going to be the best as long as I used the phone so I had to et an upgrade in equipment soon. So I ended up picking up a Podtrac P4 by Zoom and I haven't looked back since. I thought of adding some sound effects to the podcast but I really haven't gotten to that point as of yet. My son is more popular than me This is a point of pride for me. One of the most popular episodes I have is the one where my son and I talk. The episode was fun to have and the fact that my son's friends jumped in a listened is quite awesome. I am not sure how many actually stay and listing to other episodes but heck as long as they heard some. I have a lot to learn I know I didn't know much but the more I learn the more I realize how much ignorance I actually had. I am learning so much about myself and about how humans interact with each other. I get that there is no way to know it all but at the same time, I have to take the time to actually invest in myself and the business. So To help me learn more and to accept the learning in a more efficient manner I am going to be taking a Coaching Certification program. This is to help me learn some new tools that will help my men become the strong noble masculine men the world needs them to be. It will also help me come to understand how to actually start making the ask that I shy away from. That there really was a Forrest Gump running around I found this interesting when I came across Timothy Dexter's life. This guy was under-educated and ignorant as the day was long. He couldn't spell or write correctly yet because he tried he succeeded in his dream of becoming wealthy. I am learning more about how men actually talk NOw I know that men talk very differently than boys but as a recovering Nice Guy I have been busy exposing myself to men and I am seeing and coming to understand the difference between how these two subsets of the males of our species actually talk. The fact that I use to talk in a very hymn-haw style showed me how I really wasn't talking in a very effective manner. In fact, I still struggle and have to rephrase my words in a more assertive and direct way of talking. Yeah, I feel as if I am going to step on a toe or two when I do talk this way, yet, I haven't had a complaint one. That I was more of a nice guy than I believed Thanks to Robert Glover and his book No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life I saw myself in way too many instances of the book. especially in the resentment from the lack of sex with my wife. For many years I was thinking it was her fault and come to find out it's because I wasn't being a man. I wasn't being the man who made her feel hot and bothered when she saw me. She saw a guy who was just wanting to sleep with her. That isn't being sexy to my wife that was being a sad creature. So I have really stepped up my game and I am making many changes to who I am and what I do so that I can be the man my wife married. My wife doesn't want fixed I have to stop reading with my elbow. Thinking this or that is something that my wife needs to get changed in her life. So I need to change my life first so that I can inspire my wife to want to make the needed changes. Then offer her the safe space to be uncomfortable as she starts her journey. The marriage is far from perfect Yeah, I have been married for 25 years. Though there haven't been too many huge rocks to cause turmoil in my marriage I do see now that there are a lot of places that I have dodged. These are places where we could come to know each other better. The conflict of learning about my wife has been shoved away because I couldn't handle the emotional rocking of the boat. I worried about what my wife would think, What if it gets too rocky for her and she leaves? There are many questions and what-ifs that actually never happen but because I wasn't confident in myself, so I let many opportunities pass. So my marriage is far from perfect but as you will see I am not giving up. That marriage is worth all the effort Though my marriage isn't perfect and had some tough times, there were some places that It got a little sketchy and could have ended in divorce. Yet it didn't and at 25 years of marriage, I see that marriage is worth the effort. Will it still work out? I don't know, though I would love to think it will. The connection you have with your spouse is one of the greatest connections you will have with another person. I have a lot of work todo Man looking through where I was compared to when this podcast started I see I have made progress yet I also see that I have a long way to go. That I really love coaching I did a test on myself to see if I really was after coaching or if this was just a craze or something. I have often started stuff and soon lost interest in it. I was pretty sure I was really following my calling and so I imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t follow that calling of being a coach for men. The results were pretty compelling. I felt pain and loss when I imagined not going down that path. The sensation was enough to prove to me that this is where I am supposed to be. I have let my schedule get out of hand I have so much to do and so little time. My schedule is out of whack. I have enough time to get some things done but not everything. So this is an area that I have to work on and apply some discipline. Because as my plans kick in more and more I will need to have a tight hold on my schedule. I am not working to kill myself after all but I do want men to take control of their lives and live on their terms Kids are amazing If you have ever sat back and watched kids play, you see humans in their purest form. The boys are rough and tumble and the girls gather into circles. You see all aspects of humans being themselves. This is before the pressure of what if. Kids see the freedom of what if. What if I can jump that ditch. What if I swing all the way around on the swings. What if, and the adventure that it entails is beautiful and amazing. The Red Pill /Men Going Their Own Way Sadly I have become aware of so many men who are giving up on women or just leaving the field of contributing to society. They call it the red pill or Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). These are men or more specifically Nice Guy's who have decided that the world is against them and that dating or marriage isn't worth the effort. What these men don't realize is that the world's against the Nice Guy. It always has and always will. Manipulating people doesn't work and because these guys want to play the victim card they are packing up their toys and going home, instead of deciding to live life on their terms and have the wife and life they desire. They are letting the world dictate to them that they need to quit. That is absolutely the definition of failure. Our veterans need help Now through this podcasting adventure and actually a little before I had a friend that I talk to on a weekly basis join up with his brother-in-law and together they created a foundation that is setting out to help our veterans overcome the urge to end it all. They are committed to helping get the men and women of our military out into nature and help them mentally reset. They are giving them the needed time off to dump the world off of their shoulders and relax. These guys have created Operation: Tears of the 22. Matt and Rich are setting up a plan that will be able to reach out to our veterans and be a safety net for those who feel as if they have no one to turn to. This is a group of veterans helping our brothers and sisters who are struggling with where they fit in their civilian world and because of that, they believe they can drop the suicide rate of 22 veterans a day. Consistency is the key I have found out that you have to be consistent in what it is that you do. You cant be waffling on what you stand for. If you are going to do a weekly podcast you need to make sure you release it at the same time every time. If you are going to do a blog then release those blog posts and keep the message consistent. Have a vision Do you want to complete some audacious goal? Then you need to have that vision as to what it is you are going to do. What does it look like feel like and smell like when that goal is completed? How are you going to act? How are you going to feel? That is all dependant upon your vision of that goal. If you don't have the vision of the goal then you are going to struggle because you don't see that land before you. You won't have the drive till you know where you are going. So, You have to have the vision. You can love anybody you choose This is a wild one that has come upon me fairly recently. The concept is that you can actually love anybody you choose to. You have that choice of do you want to tolerate them or do you want to simply love them. Now, this is a bit odd coming from a masculinity site I know but that is how much so many men don't fully understand masculinity. Yeah, we love our kids and our wife, but can you love the woman who ditched you and is now getting married to your old best friend? That is a challenge, I agree but it is possible and you can choose to do just that. There is beauty everywhere So many times we get caught up in life that we fail to gather the rosebuds. Yet if you stop you can see beauty in even an old spiderweb. The awe and beauty in an incoming storm. The beauty in your wife struggling to keep it together while the kids are being heathens. There is beauty everywhere and as men, we can and are allowed to appreciate it.

What is burnout Burnout is the loss of drive to do a particular task. Often the act of burning out isn't so much the problem as the effort we put in to try to push through that burnout. As a whole, it is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It happens when we become overwhelmed by the constant demands of a task. This often happens in an office scenario. Where the team is pushing to complete a project. Burnout often is very prevalent in the crunch for game programmers. What causes burnout? The main culprit is when you are not feeding your soul. The job is just that a job. You don't receive any emotional or mental reward for doing that particular job. When a person is doing a job that is in their Zone of Excellence but not in their Zone of Genius. When you are not in your Zone Of Genius you are often having a bit of resistance at first but as you go that resistance gets greater and greater till you burn out. Problems with burnout Burnout is one of those things that can be a slight irritation or it can even lead to a person's death. Depending on how severe the burnout is. I have seen men who have left their dream job simply because they just can't do it anymore. There is a reason Sunday night and Monday morning are when most suicides occur. Physical problems Take all the problems of stress and happy them here. High blood pressure? Yep Heart problems? Yep Weight gain? Yep Headaches Overall body aches? Yep yep yep Decreased libido? Yes to the limp noodle Mental problems Irritable or even anger Lack of focus sadness and depression Lack of sleep Emotional problems Causes people to seek other forms of escaping Increased alcohol intake Other drugs Affairs How do you avoid burnout? Notice the Signs of Burnout. Lack of motivation Sense of dread when thinking of work Avoiding Burnout Take a break! Take an extended break Mix it up find how to apply your zone of genius to the project Say No Talk to your Band of Brothers Eliminate delegate

Men need violence in their lives. For today's society that sounds almost scary. What! See this is toxic masculinity at its core! Men need to be removed from all of society because they are advocating everything violent. All the wars are fought because of men. Crimes are committed because of men. Well, this isn't exactly the case but the saying, Hard times make strong men strong men make good times  good times make weak men  weak men make hard times. this phrase shows how society has cycles, and those cycles need men who have violence in their lives. So there should be killing going on? Well no not fully to that extent of violence though non-masculine men do resort to that type of violence. When they think they have something to prove. Violence in one's life can mean many different things. It is more about doing stuff aggressively. To have controlled violence in your life is an element all men need for them to be able to maintain the needed strength and to have the calm they desire in their lives. When men don't have struggle and controlled violence in their lives this is where they often will turn to other substances and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is to buffer the emotional turmoil they are having because they are not venting the violent need in their life Men are built for violence Look at boys at play They are always wrestling and roughhousing. This expels more energy than just running or swinging. They will imitate war when giving the right tools. Be it a stick and a pine cone. They will have machine guns to fight off an invasion or try to recreate the battle of Iwo Jima. Look through history Gladiators In Rome, there were violent competitions that pitted man to man and man versus nature. These were used as a form of sports. This distracted men from their day-to-day grinds. by watching men get eviscerated the violence we see helps with sedating the need for violence in our life. If a man is sedated then he is less likely to talk about any need to rise against any injustices he witnesses. Public executions Public executions also showed that men were always out to see violent events. No matter what their reason why public executions always brought forth huge crowds some as large as 100,000 people would attend if the convict was vile enough. No Boxing in the west Interesting boxing was huge in the east. There was and still is a large turnout for boxing matches in places like Atlantic City. Yet boxing never really took off in the west. Yeah, promoters would try to bring boxing to places like Dodge City and the such yet it never really caught on. Why? My thought is that the men had enough violence in their own life that they didn't need to watch men beat themselves up. Their need for violence was full. Look at Seattle and Portland for when men don't have normal violence in their lives. A recent example of men not having intentional violence in their lives is the young men in the west coast cities of Seattle and Portland. These men have needed manufactured strife in their lives. So they join groups like Antifa. Where they can justify their violent actions against a perceived enemy. They burn buildings hit people with bricks, skateboards, and baseball bats. Sometimes going as far as killing those who went as far as questioning their reasons. Sporting Events From Football to hockey there are men on the field who are interacting violently. This is one-way men try to satiate the need for them to get out and exercise their need for controlled violence Go, Hunting Besides getting outside this allows for men to provide for their family and community by harvesting meat from nature When a man has violence in their life they are more balanced in their mental processes. They are calmer Examples as to when men had satiated their violence Yes, some ignore the need for men to have violence in their lives. The APA even looks at masculinity with the wrong lens. They look at it in a way to try to remove violence from a masculine man when in reality men need to have that violence to stay sane. The Missing Point Doesn't violent men make for unsafe women? No, You are mistaking Unmasculine men with masculine men. An unmasculine man has all the tools for a masculine man. A penis and testicles and the testosterone that comes from this. The strength and muscle mass and added energy that comes from testosterone. The missing point is not knowing how to use this tool correctly. If you are using a hammer to drive a screw in you will do way more damage to the wood than if you were to use a screwdriver. If you are using a knife to pry apart two rocks, you run the risk of breaking the knife. Have a piece of the blade fly back at you and injure yourself. Each tool has a specific purpose and this goes with masculinity. It can be used to destroy or build. The choice is in the man. If a boy has been shown how a noble masculine man acts he will be a credit to society. If a boy grows up without a good and just man in the house he will learn how to use the tools at his disposal by other boys who don't have men in their houses either. When masculinity is correctly applied you have safer women. You also have women who are stronger and more sure of their place and purpose. When there is a masculine man in a woman's life. She doesn't have to strike out at others out of fear How to apply violence into your life Exercise more aggressively Join a Martial Arts Group Find a heavy rock and throw it in the backyard Play sports Get out and go hunting

What are standards? Your standard is a level of quality you accept. Too many people tolerate things below their claimed standards. Maybe it is the incompetence of a co-worker. Your spouses infidelity Examples of low level standards Poor health Over weight Relationships The quality of your friends marriage quality Work relations Career the Level of your income Being skipped over for promotions Why are they important? How do you raise your standards? Set healthy boundaries Voice what is bothering you Why are you allowing substandard living? recognize when you are tolerating the low standards do the work start recognizing your value in the world. raise that value. let go of your limiting beliefs

If you have heard any other episodes or read any of my blog posts you know that I am not a fan of people who are victims. I often say, and rightfully so, victims are not respected because they dont earn anybodies respect. If that is the case then why do so many people turn to the victim mindset? Then you look at todays society and you see people parading around screaming about how they are victims of hate. Victims of white people. Victims of corporations. Victims of Slavery. Victims of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah Peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist. The whole woke culture is a culture of see who can be victimized the worst and then they want to celebrate the victim. This is sad on one hand because of the absolute absurdity of it all, and horrifying because it is backed by the schools these parents pay for. So what is a victim? A victim is a person who voluntarily gives up their personal power to another person or thing. It is easy We all fall into the victim mindset from time to time so you know how easy it is to be a victim. Yet sadly it is a type of manipulation. You are lying to people saying that it isn't your fault that are in the situation that you are in. Yet if you were to be honest you would see that yes it was your fault for putting yourself into that situation. That is why men will take responsibility for those times that they failed. Those times that they didn't complete the work they were suppose to. Take being late for an event. Many times you will hear that it was traffics fault. When in all reality you left too late. You didn't account for traffic snarls. You didn't properly prepare for your journey. Yeah you may want to take the power you had and delegate it to the inanimate object of the traffic situation. Yet the real power is that you chose to leave too late. It gives immediate acknowledgment Someone will always come and feel sorry for you. They 'Help' you and tend to you and they show you how they are sorry for your hard times. It is comfortable Yes it is comfortable. Some people may try to argue, how being a victim is being comfortable. You think it is comfortable to be taken advantage of? I now dont have enough money to pay rent. This is what happens with the poor. They dont have the mindset to build wealth and then people wonder why they are poor. There is this concept called the upper limit challenge. WHen you exceed your upper limit you will do what ever you can to get back down to a more comfortable level. That is why if you give a poor man a 10 million dollars they will have it spent with in a year. The Victim's perception of worry is drowned out. Why worry about anything when you can have others do the work for you? That is one of the big reasons for playing the victim. it is too uncomfortable to actually fess up to the fact that it is your fault that you are in your own mess. The Victim avoid's responsibility It is always someone else's fault for the problems they are. You will see people complain that their pants are wet and muddy all because they are sitting in a mud puddle, and instead of getting up out of the mud they are handed a new pair of pants and complain about the same thing because they never changed their environment. All that sounds great but why is victim mindsets so bad? Because people get tired of the constant fires they have to put out for you. It is never your fault and so the other person eventually gets tired of the constant crisis and they leave. So the victim then has a real crisis on their hands. Nobody is going to come rescue them so they have to find another person to take care of them. Yet because you are always giving up your power you feel helpless and you starve your soul for what it needs. There for most victims become angry bitter and resentful. Many victims also have a scarcity mindset and do not feel gratitude towards anything they are helped with. There is a charity cycle that many organizations find themselves in when they try to help. At first the victims find themselves happy and grateful for the charitable gifts. Yet each year the gift is given those who come bace are more and more ungrateful and feel entitled to new and better. This cycle happens each time you help a person and not give them the ability to help themselves. Many will fight against helping themselves. They will come across every reason possible so that they dont have to help themselves. Victims can’t grow Because the victim doesn't take responsability and they are looking for people to rescue them, victims miss all the oppertunities available to them that allows them to grow and learn from their mistakes. Because they are usually in a state of scarcity they are often focused on what it is that they dont have instead of seeing all the resources that are available with in their reach. Since they dont want to see and are comfortable in their own misery they dont want to do the work needed to dig themselves out of that hole and to live their wonderful life. If you are wanting to get out of the victim mindset and start living a life of of intention and integrity you can work with me and see how I can help you shed that old lifestyle of misery and live life on your terms.

You have heard of the Laws of attraction right? Some folks don't buy the whole laws of attraction they say it is only skill and discipline. These are the people who also believe that there are times that a person can get lucky. Well, I came across a guy in history who without realizing it applied the laws of attraction and achieved his wants and desires. This guy's name is Timothy Dexter. What is the laws of attraction The Laws of attraction has been around for a long time, but it first came to prominence thanks to Abraham Hicks. Which their whole story is a bit on the woo-woo side and a bit hard to swallow. Yet if you can get past the fake-sounding Romany accent on the tapes the information is pretty good. The Laws are the belief that the universe or God provides you what you truly want. It is all based on your thoughts. If you have a big sales meeting that you are cant be late to. Yet, your belief that something is going to happen so that you are late, Then you will wake up with a flat and your battery is dead. There will be a huge wreck on the way to the meeting. It will seem as if the universe is trying to make you late. If you think and believe that you are going to score that big account you are going to. The Laws of Attraction deal with a lot of visualizations and affirmations. Then add on your belief that you will either succeed or not succeed and the universe will manifest the results you most want to have. So how does Timothy Dexter fit into this? Timothy Dexter was a man who was born in 1747 to a poor farming family, He dropped out of school in the second grade, and at the age of 16 he decided he wanted to become rich. So he left the farming life to become a tanner apprentice. Realizing that he couldn't get rich being a tanner he left the business and married a wealthy widow, Elizabeth Frothingham. With his newfound wealth, he bought a mansion in Newburyport, Ma. Yet he annoyed the others who were of old money because they realized he was weird and very simple in his form of thinking. Yet he still wanted to be richer still. So the Continental Congress, to fund the revolutionary war, had started printing its own money so that they could pay their troops. The problem is that the money wasn't with anything. So the rich society folks of Newburyporttrying to ruin him told him he should go and buy up all the continental dollars because if the US wins their freedom then they will pay back 1% of the value of those dollars. That is precisely what Timothy did. Now many people really didn't believe that the new country had a chance of defeating the most powerful army in the world. When the US lost, all that money Timothy bought would be worthless. Well if you are paying attention to history you know that the US didn't lose and Timothy became even richer. Now what he did with all that extra loot? He builds the most ostentatious mansion in the middle of the rich district of Newburyport. He surrounded it with 40 large wooden statues of who he thought was important men, this included himself. Timothy also bought two ships for his shipping endeavors. Because his "friends" in society were a bit miffed that his bad advice had netted him some large gains. So his business friends suggested that he ship bed warmers to the Caribbean. Thinking that they will not have a use for bed warmers. Except they turned out to be excellent molasses ladles. They also suggested that he send woolen mittens to the same place. Yet They found some Asian traders who bought them all up so they could send them to Siberia. So his ships kept coming back making him richer and his friends even more befuddled and angry. Timothy then gathered up all the stray cats in Newburyport and sent them to the Caribbean only to again succeed because they were in the middle of a rat infestation. He sent bibles to the east indies and made a profit because there were missionaries that needed them. He was also convinced that he needed to buy up all the whalebone. At the time whalebone was losing value fast. YEt when he had a basement packed full of these bones suddenly it became popular for men to wear corsets and they needed all the whalebone they could manage. So again his friends had inadvertently given him an opportunity to make even more money. Now he was quirky and illiterate. Even so, he wrote two books. The first on A Pickle for the Knowing Ones was a 25-page essay with no punctuations. People couldn't understand what he had written because he wrote sort of phonetically. IME the first Lord in the younited States of A mericary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foller many more Lords pretty soune for it dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all is Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the corner ston and the kee ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good a father to his shildren and Now gone to Rest Timothy Dexter - A Pickle for the Knowing Ones Yet they bought the book because they thought it was a joke. His second edition of the book had punctuation. They were all on the last page with instructions to pepper and salt these as you please. So was he a master genius? No, but I do see the laws of attraction in effect. I see his belief that he could make himself a success and the universe or God took his desires and made them real. Notes on Timothy Dexter Today I found out Wikipedia Looking to take control of your life? Brotherhood of Men

There is one thing women absolutely hate and that is the one thing society has pushed on men. The Nice Guy. Ever since the industrial revolution men have been raised by their mothers. Dads leave to go to the factory and come home at the end of the day. They may get weekends with them but that's not a guarantee. Now because of this, we have been getting more and more nice guys showing up in the world. Nice guys are not nice. Nice Guys and People pleasers are liars and manipulators. Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval. Robert Glover "No More Mr. Niceguy" There are several tactics nice guys use to manipulate those around them. Covert Contracts They lie to others and themselves Not share ideas Try to control all aspects of the situation Cant handle emotions Emotions to a nice guy are anxiety-ridden messes. They cant have extreme emotions of any angle because Women have to be the leaders Because nice guys don’t want to be seen as being bossy they will not take the lead in anything. So to fill the void of leadership the woman has to take the reins and that isn't what they signed up for. Ask their wives for decisions. Instead of stating their intentions, they beg their wife and girlfriend if they can go out and play golf or ride a bike. The woman of the house has to become momma to this grown man. Nice guys are liars to make sure they are liked by as many people as possible they will change their story as to fit those around them. They will not even see that they are telling any lies because many nice guys pride themselves on being honest. They will boost to those who will hear that they are as honest as the day is long. Yet then over-promise and then make as many excuses as they can to cover when they are not able to deliver. They don’t have their own thoughts. Nice guys will go with the flow. They would be the greatest debaters they can be because they pick up everybody else's thoughts and make them their own. They will not have a thought that is outside of the norm because they don't want people to be upset. Seek the approval of women over men This often comes from their upbringing. Many times boys who are raised by women, only know how to relate to women Nice Guys don't have the skills to handle the interactions of men. So they hang around women more and have very few guy friends. Often they are also seen as a Momma's boy, because they are so loyal to the approval of their mom. Give up their balls Because they don't make the decisions and they give up their leadership they basically give up their man card in hopes of being able to sleep with their wife or girlfriend. Because nice guys won't commit to one thought they are soft and women hate men who are not able to take charge. Women love a guy who says they are going here or doing this. They want a guy who can lead. So they turn to the jerk because that is the closest semblance of masculinity they see. Avoid masculinity Men are loud, rambunctious, they are not always gentle with their words. Men will call it as they see it. This is scary to a nice guy. The actions and words used are intimidating to a nice guy so they avoid men. Which is to their detriment. This is because hanging out with good noble men is the best way to drive the nice guy out of a grown boy. When you hang out with real men you see how they act and you start to talk like they do. You talk in an assertive manner and you start to get noticed, which is also scary for Nice Guys Lack of meaningful relationships with men Because they don't hang out with men and do hang out with women more they don't have the needed masculine friends in their life that they actually need. Sacrifice for the approval of others. Nice guys will give up their integrity for the approval of others. Internally blame others When they don't get their way they blame everybody else. Resentful of the women they want sex from The nice guy will often perform different actions for the woman in their life with the covert contract in place. then when the woman doesn't follow that contract then he gets resentful. He will sabotage romantic endeavors so to prove his point. Yet he will not blame himself for the problem, it is her fault. Why doesn't she like sex She is just a bitch I try to help around the house and all she does is gripe about my work. I bought her a new ring so I deserve a roll in the hay. etc Is always playing the victim Since they are not able to take command of their own action and won't stand for anything, nice guys tend to be the victims. they blame everybody but themselves. People who cant take responsibility for their actions do not get respect and without respect, they don't get the attention they want. Now you see why the nice guy doesn’t have sex that they wish for. and women grow tired of having weak and pitiful men taking the place of a strong commanding man.

What does it mean when you are broken. Feeling a sense of no hope Beaten Whooped upon Feel like you need to just give up. Feel that you can't give any more Feel lost. How do you get back up? Understand what you are actually feeling. This is when you need that little extra push to get yourself past that sensation. That feeling of being broken often means that you are right at the cusp of a huge breakthrough. Feeling broken also can be helped by talking to a therapist. There is a whole group dedicated to ensuring that you power through this feeling of loss and you stay with us without checking out. How do you heal? Grant yourself some grace Get help from your Band of Brothers These men are able to help you but they can only help you if you tell them what the problem is. examine the feelings you are experiencing Use your purpose and your hobbies. Find the things that you can find joy in. Stick with the gratitude journal Understand that life is 50% pain and 50% Pleasure so yeah you are going to feel the unwanted negative, but you are also going to have joy and happiness and purpose and all the other positive emotions in your life.

When it comes to events in your life we have to take into consideration what you are starting with. Many times as men get frustrated with the lack of results that we get when we try something. The problem is what are you starting with? The meaning is this, guys, we want instant results. Many people grow frustrated with our jobs when we just started, we wonder why we are not higher up in the echelon of our jobs. We wonder why we have no credibility when we just start something. These are problems of us not wedding the leather before we start the pump. What are you talking about? What I'm actually referring to are the old-style hand pumps that used to be how people took water out of the ground. You have a well whole older well you dropped a bucket down the well. But later on, you would actually have a hand pump. This hand pump was just as it sounds you actually had to take a handle and move it up-and-down up-and-down until you got water to come out There were times that you would actually find these hand wells dotted around the countryside. Some were used a lot while others we rarely used. These later ones are what I want to focus on. Many times if you came across one of these wells there would be a bottle of water lying next to the well. Why was this bottle here? Because you have a choice. You can either drink the hot stale water that was in the bottle, or you could pour that water down the well. Now depending on the level of thirst you had, you may be tempted to drink that bottle of nasty water in the bottle. That would be something a person with a scarcity mindset would do. Yet if you have an abundant mindset you can pout that water down the well. Yeah, this may seem like a waste. You are thirsty NOW! Yet if you know how these old wells work you know that there are leather baffles in the well. IF this well isn't used much those valves dry out and they shrink. So you don't get the lift and suction you want from this hand well. You can pump and pump and pump and no water would ever rise. Yet if you pour that water down the well you wet the leather valves and they expand and start working as they are intended. Once the valves are wet they start drawing up the water and soon you will have all the water you could ever possibly drink. Now, this isn't the only problem. You also have the problem of how deep the well is. Sometimes you have to pump for 10 minutes or even more before the water comes rushing out. There is a saying in the south the deeper the well the sweeter and colder the water is. You have to put stuff in before you get stuff out. Zig Ziglar This also goes for work. When you first start on a job you have to provide value for your pay. The employer is actually taking a chance on you and your sales pitch. So how do you rise in the ranks of your work? How do you build the needed trust in your boss so that he knows you are up for the task with each promotion? You have to take initiative. You have to prime the pump of success. That means you have to do some menial tasks and work on them as if the whole company depends on your work. This also goes with customers you may be trying to get to sign on with your own business. They don't trust you at first. They see you as just another person selling to them. To wet the leather of that pump you have to take your time and fully understand what it is that they need before you offer them a solution. That may mean talking with them several times for the next few weeks. You have to listen and fully understand the problem before you do the ask. Goes for marriages You have to put into your marriage, emotional security. You can't just take and take, or you will wind up with an emotionally exhausted spouse who will one day decide that she is done and leaves. This is where the nice guys always fail. He is taking emotionally by requiring emotions from his spouse or girlfriend and he never repays the emotional debt he has created.

Men talk to each other in a way that women and some modern males don’t understand. You hear talk of how toxic masculinity is the problem with society and part of that toxic masculinity is how men talk to each other. They mention how we tease young men as they start to develop facial hair and we suggest putting some milk on that peach fuzz and letting the cat lick it off. Some folks believe that is mean and hurtful. When in reality not exposing your son to those innocent taunts is setting him up for failure We enjoy trash talk Men like to talk trash. It is a means to build bonds and to test each other’s wit and how fast we can think on our feet. It is a fun and challenging skill to have. To be able to talk trash and then back it up, cause if you fail at walking the walk you will get piled on even worse. This way it teaches a man how, to be honest, and to not be boastful. The ribbings are good for us They show the rest of the group that the new guy can take it. It is a means of understanding new guy It builds bonds Men talk directly Proper communication is direct. To hem and haw around the topic doesn’t serve anybody. Because what is implied by one man is easily misinterpreted by another guy. This is a skill nice guys have to fight off for the rest of their lives. it is so easy to fall back into the habit of beating around the bush that we lose the effectiveness of a good direct line of communication. Men talk assertively Nice guys don’t like to talk assertively Grown boys communicate in three infective ways Passive Aggressive Passive-aggressive We teach our boys how to handle their emotions by ribbing them. This helps boys grow thicker skin and not be overly sensitive. We do a huge disservice to our boys by coddling them. Yes that is what moms are suppose to do while men are there to help them understand how to use their emotions effectively. Many people don’t like this kind of talk because of the following reasons. they find it intimidating they find assertive communication to be mean. 

What holds you back from taking the steps you are wanting to take? Now, these reasons can be many, but one of the biggest reasons is fear. We are afraid that we will change. We fear that our friends won’t like us. We are afraid of what happens if you succeed.  We also fear what people will think if we fail. What happens if we screw something up? What if we are seen as a fraud. Do we really deserve this success if our idea takes off?  According to Tripp Lanier, We want 4 things out of life. Freedom Love To feel Alive Peace. How do you achieve these 4 things? I let you in a little secret you have to play large. Many of us want to play life small and then wonder why we don’t achieve any of these life’s desires. This is because we don’t even give ourselves the ability to try for that awesome life. We aim for the easier that will do. Sometimes by sheer luck we get the awesome spot but that is so much rarer in this case than if we were to aim for awesome. Yet most of the time we are holding ourselves back. Why Aim for awesome? Because you will hit it more times than if you aren’t aiming for it. You may have to give up on the easy steps. You will also miss the crappy events a lot more. You will often land in the average zone, but your chances of being awesome are so much better when you are actually aiming for awesome. Why the Awesome life? Sit back and let your mind wander. You can even do this in the car. Ask yourself what would life be like if your dreams come true? How awesome and fulfilled would you be? What would you do? Now many guys would say they would take it easy, and that would be the wrong answer and that is why you have to keep working. The moment you start coasting is the moment you start slowing down.  Now does this mean you don’t get to rest? No, actually you get more chances to rest and enjoy life’s sweeter moments but if you think you can just sit back on your laurels then you will find yourself back where you started. The awesome life isn’t an easy life. You have to find out what fulfills you. That is where you find your happiness and fulfillment. Many guys see that life isn’t an easy street when they reach a certain point. That is often because they failed to realize that they are not achieving that peace, aliveness, Love, or Freedom they thought they would have. Instead, they are wrapped up in the fear of what happens next. So they start to play small and with that small action, they let go of what they are really striving for.

There are times that life will throw you curveballs. You may have a boss that is just busting your hump and other days you may just drive up behind a jeep with a huge pair of panties on. What do you do? This is a choice you have to make. This was evident with a pair of Jeep panties I saw while over at the Byrd's Adventure Center. While I was at the Operation Tears of the 22: Off The Hardball event, the owner of the Jeep "Severance Package" talked often about how there are those who love the quirky undergarments while others come out offended. What is it about those Panties? This got me thinking about what does this means? I see that society is complex and there are those who laugh at the absurdity of a jeep having on women's underwear. To me that is good. The sudden shock of Oh my god there is underwear on that Jeeps tire. They might see it as the joke it is and laughs. As the owner of the jeep said If it brightens one person who is having a rough day good! They have done their job. Then there are those who don't like them. I see these people having a few thoughts that ignite their anger and outrage. Either they wish they could be as brazen as the owner is, or the image brings up other thoughts of how dare the owner shows such disrespect to them. Underwear is meant to be hidden and these are just hanging out for everyone to see. Either way, these people feel slighted for having something that might be construed as sexual in their face, and as I stated before the joke is lost to them. My point to all of this and what I wanted to point out here is that Life is too short to be taken seriously. We can lighten up and laugh at something as goofy as a very large thong being put on the spare tire of an offroad vehicle. Laugh at all that you can. You can even give yourself permission to let out a huge belly laugh. Laugh at all the odd things you see. Laugh at the delight that life brings. Do something odd that you think might bring a chuckle to somebody. You never know you might just touch the heart of someone who is in a very dark place at that moment and you have then shown them a gleam of light. It might open up the door for someone to make a connection. I am always making fun of myself. Heck, I had my first speaking engagement at Byrds Adventure Center. I could say it was an abject disaster because the words I chose distracted the audience from the point of my talk. I could say it was a serious discussion about how men can take control of their own lives. OR I could point out that I forgot I was talking to a bunch of ex-military and that they all have the minds of 13-year-old boys and that my choice of talking about a man's stick and handling a man's wood created a point of hilarity that was an awesome learning experience for me and the guys heard a memorable speech. For Help on living life on your terms The Brotherhood of Men

Main Topic Is coaching like therapy? The full answer is no they are not the same thing. What is therapy Therapy is used for finding and diagnosing mental illnesses. They help you find new and better coping mechanisms for past life events. Therapy is essentially for the past What is Coaching? It is the finding and helping with mindset problems. Coaches help people to reach their goals and climb to lofty heights that they are actually capable of. Coaches see flaws in thought because of faulty logging and help people to change how they see the world. Coaches Boiling it down Therapists help people with their past while coaches help people with their future. Both are needed for people to find the success that they want. If you combine the two and you find a therapist who is willing to work with a coach you can have the ultimate power of working on both your past and future. You are able to tackle your past problems while also building up the needed mindsets so you are able to springboard into the success you want. What a coach won’t / can’t do Coaches don’t do therapy while there are therapists who can coach. Yet when it comes to looking at possible mental illnesses or past experiences that could be the root of the problem you are facing Sadly many therapists like to try to point out that coaching isn’t regulated as if that is a bad thing. There is no licensing boards or governing body over who can coach in what. That is a good thing. You are the judge. If a coach doesn’t perform up to your standards then you can leave. Just as there is more than one way to skin a cat. There is more than one way for people to achieve their greatness. Sadly it does seem that therapists and some coaches have a scarcity mindset. There are therapists who see coaches as are taking clients from them. That’s not the case. Then there are coaches who want to be regulated and if you look you will notice that most of these groups that want regulation have their own schools that would benefit greatly from having to force people through these doors. That is the great part of coaching each person can have a different attack angle for the same problem. One tactic may not work while another is wildly successful. Therefore, another point that helps is that coaching isn’t locked into a particular way of helping a person. Unlike therapy, whereas a new disorder comes about suddenly you have everybody being diagnosed with that ailment. Look at anxiety for instance. So is therapy good? Yes, it does serve people who need it. Does coaching work? Very much so. If you are looking for a coach I would be happy to fill that spot. You can read more about my services at Work With Bryan

News going to be making some changes to when things are being released. I want to keep the current release schedule for the video of the week the Wednesday blog post and the podcast but I have lots of other plans for the site that are being ignored so Once a month there will be only a video and a podcast. If I can do the other plans and take out an item of the honey-do list and I still have time to write then you can consider the blog post a bonus. But I have been learning about some of the steps I am needing to attract more clients for signing up. To do that I have to focus on other parts of the site. For instance the landing page for the divorce recovery workshop. Still working on the name but I want to get it done so I can help those men struggling with their purpose in the midst of their marriage falling apart. I also need to work on the Brotherhood of Men's Landing page. I am getting people looking at it but they are not nibbling. So many items like this that need to be changed. The Podcast will keep going I am not willing to let it slide just yet. I know I need to work on my short game for this business and the long game will still be there. I am also going to drop the question of the week. Been doing it for about a year and no emails. So I will wait for enough listeners to show up and start asking questions when that happens then I will bring it back. It was a good experiment to see if I can get some people to interact with the show but they just are talking yet. Main Topic We are men of power yet what is keeping us from being powerful? We often want to point the blame to someone else or some external circumstance Examples of Disempowering thoughts It's not MY fault, Everybody/somebody did something to me and now I'm all screwed up. I can’t do follow my dream, I need to prioritize OTHER people because I’m a good person I can't think of that right now I am in too much pain. I don't have time right now I am just too busy. When the kids are out of the house When the time is right I will get it done someday I would if I have enough money It's easy for them! If I had their influence... If I had their money... If... I am practical I'm not that good That's how they get you That just how it goes I have the worst luck I suck at_______ I know they are laughing at me I should have started 10 years ago I don't want to be a jerk. It's easier said than done She doesn't like me She doesn't like sex I cant perform as she wants I can't satisfy her How to change why are you thinking small? You think small because of fear. You fear the worst may happen. Could the worst happen? what is the worst? For some, the worst is looking like a fool. While others fear being successful and being called all the. names they called successful people. It could be that you are fearing that you will be judged by your friends as a sellout or worse. According to Tripp Lanier many times we play life small because want one or more of these 4 things and we are afraid that if we don't play life small we won't get these Freedom Love Aliveness Peace In fact, because you are living life small is why you are not receiving most of these. Ask yourself probing questions Ask yourself questions that dig deeper into why you are thinking this way. What is your why? Why do you think the way you do? When were you told that thought? Who was always telling you that you weren't good enough When as you were growing up did you notice adults saying that very thing? Is what you believe really true or are you just basing it on what you were told? Did someone close to you tell you your dreams were wrong or impractical? Are your thoughts based on fear or scarcity? Where did these thoughts originate? Be honest with your answers This can be difficult but it is possible to tell yourself the truth. Often we will actually lie to ourselves so that we don't have to face the uncomfortable feelings of our beliefs are actually not matching up to what we are believing. Change your Programming When you find yourself thinking these thoughts that are holding you back change that programming. Instead of you are always unlucky, try I make my luck. I am not good enough to be a part of that group try I am good enough or I am going to be good enough that they can't ignore me. You can take those limiting beliefs and with determination, you can alter them. It's not easy and you will fall back into your old habits when you aren't paying attention. Yet, you can change how you view yourself. Start doing the opposite of what you are telling yourself. Think you can't cook? then start cooking. Are you going to burn the eggs from time to time? Yep, but you have a choice to get mad at yourself, make it fun give yourself grace and laugh it up. Life is way too short to take seriously.

Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men What are some unknown laws of manhood? There really aren’t any unknown laws of manhood. There are things in men's lives that they need to do to have a great and masculine life. Men have purposes and it needs to be at the top of objectives to find out what that purpose is. Most times that purpose is something that is bigger than them. They are helping other people to achieve their purpose. That could be through a service-based life. Like being the best employee you can be for your employer. You could also be that you need to join up with a charity or even start a charity. There is a chance that you see a need that isn’t filled. Therefore you may have the purpose of starting a business and helping the local community by providing a product that enriches their life. There really is a lot of options you can do. The objective of this is to live your life to the fullest. Don't sit around wishing that you can do something. Get up off the dirt and do it. take action. face that fear you have that it won't work. You never know till you try. Your uncle who is shooting down your ideas doesn’t know. Your parents don't know. You don't know till you act. Men are meant to protect their families. Provide for their family, and lead their family. You do this by making sure you take care of yourself. By working on your Mind, Body, Soul, and building a community of men who can help you. Main Topic What are beliefs? At the root, these are thoughts that you perceive to be true. As we walk through life we gather different beliefs. We see something that catches our eye and we decide whether we will put it into our basket of beliefs. As we continue through life that basket starts to fill up. There are times that we have to trade one belief for another or we struggle to try to keep both beliefs in the basket. Yet our basket is so full that we start going down avenues of suffering because we are trying so hard to make sure we keep all the beliefs together though they clearly don't all fit. The cool thing about beliefs is that though we use them to define us we can actually take a belief out of our basket and set it down. If it doesn't serve us anymore. If we find a prettier stone that would fit just nicely in our basket we may have to put the old belief down for someone else to find. It doesn't hurt you to change your beliefs often if you look at a belief long enough you will see that it's not quite as alluring as you once thought and so it doesn't do you any harm to set that belief down and go about your day. You are able to get a better knowledge of yourself as you examine your beliefs. As you read you are able to find new nuggets of beliefs

Question of the Week By The Brotherhood of Men If you mess up your life in the eyes of family and friends, how do you get it back? Well, know that the phrase “messing up your life” is just a thought. It isn’t a fact. It is an opinion. That is all. You not living your life to the prescribed manual that your family has for you just means that isn’t how they would do it. It's not right nor is it wrong. Every event in your life is neutral it's neither right nor is it wrong. It's not positive nor is it negative till you apply thought to it. So the events that have happened in your life are viewed by you, and they matter to only one person, you. Now you can choose to live your life by your family's manual, that set of instructions they believe you should follow. Then again you can choose to love life on your terms. However, you do it it is up to you to be ok with that decision. Your family can create their own suffering but having any negative emotion they want you aren’t going to feel that emotion, You are simply reacting to their actions. Main Topic There. are some movements that have been going on for a while and I trip over different factions of them from time to time there is the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and the Red Pill. Now I wanted to look and see if I could find anything about the red pill to be able to better understand it. Did the preliminary search online and came across this Guardian article which is flat out doesn't understand. It is written by a woke journalist. The Writer Stephen Marche defiantly has an odd agenda but he does have a conversation with a guy who is a moderator for The Redpill subreddit which has apparently been around for 10 years. There are some telling parts to what The moderator is saying. I noticed that the dating game wasn’t what I was taught – what my parents prepared me for, and what I learned from movies I found myself putting in all this effort for nothing, it was very defeating. It’s not the way courting worked when my parents met. One interesting thing that is mentioned here is, "We’re accused of misogyny almost daily. I won’t deny that the language is colorful and there’s a lot of emotion expressed by the men on the forum." This goes against everything that feminists state about men in that we are not caring and that we don't express our emotions. Yet when we do it is often misinterpreted. Why are men turning to these movements? The main reason I am seeing from these different groups is that they are disillusioned and so they decide to give up and either decide that it's not worth it or that the field is stacked against them. Is this true? Not really it can seem that way. As masculinity is being shunned for all the good that it does in society there is something that has to take its place and many people look to feminists to do that. Yet as talked about before men and women process the same situation differently. While there are times for tact and men are good at that women are better suited for other types of situations. Can Women lead? Hell yeah, they can lead and they do a bang-up job. There are times though that man is needed. There is a time and place for everything a At the core, the MGTOW and Redpill movements are men who get wrapped up in their victim mindset and give up. This doesn't serve them nor does it serve society. Most of these guys like the moderator are actually Nice Guys and you know that nice guys finish last because nobody respects them. Women don't like Nice guys. because nice guys communicate in passive forms of communication. These nice guys are people pleasers and as we have discussed before people leaders are liars and don't think for themselves. They wonder why they can't keep a person around for long. That is because when manipulating another person it causes the person being manipulated to expel more energy than when you are in a symbiotic relationship. When one person can trust that you are going to do what you say, and not have to harp on you to do it. Women are actually often in leadership positions though they aren't in the limelight quite as much. I know many a huge burly man in my youth who wouldn't step into the kitchen after his wife mopped the floor. Now was this out of fear? A little but it was also out of respect.

 Quick Mention about the Event Operation Tears of the 22, Off the Hardball, is coming quickly if you are a veteran this event is free, if you are not a vet then it is only $20 and you get a good time and you are helping out those veterans that are stuck in a dark place. Question of The Week by The Brotherhood of Men  What is the most important thing to teach a child so they will be successful? That they are in control of their emotions. They can be happy or sad and that is OK. Nobody can make them feel anything they don't want to feel. To be able to teach kids that emotions are not things that happen to us but we feel because of a thought we had about an event. Main Topic Divorce is devastating. Not only for the children involved but for the men and women. Often we see the ugly side of people when the lawyers get mixed in. Suddenly the woman you loved and adored seems to be a greedy witch and is dead set on making your life hell. So how do you survive a divorce or even stop a divorce from going through? This is a challenge but this is where applying and working on your 4 pillars of a man come into play. You need to build those pillars back up and get them reinforced. Those 4 pillars are A man's Mind, Man's Body, Man's Soul, and a man's community. each one helps you to find the footing you are needing for the challenge ahead. Why are these helpful for a man going through a divorce? This is because they are intricate for you to have a healthy life. You don't have to curse women or go their own way or even take that red pill that many men are pushing Man's Mind This is your learning pillar. Always be growing More on this can be found In Episode 36 Man's Body This is your health pillar. You have nothing if you don't have your health. You can listen to more on this on Episode 35 Mans Soul This is your creation pillar. You need to be creating something. Be it painting carving a blog a business or a charity. It needs to be your calling, your passion. You can listen to more on this on Episode 37 Mans Community This is your band of brothers but also your family and your town. the different organizations that are involved in your area. You need to be an active member of the community and you can listen to more on this in Episode 38

The guest is Matt Sinkovitz He Helps men to overcome their attraction to porn. Social Media Facebook Group - Making Peace with Porn: We are Noble Men Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/matty2sinks/ How Can You Promote Change Your Brain on Porn - Book He has a How to Quit porn for good event

Event: Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball This event is to help veterans to reset mentally SIgn up Question of the week be Brotherhood of Men Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work? Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other trying to get a divorce. Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today. Why? Well, that’s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wife and that does nothing but add stress to their wife’s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy's life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy. Men have stopped doing several things that attracted the woman to him. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife. What did these men stop doing? There are several things men have stopped doing that caused their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male. Man's mind Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family that is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind getting smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read-only if it is required. They don’t learn for the sake of learning. Man’s Body They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn’t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn’t sexy to a woman. Now men don’t have to be chiseled, but I shape so that if they can protect their family if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don’t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn’t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women's reaction when they saw Avengers End Game. Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man. Mans Soul Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn’t mean that the men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention. Mans Community this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man's attention. He can’t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It’s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do. So we lose our friends and we don’t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1–4 friends. And maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don’t have normally get together with other masculine men so we can talk about our problems. So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That’s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negative with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn’t help her have confidence in you. It doesn’t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is. Women won’t respect you for that and a woman can’t love a man she can’t respect. The other thing that will help a marriage last is to know how to fill your partner's emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you. Main Topic Men stop being who they are supposed to be Victim mindset No responsibility Men act surprised They let their wife’s emotional rank run empty A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person's emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are 5 different love languages that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it's getting lost in translation. GIfts Quality time Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Physical Touch They stop talking Many times we stop talking we don't sit and listen. We aren't present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect. They stop being spontaneous With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time",   Robert Herrick   "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may," — Robert Herrick     We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous. They just drift Drifting isn't only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting. Their pillars have collapsed Man's mind You stop learning You aren't reading You would rather not listen to audiobooks or podcasts but music only When you stop learning you start dying Man's body They are out of shape They are not the physique of when they met They can’t protect their family when they are out of shape. Man's soul What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don't have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it's a blog or you take up painting, or woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life. Man's Community This is the huge one for us men these days. We don't spend enough time with other masculine men. We don't sit with other men eating and talking about our lives. A mastermind of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don't have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.

This week we have a conversation with John Teng. John is a public speaker author musician and lover of life. He has written a book called the Hero Mindset: Become(ing) the Hero of Your Own Adventure. This book is not just for men but also for women. People through the ages have struggled with one huge problem and that is the dreaded Midlife Crisis. John talks about how it actually isn't a crisis at all. Yeah, your life is almost halfway over but it really isn't a reason to panic and suddenly try to find yourself. We look at the different landmarks you have in your life to successfully navigate the different pitfalls of your midlife. Talk about laying out a map for you to use so you can enter and pass through the midlife area of your life and be better for it in the end John Teng has several avenues that he is enjoying life to the fullest and on his terms from rocking it out in a band to writing and helping others to find their path. So listen in and see how John Teng and his book can help you. Social Info LIVXTRA: www.livxtra.net Twitter: @midlifemagazine  Instagram: @johnjteng YouTube: @midlifemagazine Facebook: @midlifemagazine

 Also, Check out the Operation Tears OF the 22 Off the Hardball happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center The Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men Help me. How do I stop feeling hurt when people say mean things about me? Is what they are saying true? If not then why are you giving these people all your power? You are volunteering your peace of mind and happiness to people who obviously don’t have your happiness in mind. Stop with the victim mindset. You have the power to let some bozo hurt your feelings or not. When you can look at your thoughts and decide how that affects you. You will gain the power back from people who don’t even know how to control their own emotions. They need pain from others to beef up their own selves. How sad is that? Now if what they are saying is true you still have all your power. You can take responsibility for what you did and make the needed changes. People only say things about you when they think they can take power away from you and you can choose to react or respond. The big difference between the two. There is an old saying that seems to have been forgotten in the last 20 years or so. That saying is Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Start applying it. Stop handing your power and agency over to other people. You have the power over what you think and how you think. Your emotions come from those thoughts not from some jerk offs actions. Remember that words don’t have power till you decide they have power. If it affects you and it is a lie, then I would ask why are believing the lies others are saying? Main Topic Aren’t we always present when talking to others? No, often we are sitting around waiting for our opportunity to voice our thoughts. Doing so What does it mean to be present? Being present means not trying to wait for a response. Not forming a thought and just being there with the person you are talking to. There can be a lot of details that are missed and even ignored when we are waiting for our time to talk. This often means that we are not fully understanding what the other person is saying. We are not hearing them we are listening but we are missing a lot that is being conveyed. How does being present help? Some people point out that you will have better concentration and more attention to details. And though they are right that is more because being present can be tied to mindfulness. Mindfulness is essentially paying attention to your thoughts which is of immense benefit when you are doing thought work. Better communication skills Better social skills Less worrying about wrong implications How do you become present? Being present can be difficult  

  Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men  I suffer from anxiety and depression. Not debilitating because I keep a job and social life. I'm 32 and have never left home. My parents are enablers and never pushed me out. What advice would you give someone like me? By the way, you phrased the question I would say you already know the answer. You need to move out. You can function out in society. You have already stated that you have a job and a social life. So move out. That anxiety you feel is normal for everybody. My daughter actually came to me crying. All because I made a suggestion with her being 18, that she needs to start spreading her wings, and looking for a place she can move to. She had the thought loop that I didn’t love her anymore because I was wanting her out of the house. That was the farthest from the case. She was telling herself the story that I was throwing her out into this big world unarmed and that the lions were going to eat her. It is scary to move out on your own. You have all these new bills and responsibilities that you have to take on. Some are downright unpleasant, while other experiences give you a huge sense of accomplishment. The anxiety is from thoughts in your head. Your mind is just trying to protect you to your own detriment. Take that anxiety you are feeling and turn it into exhilaration by taking the first step. Move out. Your first apartment is going to suck and it is going to be small and not have anything you really want to have in it. Yet many of your favorite memories of your youth will be in that small apartment. That small apartment will also give you the incentive to find a way to create more value so that you get paid more so you can move to a larger apartment or even eventually a house. Don't believe the Crap your mind is telling you. Your mind is trying to protect you from dying but again the only way you grow and become better is to face the discomfort. Main Topic You have probably heard the phrase when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. This practice we have of assuming one this has some roots in trying to protect us, yet these days they are rare that you will be hurt. Now assumptions are not intuitions you avoid responsibility for action You are passing the buck They are thoughts It is us looking for a pattern assumptions are not facts It keeps us from connecting and getting to know people Ask yourself some questions from Harley Therapy What facts do I have to prove this thought is true? What facts do I have to prove this thought isn’t true? What is a more realistic, in-the-middle way of seeing this? Is this really my own opinion, or did someone else teach it to me and I didn’t question it? Is this even really what I think or want to think in the future? What would life be like if the opposite of this assumption were true? What if this assumption didn’t exist at all in my life – who would I then be? Assumptions leading cause of Misjudgements Common assumptions that are holding you back That being wrong is a failure It's about you You have to be available all the time Busy and productive are the same thing Your emotions are created by outside events You can do it by yourself You are a victim  These assumptions are all bad in their own ways.   CLAIM=ee28bc540d3b96875c62a004c5938eeaed9129d8=CLAIM

This week we have fellow coach Lindsay Marie Barber on the show. Lindsey is an expert on relationships and helps men to foster better relationships with those of the fairer sex. What is the biggest problem you see with men and their ability to effectively communicate? Website: https://lindseymariecoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindseymariecoaching/

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today Question of The Week by The Brotherhood of Men All my favorite childhood things such as cartoons, video game characters, toys, etc., are becoming a thing of the past. Is this a sign that it's time to grow up and move onto other things? Well, I would ask what age are you? If you are 18 or older then yeah it is time to grow up. Now, do you have to let go of the nostalgia or your youth? No, you can dip into that past all you like but make sure that you are not living in the past. Spending all your time wishing what could have been will cause you to lose sight of all the greatness that is happening in the now. That is why your past is so rich with memories. You were living in the present that whole time. You were excited about the day and what lay ahead of you. You weren’t focused on what had happened. The future was things that were thought of from time to time but that didn’t consume your time either. You had stuff to do and you may have enjoyed the cartoons on Saturday morning and I remember cartoons coming on from 3:00 to 4:00 and that was a snack break before being kicked outside to play some more. Your past is good to remember but don't depend on it for who you are today. You are a different person from what you were 1 year ago much more so from 10 years ago. You can always enjoy the peaks in the past but like I said don't live there you won't like who you become. Main Topic Today there seems to be so much unrest and Yeah I have a view on that and my thoughts on why so many men aren't stepping up to the plate. I wanted to delve into this a little bit this week. Because I think a good part of society has a huge problem in their thinking and this is one reason they are having such a problem with being a victim. These men today are being taught a dangerous phrase that doesn't serve them. It doesn't help them in any way at all. That phrase is "feel safe". Men are being told they should have a safe place to express themselves or to be able to speak up in a "brave" way they need to feel safe and that is such a dangerous place to start from if you are working at trying to be a man. This is dangerous because the people teaching these boys that phrase is holding them back from trying anything daring. It screams stay comfortable. I cant get uncomfortable. I have to feel safe to do anything big in life. You know what? That safety is never going to show up unless it is in a school. That is the worst time you should be telling a young adult that they should play it safe and stay small. Granted some do have the drive needed to ignore that teaching and they go on to do great things. How many more successful adults could be excellent if the kids in college were pushed to get out of their comfort zone? How many more minorities would be successful and prosperous if the administration in college wasn't teaching them to stay in their safe place? Would there be as much perceived disparity if these young adults were able to handle discomfort and not claim they need a safe place to be themselves? What if they were brave enough to be themselves in public and to not worry about the opinions of those who honestly don't matter in their life? Why shouldn't people be allowed to feel safe? First off people have the ability to feel safe wherever they want. The issue is that they expect others around them to make them feel safe. That is impossible. I can not make a person feel something. The same as other people around me cant make me feel anything. I have to take that power myself. Young men are nervous anxiety-ridden wrecks because they are being told a lie. Many of these young adults want people to pander to their needs and often to the expense of that other person. They want to be heard but not have to listen. They have a strong misconception of what is safe.  Look at Mike Rowe's Safety Third Initiative He knows you can't put safety first if you do you are more likely to get hurt. You are going to put your trust into something that will get you injured or worse. You can't control anything around you and to attempt so is a fool's errand. With that same concept have a person feel safe is folly because you can't control what other people will think or do. How do you feel safe when you are feeling uncertain? It's not easy but you have to gather your courage and strength and just say what you want to hear. Is everyone going to agree with you? No, and you don't want everyone to agree with you. If they do then there is a good chance that some of them are being fake. So how do you go from having your safety blanket to being able to walk and talk in an assertive manner? If you are used to playing it small then start by doing something that scares you. Just get out of your comfort zone. You will never grow if you are stuck on the couch watching Netflix every day. Go mix it up with a group of people you normally wouldn't be with. If you are used to being around a church congregation all day then find some bikers to talk to. You may find that a few of them actually go to your church. Join up with a men's group if you are a man. If you are a woman then find a woman's group. Find a civic organization like an Animal Club (Lions Club, Elks Lodge, Order of the Water Buffalo, etc) They are always getting out around other people and doing things that are bigger than themselves. The more you get uncomfortable, the more you will see that the world isn't nearly as dangerous or awful of a place. You stop seeing dangers everywhere and the more you start living to your fullest  

  Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Me Why am I not happy in my life? There are a lot of reasons that you are lacking joy and happiness in your life. Since I don't know you from adam I can only guess as to why you are unhappy and restless. The number one reason I would surmise is that you don't have a purpose. What gets you out of bed each morning? People need to have a why a purpose, a passion Whatever you would like to call it, you need one. Something that allows you to struggle and get out of your comfort zone. Sadly many people are just way too damn comfortable for their life. We need struggle and discomfort to have joy in our lives. Much like how we need the valleys of life to celebrate the summits of our achievements. We need dark to appreciate the light. It may sound like a horrible and cruel paradox but look at anybody who is genuinely happy and they will tell about the hard times they had in their life. Why do you think so many poor people appear to be so happy while rich people often appear to be so miserable. That is because of the benefit of the struggle. So how do you wade into something uncomfortable? I would say write down 10 or more things that scare you. Is it speaking in public or possibly joining a group. Start small. You may do what Jia Jiang did and just get people to tell him no. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZXgApsPCQ There find the things that scare you and start trying to do them. Don't be afraid of failure. That is a part of learning and skill-building. You didn’t just hop on to a bicycle and start riding no you fell over and over again until you got it. Be a part of something bigger than you. This could be a charity or maybe a project like starting your own business. Yes, the business can be bigger than you. A business is nothing more than you getting paid for a service you perform. So you can find fulfillment from starting a business. You don't have to worry so much about passion. That will actually grow as you get more and more involved with whatever you are doing. Use a gratitude journal You can't be unhappy when you are truly grateful. You can start to change your mindset and attitude by looking at what you are grateful for. Write down each day 3 things you are grateful for. You might even challenge yourself and say you can't use the same thing more than once every 7 days. So Go out and try it. Keep searching for that why and you will find it. Main Topic So many times we let the opinions of others dictate our decisions. Examples You are going to fail He looks ridiculous That is a fool's errand You cant do that What is an opinion? An opinion 1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. "I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance" 2. the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing. "The changing climate of opinion" 3. An estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. "I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved" Definitions from Oxford Languages  Opinions are not facts they are thoughts believed to be true. In other words, opinions are nothing more than thoughts. My wife is being irrational, is an opinion. My kids don't listen, is an opinion. Opinions are also anything with an emotion tied to it. My wife is mad, is an opinion. We often take opinions and apply them to our lives. We were told out being a writer was a dumb idea because you can't make any money from it. You cant be an artist because you will starve. Those are again opinions, they aren't true for you. It may be that Uncle Joe failed as a screenwriter and he is sharing his opinion because of how much it hurt for him to fail. His experience isn't yours. Take the opinions as just that opinions. They may have nuggets of truth in them but that doesn't mean you are not worthy of trying. You never know what you can do till you actually take a swing at your dream. Will you fail? Yeah is it because Uncle Joe said so? Only if you allow it.  

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I simplify life and be happy? How to always be happy? Well, I will break it to you you can and actually don't want to be happy all the time. How would it look if you were at your grandmother's funeral and you were just sitting around with a grin on your face? If you were punched in the face you don't want to be just all happy go lucky no you would be upset and rightfully so. So how do you be happy? You accept that life is 50/50. That is life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. Now, what does pain entail, because it sounds unpleasant right? Yeah, it is anything that is unpleasant or uncomfortable. Feeling awkward is classified as pain. It's not fun feeling like a fish out of water but it is going to happen and it's going to happen often. So, you need to practice accepting that life isn’t going to be all sunshine and lollipops. That is where much of people's anxiety comes from they think they have to be happy and they aren’t they are feeling scared or awkward or uncomfortable in some way and they obsess over this fact that they don't feel like they believe they should. Now you can also mitigate your emotional being by understanding that all your emotions are not created by your environment. No, your environment has no control over you, people have no control over your emotions. They cant make you mad nor can they make you happy. You can respond to their actions. You can have a thought about what they said and if it isn’t pleasant then you can actually start working on changing the perspective as to how you are thinking. Take someone cutting you off in traffic. That person may not have seen you because he just got a call that his daughter was in an accident and is being taken to the hospital. Then again it could be that the guy is just being a jerk because he can. You don't know and you can't change his mind by honking at his car. Your emotions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from the circumstance you are currently in. The circumstance is nothing but fact. If there is an emotion tied to that fact that isn’t a fact it is a thought. Mrs, Johnson is being mean to me. That is a thought. I didn’t do my homework and Mrs. Johnson said I have to stay in for recess is a fact. Do you sort of understand? So how do you be happy? You choose to love others. See your world for all the opportunities you have available in your life. Writing out a list of what you are grateful for at that very moment helps a lot. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Keep practicing allow yourself to fail from time to time. And eventually, you will start to see the rainbow cant be around without some rain. Main Topic The heaviest package you will carry You are always working on letting that grudge live in your mind. You are obsessing over what that person will do and that takes energy. You are often fooling yourself thinking that your grudge is thinking of ways to get you and they aren't thinking of you at all. Why are they bad? They cause undue stress That stress causes physical problems You are obsessing over something that often can't be fixed How do you get rid of a grudge? forgive them Let it go Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn that paper. acknowledge that this grudge isn't serving you Walk a mile in that person's shoes    

Join me in helping Operation: Tears of the 22 and their first-time event over at the Byrd Adventure Center in Arkansas. This is happening between August 5-8 and are they ever putting up a bang-up event. There are going to be music and jeep rides on the many trails that span around the heart of the Ozark National Forest. on top of all that, there are going to be some amazing food trucks there to squash any hunger you have. We will also be having an auction where one of the lots is a 3-month coaching package with me! So join up and let Matt and Rich know that you are going to the event by visiting the event page Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How can you instill the understanding early on in a child's life that gang members should not be looked up to as role models and, despite its appealing nature, to walk their path would be a great misfortune? That is a great question. Now I have a firm belief as to why gangs are so attractive to young people. now I can bash the music. The songs today promote and seem to encourage lots of today's youth to look at gangs in a romanticized manner. There are all the drugs the sense of comradery. you get to have guns and the like. Yet how do you change the hearts and minds of these kids from wanting to join a dead-end street like being in a gang? To answer that We need to look at what the problem is, that problem is that there is no father in the picture. Thanks to many well-intended government programs the role of needing a father in the house has been diminished. Now when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t have to turn to the father and say we need to raise this kid together. Instead, they turn to their rich Uncle Sam and he gives them money for food and daycare and rent and everything else that a father is supposed to provide. This keeps the men from having to grow up and face their responsibilities of providing for a family and it keeps the women from having to face their responsibilities that they need to be making better choices with their men. The people that lose out because of this lack of responsibility are the kids, especially the boys. You have a group of boys who doesn't have any strong masculine guidance in their life, therefore they turn to the closest perceived masculine and that is a bunch of grown boys who are in a gang. So they learn what it means to be a man from a bunch of people who don't know what it really means to be a man. Instead of the dad, who would know best and having that father be a constant presence in their life. These boys now have a bunch of strangers who are saying they have to do this or that to be called a man. When in reality they don't know anything about being a man because they were also taught by a bunch of grown boys instead of a grown man. So how do we change the minds of these boys thinking that gangs are cool? We get fathers to become involved in their boy's lives. It won't be easy but it is possible. If you don't have kids then start finding ways you can be involved in the lives of boys who don't have fathers. Join up and be a mentor with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It is a shift in culture which is going to be tough because today's society thinks all the good elements of a successful life are being white. Which the farthest from the truth. So there is a social change that needs to be done. How that is above my pay grade. Answer requested by Viktor Bondarchuk Main topic Today's society is one that they see who can win the race to being the biggest victim. This is why schools have safe spaces. Kids in college want to make sure they can say something without facing the repercussions of their actions. This is one reason the world so so upside down right now. Being a strong masculine man is scored and called out to be the cause of all the good that masculinity does in society. What is a victim? A victim is a person who has given up their power to someone or something else. Society is wanting it to mean that there is no blame to be given to the victim. Though many times that person actually got themselves into that predicament. A person was the victim of greedy capitalists. No, that person chose to spend their paycheck on a pair of high-top sneakers and then didn't have enough money for rent. The poor can't get out of their predicament because the patriarchy won't let them. Again no the poor often made some bad decisions that caused them to be in that environment. They can get back out again if they are willing to change their habits. Yet again you see that the poor supposedly doesn't have any power because of the patriarchy, whatever that is supposed to mean. Look at people who have been under real oppression. You see that though they are victims of that dictator they eventually decide to take back the power that they gave away and either leave that environment or gather strength and make them change themselves. To say you are a victim is to say you are powerless. Why the victim never wins This was touched on earlier, the victim cant win because they don't want their power to be able to change. Many times this means getting out of their comfort zone. The victim has to make a change in who they are or what they believe and doing so can be messy and awkward. They think that it is easier to just sit back and go poor me. Feel sorry for me because I am not able to be successful. Playing the victim means you are playing life small. You will not take the chances out of fear that you may become victimized even more. Yet this is impossible because you will have your power unless you willfully give it up again. Another reason that a victim will not be able to win is that nobody actually respects a victim. They pity and feel sorry for a victim but that isn't respect. You see a cancer patient who decided they are going to live every day to the fullest isn't a victim of their environment they are taking their power back and doing what they were afraid to do before. You see a boy who stands against his bigger and stronger bully is taking his power back. If these people were being victims they would simply give up and hand their power over to other people or their condition. Helping a victim is tiring. There are always emergencies going on, and the powerless victim wants others to put the fire out. When others don't they cry even more victimhood. The person who is helping finally realizes that the victim is actually in the problem because of their own choosing and gives up and lets the victim sit in their own mess. Not because they don't care but because they are tired of sacrificing themselves for someone they don't respect. How do you stop being the victim? The biggest way to get out of the victim mindset is to acknowledge that you got yourself into that situation. It wasn't anybody else's fault other than your own. Once you own your dirt and that you had a hand in the scenario then you can start to make the needed changes to clean up your mess. It isn't easy to change what can be at times years of victim mindset but it is possible. Your power has never left you. Your agency is still sitting in your mind you have to exercise it often and using the help of a coach or a Men's Group  

Special Announcement if you are a veteran of any branch of the military there is a special event going on with the guys of Operation: Tears of the 22 over at Byrd Adventure Center on August 5-8. There are going to be Jeep rides brought to you by local Jeep clubs, and giving you a chance to camp and enjoy nature, almost smack dap in the middle of the Ozark National Forest. If you are interested in joining me and other vets as we let loose go over to the event page and let Matt and Rich know that you are interested or better yet commit and say you are going. Main Event This week I have a special guest this week. We are talking with MJ Durkin from the Men of Honor Podcast. He cranks out 3 episodes each week so if that gives you any idea as to how much MJ likes to talk about what it takes to be a Man of Honor.  This week I asked MJ Durking to be on the show because I am seeing men struggling with a divorce. Yeah, divorce is dirty and often unfair to the men who are involved. Yet, there are lessons that a married man can learn from a man who has gone through a divorce.  There are two different paths you can take. There is the victim road or there is the way of the honorable man. So stick the earbuds in and listen to my conversation with MJ Durkin, and see that you can actually save your marriage by starting to be the man in your relationship. Facebook group; https://www.facebook.com/groups/conversationswithmen Website: https://mjdurkin.net/men-of-honor/ Instagram; https://www.instagram.com/menofhonorpodcast Website: https://mjdurkin.net/ Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/theworkindurkins    

Mention   The Operation: Tears of the 22 off the Hardball event is coming up on August 5-8 Free for veterans and their families. There are going to be Jeep clubs there for you to go rock crawling and other jeep trails. Fishing and hiking, Then there is the benefit of being our in nature.   Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/tearsofthe22/   Question of the week   Why does toxic masculinity exist in our society?   The term toxic masculinity was a word created by people who needed a boogyman to pin their troubles on. Now with that said there is no actual toxic masculinity there are however guys who don't know how to act and the cause of this is because of a lack of strong masculine presence in these boy's lives.   This is thanks to the no-fault divorce and the government coming in to play the financial part of the father role. There are many people who think with these events that men are not needed for much and that isn’t the case. Men are vital to the raising of kids and boys in particular. Men teach kids boundaries and why sticking to those boundaries is important. Men teach kids that being strong and competitive is needed for you to be successful. Men also teach their kids that hard work is imperative to being able to get what you are wanting.   Men also show boys how a man is supposed to act. Without the strong male influence in a boy's life, they look to other boys who are older and don't have a father who taught them how to act. So the problem is slowly amplifying itself since the ’60s.   https://qr.ae/pGTwqA   Main Topic   We have all heard the phrase happy wife happy life right? What does that typically mean to you or others? It seems that many people and this includes women, people completely misinterpret what this old saying means and how it is supposed to be implemented.   How do you have a happy wife?   You have a happy wife by making sure you let her know that you are on her side. Often we mistake this phrase to mean that if we don’t do her bidding then she will make us miserable. For many men that is true. If you don’t do something she wants you to do then there may be hell to pay in the long run.    For many guys, this is essentially making it so that she has to micromanage you and this causes a reduction of respect, and that is where the problems start cropping up. That is because if your woman doesn’t respect you then she will find someone else who she can respect.    Now if you are in a marriage where the wife doesn’t respect you already, sweat it but know that you are able to turn the tide and start building respect.   You cannot make a person happy   Now one of the biggest reasons that the saying of Happy wife is a happy life is because you absolutely can not make your wife happy. The same as she can’t make you happy, it is physically impossible. It is mentally impossible too.   Your emotions are your emotions and those emotions come from your thoughts. Now you can react or respond to a person’s actions, but your thoughts are what create your emotions.    For instance, if your wife tells you that you are not able to buy that new bass boat, you have the choice to be angry or to be ok with that decision. You can find a different way to acquire that new boat that will allow you to have it. Then again you can stomp around and be angry, which in my experience does no good. Sure you can pout like a 5-year-old who doesn’t get a candy bar, but you aren’t going to win your wife over to your side. She may cave but it will be with great resentment. That’s not helping your case either.   You can also take the old stand by, buying flowers. You can think this will make her happy and it may very well do so. Then again it may cause her to think what did you buy now? See you can’t make her happy. She is the only one who can actually make herself feel the emotion of happiness or joy. Sorry man, you may be able to curl her toes in the bed but if she isn’t happy with herself she won’t be happy.    This means to help them feel safe and secure   To have a wife who is loving and engaged in your life. There are things you can do to actually ease her mind. The biggest is to help her feel safe and heard. This can be a challenge for us Mr, fix-it types because we try to do this all the time and it doesn’t work. Then we sit around and wonder why women are so hard to figure out.   The key to helping her feel safe, secure, and heard is to talk. Don’t fix it, but listen till you fully understand what she is saying to you. Many people think parroting what we believe to be the key points will help, and sometimes it does. Yet it really rings true to her when you can summarise what she is saying. If she says no that’s not it or not entirely then it is time to go back and ask more questions to her until you fully understand.   We also have to make sure that she feels secure. Not only financially but physically too. Now the physical part can be easy for use men, the financial part can be tricky especially when either one of you has a scarcity mindset   That doesn’t mean that you do their bidding   Now sadly many of us guys turn into Mr. Nice Guy thinking that this is what Happy Wife’s happy life means. This is disastrous to a relationship. Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t get any respect. He doesn’t stand for anything and that blushing bride will ride off with a biker quicker than you can say, “Yes Dear”   Now if she asks you to do something you can choose to go do it for her but if you are busy then tell her, I can right now I am in the middle of this project. She will either say Ok when you are done, or she will go get it herself.   Whatever you don’t just drop what you are doing and go run after it. Your wife doesn’t want a slave. If you disagree with something and you firmly believe that it will help you out. Then go for it, but don’t go behind her back. That is a trust violator and that is even harder to get back than the respect.   Build integrity with her especially if the object is financial. You just spending money higgeldy Piggeldy will create more of the financial insecurity and that is shooting you in the foot.   Now there are chores you will have to do and for the same reasons that the kids have to do their chores. These are things needed for the house to run properly. So if you want to help her do the dishes then good. Help her. If she asks if you can help her and you are sitting on the couch doing nothing then help her. Nothing wrong with your two teaming up to get the chores done.   Help her purpose   Another way you can help her is to see when she is showing interest in something and help her with that. Maybe she is wanting to start gardening. Then go find a book that will help her get the best tomato plants. If she is learning how to paint then maybe surprise her with painting lessons. This can be a challenge as it will cost some money but if it helps her find her personal spark in creativity then you are on the right path.    

If you are a veteran there is an event just for you coming August 5-8 in Byrd, AR. It is being brought to you by Operation: Tears of the 22. There will be food trucks, music, talks, and Jeep rides. If you are interested you can get more information on Facebook event page Question Of The Week How does someone adapt to not having a mother throughout their lives and not be bitter? A boy needs his mother yes. The same as a boy needs his father. The same as a girl needs both parents as well. Now why the reasons why your mother left can vary and I don’t know the reasons as to why you don’t have your mom in your life. Yet it could be that your mom wasn’t around because she died, to drug abuse, to some other very selfish reasons. People have had their mothers leave their lives for centuries and millenniums. Yet some people are able to carry on and others sit in self-pity feeling bad for themselves. Asking a question they can never answer. There are some good bits of news and some bad bits of news on this front. The Bad News Let’s get the hard part over with. Yes, your mother left you. It is sad, and you don’t have a reason why. The frustrating part of this is that you will never have a full reason why. Even if your mom is still alive, you won’t get all your questions answered. My mom left me and my dad. Now she was still in my life. So I was in a better boat Thani other people but she left my dad and me to live in a small town and she went to a large city. When I was younger there were times that I was sad that she left. Yeah, I was glad when I got to see her and knew that she loved me. Yet she wasn’t around. I went through a time of thinking it was me and I acted out in those times. really gave my stepmother a rough time. I am not proud of my past as a young man. I almost repeated the whole thing when my daughter was born. I didn’t see her first year in her life yet Thankfully I did see her and eventually had her in my house for several years till she wanted to go back to her grandmother’s house. Now I tell that whole story to explain we all adapt. How you adapt is up to you. There is very little in life you can control and the fact that you are wanting to know how to have that feeling in your life that you had a mom that cared for you. Now since I don’t know your mom I don’t know for sure but if your mom is still alive, there is a chance that she does still care about you. She may not show it in the ways you would imagine she should but that is where your resistance in life is coming from. You are shoulding on her instead of living your life to the fullest. You can’t control her actions or her thoughts. You can’t make her proud nor can you make her proud of you. The same as you can’t make your dad proud of you, or make anybody feel anything. THeir emotions cant be felt by you. Now they may perform an action to display their emotions but you can take those actions to mean anything. I would say if you had a mom how would she act? Then know that is nothing more than a manual for how our mom should operate. She will not live up to that lofty set of requirements. You have the ability to accept that your mother isn’t available. She is self-absorbed or she is homeless and drugged out of her mind. You can and need to apply all the facts you do know. You can choose to love her for all of her flaws. Yeah even if she is a tweaker living on the street. She is able to be loved. The same as you. You may think a mom should at in a certain way yet, moms are human and they will do what they want to do. You have no control over other people’s actions. Sad but true. If and when you have a 2-year-old you will learn this very quickly. They have their own agency and they want to try everything. You cant keep them from climbing the couch and jumping off the back and onto the cushions. The good news Because you don’t have a mom you can turn to right now or at any time you may feel as if you are not loved. You may feel as if you are unloveable. Have you ever really paid attention to that word loveable? Think about it. Mull it over while you read this next part. Do you remember how I said how you can’t feel other people’s emotions? The same goes for others. They can’t feel any of your emotions either. Your emotions come from your thoughts. They don’t come from the actions or events that happen to you. When a particular circumstance comes about you develop a thought about it. That thought creates an emotion. Right now you are having thoughts that are along the line that you didn’t have a mom that showed you love. Therefore you are having something in the way of thought that you are unloveable. That is simply not the case. Now let’s look at that word, loveable. Break it down Love and able. It points to exactly what I am saying you are able to love anybody you want to. The person who is in your life can be there strictly for you to love. You get all the benefits of feeling that love, and the other person can stop you. So you are you lovable? Yes because YOU are able to love. You can control your thoughts, which creates your emotions. Those emotions are for you to feel. You don’t have to feel happy and joyful all the time. In fact, it is good to feel sad and other “negative” emotions from time to time when they serve you. You don’t have to be held slave to the thought that your mother didn’t love you. You just couldn’t see her actions to show you that she loved you. You have a choice you can make. LOve those and live life to the fullest. Make the most of each day or you can choose to pine for someone who may have loved you and thought they made the best choice for what they were experiencing at that time. Main Topic There are two types of people the producer and the consumer. Do you contribute to your friends, family and work? Or do you just show up for a paycheck? The liability man is the man who just shows up for work complains the whole time he is there and expects a paycheck at the end of the pay period. While the producer is adding value to all he does. This goes for his friends and family. He is working to enrich their lives not take from it. 

  Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men   How do I become a better father, husband, and steward of the community, despite having a rough past? by Bryan Whitson Build your 4 pillars of a good man. Your mind Read learn and grow. Learn about yourself. Read how to communicate with your son and with your spouse. As you read apply the lessons you learn. Write in a journal that way you are leaving a gift for your family. You are also able to see your improvements. Writing does a great job of cleaning your mind and empties your thoughts. with communication though know the secret to all of it is seek first to understand before you are to be understood. A good book to read is The Boy Crisis by Dr Warren Farrell. The first 3/4 of the book is great the last 1/4 gets a little iffy on some of the claims but that could just be my cognitive dissidence in action. your body exercise, build your body. I don’t mean bull up but take care of yourself. This will come in handy when your son and daughter are older. Men also need to control violence in their life, so get into jujitsu or some other physical sport. This teaches you to control and expels the excess energy that will cause you to become listless. your soul  Find your passion work towards it. If you are dreaming of having your own business the do it you don’t have to blow all your savings on getting it started but work towards it. Start that journey. find something that feeds your soul maybe it is volunteering to help the homeless or working for some charity. Maybe it is building RC planes, or carving little figurines out of wood. Find a passion and stick to it. Hint what did you like to do when you were a tween or a teenager? That is a big clue to your calling. Have a hobby or something you do outdoors. This is another activity that will come in handy when your kids are older and you are wanting them to open up to you. your community Get in a church if you are religious. It doesn’t hurt to be in a church if you are not. You need a community that knows you and your family. Don’t forsake your band of brothers. Don’t stop contact with your old friends. They need you and you need them. Yeah, some will leave as you grow but you will also find others who will take their place but always have a group of men you meet with regularly. Be apart of a civic organization. Be it lions club freemasons or what. Have a group you can help be a part of something bigger than yourself. with all that you will be in a better place Main Topic Man, it is springtime and before we know it it will end up being summer. Now is the best time to get outside and start getting the benefits of being outdoors. What are some of the benefits you ask? You have vitamin D from the sun. This helps your mood and strengthens your bones. Vitamin D helps with serotonin production and the blue light helps you have a more positive outlook on life. You also get lots of fresh air when you are are outside. So it would do you good to get the better fresh air from outdoors than the polluted indoor air you have in your house. It doesn't matter if you are running a HEPA filter. Your house is still more polluted than it is in any city. The exercise you do when you are outdoors helping to get the blood flowing and clears the pores of gunk and it is said that you also sweat out some toxins that might be in your body. Does it? I really don't know but it can't hurt. Then add the fresh air and you are able to fully oxygenate your blood. How do you get outdoors? The answer is easy anywhere even in the city you can get outdoors. Yet, if you can get out in the boonies that would be better. You can go camping and see new areas of the world. The camping is really good because you can experience the 3-day effect. which happens when you camp for more than 3 days. So get outside. go camping go swim in a lake. enjoy the wonders of mother nature and all the life that it can give you. 

Announcements Announcements Workshop for Divorced Men New Gear for a better podcast - Zoom Podtrak P4 Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men Is it normal to feel discouraged about hobbies if your parents get too involved? I am going to assume that you are around the age of 14–18 years old, and still living in your parent's house. With that being the case the answer can be yeah. You are wanting to be your own person and when your parents jump into something that you like doing it is like the squares are invading a party. Yet I would encourage you to look at it in a different way. Ask yourself why they are they wanting to do what I am doing? It could be that they are wanting to monitor you and see that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Yet. it could also be that they are wanting to be in your life. They want to understand your passions and what drives you. Most of the time your boring parents are wanting to spend time with you. When they know you are in the basement working on a model RC plane they know they can come down and talk with you and learn from you. Most of the time they are wanting to spend time with you. They do love you and want to have as much time as possible with you before you leave the nest and live your life. Try asking them why they are showing interest. When they ask annoying questions take it as you are able to teach your parents something. Main Topic Define who you want to be your friend Who is your 3 am people? WHo do you look for? No, they don’t have to all think like you They need to have the same drive. Helps if you all can meet at the same time  Where do you find people who could be in Your band of brothers? Church Social Gatherings Community events Civic Organizations Clubs Fraternity organizations Meetups

Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men What is the best way to become a good father to a teenager you just met? Now I don't know all the details so let's do this in two parts. Those parts will be the most likely scenarios, This is your stepson and a boy in your neighborhood. Stepson If the boy is your stepson then your role isn’t the disciplinarian. This isn’t really gonna work for two reasons the teenager doesn’t have that type of bond with you. The other reason is that the biological parent will eventually take offense to you disciplining their child. They may be ok with it at first but they will eventually take the child's side. So thinking you are going to be the lord of your manor is out the window. Your role is to be a mentor. In fact, this role really needs to be what all parents are for their teenagers. They're at the point now that have a mind and they have free will and trying to herd them like they are 8 simply makes the rebellion in then go harder the other way. To mentor the teen, include them in your life. Talk to them but don't lecture. Seek first to understand what they are saying before you ever try to be understood. The understood part will come but if you just do the hardest thing possible and just listen they will actually turn to your for advice before they turn to the moron friends. The kid in the Neighborhood For the kid in the neighborhood if you are wanting to help a young adult out you may want to involve their mother in the discussion because if you don't have her on board you will be fighting an uphill battle because the mom may feel that you are trying to take her child away. When in all reality you are just trying to inject some strong masculine influence into his life. When she is on board then you again include the kid in your life. invite them to go camping. If you are going on a hike then share your time as freely as you can. Again like the stepchild you are a mentor. You don't have the power to discipline. So you have to talk to them and listen to what they are saying. Understand what is coming out of their mouth and let them ask for advice. Answer requested by James F Evans Main Topic Men and their Band of Brothers On average I have heard that the average man has only 1 or maybe 3 good friends he can turn to. This is a truly sad state for men. We don't surround ourselves with those who can push us and encourage us to do the hard things that make us great. Instead, w sit behind a computer screen and have sort of friends. Yeah, you may have some people you play games with, but how much do you know about those people? Yes, there are those people who have very close relationships with others who they have never seen personally. How many people can you talk to about a deep fear you have in your mind? Do you have someone with you who can share the intimate details of a dream you have? Who many people can you call at 3 in the morning and know they would be there to help? That number is sadly pretty small. Then tag on the Men Going Their Own Way movement and you start having a lot of lonely people who have no one to turn to when they are struggling. So you have a Band of Brothers? Why do men need friends? I look at my son Jayden, and he is actually got a small band of brothers. They actually choose to meet every weekend and just talk. They share what they are doing in their lives. There are talks of what they are pursuing in their dreams and they challenge each other. More men need this very type of interaction. Men need friends because we are not solitary creatures. Yeah some of us may be introverts yet from mental health to achieving their dreams you need the power of your band of brothers to help you along the way. There is strength in An odd question right to ask but it has been asked a few times on quora and in other places. Why do men need This is the problem of the whole MGTOW Movement No man is an island There are things men can do that women cant Men need the support of other strong men Men need other men to push them real friends Your 3 o'clock list Why is it important? There is a special level of trust

Question of the week by Brotherhood of Men Why am I getting angry over small things and ending up so much frustrated and at last beating myself or beating others? Well, there are a few points that can help you stop getting angry all the time. The first, is to know what is the opposite of love? It's not anger nor is it often thought of as being hate. The true opposite of love is fear. Fear destroys while love builds. The second is nobody can do anything emotionally to you. They can not make you mad. They cant make you happy. They cant make you nervous. All these emotions you feel come from one thing a thought you had. Now you may have been in a situation that created a thought that generated a particular emotion. The solution is simple but it takes a lot of practice. Start paying attention to what you are thinking. Look at and try to understand what thoughts you have under different circumstances. If you are having trouble with this and you are always jumping to something in your past you may want to see a counselor, to address why past thoughts are your go-to response. Many times when you do “thought work” realize what thought is causing the anger you cant start working on changing that thought and trying to examine the why around that thought. You can see that there are other ways to approach that same circumstance and they can also be very positive. If you find that you are taking minor actions and comments and making them mean something personal and getting angry that way. Then you can seek out a coach or someone of that nature so they can help you with your thought work. There are a few ways you can mitigate anger when you are in the moment that you find yourself getting worked up over something. Take a step back deep breathes talk to a friend Changing your overall mindset is also something that can help with your anger issues. Exercise, not just a push-up or two but get into physical exercise like JuJitSu some type of controlled violence. If you don't have anything like that around you then find a good 50 lbs rock and story throwing it up and down your yard. Run bleachers but do it aggressively. Gratitude journal Each morning or each evening write down 5 things you are grateful for. This helps change your mind from a scarcity mindset to an abundant mindset. People with abundant mindsets see the world as an opportunity and not as a wasteland. So it is harder for them to want to waste energy on something like getting angry. Stop watching the news The biggest cause of anger for the world. They write to keep you watching or reading, it is not for your benefit it is for theirs. You can still find out what happening around you without FOX or MSNBC barking at you to be outraged at everything idiots we elected are doing. Find a purpose This is a huge one. If you have a purpose you will not want to waste all of your time and energy on frivolous emotions like anger. You have a mountain to climb and you are the only person who can do it. Main Topic Do words have power? Sort of but not really. We often want to think that words have power do because it is easier to not have to take responsibility for our own actions. Abara Cadabra has the power to delight a child. Yet if you say Crucio that kids won’t suddenly become racked with pain. (Harry Potter reference) Why doesn’t the unforgivable curse of Crucio not work? If words have power would they not exert the effect you want them to have? What are words? They are vibrations created by our mouth

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become stronger after a breakup? In the last 2 years I've had my heart broken twice… how do I begin to feel worthy again? How do you become stronger? Much like you become stronger physically you have to work on it. There are different fields you want to turn your attention to. Like your arms, legs, and chest. You have to work on 4 main pillars. Now I don't know if you are a man or a woman and these pillars really don't apply to just one sex but work for both. With my coaching clients, I walk them through the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. These 4 pillars are The Man’s Mind Man’s Body Man’s Soul Man’s Community Whenever someone goes through a breakup or divorce, people want to slide into a victim mindset. That is the worst thing you can do. It may seem tough but remember it takes two to tango. So, You had a hand in the breakup too. So it is best to work on yourself. Make yourself the number one priority and work on the 4 pillars. Your Mind - This is where you learn. You need to start reading non-fiction books. Listening to podcasts about something that interests you. Start allowing yourself to grow. Focus on yourself by doing thought work on what are the similarities of both of these last two breakups. You may see that you are finding similarities in the type of partner you are teaming up with. Could be that you are going after someone who is pushing you to go against your values. Then again you may be the one who is doing the pushing. Either way, if you take time to think about it you will see similarities in how the relationship crumbled. If you find that you are the problem, awesome! Celebrate that because you have control over it. You are the only person who you can change. So work on yourself. Get better at understanding the why. Accept that your happiness comes from only one place you. It is actually impossible for you to make another person happy. Things in your life cant make you happy. Losing weight cant make you happy. You have to find that thought that makes you happy because your emotions come from your thoughts. Find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. You grow only when you are out of your comfort zone. Your Body - This one is easy in comparison. Get into shape. Eat right. Come to love your body as the vessel that is transporting you around your space. So strenuous activities. Embrace the feeling of soreness. This is part of getting out of your comfort zone Your Soul - Start being creative. Find a hobby or some other activity that excites you. It may be that you start going to the soup kitchen and feeding the homeless. It may be that you take up writing again. Then again you may decide to venture into sculpting or painting. Be creative. You are a creator, and your soul hungers for you to do your passion. Your Community - This is probably the hardest of all the pillars. We are most likely going to neglect our community the most. Even the most die-hard introvert has a community. You need to grow it. Join a church if you don't have one. If a church seems repulsive to you, ok find a civic organization you can be apart of. This will expand your network and help you stay out of your comfort zone. You will be among people and they will help you grow too. Finally, when you do find another person you want to get closer to, don't stop working on your pillars. The reason a person falls in love with you is because of the passion you bring to yourself. That passion and drive are like a candle and when you stop that candle will dwindle. Main Topic Men need a purpose. If not then they start making purposes. They will take up causes that seem noble at the time. Then invariably not take the time to think things through and wind up in a place you don’t like. You will find yourself in waters much too deep. Men need a purpose. Jake Angeli Qshaman is a failed actor who was living with his mother. Even in jail, he feels entitled to certain liberties, such as eating all organic. He has a self-service purpose Edgar Maddison Welch had his older brother die, and according to the available information, this caused him to develop a sense of needing to protect those vulnerable. So he did have a purpose but he really didn’t’ pursue it. He is a struggling dock worker but could have gone into the police or the military. He tried being a fireman but gave it up. He had a noble purpose but didn’t follow through What is a purpose? the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. This is what drives you to get up. You are doing something that fulfills you. That purpose feeds your soul and gives you the drive to keep on.  Men need a why. When you don’t have a solid why. If you don’t you will latch onto anything that sounds slightly reasonable. You will follow a person who has ulterior motives Why do you get out of bed in the morning? A purpose enhances a mans life - This is the need for men to feed their soul A purpose isn’t anything like fame. Many people think they have to get famous or become some type of influencer and that is completely out of order. That is like starting a job for the first time wondering why you aren’t the CEO.  Your purpose causes you to be an influencer. You may not influence many people but when you have a very clear why. Fame doesn’t even enter the equation.

Question of the week By The Brotherhood of Men What is the motivation behind people that voluntarily choose to become parental figures to others even without solicitation? https://qr.ae/pNE9rO Why do affirmations work? Affirmations much like the power of I am, which is an affirmation in itself helps to set your mind into motion what it does best that is making sure it reaches that goal. They affirm a set of beliefs those beliefs can be positive or negative. The reason they work is that you believe what you are saying. So if you believe you have plenty of money for everything you truly want, you know that you don’t have to actually have a scarcity of mindset around money. If you say there is more where that came from you are just doubling up on that thought. If you say you are fat, guess what, you are going to get fat. If you say you are a fit man you will take the steps to make sure that your body fits the image of yourself. If you are a photographer you will  Examples of Affirmations It’s kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney I attract all good things I have plenty of money for everything I truly want I have a choice. I can be angry for what I don’t have or I can be thankful for what I do have. I can not correct my course if I am standing still I am committed to becoming more successful. To do so, I will put my focus on how I can serve others more successfully. I want to cheer on those people living life alongside me Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. I will not focus on what I don’t want to have happen. Instead, I am committed to focusing on what I do want to have happen. I am successful because I refuse to take “no” for an answer. How to use affirmations Your brain is a computer. As you make statements, be it positive or negative it will take those statements and make those items important. This is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Also called the green car phenomenon. That is where you decide to buy a new car and that car ends up being a green Toyota Corolla. After you pull off the lot suddenly you start to see green Toyota corollas everywhere.  This is because your brain has decided that green Toyota Corolla’s are important and must bring those cars to the forefront of your thought. This same thing happens when you are doing affirmations., It lets your computer brain know that You are not going to worry about money. Or that you are not going to eat as much. You are more interested in losing weight than you are in eating another crueler.  The most crucial part of any affirmation is that you have to believe that it is true. That is one reason why so many negative affirmations work because we already believe them when we say them to ourselves. Misconceptions of affirmations That it is just faking it till you make it? Not really, I can be if you don’t believe in what you are saying. But if you believe that you’re a fit man with too much weight on your frame you will make the needed adjustments to fit that mindset. If you are just saying an affirmation and you don't wholly believe it then you just talking to the wind.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men What's the best way of handling a teenager’s mood swing? Main topic We struggle with controlling things. Many times we try to control the stuff we can’t control. This often leads to lots of different types of suffering. We get angry and show frustration with those things that we are not able to control but really wish we could. What can you control? There are things in your life that you can actually control. These items can be broken down into three categories. Those categories are your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions. Your actions Taking a breath How you hold yourself How you lead The quality of your work Taking responsibility for your part in the scenario Your thoughts Your integrity Gratitude What you say to yourself Whether you play the victim or not Your emotions Happy Sad Anger Gratitude What you can’t control? There are far more things you can’t control that is going on in your life and these can cause so much extra pain and suffering when you try to control them. We worry about how something will react and will not act in that fashion at all.  Your environment Other people, that includes your kids The actions of Other people Why controlling things beyond your control leads to suffering Trying to control stuff creates worry Stress  anxiety

Question of The Week By The Brotherhood Of Men I wonder ...do know or have contact with anyone that helps single parents pull in the missing element of a mother or father energy in parenting as a single parent or co-parent? Andrea Fitzpatrick How do single parents help their child with the opposite sex influence? This can be single mothers with sons or single fathers with daughters. This also goes for single fathers needing to find A feminine influence for their sons and Girls need a masculine influence in their life. The best way is to find someone who is of that nature that you are needing and ask them if they would mind being a mentor for them. So why do sons need both masculine men and feminine women in their lives? It is for balance. Men are good at teaching kids to be tough. That there is, a time and a place for showing emotions and how to act around men. While women are good at helping kids to emote and to gain empathy. As I have mentioned before Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. They complete the whole puzzle. That is what feminists get wrong. That is what men going their own way get wrong. Are we supposed to understand the opposite sex? Not fully, no. Each half has a part to play and those parts are important for all of society. So where do you find someone of the opposite sex to help make sure your child is balanced? Well, a great place is a church. Another place is in your neighborhood. If you don't know your neighbors why not? Get out and introduce yourself. Get to know your neighbors and you will expand your wellspring for helping matters such as this. Linkedin Profile Main topic Now I am not talking about normal physical attraction. Do you have any of these attributes? Whiner This is the person who is either always feeling sorry for themselves, and whining about how much they suck or the person who can't see anything positive The Ask-Hole This is the person who always wants advice but doesn't really want advice. They will always re-ask the question in a new way. Yet they never take that advice or steps you suggest for them to get better. These people are always looking for sympathy in a very people pleaser way. They often want to make people feel important by asking questions though they never really intend on fixing the problem. The Problem Magnet I talked about this last week. This person always has a problem in their life. Often seen as a perpetual victim and sadly they like the attention of having a problem. They want people to feel sorry for them a pat on the back and words of encouragement. The Mooch I was this for a long time. I took and took and took and rarely contributed back. This can be financial moochers for also emotional moochers. They always seem to be just a touch short on time and funds. You can't expect them to even try to pay back because they The Liar You can't trust much if anything that they say. These people will often stretch the truth to fit their needs. If they are caught they work hard to make up another lie to fit that old lie. These people work way too hard in their life because they have so many plates spinning and act as the victim because nobody believes them. The Clinger We all know that one needy child. They cant be alone. Sometimes this is called the clinger. It is good to feel needed but when you are always around 24/7 and you can't do anything alone. All because the clinger is there almost from the moment you appear to the time you leave. These people often are also people-pleasers The People Pleaser This person will do anything to get you to like them. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Yet the People Pleaser is one of the most unattractive people because of the manipulation you will come across. They will lie. They will overbook. They will invade your personal space. They will be the ask-hole. They will do anything to get you to like what they do but it will be hollow. They hide their personality. They won't share their own thoughts in a discussion. They won't accept a person as they are they want to make that person like them. The worst part is that you will accept them at first they are like a Monet painting. Beautiful at first but the close you look at them the bigger mess emotionally they become. So IF you find yourself with any of these attributes find a way to change. It is possible. You can get a coach or join a men's group and let them know what you are wanting to change. They can help hold you accountable by being aware when you are being an ask-hole or a people pleaser. You can start to become a very attractive person just by making changes from these types of people. Contact Bryan Email - [email protected] Contact Bryan

I bet you know someone who is a problem magnet. Maybe you are a problem magnet. What is a problem magnet you ask well the definition is quite simple it is that person who is always complaining about something going wrong in their life?   Who’s a problem magnet? Always has a problem Has trouble letting go of problems Actively seeks out problems These are people who always have a crisis in their life Complaining is announcing that you want crap in your life   Why do people become problem magnets? They like the attention Victim mindset They are used to the chaos of a problem   How do you stop being a Problem magnet? Own your dirt Stop Complaining Be grateful for what you have Have a Question for Bryan? Email: [email protected]

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood Of Men I have low self-esteem, short height, no talent, no skills, average intelligence, and bad social skills. What do I do? How can you find happiness? Many people seem to think that they cant be happy. That is probably true. The reason they can't find a way to be happy is that they don't know the recipe for happiness. The Recipe Now, this isn't my recipe, and I didn't get it from my grandmother or anything. I am not really sure who I got this from but I believe I heard this from Ryan Michler of Order of Man. Yet the recipe is sound. Because you get out of life what you put into it. 1 Part Discipline Yeah, this is the hard part. You have to learn to hold off the short term success for the reward of being disciplined. Many times we want to reach for the cookie on the counter instead of going for the lower weight. Discipline is not always comfortable. Yet if you accept the discipline you will find that the discomfort isn't that bad. Holding off the short term reward for your long term gain will offer so many better skills for your life. So Why Discipline? Because in real life order is needed. Look at those people who are actually lacking discipline or just want to live life on a whim. You see they really don't get anywhere. Having discipline is like the rudder in your life. You are willing to do what is needed to get to your goals. IF you are just floating along the river of life without a rudder you may get to where you are wanting but those chances are very very unlikely. 1 Part Purpose You have to have a drive. Having a purpose in doing something is the gas in your tank. You need to know why you are going after that particular goal. You need to see what that goal is and have a clear picture of what it will look like when you get there. Find your purpose and remind yourself daily on your why. 2 Parts Gratitude This is the leavening agent for your life. Gratitude is what sets your mindset to the growth and Abundant mindsets. You are willing to try because you see that even when you fail you are learning. Your attitude is more positive and your life is no as hard. You can endure the discomfort of the discipline. When you have gratitude.

Main Topic How can you tap into the power of your mind? The answer is the question. How many times have you asked yourself useless questions? Like why am I fat? or Can I make a dumber question? The reason those are useless is that they go against what you are wanting to be answered. The great computer Your mind is a great computer and if you ask it a question it will find the answer to that question you ask. So, if you do ask why are so dumb it will find all the reasons you have a low IQ. If you ask why you are fat it will give you all those reasons and that will reinforce your overweight problem. Ask Powerful Question What does this make possible? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the next step I can take? What am I grateful for? What Am I going to get accomplished tomorrow?

  This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn't serve all the time but why kids do rebel. How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.

Main Topic What do does it mean to hold space? You may have heard people say this from time to time and it sounds a bit odd. Holding space. How could one possibly hold space for yourself or anybody else? That is what I want to actually help you understand this week. How do you hold space for anybody including yourself? What do I mean by holding space? In a nutshell, holding space is not acting right off the bad. We jump in to help our wives when they are having a hard day. We are trying to fix a problem and in reality, they don't want us to fix it they want us to help hold space for them. Holding space is just being there for the other person. You can also call it being present. Be fully with a person, not just sit by them and think of the camping trip. Holding space means you are present with your mind body and with emotions. This is something we guys have a hard time doing because we are looking for solutions we are fixers. Yet as a skill it helps us to connect with our wives on a deeper level. It provides us with the ability to help her feel emotionally safe. When our wives feel emotionally and physically safe they are more receptive to wanting to be frisky. Many times when we are not holding space we make comments that cause our spouse or kid to feel judged and though there are times and places to for placing judgment on an activity it isn't when someone is being emotionally vulnerable and needing your help. So how do you hold space for someone or even yourself? Holding Space Focus your listening Hear what they are saying many times we hear with our own thoughts. This can be a challenging task, and to keep focused on what and how a person is saying something can really be a challenge. Yet if you can develop the skill of being present and listening you can make strides that man men fail at doing. Stay out of problem solving mode Yes men it isn't about the nail. Guys, we know all about this and we feel the man if that classic video "It's Not About the Nail" This hits both sides of the man and woman dynamic so well. She knows there's a nail in her forehead but she doesn't want to have the nail removed she wants to talk about it. https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s That is what it's like to not jump to fix-it mode. just hear what your son or your wife is saying and connect with them on a different level instead of just running into a room with your tool belt on. > Take yourself out of the equation What would you do if you were in their shoes? Well in all reality it doesn't matter. Your experience would be completely different than your wife's experience. If you want to understand what she is talking about sit and listen and take yourself out of the equation. even is you are a part of the equation put a blank placeholder in your stead. Remove yourself from the story and look at it from a third-party perspective. Hold back the judging THis can be tough. Hear what they have to say get all the evidence first. Then don't just point out their shortcoming right off the bat. You may help lead them to the point where they take responsibility for their part of the scenario. Jumping in and say "I don't believe you" is like taking what they are saying wading it up and wiping your backside with it and then tossing it in the trash. Hold off on judging them while you are holding space. Notice the emotions you feel You are going to experience different emotions as the other person is talking. Notice them and turn back to the person. You don't have to act on that emotion right away.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood Of Men. I handled all the finances. The kids well being, cleaned, full time career, still got told I wasn’t enough. So it’s really just up to what the woman thinks anonymous There is so much that is wrong with this comment first the guy is making the comment from a victim mindset. He does all of these things for the family and is getting no recognition or respect. This is sad but my question is what is his part of the situation. From what I was able to gather from the comment itself is that he is playing the nice guy and is setting up silent contracts about the situation with his wife and she is tired of him not stepping up and doing his part. Instead of hiding from his marital duties the gentle man needs to start stepping it up or he is going to lose everything and probably blame the wife. Main Topic This week talking about respect and how do you get it. I start of with asking the important question of who are you trying to gain respect from? It may not serve you to try to get Ed from accounting's respect when you work in R&D. After that we venture into the trouble with respect is that you can take a lifetime to build up your respect and only one instance of losing integrity to have all that you work for come crashing down. Finally we talk about what is needed to build respect with others. You need consistancy-Be dependable. much like an old ford,- make the adventures of learning something new fun and people will be more willing to follow. If you fail at something take it as a learning experiance and move on. you have to make sure you are going to be where you say you are and do what you say you are going to do. You have to be constant with your words and how you use them. If you become eratic people have a hard time trusting you. Own your dirt - We make mistakes all the time. but if youif and when you do then own your dirt. Fessup to your srew up. Trying to point fingers at other people doesn't build respect. They only make others fear that you are going to blame them for your shortcomings next. Be open to learning Speak your mind

If you have followed this blog for a while you know I am big on setting up goals but I really suck at keeping them. I have claimed more than once I am an average man but I am becoming extraordinary. The reason I say this is because I am in the same boat you are. Maybe you are listening to this in 5 years down the road and you are thinking I could never get to where I am and that is going to be true if you keep telling yourself those types of lies. Yet If you have seen my record for keeping and completing my goals You know that I have failed time and time again. So many may think that I need to just give up on making goals. That is the farthest from the truth. I have reviewed the past 3 years of this blog. I have tried different ways to keep my goals in mind and going. Yet if you see my goals of 2020 were gone way gone. So how am I going to keep my goals this year? I am focusing on the system. The means more than the end would be a better way to put it. I know what my objective is and instead of the end goal, I am going to have 365 mini-goals that are meant to get me closer to the end goal. Weight Loss – Man’s Body For instance, my weight loss is going to be walking 15 minutes each day. At the end of the day before I get into the shower I am going to do a total of 20 pushups 20 sit-ups/crunches. Then do maybe 20 burpees. Doing this each day is a completion of my daily goal and this should get me closer to my target goal. More visitors – Man’s Soul Getting a hundred visitors a day is my goal still. I haven’t gotten that far yet but I am way farther than I was last year and even closer to having that amount than I was the year before that. So I am making progress and that is because I have had a system in place for increasing reads and visits. Sometimes I really hit it off as I did with my Neverending story article. That post actually brings in more visitors than my old video post. So, I am trying some new tactics that will be implemented this next year to incorporate pop culture and how you can see the philosophies in action Maybe More Video’s – Man’s Soul Now this one I haven’t really developed any system for and I am processing how I can fit this into my very tight weekends. I would like to make more videos again. I didn’t make any for the past few years and I actually miss them. I would like to start fitting live streams into the process too. Again I have to do some thought work on how to fit this into my weekends. Better Networks – Man’s Soul & Community Now I have noticed one problem that has risen over and over again with each business I have tried to start. I don’t talk to people. That whole build it and they will come? doesn’t really work. Yeah, I get people to stop by my site but the information isn’t giving you enough trust in who I am, yet. I am going to change that. The system that I am going to have in place is to talk have 5 people go through the FORM of communication progression. I learned this just recently from the Dream Think Do podcast. FORM stands for From/Family – Where are you from? Who do you know? Talk about specific topics about that area that the other person is from. Occupation – What do you do for a living? Recreation – What do you like to do in your spare time? Motivation – What are your dreams? I want to do this 5 times a week. I would do more and it is possible to do more. If I can then I will. I just want a minimum much like how I write. Saturdays are my day for writing but I try to write a little each day. So I can talk to people and get a relationship started. The more I can talk to these strangers and get to know them the more chances I have to build a professional relationship with them. Going To Church – Man’s Community This sounds easy. It is every Sunday morning so it shouldn’t be hard to make it to church once a week. Yet there are so many times that I can come up with excuses as to why I can’t go. Yet this is the one thing I feel I absolutely need to do. It will help me on two fronts. Getting to know more people, and actually have the possibility of growing my business through the skills I developed while in church. So How do you make a system? Well, the honest truth is I am not fully sure I am figuring this out myself. Yet I have a belief that it is baby steps. Think of the goal you want to accomplish. Is it to have a new car. Then set up the goal. Then think of every obstacle you will face. Write those possible worries and obstacles down. You then have enough information to actually set up your system. If it is enough to buy a new car then you may choose that each pay period you set aside $100 or maybe 10% of your paycheck. Rinse and repeat till you have enough for the car you want. As you see there really isn’t a deadline as much as you know what the goal is. Your successes are in working the system instead of forgetting the goal. You are taking those baby steps each time you work the system. You get 1% better that is all you need to do. 1% and you will eventually get ahead of those who are sitting at home watching Netflix and not getting better. With that getting better you draw the attention of your wife and your son. Eventually, they wonder what is happing to you and they start to pay attention.

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora Question by Roderick Wrenn The topic of the week Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had. I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that. For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt. There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I'm being honest I wasn't. Those pillars are the Man's Mind Man's Body, Man's Soul, and the Man's Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them. The Man's Body How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn't walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn't do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn't feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn't try to go walking again. I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did. Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker's cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be. I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true. So I haven't been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop. How am I going to stop that? Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it. These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body. Man's Mind Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don't read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven't addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books. I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year. Man's Soul When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven't really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back and let them suffer and decide when to come to me. How do I get them to come to me? I have to make the needed changes in myself to show them and you that change is possible. I believe it but I have yet to display or apply those changes. Man's Community This is the hard one. I like staying home and working on the blog and planning videos and such, but the lack of meeting people is what is truly holding me back. I have to get out of my comfort zone and start putting myself out there. How? Well, that is the rub ain't it? I believe the best place I can find people who would like to accept me and maybe be able to help them in return is for me to join a church. The church is the only gathering I can think of that goes on during the weekend. I have many different arguments in my head about getting out and meeting people and I understand what those arguments are. It is fear and comfort. I have to fight against those thoughts that are keeping me small. Follow the fear and use it as a compass. So I believe the church is the best place to start. From there maybe I can Find out exactly what men are looking for when it comes to helping their sons. What am I going to do? This is where I am making some major changes. Those changes are I am stepping away from the normal goal setting that I used to use. I am seeing that I need systems in place to help me make those goals. I will use goals but I will not just make goals and trying for them. I am making goals and then set up systems so that I am getting closer each time. Much like my 100 visitors a day goal. This year I have gotten even closer to my goals than I have ever before. I am averaging 30-40 visitors a day. My system is to put out 3 pieces of content each week. I then make sure those pieces of content are shared on as many different social media sites as possible. As you can see my appearance in search engines is getting better. So I will share what my systems are going to be for each goal in the next episode.

Question of the week - brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Should the government play any role in the parent/child relationship? Are there circumstances where outside involvement/support/restrictions is/are acceptable? Who gets the final say in what happens to a child? on Quora Main Topic Toxic what? Yeah The topic this week is a little out there. According to some people you can actually be too happy. Which in my thought is a bunch of whoey. And this is for many different reasons the biggest being that you can make people feel bad for being happy. Now if you have listened to any of the other shows you know that you can't make anybody feel anything. They may have a thought about an action but their thought is what makes them feel a particular emotion. They have the choice to feel anything they want. If they choose to feel bad becuase you are in a good mood then that is on them. Another problem I have with this word is the word Toxic this implies that people are able to poison other people and we, as humans, simply don't have that ability. We do not carry toxins in our body. Now I do understand what they are getting at but it is just a horrible miss use of the word so I believe I need to correct it. Now You can use a positive outlook on life if you are trying to repress other emotions but that is again on you you are not going to inflict that on other people if they choose to not be happy.

This week I have a new guest. His name is Michael Mcpherson he is a mens Coach who specializes in Male Sexuality. He helps men get over the problems of porn. we talk about why men get stuck on porn why it doesn’t serve us and the harm it creates to our sons. mod you are interested in Michael’s work you can read more in his book listen to his podcast Book: Everything You Never Learned About Sex Website: https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/ Ceremonial Chocolate Drink: https://www.flykakao.com/ Instagram – @michaeljmcpherson

Guests Big Brother Jake Warner - Ep 34 Tripp Lanier - Ep 39 Terry Tucker - Ep50 Coming next week Michael Mcpherson - Ep 53 I was on a few Podcasts Senior Moments The Pragmatic Idealist The Flipped Lifestyle Topics From The Man Box To the 4 pillars Talked a lot about Emotions and where they come from We talked about how to make a statement about your life And the different mindsets and why they matter to you. Stats Downloads: 2,130 First download was Nov 29, 2019 Thank you to the person who downloaded the whole back catalog on Nov 21 Gaana Is huge Places that have listened Zambia Turkey Trinidad The Netherlands England Argentina Peru Brazil Morocco Mexico Website Still growing I am getting more and more people to the site. My goal of getting 100 visitors are closer now than when I first started but I am not finally getting organic searches to my site which only started really happening this year. New additions The Question of the week Where are we going? Live event and more Brotherhood of Men

The Question of the week Brought by Brotherhood of Men   The Main Topic This week we are talking about the silent contract or silent hit on those we say we love. The Silent Contract The silent contract is when we don’t do something to wait it out for the other person to get the hint and when the other person doesn’t take those hints it brings forth hurt feeling and frustration. Maybe it is the trash is getting full. Do you wait for your spouse to notice it and take it out on their own or do you just take it out? Many of us just wait. Maybe you are frustrated with your sex life and so you decide you just withhold your advances till she makes the first move. You being in a victim mindset don’t say anything about this to your wife. So does she notice that you are not trying to have sex with her anymore? Yep, she notices and wonders what she did wrong. Why are you so distant? This creates fear in your significant other and a breakdown of communication even more. Maybe we get a new coat or hairstyle and we don’t say anything to see if the spouse notices. Only to end up disappointed because they don’t say anything. What is the silent contract? Sometimes called a silent hit. It is the test to see if somebody loves us or the test that we give to somebody else and don’t tell them that they are being tested. You are not doing a study you want to prove a point so you stack the odds against them and hope that they fail. What does this do for the relationship? Well, it hurts that relationship. It sets your loved one up for failure and then you swoop in and continue to beat them up more so that you can prove that you were right. This erodes the trust between two people and when that trust is gone it is near impossible to get it back. It also shows that there is no communication When we don’t voice what our expectations are how are other people in your lives suppose to know? You have to talk to others in your life. Let them know what you expect and convey that reason in a way so that they are able to understand why it is important to you. Communication is one of the biggest building blocks in a relationship. Humans are horrible mind readers and so if we don’t talk and say exactly what we mean and want, those we are with will not know what to do. Yeah, they may figure it out. But those little hints are often annoying and give a different message than what you think they mean. We also set ourselves up to fail. We sometimes put a silent hit on ourselves. When we are going to do something or take on a challenge without a plan. This isn’t exactly the same as our silent contracts    

Question of the Week Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to My mom and I have been getting into fights. We’re both tired of it, but always seem to argue. How do I make things good again? on Quora Main Topic There is an old story about how a University professor came to China and was talking to a Zen Master about Zen. As they talked the Zen Master was serving tea. The master started pouring the tea till it was right up to the lip of the cup. Then he kept pouring until the saucer was full and finally the professor could hold his tongue anymore and blurted out its full you can’t get any more in! The Zen master replied, “This is you. How can I teach you Zen unless you empty your cup?” No, this week’s post isn’t about being zen or anything like that. It is about what are you putting in your cup are you emptying your cup or are you keeping your cup full. Are you listening to what is being said or are you just holding on to your preconceived thoughts? Are you Emptying Your Cup? Are you getting rid of any preconceived notions that you have and looking at a problem or listening with a completely open mind? Are you learning and applying those lessons you learned? You have 2 ears and one mouth Listen twice as much as you speak. You can hear what people are saying even if they don't agree with you. You can at least understand why they think the way they think. Empty Those Preconceived Notions Ask questions for understanding. Yeah, you may have your facts together but are they in order? The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west but the sun doesn’t revolve around us. You may find out that you have some facts but there is a different way to look at those facts. Apply what you have learned before you take on more So many learn and learn and learn and never apply what they have learned. They are those people who have a hundred books about starting a business but never have applied that knowledge. The professional Convention attendee. These folks are always learning instead of applying the knowledge they learn. Learning and knowledge do you no good till you apply that knowledge into a skill. Subscribe To The Podcast Sign up for a Coaching Discovery Call

The Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to How can I get good grades living with a toxic family? My stepdad hates me and always starts yelling at my mom or just in general when it is a lecture or test. on Quora Main Topic Have you even made a Life Statement? Do you even know what A life statement is? What is a life statement? This is a statement that give you direction into the best way to use your talents and your core values to help you make the best impact in your world. Why are life statements needed? they help you keep the course. You are able to see the big 30,000-foot view of where you are wanting to be. How do you get a life statement? Find your talents Find your Core values Decide what type of impact you want to make You can then lay your life statement out into a means that best describes what you want to do.

Question of the Week - Courtesy of The Brotherhood of Men Comes from a Youtube Comment but user D in response to the last episode Don't Settle "Don't settle for what? Lmfao. Some people don't have any choice in their circumstances you ignorant f***. By the way, no matter what action you take during your life, it ends EXACTLY the same way -…" D Youtube User Now sadly either he deleted the comment shortly after posting it or Youtube removed it. Either way, there is something wonderful about this comment. I love my haters they are hurting so much that they ask for help without realizing that they are doing so. This is a great example of how people react through projection. D here shows you how he sees the world as a hopeless endeavor and you are apparently screwed no matter what you do. Main Topic Finding who you are Find your core values Why are core values important? Your values help you to not only make decisions but also help make sure you conduct your life in a means you find worthy. How do you find your core values? Self-reflection Use a list Use your Brotherhood friends & family   Facebook group Raising Confident Men

Question of the Week By The Brotherhood of Men Why do Grandparents like to make quarrels in the house? Main Topic Why you don't want to become complacent. Becoming complacent causes you to rust. you miss many different opportunities that if you are on the lookout you could easily find. I call this complacency rusting. Because we men lose valuable skills when we start to rust. You can find rust forming on the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. Examples of rusting Mind - Fixed beliefs and excuses as to why you can't get better Body - Do you have a dad bod? Get winded walking up a flight of stairs Soul - Are you suffering from burnout Community - Are you losing friends? You can fix these but it takes work

This week we are talking about the current atmosphere in the US there is a lot of contention and lack of communication. We have the right rubbing the very being that drives the left up the wall. We are throwing “evidence” of why one side is right and the other side is wrong. So much that Facebook is almost unusable. I am actually thinking of installing the “Remove All Politics” Extension to my browser.  Now it isn’t because I don’t like a political discussion from time to time. I was poking multiple bears with a very short stick over on twitter during the first 2020 debate. But I will say that there was no real or honest discussion going on. It was as much a glorious free for all on twitter as it was on the stage. It was a bunch of people saying Trump should be in jail and Biden should be in the dementia wing of the old folks home.  The problem Nobody is actually throwing out facts just what they believe and there is a difference. This brings up why canceling each other doesn’t work. That is because there is no sharing of ideas. The moment someone says something that you don’t like we turn it off. There is no proof of anything being tossed around just “My thoughts matter more than yours!” Because of this we instantly stop listening and understanding the other person. We as people start shoring up our minds for the battering of our heads against the brick wall. It achieves the same results too. It doesn’t improve the standing of anybody and just creates a headache. So what is missing? The problem is that we have two sides that are not going to listen. One side yells and screams at everybody and actually achieves their goal of silencing a dissenting voice. Yet that really doesn’t fix the problem at hand. It gets the one side to stop talking but you didn’t change their mind. There were a couple of groups that have done this in the past. They used much of the same tactics as what is being seen in today’s political arena, and that is to silence the opposition. The communists in both China and the Soviets. In China, you can’t say anything bad about the government. If you do you disappear you may get lucky and wind up in a reeducation camp to become politically correct or you may just never reappear because your body is in a grave. The same was happening in Soviet Russia you may be sent to Gulag in Siberia if you had thought against the leadership. These tactics work but not for long. Like an abusive spouse, people get tired of not being able to think on their own and will start to rebel. Your son may be doing the very same thing. They are rebelling because you are not giving them room to spread their wings. What needs to be done? The big thing that needs to be done is to first stop watching television. I am sure you already know who you are going to vote for so watching for evidence to back up your vote is actually not serving you in any way.  The second is to have an open discussion set the rule for yourself that there is no yelling. Let the other person rant and rave but you will remain calm. Let the other person talk and express their thoughts. Then you can voice your opinions. Silencing people doesn’t change their minds. The honest discussion is. But be ready for your mind to not be the same afterward because you will grow.   Sign up For The Brotherhood of Men

Podcasts are becoming better known for the information they provide than just 3 guys and one brain. This week I just talk about why podcasts are so good and how they help you to become a better person

Why are both sides of the story important? often we spend way too much time thinking about what people should do instead of understanding where they are coming from. We focus on how we can control the situation instead of understanding and connect with other people. We write scripts in our heads all the time. We think of how something should be done and rarely get the other side of the story. We make a crappy first draft and then leave it at that. Instead of revising our script to allow for the whole person to show up.

Today's topic is about being successful. Why are you having trouble finding success in your financial life, or maybe the relationship between you and your son? The reasons are numerous, or should I say excuses are numerous. The truth is you have all the same abilities to be successful as the next person so why are you not on top of the world? The heart of the matter is how you are thinking of the solution. This episode sort of ties together the why Gratitude, and the abundant mindset work. Why the scarcity mindset keeps us playing it small. The term being used to this all-encompassing bond is the Laws of Attraction. These laws have been stated in one form or another for years. From before the time, Napoleon Hill interviewed Andrew Carnegie for his Mental Dynamite Series to today. The term of Laws of attraction comes from Jerry and Esther Hicks. How the came to the term is a bit of the questionable side. Because the term is from Abraham who is a non-physical being channeled through Esther. Yeah, so you see why I say questionable. Any how Abraham coins the term Laws of Attraction and these are three laws that work with each other. The laws are The Law of attraction the law of Deliberate thought and The Law of Allowing The law of attraction is what allows the universe to bring to you what you want. That does have some key points to look at like bads things? yep, those too. This isn't just a feel-good force it brings whatever you want. A bad day? That's coming if your thoughts aren't right. The Deliberate thought law is how you focus your mind so that you are able to bring deliberate results into your life. While the Law of allowing is why you are not able to help others with their wants unless they truly want that help too. Also looking for men who would like to be a part of a group of like-minded men who are determined to have success in their lives. We are part accountability group part cheerleaders part brothers. If you are interested in joining this group please join the Conclave of Men

Main topic How to get back up after being handed a defeat Look at that failure as a learning experience. We all struggle and we all fall down. We fail at something. What do you do get back up or just lay there? Look at all the underdog stories. We root for rocky to get back up. We cheered when the US hockey team whooped up on the Communists. We celebrate the triumphs. Yet we as people shy away from struggling. Our amygdala's wants us to be comfortable and sadly we avoid the struggle. I do the same thing I know I need to get something done on the coaching business yet at the end of the day I will sit down and get lost in a video game. We all struggle with an obstacle. Mine is getting clients while yours could be more basic. Like finding food The act of getting back up is a new struggle that you have done before and you get better at it each time. Look at a toddler learning to walk they fall and whack their head on the ground a few times. That is part of the process. Having a sore butt from landing on it so much. Yet, as they learn their legs get stronger their balance gets better they learn the fine motor skills needed to put one foot in front of the other. People who struggle find the strength needed to go on. Picking yourself up often being knocked down is only part of the process. The rest of the process is getting back into the fight and learning how to get past the problem at hand Sadly we focus on the struggle as being a bad thing when it is something that is to be viewed with honor and reverence. I have started taking this stance with my kids. Let them struggle they are figuring it out. They will be better adults as they hunt for the answers. I am one who wishes I knew about the honor of struggling when they were younger. It would have saved a lot of headaches on my part. Join The Conclave of Men Have a discovery call with Bryan

Are you driving through life by looking through the windshield or are you driving by the rearview mirror? So many times we look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield while going through life. Why do we do this? There is a reason we drive looking out of the windshield of a car and not through the rearview mirror. First off there is the size of the viewport. A rearview mirror is a very small piece as apposed to all the real estate that is the windshield.  So look ahead and there are more important things going on there than in the mirror. Yeah, past events are important but nowhere near as important as what is in your future. Your past doesn't define you as much as you wish it would.

What does it mean to be dangerous? For our guest host this week it means to stop playing it safe. Don’t spend your time worry so much about what the neighbors think and pursue the FLAP. We all want Freedom Love Aliveness and Peace. To attain these four wonderful items you have to examine why are you not reaching those levels? Whatis it that you are afraid is going to happen if you do achieve your goals. So being dangerous means stop playing it safe. So many men who do play it safe do so because they fear having to either a start over once they reach their goal or be they are afraid of what others may think. That other maybe your co-workers or your wife or son. So how do you teach your son to be dangerous? You can do so by example and through communication. How do you show your teenage boys how to not care what other people think? Because that is the Conformity pressure chamber? You talk with him. You spend time building the trust that you aren't going to blow up at him for every little infraction and mistake he makes. You can Listen to Tripp's Podcast The New Man Podcast buy Tripp Lanier’s book:This Book Will Make You Dangerous You can Also Follow Tripp on Social Media Twitter-TrippLanier Facebook- Tripp Lanier

This week we are talking about The Man’s Soul. This pillar has a couple of different facets. Not only does it mean building and creating but Feeding your soul is also tied to mental health. What does a Man’s soul mean?  In a nutshell, it is being creative. We are said to be made in God’s image He is also called the creator. He created the Heavens and the earth and all that goes with that. If we are made in his image then it would be thought that we are creators too.  Be A Creator So to feed your mind you need to be creating something be it painting, woodworking, peace within yourself. We all have a need and drive to be creating.  Find a Hobby This is why having a hobby where you are finding something you are passionate about is so important. Being a historical reenactor, flying R/C Planes, even talking to others. You are creating connections and feeding your soul. Enter your Zone of Genius Your soul also means approaching and finding your zone of genius. This is a term coined by Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap. This the work you were meant to be doing. You find it way too easy to do. You find it hard to pull away from. Time seems to both stand still and fly at the same time. It is the easiest for you to enter that flow state where you get so much done. Why is Feeding your soul so important? Ever been trapped in a soul-sucking job? Many men have. It is thought this is one reason why so many men commit suicide on Sunday night/Monday Morning. While others face almost crippling burnout. This is what happens when you don’t feed your soul. WE lose who we are, our soul. It is imperative for men to find a way to feed our souls.  It allows for your mind to unwind and expand in other directions. We are thinking creatures. This is what places us above all the other animals on earth. We have this ability to experience an event and reflect on it. Find that there are lessons learned from it and grow in our knowledge.  It isn’t being stress-free. Look at your kids as they play video games. They get tense and angry, and if you ask them why they play a game that makes them so mad they say because it is fun. Your passion is the same way. Feeding your soul isn’t about relieving stress. It is living in the moment. Shifting gears from the daily grind. It is taking time for yourself  That may mean going out into the woods and going for a walk. Doing some activity for the sake of yourself. You don’t have to get alone to be able to feed your soul you can also be with others who are on the same path. These people can have the same passions for the same things as you. You can build together. 

Why does a man’s mind need to be kept up? That is what we talk about this week on our continuing series about the 4 pillars of a relaxed Male or maybe fo a confident man. I don’t know I am playing with the thought and still working through some of the details. Either way, the principles of a man’s mind will stay the same.    What do I mean by a man’s mind You have to feed your mind to keep it strong.  Don’t mean just puzzles It is you You need it to make decisions  You have the power of reason Why is your mind important? Way to keep your mind strong Read nonfiction books Self-help Biographies  Learn a new word of the day Conversations  Practice mindfulness  Television will rot your brain Stay away from junk content How do you keep your mind strong? You have to keep your wits sharp You have to keep mental illness at bay You have to have logic and reasoning  Why is the man’s mind important to being a relaxed male?

Question of the week https://www.quora.com/Is-it-better-to-reward-good-value-or-punish-bad-behavior-during-parenting/answer/Bryan-Goodwin-10?ch=10&share=1a1465c2&srid=p0zJe   Main topic Why is the man’s body important to living a relaxed male lifestyle? The body is where you are at. Yeah, you are also in your mind but your body represents who you are. Are you fat or just slightly pudgy? Maybe you are a bean pole. How we look is important and tells the world a lot of what we think of ourselves. So your body is also about your health. This means getting your body in shape helping you to find the love you need for yourself. You want to exercise because you want to honor your body. It also helps you live longer.  We abuse our bodies so much and don’t show it the respect we need to show. So there is a change in ourselves we need to make if we want to be successful and prosperous. Treating our bodies right helps also show our sons what it means to take care of ourselves. You show them that nothing is easy but the results are worth it. Why is your health so important You have a better life. Your life is better when you are healthy. Now I didn’t say it was perfect but it is worth it. You have a better outlook on life and you see the possibilities in a clearer mind. You think clearer Yes, your mind isn’t as jumbled up with all the mess and extra thinking when you have a healthy body., Your body carries oxygen better which helps you think better. You don’t have as many constricted capillaries that allow the blood to flow even easier. This in turn helps keep your blood pressure down. We need controlled violent activities Men have this crazy chemical in our systems called Testosterone, and it is what causes us to have denser muscles and other attributes. One thing about testosterone is that it needs to be burned off. To burn it off men have to have controlled violent activities. This is why boys can concentrate better after exercise. Boys often have way more energy than what they know what to do with. So they burn it off by running and jumping and daring each other to try crazy challenges. As a grown man we have the same problem yet if we don’t use it up we produce less. So it is a case of use it or loses it. So this is why Jujitsu or some other activity is needed for us men. That is why if you want to have more testosterone it is actually good to just go out in the back and throw a heavy rock around the yard. Do something more than just a leisure walk. Do aggressive pushups or run some bleachers. So something in a more aggressive form.f It helps you live longer With better health is a better heart. A better heart gives you a healthier mind. With all this, you have a chance to live your life to its fullest. You have less stress When you have used up all your excess energy you don’t have the reserves to apply to stress. That stress is often just penny up energy that comes in the form of stress. When you aren’t thinking as clearly your mind thinks up other things to worry about. Proves that hard work is worth it When you work out all the time you see the change in your body. That change isn’t instant but one day you look and suddenly you have muscles in places you never knew you have muscles  Discomfort doesn’t kill you but it makes you stronger. You find out that those sore joints and muscles won’t kill you yeah they are uncomfortable but you press through it and you find that you are better for it. Now I am going to be doing the 75Hard by Andy Frisells’s 75hard program. This is where for the next 75 days I will do some rather challenging tasks. You may not think they are hard when you see them but I have heard many people quit and I hear my mind making up excuses right now as to why I can’t do it. So I am ready. Are you join me and we will get over this hump together.  Join me by starting here. If you are interested in making a group where we can support each other let me know.

Today I called an audible. I was going to do the first of the 4 pillars of Relaxed Male but instead, I decided to have a conversation with a good friend of mine Jake Warner. And we explored the challenging but best ways to approach racism in today’s environment. We explore what best can be done to address the issue from just shutting one’s mouth and listening with empathy, to have those scary conversations. You will learn more and connect better when you do have a  You can find Jake at all the places you can find podcasts Apple Podcast Google Podcast Podchaser IHeartRadio   Jakes Social Media  Twitter - Jake’s Profile Twitter - Big Brother Jake’s Podcast Facebook

Why are there pillars Like many things, you have to have a foundation to build on. Each pillar is centered around a portion of men’s life that needs to be kept up so that he can have a full and happy life.  Life a table with 4 legs you can have 3 out of the 4 and it will do ok but it isn’t stable. One wrongly places event and the table falls. How do the pillars work? Each pillar points to a part of a man’s life that is important for him to have a well-rounded life. Missing one isn’t going to wreck his life but he isn’t going to excel as much as he would like to.  The Man’s Mind Mans body  Mans Soul Man’s Community So having a well-rounded life that allows you to beagle to relax and be present in your son's life is important. Sometimes you have to focus in more on one pilar but keeping your learning and physical activity in balance with your soul and still going out and growing your community is very important.

Question of the week John Dude, I thought this was a podcast that was supposed to help dads with their sons. When are you going to start helping those dads with their sons? Main Topic We are often stoic for many reasons but can that be overdone? Yes, the answer is simply yes. It can be overdone. We as people develop different means to cope with the different events in our lives. Often though we use these coping mechanisms to help us avoid uncomfortable situations or events. As men, we have a different set of skills and abilities that we are able to use in stressful situations. These skills are often called stoicism. This is where we hold off on letting emotions take ahold of us until a later time. This is because we are often putting ourselves into stressful events, ie war, protecting our family, and similar circumstances.   Yet sometimes we as humans avoid those emotions or take stoicism to an extreme. Doing this we deny our emotions the life they need to live. We see emotions as this thing that just gets in the way of our comfort and so we avoid circumstances and events that cause unwanted emotions to crop up. We resist those emotions we perceive to be bad emotions.  Why you don’t want to resist your emotions Emotions are the color of your memories. When we remember back to times when we were young we think of how you felt. I remember the smell of my great grandparent’s property. Central Texas in the spring. Everything smelt green you had the fragrances of henbit and sage mixed with the humidity and I feel happy and free on their property. I would go to the creek to go fishing if there was water or just explore the rocks when there was no water.  As you see the emotions are the binding element of your memory it colors it and takes you right back to that time. Even times when it wasn’t just rainbows and lollipops still have those emotions tied to your experience. You even are able to look back and laugh at those times that were simply miserable. Maybe you went on a camping trip and it rained the whole time you were there. It was just a light rain it was a turd floater the whole weekend. Yeah it was cold and nothing was dry but when you look back on it you laugh. Especially when you have your friends involved. If you were in the military you know Bootcamp sucked but you still can’t help but look back and have fond memories of the gas chamber and getting smoked because someone left a locker unlocked. Emotions are apart of who we are. They may have been designed to help us know when we are safe but they are more than that now. That fear and anxiety you have now use to crop up when you were exploring a new cave to see if you can live there or was there a bear that was already inhabiting it. You would have been nervous and on edge, till you were able to prove to yourself that there wasn’t anything in there that could eat you. Once you had a fire and was able to eat yourself you felt comfortable and at rest. In today’s world we see an uncomfortable situation it isn’t a matter of life and death it is a matter of comfort or discomfort. You aren’t very likely to die if you get uncomfortable and you are not going to starve to death if you don’t go out. So we don’t have to bear the discomfort of different emotions as we use to. In fact, we have become averse to some emotions and we deny those emotions. Doing so has many problematic effects on us. We don’t grow Much like your muscles, if you don’t work them you become weaker. If you want to beagle to face the challenges you have in your life you have to experience the emotions that come with it. Life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. You can’t escape the pains of life. And you really wouldn’t want to anyway. Why would you want to be happy at a friend’s funeral? You would want to be sad. You would want to grieve the loss of your friend. When you resist feeling emotions you resist the ability to grow. You develop stronger skills when you are stressed by an occurrence. You find out that that fear you had was just holding you back. If you don’t experience that fear and anxiety of trying that something new you will just keep avoiding it each time you encounter it. Instead, the more you feel that fear the more you are ready to head right into the problem. You cant become the great man you wan tot be if you are running away from everything that scares you. You can’t kill the dragon if you don’t approach it. We can’t relate When talking to people you share stories. What are stories other than tales that help others experience the emotions you were feeling at the time? Remember emotions are colors. So if you avoid fear and anxiety and other negative emotions you are not going to have the experiences that others will have. This will cause you to not be able to relate to what others are going through. You will be wrapped up in your own emotions and trying to avoid them. Addiction When resisting emotions we develop some harmful habits. These habits are made to distract us. They keep us from having to experience that emotion but making us feel something completely different for a short time and often at the detriment of our happiness. Look at a time in your life where you decided that you had a crappy day and you are just going to get drunk you can’t deal with what was going on anymore so you grab your poison of choice and get to work. Soon you are thoroughly polluted. That night you go to be and wake up feeling horrible. You are hungover. Your head feels like a bunch of kindergarteners are using it as a pinata and you have a bad case of sour stomach. Now imaging doing that every day and you are an alcoholic. You make yourself feel like crap because you don’t want to face the emotions of the day. What does that accomplish? Because you are resisting the discomfort of life you are in fact making yourself feel even worse. There is no logic in that. Yeah, your mind may come up with some clever excuse as to why but if you step out of your “oh woe is me” world you will see how screwed up that thinking really is. This addiction can go towards overeating. How do you feel after you have been stress eating? You don’t feel stress anymore but you feel bloated and sluggish. Which is honestly better? The stress of the moment or the bloated feeling you have? Apply that to heroin. Yeah, you leave this world but what is the cost? That cost is detrimental to you, your family, your lively hood, and your life. Resisting causes the denied emotion to grow. If you are trying to avoid stress or anxiety, you will often try all sorts of tactics to avoid that feeling. We often want to blame others for the source of our emotions and that simply isn’t the case. Your thoughts of a circumstance cause your emotions. So when you start obsessing over avoiding that emotion you are going to think of that emotion even more. Thus you are making your anxiety even stronger. Resisting your emotions cause you to also start to feel isolated and alone. This is the time you really need to have your friends close by and readily able to talk to. Yet if you are resisting that discussion your friend’s sense that you are hiding something and this causes your friends to start distancing themselves. So you make your problem grow even more. All because you are denying your emotions the life they are supposed to have. Feeling Stuck If you are not willing to go into the discomfort needed for you to grow and become the person you were supposed to be. Then you start to feel as if your life has become stagnate and you are stuck. So you have to find a way to get out of that rut and face the fear and discomfort of growing. To do that you have to face the emotions that you are feeling. How? So how do you allow your emotions to live? Well, the main way is to be with your emotions to give them space. Now, this is easier said than done. Your mind will fight you on going back to being comfortable. So it is easier to do when you have someone you can lean on. There is coaching that will help you see where your thoughts are leading you astray. A good coach will give you exercises that can help you see when you are lying to yourself and making excuses and much more. Another way you can get help is by joining a group of people who are committed to helping you. Often this is called a mastermind or just a support group much like The Conclave of Men.  Finally, if you have a friend who is on the same path you are. Start talking with them and actually listen to them. Now, what does giving space to your emotions mean? Giving yourself space means that you aren’t going to try to fight your emotions. IF you feel an emotion rise stop what you are doing and allow it to do its thing. Look at and examine that feeling with some curiosity. What does it feel like? Is it warm or cold? Does it have pressure somewhere on your body? What type of pressure. A shallow dull pressure or sharp and pointed? Look at it. Examine it. Give it a name. Often we won’t know what that emotion really is when it first crops up. But if you sit back and come to understand it you may see that the sadness is really grief and grief is a celebration of a loss of a connection. We remember what that person meant to us.  So Take the time needed to come to understand your emotions. Understanding them is good. You don’t have to let them run your life but you need to let them run their life. So many times we worry that we will drown in sorrow. When in reality that sorrow will only arise when we think back on the lost connection. That is ok and is just fine to feel the loss. It is good to feel sorrow. It is good to have that fire of determination. We need that fuel to get ourselves out of the hole we are in. Once we go through that fire we often find out that we are stronger and better equipped for the next challenge that comes our way.

Main event I have seen many people who go through life looking through the rearview mirror of life. A wise man once told me that is why the rearview mirror is so small. Yeah, the pst is important but what is important to you is in front of you. We all have different experiences in life we like to think that they define who we are and that simply isn’t the case. We often will look to occurrences that simply don't  Your life is always made up of experiences What does it mean to be loveable? You believe you cant love or you are not able to be loved The past is just that the past You may have had bad things happen to your past. But the past isn't who you are today. Are you defining yourself from your past? Are you telling yourself these stories? You have to allow yourself to be lovable You have to take responsibility for what you did do. You can change Stop playing the victim.

This is part 2 of a 2 part series I would recommend you listen to episode 29 first. Now, this is a new concept for me and it was introduced to me from a friend of mine. She is a counselor who works with sex offenders. She was talking about how they use the information about The Man Box to help them. Now This episode is more than likely going to drift on the political a bit. This isn’t a political site. This website is men focused and meant to help men raise strong confident boys to they can be leaders in society. To do that we sadly have to get our political feet wet today. Again I apologize there are way too much politics and tribalism going on in the world today. When there is a line crossed I will take a stand. As a Man Should. So I got to looking at what in the world the man box was. I came across the ted talk by Tony Porter which is the very first video that pops up on youtube. Now Tony started out as a child in the inner city. He talks about how growing up in New York he was taught that Men had to be tough, strong, courageous, dominating, no pain, emotionless except anger and no fear, men are in change which means women are not, That men lead and you just fall in line, Men are superior and women are inferior, Men strong women weak, that women are less valuable. They are the property of men. Now he goes on and talks about his dad atone of his brother’s funeral, and how he held his tears in till the women left. He then progresses to a story about a girl name Shiela and his interactions with her.  From here he digresses into the problem with the man box and the problem I have with the man box. Where he says that all men function in the deepest foundations or the man Box we inherently undervalue women which makes us see them as objects. This Man box is the topic of today’s discussion. The biggest problem with all the studies I am about to talk about and it will be beaten in your head throughout this episode is that for people who hate stereotypes they love to stereotype when it fits their needs. Now again I do realize that that view is also a stereotype so this just proves my point even more. What is the Man Box? It is a perceived list of values all men are supposed to hold to. Now the “supposed to” is used on purpose because in this argument one side thinks that is how we act and the other side thinks how we don’t act. There are academic papers that are pushing this Man Box listed all over the place. There are studies about how The role of masculine norms and gender role conflict. There are studies about Toxic Masculinity The Man Box is also called Toxic Masculinity. This is where so many people get the idea of Masculinity as being bad, and we need to break the Gender norms and such instances as this. They are fundamentally wrong and we will get into these instances later. Now according to Richmond College, The Man Box is described as, A term that researchers use to describe the dominant form of masculinity in the United States at this time is known as Hegemonic Masculinity, which Mark Greene (2013) and others have described as the “Man Box.” Now that Hegemonic Masculinity is a $10 word and I had a 50¢ vocabulary so I did look up and see what Hegemonic masculinity means and it is according to Wikipedia Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man From what I see that is the common Alpha Male and Beta Male line of thinking. This is also an incorrect way to look at men.  Now the Term Man Box goes all the way back 40 years ago to an activist named Paul Kivel. His Wikipedia page isn’t very filled out so what is listed is. Kivel co-founded the Oakland Men's Project, a community education center focused on preventing male violence, and has been called "an innovative leader in violence prevention. According to one study called, The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico a rigid construct of cultural ideas about male identity. This includes being self-sufficient, acting tough, looking physically attractive, sticking to rigid gender roles, being heterosexual, having sexual prowess, and using aggression to resolve conflicts. This is the primary study that I read through and this took a while because of the double standard and I could only handle it at short chunks because of the double standard.  The 7 Pillars of the Man Box In the study the divided the man box up into 7 different categories and they are. Self Sufficiency A man never talks about his feeling if he wants to get respect. Men should figure out their problems on their own. Acting Tough If a man doesn’t fight back, he is weak. Men should act strong even if they are nervose or scared. Physical Attractiveness A man has to look good if he wants to be successful. Yet women don’t like men who fuss too much with their hair clothes and skin. And if men spend too much time on their looks they aren’t manly. Rigid Gender Roles Men should earn the money and women should stay home and take care of the kids. Boys should have to learn how to cook clean or take care of kids. Husbands don’t have to do chores Homophobia Gay men are not real men but it is OK to be friends with a gay man. (Yeah figure that one out) Hypersexuality Real Men should have as many sexual partners as they can and never say no to sex. Aggression and Control Real men use violence to get respect. A man should always have the final say in a family, and they should know where their girlfriend or woman is at all times. Already you are seeing the flaws in the man box theory. First, they destroy their argument in the Homophobia category.  Yet let’s look at some other problems men are in other studies. Boys are more likely to take risks and partake in risky behaviors. Yes, boys take more risks and the competition of being the best is in all of us. They are more fearless Boys like to show off yet women too like to show off in their own natural way. You have to be successful We all want to be successful. Men are more likely to take the risks needed to have their own business. Engage in watching pornography more Now, this is a problem. I agree. I am starting to look at what porn does to a man’s way of thinking. And I am starting to see what Pornography does to a man’s thought process. But it isn’t an objectification of women like many people want to think. Yet it does take away the connection to your wife if you are married. Yet I would say we need to look at why men turn to porn in the first place. Emotionless This is the natural inclination to stoicism men develop. This is a skill that men require not to turn their emotions off like a switch but to set their emotions off to the side until there is a proper time to process them.  There is a problem with both sexes in that they will run from uncomfortable emotions. They will bury then so that they don’t have to experience them. This does cause problems and this problem is again in both sexes. This is where much of the problem of overeating comes in to play, along with alcoholism and drug addiction. Have higher mental health problems This is going to have some finger-pointing. I believe this is from many of the outside influences on the boys as they are growing up. The schools treat boys as if they are broken girls. Boys are not allowed to be boys. There is a fundamental difference between the two sexes and all of the postmodern deconstructionism that is going on in colleges these days adds only more mental health problems and confusion. Attacks on masculinity as being bad adds even more fuel wind to the tempest. There are no healthy debates going on. There is way too much tribalism. All of this has stifled real men and boys from being able to have healthy talks. Trying to fix something that isn’t broke only breaks more stuff. More prone to bullying This is an increase across both sexes. This has gone on for centuries. Is bullying a problem? It can be but if you can teach a boy to be stoic and let him understand that each man has the ability to disarm the bully by using confidence. Any time you stand out from the crowd people is going to try to pull you down. This is called The Tall poppy syndrome. I talked about this in episode 23. I also see bullying as a normal rite of passage. It does strengthen you for life. You will face assholes all along your journey you have how do you deal with them? You have teachers who will not like you you will have upper-level managers who see you as a threat. You will have people who will delight in making your life hell. How do you deal with this normal everyday occurrence? You learn from them. One of the best ways to teach confidence for kids in school is to help them learn that they have power. That can mean that they have to bloody a bully’s nose at some time. That is actually a good thing it teaches the bully that their actions are not accepted and that you never know who you‘re messing with. So get your kid into some type of martial arts. They learn to fight when it is needed. Lack of friends to talk to Look at young boys they make friends at the drop of a hat. This skill is lost as we get older. Look at 45-year-old men they may only have 1 or 2 close friends. This on their head it isn’t because men can’t have friends it is because we get caught up in the grind of life. Helping our families. This is a problem but it isn’t strictly associated with men I know many women who have only 1 or 2 close friends. Will stand by and watch This is a societal problem. Not only do men stand by and let injustice happen but I see just as many women standing to the side with their phone’s camera out and recording. What are men in reality Men actually do the following We protect those close to us We do stand up for those who are our family. If the need arises we will fight. We will resort to violent actions. We may not want to but we will. This is why men go to war. They believe in a cause and are willing to put their lives on the line. This is where many of the Man Box categories are actually put to good use. War is risky so when being raised up this is why boys take more risk. We naturally train ourselves to do fearless activities. It shows us that 90% of the time we won’t actually die from being uncomfortable.  We have the needed aggression to do the hard work. That aggression is also used so that we go after what we want. We don’t give up just because something is in our way. The lack of emotions that these studies find also helps in protecting our families. WE do have to act in moments of fear and high stress. When loud explosions are going on around us we have to know there is a time and a place for everything and paying attention to the amygdala on a battlefield will often get you shot. This is called Stoicism and it is a good thing for men to have. So we aren’t just standing in the middle of a crowd boohooing.  Men serve their community WE have friends and working or running a business is serving the community. We have to take risks to run a business. We can’t succumb to fear when making a business decision because it will most likely be the wrong choice. Men provide for their family This is us reaping the rewards of serving the community. Life is a set of transactions and that sounds cold to many who think capitalism is wrong but it is a fact. You cant receive unless you give. This goes with respect, Having a wife, having friends, and having a business. Without many aspects of the Man Box, you cant have a stable society. These social constructs have been with us for many millennia. They serve us well and they are there for a damn good reason. Now I will say I agree with Tony at the end of his talk. Because in all reality I am doing a lot on this site to do what he thinks needs to be done to fix the Man Box. He stats that is it ok to not be dominating. It is OK to have feelings and emotions. It is OK to promote equality, it is OK to have women who are just friends, That it is ok to be whole. That is what I do on this site and this podcast. If you go through and look we talk a hell of a lot about emotions and what they are and why they are good to have. Equality is always something we all strive for real equality not to sacrifice one person's rights gifts and give them to a different person who someone arbitrarily feels needs more rights and special help. We all have the ability to be successful. And there would be more successful with less victim mindset. When we have the stoicism and integrity in your life you can have women as friends.  Other Relaxed Male posts about Toxic Masculinity There is No Toxic Masculinity Because Our Boys Aren’t Broken Let Boys be Boys

Now, this is a new concept for me and it was introduced to me from a friend of mine. She is a counselor who works with sex offenders. She was talking about how they use the information about The Man Box to help them. Now This episode is more than likely going to drift on the political a bit. This isn’t a political site. This website is men focused and meant to help men raise strong confident boys to they can be leaders in society. To do that we sadly have to get our political feet wet today. Again I apologize there are way too much politics and tribalism going on in the world today. When there is a line crossed I will take a stand. As a Man Should. So I got to looking at what in the world the man box was. I came across the ted talk by Tony Porter which is the very first video that pops up on youtube. Now Tony started out as a child in the inner city. He talks about how growing up in New York he was taught that Men had to be tough, strong, courageous, dominating, no pain, emotionless except anger and no fear, men are in change which means women are not, That men lead and you just fall in line, Men are superior and women are inferior, Men strong women weak, that women are less valuable. They are the property of men. Now he goes on and talks about his dad atone of his brother’s funeral, and how he held his tears in till the women left. He then progresses to a story about a girl name Shiela and his interactions with her.  From here he digresses into the problem with the man box and the problem I have with the man box. Where he says that all men function in the deepest foundations or the man Box we inherently undervalue women which makes us see them as objects. This Man box is the topic of today’s discussion. The biggest problem with all the studies I am about to talk about and it will be beaten in your head throughout this episode is that for people who hate stereotypes they love to stereotype when it fits their needs. Now again I do realize that that view is also a stereotype so this just proves my point even more. What is the Man Box? It is a perceived list of values all men are supposed to hold to. Now the “supposed to” is used on purpose because in this argument one side thinks that is how we act and the other side thinks how we don’t act. There are academic papers that are pushing this Man Box listed all over the place. There are studies about how The role of masculine norms and gender role conflict. There are studies about Toxic Masculinity The Man Box is also called Toxic Masculinity. This is where so many people get the idea of Masculinity as being bad, and we need to break the Gender norms and such instances as this. They are fundamentally wrong and we will get into these instances later. Now according to Richmond College, The Man Box is described as, A term that researchers use to describe the dominant form of masculinity in the United States at this time is known as Hegemonic Masculinity, which Mark Greene (2013) and others have described as the “Man Box.” Now that Hegemonic Masculinity is a $10 word and I had a 50¢ vocabulary so I did look up and see what Hegemonic masculinity means and it is according to Wikipedia Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man From what I see that is the common Alpha Male and Beta Male line of thinking. This is also an incorrect way to look at men.  Now the Term Man Box goes all the way back 40 years ago to an activist named Paul Kivel. His Wikipedia page isn’t very filled out so what is listed is. Kivel co-founded the Oakland Men's Project, a community education center focused on preventing male violence, and has been called "an innovative leader in violence prevention. According to one study called, The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico a rigid construct of cultural ideas about male identity. This includes being self-sufficient, acting tough, looking physically attractive, sticking to rigid gender roles, being heterosexual, having sexual prowess, and using aggression to resolve conflicts. This is the primary study that I read through and this took a while because of the double standard and I could only handle it at short chunks because of the double standard.  The 7 Pillars of the Man Box In the study the divided the man box up into 7 different categories and they are. Self Sufficiency A man never talks about his feeling if he wants to get respect. Men should figure out their problems on their own. Acting Tough If a man doesn’t fight back, he is weak. Men should act strong even if they are nervose or scared. Physical Attractiveness A man has to look good if he wants to be successful. Yet women don’t like men who fuss too much with their hair clothes and skin. And if men spend too much time on their looks they aren’t manly. Rigid Gender Roles Men should earn the money and women should stay home and take care of the kids. Boys should have to learn how to cook clean or take care of kids. Husbands don’t have to do chores Homophobia Gay men are not real men but it is OK to be friends with a gay man. (Yeah figure that one out) Hypersexuality Real Men should have as many sexual partners as they can and never say no to sex. Aggression and Control Real men use violence to get respect. A man should always have the final say in a family, and they should know where their girlfriend or woman is at all times. Already you are seeing the flaws in the man box theory. First, they destroy their argument in the Homophobia category.  Yet let’s look at some other problems men are in other studies. Boys are more likely to take risks and partake in risky behaviors. Yes, boys take more risks and the competition of being the best is in all of us. They are more fearless Boys like to show off yet women too like to show off in their own natural way. You have to be successful We all want to be successful. Men are more likely to take the risks needed to have their own business. Engage in watching pornography more Now, this is a problem. I agree. I am starting to look at what porn does to a man’s way of thinking. And I am starting to see what Pornography does to a man’s thought process. But it isn’t an objectification of women like many people want to think. Yet it does take away the connection to your wife if you are married. Yet I would say we need to look at why men turn to porn in the first place. Emotionless This is the natural inclination to stoicism men develop. This is a skill that men require not to turn their emotions off like a switch but to set their emotions off to the side until there is a proper time to process them.  There is a problem with both sexes in that they will run from uncomfortable emotions. They will bury then so that they don’t have to experience them. This does cause problems and this problem is again in both sexes. This is where much of the problem of overeating comes in to play, along with alcoholism and drug addiction. Have higher mental health problems This is going to have some finger-pointing. I believe this is from many of the outside influences on the boys as they are growing up. The schools treat boys as if they are broken girls. Boys are not allowed to be boys. There is a fundamental difference between the two sexes and all of the postmodern deconstructionism that is going on in colleges these days adds only more mental health problems and confusion. Attacks on masculinity as being bad adds even more fuel wind to the tempest. There are no healthy debates going on. There is way too much tribalism. All of this has stifled real men and boys from being able to have healthy talks. Trying to fix something that isn’t broke only breaks more stuff. More prone to bullying This is an increase across both sexes. This has gone on for centuries. Is bullying a problem? It can be but if you can teach a boy to be stoic and let him understand that each man has the ability to disarm the bully by using confidence. Any time you stand out from the crowd people is going to try to pull you down. This is called The Tall poppy syndrome. I talked about this in episode 23. I also see bullying as a normal rite of passage. It does strengthen you for life. You will face assholes all along your journey you have how do you deal with them? You have teachers who will not like you you will have upper-level managers who see you as a threat. You will have people who will delight in making your life hell. How do you deal with this normal everyday occurrence? You learn from them. One of the best ways to teach confidence for kids in school is to help them learn that they have power. That can mean that they have to bloody a bully’s nose at some time. That is actually a good thing it teaches the bully that their actions are not accepted and that you never know who you‘re messing with. So get your kid into some type of martial arts. They learn to fight when it is needed. Lack of friends to talk to Look at young boys they make friends at the drop of a hat. This skill is lost as we get older. Look at 45-year-old men they may only have 1 or 2 close friends. This on their head it isn’t because men can’t have friends it is because we get caught up in the grind of life. Helping our families. This is a problem but it isn’t strictly associated with men I know many women who have only 1 or 2 close friends. Will stand by and watch This is a societal problem. Not only do men stand by and let injustice happen but I see just as many women standing to the side with their phone’s camera out and recording. What are men in reality Men actually do the following We protect those close to us We do stand up for those who are our family. If the need arises we will fight. We will resort to violent actions. We may not want to but we will. This is why men go to war. They believe in a cause and are willing to put their lives on the line. This is where many of the Man Box categories are actually put to good use. War is risky so when being raised up this is why boys take more risk. We naturally train ourselves to do fearless activities. It shows us that 90% of the time we won’t actually die from being uncomfortable.  We have the needed aggression to do the hard work. That aggression is also used so that we go after what we want. We don’t give up just because something is in our way. The lack of emotions that these studies find also helps in protecting our families. WE do have to act in moments of fear and high stress. When loud explosions are going on around us we have to know there is a time and a place for everything and paying attention to the amygdala on a battlefield will often get you shot. This is called Stoicism and it is a good thing for men to have. So we aren’t just standing in the middle of a crowd boohooing.  Men serve their community WE have friends and working or running a business is serving the community. We have to take risks to run a business. We can’t succumb to fear when making a business decision because it will most likely be the wrong choice. Men provide for their family This is us reaping the rewards of serving the community. Life is a set of transactions and that sounds cold to many who think capitalism is wrong but it is a fact. You cant receive unless you give. This goes with respect, Having a wife, having friends, and having a business. Without many aspects of the Man Box, you cant have a stable society. These social constructs have been with us for many millennia. They serve us well and they are there for a damn good reason. Now I will say I agree with Tony at the end of his talk. Because in all reality I am doing a lot on this site to do what he thinks needs to be done to fix the Man Box. He stats that is it ok to not be dominating. It is OK to have feelings and emotions. It is OK to promote equality, it is OK to have women who are just friends, That it is ok to be whole. That is what I do on this site and this podcast. If you go through and look we talk a hell of a lot about emotions and what they are and why they are good to have. Equality is always something we all strive for real equality not to sacrifice one person's rights gifts and give them to a different person who someone arbitrarily feels needs more rights and special help. We all have the ability to be successful. And there would be more successful with less victim mindset. When we have the stoicism and integrity in your life you can have women as friends.  Other Relaxed Male posts about Toxic Masculinity There is No Toxic Masculinity Because Our Boys Aren’t Broken Let Boys be Boys  

Why are questions important? Your brain is a computer and will look for the answer you ask it. What does this make possible? Big Leap Questions Am I willing to increase the amount of time each day that I feel good inside An inner sense of well being An I willing to increase the amount of time my whole life goes well Work relationships Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time? If you argue your limitations you get to keep them. Stop fighting to keep your limitations What’s the payoff for limitations? Limiting beliefs are erroneous but for your protections Are you willing to take the big leap in love money and creative contributions How much love and abundance are you willing to allow? How are you getting in your own way? Will you commit to living in your zone of genius all the time Zone of Genius What do I most love to do? What do I do that doesn’t seem like work? What is my unique ability Other Questions to ask Why is this problem important for me to face? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the best use of my time? Does this feeling serve me? How does this project advance my goals? What am I grateful for? What am I going to accomplish today? What is your greatest asset? Are you willing to forgive yourself? Are you willing to laugh at your mistakes? Why am I doing what I am doing?

Main topic Having gratitude can overcome most obstacles. How does gratitude help? It changes your mindset to one of the abundance EP14 - https://www.relaxedmale.com/ep-14-the-abundance-mindset/ You can't be negative when you see the abundance you have. It is the root of an abundant mindset - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-gratitude-is-important/ while being grateful for what you have you are more open for seeing what is possible You are easier to get along with You are all around a happier person More difficult to get you down It stops the comparison game - https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-comparison-game-dont-play-it/ How to have more gratitude The best tool is the gratitude journal When complaining to stop yourself from complaining give three things you are grateful for in this current situation Ask yourself what does this make possible?

Question of the Week This weeks question is from Quora https://qr.ae/pNyZ5J Main topic Fear, is something we have all experienced in one form or another sometime in our life. I remember when I was a little kid I was in the kitchen at night and grabbing some snacks I wasn’t supposed to have and suddenly a large column candle we had on in there for smell goods and emergency lighting if the electricity went out suddenly fell off of its holder. Blam! The sense of fear that a ghost was about to start throwing me was the only thought I remember. That and the fact that I did an incredible Jesse Owens impression.  Another instance of me being in the full grip of fear was when I was at my great grandparent’s house. This incredible storm was booming. You could walk around the house without the lights on because the lighting was flashing almost continuously. The windows would shake when there were close strikes. It was a truly awe-inspiring event. So much so that I took an umbrella (because it was raining) and went out to watch it. As I was out in the middle of my great grandfather’s garden looking all around me as the clouds lit up and flashed and the Thunder was felt in your chest. Suddenly I started feeling oddly light. The hair on the nape of my neck was getting all tingly. All I thought was this is weird and then maybe 20 feet or so in front of me, my the world turned white. It also got very warm, very fast. The noise was deafening. After that the umbrella was dropped and from my lips came a battle cry for the cowards. UUUUUUUuuuuuuuurgh!!! I proceeded to return to the house as quickly as possible. Now these are two instances are an example of three things, Surprise, Stupidity, and Fear. Now the surprise of a candle falling and thinking it was a ghost could be garnered as ignorance. While obviously me standing out in an open field with a lightning rod in my hand during a thunderstorm is clearly stupidity. Both are also examples of unbridled fear. What is Fear?  Fear is your mind’s reaction to the unknown. It is thanks to the lizard part of your brain, the amygdala, is the emotional birthplace. Well all you emotions come from the amygdala, but when fear comes into play, your lizard part of your brain actually can take control of your body. It will take full control and you run on autopilot. That is what happens when you enter the fight, flight, or freeze instincts. Your amygdala is designed to keep you safe and comfortable. Now short of being struck by lighting or seeing a bus coming at you. These days the use of fear to run from a bear is very seldom. Yet it is still there. Most people avoid feeling fear because it is rather unpleasant and so we avoid fear as much as we avoid the bear. I want to propose that fear can be a tool and a very handy tool to keep you not only safe but to help you become more successful. Fear as A Tool Now I see fear as a tool. Like every tool you can use it the right way and the wrong way. Both ways are powerful but using it the wrong way is very destructive. Wrong Uses of Fear Using fear as a tool to manipulate people is the common way most people use fear incorrectly. They threaten people with their jobs if it is a boss with no confidence in their leading style or of exposing a shameful event if it is by someone who is blackmailing someone else.  Fear can for a short time influence a person to do your bidding. Because fear can over rid free will it is a common tool for tyrants and dictators alike. Yet eventually people get tired of living in fear and they will fight back. Using fear like this erodes people away it makes them less than they can be and doesn’t serve anybody even the person who is trying to control others. How to use fear to your advantage Now you can also use fear to your advantage and it can be used to accelerate your path to your goals and other success. Masting Kipp said it best. Unless you’re in mortal danger, fear is a compass showing you where to go. - Mastin Kipp As I said earlier, we avoid fear. Our amygdala wants us to stay comfortable in what is familiar. Yet when you are starting a new business or anything that is out of the ordinary we are faced with the biggest barriers around. Those barriers are fear. Yeah they may be mindsets too but often those mindsets are based in fear. This is why when you will hear people say if your goal doesn’t scare you it isn’t the right goal. If you use fear as a compass you will soon know that you re heading in the right direction. You can also change ho you look at fear.  Fear is excitement without the breath - Fritz Perls, MD, the psychiatrist and founder of Gestalt Therapy The key is to breathe and make them deep breaths make your feeling scared into the feeling of exhilaration. All you need to do is breath, also you live longer if you breathe deep Daniel-san.

One of the biggest factors that will hold a person back is the story and thoughts of how they arrived in the current circumstance they find themselves in. There are times that people may find themselves in a deep dark hole. When they look back on how they arrived there they want to point their fingers at anybody else other than the real person who is to blame. Look at an addict. They blame others for the circumstance that they are in. Yet in all reality, they are the ones who made the choice to start taking the drug. They may have had a tragic event happen in their lives and they may blame an abusive parent. Yet when that addict left that environment the choices they made are what actually got them in the predicament they are in. People who are poor often have the same problem. They blame companies for screwing them over. Yet if they were, to be honest, it is their spending habits that drain their bank account not an evil corporation that pays them very little. Why do some people wind up in bad circumstances? They wind up in bad circumstances because that is what they have deemed that circumstance to be? The events or circumstances in your life are all neutral. That is until you apply thought to that circumstance.  This is why two people can watch the very same movie and come out with two very different experiences. One person can love it and the other person can hate it. So when you have thought about your current circumstance, you can choose to make that circumstance a positive event or a negative event. The Mindset Many people who perceive their environment to be a bad event also see that it is someone else fault for them being in that event. The “Victim” may claim to hate that person because of what they did to them. They want to play the victim and give up all responsibilities to their actions.  If they are in an abusive relationship. According to the victim, it is someone else’s fault that they are there. Yet the person who wronged them may not have been in their life to the past 10 tears. However, the victim is giving up all their power to this person they claim to hate. My question is if they detest that person as much as they claim, because of how much they have ruined their life then why would you give all of your power to that very person? Now you are seeing the error in having a victim’s mindset. When you play the victim you relinquish responsibility for your actions. You can’t be blamed for staying in a crappy place if it isn’t your fault. But how can someone you haven’t seen in such a ling time actually control you? The answer is they can.  How to get out If you want to get out of the current circumstance you are in, you have to change your mindset and own up to the fact that your choices put you in that hole. It may cause some major discomfort but the moment you own up to your responsibility you can start making the changes needed for you to climb out.   You can start thinking about different thoughts of your circumstance. Now I am not saying deny the emotions you have from those thoughts but you can change how you think of your environment. You don’t I hope you wouldn’t settle. In fact, you won’t settle if your thoughts about an environment change. A victim settles for the oh well this is my lot in life. While a person who takes responsibility and admits that they are in a hole will start looking for a way out. You can do the very same. Decide you are done with the circumstance you are in and start making changes. The changes won’t be easy they will require you to grow and become stronger in your skills. With each new skill, you will be better equipped to handle the next step to get out and living the best life you deserve and desire.

We all have a story in our head. Yet we often have the wrong story. The story you tell is apart of whether or not you are going to succeed. Now, these stories are yours. But are you telling your story in the right frame of light or are you perhaps living somebody else story? Doing this doesn’t serve you and often it doesn’t benefit you in any way. What is meant by your story? Your story is what are you telling yourself. It can also be the story others are saying about you. Others can have whatever story they want. The real story is your story,  Other people can have their own story about you. Yes, people are going to have their own story about you. You cant change this and why should you? What the story isn’t truthful? Ok, but how does their thought of you affect you. They may tell the boss their thoughts? Yeah, they may but the boss also has their own thoughts about you.  Maybe some of their stories are true. What then? You work for your story. If the story isn’t correct their story will change on its own. If it doesn’t it really doesn’t matter it is their story. Are you living someone else’s story? Why would you live someone else’s story Many times we live other people’s stories for many different reasons. Perhaps it’s a parent that wants you to go to college so that you can take over the family business. They may say that it is your birthright and you don’t want to upset your parents. Yet you love welding and the family business is office supplies. These two really don’t fit together that well.  There are many reasons to why you start living by someone else story. Many times it so that we don’t rock the boat. Then again it could be because you have been guilt-tripped into that story. So you give up your dream or aspirations of being a writer.  Yet living your own story is important. You need to have your own story.  Are you telling yourself the Right story? Here is an example for you. When I was a kid I was the child of a rancher. And from time to time I was told to get up and go help with breaking up frozen stock tanks in the winter. The work was cold. It was made worse because I would have to dig the ice chunks out of the tank so that they didn’t freeze over again. In the spring I would be out in the rain looking for the weed that is shorting out the electric cattle fence. The summers were a combination of building miles of fence in 100° weather and grading roads in the wind.  That sounds pretty miserable, right? Or I could tell the story of Many times I wanted to stay under the warm cover and sleep. Yet since I was helping my dad when he was needing it. I would get up and help him bust up the ice in stock tanks we would talk about random things and with my dad’s sense of humor, I was always laughing at something. I may be building the fence in summer but dad would be right there with sweat just pouring off of him. I remember applying sweat with hard work and would apply that to my work ethic as I got older.  When the season to work cattle came around I remember the whole family would get together and pitch in. I would get to see my cousins and we would goof around as we loaded the cattle into the “snake” so they could be given the needed medicine, tagged and branded. These were such good times. See the difference one is a victim minded story of woe and the other is a story of relationships and learning. You have a choice in what light you are going to see your story. To find your story, can take a while. Maybe you need to change your story. The good news is that you can. It is your choice as to you want to live your story or live your parent’s story. You have the choice you always have that choice. Remember that not choosing is a choice in itself. So know that you are telling yourself a story and if you don’t like it then start making those waves.

Maybe you have heard of the analogy of the bucket of crabs. This is where it is easy to keep crabs in a bucket because as one crab tries to crawl out the other crabs in the bucket grab him and drag him back in. This represents the people in your circle. These people are your friends and family members who have an invested emotional interest in keeping you safe. There is that darn word again. Safe.  Why is being safe such a bad thing?  We work so hard on keeping others safe and in today’s standards safe isn’t keeping you away from bears or sabertoothed tigers. Being safe is staying comfortable. Yeah, it is nice to be comfortable from time to time but if you want to become the better person you want for your family and son, you have to step out of that lovely comfort zone and grow. So how does the bucket of crabs fit in? Well, your family members see you making progress and they become fearful for your comfort. That fear causes them to make certain comments and suggestions that are meant to hold you back. You may hear your favorite uncle suggest you not become a writer because you can’t make it as a writer. In reality, he tried the very same thing when he was younger and he lost everything because he wasn’t able to find a publisher. He became very uncomfortable and tucked his dream of having a book published away, in sorts he gave up and decided that it was too much trouble. He doesn’t want to see you go through that discomfort nor does he want his failure to be brought to light. It could be out of fear that he quit too soon. The Tall Poppy Syndrome The Tall Poppy Syndrom is defined as this: The tall poppy syndrome describes the cultural phenomenon of mocking people who think highly of themselves, "cutting down the tall poppy". Common in Australia and New Zealand, it is seen by many as self-deprecating and by others as promoting modesty. We often, as a society, also call out others who are doing what we would like to be. These people become the tall poppies. We make comments like  It must be nice…  He has more money than sense He is lucky He is  privileged Toxic masculinity There are other terms that are very prevalent in today’s vernacular that show the tall poppy syndrome too. Like White privilege or Happiness privilege, he is just out of touch. When we as a society condemn a person for being successful. These are times that tall poppy syndrome crops up.  Some examples of the Tall Poppy Syndrome by doing a quick twitter search. Your son while in high school will be faced with this often. If he tries to be his own person, his classmates will call him out on his uniqueness. If he is working hard and saves up to buy his first car many people will call that out. Some may even dip down to try to actively cut that tall poppy short by damaging his prized possession. Why do people hold us back? Now I mentioned a few reasons earlier. But Let dive a bit deeper. Safety This word really needs to be reduced in our lexicon of words. As before the vast majority of times, our fear for another person’s safety is actually our fear for their discomfort. We don’t want to see our loved ones suffer and fail. So to keep them from failing we try to keep them safe.  This is our emotional brain talking. We can’t predict the future yet we see the very worst about what is going to happen. So we try to talk our loved ones out of dong something that is actually good for them.  It really is self-defeating. We have an emotional reaction to the dream or plans our son hs. Maybe your son wants to go into the Army. That will scare many parents and moms more specifically because there is a real element of danger in joining up with any military. So we try to talk our possible warrior out of the idea.  Yet we ignore all the good that would come out of the endeavor. He could learn how to be more disciplined and more intentional in his actions. He would build up his personal network for his later success. He could make it a career and travel the world. He would then get a dedicated paycheck for the rest of his life.  The perks of joining the military far outnumber the reasons to not join. Yet because there could be a conflict erupt and he is then asked to get into harm’s way, we try to talk him out of it. All because we want someone we love to not go through the discomfort that will make him great. We have stopped letting our sons be dangerous those broken bones and scrapped knees all have teaching moments and yeah there can be an element of true danger in what they do, it is good for our sons to prove themselves. They see themselves in your effort Again this shows where we failed ourselves. Many times people cast judgment not because of what the other person is doing but because we see our own shortcomings. That right there can be very uncomfortable. Many of the opinions we cast when shaded in the light of emotion is because of this very fact. We see that we had the same energy and drive that our son has at the moment and we sadly feel as though we squandered it. I personally don’t like having my shortcoming thrown up in my face, and having my son do the thing I believe couldn’t be done, would be a constant reminder that I failed.  Scarcity mindset  This again is the bane of society. There is so much scarcity mindset running rampant throughout the world. So many people think that they can’t because they don’t have something when in all reality they do have what is needed they just can’t see the forest for the trees How do you escape the bucket? This is tough to do because you have to understand when emotions are playing a part in the advice. This is both when you are giving advice and receiving advice. there are few key points that you do want to focus on.  Your Why Focus on why you are wanting to do what others are trying to talk you out of. This is the foundation of you climbing out of the bucket Have the resolve to keep going You may actually make people angry at you. If you keep going. If this happens you need to be resolute about your decision. They may come around later after you have succeeded but then again you have to understand why they are angry. You are showing them their shortcoming and they are afraid for your discomfort. Filter the advice Understand what is fact and what is opinion. Separate the two and weigh the validity of the facts. When you removed the opinions and emotionally based thoughts you can see the facts and make a better decision on what was said. Now people don’t like to have their emotional thoughts disregarded but again most of the time they do change once they see that you are not in constant suffering. Masterminds Now to have a person give you advice without the emotional opinions helps out tremendously. So having a mastermind does this very thing. The people in the group are invested in your success, not your comfort. So that can give you straighter advice that will show you the risks and the rewards of what you are wanting to try. If you are looking for a mastermind The Conclave of Men could be the best fit for you. You are doing the same Pay attention to what you are telling your son. How does it feel to you? Do you feel a level of fear inside? Does that level increase if you were to tell him to go ahead. You may also ask yourself why do you want to keep this person from trying the idea they have. Honestly filter out the emotions when thinking through the problem. 

Why so dramatic? I bet you know many people who seem to love drama. They overblow what the worst that can happen. They relish gossip and add details to stories they hear. Yet I bet you didn’t know that you also delve into drama quite a bit too. Maybe you know you do and if so good job at least you are more aware of what is happening than many people. What is drama? When I refer to drama I am not meaning plays or acting. I am meaning when we allow our reptile part of the brain to add all sorts of extra emotions to the information we have. Most of the time the level of drama grows with the lack of information. Drama is the extra unnecessary emotions that fog up our judgment and create suffering and stress in our lives  We as people are emotional beings so we like to have drama in our lives. Look at movies would you watch a film that had just an ordinary guy doing ordinary things? Well no. it would be boring. Look at reality Television, these people are all about the drama that I am talking about. Example of how we make drama Say your son just got his driver’s license and he is wanting to go drive around and show off his new skill to his friends on the drag. You finally let him go and he has to be back at 10 pm. Around 10:15 your new driver still isn’t home.  What do you do? Most parents start o wonder why he isn’t home and as each minute that ticks by the scenario you have in your head get worse. First, he just lost track of time this leads to flat time. This leads to him having car problems to he was racing and crashed. This then leads to him lay dying in a ditch with dirty underwear on. Then around 10:36 he drives up and knows he is in trouble and it is even worse because we got ourselves all worked up over nothing. Perhaps your wife texts call me. Suddenly you start making stories of someone is in the hospital, or the back part of the house just was eaten by a sinkhole. Yet when you in a rush call her she was just needing you to stop by the store. We build so much into the lack of information. Why do we turn to Drama so much? Well, our brains are wired for drama. We take the little information we have and apply drama to it w]to fill in the gaps. Now some people are more predisposed to using their amygdala or reptile part of the brain than other people. So that is why you have some people who are easily more attracted to drama. My son dated a girl who I call the Choas Machine she was nothing but drama. Everything was in a state of panic and chaos for her. One example was when her stepfather died due to a drug overdoes, as part of the police investigation, she was questioned by the police. After that, she was convinced that the police thought she had killed him, and she would tell anybody who would listen that she was being investigated for this dude murder. No amount of other facts would dissuade her from thinking otherwise. Such a very tiring place to be is in this young woman’s life. People are wired for drama. We try to plan for the worst and when we don’t allow for the logic part of our brain to really hammer out the details our reptilian part of our brain takes over and starts to fill in the gaps. Since it is trying to keep us safe and comfortable we get the worst possible happenings. Drama as a whole really doesn’t serve us anymore. Some people may argue that we are able to prepare for the worst yet, in reality, we do better when we allow for our prefrontal cortex to do its job and work out all the logic parts. With drama we have more stress and suffering in our lives because we are busy working on things that most likely are never going to happen. The Rumor Mill Another place that drama really can play a huge role is in a company. When rumor mills start to churn out their product. Many times these forms of drama can be destructive if not addressed. Some companies have an actual rumor policy for their company culture.  This is because rumors are based on little fact and a lot of emotion. They crop up more when there is very little communication from the leadership. Rumors often lower the morale of the employees because again we are focusing on the worst instead of pressing on with our actual job.  Drama and choices It is easy to be caught up in the emotion of drama. In fact, when you notice you are in drama it can actually be hard to turn it off. A good example of this is to stop in the middle of the drama-filled story and try to reframe that story in a positive light. You will see your brain fight tooth and nail against that change. Want a fun experiment try that exercise on a friend who is telling you a drama-filled tale. You can see the struggle on their face.  How to minimize drama Since you can’t actually remove all drama from your life, you can minimize it though. The best is to ask yourself questions. The first being how does getting worked up in drama benefit me? Then you can layout the fact of the story and try to remove the emotions from the details. Doing so will help you to engage your logic part of your brain and start to minimize the emotional filled part of your brain. You can then see that that mountain you are afraid of is nothing more than a molehill.

The benefits of a mastermind are plenty and I wanted to share some specific benefits that you gain when you are a part of a mastermind. You are a part of a community You don’t have to worry about feeling lone nearly as much as if you were going on your own. You will have people who have been in your shoes before and can anticipate what may be around the unforeseen corner. You have people who can help and offer you support. Support In a mastermind, you have people who can give you the needed advice and support for those tough times that you are feeling like you are about to give up. Collaborations Sometimes you need help from people who have skills that are outside of your wheelhouse. So you can lean on the other people in your group for help by using their strengths Makes you think bigger The people in your group will encourage you to stop playing small and reach for the stars. These people who are looking out for you know what you are truly capable of doing. New perspectives Sometimes we can see the forest for the trees and so it helps when you have someone who isn’t buried in the day to day business you are conducting. They can offer a new and different way to look at a problem you are having. It helps when they are outside of your box. Remember you can't read the label from the inside of the bottle. You find out if your baby is ugly Sometimes you just need to be told that your ideas are bad. Yeah sometimes we do have ugly babies and that is alright. It is good to know that your brilliant idea isn’t going to work than to find out 2 years down the road. learn about yourself You can do so much, Yet sadly we tell ourselves storied that hold us back. Your mastermind can help change that limiting belief and make huge strides in your abilities. extend your network Sometimes you feel as if you are a whale in a tiny pond. You have to find new contacts and expand your network of people you know. Your mastermind can help you do that. There are many more benefits that can help you when you are in a mastermind. The Relaxed Male has a Men’s group called The Conclave Of Men that helps men forge their path and achieve the destiny they have been wanting. If you would like to join you can read more on the page

If you want to succeed you have to take action. Sounds like that is a no brainer. Yet one of the reasons most people don’t succeed is because they don’t take the steps they need to take. They will hymn and haw over what they should or should not do Why people don’t take action Fear Afraid of what others will think Fear that they will change Afraid that they will lose their friend's Procrastination (fear) Afraid of what others will think Fear that they will be seen as not good enough They don’t believe they know enough Don’t want to get out of their comfort zone Comfort is good to feel but if you stay there you will not grow. We have to have adversity in our life if we want to become the best we can be. You learn more about who you are when you clear an uncomfortable stage in your life. Often we fear failure and though that is a fixed mindset if you see failure as a way to not accomplish the goals you can by a method of elimination find the mindset and path that will lead you to success.

We start this episode off with a little rant about the changing times and how does this goes with why we suffer. We have hard all about how people suffer. Yet we don’t really look at what causes suffering. Why do we suffer? We suffer because we resist our emotions we try to make people do what we feel is best for them By not being in the present We look into our past more than we need to

So many people say they hate liars. You cant trust them. Yet many of those people are the worst liars around. Now there are two types of people who are inherently liars. No, I am not talking about Navy recruiters or politicians. I am talking about Addicts are liars and the other natural liar is a people pleaser. I want to talk this week about the second. I will address the first at some time down the road, but today we are looking at people pleasers. Why People Pleasers? People pleasers are people who go out of their way to lie to others so that they can control how other people feel and what they think. In other words, they are manipulators. We all know someone like this. They are trying to do 30 things at once. Often these are other people's tasks so that the person they are trying to please will like them. I am a recovering people pleaser. Aren't people pleasers good? Not really. These people give up on being their own person for the sake of someone who may or may not like them in return. Often, people pleasers, will say whatever they believe the other person wants to hear instead of speaking their own mind and being their own person. Helping a person out is good and we should help, but not at the detriment to our own life and mental health. Maybe you have known a "Yes Man" at the office. Sometimes these people are also called brown nosers. These guys often don't have the self-worth because they are putting all their worth into another person. People pleasing is called Sociotropy this is a person’s tendency to place an inordinate value on relationships over personal independence that will leave them vulnerable to depression in the response to a loss of relationships. These are people who act like your neighbor down the street who comes by and bakes cookies for you and keeps bringing them over. Or maybe you see your son always trying to please everybody and then really comes down on himself when someone becomes upset with him. People pleasers are people who... struggle with saying no. feel personally responsible for how other people feel. avoid sharing honestly, like not admitting when your feelings have been hurt. feel uncomfortable dealing with conflict and will do whatever you can to avoid it. sometimes find yourself “becoming” like whoever you hang around. The depression comes from the fact that you cant control a person. You can't make a person feel anything at any time. This will lead to the people People pleasers often will do something small at first and keep piling more and more if they don't get the response they desire they often become upset and can fall into depression or burnout. The drawback of people pleasing You cant be yourself You will burn out The huge strain on your mental health How to break free from being a people pleaser. Face the discomfort of expressing your ideas. Be OK when people don't like your ideas or change them. Understand that the person you are lying to the most when trying to please other people is yourself. You can't control everybody and it is impossible to even control some people all the time. They eventually get tired of being manipulated. Your lies do catch up with you Learn and use the most powerful word in the English language and that is NO. Then you have to accept that many people will not like that response and they will try to find different ways to make you feel bad because you have denied them. Set boundaries and then hold them Accept that you can't control people's emotions. Yeah, your actions may create a pleasant thought in the other person but hat doesn't mean they like you. A person likes you for who you are not how you make them feel because you can't make them feel anything.

What is a fixed mindset? The Fixed mindset is the thought that you are limited in what you are able to achieve by what your talent is. We often tell kids that they are smart and this is a huge problem for when the kids actually hit a limit on what their smarts are able to create. This problem can cause kids to shy away from a challenge and keep them from learning that getting something wrong is actually alright. It shows that you are able to improve. The fixed mindset causes problems because when the talent runs out the person in question thinks that they are not able to improve anymore, which is the farthest from the truth. People also fear that when they can't do something and it is pointed out they believe that deficiency is a fault against them. So it can be a problem with not only children but adults too. Test scores are permanent Hates challenge Finds fault in themselves when faced with failure Fishing trip example. Everyone else’s problem excuses The burden of talent Alfred Dunlap sunbeam and act paper

The concept of Growth mindset and it's counterpart Fixed mindset comes from Stanford Professor Carol Dweck Ph.D. in her book Mindset. In this book, she talks in detail what each mindset is and give an example after examples of people who display both sides. From Dorothy Delay the violin teacher from The Juilliard School of Music to Jack Welch, the man who saved General Electric. Carol talks about key points that exemplifies why a growth mindset is needed if you want to succeed and why the fixed mindset often causes you to have a meltdown like Bobby Night on losing streak. What is a growth mindset A growth mindset is a mindset that you are more about the ability to get better than having something of natural talent. It is interesting to think we are born with a growth mindset and then we slowly settle into a Fixed mindset. You see babies who keep trying to learn how to walk and we celebrate when they are able to start wobbling around. You even see a child who finally figures out that only one type of shape can fit into a certain slot. How many times have you heard kids talk about their love a challenge? The older they get the growth mindset often seems to wain and shrink. Key points of a Growth Mindset We accept that we are able to learn Work and effort are better than being smart. People who play video games can have We can have and often do have a mixture of growth mindset and Fixed Mindset Mia Ham used to be the only girl in the boy's soccer teams because she wanted the challenge. Not only boys but boys at the level above her. If you are the smartest person in the room you are in the wrong room. How to develop a growth mindset Accept that you are a work in progress. Failure is only an indicator of where you need to work. Change the words you use. If only I was smart enough to I can figure this out. What does this make possible?

This week talking about the opposite of the abundant mindset in Episode 14. That is a scarcity mindset and the problems it can cause in your efforts of being successful. We all have problems with negative thinking. Those negative thoughts are normal and have a purpose but they don’t serve us as they did in the caveman days. We use to not have enough and we had to fight for all that we had. Today that is still somewhat true but now scarcity is an element that holds us back. It keeps us safe and when being safe we are never growing emotionally or in knowledge. What is the scarcity mindset? The scarcity mindset is seeing the world and your resources as being a zero-sum game. You are only allotted a certain amount and then when you are out it is gone.  Stephen Covey talks about this in the “7 Habits of Highly effective people” and says this, Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. In addition, if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everyone else. Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People If you watch the news, which I advise against, you see a scarcity mindset running rampant in not only America but around the world. You see people fighting over the scraps when there is a whole garden sitting next to them. People talk about the haves and the have not’s. That is all based on what somebody else has and the others won’t ever have. As a whole scarcity, mindset is based on fear. It is fear that you won’t be able to get out of the current situation. The fear that you won’t have enough money or that you will never get that new television is exactly what scarcity mindset really is. We have one presidential candidate who is basing his whole platform on the scarcity mindset. That is how out of control easy this mindset can influence your thinking. Envy is based on a scarcity mindset. What does the Jones family have that you don’t?  That fear and anxiety of not being able to have nice things in your house create the thought that you are not worth your value. Hoarding is also based on scarcity. What if you throw away the 3-year-old copy of People Magazine and you need it for an article that looks interesting, though you never fully read it. Why does the scarcity mindset hold us back? The scarcity mindset is a bog. It sucks you down and keeps you from expanding and becoming more than your current situation. How can you when you see yourself and your resources as being limited. It is like being chained to a tree and the locks are not fastened. You can’t leave because of the chain. You hold on to the fact that you have a chain it doesn’t matter if you are locked up or not. The chain is not holding you back. Business owners suffer from scarcity whenever they struggle with charging somebody for their services. They see how easy it was for them to work in their zone of genius and feel guilty for charging someone $200 for an hour of their time. When in reality the customer isn’t paying for the time they are paying for the expertise you have. That goes with the story of the repairman. A company’s machine was making a horrible noise. It was an older machine and was difficult to find people who can work on it. They tried several people and each one failed. Finally, they found an old man who specialized in working on just that very machine. They called him up and the repairman said that he would be right over. The repairman showed up and walked over to the machine. He took out a stethoscope and listened to the clank a few times then reached into his bag pulled out a hammer and smartly tapped at a joint n the machine. Instantly the machine stopped clanking and started running better than it ever had for a long time. The man handed over his bill and the price was $2000. The Business owner cried that’s outrageous! You were here for only 5 minutes why does it cost that much. The old man said let me break it down for you. The hammer tap was $10 knowing right where to hit is $1990. Common effects of a scarcity mindset people. You play it safe You are not about to risk all that you have because you don’t have enough to spare for the risk. However, if you do spend that $18,000 on that course you can expand your influence which could actually make you $180,000. You see what you don’t have not what doors are standing wide-open waiting for you to walk through. It limits your opportunities Again because you want to play it safe you are not about to take a risk. Therefore, your opportunities are very limited. You immediately take off the table all the things that are possible with the words, “If Only”. Then when the opportunity slide by you see that you missed your chance and focus on that problem, instead of looking for the next opportunity that is already walking up to your door. You don’t give You don’t have anything, so how can you actually give? You may have all the time in the world but you don’t see value in that you see that you don’t have the money to spare. Again, you limit your opportunity to make an impact all because you don’t believe you have money to give. Maybe you do give some money but it is just enough to make yourself feel like you are contributing. Maybe you are at a Charity gala and while everyone else is handing over thousands of dollars, you pitch in $25. You are envious of others That whole keeping up with the Joneses, you see that they have a new bass boat or a new SUV and you say “it must be nice.” Instead of celebrating with their success, you scoff at them. You make up words about them like they are stuck up or Uppity. You don’t see that there is an opportunity for connecting with them. You only see that they have something you don’t. You love gossip magazines What is the first thing you say when you see that one movie star who uses to be this thin sex bomb is now 50 pounds overweight? Wow! She got fat! You often revel in the downfall of big stars. You take secret joy in seeing those better off than you in pain or suffering. You believe you are stuck in your current situation Why bother? What good is it going to do to contribute to the project? I know that Arnold is going to claim my idea s his own and they give him the promotion. So you decide to not even give the idea that could change the course of the company you are with. Yeah, it may end up even adding a zero to everybody’s bonus this year but you are not about to let Arnold take the prize. You have either seen or even felt that thought go through your head before right? Instead of helping the company out knowing that, your idea was the catalyst. You don’t believe that you have other great ideas like that you are concerned about how well it will put you in a better tax bracket you can’t stand Arnold. Limited thinking Because you are limited in your situation, you are also limited in your thoughts. You won’t allow yourself the think big because, what’s the use, right? Why try, it will just fail and it will be added to the pile of other half done projects and dreams that never took off. You over-indulge You ever get your tax return and completely blow it in a week? Most people with a scarcity mindset indulge every whim. They leave Walmart with the 80-inch television baskets full of perishable groceries. Apply the check to a brand new car. Maybe you were like me and when you were home, you would eat until you were full and then keep stuffing food in your mouth. I did that often. I would eat three or four helpings at the house and then when I would climb into the truck I would have food but also snacks and I would eat one bag after the other. Yeah, those were meant to stretch over the duration of the trip but often within 2-3 days, the “snacks” would be gone. All because I had, the food to be consumed and I couldn’t let it go to waste. It affects your sex life You remember how much whoopee you had when you first were married 2 kids and 10 years ago. Now you are lucky to have a roll in the hay, once a month. You focus on what you don’t have you aren’t seeing that maybe your wife is wanting to be intimate yet she doesn’t throw on a teddy and fix herself up. You start to have thoughts that men have had for centuries. Maybe it’s true she just wants you for just the paycheck. I mean what does she do all day? Walk around like you’re wounded and angry because she slapped your hand when tried to cop a feel. You react to the situation instead of finding a solution. Maybe it is her time of the month and her breasts are tender. Then again, your beautiful wife is struggling with her own insecurities because her body isn’t as tight and toned as it used to be. Not to mention what wife would find an emotionally immature boy sexually attractive so your actions could very well be the root cause. How to change to a more abundant mindset Gratitude journal My favorite tool for shifting your focus from what you don’t have to what you do. Each day write 3-5 things you are grateful for. Maybe it is your wife’s cooking. Maybe you have an old car with 200,000 miles on it. It still runs and gets you to work every day. Maybe, it is that the Jones you are so envious of allowed to borrow their chainsaw to take care of a limb that was roughing up the roof. There is always plenty to go around and if you focus your attention on what you do have, as instead of what you don’t have. My cousin, who is quite wise for his years, really said it best when he lost his phone Look for win/win situations There is always a solution to a problem. Unbelievably there is always a win/win situation it may take work and time but a solution is available. Many times commerce is a win/win situation. You pay money for a product or service that helps you out in some part of your life. If you are always looking for someone who is out to take advantage of you. You will find them even if the trade was actually a good one. So always, work for the win/win. Mind your thoughts Pay attention to the story you are telling yourself. Scarcity is a battle we will always fight. You will think that you don’t have a talent for something and ignoring the talents you do have. This is best stated with the Cut off your nose to spite your face. So when you see that you are telling yourself a story the is centered on scarcity and fear actively change what you are saying. Reframe the thoughts and even words that you say to yourself they have a huge impact on what you are thinking and what your mind believes is appropriate thoughts to have

What is an abundant mindset? People with an abundant mindset feel freer to give and share because they don’t see that the resources in their life are in scare supply. They have the motto of There is more where that came from. Often people who aim for and achieve big goals are people who have an abundance-oriented mindset. Because they aren’t worried about what they don’t have, abundant mindset folks are generally happier and easier to get along with they like to take people on their journeys and include more people in their success because they are not limited in what they can do. More control If you have an abundant mindset you aren’t worried about how is out of your hands. They will take what they have and use it to the fullest extent possible. They approach jobs with more gusto and enthusiasm because they are eager to see the results of their endeavor and don’t worry as much about what won’t happen. When they do fail, they take responsibility for their actions instead of wallowing in their failure. Being abundant gives, you so much more control over your options because you are in fact not limited in the possibilities. Characteristics of an abundant mindsetted person Clarity You see the path before you. That means that you are able to bend with sudden changes better and you know why you have to go through this problem. Choices You can better understand the choices you will have to make. A person with a scarcity mindset will only see what they don’t have. Therefore, they don’t think big and worry about the lack of choices. Instead seeing that a door is closed to you knows that yeah t could be open because it is possibly unlocked. Then again, maybe that door isn’t opening because you are pulling instead of pushing. Less pressing problems With an abundant mindset you focus on the problems at hand they aren’t as pressing because you know you have plenty of resources at your disposal. Freely share IF you have plenty of resources and thoughts, you have no problem sharing them. While if you are scarcity oriented you don’t share out of fear that you are going to run out. Focus on what is working Instead of bashing your head against a wall trying to make a completely big enough for you to go through, abundant mindset people won’t keep trying something that isn’t working. They freely try different avenues to get to their goal. Revel in the resources they have. There is an abundance so they enjoy being able to try everything they can. IF you look, you will see that there are always more opportunities than you originally thought. Proactive You will make a change to get over an obstacle instead of wasting your time reacting to every little problem. You can react or you can respond to a problem one is better while the other is filled with fear. Welcome change You understand that change is going to happen. Often your actions weren’t that change so you want to be accepting that the only thing in life that is constant is change. So when you approach a problem with the gusto that needed you can easily see what is and isn’t working so you have no problem making the needed sift. Gratitude Being grateful is one of the best resources you have at your grasp. Gratitude builds more energy for the actions you have to take. If you see more opportunities and are enthusiastic about the opportunity to approach them. How does this help? You become the go-to person People see the abundance in your life and they will migrate to you because you are helping them. Freely share resources You have enough to go around Easier to get along with Because you aren’t worried about what you don’t have you are nicer and easier going. You are OK with failing You understand that you are going to fail from time to time so you just get up and try a different approach How to develop an abundant mindset Proactive instead of reactive Be proactive instead of reacting to an event. You see farther down the path than others so you are more prepared for those inevitable pitfalls. Pat attention to your thoughts How are you thinking of a problem in your life? We have 60,000 thoughts a day and many of those, if we don’t pay attention to them, will try to bring us to a scarcity mindset. So pay attention to what you are thinking. Using mindfulness meditation can help greatly in this department. Ask yourself if that thought is coming from fear and scarcity or a place of plenty How are you approaching a problem? Is it through fear? Change how you think and your mindset will shift drastically Try to think bigger Stop thinking about just the next step look bigger. Do you want your own business or do you want a business that makes 100 million a year? Focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong IF you fail, don’t try it again. Try something different. Find what is working and don’t obsess over what is not working. Offer words of appreciation Give thanks and give it often. Gratitude is an eternal wellspring of optimism that will help not only you but those whose lives you touch. Please Rate us on iTunes or On Podchaser

What is a mindset? It is the story you tell yourself. It is a set of beliefs that help you in determine how badly you are wanting a particular outcome. A mindset is basically a set of thought habits. So this helps to set whether you are actually going to achieve that outcome or not. It is able to be changed. It isn’t easy and you have to stay after it. Some people associate your mindset with the subconscious but it is something you can actively shift and start believing and approaching life in a completely different way. Types of Mindset abundance Scarcity Growth You see that you are always learning   Fixed School teaches you that if you are good you succeed If you don't learn you are a failure Need approval Every situation calls for a confirmation of their intelligence, personality, or character Why is mindset important?              Mindset sets how resilient you are. How you approach problems How you handle failure

So there are so many people following each other it is actually pretty hard to see who is really leading. From Tattoos being a kind of interesting piece of art on bikers and sailers to now you see almost everyone with a tattoo. What makes leaders and successful people are that they are different. They don't march to anybody's drum but their own. Though people around them try to force them into their square hole. These people are unique.  Don Imus Howard Stern Rush Limbaugh What makes each of these three men different. Their careers started to soar when they started doing what they were called to do. They stopped listening to the crowd and started going on their own path. Now, this is different than rebelling against society or Men Going Their Own Way. Those are people using a victimhood mindset to make their decisions. Their motions have defensive intentions. While successful men go with a purpose.  Those who march with a purpose don't care what others think. They have a vision and they are going for it. Yeah, there will be those who call them out. Yet they will not stop till they have achieved their reason

There are times that we are just flat out stressed. There are family duties, work duties, and other random problems that just want to heap upon us so that we just start to have a hard time concentrating. That stress we feel can create moments of higher than normal anxiety and the different health problems that the increasing levels of cortisol supply from high blood pressure, to lack sleep, upset stomach and lowered immune systems. Stress isn’t good for us when we are in a constant state. From time to time, it’s good to be in but day in and day out you have to find a way to relieve that stress. So, to get yourself into a calmer state it is good to find different ways to reduce your stress. There are many different ways to calm down and to find a state of relaxation, or at least feel calmer than what may seem like the norm. Exercise There is nothing like adding oxygen and increased blood flow to wash out those stress hormones. Exercise in any form allows helps you not only get you into better shape helping your capillaries to expand so that blood gets to all the nooks and crannies of your body, but it also forces your mind to focus on an entirely different topic than the thoughts that are causing the stress. Exercise also produces many of the different feel-good neurotransmitters like endorphins. While the repetitive action of walking, running or lifting weights allows your mind to enter a relaxed state much like meditation. It counteracts the effects of stress such as weight gain, lowers blood pressure, and as mentioned, improves blood flow. Then getting outdoors and taking in the fresh air adds to the effect of exercise. Therefore, you are able to compound the effects by getting outside and walking at least. Write Writing is great for relaxing. It does several things that help take your mind off what stress-inducing problem is plaguing your mind. People have used different tools with writing to find stress relief. Such as doing a thought download, or free writing if you are having a problem starting your pen. Thought Download This exercise is where you can either set a timer or just getting all out on paper. What you do is you just write down everything you are thinking about. It doesn’t matter if you think the thought isn’t important, write it down. Why aren’t there any purple kittens? Write it down. Can a paper airplane fly upside down? Write it down. Why do we park on driveways? Write it down. You get the drift. Write all your thoughts down on paper and when your time is up or you have exhausted all your thoughts you can then look at that list of thoughts and see what is actually bothering you. You can then decide what is needed and actually important for you to focus on and what is extra fluff, which is just taking up space in your head. Freewriting This exercise is where you just start writing doesn’t even have to make any sense. Just start writing words and as you write your mind will start putting words onto your paper. This helps because you don’t have to think about anything. In fact, it works better if you are able to clear your mind. Each thought will come out as it is created. You do this until you feel you have a good idea of what could actually be bothering you. So how does writing help you ease stress? The biggest reason is the repetitive pattern of writing. It allows the brain to just flow. Your mind loves to be as efficient as possible and much of our stress comes when our brain has to start using more energy because it has to process something new. Do you even notice how you feel when you write with your other hand? Your brain isn't used to that extra work it has to put in to do something it does with our effort when using your dominant hand. Writing allows your mind to draw out those random thoughts that are gumming up the system. The practice of journaling is a great example of this. You are able to write out all that happened on that day and your brain is able to process those thoughts better and more efficiently. Writing your thoughts out on paper also allows your mind to see the thoughts that are rattling around in your head. An effect happens when you see the words and thoughts written down physically through your hand. This is better with pen and paper but you can also type it out. I recommend to my clients to use the pen and paper method because your mind has a stronger connection to your handwriting instead of the sterile text of type. Because you get all the extra unimportant thoughts out of your head, you are also able to improve the cognitive functions of your brain. Your brain can actually be bogged down with random and extemporaneous thoughts. Therefore, if you clean house you free up the gunk in your mind and your brain can process thoughts better and faster. This helps with reducing the stress of not being able to think of the right slogan for your client. One last benefit of writing is that you work the fine joints, muscles, and tendons of your hands this helps to relieve and even possibly hold back arthritis. Spend time with friends and family This does two things one it gets you out of the house or out of the office. Your friends are one of the best tools you have for life in general. There are many health benefits to having good friends. I don’t mean one good friend, I mean to have several good friends. Having friends and the human connection is amazing for helping you live longer. Friends are great for distractions, especially those friends that keep you on your toes. We all have that one friend who shows up, throws a backpack at you, and says we are going to climb a mountain.  Friends can also help change the pace of your life. If it is fast and out of control, you and a good friend can pack up and go on a weekend camping trip. They can distract you with incredible conversations that help make you a better person. They also are great for a healthy laugh. I will get more into it in the next section but laughing is one of the healthiest stress relievers you can experience. Finally, friends help you not feel as though you are alone. They can listen to your issue and offer tips and advice on what they might do in your situation. They can help support you when you are really struggling. This is one of the best reasons that a good friend will often crack an ill-timed joke just so your stop your downward spiral and shift gears. Take time to relax with a good friend. Laugh As mentioned in the previous section laughter is a natural stress reducer. It provides a full-body exercise for your internal organs. The act of laughing actually will ramp up your stress responses and then release it in a gentle way. It could be viewed as an internal stretch. This action actually helps slow down your heart rate and floods your body with dopamine. So Laugh because it truly is the best medicine. Mindful Meditation Some people may be a bit put off but this next strategy for easing stress but doing mediation. There are many different reasons this is helpful, especially when that meditation is mindful meditation. First off, when you are using mindful meditation it forces you to control your thoughts. If you are just starting out you may get frustrated at all the times your brain goes off and start creating one of the 60,000 different thoughts most people have each day. Mindfulness makes you focus on your breathing and if you find yourself straying off you are to gently redirect your thoughts to your breathing.  As you keep this up you will develop the skill of being able to be better at focusing on one topic and allowing that through to be fully realized. One of the steps you take when you are practicing mindful mediations is that you relax your muscles. There are several different ways you can do this but the results are the same. Your muscles start to ease and you enter into a state of relaxation. You also focus on your breathing. When you are stressed, your breathing is more rapid and from the top part of your lungs instead of from the bottom and getting full diaphragm breaths. Your breathing of forced to slow down this tells your body that you are not in a state of danger and that the fight or flight instinct can stand down. If you are in a place that you can’t take 15 minutes to do a meditation session the just stop and take a series of deep slow breathes these alone should help ease and tell your central nervous system that there is no danger. Listen to Music We all love music, even those of us who listen to podcasts like to listen to music. Music stirs up emotions that can at least distract us from the stressful thoughts of our day. The interesting part of listening to music is that each song affects us differently. However, many experts say that slow classical leaning music does best to help us relax. You may be more of an RnB music listener. You can find a good set of songs that can put you in a more relaxed mindset so that you can release the tension you are experiencing. Make a gratitude list This harkens back to the whole writing to relax section but I wanted to dive a little deeper on this topic. Stress and anxiety is a very unpleasant emotion. Your muscles are tight and your stomach may be upset. Yet that is a hard state of mind to be in when you are in a grateful mindset. I often use this in my morning ritual. Where I list out three things, I am grateful for. It may be the good service I received from the water I had last night to thank for my wife and the support she provides. If you start each day with a list of grateful thoughts, you will be able to stay more relaxed and have a better abundant mindset as the day goes on. Chew Gum This one stress reliever surprised me. I didn’t know that chewing gum could help relieve stress. Apparently, there have been many studies done that show that chewing gum increases blood flow and can help with your concentration and cognitive abilities. It has been used by the US Army to help with soldiers and their stressful environment. Everybody does state that it is better if you use sugar-free gum not only for the cavities abut to help fight cavities. Get a Hobby Many times for us men to relax it is good for us to do a good 5 by 5 or in other words take a break from the thoughts and environment that is causing us stress. One classic way to do this is to get a hobby. Hobbies allow you to grow in knowledge and shift your mind to a lower gear. This is because you are doing something that you find great interest and passion in. Hobbies are good for distracting you from your problem and letting your mind work on a different task.  The changeup is often good and allows your brain to refresh itself. Stretch You ever watch a dog stretch. Isn’t that one of the best stretches ever? Stretching allows your muscles to tense up and get overly tense so that they burn up some of that extra energy. Then to just let that tension go allows more blood to flow into those muscles so that it can help repair them. A good way to stretch is to do yoga. Now I am no yoga master in any way but I have seen some folks work on their yoga and it is easy to see that yoga is a combination of deep breathing stretching and exercise. So you can possibly get a compounded effect of practicing yoga. Though I don’t know if I would look, too go in those pants. So yeah, you are going to have stressful situations all throughout your life. However, you can mitigate the effects of stress. You can choose to not allow stress to rule your life and you can have full control of how much stress you experience. If you do have, anxiety you also find out that you can get through it with the help of writing, friends, and family, and even chewing on a stick of gum. So as you take on your day. Relax it will be great.

Talking about failing to even start today. What holds you back? What are the factors that keep you from even taking getting far enough down the road to even feel stuck? Fear This is the biggest of all and encompasses just about everything that makes you not even want to jump off the diving board into the pool of cool success. Fear of Results But we want results right? Yes, we do. yet many times those results can be scary to think of. There are people who are afraid of what's going to happen to them if and when they become successful. What if success changes you what if you become fake? All of these different want ifs that happen in our minds but never happen in real life. Fear of Change The very act of changing scares people. That lizard part of your brain starts to activate and you are suddenly on the lookout for saber-tooth tigers and other unforeseen hazards. So, it is better if you were just staying in your cave and not come out. Of course, that means you will starve. Yet you are at least safe. Fear of Upsetting Others We worry about what others will think. Again we may lose some friends or be talked about behind our backs. Well, who wants that? Nobody if they allow others to control their feelings. You would be surprised to find out that most people who matter in your life will cheer you on. While those who don't actually provide value to your life will talk. Yet again since they don't provide any value they really don't matter in the grand scheme of things, which is your life. Fear of Failing We fear to fail. It could ruin us or cause problems. Maybe you fear people will talk or something to that effect. And that could happen more than likely they will see you get back up and ignore the fall. What the fall means is only in your mind. The Skateboarder My son when he was young wanted a skateboard and so we got him one. Several Months later, He wanted to go to the skate park and try it out. So we took him to the local park and it took him a long time of trying to go down the halfpipe before he finally attempted to go. What was holding him back? Fear Why does this happen? Over Thinking the situation Most of the time it is over thinking of the situation How to Jump Some tips on how to jump and go ahead and get started. Make a plan Planning is good Set goals Goals are needed for you to know how you are going to proceed Talk to others Get tips and tricks on how to navigate your path by talking to others who have gone down that road before you. Get a coach You can also find out how to achieve your goals and success by getting coached.

We all feel stuck from time to time. The problem is when we feel stick and don’t know how to get past that feeling. We often are stuck and accept it as normal. We cope with the feeling and it often becomes normal. That is why so many people have started their great American novel, and it dies there. These folks start their novel and they are stuck and the fruit of their work just dies on the vine. Why do people, get stuck? There are several different reasons for them feeling stuck Procrastination Most people find other things to focus on than take the time and work needed to apply the foreword pressure to keep going on their dream or ambition. We procrastination is often the go-to means of not doing the work because we can always find easier things to focus on that doesn’t require the same amount of brainpower as it does when we are creating. We over Book With all the life throw at us, we often over book. The new projects and honey-do list keeps growing. This is often a huge distraction from our objectives. We see that we aren’t doing the job we need to do but we are stuck trying to get the priorities list taken care of so we can eventually focus on our dream. The problem is that the list never really shrinks. Either because we use the tasks as a means to procrastinate or we are not managing our time correctly. We don’t say No This goes in line with overbooking, but we also fail to say no or don’t set boundaries that allow us to take care of our dreams and goals. Someone needs a quick 29 project done and another person needs to talk to us to 10 minutes. As these people ask more and more of us we have less and less time to do what needs to be done. Therefore, you have to set boundaries and learn to say no. We Need a Change Sometimes we find ourselves in a rut. This happened in marriages and other relationships but also happens when you are trying to achieve your goals. You get in a rut and ruts are famously hard to get out of. Ruts can also be dangerous in they can hang you up or in old times, they would even break wagon wheels. Yet you have to get out of the rut and the best way to do that is to make a change. It could go outdoors and go camping or maybe you have to change your employment status from full time to part-time. There is something that can change that will help propel you to the next level you are trying for. We are not wanting to make progress Sometimes we just don’t want to make the progress we talk about. It could be out of fear or you don’t want to actually do the work. Both of these can be detrimental to a dream or opportunity. Yet if we buckle under and get to work, we can make progress in the field we need to slough through. Yeah, accounting sucks but you have to get it done. Afraid to Change Many people don’t want to change. They are comfortable and feel alright with where they are. Except that, they have this sensation that they are missing something or time is running out and they are right. They have to make the change and step out of their comfort zone before they can grow. A chick has to break free of the egg for it to be healthy. A butterfly has to fight its way out of its cocoon if it gets help the butterfly is not going to be a beautiful creature we normally see. It has to go through the discomfort of hatching so that the blood and other fluids are squeezed to the tips of the wings. Without it is it this flightless creature that will die suddenly. We have to face the change we are afraid of for us to grow. The experience of that discomfort gives us the needed skills to face the next task Way out of feeling stuck Thought Download You can take the time to write down every thought you have in a 15 – 30 minute period. Doing so allows your brain to register that the thought has become more real and effectively stops the thought circle. You would be surprised by how much you do think about that has nothing to do with what you want to be done. In making, a thought download you can physically see what you are thinking about and decide what is more important than other thoughts Take a Break There is nothing wrong with stopping project, stepping back, and accessing where you are being hung up Take action Be it Making a decision on a problem or hiring a life coach if you take action no matter how small you will be making progress

So many men have become dependent that it is actually scary to think of being self-reliance. Though being able to rely on yourself is an important part of being a complete and balanced man. Many people depend on others to make them happy or to provide for them. This does nothing but breed discontent in the person who is relying on others to be taken care of. The other people who are taking care of you may do it out of the kindness of their heart for a while be eventually they start to look at you like a bit of a mooch. I know this because when I was a young man just starting out on my own I was a mooch. I lived in an apartment with another guy who used to be my friend. I was able to make the bills if I didn’t eat. So I struggled and often had to have help from my roommate. This was ok for a while but eventually, it bred resentment in my roommate, and eventually, we parted ways and have not talked to each other since. Now some may say that he was just being selfish. No, he wasn’t, I was, and thanks to my roommate He taught me a very valuable lesson in that in any relationship you have to provide value. If you are always taking value and not providing the unbalance causes there to be anger and resentment.  So how do you become self-Reliant? There are several ways to do this. But the number one way is to get uncomfortable. You are going to have to depend on yourself and you are going to fail. Not that you may fail, but you are going to fail. Be ok with that you are will be well ahead of all the others who are struggling with growing up, otherwise known as adulating. Don’t wait on others This can be a bit difficult. Often we wait on seeing what others do out of fear that we are going to choose the wrong thing. Don’t sweat this. Just take action. If it is wrong, OK you now know what not to do. Chalk it up to a learning experience and try again. Taking action is the one thing most dependent men don’t do. They will stand around and wait for orders to be given to them. Then they wonder why the orders are of the crappy kind. Why can’t they do something they would rather like to do than say sweep the shop? That is because you didn’t take action. If you become a self-starter you are going to be a lot more thought of as a more dependable man. All because you got up out of bed when you said you were going to. If you wait for others to take action then you are already behind. Make a decision Where do you want to eat? I don’t know where do you want to eat? This is a question that can go on forever. There are internet memes that talk about how men and women not able to find a place to eat because neither one is willing to make a decision. So I say make a decision. In fact, if you take action you are going to look more favorable in your girl’s eyes because you did take charge. So if there is a choice to make that choice and stick to it. Don’t him and haw, make a choice and then don’t wait on others and get to work. Take responsibility If there is anything at the heart of being self-reliant that is you taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. As I said before you are going to get decisions wrong and you are going to make mistakes. Yet, as you keep making decisions and owning your dirt. The level of respect you have will keep growing. The more responsibility you have the more respect you also will develop. People will start to see you as a person who gets things done and knows that you are a man of your word. Take care of yourself This is important in that you are showing yourself the needed self-care and self-respect you need to be self-reliant. You are relying on yourself to get what needs to be done, right? So make sure you are taking care of yourself. Take care of your finances This is just as important as yourself except that you are also preparing to make sure you are taken care of in your later years. The only person you can actually rely on to be able to care for yourself in your later year is only you. You can’t and shouldn’t be relying on that the government is going to be able to take care of you. If you want to be able to live in relative comfort then you want to make sure you take care of your business yourself. Stop with the Comparison game This is the biggest thief of joy in your life. Trying to compare yourself to other people is unrealistic. This also makes you feel like crap and is useless to the overall plan of what you have. If you are looking to other people you are also comparing them to yourself. You see what they have versus what you don’t and that is never a fair comparison. So quit comparing yourself to others. You are looking at the wrong scenario.

Some people believe they deserve to be happy. Is this really true? This is what we explore in today’s podcast episode. Many people believe they are supposed to feel happy all of the time and then get flustered and even downright upset when they feel anything other than happiness. They are plagued by anxiety because they aren’t happy. People do so many different attempts at not feeling that anxiety that they start to fight all emotions. It is almost like a child who doesn’t get their way they pack up all their toys. Life is 50%/50% The part many people who suffer from constant anxiety and fear fail to realize that life is 50/50 or half of your life is going to great, happy and joyous. While the other 50% of your life is going to be painful negative emotions, and that is a good thing. You don’t want to be happy when someone dies. You want to feel grief and sorrow. You break up from your love. You don’t want to feel joyous. That is the death of a relationship so you should mourn the loss of an emotional connection. The sad part is that many people demand that they be happy. People believe that they deserve to be happy and that others should be making them happy and there is a fault in that line of thinking. That fault is that people can’t make other people feel a particular emotion or any emotion. To feel an emotion you must first have thought. That thought is needed before you can feel. For that thought to happen, there is an event or circumstance. This is where many people believe they receive their emotions. Yet, events are neither positive nor are they negative until you put your thought on it. Look at the times your kids have done something they are proud of, for instance drawing on the wall. You can see that as a destructive act and respond with anger and harsh words or you can see that junior is just trying to exercise his creativity. This is where you can have more than one emotion and that emotion isn’t wrong. The event is the same the thought is different and that thought creates the emotion of being angry or just put out. You don’t allow yourself to be happy Many people talk about how they want to just be happy. Yet anytime something happens they don’t choose to be happy about it. Often this is the pessimist’s line of thinking. They could look at the glass to be half-full but they can only see that their glass is half gone. They don’t allow the feeling of joy in their lives because they are too busy worrying about when the other shoe is going to drop. Yet because they are, the only ones who can make themselves feel joy happiness and love they are the force that keeps themselves miserable. They have chosen to be unhappy. You have to earn happiness Another part of being happy is often you have to earn happiness. That is because happiness is the reward for a job completed. That sense of accomplishment is the reward we are craving. To be able to earn that reward you have to get yourself out of your cave. You have to deny yourself the pleasure of Netflix or seeing what baby Yoda is up to so that you can go out and do something that will propel yourself forward toward your happiness. Therefore, get outdoors do something that gets you closer to your goals. One way you can do this is with the Camp and Coach event that I am hosing in Western Oklahoma. If you would like to change, you think so you can find the life you have been dreaming of then sign up for the Camp and Coach Event that is happening on May 7-10

A quick and shorter episode this week compared to Episode 5 at least. So this week talking about after-action reviews. This is a review strategy that can help you become better and learn from your mistakes faster. It does take some practice to think of it and practice it after different actions. Basically as a whole what you want to be able to do is after any event ask yourself the following questions. What did I do good? What did I do wrong? What needs to be improved What can be learned from this event? This can help you see your strengths and your weaknesses. You can find out what you need to work on, while also helping you understand any lessons that this event could teach you. After action reviews are used by many of the most successful people as a means of understanding where their goals worked and where their goals failed. You can also use the after-action review as a means to improve your communication skills with your wife.

The end of the year is near. Have you set your goals yet? Do you even plan to set goals? This episode is all about goals. We cover the Who, What, How’s, and why’s of Goal setting. Why set goals? Goals are important to men who want a change. What type of change? Any change you desire. You want to be wealthy. You have to set goals. If you want to have a happy marriage you have to have goals. Goals are the road map of your life. You can get around without a map but you will not guarantee that you will make it to the destination you want. You may make it there eventually but you will not make it in anytime fast. If you set goals, you are making the most efficient path to that destination. Now a map doesn’t show the different hardships you may encounter just the path. You can’t tell if there are potholes along the way but you know where the highs and the lows are. What are the benefits? There are several benefits to goal setting the biggest being the effect it has on you. The biggest is that you will build confidence in whatever new skill you take on. You also start having an abundant mindset as you keep making progress with your goals. This is because as you take steps toward your goals you are going to fail. Many times, you may want to give up on your goals. If you keep trying, you will get better with each attempt. The more you try the more you fail until you are able to succeed. Each attempt help you get a little further down the road. You can look at it as riding a bike. When you first started riding a bike, you didn’t know how you had to try. With each attempt, you got a little better and a little better. It may have started with figuring out how to simply get on your bike and then progress to figuring out how to get it to move. From there you had to crash repeatedly. Until you could ride, up and down the block without falling. Then you were faced with the obstacle of stopping. Eventually, you could do that without bailing off your bike. Goals are like riding that bike. With each success, you build more confidence and experience with the task. So Yeah, you are going to fail but those failures are preparing you for success. Another benefit is that you grow with each experience. Who needs to set goals? I personally think everybody needs to have a goal or two. You became a more resilient person when you set and strive to achieve goals. With each failure, you become more confident and you learn more skills. Yet most people don’t have goals they either try and fail the first or second time then never try again. Many of these people have a scarcity mindset or sometimes called a fixed mindset. They don’t believe they can learn anymore. So who needs to set goals? Anybody who wants more out of life needs to set goals. People who desire more success or want to reach for their dreams also need to make plans and set goals. If you are a person who wants a change then you need to start setting goals. If someone wants to travel, again they need to set goals. Types of goals There are a few different methods of setting goals. The two that I am the most familiar with are the following The HARD Method This method is new in my books. I just found out about it last month. Therefore, I can’t say I am an expert and though many say this is the best way to achieve your goals I do fail to see how it works so well. However, HARD Anachronism means Heartfelt – make sure you have an emotional connection to your goal. This part I understand. It is important for you to have a connection to your goal so making sure that you have a heartfelt connection to what you are trying to achieve is very important. I would say that it is key to any goals system. Be it HARD or SMART Animated – This step is misnamed but if you want to have a good Name for your system then I guess you have to make some concessions. This is actually visualizing your goals. What does it mean for you to succeed in achieving this goal? What does it feel like to reach your goal? What does it smell like? How will you act? What will you think? For instance, if you were to get a brand-new car, what color would it be? What color interior would it have? Is it Leather seats or fabric? How does it smell? You want to see this goal as being achieved. That is the point of the animated step. It is also very important to any goal you set Required – From what I have read about the hard method this amounts to your why. Why is this goal important? Why is it required to be achieved? Difficult – This goes along with the stretch goals. Your goal should be ambitus. You sometimes called a BHAG or Big Hairy audacious goal. Ok, it is good to have large goals. Yet this is where this method loses it for me because there is no timeframe. For success, I believe that a dream is only a goal without a deadline. You want a goal, not a dream. The SMART Method Specific – What is the goal? Instead of losing weight, you want to be specific, and say you want to lose 50 pounds. You want to make an extra $50,000, instead of making more money. You want your goal to be as specific as possible. Measurable – When do you know when you have reached your goal if you are going to lose some weight? You achieved your goal if lose one pound so you want to have a measurable goal line. This way you know that you are making headway and it is easier to see your progress. Attainable – You want to have an attainable goal. If you have never made a million dollars, how are you going to know how to make a million? Therefore, you want to try reaching a goal that is attainable like an extra $50,000 on top of the 50 you already make. If you weigh 300 pounds over your goal then it is going to take over a year to lose the weight if you don’t want to have surgery. Relevant – Make sure your goal fits your abilities. If you have never climbed a mountain before it probably isn’t wise to scale Mt. Everest. Timely – Set a deadline people reach their goals more often when they know they have a set amount of time. If not you are more likely to leave it until tomorrow. However you do it, you want to make sure you write your goals down. The acts of writing your thoughts on paper make the goals more real in your mind. You also want to talk about your goals as if they have already happened. That will help keep the self-sabotage to a minimum though it will still happen. How to set a goal First, write out all the goals you would like. Choose 3 that you want to attempt. Think of those goals and imagine what it would be like if you achieved them. Answer the reason why you want these goals. If it is to lose weight. You could possibly say something to the like to prevent diabetes and to live longer with your spouse. Find your, "why". Write these goals down on paper using your handwriting. This very act helps your mind see that your thought is real. Word your goal out so that it is as specific as you can be. Write down that specific goal. Make sure you have a means of measuring your progress. Give it a deadline Talk about your goal to those who will actually help you. If you have a friend who likes to be a “realist”, you don’t need to tell them your goal. Tell those who are going to help you reach your goal. Finally, take a step every day to reach that goal. Important points to follow to help with achieving your goals success Be OK with failing you will fail in your day-to-day attempts to achieve your goal. Try not to let that discourage you. Find a way to solve that problem and you will become better each time. There are several different ways you can keep your goals present in your mind. I talk about a few ways you can remember your goals. One of the best ways is to add them to your affirmations list. You can also use post-it notes so that you can see them each day. However, try to keep your goals in the front of your mind that way you don’t wake up with it being November and realize you didn’t do any of your goals. I have done that many times Cover Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU from Pexels

Emotions, it is one of those conversations many people don’t care to have. Men often see emotions as a messy hindrance in their daily life that many men avoid some emotions though if you were to believe some media sources you would think that men love to be angry and brutish all the time. This is because of people often don’t understand emotions. They avoid what they deem to be negative emotions while perusing only good feeling emotions. Both of these tactics with your feelings are not good nor healthy for your mental health. So this week buckle up men we are talking emotions. What are emotions? Ask a person what an emotion is and you will get a wide assortment of definitions. Yet, they all center around one key point. Emotions are felt. That would make sense considering they are also called feelings. We describe emotions as the action of being felt. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel baffled. I am feeling powerless. All emotions are felt.  In its simplest form, an emotion is a vibration that is created by a thought. That is all an emotion actually is. Vibrations you feel. This is where we often get ourselves trapped. Yeah, we feel an emotion. We have a feeling, and with that, we think other people are experiencing that emotion as well. The truth of the matter is they don’t. The only person who gets to experience an emotion is you. As I said it is a vibration YOU feel. Not a vibration your wife feels. Where do Emotions come from? To explain how emotions work and how they actually affect you. We need to look at a modified TEAR Cycle. Or as Brooke Castillo Calls it the Model. This is where you experience an event. The Event creates an Emotion. That Emotion causes you to perform an Action. That Action generates your Result. Therefore, everything you feel comes from your thoughts. Your wife said you were going to get to have some hanky panky and she falls asleep an hour earlier. You may feel robbed or you maybe just flat out miffed that she did this again. Do you think she is feeling your anger? No, she is sleeping. Yet your mind has gone int to overdrive fueling that frustration. You keep pointing to this fact and that fact. Yet those thoughts don’t make you feel any better. Those emotions you are feeling affect only you. Nobody else, only you. Your actions may cause other people to have emotions that spark their own feelings but you can't feel those feelings. Does this mean that you don’t have to worry about anybody else emotions? Because you have seen your wife giving you the stink eye because you haven’t carried out the trash you promised you were going to do 3 days ago. Because her anger towards you doesn’t affect you. Well you are right it doesn’t affect you but you do want to express your love to a person. You want to care for them. You want to show them that you care. So you do things for them. You take out the trash. You make them supper. You rub their feet after a long day. These displays of affection and/or respect help you to connect to others. So why do men not show emotions? There are many reasons as to why so many think men don’t show their emotions enough, and that is the key point many want men to share their emotions as much as women do and we aren’t women. WE as men process our emotions differently. Many times men will tap in to being stoic which is the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. This doesn’t mean we bury our emotions. No, We process our emotions at the needed time and place. So you are saying men hide their emotions? No farthest thing from stuffing our feelings down. You never want to suppress your emotions. These vibrations have to ring out their full life. Even if those emotions are negative emotions, they have to go the full extent of their life. When anybody be it a man or a woman repress their emotions, those emotions will eventually resurface and often in a more physical form. All of a sudden instead of experiencing an emotion you are experiencing an addiction. That addiction has taken the place of your emotion because now you have to have a much stronger tool to keep that vibration at bay. You are not able to have a good healthy relationship. You have mental health issues. All because you would allow a negative emotion to be felt. Yet men are being told they don’t share their emotions enough Well to a point that is right. To another point, these critics are completely wrong. Men do share their feelings. They just experience and process their emotions in a completely different way. Most healthy men understand the emotions they are feeling. Yet men do share what they are feeling. The big hang-up is that people want men to share their emotions in the same way women share their emotions. IF men do that those women reject that man. That's because women, in reality, don’t want those men to share their feelings that much. That is when men are called clingy and immature. They want to know what a guy is thinking a lot more than what he is feeling. So there is a time and a place for everything. The middle of a battlefield isn’t when a man needs to be expressing his emotions. With his wife after the end of the day yes share your experiences. Share your thoughts. Is this why men are so Stoic? In reality no. The definition of stoicism is, the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. That doesn't mean that stoics don't feel their emotions. No, in fact, most stoics understand and appreciate their emotions. Stoics for off don't complain. There is no need to whine and moan about some hardship. Bitching and moaning about something isn't going to make it easier. Yeah, you may feel like you are being a part of a group, yet not really. You are just whining and complaining Other times Stoics knows that emotions get in the way of a decision. If you ever made an important decision while being emotional you often find out that it is the wrong decision. Want proof of this? Look at the Patriot act. The whole nation was just punched in the face by a group of terrorists. So what did we do? We acted on emotions and made the worst and most 4th amendment destroying law. All because of an emotion. We reacted to an event instead of responding to the event. Many times stoics are called cold and heartless because we won't tap into our emotions while someone is trying to pull us to one side of an argument. That is because that decision is an emotional decision and a stoic understands that we don't want emotional decisions. For more information read Marcus Aurelius Meditations* As I wrap this post up I do want to say there are hundreds of emotions each has their own special nuance and beauty about them. Yes, Emotions are beautiful. Especially because they are expressed by us weird creatures called Humans. We have been given emotions for the purpose of expressing them. Emotions are the colors of our memories. Though we do remember events we remember emotions more. So even if we could actually turn off out emotions we would lose out on so much. Stoics still feel their emotions they still recognize the anger the sorrow and all the other emotions that are available to us. The same as people who more freely express their emotions.

What makes a man? That is a big question. Many people ask that all that time. There are Quora topics on what a person has to do to be a man. Yet the answer is actually pretty straight forward. With all the navel-gazing many do over this topic, the answer can be summed up on a comparison. You have one man who is in his parent’s basement he is the stereotypical guy who just is aimless and has no drive. He really doesn’t have a why. Why should he? Now you have another guy who is in his apartment. He may be paying too much for it. But it is his. He has some furniture but it is far from fully furnished. Yet this guy gets up every day and leaves with a purpose. Now you may say that yeah he has bills to pay. And with that, you are partially correct. The difference between these two examples is besides one being aloof and aimless and the other has a purpose is that the man who lives by himself has a sense of responsibility. But why is this important? Gives a man his identity A man who drives a truck is a truck driver. A man who has a family he is a husband and a father. If he is making sure people are safe he is a policeman or security officer. Each of these titles has a particular set of responsibilities. Those responsibilities are what help that man identify who he is and how he fits into society. Has a sense of purpose With that purpose, a man is comfortable in his spot in society. His interests may change and with that, he can always switch where he fits in because he knows his purpose. The only thing that changes in that is the tools he uses to help his fellow men. With a sense of responsibility, men know that they are being helpful and providing. Men have to have something to do. That need is ingrained in us. IF we don’t have that “To-do” We become depressed and like the guy in the basement. An elderly man quickly goes downhill when his spouse dies because she is his responsibility. He lives to make sure she is alright. When she dies he often becomes lost. That is why it is good for an elderly man to find another woman to marry. HE can pick up the mantel of providing for her. It is what drives him He is a man with a purpose. Men who know what they have to do become a take-charge kind of guy. That guy is in every man he just has to have the drive to engage in his purpose. Without the drive, he is moody and withdrawn. When he has a purpose his confidence is up and becomes more outgoing While a man with a sense of purpose and has responsibilities feel more complete they also know they can handle the anxiety that everyday assaults them with. There are fires that come up but he can put them out. How do you find responsibility? Take charge of something. It may be as minuscule as the trash but if you start with one small step you will take another step and it will be for a larger chunk of responsibility. Ask your boss for a task. If it is your first time it may be a small task, but that should be welcomed fully. As you tackle that task you will get better. Be ok with failing and if you do fail to own your dirt and don’t try to hide it. Fess up to dropping the ball and tell the boss how you are making up for it. Have a plan. If you need help figuring out your purpose, you can sign up for coaching with me. We can do a connect session and find out how I can help you

I called an audible this week and decided to change the direction of the podcast. One big problem I had was the audio quality was seriously lacking so I dropped my earbuds mic for just the microphone on my phone. This has increased my sound quality a lot and the sound will improve down the road when I get a digital recorder for the show. The other reason I changed some stuff in this show already is that I got called back to why I was doing my blog and now this podcast. The reason is that we are losing men left and right to suicides. Last year around this time I lost my good dear friend Cory Hicks. Then this year on the 18th of November I lost my best friend from high school. Jake McDowell was his name. When you hear me talk about going to my friend's house and we would camp out on the circle or out in the pasture. This was the guy I was talking about. He had the tent so we would go on grand adventures. If it were too cold to sleep outside we would sleep in the barn. Sometimes there would be horses in the stalls under us. I actually think this is one of the reasons I like the smell of hay and tack so much now. Yet I wonder why. Of course, all the survivors wonder why our loved ones take their lives. Sometimes it is evident while others are not so much. Jake is the later, we don’t know why. We only have assumptions that are wrong. Yet this decade seems to have increased in the number of suicides. I have my theories as to why. I talk about Jake often and now that he is gone, I will talk about him so that his memory stays alive. Jake loved to tell jokes and superstitions. He would cough up a joke at a moment notice and you didn’t know if it was going to be an off color joke or one you could tell you mom. But you laughed at them. Yet, through the years I lost contact with Jake and I remember the joy of finding him on Facebook. I was able to connect and I would talk to him from time to time. I even went to where he lived and ate catfish with him. It was a incredible time to see my dear friend again. I would still touch base but again I lost the majority of the connection with Jake. The Connection. This is what the Relaxed Male is about. I want to help me reconnect. Not only with their friends and family, but with the one person that means the most to them. Men need to reconnect with themselves. We often don’t consider our own interests until everybody else is taken care of. Sadly, that is to our detriment. Men these days lie to ourselves and say we are too busy to connect with other men. We are losing the coffee shop gatherings. This allows us to have the needed senses of belonging that keep us content and balanced. Yeah getting outdoors provides some of these benefits but talking to our peers is also very important. That is why one of the pillars of Relaxed Male is Family/Community. Yet the younger men don’t want to have to go through the troubles of answering a phone. Some won’t even answer a phone call, but they will answer a text. Sadly there are nuances that are found in voice communication that is lost in a text. Yeah you can sort of makeup for it with an emoji but it really doesn’t cut the mustard. We have used technology to try to make ourselves more comfortable and in doing so we have become unbearably lost. Todays you see men who are talking about not having any friends. If you confront them on it they make the excuse of I don’t think I really need friends. Well, they don’t realize they just cried out for help. These young men want friends but don’t want to get uncomfortable. Without that discomfort, they don’t grow. That lack of growth causes you to be stunted as a man. You lose needed skills so that you can be as helpful to the community as you possibly can. So this week go out and talk to someone. Make a connection hone that connection so that it is noticeable when you haven’t been in contact with that other man in a couple of days. You will be happier for it. If you want a community to join look to the Conclave of Men

Hello men, So today we have our very first episode of the new podcast the Relaxed Male. This is another channel that will help men find out that they have more potential of achieving their dreams than originally thought Now, this episode does a brief overview of the 4 pillars of Relaxed Male. These pillars are The Man His Mind His Community Creativity Each of these pillars helps men to find find the needed ground so that they can face the daily challenges that show up. Often, men, these days are burning out or even word developing a mental illness. They feel anxious and even some suffer from panic attacks. This is a sign that you are going against the grain.  So with The Relaxed Males Help, together we can change your mindset and attitudes from a victim-oriented mind to a man who takes action when needed with an abundant mindset.

So what can you expect from this podcast? LIfe changing ideas and seeing how your thoughts change your results. The Relaxed Male Podcast attacks the root of the problem and helps men remove the nice guy in their lives so that they can start living their life on their terms.  That way they can get the fulfillment and meaning they have desired.