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Teenagers Untangled - Parenting Teenagers in an audio hug. Cover

Teenagers Untangled - Parenting Teenagers in an audio hug.

English, Children-Kids, 4 seasons, 102 episodes, 2 days, 11 hours, 50 minutes
About
An audio hug for parents going through the teenage years, made by two mums. Rachel is a former BBC Correspondent and parenting coach, Susie is a Mindfulness Coach and qualified psychotherapist. When our kids are little there are lots of ways in which we can meet up with other parents to share, and laugh about our problems. Once they head off to senior school those regular points of contact with other parents fall away, and the problems can be more difficult. That’s why we started this podcast, to chat about what it takes to raise a teen, and hopefully have a bit of light relief along the way. For more discussion and tips, you can find us on Facebook and Instagram. Find courses with Susie at Find courses with Susie at amindful-life.co.uk/ 
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95: Sleeping in until late during the holidays. Tips for coping with teens and tweens who're waking up later and later.

Send us a Text Message.When a lone mother came onto our Facebook group to look for support with her teenage son who's done very little with his summer holiday other than sleep in late I thought it was a great time to revisit this topic, and talk about the severe level of sleep deprivation our society deems acceptable, and how important sleep is for teens. They're not lazy; there are some important developmental things happening when they sleep. That said, there are also some concrete things we parents can do to help our teens make the most of their holidays which can be a huge boost to their self-knowledge and ability to regulate themselves.Reminding ourselves that academics are just one of the important things our kids need for life helps us to steer our focus onto other gains they can make in the holidays.MY PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH RESEARCH ON SLEEP:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/MY TIPS:KEY: Remove all tech from their rooms, at the very least it should be done well before they ought to go to sleep.Choose one life-skill a week and teach them how to do it 'perfectly' using praise and ecouragement as your weapons.Help them to talk about what really interests them. Be very careful not to judge whatever it is, but help them to create a routine that involves working towards their goal. Agree a regular check-in time to look again at how they're getting on, and whether it's realistic or needs adapting. This is an amazing life-skill which will protect them from 'failure to launch'.Book things that give the holidays structure.Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to spend time with their friends; social skills and socialising are vital for teens and my kids' screen time drops dramatically when she has social things to do.Get them used to playing games that don't involve online time. We've been loving Uno, Monopoly Deal, Kick the Can, and one unlikely hit has been Sussed which isn't a game, but a card system where each person has to ask the group questions about themselves and people in the group have to guess which they think is the right answer. BOOK REFERENCED:Why Students Don't Like School by Daniel WillinghamSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
7/17/202419 minutes, 38 seconds
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95: Listener email: Teen public displays of affection and sex in your home.

Send us a Text Message.Living with a teenager can make us feel queezy at times because we keep losing our bearings. They're changing rapidly, and bringing new challenges into our home, while we're just trying to do our best. For many, the start of a romantic relationship can feel particularly difficult. You're not just negotiating new territory, but having to do it with another person in the equation. One listener has contacted me to for support over her teen daughter snuggling with her new boyfriend on the sofa in front of other family members. Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether we're being unreasonable, and even what it is that we're objecting to. In this episode I directly address her feelings, and how challenging this can be for us parents, before sharing an old episode in which we talked about 16 year olds having sex under our roof. Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
7/10/202417 minutes, 1 second
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Switching parental gears for their new school year.

Send us a Text Message.94: The holidays are a great time to begin preparing our kids for the next year, but there's so much we could be doing it's hard to know where to start. I've turned to and someone who specialises in helping parents with tweens to give us some great, actionable tips.JoAnn Schauf, who founded Your Tween and You, and is the author of Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween, emphasizes the importance of focusing on fostering autonomy and confidence in children.In this episode we talked about:Goal-setting and allowing them to use their voice to set their goals.The way our role changes and being clear about the new relationship.The confusing changes that happen in our tween's brain.The benefit of an accountability partner.Using an accomplishment journal.Noticing when the good things they do.Focusing only on effort.Allowing our kids to set their own goals.Discussing homework building blocks.Discussing screen time and empowering them to manage it.CONTACT JOANN SHAUF:https://www.yourtweenandyou.com/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
7/3/202432 minutes, 29 seconds
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Screen time for tweens and teens: The latest on what works and what doesn't.

Send us a Text Message.If you're a bit confused about how much you should be wading in on your young adolescent's screen time then you're not alone. The truth is, there's been very little clear data to prove what we should and shouldn't be doing. Jonathan Haidt's book Anxiety Generation has turned the dial up on the whole subject and he's pushing hard for a ban on social media for younger teens because of the impact he says it has on them. Meanwhile, Natasha Devon is more keen on getting us parents to engage positively with our kids and teach them how to be their best selves online.So who's right? A new study from the University of California, published in the journal Paediatric Research, looked at the behaviour of ten thousand 12-13 year olds, and it's given parents a clearer understanding of what we should be doing. The most positive impact: is if we parents place limits on our own screen use, especially in front of our kids. The most negative thing to do is using screen time as a reward or a punishment - because they found it tends to increase the desire to be on their screens. Which is exactly what Natasha Devon said in my interview about how to help your teens be their best selves online.NEW STUDY:https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-024-03243-y#Sec19TOOL FOR CREATING A FAMILY MEDIA PLAN:https://www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspxMY INTERVIEW WITH NATASHA DEVON:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/42-social-media-and-how-to-help-your-teens-be-their-best-selves-online-with-natasha-devon-mbe/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
6/26/202434 minutes, 45 seconds
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Summer flip or summer flop? What will your teen be doing with their summer, and does it really matter?

Send us a Text Message.92: The amount of holiday teens get varies enormously around the world. For some, it's a much needed break from routine, for others it's a real chance to flip the script of their life and focus their attention on things that aren't part of the rigid educational agenda. In this episode we talk about ways in which we can help our teens use their summer to grow in ways that genuinely interest them. Lots of skills get little time for development whilst they're at school, so it's a great chance for them to explore their passions in an unstructured environment, or get some experience in the workplace.There's no right way to do summer, but hopefully some of these suggestions can give you ideas for things you can do; including simply working on your connection if you think that things haven't been going too well.  Resource used: https://www.daniel-wong.com/2015/11/09/productive-things-to-do-during-school-holidays/The blog detailing my method for change:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
6/19/202436 minutes, 34 seconds
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Is your teen being lazy, or could they be lacking a key executive skill?

Send us a Text Message.91:It's incredibly frustrating to parent a teen who seems smart but is constantly late, can't set effective goals, can't keep going after their initial burst of enthusiasm, who's messy, doesn't start projects on time, or can't seem to control their impulses. Are they being lazy or is it that they lack a key skill which is holding them back? The latest book I read makes it clear that problems with any of these tasks isn't necessarily lack of interest or laziness, but can be a lack of skill in an area called executive function. In this episode I talk through the types of executive function deficits, and how we can spot them. What's exciting is that the book implies that with the right training our teens can learn how to overcome the sorts of things that drive us nuts and are holding them back from achieving their goals. It's an exciting prospect, because it puts the emphasis on the need to learn skills rather than on personal failing, and gives us parents hope that by being supportive in slowly acquiring the skills our kids can lead lives free of the enormous frustrations that these deficits can cause.BOOK:Smart but Scattered Teens, by Richard Guare PhD, Peg Dawson, EdD, and Colin GuareSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
6/12/202436 minutes, 16 seconds
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Listener email: How our family values can help us cope in a society of desires

Send us a Text Message.91: Hermes was a Greek god able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, helped by his winged sandals. We mere mortals, on the other hand, are stuck here on Earth, and more likely to associate the word, Hermes with expensive handbags. When a listener wrote a beautiful email talking about her struggles with a young daughter who has been begging for one of these extremely expensive Hermes bags for her birthday I thought it would be a great topic for discussion. The problems our listener faces trouble so many of usthe various issues in the hope of supporting the listener and helping others along the way; after all, we're a community here to help each other.  TOPICS COVERED:Parenting stylesDesire for posessions as a way to feel includedThe  importance of valuesCelebrating our own cultureThe impact of society on our desires and choicesBOOK SUGGESTION:Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor MateSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
6/5/202431 minutes, 2 seconds
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Exams, depression, work, national service, Sigma and Bigorexia, we cover it all in our May chat

Send us a Text Message.90: I scan the newspapers daily to keep an eye on what's going on that might be relevant to us parents. I usually share it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds, but it's also good to sit down with another, equally interested but unpolitical, parent, to simply chat about the state of the world that our kids are growing up in. None of it is scientific, or based on deep fact, but sometimes it's nice to chew the cud and hear other parents talking freely about the issues that might affect our own parenting and kids.I'd love to hear if there are any topics that particularly interest you, or if you agree/disagre with any of our views. Email Rachel @[email protected] and you can sign up for my newsletter on the website at www.teenagersuntangled.com.Quote:Viktor Frankl: 'When a person can't find a deep sense of pupose he distracts himself with pleasure.'Sources:https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13454193/Mel-Stride-blames-pornography-video-games-alarming-surge-jobless-young-men.html#:~:text=Mel%20Stride%20said%20that%20easy,of%20economic%20inactivity%20across%20Britain.https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/china-president-xi-high-school-pupils-military-training-gkgwmj2q7https://news.sky.com/story/which-countries-have-national-service-and-how-does-it-work-elsewhere-13143261@Mrpink on Twitterhttps://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/01/muscle-dysmorphia-bigorexia-are-severe-problems-thanks-to-tiktok/72792612007/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
5/29/202435 minutes, 12 seconds
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Failure to launch: What we can learn from struggling young adults about how to help our teens.

Send us a Text Message.89:We all love our kids and hope for the best, but we also worry about how well they'll navigate life once they're old enough to leave home. It's a fine balance between supporting them enough for them to feel loved, and letting them fail so that they learn the skills they need.With the reported increase in kids who 'fail to launch' I thought it might be really helpful to talk with someone who spends his days helping  young adults who're struggling.We talked about the vital importance of routine, helping them to feel positive about themselves - especially in the face of failure - what we can do to help them find their own purpose in life, and giving our kids healthy role models on which to build their own life.KEN'S TIPS:Start with the sleep/wake routine, helping them to create their own schedule.Once they have a solid routine in place, introduce three extra things:Something creativeSomething reflective Something physicalTypes of anxiety:Body-basedMind-basedTotems: something that represents a challengeTime-based Distance: Having to leave a safe space Depression: All the parts of the daily routine will help make a difference to their depression.Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
5/22/202431 minutes, 14 seconds
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FOMO: Why we feel it, how marketing and media companies are using it against us, and how to help your teen.

Send us a Text Message.88:Missing out can cause visceral pain; particularly for teenagers, but why is it so awful and can anything be done to help them with it? This episode was inspired by a parent whose daughter is at an expensive private school, but the family are finally having to accept that they can't afford it and will have to withdraw her.  We love our, kids and want the best for them, but why choose something that's a massive stretch for us? What is 'the best' and where do we get our ideas from?I would argue that FOMO is at the root of the decision to put her there, and even the daughter's request a Hermes handbag, rather than a present more suitable for a young girl.In this episode we talk about where our desires come from and why our social environment can have such an impact. We discuss why figuring out, and staying anchored to, our own values whilst getting our kids to find something that really matters to them, is at the heart of protecting us from the pain of FOMO.RESOURCES USED:https://mo-issa.medium.com/ren%C3%A9-girards-mimetic-theory-changed-the-way-i-looked-at-my-own-desires-3ed029d042bfhttps://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664https://www.theteenmagazine.com/what-teens-need-to-know-about-fear-of-missing-outSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
5/15/202435 minutes, 41 seconds
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Nagging: Reducing the friction using the magic of routine.

88: Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households. The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life.KEY REFERENCES:Atomic Habits - James ClearPodcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine?App I've started using: StreaksRESOURCES USED:https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspxhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/SOME LISTENER RESPONSES:Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc.  Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting. Grant:  As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us. Natalie:  No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it.  Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises. Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep forHollyWe have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the roomSarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier.I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my teens for almost everything. I rarely have trouble with them as they can see the benefits of trust e.g. they get to do more!  it’s worked wonders for my 17 year old who is having the time of her life going to lots of “social gatherings”because she has proved trustworthy- always comes home at the agreed time and is doing well in college Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
5/8/202433 minutes, 54 seconds
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Angry kids, bad behaviour, and school avoidance. What can parents and teachers do?

Nearly one in five teachers in England has been hit by a pupil this year, according to a BBC survey.But it's not just in England. Stricter school discipline is making a comeback to Australian classrooms in a bid to help teachers stamp out disruptive behaviour. France is bringing back school uniforms to tackle the issue, and in America, more than 70% of 1,000 educators said in a recent national survey that students are misbehaving more now than they did before the pandemic in 2019.Meanwhile, teachers are leaving the profession faster than they're joining in the UK, and school avoidance rates are at an all-time high. It's a complex issue that Simon Currigan talks about a lot on his podcast, School Behaviour Secrets.In this conversation he gives us his version of what's happening, gives us a top tip on how to deal with a teen when they've lost control, the importance of asking why... at least five times, and gives us a framework for understanding school avoidance.NOTES TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST:SEND - Special Educational Needs and DisabilitySEMH - Social Emotional Mental Health needs; part of SEND EMOTION COACHING:Empathise with their position - connection before correction.Boundaries based on values.Problem-solving - get them to engage in coming up with solutions.The Toyota FiveRAIDED framework for understanding school avoidance:Relationship problemAnxiety Identity - what do people like me do in a situation like this?Direction - where they are focusing so it can be a desire to be out of school because of what's happening at home. Environment - is the school too overstimulating or do they have sensory needs?Dislocation - do they feel unwelcome in the school community, as if they don't belong.Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Rachel’s email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
5/1/202450 minutes, 12 seconds
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Sandwich Generation parents: Boomers to the left of me, teens to right, stuck in the middle with menopause.

86:  My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles. Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time. They say 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.'In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life.GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITIONGen Z – 1997 – 2012 Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945RESOURCES USED:https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions.https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definitionhttps://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-outhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/03/22/caregivers-sandwich-generation/https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2023/02/24/the-sandwich-generation-is-financially-taking-care-of-their-parents-kids-and-themselves/?sh=58da60602af4httpsSupport the showThanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
4/24/202434 minutes, 30 seconds
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85: Perfectionist teens and tweens who can't cope with getting things wrong.

Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects.So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule. In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again. BOOKS:Perfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing)A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. ' SOURCES:https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asphttps://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432ANXIETY PDF://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdfSupport the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
4/17/202434 minutes, 11 seconds
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84: Giving teens and tweens an allowance. Does it help them grow, or encourage entitlement?

What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom. When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it. Early on, Rachel decided that she would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of respsonsibility in an attempt to teach her teens the value of budgetting and managing their own finances. This episode is an opportunity to hear how her system works and - two years on from when she first talked about it - to hear one of her teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister. It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us. Let us know what you think [email protected] the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
4/10/202434 minutes, 39 seconds
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83: Having fun with our teens, and the bonding power of laughter.

Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.  Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to  be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life. Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy. Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong. Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
4/3/202439 minutes, 12 seconds
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82: Growing Resilience In Teens, or GRIT. An interview with Dr Louise Randall

Grit is the ability to keep going toward a goal, even in spite of significant obstacles and distractions. It's a very apt name for the charity created by Dr Louise Randall, who was seeing many kids coming into her doctor's surgery needing help with difficult problems - such as self harm, eating disorders, and other mental health issues - and very little help available. In this interview we talk about how she uses boxing to teach resilience to help teens connect with their place in life and their own bodies, in a meaningful and healing way . One thing I love about this interview is that Louise gave us parents some of her top tips. Although she was reluctant, I pointed out that this podcast is all about helping parents to realise that we don't need to be experts to be good parents. We can all offer tips and support to each other because we all gets things wrong but we also learn things that might help others. Removing the judgement is critical to allowing us all to grow and do better. A great acronym to remind us not to talk with our teens about something that's been bothering us if we are: HALTHungryAngryLateTiredThe beautiful letter recommended by Louise:https://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?format=ampSupport the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
3/27/202433 minutes, 16 seconds
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81: Concentration, and the troubling effect of too many choices

Does a goldfish have a longer attention span than us humans  - as a Microsoft study found - or do we believe the latest study on concentration which says adults have actually increased in their ability to pay attention since the 1990's?The latest study made us wonder about what's really going on, because we all know that gamers have phenomenal powers of concentration, but the rest of us feel we're struggling with attention.Perhaps our real problem is a lack of focus caused by too many choices for what we could be doing.In this episode, we talk about the two studies, other studies relating to the problems associated with too much choice, the impact of sleep-deprivation, and positive ways in which we can help ourselves to get things done in our daily lives.  TED talk:The gratification monkey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkUBOOKS:The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard SachsTHE MAIN STUDY:https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377035152_Is_there_a_Flynn_effect_for_attention_Cross-temporal_meta-analytical_evidence_for_better_test_performance_1990-2021https://pure.hw.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/106082041/1-s2.0-S0191886923003409-main.pdfhttps://www.csoonline.com/article/551475/microsoft-goldfish-have-higher-attention-spans-than-we-do-thanks-to-digital-lifestyles.htmlhttps://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jul/24/secret-to-improving-concentration#:~:text=Fuel%20your%20mind.,water%20as%20dehydration%20impoverishes%20concentration. https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/(https://standard.asl.org/27705/uncategorized/social-media-causes-attention-spans-to-drop/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20conducted,use%2C%20was%20distracting%20to%20them.)Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
3/20/202432 minutes, 45 seconds
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80: Eldest daughter 'syndrome' and the trouble with parentification.

The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention?  We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society.  The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. THE EXCELLENT BOOK I MENTIONED:The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCulloughUSEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-liveshttps://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilitiesBOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO:The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin LemanThe Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by  Lisette Schuitemaker The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey KlugerSisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce BushYou Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah TannenAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonREFERENCES USED: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age.https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest%20daughters%20often%20shoulder%20a,mode%E2%80%9D%20when%20there%20is%20discord.https://omny.fm/shows/the-psychology-of-your-20-s/147-the-psychology-of-the-eldest-daughterhttps://www.sagetherapychicago.com/post/understanding-eldest-daughter-syndrome-navigating-the-challenges-and-finding-balance#:~:text=Delegate%20Responsibilities%3A%20Don't%20hesitate,that%20rejuvenate%20and%20energize%20you.Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
3/13/202432 minutes, 47 seconds
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79: Taking things personally, coping with adversity, teen love and changing our minds when we get new information.

Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles.In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier.  We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled.The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true. Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes.CHAPTERS:00:02:02 Not taking things personally00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time00:14:53 The importance of practice00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship00:20:21 Same-sex relationship00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new factsSupport the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
3/6/202437 minutes, 16 seconds
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78: Helping teens succeed in life by teaching the importance of good manners.

Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners. I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens,  about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success. I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you.Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/Posting bikini shots:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/Setting high expectations:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/SECTIONS:Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06)Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18)Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03)Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52)Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31)Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11)Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
2/28/202432 minutes, 30 seconds
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77: Talking to your kids about your past: sex and drugs and rock and roll.

We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point. Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from. Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents. In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/SEGMENTS:Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02)Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12)Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09)How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29)Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18)Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28)Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41)Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31)https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.htmlhttps://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/articlehttps://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-childrenhttps://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabusedhttps://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/https://drlizhale.com/talking-to-your-child-about-your-past/https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/Talking-to-your-kids-about-your-pasthttps://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/ages-and-stages/teens/when-to-tell-your-kids-about-your-past/https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/parents-tell-kids-past/Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
2/21/202433 minutes, 17 seconds
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76: Setting high expectations without the pressure.

One of the trickiest questions for parents is how to set expectations that help our kids thrive and grow without crushing them or making them feel low self-esteem or shame.  If we don't set expectations we run the risk of making our kids feel like nothing they do really matters, so they can feel overlooked and apathetic about life, but we've all heard about parents who damage their kids through unreasonable demands. Our expectations are born out of our own ideas of what matters, so how do we know that we're not pushing toxic ideas on to our kids?In this episode we talk about how today's society has come expect very little of our teens, whilst seemingly piling on pressure and expecting too much. We talk about how critical the growth mind set is, the stages we go through in learning a skill, and how we parents can support out teens to grow a wide range of important skills without damaging their self-esteem in the process. PREVIOUS EPISODES THAT ARE RELEVANT: Episodes 5, 10, 38 & 40https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/40-exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/THE SKILL MATRIX:Unconscious incompetence.Conscious incompetence.Conscious competence.Unconscious competence.QUESTIONS THAT WILL EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER: Are the expectations placed upon me realistic? Do they align with my values? Is meeting those expectations within my control? What and how do I communicate if the expectations are unreasonable or make me resentful?https://www.sec-ed.co.uk/content/best-practice/nqt-special-what-do-high-expectations-actually-look-like/https://sonyalooney.com/the-paradox-of-expectations-pressure-and-comparison-in-sport-and-life/https://www.teachwithmrst.com/post/setting-clear-expectationsTeach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov Marie Amaro, principal presenter at the You Tube channel the Highly Effective Teacherhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/life-smarts/202004/parental-expectations-the-helpful-and-the-harmfulSupport the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
2/14/202440 minutes, 28 seconds
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75: Why are girls posting bikini pics and what should we say about them?

They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired. Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them. When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us. EMOTIONAL EATING HELP:https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htmRESEARCH:https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfiehttps://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718 Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
2/7/202432 minutes, 48 seconds
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74: Does my teen need to lose weight? How to navigate diet culture with Elyse Resch

Diets, and an obsession with weight, are so much a part of Western culture that it's hardly surprising our teens can struggle to understand how to eat well.When I researched the topic for episode 9, I discovered that many experts are using mindful - or intuitive - eating to treat patients who develop disordered eating patterns. Indeed, the Intuitive Eating Workbook, which is now in its fourth edition, is recommended on the website of the UK's premier eating disorder charity Beat.  I reached out to Elyse Resch who is co-author of that book, because she has a long list of academic and industry accreditations, and  decades of experience in dealing with eating issues. Even better, she's created The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens to help our kids at one of this vulnerable stage.   I’m delighted that she agreed to help us unpick how we are talking with our teens about this tricky subject. CONTACT ELYSE RESCH: [email protected]://elyseresch.com/EResch/  THE TEN PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING:https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/• Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently• Honour Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat• Make Peace with Food. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing. • Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud no to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating minimal calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake.• Discover the Satisfaction Factor. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. • Feel Your Fullness. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current hunger level is. • Cope with Your Emotions. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you. But food won’t solve the problem. • Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally futile (and uncomfortable) to have a similar expectation about body size. • Exercise—Feel the Difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie-burning effect of exercise.• Honour Your Health with Gentle Nutrition. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy.Previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/31/202435 minutes, 44 seconds
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73: Regrets? Things we parents would do differently

My teen daughter has told me that the fact I am open about my own failings, and quick to aplogise, makes it much easier to trust me and to feel safe admitting when she's gone wrong. It's so easy to look back and see our mistakes, or where we might have done things better, but it’s hard to admit to them and forgive ourselves. The truth is, it's incredibly difficult to get it right in the moment. As we discuss in this episode, when it comes to the sliding doors versions of life we can never really know whether a different path would have turned out better. All we can do is to try our best with what we have right now. We've made this episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully some good tips too. Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/24/202433 minutes, 14 seconds
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72: The absent or inconsistent parent who’s alcoholic. Also, supporting your teen back to school.

When the other parent is inconsistent, or never turns up for your kid, it can be incredibly challenging for both of you. It's hard enough as it is, but can be even more challenging when they are abusing a substance, such as alcohol or drugs. When a listener told us about the difficulty she has parenting a teen son whose absent dad is an alcoholic we thought it was an important subject, and one worthy of discussion. So how do we support a tween or teen in this position? What do we say to them? How do we help them with the feelings they might be having? The National Association for Children of Alcoholics suggests using this mantra:I didn’t cause itI can’t cure itI can’t control itI can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself.BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/https://allthingssimplywindy.com/how-to-deal-with-an-absent-dad/https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-child-parenting-issues/help-children-handle-unreliable-parent/https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/helping-a-child-cope-with-an-absent-parent/https://fathers.com/blog/consistency/what-consistency-looks-like-in-a-dad-5-keys/https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/types-of-damaging-fathers-how-they-influence-who-we-arehttps://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-absentee-fathers-2997224https://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Child-Cope-with-a-No%E2%80%90Show-Parenthttps://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/When-Daddy-Dont-Love-Their-Daughters-What-Happens-to-Women-Whose-Fathers-Werent-There-for-Themhttps://www.joincake.com/blog/death-of-a-father-I-never-knew/https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/my-sons-father-is-inconsistent.4623629/https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/explaining-alcoholism-child/https://www.parentingforbrain.com/parental-rejection/https://www.riversidecounsellingservice.co.uk/2020/06/09/absent-father-identity-issues/Support the showThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/17/202433 minutes, 2 seconds
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71: Back to school, third places, manners and our favourite podcasts, shows, books and apps.

We're back with the first fresh episode of 2024. What a good time to talk about some of the things we've been reading, listening to, and watching, along with some news stories. Let us know what you think. We're always interested in any feedback; positive or negative, and we'd love to hear from you if you have any great recommendations. [email protected] recommended: Mel RobbinsUnpublished Good Bad BillionaireEverything Is FineSearch Engine: Why can't we just turn the empty offices into apartments?TV:Hunger GamesNetflix - Watch World War II: From the FrontlinesBook:Do Hard Things: A teenage rebellion against low expectations by Alex and Brett Harris.Calendar app:TimeTreeSchool:PISA scores: https://www.oecd.org/publication/pisa-2022-results/country-notesEmotionally based school avoidance: https://www.leedsbeckett.ac.uk/student-anxiety-guideThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/10/202441 minutes, 20 seconds
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70: New year's resolutions. Love them or loathe them the question is how can we make them work for us?

We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?In this podcast:We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.And how using positivity can keep us going.Some ideas:Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answerFind one on one time with each childDon't text and driveCreate a tech contractCreate a chores contractYell lessListen moreSort out sleep routinesEnd your work dayFind space for youDon't judge out loudLet your teen cook once a weekDon't judge people out loudLet your teen make their mistakes so they learn from themDemonstrate the behaviour you want to seePractice gratitudeBuild a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situationMake time for your partnerGet outside moreSit down to family meals more oftenFind games or activities you can all enjoy togetherResources:Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youthThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/1/202431 minutes, 45 seconds
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69: Gifts and presents: Do you feel a teenager in your life is ungrateful and transactional? Why are they like that, and how can we best show our love?

Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like a time of pressure to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss  how to better deal with a teenager's lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations, and our feeling that they don't appreciate what's been done for them.RESOURCES:https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdfhttps://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amphttps://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.htmlhttps://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.htmlhttps://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-enThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
12/27/202331 minutes, 38 seconds
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68: Christmas and the holiday season. A time of family festivities or fights?

We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.htmlhttps://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
12/20/202323 minutes, 26 seconds
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67: Parenting teenagers two years on: Online, education, anxiety, consequences, and the pressures of parenting. What we've learned from the podcast.

It's our two year anniversary, and what a ride it's been! Since we're taking a break to spend time with our families, we thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on what we think are the best things we've learned over the years, and signpost which episodes you might want to listen to again. Key episodes discussed:The blog https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/two-years-on-and-some-of-the-episodes-that-have-impacted-me-most/Talking techniques:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/Consequences:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/Blog on consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/Online:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-13-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-pornography-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great-ways-to-spend-time-with-your-teen/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-33-boys-online-we-urgently-need-to-talk-about-red-pills-role-models-and-the-manosphere/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/66-online-grooming-how-to-keep-our-teens-and-tweens-safe-how-to-spot-if-your-child-has-fallen-pre/Secondary school and anxiety:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-12-what-to-do-about-bullying-and-dealing-with-teenage-backchat/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/Pressures of parenting:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-36-stressed-out-and-overwhelmed-as-a-parent-we-have-some-techniques-that-might-just-help/Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
12/13/202339 minutes, 36 seconds
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66: Online grooming, how to keep our teens and tweens safe, how to spot if your child has fallen prey, and what to do next.

The full effects of lockdown are only now becoming apparent, according to the Internet Watch Foundation, a UK organisation which tracks down videos and imagery of child sexual abuse online and works to have it removed. Our listener, Frances, has asked us to tackle this difficult subject because she's seeing clients who've fallen prey to groomers and thinks there needs to be more widespread understanding of the role we parents can play in protecting our kids.The pandemic saw a big shift in society, with many more kids going online to learn, socialise, and play – something which internet predators have been exploiting.In the UK alone in 2022, 199,360 of the child sexual abuse materials the Internet Watch Foundation dealt with contained images and videos made via online connection as opposed to by an abuser being physically present in the room with the victim.In this episode we talk about the techniques they use, how to keep our kids safe without overreacting, and what to do if we discover our own child has been a victim.IWF ADVICE:TALK to your child about online sexual abuse. Start the conversation – and listen to their concerns.AGREE ground rules about the way you use technology as a family.LEARN about the platforms and apps your child loves. Take an interest in their online life.KNOW how to use tools, apps and settings that can help to keep your child safe online.A CAUTIONARY TALE:The story of Breck, who was lured to his death by a groomer https://www.breckfoundation.org/GET HELP:Helplines around the world: https://childhelplineinternational.org/helplines/UK:Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command:https://www.ceop.police.uk/ceop-reporting/NSPCC: Helpline  0808 800 5000 or emailing [email protected] Report Abuse in Education on 0800 136 663Internet Watch Foundation:https://report.iwf.org.uk/en/reportChildline - a free support service for kids 0800 1111USA:https://www.stopitnow.org/help-guidance/get-help-nowRESEARCH RESOURCES:https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2023/2023-08-14-82-rise-in-online-grooming-crimes-against-children-in-the-last-5-years/#https://legaljobs.io/blog/online-predators-statistics/Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
12/6/202333 minutes, 59 seconds
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65: Eating disorders: An interview with Beat representative Umairah Malik. What we parents need to know, including warning signs, where to go for help, and practical things we can do or say that might make a difference.

One in eight UK teenagers now suffers from an eating disorder, according to the latest figures from the UK's National Health Service. That's a shocking fifteen-fold increase since before Covid. These disorders are  notoriously sneaky; parents I've spoken to say they creep up on us and it can take a long time to realise what's going on. It's even worse if we focus in on seventeen to nineteen year olds where one in twenty boys  and one in five girls has an eating disorder. In this episode Rachel talks Umairah Malek, the Clinical Coordinator at the UK charity, Beat. She explains what an eating disorder is, what to look out for, and gives some great tips for how to support your loved one through to recovery.  Resources:The UK's Eating Disorder Charity - Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk)Books:www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/helpful-books/Hadley Freeman, Good Girls: A story and study of anorexia. Netflix:Everything Now - After months in recovery for an eating disorder, 16-year-old Mia devises a bucket list of quintessential teen experiences to make up for lost time.Previous episodes:9: Screens and teens. Here’s how to help them, and yourself, manage your time. Also can we talk about healthy eating without giving our teens an eating disorder? (teenagersuntangled.com)Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/29/202332 minutes, 19 seconds
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64: Supportive parenting styles that enable teens to grow into capable adults.

We all want the best for our kids, but there's a tricky balancing act between giving them the freedom to make the mistakes that build resiliency, and stepping in to protect and guide them.There's been a modern shift towards close management of our kids, and a constant eye on academic grades. But it's worth considering how to ensure our desire to support them doesn't end up having unintended consequences; stripping them of their ambition, self advocacy, and desire to tackle things in life that are hard.It's also worth considering how we parents will feel when that all-encompassing role begins to fade and they need to live life independent of us. This episode takes a look at some of the modern styles of parenting, including the benefits and the problems in terms of turning out rounded adults. We also look at steps we can take to increase agency in our older teens in a way that will ease them into adulthood.If you're committed enough to listen to the very end you'll also hear our blooper.RESOURCES USED:https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/https://www.verywellfamily.com/helicopter-parents-do-they-help-or-hurt-kids-1095041https://www.mongooseresearch.com/blog/bulldozer-parents#:~:text=What's%20a%20bulldozer%20parent%3F,their%20child%20may%20come%20across.https://parentology.com/what-is-bulldozer-parenting/https://www.businessinsider.com/helicopter-how-bulldozer-parents-harm-their-children-2023-6?r=US&IR=TThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/22/202333 minutes, 56 seconds
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63: How to: Talk to teens about pornography, an interview with Dr Mandy Sanchez of Culture Reframed.

Has your kid seen porn? Research says 1 in 3 kids have seen explicit, hardcore porn by the age of 12, many by accident.Whether or not your tween or teen has seen it the fact that hardcore porn is widely available, free, and easily accessed from any device with an internet connection will be having an impact on the whole culture they are growing up in.We want our teens to feel that it's normal and natural to be interested in sex, and want to explore what's out there, but talking about it the modern issues can be a minefield. Whilst we're openly trying to teach our kids about consent, and educate our boys to be respectful of women, what they might be accessing online is the opposite. Much of it is degrading, and objectifying, and normalises potentially dangerous and harmful sexual behaviour.A lot of parents I have spoken with don't know how to have those conversations, so I contacted Dr Mandy Sanchez, from Culture Reframed, an organisation that provides free education resources and worksheets for parents. In this episode she talks about how, and when, to talk about porn with your kid.www.culturereframed.orgwww.teenagersuntangled.comThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/15/202334 minutes, 18 seconds
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62: Charging rent: should you charge your teens and young adults rent and, if you do, what's the best way to go about it?

In an era where house prices have gone up, wages have stagnated, and young people are staying in the family home for longer, how do we manage the transition to adulthood whilst our young are still living at home? One of the big debates for parents is whether teens and young adults should pay rent. So when one of our listeners asked us to talk about it, we thought it would be a great topic for our club.It’s definitely one to think about well beforehand, because your attitude to it will become an important subliminal message to your teen.For some, seeing your child move out, or start to pay rent is a critical stage in growing up. For others, the idea of charging your teenager - or any member of your family - rent is an absolute no-go. In fact the age at which our kids leave home varies wildly in different cultures; even within the same continent. Across Europe the average age of leaving home is 26, but in Sweden and Denmark it's closer to 21  and in Croatia and Malta it's nearly 32. We discuss the concept of being a teenager, how different cultures think about the topic, and the pros and cons of charging rent. RESOURCES:https://www.100yearlife.com/ Living and working in the age of longevity.https://www.lboro.ac.uk/media/media/research/crsp/downloads/2019-family-sharing--a-mminimum-income-standard-for-people-in-their-20s.pdfhttps://www.verywellfamily.com/should-you-charge-your-teen-rent-4106963https://cafemom.com/parenting/we-make-our-teenager-pay-renthttps://www.professorshouse.com/charging-a-teenager-rent/https://www.newsweek.com/teen-asking-stepdad-pay-rent-house-reddit-1735656https://empeople.com/learn/empeople-insights/6-real-money-lessons-for-teenshttps://sc.lawforkids.org/speakup/view_question.cfm?id=134&page=3https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/charge-children-rent-debate-tiktok-b2342234.htmlhttps://www.afr.com/life-and-luxury/health-and-wellness/why-you-should-make-your-adult-kids-pay-rent-to-live-in-your-house-20221219-p5c7hahttps://www.easternstandardtimes.com/episode/rent-is-too-damn-high-for-young-people-across-asiahttps://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-ownhttps://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220124-why-teens-arent-what-they-used-to-beThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/8/202335 minutes, 25 seconds
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61: Exercise: are teens doing enough, and what can we do to encourage them?

Nobody would argue against the benefits of exercise, but there are lots of school kids who dread physical education lessons, and dodge exercise whenever it's raised. When Nicola contacted us asking for advice on how to get her 12 year old daughter to do more exercise we thought it was a perfect topic for us to discuss. It turns out that lack of exercise in teens is a worldwide problem, most pronounced in South Korea, and that teen girls significantly trail boys in doing the recommended amounts of exercise in almost every country around the world. ‘Globally, during adolescence, ‘girls’ worlds shrink, while boys’ expand’. One study finds that the map of 14-yo girls’ day-to-day movements is 2/5 the size of that of their 11-yo selves, and only 1/3 the size of 14-yo male peers’ movements. In Texas, teenage girls do 65% less physical activity than boys. Girls drop out of sport clubs in adolescence at far higher rates than boys. This sets a trend for life.’ Dr Rachel Hewitt author of In Her NatureWe talk about what it feels like to come from a family that doesn't exercise, some of the big barriers to it such as lack of facilities, space, shame, and public perception of who should be exercising. Hopefully this will help us, as parents, to focus on ways in which we can support our teens to get more active. It will definitely benefit them and, if we lead by example, the benefit will be for the entire family.  BOOKS:Bounce: Matthew Syed TIPS:https://www.parkrun.org.uk/www.boostfit.comParenting teenagers and media literacy. (0:02)News consumption, physical activity levels in teens. (3:33)Children's fitness and the importance of basic strength. (11:18)UK school policies and gender equality in sports. (16:04)Motivating kids to exercise and the impact of parental influence. (20:36)Promoting physical activity and exercise for families. (24:31)Promoting physical activity for teenagers. (28:49)RESOURCES:https://www.who.int/news/item/22-11-2019-new-who-led-study-says-majority-of-adolescents-worldwide-are-not-sufficiently-physically-active-putting-their-current-and-future-health-at-risk#:~:text=The%20study%2C%20published%20in%20The,85%25%20of%20girls%20and%2078%25https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/teens-and-exercise#:~:text=They%20are%20more%20likely%20to,t%20need%20to%20be%20boring.Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/1/202336 minutes, 48 seconds
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60: Gender and sexuality: an interview with expert psychotherapist Stella O'Malley

The words non-binary, queer, trans, are regularly used in social media and the news nowadays. Many teens are far more educated on their significance than us parents; in fact many of us would be completely unprepared over how to support a child that announces they're trans. In some countries, and communities, anything that veers from heterosexual is still punished. In many first world countries there has been a large shift towards acceptance and understanding of people who don't fit into societal norms. School environments are being adapted to provide accommodations. For some, this seems like an obvious progression, and rooted in kindness and care. For others this can feel very challenging, even offensive if it impinges on other rights. Even if our own children aren't affected, they are living in a world were things have changed dramatically from when we were teenagers, so I decided we'd all benefit from listening to someone with extensive experience, and refreshing perspectives on gender. Stella O'Malley's a psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and parent, with many years’ experience working as a mental health professional. She's also the founder of Genspect, an international alliance of professionals, trans people, de-transitioners, parent groups and others who seek high-quality care for gender-related distress.Her podcast is called Gender: A Wider Lens, and her co-authored book is called When Kids Say They're Trans. You can find out more about her at our website www.teenagersuntangled.comThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.ukThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
10/25/202329 minutes, 34 seconds
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59: Triggers and emotional spirals, also mobile phone bans and do schools know what to teach kids anymore?

CHAPTERS:2:01 Teen lingo7:10 Reviews9:07 The things that trigger us are an opportunity to know ourselves better.12:32 Getting stuck in an emotional spiral.15:57 Mobile phone ban in schools22:00 Overhaul of exams32:57 More teen slangIn most episodes Rachel uses her journalistic background to trawl through studies and find out what a range of experts think about a topic. Susie brings her wealth of knowledge and experience of mindfulness and parenting to the microphone. Together, the two of us talk about the reality of parenting.We're going to continue with that, but thought it might be nice to broaden the format to talk about current affairs topics, and how they affect us and our listeners. In this episode we chat about the latest in teen slang; which can be hilarious. We also discuss the banning of mobile phones in schools, why it's happening, why it hasn't happened before, and what the benefits and issues are that surround it. Also, we talk about exams. With the shift towards AI, is our education system really offering our teens what they need to equip themselves for being an adult? Are the subjects we study, and the way in which they are studied, still fit for purpose? Given that we can't get rid of AI, should we be incorporating it into the school curriculum?We don't promise answers, but we're very keen to think about it, because these issues directly affect our teens.We really enjoyed making this episode. What do you think? Shall we do it more regularly, or do prefer the research episodes? Would you like to hear more interviews? We're here for you (and to learn for our own sakes.)CHAPTERS:2:01 Teen lingo 7:10 Reviews9:07 The tThanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
10/18/202336 minutes, 10 seconds
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What is a gap year and should our teens take one?

I'd never heard of a Gap Year until I took one, but it was life-changing; in a good way. Whether your teen is starting out at senior school, or about to hit a transition year, it's worth talking with them about whether taking a gap in their education or work life is a good thing, because the earlier and more they think about what they might like to achieve the more they might get out of it.  In this episode we discuss:When is the best time to take a gap year? The benefits and the drawbacks. How to structure and plan a gap year.Transitioning back to home and school after you've been away. RESOURCES:https://www.abroadinjapan.com/https://www.ucas.com/undergraduate/student-life/gap-year/gap-years-ideas-and-things-think-abouthttps://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/gap-year/7-steps-to-the-ultimate-gap-yearhttps://www.forbes.com/advisor/education/what-to-do-in-gap-year/https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/10236-productive-gap-year.htmlhttps://www.ef.com/wwen/blog/language/ultimate-gap-year-guide/https://www.nonstopsnow.com/journal/employers-universities-think-about-gap-yearshttps://www.christs.cam.ac.uk/how-apply-1/gap-yearhttps://gapforce.org/gb/why-take-gap-yearhttps://medium.com/illumination/thinking-of-taking-a-gap-year-think-again-85714e18e8bhttps://www.rasmussen.edu/student-experience/college-life/taking-a-gap-year/https://independentpodcastawards.com/live/en/page/homeThanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours. Please follow us if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
9/20/202332 minutes, 38 seconds
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Snapchat; a fantastic way to connect, or a cynical exploitation of your teenager's time?

Snapchat has become a must-have for most teens, because it's now the way they stay in touch with their friends. The filters make it fun, they can see where their friends are on Snapmaps, and the instant photos give them a quick and easy contact point. But one of our listeners has contacted us asking for help with it. She says her teen son was already struggling to control himself when it comes to screens so she's delayed allowing him to have Snapchat, but caved because all of his friends are using it.Now, she says, he is always on a device and easily finds ways around the controls they have been trying to put in place; primarily to access Snapchat.Our previous episode on Screens and Teens covers the ways in which you can tackle it. It's not the amount of screen time we should worry most about, it's what they are doing with their screens.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/Avoiding Tech Addiction - Tips and Tricks taken from Clicks by Natasha Devon.Remember you don't have to be on every app; pick the ones you find most fun and useful, and least toxic.Disable screen notifications.Decide in advance how much time you want to spend playing a game or browsing an app.Find ways to create 'space' between the urge and action of scrolling/gaming.Set a 'digital sunset' (a time when your phone goes in a drawer/on airplane mode) about an hour before you want to go to sleep.https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/talking-about-snapchat-without-snapping/BOOKS:Stolen Focus by Johann HariClicks: How to be your best self online by Natasha DevonRESCOURCES USED:Legal filing  IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE NORTHERN DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA https://digitalcommons.law.scu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3760&context=historical https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-04-18/snap-says-it-s-wrongly-dragged-into-social-media-addiction-suitshttps://www.thewispy.com/5-tricks-to-overcome-snapchat-addiction/https://www.cyberwise.org/amp/the-pros-and-cons-of-snapchat-on-kids-mental-healthhttps://www.spiegeloog.amsterdam/hooked-on-snapchat/https://www.panspy.com/parental-control/how-to-stop-being-addicted-to-snapchat.htmlhttps://www.mmguardian.com/blog/teen-snapchat-sextinghttps://cutterlaw.com/social-media-lawsuits/snapchat/#:~:text=Snapchat%20connected%20drug%20dealers%20to,haven%20for%20child%20sexual%20abuse.https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GFO3K9fHp5QThanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours. Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
7/24/202334 minutes, 23 seconds
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Teenagers Untangled: Who we are and how you can use the podcast.

Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours. Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
6/7/20231 minute, 2 seconds
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26: Friendships: How to support your ‘generation isolation’ teens to build their social skills.

Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73%  spend most of their free time on screens.The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy.   Whilst it's normal for teens to spend a lot of time alone in their rooms there seems to have been a general change in the amount of physical time that teens are spending socialising. We'll talk another time about parties, and managing them, but this time we discuss those all-important social skills and what we, as parents, can do to hep our teens develop them.RESOURCES:https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/things-to-try-friendshipshttps://news.virginia.edu/content/peers-or-parents-study-shows-strong-friendships-set-teens-success-later-lifeBOOKS:How to Win Friends and Influence People for Girls, by Donna Dale Carnegie.How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, Dale Carnegie Training.The Social Survival Guide for Teens on the Autism Spectrum: How to Make Friends and Navigate Your Emotions by Lindsey SterlingThanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours. Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
11/11/202234 minutes, 9 seconds
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4: Phones. Does your teen have a camera on their phone and have you talked with them about the issues? Also, money and how to increase responsibility using an allowance.

Our teenagers are growing up in a world of Tik Tok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable, from their parents.In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator. Sexting is the sending, receiving, or forwarding of sexually explicit images of oneself to others. Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org: 1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent.  Internet Watch Foundation, https://www.iwf.org.uk/ (which is tasked with removing these digital images) confirmed 68,000 cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020–  a rise of 77% on the previous year.In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls and fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to.Why do they sext?Seeking someone’s approvalLong distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationshipFeeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other peoplePeer pressureFunFeeling pressured to sext as a way of proving their sexualityAs a result of harassment, threats or blackmailWhat to do?Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent with your child can help protect them. It’s important to use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked. What do they post about themselves?What sites do they use and what draws them there? What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom? How do they decide what information to share? Start young! Don’t leave it because you think your child is too immature. If they have a phone, they have the power to allow a wolf into their bedroom.Set clear guidelines and firewalls.Boys?Adolescent boys are under enormous pressure to impress their peers. Academics, Sports, Sex.Ask boys why they would feel entitled to ask for these photos, knowing the pitfalls. Ask them what pressures they feel from their friends and porn culture. Do they know that it’s illegal to disseminate or ask for nude images of under age people?Signs things have gone wrong. Teenagers becoming more withdrawn, acting differently, or changes in mood and eating habits.·       Speak to the school and parents of the other teenager to the get the material removed.·       The IWF can search for explicit images or videos of your child and remove them.·       Tell your girls about the #gurlsoutloud support hashtag.Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth. Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours. Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk
1/21/202231 minutes, 10 seconds