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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times Cover
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times Profile

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

English, Comedy, 1 season, 489 episodes, 2 days, 3 hours, 58 minutes
About
Described by George Hook as the greatest Irish player never to make it and described by everyone else who knows him as a shallow, self-obsessed idiot.
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‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?

So I’m driving along Vico Road – one of the bits of the road where two cors can barely pass – when I notice a black SUV coming towards me at speed... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/17/20246 minutes, 19 seconds
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‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “what is she doing?” Yeah, no, she’s talking about Honor, who’s smiling so hord that it looks like someone has jammed a coat hanger in her mouth sideways. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/10/20246 minutes, 39 seconds
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Can’t a father and son go for a pint without there being some, I don’t know, anterior motive?

So it’s, like, Friday night and I’m having the usual pints with the goys in The Bridge. Dave Kearney asks how we’re getting on with a big smirk on his face. We’re all, like, crowded around my phone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/3/20246 minutes, 30 seconds
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Honor is only running for Mount Anville head girl to downgrade her old dear’s greatest life achievement

The old man steps into the kitchen with a Montecristo the size of a rolled-up yoga mat burning between his fat fingers. Sorcha storts coughing – her passive-aggressive way of telling him that we don’t allow smoking in this house – but he just ignores her, like he did when she tried to introduce a similar rule about shoes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/27/20246 minutes, 20 seconds
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‘There’s a video of me doing the rounds on this famous Tick Tocks dot com’

How quickly the years go by. That’s what I’m thinking as I’m taking the right turn at Donnybrook Bus Depot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/22/20246 minutes, 23 seconds
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‘You should be ashamed of yourselves! We’re old enough to be your parents and we’ve taken you to three sets!’

I had my nightmare again last night, the one where I have a one-night stand with Taylor Swift and then I ghost the girl and she ends up writing 15 or 16 songs about me and they’re on the radio constantly. And – yeah, no – I woke up screaming. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/12/20246 minutes, 17 seconds
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‘If you play that match, Ross, our marriage is over’

Sorcha is upset. I totally get that? But I haven’t seen her over-react like this since I ate a tin of macadamias from the hotel mini-bor on a weekend city break in Ljubljana. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/8/20246 minutes, 2 seconds
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‘You are not having a hort attack! I’m not allowing it!’

Réaltín smiles. Which might well be a first for her. Yeah, no, we’re in Baldoyle of all places, playing Thor Frimann and Lisa Murray – the reigning champions – in the semi-finals of the mixed doubles at the Leinster Padel Championships. It’s, like, one set apiece and we’re winning 5-4 in the third. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/29/20246 minutes, 23 seconds
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‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’

I tell Honor that I’m proud of her.I’m there, “Obviously, I don’t mean that literally?” because all she’s actually done is spend her Paddy’s Day picking litter up off the beach in Curracloe as port of her community service. “I’m proud of the way you’re, like, owning what you did?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/22/20245 minutes, 43 seconds
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Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly still rankles Heaslip

I’m the first to arrive. I order a pint of the obvious and I do a quick circuit of the place. There’s no one here yet, even though I said eight o’clock and it’s quarter-past already. Fr Fehily wouldn’t have put up with that. What was it he used to say? Better three hours too early than a minute too late? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/15/20245 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school’

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later.“Ross?” the dude goes, pulling a face at me across the net. “Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/8/20245 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’

Sorcha asks me straight out if I’m having an affair.I’m like, “Why would you even think that?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/1/20245 minutes, 45 seconds
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Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderly loved one

I haven’t seen Honor look this angry since the time she spear-tackled a woman who tried to cheat her out of first place in the sack race at the Castle Pork Dalkey Open Sports Day.She’s like, “What ... the ... fock?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/23/20246 minutes, 15 seconds
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Sorcha goes, ‘I don’t need a 26-old copy of Cosmopolitan to tell me that I married the wrong man’

Sorcha says she’s sorry and I’m there, “Hey, it’s cool,” even though I’ve no idea what she’s even apologising for?She goes, “Oh my God, I was such an idiot.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/16/20246 minutes, 15 seconds
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Our daughter came out of the womb with two middle fingers raised to the world. That’s not down to us

“If some wooden comes at you with a shank,” Ronan goes, “grab them be the wrist and twist it, then hit them at the base of the nose with the heel of yisser hand, driving upwards. Upwards – that’s it."irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/10/20246 minutes, 15 seconds
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'I’ve got my top off, and Réaltín’s looking at me like my old man turning his nose up at cheap steak'

So I’m shaking hands with Hugh and Marie Atcheson after our latest victory in the Leinster Padel Championships and the famous Réaltín – as in, like, my mixed doublesportner? – is just, like, glowering at me. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/2/20245 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly is not the victim. She is a highly intelligent young woman from a privileged background’

Honor pretends to sneeze, but instead of ‘achoo!’ she goes ‘fock you!’ to the prosecution barrister Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/26/20247 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘How could the child of a mother who puts the mental into environmental action grow up with a moral compass?’

So Honor is lying on her bed, her nose stuck in her phone, presumably trolling people on social media, when I tell her that Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara is here to talk about her case. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/19/20246 minutes, 51 seconds
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'She’s hord work, my new padel portner. But the girl fascinates me. She’s like a female me'

Réaltín and I have an intuitive understanding that only great lovers, or an out-half and his inside-centre, could fully understand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/15/20246 minutes, 20 seconds
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‘Ross, this was my sliding doors moment. And I made the wrong choice’

Sorcha has made an alarming discovery during her annual New Year’s Day clear-out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/5/20246 minutes, 35 seconds
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‘The Leopardstown Races, eh, Ross? A great way to blow off the old cobwebs after Christmas!’

Leopardstown on Stephen Zuzz Day is a tradition for the O’Carroll-Kelly men Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/29/20236 minutes, 36 seconds
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Honor is like, ‘There’s no chocolate Kimberleys left,’ and that’s when I end up suddenly losing my sh*t

It’s three days before the big day and Cornelscourt is like the Battle of the Bastards scene from Game of Thrones Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/22/20236 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’

Sorcha wants to make our own Christmas tree out of books this year. I think she’s been at the eggnog Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/15/20237 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’

We’re off to give my godson Ross Junior his Christmas present, but his old dear will already be in a fouler at the thought of me coming. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/8/20237 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’

We’re doing the usual volunteering at the annual Christmas fete and this year we’ve been put on toilet-cleaning duties as a punishment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/1/20236 minutes, 38 seconds
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‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’

“If we do this,” she goes, “my husband can’t find out about it. Under any circumstances?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/24/20235 minutes, 33 seconds
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I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?

Or is Sorcha standing at the end of the bed, wearing the Tory Burch tennis whites she bought last summer to watch Wimbledon?She’s like, “Are you ready?”“Ready?” I go. “In terms of?”Read Ross O'Carroll-Kelly at irishtimes.com/podcasts/ross-ocarroll-kelly/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/17/20236 minutes, 18 seconds
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Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusional

It’s the Killiney and Dalkey Combined Christmas Fete meeting, and we’re about as welcome as a snot-nosed kid in a bridal shop Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/10/20236 minutes, 15 seconds
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‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’

“Sur! Prise!” we all go.But the old man – standing at the bottom of the stairs in Shanahan’s on the Green – barely raises a smile. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/3/20236 minutes, 33 seconds
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‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’

I’m there, “I have a bad feeling about this.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/27/20236 minutes
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‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’

It’s a sad day. Everyone agrees. Not as sad – hand on hort – as Ireland losing to the All Blacks last weekend. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/27/20236 minutes, 32 seconds
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‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’

So we’re in Corcoran’s on the famous Boulevord de Clichy – we’re talking me, Christian, JP, Oisinn and Fionn – and I’m telling the goys why I think we’ll beat the All Blacks on Saturday and why I think it won’t even be close? But they only want one question answered. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/13/20236 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’

I’m there, “I’d be in Paris now if things had been different,” and when I say different, I mean if my daughter hadn’t been chorged with 277 counts of criminal damage. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/6/20236 minutes, 13 seconds
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‘I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset - and given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement’

I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset? And given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement. She’s literally shaking with rage and whatever else is bubbling inside her, which is the reason I’m staying on the other side of the kitchen island. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/29/20236 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘Dad, you need to ask yourself what do you want to be – a rugby fan or a good father?’

I love a crowd. Yeah, no, that’s as true of me now as it was back in my days as the best number 10 in the history of Irish schools rugby and the goy that every girl wanted to be with. I love the feeling of people staring at me with their gobs open in just, like, wonder. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/22/20236 minutes, 11 seconds
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Some things are more important than family. Rugby happens to be one of them

So I wake up in the hotel in Nantes to find a letter on my bedside table, which turns out to be from – yeah, no – my old man? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/19/20236 minutes, 1 second
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‘There’s no caps for your so-called matches against Mexico and, I don’t know, Guava Larva. I made the entire thing up’

The old man is as excited as I’ve seen him since the members of Elm Pork Golf Club voted to name the lateral water hazard on the 12th hole “the Chorles River”. It’s, like, Friday night – the night before Ireland play Romania in the opening match of the Rugby World Cup – and I’m sitting in The Connemora in Bordeaux, listening to him phone pretty much everyone he’s ever known in his entire life to tell them his so-called news. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/8/20236 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’

Sorcha is tense. Yeah, no, for her, the first day back after the school holidays is like the first day of the Six Nations for me. In other words, a matter of life and death. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/1/20236 minutes, 9 seconds
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‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goes

The old man looks surprisingly well for a man who’s been banged up for, like, a week and a bit. I’m sitting in the visiting room when he walks in and he’s, like, deep in conversation with another, I want to say, inmate? It’s a good, like, five minutes before he saunters over to where I’m sitting...irishtimes.com/author/ross-ocarroll-kelly/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/25/20236 minutes, 25 seconds
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I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes

I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes – he’s Chorles O’Carrroll-Kelly, for fock’s sake – but I never thought I’d see him in court, aged seventy-whatever-he-is, chorged with the illegal possession of a fireorm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/18/20236 minutes, 30 seconds
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Camino Royale: the final exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book

This is the final exclusive excerpt from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out today Thursday, August 17th. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/17/202315 minutes, 59 seconds
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Camino Royale: the second exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book

This is the second of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/16/20239 minutes, 58 seconds
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Camino Royale: an exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly book

This is the first of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/15/202312 minutes, 36 seconds
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‘Honor, there has to be a better way of trying to save the planet than this’

Sorcha is sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop open and a pleased-with-herself smile that I recognise from the Mount Anville Class of 1998 graduation photograph on her bedside table. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/12/20236 minutes, 37 seconds
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Dude, you’re not allowed to just, like, shoot seagulls

So – yeah, no – we’re out in the old man’s boat in the middle of Dublin literally Bay, we’re talking me, the old man and Hennessy, and like the old man says, it’s just like old times. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/4/20236 minutes, 19 seconds
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Father and son. From the same city. And we might as well be a donkey talking to a parrot

So it’s, like, ten o’clock on a Friday night and Ronan’s at the front door. He goes, “How are you fixed for the Oddle Arelint football fidal on Suddendee, Rosser?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/28/20235 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘We caught the so-called SUV avenger tonight, in the actual act!’

Sorcha smiles warmly at me – an event so rare that it’s actually worth mentioning. “I’m so proud of our daughter,” she goes. “She’s turning into a wonderful young woman.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/14/20236 minutes, 48 seconds
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People like us don’t get embarrassed. That’s how we’ve ended up where we are in life

The old man rings me at, like, two o’clock in the afternoon and goes, “Ross! You’re not busy, are you?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/7/20236 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘What if the SUV Avenger turned out to be your daughter, Sorcha?’

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “they’ve struck again!”I’m there, “What are you talking about? As in, like, what the fock?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/30/20236 minutes, 11 seconds
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The SUV Avenger has slashed the tyres on Sorcha’s cor

So – yeah, no – we’re at the recycling centre with a boot full of empty cans and bottles from a recent borbecue to celebrate Sorcha’s 43rd birthday and me having nine penalty points wiped from my driving licence on appeal. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/24/20236 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘Bloomsday is God’s way of telling middle class people they have too much time on their hands’

I’m standing outside the famous Galloper on the Stillorgan dualler when Ronan rocks up. He’s as surprised to see me as I am to see him? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/16/20236 minutes, 55 seconds
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There’s nothing like the school sports day to get the old competitive juices flowing

I have to confess to getting a bit carried away, and I stort shouting things like, ‘Eat it up, you pack of losers!’ at the other moms and dads Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/9/20236 minutes, 24 seconds
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‘I want to have – oh my God – everything done?’ Honor goes. ‘My chin, my nose, my forehead, my lips’

Honor has been walking around under a bit of a cloud ever since a dude by the name of Jonah – Wesley College, before you ask – friend-zoned her. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/2/20236 minutes, 6 seconds
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‘What does Patrick Kielty have that I don’t?’ asks the old dear

There’s no mystery as to why they chose Kielty for the Late Late. He’s not 76 years old. His bodily organs didn’t come from a black morket doctor in Bogotá Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/26/20236 minutes, 14 seconds
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The old man is a focking embarrassment at rugby matches

The old man is on the phone, shouting at me in his usual all-caps voice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/20/20236 minutes, 18 seconds
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The two of them are staring at me like this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. It’s not even in the top 10

So we’re at a dinner in the famous Rochestown Lodge in – let’s be honest here – Sallynoggin, to raise money for the Seapoint Rugby Club U-8s Trip to Biarritz: Leave No Child Behind. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/12/20236 minutes, 14 seconds
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Honor says Joshua just wants to be friends. Better than nothing I say, but I hate lying to the girl

Honor goes, ‘It’s because I’m not good-looking.’ I’m there, ‘Looks aren’t important, Honor,’ and I’ve no idea where I’m pulling these lines from. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/5/20235 minutes, 53 seconds
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I’m the father of a 15-year-old girl. I think, by this stage, I’ve earned the right to embarrass her?

He’s, like, standing right in front of the gaff, staring at his phone. I throw open the front door and I’m like, “Whatever you’re selling, fock off before I call the Feds,” which would be pretty much por for the course in these ports? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/28/20235 minutes, 32 seconds
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‘I’ve been polyamorous since the late 1990s’

People talk about polyamory like it’s a new thing. I’ve been polyamorous since the late 1990s. It’s just that I’ve never told my wife. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/21/20236 minutes, 7 seconds
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Here we are on the roof of the house, vaping away to our horts’ content

I know they say it’s not good for your health but my relationship with Honor has never been better Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/14/20236 minutes, 2 seconds
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The old dear arrives at the door, smelling like a distillery tour, asking to see her granddaughters

She has so much filler in her face that she looks like she’s had herself embalmed to save us the trouble when she finally pops it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/11/20236 minutes, 18 seconds
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We’re a father and daughter vaping away to beat the band, properly bonding

If everybody is doing something how bad can it be, Ross thinks, as he submits to peer pressure from his daughter and discovers vaping Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/31/20236 minutes, 12 seconds
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I’m 43. Andy Farrell would want to be pretty focking desperate for a 10 to pick me

The old dear rings me and asks me to meet her for Sunday lunch in some, I don’t know, random Italian restaurant in Ranelagh. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/27/20236 minutes, 1 second
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What a day . . . I’ll just send a quick congrats text to Johnny Sexton

The final whistle blows and I burst into tears. The greatest day of my life? It’s definitely up there. People bang on about the birth of their children, but children let you down. This Ireland team never do? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/21/20236 minutes, 20 seconds
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Girls, if Johnny Sexton was here, he’d tell you – you are never, ever beaten

The big Castlerock College versus Newpork Comprehensive showdown has arrived Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/17/20236 minutes, 52 seconds
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Now I’m doing something that I never do, doubting myself

When his ‘back me or sack me’ move backfires, Ross is left in a mild depression having lost his job as the coach of Castlerock College girls rugby team. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/10/20235 minutes, 48 seconds
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I want this school to be a conveyor belt of women’s rugby talent

The Rossmeister General finds out about the ‘deleterious effect’ rugby is having on academic and behavioural standards among girls at school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/3/20236 minutes, 24 seconds
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I’ve ended up on a poster for adult incontinence treatment on a gable wall in, like, Ranelagh

Only the crookedest lawyer in Ireland can get me out of this contract I accidentally signed with a modelling agency Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/24/20236 minutes, 10 seconds
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I’m getting the tattoo of J-Lowe, a late 40th birthday present to myself

It’s, like, Monday morning and I’ve taken the boys for a haircut – or, to be more, I don’t know, pacific, I’ve dumped them in the borber’s while me and Honor are sitting in the coffee shop next door. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/17/20235 minutes, 56 seconds
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One day, there’s going to be a Leinster Schools Senior Cup… for girls!

So – yeah, no – the girls have been working unbelievably hord in training, which is why I’ve arranged a little surprise for them. I tell them to meet me in the school cor pork, where the bus is already waiting with the engine idling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/10/20236 minutes, 14 seconds
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I’m surrounded by people who keep me grounded. I wish they’d focking stop

“Oh my God,” Honor goes, “you’re not actually wearing that, are you?”And by that she means my black, Canterbury elite protection body ormour vest. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/3/20236 minutes, 14 seconds
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Sixmas is what I call the Six Nations Championship – the most wonderful time of the year

I go, “Twas the week before Sixmas, and all through the class, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse!” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/30/20236 minutes, 43 seconds
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Would I have to take my top off for any of these jobs? That wouldn’t be an issue for me

So – yeah, no – I’m in Cinnamon in Monkstown, getting all excited about Sixmas, which is only, like, two weeks away now. I’m writing out my storting 15 for the match against Wales into the famous Big Book when I notice a woman staring at me over the top of her Watermelon Shhuga. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/20/20236 minutes, 7 seconds
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If women’s rugby is ever going to be treated seriously, they’ll have to embrace the whole obnoxiousness thing

They stagger out onto the pitch in two or three different huddles, their orms folded against the cold of a horrible January morning.I’m there, “Welcome back, ladies! Hope you had a good Christmas!” and they’re all, like, hating on me for my – yeah, no – cheeriness?With any subscription you'll get unlimited access to the very best in unique quality journalism from The Irish Times. Subscribe today. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/13/20236 minutes, 19 seconds
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I silently curse myself for giving St Michael’s College credit that they don’t deserve

No less a judge than the great Jerry Flannery once described me as “one of Ireland’s greatest thinkers” – and even though it was in the course of a Charity Roast in the Sin Bin in Limerick, I think his point still stands... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/6/20235 minutes, 58 seconds
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‘You put the focking Quality Street, the focking Roses and the focking Celebrations in the same bowl!’

The old dear is drinking a Baileys with her dental plate out and I don’t think I’ll ever have another amorous thought in my life. The old man raises his brandy glass to me and goes, “Merry Christmas, Ross.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/23/20226 minutes, 19 seconds
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'I’m having a slash when in walks Santa, and all my Christmases come at once'

So I’m standing at the trough in The Queens in Dalkey, having a much-needed slash, when I hear a voice beside me go, “Is that the famous Ross O’Carroll-Kelly I see?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/16/20226 minutes, 18 seconds
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It’s the Castlerock College mince pie-eating contest, and Leo is stepping up to the plate

The Castlerock College Christmas Fete has always been a massive event in the O’Carroll-Kelly social calendar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/9/20226 minutes, 29 seconds
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‘I’m not having a Terenure College Christmas tree in the house’

“Corlow?” Sorcha goes – clearly worried about me. “Why on earth do you want to drive all the way Corlow for a Christmas tree when we can buy one three minutes up the road in Terenure College?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/2/20225 minutes, 57 seconds
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'Honor isn’t for everyone. She takes after her old man in that regord'

Hey, as I always say, it’s better to be someone’s shot of tequila than everyone’s cup of tea. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/25/20226 minutes, 2 seconds
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The neighbours have visions of the Vico Road turning into Morbella

So – yeah, no – I’m in, like, the gorden, throwing the old Gilbert around with Brian, Johnny and Leo, except we can’t complete three passes without one of us dropping the ball and I’m wondering does it have anything to do with us living in Terenure now – as in, the general sense of failure that hangs over the place has somehow seeped into my children’s bones like arthritis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/18/20226 minutes, 33 seconds
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‘Schoolbooks shmoolbooks ... I didn’t do a tap at school and look at me’

The school concert hall is absolutely rammers and the walls are pretty much vibrating with the sound of people being – as we say on this side of the city – up in orms. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/11/20226 minutes, 4 seconds
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‘Newpork is famous for kids with pierced lips...They don’t even care about rugby’

Anyone who follows the Letters to the Editor page in this newspaper will be aware of my old man’s thoughts on the subject of girls slash women playing rugby.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/8/20225 minutes, 46 seconds
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'It’s Halloween week and we’re living in a house that’s, like, haunted – literally'

I end up pretty much not sleeping for, like, five nights straight. And I know Honor is exactly the same. I’m there, “Can you just explain to me again what you saw and heard — illegibly.” “There’s no illegibly about it,” Sorcha goes. “I saw the ghost of an old man.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/28/20226 minutes, 8 seconds
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'I’ve been shocked by the change that has come over my daughter since we moved to Terenure'

She’s quiet, cranky and liable to explode in a rage at the least provocation. Mind you, she’s been like that since she emerged from her old dear’s womb with her two middle fingers raised to the world. It’s just that for the first time ever, she seems without – I don’t know – hope. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/21/20225 minutes, 57 seconds
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'Already I feel like I’ve created a team in my image – in other words, winners'

“Ross O’Carroll-Kelly!” a voice behind me goes. “It is you, isn’t it?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/14/20225 minutes, 51 seconds
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'I’m a big believer in overpraising my children. Never did me any horm as a kid'

Sorcha is unpacking her collection of Lladro figurines from a cordboard box. She says she’s worried about Honor.I’m like, “Honor? In terms of what specifically?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/7/20225 minutes, 51 seconds
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'Honor storts screaming at the top of her lungs. But no one hears her. Because mine are louder'

So I’m in, like, Dundrum Town Centre with Honor and we’re racing for the lift slash elevator before the doors close. There’s, like, eight or nine people in there and they all do that thing that I always do when I’m in a lift slash elevator and someone is rushing for it. They all pretend they can’t see us, while one of them — some random old dude? — makes a movement like he’s looking for the hold doors button but he does it in, like, slow motion. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/30/20225 minutes, 38 seconds
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'Ronan is a – what’s the word – Republican? As in, he’s got the names of the whole crew from 1915 tattooed on his upper orm'

Claire from Bray of all places says the miniature Scotch eggs are – oh my God – divine? Sorcha says the secret is to fold some Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco into the pork mince before deep-frying the things in 100 per cent corn oil. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/23/20225 minutes, 41 seconds
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'The girls are staring at me in just, like, awe – they’re ready to learn from the master'

I’m like, “Okay, listen up, everyone,” spinning a rugby ball in my hands and – to be honest? – loving the way my voice sounds right now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/16/20226 minutes, 2 seconds
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‘Just because I’m a serial liar doesn’t mean that I can’t be trusted’

Lauren — as in, like, my best friend Christian’s wife? — has never been my number one fan. There are many reasons for that. For storters, she wouldn’t be what I would call a rugby person? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/9/20225 minutes, 58 seconds
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‘How much would it mean to the girls storting school here to have the legendary Ross O’Carroll-Kelly teaching them rugby?’

It’s, like, the first day of the school year and we’re standing outside the gates of Castlerock College. Although it would be more accurate to say that we’re blocking the gates — yeah, no, in protest at the school’s decision to go co-ed. There’s, like, 40 or 50 old forts involved — mostly mates of my old man’s — and they’re in their literally element. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/2/20226 minutes, 59 seconds
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‘Sorcha Lalor, you were the best Dalkey Lobster Festival Queen we ever had’

There are – I think we’d all agree? – some great events in the South Dublin social calendar. There’s, like, the Dublin Horse Show. There’s the arrival of Santa Claus in a twin-engine Sikorsky on the roof of Dundrum Town Centre each December. And there’s obviously Bloomsday – or, as I call it, Halloween for wankers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/26/20226 minutes, 55 seconds
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I’m lying by the pool, doing my daily sit-ups with my top off, when I hear Honor go, ‘Oh, for fock’s sake! Not these two focking clowns!

The weather in — yeah, no — Portugal has been so good that Sorcha has been suffering the big-time guilts over the future of what she calls our planet? But on Tuesday everything changed when a severe depression suddenly blew in from the west — in other words, her old pair came to visit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/19/20227 minutes, 13 seconds
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‘Pissing in a swimming pool is a bit like farting at Mass. The trick is to squeeze it out quietly’

It’s a cracking day in Quinta do Lago — but then aren’t they all? I’m having my first piña colada of the morning because I drank way too much last night and I’m feeling like dogshit that’s been stepped in twice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/13/20226 minutes, 36 seconds
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What are the girls in Mount Anville going to say when they find out you’re living in a housing estate?

A well-appointed property,” Sorcha goes, reading from the bumf, “set in the hort of one of South Dublin’s most sagacious suburbs. Oh my God, I love that word. It sounds amazing, doesn’t it, Ross? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/6/20227 minutes, 6 seconds
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I look fantastic for a man of 42, abs like speed bumps and pecs like bay windows

So – yeah, no – I’m in the gym in Riverview, trying to get myself beach body-ready for Quints in the middle of August. Today is orms day and I’m sitting on a Swiss ball in front of a long mirror, with a 6kg dumbbell in either hand, thinking how fantastic I look for a man of, like, 42, with abs like speed bumps and pecs like bay windows. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/29/20227 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘No focking way. I’m not breaking into the dude’s office’

The old man has a Cohiba the size of a Wavin pipe wedged between his teeth and I end up having to open the window so I don’t die of smoke inhalation.“The fock are we even doing here?” I go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/22/20226 minutes, 46 seconds
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‘I wonder sometimes are these kids definitely mine’

Ireland are playing the All Blacks but Sorcha has planned a family weekend to Center Parcs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/15/20226 minutes, 30 seconds
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Our daughter is completely devoid of human feeling

It’s here — as in, like, the big day? Honor has reached the final of the Joshua Pim Shield and it’s the most excitement Glenageary has seen since Google accidentally called it Glasthule in the course of mapping the area and 14 per cent was wiped off local property values overnight. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/8/20227 minutes, 44 seconds
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Noah is graduating from creche. (Who the fock is Noah?)

Sorcha asks me if I’m ready and I tell her – yeah, no – I think so? I’ve got my Rugby Tactics Book on the coffee table, twenty-four sticks of Heinemite in the fridge and I’ve aired out my Cantos with the loose elastic in which I do all of my best thinking. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/1/20227 minutes, 4 seconds
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Sometimes you have to break the Mount Anville code

“Daddy long-legs,” Leo goes, pointing at quite literally nothing. “It’s a focking daddy long-legs.”I’m like, “For the fifteenth time, Leo, it’s not a daddy long-legs. It’s a crack in your glasses from when Johnny hit you across the face with the griddle pan.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/24/20226 minutes, 53 seconds
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‘You didn’t think I was going to sit back and watch you allow girls into this school, did you?’

“Ross,” Fionn tries to go, “you can’t keep turning up at the school like this.”And I’m like, “Who says so?” sitting down opposite him and throwing the old Dubey Dubey Doos up on his desk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/17/20227 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘I love Honor’s attitude. Not everyone does, but I’d be a major, major fan’

“Oh my God, that’s her!” Honor goes. Her being Corina Brien, her opponent in the first round of the Joshua Pim Shield in Glenageary Lawn Tennis Club. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/10/20227 minutes, 20 seconds
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Sorcha is still serious about knocking gaff and turning it into aportments

Sorcha has ordered a skip. Yeah, no, that might not be big news where you live – but on Vico Road, Killiney, it’s, like, massive? Because it’s evidence that you’re up to something. And around here, there’s very little that escapes the attention of the local residents’ association, especially with their hourly drone flyovers looking for evidence of illegal building activity in the area. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/4/20227 minutes, 7 seconds
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"Three triplets and only one can be a mascot for Leinster. Who will it be?"

So I’ve brought Brian, Johnny and Leo to Morseille – yeah, no, the one in France – for their very first European Cup final. It’s, like, 24 hours before kick-off – or kick-orse, as I call it – and the excitement is already storting to build?https://www.irishtimes.com/podcasts/ross-ocarroll-kelly/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/27/20227 minutes, 41 seconds
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‘We want to build a block of aportments... affordable ones’

There’s a familiar face in the kitchen, although I’m struggling to put a name to it. “Ross,” Sorcha goes, “you remember Foraoise Farrell, don’t you? Holy Child Killiney?”And that’s when the penny suddenly drops. Yeah, no, I was in UCD with her brother, Conor. We did the old Sportsman Dip course together – although the only sport we actually played, if I’m being honest, was pool while pissed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/20/20226 minutes, 51 seconds
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‘There are millions of people who would give their right orm to live in Killiney’

“What do you think?” Sorcha goes. Yeah, no, she’s trying to choose an outfit for the annual Vico Road and Vico Road-Adjacent Residents’ Association stort-of-summer borbecue and she’s been at it since nine o’clock this morning. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/13/20227 minutes, 3 seconds
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Women’s toilets? I mean, what’s next? A hockey pitch?

So it’s, like, Day Whatever-it-is and my period of isolation is finally over. I’m about to ring the goys to see if anyone fancies hitting The Bridge for a few bank holiday scoops when all of a sudden my phone rings and it ends up being dick features himself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/6/20227 minutes, 13 seconds
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‘My antigen is still positive, but I’ve never felt better’

According to my latest antigen test, I’m still positive, but – the most random thing – I’ve never felt better in my life, either physically or whatever other ways there are. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/29/20226 minutes, 53 seconds
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‘I will never forgive your old pair for treating us to this trip’

"I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve been dreading this week since Christmas. And not dreading it in the same way that you dread, I don’t know, root canal surgery, or an NCT. I mean dreading it like you dread your own death, if that’s not putting it too strongly?" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/23/20226 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘You focking idiot, Ross! Chocolate is poisonous to dogs’

Christian’s wife, Lauren, has never been a fan of the Rossmeister General. I don’t mind. I think it was me who first said I’d rather be someone’s shot of tequila than everyone’s cup of tea... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/16/20226 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘Fifteen rooms is a lot to put down.’

‘Most of them are empty and there’s, like, a homelessness crisis? I’m going to put six rooms’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/11/20225 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘Girls learn differently to boys – and when I say differently, I mean slowly and not as well’

Charles O’Carroll-Kelly goes on Drivetime to talk about Castlerock College going co-ed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/2/20226 minutes, 40 seconds
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‘A co-educational school has never won the Leinster Schools Senior Cup!’

How can Ross convince the goys that Castlerock should never let in girls? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/26/20226 minutes, 27 seconds
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'Do you mean there’s going to be, like, girls going to Castlerock?'

Fionn’s changed since he landed the top job at our old alma mater Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/19/20226 minutes, 23 seconds
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'It’s off to Budapest for Dr Holger Esterházy’s miracle hair restoration treatment'

There’s goys from Michael’s, Belvedere, Gonzaga and Blackrock all mixing with each other like there’s no actual difference between them Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/12/20226 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘You lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup – does that mean nothing to you now’

A tap on the shoulder while getting in a quick pint at the bor in Dublin Airport Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/4/20226 minutes, 1 second
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‘Fifty grandingtons!’ – that’s the cost of the Budapest hair clinic

Fifty grandingtons. That’s what this crowd in, like, Budapest want to share the secret of Dr Holger Esterházy’s hair restoration miracle with me. I tell Winker Raymond – who did the Sportsman Dip course with me in UCD – that it seems a bit on the, I don’t know, steep side? But he reminds me that a year ago he had a head like a plucked scrotum and his confidence was on the floor – and now he’s dating a woman who’s, like, 26. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/25/20226 minutes, 10 seconds
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'Just because we have money, we can't keep Killiney all to ourselves'

Sorcha is quiet this morning. I honestly haven’t seen her this distracted since she got a girl sacked for plucking her eyebrows in a way that made her face look – her word – quizzical? And she keeps asking the same question that she asked that day: “Am I, like, a bad person?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/18/20226 minutes, 53 seconds
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Rezoning Dalkey for affordable housing? The natives are up in orms

Sorcha calls the Emergency General Meeting of the Vico Road and Vico Road-Adjacent Residents’ Association to order.“I realise that there’s a great deal of concern in this room,” she goes – this room being our living room, by the way? – “but it would be helpful to me, as the chair, if we could hear from just one person at a time?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/11/20227 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘I feel like my old man – the pub bore, shouting opinions into the air while everyone zones out’

It’s the night before Sixmas and I’m sitting in The Bridge 1859, sharing with the goys the gift of my pre-tournament analysis. I’m telling them that I think Ireland are now the best passers of the ball in world rugby – and I’m including the All Blacks in that – but the most random thing is happening as in, they’re not hanging off my every word like they usually are? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/4/20226 minutes, 6 seconds
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‘When I say it’s oaber, Rosser, Ine thalken about me and Hodor’s business. It’s boddixed’

Ronan’s there, ‘I sted at the roulette table too long – stordee of me life’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/28/20225 minutes, 59 seconds
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‘Like a great many politicians, I have a public position, as well as a private position’

Chorles may miss his first Six Nations championship match in almost seventy years Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/22/20226 minutes, 18 seconds
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‘This is killing me, Sorcha. I feel about as useful as a focking Orts degree’

“God, I’m bored,” I go. “How far into this whole self-isolation thing are we now?”Sorcha’s there, “We’re halfway-”I’m like, “Halfway?”She goes, “-halfway through day two.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/14/20226 minutes, 17 seconds
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‘Andrea Shotton called me maskier than thou,’ Sorcha goes

Sorcha says we dodged it.And I’m like, “What are you banging on about?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/7/20226 minutes, 22 seconds
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‘Oh, please, God, no. I can’t become a father again at, like, 42’

“I think I’ve finally figured it out,” I go – and, yeah, no, I’m talking about the latest restrictions. “If I set the alorm for, like, 2am and give the kids their breakfast, that’ll mean we can move lunchtime back to, say, 8am, which will mean that I’ll have my stomach properly lined when I stort drinking at 10am." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/31/20216 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘It’s such a good present I actually wanted to smash it to pieces – just purely out of spite’

Ross makes Sorcha a doubly special Christmas gift.Thanks to everyone who listened to the podcast in 2021. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/24/20216 minutes, 27 seconds
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Sorcha injures her foot, while Honor makes a shocking discovery

There’s no doubt that Honor takes after her old man in terms of never being afraid to call it.“Why is Dad allowed to get shitfaced with his friends,” she goes, “and my brothers aren’t allowed to put on the story of the birth of Jesus?”I’m like, “Er, I thought you were, like, an atheist?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/18/20216 minutes, 27 seconds
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The Christmas cards are out, but a problem arises

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “we are so on top of Christmas this year!”I’m there, “In terms of?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/10/20216 minutes, 15 seconds
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‘If you have to hide a cash incentive inside a food, it’s almost certainly not worth eating’

Sorcha has pushed the boat out in a major way here. She’s having – get this – a Christmas mother and daughter day with her old dear and Honor and she’s gone about it in her usual try-too-hord way. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/3/20216 minutes, 49 seconds
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'Johnny goes, "My daddy says we’re going to eat a reindeer"'

“Boys and girl,” the air hostess goes, “we have arrived in Rovaniemi, Lapland – home of Santa Claus!” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/26/20216 minutes, 45 seconds
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Of course Santa exists – who do you think drinks all the Heineken?

Sorcha ends up saying the most unbelievable thing when the boys ask if Santa is real Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/19/20216 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘I lead the boys at gunpoint up the Shelbourne Road’

It’s a big day for Johnny Sexton. And it’s a big day for me as well. I’m – yeah know – bringing the boys to see the great man win his 100th cap against Japan at the Aviva, and I decide to swing into Christian’s gaff on the way there just to use the old Josh Ritter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/13/20216 minutes, 35 seconds
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‘I can lie – very easily – but not when it comes to rugby’

An encounter at rugby training sees Ross making an unexpected connection. From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, as read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/5/20216 minutes, 33 seconds
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‘They talk about the Collison brothers, but those chaps have got nothing on you, Honor’

The famous Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara says he hasn’t been this excited about a business idea since we built all those houses on a floodplain in west Dublin in the 1970s... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/29/20217 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘You are not giving me a combover’

Blinky the borbor in Monkstown suggests a Jude Law or a Matt Damon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/22/20216 minutes, 5 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I can’t go bald. I’m 41 – but I’m, like, a young 41?’

The latest dispatch from Ross O'Carroll Kelly, as read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/15/20216 minutes, 39 seconds
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'My children are storting to grow on me'

'Since they storted school at Willow Pork, it’s been rugby, rugby, rugby, with no mention of soccer'From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard.irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/8/20216 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘He has a dreamcatcher tattoo on the back of his wrist. It’s like he does these things deliberately to make me hate him’

Hennessy pulls out the big guns to help settle a case of caravan arsonFrom The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard.irishtimes.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/1/20216 minutes, 39 seconds
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"I’m having Vietnam-style flashbacks here"

Mad as it sounds, sometimes it’s easier to tell the girl the truth. I’m like, ‘Honor burned down the caravan, Sorcha’From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/24/20216 minutes, 24 seconds
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"Honor says she’s not getting the Covid vaccine"

Sorcha’s family conference to discuss registration for teenagers doesn’t quite go to plan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/20/20215 minutes, 53 seconds
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"You don't seem angry, like a lot of people who are into the Irish language" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #4

Ross goes on a date with Marianne the Irish teacher, beginning with Mass.This is the final of four excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book Normal Sheeple - out now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/19/20217 minutes, 35 seconds
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"It's a ball, but not an ordinary-shaped ball. This one is, like, round" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #3

On holidays in Kerry, Ross has a chance encounter with some locals and tries his hand at Gaelic football. The third of four exclusive excerpts from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book Normal Sheeple. Normal Sheeple is out now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/18/202110 minutes, 3 seconds
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"Out of the hundred or so people seated for dinner, I'm the only one wearing a Leinster jersey" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #2

This week we're bringing you four exclusive excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book, Normal Sheeple, which is released on Wednesday 18th August.Today: Ross and Sorcha attend a dinner in honour of President Putin, who makes an unusual request. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/17/20219 minutes, 20 seconds
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"Everyone's clapping as Sorcha steers Samantha Power to the front row" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #1

This week we're bringing you four exclusive excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book, Normal Sheeple, which is released on Wednesday 18th August.Today: Sorcha takes control of Samantha Power's visit to her alma-mater Mount Anville. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/16/202110 minutes, 35 seconds
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‘His wife moves the cursor on his work laptop every five minutes, so it doesn’t go into sleep mode’

Toni Loscher next door is power-washing the wooden patio again. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/7/20216 minutes, 13 seconds
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‘I want you to, like, Insta-story my Covid test journey’

Sorcha and her ‘symptoms’ want me to tag along for her PCR test Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/30/20216 minutes, 23 seconds
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'Are you suggesting I pretend to have Covid?’

I end up lying on her behalf to get her out of an unwanted visit to – oh my God – Lusk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/23/20216 minutes, 34 seconds
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‘Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara taught me how to drink a Mortini in three mouthfuls’

Ross’ father is determined to make sure a birthday party takes place indoors in the Horseshoe Bar Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/17/20216 minutes, 39 seconds
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‘Ronan showed me how to light a fire and make it look like an accident’

Ross can’t face a week in a mobile home with Garret and Claire, but Honor has a plan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/9/20216 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘I’d rather rip out my molars with a pliers than holiday in Ireland again’

‘So what’s there to see in Ballycanew?’ ‘A Daybreak and a Londis’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/2/20216 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘You’ve massively disimproved with age ... The big, fat rugby head on you’

I'm looking at the other 41-year-old men and I’m thinking how well I look by comparison Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/26/20216 minutes, 24 seconds
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‘I’ll throw on my nudey lady borbecue apron’

Sorcha panics during a gathering of friends but Ross is on hand to help Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/18/20216 minutes, 10 seconds
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I’m like Cersei Lannister – refusing to leave the throne

It’s the first day of the Leaving Cert and my hands are shaking like the old dear’s when I hide the corkscrews Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/11/20216 minutes, 37 seconds
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‘There wasn’t even a turn-down service, Judge. I’ll be having flashbacks for as long as I live’

‘I’d rather spend next 12 months in prison than endure one more night in a limited services hotel’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/28/20216 minutes, 56 seconds
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‘Rugby banter is taking a dump in someone’s shoes’

Ross is pressured into chopping off Christian’s top knot in the name of ‘rugby banter’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/21/20216 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘Rugby is not pass the porcel, Morcus’

Rugby training is back and Brian, Johnny and Leo are in a loser pod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/14/20216 minutes, 13 seconds
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'Then she says it – the words all south Dublin parents dread'

Honor gets frank with Ross after he fails to see the painful truth about his boys’ rugby abilities Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/7/20216 minutes, 25 seconds
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‘They brought a corvery dinner to my room!’

‘Who in the name of God eats four types of potato with their dinner?’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/30/20216 minutes, 33 seconds
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‘We’re looking for Fionnuala O’Carroll-Kelly. She absconded from quarantine this morning’

Ross's parents continue to play by their own rules when it comes to lockdown. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/23/20216 minutes, 32 seconds
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'I just assumed quarantine wouldn’t affect people like us'

Ross's mother finds herself in mandatory hotel quarantine. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/17/20217 minutes, 18 seconds
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‘Get in before they change their minds and haul your orse back to jail’

Ross collects his unrepentant anti-lockdown dad from Mountjoy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/9/20216 minutes, 23 seconds
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My opening line in the Irish oral was ‘Bonjour’. I never really recovered after that

Honor devises a strategy for Ross as he attempts the exam for the second time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/2/20216 minutes, 45 seconds
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‘The judge tells us – in, like, legal language – to shut the fock up’

The old man tells the court he broke lockdown and refuses ‘to live under your mortial law!’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/26/20217 minutes, 1 second
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‘We’re not a priority for the vaccine.’ ‘Even though we’re rich?’

Honor learns money can't buy everything as Ross and Sorcha purge their friend lists Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/20/20215 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘I urge you all – standing here, in the People’s Pork – to remove your masks!’

It’s a mask-off in Dún Laoghaire as the old man leads an anti-lockdown march Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/12/20217 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘Netflix is port of the conspiracy! A form of methadone’

Just google George Soros Molesworth Street and it’s all there! We have all been had... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/5/20216 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘We can’t just dump all our rubbish in the front gorden, Sorcha'

'Every single room in this house is haunted by the guilt of my failure’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/26/20215 minutes, 59 seconds
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"Wuthering Heights is basically the story of my life"

Ross likens his life to Heathcliff’s – especially when it comes to women Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/19/20215 minutes, 45 seconds
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'After a year of being locked up together, we are sick and tired of the sight of each other’

‘You asked me the other night was I breathing louder than usual?’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/12/20216 minutes, 14 seconds
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‘Have you seen the chemtrails over Foxrock this morning?’

Sorcha loses it with Ross’s dad on Zoom when he discusses conspiracy theories Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/5/20216 minutes, 29 seconds
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‘I know every mork on the floor, the walls and the ceiling of this bor’

Every – I don’t know – significant thing that ever happened in my life has some association with Kielys of Donnybrook Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/29/20216 minutes, 22 seconds
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‘75? What on earth makes you think I’m 75?’

‘They’re using the vaccine to force people to say they’re over 70 when they’d pass for 50’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/22/20216 minutes, 53 seconds
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‘Honor has been, like, homeschooling me’

I’ve never passed an exam in my entire life. I’m still driving on a provisional Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/15/20216 minutes, 20 seconds
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‘The pressure of being the cool parent ends up being too much’

I stand up on a chair and I take down the three guns... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/8/20216 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘Do Dry January? That’s crazy talk’

No booze, swearing or sweets – Sorcha has new year’s resolutions for all the family Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/1/20216 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘I want a Christmas that Tony Holohan would approve of’

Sorcha is determined to stage a Christmas Day gathering that complies with safety guidelines Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/18/20206 minutes, 34 seconds
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‘How much moo are we talking – for, like, midnight Mass in, say, Foxrock?’

Ronan is making a mint from black market Mass tickets until three wise men arrive Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/11/20206 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘One of your Three Wise Men stuck his middle finger up at me’

All of a sudden I’ve got a woman asking me if I find food intolerances funny.. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/4/20206 minutes, 10 seconds
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The kitchen smells of rum. Either my old dear is over or Sorcha’s baking a Christmas cake

Storting Christmas early could be good for our mental health... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/27/20206 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘I’ve storted a rumour Matt Damon wants to build a house on Coliemore road’

I just want him to see what people from Dalkey are really like. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/20/20206 minutes, 23 seconds
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‘Honor was walking around with the blond wig and Make America Great Again sweatshirt’

‘It’s like The West Wing when Jed Bortlet had to step down and John Goodman became president’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/13/20205 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘Where is Flavian Way, anyway? It actually sounds more Glenageary than Dalkey?’

There’s no trick-or-treating this Halloween, but the trolls seem to be out in force. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/7/20206 minutes, 46 seconds
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‘You can’t end a relationship with someone by climbing out the window’

I’m not 100% keen on Honor driving, mainly because she’s 14, has no licence, tax or insurance Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/7/20206 minutes, 7 seconds
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I can hear the old dear’s hysterical voice going, ‘Better men than you have eaten my one-pot stews!’

As Sorcha said, I shouldn’t have been throwing the old Gilbert around at her Ulysses fancy dress porty... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/23/20206 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘Johnny actual Sexton is at the front door’

I throw back the duvet, hop out of bed and step into my chinos, all in one fluid movement Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/16/20206 minutes, 19 seconds
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‘Ross,’ the old man goes, ‘I’m afraid I’ve made a dreadful mistake!’

Sounds like Sorcha’s old dear is driving the old man cuckoo in their Brittas Bay love nest Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/9/20206 minutes, 2 seconds
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‘Oh, right – you’re one of these maskier-than-thou people’

Talking to strangers on the doorstep is dangerous. Who knows what I might catch? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/2/20206 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘I’ve never been much of a conversationalist, but I’m on fire with this woman’

It storted with the shooting-of-the-s**t that goes with a doorstep package handover Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/26/20206 minutes, 5 seconds
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‘They want us to vacate this place so they can use it as a love shack?’

Sorcha’s old dear and my old man are supposed to be moving into the Lalors’ holiday home in Brittas Bay, except three dudes – studenty types – have been refusing to leave. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/18/20206 minutes, 2 seconds
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‘I wouldn’t expect an animal to live in that place. And, besides, it’s rented out at the moment’

The old pair are a bad influence on Honor so the plan was to move them out... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/11/20206 minutes, 16 seconds
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I’ve seen her drink turpentine and still be sober enough for nine holes in Foxrock

It looks like she’s a cranky drunk – in that way, she does take after her grandmother Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/4/20206 minutes, 25 seconds
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This is still the Vico Road. Pandemic or no pandemic

There are landmork moments in our children’s lives. First day of school. First time you hold their hair back so they can vomit a naggin of vodka Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/28/20206 minutes, 2 seconds
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Your old dear is no scene-stealer... she has sticky-out ears and legs like the William Dorgan Bridge

‘Your dad is the leader of a political porty that believes women should have to re-sit their driving test every six months to prove their competency to drive’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/21/20206 minutes, 50 seconds
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‘I’m going to ask you something,’ Sorcha goes, ‘Have you two been sleeping together?’

‘I suspected there was something going on. I have a sixth sense for this’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/14/20206 minutes, 24 seconds
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‘We could be in DeVille’s among people who get where we’re coming from. Literally the Vico Road’

The sensible thing to do is to accept defeat early and try to get back on the road before the traffic gets bad Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/7/20206 minutes, 46 seconds
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We’re not American. This is how people from south Dublin talk?

The Dingle restaurant owner thinks Ross’s family are from the US – and things get ugly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/31/20206 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘I know none of us should be travelling - but Fock it’

‘Quinta do Farranfore? I’ve never heard of it’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/24/20206 minutes, 37 seconds
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‘We’ll be eating soup in Drizzle Mór while everyone else is sipping pina coladas’

Posting a Fáilte Ireland pic on Instagram doesn’t mean you’re actually on a staycation Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/18/20206 minutes, 1 second
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‘You see, the 50-person limit has made Mass tickets a hot commodity’

It seems young Ronan is doing a line in black morket tickets for Masses and church services Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/11/20206 minutes, 16 seconds
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‘That’ll teach him to challenge the Rossmeister to a mickey-swinging contest’

Time to put Christian in his place – after all, it’s what best friends are for Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/3/20206 minutes, 37 seconds
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‘I’m the same as you. I hate it when other people are good at stuff that I’m not good at’

Honor plots revenge for Ross after his rugby chat gets hijacked Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/26/20206 minutes
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‘We give our children everything they ask for, if that makes us bad parents – guilty as chorged’

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: I’m not sure we’re the kind of family who likes fun Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/19/20206 minutes, 30 seconds
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She saw a goy in a white coat and shouted, ‘Hero!’ And he was like, ‘Er, I work in Kiehl’s’

Honor restorts the economy while Sorcha’s Zoom call proves fatal to Ro’s alibi Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/12/20206 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘We’re having a fancy dress porty and I’m going as the wife of a philanderer’

Despite Sorcha’s warning, Ross may have just made a bad situation worse Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/5/20206 minutes, 36 seconds
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‘Adultery is like getting a dent in a new cor. Once you’ve done it once, it gets easier’

Rueful Ross realises the old man may have amorous notions when he spots that missing Greg Norman hat. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/29/20206 minutes, 56 seconds
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‘It’s a shame it took a global pandemic to get Ross to keep it in his trousers’

'You’re lucky my orms don’t stretch two metres – because I would deck you for that' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/22/20206 minutes, 30 seconds
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‘Dad, you can shove your offer. I’m going to sit the Leaving Cert’

The Rossmeister prepares for a third crack at the exams with Honor’s home-schooling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/15/20206 minutes, 43 seconds
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‘I’ve been booking supermorket delivery slots weeks in advance. Then selling them for €70 each’

Welcome to the horsh realities of the free morket, Honor goes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/12/20206 minutes, 14 seconds
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‘Ross, how would you like to make love to a woman with grey hair?’

After weeks in lockdown Sorcha’s roots are showing... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/2/20206 minutes, 14 seconds
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‘Sorcha has an – I think it’s a word – alterior motive for the Zoom call’

Sorcha is working on her best self and getting the old man and old dear talking again Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/24/20206 minutes, 11 seconds
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Joe Wicks goes, ‘That’s our warm-up completed.’ I’m already focked

Phoning ‘Mom’ is a sure sign Covid-19 crisis brings out the best in people Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/17/20206 minutes, 14 seconds
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‘We’re not going to eat the banana bread. We’re going to give it to the neighbours’

Neighbourly gestures are one thing, but a hostage exchange is quite another. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/10/20206 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘We’re fine up here, Ross. I just can’t imagine this thing coming to Foxrock’

Phoning ‘Mom’ is a sure sign Covid-19 crisis brings out the best in people Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/3/20206 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘Ross, from this morning, you’re going to be home-schooling Honor.’ I laugh out loud

Home-schooling? Me? But I’m a complete focking dunderhead... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/27/20206 minutes, 39 seconds
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‘The O’Carroll-Kelly Saliva Stakes is the closest thing we have to live sport now’

For five days, I’ve been stuck in the house and I can’t help thinking, ‘God, my family are annoying Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/20/20206 minutes, 30 seconds
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‘Ross, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Your mother is on Tinder’

The old dear is catfishing dudes on Tinder by pretending to be only 58about 6 hours ago Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/14/20206 minutes, 11 seconds
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‘I recognise the look instantly. One cheater knows another’

The old dear was planning to propose to him on Saturday night Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/6/20206 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘Samuel Beckett’s a writer. He wrote Waiting for Bobo’

The old dear is up in arms because the house is being considered for a preservation order Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/28/20206 minutes, 28 seconds
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‘I just shake my head... The dirty dog. The filthy hypocrite’

The triplets tear apart an oil painting of their smiling grandad and make a delightful discovery Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/21/20206 minutes, 32 seconds
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‘Sold to the man in the Ireland jersey with a bowtie tied around his neck!’

Who wouldn’t spend too much at a charity auction for a horrible portrait? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/15/20206 minutes, 29 seconds
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‘I want you to flirt with the girl on the reception desk’

Sorcha will do literally anything to get Honor into the right Irish college Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/7/20205 minutes, 47 seconds
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‘I want this to be as big as the Statue of bloody well Liberty!”’

The old man is ordering a statue of Fr Fehily – with Panzer tanks and hippos, of course Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/31/20206 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘Críost on a rothar. It looks like Chorlie Haughey’

The old man has spent some of his hord (slash, crookedly) earned money on a statue of the late, great Fr Fehily Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/24/20206 minutes, 29 seconds
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I hate my father-in-law the same way dogs hate lampposts

‘He hasn’t come to kill you, Ross. He’s come to dig up the time capsule we buried in the gorden just before the millennium’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/17/20206 minutes, 21 seconds
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"You’re a camel hair coat away from being your grandfather, Ro"

Ronan admits to Ross he threw the race at Leopardstown on Stephen Zuzz Day. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/10/20205 minutes, 35 seconds
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‘We should have maybe hired a professional jockey’

Leopardstown proves to be Hoss O’Carroll-Kelly’s downfall by betrayal Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/3/20205 minutes, 49 seconds
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‘Is anyone going to own up to this Kris Kindle? Is this some kind of joke?’

I love playing Santa Claus. The adulation brings me back to my schools’ rugby days Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/24/20195 minutes, 47 seconds
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‘Ross, you can’t hold a note. I don’t want you embarrassing yourself’

The Rossmeister gets into the spirit of the season with a spot of Grafton Street carolling Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/20/20195 minutes, 49 seconds
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‘Goys, does Ronan look like he’s actually in control of that horse?’

I’m like, ‘What the fock, Ro?’ because I’m suddenly thinking about the 20Ks I’ve just lost... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/13/20195 minutes, 41 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘We may need to cuff him when we get to Lapland’

A surprise trip to take the kids to see Santa Claus does not go according to plan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/6/20196 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘Tubs sees the boys then and – in fairness – he gives them the benefit of the doubt’

Sorcha’s Toy Show dream quickly comes to an end when Ryan Tubridy meets the boys on set. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/29/20196 minutes, 30 seconds
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'The dude goes, The horse is a maniac. He's the maddest animal I've ever seen'

Meeting our temperamental racehorse, Hoss O'Carroll-Kelly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/22/20196 minutes, 24 seconds
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'Oh my God', Honor goes, 'there's a focking horse in the gorden!'

Yeah, no, I bought a racehorse, but it's not for Honor - it's for my old school's honour. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/15/20195 minutes, 59 seconds
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'Me and the goys are thinking of buying a horse'

All the posh schools have a horseracing syndicate. Why not Castleknock College? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/8/20196 minutes, 22 seconds
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‘It’s supposed to be like Quinta do Lago – except outside it’s Ballymahon’

A trip to Center Porcs leads to an encounter with one of Sorcha’s frenemies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/1/20196 minutes, 9 seconds
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"It absolutely kills me to say this, but people hate our kids"

There's barely a day goes by when I don't think "God what I wouldn't do for a condom and a time machine". But that's parenting. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/25/20195 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘Munster didn’t beat the All Blacks in 1978. This video proves it’

What the fock? Did the old man pay someone to fake a video? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/18/20196 minutes, 39 seconds
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‘No, Sorcha. I’m going to Japan. The team needs me’

The Rossmeister is struck with a sudden case of FOMO with just one phone call. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/11/20196 minutes, 50 seconds
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'All these early morning matches are taking their toll on me'

Being fired as godfather is making him teary - so is the breakfast beer... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/4/20195 minutes, 52 seconds
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'My meal was served on a 1986 edition of the 01 phone directory'

Sorcha's was served on a VHS copy of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/1/20195 minutes, 49 seconds
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Isn’t everyone wearing a kimono to watch the rugby?

‘According to Fionn, it makes me guilty of a thing called “cultural appropriation’’’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/20/20196 minutes, 16 seconds
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‘Munster beat the All Blacks. We’ve all heard the story... but did it really happen?’

The old dear thinks the old man has lost his marbles. He’s set up a vlog. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/13/20196 minutes, 24 seconds
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‘How does another dog plus five grand sound?’

Baxter’s rightful owner has shown up, and Honor’s not giving him up without a dogfight. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/6/20196 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘How dare they leave out the hyphen?’

A letter from Munster Rugby leaves Ross's old man pacing the floor. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/30/20196 minutes, 25 seconds
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Schmidt Happens: Excerpt Three

The third and final excerpt from 'Schmidt Happens', the eighteenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/29/20195 minutes, 3 seconds
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Schmidt Happens: Excerpt Two

The second of three exclusive excerpts from 'Schmidt Happens', the eighteenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/28/201910 minutes, 33 seconds
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Schmidt Happens: Excerpt One

The first of three exclusive excerpts from 'Schmidt Happens', the eighteenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/27/20199 minutes, 50 seconds
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As one girl puts it, ‘Send him back to Google in a focking wheelchair’

In an extract from his new book, Schmidt Happens, Ross O’Carroll-Kelly has taken on his toughest job yet – coaching the Facebook tag rugby team for their annual summer match against Google. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/23/201912 minutes, 24 seconds
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‘The dude pats me down to make sure I’m not packing heat’

Ross doesn’t like what he sees when he visits Ronan at work for some lunchtime pints. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/16/20196 minutes, 17 seconds
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‘You can’t fire me as a godparent. I resign’

The dog is for the chop until Ross channels his inner rugby captain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/9/20195 minutes, 54 seconds
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A south Dublin borbecue – what could possibly go wrong?

Christian is horrified to find his Wagyu steak looks tougher than Billy Vunipola. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/2/20196 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘I wouldn’t be shocked if she was running a meth lab out of her bedroom’

A dickhead of a smoke alorm ruins Ross’s night and leads him to a surprising discovery... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/26/20195 minutes, 42 seconds
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‘You found 10 bags of cocaine and you go to the police?’

Ro learns how to handle found goods, from the master, Hennessy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/20/20196 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘It’s coke, Rosser.’ I’m there, ‘Well I knew it wasn’t Shake n’Vac’

The old man got more than he bargained for when he bought a Lambo at a Cab auction Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/12/20195 minutes, 36 seconds
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I’ve tried my best not to love my son any less since he storted wearing glasses

I have to remember to treat them all equally, even though one of them is clearly never going to play Leinster Schools Senior Cup rugby due to being basically half-blind. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/5/20195 minutes, 42 seconds
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Honor has suddenly started to think about environmental issues ... but why?

My daughter had previously told me that being seen to care is a sign of weakness Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/29/20196 minutes, 12 seconds
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Honor leaves Love Island to admit to driving the cor

‘Do you know how embarrassing it is to live in Killiney and have to drive stick shift?’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/21/20196 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘While I hate lying to him, that’s my job as a parent’

I end up carrying Leo in to the ophthamologist. I don’t know why – there’s fock-all wrong with his legs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/14/20195 minutes, 46 seconds
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‘Sorcha says the words that every rugby father dreads’

She walks into the kitchen and storts looking at Leo in a suddenly strange way Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/8/20195 minutes, 48 seconds
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'The Lambo my old man gave Ro is having a strange effect on him'

‘Your accent has gone full Colin Farrell from Intermission since we passed the turn-off for Newtownmountkennedy’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/31/20195 minutes, 40 seconds
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‘We’re going to be doing what I call, Maths Through Rugby’

Rosston College has an eventful first day with the triplets out of Montessori. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/24/20196 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘You’re a Montessori teacher. A babysitter with good insurance cover’

It wouldn’t be an uncommon occurrence for me and Sorcha to find ourselves in a school principal’s office having to apologise for the behaviour of our children. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/17/20195 minutes, 59 seconds
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‘I know deep down she actually hates that I’m the cool parent’

Honor is at a birthday party – what usually follows is a solicitor’s letter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/10/20196 minutes, 4 seconds
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'I don't mind being buried in Deansgrange. It's a good address'

Sorcha's old pair are making arrangements for her resting place - but Honor has different ideas. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/3/20196 minutes, 10 seconds
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'What the fock are you doing in a red Lambo?'

Ronan is about to finish college and the old man has a bribe to bring him onside. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/26/20196 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘We’re going to miss the Easter Bonnet Parade in Dalkey’

Sorcha is crying in the cor. “How could something like this have happened?” she keeps going – over and over again. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/19/20195 minutes, 55 seconds
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‘I’m just saying that our kids are three little yobs’

Sorcha is on the warpath after the latest phone call from the Montessori about the triplets Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/12/20195 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘Let’s just say the match is not a good advertisement for rugby’

Most of our goys look like they’ve been pulled from the sea after their ship went down. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/5/20196 minutes, 30 seconds
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‘I dedicate each sit-up to someone who’s done me wrong over the years’

Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘Inevitably, given the pressure I’m putting my mind and body under - I end up blacking out’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/29/20196 minutes, 17 seconds
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I’m remembering Fr Fehily hyped up to fever pitch after listening to his Hitler 45s

Unfortunately, I don’t have Fr Fehily’s command of German or his record collection. But I do have my own – let’s just say – motivational qualities? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/22/20196 minutes, 16 seconds
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‘Gout? What the fock is gout? And please don’t say it’s caused by rugby’

Preparation for our grudge match with Newbridge isn’t going to plan. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/15/20196 minutes, 4 seconds
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‘We would have beaten you with or without Fr Fehily’s doping programme’

Our victory was slightly tainted when the IRFU stripped us of our medals. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/8/20195 minutes, 54 seconds
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The old man takes his truth bus to UCD’s snowflakes

I’m, like: ‘You’re not going to drive around Belfield bellowing insanely at passers-by?’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/1/20196 minutes, 13 seconds
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No one warns you as you leave Holles Street, “Kids can be seriously focking annoying”

Honor goes, ‘The only reason I’m ringing is because there’s a Gorda checkpoint ahead’. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/22/20195 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘A convicted criminal is what this female student person called me!’

The old man has a plan to stop him being no-platformed by UCD. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/15/20195 minutes, 51 seconds
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''Fock England!’ they shouted as we passed actual England supporters'

The three boys experience that landmark moment: their first rugby international. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/8/20196 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘Ugly right-wing views? Is this about my letter to The Irish Times?’

There’s some kind of protest in UCD as the old man arrives for his talk. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/1/20196 minutes, 9 seconds
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‘I’m entitled to know why taxi drivers seem to think so little of me’

Honor’s blackmailing skills come out after using Sorcha’s MyTaxi app. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/25/20195 minutes, 57 seconds
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'How does this sound: The O’Carroll-Kelly Institute of Rugby!'

Why is there no O’Carroll-Kelly building? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/18/20196 minutes, 28 seconds
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‘Honor can be terribly cruel – it’s hilarious if you’re not the one on the receiving end’

Sorcha’s What Would Jesus Eat Diet lasts a record four hours. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/11/20196 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘Honor cops me standing there, staring at her like she’s a dog explaining Brexit’

Ross discovers his 13-year-old daughter has secretly been driving his BMW X5 for the last two years. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/4/20195 minutes, 56 seconds
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‘Croia called me a Gender Binarist because of my Goys and Dolls party’

‘She said if we hadn’t been friends for 20 years, she would have called the Gords’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/28/20186 minutes, 30 seconds
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‘Our way of dealing with our children’s anti-social behaviour has been to totally ignore it’

Ross and Sorcha are particularly tense watching the triplets in their nativity play... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/21/20186 minutes, 17 seconds
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‘I’m sorry but that’s where this Santa Claus draws the line’

Ross, dressed as Santa, can’t believe it when a boy asks him for an Ireland soccer jersey for Christmas Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/14/20185 minutes, 57 seconds
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'I shan't be moving. I've got a full stomach and an empty bladder'

We are surrounded by empty porking spaces but neither of us is prepared to give up this one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/7/20185 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘I’m sorry for crying. It’s just my brain feels like it’s turning into paté’

I had to unmute the Mount Anville mothers’ WhatsApp group - I couldn't bear the silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/30/20186 minutes, 25 seconds
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‘I swear on my children’s lives I’ve had no contact with Peter Casey’

Ireland are beating the All Blacks with 15 minutes to go but everything is kicking off in the old man’s corporate box Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/23/20186 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘Our bogey group should be lactose-intolerant Border-county cyclists’

The old man is plotting a fresh course for New Republic given the Peter Casey effect. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/16/20186 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘I’m now a member of nine Mount Anville WhatsApp groups'

This is my life now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/9/20186 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘Just because people are vulnerable doesn’t mean they’re not taking the piss’

"Peter Casey has out-Charles-O’Carroll-Kellyed Charles O’Carroll-Kelly" says the old man. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/2/20186 minutes, 56 seconds
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‘Honor was actually conceived in this cor?’ ‘We should push it off a cliff’

Sorcha gets teary about her old Rav4 in Dundrum cor pork Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/26/20186 minutes, 27 seconds
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‘You grew up in south Dublin, but it’s like you arrived from space an hour ago’

Ross gets a horsh lesson on how Mount Anville moms’ WhatsApp groups really work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/19/20186 minutes, 5 seconds
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‘I’m with The Girls. We’re getting along like doughnuts and Blanchardstown’

Sorcha tells Ross that Honor has set up a review site. It’s called Rate My Playdate. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/12/20186 minutes, 2 seconds
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'There’s a girl who works in the Bailey. And before you say anything,we were on a break at the time'

What would Johnny Sexton do when confronted with plotting a way through Dublin’s no-go areas? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/5/20185 minutes, 47 seconds
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‘I had no idea how difficult being a Mount Anville mom was going to be’

I’ve joined the WhatsApp group the moms set up, and it is intense... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/28/20186 minutes, 19 seconds
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"Limerick’s definitely been tidied up a bit since ‘Angela’s Ashes"

I convince the lads to go to Munster to rescue Joey Corbery Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/21/20186 minutes, 3 seconds
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My sons take after me in their love of being surrounded by admiring females

The boys can presumably see that Mallorie Kennedy is a serious, serious honey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/14/20186 minutes, 3 seconds
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Dancing with the Tsars Excerpt #4

Fourth and final excerpt from Dancing with the Tsars, the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book from Paul Howard. And we're back tomorrow with Ross's regular audio column.(Earlier we reposted Excerpt #1 in error - apologies to our listeners) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/7/20186 minutes, 45 seconds
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‘Working remotely is modern business-speak for on your own time and for no extra money’

I’ve been slaving over the microwave to prepare a family meal for us. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/7/20185 minutes, 47 seconds
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Dancing with The Tsars Excerpt #3

Preparing for Round Two of the Strictly Mount Anville Father and Daughter Dance Competition. Excerpt three of four from Dancing with the Tsars. It's available in bookshops today. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/6/20187 minutes, 31 seconds
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Dancing with The Tsars Excerpt #2

Sorcha delivers her maiden speech on the floor of the Seanad, with mixed results. The second of four exclusive excerpts from the new Ross O'Carroll Kelly book, Dancing with the Tsars. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/5/201811 minutes, 4 seconds
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Dancing with the Tsars Excerpt #1

It's the first of four exclusive excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book 'Dancing with the Tsars'. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/4/201810 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘I suddenly feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society’

It’s portly my responsibility to deal with the triplets’ swearing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/31/20185 minutes, 52 seconds
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‘Goys, this is Tayto Pork!’ The triplets’ faces light up’

‘Focking fockers!’ Brian goes, obviously looking forward to releasing some of that pent-up energy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/24/20185 minutes, 38 seconds
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'A chill goes through my body as I notice her - get this - kissing an actual boy'

Honor lasted the course in the Gaeltacht - and that's suspicious. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/17/20185 minutes, 27 seconds
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"There’s a lot of Oh! My! God!s – even by normal South Dublin standards"

While Honor’s away, the guests will play. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/10/20185 minutes, 55 seconds
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‘You cried once when Elaine Crowley was on holidays and someone else was presenting Midday’

Honor’s off to Irish college somewhere called Tralee – I’m going to miss the little wagon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/3/20185 minutes, 48 seconds
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‘Tag rugby is, like, speed dating for South Dublin people’

Time for the Rossmeister to show this LinkedIn team what actual rugby is Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/27/20185 minutes, 59 seconds
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‘I’m reminded of an old rugby saying of mine: never be afraid to let the opposition see your abs’

One by one, I open the buttons of my shirt. Then, I stort unloading the dishwashing, making sure to let him see The Six. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/20/20186 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘The hosepipe ban isn’t for People Like Us. It’s only €125’

Fionnuala has tipped waiters that much for a good Martini. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/13/20186 minutes, 15 seconds
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‘I considered driving over a cliff just so I wouldn’t have to hear their focking voices’

Tempers fray as the family are landed with some cling-ons Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/6/20185 minutes, 56 seconds
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'I'm close to cracking up and we're not even on the runway yet'

The family is flying to the south of France. It hasn't started well. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/29/20186 minutes, 23 seconds
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'I'm morking the 20th anniversary of failing my test for the first time'

Ross sets off for the driving test centre, confident it will be 17th time lucky. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/23/20185 minutes, 59 seconds
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'Unless it's escaped your attention, I'm a complete moron'

Sorcha wants me to stay home to look after the kids. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/16/20186 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘Are you saying you want me to be one of those stay-in-bed fathers?’

Sorcha’s landed some job, and I don’t loike where this is going Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/8/20185 minutes, 42 seconds
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‘I’m the best estate agent you have – and that’s not me being big-headed’

It’s time to learn some crucial differences between GDPR and CPR Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/1/20185 minutes, 5 seconds
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‘If she’s never met a brat like Honor before, she mustn’t be from around here’

There has to be a consequence for ruining Sorcha’s royal wedding porty, hasn’t there? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/25/20185 minutes, 40 seconds
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‘He was basically saying I’m Leinster and Ireland’s unsung hero’

So I’m lying on the floor in Bilbao airport – in shock Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/18/20185 minutes, 33 seconds
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It turns out that I’m not as blue-blooded as I thought

In fact my ancestors – brace yourselves, goys – are from Munster Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/11/20186 minutes, 3 seconds
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‘Priced out of Killiney? That’s what you get for choosing an orts degree!’

Ross has done a whole series of ads for the ‘Irish Times’ property section Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/4/20185 minutes, 55 seconds
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Kielys of Donnybrook could be lost forever

Surely Ross can come up with a plan to save a little bit of southside heritage... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/27/20186 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘I can sense Sorcha tensing up when Honor is asked, “Do you reject Satan?”’

It’s one of the biggest days in the south Dublin social calendar Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/20/20186 minutes, 16 seconds
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‘I’m not posting bail for Conor McGregor. He dresses better than I do’

Ronan wants to go to New York and hab a woord with his heerdo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/13/20185 minutes, 20 seconds
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‘People need to realise ‘Room to Improve’ is just a TV show. It’s not reality’

You’d have to be up early in the morning to get one over on Lauren, though - and when I say early, I mean before the Happy Pear goys are turning cortwheels on Greystones beach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/6/20185 minutes, 35 seconds
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‘I’ve chosen Vladimir for my Confirmation name. After Vladimir Putin’

I grab my jacket and I perform my famous Ironmonger Act – I make a bolt for the door. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/30/20185 minutes, 19 seconds
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‘It’s 500 yoyos to secure a seat, non-refundable in the event of cancellation’

Rude restaurants – in Ranelagh – are back and the family has a booking Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/23/20186 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘Bouncy castles attract undesirables. They’re not for People Like Us’

Just when Ross thought there were no more tears, the floodgates open in Bucharest Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/16/20186 minutes, 9 seconds
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‘You’re going to need to find another sucker – Mother’s Day or no Mother’s Day’

Ireland are playing Scotland – but I know my old dear well enough to know when I’m being blackmailed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/9/20185 minutes, 42 seconds
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‘You went down a different route, Sorcha. You had a family. Three beautiful children. Plus Honor’

The Mount Anville past pupils breakfast is like LinkedIn with egg white omelettes and epic insincerity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/2/20185 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘Why am I driving a shit cor? Because rugby is no longer a guarantee of anything’

It’s hord to put into actual words the power of my new, one-seat, electric, company cor, other than to say it’s like if you fixed four wheels to Sorcha’s hair dryer, then tried to drive the thing to work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/23/20185 minutes, 54 seconds
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Grab It, Trouser It and Leg It – a proper name for an estate agent

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The agency is rebanding and Ross doesn’t like it Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/16/20185 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘All these years, I’ve taken the rap for being the unfaithful one’

Sorcha’s digging her way through a landfill of old memories Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/9/20186 minutes, 14 seconds
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The Gord goes: ‘Do you ever inquire as to what your daughter gets up to online?’

‘You’d better look at the video she posted three days ago’... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/3/20186 minutes, 1 second
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‘We’re from South Dublin – none of us want to work for anything’

Honor is rude to randomers on Grafton St – and Ross has never been so proud. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/26/20185 minutes, 41 seconds
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‘When Dricmas falls on a weekend, people are entitled to the Monday off’

Ross discovers that his idea of a Holy Day of Obligation doesn’t quite tally with his bos Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/19/20186 minutes, 11 seconds
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‘To my ears, Irish always sounds like someone is hurting a Norwegian’

Ross isn’t on board with Sorcha’s Irish resolution – and it’s about to blow up in his face Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/12/20186 minutes, 3 seconds
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I’m the most high-profile Irish rugby player who never got the Leaving?’

The dude who rings is called Mister Something-Something. His name isn’t important. He says he’s from the Deportment of Education and he has some good news for me. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/5/20185 minutes, 43 seconds
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‘Your resolution was to become part of the Irish coaching staff. How did you get on?’

“It’s an amazing way of celebrating our Irishness in this period of historic centenaries,” claims Sorcha Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/30/20176 minutes, 14 seconds
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‘Oh my God, it’s Christmas – and we’ve just been told there’s no room at the Inn’

Honor goes, “What the fock are we doing in Cork anyway?” and I end up having to laugh because it’s honestly like listening to myself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/22/20175 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘Don’t forget to leave a very, very large gin and tonic out for, ahem, Rudolph!’

“Honor has never been sentimental about Christmas. Do you remember the first time we ever watched the Late Late Toy Show together as a family? And she said she wanted to smash all of the toys with a hammer just to make all the other children cry?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/15/20176 minutes, 25 seconds
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‘Dave came back from that HR course like a soldier who’s been to war and can’t speak about it’

Dave from the office was in chorge of payroll until he did a course in human resources in the Smurfit Business School in Blackrock and returned to work six weeks later having lost his sense of smell, his sense of taste and – most tragically of all – his sense of humour. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/8/20176 minutes, 16 seconds
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‘Grandad!’ Rihanna-Brogan shouts. ‘Don’t call me that! Call me Rosser. Or Rossmeister’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly is a grandfather and his old man is building a prison called Robbin’ Island. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/1/20175 minutes, 51 seconds
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‘You don’t discriminate. You’re a complete pig to absolutely everyone’

“Dad,” she goes, “you are so not a sexist. You’re horrible to women and men. It’s one of the few things I actually like about you.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/24/20175 minutes, 32 seconds
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‘I have no prejudices. Except people who aren’t from Dublin’

Lauren, the new Lady Managing Director of Hook, Lyon and Sinker, thinks I have a problem taking orders from women. Which is complete horseshit, of course. I worked behind the bor at the annual Foxrock Golf Club Ladies Foursomes event for seven years in a row and took thousands of orders from women. Mostly for gin and tonics. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/17/20175 minutes, 34 seconds
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‘I know HR is an actual thing now, but to me it’s like homeopathy or dinosaurs'

I walk into the office to discover that all of my most treasured possessions have been stuffed into a cordboard box, which is sitting on my desk. We’re talking my ‘That’s Leinstertainment’ travel mug. We’re talking my 13 letters of censure from the Property Services Regulatory Authority. We’re talking my signed photograph of Richie McCaw (“To Ross,” it says. “You could have been one of the all-time greats,” words which still bring a tear to my eye, even though I told him specifically what to write). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/10/20175 minutes, 34 seconds
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‘A brain like tiramisu.’ ‘Multi-layered?’ ‘No, soft and full of custard’

Hennessy and the old man have bought Hook, Lyon & Sinker, but the way Hennessy’s talking, it’s not looking like yours truly is their first choice for managing director Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/5/20175 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘I have to say my year in UCD was possibly the happiest three months of my life’

The annual Iron Stomach Contest is as much a part of UCD life as wearing your schools rugby jersey for the first 10 weeks of first year and experimenting with your sexuality by getting off with people who didn’t go to fee-paying secondary schools. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/27/20176 minutes, 13 seconds
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'Believe me,’ Honor goes, ‘she’ll thank us for this in the long run’

My daughter is doing a Closet Purge for her vlog. A purge with a difference – it’s Sorcha’s closet and there’s petrol involved Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/20/20175 minutes, 46 seconds
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‘You’re a bloody good estate agent. I’ve heard of your lack of emotion and basic humanity’

The old man asks me for my thoughts on the Budget – like it affects me somehow?“What Budget?” I go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/13/20176 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘If white collar crime is a crime, then why does no one ever go to jail for it?’

If you’d told me, when I was, like, 16 years old, that one day I’d end up literally working for a living, I would have asked you, well, what was the point of playing rugby in the first place? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/6/20175 minutes, 23 seconds
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‘This is my actual Dad, Ross. He’s a kind of fat rugby has-been’

It’s like Honor’s had some kind of, I don’t know, personality transplant? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/29/20175 minutes, 59 seconds
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Operation Trumpsformation: On Referendum Day, The Cornival Atmosphere Turns Sour for Ross

The fourth and final exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/25/20177 minutes, 41 seconds
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Operation Trumpsformation: Micheál Mortin Calls The Old Man's Attitude Cavalier & Irresponsible

The third of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/24/20178 minutes, 36 seconds
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Operation Trumpsformation: Honor, The True Heir to The O'Carroll-Kelly Rugby Name

The second of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/23/201712 minutes, 14 seconds
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Operation Trumpsformation: The Old Man's Vision for A New Ireland

The first of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/22/20175 minutes, 46 seconds
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‘There could be anything in there: a gun, €100k in cash, one of her teachers gagged’

Ross and Sorcha find something suspicious – but they’re the ones in trouble Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/17/20176 minutes, 1 second
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The old dear goes: ‘I will never forgive you for this, Ross’

Ross manages to throw the most unwanted birthday party of all tim Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/8/20176 minutes, 15 seconds
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‘It’s the Vico Road. Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?’

The HSE have paid Ross a visit, but it takes him a while to figure out why Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/1/20175 minutes, 25 seconds
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‘It still hasn’t dawned on Sorcha that Honor is the wrong crowd’

First day in ‘actual Mount Anville’, but the last thing Honor needs is a chaperone Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/25/20175 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘The anaesthetist is a total knockout – no pun intended’

“Now,” she goes, “when I give you the injection, I want you to count backwards from 20.”I’m like, “Twenty?” and I can hear the fear in my own voice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/18/20176 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘Public transport is for the poor and fallen’

The old dear might be ‘entitled’ to free travel, but that doesn’t mean she wants it Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/11/20175 minutes, 39 seconds
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‘You drove to LA to hear a man from Crumlin swearing? You should have just gone to Crumlin’

Some quick thinking is required of Ross to bail Ronan out of trouble – again Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/4/20176 minutes, 22 seconds
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‘Ross,’ he goes, ‘you marbles-in-your-mouth, soft-as-shite, South Dublin mammy’s boy’

Oisinn goes, “Yeah, you’ve been sitting there all night with a face on you like the Long Mile Road. Why did you even come out? You should have stayed home and watched Love Island.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/28/20176 minutes, 9 seconds
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‘The doctor says it’s an old rugby injury – I can’t tell you how proud that makes me’

Ross finds the past, and tackles by Jerry Flannery, catching up with him Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/21/20175 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘Is Honor double-bluffing me? Or is she double-double bluffing me?’

Sorcha has gone away for the weekend to a Himalayan Spa Retreat in a hotel on the R280 just as you’re coming into Drumshanbo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/14/20175 minutes, 47 seconds
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"We need a name that says it’s for welfare cheats”

I’ve hordly ever seen the old man this excited about something non-rugby related. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/7/20176 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘I hear someone blubbing and I suddenly realise it’s me’

He asked me for 20 snots. And as I peeled two Brodie Jenners off the wad, I could seem him silently kicking himself that he didn’t ask me for 50. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/30/20176 minutes, 2 seconds
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'He dresses like shop security from the 1980s'

Ross is forced to engage his brain, with surprisingly good results. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/23/20175 minutes, 44 seconds
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‘We’re southsiders,’ I tell her. ‘We don’t really do feuds’

"I'm Ross O'Carroll Kelly. What's *your* superpower?" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/16/20176 minutes, 1 second
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‘We’re about to have our first openly second-tier-private-school-educated taoiseach’

“Well, I’ve never heard of him. What school did he go to?”“King’s Hospital, Ross!”“Jesus. No wonder he says it doesn’t matter where you come from.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/9/20175 minutes, 42 seconds
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‘Look me in the eye, Rosser. Did you hab sex with my wife that neet?’

We keep driving. He doesn’t say anything for a minute or two. Then he goes, “You know, I shouldn’t eeben be in the cunter doddy.”I’m like, “In the what?”“The cunter doddy. This cunter doddy. Arelint.”“Oh, Ireland – right.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/2/20175 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘We all make mistakes, Ro. . . Just try not to sleep with the wives of any other gangland killers’

Sometimes the best advice we can give our children is the most obvious. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/26/20175 minutes, 38 seconds
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‘Look, the recession was a fluke. No one knows why it happened, just that it did’

Why am I getting grief for giving Ross jnr a wad of cash? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/19/20175 minutes, 49 seconds
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"It’s like if Tarantino directed Wind in the Willows"

Can Ross save Ro from Grievous Bodily Harm? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/12/20176 minutes, 6 seconds
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‘I stop seeing them as criminals, and more as a normal family, like the Kordashians’

In which Ross and Ronan encounter celebrity gangster Grievous Bodily Horm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/5/20176 minutes, 11 seconds
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‘All estate agents know how to make bread. It’s one of the first things they teach you'

Ross rediscovers the simple pleasure of selling property to desperate house-hunters in an overheating morket. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/28/20176 minutes, 17 seconds
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'Your daughter is malevolent, belligerent and discourteous'

Honor outwits Ross after a focking disastrous parent-teacher meeting. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/21/20176 minutes, 20 seconds
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"Ronan, I'm terrified of you being sucked into the world of guns, drugs and non-rugby nicknames"

"Ronan, I'm terrified of you being sucked into the world of guns, drugs and non-rugby nicknames" by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/14/20175 minutes, 43 seconds
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‘I push the stick towards him with what resembles a dead rat on the end of it’

It’s, like, so random seeing my old man without hair... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/7/20176 minutes, 16 seconds
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I am so excited thinking about all of the people’s lives we can change with this money!

I am so excited thinking about all of the people’s lives we can change with this money! by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/2/20176 minutes, 11 seconds
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Ross will pay it, Shadden. As a matter of fact, Ross will pay for absolutely everything

Ross will pay it, Shadden. As a matter of fact, Ross will pay for absolutely everything by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/23/20175 minutes, 56 seconds
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I genuinely feel like grabbing that wig right now and focking it in the Liffey

I genuinely feel like grabbing that wig right now and focking it in the Liffey by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/16/20176 minutes, 53 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: “I’m here to watch Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you.”

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: “I’m here to watch Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you.” by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/10/20176 minutes, 31 seconds
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‘It’s the Celtic Phoenix, Sorcha. People are thankfully being stupid again’

‘It’s the Celtic Phoenix, Sorcha. People are thankfully being stupid again’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
3/3/20176 minutes, 14 seconds
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"The Dublin accent was invented to allow criminals to talk to each other"

"The Dublin accent was invented to allow criminals to talk to each other" by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/24/20176 minutes, 12 seconds
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‘If you showed Dermot Bannon around the inside of my head, he’d say the design was minimalist’

‘If you showed Dermot Bannon around the inside of my head, he’d say the design was minimalist’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/17/20175 minutes, 52 seconds
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They’ll have to rename it ‘Don’t Tell the Bride I Did the Dirt on Her Again’

They’ll have to rename it ‘Don’t Tell the Bride I Did the Dirt on Her Again’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/10/20175 minutes, 32 seconds
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The old man wants to build Trump’s Mexican wall

The old man wants to build Trump’s Mexican wall by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
2/3/20176 minutes, 2 seconds
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‘I actually like Trump. I like the way he pisses people off. I can see a lot of myself in him’

‘I actually like Trump. I like the way he pisses people off. I can see a lot of myself in him’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/27/20176 minutes, 1 second
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‘I thought Pythagoras was something the Greeks dipped their bread in'

‘I thought Pythagoras was something the Greeks dipped their bread in' by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/20/20175 minutes, 25 seconds
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"She unbuttons her coat and that’s when I notice that my old dear has had . . . augmentation"

"She unbuttons her coat and that’s when I notice that my old dear has had . . . augmentation" by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/13/20175 minutes, 49 seconds
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‘I win Most Ingenious Yet Borderline Illegal Use of the Phrase “Within Commutable Distance” award’

"All those prophets of doom who said we would never again make the mistakes of the Celtic tiger era have been proven well and truly wrong. We’re not only making those mistakes, we’re making lots of new ones as well.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
1/12/20176 minutes, 21 seconds
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‘The two of us listen to them roaring at each other’

‘The two of us listen to them roaring at each other’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/29/20165 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘The turkey shuffles into the room and jumps onto the sofa beside me’

‘The turkey shuffles into the room and jumps onto the sofa beside me’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/21/20166 minutes, 5 seconds
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Going through Honor’s Santa list must be what it’s like to go on Tonight with Vincent Browne

Going through Honor’s Santa list must be what it’s like to go on Tonight with Vincent Browne by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/15/20165 minutes, 36 seconds
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‘The old man is making a complete orse of himself’

‘The old man is making a complete orse of himself’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/9/20166 minutes, 26 seconds
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Have you ever had an episode like this before? You could use his orteries for attic insulation

Have you ever had an episode like this before? You could use his orteries for attic insulation by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12/2/20166 minutes, 39 seconds
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‘I wouldn’t be any kind of best man if I didn’t try to persuade you'

‘I wouldn’t be any kind of best man if I didn’t try to persuade you' by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/25/20165 minutes, 47 seconds
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I think it was John F Kennedy who said that politics was the something of something else

I think it was John F Kennedy who said that politics was the something of something else by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/17/20166 minutes, 13 seconds
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When she was born, the midwife smacked her orse and Sorcha fake-smiled her back

When she was born, the midwife smacked her orse and Sorcha fake-smiled her back by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/11/20166 minutes, 11 seconds
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Don’t be frightened, it’s just latex and make-up – but you can call her Granny

Don’t be frightened, it’s just latex and make-up – but you can call her Granny by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
11/7/20166 minutes
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‘Mount Anville took out a High Court injunction banning me from their debs one year’

‘Mount Anville took out a High Court injunction banning me from their debs one year’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/21/20166 minutes, 11 seconds
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‘You’re a dirty dog. And I can’t tell you how proud that makes me feel’

‘You’re a dirty dog. And I can’t tell you how proud that makes me feel’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/13/20166 minutes, 5 seconds
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Women want more. I say let them have it. I’m just not sure I’m the man to give it to them

Women want more. I say let them have it. I’m just not sure I’m the man to give it to them by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
10/7/20165 minutes, 51 seconds
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“ It feels like you’re.”“What?” “I’m going to use the phrase ‘pimping me out’.”

“ It feels like you’re.”“What?” “I’m going to use the phrase ‘pimping me out’.” by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/30/20165 minutes, 50 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘No one goes to lectures before Christmas’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘No one goes to lectures before Christmas’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/23/20165 minutes, 57 seconds
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‘Her ex worked as a risk assessor for an insurance company. I call him Love Actuary’

‘Her ex worked as a risk assessor for an insurance company. I call him Love Actuary’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/16/20166 minutes, 5 seconds
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‘Did you hear that, Shadden? George Clooney is one of Hennessy’s neighbours!’

‘Did you hear that, Shadden? George Clooney is one of Hennessy’s neighbours!’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/9/20166 minutes, 28 seconds
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‘Honor is pacing in front of the cage, glowering at 200 terrified kids’

‘Honor is pacing in front of the cage, glowering at 200 terrified kids’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
9/2/20166 minutes, 28 seconds
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RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 4

RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 4 by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/29/20167 minutes, 49 seconds
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RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 3

RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 3 by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/29/201610 minutes, 45 seconds
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RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 2

RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 2 by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/29/20164 minutes, 55 seconds
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RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 1

RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 1 by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/29/20168 minutes, 40 seconds
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We can hear them chanting through the walls of the dressing room

We can hear them chanting through the walls of the dressing room by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/26/20166 minutes, 10 seconds
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‘You’re so transparent. You’re trying to butter me up so I won’t humiliate you too badly’

‘You’re so transparent. You’re trying to butter me up so I won’t humiliate you too badly’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/22/20167 minutes, 19 seconds
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‘After 2km, I’m wheezing like a 60-cigarettes-a-day man while Garret isn’t even breathing heavily’

‘After 2km, I’m wheezing like a 60-cigarettes-a-day man while Garret isn’t even breathing heavily’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/17/20166 minutes, 23 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘He’s got 12 months of hord training behind him. All I’ve really got is drugs’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘He’s got 12 months of hord training behind him. All I’ve really got is drugs’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
8/5/20165 minutes, 37 seconds
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‘That’s a side-effect of taking these pills, by the way – short-term memory, em . . . thingy ’

‘That’s a side-effect of taking these pills, by the way – short-term memory, em . . . thingy ’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/29/20165 minutes, 34 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What’s happening with your face?’ ‘I’m thinking. I’m thinking deeply’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What’s happening with your face?’ ‘I’m thinking. I’m thinking deeply’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/22/20165 minutes, 54 seconds
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‘I suddenly feel the kind of shame that only a couple of lunchtime pints can help erase’

‘I suddenly feel the kind of shame that only a couple of lunchtime pints can help erase’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/16/20166 minutes, 6 seconds
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"See that little island down there. Lambay Island. Or – as it will soon be known – Aquatraz"

"See that little island down there. Lambay Island. Or – as it will soon be known – Aquatraz" by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/8/20166 minutes, 17 seconds
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“Do you want to be the fedda puking his ring up on the soyud of the road?

“Do you want to be the fedda puking his ring up on the soyud of the road? by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
7/1/20165 minutes, 30 seconds
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‘I find myself standing on Vico Road, hand on the wall, throwing my breakfast up’

‘I find myself standing on Vico Road, hand on the wall, throwing my breakfast up’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/24/20166 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘Claire doesn’t have, like, a Wicklow Wicklow accent? she’s very, very nearly South Dublin’

‘Claire doesn’t have, like, a Wicklow Wicklow accent? she’s very, very nearly South Dublin’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/17/20165 minutes, 58 seconds
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‘Are any of you familiar with Countdown?’ Of course they are – they were in UCD

‘Are any of you familiar with Countdown?’ Of course they are – they were in UCD by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/10/20165 minutes, 52 seconds
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re like a young Katie Hopkins – except more, I don’t know, evil?’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re like a young Katie Hopkins – except more, I don’t know, evil?’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
6/3/20166 minutes, 20 seconds
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JP’s dad won’t be able to show his face in Doheny & Nesbitt’s again

JP’s dad won’t be able to show his face in Doheny & Nesbitt’s again Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/27/20166 minutes, 19 seconds
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‘I can see Honor standing in the wings, giving Miss Pallister the famous one-finger salute’

‘I can see Honor standing in the wings, giving Miss Pallister the famous one-finger salute’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/20/20166 minutes, 11 seconds
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She might have fitted into the dress on our wedding day, but now, well..'

She might have fitted into the dress on our wedding day, but now, well..' by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/20/20165 minutes, 32 seconds
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‘I put Leinster on the Census form as my religion’

‘I put Leinster on the Census form as my religion’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
5/7/20166 minutes, 8 seconds
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‘If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a pretty good indication you’re never going to’

‘If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a pretty good indication you’re never going to’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/29/20165 minutes, 29 seconds
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‘I could tell you the word she used except The Irish Times probably wouldn’t print it’

‘I could tell you the word she used except The Irish Times probably wouldn’t print it’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/22/20166 minutes, 7 seconds
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‘I can’t wait to see Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you in the High Court'

‘I can’t wait to see Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you in the High Court' by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
4/15/20166 minutes
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Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: doing a hard sell on Inchicore as an estate agent

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: doing a hard sell on Inchicore as an estate agent by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.