S4 Episode 10: Passion is Not the Same as Jealousy: One Thrills and the Other Kills Episode SummaryPassion is something that we all look for in a romantic relationship, but how we define passion can vary.  Often people place too much value on passion as a way to measure the success of a partnership. Viewing a lack of excitement as a sign the relationship is not healthy or fulfilling is misdirected.Passion, like many things, can evolve in a relationship.  It can be more subtle than the thrill of sexual excitement.  It can exist in multiple aspects of your shared life with your romantic partner.  Passion can be stimulating or inspiring.  It should never be scary or threatening.Passion is not drama or jealousy. If you or your partner need to create emotional upheavals to feel something, that is unhealthy behavior that should be addressed.  Passion should be a positive experience that is shared by the couple.  Jealou

S4 Episode 9: You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once Episode SummaryBelieving you can have it all in a relationship is realistic, as long as you accept that it will probably not happen at the same time.  There will be points in a romantic relationship where certain priorities the couple has identified take precedence over others.  Whether it is romance, sex, financial security, family, travel, hobbies or sleep, there will never be enough hours in the day to fully satisfy all of the daily responsibilities that come with life. The important thing is being on the same page as your partner.  If the two of you have built a strong foundation of respect, communication, trust and acceptance in your relationship, it will be easier to plan and work together to meet your personal and relationship goals.  Working cooperatively can help you achieve your relationship wants and needs in a more efficient manner. </

S4 Episode 8: Keeping Score Will Make Everyone a Loser Episode SummaryBecoming a couple means compromise and a willingness to take turns.  While it is natural to want your romantic relationship to be equitable, it is more difficult to achieve in reality.  For many, keeping score is a way to enforce this idea of fairness.  Unfortunately, it is misguided and often leads to resentment in the relationship.Constant comparison in a relationship is unproductive and unhealthy.  Resources will never be evenly distributed between the two members of the couple.  Whether it is time, money, sleep or responsibilities, one person will always feel as though they received the short end of the stick.Instead of keeping track of who did what, you should focus on behaviors that support the relationship as a unit.  Reshape your perspective and divide tasks or responsibilities in a manner that each person is playing to their strengths.

S4 Episode 7: Every Person Needs to Be Selfish in a Relationship, Just Make Sure to Take Turns Episode SummaryWhen two people come together in a partnership, there is often the expectation that individual autonomy takes a back seat to the couple’s wants and needs. This is the quickest way to breed resentment in a relationship.  Instead, each person should work in tandem to achieve common goals while still preserving their mental, emotional and physical health.One of the only ways to make sure your individual wants and needs are being met is to be slightly selfish when the opportunity presents itself.  Prioritizing self-preservation is what reinforces a couple’s bond.  When there is mutual respect, trust, empathy, acceptance and accountability in a relationship, prioritizing your own needs and wants at times is not only possible, but encouraged.The key to a successful relationship is recognizing that each m

S4 Episode 6: Resentment is Relationship Cancer Episode SummaryResentment is natural and inevitable.  Hence the reason it is responsible for so many relationships coming to an end. It can come from internal or external sources and can wreak havoc on your love life.  Every person should be aware of what their resentment triggers are, and clearly communicate them to their partner.Whether it is a power imbalance, mistreatment or feelings of inadequacy, you must be vigilant with how your partner’s behavior and actions are impacting your feelings about the relationship.  Letting things fester is never a good idea, nor is ignoring an issue that keeps coming up.Empathy is the best way to combat resentment.  By actively placing yourself in your partner’s shoes, you may be able to catch yourself or a situation before it breeds negative feelings.  Practice self-awareness and ask your partner to do the same.  Togethe

S4 Episode 5: It’s All in the Delivery: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It Episode SummaryThe ability to communicate effectively with your partner is one of the key elements of a successful relationship.  For many people, it is not the substance of what is being said that creates issues in a relationship, but how that information is delivered.  In order to get the most benefit out of your relationship, you need to understand your partner’s preferred communication style and tailor your message in a manner that is productive.When communicating wants, needs, boundaries and feelings to your partner be aware of your tone, timing and word choice.  If a message is delivered with anger, frustration, hostility, blame or condemnation, the chance of engaging in a productive conversation is minimal. Even if you are approaching your partner with something benign, if the timing is inopportune, you may find yourself engaged in co

S4 Episode 4: Acceptance is Not the Same as Forgiveness Episode SummaryEvery relationship will have its trials and tribulations; feelings will be hurt, boundaries will be violated, and trust will be tested.  How you choose to react to those transgressions will determine the fate of the relationship. You may be willing to forgive a partner’s behavior, but that does not mean you will accept the consequences that arise from their actions. Acceptance of a partner’s flaws, past or baggage is very different from accepting disrespectful or abusive behavior.  Moreover, you may be willing to forgive your partner’s behavior or actions without ever fully accepting the impact it had on you and your relationship. Unfortunately, refusal to accept something will often result in the same issues reappearing in the relationship.The decision to forgive and/or accept is yours alone. Sometimes it is easier to forgive or accept your p

S4 Episode 3: Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity Episode SummaryIndependence is one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess.  Men and women are drawn to an independent person.  Why? Because when someone has interests and friendships outside of their romantic partnerships it sends a very clear message: I don’t need to be with you to be happy, I want to be with you because you make me happy!  A common mistake people make when searching for a romantic partner is basing their ability to get along with another person as evidenced by sharing common interests like a love of the outdoors or a preference of a certain genre of music.  While it can be a bonus to have some hobbies or passions that match up, it is not necessary for a romantic relationship to thrive. To be able to share experiences that are significant with a partner or expose them to something new is exciting and can help create intimacy.  It can nurture em

S4 Episode 2: Fifty Shades of Infidelity Episode SummaryFor many, the concept of infidelity in a romantic relationship is black and white.   However, what constitutes cheating is open to interpretation, hence the fifty shades.  Your partner’s perception of behavior that they deem as unacceptable may be very different from your own.  Make sure to understand your partner’s boundaries and comfort level, so that you don’t accidently step over the line. Moreover, make sure you have a clear understanding of what your own boundaries are and communicate them to your partner.  Would you be okay with your partner’s harmless flirting or provocative dancing with a friend at a party? Maybe.  Would your feelings change if the same behavior took place outside of your presence? Probably.  The point is boundaries are fluid, depending on the time, place and people involved.Trust is a necessary component for a healthy relati

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth Episode SummaryWhen it comes to relationships, honesty is not always the best policy.  Truth is based on fact, whereas honesty is based on feelings and opinions. While it is important to be truthful with your partner about your intentions and expectations, giving your “honest” opinion is often not appreciated and can cause unnecessary conflict.Criticism wrapped in the legitimacy of honesty carries more weight than it should.  It makes the person receiving the comments believe the “honest opinion” is the consensus, which is rarely the case. If you want to alert your partner to something they have said or done that upset you, be truthful about it. Communicate in a thoughtful and productive manner and explain your feelings.Practice empathy by acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. Understand your partner’s boundaries and make