What are the things you wish someone told you about being in a long term relationship that absolutely killed your last relationship? Maybe you’re in a new relationship now, and you want to know how to set your relationship up for success to make it last for years and years to come. Although we can agree humans are naturally social creatures, it is damn hard being in a relationship for years with the same person. Personalities change, arguments fester longer than they should, and your partner’s quirky ways that were once cute are suddenly making the hair on your neck stand.Intimacy is hard. Communication gets even harder (probably because most of us suck at it), and yet, there are successful relationships and marriages that inspire us and restore our faith in the possibility of a shared life experience that can be beautiful.Tom and Lisa’s relationship is far from perfection and yet so close relative to who they have grown into as individuals and as life partners. In this episode, get out your notepad or open up your note taking app. The lessons and thoughts they share about their successes and failures through 20 years together are worth holding onto.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:0:00 | Introduction to Finding the Perfect Relationship0:59 | 3 Surprises of a Long Term Relationship 20:26 | Choose Your Partner Wisely33:02 | Solution to Mismatched Sex Drive1:03:20 | Get the Right Amount of Texting1:14:47 | Don’t Let Fights Go Unresolved1:37:40 | Address Your Own Insecurities1:46:20 | Value a Growth Mindset TogetherQUOTES:“It is 100% important to be selfish, in the sense of taking care of yourself, what makes you happy, so that you can show up to be happy in that relationship.” Lisa Bilyeu [3:49]“When you're arguing you're almost never arguing about the thing you're arguing about, you're actually arguing about something else.” Tom Bilyeu [8:37]“Let go of all expectations and have a couple of really strong ones that you never let go of.” Lisa Bilyeu [16:42]“From the beginning, I think you have to establish communication with your partner, even when you have to say the hard things..” Lisa Bilyeu [29:07]“If you're in a committed loving relationship and you're not thinking about what your partner wants, that is, that is a horsemen of the apocalypse…” Tom Bilyeu [40:06]“I'm never going to feel bad asking for sex, and you should never ever feel bad for saying no, and as long as you never make me feel guilty for asking, I'm certainly not going to make you feel guilty for saying no.” Tom Bilyeu [59:05]“You're never going to deal with something in a calm, rational, compassionate, loving way, and be like, I really wish that I just fucking freaked out.” Tom Bilyeu [1:19:26]“There's a really beautiful surprise that can happen when your goal is sincerely to open the channel of communication.” Tom Bilyeu [1:48:10] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the beginning of the relationship, it’s so effortless to be in each other’s presence. Thanks to nature and biology, the hormones that flood our systems makes being in love the most magical experience in the world. There’s never enough time together and you can’t keep your hands off each other. Keeping that level of focus and attention on each other and the relationship as you progress through stages and settle together takes a lot of effort and skill (to do it well). Tom and Lisa are dedicated to one another and super excited to help other couples build a beautiful relationship. Today, that means getting strategic and intentional about the time you’re giving to your relationship. Forget about how busy your days are, and forget about all the valid reasons you have to work later, focus on the kids, and help your family. Building a beautiful relationship means prioritizing time for intimacy, time for each other and time for connection. Consistently!Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Time for Intimacy | Couples can be as busy and Tom & Lisa and still prioritize intimacy [0:25]Keep the Sex Game Strong | Lisa highlights what you wear and the language you use [1:19]Schedule What’s Important | Don’t wait for impromptu moments, schedule time together [5:39]Be Focused on Each Other | Tom shares how he separates & values time for connection [7:28]Feeling Disconnected | How Lisa navigates feeling disconnected and reconnecting [10:17]QUOTES:“The more [time] you spend not connecting, the harder it is to come back.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:06]“This is work, and this is husband and wife. I don't try to mix the two or do a little bit of both at the same time.” Tom Bilyeu [8:16]“I work an obscene amount of hours, but I don't let that bleed into our time.” Tom Bilyeu [10:11] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dealing with your partner’s insecurities in the relationship gets very challenging. Because they are often triggered by something internal the work needs to come mainly from your partner. When you are committed and down for the long-term relationship, you realize that dealing with your own insecurities is more effective in creating and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Tom and Lisa share how Tom was able to recognize and address one of his own insecurities early in the relationship. It may be a surprise but at the root of your insecurity and your partner’s insecurity is a challenge to your identity and personal values.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Free Your Insecurities | Tom shares how he handled his insecurities at the beginning [2:01]Identity Change | What you tie identity to in the relationship matters for your insecurities [7:11]QUOTES:“What set me free to deal with my insecurities was recognizing that I could get better.” To Bilyeu [2:12]“The real goal is to be desirous of a partner who is equally as powerful as you are.” Tom Bilyeu [6:40] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you experienced relationships centered around physical attraction? Relationships can fall apart for dozens of reasons, and physical attraction and sex appeal are definitely one of the major reasons. The truth is, we are all having a biological experience as Tom puts it, and in order to have a long lasting relationship,you have to understand human nature. Luckily, there is no pressure or obligation to agree or disagree with it, but as human beings there are natural tendencies we are biologically wired for. Tom and Lisa have a raw conversation about the nature of men and women’s attraction to one another and what we can learn to value to overcome our biological impulses.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Nature of Attraction | Tom shares how important beauty is in a relationship [0:45]What to Value | Lisa and Tom on insecurities and choosing what to value in yourself [7:59]Losing Attraction | Tom breaks down the pain for men being viewed as harmless [10:31]QUOTES:“In life, you go through phases, enjoy every phase for what it has to offer.” Tom Bilyeu [5:29]“I recognize the danger in valuing my beauty or my physique or how I look [...] I'm not attached to that and I'm not feeling insecure about it.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:50] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sexual pleasure between you and your partner is a must for a healthy relationship to thrive. When it comes to pleasing each other are you 100% sure you know how to satisfy your partner and are you giving each other the opportunity to explore (or at least discuss) your most intimate kinky little twists. How comfortable are you telling your partner about your sexual fantasies? Is fear of being judged or dismissed holding you back from sharing? If you were to share and your partner expressed excitement in helping you fulfill that fantasy would it be worth sharing? Talking about sex is rarely a casual or comfortable topic, but Tom and Lisa take away the shame and mystery and share reasons why you may want to have a talk with your significant other before the lights go out tonight.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Tell Him What You Want | Tom shares why men are eager to hear women’s sexual wants [0:49]Embarrassed & Insecure | Lisa’s experience being too embarrassed to talk about sex [5:41]Testing the Waters | How to build trust and experiment to see if you feel safe for more [8:19]Just Ask Her | Tom and Lisa reveal how to approach asking questions without judgement [12:30]QUOTES:“It didn't even dawn on me, I could have equal pleasure [...] that is one of the most vulnerable things. It's actually more vulnerable than just having sex.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:14]“How much can I trust you as my partner with things about myself? And so I actually wouldn't start with sex, I would start with other little things about me.” Lisa Bilyeu [8:24]“If you don't make me feel bad about asking, I won't make you feel bad about saying no…” Tom Bilyeu [13:56] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Having trust for others is never easy once you’ve been hurt, and yet is it a must for any relationship to thrive. How do you determine for yourself if you can trust your partner? Tom and Lisa discuss the most effective ways you can begin building trust with your partner and why trust with yourself is the key.“Trust is the only thing that can help relationships last a lifetime!” -Mohith AgadiRelationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Trust Yourself | Tom explains trusting yourself and reading vibes to determine trust [0:43]Listen to Your Gut | How to mark your gut instincts and see how things play out [3:18]Follow the Vibe | How Tom explores weird vibes and discards misreadings when needed [7:00]Ask Questions | Lisa and Tom discuss how to proceed with questions and getting better [10:57]QUOTES:“I wouldn’t be silent, if something made me feel uneasy. If it made me feel uneasy, I wouldn’t engage.” Tom Bilyeu [2:15]“You have to understand that intuition is trained, and that it becomes intuition once you’ve run enough cycles that you can do it subconsciously.” Tom Bilyeu [9:29] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What should you do when there is a collision of habits between you and your partner? One likes to get the day started early while the other gets rolling at night. Can you have a healthy and happy relationship when your routines collide with one another? Tom and Lisa address ways to keep your relationship at peace without causing each other absolute misery. Showing each appreciation of what you both do without turning anything into an expectation is necessary. Tom and Lisa reveal their secret communication tips to help you survive each other’s crazy habits.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Daily Routine | How to adapt and compromise with each other’s daily routine [0:23]Meaningful Habits | Ways to have your partner do meaningful things on a regular [3:44]Signaling Habits | Lisa on ways to communicate through habitual signals you both know [6:02]Messy Habits | When your habits don’t align and one is messy the other is clean [7:34]Being Disrespectful | Tom on how to not agree peacefully without forcing values [10:48]QUOTES:“We have to say, we can't agree on this. I don't need you to adopt my values. But don't make your values my problem either.” Tom Bilyeu [11:27] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re in a long-term relationship or in the beginning of one, it’s important to know that your sex life together will ebb and flow. With time couples often struggle with sexual intimacy for a number of reasons. I could be boredom or changing sex drives in one or both partners that makes sexual connection and satisfaction more difficult. Tom and Lisa open this conversation addressing the reality of mismatched sex drives, the biology and human experience that contributes to those changes, and dive into ways couples can communicate and support each other through loss of intimacy and sexual satisfaction so that no one is feeling rejected or alienated/Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Mismatched Sex Drive | How to accommodate each other and not feel badly about it [0:35]Changing Sex Drives | Tips for navigating changing sex drive with time in a relationship [9:55]Satisfaction Level | Understanding what it takes to satisfy each other and compromise [15:23]Talking Porn | Lisa shares about watching porn, having no secrets, and no judgment [18:37]No Judgment | Open space and judgment free zone for wanting sex and not wanting it [21:09]Sexual Compatibility | Compatibility of sex, values, and trust for serious relationships [25:22]Sex Drought | Lisa and Tom share different sides of a sexless time in their marriage [29:45]QUOTES:“Where a lot of the friction comes from is feeling like, either side is doing something wrong or doing something to hurt you” Tom Bilyeu [2:34]“How do we both get what we want? And that's the thing, we're always looking to compromise.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:55]“If you're in a committed loving relationship, and you're not thinking about what your partner wants, that is a horsemen of the apocalypse” Tom Bilyeu [7:37]“The thing that we settled on is, I'm never going to be afraid to ask for sex. And you should never be afraid to say no.” Tom Bilyeu [21:44]“The thing that we settled on is, I'm never going to be afraid to ask for sex. And you should never be afraid to say no.” Tom Bilyeu [21:44]“If you're having sex in order for them to value you, that's obviously a disaster waiting to happen. So just really thinking through what the reason is of why you want to have sex with them, and then just own the reason.” Lisa Bilyeu [27:41] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are both physical and psychological benefits to having a healthy sexual relationship. Better immune system, lower blood pressure, better sleep, less stress, and increased intimacy and connection with your partner are just a few of the benefits a healthy sex life offers. Making sure that both you and your partner are satisfied takes a bit of skill with communication, but Tom and Lisa are sharing their best tips for how you can make that happen. Having a high functioning sex life is a must for any long term relationship. It takes intention and much effort, and has many rewards.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Sex First | Why settling with your first sexual partner may not be the best move long term [0:31]Compatibility | Not being compatible sexually can destroy your romantic relationship [4:55]Communication | Tom and Lisa demonstrate why words matter for connection & intimacy [7:45]Quality Sex Life | Feeling loved, sexy, and safe are parts of a quality sex life to aim for [12:00]Make Time for Sex | How Lisa handles a busy schedule and prioritizes a healthy sex life [17:50]Talk About Sex | How to tell your partner you’re not satisfied and talk without judgment [22:00]What You Want | Set your partner up for success by telling them to what you want [32:32]QUOTES:“One of the best pieces of advice I ever got about sex was until you're able to talk about it openly don't have it.” Tom Bilyeu [2:47]“If you're not feeling connected, yep. Sex isn't just it's not always just the answer, it can be intimacy” Lisa Bilyeu [21:13]“There's no way to get the life that you want unless you're willing to articulate it” Tom Bilyeu [22:28]“For me to test you and then wait to see if you succeed or not, to me isn't a partnership” Lisa Bilyeu [33:59] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s been reported that 10 million people every year are affected by family or domestic violence. Domestic violence takes on many forms such as physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. If you are in a relationship that diminishes your value, who you are and makes you feel unsafe in any way, please know this is not okay. Tom and Lisa share their insights and thoughts on verbally emotional abuse and why it should never be tolerated. If you are struggling with any form of abuse, here is a number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES: Abusive Relationships | No patience for verbally emotionally abusive relationship [0:28]Confidence | Having confidence and self respect to not tolerate abusive behavior [4:31]QUOTES:“The only reason to be in a relationship is because you're somebody number one, you don't emotionally kick the crap out of somebody who's your number one” Tom Bilyeu[1:31]“Diminishing who they are as a person systematically breaking them, that's nasty” Tom Bilyeu [5:26] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the root of some of the most common reasons relationships fail is a breakdown or lack of communication. Poor communication makes it difficult to connect and understand what you’re both in need of. To feel heard, respected, and understood in any relationship seems like common sense, and yet so many relationships end because it’s missing. Tom and Lisa share their experiences and lessons from 20+ years together on what it takes to communicate more effectively. Whether you want a simple text during the day or see that your partner is completely out of control you can use these strategies to get a more productive conversation started with your partner. Get proactive so you can prevent the same arguments and misunderstandings from happening again and again.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Feeling Distant | How to communicate when you’re feeling distant and not connected [0:32]Know Your Patterns | Recognize patterns of disconnection and prevent future problems [5:59]Texting Rules | Agreeing on the expectation versus reality of texting during the day [10:40]Sanity Check | Trusting your partner when emotions cloud your reality and experience [21:59]Past Lessons | Why learning from past experiences is most important to be proactive [33:32]QUOTES:“Don't ever say the other person shouldn't be feeling something because you feel it and it's real.” Tom Bilyeu [7:45]“Don't dismiss the way the other person's feeling even if you don't feel like there's a reason for it.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:34]“You have to let the person really go deep into crazy land before you say you're being crazy.” Tom Bilyeu [28:06]“At the end of the day, the person that really has to get it together is the person that's going through that hard thing.” Tom Bilyeu [32:34]“one of the most powerful things couples can do is learn from the past.” Lisa Bilyeu [33:38] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The key to being married happily ever after is embracing change and the different phases life and your relationship will bring your way. Part of the human experience is evolution, so it is only natural that the person you start dating today will not be the same person you are with 5 or 10 years from now. Life, age and experiences change us all, and knowing that makes it a little easier for you to navigate how to share your life with the same person for 20+ years. Lisa and Tom are sharing the challenges and strategies that helped them navigate Lisa’s transition from supportive housewife and CEO of Bilyeu Enterprises to hardcore, badass, co-founder and president of Impact Theory. The change was not easy but having this insight on how Lisa and Tom navigated uncharted territory may prepare you for the road ahead. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Disruptive Change | How Lisa made big changes by inviting Tom into the solution [0:42]Need to Change | How Lisa identified the need and desire to change [5:03]Don’t Be Dismissive | How Lisa thought through not being dismissive of Tom’s feelings [10:01]Foundation for Change | How Tom & Lisa’s foundation made her change possible [13:19]Personality Change | Tom on how he was able to connect to Lisa’s personality change [15:37]Finding Balance | How Lisa learned to pivot being hard in business and softer at home [22:32] QUOTES: “If you want someone [...] to be there when you're weak, you have to be honest about where you're weak.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:43] “You either bring them in to be a helpful source, or you push them away and say, I can do this by myself.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:00] “I want you to become whoever you want to become in order to be proud. And I want you to feel that you've become as powerful as you want to become.” Tom Bilyeu [21:49] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when you and your partner are ready to have kids, and have different views on the best way to raise them? As adults we each have different experiences growing up with how we were disciplined and the beliefs our parents gave us? For some people any form of discipline can be really harsh and too much to accept. For others discipline may have been a necessary evil they grew to appreciate. Whether you are an authoritative parent, permissive parent, or uninvolved parent, the point is when you plan for a family, co-parenting is something that must be discussed. Running through basic scenarios and understanding what pains your partner and what is of high importance is necessary to parent in peace and create a better experience for your child. Tom and Lisa unpack their views on spanking children for discipline and how to respect each other’s opposing religious views. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Raising Children | Preparing to have children and discussing how to raise them [0:18]How to Discipline | Tom and Lisa share opposing views, to spank or not spank your child [1:15]Discuss Discipline | Why you need to decide how to discipline your kids ahead of time [5:20]Different Beliefs | Finding common ground when you don’t agree on religious beliefs [5:51] QUOTES: “There's such a clear line between keeping someone in line and being abusive.” Tom Bilyeu [3:18] “You still should be who you truly are, and for me to ask you to be anything else, I don't think would have been fair, as a partner to do to you.” Lisa Bilyeu [9:35] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Feeling appreciated in a relationship can look like anything to anyone. Ask 20 people and you’ll get 20 different responses. Obviously, being in a lifelong relationship means that you want your partner to be happy. You want to feel connected to your partner, and making sure he or she is feeling valued, heard, and appreciated is part of a healthy relationship. Tom and Lisa take a look at why being direct and asking your partner what they want, and doing the work to find out what their love language is will add to the health and value of your relationship. Key takeaway in this episode is to stop guessing and make a concerted effort to make your partner feel more loved and appreciated.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Ask Your Partner | Lisa explains why asking your partner is better than guessing [1:03]Know Their Love Language | Give your partner gifts that match their love language [2:40]Don’t Judge | Lisa shares why you can’t judge your partner’s love language, respect it [6:22]Check-In | Tom discuss if gamifying a routine check-in with each other can be effective [9:35]Feedback | How to give each other feedback in ways that are easier to be received [14:16]Fishbowl Game | Tom reveals his fun feedback idea with a fish bowl and paper [18:56]QUOTES:“If you want to be happy, then you have to take off the judgment and be like, Okay, this is them.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:57]“When you have feedback like that, one, you want to give it as soon as you can. and two, you want to look for a moment where the person is receptive.” Tom Bilyeu [15:59] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Think back to the biggest argument you’ve had with your partner, or even a friend or family. Now that you have that argument in mind, explain to yourself what was the argument over. Was it over money, the way he or she said something or the way a situation was poorly handled? If you were to go and ask your partner what the argument was about and why it was such a big deal what would they say? Too often, arguments are created and blown out of proportion because both parties are arguing from a different perspective. Tom and Lisa recall their biggest fight and break down the extremely different frames of reference they each argued and fought from. When you are communicating, perspective matters. For Tom and Lisa, a life changing question emerged from their biggest fight that has changed the 18+ years following. “What is this really about?” Once you know what you are really arguing about and understand why the other person is equally upset and justified, then you can move forward together and address the root cause. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Biggest Fight | Lisa shares the biggest fight her and Tom ever had [0:21]What’s True? | How arguments perpetuate over misperception of the situation [2:30]The Other Side | Tom shares a radically justified perspective of their biggest fight [5:14]The Big Insight | The one question that gave Tom the insight he needed to end the fight [8:12] QUOTES: “If someone who loves you, and that you love are going that head to head, you don't perceive the situation the same.” Tom Bilyeu [3:15] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Regardless of debt load, 41% of couples argue over money. Spending, saving, and deciding how to split finances are leading contributors to stress in relationships. Often one partner spends too much and money values collide. Everyone has different experiences growing up that shape their ideals and values around money, so how are couples supposed to navigate these murky waters? Tom and Lisa are sharing their experience with discovering each other’s money values and how they started talking about finances to create money rules that served them well over 20 years.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, lifelong relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Value Conflict | Tactics to navigate differing money values in a relationship [1:24]Money Rules | Tom’s advice for everyone across the board for handling money [3:15]Money Talk | Lisa on why having an open talk about money and no judgment is a must [5:31]Shared Goals | Why starting with a shared goal makes money decisions easier [6:45]QUOTES:“When someone has a conflicting value with you, they see the world in a way that you think is worse, [...] it really hits you in a visceral way of I don't like this.” Tom Bilyeu [2:22]“If you're unable to save, your lifestyle is out of control and you need to get your lifestyle to a point where you can save…” Tom Bilyeu [3:56]“Assuming that you have the shared goal of what you're trying to accomplish, then the collisions of values will all revolve around which one is going to move us towards the goal more effectively.” Tom Bilyeu [9:28] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is communication in your relationship so important? Not knowing how to express yourself or how to hear your partner’s concerns can really break down a relationship’s intimacy, connection, and ability to survive long term. When you don’t feel understood you can easily feel isolated and uncared for by your partner. So, what’s the fix? What’s the best way to improve communication with your partner? Many people give advice on when to talk, and how to listen, but Tom and Lisa are breaking down 3 core things every healthy relationship needs to communicate better and thrive together. Feel heard and connected to your partner with tips you can start right now. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Defining Terms | [0:37]Problematic Words| [4:10]Theory of Mind | [10:33]Base Assumptions & Values | What you believe to be true about your worldview [13:24] QUOTES: “If you presume that the other person is interpreting things the same way, and then they're responding in a way that doesn't make sense to you. You end up escalating” Tom Bilyeu [1:10] “In a year or two years or three years, hopefully, if you want a long term relationship, that word now may carry a different type of weight than it did when you first established it.” Lisa Bilyeu [13:01] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Since you were a child romantic love stories were painted for you that reassure you that love was enough to face any bad guys, hurdles, and problems. When you grow up and experience relationships of all kinds, you quickly find out it’s tough to love your way through certain disagreements. Being romantically involved with someone gets complicated. Tom and Lisa start here discussing when you move beyond the early days of physical attraction and the flood of chemicals that put you on cloud 9, what happens then? How do couples survive emotional outcries, insecurities, and arguments? If your goal is to make sure your relationship continues and is able to endure and sustain long term, this may be the most important advice you’ll receive. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Love Isn’t Enough | The controversy of love being necessary but not sufficient [0:27]Love Chasm | Why change during a relationship is what lies between love and divorce [1:53]Change | How change can cause big problems but communication is the solution [3:53] QUOTES: “It doesn’t get you over your insecurities, it doesn’t get you through arguments, it doesn’t get you through disagreements and problems and hurdles, you can’t just love your way out of it.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:36] “The bigger problem is that they never agreed on what it meant in the first place.” Tom Bilyeu [5:50] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s talk about sex! Believe it or not, there are couples that have been together for years and may even have children that are not comfortable with conversations about sex. Having open communication with about your sex life, desires and fantasies together is so important to the health and longevity of your sex life. Knowing when and how to find the right moment, the right questions and the right approach will not only improve your sex life, it can positively impact the health of your relationship and lives together. Let’s take a deep dive into 3 tips Tom and Lisa are sharing to make your sex life over the top great together. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: TIP #1 | Talk about Sex More [0:34]Power Question | The right questions at the right time [7:33]What You Want | Tell your partner your needs and wants [11:10]TIP #2 | Identify Your Partner’s Turn Ons [16:55]TIP #3 | Don’t Wait Until Marriage [29:40]Compatibility | Being aligned and on same page [33:36] QUOTES: “Because the thing is to trick ourselves into thinking we're always giving our partners exactly what they need all the freakin time is absolutely putting blinders on.” Lisa Bilyeu [8:10] “One should want to guide their partner, but guide them to success.” Tom Bilyeu [13:42] “If you have it as this is the person I love most in the world, and I'm guiding them to a treasure, and I know that they're also going to guide me to a treasure, then it becomes beautiful.” Tom Bilyeu [15:31] “If you don't have sex beforehand, if you don't discuss it, especially, then you may end up in a relationship with someone that is that may be the antithesis of what sexually turns you on.” Lisa Bilyeu [33:43] “Communication isn’t about what you say, it's about what the other person hears.” Tom Bilyeu [37:16] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Right now if you were asked to name the best example of a healthy relationship, who comes to mind? Is it someone close to you, your parents, grandparents or someone famous? When you look around for examples of healthy relationships it’s important to look at all types of relationships. Honoring the challenges and turmoil you experience in your relationships is essential. Tom and Lisa share what they both picture to be examples of healthy relationships and why dysfunctionally toxic relationships draw more attention. A fresh perspective on how to view healthy and unhealthy relationships gives more insight on what you are doing well and what you and your partner can improve on. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Healthy Relationships | Tom explains what he believes is a beautiful relationship [0:46]Irreplaceable Bonds | Why Lisa believes the shared experience of a loving relationship [3:19]Dysfunctional | Why people are addicted to dysfunction over healthy relationships [5:03] QUOTES: “That understanding and that internal bond that no one else can take away, is so meaningful and so precious to me” Lisa Bilyeu [3:59] “Humans for whatever reason, just love anything that's heightened. They love the alteration of brain chemistry. Good bad, they just don't want indifferent” Tom Bilyeu [7:09] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Be Yourself | Why being honest is a must when you want to get serious [0:31]Impression Matters | Lisa shares experience keeping up her image in the beginning [1:40]Winning Strategy | How making an effort and being real about yourself is always best [3:39]Just Eat | Lisa reveals funny experience why not eating on a date doesn’t make sense [5:29] QUOTES:“You have to make an effort. You've got to put your best foot forward, but I'm saying like, when somebody is asking questions about who you are, like be honest about who you are.” Tom Bilyeu [4:10]“The little things that I was worried about, like it doesn't make sense. [...] just be yourself.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:42] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being independent is high on the list of many women. Taking care of yourself, not feeling like you need a man or anyone to give you value or level up is freeing and super empowering. Women have been singing about being independent since Destiny’s Child made it an anthem you can dance to. But, how does being independent fit in when you want to be cared for, and you want to feel protected, or be rescued from yourself? Does wanting to feel secure and protected by your man jeopardize your independence, and is it an either or situation? Tom and Lisa unpack how being independent isn’t the end all for women that still desire to be cared for and cuddled.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Feel Protected | Lisa on how women can be independent and want to feel protected [0:32]Feel Good | Tom on why doing what feels good to you is better than staying en vogue [2:29]Boundaries | Lisa on how having an alpha male to hold boundaries even if you can [6:35]QUOTES:“In society now, we’ve put pressure on women to be ‘stand alone,’ like you have to be strong, like, who needs a man, [...] Desiring to have somebody to support you is completely normal.” Lisa Bilyeu [0:42]“Male or female, they may love the notion of being held and comforted and being supported and taken care of. I promise there’s somebody out there that wants to be a caretaker and there’s somebody out there that wants to be taken care of, and it’s about finding that match.” Tom Bilyeu [6:16] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Were you ever warned about dating outside of your faith, outside of your political beliefs, and culture? Was it ever implied that “people like us…” you can finish the rest. Values matter and are not to be taken lightly when dating and looking for a long term relationship. What Tom and Lisa wrestle with in this episode is why values and beliefs are such a heavy topic to carefully consider when dating. There is a framework of values to be acknowledged and a mindset in which both partners need to carefully approach their differences, if they are to create a long-term marriage that is healthy enough to acknowledge the differences and cater to their common ground. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Shared Value | Value systems matter, curiosity helps to establish common ground [0:46]Respect | How honoring different values with respect for each other is necessary [6:10]Common Values | How to find common values around one you don’t agree with [8:31]Framework Values | The agreement of how you navigate where value collides [12:16]Biological Timing | Why understanding that female hormones change and timing matters [14:39] QUOTES: “What we each demonstrated was a value of honesty, and a value of respecting that what is important to the other person in some way [...] needs to be important to me that it's important to you.” Tom Bilyeu [8:46] “The fact that something that will sound trivial to the audience can be so meaningful and remain meaningful to us over a very long period of time shows how important really figuring out your framework values is” Tom Bilyeu [13:41] “If you're trying to demean my position, whether you agree with it or not, it like them becomes a sticking point for me [...] about the fact that I feel undermined.” Lisa Bilyeu [14:21] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Long lasting relationships are like the super-fit healthy people we love to envy. It’s easy to admire the results, but not many of us want to take the time, the discipline, and effort it takes to get those results. Handling the changing dynamics of a relationship as you and your partner grow individually and together takes work and strong communication skills. Tom and Lisa share why love isn’t enough to make a relationship work and why the best policy is to appreciate and enjoy the many phases your relationship will go through as they come.Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.SHOW NOTES:Relationship Skills | Tom on what it takes to grow in a relationship together [0:42]Love the Phases | Lisa reveals why embracing different phases of love is necessary [3:34]QUOTES:“Can you support the other person? Can you slow down so that they can be supported so that they can grow in the way that they want to grow? A lot of people can take, but not a lot of people can give.” Tom Bilyeu [1:25]“You need to give them the same space to be a fully fledged person to change over time, that you need to communicate with them and figure out who they're becoming and what they want.” Tom Bilyeu [2:55]“If all you're doing is in love with me for this period of my life, then we're dust. [....] it’s never going to survive.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:44] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One thing nearly every single couple does is argue and have disagreements. Communication allows you both to heal and address the issues that cause the arguments, but what happens when those issues, however small, are not being addressed? Does being pissed off for a day or multiple times in a month, or a year lead to bigger problems? Is it normal to fall out of love with your partner or spouse? Being pissed is one thing, but being in a relationship with someone you no longer like or have love for is an entirely different thing. In this episode, the main things to know are:● Do not ignore red flags● Relationships take a lot of work from both partners● Speak up about what you want Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Prevention | Why Tom and Lisa has been able to avoid falling out of love with each other [0:41]Red Flags | Being annoyed with actions is not same as disliking someone, address it [1:54]Do the Work | Why would you want to stay in relationship with someone you don’t like [4:36]Separate Happily | Lisa on her parents divorcing and being happier apart than together [7:09]Value-Add | Why relationships require work but should give you more value than it takes [9:37]What You Want | Speaking up about what you want is so important and selfish desires [12:24] QUOTES: “Being annoyed with someone hating what they do, is very different than hating the person. Being frustrated, being annoyed with them, being mad at them, being upset with them, is very different than not liking them.” Lisa Bilyeu [2:26] “It's way more important for us to be connected to never get to the point where I no longer like you or you no longer like me, and in order to do that, you have to say the hard thing, you have to say the things that no one wants to hear.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:18] “The cost of love is eternal vigilance, like you must be on that forever, you cannot take for granted not for a minute.” Tom Bilyeu [10:18] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you have rules of engagement on social media as a couple? Having open communication is a common theme and the foundation for the success of Tom and Lisa’s 20+ years together. Being able to share with your partner how you feel about posting things that involve you and the relationship, or things that may indirectly include you is necessary. Tom and Lisa explore areas of posting you’ll want to consider. Being open-minded in the beginning of the relationship and actively seeking what your partner’s worldview of social media is will be critical for you to have a healthy relationship. Being a long-lasting happy couple starts with communication, respect, and thoughtfulness about what your partner is okay with both on social media and in everyday life. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Attention | Lisa on why Tom’s attention and not feeling neglected is important [0:41]Posting Rules | Having conversation about what gets posted together or apart [2:55]Respect | How to tactfully navigate posting and honoring your partner’s requests [7:42]Worldview | Your partner may have different worldview of social media and it’s okay [9:57]The Question | Tom explains the most important question to ask about worldview [11:26]Changing Views | You can’t expect your partner’s view to change about social media [15:51] QUOTES: “Their worldview of social media is completely different. They seem like an alien to me, and I probably seem like an alien to them.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:11] “Don't judge them for doing something that may seem completely bizarre to you because they may not realize it's bizarre.” Lisa Bilyeu [11:17] “It is entirely crazy to me that people will give up things that they're deeply passionate about, because it doesn't jive with that other person.” [11:47] Tom Bilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So, you found the love of your life and you have so much in common. What happens when you reach a point where you have to go with your gut and it’s telling you to take a different route than you planned. The anxiety of turning down unknown possibilities and closing doors you thought made sense can be debilitating. When you add to that anxiety the realization of having to break this to your partner it can feel like cutting yourself off from air. You are entitled to change directions and take different paths even when they don’t align with the things that bond and connect you and your partner. Being supported and having the wisdom to know how to go about doing so without damaging your relationship is what Tom and Lisa are discussing in this episode. The task of closing doors that don’t serve you, changing directions and going after new dreams while making sure to not lose yourself in your partner’s passions and ambition takes awareness of self and a strong sense of your identity. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Shutting Doors | Tom on why deciding what opportunities to not pursue was so important [0:46]Changing Dreams | Lisa’s response to Tom changing the dream that bonded them [3:03]Losing Yourself | Losing yourself over to someone’s passion and lack of strong identity [5:35] QUOTES: “Most people don't have anything to give up. They don't have a sense of identity, they don't know who they are, they don't know what they want, they don't have a strong sense of path and course and purpose, and because they don't have that they get swept up in the person who has more of that” Tom Bilyeu [8:00] “It really is going into a relationship where like, what is important to you? And what are the things that for you, you have to keep for yourself and make sure that you don't let go of those things.” Lisa Bilyeu [11:13] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you using your partner to overcome insecurities and selfishly get what you want? We’ve all been there at some point, and that’s okay. There are times when feeling insecure just happens and you need to work through those feelings. But how do you work through those feelings without destroying your relationship? Tom and Lisa share how they work through this situation and find ways to support each other, and discuss when it’s possibly time to seek professional help and more intense options to help your partner through insecurities when their behavior becomes irrational. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Security | Being in relationship is with the security to be comfortable leaning on partner [0:35]Irrational | Dealing with insecure behaviors that no longer makes sense for situation [3:31]Get Help | When it’s time to get professional help and using cognitive behavior therapy [4:55]Work Together | Helping your partner through their insecurities and doing the work [7:27]Confidence | The danger of overly relying on your partner to help you with confidence [10:54]2 Part Solution | Finding balance of leaning on you partner and doing work for yourself [12:44] QUOTES: “So being in a relationship is a sacrifice. The question is, what do you get out of the relationship that's worth all the sacrifices?” Tom Bilyeu [1:37] “Like it was easy when it was easy. Now I get to earn my stripes on it's hard and I get to really find that connection again.” Tom Bilyeu [9:52] “If I'm just relying on you to give me confidence and to make me feel okay with my insecurities, then I think it could be dangerous” Lisa Bilyeu [12:06] “When someone's insecure or having trouble or feeling down or something like that, there's got to be a beautiful balance of love, support, emotional support but also pushing them to be better.” Lisa Bilyeu [15:56] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’re not in a relationship and you’re debating if you should pursue love and building a relationship first or going after your business or career goals, this may be the advice you’ve been waiting for. Tom believes 100% that going after your ambition should be a priority long before pursuing a relationship. Yet, this isn’t exactly how things worked out for himself and Lisa. Though it makes sense to go all out and pursue your dreams and ambitions, there is an upside to falling head over heels for the love of your life. Tom and Lisa recount how love and marriage have affected their goals to pursue entrepreneurship from the very beginning. If you can’t avoid which comes first, Tom and Lisa’s experience fully captures what it looks like to find a partner for life that challenges you, that compliments your drive and gives you the push and support you need. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Ambition First | Prioritize ambition over relationships if you favor time & energy to succeed [0:43]Being Supported | When a partner supports you & becomes a teammate to push you [6:18]Taking the Lead | How knowing role of leadership helps an ambitious partner forward [12:25]Sparring Partners | Cultivating dynamic environment to push and challenge your partner [15:04] QUOTES: “When you're on the team, your performance matters and it affects other people and so I love [...] that pressure of I'm going to fucking show up for this team. I'm going to perform at the highest level you can count on me.” Tom Bilyeu [8:50] “I am so impressed by your ability to wade through a river of emotional punishment, when you really believe in something, and I hate at the same time.” Tom Bilyeu [12:48] “At some point they have to make the decision as the leader and in our relationship it’s very important to know that role..” Lisa Bilyeu [13:18] “You're convincible, but you're never going to be pushed around and because of that, it lets me go hard” Tom Bilyeu [15:04] “I want you to be strong, I want you to push me. I want you to sometimes argue my beliefs, because I don't know if I'm right sometimes, and being pushed allows me to think through the situation and then articulate it.” Lisa Bilyeu [16:13] “Instead of feeling like I've now been diminished, or now I've been proven wrong, and that makes me stupid [...] you've actually just enlightened me to something and now I can be stronger for it, and I can look at you as my husband as empowering me.” [17:58] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being married and having children demands a certain amount of time, energy and effort thanks to spoken and unspoken expectations. Your time, however, must also be reserved for prioritizing your own needs and not just everyone else’s. Tom and Lisa are discussing how to stand up to your overly demanding family and prioritize your own selfish needs. It’s a process and if you’ve been putting everyone else first for the last several years, this will take a great amount of effort, but it will be worth it.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Demonstrate | How to make your family feel important and why you need selfish time [0:44] Selfish Pivot | The best way to rebuild your identity after years of putting you to the side [4:39] Carving Space | Actual tips for carving space and creating boundaries with your family [6:46] Small Things | Understand and define what’s really meaningful for your family and spouse [7:52] Boundaries | Be clear with your family about expectations and enforce your boundaries [9:14] Guilty Transition | Value of being consistent and dealing with the guilt of being selfish [11:18]   QUOTES:   “I'm going to do what the fuck I want to do, I'm going to build the life I want to build that is that that's a non negotiable.” Tom Bilyeu [1:22]   “You have to make those people feel that they are your number one, but that does not mean that they get the majority of your time” Tom Bilyeu [4:25]   “I'm the type of person that realizes you will be fucking consumed by other people if you let it. And while it's amazing for them, it is ultimately corrosive for you.” Tom Bilyeu [5:35]   “Being a good mother you should be happy within yourself, with being a great wife, you need to be content with yourself, and so if you're not working on that, then you can't deliver.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:31] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in a sex deprived marriage or relationship doesn’t sound like the goal everyone is aiming for, yet so many people have found themselves in this exact situation. The number of reasons you may be experiencing this in your particular relationship could be anything. Tom and Lisa are answering the question, how to survive a sexual drought when the sex drive is super low. They get super vulnerable as Lisa shares her experience feeling less sexual and not being able to have sex as often because of her medical issues. They are sharing the 2 biggest pieces of advice to help you thrive and survive your next sex drought.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Understanding | Why it’s not a sexual drought when there are serious medical issues [0:45] No Pressure | Lisa on how supportive Tom was during her medical issues, no pressure [1:41] Feeling Sexual | Feeling less sexual and badly even if your partner is being supportive [3:07] Open Talks |Having open talks about how you’re feeling, no judgement, just check in [4:40] Incest Taboo | A sexless marriage gives room for incest taboo, turning into roommates [6:19] Maintenance | 2 ways to keep your relationship alive: frequent sex & communication [9:42] Compromising | When sex drives are mismatched and not aligned, meet in the middle [12:09] Changing Love | Tom on ways to fall in love again with physical changes & feel desired [13:54] Secret to 20 Years | Lisa shares how having the uncomfortable conversations is the key [17:25]   QUOTES:   “Be open about how you're feeling. It's no judgement, it's no pressure on the other person.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:43]   “You have to have sex often. You have to be very thoughtful not to let much time elapse. because it keeps that relationship dynamic alive.” Tom Bilyeu [9:45]   “In a marriage, you have to negotiate this stuff, and that means that each of you are going to give a little.” Tom Bilyeu [13:00]   “Why isn't he attracted to me anymore?’, [...] because neither of you ever created the space in the first place that you could have the honest discussion” Lisa Bilyeu [19:08] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When it comes to dating, choosing the right person to give a try, or not, can be so tricky. You need to have a set of standards, boundaries and a list of qualities and traits you use when deciding who to date. You’ve heard it before and it’s worth repeating again, “selection matters.” The question is how do you begin to make a list of those qualities, beliefs and values and prioritize them. Many of you may agree that starting with standards and boundaries is a great move, but how much weight does that list of qualities hold? Tom and Lisa discuss how much they each hit the mark (or not) on each other’s list of predetermined desired traits. It comes down to knowing your personal values, knowing what qualities you’re looking for, and it’s more important to be open to unexpected new things, and discovering who someone is.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Preconceived Notions | Why relying on your instincts over a premade checklist is better [1:32] Fundamentals | Lisa shares why fundamentals are more important than characteristics [5:23] Be Open | discovery and open to unexpected [8:39]   QUOTES:   “With online dating you're really making a decision on paper before you make a decision in real life.” Tom Bilyeu [2:45]   “If I had made sure you had to hit these marks before going on that first date, I don't know if we ever would have gotten that first date, and then within that I found all these small intriguing things I never realized existed” Lisa Bilyeu [7:49] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Friends and family are obviously not always going to agree or even understand the decisions you are making in your relationship. What is decided between you and your partner really doesn’t concern others. But, when you are driven for success and the people around you don’t understand why you are doing the things you do, it gets frustrating. Tom and Lisa give their take on how to think through a family that doesn’t know how to support you, and navigating the thought process, are these people coming from a place of good intentions and well meaning for you and your partner or not. Aside from Tom’s advice to have absolute clarity of the vision you are aiming for, Lisa’s advice is the perfect compliment, to not allow their doubts to poison your thoughts.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice to help you build a beautiful relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Holding You Back | Why family try to hold you back and protect you from pain and failure [0:38] Judging Your Partner | When people think you’re partner’s decisions are foolish [3:34] Gifted Doubt | Tom shares how to leverage people not believing in you as motivation [7:36] Family Pressure | Feeling like you always have to justify and not allowing doubt in [9:45]   QUOTES:   “They're putting limitations on because they love you, they care about you, they're worried about you, they want you to be successful, but they define success oftentimes as the freedom from suffering.” Tom Bilyeu [2:08]   “It doesn't matter what other people think. And even if we failed, I had to get okay with being okay to fail” Lisa Bilyeu [7:04]   “If you know how to leverage the people who want for your failure, if you know how to leverage the people who don't believe in you and you can believe in yourself in those moments [...] it's a gift” Tom Bilyeu [9:19]   “This is my life, this is no one else's, and as long as me and you are on the same page, and as long as me and you have that same vision and are both in communication about what we're doing and in what those next steps are, it doesn't matter what other people think.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:27]   “Whether it's somebody with good intentions, somebody that has bad intentions, it's irrelevant, like performance wins.” Tom Bilyeu [12:56] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being told the truth can sting. If it touches on a matter that is emotional for your partner then it is important it’s done with respect and love. But what about when the subject is not so serious and you aren’t a fan of the shirt your partner decided to wear to dinner? Or maybe your partner just has bad breath and it needs to be said. How you deliver the truth is ultra important.Tom and Lisa dive into this question and discuss what matters enough to be said and when omitting the truth about how you feel on something may be permissible. The goal is to never weaken your relationship, and how you communicate truth to one another needs to be handled very carefully.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Honesty | Tom and Lisa discuss filtering thoughts vs. carefully presenting your thoughts [0:27] Omitted Truth | Deciding the kinds of things to just not say versus not lying to your partner [1:48] Truth Threshold | How much truth is necessary, what is an absolute thing to be said [4:32] Hiding Truth | Distinguishing what you’re deliberately hiding and what matters to be told [6:11]   QUOTES:   “No matter how hard it is, no matter how small or big it is, we have to always be honest with each other.” Lisa Bilyeu [2:00]   “You're way better to err on the side of too much information than not enough.” Tom Bilyeu [6:17]   “You're never going to have the relationship you want to have unless you're open about virtually everything.” Tom Bilyeu [6:38]   “I don't think of it as being too much information because that's what makes it too much, is the irrelevancy. Once it's relevant, it's not too much information.” Tom Bilyeu [9:37] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You may agree, there is nothing more exhilarating than a brand new relationship. You’re excited, the chemistry is strong, and sexual compatibility is perfect. When the novelty begins to wear off and the 1st week turns into the 1st month, the 1st year and suddenly 5 years or more have passed, where is your excitement level? How is the chemistry and sex life years later for most couples? Tom and Lisa tackle the question, how much do you need to work on the relationship and if chemistry should still be present. The cliff notes version of this is yes! If you want a long lasting healthy relationship, it takes work and it takes more effort than you think. Tom excitedly declares, when you’re with the right person, it can be “the ride of a lifetime.” Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice to help you Build a Beautiful Relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Nonstop Work | Tom on why it requires nonstop work to grow and it starts with chemistry [0:42] Chemistry Not Enough | Lisa on why chemistry is needed at first but it’s not enough alone [2:55] Female Chemistry | Women need trust and chemistry to feel sexual gratification [4:19] Put In Work | Tom reflects on how every aspect of life with value requires effort [5:07] Meaning of Work | Why the word “work” has negative connotation. What it really means [6:33] Effort | Swapping the word ‘work’ for ‘effort’ and understanding everything takes effort [8:26] Worth the Effort | Lisa on how marriage hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth the effort [9:50]   QUOTES:   “There are a number of hours that we have spent having conversations I think neither of us wanted to have. Because they make you feel emotions, you don't want to feel or they're tedious. But oh my god, are they rewarding.” Tom Bilyeu [2:40]   “We work very hard to maintain the chemistry to maintain our relationship to maintain our closeness” Lisa Bilyeu [3:55]   “We want love to be this magical thing that sort of sits outside of real life, but everything in my life, [...] requires work and focus and effort.” Tom Bilyeu [5:30]   “When you make this statement, ‘Oh, I love my job so much. It doesn't even feel like work.’ My thing is that actually almost certainly isn't true. It's that you love something so much, it's worth the work.” Tom Bilyeu [7:47] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you or your partner set goals, support and encourage each other. When either of you behave in a way that is less desirable and not obvious, do you let it go or speak up? In real meaningful relationships, having difficult conversations are unavoidable and necessary. If you and your partner have built trust into your foundation then needing to say hard things to your partner can be a little easier (though still uncomfortable) and better received (though it may sting). Tom and Lisa emphasize the importance of why trust is desperately needed in the relationship to deliver feedback that is difficult or negative. Also, the value of conversations ahead of time sets the flow and expectation you have for each other. So, if you’ve found yourself in this situation lately or it hasn’t happened yet, Tom and Lisa are breaking down everything you need to have the best relationship and the best outcome possible when the truth is a must and feelings are on the line.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Trust | Tom on why difficult feedback has to come from love and trust in a relationship [0:40] Blind Spots | Why you both need to crave seeing what you’re blind to and trust each other [2:54] Buy In | Lisa explains why your partner needs to buy into wanting to hear hard truths [4:22] Accountable | Why waiting for your partner to complain first is more effective [5:23]   QUOTES:   “You have to covet hearing the hard things, and ironically, it's almost always harder to say the hard things than it is to hear it because you know how you're going to make the other person feel.” Tom Bilyeu [1:29]   “When you tell me something that's a shortcoming, I trust you that you're saying it for my own good.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:11]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a healthy relationship communication is literally everything. When you are in pain, frustrated, excited, pissed or anxious, it’s a beautiful thing to be able to speak with your partner about anything and everything. However, there is a line and capacity you don’t want to abuse. If the majority of your conversations and interactions are negative, extra needy, or filled with complaints about everything, there are two things you should be aware of. Tom and Lisa explain why having healthy friendships outside of the relationship or marriage can be beneficial, and why it’s important that you check yourself on the negative chatter. There is no one around, not even yourself that would want to take part in a friendship or relationship where 80% of the conversations are filled with negativity.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Value of Friends | Tom on why friendships are valuable but not a necessity in relationship [0:44] Being Needy | If there’s lots of emotional needs spread it out and making effort to soothe [1:13] Negative Space | Why spending majority relationship time in negativity is a losing strategy [3:09] Do The Work | You need to do the work, focus on fixing the negativity issue an bring joy [3:51]   QUOTES:   “If you're spending the majority of our relationship time in a negative space [...] it's a bad fucking strategy.” Tom Bilyeu [3:10]   “Find people because that shit is fun. It shouldn't be because you just focus in a negative place and your partner's like burning out.” Tom Bilyeu [5:07] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Betrayal in any relationship is so difficult to deal with, but when it’s in a romantic relationship it’s even messier. Everyone’s beliefs, experiences, and ideas of what infidelity really looks like is so different. While there is no judgement for how one relationship views it versus another, it’s still very hurtful for the person in a relationship that has their trust broken. Trust is such a delicate thing. It’s very difficult to build and takes so much time. Like a priceless glass vase, it can be shattered quite easily as well. If your partner has cheated on you, or perhaps you have cheated on your partner, it is important to understand the context of this episode is based around fidelity and trust as Tom and Lisa have defined it for themselves. It is so important that you have conversations with your partner to define your own lines of trust so that you are both clear how to avoid breaching those lines to build a long lasting, healthy and happy relationship.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   2nd Chances | Lisa on why cheating is non-negotiable with no 2nd chances [0:31] No Reasons | Lisa on how reasons for cheating reveals something broken in relationship [1:26] Broken Trust | Tom on why being someone’s number one and the need for trust is critical [2:58] Be 100% | Not being in a relationship where fear is a factor requires being all in with trust [5:40]   QUOTES:   “It's not about the cheating itself. It's about what caused you to do that.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:30]   “To feel like you're somebody's number one, I think that's probably the most intoxicating thing about a relationship.” Tom BIlyeu [3:36]   “Everybody just has to draw their own line, say this is what's important to me, this is what I'm willing to put up with...” Tom Bilyeu [7:23] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a judgement free zone. If you’re not comfortable talking about sex, you may not be ready for sex yet. When it comes to dating, the million dollar question for men and women comes down to having sex on the first date and knowing when is the right time to have sex? Does having sex on the first date or too early in the relationship compromise your values or dampen your chemistry and compatibility? Tom and Lisa keep it straight forward and discuss their thoughts on having sex early in the relationship and on the first date. This topic ultimately comes down to being responsible, assessing the risk and determining what is safe for you given your particular situation. So, let’s talk about sex on first dates. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   1st Date Sex | Tom shares a male’s perspective having sex on the first date [0:48] Feeling Safe | The importance of feeling safe and accurately assessing character [2:46] Moving Fast | Tom talks about why moving too fast is an individual decision not a rule [3:56] Compatibility | Lisa on why sexual compatibility is a must for a long term relationship [4:25] Taking it Slow | Be clear on the why you’re having sex and what you really want out of it [5:47] Danger | Tom on being safe and the need to be thoughtful and have trust before sex [7:13] Sex Journey | Tom explains how getting to the part of having sex is truly a journey [9:02]   QUOTES:   “If it's a long term relationship, I think I would take it slower [...] take more time to hear what their values are to see if we are compatible in mindsets, compatible in the way that we think, and then I would build the trust and then have sex. “ Lisa Bilyeu [6:12]   “If you don't know and trust that person and feel like you're communicating well, that could get dicey. It's an intense proposition. People do need to be super thoughtful about how they handle it.” Tom Bilyeu [8:14]   “The reality is that sex is this thrilling, fascinating, risky, dangerous, bizarre, beautiful thing, and that we get to take advantage of it that we get to have those experiences is really extraordinary.” Tom Bilyeu [11:26] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every relationship experiences times when you feel less appreciated or your partner says or does something that leaves you feeling hurt. How do you let your partner know that you’re not feeling appreciated? How do you let them know what they said was kind of hurtful? Tom and Lisa have lots of experience to share and in this episode they’re breaking down simple tips to help you open up to your partner without making them feel attacked. Sometimes the hardest part of addressing the things that hurt us in our relationships is doing so without putting the other person on the defensive. It’s all about the delivery and timing with your partner that determines how successful you are in communicating your feelings.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Start Positive | Lisa explains why starting with positivity helps your partner hear you [0:42] Be Authentic | Tom shares why being respectful and honest when giving feedback is best [3:09] Timing | Know the best time to have conversations before it builds up and being tactful [5:18] Key to Kingdom | Tell your partner about the behaviors you want from them beforehand [8:27]   QUOTES:   “When you start with something negative no matter what I say after that, [...] you almost don't hear it.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:18]   “If you criticize somebody, they are at least for a brief period of time, they are going to feel attacked” Tom Bilyeu [3:58]   “Tell the other person how to reach you in difficult moments, tell the other person when a good moment is for something like that, and then deliver it in a way that is tactful and not aggressive and not meant to be hurtful.” Tom Bilyeu [5:49] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Family relationships are so important. Within the same family both healthy and unhealthy relationships can exist. The relationships you have with different family members shape you and impact your view of the world. Sadly there seems to be those few people in every family that always get a pass on their bad behaviors. They do something unacceptable or say something outrageous and everyone is like, ‘it’s okay, you know how she is.’ How much poor behavior is excusable and tolerable when they continue to hurt feelings and cross the line? If you’re like Lisa, you may be the person that feels compelled to step in and call out the bad behavior, but does that resolve anything? If you’re like Tom, it may be easier for you to not engage and be more dismissive of their disruptive behavior. Either way, Tom and Lisa break down the advantages and disadvantages to both responses and share strategies for how to respond (or not respond) when it feels like a losing battle. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Stepping In | Lisa on when stepping in makes situation worse and can be just as bad [0:52] Accept People | How to see that inappropriate behavior can come from insecurity also [4:21] Boundaries | Be clear on where you draw the line there is no moral insecurity to fight over [5:32] Feeling Attacked | Why feeling attacked doesn’t mean you need to convince anyone [7:02] Being Right | The problem trying to prove you are right and knowing a losing strategy [12:30]   QUOTES:   “Inserting myself into a situation where it's you and someone else, especially if it's a family member. Now I'm just becoming more of a problem than I am the resolution.” Lisa Bilyeu [3:17]   “When somebody is able to get under your skin, it's because you're insecure. And when they're trying to get under your skin. It's because they're insecure.” Tom Bilyeu [6:02] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Defined Role | Why it’s not overstepping when you know your role in the company [0:25] Backseat Dynamic | How to navigate the dynamics of being in your spouse’s business  [2:27] Respect | The best way to show respect and still speak up when you feel the need [5:33]   QUOTES: “If you've got a great idea, speak up, but if they don't pay attention to it, don't get offended by it.” Lisa Bilyeu [5:33] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In the beginning stages of falling in love almost nothing your partner does could ever bother you. After the honeymoon phase is over and things start to settle you may start to notice habits and behaviors that are annoying or even make you uncomfortable. So how do you deal with your partner’s annoying behavior without hurt feelings and before you reach the point of no return? Tom and Lisa share how and why it’s important to have these hard conversations. Perhaps more importantly, they break down exactly why the value system you build your relationship on is so critical and must consist of trust and honesty at its foundation. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Honesty First | Why being honest and having trust allows you to say hard things [0:49] Hard Talks | How to have the hard conversations when your partner annoys you [1:50] Perspective | Tom the importance seeing your partner’s world and reasons first [4:17] Approach | There is no right or wrong in seeing the experience for both of you [8:22] What’s Important | Why you have to know what’s important for each other [9:53]   QUOTES: “Approach the situation knowing it's real that it bothers me, and the only thing that will make it bother me more is if I can't talk about it.” Tom Bilyeu [3:12]   “I have to speak up, I have to say that this is bothering me. And as a promise, you need to hear me.” Lisa Bilyeu [11:06]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the more uncomfortable conversations to bring up when your dating is talking honestly about how many sexual partners and relationships you’ve had. While they are uncomfortable, there is an internal peace and confidence you can have from knowing yourself and having learned a few things along the way. Afterall, you’ll never know your favorite brand of ice cream until you’ve tried a couple flavors at least. But, what about people that never explore or experience relationships and go straight into a lifelong commitment without knowing any other experiences, good or bad, except the one they commit to? Does it work out, or does it end in regret and a longing for all the opportunities missed? Tom and Lisa discuss the upside of gaining experience prior to settling down as well as the potential downside of missing out on true love because you’ve used too much time exploring opportunities and experiences. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Bad Strategy | Why heading into marriage without experience may be bad strategy [1:05] Know Yourself | Tom explains the value of being on your own and figuring out yourself [2:30] F.O.M.O. | Deciding to forsake others versus lamenting you’ve never been with others [4:18] Benefit of Experience | Lisa on how experiences can help you see what you really want [6:19]   QUOTES: “every human being needs to go out into the woods, and get lost and find themselves before they get in a relationship.” Tom Bilyeu [3:02]   “Experiences do kind of help show you what you like, what you don't like, and what is for you and what isn't for you” Lisa Bilyeu [7:50]   “Weigh the options and then make a decision and go like go down that path and don't look back” Lisa Bilyeu [9:08] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How necessary is it for both you and your partner to be in the same phase of life for the relationship to work? Selection definitely matters when it comes to choosing who you want to share your life with, and who you decide to share time and resources with matters as well. But, what happens when you have a growth mindset and clarity on the direction you want to take your life in, but the person you love and want to be with isn’t sure about their own path? Healthy, long term relationships don’t require you to agree on everything, and it doesn’t mean that you see eye to eye on everything either. Differences between you and your partner can make the relationship interesting, meaningful, exciting, and worth fighting for. However, mindset matters and may be more important than chemistry and your sex life together. Tom and Lisa discuss how and under what circumstances incompatible mindsets will break a relationship and when it’s worth the effort to stay together. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: Selection Matters | Tom emphasizes the importance of choosing who you date wisely [1:00] Help Your Partner | How to help your partner find their path and passion with compassion [1:47] Incompatible Mindset | Not wanting to give up on your partner’s mindset if potential exist [4:56] QUOTES: “I think having one fixed mindset, one growth mindset is a recipe for disaster.” Tom Bilyeu [1:35]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In any healthy and lasting relationship, effective communication is necessary. Unfortunately, in a relationship you don’t always agree on how to arrive at the outcome, even when you both agree on the end result. Tom and Lisa break down strategies that have worked for them when they don’t see eye to eye. How they communicate and get to the root of what is actually going on is one of the most important strategies that have helped. Finding common ground over the things that are mutually beneficial and that ultimately, bring you together is a powerful technique to getting past the small things. If you need to find better ways to communicate this will help you learn how to peel back the layers that are blocking your progress and happiness, and get to the center of what will move your relationship forward to the next level together.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Don’t Judge | Tom explains why the #1 rule is to not be judgemental of each other [0:57] Golden Ticket | Able to communicate, insecurities and pettiness to get pass the major shit [2:40] Vulnerability | Why it feels good and validates you even when your perception differ [4:57] Different strategies | Why it’s better to align over the goal not on how you get it [5:38]   QUOTES: “The only baseline element that is needed for our belief system to make sense as a growth mindset.” [2:10]   “If I had to put my finger on and say this is where we've really won, it's that we're able to communicate our insecurities, our pettiness, to get beyond the tea as we call it.” [2:47]   “Whatever your like thing is, even if it's petty, even if it's insecurity, even if it's jealousy, strip the emotion away and just say what it is” [4:17]   “If you do want to get this result out of me, this is actually a tweak to strategy that I think you need because otherwise I'm not going to be able to get there” [6:52] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Boundaries are absolutely necessary, and without a doubt you should have personal boundaries in any healthy relationship. But what do you do when your boundaries are getting in the way of you creating a relationship? Are you stuck in a place where you want to get into a relationship, or maybe you want to take it to the next level, but you're stumbling over being too rigid or too laxed on your personal boundaries? Tom and Lisa walk you through several scenarios that may be tripping you up when it comes to setting boundaries and being relaxed enough to give the relationship space and opportunity to grow. As with every healthy relationship, communication is at the center of this issue as well. From being open, to defining types of boundaries, to recognizing your base assumptions, these tips will definitely help you. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Open to Relationship | Why single person thinking in a relationship defeats the purpose [1:58] Create Boundaries | How Tom and Lisa established boundaries when they started dating [4:48] Hard & Soft Boundaries | Why preset boundaries can be a problem and non-negotiables [6:28] Framing Boundaries | 2 responses to boundaries tested, shut it down vs. maybe later [8:48] Introducing Boundaries | Lisa’s advice for how to address boundaries at the right time [10:11] Communicate | How you communicate your boundaries and limits is critical [12:30] Taken Advantage Of | Why Tom says people don’t take advantage of you they only try [15:15] Assign Levels | Lisa shares example and reason assigning levels helps communication [18:05] Base Assumptions | The problem when both people think things are self evidently clear [20:19] Appreciate Friction | Why friction between people can be desirable & best for attraction [24:07]   QUOTES: “Part of the joy of being in a relationship is to actually open yourself up to being a pair, and you've got to want that.” Tom Bilyeu [2:40]   “Be in a relationship, don't be in a relationship doesn't really matter, but whatever you do, do it all the way. Like if you're going to be in a relationship, be in a relationship.” Tom Bilyeu [3:47]   “Setting boundaries beforehand can be a little dangerous, because you may be setting some interest, you may be closing yourself off.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:13]   “It's not that people are taking advantage of you because you either let that happen or you don't, but people can overextend.” Tom Bilyeu [16:21]   “We may not agree with each other, a collision of values, but now we can understand each other, and that alleviates a lot.” Tom Bilyeu [23:35]   “Public service announcement: In life, people have got to want a diversity of opinion. You've gotta want it. You have to believe that what makes the world work is the friction between competing viewpoints.” Tom Bilyeu [24:13]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No doubt there are things you sacrifice in every relationship. Sometimes the sacrifices are mutual and other times they tend to be more one sided. The time comes when you have to ask yourself, who’s the sacrifice for? Is it for you or for your partner? You can't be annoyed if your sacrifice is not appreciated or well received. Tom and Lisa share several of their own examples and explain why it may be better to give the gift your partner values and wants to receive, or accept that the sacrifice is something you’re doing to align with your own identity and reasons with no expectations.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Mutual Sacrifice | How to employ daily or weekly sacrifices for each other in relationship [0:29] Compromise | Tom shares why compromise is like sacrifice [1:06] Small Sacrifices | Lisa explains why the small sacrifices matter [1:32] Physical Sacrifice | Tom explains how he takes on physical sacrifice for Lisa [2:01] Time Sacrifice | Lisa shares how time is sacrificed for ambition and support [3:38] One Sided Sacrifice | How self-imposed sacrifices can go not well received or appreciated [4:53]   QUOTES: “Give the gift the other person will actually be able to receive because they want it.” Tom Bilyeu [5:59] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There is something beautiful and magical about being able to witness and experience the growth of the people you love. In romantic relationships it is also to get caught up in the selfishness of not wanting the person you married to change who they are or the things they do. True love and successful life long relationships require you to have the hard conversations and be supportive of each other as you both evolve to new heights, dream bigger, and become more ambitious and capable. Having a front row seat to that kind of journey can make the connection between you two even stronger. Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of not ever needing to choose between your ambitious goals and the love of your life. Seeing each other through the turning points with admiration and love in your eyes is definitely the way to go if you’re down to ride to the end.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Not Choosing | Why you shouldn’t have to choose between ambitious goals & relationship [0:43] Drawn to Ambition | Supporting the drive that attracted you doesn’t mean take from it [4:18] Working Together | Why working requires rules of engagement but can be great [5:52] Turning Points | Valuing the turning points and witnessing each other’s grow [6:24]   QUOTES: “The relationship wouldn't be able to survive somebody saying, you should stop being ambitious, or you should stop your quest for self mastery” Tom Bilyeu [1:00]   “I know what is ultimately the most important thing. And if you're not happy, and you're not driven, then me and you are not as connected.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:59]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are so many stereotypes out there for men and women, especially around communication. Women talk more than men. Men talk to get things done, and women talk for emotional connection. While there is a bit of truth in every stereotype, it’s more important to recognize that men and women should be treated as individuals not as categories. If you’re in a relationship with a partner that is way more verbal than you are, we’ve got tips and a few tricks you can use to deepen your connection and make your relationship more meaningful. Regardless if you or your partner prefer to speak less, communication is a must and of the highest importance in any loving and long lasting relationship.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Question | How to encourage verbal communication with a partner that doesn’t say much [0:21] Talkative Partners | Why women have been noted to speak 3 times more than men [0:54] Quiet Partners | Why being quiet isn’t best for the relationship, externalize something [2:05] Affirmations | How nodding or words of affirmation can help in communication together [3:29] Clear Intentions | Importance of being clear about what you need in the moment [4:41]   QUOTES: “Just because he has a desire to be quiet does not mean that's good for the relationship.” Tom Bilyeu [2:22]   “You have to push yourself, if you're like, just innately you want to be quiet, and you want to go internal, but the other person needs that then you've got to really push.” Tom Bilyeu [3:51]   “Asking you the question of what I'm looking for, I think is important because if you're not typically a verbal communicator, then I think it's the other person's responsibility for saying, this is what I need from you right now.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:12] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a healthy loving relationship, neither partner is looking for ways to hurt their partner’s feelings. On a long enough time line, however, hurting each other's feelings or accidentally pushing each other’s trigger points is bound to happen. It doesn’t mean there’s any love lost, but it doesn’t mean that work needs to be done to diffuse the situation, resolve the issue, and reconnect. Tom and Lisa have come up with a few ways of handling these rare moments for when sh*t hits the fan, tempers flare and feelings are hurt. Their tips will help you stay even-keeled and minimize any relationship damage by sharing tactics for you to put into place long before the next argument happens. The key is not pretending or fooling yourselves into thinking, “that’ll never happen”. The key is to be prepared and have these conversations while you’re emotionally sober.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Diffusing the Situation | Lisa shares tactics for diffusing an argument before it starts [1:31] Time & Space | Lisa shares why having space to calm down is so impactful and effective [3:16] Changing Neurochemistry | Tom on why doing something else changes neurochemistry [4:26] Pressing Doesn’t Work | Tom’s on why can’t convince someone not to feel upset [5:20] Groundwork Needed | Why establishing “rules” when you’re connected is needed [6:42] Biological Experience | Tom on why you can decide to feel differently in arguments [10:22] Dangerous Conversations | How conflicts of values lead to dangerous conversations [13:02] Pattern Interrupt | Lisa demonstrates how easy it is to pattern interrupt your anger [14:19] Shifting Moods | Tom on how to help your partner and yourself into better mood [16:02] Trigger Language | Lisa on why you should know each other’s triggers and respect them [18:46]       QUOTES:   “If you have to guess what the other person's triggers are, it's literally like stabbing in the frickin 'dark. It's like a love language, figure out what your love language is in regards to what are your triggers?” Lisa Bilyeu [2:45]   “It is always better to walk away because we just don't hear each other, and many times, we've got into arguments because neither of us walked away.” Lisa Bilyeu [3:43]   “When the other person has been triggered, you have to do something that changes their neuro chemistry.” Tom Bilyeu [5:15]   “The key for when you're being triggered, or you're triggering the other person is to make sure that you build that foundation in the nice loving moments so that you're not having the friction when it actually happens,” Lisa Bilyeu [10:06]   “You can decide to feel differently, and that nature, for whatever weird reason, has given us what I call physiological hooks to change your state.” Tom Bilyeu [10:52]   “When you're in an argument, and you both believe that you're right, it's going to be a contentious conversation, and it's what we call a dangerous conversation because it could go awry” Tom Bilyeu [13:02]   “When the other person is upset, whatever you do better be designed to change their neuro chemistry. Because if you can't do that the conflict is going to just keep going up” Tom Bilyeu [16:06]   “If your goal is high level communication, that's very effective, and you're not getting annoyed, and you guys can both navigate that decision making tree to get to a decision that works for both of you, it isn't useful to be triggered.” Tom Bilyeu [23:31]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whether you are in a loving romantic relationship, friendship or relationship with your family members, standing by while someone you love endures the abuse of a toxic relationship is painful. Do you speak up and risk your relationship or stay quiet and try to maintain whatever peace and connection you can with the person you love? What is the best way to respond when someone you love is trapped or blind to a toxic relationship? Abuse comes in all forms, mental, emotional and physical. Tom and Lisa look at possible scenarios in the case of their own siblings. This is never an easy topic and there is no one solution obviously, but being open to having these conversations is so important.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Abusive Relationships | Tom on his response if his sister was in bad relationship [0:45] 2 Way Toxicity | Tom explains why you give those relationships space to figure it out [4:37] Waiting Game | Tom on the long game waiting for right time to bring up concerns [5:52] What’s Important | Lisa on how she would avoid pushing your sibling away [7:27]   QUOTES:   “If there's one superpower that I've developed and gotten very good at, it's being able to tell when the person is emotionally in a place where they'll be able to hear me.” Tom Bilyeu [6:01]   “Just telling someone you got to break up with them. Like just puts you in the enemy seat” Lisa Bilyeu [7:39] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’re super busy between work life, home life and parenting life. There are always things to do and places to be, which leave you exhausted. In a fast paced society people are trained to not have meaningful downtime. Taking time for yourself can almost feel like punishment when you have so much on your plate. Any amount of time away from the kids can easily leave a parent with more guilt than relaxation. Tom and Lisa discuss why making time for yourself is critical and also how selfish, me-time can also include doing things you love with the person you love most as well. So whether it’s watching your favorite show or playing a video game with your partner, the point is to enjoy your downtime, be recharged, and feel good about yourself.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Make Time | Tom on being intentional about selfish time and making your time sacred [0:16] No Guilt | Lisa on not feeling guilty about taking selfish time and owning it [2:00] True Alone Time | Tom differentiates relationship time from true alone time [2:46] Shared Time | How Tom brought Lisa into his selfish time playing video games [3:54] Show You Care | Lisa breaks down how she brought enthusiasm to their shared time [7:11]   QUOTES: “Make sure that everything is going to be covered so that you can have that downtime.” Tom Bilyeu [1:11]   “Finding those things that that one person likes, that you're open and willing to try and then go in at full force, like don't just give it 50%, do it 100% because you know you're making that person happy, and once you open your mind to that there actually is opportunities to enjoy it.” Lisa Bilyeu [9:36] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tough times are inevitable in any relationship when you’ve been together long enough. Family drama, infidelity, or financial strains can be scary times for any relationship. These stressors have the ability to bring you closer together or take the relationship beyond the breaking point. Tom and Lisa discuss one of the scariest situations they’ve faced together, Lisa’s health. Even if the problems you are experiencing are completely different, there are 3 nuggets of wisdom from their situation that you apply to your own. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: Health Scare | Lisa on the difficulty and stress her health issues put on the relationship [1:12] Helplessness | Tom’s on feeling helpless finding a solution and relying on mindset [4:07] Problem Solving |When your frustrated and cannot solve the problem for your partner [7:31] Awareness | Lisa on being mindful, checking on your partner and being connected [7:56] Pulling Through | Build trust so your partner can help you see your blind spots [11:01]   QUOTES: “I want to solve problems, and you just want to be heard is like a constant issue.” [7:45] “Beyond that, it's a relationship. So even though I'm going through this problem, there's two of us.” Lisa Bilyeu [9:10] “When someone's going through a tough time, I think it's very easy to be so focused on you, right? I'm going through this, I'm having a problem. People need to understand, you know, why can't you be there for me? But that's not fair, because the other person is still going through that.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:13] “You sacrifice out of love, and out of commitment, and I think it's very important to not take that for granted with each other.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:34] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being a strong independent woman at one point was and still is a badge of honor that successful driven women proudly wear. At what point though, does being strong and independent swing so far that it leaves men feeling unwanted and not needed? Is a man’s desire to carry you at times problematic for the strong independent woman? Where is the balance that allows women to boss up in their professional lives and still allow them to let their guard down and be open and vulnerable with the right man in their personal lives? Tom and Lisa tackle the question, do men want to be with women that need them. Lisa is a powerhouse businesswoman and Tom is a powerhouse entrepreneur as well. How they approach this balance is the insight strong independent women and men need to have better, healthier, loving relationships. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES: You Lead | Tom explains why Lisa being in leadership role doesn’t detract from his value [1:06] Him Problem| Being secure with the value of providing for a woman & threatened if not [4:48] Her Problem | Being too strong & prideful, not allowing men to feel needed or valuable [6:10] Balance | Lisa on women not being so strong you turn him away but not needy also  [7:04] Need vs. Want | Lisa’s example thinking she needed Tom and realizing she wanted him [8:11] Being Needed | Tom on the power of being needed & showing up for a strong partner [10:04] Call Me “Baby” | Tom shares why people call each other “baby” in romantic relationships [12:29] Constant “You” | How you are the only constant in every relationship you have, own it! [15:47] Social Proof | Lisa on how to look at other couples to determine if your belief is correct [17:40]   QUOTES: “It's just smart, to be so emotionally secure, that you can be nimble and say it doesn't detract from my value for you to be in a leadership position. And I'm very capable of also stepping into that” Tom Bilyeu [4:22]   “People want to feel good. People want to feel like they're bringing value to a relationship.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:19]   “Being needed is so powerful, and when you're with somebody who is so strong and confident, the few times you get to really be a hero, and to be useful, you want to make sure that you're there for that.” Tom Bilyeu [10:25]   “Being needed in a relationship is beautiful.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:02]   “Set your dominant base assumption aside and say, what could this be if it couldn't be that? What else might it be? See, if you stumble upon something that's just as plausible” Tom Bilyeu [16:45] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Making big decisions can be a stressful task, and can be even trickier when making those decisions together as a couple. Having respect for each other is a must through any part of this process. Understanding how important it is to value each other’s opinions and input through the decision making process is critical to your ability to thrive together as a team. Tom and Lisa address the importance of not undermining each other and making sure each of you feel heard, valued and respected. Lisa breaks down simple tips that helped them through their home buying process together that will help you through many other processes as well together.   SHOW NOTES: Respect Opinions | Value input from your partner to avoid your partner feeling less than [1:03] Non-negotiable | Discussing what’s important to each other and considering with respect [3:18] Compromise | Lisa explains how to compromise on the smaller decisions [4:55]   QUOTES: “if you don't want their opinion that's so dangerous in a relationship,” [3:09]   “Breaking everything down into importance, who has the final say, and then going back to what you said is showing that total respect for the other person.” [5:56] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trying to navigate relationships and not being clear on what your role is or what your partner needs or expects from you can be challenging. There’s been growing discussion around masculine and feminine energy, which one you are, and how to be more magnetic with your partner to keep your spark alive and going. Understanding these polarities and that we all have tendencies and fall on a spectrum can be super helpful in your relationship. Tom and Lisa discuss how masculine and feminine energy appears in their relationship, while diving into the balance, desires, and nature to exist together and step into your role in confidence.   SHOW NOTES: Energy | Tom explains masculine & feminine energy for he and Lisa that helps their spark [1:03] Femininity | Understanding feminine power and not using that energy against men [3:35] Hormonal Differences | Acknowledging the hormonal differences of men and women [7:53] Masculinity | Males nature to be dominant, protective and physically stronger [9:29] Protective | The intoxication of protective masculine energy and example of overboard [15:01]   QUOTES: “I recognize that using that emotion to manipulate you isn't a long term solution. So that feminine side to me, I've definitely tried to almost push away, because I don't think it serves me.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:32]   “At the end of the day, there is something sexy about a man who's prepared to stand up, to be tough to be heard to say like this is the line don't cross it.” Tom Bilyeu [9:29]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating can be an amazing experience, but there can be so much uncertainty in the beginning. How do you start building trust in a new relationship? If you’ve had past experiences that make it difficult to trust people, you may not be so willing to give away your trust, so what do you do with that? Should you optimistically give away your trust until it’s broken, or do you guard your trust until it’s been earned? Tom and Lisa give their take on finding a balance between giving trust and leaving trust to be earned, and it starts brick by brick!   SHOW NOTES: Micro Distrust | Why relationships should start with micro distrust and evolve from there [0:21] Judging Character | Protecting yourself from people that are guarded and not open [2:05] Honesty | Tom on being honest and aggressively being yourself in a relationship [2:57] Brick by Brick | Lisa on how trust is earned through action regardless of intention [5:11]   QUOTES: “It's like micro distrust followed by a give of trust, followed by earning that trust to keep it.” Tom Bilyeu [0:28]   “I didn't feel like you were overly trying to be someone or position yourself. You were just being yourself. It felt like well, I can either accept her or not accept her, but didn't have to guess who her was.” Tom Bilyeu [3:26]   “The reason honesty is better is because of the way that it makes you feel and the way that it opens up for real connection.” Tom Bilyeu [4:38]   “The fact that I can trust you and trust who you are, and trust what you're going to do with information sensitivity that I give you, allows me to give myself over to you 100%” Lisa Bilyeu [8:43] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people, if not all, would agree that sex at the beginning of the relationship is amazing. It’s a time when everything is fresh and new, and you can barely keep your hands to yourself when you’re around each other. However, 1 year in, 5 years in, 15 years into the relationship, how do you maintain desire for each other and continue to have an amazing sex life together, especially for women who have different needs to get going from men? Tom and Lisa get candid about what it takes for them to continue having a healthy sex life after 20 years of marriage. Understanding your tendencies and sexual needs is key regardless of who you are.   SHOW NOTES: Stereotypes | Tom addresses stereotypes and why women may need to build up to sex [1:45] Feel Sexy | Why women like to be the center of sexual attention for their partner [3:28] Not Feeling It | Lisa on the role being sick played in her not feeling sexy or attractive [5:04] Rule of Thumb | Tom explains how understanding male, female heuristics is helpful [5:34] Empowered | How understanding the extra attention women need for sex is empowering [8:35] Transition | Lisa explains why transitions are important to get in the mood for sex [10:19]   QUOTES: “Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex.” Tom Bilyeu [3:23]   “I want to feel protected by you, and I know in this day and age, people may hate that, but I don't fucking care.” Lisa Bilyeu [11:34]   “it doesn't even just have to be penetration. It's the connection” Lisa Bilyeu [13:40]   “being honest about your schedule, being honest about your life, and not trying to pretend and then really implement, like, date night” Lisa Bilyeu [14:25] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Working hard on your goals and creating the life you and your partner dream about is part of the day to day grind, and that is fine. Working so many hours that you leave your partner feeling neglected, ignored and seeking attention, is not okay. It is so important that you prioritize the health of your relationship over anything if it is important to you. It takes a lot of work on both ends of the relationship to make progress by creating time and opportunity for each other. The beauty about relationships is having someone love you so much they are willing to try things they aren’t excited about because they are more excited about you. These tips will help you think of new ways to see where you and your partner’s interests overlap so you can find time to do things together that bring you deeper connection and joy.   SHOW NOTES: A.D.D. | Why having ADD is not an excuse, you still have obligation to improve [0:31] Shared Interests | Importance of finding common interests and joy together [1:42] Be Open | Give things your partner likes a try for the sake of your partner [3:30] Attention | When your partner is distracted and your feeling ignored [4:30]   QUOTES: “If you don't share anything in common breakup” Tom Bilyeu [2:20]   “There's nothing worse when you're at dinner or something, and you're trying to have a romantic moment or something and the other person picks up their phone.” Lisa Bilyeu [5:38]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are things we get to experience in life that are so hard to keep to ourselves. It’s like discovering a new flavor of ice cream, or a shortcut home that saves you 10 minutes. Part of our human nature is to share these life-changing moments with the people we love. Developing a growth mindset is no different. When you discover the power of having a growth mindset, suddenly all of the fixed-minded people in your life stick out and pluck your nerves every time you’re together. You only want the best for them, you want them to experience the power and potential you’ve unlocked, but they resist. Tom and Lisa discuss alternatives to dealing with people you love with a fixed mindset. When cutting them off and removing them from your life is not an option, here is where you start and how you can safeguard those relationships despite the differences.   SHOW NOTES: The Frustration | Lisa on why it’s so hard to cut fixed-minded people off when you care [1:11] The Pursuit | Learning to accept people for who they are if they’re not open to change [2:17] The Push Back | How to meet them with compassion & empathy when they’re defensive [2:56] The Buy-In | When they’ve bought into having a growth mindset, remind them [5:01]   QUOTES: “If you know that they've got a fixed mindset, and you've maybe tried to help them and it's just not possible just detach yourself.” Lisa Bilyeu [2:27]   “the more you push, the more they resist.” Tom Bilyeu [4:35]   “Meeting them with compassion and empathy and then just living by example, will be a lot faster than pushing” Tom Bilyeu [4:53] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the worst possible scenarios in a relationship is having mismatched ambition and desires. Discovering a growth mindset is magical and beyond empowering. Having the motivation and ambition to be the greatest that ever lived at whatever you choose is a thrill very few people seriously achieve. When you’re in a relationship with someone that has no desire to grow and is comfortable with their lack of ambition, the tables easily turn and the survival of that relationship is highly unlikely. How do you navigate this predicament if you are already years in and now desire to have more and grow but your partner doesn’t want to? Tom and Lisa share what worked for them as they discovered a growth mindset together and how they motivated each other to greatness.   SHOW NOTES: Growth Mode | Tom on pushing to get better and being dissatisfied with stagnation [0:37] Pushing Pains | Why pushing someone that doesn’t want to grow is painful and not okay [2:11] Mutual Growth | Why mutual desire to grow is more effective and stable in a relationship [3:32] Mid-Relationship Growth | When one partner starts growth journey after years together [6:17] Rewarding Behavior | Using a reward and “punish” system to encourage right behaviors [8:07]   QUOTES: “I think that proselytizing, trying to push somebody is a recipe for the zester like you're begging for pain.” Tom Bilyeu [2:18]   “somebody who isn't growth-minded is wasting their life.” Tom Bilyeu [2:58]   “it is relationship protective for you to get a growth mindset.” [12:46]   “trying to convince everybody of the utility of a growth mindset is a losing battle.” [13:15]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s exciting when you find a deep why and purpose for your life and really start leaning into your passions. That joy can become heartbreak when you realize your family and friends don’t relate and seem to be unsupportive of your newfound drive and passion. How do you navigate family gatherings, hangouts with old friends, or calls with mom when you see life so differently? Tom and Lisa share their personal experiences and advice for responding to this kind of tension as individuals and as partners when you have to show up for your partner as well. It’s not navigating these tensions but it is necessary that you be equipped to know the best strategies for you and your situation to get the feeling you’re looking for.   SHOW NOTES: No Stress | Stop trying to convince people to think the way you think [1:04] No Debating | No need to debate with anyone when you don’t agree. Get curious instead [4:31] Relationship Rules | Dealing with your partner’s family & tension for your partner [5:44] The Attack | Tom’s reaction when someone is attacking and coming after you [6:31] Avoid Drama | Lisa’s advice to make sure the situation doesn’t turn into drama [9:09] Family Friction | Taking a stance to be bothered or allowing the tension to roll off [10:30] Strategy | Options for keeping the peace and choosing harmony not insanity [13:00] Distance Yourself | Slowly lose contact with people if the relationship doesn’t serve you [15:00]   QUOTES: “Get back to my baseline and not be upset by it, because you know that’s what they’re like, you know that’s how they normally act and so when it happens why are you always surprised, it’s a pattern, so break the pattern. Don’t be surprised. Go in there knowing this is what they’re like.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:08]   “Do the strategy that makes you feel the way you want to feel” Tom Bilyeu [12:36]   “I will greet warmly when I see you, but I never not go out of my way to see you” Tom Bilyeu [15:58] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you support a highly ambitious partner with a hyper-focus on goals and success? It’s so easy to fall into a selfish pattern of thinking. What about time for me? When do we get to focus on each other? Being with someone that is highly driven is not an easy role to sign up for. Tom and Lisa happen to both be highly ambitious and focused individuals. Lisa has played her part as a supportive wife and a successful business partner. In this episode, Tom and Lisa break down the hard truth about what it takes to sign up for that lifestyle and also what it takes to prioritize each other as number one.   SHOW NOTES: Family Goal |Lisa on why they decided on a family goal and individual goals [0:54] Focus | Get what you focus on, so see how you are a team supporting each other  [4:12] Ambition | Why you have to know what comes along with it when its the life you chose [5:21] Mismatched | Collectively deciding the life you both want, is it aligned or mismatched [7:33]   QUOTES: “And I know deep down that I'm not number two, I'm your number one.” Lisa Bilyeu [2:19]   “If you're focusing on the fact that you feel neglected, and you're put second all the time, you're going to start to feel like that.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:21]   “you're so good about not being abusive, that when you speak up, like whatever it is like I have that switch that goes, ‘nothing else matters.’” [6:54] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is there such a thing as balance in a relationship? Is there ever truly work, love, and life balance, or as Lisa Nichols puts it, is there really just harmony? Tom and Lisa have been working together and building a massively successful empire together that requires major efforts and seem to have found a system of harmony that works extremely well for their relationship. Communication is often anchored at the core of their advice for having a more fulfilling, healthier, and happier relationship. They share 5 tips and tricks that have helped them maintain the harmony and focus of their relationship together over the years. If you’re looking for insider information on how successful relationships stay strong and only improve over time this is it.   SHOW NOTES: No Balance | Lisa explains why she doesn’t seek balance, she seeks harmony [0:45] Communicate | Don’t assume your partner knows what you need and what you feel [1:58] Motivation | Tom on why vocalizing your motivation to each other is important [4:31] Defined Terms | Tom shares why this has been critical in their relationship [6:47] Being Vague | Why being vague will kill the relationship and the effort it takes [8:21] Keys to the Kingdom | Be clear about what makes you happy what you want [9:47]   QUOTES: “We don't seek balance. We seek harmony.” Lisa Nichols quoted by Lisa [0:50]   “People die by vagaries.” Tom Bilyeu [8:21]   “People want things like love and anything that's beautiful in their life to be effortless. It just doesn't work like that.” Tom Bilyeu [8:32]   “if you wanted to be successful, you'd have to work hard at your job or your career or whatever, so to not think of relationships like that, it's crazy to me.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:45]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Falling in love can be the easy and most exciting part of any relationship. Navigating the logistics of what success for the relationship looks like can quickly become a tangled web of compromise. Have you found yourself caving to the pressure and expectations of your partner in terms of what your role should be in the relationship? Tom and Lisa have a wealth of experience with Lisa starting out supporting Tom from home to her choosing to be a full-time business partner with Tom. This episode breaks down the best way to set your ego aside, cast away preconceived notions of what your roles should be, and decide to support each other’s strengths, Follow your partner as easily as you to take the lead.     SHOW NOTES: Defined Roles | Tom breaks down how he initially defined roles as alpha and beta [0:40] Better At | Acknowledging who is better at making decisions in what area and celebrate [2:41] Changing Roles | Lisa shares how she felt wanting to no longer be a stay at home wife [4:29] Supporting Change | Tom shares how he mourned Lisa’s change and fully supported her [6:42] Equal Roles | Valuing being equal in importance in the relationship and seeing it 50/50 [9:42]   QUOTES: “understand that leadership is fluid, and there are going to be times where I'm leading, there's going to be times when you're leading, and that if you can follow into being a follower as rapidly as you take the leadership role, it just feels rad.” Tom Bilyeu [4:05]   “Nothing would shatter my own values faster than not wanting you to be exactly what you want to be and supporting you every step of the way.” Tom Bilyeu [8:55]   “Whether it's in a business or just in your personal life, it needs to be seen as 5050 all along the way. And you both have to come into agreement about what that looks like” Lisa Bilyeu [10:51]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dealing with mismatched sex drives can be horrifying, frustrating and a host of other undesired emotions for both partners. How do you find compromise when one partner is in the mood every day, any time ready to go, and the other partner could check in once or twice a week and be perfectly satisfied? In this episode, Tom & Lisa break down advice, solutions, and examples from their own relationship for how to deal with mismatched libidos. They discuss everything from frequency, porn, and orgasms all the way to being absolutely transparent about just wanting to be desired.   SHOW NOTES: Neurochemical Sex Drive | Understanding frequency urges are related to hormones [1:17] Solution | Dealing with high sex drive and what it means to accommodate a partner [2:53] Sexually Satisfied | Finding compromise to satisfy each other for mutual benefit [5:02] Orgasmic Pull | Considering what your partner wants and the bond of orgasm [8:03] Foreplay | Getting her in the mood begins outside of the bedroom [10:58] Porn | How viewing porn and received with resistance from some parters as bad [13:22] Okay To Ask | How Tom & Lisa have agreed it’s okay to ask and it’s okay to say no [16:29] Open Dialogue | When there is a reason for concern having open communication [19:00] Desirable | Real talk with Tom & Lisa about changing sex drives and being desirable [21:06] Men Vs. Women | Tom on the relation between feeling connected, sex, and erection [25:43] Checking In | Lisa’s advice for regular check-ins with each other about sex and more [27:35]   QUOTES: “if you're in a committed loving relationship, and you're not thinking about what your partner wants, that is a Horsemen of the Apocalypse” Tom Bilyeu [7:35]   “I don't want to do it if we can't get you interested in the idea.” Tom Bilyeu [11:12]   “once you have to hide something, now you start to feel like it's taboo, and it's bad.” Lisa Bilyeu [15:31]   “you shouldn't have sex if you can't talk about it.” Tom Bilyeu [17:42]   “guys don't need to feel connected to have sex, guys need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex.” [25:48] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are not sure how to influence your partner and present ideas that are mutually beneficial? It could be that you are not speaking each other’s language. Tom and Lisa dive straight into why language matters, the words you use with your partner matters, and how you choose to use your partner’s words against them also matters. Time and time again, Tom and Lisa express the importance of communication and why it has been the cornerstone of their relationship for 20 years. This episode explores some ideas about how you can start communicating better in your relationships and also find out the difference between manipulating your partner versus influencing your partner.   SHOW NOTES: Value of Words | Tom shares why words, trust, and communication are so critical [0:43] Verbal Manipulation | Difference between manipulation, influence, and mutual advantage [3:03] Important | Lisa’s tip for defining a special word and not abusing it in the relationship [3:48]   QUOTES: “I'm not interested in shutting people down, I'm not even interested in trying to prove something to them, I want to understand their position and see if there's something usable in that for me so that I can put it into my own worldview.” Tom Bilyeu [1:12]   “it's so important to treat people kindly, and to make them feel better about themselves when they're around you.” Tom Bilyeu [2:56]   “no one ever wants to feel like they're being secretly manipulated to the other person's advantage” Lisa Bilyeu [3:22]   “manipulation is moving somebody to your advantage and influence is moving them to their advantage [...] I would say that we always moved each other to mutual advantage.” Tom Bilyeu [3:35] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When someone points out your flaws and tries to put the blame on you for this or that, it’s so easy to feel triggered. When it’s your spouse, your partner, or someone you love that’s doing it, it’s even easier to get defensive and feel hurt. But what if your partner is also doing it in a way that makes them feel great and more amazing in comparison? Tom and Lisa walk through both sides of this scenario for how to cope with being criticized and blamed when you’re being attacked and also feeling attacked. Over and over we come back to communication really being key to a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Today is no exception, let’s talk about being defensive and the best way to think about it.   SHOW NOTES: Feeling Attacked | Explore why you’re feeling attacked and how to interpret the situation [0:40] Being Attacked | Tom explains his response if he were being attacked [3:13] Defensive | Lisa’s advice for not feeling defensive when your intentions fail [5:11]   QUOTES: “I never lead with this person is attacking me, I always lead with why am I feeling attacked?” Tom Bilyeu [2:25]   “If you get what you intended, you have done the right thing. If you do not get what you intended, [...] you have, by definition, used the wrong strategy.” Tom Bilyeu [4:10]   “for whatever reason, using that word with me does rattle me, so use this word instead, so I can hear what you're saying.” [6:35]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it better to start a relationship while you are growing your business or after? Tom and Lisa have built a million-dollar empire together successfully, but are they the exception or the standard you can aim to achieve? Either way, you decide, both Tom and Lisa agree that building a successful relationship takes lots of time and effort, as does building a business. It may come down to priorities and where you are personally with your skill for relationships. This episode will give you a better understanding of how a mega successful couple prioritizes each other.   SHOW NOTES:   Building Together | Tom on the bonus of building business and relationship same time [1:00] Relationship Work |The effort it takes to build relationships and the rewards if you’re ready [3:51]   QUOTES: “if you don't have the relationship skills, it's going to be a distraction, it's going to make things harder or worse” Tom Bilyeu [1:34]   “it's a lot of work. Like you have to put the time and energy and effort into it.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:02] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you see your partner looking at other people, how does that trigger your emotions? Do feelings of jealousy come up? Do you start thinking there is something wrong with you? Do you attack yourself? Everyone comes across these feelings of jealousy and insecurity in life, and how you decide to respond to those feelings is critical. Often people want to address the other person’s actions, but exploring why these feelings are coming up for you is more important. Tom and Lisa expand on the importance of self-worth, building confidence, and working on yourself until you are unbreakable. Your value, your worth, and securities are not given to you, they are built from within. No matter where you are in your relationship, or even if you don’t have a relationship, the process of working through jealousy and insecurities is a highly prized skill that will serve you well.   SHOW NOTES:   Jealousy Trigger | When the feeling arises assess what insecurities are being triggered [1:30] Self-Worth | Not attaching self-worth to phases but on what’s valuable & worthy [5:21] Overcoming Insecurity | Lisa facing insecurity, anchoring to self-worth, keep your power [8:50] Self-Centered | Being strong & confident in yourself in a way you can always rebuild self [13:28] 1st Step Out of Jealousy | Work on yourself, build confidence, and set your boundaries [16:40]     QUOTES: “...jealousy and envy is a good reminder to do the work in yourself to shore up your insecurities to figure out why you're on such an uneven footing with that” Tom Bilyeu [4:27]   “I still want to be in the place where I'm so secure in myself that it's like if you choose that, it will break my heart, but you won't break me.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:46]   “if you do hurt me, I can get back up because I built the foundation of how I see myself” Lisa Bilyeu [13:20]   “He can't give you confidence, nor can he take it away. He can trigger something that's already inside of you, but he can't give it or take it away, so you have to do that work.” Tom Bilyeu [15:49] “if the behavior is predictable, it shouldn't upset you.” Tom Bilyeu [18:49]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Getting to know your partner when the relationship is still new can be both exciting and stressful. Learning each other’s likes and dislikes, how to communicate and what their expectations are is uncharted territory for you both. Tom and Lisa share the perfect example of how critical communication is for making sure you get what you want, and more importantly, how to set your partner up for the win rather than being upset that your expectations haven’t been met. This episode is a lesson for both men and women on communication to make sure you get what you want.   SHOW NOTES: Don’t Test Me | Lisa shares the lesson of her and Tom not testing each other [0:22] Expectations | Tom explains the stress of expectations not communicated [2:48] Setup the Win | Lisa on how to set your partner up to succeed and not fail you [3:34] QUOTES: “If someone has spent year and years really working and showing how much they love, you can’t just then think that it doesn’t count on this one day because they’ve forgotten” Lisa Bilyeu [3:22]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is there ever an ideal time to have those hard conversations? Date night isn’t the time for it. During the week, with work, meetings, kids, and life maybe you’re too exhausted to have those conversations. But to progress in your relationship, addressing the hard topics is key, and communication is mandatory for a healthy, happy, long-lasting relationship. Tom and Lisa walk through their own recent examples and give you tips for having those conversations no matter how difficult or how busy your partner may be. After nearly two decades together, they can give you a range of ideas for wherever you are in your relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Magic Time | Tom shares why the “magic moment” time doesn’t exist [1:05] Open Time | Why your partner needs to create time and space for the hard conversations [2:15] Carving Time | The importance of carving out time for difficult talks and addressing issues [3:22] Warnings | Make sure you are telling your partner  and setting them up for success [5:05] Giving Hints | Tom reveals why hinting is not a good option and must be avoided [8:26] Assessing When | Tom walks through how he finds the best time to bring up hard talks [10:39] Any Topic, Any Time | How Tom & Lisa tried this rule for hard conversations & failed [14:13] Rules of Engagement | Why laying out the rules and going through trial and error is best [15:27]     QUOTES: “If you're ever hinting in your life stop!” Tom Bilyeu [9:17] “when you're communicating with the other person, like what is the actual thing you're trying to get across” Lisa Bilyeu [9:36] “when you're hinting you're setting the other person up for failure” [9:55]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What could be better than being a powerhouse couple that shines together? Jay-Z and Beyonce, Bill and Melinda, Tom and Lisa are just a few examples of how incredible that can be. But how do you realistically handle your partner’s growth and success? Are you all in and supportive of and committed to seeing your partner’s career and business endeavors succeed, even when your own selfish needs and wants creep to the surface? Tom and Lisa share the secret code they live in fully encouraging each other’s growth. From backing Tom’s power moves to encouraging Lisa to go from housewife to high powered businesswoman, this episode is filled with exactly how to support your partner’s growth.   SHOW NOTES: True North | Tom on being fully committed to seeing your partner grow & succeed [0:54] Reciprocating | Lisa & Tom on source of reciprocated support of one another [5:48] Mindset Shift | Lisa addresses how to get to a supportive mindset if you’re not there [8:13] Seeds of Doubt | Planting seeds of negativity and even slightly discouraging your partner [9:29] Competing | Lisa highlights the potential danger for jealousy over each other’s career [12:38]   QUOTES: “...fill your heart with a desire for the other person to shine” Tom Bilyeu [0:54]   “they should be your number one. And if they're your number one, you should want them to win.” Tom Bilyeu [7:17] “if you're not setting the people up in your life to thrive, like WTF” Tom Bilyeu [7:53] “You can easily slip into being selfish like that. It may not mean that you want to, it’s just an instinct.” Lisa Bilyeu [9:10]   “You can’t be selfish and just think about yourself. You’ve got to be happy for your partner.” Lisa Bilyeu [15:03] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationships have a life of their own that grow and mature with time. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that people don’t change and grow as well. When one of you becomes super motivated and ambitious over health or career goals, naturally you may want to push your other half along the same journey with you. But is that the right approach? In this episode, Tom and Lisa talk about living a synchronized life that prioritizes the shared experience of the relationship over individual ambition, and how to better encourage behaviors you want from your partner, not force or pressure.   SHOW NOTES: Synchronized Life | High degree of intention, focused on what you both want to get out it [0:55] Prioritize Moments | Lisa on identifying moments that matter to you both & prioritizing [2:17] Joint Motivator | Tom on why bed time was for relationship not ambition of one [2:51] Perspective | Address different ambition levels from the relationship perspective [3:35] Encourage Behaviors | Lisa on giving partner incentives that achieve the desired outcome [4:12]   QUOTES: “There just is no substitute for proximity being together sharing experience.” Tom Bilyeu [1:51]   “...if you're gonna force me or pressure me, like that's not necessarily a winning solution.” [5:53]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buying things for yourself feels exciting and rewarding. You work hard to put in the time and effort it takes to earn money so you can treat yourself to whatever you please. Maybe it’s a trip to spa, a pair of Valentino heels you’ve been eyeing for a while, or a grand chandelier that will make a statement. Whatever it is for you, do you soon lose the joy of having it because of guilt or judgment from what others think about the lavish things you buy for yourself? In this episode, Tom and Lisa tackle the topic of spending lavishly with zero guilt.   SHOW NOTES:   No Guilt | Tom explains when how you earn aligns with your values, spending is guilt-free [0:35] Aligned Spending | Lisa on spending money when you value things differently and own it [5:04]   QUOTES:   “I'm now going to make the demand that whatever I do to make money, it has to serve other people.” Tom Bilyeu [1:30]   “I am so not conflicted about wealth creation because I've done it in a way that I think is value added to the world.” Tom Bilyeu [3:50]   “getting it or not getting it doesn't actually have the result that you're looking for.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:09]         Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buying things for yourself feels exciting and rewarding. You work hard to put in the time and effort it takes to earn money so you can treat yourself to whatever you please. Maybe it’s a trip to spa, a pair of Valentino heels you’ve been eyeing for a while, or a grand chandelier that will make a statement. Whatever it is for you, do you soon lose the joy of having it because of guilt or judgment from what others think about the lavish things you buy for yourself? In this episode, Tom and Lisa tackle the topic of spending lavishly with zero guilt.   SHOW NOTES:   No Guilt | Tom explains when how you earn aligns with your values, spending is guilt-free [0:35] Aligned Spending | Lisa on spending money when you value things differently and own it [5:04]   QUOTES:   “I'm now going to make the demand that whatever I do to make money, it has to serve other people.” Tom Bilyeu [1:30]   “I am so not conflicted about wealth creation, because I've done it in a way that I think is value added to the world.” Tom Bilyeu [3:50]   “getting it or not getting it doesn't actually have the result that you're looking for.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:09] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aging for men and women can be a drastically different experience. While men are often more highly valued with age for resources, women tend to be valued more for physical beauty that fades with time. How do you reconcile with the inevitability of physical changes from aging and the desire to have your partner always find you attractive? Long-term relationships are so much more than physical beauty, but there is a level of self-confidence and pride you take in how you look and how you feel for yourself and your partner. As looks fade and your confidence shifts, can you look at each other and be just as attracted as when you were 20 something? In this episode Tom and Lisa discuss commitment over attraction and how focusing on a shared experience, enjoying the phases of life is what’s working after 19 years of marriage.     SHOW NOTES:   Inverse Attraction | Loving each phase of the relationship as physical attraction changes [0:28] Commitment | Tom on being anchored to a shared experience of life with Lisa [1:32] Attracted to Others | Why commitment trumps attraction and being an antifragile partner [3:03] Enjoy Phases | Lisa’s tip to enjoy every phase for what it is and and work on self-esteem [5:48]   QUOTES: “So we are together because we're sharing a life and I believe to the core of my existence.” Tom Bilyeu [2:35]   “enjoy it for what it is instead of like, always mourning what the last phase, like really enjoy it.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:21] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More than half of all teenagers are totally uncomfortable discussing the same thing that nearly a third of adults are uncomfortable discussing. Sex! The question that Tom and Lisa tackle today is if waiting to have sex before marriage is the right thing. Yes, there are religious and cultural beliefs that will provide the answer and wisdom you need should you subscribe to those beliefs, but in this episode Tom and Lisa take a practical perspective about sex before marriage, living together first, and discovering compatibility and a common baseline in one of the most important aspects of your relationship. Their advice for a long-term healthy and happy relationship acknowledges the importance of feeling safe physically and emotionally, but more importantly being open to communicate and discuss sex together.   SHOW NOTES:   Sex Before Marriage | Tom why waiting for marriage to have sex is madness [0:35] Living Together | Tom explains why living together 1st is a best practice for longevity [1:25] No Fireworks | Lisa on the disappoint of first sexual experience and missing the fireworks [3:41] Safe Exploration | Connecting and having safety to physically and emotionally explore [5:28] Compatibility | Being on the same page, shared electricity, and know your sex flavor [8:05] Frequency | Having open communication about frequency and feeling neglected [9:02] Orgasmic | Tom on the neuro chemistry and power orgasm has for antidepressant [11:33] Fetishes | Important of openly discussing fetishes and having no judgement [13:07] Growing | Tom shares the value evolving in the sexual relationship and journey together [15:27] Real Talk | Real time communication Tom’s intention vs. Lisa’s values on “experiment” [16:06] QUOTES: “I thought fireworks were gonna go off, I was going to be crowned, my life was never going to be the same, I was going to be finally a woman, like, it was like this big grand thing. And I had sex for the first time and was like, ‘huh!?’” Lisa Bilyeu [4:10] “one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about sex was until you're able to talk about it openly don't have it.” Tom Bilyeu [5:49] “...the things you will learn about yourself, what you like, the nature of sex itself is so profound, that having a level of experience and exploration I think is truly rewarding.” Tom Bilyeu [11:02] “if you if you don't have sex beforehand, if you don't discuss it especially, then you may end up in a relationship with someone that is that may be the antithesis of what sexually turns you on.” Lisa Bilyeu [14:57] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve probably found yourself excited and overjoyed over something you’ve discovered that has transformed your life or impacted you for the better. Maybe it was about health, career, or something spiritual. The desire to share with everyone you know could easily be overwhelming for you and everyone around. When it comes to your relationships, something so good can suddenly become the dagger between your connection with the other person. In this episode, Tom and Lisa venture down the path of what to do when you have this positive change in your life and your partner is not willing to even give it consideration and is just negative about life. Changing someone without manipulation is near impossible. Tom and Lisa take you through real tactics of how to lead from example in your own life and know when and how to approach these “dangerous” conversations.   SHOW NOTES:   Changing People | Why you can’t change people that don’t want to change [1:02] Negative Partner | How to approach a negative partner and acknowledge the danger of it [2:20] Dangerous Topics | When and how it’s best to approach heavy topics you clash on [6:44] Critical Timing | Lisa shares tips on finding the best time to bring up deep conversations [9:20] Compartmentalize | Learning tactics to shift gears and control when to approach topics [12:46] Growth Minded | How to share your growth mindset with partner not willing to learn [15:02] Same Page | The value of being on same page is about not suffering in your relationship [18:02]   QUOTES: “this absolutely and fundamentally, for me, must be resolved in our relationship, otherwise, I cannot progress.” Tom Bilyeu [4:34] “instead of taking it as a personal insult that like, ‘I take this more seriously than he does because I want to talk about it right now.’ I think you’ve got to let go of that. Because I think that actually brings more animosity and anger within you about how they're reacting which I don't think helps the situation.” Lisa Bilyeu [13:54] “if we don't work towards having a great relationship, then we may as well walk away because neither of us are willing to suffer in a relationship when you're not on the same page.” Lisa Bilyeu [18:22] “people treat you exactly the way you let them treat you. And you are training them in every interaction that you have.” Tom Bilyeu [18:46] “If you're my spouse, and I have a dream, you have exactly one job helped me execute against that.” Tom Bilyeu [19:30] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know those times in your relationship when you are being so petty about something, and still you just can’t help yourself? You try to self-soothe and correct your behavior, but can’t put a finger on exactly why you feel this way. What’s the best way to work through this situation? In this episode, Tom and Lisa impart their wisdom on how to have full disclosure and get through the process together even when your values are colliding. Coexisting in a happy and healthy relationship with moments of pettiness is possible when you acknowledge it and communicate.   SHOW NOTES: Being Petty | Tom on why it’s disarming and when communicated you process together [0:57] Apologizing | Lisa explains their rules for apologizing and not being sorry about intentions [3:31] Collision of Values | The danger of the situation and how to still acknowledge each other [5:01] Appreciation | How to navigate collision of values with respect and appreciation  [7:23]   QUOTES: “the second you just say you're sorry to make the other person feel better. You just sweep it under the rug” Lisa Bilyeu [3:59] “I fully respect that we just don't agree at a value system level. So I'm not saying your values are wrong. But I'm very much saying that they're not mine.” Tom Bilyeu [5:33] “To me, it's every day, we are working together as a team to really accomplish what we need or want to do. And we have our morals, we have our beliefs, and we need to support them.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How many times have you or your partner made a disagreement worse because you want to address the issue at different times? One of you wants to talk about it immediately while the other needs to walk away and take time to decompress before saying another word. Neither approach is right or wrong, but the opposite responses can make matters worse. In this episode Tom and Lisa share their power couple tips on how to avoid the added stress that comes with two radically different approaches. Make sure you take the necessary time and steps before your next heated discussion.   SHOW NOTES: Rules of Engagement | Tom explains why rules of engagement when you’re emotionally sober are a must [00:42] Love Reminders | Lisa explains idea of reminders used to signal your partner in heated moments [2:53]   QUOTES: “Don’t balance it, agree ahead of time like what your rule of engagement is.” Tom Bilyeu [00:42]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationships can be so beautiful and amazing. Two people from totally different lives come together and fall under a spell with each other, and life never felt better. As you get deeper into the relationship, you learn more about each other and now have to find ways to communicate and understand each other’s values, habits and quirky ways. When love is not enough to sustain a massive collision of values, how do you respond? Is walking away the best option because you don’t agree or see eye to eye? In this episode, Tom and Lisa take you into the deep end of what it means to “steel man” each other and how to find compromise when there seems to be no room for compromise.. Not surprisingly, at the heart of their advice and wisdom is strong communication with one another. This is what a strong relationship and partnership looks like.   SHOW NOTES:   Perception Matters | Understanding how radically different perceptions can be [1:52] Collision of Values | Find out if you’re on the same page and what you think the other should be doing [7:17] Communication | Lisa shares how it always comes back to detailed communication [9:56] Value System | Know your personal value system and how it feeds into your relationship [13:06] Steel Man | Understanding your partners position, see and understand at their soul level [16:11] Compromise | Find the tradeoff after sharing each other’s perspectives for path forward [18:51] Judged Beliefs | Lisa explains why not to judge a person’s belief as right or wrong [22:19] Malleable Beliefs | Tom explains how beliefs can be changed when held to your values [22:58] No Judgement | Lisa on how to effectively approach conflict and express yourself [24:03]   QUOTES:   “...it isn't going to be a straight division of labor. So it's like that we're each carrying a load that we're happy to carry.” Tom Bilyeu [8:38]   “If I've actually asked you to help [...] because I've reached out, but it's not an expectation, I think that's the difference” Lisa Bilyeu [12:43]   “when somebody gives you the keys of the kingdom, they've also given you the way to hurt them” Tom Bilyeu [15:13]   “You have to be able to articulate the other person's position so accurately, that they feel seen, understood, not judged. Because when you steel man it, you're not trying to set them up.” Tom Bilyeu [16:58]   “...there's a lot of power in the being angry about something. Aim it at the behavior and not the person.” Tom Bilyeu [25:11]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The road to recovery once trust has been broken in a relationship can be long and painful for everyone involved. In this episode Tom and Lisa take a look from both sides of the one betrayed and the betrayer. Healing is a process and once that cannot be rushed, but is it more painful for the person who needs to forgive or the person that needs to earn back the trust that has been damaged? Regardless what side of the fence you are on, this conversation offers hard truths on both sides to consider. Letting go is easier said than done, and necessary if there is to be any recovery and future there after.   SHOW NOTES: Getting past betrayal requires you to let it go [1:12] The challenge of being remorseful and changing your behavior [2:08] What the cycle of not letting go potentially looks like for the average person [3:22] Knowing how to actually let it go [4:29] Holding on to betrayal and not allowing yourself to heal [5:54] Taking ownership of the betrayal to regain your power and not be the victim [6:32] How to deal with letting go when it’s stills fresh [7:32]   QUOTES: “Almost more of the work is on the side of the person that has to do the forgiving because you actually have to let it go” Tom Bilyeu [1:42]   “If it’s a mutually recognized betrayal, she knows she’s in the right, he knows he’s in the wrong. So, how do you meet again as equals?” Tom Bilyeu [5:40]   “If you haven't healed it's like a wound that keeps on bleeding” Lisa Bilyeu [5:58]   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you first started dating, all you could think about was seeing him or her and being together. Whenever their name was mentioned you smiled. Maybe you rearranged everything and everyone on your schedule to make sure nothing stood in the way of the joy you felt. How long does that phase of new love last though? Time goes on and the relationship evolves, or maybe dissolves for some? Have you been left feeling like the spark you once had is gone, or not as strong as it once was? Possibly, it’s your partner telling you the spark is gone and you're left trying to figure out how to keep that spark going. In this episode, Tom and Lisa unpack the importance of communicating. It’s not enough to assume how your partner defines “spark” and in order for your relationship to survive, you're going to have to talk about it, listen, and get each other’s perspectives to move forward to the next level. Making an effort is just part of the process of having a fulfilling relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Defining terms to one another and communicating to understand [1:17] Approach your relationship as novice regardless of how many relationships you’ve had [3:00] Tom breaks down the effect new love has in relationships and the intoxicating benefit [3:37] Taking the relationship beyond the intoxicating phase to the level of building together [4:34] Fulfillment versus happiness in relationships like deep contentment and satisfaction [6:00] Communicating and being open to each other’s perspective is the way forward [7:05] Transitioning into a long term relationship and still working on yourself [8:10] Lisa explains why still making an effort is important although the motivation has changed [9:15] Comfy together and transparent conversation about looking “good” for each other [9:48]   QUOTES:   When you’re orbiting stars around a shared center of gravity it doesn’t become that sort of weird destructive thing [...] it’s like two people that revolve around the relationship” Tom Bilyeu [4:48]   Listen to each, define terms, and then we can figure out how to march forward together.” [7:18]   “Even if you’re not trying to capture the exact spark that you had I think it is important to still make sure that you are making the effort for each other as well.” Lisa Bilyeu [9:21] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you struggle with fulfilling the expectations of your partner and your responsibilities in other life areas? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they managed to make their relationship the number one priority while achieving success in other life areas.. After watching this episode, you’ll know why knowing your value system is the key to balancing work with your relationship and how Tom is able to manage both his business and his relationship successfully. They explain why knowing your partner´s expectations isessential for a lasting relationship and why communication in relationships can be learned even if it doesn´t come naturally to you, and much more.   NOTES:   Why knowing your value system is the key to balancing work with your relationship. [00:39] How Tom is able to manage both his business and his relationship successfully. [3:15] Why knowing your partner´s expectations is essential for a lasting relationship. [4:36] Tom´s highest priority is Lisa, yet he went on a business trip when she needed him most; here´s why. [7:23] Avoid this mistake if your partner makes a decision you don´t like. [9:45] Why communication in relationships can be learned even if it doesn´t come naturally to you. [10:50] The rules Lisa and Tom set up that allows Tom to go hard in his business while being there for Lisa when she needs him. [11:44]   QUOTES:   “I said every reason why I needed you, and you told me every reason why you had to go, and we came to the conclusion, that you going was the right thing, and then in exchange when you came back, I needed two full days of your time. We did it like a negotiation.” [6:38]   “If it´s urgent you call three times: Call number one and you don´t answer means that you´re busy. Call number two and you don´t answer means that you´re really busy. Call number three means you better answer whether you´re with the president of the united states because I need you.” [12:50]   “I know now that if I need you, I have the power to get your attention.” [16:10]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever felt unsafe trusting your partner? Sometimes our fearful thinking takes over and fills our mind with crazy stories, making it hard to open up and trust someone - especially if we've been hurt in the past. Though the purpose of this fear is to prevent people from injuring us, it also keeps us from the love we desire. That´s why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to know when you should open up and trust someone. After watching this episode, you’ll know how Tom´s mindset led to them both being themselves when he first met Lisa, and how to understand your partner´s patterns to see if you can trustthem. You´ll know how you should think when you first met someone to increase the chances of a successful relationship and much more.     SHOW NOTES:   How to know when you should open up and trust someone to create a healthy relationship. [1:00] Tom´s mindset that led to both being themselves when he first met Lisa. [4:18] How to understand your partner´s patterns to see if you can trust him. [5:59] This is how you should think when you first met someone to increase the chances of a successful relationship. [7:14] Lisa trusted Tom to take nude photos; what happened next almost killed their relationship. [8:00] This is how you work things out after a fight, even if you doubt the relationship. [12:00]   QUOTES:   “Don´t trust what somebody says, don´t trust even trust what they do, but always trust a pattern.” [4:10]   “Even when you think someone is potentially betraying your trust, it may not always be like that.” [12:00]   “Let the things that happened to you make you wiser, don´t let them make you bitter.” [14:00]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you struggling to balance your ambitious goals with your love life? Pursuing your goals without neglecting your partner can be challenging. That´s why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to pursue ambitious goals without neglecting each other. After watching this episode, you’ll know how to communicate being ambitious to your partner. You’ll learn how Tom makes sure Lisa doesn’t feel neglected while he’s chasing big goals. Lisa shares the fundamental question she asks herself that helps her not feeling neglected and much more.   SHOW NOTES: How to communicate being ambitious to your partner. [1:01] This is how Tom makes sure Lisa doesn´t feel neglected while he´s chasing big goals. [2:02] The fundamental question Lisa asks herself to stop feeling neglected. [2:31] Why it´s okay to do something for your partner to make yourself feel good. [4:00] Warning signs that you´re in a dysfunctional relationship. [5:30]     QUOTES: “I always ask myself the fundamental question: “Does he love you?” [2:37]   “If I were in a relationship and you would make me feel insecure, over enough time, I would either get out of it or start to feel needy, and feeling needy would probably be the first sign for me that this is seriously dysfunctional.” [5:41]   “I do not understand why people stay in a relationship, where that person does not make you feel amazing.” [5:57]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your partner’s salary make you feel inferior? In our society, it can be easy to equate salary with self-worth. That’s why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share what to do if your partner earns more money than you. After watching this episode, you’ll know two questions you should ask when your partner earns more than you. You’ll understand how to communicate your feelings to your partner without attacking them and what to do when your partner values you for earning more money. You’ll also learn how to talk to your partner if you feel less because they earn more and why it’s essential to talk about how your partner makes you feel.   SHOW NOTES: Two questions you should ask when your partner earns more than you. [00:37] How to communicate your feelings to your partner without attacking them. [1:08] What to do when your partner values you for earning more money. [2:10] How to talk to your partner if you feel less because he earns more. [4:32] Why it´s important to talk about how your partner makes you feel. [6:24]   QUOTES:   “In our entire relationship, I have made more money than you. But never once has that made me think that I am better than you.” [2:42]   “If you have a fundamental value misalignment, you gotta f*ing address that or get out of the relationship.” [4:05]   “What we do is, we take every situation, even when the problem is with me, we sit down, and we talk about it, and we find a conclusion as a team.” [5:54]     FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever feel like you need more space for yourself in your relationship? Taking time for ourselves may seem selfish, as though we're avoiding our partner. But needing space from your partner doesn't mean, "I don't love you." In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they balance time alone and time together to strengthen their relationship. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After watching this episode, you'll know the selfish time you shouldn't take that damages most relationships. How Lisa and Tom balance their selfish time and time together to make their relationship work. The critical question to ask to understand why you need selfish time. You learn how Lisa talks to herself to stop escalating an argument and why it's essential to understand why you need time for yourself.     SHOW NOTES:   The selfish time you shouldn´t take that damages most relationships. [00:47] How Lisa and Tom balance their selfish time and time together to make their relationship work. [1:26] Two universal things everyone needs in any relationship. [1:57] The critical question to ask to understand why you need selfish time. [2:16] This is when Lisa needs to take selfish time and why Tom´s strategy doesn´t help her at that moment. [2:29] How Lisa talks to herself to stop escalating an argument. [4:00] Why it´s essential to understand the reason you need time for yourself. [4:59]     QUOTES:   “Everyone needs selfish time. I think that is universal and everybody needs time together. The balance you have to find for yourself. From my perspective, it seems extremely dangerous to want a very significant amount of time.” [1:57]   “Never have we ever got into an argument and argued and pushed each other to the point of solving it. We usually have to bring our guards back down. We have to hear the other person....It´s the separation of bringing down the guards.” [4:00]     FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Communication is an essential part of great sex. But many people worry about hurting their partner’s feelings by bringing up the topic — especially if they´re not feeling satisfied. These conversations can bring up a lot of anxiety and can cause you to avoid having them. Thus,damage your relationship in the long run. But there are strategies to make these conversations easier. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to talk about sex with your partner even if you´re afraid to do so. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After watching this episode, you´ll know what the right moment for starting the conversation looks like. You´ll understand how to prevent triggering your partner. Why asking for flowers isn´t unromantic and how to guide your partner, so he knows what makes you happy. Furthermore, you´ll learn how to handle your emotions when you´re getting triggered and how men can articulate sexual attraction in a way that makes women feel good.     SHOW NOTES: Why you should talk about sex if you´re not sexually satisfied. [00:37] How does the right moment for starting the conversation look like? [3:21] This is how Tom and Lisa used the movie “Rush Hour” to end one of their biggest fights. [5:35] The most powerful question Lisa asked in the marriage. [7:33] The mindset you need to have to improve any area of your relationship. [8:10] Avoid this communication mistake to prevent triggering your partner. [9:45] What Lisa and Tom don´t do (This radically improves their relationship.) [11:10] Why asking for flowers isn´t unromantic and how to guide your partner, so he knows what makes you happy. [12:00] What “communication is key” does actually mean and how to implement it. [15:00] How to handle your emotions when you´re getting triggered. [16:00] What happens to most relationships, so they end up in an unhappy relationship. [17:00] How men can articulate sexual attraction in a way that makes women feel good. [18:56] The difference in how women and men think about sex (If you don´t understand this, you think the other side is crazy.) [20:03]   QUOTES: “If you’re not ready to talk with your partner about sex, you’re not ready to have sex.” [1:05]   “I take on the ownership of: “What am I not giving you?” Because to trick ourselves into thinking we are always giving our partner exactly what they need all the time is absolutely putting blinders on.” [8:12]   “Does this person love me? And if the answer is “yes” then I know that there is no ill-will, so whatever they’re trying to do, I am gonna give them grace and understanding, and I am gonnabe open and receptive.” [16:40]   “Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.” [20:03]     FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve heard it from every relationship advice column ever: communication is key. But what does that even mean? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share their secrets for effective communication. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know why communication is the secret to a long-lasting relationship and how to communicate in the right way. Furthermore, Lisa and Tom share how to use the right love language with your partner.   SHOW NOTES: Why communication is the secret to a long-lasting relationship and how to communicate in the right way. [1:02] How to use the right love language with your partner. [2:24] The one word that Tom should never use because Lisa gets very upset. [2:59]   QUOTES:   “I think the more areas you have specific, discussed, and agreed-upon rules of engagement, the better off you´re gonna be.” [0:46]   “Let me tell you if you know certain words gonna rub the other person the wrong way, don´t use them in an argument.” [2:24]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You want to give the world to your partner. But you don´t have the money to do so? Sure, gifts such as roses, necklaces, or being able to fulfill financial dreams are beautiful things, but the best gift you can´t buy with money. What your partner really wants is not the world, but something else and probably not what you think. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share why money is not the most important thing in a relationship and how they managed the time in their lives when they had no money at all. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know how Tom handled being in a bad financial situation when he first met Lisa. How Lisa reframed not having money, to find joy in the situation, and why getting rich will not solve your relationship problems and the one thing that makes all the difference. Furthermore, you´ll know what you can give instead of money which is way more powerful and much more.     SHOW NOTES: Why Tom thinks relationships have nothing to do with being financially free. [1:25] How Tom handled being in a bad financial situation when he met Lisa.” [2:20] Why being ashamed of your financial situation shouldn´t hold you back from love. [3:08] How Lisa reframed not having money, to find joy in it. [3:42] The only thing you should be ashamed of and two things you should never worry about. [4:10] The most amazing gift we can have in our lives. [4:40] Why getting rich will not solve your relationship problems and the one thing that makes all the difference. [5:03] Why not having money doesn´t say anything about you. [5:23] This is what you can give instead of money which is way more powerful. [5:41]   QUOTES: “Until the day you´ll die you´re in the middle of your journey.” [1:27]   “I was actually excited at that time to be a part of that journey, I guess because we always had our sight set on the big goal.” [3:53]   “There are two things you should never ever worry about or be ashamed. One, the things you cannot change. Two, The things you can change.” [4:23]   “You´re not gonna get rich and say: “Now all my problems are solved.” [5:03]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever argued about money in your relationship? Maybe sometimes felt guilty about not contributing money to the relationship? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they manage and talk about money in a way that deepened their love, respect, and overall relationship. Watch this episode to learn their proven strategies and plug them into your relationship to create the loving, lasting relationship you always dreamed about. After you watch this episode, you´ll be able to: Split money in a way that is fair for both sides. See the value you bring to your relationship, even when it´s not money. Make your partner feel good about staying at home. Know how to stop feeling guilty for not contributing monetarily. Avoid the critical mistake most people make that ruins their relationship.   SHOW NOTES: Why Lisa doesn’t like being called a housewife and the unusual name Tom called her instead, that made her instantly feel good about what she was doing. [1:26] The open conversation about money you need to have, so both of you feel equally contributing to the relationship. [3:12] Why the money should be split 50/50 and how that is fair for both sides. (Even when only one partner goes to work. [4:13] How Lisa can spend money on shoes & Tom on video games without feeling guilty or ask for permission (Even when spending the money seems stupid for the partner.) [5:19] The critical mistake most people make that ruins their relationship. (And how to prevent it.) [6:49] The foundation that makes a relationship worth making sacrifices for. [7:46] Two strategies you can use to instantly stop feeling guilty about not contributing monetarily. [9:38] Lisa’s strategy to feel like an independent woman instead of a maid while managing the household. [10:23]   QUOTES: “If we are coming into this as a partnership. If we decided this is what we are doing as a partnership. You´re gonna go to work every day, and I'm gonna stay at home and work on the “Bilyeu Enterprises” then whatever money comes in should be 50/50…” [4:13]   “If I put myself in a position of power, that feels great for me, but it disempowers you, and it's gonna feel terrible for you. That just seemed so obvious to me, that it's a terrible long term strategy...” [6:49]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Name-calling, belittling, and mind games - it seems like the red flags of a toxic relationship are obvious, but the fact that the relationship wasn´t always hurtful makes leaving hard. All of these forms of abuse leave deep scars in your mind, and it can be incredibly difficult to heal and unlearn everything that was done to you. This can cause fear to get close to someone, to get your heart broken again, and the fear of experiencing the same kind of abuse. However, once you find another person that you want to start again with, it can be incredibly difficult to unlearn previous behaviors. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to let go of your past traumatic relationship and open up for the loving relationship you deserve. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know how to heal from a toxic relationship and prevent getting into one in the future. You´ll learn the most important questions you need to ask to change the future of your relationships and understand the real reason why you can´t let go of the baggage of your previous relationship. SHOW NOTES: How to heal from a toxic relationship prevent getting into one in the future. [00:42] The wedding present Lisa got from her ex-boyfriend. (Not a good one.) [1:42] The most important questions you need to ask to change the future of your relationships. [2:09] The process to heal successfully and how professional help can speed up your healing. [4:22] The real reason why you can´t let go of the baggage of your previous relationship. [6:29] Why building confidence is the first step to avoid toxic relationships. [9:30] Why you have to be able to stand up for yourself and talk about what is really going on. [10:40]   QUOTES: “All the things he did I never going to accept again.” [2:07] “First you have to take your power back by recognizing that I am not a victim in this scenario. “ [6:05] “Let go of all the stuff that happened in the past, so you can see and respond to what is actually happening.” [8:33] “Building the confidence in yourself so that when you go into that new relationship if someone does then the same things your past partner did, you now have the confidence to say: “I am actually not going to accept this!” [10:02] FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you and your partner struggling to have a deep and meaningful level of communication? Have emotions taken over your conversations and you can’t seem to achieve a break through? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they share their key communication techniques they find the most effective towards having a strong and healthy relationship. They discuss how they navigate moments of sticky communication, how emotions can skew your mind, the importance of being vulnerable with your partner, why you sometimes need to let your partner go crazy, how to help your partner during emotional times, why it’s always on you to improve, and how to learn from your past.   SHOW NOTES:   Communicate | Lisa and Tom share how they navigate sticky moments of communication. [0:31] Emotional | Lisa and Tom discuss how little things over time can influence your emotions. [3:39] Sanity Check | Tom reveals how Lisa keeps him from going too far into something. 7:20] Vulnerable | Lisa and Tom reveal the importance of being open with each other. [9:21] Crazy | Tom and Lisa reveal why you sometimes need to let your partner go all out. [11:38] Help | Lisa and Tom discuss how to help your partner during emotional times. [15:36] It’s on You | Tom and Lisa reveal why at the end of the day, it’s on you to step up. [16:59] Your Past | Lisa and Tom reveal why learning from the past is crucial to growth. [18:20]   QUOTES:   “In those moments, when someone says, “You’re just being emotional, it’s your hormones,” you want to fight back and say, “Stop using that as an excuse — as a defense mechanism,” right? “Stop deflecting, alright? Stop trying to blame me that it’s my emotions.” No, you actually did this.” [6:50]   “You have to let the person, like, really go deep into crazy-land, before you say, “You’re being crazy…” [12:53]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you and your partner feeling the pressure to have kids but just aren’t ready yet? Are your parents, friends, and family constantly asking, "When are you going to have children?” but you don’t know how to respond without disappointing them? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you should approach the decision of having kids and why you shouldn’t feel guilt or regret if you decide not to. They discuss how to deal with pressure from family, why honesty about what you want is important, why you shouldn’t let fear of regret drive your decisions, why desire of fulfillment always leads people to have kids, and how children are a reflection of each partner.   SHOW NOTES: Pressure | Lisa and Tom discuss how they deal with pressure to have kids. [0:34] Honesty | Lisa and Tom discuss why you have to be honest about what you want. [2:36] Regrets | Lisa and Tom discuss why you shouldn’t live with regret in mind. [3:54] Fulfillment | Lisa and Tom discuss why fulfillment is the driver behind having kids. [5:50] Holding On | Lisa and Tom discuss why having children connects your to partner. [7:42]   QUOTES:   “I’m not willing to make a decision about having kids now if it’s not right for a fear that I have in the future.” [5:40]   “So, at the end of the day it comes down to fulfillment. Like one of the reasons I think people have kids…” [5:50]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you still questioning whether your partner is 100% right for you? Do you sense a difference in your core values and aren’t sure if your relationship will go the distance? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the importance of knowing if your partner is the right one for you and why you need to have clear and open communication about your shared values. They discuss the importance of selecting the right partner, understanding your differences, why you need to share the same core values, the power of communication, and why changing over time with your partner can be expected.   SHOW NOTES: Selection | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of selecting the right partner for you. [0:28] Yin & Yang | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of always sharing core values. [2:56] Finding Each Other | Tom and Lisa discuss the experience of their early relationship. [5:00] Making It Work | Tom and Lisa discuss their connection despite early differences. [6:40] Communicate | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of having deep communication. [9:29] Changes | Tom and Lisa discuss the difference between change and influence. [11:35]   QUOTES: “We understood very early on that you either grow together or you grow apart.” [2:36]   “Once you get to the way things ought to be and you have a collision there. So, “I understand your position, you understand mine, but I think you’re crazy and you think I’m crazy.” That’s where it gets dangerous. You can have some — you will have some — but if you have too many and you don’t know how to navigate, or compartmentalize, or say, “Hey, cool like we’ll put that on the back burner,” you’re going to have a real problem.”  [4:37]   “…from the beginning, I think you have to establish communication with your partner, even when you have to say the hard things.” [9:33]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you and your partner looking for powerful tips to help your relationship last? Are you wondering what the key lessons are when it comes to making your love thrive for years to come? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they share their key tips to help make ensure your relationship can stand the test of time. They discuss why you sometimes need to put yourself first and be selfish, why you need to go deeper and understand the root cause of your arguments, and why having little to no expectations is best long-term.   SHOW NOTES:   Be Selfish | Tom and Lisa discuss the hidden benefit of being selfish in your relationship. [0:34] Go Deeper | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of addressing underlying issues. [6:24] No Expectations | Tom and Lisa discuss how to set realistic and healthy expectations. [16:00]   QUOTES: “While it’s not romantic, I actually do think it is a hundred-percent important to be selfish in the sense of taking care of yourself, what makes you happy, so that you can show up to be happy in that relationship.” [3:22]   “You can either feel like you’re saying different things but you’re actually saying the same thing or you can actually be saying different things and think you’re saying the same thing and it causes like a total derailment.” [5:53]   “People are mistaking an emotion for objective truth…” [11:55]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you struggle with trust issues? Did your last relationship scar you from ever trusting or putting yourself out there again? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to overcome your lingering trust issues so that you can start to put yourself out there again and find love. They discuss what may be causing your trust issues, why finding love requires being vulnerable, why the little things in a relationship build trust, and how to set rules in your relationship to maintain trust for years to come.   SHOW NOTES: Trust | Tom and Lisa discuss how to overcome your own trust issues. [0:28] Love | Lisa and Tom recall a time in their relationship when they first said, “I love you.” [5:26] Be Willing | Tom and Lisa discuss why you have to be willing to get hurt again. [6:37] Divorce | Tom and Lisa discuss why even saying the ‘D word’ is difficult for them. [8:08] Little Things | Lisa and Tom discuss how the little things that build trust. [12:25] Rules | Tom and Lisa discuss how to know what rules to set in a relationship. [13:50]   QUOTES: “If somebody comes into the relationship and they’re badmouthing their ex and they’re talking all kinds of shit, then just assume that’s exactly how they will be about you when you break up. So remember, you don’t divorce the same person that you marry.” [4:51]   “If you know that love is brain chemistry, then you have to learn to take control of your brain chemistry and learn to recapture and recreate moments that make you feel that, cause it won’t happen accidentally. It’s like happiness. Happiness and love are very similar in that sense — that if you don’t work at it, it’s not going to happen.” [9:42]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to the expectations in your relationship? Do you or your partner feel certain needs aren’t being met and there are feelings of inadequacy creeping in? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to smooth out expectations in your relationship so that everyone’s needs are met while soothing any feelings of inadequacy. They discuss how to address expectations, what the goal of every relationship should be, and how to be reasonable when setting and discussing expectations.   SHOW NOTES: Expectations | Tom and Lisa discuss how to address your feelings of inadequacy. [0:44] Be Reasonable | Tom and Lisa discuss how to know if expectations are reasonable or not. [3:52]   QUOTES: “One of the most fundamental driving forces of a relationship is to make sure that you’re making that person feel better about themselves when they’re with you than when they’re not — but never doing that by bullshitting them. So you’re always being completely real and completely honest.” [4:25]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you or your partner extremely competitive? Does it sometimes get out of hand? Are you looking for ways to support each other while still having a healthy dose of that intensity? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you and your partner can be competitive with one another in a healthy way that pushes each other while still showing support, care, and love. They discuss the tactics they use to strengthen their relationship, how to properly be competitive in your relationship, how to handle intensity when competing, why you should push each other, and how to be each other’s biggest fan.   SHOW NOTES:   Tactics | Tom and Lisa discuss the best tactics they use to strengthen their relationship. [0:30] Competitive | Tom and Lisa discuss being competitive with each other in their relationship. [2:16] Intensity | Lisa and Tom reveal how they handle intensity when being competitive. [5:22] Working Together | Lisa and Tom discuss how they want to push each other. [7:10] Winning | Lisa and Tom discuss encouraging each other on a path towards winning. [9:08] Be Their Fan | Lisa and Tom discuss why you should cheer on your partner. [10:40]   QUOTES: “You can’t imagine how gross I would find it if you thought you had to lose to me. That’s so emotionally weak when somebody can’t, like, tolerate that.” [8:34]   “Just putting them first and saying, “I believe in you so much and I really want to see you succeed,” gives a support that I don’t know how to replicate other than that, like be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. So powerful.” [10:19]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you in the middle or about to start a period of doing long distance with your partner? Are you worried communication will break down and the relationship is at risk of ending during this time? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they reveal exactly what you must do to ensure your long distance relationship not only survives, but thrives. They discuss the unique challenges you’ll face while doing long-distance, why communication is key, how to make your time together special, and how to give the gift they want.   SHOW NOTES: Distance | Lisa and Tom discuss the unique challenges of long-distance relationships. [1:12] Communicate | Lisa and Tom discuss how communicating your needs is key. [5:20] Special | Tom and Lisa talk about making the time you have together be special. [7:28] Giving | Tom and Lisa discuss why you should give the gift they want. [12:18]   QUOTES: “When we were living apart at times for a month or two months, I just had to really, like — I would always think about you and write to you and write, just like, a lot, a lot, a lot to feel like I was talking to you, and to feel that connection, and to keep fanning those flames and that really worked…” [4:36]   “…give the gift that person wants, not the gift you would want.” [12:29]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your partner have ambitious goals but lacks the motivation to act on making them happen? Does it pain you to see your partner holding themselves back from the life they dream about having? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you can push your partner into a motivated state so they start accomplishing their goals and creating the life they want for themselves. They discuss how to motivate your partner, why rewarding your partner is powerful, why you should be able to have open communication, and why the problem might be that you have different work ethics.   SHOW NOTES: Action | Lisa and Tom discuss motivating your partner to take action towards their goals. [0:05] Reward | Lisa and Tom discuss how you should reward your partner to motivate them. [6:07] Talk Through It | Lisa and Tom discuss why you should speak with an open heart. [8:43] Partnership | Lisa and Tom discuss how they each approach work differently. [11:49]   QUOTES:   “…always, always, always, whenever you can do it through reward, do it through reward. Because they feel like that wonderful-warm sensation about the person that’s rewarding them.” [1:55]   “…and then sometimes you just have to trigger people’s emotions — because they don’t hear it until that point. But I’m telling you, if you lead with that, it will damage the relationship.” [3:28]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you on the verge of a breakup? Have you been disrespected one too many times and don’t know what else to do but draw a line in the sand and set an ultimatum? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore when and how to set boundaries and what’s actually driving your desire to create and set an ultimatum. They discuss the differences between setting boundaries and ultimatums, why disrespect and a clash of values might be the cause of your relationship troubles, how to adapt to change in your relationship, and how to handle growth with your partner in terms of boundaries and limitations.   SHOW NOTES: Lines | Lisa and Tom discuss setting boundaries and ultimatums in your relationship. [0:32] Values | Tom and Lisa discuss how to compromise over your clash of values. [3:05] Change | Lisa and Tom discuss why your boundaries adapt and change. [5:50] Growing | Lisa and Tom discuss why growth will always be a factor in your relationship. [7:25]   QUOTES: “You’ve got the boundary and then you’ve got the consequence for the boundary. They are very different." [1:13]   “If somebody has such disrespect for where your boundaries are, the problem is the disrespect. It’s not about ultimatums.” [1:23]   “What I find is people often don’t understand their emotion, but they trust their emotion.” [4:41]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you and your partner or spouse struggle with a clash of values? Do you find yourself in frequent disagreements, arguments, or fights and are looking to tackle the root cause of them for good? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you and your partner can overcome your disagreements and actually get to the bottom of what’s causing them. They discuss what to do when your values are different from your partners, how to properly handle disagreements, when and how to persuade your partner, and how to be open to your partner’s perspective.   SHOW NOTES: Collision | Lisa and Tom discuss what to do when your values of your partner are different. [0:20] Values | Lisa and Tom discuss why you need to break down your most important values. [2:15] Compromise | Lisa and Tom discuss how to properly handle disagreements. [4:51] Convincing | Lisa and Tom discuss when it is and isn’t time to convince your partner. [7:03] Be Open | Tom and Lisa discuss why you have be open to your partner’s side. [9:40]   QUOTES: “When there’s a collision of values, you have to get into a situation where each of you are assessing the importance to which that value means something to you and where the compromise lies.” [5:09]   “…and that’s a big thing, it’s like, not thinking about it of winning an argument, or being right, or getting what I want…” [8:45]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you struggle to have conversations with your partner or spouse when it comes to certain touchy subjects? Are words being left unsaid because you’re worried how the conversation might go if you bring it up? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore why you should never shy away from having a difficult conversation with the one you love the most. They discuss why you shouldn’t avoid touchy subjects, why you shouldn’t get overly emotional during conversations, why no subject should be avoided, and how taking things light-heartedly is key.   SHOW NOTES: Touchy | Lisa and Tom discuss why they never skirt away from touchy subjects. [0:11] Emotions | Lisa and Tom discuss why they never bring in elevated emotions. [1:35] No Off-Limits | Lisa and Tom discuss why they always talk about everything. [2:19] Off-Camera | Lisa and Tom reveal why you should take things light-heartedly. [5:26]   QUOTES: “I think I would feel like I was hiding it from you if there was a subject I couldn’t talk to you about.” [2:29]   “If you want to receive that, you’ve got to give it. So, if you don’t want to be judged on all the ridiculous things that you think and are too ashamed to say it out loud, like don’t judge other people for it.” [4:00]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you struggling with an inner negative voice that tells you, “You’re not good enough,” and makes you feel insecure around your partner? It’s time, here and now, for you to shake off and silence that destructive way of thinking and step into a mindset of growth and positivity so that your relationship thrives in the long-term. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you can get out of your own head, shake off and silence your inner negative voice, and adopt a growth mindset within your relationship. They discuss why its critical you break any patterns of negative thinking, the importance of being real and openly honest with your partner, how to allow your partner to challenge you in healthy ways, the power of adopting a student mentality, and why loving the process is a non-negotiable when pursuing your passions.   SHOW NOTES: Breaking Patterns | Lisa and Tom discuss how to silence your inner negative voice. [0:34] Being Real | Lisa and Tom discuss why you need to encourage honesty. [3:42] Make Each Other Better | Lisa shares her story of overcoming feelings of inferiority. [4:53] Student Mentality | Tom and Lisa discuss how you can learn from your partner. [8:19] Love the Process | Tom and Lisa shares why you need to absolutely love the process. [9:24]   QUOTES:   “There’s nothing, nothing, worse in the long run than someone who is emotionally needy all the time. We all just have to step up, we all have to learn to love ourselves and be proud of ourselves. We cannot turn for external validation for that. It’s not a good look…” [2:40]   “If you don’t love the process in and of itself, don’t do it, don’t go down the road…” [11:31]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you wondering what the most crucial core values are in establishing a healthy relationship or marriage? When it comes down to it, it’s about your ability to communicate your most important values with each other and establishing a way to honor them every day. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore what the most important values you need to be aware of with your partner and how to communicate them in an open and honest way. They discuss why you have to be vulnerable and open up with your partner, why you have to hold onto your passions, why recognizing beauty and attractiveness should be normalized, what unconditional love really means, why you need to embrace commitment, how to overcome feelings of jealousy, and much more.   SHOW NOTES: Core Values | Tom shares the important values you need to communicate. [0:30] Insecurity | Tom and Lisa discuss why you have to be vulnerable in a relationship. [3:52] Passion | Tom shares the importance of holding onto your passions. [4:30] Powerful | Lisa discusses seeing attractive people and still choosing your partner. [4:55] Unconditional | Tom and Lisa discuss the true important things that matter. [6:46] Embrace It | Lisa and Tom share why you have to get committed. [7:40] Jealousy | Lisa shares why you should never fear jealousy in your relationship. [10:45] Secure | Tom shares why you have to make your partner feel safe and secure. [12:14]   QUOTES: “…at the end of the day, there’s got to be things that you guys share, that you’re really clicking on, that you’re both passionate about, that you come alive when you talk about, that you’re going to be able to enjoy together…” [4:40]   “Being in a relationship should make you feel better about yourself. Period.” [9:15]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you dealing with guilt, shame or self-blame from deciding to not have kids? Has your family, friends, and loved ones passed judgement on you for your decision? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to deal with shame, guilt, and blame placed on you for making the decision to not have kids. They discuss how to deal with self-same and judgement, why they themselves decided to not have kids, and why being selfish when it comes to personal decisions is okay.   SHOW NOTES:   Feeling Judged | Lisa and Tom discuss their feelings of self-shame and judgement. [0:24] Decisions | Lisa and Tom share why they decided to not have children. [2:38] Be Selfish | Tom and Lisa discuss why it’s okay to be selfish on personal decisions. [5:10]   QUOTES:   “You’re my number one, I’m your number one right now. And so, if I had children, you would become my number two.” [2:45]   “You need to be confident in owning your decision and if people are going to judge you, then maybe they’re not the right people to have in your life.” [5:03]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you putting in the effort to improve yourself, grow, change for the better, and move further in life but your partner is remaining stagnant while criticizing your progress? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to handle times when your partner isn’t supporting your journey of adopting a growth-mindset and self-development. They discuss how to approach your partner when they’re simply not interested in growing, why a build up of relationship dust may be at play, why feelings need to be honored, how to handle criticism and heckling from your partner, and why there’s power in having empathy for your partner as you grow right in front of them.   SHOW NOTES:   Disconnect | Lisa and Tom discuss when your partner isn’t interested in self-development. [0:36] Dust | Tom and Lisa discuss what to do if your partner doesn’t have a growth mindset. [1:47] How You Feel | Tom and Lisa the most powerful thing in your relationship. [4:31] Predictable | Tom and Lisa discuss how your partner’s reaction should be predictable. [6:19] Good for Them | Lisa and Tom discuss how a growth mindset would benefit everyone. [8:10] Ownership | Tom and Lisa discuss why you just have to accept your partner’s responses. [8:49] Empathize | Lisa and Tom share why you need to have empathy for your partner. [10:22]   QUOTES:   “Letting go of stuff, really letting it go, it’s like the relationship superpower.” [2:44]   “…and if you really have a growth mindset, you know that the other person probably has a fixed mindset. If you have a growth mindset, you’re not judging them for that and if they have a fixed mindset, you know that they feel judged.” [6:50]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your significant other spend their free time playing video games? Does their ‘hobby’ feel like it’s eating away at your relationship? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore what you should do if your partner’s hobby of video games is taking over their free time and jeopardizing your relationship. They discuss why you should absolutely try to get involved and make it a joint activity, how to schedule time for each other, and what the root cause of their obsession may be.   SHOW NOTES: Get Involved | Lisa and Tom discuss how to be involved in your partner’s hobbies. [0:15] Schedule | Lisa and Tom discuss the importance of arranging a schedule. [2:33] Gaming | Tom and Lisa discuss why your partner is so interested in video games. [3:45]   QUOTES: “Try it with him. Even if you hate it, even if that makes your skin crawl, give it a shot. The reason is, it will make him feel good and it will make him feel special.” [1:57]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you struggling to communicate in a clear and healthy way with your partner? Does your relationship struggle due to arguing, fighting, or a pattern of bad behavior? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore ways to identify patterns of negative behavior in your relationship and how to fix them for good so that you can communicate together in a healthy way. They discuss how you should be communicating with your partner, dangerous patterns to look out for in your relationship, why you need to just be clear about your feelings, how to prevent problems from happening again, and why putting pressure on your partner isn’t doing the relationship any good.   SHOW NOTES: Communicate | Lisa and Tom reveal how to better communicate with your partner. [0:17] Patterns | Lisa and Tom reveal the power of predicting patterns in your relationship. [5:54] Feelings | Tom and Lisa discuss why you need to be very clear about your feelings. [6:58] Prevent | Lisa and Tom reveal how to prevent repeating problems in the future. [8:33] Pressure | Lisa and Tom discuss why you should never dismiss your partner’s feelings. [10:10]   QUOTES: “Don’t ever say, like, the other person shouldn’t be feeling something, right? Cause you feel it and it’s real and there’s nothing anyone could ever tell you that’s going to make that seem less valid." [7:40]   “They may kind of resolve it in the moment but then they don’t think about, “How do I prevent this in the future?” Because having the same argument or the same problem over and over again is just, like, a waste of energy.” [8:45]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Should you prioritize your goals and dreams ahead of finding love? What happens when your entrepreneurial drive steps in the way of a developing relationship? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore whether you should sacrifice your goals, drive, and ambition for love or a relationship. They discuss why you shouldn’t sacrifice who you are to meet the needs or demands of a potential partner, why setting ground rules from the beginning is crucial, and why being aggressively yourself is a winning strategy.   SHOW NOTES: Goals | Lisa and Tom discuss how business and love can work together. [0:15] Ground Rules | Lisa and Tom share why you need to clearly establish your priorities. [2:40] Be Yourself | Tom and Lisa share why you need to be aggressively yourself from the start. [5:25]   QUOTES:   “I would set the ground rules from the beginning so that they know who I am and what I’m looking for in life, because ultimately if I’m going to then spend time with this person, are they going to accept me for me?” [4:07]   “Being aggressively yourself is really important.” [5:25]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Scheduling time for your in-laws can be a difficult, sticky, and sometimes uncomfortable situation depending on your relationship with them. Should this sometimes confusingresponsibility of arranging family time with in-laws fall on your shoulders or your partner’s? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore who is responsible for reaching out to each other’s in-laws to arrange quality time together. They discuss their own individual perspectives of their in-laws, who is responsible for setting up family time with in-laws, why communication is key, gender roles and belief systems, and why you should be mindful of your needs as well as your family’s.   SHOW NOTES: Responsibilities | Lisa and Tom discuss who should reach out to in-laws to arrange time to spend together. [0:16] Perspectives | Lisa shares her perspective of when running the household and reaching out to in-laws. [3:20] Reaching Out | Tom and Lisa discuss how they handle reaching out to their own in-laws. [4:41] Apart | Tom shares how he would feel when having time apart from Lisa. [8:26] Communicate | Tom discusses why people on both sides need to come together to communicate better. [9:02] Roles | Lisa and Tom discuss addressing your in-laws’ belief systems of gender roles. [9:50] Needs | Lisa shares how she approached her mother in-law’s needs as well as her own. [11:37]   QUOTES: “If somebody told me that they spend as little time talking to their significant other as I spend talking to my family, I’d be like, “Wow, that’s so dangerous.”” [7:42]   “If they ended up getting upset, it’s like I would apologize for making them feel like that but I wouldn’t necessarily change my actions if I really believed in what I was doing.” [13:01]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your partner make you feel sexy? Do they appreciate you for the work you put in to look good for them? Is your partner not displaying enough affection, attraction, or giving enough compliments? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore what to do if your partner isn’t complimenting you or displaying signs of affection in a way that would make you feel sexy and attractive. They discuss the importance of raw sexual attraction with your partner, why giving compliments is crucial, how your self-esteem shouldn’t fully rely on your partner’s opinions, why communication might be the root cause of your problems, why externalizing thoughts is a trained skill and requires work, and why both partners need to have a deep understanding of each other’s love language.   SHOW NOTES:   Feeling Attractive | Lisa and Tom discuss what to do if your partner doesn’t compliment. [0:30] Compliments | Tom and Lisa discuss the need for signs of affection in a relationship. [2:10] Self-Esteem | Lisa and Tom discuss why you shouldn’t rely on others for confidence. [3:31] Communication | Lisa and Tom discuss the importance of communicating your needs. [5:19] Externalize | Tom and Lisa discuss why externalizing thoughts is a trained skill. [6:05] Love Language | Lisa and Tom discuss the importance of knowing your partner’s needs. [8:42]   QUOTES:   “You don’t have to choose. There is a world where you can date somebody who feels like your best friend and they make you feel sexy and attractive…” [2:40]   “Cause I can’t just rely on you, right? If I just always got my self-esteem based on whether you were giving me compliments for not, I think that’s a disaster. I have to work on that by myself.” [4:21]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is life burning you out to the point where you can hardly make time for your partner? Between work, children, hobbies, goals, side hustles, and friends, it can be difficult to squeeze in any more time for that one person in our lives that matters most. How do we balance our time so that we don’t neglect our partner without giving up on our goals, dreams, and ambitions? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to keep your relationship working when you or your partner’s schedule is simply overwhelming. They discuss why you need to schedule out your ‘coupe time,’ how they have balanced their time while building their businesses, the power of establishing a schedule and rules of engagement, and why honesty is always the best approach when talking it out.   SHOW NOTES:   Couple Time | Lisa and Tom discuss how they schedule out time for each other. [0:42] Differences | Lisa and Tom share how each couple feels differently about couple time. [3:05] Talk It Out | Tom and Lisa discuss how to set a schedule and establish rules. [5:59] Honesty | Lisa and Tom share how they communicate when needing time with each other. [6:50] Commitment | Lisa and Tom discuss their commitment to what they're building together. [9:12]   QUOTES:   “…making sure that she feels heard, cause that’s very important.” [4:45]   “Set aside time, make it be sacred, even if it’s once a week.” [6:00]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When it comes to dating in the workplace, doing it properly can be a very touchy and delicate task. On one hand, you might be feeling a general connection with someone and want to see it further, and yet on the other hand, you may be crossing lines and risk making others feel uncomfortable. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the key things you need to be mindful of when dating in the workplace. They discuss the pitfalls of a workplace relationship, how to make it work if you’re going to pursue one, the challenges Tom and Lisa have faced in their careers, how to behave at work with your partner, and today’s changing work culture.   SHOW NOTES:   Love at Work | Lisa and Tom discuss the pitfalls of workplace relationships. [0:25] How To | Lisa and Tom discuss how to make a workplace relationship work. [3:03] Challenges | Tom and Lisa share what the hardest part is when working with your partner. [3:40] Dynamic | Lisa and Tom share how they approached working together in the past. [4:59] Behavior | Lisa and Tom discuss how to properly behave with each other while at work. [7:45] Culture | Lisa and Tom discuss the changing culture in today’s work environment. [9:15]   QUOTES:   “It’s a high degree of communication. It’s all about making sure that you guys are very clear on what you want, what the rules of engagement are at work, that you discuss the dynamic. Like how you guys work together? Do you overlap? Is there projects that you’re working on together?” [3:26] “If you have poor communication, then it’s going to be exacerbated by the fact that you work together. Cause now there’s these competing stressors.” [4:07]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you about to enter a long-distance relationship or are currently in one and are feeling the draining pressures of being apart? Are you looking for practical help on how to deal with lthedistance in a way that leaves both you and your partner satisfied, week-after-week? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the difficulties of long-distance dating and why you have to be willing to get into the deep-details of both your needs as well as your partner’s. They discuss how to know if they’re just not willing to put in the work, how to maintain each other’s needs while doing long-distance, ways to establish what’s important to each other, and how to lay out the ‘non-negotiable’ aspects of the relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Long Distance | Lisa and Tom address a sticky long distance relationship. [1:29] Make It Work | Lisa and Tom discuss the best ways to work through long distance. [1:57] Importance | Lisa shares how she approached communication with Tom when apart. [4:23] Non-Negotiable | Lisa shares the importance of knowing each other’s expectations. [7:18]   QUOTES:   “You may have to accept that he’s just not that into you and that that’s why he’s saying, “Oh, I don’t think my lifestyle will be good,” because he just isn’t in it enough for him to suffer through the things that he would have to suffer through for it to work.” [1:34]   “…you just start laying it all out so that you know exactly what’s a win for the other person—you know what’s needed from an emotional standpoint. It’s all hammered out.” [3:15]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The decision to have children or not is one of the most impactful choices you can make in your life. Whether you decide to go down the traditional route and start a family, or instead to focus on your ambitions and other goals, there is some level of regret that will come into play. After all, whether you have children or not, there is some scarifies that you will have to make. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to deal with the regret you may feel from not having children. They discuss the sacrifices you have to make whether you have kids or not, the obligations you have to tend to when having children, what the worst case scenarios are in either decision, and the other connections in your life that can fill the void of not having kids.   SHOW NOTES:   Regret | Lisa and Tom discuss the potential regret over not having children. [0:43] Obligations | Lisa and Tom discuss the needs and attention children require. [4:25] Worst Case | Lisa and Tom discuss the reality of not having children. [6:38] Connections | Lisa and Tom discuss the other people in their life that meet their needs. [9:20]   QUOTES:   “You walk into a room, there are 1,000 open doors. You have to close all of them but one in order to move forward.” [0:43]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Living with insecurity, a lack of confidence, and a constant need of approval from your partner or others is never a healthy way to build a long-lasting and stable relationship. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore why it’s crucial that the only person you rely on for validation, approval, and self-confidence is yourself. They discuss why you shouldn’t rely on others for validation, reasons you might be relying on others in the first place, and why feeling safe with your partner is crucial. SHOW NOTES: Validation | Lisa and Tom discuss why you need to find your own self-validation. [0:29] Reasons | Tom shares theories to why you might seek validation from you partner. [3:17] Feeling Safe | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of feeling safe with your partner. [6:09] QUOTES: “…you need to find validation in yourself and not seek it from other people.” [3:10] “In a relationship, I believe one of the most important foundational elements is to make the other person feel better about themselves when they’re around you than they do when they’re not.” [5:05] FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In-laws can be one of the most difficult factors about your relationship or marriage. They can be overbearing, intrusive, and outright disrespectful and unsupportive of you. What do you do when these moments of disrespect happen and how can you refrain from escalating the situation while still supporting your partner? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the best ways to handle your disrespectful in-laws who just aren’t showing support for your relationship. They discuss how to stay supportive of your partner and not direct your anger at them, ways to spend time with your in-laws without escalating the situation, why you shouldn’t dramatically change for your in-law’s sake, and why other’s behavior shouldn’t determine yours.   SHOW NOTES:   In-Laws | Lisa and Tom discuss what to do when your in-laws aren’t supporting you. [0:40] Staying Yourself | Lisa shares her experience with her family when marrying Tom. [4:20] Advice | Lisa shares what to do to work through a situation with difficult in-laws. [7:29] Behavior | Tom discusses why you shouldn’t let predictable behavior upset you. [11:05] Reality | Tom and Lisa discuss the real world situation of being in escalating situations. [12:01]   QUOTES:   “…you have to be united. You cannot have other people’s, outsider’s, or your partner’s parent’s influence the affection and the relationship between the two of you.” [7:52]   “Behavior that’s predictable should not upset you.” [11:43]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Breaks, breakups, and taking time apart. Are you wondering if you should get back together and fight for the relationship or instead work on yourself? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore what to focus on when taking a break in your relationship.They discuss the importance of taking time to work on yourself, how absence can twist your mind into falsely missing things about your partner, and why you should take time to properly reflect on your relationship.   SHOW NOTES: Work On Yourself | Tom shares the power of setting aside time for yourself during a break. [0:24] Absence | Lisa shares how absence from your partner can misconstrue your perspective. [2:49] Reflect | Lisa reveals the power of truly taking time to deeply reflect on your relationship. [4:56]   QUOTES: “I think when people are in a relationship that is volatile like that, they’re clinging onto something that isn’t actually real.” [2:13]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Entrepreneurship, hustling for your goals, and love. How can we balance all three without sacrificing one for another? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to pursue your dreams while balancing a relationship. They discuss why you need to prioritize, the importance of setting ground rules, and why being yourself from the beginning is crucial. SHOW NOTES: Entrepreneurship | Tom shares how he would prioritize business with a relationship. [0:24] Ground Rules | Lisa shares the importance of letting your partner know where you stand. [2:41] Be Yourself | Tom and Lisa share the importance of being 100% yourself from the get-go. [5:25] QUOTES: “There is no ‘should,’ but you need to be very clear about what you want, construct your life around that to make sure that it’s taking you to where you want to go.” [2:34] “…if it’s a new relationship, I think you’re in a perfect place to put those demands, rules, expectations in place from the get-go.” [4:43] FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you been comparing yourself to your partner’s exes? Are you finding yourself dealing with insecurity and lack of self-esteem and don’t know how to overcome them? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore what to do when you’re comparing yourself to your partner’s exes. They discuss how insecurity may be the root cause of the problem, what really matters in your relationship, how to avoid jealousy, and the importance of fully understanding your emotions.   SHOW NOTES: Comparing | Lisa and Tom discuss constantly comparing yourself to your partner’s ex. [0:17] Insecurity | Tom discusses why you shouldn’t give in to your insecurities. [2:21] What Matters | Tom shares the only thing that should matter in any relationship. [3:21] I Wonder Why? | Lisa shares the importance of knowing your feelings. [7:00]   QUOTES: “What moves you towards your goal? And if your goal is to have a thriving relationship, then comparing yourself endlessly to the exes is not a good look.” [2:10] “The only thing that lasts in a relationship is, “How do you make me feel about myself when I’m with you?” Do I feel better about myself when I’m with you?…” [3:21] “Jealousy doesn’t serve me. Jealousy doesn’t serve our relationship. It’s never going to bring us closer.” [9:37]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you struggle with low confidence when talking to a potential love interest? Do you find yourself wallowing in your insecurities, telling yourself that you’re not good enough for them? Well, now is the time to stop. You need to suck it up, own your insecurities, and shift you focus towards positivity and confidence so that you can develop a happy and healthy relationship. On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the importance of confidence in any relationship and how you can move away from a place of insecurity and towards a place of positivity. They discuss how to talk to women when lacking confidence, ways to develop confidence, how all of us have insecurities and ways to overcome them, why you shouldn’t obsess over your insecurities, and how to shift your focus onto productive and positive thoughts.   SHOW NOTES: Talking | Tom and Lisa discuss the best skills needed when talking to a future partner. [0:13] Confidence | Tom and Lisa reveal the importance of confidence when talking to women. [1:55] Insecurities | Tom and Lisa discuss insecurities and why you shouldn’t obsess over them. [4:02] Fine Lines | Tom shares the differences between owning and obsessing over insecurities. [5:55] Emotions | Lisa shares a story of when emotions began taking hold of her insecurities. [10:31] Focus | Tom discusses the importance of shifting your focus towards positive thoughts. [12:46]   QUOTES: “It is okay, be insecure about that thing. Don’t wallow in it and take action about it.” [7:14] “Absolutely no good behavior comes from obsessively thinking about something that you’re insecure about it. So do something to address or move on.” [10:23] “Don’t approach things to want to get the compliment by putting yourself down.” [12:04]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chores, responsibilities around the house, and gender roles. Combine them all and you’ll have a delicate subject that can make for a very difficult conversation to have with your partner. Yet, we must ask ourselves, “How much should gender norms really play in a relationship, who should be doing what around the house, and how can we begin acting out of love?” On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore expectations surrounding traditional gender roles and how to effectively determine who should be doing what around the house when it comes to chores and responsibilities. They discuss the importance of knowing what your values are in a relationship, the power of writing down expectations and needs, why you should do tasks out of love and not out of responsibility, why you should stay authentically yourself and not bend to fit gender roles, and why hiring help around the house is absolutely okay.   SHOW NOTES:   Gender Norms | Lisa and Tom open today’s episode about traditional gender roles. [0:20] Values | Lisa and Tom share their differences between what they value regarding chores. [1:08] Responsibility | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of contributing no matter what. [3:13] Agreeing | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of agreeing on the same values. [3:38] Discuss | Lisa and Tom share why you have to discuss the expectations for chores. [5:25] Because of Love | Tom and Lisa reveal why you should do chores simply out of love. [6:04] Be You | Tom and Lisa discuss why you should aggressively be your authentic self. [9:50] Time vs Intensity | Lisa and Tom discuss individual expectations in a relationship. [11:04] Help | Lisa and Tom discuss a simple approach to paying for help around the house. [12:45]   QUOTES:   “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because you make more money that means you have less responsibilities.” [3:13]   “Be aggressively who you are.” [9:50]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to values in your relationship? Do you wonder how you can be more aligned and have a shared ‘mission’ for your life together? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore ways you and your partner can get on the same page and have a full understanding of your relationships values and goals. They discuss how to lead by example in a relationship, the power of sharing your values with your partner, why you should write down the reasoning behind your values, and why you need to be aligned with your partner when it comes to values in the first place.   SHOW NOTES:   Leading | Lisa and Tom share how to get your partner to also lead with a growth mindset. [0:21] Values | Lisa and Tom discuss the importance of being on the same page as your partner. [2:45] Reasons | Lisa and Tom discuss the power of writing down your values in a relationship. [4:30] Aligning | Lisa and Tom share how they would align their values to be on the same page. [5:48]   QUOTES:   “We’re not on the same page, but we’re committed to getting on the same page, but we’re going to be really raw, honest, and truthful about how far apart we are right now. Not lie or bullshit, what’s the actual bit of common ground?” [2:17]   “I think so many people take things for granted. They think that it’s just truth…” [3:12]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Entrepreneurship, business, and your relationship. What should we be prioritizing most, why does it feel that they are always in conflict with one another, and how can we maintain a healthy relationship while still pursuing our goals? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to maintain a healthy relationship while still putting in the time and effort to pursue your big goals. They discuss the balance needed in every relationship, how to make time for your partner, the importance of prioritizing in a relationship, and how to manage your relationship when it conflicts with business.   SHOW NOTES:   Balance | Lisa and Tom discuss how to balance your relationship with your drive. [0:25] Time | Tom and Lisa discuss how to make time for your partner and the relationship. [2:11] Prioritize | Tom and Lisa share how they made time for one another during busy times. [4:20] Conflict | Lisa and Tom discuss how they balance their relationship with business. [5:29] Children | Lisa and Tom share how they came to the conclusion to not have children. [6:16]   QUOTES:   “But it is almost certainly going to take so much longer than any human being can endure having a lame relationship, just based on the amount of time that you invest in it.” [1:57]   “The only thing that is interesting in a relationship is if somebody makes you feel, they don’t intellectually tell you, they make you feel like the most important thing.” [2:41]   “And just like I don’t think most people can be number two to another person, they can’t be number two to a business.” [4:00]   FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90 YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL   FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices