In Part 2 of Libby's conversation with Emily Nagoski, there's a deeper conversation about the concept of "maintenance s*x" and how you may be doing it to safe your relationship, but it may actually be destroying it. Emily Nagoski's website: https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Emily Nagoski on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Emily Nagoski's books (highly recommended!): https://bookshop.org/contributors/emily-nagoski-4318b5e2-0f22-4415-963b-ce5a1f467607 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The amazing Emily Nagoski joins Libby on Making Polyamory Work to drop truth bomb after truth bomb about sex in long-term relationships. Emily Nagoski's website: https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Emily Nagoski on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Emily Nagoski's books (highly recommended!): https://bookshop.org/contributors/emily-nagoski-4318b5e2-0f22-4415-963b-ce5a1f467607 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The Multiamory crew takes over Making Polyamory Work to talk about aggressive fairness in polyamory, what it looks like, and how you can find equity in your relationships. Multiamory's website: https://www.multiamory.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Let's think about dating and rejection differently. Shine your light. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

What happens when your relationship (or your life) doesn't look the way you thought it would or were told it was supposed to look? Libby talks with Carrie Jeroslow about how having a relationship diversity mindset may help you make peace and even embrace with how your life and love actually work for YOU. Carrie's Website: https://www.carriejeroslow.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

If you're struggling and need help with your relationships, where should you turn? Libby shares her advice on how to find good help. Meta analyses of studies that show that therapeutic alliance matters more than therapeutic modality for positive outcomes in therapy: https://psycnet.apa.org/PsycARTICLES/journal/pst/55/4 APA article explaining: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

What is compersion? Can you cultivate compersion in yourself and in your relationships? Libby invites Marie Thouin, PhD to discuss her research and book on this important and sometimes misunderstood topic in polyamory. Marie's book! https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781538183939/What-Is-Compersion-Understanding-Positive-Empathy-in-Consensually-Non-Monogamous-Relationships Marie's Compersion Resources: https://www.whatiscompersion.com/ Marie's Coaching Website: https://www.loveinsight-dating.com/ Marie's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/love_insight_dating/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by Genevieve King of Chill Polyamory to discuss individualism, community care, and ways you can shift your mindset to ecological thinking within polyamorous (or not!) relationship structures. Genevieve's Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chillpolyamory Genevieve on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PUizxdp_vj2A5fUdBgzgw Genevieve's website: https://www.chillpolyamory.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Something Positive for Positive People: https://www.spfpp.org/ SPFPP Podcast: https://www.spfpp.org/podcast Herpes Stigma Virtual Conference in May: https://www.spfpp.org/offerings/p/conferences Courtney's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneybrame_/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby discusses the distinction between offers and requests in relating and how important it can be to make sure you're saying what you actually mean. Kai Cheng Thom's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaichengthom/?hl=en Spectrum of Consent: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kvYW4eSVKRuwUt5Mc-DnCyNVzvA036f8/view?usp=sharing Marcia Baczynski on Desire Smuggling: https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/desire-smuggler/ 27 Alternatives to "Is this Okay?": https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/27-alternatives-to-asking-is-this-okay/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Aubri Lancaster about asexuality and aromanticism. Aubri's website: https://acesexeducation.com/ Aubri's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acesexeducation/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares her thoughts about debate about whether hierarchy is bad or wrong in polyamory. Additional reading: Lola Phoenix - the Hierarchy Polyamorous People Don't Talk Enough About: https://www.nonmonogamyhelp.com/the-hierarchy-polyamorous-people-dont-talk-enough-about/ Ready for Polyamory - Is there a Problem with Hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy Poly.Land - Sneakiarchy: https://poly.land/2018/11/01/sneakiarchy-secret-hierarchy-dishonest-egalitarianism/ Joreth Retracts Descriptive vs Prescriptive Hierarchy: https://joreth.dreamwidth.org/408917.html Podcast episodes referenced in the episode: Veto Happens: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/veto-happens Where is this Going?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-going --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Most folks practicing nonmonogamy accept that no one person can meet all their needs. And yet, sometimes it can be challenging when a new partner starts meeting needs that haven't been met by an established relationship. In this episode Libby explores the trickiness when new relationships fulfill desires that established ones don't some ideas to help you navigate this situation well. There’s Nothing to Fear: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/theres-nothing-to-fear9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/9-relationships-of-a-modern-marriageWhere is this going? https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-goingThis may be a bitter pill https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/this-may-be-a-bitter-pill --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

This week Libby shares a re-release from December 2019 about the science of compassion, and why it's key to loving relationships, including the one with yourself. The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination Kristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Part two of Libby's conversation with Dr. Joli Hamilton where they discuss how navigating differences can open a relationship and the people in it into transformation. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

What happens when exploring different relationship styles reveals uncomfortable differences between you and a partner? In this episode, Libby talks with Dr. Joli Hamilton about polyamory as a sacred process of individuation and grief. Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/ The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Long-requested, Libby discusses solo polyamory with Crystal Byrd Farmer, author, organizer, diversity consultant.. and solo polyamorist. SHOW LINKS: Crystal's website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com/ Crystal's book: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token Solo polyamory: https://solopoly.net/2014/12/05/what-is-solo-polyamory-my-take/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this part 2, Libby and Alyssa talk through some of the challenges that can show up in nonmonogamy for people who are neurodiverse --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Alyssa discuss being neurodiverse and how polyamory and being neurodiverse can complement each other beautifully. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Triangles show up in relationships all over the place. In this episode Libby discusses triangulation, what it is, common ways it can show up in polyamory, and whether triangulation can harm or help. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks through when she personally does NOT opt for boundaries, and why boundaries are often the last move she will make in navigating relationship difficulties. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Jules answer a listener who asks, "If boundaries are between you and you, then what is a boundary violation?" Jules also goes over her 6 steps to setting an external boundary. Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/ Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by author and therapist Juliane Taylor Shore to talk about internal boundaries and how crucial they are (even though they are often not talked about or overlooked when people talk about boundaries.) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

A lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Nothing is a hot-button topic quite like a couple looking to date the same person. A lot of people have only one piece of advice, "Don't," often served with heaping portions of shame and ridicule. Yet, year after year, established couples seek to find a shared partner, and many folks also seek relationships with established couples. Is there something to this? In this episode, Libby offers some thoughts on why you might want to date as a couple (or date a couple) and some helpful ideas on how to do this well. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Increasingly, Libby hears from folks who are interested in polyamory to solve a problem: either they or their partner cheated, and they want to repair and stay together, and nonmonogamy seems like a solution. In this episode, Libby outlines why it's rarely that simple. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby offers an uncomfortable but necessary reality check: love alone doesn't conquer all. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Maybe you know the joke, maybe you don't, but showing up for a second date with a uhaul can be risky. In this episode, Libby goes over why she thinks cohabiting during the new relationship energy (NRE) phase might not be the best idea, and what to do instead. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

We all carry stories with us about who we are, our place in the world, how others will see us, and what's possible for our lives. Some of these stories are stories we like, some are stories we want to write a new ending to. But did you know that try as you might to change the story, there's an invisible force that may be acting on you that might sabotage your efforts? In this episode, Libby talks about how your very own brain can stop you from changing your story, and some ideas for what you can do about that. Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9780358645597 Juliane Taylor Shore: https://www.cleariskind.com/ Implicit memory and memory reconsolidation: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-020-00754-z --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Do you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086 Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not. Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Polysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier! Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares one of her favorite tools for owning your ish when you mess up with someone you care about. Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Chaneè and Libby answer a question from a listener who identifies as asexual who asked about non-sexual polyamorous relationships. Chaneè identifies as almost-megasexual, Libby identifies as greyace/demisexual, so you can imagine that it is a RICH conversation. They talk about nonsexual partnerships, chosen family, grief, vulnerability and choosing the love that you want for your life. This one is not to be missed! Amatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity  Relationship Smorgasbord: https://www.instagram.com/p/CS9n8mqL4ys/?hl=en  Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off):   Find Chaneè on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaneespeaks/  The Intentional Polyamory Cohort: https://intentionalpolyamory.netlify.app/  Schedule time with Chaneè: https://calendly.com/ChaneeSpeaks --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In part 2 of Libby's conversation with Akilah Riley-Richardson, Akilah shares her PRIDE model for supporting couples who are working to create safety and resilience in their relationships. Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/  Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227  Eduardo Duran: Healing the Soul Wound: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1200619 Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks with couples therapist and trauma specialist Akilah Riley-Richardson about relational privilege and how essential it is to create safety in order to find intimacy. (Part 1 of 2) Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/  Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/  Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227  Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In Part 2 of this episode, Libby shares her journey to getting clear on her values, figuring out how to act within her integrity and how that led her to find her way to true belonging. Braving the WIlderness by Brene Brown Southwest Love Fest (Use code "GOSLOW" for a 10% discount) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby introduces a new season of Making Polyamory Work with a very personal reflection on belonging, fitting in, values and integrity. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby and Catherine of Expansive Connection answer a listener question about coming out to older kids. https://www.expansiveconnection.com/ https://www.expansiveconnection.com/enm https://www.instagram.com/expansive.connection.coaching/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

LIbby talks about how important it is to talk about fears with our partners. How we respond when our partner shares a fear with us can make a tremendous difference in how we tend to them and ourselves. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby describes the phenomenon known as New Information Shock and how to handle it when you encounter it in your relationships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

If you want to make a good repair, there's one step that Libby wishes people prioritized more. Mia Mingus - The Four Parts of Accountability & How To Give A Genuine Apology: https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/  Repair Episode: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/slow-down-to-break-up?rq=repair  Are You Checking Out or Checking In?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/are-you-checking-in-or-checking-out?rq=checking  Taming Your Whoosh: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/taming-your-whoosh  Dan Siegel Integrated Brain: https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2019/1/9/the-simple-20-minute-exercise-that-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness-with-dr-dan-siegel --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

One tool that might help you with rocking-the-boat type conversations. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about why she likes agreements, what purpose they serve in relationships, and some things to watch out for when making them with your partners. Why Predicting Future feelings is So Difficult: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200825-why-predicting-our-future-feelings-is-so-difficult --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby speaks about the Relationship Escalator, and talks about some ways she has found to step off it. Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: https://offescalator.com/  Solo Poly: https://solopoly.net/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by Multiamory's Dedeker Winston to answer a listener who asks two questions: How do I know if I'm polyamorous? And, how should I go about dating if I'm not sure? Dedeker Winston: https://www.dedekerwinston.com/  Multiamory: https://www.multiamory.com/  Kathy Labriola's Jealousy Workbook: https://bookshop.org/books/the-jealousy-workbook-exercises-and-insights-for-managing-open-relationships/9780937609637 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby names the 10th relationship of a modern marriage: Food. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about the costs of operating your time, energy, and attention at full capacity by default, and why it's worth considering intentionally having more downtime to recharge and also so that you have some room to push if there's a need or crisis. Happiness is Other People: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/27/opinion/sunday/happiness-is-other-people.html  One Secret to Happiness: Relationships: https://www.thestatesman.com/lifestyle/75-year-harvard-study-1-scientific-secret-happiness-1503068121.html  Why Your Brain Needs More Downtime: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/  Fuck your Dig Deep Button: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CcibA5bFq0D/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Did you know that marriage as conventionally practiced in the 21st century (in a lot of the world at least) is actually like... 9 different relationships. In this episode, Libby explains those 9 relationships, and how what marriage is trying to do is pack a whole village into one other person. She asks the question, what could we do instead that might work better? ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Marriage, a History, by Stephanie Coontz: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/291184/marriage-a-history-by-stephanie-coontz/ The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

How empowered are you in your relationships? Have you stopped to notice where you might be disempowered... or too empowered? In this episode, Libby talks about power dynamics and how important it is to name them if you want to have relationally-empowered partnerships. -------------------------- Libby is presenting at Southwest Lovefest Virtual Con April 24th! https://www.swlovefest.com/virtualcon22 Want help creating empowered relationships? Check out the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle. Next cohort starts April 25. https://libbysinback.com/rnmc/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Do you know what drop is? In this episode, Libby explains drop, what it is, why it's rough, and what you can do to make it a little easier to deal with. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The relationship veto is a controversial topic in polyamory circles. Libby talks about what vetoes are, how they can happen without being called a veto, and how they aren't always a bad thing. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

"Intent doesn't matter." That statement has cropped up in multiple conversations online and in person over the years. In this epsiode, Libby shares why that simply isn't true, at least not when it comes to a valued relationship. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby speaks to parents of adult polyamorous children who may be having a hard time with the idea. SHOW LINKS:  It's Called Polyamory: https://thorntreepress.com/its-called-polyamory/ When Someone You Love is Polyamorous: https://thorntreepress.com/when-someone-you-love-is-polyamorous/ The Coffee Break Primer on Polyamory: https://adapowers.medium.com/the-coffee-break-polyamory-primer-6c64b4dc53de This Heart Holds Many, My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family: https://thorntreepress.com/thisheartholdsmany/ The Polyamorists Next Door on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

One of the most important things in relationship is to act with intention rather than reactivity, but if we're so busy and distracted all the time, it's really hard to slow down enough to do anything but react when we're upset. Libby invites you to ask yourself this question, "Are you checking out or checking in?"  Show Links:  Your Smartphone is Making you Stupid: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/08/a-sitting-phone-gathers-brain-dross/535476/  Proactive vs. Reactive: https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/307309  Smartphone addiction: https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ Tara Brach and RAIN: https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this epsiode, Libby gives you her best tips for having awesome sexytimes with groups of 3 or more. CN: NSFW. Mature content, including explicit mentions of sexual behaviors in this episode. So um, you may want your headphones in. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about the effect withdrawal patterns can have on our nervous systems, and how to navigate that if it is showing up in your relationship. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

"How could she ask for that?" is a phrase I have heard before. It's a phrase I've even said. But I firmly believe, it's okay to ask for whatever you want. The problem lies in whether or not your partner feels like they can say no.  -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Sometimes in our relationships we reach a point where something needs to change or it just won't work for us. But is that even possible? Or do you have to break up? Libby goes over two losing strategies that a lot of people try when they want something different from their partner than what they're getting, and offers what she believes is a better way to get what you want. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

By listener request, Libby talks about the one p*nis policy and why it's not a great idea (and the one time it's okay.)  CN: language. Libby uses several words for the male genitalia on this episode. --------------------  RECOMMENDED READING For the Love of Men by Liz Plank  The Will to Change by bell hooks  I Don't Wanna Talk About It by Terrence Real  Playing Fair by Pepper Mint Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In her recent workshop Break Up Better, Libby answers a question from a participant: "How can I get the other person to own their part to help with closure [after a breakup]?" -------------------------- The Break Up Better Workshop is still available! You can purchase the recording here: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby has special guest Terry Real join her on the show to talk about how patriarchy does its work on our relationships, even for those of us who choose to do things differently. ---------------------- Terry Real's website: https://terryreal.com ---------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for Breaking Up Better: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby blows up the idea that there is any difference between rules and agreements and offers some alternative ways to communicate and negotiate needs in polyamorous relationships. ------------------------- Break Up Better Workshop on November 30 at 7:30 PM: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares her best tips for coming out as polyamorous, mostly hard won through her own coming out mishaps. ------------------------- Break Up Better Workshop on November 30 at 7:30 PM: https://libbysinback.com/break-up-better/ Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby outlines 3 different scenarios in which it's unclear who is the giver and who is the receiver, and how to use a magical tool called the Wheel of Consent to help answer this question.  Betty Martin's website: https://bettymartin.org/  The Wheel of Consent: https://bettymartin.org/videos/  --------------------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season. ------------------------ Kathy Labriola on Polyam Holidays: https://www.kathylabriola.com/articles/poly-holiday-tips Elisabeth Sheff on not coming out during the holidays: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201612/poly-the-holidays ------------------------ The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

On this episode, Libby is joined by Mel Cassidy of Radical Relationship Coaching to discuss a question from a listener about how to navigate polyamory when a partner is struggling with their mental health. Visit Mel on the web: http://radicalrelationshipcoaching.ca/ ---------------------------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: https://libbysinback.com/rnmc/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about how to respond when someone you love gives you feedback from a hurtful, attacking or otherwise unhelpful place. -------------------------------- Find Libby on the web at https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle at http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Sign up for a free coaching session at https://libbysinback.com/apply --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby discusses the 6 phases of relationships, and the one that she thinks is the most important, and most often overlooked. ------------------------ Find Libby on the web at https://libbysinback.com Join the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle at http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Sign up for a free coaching session at https://libbysinback.com/apply --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

After an unexpectedly long hiatus, Making Polyamory Work returns. [To sign up for the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle, go to http://relationalnonmonogamy.com] --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby invites her best friend Mara on the podcast to answer a listener who recently discovered they were queer. Libby and Mara what it was like for them to realize you're queer later in life. ------------------------ MORE READING FOR YOU: Bisexual vs. Pansexual: https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/what's-the-difference-between-bisexual-and-pansexual Does Being Polyamorous Mean that You're Queer Belong: https://medium.com/polyamory-today/polyamory-and-the-lgbt-community-3a8a52debbc3 -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com The Relational Nonmonogamy Circle: http://relationalnonmonogamy.com Learn more about coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

This episode welcomes a special guest, Mary Thuell, to answer a listener question about being asked to put her relationship on pause so her partner can work things out in their nested relationship. Mary and Libby share their thoughts and experiences with this situation. -------------------- SHOW LINKS She's a Polyamorous Sunday School Teacher: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/shes-a-polyamorous-sunday-school-teacher-one-of-those-things-bothered-her-date/2019/04/08/394a1096-4a64-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd_story.html Emily Dickenson's Letter to Mary Bowles: http://archive.emilydickinson.org/correspondence/mbowles/l262.html --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares one way she likes to handle jealousy - say thank you to it? -------------------------- OTHER GREAT RESOURCES ON JEALOUSY The Jealousy Workbook: Insights and Techniques for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola The Jealousy Survival Guide by Kitty Chambliss Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby invites Shannon Perez-Darby to answer a listener question about what to do when you're in a relationship with someone who is in what appears to be an abusive relationship. CN: abuse, domestic violence ---------------- SHOW NOTES National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ (or call 1-800-799-SAFE) Shannon Perez-Darby: https://www.shannonperezdarby.com/ Resources for Accountability and Transformative Justice and Supporting Safer Communities: https://transformharm.org/ Friendship as Social Justice Activism: https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/distributed/F/bo26275235.html ---------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby introduces an unusually effective tool for combatting overconfidence without ruining the fun when you're in the throes of new relationship energy. ----------------- SHOW LINKS Freakonomics Episode on Failure: https://freakonomics.com/podcast/failure-is-your-friend-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/ ----------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Finally an episode on polyamorous parenting. Libby shares her take. -------------------------------- SHOW LINKS How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/769016.How_to_Talk_So_Kids_Will_Listen_Listen_So_Kids_Will_Talk Untamed: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed On Disruption: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/When-Life-is-Turned-Upside-Down-ecpob2 Slow Down to Break Up: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Slow-Down-to-Break-Up-edjjsa -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about the gift of time apart. ------------------ Esther Perel: Sex Needs Space - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sex-needs-space_b_136540 ----------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby offers ways to create a culture of appreciation within your relationship, and why that is important, but also how it can sometimes be hard. ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS The Gottman Institute on a Culture of Appreciation: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/ I Appreciate... Exercise: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ofEdpMG8KqhPvS0vj6hWWucTfEZdxqHvvJkydmbVuJU/edit?usp=sharing ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about issues that seem to have no clear good solution. Her suggestion? Understanding the problem is more important than solving it ----------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Dreams Within Conflict Worksheet No Advice, Please (how to hold space) ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

On this episode, Libby is joined by her partner Kyrr to talk about why it's important to acknowledge the truth about change. ---------------------- SHOW LINKS Giving Kickass Feedback (and When Not To): https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Giving-Kickass-Feedback-and-When-Not-To-ego34v ---------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Lots of tips in this episode! Libby talks about techniques to manage stress and why it's so important for you and your relationships. ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Emotional Mindfulness Exercise: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10WSyLRGERQLtlFJ8uU-3BQ8kIQUwQNYaRK7KAeA-J8Y/edit Box Breathing Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOL3isokmY4 Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/592377/burnout-by-emily-nagoski-phd-and-amelia-nagoski-dma/ Taming your Whoosh: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/No-Advice--Please-eb1pbg No Advice, Please: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/No-Advice--Please-eb1pbg Moving from Complaint to Request: https://vickitidwellpalmer.com/turning-complaints-requests/ Stress Reducing Conversation: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11VWh8j1jGCFdxm13c-rYV8E8FexKuhnr6VYeemadhi4/edit?usp=sharing ---------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

This episode is for you if you're a hinge or the point in a "vee." There's a very common trap that many hinge partners fall into that you must avoid if you don't want to be a sucky hinge. Want to know more? Listen to Libby to learn the most essential hinging skill. ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby is joined by a plus one in this special bonus episode. In it Libby and her guest provide advice to an anonymous post on Reddit in r/polyamory. This post is both about NRE and also being in a mono-poly hierarchical partnership. Original r/polyamory post: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/ilmvuk/hi_guys_just_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest_and/ MPW post on NRE: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/How-to-NRE-eka8c1 ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Is the thought of a new relationship exciting -- or terrifying? In this episode, Libby goes into what happens when you're in a new relationship and all wrapped up in its energy, and offers some practical tips on how to navigate it. ----------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Casual Love, by Carsie Blanton: https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-love Science on the brain in love: https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2005-05/aps-lai053105.php and https://neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harvard-mahoney-neuroscience-institute/brain-newsletter/and-brain/love-and-brain ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Love is infinite, but time is not, and the struggle is real. In this episode, Libby offers a frame for looking at time that may be at the root of some of your challenges around time, and some creative ideas how to navigate time limitations by looking at not just the amount, but the type of time you're spending with the people you love. ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

But like, serious business. ------------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Listen Up Episode: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Listen-Up-e9bv84 Rock the Boat Episode: https://anchor.fm/makingpolywork/episodes/Stand-Up-and-Rock-the-Boat-e9e5mf Multiamory's RADAR: https://www.multiamory.com/radar ------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby discusses feedback in greater depth: what it is, what it isn't, and how to do it exceptionally well. ---------------------------------- SHOW LINKS The Feedback Fallacy (from the Harvard Business Review) The Engaged Feedback Checklist (pdf download) The Feedback Wheel (infographic) ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby explains Ring Theory and how it can help people know what to say and to whom in a moment of crisis. Content note: this episode will talk about the outcry against police violence toward Black people and how Ring Theory can help white people respond and support the movement for Black lives. ---------------------- SHOW NOTES How Not to Say the Wrong Thing by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman Stacey Patton on White Women's Tears and Social Media Didi Delgado's Podcast and Facebook and Patreon Kate Anthony: 5 Racist Anti-Racism Responses “Good” White Women Give to Viral Posts Confronting racism is not about the needs and feelings of white people by Ijeoma Oluo How to be a good white ally, according to activists Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources ----------------------- WHERE TO SEND YOUR RESOURCES Invest in your local community - patronize Black-owned businesses.  Support local organizations creating alternatives to policing. Here's are some places to start: Donate to your local Black Lives Matter Chapter Donate to your Local Bail Fund Donate to the National Bail Out (if they're still taking donations) Black Visions Collective --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about repair, how essential it is to having secure relationships, and outlines the steps for how to make a good repair. *From Libby: to my listeners who have been following this podcast for awhile, this is to replace the episode "If You Break if, Fix It" - which was pulled, because it didn't say what I wanted it to say. I'm much much happier with this version, which is VERY different.  -------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Ed Tronick's Work on Repair Study of Parents and Preschoolers and Repair Gottman Insitute: Repair is the Secret Weapon of Emotionally Connected Couples ---------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby shares her most important advice for people who are breaking up or on the brink (and even if you're not) -- slow down. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Breaking up on Valentine's Day Normalizing Non-monogamy interview on Relationship Transitions Download the Peaceful Relationship Transitions Playbook Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for an intro coaching session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby gives some sex advice for your long-term relationships. It's good. Just listen. ---------------------- SHOW LINKS Watch the Movie: Friend with Benefits 7 Ways To Make Practicing Affirmative Consent Sexy 27 Alternatives to Asking "Is This Okay?" -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about disruption and offers a 5 step process to move through it more easily. -------------------------- MORE READING 3 Vital Skills for the Age of Disruption How to Find Meaning in Suffering -------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

A quick update on why Libby took down last week's episode on repair, and what she'll be doing instead. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby gets real about what COVID-19 means for polyamorous people, but how it's also teaching all of us an essential lesson about our relationships - which is that autonomy is an illusion. We need that lesson right now. But we also always did. -------------------- Sign up for the Relationship Survival Skills class: https://libbysinback.com/survival-skills/ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Things look pretty different in the world today than they did two weeks ago. Libby has a message for everyone as we face down new and challenging circumstances. ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about keeping your attention and energy toward what's really important. ------------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Kimchi Cuddles The comic I referenced Download the Relationship Vision Worksheet ------------------------------------ EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode Libby talks about how to navigate things when metamours don't want to be friends. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Learning to hold space for people you love is an essential relationship skill. In this episode, Libby breaks down what holding space is, why it's important, and how to practice it. ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett 11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Taking a time out is so important when things get heated or uncomfortable. However, there are more useful and less useful ways to take a time out. In this episode, Libby lays out how to take a time out in a way that enhances, rather than disrupts, connection. -------------------------------------- Black Poly Pride: June 4-7, 2020 in Washington, DC Terry Real's 10 Commandments of a Time Out -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

The most essential skill to having healthier relationships. -------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby offers an idea on making upcoming difficult situations smoother, easier and more connecting. ----------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby answers a listener question about navigating sharing a home and sharing that home with other partners. --------------------------- SHOW LINKS Couple Privilege: having it doesn't necessarily make you an asshole (but it might) by Amy Gahran 5 Reasons Couple Privilege Doesn't Exist by Lola Phoenix 'why do couples stop having sex?' is the wrong question by Emily Nagoski Navigating Difficult Conversations ----------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby explains the theory of attachment styles and what they might mean for your relationships.  (All of this stuff is Googleable, y'all, if you want to know more. ) ------------------------------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about what to do when we don't feel seen by the people we love. ------------------------ SHOW LINKS Feeling Understood — Even More Important Than Feeling Loved? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201706/feeling-understood-even-more-important-feeling-loved Neural Bases of Being Understood and not Understood: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4249470/ On Feeling Understood and Feeling Well: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2652476/ Loneliness: a disease? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3890922/ Brené Brown and True Belonging: https://ideas.ted.com/finding-our-way-to-true-belonging/ ------------------------ Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Apply for your free intro session at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby answers her first listener question on the show, where a listener asks, does it always make sense to disclose potential dealbreakers before the first date?  ------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Page Turner on Ambiamory: https://www.kinkly.com/youve-heard-of-polyamory-but-what-about-ambiamory/2/17832 Dating with HIV: https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/a48131/dating-with-hiv/ I'm a Sex Worker and Dating is Awkward: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/im-a-sex-worker-and-dating-is-awkward_b_6770650 So You're Dating a Sex Worker: https://rewire.news/article/2017/11/27/youre-dating-sex-worker-heres-not/ What It's Like to Date Online as a Trans Person: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-its-really-like-to-online-date-as-a-trans-person_n_5b848aace4b0cf7b002e467b -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about when you should tell potential partners that you're polyamorous or nonmonogamous. ------------------------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about ghosting, what it is, why it sucks, when it's justified, and how to cope. Libby also offers a kinder alternative to ghosting. --------------------------------- SHOW LINKS Comic on Ghosting by Hell is Other Women: https://www.facebook.com/hellisotherwomen/posts/557199481702112 ---------------------------------- EVENTS WHERE LIBBY IS PRESENTING PolyLiving in Philadelphia, February 7-9, 2020 Winter Poly Wonderland in West Virginia, February 13-16, 2020 Atlanta Poly in Atlanta, February 29, 2020 Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, April 3-5, 2020 RelateCon in Boise, April 24-26, 2020 ----------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Using a real, raw story from her own life, Libby talks about the day-to-day, minute-to-minute practice of gentleness in relationships. ----------------------------- Show Links Harvey: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/ My favorite article about Fred Rogers: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/19/magazine/mr-rogers.html ----------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Libby talks about the two magic relationship ratios uncovered by scientific research conducted by the Gottman Institute and some implications for polyamorous relationships. -------------------------------- The Magic Conflict Ratio: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ About the 20:1 Ratio: https://psyedges.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/51-2/ -------------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Holiday bullsh*t getting you down? Libby makes the case for how a little self-compassion can go a long way. ------------------------------- Show Links Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/ The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion About the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination Kristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about love languages and how understanding your love language and the love languages of those that you love can transform your relationships for the better and help everyone love and appreciate each other more fully. ---------------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ Love Languages Graphic: https://theladiescoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/How-to-speak-your-partners-Love-Language.png Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ ---------------------------- Find Libby on the Web: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby talks about compersion, what it is, where it comes from, and makes the case that we don't have to feel it to be good polyamorous people, and what to do when we don't. ---------------------- Mapping Your Love Workshop in DC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/mapping-your-love-tickets-77746210007 Winter Poly Wonderland: https://cfnc.us/winterpoly/ Poly Living: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org/conferences/polyliving/philadelphia/ More about the Karista Commune: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerista Mudita: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mudita Probably Poly Episode on Jealousy: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/jealousy-live-at-apw --------------------- Libby's new website: https://libbysinback.com Sign up for coaching at http://talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Sometimes you just need to complain and get something off your chest. Here's a tip on how to do that in a way that might be easier for others to hear and help make things better. -------------------------------------- Show Links Feedback Wheel Handout: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1W0rbu1nWTYOdQNl4gvdgPWTuLBWKCjcOol_8AUoTZi0/edit "The Story I'm Making Up": https://www.businessinsider.com/brene-browns-biggest-life-hack-is-a-simple-phrase-2015-8 Schedule a Free Coaching Session: http://talktolibby.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Let's talk about why it's so important to be willing to put things on the line in your relationships, to stand up for what you want, and confront issues - before they get too big to deal with. -------------------------- Show Links: Brené Brown's TED Talk on Vulnerability: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability Daring Greatly: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592408419 Domestic Violence Hotline and Website: https://www.thehotline.org/help/ Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems: https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/ ------------------------- If you'd like to ask a question for the show, feel free to e-mail at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at the link below. To book a free introductory coaching session, visit http://www.talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Learning how to listen better is so important to being a great partner, friend, parent, child, coworker, etc. In this episode, Libby offers some advanced tips on how to be an awesome listener. Show notes: How Curiosity Makes You a Better Partner: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_curious_people_have_better_relationships ------------------------------------ To contact Libby, email her at [email protected] or find her on Facebook at https://facebook.com/libbysinback. If you'd like to set up a free coaching call, visit http://www.talktolibby.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

When you're trying to make a change, do something different, learn a new skill, what can help set you up for success? My answer? The right mindset can help a lot. Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3228917-outliers On Deliberate Practice: https://lifehacker.com/what-mozart-and-kobe-bryant-can-teach-us-about-delibera-1442488267 To sign up for a free coaching session in December: https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

In this episode, Libby shares concrete steps for creating a healthy emotional boundary between you and your partner, so that you don't react to, take on, or take responsibility for your partner's difficult feelings. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Why is it that some monogamous couples who open upend up blowing up their existing relationship while others don’t? Libby offers one idea that you might not have heard.  Show links: The Most Skipped Step when Opening Up a Relationship [https://medium.com/@PolyamorySchool/the-most-skipped-step-when-opening-a-relationship-f1f67abbbd49] John Bowlby and Attachment Theory [https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html] The Gottman Institute on "Turning Towards" [https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/] The Science of Conflict Resolution [https://www.gottman.com/blog/repair-secret-weapon-emotionally-connected-couples/] To schedule a free introductory coaching session with me to talk about this and more, click here: [https://calendly.com/libbysinback/one-conversation] --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

Do you know about sh*tty first drafts? It can be a helpful concept in your relationships. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message

I’m Libby Sinback, a relationship coach and educator. I’m excited to tell you about my new podcast, starting on November 26th. It’s called Making Polyamory Work. Here we’ll get real about how polyamorous relationships actually work. You’ll get support that is inclusive, that affirms and celebrates all relationships and lifestyles, making special space for working to create functional, healthy, stable, and deeply loving polyamorous relationships.  This isn’t an interview show, so you won’t see me bringing in big thought leaders every week. It’s just me and you, for about 15-30 minutes, no chit-chat, no bs, and most of the time, no script, because life is messy and imperfect and so am I. What I will bring you in each is episode a valuable idea or a practice that will help you make your polyamorous relationships amazing - relationships that nourish you and help you heal, grow, flourish, and love. The rest… is up to you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/makingpolywork/message