In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor, entrepreneur, and two-time New York Times bestselling author Tabitha Brown about the joy of giving grace to others, how to adopt a vegan lifestyle, and why there’s no such thing as time wasted. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – a mom gets called a bully for protecting her daughter, and a metaphorical clock sounding an alarm for humanity. They also share their antidotes: closet organizing, and impromptu friend visits. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life.” - Sophia Loren Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: Hello Fresh -   hellofresh.com/ANTIDOTE65

In this episode of The Antidote LIVE from The Virgil in Los Angeles, Amy and Grace connect with actor, director, and producer Jay Ellis. Jay discusses owning the start of his day and the mental health benefits of walking. Later in the episode, stand-up comedian and actor Sydnee Washington joins Amy and Grace for our wellness shot segment, where we give advice to our audience and listeners to help solve their real-life issues, from dating to bad weaves. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  M&M’s replaces “polarizing” mascots to make them more inclusive, and how the 2023 Oscars failed to nominate any women directors. They also share their antidotes: a neighborhood find, and reading by the fire.  Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: Hello Fresh -  hellofresh.com/ANTIDOTE21

On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace share their first solo trips – a grad school vacation to England, and a language immersion program in the south of France. Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – an indie romance author faked her death, and white TikTok influencers “discover” Black hair products. They also share their antidotes: drag queen performances, and a juicy audiobook. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Negativity is the enemy of creativity” - David Lynch Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: Hello Fresh -  hellofresh.com/ANTIDOTE21

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with poet, mental health advocate, and New York Times bestselling author Bassey Ikpi about the power of virtual reality fitness, romance novels, and living with bipolar two disorder. ***If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988.*** Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – artists missing from Rolling Stone’s 200 greatest singers of all time list, and the pressures within the entertainment industry. They also share their antidotes: cooking and New Year’s rituals. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Creativity is more than just being different. Anybody can plan weird; that’s easy. What’s hard is to be as simple as Bach. Making the simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.” - Charles Mingus RSVP to our live show: antidoteshow.org/events   Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: Hello Fresh -  hellofresh.com/ANTIDOTE21

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace get a natal chart reading from astrologer Mecca Woods and chat about the purpose of astrology and get self-care recommendations according to their signs. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – the impact Black Twitter’s demise will have on social justice reform, and a children’s book created entirely using AI. They also share their antidotes: a closet purge and an early morning walk and talk with a friend. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.” - Octavia E. Butler Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: Hello Fresh -  hellofresh.com/ANTIDOTE21

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with Roy Wood Jr. about baseball, travel, and therapy. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – A reddit post that speaks to how unsafe women feel in public, and a man’s Tesla shut down and locked him inside the car. They also share their antidotes: haircare, and vacation pics. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things.” - Ray Bradbury Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683.

On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace share the most important lessons they’ve learned this year, from trusting their gut to focusing their energy. Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ death, and Megan Thee Stallion’s testimony in court around her trauma.   If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988. They also share their antidotes: a luxurious advent calendar and window shopping with friends. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” -Albert Einstein Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with standup comedian, writer and actor Jordan Carlos in a live conversation from this year’s New York Comedy Festival. Jordan joins Amy and Grace in a new segment called The Wellness Shot, where we give advice to our audience and listeners to help solve their real-life issues. Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week –  Odell Beckham Jr. was recently removed from an American Airlines flight, and an antibiotic shortage. They also share their antidotes: Broadway and a “hot girl walk.”  Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---ing help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles. And as a reflex to the madness on the news, we're keeping a positive but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore.  Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Amy Pow, pow, pow. Grace Hi, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We are back. I'm a little crazy today. We finished shooting last night at 1 a.m. and here I am in the morning and I feel good. I still haven't seen my friend. Hi, amy Amy Yay hi. And also congratulations to my friend for finishing her shoot. Like, literally, I feel like you've lived in New York for nine years. Grace I know I do too. I feel like it's been 20,000 years. I was young when I left. I'm old now. Amy But at the end of it you have a beautiful, magnificent, funny and hilarious show to show the world and hopefully we will be seeing it soon. Grace Yeah, one that my wonderful friend Amy directed two episodes of. So, so, you know, stay tuned for the Amy and Grace collabo with Michelle Buteau and other wonderful people. Amy Yes, that's right. Grace Girl, girl, did you hear about this Good Morning America thing? Amy The Good Morning America scandal is all over my timeline. My thing about the Twitter feed this past week is that I had to come in contact with two people who I did not know who they were. And now I know everything about them. And I'm talking about T.J. Holmes. Yeah. And Amy Robach. Yeah. I'm like, who are y'all? Grace Yeah, I had no idea who they were either. I mean, the T.J. Holmes guy looked a little bit more familiar to me, but I was like, oh, I've maybe seen that before. But that woman, she she looks like a copy of so many other women I've seen on tv. Amy You know, so crazy to me because both of them are married in other relationships. T.J. Holmes, a man I didn't know existed, you know, posted like a tribute to his wife, man, a year ago, like less than a year ago, posted a tribute to his wife about how I tried to make her leave and she won't leave because she's got a black superwoman energy, whatever the f---. And then literally he's out here touching a white woman's ass. And I'm like, I have to say grace. So the there's this woman on Twitter. I don't know her personally, but her handle is batty, ma'am. So that's B.A. YMCA lady. And she has, like, just a little mini thread called Men Will Embarrass You. And this week's Men Men Will Embarrass You is this man, T.J. Holmes, given this tribute to his f---ing wife? And I got to say, lady, I don't know you, but it's time to leave. Grace You got to. Amy Do you need me to show up, need me- to the window? Just lift it up. Help you down. You can Rapunzel throw out your hair and I'll just drag you. Right? Like, I don't know how we. Grace No. Amy Make you leave, but you got to go, girl. Grace It is so embarrassing. And the thing is that they weren't even trying to hide it. They were not being discreet. Nice. And they know they're on TV. I don't know what they thought. That they could just blend in like that. They were just in a bar on the street, grabbing ass, walking through there, walking through the park hand-in-hand. Like at least have the respect for your spouses that have you off again, because I guess they're both separated, right? Amy I don't know if they were. I mean, that feels like new information was like something that was like we were separated. Like, it doesn't I'm like where they. Like, we'll never know. Grace But even like you still have a marital contract, at least don't like be out in the open, go in the hotel room or whatever. You know, don't be just out in the open grabbing booties and stuff, you know. Amy And also grabbing groceries. They were like doing like daily routine things. Like they're a couple when people on TV back to normal, I'm like, y'all, you have faces. People recognize you're in like a million or so homes across America. Every morning y'all are on TV. You can't just be out here acting like you're f---ing Tam and Pam. But you know Pam, like, I don't know, like in Milwaukee who nobody's paying attention to. Like you, literally. I don't know if I would call them famous, but they are you know, they're known. Grace And that's the thing. Like you get the privilege of having millions of dollars and being famous and getting free sh-- because you are on GMA. So you have to accept what comes with that privilege, which is that people know who you are and you can't cheat out in the open. Yeah, probably any Tom, Dick and Harry or whatever. You could go to one city over and you could be acting like y'all married each other. But ya'll can. Amy Also the audacity to cheat in the morning, because that's the other thing. They're Good Morning America. And then they were out in the open in the morning and I'm like, it just was me. I was like, How do we doing out in the morning doing chores? But anyway, I do think that it reminds me of a conversation we had with Jordan. We had a lot of questions about relationships, about being far our guest that's coming up this episode, Jordan Carlos, who did our live show from Brooklyn, New York, which was a part of the New York Comedy Festival on November. BR Well, we had a few questions about relationships, so stick around to hear that in a new segment we created called The Wellness Shop. And if you're in a relationship now, hug your partner, set them free. But don't be doing this sh--. Grace Don't be embarrassed and ask the men or women. Anyway, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have the bummer news. Amy Starting now, top of the hour. Bummer. News of the week. Our first topic is that athlete and you know, hottie with the body. Odell Beckham Jr has been removed from an American Airlines flight recently over, quote unquote, concerns for his health while sleeping with a blanket over his face. Those who don't know Odell Beckham Jr is a very well known wide receiver in the NFL. He catches ball. He's a free agent right now. Yes. He catches balls for a living. Well done. Great for for sports. But he's like a free agent right now, like people trying to court him because, like, you know, he's good at it. Yeah, he's very good. And it's not just because of his looks. Why am I like, oh, I don't know. Well, Beckham, Junior, what a hottie. But anyway, I only know about him because a a few comedians a few years back said some weird sh-- about him. And then part B, there used to be a billboard of him in an underwear ad on La Cienega, and I'd pass it every time I was going to work, and I was like, Who's that? So I learned about sports that day. But anyway, Odell Beckham has a tradition of draping a blanket over his face during long flights so he can sleep, according to his attorney. And this time, while asleep, the flight returned to the gate and Beckham was asked to leave the flight as he had not buckled his seatbelt at the time due to being asleep. Even after offering to buckle his seatbelt, the flight attendant said it's too late now to exit or the entire aircraft would be deplaned in the airports. Report, they claim, quote, he appeared to be coming in and out of consciousness, end quote. And we're concerned he was, quote, seriously ill, end quote, leading to the plane, returning to the gate after the aircraft was deplaned. Beckham left the plane without incident because, you know, he ig but he did tweet that quote, Never in my life have I experienced what just happened to me. I've seen it all. Grace This seems weird to me. I don't know this. I don't know how this happened. Like he was sleepy and ask somebody with a very sleepy friend, Amy, and she's talking about me. She can sleep anywhere. And there have been times where I'm like, Wake up, Amy, wake up. You got to go like, Oh, and it's not like it's sometimes it just doesn't happen. Some people sleep hard and it doesn't feel like a flight attendant would have never seen that before. And then once he said he would buckle a seatbelt, like, you're going to have to deplane everybody. He was nice because I'd be like, literally, you woke me up to buckle my seatbelt and I'm doing it. So like, why can't I go see a Black man? Amy He had to be nice. Like, that's the thing that makes me upset and that's what it's like. He couldn't be like, what? For too long? It's like he's a famous black man and knows it, and he's like, I got to get off this plane. Like, you can't raise a stink. Grace Yeah, it's weird. I have this story. Something seems off. I and I feel bad because I'm sure that was so embarrassing, you know? And then it becomes a whole news story. And, yes, he should have buckled the seatbelt. Yes. But when he offers to buckle it, they should have just let the plane go without incident. Like what was getting him off the flight? Like it wasn't going to delay it more or less. Like you could have just let him stay. So. Boo American Airlines once again. Amy Oh, my God. They're the same airline that f---ed up my luggage and wouldn't replace it. So, American Airlines, you're on notice. I know that's not the only bit of bummer news this week. The other thing that I read about is that RSV, you know, that respiratory syncytial virus. I don't even know how to say that middle word. That's why we abbreviating it. RSV, a virus particularly common among children, is on the rise and may be resulting in an antibiotics shortage. So I read that amoxicillin, one of the most common antibiotics for children, is facing a shortage because despite RSV being a viral infection, amoxicillin is often prescribed as secondary protection for underlying bacterial infections that arise during having RSV. So a doctor in USA Today said quote, For example, in addition to RSV, a child may also have developed an ear infection or pneumonia which could be treated with amoxicillin. And in most people, RSV just causes mild cold like symptoms. But in children, the elderly, in immunocompromised it can be very severe. So now that we're back into a flu season, now that we're back into a COVID surge, our issues are back to being near capacity and we are having a problem with this. So for me, I'm like, the reason this is a bummer to me is like of all the COVID shortages, we had toilet paper that was out, we had restaurant menus, they digital now. We didn't have hand sanitizer. This one really matters. Like, can we figure out how to get the kids their drugs?   Grace I really hope that Congress, useless congress tries to step in and do something.   Amy I feel you because it reminds you of the baby formula shortage that we talked about a few months back on another episode where it was just kind of like, Wait, we really out here? Just be like, babies, y'all good? Like we have to. The future of the country.   Grace I like that. Some say they're more important than the rest of us. You know, first of all, we already ruined the planet for them. We've already like we don't have a good planet to give them the you know, we flooded their schools with guns, so they now have to to go to school and be like father like I make at home today. So at the very least, can we just get the baby some antibiotics, whatever they need to do? Because, you know, there's nothing fatter than like a sick baby, you know?   Amy Yeah, well, I don't know how science works, but I'm thinking about these babies.   Grace Okay, let's get into this antidote, though.   Amy So this is a segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Broadway, baby.   Amy Oh, hello. Yes. Hello, my darlin. Hello, my baby. Hello. my honey.   Grace Child, so in my previous life, I was a theater actor. So there is just something uniquely beautiful about going to see live theater. And I just I've been in L.A. for a while, and I'm sure there's great productions in Los Angeles as well. People keep telling me, but when you've had Broadway, you know, it's really hard to even imagine going to see live theater anywhere else. So I lived in New York for a very, very long time, and I actually was supposed to go to Mexico over the Thanksgiving holiday. I don't know what I was thinking, like thinking that I, in the middle of production would go to Mexico. Wait, why? Yeah, I was going to go there for the long weekend, so I decided to cancel that trip, and instead I decided to go see two Broadway shows because I've been so busy at work that I haven't gotten a chance to see a lot of Broadway. So I saw Death of a Salesman.   Amy Oh, nice.   Grace Which is like Black Death of a Salesman. Which is like it should be black because it's such a black story. And Wendell Pierce, he was in like, oh, right above. Like, you know, there is a little bit of a little hiccup, Eddie. And it was so fun because they were smoking on stage. And then the fire alarm went off and they stopped and that it was just like, ooh, peek behind the fourth wall. And there's just like had to get off stage of the they it took about 15 minutes to resolve and then they came back wow. And they started the scene all over again like f---ing pros that they are. But yeah.   Amy They started the scene all over. That's great. And then they just weren't smoking.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. And so it was him. It was Sharon Clark who was also incredible, who played his wife. Then there's a guy named Chris Davis who played Biff and McKinley Belcher as happy. And I cannot forget Andre de Shields was in it as well, who is just a magician? Yes.   Amy And he was The Wiz in The Wiz. Holy sh--.   Grace He was the Wiz in the Wiz.    Amy Oh, I knew. I knew that face.   Grace It was incredible. And like, I wept because I thought about all the black men that were alive back then and the lack of opportunity that they had. So it really hit different when you see a black man going to like this white guy to like beg for a job and that he just couldn't make it work with his family. And I know Arthur Miller wrote it, but it was just it just really hit when you think about our ancestors and what they'd been through. Come on. And so and it was just like such a cathartic weeping. And I was just like, thank you for your sacrifice so that this generation could have what they have. So that was the Friday after Thanksgiving and then the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I saw a show called Six.   Amy Oh, my gosh. Tell me about six.   Grace So Six is about Henry the eighth's six different wives.   Amy Oh, that's cool.   Grace So it's like a concert almost. Mm hmm. So basically, the premise of the show is they're just like, who had it worse? Like a six women. So.   Amy Girl, girl, girl. You all had it pretty sh---y.   Grace Yeah, you all had a pretty sh---y cause that guy was that great. So they each get their own song, and all of them just had incredible voices, but in different ways, and they were just singing down.   Amy It's coming to L.A. just so you know. Six is coming to L.A..   Grace I mean, I would see it again. It was so fun. And then it was also short. It was like 80 minutes, no intermission.   Amy Oh, cute. I like it quick.   Grace Yeah, I like it quick. I'm a half hours high, bitch, you know what I'm saying? And they were just so good. Like, you know, you sometimes you got to go to Broadway to hear real ass voices, you know, like there are singers like Beyonce, say, Adele and like Jasmine Sullivan. You know, we have yes, we have girls that can sing them down. Yeah, but.   Amy Broadway is a different type of vocality.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. But it's genuinely great to see it and to know that it was live and they were just incredible. So that was my antidote. Broadway, baby. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, you know, a few weeks back, we had a guest on a show named Ashley Blaine Feathers and Jenkins. And I literally have been thinking about the fact that she said you should go on a hot girl, walk for weeks. And I love to walk. I love to walk around my neighborhood. I love to take a stroll. I love to take an urban hike. Urban hike means you're walking through the city.   Grace Yes. She doesn't like a regular hike.   Amy And that's my sh--. I don't like a real hike. Grace knows this. I will do a hike, but I won't repeat a hike. And so this week, like, I've been traveling so much, I'm so tired, I'm still jetlagged from going to India. And so I decided that I was going to walk every day for exercise. And that fell apart real quick because I said, haha you thought and it started raining every morning and so I couldn't walk. But before the day it rains I went for a hiker walk. And the reason why this walk was a hardcore walk to me is because I made a point to walk with a smile on my face, which is really silly. But I was like, I've like really I've been so stressed. And I was like, the corners of my mouth are hurting. Like there was a day where I was like, What's wrong with the corner of my mouth? And I realized I'm actually frowning and I'm like, Oh, f--- this. This is how you get wrinkles. And B, I just think it's stress. It's just like exhaustion and stress and travel and all the things. So I went on this walk and I was like, I'm going to take this walking, I'm gonna smile. And I was listening to this woo woo book while I was walking and just smiling while I'm on my on my little stroll. And I walked all the way up to my viewpoint. There was like a beautiful view above my neighborhood where you can just see, like, west l.a. Like, spread out before your eyes. And I walked all the way up there, and there were some men up there who were, like, just, like, chillin, like, because there's also, like, a sports area. So maybe they're about to play some sports. BELL But at any rate, I stopped up there and I was like, I happen to be a hetero female who's attracted to men. So I saw these men and they were good looking and I was like, Here I am with my little smile on my face up here being a hot girl. And I was like, I didn't interact with them. I was like, they could be, you know, terrible. So I was like, I'm not going to interact with them, but I at least got to just, like, be cute and walk past them like athletic men and then continue on the walk. And I was like, this was a hot girl walk. So I started my day. That day feels so good. And I did the silliest thing. I sent like a video of one of my friends being like, I'm going to walk every day this week. I felt so good. And then the next morning it rains. And I think on video being like, I am walking today, bitch.   Grace How come you didn't send me that video? Who's this bitch? Just sell it. Send a video. That's what I'm saying. Just cause I'm gone. Just because I'm in New York City. This is the reason why I got to get back to L.A.. All my friends are forgetting me that.   Amy I'm like, I can't-   Grace My phone still works. So why.   Amy I can't bother Grace, she's on set. I can't just send her this video of me being like, I love walks. She would have been like bitch I've been up since 3 a.m.   Grace Yes, I would love to get that video. Brighten my day for you that I'd be an antidote. So that's what you did.   Amy Yes. Well, if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336, 8436, eight three. Stay tuned. You'll hear more from our live show right after this break.   Grace Our guest today ain't new to this comedy. You know, he is a stand up comedian and actor who just finished costarring and writing on the first season of Freeform's. Everything's Trash with Phoebe Robinson. He co-hosts WNYC Adulting podcast with our friend in Queens, Michelle Buteau. He has also written for HBO Divorce, written and performed for Comedy Central's The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore and Recipes First Wives Club. Please welcome the amazing Jordan Carlos.   Jordan Carlos Good knees, good knees. That's what it's all about. And I feel sorry for the people standing in the back.   Amy No, don't apologize.   Jordan Carlos All right. How's it going? Brooklyn. How we doing? Yeah, I'd like to. I'd like to applaud the people that came early over here. Look at this man. It's modest, but so smug. So smug. Got the good seats. Got the good. Good. Hello, love. Gosh, it's just so good to be here. Surrounded by this black excellence on stage.   Grace I hope you're including yourself upon that number that.   Amy She worked with Jordan this week. He's being very humble. He is an amazing actor and so, so funny. And I got to direct him this week. And I got to tell you, I was a tyrant and he handled it well.   Jordan Carlos Yeah, yeah. What have you. What if I said you were she was in one of those, like, elevated seats, right? Like with a crane. But you were you.   Grace She does like to beat people.   Jordan Carlos She was in this really like, official jumpsuit. You are the official ass jump director. She's like, is she directing Apocalypse Now? Like what?   Amy That is right. I need people to know that I came to work.   Jordan Carlos Work it, but you were great. And I was like, there was one little small scene. Hey, everybody, welcome. You know, if you don't know anything about Hollywood, this is how it works. This is how it works. So you have to be an actor has to be directed, right, to do what they're supposed to do, my dumb ass. I didn't get out of the way. Right? I was like, you're like talking. You say your line and you walk the f--- off. Got it. But I just stayed in the studio, you know?   Amy I can see you. That was. That was my fault. That was my.   Jordan Carlos You know what? It's no one's fault.   Amy You're right. It's Hollywood. It's Hollywood.   Jordan Carlos It's Hollywood. Yeah, well, I had to be here.   Amy Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. It means so much to us. And we're both jointly obsessed with you, as are a lot of people in this audience.   Jordan Carlos So that's very sweet.   Amy Yes. You are the co-host of WNYC, his podcast Adulting, where you provide real life advice. And the quote reads with a heaping portion of hilarity topped with a dollop of truth.   Jordan Carlos Who wrote that.   Amy Yes. I mean, I assume it was you.   Jordan Carlos I swear to God I did not write that.   Amy Okay. Well, Michelle,.   Jordan Carlos In a showing of earnestness. And just like a missed. Misting of your heart.   Amy Yeah, well, as the audience entered tonight, we asked them to write down some questions that the three of us will give real life advice to help solve.   Grace Yeah.   Jordan Carlos I am not an expert. I do love how this guy's arms crossed when you're in the front row and non-verbal. F--- you to start the whole thing. And don't blame me. Don't say it's cold.   Amy No, we read the energy.   Jordan Carlos I do. This guy has Roman emperor energy.   Amy We got to work harder to win your love. don't worry.   Jordan Carlos Come and just relax. So everybody just open up your butthole. We're going to.   Amy Everyone release the anus, and let's just answer a couple of what we got. So first up, first up, and if you some people ask these questions, it might be out getting a drink. But if you are here and this is your question, just give us a little cheer. This first one is I was just offered my dream job in L.A., but my partner doesn't want to leave Brooklyn. Oh. How do you find balance between sacrificing and settling?   Grace Leave him.   Jordan Carlos Wow.   Amy Settling.   Grace Leave him. Drop him off leave him.   Jordan Carlos If you have your dream job. I don't know how how long you've been going out with this person, but if you have your dream job, you will work it out with that person. If relationships are all about like, you know, I've been married for 15 years and if you're married 15. Yeah, I know. Impressive. Impressive.   Amy Wow. Wow, it is 15. Yeah.    Grace Came out the womb married.   Jordan Carlos Came out, in some cultures, that's what we do. Yeah. I think what it is all about, what it's all about is, like, just kind of like figuring out that you want to be in it and you want to be in it every day and not leaving it to chance. Then you will remain in it. If this person like lets you go, not lets you go, go do your thing. Yeah. And see where the chips fall. But make sure that you keep a line and a tethered to that person and make sure that they're a part of it and make sure that you're honest with them about what's going on. You if you like it, if you don't, if you regret it, if not, if you want to stay in it. If you don't, you know what I'm saying? Like you might go out there and figure out that your dream job wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Oh, it's time to come back. Oh, no. But you know who will be in your corner every step of the way? Brooklyn boy. Also, you didn't talk about the dark side of the f---ing person that.   Grace That is something that you do need to know.   Amy She did say settling. So it makes me think that the D is medium to small.   Jordan Carlos Is it is it shmedium? Is it like a short medium?   Grace I'm sorry, I, I mean, my resting advice is I was like, leave you. Yeah. No, but I mean, I do think it's like, first of all, you do need to know, like, how long, like, they've been together and like how deep you are in. And there are some bitches that are career bitches like myself, and there are some girls that, you know, prioritize love and relationships. And you just have to be honest about which type of girl you are, you know.   Jordan Carlos Truly truly.   Amy Yeah, that's really good advice.   Jordan Carlos I know what kind of girl I am and.   Grace I'd like to hear it.   Jordan Carlos It's like we're going to. I'm like, if I can make it happen and split myself in half, I will do it because it's worth it. Yeah. Because I feel like it's just Jordan. Cause I'm just saying. I'm just saying you. You may be remembered on this planet for the things that you do and and and make your mark artistically, creatively, in business. But if you have a love that that respect, you hold on to God.   Amy Did you write From scratch on Netflix? That is beautiful.   Grace Convict me, Jordan.   Amy That is beautiful. Wait, I got to move on to the next question. You want the next question? Yes. So question and again, give a little woo. If it's your question, I want to expand my circle and become one of those people who can get dropped into a party and befriend anyone. But it's not really in my nature. Hashtag introvert. What should I do?   Grace Oh.   Jordan Carlos The extroverted introvert?   Amy That's me. You. I'm an introvert.   Jordan Carlos You're an introvert?   Amy I'm. I'm such people would never guess because I'm like, loud and talkative. But when I get home types, how we're off. Yeah, like, I get home and I just like, right. I literally am a secret introvert. I'm such an introvert. When the pandemic, when everything shut down, I was like, This is nice. I don't have to go anywhere. I was fine. I was like, I like it in here.   Grace I was just.   Jordan Carlos Like, if that is your if that's your jam, you need to host more parties.   Amy Yeah. Oh, you're the middle of the party. If it's your party.   Jordan Carlos To be the host or, you know, better be The Great Gatsby. Have the party. Don't show up.   Grace You will be remembered forever. Very, very good advice.   Amy Yes. Okay. Next question. I'm going to do four because these are good. This one I love the most. Give a little woot if it's yours. I need money, but I don't like working.   Grace Gets you somebody rich to marry one.   Jordan Carlos That's the end of it. I need money, but they don't like their wellness shot.   Amy What's the thing that makes them feel better?   Jordan Carlos I need money, but I don't like working. That's. That sounds like the beginning of a beautiful traps to focus on, like working and.   Grace Get some rich, rich rich.   Amy Do you agree with Grace? Just get someone rich. Is that the answer.   Jordan Carlos I would say get someone rich or understand how to manipulate the market.   Grace Or be like a Fyre Festival person.   Amy Oh yes.   Grace Start a scam. Scam somebody.   Amy But scamming is work.   Grace It is work it.   Amy That guy who started we work. What a scam. But he was working. Yeah. He had to take meetings and get investors. Scamming is work.   Grace It means you have to send out like lots of emails about being a price or something.   Jordan Carlos Mostly it's just like the laws that keep scammers back. Same, whatever. Right.   Grace Yeah. So it feels like just get a rich boo.   Amy I think that might be the answer. If you like money and don't like working, get a rich bill. Yeah.   Jordan Carlos I can't. I really can't help you there because this face, I got to work, you know?   Grace No. And a very handsome face.   Amy Everyone is someone's cup of tea. You just haven't found the rich woman.   Jordan Carlos You sound like my mom. Like the African proverb. There is a lid for every pot.   Amy The lion. The lion cares for the antelope. Okay. All right. Last question for you guys. Okay. Oh, this. Oh. How do you deal with the loneliness that comes with your friends all being in relationships? Oh, wow. These are deep guys. I love these questions.   Jordan Carlos Damn. Damn. How do you deal with the loneliness that comes from your friends all being in relationships? Good question. Great question.   Amy Oh, my God.   Jordan Carlos On a long enough timeline, those relationships will end. And.   Amy Rooting for the failure.   Jordan Carlos No, I'm just. I'm.   Grace Well, 50% of marriages do end in divorce.   Jordan Carlos The other 50 percent end in death. Now. I think this like, you know, those rom coms where it's like somebody tries to stop a wedding, like they're like, I got to stop this. It's like trying to stop a bus with your face. Like, don't do it. Don't stop Americans. Marriage will stop by itself. Okay? I've seen it happen way too many times. I've seen it happen way too many times. Right? Yes. I feel like this like like do not become discouraged by that. You know, let your friends live their life. Yeah. They're going they're out doing what they're doing. You should be doing what you're like, what you're doing. Do the things that they can't.   Amy Oh, make them jel, jel.   Jordan Carlos Make them jealous. Go to a bar, you know, go to a rock climbing thing in like five in the afternoon.   Amy Yeah. I'm saying you're like, I took a nap in the middle of the day because I don't have kids.   Jordan Carlos Mean we see everything on Netflix like you're in a relationship, you have to like. Check with the person that yeah.   Jordan Carlos I watch the show so now. White Lotus was supposed to be ours and.   Amy Relish the fact that you're single. It's better out there.   Jordan Carlos Enjoy it.   Grace Well, I would say that I think that it's not.   Jordan Carlos It's all, it's all. You know what I feel like it's grass is greener on the other side. It's all about what you know. It is hard to be single. Of course.   Amy Of course. Of course. Yeah, I.   Jordan Carlos Sharing all you know, sharing everything. Sharing all the coffee, sharing all the coffee.   Amy Sharing the toilet.   Jordan Carlos Sharing the toilet, sharing the goddamn toothpaste. You know, all that and. All. This other. What's wrong with sharing toothpaste?   Amy I thought you said toothpicks. I'm so sorry. I was.   Grace That would be f---ing nasty.   Jordan Carlos Well, who has toothpicks in their house? What in the Tony Soprano's, it's. It's got to be stuff in the house.   Amy No grass is always greener.   Jordan Carlos But grass is always greener. But you know what? If you like to. If you like. Yeah. And you enjoy your own company. Yeah. As you said, Amy, I enjoy my own company. Lord, when my kids and my wife are out the house, I'm like, I'm single. I'm like Tom Cruise in that movie, like gang, gang, gang, gang. Oh, my God. My hips are so good. All right, so.   Grace The hips don't lie.   Jordan Carlos The hips don't lie. That's a lot of yoga you want to talk about your. And it. My antidote. My antidote is yoga. Wow. Yes, that's right. My wife doing it so much, I was like, I want to live a long time, too. So I got to open. Gentleman.   Amy Men die sooner.   Jordan Carlos Your hips are not open, sir.   Amy Open them up.   Jordan Carlos This guy is forward, like he;s taking a sh--.   Amy Right there.   Jordan Carlos You were totally dragged here, weren't you? Well, whose. Whose idea was it? It was her idea. Na na na na. Yeah, that's right. Know. He's like, if I endure this, maybe they will be sexy.   Amy There will be, there will be. There will be. Yeah, there will be. Guys, guys.   Jordan Carlos I know too much.   Amy This this has been an amazing wellness session from Jordan Carlos. The one. The only the me champagne.   Grace Yeah. Thank you so much, Jordan.   Jordan Carlos Amazing. Goodbye.   Amy Bye, Jordan. Thank you.   Grace Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.    Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And when in doubt, do it live. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and associate producer Jess Penzetta.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo the true.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod.   Grace The Antidote is the production of American Public Media.   Amy Woot woot.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, writer, and actor Dulcé Sloan. In a live conversation from this year’s New York Comedy Festival, Dulcé shares her favorite murder mysteries, the joys of crafting, and savoring hobbies. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  owl attacks are becoming more common, and how Stacy Abrams’ loss felt like a gut punch for Black women. They also share their antidotes: a new Netflix show and waffles.  Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, and we like to take the bad sh-- we hear and work through it together. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Live. Amy That's right. That's motherf---ing right. Friends, we are very happy to share with you all our first ever live show from Brooklyn, New York, which was a part of the New York Comedy Festival on November 12. Grace We're joined by our friends Dulce Sloan and Jordan Carlos. Amy Not only were they the funniest and most awesome guests ever, that live energy really just gotten to all of us. It was so much fun. Grace This is part one of the antidote live with Dulce Sloan motherf---ing Brooklyn. Thank you all for coming to our first live show. We're so excited to be here with you. Amy We're super excited. And, you know, like for you guys who know the podcast, we always talk about our antidotes and our bummer news. But I do want to say that this live show is coming at the end of a month of New York with my best friend, Grace. Yeah. And there have been some real highlights to be in New York with you. Like our fancy dinner, we had to scarf it up. Grace Literally bought, like everything on the menu and they're like, Can you eat all this f---ing food? I was like, Yeah. Amy Yeah, yeah, watch me, watch it. Also also, we saw Top Dog Underdog on Broadway. Grace We did. And let me tell you about. Yeah, yeah. Amy Yeah, Ya-Ya can get it. He can get it. I don't know what the play was about because in my head the play was about his thighs. I don't know what I saw. Grace But it was really good. Like I would recommend everybody see it. First of all, like Corey Hawkins, such a great actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A great actor as well. Didn't really focus on his acting because like I said. Amy Once again, the thighs. Once again the thighs. And we also did other fancy things, like we had a little nightcap at Dumbo house one night. I saw how the other half lives, the other half being my friend Grace. Um, it was really, really fancy. But I'm really glad we had these moments together because it's a distraction from how sh---y the world is. Yeah. Yeah. So starting now, top with our bummer news of the week. Grace The bummer news. Amy So guys, first up is an owl attack. I don't know if anyone has seen this news, but apparently owls have been attacking people. Okay, so so this is a live show and you guys are seeing the visuals. I love that you're enjoying the visuals to our guests who are just tuning in through their ear holes. It's an owl. Attacking a man on screen literally keeps happening. Apparently in Washington, there is a woman who's been attacked by the same owl twice. Grace Twice. Amy Her name is Kristen Matheson, and she was walking in the woods near her house when she got attacked. And she said, quote, It felt like getting punched in the back of the head by someone wearing rings. And apparently people are saying barred owls are aggressive owls and they're highly territorial. So maybe she thought they were her woods, but they were the owls. Grace No. Well, first of all, we still got to worry about COVID, right? We got to worry about Nazis. Right. And we got to worry about owl attacks. First of all, I want to know what she did to that owl, because that's what attacked twice. Like, did you steal that owls, man? Did you like did you, like, talk about his mom and dad? She caught that beak twice. Amy The thing to me is like nature is clearly trying to take us out, and it just keeps happening. Like, I'm literally like Mortal Kombat. It's like, finish him because the owl is trying. And I really just think it's time for us to go. Grace Yeah. Amy Nature wants us out of here. Grace It might be a wrap for the human race. 2022 is wildin. Owl attacks? Amy Yeah, but that's not the only bit of bummer news or something else. So you guys have been following the midterm elections, obviously. Stacey Abrams lost. Yeah, Georgia. Exactly. I heard a note backstage by someone you're going to meet later, one of our guests. And honestly, for Black women, this felt like a punch in the gut. It felt like an owl attack on our hearts. Grace Our attack on our democracy. Amy Exactly. Yeah. Abrams lost her rematch bid in Georgia's gubernatorial race on Tuesday night, and some black women and activists have called it a devastating blow. In an opinion piece with The Daily Beast, contributing editor Goldie Taylor said that Abrams didn't look like a governor. Which makes me wonder what the f--- a governor look like. This woman, she had a blazer. She had a cold chain on. Grace She got a gap in her tooth. She got a fabulous lip. What a bad bitch. That's all I'm thinking about. Amy So to me, I got to be honest, I decide to because I hate to lose. But you know what? I hate more being insulted every day. Every day she's in the spotlight. She gets insulted. And I'm tired of that, honestly. Stacey, so good for the race. Grace I mean, honestly, she saved democracy. I mean, like, I remember, like, in Georgia f---ing blue. I know she turned Georgia blue. She has done so much to, like, register voters. And the only reason that these new school wild ass Republicans are not, like, fully in control of everything is due to this queen. And what does she get lost to? Brian Kemp. Y'all want Brian Kemp again? Again? Yeah. That was so f---ing sad outside that day. Amy Yeah. So how do you feel after discussing this bummer news, Grace? Grace Not good. I mean, I'm looking for owls. I don't want to catch nobody's speak. And Stacey Abrams is not the governor of Georgia. What she should be. Amy Yeah, I agree. I agree. Grace So you know what? Let's get into this antidote. Amy Yes, it is. So for people who are new to this but about to be true to this, this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So, Grace, I'd love to know what was your antidote? Grace Okay, well, it was it was a rough week this week because like there I was stressed about these midterm elections because everybody's like, yeah, it's going to be a red wave. And I'm like, okay, are they going to bring slavery back? I don't know. Like, I keep getting worse, right? Like, you know what I'm saying? I was so, like, scared this week, so I wanted to, like, flush my brain out with something good. So I saw on Netflix there was a show called From Scratch. Oh, my God. Tell them about them that scratched my itch. It's basically starring Zoe Saldana, created by Attica Locke and Tenby Locke, who are sisters. Isn't that f---ing cute? They, like, created a show together based on Tempe's book of the same name about a true story about her, like falling in love with this chef in Italy and making spaghetti king. I know. Amy And you better twirl that linguini. Grace He made her spaghetti. He did make her some other making spaghetti and he did other things, too. So it was so delightful because, like, it was just so sweet. It was like, beautifully written. It was well-shot. It just gave me what I needed. I love comedy. Obviously, the only thing that I love more than comedy is people falling up. I love. So it was really just a delight to see. And I mean, there was so much yummy food. I went to Italy for the first time with this bitch last year. Amy Yes, she did. Yeah, that's right. We're gross. We travel together and we do everything together. Grace And I don't know, it just really was beautiful escapism. And I know that there's cancer later, but. Amy Spoil. I haven't seen it. What! Grace I didn't get to the cancer part yet. So I got to the only the happy. Amy Who dies? Who? Grace Maybe nobody dies. I don't know. Amy Who dies? Not the Black woman. Grace No, no, no. So, I don't know. It was just really fine. I was drinking some wine. I cried. Happy tears. Amy Very Italian of you. Grace Yeah, very like. So that was definitely my antidote this week of just crying, watching. So leave it. Still to fall in love with an Italian man.  Amy That was lovely. Loved it. Yeah. Italians love Black women. That's like a thing. Oh, they made a show about it. It's called, like, from Italy with Love. And it's just like women being like, I'm looking for my Italian king and a lot of Italian men being like, I love your lips are a little problematic get and where you fit in. Okay I will imports. Grace Well, no, but I didn't I didn't get any Italian love when I was there. Amy So we got to go back. We got to go back. We got to go back. Grace Got to go back and say from scratch, you heard of it? I want it. So what was your antidote this week? Amy So last night I had like a real New York night and, you know, I came here for work, so and I'm very if you all know me, I'm a double Virgo. Like, I'm all about my work. I'm like, I want to prep. I want to do a good job. I want to be working. And so I hadn't gone out, out like we've had our fancy dinner or whatever the f---, but we haven't like gone out in New York. And last night I went out with a friend and that's not even the antidote part. And she's here in the audience and she's going to hear the story. And she didn't know that this happened, but that's her. Give me I'm about to tell you a story. Basically, we went out for a very early like grandma dinner, like we were trying to be responsible, have dinner at like 5 p.m. and then it rolled into another spot and then we're doing an orange wine and then we stumble. I got this. I don't know where it entered my head. I think we're sitting in front of a grocery store and there's an ad for waffles in the window. And I was like, I want a waffle. And then my friend looked up a waffle spot, pies and dice, and we walked over to pies and pies and they were out of waffles. And I was there in my class. Grace I mean, you had one job, pies and thighs. Amy My slightly drunk splendor. Like you have pies and you have thighs, but you don't have waffles. And they were like, It'll be about 20 minutes. Like we're making them. And I was like, Well, I can't wait. So my friend. And I said, goodnight. I waved goodnight. I got in my little car and I drove home. And guess how long that car ride was? Well, it was about 20 minutes. So I got home and I just thought to myself, Well, what if I went on DoorDash and looked to see if the waffles were ready? Jimmy The waffles were ready. Apart from pies and thighs, and it wasn't enough to complete an order. So I also ordered a single catfish in a single biscuit and a full. And then I had a meal. And so they delivered it. And I ate this waffle and fell asleep on my couch eating this waffle.  Grace Oh, my God. Amy And that was my antidote. Sometimes you need to doordash happiness to your. That was my answer. So stay tuned. You'll hear more from our live show right after this break. Our guest is a hilarious and dope ass comedian, writer and actor. She's a correspondent on Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Rolling Stone recently hailed her as one of the top ten comedians you need to know, declaring, quote, She speaks and they simply fall in line behind you.   Grace Yes, Queen.   Amy Please welcome one of the stars of the Fox series, The Great North and costar of my co-host movie Jodi out next year. Dulce f---ing Sloan. It's nighttime here in Brooklyn, and we're here to learn about your antidote.   Dulce Sloan So I have a craft room in my house. And, uh, recently I was like, because I enjoy the crafting and I was looking on the TikTok and part of it I saw like this thing called a knitting machine.   Grace And knitting is like, it does it for you.   Dulce Sloan Yeah. Because like I had I not a knit, I know how to crochet, but I also can't dedicate six years of my life to making one scarf. No, no.   Amy You're too busy for that. Like you said, you won't see your son truly.   Dulce Sloan So I don't know who lives a lifestyle where they can make a scarf in less than four years. But I am not that person. So basically it's this machine, just like 48 hooks on it and it's just a knob that you turn. It was like some 40, 60 bucks. I won pansies and so I made like a knitted cap in like 20 minutes was.   Amy That should take 20 weeks, right?   Dulce Sloan Yeah, it does. Like a hundred rows of knitting. That's so cool. And like 20 minutes.   Amy What were the colors?   Dulce Sloan When I started with. Because I bought like, this really pretty like a teal kind of yarn, the.   Grace Ahhh.   Dulce Sloan Go to. And then I just make like this really long, long, long scarf. But I bought like a lot of these little, like, poofs. So I was like, F---, I got a little clothes that you put on.   Amy Pom pom pom.   Dulce Sloan Pom pom thing, but like the little fauz fur ones.   Amy Yeah.   Dulce Sloan I got those. And then one of my friends was like, ah, like, I'll make you a hat. She's like, I got to have it. The silk glasses, though.   Grace So you worried about the pearls?   Dulce Sloan I hear you. I hear you. So I got some of those really, like, long, like, bonnets. Yeah. So now I have to figure out how to sew, though. I mean, I could, so. So I got to just figure out how with the yarn and everything, I'm going to get like this. So I guess apparently when I start making satin lined knit can.   Amy Wait a second. No, that's really dope.   Dulce Sloan Because of life. But yeah, there is that then a very silly thing. So I enjoy murder mysteries. Okay, but I don't like the true crime ones.   Amy You like the fake one?   Dulce Sloan I don't want to know that somebody died. I want to know somebody like that. Like, oh, this person's dead. And somebody went.   Amy Cut, and then they went and got lunch.   Grace And they were not dead. They just had.   Dulce Sloan They were not dead. But I don't like the really intense emotional.   Amy I can't do that.   Dulce Sloan I can't do it too much. So I was trying to find a New Yorker, like I started watching Murder. She wrote Homicide was f---ed up. Poppycock, Peacock. I won't watch a murder she wrote for the past year, right?   Amy Yeah.   Dulce Sloan And Ms. lansbury. Yes. R.I.P. Met the Lord. Yes, she did. All of a sudden, now all a murder. She rose behind a paywall. No.   Amy Peacock what.   Dulce Sloan I'm in like the seventh show is like 15 f---ing seasons. So it was really for like 1987 to like 22. I had no f---ing clue. Right. It was on for most of my life.   Amy Yes. And so I watched it as a child.   Dulce Sloan Right. And saw that because I remember when I was like, I want another show to watch because I watched like the little like British shows or whatever. But I'm going to British shows get too intense. So I'm just like, first of all, turn the volume up on this f---ing show.   Amy First of all.   Dulce Sloan Am I  the only person watch the British shows like because they're very quiet. They're very.   Grace Very quickly and very quietly.   Dulce Sloan It's very quiet, very darkly lit. I'm like, I even know the race of this person who's speaking. There's all this bitches blond. With all the information that I.   Grace Spicy white, you don't know.   Dulce Sloan Right, listen. And also, can we retire spicy white? Because I guess because spicy whites are just white people trying to disassociate themselves from the bad white. Oh, I.   Amy Think about it that way. For me, it's any time I see someone who's got a little olive tone.   Dulce Sloan Naw, it's a set up. The Italians also colonized? Yeah.   Amy No, that's true. That's true.   Dulce Sloan You ever heard of Ethiopia? Yeah. The Mali guy. Yeah. Yeah, the Portuguese. Brazil.   Amy Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a Jewish friend from Ethiopia and everyone was like, How are you Jewish? And she was like, Bitch, we're the originals. Colonialism.   Dulce Sloan It was like, That's how we got Ethiopian Jews. It's like the Ethiopian Jews was like the 12 tribes, man. They were right there. They were like, Oh, Israel's nice. But what, what is happening in Africa, from what I hear from Ethiopian Jews are like not we're from the first like the first 12 dudes. Yeah, that was us murder mysteries.   Amy Then what are the ones?   Dulce Sloan So I found a very silly one. So I have now added the Hallmark mystery movies. Zero. So my.   Amy Wait. So those are religious?   Grace So you have to like pay for that. It's like a hallmark plus.   Dulce Sloan It's like six bucks. I have six dolalrs.   Amy There are so many pluses.   Dulce Sloan So you have to say to yourself, Should I add this show? You're like, bitch, you have six times. You will always have $6 if you spend more than that at a sandwich at your local corner store. Yeah, you have $6, bitch. And so they have all these they have all these murder mysteries, but it's the same f---ing formula, cause it's so it's a woman. They're usually white. I found one with Holly Robinson Peete on it, and I was.   Amy Like, Well.   Dulce Sloan You know, where she is? So they all have, like, a professional job.   Grace And they're jogging.   Dulce Sloan No, no, no. These bitches don't jog. They're running businesses. They don't have time to jog. And so it's the same formula I, I've watched like the garage sale mysteries where. Lori Loughlin. Yeah.   Amy Lori Loughlin is bad.   Dulce Sloan Oh, her and her friend. We hate her. Mark, I have no qualms about this woman. Wasn't my kid, so no qualms. This lady couldn't give a sh--. Her and her friend owned an antique store. It's called the Garage Sale Mysteries because you would go to garage sales and get like, sh--, the governor antique store. And then she would find something like, Oh my God, I've got this antique camera. There's a picture of a murder on here. That murder just happened. I got to solve it. So it's.   Grace A picture of a murder.   Dulce Sloan So now her husband. And then the first of all, the kids keep changing the actor. So the actor, the player. Yeah. So they.   Dulce Sloan The actors that play the kids keep getting progressively worse or if I'm watching the show out. Of order or all those like they're. All an hour and a half long. So it's basically like a f---ing movie. So to like this isn't it's either I can binge watch. I would in my mind since it's a TV show, it's not like a movie. So like watching a movie seems like a dedication to time, but like watching an hour long TV show. I just. David So I watch those shows, those like garage sale, mystery murder. She Bakes is based on the bakery.   Grace Did the murder happen at the office?   Dulce Sloan No but a rival baker did die in the kitchen after she helped this guy and then there's murder. She bakes. And then there's the chick that has, like, a flower shop whose work I think is Brooke Shields. Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's like Alison Sweeney. Brooke Shields. Holly Robinson Peete is like a cook on. She has like a cooking segment on a TV show, but they also in a restaurant, there's that sh--. And then I'm like, Right, there's that. And then Korean dramas is the other thing that I watch.   Amy Wait, but I love this. First of all, I love TV that works on a formula like I'm Nigerian and Nigerian films. Like for the longest time before, like Nollywood really blew up. They all had a formula. It was always like a man gets possessed by a witch and then he cheats on his wife. And the while we used to.   Dulce Sloan Like when we moved back to Atlana, we lived with Nigerians. And I remember like I don't speak Yoruba, so I know what the f--- is going on, but there was, but like, I know like, oh we don't like this later.   Amy Yeah.   Dulce Sloan That I couldn't figure out. Also I don't know how they were all in a village and it was an all white and it it's f---ing spotless. I was watching this woman. She walked out. I'm seeing a woman walk out of a hut. And they're in the village because they're going to visit family or some sh--. Yeah, everyone's in white. It's immaculate.   Amy It doesn't make any sense. The wind is blowing. There's a lot of dust.   Dulce Sloan There are no floors. And these bitches are in the cleaners. I'm like, God bless.   Amy Nollywood mansion.   Dulce Sloan Bring your skills over to the great USA. Very because I have a washing machine and my weight ain't never been that sharp that you can feel the crystal air. But yeah, that in Korean dramas and I've been watching Korean dramas since I was in high school.   Amy I'm obsessed with both of these antidotes. The fact that you are first of all, you have a craft room and you're crafting and you're sewing and you're making things. I'd love to know when the Etsy store opened, like when.   Dulce Sloan Listen. I used to have a jewelry business.   Amy Yeah.   Grace And what did you make?   Dulce Sloan So, like feather earrings. I was the first one to start.   Amy Okay. Wait. That was the thing, that was a moment.   Dulce Sloan That was a big moment. I started making my mom and my mother was like, because my mother always had businesses. She has a clothing business named after me. All these other sh-- I've been like. And my first business when I was like, nine. I'm very tired because I've been working for 30 years. Yeah. And so and I'm not 40. It's not fair, but this man's not having to sweep me away. We got to figure this sh-- out. And I mean, you hope, but hope's hard. So I would make all this handmade Legos, like beadwork and stuff like that, and I would go to different things around Atlanta and sell jewelry. And then I used to do crafts at kid's birthday parties, so like scavenger hunts, all kinds of sh--, and then at the same and then still having a day job, still doing stand up. So acting all of that sh--. Yeah. So I'm just, I'm tired.   Amy You're like, I'm not going to do the jewelry store. It's for you now.   Dulce Sloan I thought, because, like, I had a bunch of jewelry that I had made cause I started getting into U.V. resin, and I was like, I could sell this as merch. Then I'm like.   Amy Wow. That's that's the best part about a real answer is that it's just for you.   Dulce Sloan It's just, yeah, like, I have this whole crowd from, like, a, like, the silliest thing. Like I made like these like every year for my manager's birthday, I'll do like, a vintage of him. So, like, the year, like two years ago, I'm like a doll out of him. Yeah.   Amy Oh, no, that. Wait, what? Voodoo. What?   Dulce Sloan Now I'm saying they invited the Holy Ghost. Don't play me.   Amy So he didn't, like, clip his hair and then make it out of him? No. Gotcha. Okay. Sorry, sorry. I heard.   Dulce Sloan I hear you. It's a little because I did one for my nephew too, so that could be like a little felt doll out of him. I used to work at like my last day job was a stucco supply company, like construction materials. So like, I made like a picture of him out of, like, different colors of stucco just from the guys in the back.   Amy Yeah. Um.   Dulce Sloan But it's funny because he's Jewish and he had a little Jewish afro, so the dude in the back was his new black clothes are like, so you've been a, you have a black man, a picture itself. I was like, That's not what's happening. I see why you would think that I actually for page stucco, you need to calm down. Um, so then like from I've done like parlor beard, uh, vinyl all kind of like every year I just come up with like a different is a stupid thing that I started myself. I did like a big cross-stitch thing. I have one time oh wow that it faces. So it's just like it's a face.   Amy I know but that's our too is like not doing the face is is of that is a choice a choice like choice.   Dulce Sloan But like so I have a cricket as well. So this year I was able to like I took a picture of him and then did the image of it.   Amy Do you mean where an actual cricket or a cricket phone or what do you mean the cricket either?   Dulce Sloan Okay.   Grace We are not crafty bitches, you know. We don't know the terminology.   Dulce Sloan I hear you because I said cricket. Somebody was like, Yeah, like am I am I right off the bat? So no, there's no magical creature at my house.   Amy You don't have a little Jiminy.   Grace I was like, Jimmy.   Amy All right tell me what it is. Go.   Dulce Sloan It is. It's a so basically it's like a they call it a is a cricket like crap machine. So basically there's a computer program that you can use to create like different images and then you can either cut them out or draw them on whatever material you want to see, whether it's because, like, I'm bad at drawing.   Amy Yeah, yeah, me too.   Dulce Sloan So, like this year when I did, like, the thing of him, it was like, I guess it's giving like Andy Warhol because I had, like, this marble paper that was like four different colors, this marble paper. And then I had like I was trying to, it was Shrinky Dinks, but it didn't work so that like four suckers are hard to use. It's an ad for different colors of the construction paper. That was the main color out of the marble paper. And then so it drew the image of him on the paper and I cut it out and I just colored it. And so it's like a a square thing of him and like in like, primary colors.   Amy Thank you. You are a woman of many talents.   Dulce Sloan Yeah, thank you. I'm very tired.   Amy Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it. You know what? Yeah, yeah. I feel like.   Dulce Sloan I mean, I tried. We tried to pitch like a crafting show with an Amy Poehler show was our yet. And I was like, f---.   Grace Making things.   Amy Wait a year, make it again.   Dulce Sloan Make it easier, do it again. I mean, it's great, but I'm just like, but what if it was black people? Yeah.   Amy But like lit a lot of a lot of things. What if it was Black people? Right.   Dulce Sloan Cause I often cause, like, honestly and what I really want to do, because, like, I watch all of these, like, murder mystery shows. Yes. They call, like, the cozy mysteries, the best that the whole like the genre of the book. So you have three you're like and I wonder.   Amy A blanket with your tea being like who got murdered.   Dulce Sloan Just holding with two hands like, oh, who did it?   Grace I'm safe here. Right.   Dulce Sloan So they have like 20, literally like 15. They got the one for the bitch. You play DJ on Full House.   Amy She be out here getting murdered.   Dulce Sloan I don't know. No. She's trying to solve the crimes.   Amy She's of solving the murders of murder.   Dulce Sloan And like Miranda Teagarden or some wild sh--, I don't know that that would be shady. And everyone I'm saying is that they have like, you can go like this, look like the crossword murders. The matchmaking works. Yeah, after like 20 of these shows, but there's only one with a black woman. And then her love interest is Rick Fox and all.   Amy And I want to start crafting with Dulce Sloan. I want this in my life.   Dulce Sloan This and we have to work on it because I want to be on my f---ing Scooby-Doo, Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew bullsh--.   Grace And we want to see that sh--.   Dulce Sloan Roll up to your neighborhood being like, I'm not sure who did it, but I have an idea.   Grace And then you go and interview the wrong person first, right?   Dulce Sloan Yes. She's out here looking for clues. And then there's my will. They won't. They love interest.   Grace Yes.   Dulce Sloan Because like the one with Lori Loughlin, like that was the only one where someone's married. Yeah, all the other ones. And they keep having these B and C storylines where her kids that are very useless.   Amy We don't care about the kids. We care about the woman who's solving the mystery. Yes, we care about the women solving the mysteries.   Dulce Sloan Right? So, like, I love her, but I'm just like, I'll give a f--- if your son that passes math test. You killed Pastor John.   Amy And that's the question to take home tonight, ladies. Who killed Pastor Justin. Thank you so much, you guys, for coming and seeing The Antidote Live.   Grace Oh, yeah. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Grace Yeah, it definitely did. We should do this again sometime. We should do this again. Live sometime.   Grace We couldn't have done it without you, our lovely audience. So thank you so much for being a part of our first live show. We hope to do more of these in the future.   Amy Yea, we doing with that. Goodnight.   Grace If you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace at GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like, feeling good about yourself. Please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and associate producer Jess Penzetta.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo The Truth. Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theentidotepod. That's thee with two E's, y'all. What, what!

On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace share songs that score the defining moments of their lives, from Beyonce’s Church Girl to Fiona Apple’s Sleep to Dream to Smokie Norful’s Still Say, Thank You.   Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – a debate over Disney’s first plus-sized protagonist, and TikTokers taping their mouths shut while sleeping for “beauty rest.” They also share their antidotes: impulsive shopping and pre-made cocktails. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “I remember being really young and having this voice inside that told me to trust my gut. And my gut has been really, really strong in my life. It’s pretty vocal and it leads me.” -Solange Knowles Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into lemonade. Thanks, Beyonce. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another week of the antidote. Yeah, I'm. And I'm a real zippy this morning. I had my go go juice. Amy Yeah, clearly. No., that's perfect. But, you know what's so funny is sort of like such a pretty day in New York that it does kind of feel like you're in a musical. Like, I woke up and there's just, like, sun shining, and I'm like, Oh. Grace I know. And you're leaving me this week. Amy, I'm so sorry. Amy's going back to Los Angeles, and then I'm still here working on this show until the beginning of the summer. I love this show, but it's been so nice having you direct, Amy. It's been so fun. Amy It's wonderful getting to work with my bestie. I'm like, This has been such a treat. It so bittersweet to be done. Grace I know. And then, like, everybody's just. Like, yuck. GROSS. Amy There was one day I bet no one on crew has ever seen that. One day I got to set and I just. walked over to Grace and held her like, why is the director hugging? This producer was like, okay. Grace And then like, we literally like sang together on set. And then I told all the actors, I was like, You treat her good because this is my friend. They were going to treat her good any way. But I was. Just like warning people. Like warning people just to, like, be f---ing cool. My friend's coming, but everybody was wonderful. So it was a really lovely month having you here. Our offices literally next door to each other. It was very adorable. Amy It was super adorable. And stay tuned later if you want more of this adorable energy, because we have a storytime segment today and Grace and I get deep talking about friendship. Grace Yes. So, Amy, you know, we got to do this bummer news to get to our antidotes, right? Amy Yeah, I sure do. Oh, my God. Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Well, first of all, guys, I'm sure a few of you have seen that there's a new plus size animated film coming out from Disney. It's called Reflect. It's a two minute Disney short featuring a plus sized ballerina who struggles with her body image. And there's been a lot of debate about this film. And I have to say, when I saw a plus size ballerina, I, too, was happy. And then I saw that the story was about her body image. And I felt really conflicted. And there's a quote from MSNBC opinion columnists Evette Dionne who said on Twitter, quote, Not a plus size heroine in an emotional film about body dysmorphia, please give fat people new stories. This is exhausting. Other Twitter users called for Disney to put a plus size protagonist in a feature film that was not about their size at all one where the protagonist was happy with their body. And to me, I got to say, I kind of agree. Like, I'm like, Oh, yay, Disney progressive. You have a plus size lead, but it's also a little first thought and it just goes back to that thing. Like Hollywood loves trauma porn, like the first movie. Like there are just so many things where they think they're being progressive, but they always go towards what's the norm core lens through which you would see this person's existence. Oh yeah, being unhappy that they're fat. And it's like, maybe we could be more progressive than that. Grace We all know that there are so many complicated stories about women that are plus size that don't have anything to do with their bodies. Why must we always do this? Why do we do this to black people? Why do we do this to plus size people? Why do we do this to anybody who is not like, quote unquote, a white guy? Like, why do we always have to go to a place where it has to be about the thing that makes you different from that? And also, it's disappointing. I thought it was a feature film. Like, it's also disappointing that it's a short. They're like, nobody's going to want to see a fat body moving around for a whole 90 minutes. So like three or 4 minutes. So I mean, it's unsurprising, but it's a bummer. Amy But that's not the only bit of bummer news. There's also this new Tik Tok trend that got reported on CNN. It's called mouth tapping. So the idea is to stop mouth breathing during your sleep by taping your lips shut. TikTok users are touting it, saying it helps with quote unquote beauty, sleep. And you know, we do know that mouth breathing can lead to snoring and excessive thirst at night, as well as dry mouth and bad breath in the morning. It's also been linked to gum disease and a misalignment of the upper and lower teeth. But taping the mouth shut to stop mouth breathing can be incredibly dangerous for those with obstructive sleep apnea. Also mouth breathing might not be the best practice while sleeping, but there are other remedies and tips for better sleep. To me, it sounds like these TikTok users are saying not breathing makes you skinny. I'm like some trends aren't worth following. Can we get off TikTok like we got off WebMD? Talk to a real doctor, please. Grace Yeah, here's the thing. Tiktok's gonna get somebody killed. Okay, like.   Amy Oh, yes, if it hasn't already.   Grace Like, I'm pretty sure it's already happened, but, like, people doing things for TikTok, I think part of it is just like coming up with hacks so you can go viral. I feel like that that is part of what the TikTok culture has done is like everybody is trying to get their TikTok to be sent around the world. So they're coming up with weirder and weirder things in order to try.   Amy Why are we trying to hack breathing.   Grace Get attention, cause I was just like, why would you think that putting tape on your mouth, first of all, that doesn't even sound comfortable to sleep with tape on your mouth. And yeah, what if you have a cold or hear something that helps you? I don't know. I just I don't know why people would listen to somebody who's not a doctor about a medical problem.   Amy And Tik Tok has gotten people killed, that Tide pod challenge. People were eating Tide pods and they died. And then what's the one with the crate challenge?   Grace Yeah. People fell.   Amy People really hurt themselves.   Grace Yeah, people fell off of that.   Amy F---ed up their whole spinal area.   Grace Yeah. So I'm just like, I don't know, it's. The Internet can be wonderful, but sometimes Internet can be harmful.   Amy Come on, TikTok. Just stick to the cuff it challenge, please. Like, let's just keep dancing.   Grace Yeah, just keep dances. Or I also love, like, financial tik tok and I love like.   Amy I don't know, some of those people are bad advice.   Grace Social justice Tik Tok at times, you know. So there's things that Tik Tok can be helpful and and ideas and spreading. But not this one.   Amy Not this.   Grace Not this one. Do you not take your mouth shut, people.   Amy How do you feel after talking about this bummer news, Grace?   Grace Weird. How about you, Amy?   Amy Same. Same.   Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So as you know, listeners, this is a segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer. News. So what was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace So in my in my older years, well, I'm not that old, I guess, but I decided like a year ago to get two new piercings in my ears. So for most of my life, I've just had one piercing on each year that I got when I was a baby. Because Caribbean people like you come out the womb.   Amy Yeah, same. All my baby pictures, my ears are already pierced.   Grace Exactly. My ears more pierced at birth. So I never felt how it felt to get your ears pierced or anything. But I've just been you know, I've been getting more into like fashion and like things in the past few years. And so I've just been following some of these girls and I see all these earrings decorating all up and down their ear and it looks so beautiful. So I think I'm going to get myself some extra holes. So that sound weird. But in my ears. But you know, I have not had enough earrings like of certain kinds that like fit in those upper holes. Like, I like to do dangly one sometimes on the bottom, but the other ones, like it's more for like Studs or Huggies and stuff like that. So I had just gotten my nails done for our live show and I wasn't ready to go home because I've been living like in this Airbnb that doesn't feel like it's my house. So sometimes I don't always want to be in there all the time. Yeah. So I was just like it was raining and I was just like, I'm not ready to go home. Like, what can I do to kill time? Should I go to Sephora and like slather myself in creams or should I like something else? I was like, You know what? I do need some more earrings for my other little holes that I put in my head. So I said, Oh my goodness, let me just quickly do a yo and go and see if I can get myself some new little earrings. And so I found this place, Gorjana, in Brooklyn. Wow.   Amy Wow. That's a great name. Gorjana   Grace Gorjana. And I think they have an online store, too. But I was like, let me wander over there. And this very lovely girl came up to me, very sweet. And she, like, welcome me and she's like, What are you looking for today? And I told her what I wanted and she was just so helpful. And she pulled out all these earrings and she, like, cleaned them off with, like, alcohol swabs. And she was, you know, we were chit chatting. She was talking about some weird comedy guy that she was dating and that I was sorry. I work in comedy. And then we. Kind of talking about comedy a little bit. Turns out that she had gone to school for dramatic writing, so she was so happy to meet me at like a working writers, like a very adorable black girl. So she's just like another black woman who's actually done what I want to do. So that was really sweet. It was just really a lovely impromptu little shopping spree that, like, turned into a much nicer thing because this girl who helped me was so sweet. And we got to talk about comedy and we got to talk about writing. And I don't know, it just turned into just, like, a lovely little fab. And then I was just feeling so good. I was on my way to the train. I saw this place that had, like a donut ice cream sandwich it there. And I was just like, Can I try? What if you're totally ice cream sandwiches? And they're like, It's amazing. And they were also so nice and that's why you like. And I was like, I'm a little one, and they're like, We hope you enjoy it. I was like. What is going on? Like, why is everybody being so sweet and nice on a rainy day in Brooklyn? So it was just a really you know, I was not I had a very bad day the day before. And so it was just so nice that these like two like strangers ladies, like, helped me get some beautiful new earrings for my new holes. And then also I had a lovely little matcha donut ice cream sandwich, and it was. I went home and I was very happy.   Amy Yay.   Grace So what was your antidote this week?   Amy My antidote this week was very, very Amy. It was drinking. But I'll say specifically why? What kind of drinking? So I have a kind of a ritual when I'm in production. And, you know, I've only directed a few episodes of TV now, but what I started doing because I like to unwind with alcohol in the evenings, but during production I don't drink like it's just there's two. Yeah, you need good sleep and whatever. But what I started doing was like I would come home from SAT and I would like drink a half glass of wine and then take a shower. And then if I was still feeling like that, like all rattled from the day, then I would drink another half glass of wine and then go to bed. And that was like a thing that I was doing in L.A. and it's sort of like, I can't go out with my friends, I can't go have drinks. But here's a little something I can do. Well, in New York, I was like, Oh, I want to have a cocktail this one night. And I just didn't have the ingredients. I'm not home. So I ended up using a delivery service and I ordered those like on the rocks, like pre-made cocktails, and I got the old fashioned one. And the thing is, it's a small bottle, but it's like four drinks. It's like it's four servings. So I was like, Oh, this is my drink for the week, you know? So I was able to have like a cocktail at night and put a little ice cube in it and like, enjoy it. And I was just like, Oh, this is really nice. I'm not at home and I like the practice there are. I can't make that many drinks. Yeah. And really the only drink that I always have the ingredients for is a Sazerac, because the Sazerac is my favorite cocktail. So I always have those ingredients. But there's something that I like, kind of like the way I like baking or just the method of doing something and it turning out right every time. I really like because so much of our days as filmmakers, as writers is very chaotic and things are outside of your control. And you can do what you can't. You do your best, but sometimes you can't control things. So sometimes I want to come home and have something just like small in control that I can do. And in l.a it's make myself a cocktail. But here, having this pre-made cocktail kind of gave me an a surprisingly the same feeling. Yeah. And even though I didn't make it, but I was, like, proud of myself for buying it. I guess I was like, I fixed it. I wanted to make a cocktail. I don't have the tools. I don't want to buy all those ingredients. Let me make a pre-made cocktail.   Grace Yeah, I mean, it's like a ritual. Yeah, like a ritual that comforts you at home, so, yes, it's hard to be away from home for a long period of time. So I'm glad you did something that made you kind of feel like home for a minute. And it was very what a classy cocktail. It old fashioned.   Amy And old fashioned. But I will say, even though this isn't an ad on the rocks, has a lot of different cocktails and I just look them up and they make like daiquiris and mai tais and aviation's and cosmopolitans and margaritas like they have so many. But I'm a bourbon girl, so I like my dark, dark whiskey and liquor. So I went that way. But it was kind of cool to think of like, Oh, if I was ever in a situation where like I had friends coming over and I didn't have the time to do something, I can just get these, you know? And I'm like, and I've drunk them before and I've used them before, but like for some reason this week it just took on a whole new meaning because it was like self-care. It was like, Oh, this is a reminder of what it feels like to be home is to make your favorite cocktail. So that was my antidote this week, and I have one more little sip left that I might have tonight.   Grace Oh, snap. I love it. I feel like both of us did some sort of, like, luxurious little. Yeah. Self-care this week. So me getting some earrings and having a little conversation. You having a little cocktail. I love it.   Amy Exactly. So if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. We'll be back after the break. Welcome to Story Time.   Grace Yes. The segment of the show where we're going to ask each other a question you've never spoken about before and who knows where the conversation will go. Amy, you ready?   Amy Yeah, let's do it.   Grace Okay. So in the nineties and even in the early 2000, soundtracks to movies were a huge part of film. Yeah, I kind of miss that.   Amy I do too.   Grace You don't really get soundtracks like, you know, Waiting to exhale, boomerang, love and basketball, you know?   Amy Oh, my God, City of Angels. And I don't want the world to see me.   Grace To see me. I mean, even with, like, I remember, like, early Grey's Anatomy, like, they would put out the soundtrack. And I used to get that. So.   Amy Insecure soundtrack.   Grace And insecure I think Insecure was kind of like the last show that really did that. I'm like, God, what a beautiful show we worked on.   Amy Self brag.   Grace Anyway. So with that said, Amy, what songs would be the soundtrack to your life? What is the Amy Aniobi soundtrack?   Amy Wow, wow, wow, wow. That's a good f---ing question. There are some I mean. Well, I'll say this. I'll preface by saying, like, I'm from Texas and I was raised in a very white suburb. So I think my soundtrack would be a mix of different types of music, different types of genres. The first song that came to mind was Beyonce's If I Were a Boy. That song like Hit Me in the gut because I'm like, If I were a boy, the things I would get away with. Not because it's- and I also really love the one that she does, which I'm Amanda feminist. Flawless. Yeah. You wake up. La la la la la. That would be on the soundtrack of my life. That's like I wake up and I'm flawless. I also think I would have kiss me by sixpence none the richer that came to my mind. Because I'm I'm like, I wouldn't say I'm a romantic. Like, I. I don't really watch rom coms or love rom coms that much. And I typically am not a super romantic person, but when I find my person, I'm like very attached. So that song always made me think, one day, maybe I'll have someone.   Grace I know. I love that. Like, first of all, that song kiss me. Had a choke hold on everyone.   Amy Yes.   Grace Just like beautiful. Like, her voice is so, like, perfect in that sort of moody nineties way of like, where a lot of those artists were like, Yeah.   Amy Yeah, exactly. I just thought like, you know, and I'm like, What are the lyrics one more time? I feel like Ariana Grande Day like took the mantle of that because when she thinks she's very like, I don't know, there is moon songs and I'm like, She's crazy. She don't know what she's singing. But yeah.   Grace I mean, just like very romantic, very vibey and that like nineties, like white woman way.   Amy Yes, exactly. I also speaking of nineties, white women, I think I would have a Fiona Apple song. Or a Tori Amos song like one of those.   Grace I've been a bad bad girl. Yeah. For me as I tell you how I feel. But you don't care that song. Sleep to dream.   Amy Yeah, it's. Oh, I just love a witchy white woman.   Grace Yes.   Amy Yeah. And then I think for my fifth, I think this is my fifth song. I feel like it would be. Wait, wait. This is so weird. But I remember the song was that Monday. Da da da da da da. On Tuesday.   Grace And then I went, Yeah, yeah. Is that Craig David?   Amy Yeah, yeah. I think that might be my number five or Wyclef Jean God, until November because those songs that are about passages of time, I think that's what I'm looking for is that R&B passage of time, like, we're going through it. I'm shocked. I didn't say a rap song. I'm like, Wait, is there a rap song I would choose?   Grace Yea I know you like rap songs about working hard.   Amy I Oh, my God, you're absolutely. Wait. I have a playlist of rap songs about working hard. I'm going to pick my last song. This playlist. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, you're absolutely right. I can't believe I didn't things there. It's literally called work hard. Formations on there flawless is on there. I said those but then it might be sweat pants by Childish Gambino. Don't be mad that I'm doing me better than you doing you. I'm like I love that song, but I have a few. I also love Bank by Earth Kang Ha ha ha. All the way to the bank. So yeah. So yeah. A rap song about working hard would definitely be on there. I think that's my soundtrack. It's like.   Grace I mean.   Amy Wanting love, working hard. Wishing I had more power and authority. That's the Amy Aniobi story.   Grace No. Like, my favorite rap song about working hard is nothing can stop me. I'm all the way up yeah. Yeah. That's my sh--.   Amy Okay, okay. Enough about me. Now I want to know about your soundtrack, Grace. Like what songs with you on the soundtrack of your life?   Grace I mean, it's just so hard because though I like went in and I looked at my top 25, most played.   Amy Oh.   Grace On my Apple Music. But there's some that are not even there. So let me start with some that are childhood memories for me. So same old G by Ginuwine.   Amy Oh my God. Not Ginuwine. I almost said Pony. And then I was like, Amy, don't you dare.   Grace No, no. It's just like. Like I. Because I feel that. Because, like. I feel like I've been the same my entire life. Yeah. And, you know, you know, like everyone sometimes I get accusations about, like, I've changed since I moved to L.A. or whatever, and I'm just like, I'm the same old guy. Like, I mean, I'm the same girl that I've always been. Yes. So I love that song also. Sorry. Not sorry. Bye. Demi Lovato has a chokehold.   Amy Wait, wait. How did that go? I know it, but I can't think of it.   Grace It's like I'm out here looking like revenge, feeling like a tan. The best I've ever been. Cool. Yeah, I know how bad it is, but it gets worse. So it's basically about I'm feeling good. And she's talking to somebody that doesn't want to see her doing good. And so she's just like, I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry that I'm doing it. You know, it's nice. I love it. I love songs like that. But I have a little say because I struggle with confidence just as a human.   Amy Yeah. Yeah. That's why I like. Yeah.   Grace Going through Drunk in Love is the number one song that I played ever on this Apple Music. Well, I guess I really like Drunk in love.   Amy It is a good song. We be all night   Grace Yeah.   Amy Though it is, like, really odd. Like, I'm just going to say Beyonce has some interesting songs, and this is one where I'm like, you really just screaming into the fact that you f--- your husband. I'm like, Do we need to know? And so I'm like, I get it. I don't want to think of mom and dad on a surfboardt.   Grace Oh, no, their poor children. They have to hear about all this. Like Mommy, this song about you and Daddy having sex. But, yes, I mean, the first bunch of songs are all Beyoncé songs. Formation. My favorite song, Off of Lemonade, which is Hold Up.   Amy Yeah.   Grace The one that has a little bit of a Caribbean feel to it where she's wearing the yellow dress and the bat baseball bat. And then, of course, we cannot continue. I mean, the current soundtrack to my life is Renaissance by Beyonce, church girl.   Amy Church girl. Oh, man.   Grace That's a choke. Hold on me. Cuff it. Heated has a chokehold on me. Like, it's.   Amy Just songs you love. Is this the soundtrack to your life or just songs you love.   Grace It is right now. That's literally what I be walking around in New York City right now listening to. And oh, there's two other songs I'll mention just for a long time that I've loved is I still I say Thank You, which is by Smokie Norful, which is a gospel song, just basically is about like all this stuff that you go through in life that can be hard and still say, Thank you, God.   Amy That's beautiful.   Grace For it. Just it's a song about gratitude to me, for God. And then he was a man. Enough for me. There's the Toni Braxton song.   Amy Wait, who are you singing that about?   Grace So many men. So many men.   Amy Wow. Wow.   Grace So that's my little song that I'm just like when I come home from a bad day or whatever or, like, had, like, a weird interaction. I just put that in my headphones and be like, Listen, listen. Toni Braxton, a whole world. Yeah, that's beautiful. Oh, and there's one I cannot forget. First of all, you know who was Beyonce to me when I was a child?   Amy Who?   Grace Janet f---ing Jackson.   Amy Janet Jackson. Yeah. Janet.   Grace Janet Jackson. Everything from Rhythm Nation.   Amy Yes.   Grace Janet album like making us all feel bad about our abs.   Amy I told you about my chair dance that I did as a kid to my parents. To black cat.  I made them watch me do a chair dance. They're like, that's why she dressed herself.   Grace I, I, me and my friend Lisa Berkowitz from back in the day, what we used to do, my every January, my parents used to throw a Super Bowl party, slash my little brother's birthday. And so every time me and Lisa would be like, this is our moment. And so we would literally make the adults gather and we would do a choreographed dance for them. Yeah. Keyword in dance class. Oh, okay. Wanted to go, and they had to sit there and suffer. I mean, I apologize. Whoever went to one of those parties that I really did. Me and my friend actually watched so many Jada Jackson performances. But Janet Jackson and then the Celebrity Skin by Hole was a great album for me. Like I really loved. Did it. Did it. Did it. Yeah. I said, that's great. Well, we've been friends for a very long time, and I'm still learning about you.   Amy This was fun. So much fun that I think we should do it again sometime.   Grace Yes. And if you enjoyed our storytime segment, let us know and send us some questions you would like us to answer.   Amy Yeah. Let us know what stories you want to hear from us.   Grace So, Amy, you know, we've done story time a couple times now. And, you know, part of it is we're going to do one of those old school magazine quizzes from back in the day, but it's pretty short. It's only five questions.   Amy Okay. What's the quiz, though?   Grace The quiz is called Are you a classic commitment phobe?   Amy Okay. Damn, I already know the answer to this for me. And I love commitment. I'm like.   Grace Yeah, I don't know. I'm not optimistic about myself with this because I think I might be. But we'll see. Let's see. Because of course, the quiz knows the quiz therapist, not yourself.   Amy No trust the quiz.   Grace And so if the quiz says I'm a commitment phobe, that I am glad you're okay. Question number one on the way to a blind date does that anymore. But sure.   Amy I like I used to matchmaker. I've been on some blind dates.   Grace Oh yeah. I did that to you. That's right. You did it because you did it like many things. On the way to a blind date, you're most likely thinking, Eh, if nothing else, at least I'll be honing my flirting skills.   Amy That's what I should be thinking.   Grace B Setups never, ever work. This is going to be a total waste of time. And see, I wonder if he's a great kisser.   Amy Oh, I'm a I'm A of these options. I think the thing that I'm actually thinking very often is don't be too nervous. Don't be too nervous. Don't be too nervous. Don't be. Cause I get a lot of anxiety. Yeah, but I think of these options. I always try and tell myself a thanks to my therapist being like, focus on the positive. So I try and be like at least some honing some dating skills.   Grace Yeah, I actually would say that I'm A too and that has taken some growth because it used to be B used to be like this is a waste of time. But eh, if I haven't been on a date for a while, just sometimes I'll just go on the app and I'll be like, okay, let me just do one because I done. Yeah. So it's kind of like, yeah, sort of practicing because you do want to get out of practice of that. Yeah. Okay. In a relationship you tend to be the type who a keeps it in. When you're annoyed with your man, why bother arguing be can get a little emotional when you're upset, but what girl doesn't see thrives on drama. Loud fights are just fine because they're followed by make up sex.   Amy Oh my goodness. Wow. I'm fully a B, I get emotional. But what girl doesn't. Cosmo quiz. Boys get emotional too. But I, I used to be in a where I would keep it in and be like, it's fine. I don't want to argue. And it wasn't even why bother arguing. I literally had and still suffer with like such low self-esteem that I was just like, if I bring up a problem, he'll leave me. And so I used to never bring up issues, but now I'm just like, You're going to get these emotions.   Grace Yeah, I've just seen one thing about that's great about getting older is that you see your friends and your family members like go through a lot of stuff. Yeah. So I know that that holding it in actually doesn't work and the arguing doesn't work. So B is like the way I try to compare myself, like communicating clearly and honestly that I'm upset if I'm upset, but then like not trying to take it to a screaming fight. And in fact, I don't even think I don't fight. Maybe I've maybe screamed once in like all the relationships I've been and and he deserved it.   Amy Hah.   Grace Okay. So question number three, you have plans with a guy you're dating on Friday evening, but your closest friends schedule a rowdies girls night for the same time. You a reschedule with the guy? Men come and go, but your crew will last forever. B are tempted to cancel, but don't. After all, you make plans with him first and C girls nights are for desperate chicks try to land the guy no chance or bailing.   Amy What?   Grace What kind of toxic bitch would choose C?   Amy That's so crazy for me. It's like whoever made plans with first wins like I'm I would be B and it's not because I'm putting the guy above my girls it's just I made plans with him first. So if I had made plans of the girls first and the guy wants a date, I would be like, Sorry, I already made plans with my girls.   Grace Yeah. I mean, I think that's probably the best. I mean, the thing is, I would need some more details. I'm like, how much do I like this guy?   Amy There's, you know, it says the guy you're dating, not a guy you just met. So to me, that means it's a guy you like.   Grace Yeah. Okay. So if it's a guy like, then, you know, I would be tempted to cancel, but then I would follow through with the plans, although I'd be like, we have to set another plan very soon so I could be in it, too. Question number four You've lived in your apartment for nearly 12 months. How do you describe the decor? A You buy something each month and try to make it even home here. And it looked like it said horny or a first. What? A you buy something cute each month and try to make it even hum here. B you have everything you need and not much else. C, it's full of gorgeous things you love and will keep forever.   Amy Huh? I mean, this is none. I my answer is none of these. I'm wondering what I would say is that mine is full of gorgeous things. I love that I'm fine with being temporary. I've always been someone that when I move, I didn't used to be this way. When I moved into a place I had that I knew I wasn't staying a long time. I would get temporary things, but then I was never happy at home because I'm like, This isn't the couch of my dreams. This isn't, you know, the coffee maker, my dreams. So as I've gotten older and obviously made more income, I'm always like, even if I'm here for a short time, I'm going to outfit it like it's the place of my dreams. And even if it doesn't go with me to the next place, that's fine, because I'd rather feel at home. So I'm kind of a B slash C, I guess I'll say C, but I would say, like, for me, I'm like, my home is full of gorgeous things. I love that I am fine with getting rid of when I move to the next place because I yeah, I just want my home to feel like home when I'm in it. But it's not my forever home. But that's fine.   Grace Yeah. I would agree with that. I think I would say see for myself because every time I move, I look at it as a fun opportunity to like check in with my style and see like the ways it's evolved in the ways it's changed. Yeah, some things will fit and some things. Things and the things that won't either donate or I give to people that I love or or I get rid of. But yeah, but I think C is the closest of all of them. And here comes our last question. After you're on the job, you're told you won't get a promotion because your work hasn't been stellar.   Amy That's never that would never happen.   Grace Either of us.   Amy That would.   Grace We work.   Amy Yeah. I'm like, what are you talking about? Is for you cannot relate bitches.   Grace Even an assistant cannot relate.   Amy Cannot relate.   Grace I was the best assistant, literally. What's your work has been stellar. Thank you. I guess you like mediocrity more. I'm like, what? Well, I mean, we have to answer the question. We're not going to know whether we are commitment phobes or not. But a write a memo to your boss detailing how you plan to improve on all fronts. B Start looking around for other employment where you'll be more appreciated and C double your efforts. But consider that you're not as into your job as you should be.   Amy Actually, there was a job where my boss sent me an email and was like he kind of was talking about the way I was pitching and was like, It would be better if your pitches were like this or like this. And I was like, Oh, okay. It was just a different boss. His style was different than my previous boss. So I what I did was send an email with more pitches, you know. So I guess I kind of today that's the closest a.   Grace I would probably say be start looking for other a job because I feel like for me it's so hard to imagine that I wouldn't be trying my best. But I remember I did have a job. I worked at a nonprofit that will not be named because I'm about to drag the f--- out of them. But they are. I was working so hard. I was getting there early thing late. They just didn't seem to be pleased with anything that I was doing. And I ended up getting fired at the Christmas party in a very petty on their part. But it's okay. It led to some writing. That was the teaser for my pilot that literally got me every job I've ever had. But I feel like there are some places that you're going to be that, you know, knowing myself and I was going to really work hard. And if your skills are not being appreciated, it's time to maybe go somewhere else instead of being somewhere where you're unhappy. So it would be B for me.   Amy I love that we had one where we were different. We were the same on almost everything. Yeah.   Grace Okay, so after tabulating it, Amy, you got a four and I got a six.   Amy Out of how many?   Grace I guess you can get up to ten. Okay. So we ended up in the same range once again, not surprising, you and I. So ours is steadfast and savvy, equal parts, balanced and bold. You usually know when something's right for you and when to pull the plug. You get that. Life is about trial and error, says psychiatrist Joanne Magda, Ph.D. Your thoughtful nature keeps you focused, maintain your life equilibrium with some cool head, and don't let friends, relationship issues or job drama color the way you respond to your own situations. So basically were perfect.   Amy Well, what's so interesting, though, is the 4 to 6. I was a four and you were six and four is on the lower end. Yeah. Leaning towards way too attached, which I'm not surprised by. And six is on the higher end, which is leaning towards forever a free agent, which I'm also not surprised.   Grace No, not surprised.   Amy That really is us. Like I would say. I think we are both so. Fast and savvy, but I tend to stick around a little too long or be a little too loyal most of the time. Like, if I'm going one way, I tend to go towards loyalty.   Grace And me, I'm like, Bye bye. I have no problem with cutting situations off which, you know, sometimes is good, sometimes bad. Both. But yeah. Oh, but sometimes this is lovely. So that was so fun. So to close this out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy I sure am.   Grace I remember being really young and having this voice inside me that told me to trust my gut. And my gut has been really, really strong in my life. It's pretty vocal and it leads me. That is by Solange Knowles. Again, I'll read it one more time. I remember being really young and having this voice inside me that told me to trust my gut. And my gut has been really, really strong in my life. It's pretty vocal and it leads me, Solange Knowles.   Amy This quote is making me emotional. It's like such a simple quote, but it's something like my therapist and I have been talking about and she literally said, you have a very strong gut and you have a very strong intuition and your intuition is always right and you just don't follow it. And I'm like, it's something I really struggle with. And I think it comes back to what I was saying about the quiz, about being too loyal to situations that are not positive or being too loyal to how things were. And sometimes my gut is telling me to do a thing and I'm like, But, but what if I could make it work this way? What if I could make it work that way? What if I could do this? It just takes this, and then it'd be fine. And I do that all the time. And I've always had a strong gut. Always. But I fight my gut always. And I don't know why and I don't know why. It's a real problem. And so I love that salon. Like, everything about her essence is I'm following this guy. And I think, yeah, sometimes with career, for the most part with career stuff, I tend to follow my gut. But actually, no, I take that back. It's not true. I f--- up all the time. I just don't follow my gut. And maybe that's going to be, you know, we're near the end of the year. Like maybe that'll be my New Year's resolution is like trust your gut because I don't I do. I know my gut is right, but I fight it and I'm like, I bet I can make this work and this way I bet I can make that work in that way. And I'm like, I got to learn to trust my f---ing gut.   Grace Yeah. I mean, for me, this is reminding me of things because, like, here's the thing about trusting your gut. Sometimes you also have people in your life that are all gut and they make a bunch of bad decisions and they're just like, So it's sort of like balancing your gut with your brain type thing. So like take for example, this is a perfect example of something that I'm struggling with right now is like, where do I want to go next in my career? Like, should I continue stepping or should I commit to development? Something my gut has always told me that I will have my own show. But I feel like sometimes when I staff, sometimes I'm just like, Oh, but I need money because my own show, it could take forever, you know what I'm saying? So should I trust my gut? And I feel like it's very close to me. So I trust my gut and just throw all my resources and energy in one direction. Or should I keep hedging my bets and like work on other people's shows, which is wonderful. Like, I love the show that I'm working on right now. It's so like near and dear to my heart, but at the same time, it does take your energy from the things that you are working on. So this is a beautiful quote because I think it reminds you to trust your gut. But sometimes I understand why we don't, because the objective facts of the world sometimes will encourage you to believe something different or that, you know, trusting your gut might be unrealistic. But the times that I have trusted it are very useful. Like I've wanted to work in Hollywood ever since I was eight years old. Yeah. Do you know how many people told me that that was not a path that I could take? Like. Dozens and dozens. Some people meant well, some people didn't, meanwhile. But a lot of people have told me that I can do it. But I knew in my gut that I was going to be here. So it's an interesting thing to really just give in to trusting your gut. I think I do need to do it more. I do do it. But then I.   Amy Yeah, but I would also say here's that I want to address the things you said, Grace, because and this is coming a little bit from my therapist, but she always says to me that like, it's not one or the other. It's not black or white. Your gut is probably right that you are supposed to have your own show, but that doesn't mean and therefore I can't staff, you know, it might mean staff and it'll take a little longer. So it's like, I have been there and my therapist had to yell at me about those things. But like I tend to and I think we just because we're writers and we finish stories, we tend to see so many things as black or white, yes or no, it's this or it's that. And it's like sometimes it's both, but different. And that's really hard because that and that's what I struggle with my gut all the time because I'm like, My gut says this, but if I do that, then what about this other thing? And I'm like, But maybe it's both. And you need to find a third option. But it's hard. It's like I literally feel anxiety. With this quote because it's it's speaking to something I really need to work on, and it's really hard.   Grace Well, you guys, listeners, this is a very friend moment between me and Amy, because these are the conversations we often have. Yeah. Like, we're just like. We don't know. We don't know this or that, but we're trying. But, you know, we support each other through all of it, which is a beautiful thing about our friendship. Okay. Well, thank you, Salon, for. Thanks for joining us. Lovely thing to think about. So thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social follow, meet Grace at Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T. Grace.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy You like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And keep trustin that gut. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricksand associate producer Jess Penzetta.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Yeah, yeah! 

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actress, podcaster, and beauty maven Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins about how we all can benefit from a ‘hot girl walk’, the act of surrendering, and falling in love with New York City again. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  racist backlash over The Lord of The Rings series on Amazon, and the state of Texas sending students home with DNA kits so their bodies can be identified “in case of emergency.” They also share their antidote: an overnight mask and showering at night.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “A creative life is an amplified life.” -Elizabeth Gilbert Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. Sponsors: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles. And as a reflex to the madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times we all need to show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hey, everybody. You're back for another week. Amy Ooh, I love. Wow. Grace given us Broadway. Give it up. Musical theater. Grace Give you some vocal stylings, I guess. I don't know what that was. But thank you for coming to The Antidote for yet another week, friends. Amy Yeah, and thank you guys for attending our live show in New York. Grace Oh, it's so great to see you. Amy The listeners who were able to make it. It was so awesome. For those who weren't able to attend. Stay tuned to our live show. We're going to be putting out a recording as a future episode. You can kind of experience it. You know, it won't be the same, but it'll be similar. Grace Yeah, but we'd love to do more live shows in 2023, so stay tuned and see when our next one is. Amy Yeah. Anyway, I know this is kind of old, but I guess I was just like going back. There are old texts or something. Grace and I saw the video of Maxwell breaking it down on stage with his niece. Grace Yes. I was like is Uncle season now here? Okay. He came to make the aunties first and Auntie Junior is like myself. Because I was like, ok Maxwell. And the funniest tweet that I thought about it was. Like when he was like. Doing his little Meghan thee stallion knees move Like they're like there's literally no song Maxwell has that justifies this cause, because somebody put it over this woman's work. So it's like. Amy And I just want to be like n---- stand up. Grace But like he, you know, we got all our jokes off our Black Twitter and Instagram. And so he responded, he's just like, Y'all could never and so he made it the Maxwell Challenge, I believe. Amy Oh, I love it because I love the Maxwell Challenge. I need to see some more men doing that. Well, need is doing a lot of work in that sentence, but I would not mind saying, but it really is a good season. Like you said. Grace I'm just really happy that Maxwell is getting his flowers. You know, new people are discovering Maxwell, those of us who are around the first time around, they're just like, Oh, Maxwell, I'm glad you still doing it. And I'm glad your knees are still good. Amy I actually really love that Maxwell is getting his flowers and all of the Zaddy's. I mean Ginuwine he out here. Grace Oh yeah. Same ol G. Amy And also Usher singing to Issa Rae on stage. Grace Oh she deserves all the songs right to her face. Amy I mean, I do love all these nineties men turn it up and also through dance, like dancing is a source of joy. We love to dance. And I know that our guest, you guys stay around for our guest, Ashley Blaine Feathers. And she actually talks about the joy of dance and our interview with her. So it'll be really fun to revisit this topic. Grace And beautiful, funny and profound. Queen. Yes. I can't wait for you to hear this interview. But honestly, Amy, we wouldn't need the antidotes if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, top with our bummer news of the week. First of all, this is an ongoing bummer news issue. Oh, gosh. But I feel like we just kind of got to talk about it a little bit. There's been so much racist backlash over the new Lord of the Rings series on Amazon. There have been all these trolls or like Middle-Earth, it has elves and hobbits and wizards, you know, fictional things. But people are having problems with the color skin of some of the actors being cast in the show. Much like people having problems with the fictional mermaid Ariel being a different color than they wanted to be. So there's an actor named Cynthia Robinson who portrays the Queen region of New Manaugh, I think is how it's pronounced. Cynthia Robinson portrays the Queen region of this fictional city, and people are mad at her in response to the backlash, she said. My focus, especially as more of the show has aired, has been the more joyful aspects of what this story means to people, end quote. And I love that she's turning it into a little bit more positive of a message. She's basically saying, block the haters and the real fans who like the work that they're doing, which I really appreciate. It can be really hard to be brought down by sh-- like this. But I do have to say, for a bunch of people who are like full nerds watching this stuff and I'm a nerd about a lot of things, but fantasy ain't my sh--, but it is fantasy. And so it always kind of rocks me a little weird when people are like, Oh, but this thing that is fantasy isn't what I find. Like Harry Potter, like Hermoine with her kinky hair. And I'm like, her name's Hermoine she might be Black, you know, like, doesn't really bother me. But I think it's because as Black people, we're used to imagining different types of worlds, and white people don't really have to. Grace Yeah. And I'm just sad. Like, when I hear that quote from her. Oh, it makes me think about is like all the many times as Black women that were expected to rise above that, we're expected to make a positive. We're expected to, like, not show if we are upset about racism. You know, I'm sure, you know, maybe in her quiet moments, she's not bothered by it. But in my quiet moments, I'm continuously bothered by it because I was just like, What do you want? Like, do you want do you want worlds where we don't exist? And I'm sorry, but we exist, you know, and because we exist on a lot of amazing things exists because Black people exist. Yeah. And I'm sorry that you want to be in a world where we don't exist, but you're not going to get that. Sorry. In 2022 and 2023. You're just not going to get it. Amy And not in the future and not in fantasy. Grace Exactly. And so my question is always like, are we still doing this? Like every single time, y'all do not look good. Whoever is making these racist statements, it doesn't make you look good. It doesn't make you look good to your friends. It doesn't make you look good. Your family members, maybe they all races too. But like all the justification about why. He's like, well, this would have been in Europe. Or whatever. No, it wouldn't have been in Europe because it is not real. And guess what? We were in Europe, too, back then. You know what I'm saying? Like that this whole, like, fantasy that we weren't in Europe or where we were in any of these places is a fantasy because we were there the entire time. Like. Amy I was Black. Grace You know what I'm saying? Even like Shakespeare wrote about the Moors, like you wrote Othello. We were there. We were there. So, like, this whole thing, like, you're just racist. Just stand ten toes down and say, I'm a racist piece of sh-- so we can know which way to categorize you and keep it moving. Like, it's just sad that these actors who are getting an amazing opportunity, like a lot of these times, like these actors, this is their first, like, big thing and they have to f---ing be subjected to all this backlash that doesn't have to do with them. They didn't cast themselves. Amy Yeah, they didn't cast themselves. Exactly. What you just said makes me think of people who are mad at Ariel and they're like, well, technically, the Little Mermaid was written by Danish Man and it's from Denmark, so shouldn't she be blind? And I'm just like, y'all are so weird. Like, I'm like, it's fictional. Grace She's a mermaid. I saw this tweet about how they didn't believe that Ariel would be black. And literally it was. So after all the Africans y'all threw in the ocean, y'all surprised the mermaid is Black. Amy Yeah, that's real. By that. Grace And that's by thatwitchbitch. Fair point, girl. Amy Fair point. Think we didn't learn how to live down there yet? And that's my issue is like they're using, like, nerd logic to try and justify their racism. And you're absolutely right. Like, just say you're racist. Like you're saying all these technically is an actual these and well, if you really think about it and it's like, no, no, now you're just not creative enough to imagine a world that could look different from you. So just admit that that's not the only bit of bummer news this week. There's also this coming out of my home state. Apparently, Texas parents have been given DNA kits to help identify their children. In case of an emergency.   Grace Damn.   Amy And I'm like, How f---ed up is this? The state of Texas is sending students home with DNA kits so their bodies can be identified in case of an emergency. Today has stated that, quote, The threefold pamphlets allow caregivers to store their children's DNA and fingerprints at home, which could then be turned over to law enforcement agencies and, quote, presumably in order to identify their bodies. It sends a clear message that the government of Texas is not going to do anything to stop these types of shootings from happening.   Grace I know Texas is such a red, red, red state, as blue as California, New York are is this red as Texas is? So here's the thing about this country, and I don't know how else to say it is. I just don't understand how some people think. Yeah. I really don't understand. So y'all would rather do this, then? Gun control. Mm hmm. Y'all would rather send your kids home with DNA kits, then be like, Hey, how about we don't let regular people have weapons of war? That's what you would rather have.   Amy When I think about this sh--, I get so, so frustrated. How do you feel, Grace?   Grace Yeah, terrible. I mean, that DNA kid thing is super, super, super, super sad. And then. Okay. Like, racism exists. We all know it, but every time it hits, it's still like a terrible moment in your day. How about you?   Amy Yeah, very much the same.   Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news, which we need. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Okay, so, you know, I'm away from home, which is great in many ways, but also sad anyways. And so, you know, when you're you're away from home, you pack your essentials and sometimes you don't you forget something back at home or whatever. And so what I've been enjoying as part of my self-care routine is an overnight mask. Ooh. So the one I have in L.A. is called Drunk Elephant. I like, you know, just smear that on is the last part of my evening skincare routine. But I left it in L.A. So I was telling my showrunner this this is the type of small talk that I subject my showrunner to. Bougie complaints. Like, Oh, I left my overnight meal and yeah.   Amy In my other abode.   Grace My God. So she's like, Oh, I actually have a recommendation for one that I really, really love. And she's a very beautiful lady and she has lovely skin. So I was just like, Oh, okay, let me tell Danielle, please tell me which one you like. And so she recommended this one buy fresh and it's the fresh black tea firming over night mask. And so all right, let's try it out. And it is so good.   Amy Really. Is it like a mask? Like a physical mask or like a cream or a gel?   Grace It's a cream.   Amy How it's go on?   Grace So basically every night I smear on some lactic acid, which is very hard about keeping your skin cheap. And then I do some like a retinol cream or whatever, and then I put on some hydration, but my skin is very, very dry, especially in the winter. And I'm in New York now, which means I'm in heating. So it's a very dry air. So I decided to try this out and oh, it goes on. It's like very thick. You know, I'm working on a show called Survival of the Fittest, so we like it thick. And so I smeared it on and oh my God, I woke up in the morning and my skin felt so buttery and they want you to rinse it off in the morning. So I was just like, okay, whatever feels buttery now, but when I get in the shower and I run there, it's going to feel like my normal ass dry skin again. But no, I rinsed it off and my skin still felt very hydrated, very soft, and yeah, it was just a really lovely thing. So now instead of being fat that I left my favorite overnight mask in L.A., I discovered this brand new one, which is really, really lovely, smells great, very hydrating. So, you know, I took a negative situation. I turned it into a positive.   Amy I agree with that. You definitely did. And, yeah, we need to be luxuriating in our skin. Yeah, why not? It sounds great.   Grace And so what is your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, this is hilarious. It's actually kind of tied to yours. You know, I've been coming through with the real basic antidotes, but it's like when I'm thinking of, like, a choice that I make as opposed to a thing that I just do by routine or like that's in my schedule or that I wrote down on my to do list. But I'm like, This is a choice I'm making. This actually has become an antidote for me during production. I shower at night. I'm mostly like a morning shower. I like to shower to start my day to wake me up. But during production, our days start very early. So like my pick up on Monday is at 5:45 a.m.. So that means I got to wake up before that. So my antidote during production is that I shower at night and it kind of has like a twofold thing for me is that I get to kind of wash the day away like you're moving around. I sweat no matter what. Like, you're just, like, walking around really quickly, all day long, you're running back and forth. But by the end of the day, I feel like a little weird. Like, you know, it's just like, physically, I'm like I'm kind of, like murky, let's say, all over. And so showering at night is such like, I always think of a shower as something that wakes me up. But I will say that during production, I'm so damn tired, nothing is going to like, Oh, I can't sleep now. So I'm like, I shower at night and then I get to go to bed feeling really fresh and I'm not climbing in my bed all grimy. I'm like getting bad, feeling really, really good. And because it's winter, it's like cool sheets on my warm skin. I'm just like, Ooh, I love this. And then I haven't done an overnight mask. I've been washing my face in the shower, then I wash it in the morning, but now I'm like, Oh, maybe I should do an overnight mask and then just wash my face in the morning. And that'll still be like a refreshing little me moment before I start my day. But yeah, I love both are antidotes. Great, because they're both so simple and doable, but they are about like kind of like snatch and a little bit of self-care back from a busy day. And I just love that they're both about taking care of our bodies, which are the vessels through which we do all our work.   Grace And literally, you're teaching me something to I mean, I sometimes shower at night, but yeah, we have to get up bad early, bitch. Man, I'm not showering at night right now because, yeah, what I'm doing is like waking myself up like an extra 20 minutes early so I can have in the shower before work. Because even though I don't feel like it at that hour in the morning, I'm not going to penalize anybody else for that.   Amy Yeah.   Grace And no. But yeah, I'm going to start showering at night too.   Amy Yeah. Nice. Well, listeners, if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. And we'll be back after the break.   Grace Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is an actress, podcaster and beauty maven. You know her luscious bass from Netflix's Dear White People, NBC's Grand Crew and the movie Bad Hair. And she just debuted the first original podcast from the Oprah Winfrey Network called Trials Two Triumphs. She is still basking in newlywed bliss, the picks on idea. She loves therapy, documentaries and being an inspiration in every way she can get cozy. Take your plastic off the sofa and please welcome the Multi-hyphenate talent. Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, yes. I mean, I. I mean, you guys have another career in life. I mean, you guys are going to be hosting the Oscars.   Amy From your lips to God's ears.   Grace From your lips to God's ears. Okay. You know.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I mean. That was fantastic. I don't know if I've ever been intro'd any better.   Amy Well, you are easy to intro because that's how fantastic you are.   Grace I mean, everything we said was true.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Y'all got me feeling like Beyoncé.   Amy That's why I had to sprinkle some references in there. Because you's a queen.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, thank you my sisters. Yes. Oh, I'm so excited to be here.   Grace Thank you. We're excited to have you. Well, she's very, very impressive, isn't she, Amy? But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah, yeah. Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? Not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you? Making you feel good?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Here's the tea. I am feeling amazing.   Amy Yes.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins It is. No, I really am. And I'm really happy that I. You know, last week I didn't feel amazing. Yesterday I did not feel amazing. I legit had like I was like kind of moping around, but I'm sad. I kind of start like, yeah, dragging my feet and like, you know, honestly, a lot of it's unconscious, but my husband Darryl will notice he was like, What's wrong? And I was like, I don't know what's wrong. And, and I, you know, I, I'm getting better at doing like. America has a problem, everyone. oh, yes. I mean, you know, here's the thing. I think it's all of the things, but I think I was just feeling really overwhelmed. And I'm one of those people that, like, I don't I'm trying to get better at feeling the hard stuff in the moment rather than letting it kind of seep in more and more. And so I didn't. So I let it out. I had a good cry and I feel fantastic. Today is the first of the month. Yeah. You know, bills are paid. You know, I look good. I smell good. Yeah.   Grace Okay, we can confirm she looks good as f---. Okay.   Amy Yeah, and she looks like she smells good. You know, we haven't gotten into smellavision yet, but. Yeah, I buy it.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins But, you know, I really this month, it's kind of taken me eight months of the year to do it. But this month I really have that feeling of like I feel extremely motivated to really feel build this month up with good death. I feel deeply inspired by I love that.   Amy I mean, I do think there's, you know, maybe it's the Renaissance, the fact we are in a period of like a bad like a black bitch renaissance. We are literally in that period right now.   Grace I just wanted to say I really love what you said, because I do think that every day that we wake up, we do kind of have a choice. Like, I love how you are already like framing your entire mom to be like, I'm going to fill this month up with goodness. And I bet because you have declared that you definitely will.   Amy Let's keep the good vibes going, y'all. We need that right now. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So tell us, Ashley, what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I am committing to doing Hot Girl Walks every day.   Amy I need more info about.   Grace What's a hot girl walk?   Amy What's a hot girl walk?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh my goodness. So actually my friend JP Jennifer Pauline, who's just one of the most wonderful human beings in the world. She. So she invited me on a hot girl walk. Right. This is such an L.A. story. So she invited she was like, girl, we got to go for a walk. And I was like, yes. And I thought she was just like coining it that herself. You know? And I was like, that's what's up. But then she was like, No, it's a thing. So then, of course, I went to, you know where. Tiktok.   Amy Yes.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Of course.   Grace Where the children tell us what's cool. Yes.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Because I don't know what's going on. I'd be like, okay, let me go to Texas. And it's a whole trend that's going on where it's for anybody. But I you know, this this girl, I forgot her name, but she started this thing called a hot girl walks where you walk. Well, for her, it was four miles a day.   Amy Four miles? Oh, it's physically hot. I see.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Yea, I don't think I can do four miles a day because that seems like a lot like I think, you know, if you live somewhere like New York, you can easily do that day in two days, whatever. But the point is, it's not about how far you go, how long you go. It's just about committing to going on a walk. That is not. The goal is not to change anything physically about yourself. The goal is really just to spend time with yourself and to think about yourself as being sexy and confident and strong and all of the good things you can think about yourself. And she suggests while doing so, listen to a podcast she actually has. That is like the thing you should do. And I, you know, I did it today and I get why the kids are doing it. I mean, I feel I mean, I feel lifted. Yeah, I am together. I'm gathered. I feel so great. I feel so great. And I think a lot of times, you know, I'm always, like, working out for, like, the physical part of it, you know, and not just because. I want to feel good or just spend time with myself, but it doesn't always have to be like strenuous exercise. Like I work out. It can just be I took a walk, 4.8, nine mile, you know. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't have to be a whole thing.   Amy You know, the best part about it, like the coining of it, of a hot girl. What? To me, I was like, Oh, I want to feel hot like my beautiful hot while I'm walking, as opposed to feeling like I'm working, if you will. Yeah, because I do a lot of walking, like you said, for exercise, but just to like be with myself and like look around, take in my surroundings, like enjoy my body's movement. I'll do a lot of that. And now I want to.   Grace That is so cool because you know what? I stopped walking as much because during like the early days of the pandemic, we still in this pandemonium, and now we got monkeypox. Okay? But we're about to talk about that right now.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I cannot with the monkeypox.   Grace But during that time, I remember, you know, I was working at Insecure with this queen. And I remember we would have our our break for lunch. And I would always I would eat first and then I would go for a walk just to get out of the house for a bit. But I have stopped doing that so much. I mean, I love walking. I lived in New York for 15 years and I moved to this part of L.A. in particular so I could walk to the grocery store, walk to target, whatever. Right, right. But I stopped taking walks for pleasure. And I think this is a lovely reminder that I did enjoy it. Like sometimes I'll be walking down the street. I was like, one of those crazy people you would know was in my headphones because I would be either singing it loud or I would stop for a moment for a little dance break. Yeah, I didn't give a f---. I was just like. You can look at me if you want to.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I love it. I love it. But that's the goal. Like, get back to that, you back to that. Like that's what I'm on. And.   Amy We're going to do.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins That's my antidote.   Amy I love that. Like Grace. We're going to go for a hot girl walk.   Grace Let's go for our girl walk. I mean, I won't make you hike because I know you don't like that, but you can go.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins No, it's a walk not a hike. It's not a hot girl hike.   Amy Well, now, since we're talking a little just a little bit, we'll get off the pandemic a little bit. But you got married in the pandemic. And I want to know, like the pandemic was like a testing ground. Yes, it was a testing ground for relations. Some somehow got further apart and some got closer together. Are there any lessons or things you've learned about sharing space with your partner during this crazy time?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, my goodness, I. I think the biggest like lesson is to be grateful for the time. You know, like Daryl and I had the perspective of, like. I remember early on in the pandemic, I remember he said to me, We better cherish this because we're probably never going to have it again. And he's right. You know, I don't know. You know, another time, hopefully we are not stuck in the house again in the same way during a pandemic. Right.   Amy Hold my collar y'all, I'm like, oh, my God, give me out this house.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins You all. She started hyperventilating. Okay. No. And but but I'm grateful that I had a partner who rather had been lamenting and was like, This is great. We get to spend time and, you know, just do things like we would dance around the house or, you know, like, I don't know, just binge watch things all day that we just don't have the time to do anymore, you know, stay up late. Yeah. You know, until the wee hours of morning into the wee hours of the morning. Just so many things that we look back on now and are like, that was a really crazy but beautiful time for us. And I think that it really so much good came out of it. You know, in the pandemic, we bought our first home, we got married, we honeymooned. We, you know, we've done so many, so many amazing things. And I think it taught us to like. What's for you? Even a pandemic can't stop humans. You know, like this ship is going to keep sailing, this ball is going to keep rolling. And it really is just about how you choose to receive it.   Grace What was your favorite thing like from that time, spending time in the house with each other? What was your favorite thing that you guys did together during that time?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins My husband Darryl's from Detroit, MI.   Grace Me too. Do you know where he's from in Detroit? Like which part?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Yeah, he's from the east side of Detroit. Okay, cool. He grew up off of Hannah. Yeah, he went to Cass.   Grace Oh, he went to Cass Tech, okay.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Okay, so he's like a real. He's a michigan guy. Okay, I went to Howard, and, you know, a lot of my a lot of my friends at Howard were from the Midwest and, you know, Detroit or Chicago. And so early on in Howard, I learned how to like hustle and all that type of stuff. So I found out in the pandemic, which I've known Daryl for almost 13 years, so I don't know how this went over my head. He didn't know how to hustle. And so I taught him, Oh.   Amy That's incredible.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Sorry, Daryl, I'm exposing you to all the Detroit people. But I taught him how to hustle. Yes in our at the time, we were in, like, a little cute, but like a little non air conditioning apartment in Beverly Hills at the time. And so we were just hustling up in that one bedroom apartment and it was it was just like and I recorded us like I got my phone up in a row, like I have my hair wrapped, but I just was like, this is a memory we'll look back on and be like, Oh. What this is insane.   Grace You taught him how to hustle, that's so cute.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins That was a fun night. Yeah, yeah, that was a fun night.   Grace I mean, he should take you to the car show, like the auto show sometime, cause that's the big Detroit thing. Yes.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I got to do that. So many things.   Amy I feel like that period in your life, like, obviously I don't I don't want to forget that the pandemic, a lot of people experience a lot of loss, but all of this like is about surrender. And you talk about that so much about how to surrender. And sometimes you don't have control. I mean, none of us had control over what was happening. Those of us who lost a lot and those of us who had the luxury to get introspective and like really sit with ourselves and you really got to surrender and have a partner through it, which is really beautiful. Yeah. And as we're, like growing now, are there ways that you find surrender in your day to day, even like the processing of emotions that you talked about, like having a rough month and having to cry it out? Is that a form of surrender for you? Like sitting in it.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins For sure. I think, you know, as you were talking, I was thinking about surrender. And like you said, it's a if you know me, if you listen to anything I say, I'm always saying I'm trying to get better at the art of surrender. But what I'm realizing is that, like, there's the step after surrender, right? So like, surrendering is giving it up and saying, okay, you know, Jesus, take the money, but. On the other side of the step after surrender, I think, is acceptance. And you have to accept whatever may come from the surrender. You can't surrender and then lack acceptance. Yeah. Because then you're kind of in the same between. Right. You're still not where you need to be. And so that's that's what I'm trying to work on. Tubas, like both of them. It's like surrendering and then being confident about the acceptance of whatever may come. And I do that in sometimes it's crying it out, sometimes it's talking it out. Sometimes it's actually saying it out loud, like. This is too much for me. You got it. Wow. Look, I can't. I can't do this or. You know what? I trust you more than I trust myself. So please, you know, order my steps. Sometimes it's bad, but I just, you know, honestly, surrender is a muscle. It's a muscle muscle that we all have to work.   Grace And the process of surrender, I really think, like in our work, in our business, I think it's so important to have that kind of perspective because there's so much that we cannot control. You know, you cannot control like who greenlights your stuff or you can't control like when you go into an audition whether you're going to get it or not. But like that act of surrendering, knowing that you're going to be okay or like that you're giving it over to a higher power to help you deal with it like that. I think it's so important rather than trying to control everything, because we in our human powers cannot we cannot control it.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins We just can't can't do it. No.   Amy Have you taken any good trips recently now that we get back outside?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, my gosh. So I just got back from Austin, Texas.   Amy Oh, I love Austin.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Do you? It's not, you know, I don't know.   Amy Okay, well, here's what I'll say. Here's what I say. I'm from Texas, I'm from Dallas. And Austin is like the to me, it's the best parts of Dallas and with a little bit of California sprinkled in. So that's why I like Austin. But I'm curious, what's your take on it? I mean, I don't want you to, like, slammed the city.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Well, no. no, no. I'm not going to slam the city. I my first time going was in, oh, 2017. We actually premiered Dear White People. There was my first time there at South by Southwest. And then I went I just went this past weekend on a my 15 and my 15 year anniversary trip with my line sisters. Yes. And my sister. So so it was amazing because I was with some of my favorite people on the face of the planet and we just had a good time. We're always going to make a good time wherever we go. So I did that. I've actually been traveling a time this year. I was in New York and May in like New York. I just.   Amy That's Grace's city.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins New York makes me feel I could cry thinking about New York. Something about New York.   Grace Thank you Ashley.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I love that city. New York. If I literally would wake up like, good morning, New York.Like, I just I was skipping down the street, it was raining, and I was just like I was like that that video of Drew Barrymore in the rain.   Amy Yes.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins That's what I look like. And I wonder everyone's like clowning her for it. But I'm like, no, I understand why she felt like that. So I was in New York and then yeah, but I mean, I've been to New York many times, but something about this last trip, I was there for work, but I kind of made into like play and I just fell in love with New York all over again.   Grace New York is kind of like one of those places where, like, I lived there for 15 years before I moved to L.A. and New York was kind of one of those places. Like, I would still like ten, 12, 13, 14, 15 years, and I would just be walking down the street and I would like look up and see, like the Chrysler Building all lit, lit up. And I was like, Wow, I'm here. You know, I did it. I made it here. You know, it's like there's there's always just. Such a special energy that's there. So I completely get it in New York in the room.   Amy You mean, you don't do that on the 405?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Question. Do you ever feel like that in LA?   Amy You don't do it on the 405? When you in traffic?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Have you had the feeling of like, I'm here, I've made it like do you have that here.   Grace I mean, it's just a different feeling. I mean, like New York just has, like, things that you can look at. Whereas L.A., sometimes when I am like, you know, it's a pretty sunny day out and I'm driving down like a row of palm trees and I can see the Hollywood sign in the distance. I'm just like, okay, you cue L.A., like, Yeah, I'm here. I made it. You know, I used to always dream about Los Angeles as a little girl, so 100% I do have those moments. But yeah, right now I'm in a missing New York moment. So that really spoke to me.   Amy Wow, Ashley, I feel so much better now that we've talked to you.   Grace Yes, she's right.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Ditto.   Grace It's still 2022, and it's due in 2022 things. But we feel so much better now that we've chatted with you today.   Amy Yes. Yes. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you just love, not something you've created.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, my goodness. Well, obviously, I have my podcast new episodes every Monday. Anywhere you listen to podcast trials to triumphs.   Amy And last but not least, where can people find you on the Internets?   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins Oh, yes, you can find me at Ashley Blaine, B-L-A-I-N-E. Ashley spelled the original way. On Instagram and Twitter. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.   Amy Well, thank you so much, Ashley. This has been great talk.   Grace Thank you so much, Ashley.   Ashley Blaine Featherson Jenkins I adore you two. Thank you.   Grace Thank you. Bye. Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy As ready as I'll ever be.   Grace Okay. Here we go. A creative life is an amplified life. That is by Elizabeth Gilbert. Say one more time. A creative life is an amplified life. Elizabeth Gilbert.   Amy Okay. I love Elizabeth Gilbert. She's the author of Big Magic. Right. We both know that. Yeah. Yeah, we both love that book. You told me about it. That's why I read it as you recommended it to me. So I'm a I'm a Liz Gill fan because of you. And I'm going to get a little literal on the quote amplified is like to increase the volume of turn something up. Mm hmm. So a creative life is a life that's been turned up a notch. And I agree with that. And I don't think it means having a creative career like you don't have to have a creative career to have a creative life. It's just how you creatively put things in your life, like what you do to express yourself creatively and to live creatively and to switch up your routine every now and then is going to like change, you know, raise the volume, raise the vibration on your life. So I think that is a very simple like, simply put quotes. But being creative raises your vibration is sort of how I am reading it. And I believe that is true. I strive to be creative, even beyond writing, however I can, even if not every day weekly, to try and just, like, keep my vibration high. And so I'm going to remember that. Liz. What about you, Grace? What does it make you think?   Grace Well, it makes me think about how often as writers, what we do is notice and amplify, you know? Oh, so we so we notice things that are going on in front of our eyes, in front of the world, you know? So I might walk down the street and just see, like, a guy or a girl like me dancing by herself. So I get to be I say down the street, and I make a character out of that. I'm just like, Oh, why is she dancing? Who is she? Where is she from? Is she happy, as she said? Is she dancing it out because, you know, something that happened in her life or is she just so joyously happy that she's dancing down the street like? So I think our job as artists at times is to take the things that happen in our lives, the things that we see, the things that we experience, and we amplify them to make art. So it makes me think of that, but it also makes me think of how blessed I feel to have creativity in my life. Yeah, because I feel like because I have creativity in my life, there are so many things that I can process, good or bad, through the lens of my creativity. Like even if I have a really bad experience, if I have a bad date, which I often did in New York, I was always on some bad dates, some man was ruining my day. But at the even in the midst of it, I would be like. You know, what is this, a character? You know what? I'm going to put this in something I write someday. So even though even when the bad things happen to me, I have the gift of being able to process it through my art. So when I hear creativity, a creative life is an amplified life. It just makes me think of all the ways that I can use what happens to me, good or bad, to to amplify, to create something that people can find some sort of relate ability in. Because, you know, we always say in writing that the specific is universal. So the things that happen in our everyday lives, if we can get specific, there's often people who can relate to it on some level, even if it's not exactly so. So, yeah, that's it kind of makes me think about, about the gift of being able to process trauma and joy through the lens of creativity.   Amy It was a simple quote, but I really love both our interpretations of it.   Grace Uh. Me too. Thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like, feeling good about yourself. Please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And next time you're out for a walk, twerk it out a little bit. And the antidote is hosted by us, Amy Ameobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and associate producer Jess Penzetta.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus, and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Samson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy What, what!

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, writer, and essayist Samantha Irby about her love of Judge Mathis, processing her emotions post-pandemic, and how she balances being ‘quietly hostile’ and loveable. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  the Fyre Fest founder is starting a new festival, and Megan Thee Stallion’s home was broken into. They also share their antidote— going to the ballet and meal delivery.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am.” -Beyoncé Purchase tickets to our live-show this Saturday: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/the-antidote-podcast-live/   Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, and we like to take the bad sh-- we hear and work through it together. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We're so glad that you're back. Amy Welcome. From both coasts. Now I'm in New York and Grace is in L.A.. Grace I know we switched it, though, while I'm here for an event. And, yeah, I had to leave Amy back in New York. Amy Yeah, but she'll be coming back soon because we have our live show coming up. So Saturday, November 12th, 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. Don't forget about it. Grace Yeah, doors open at 7 p.m. and we can finally announce our two wonderful guests. Amy Oh, my God. Grace Who are... Drum roll...Please Dulce Sloan and Jordan Carlos. We are so, so excited for these two amazing guests to talk to them live. So you don't want to miss that. You better come. Amy Yeah come on you can purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our shownotes. And you guys Dulce Sloan and Jordan Carlos like they busy people. Grace Okay yeah. Amy Let's respect them. Let's respect them and show up. Grace Yes, tickets are selling fast, so if you'd like to come see us, we would love to see you. Amy By the way, Grace, I was just thinking about how there's new music coming out this week, and I saw that like Chloe Bailey and Ashanti and Rihanna. And SZA are all dropping songs. There's a song Shirt is like, Okay, girl, just rip through my heart. I know.  Grace Oh, sh--. I haven't heard it yet. Amy We sad outside. We sad outside. These men be treatin us bad. Grace Oh, no. Amy But I notice that, like, I love Chloe Bailey. She's, like, so extra and, like, has always been extra since day one. And it feels like the f---ing cyber bullies are coming for her because she's always doing the most. And I just saw her video where she talks about how she's so excited that her new song is coming out with Lotto. And I was like, Why are people calling for her? This girl has so much joy and people just want to take it from her. What is that about? Grace Yeah, I hope she's not reading the comments. I feel like I hope she's staying above all of it. But you know, you're a human being. When you hear people like talking sh-- like that, you're going to have some sort of reaction probably on the inside, even if, you know, she's not showing it. Here's the thing that I have never understood about the Internet and I continue to not understand. Like, leave people alone. Like, why are you coming for people on the Internet, that part, you know what you could do instead? You could take a class, you could cook a meal, hang out with your man, hang out with your kids, go for a walk, listen to some music. There's so many other things that you could be doing. Amy Live your f---ing life and quit trying to ruin others. Grace You. I promise that if you get outside or do something else instead of, you know, bothering somebody who's living their best life, I promise your life will be better. Stop like taking time out of your life to, like, bully people that you have no connection to. They don't know you. Why would you take a minute out of your day to make somebody feel worse? I don't get it. Amy And we talk about it later with our guest, Sam Irby, who's an amazing author and such a funny person. But the idea, like so many of us, are going through things that you can't even see, like especially in this post. Still, in a pandemic world, being outside is hard. So why would you ever try and take someone's joy? I feel like when people do sh-- like that too, especially celebrities like Chloe Bailey, who are just so joyful, it's literally because they feel dead inside or they feel bad about themselves and they're like, I want you to feel like me, so I'm going to bring you down. I'm like, Get a hobby, learn to paint. Grace Yeah, it must be so. Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get any ended up from starting now. Amy Up top with our bummer news of the week. Grace Okay, hit me. Amy So the first thing up is that I don't know if you heard about this, but the founder of Fyre Fest, Billy McFarland, is starting a new festival for anyone who doesn't remember Fyre Fest happened in 2017. The founder has served four years in prison after the festival turned out to be a con. This festival is what gave us the great line from Ja Rule. Like I have been tricked, bamboozled, hoodwinked. Grace I know that documentary was wild. Amy It's so crazy and how open this guy is about his scammery and he's like, Yeah, I started a black card that gets you into parties, but it was just like people giving me $500 and then they're part of a. Grace Wait. Amy But I'm like, Dude. Grace Was that the documentary where that white man was just like, I was gonna suck dicks for some water. Amy Yes. Where he's like, I was willing to do anything. Amy And he said suck dick to get water. And he's like, I did. I almost did it. So Billy McFarland got the girls in a vice. I don't know what his magic is. I have no idea why this white man is so powerful. But anyway, now that he's out of prison, he started posting messages saying he has something in the works and he's like, posted all these clues on social media. For what he's planning and hints at another venture that included a treasure map and a number to call. And I'm like, wow, white men stay getting third and fourth chances. Grace True. But also, you know what? There are going to be a population of people who are just like, I just want to go to see what the f--- happens, you know, what I'm saying. There will be a population of people who's just like the Fyre Festival guy. Amy Yeah. Grace This should be interesting. Let's see what disaster it turns into. Yes, now. And just blog it. Like that's the sad thing is that sometimes notoriety is the same as skill. You know, like they'll be like. Oh, it'll be a conversation starter. I'll be like a cool thing that I went to the new Fyre Festival, so he's probably right. Amy Yeah, you're not wrong. And that's the thing. I'm like, It's a bummer, but I'm not even that mad because honestly, whoever falls for it kind of needed to lose some money. I guess. I'm like, I mean, nobody. Grace Scam me, daddy. Scam me, daddy. Amy Scam me, daddy. I'll suck dick to get scammed. In a weird way, I'm like mad at Brett Favre for stealing funds from a small community to build a volleyball court for his daughter. I'm mad about that. But this I kind of think it's funny. GraceYeah, I was just like, if anybody is going to fall for anybody going to go to the new Fyre Festival, you deserve whatever you get. Amy But that's not the only bit of bummer news. I also heard this would really make me sad. I heard that Megan Thee Stallion's home got broken into. This was from nbc washington. There were some thieves who broke into her L.A. home and sold hundreds of thousands worth of goods. And law enforcement said they confirmed, quote, The crooks took an estimated 300 to $400000 in jewelry, cash and electronics from inside the home. She wasn't home. She was in New York preparing to host SNL. But it makes me kind of sad because I'm like, wait, as a celebrity, she has to promote the things she's going to do. So she basically promoted the fact that she wasn't home and then people came and stole her sh--. And if you guys saw her on SNL performance, she was almost like crying during that song. She has called Anxiety. I love the song. I love that it exists. I love the idea that people at her level are talking about their anxiety. And there's a verse about her mom and we all know she lost her mom recently and she was singing that part of the song on SNL and started getting kind of teary. And I'm like, So this girl's been going through it. And she again, kind of in that Chloe Bailey way, she's just joyful, got a fat ass from Houston, right? And literally has love in her life. Like, we've got, like, Hardy Fontaine over here being like, if you a Black girl do your thing and he's doing his thing with her, like, this girl just deserves all the joy and all this sh-- is happening to her. And it made me so sad. Grace And again, just like we were talking about with Chloe Bailey. Yeah, people just will take any opportunity to, like, fill your joy. Like, what is Megan Thee Stallion doing except giving us fun party music twerking for us on Instagram looking fine is, but doing makeup like her man's obsessed with her, which I'm obsessed with. Like, why would you break in and take her things like, I know why. I mean, I know why people steal because they want money or they need money or whatever. But at the same time, it's sort of like, do we have to do this? But, you know, whatever the thieves took, she'll make it back in 5 minutes because that bad bitch is living her best life right now, having so many different opportunities. We love you, Megan Thee stallion. We're sorry that this happened. It's so sad. Amy Yeah. And yes, the things they took, she'll get back soon. But I hate that they also took her peace of mind in this. Yeah, because she ended up tweeting that she was planning to take a break after her hosting duties to focus on her mental and physical health. And obviously, this is part of it. But let's not forget, this woman also got shot. Yeah, like this woman, like, lost her mother. This woman has been broken into. She's also going through a legal dispute with her former record label. Like she's going through it and she's so as far as I can see, Megan Thee stallion is a beautiful soul and like, is a kind person. I hate that people are trying to steal her joy. So, yeah, that made me kind of sad. Grace Yeah, it's terrible. Amy Anyway, how do you feel after talking about all this, Grace? Grace I feel terrible. I mean, for Megan more than anything. And Fyre fest, dude, I guess go off. Try it again and scammin. I mean, I would be delighted to hear Lacey Mosley talk about it, so.   Amy Yes, same.   Grace And how do you feel now?   Amy You know, a little low peace of mind is a hard thing to keep. I'm feeling bummed.   Grace Yea, me too. So let's get into the antidote.   Amy This is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well, I went to the New York City Ballet.   Amy Oh, you saw the Solange show.   Grace I saw the Solange show. I did see it.   Amy Oh, my God. My jealousy.   Grace And it was amazing. You know, as many years as I lived in New York, I never went to the ballet. And so since I was in New York for work and I heard about the Solange ballet the Solange was going to be, why am I calling her Solange? I love my apologies, Queen. I was like, Let me go support this Black woman. I've seen different reports. Some people say she was the first Black woman to compose something for the New York City Ballet. Some people are saying she's the second. Regardless, it's a number that's too low.   Amy I'll tell you that much because we've been dancing. I'm just saying.   Grace Writing music, what you talk about. That's the beginning of time and slaying that sh--. So the whole show is called New Horizon, a ballet choreographed by Gianna Reisen. And the longest section was called Playtime. And so the dancers came out in these sort of like eighties style, like jewel tone power suits and some of their dancing power suits. And the suits featured like 800,000 Swarovski crystals. And I think it was Indiana Woodward who danced like the principal role in it. But I was so excited to see India Bradley, who is a black dancer from Detroit, Harlem, represent. So it was just so beautiful to see what these dancers can do with their bodies, like they're up on points like the lines that they make with their bodies are so beautiful. And of course, the largest piece was very Solange. It was very light and airy and beautiful. And they were like toyland and dancing in these beautiful suits. And I was just so proud of her, like doing something so out of the box and so different. Like, you could tell the people who were there for Solange. And the people who were there just for the ballet.   Amy Were people cheering? There's like a little section of Black people going, Go off Queen. You better pirouette, bitch.   Grace You better pirouette, bitch. No. Everybody was very dignified, but like the Black women, like, pulled up. You know what I'm saying? As you know, as Black people, we like to dress. Yes, we know. And so the black women that pulled up to the Solange Ballet were turning looks. I saw feathers, beautiful colors. I saw so many different kinds of hair, natural, you know, braids, you know, weaves, whatever. Everybody was looking fine as f---. So it was such a beautiful display. It was such a lovely way to spend like a Sunday afternoon. And then after that I like went and got some food from a place nearby and came home and had the rest of my Sunday was so lovely. So congratulations to land. And yeah, I think they're going to try to do another set of performances in the New Year. So if you missed it this time, then keep checking for checking back.   Amy That is amazing.   Grace What was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, mine was a little more basic, but hearing you talking about food, you left the ballet and got some food. And my antidote this week was meal delivery. And I'll explain why. Not, like, Ubereats or like, f---ing DoorDash. Like, they always don't bring my meals. So I've had some bad luck with, like, meal delivery, like that type. But for those who don't know, I'm out in New York directing a show, the show that Grace works on, which makes me so, so happy. Michelle Bhutto's new upcoming show for Netflix called Survival of the Thick is Big. And in L.A., I get mail delivery and I won't say what service because I'm about to drag them, but I get meal delivery from this consistent service that sends me lunches because sometimes in the workday I don't have time to like, make myself food. So I was kind of like, Oh, what am I going to do in New York? Like there's going to be food on set, but very often the food on set can be, you know, kind of unhealthy. Like they're trying to satisfy a lot of different types of people. So they're like, we got chips, we got dips, we got spreads, we got meats, we got grilled veggies, and we got things that you can eat. And I'm like, okay, so sometimes you like are so hungry entire that you end up at crafty. You just like eating everything in sight because you don't know what to do. And they do a great job, obviously. But I am the problem. I don't have very good compulsion to be healthy.   Grace Yeah, I mean, it's like boundaries. Like it's hard. Like when you've been working all morning and you're just like, Oh, there's something delicious. I guess I won't have it.   Amy Yeah, exactly. So it's really hard. Like yesterday I cheese and I was like, I'm lactose intolerant. What am I doing? But it's like they offer healthy things. I just grab the bullsh--. Yeah. Yeah. So. In my efforts to be better to myself while I'm on set. I did this while I was on Insecure to where I got mail delivery. And what I've done is because we're on location a lot, I don't have a way to take my meals with me. They've been my dinners after I come home from work. And what I found that that helps me do is after lunch they bring like a second meal, like another snack around. And so on the days that were ending at a good time, I'm like, Oh, I'm not going to eat that because I have food at home. And it stopped me from snacking so much. So I get home and the first thing I do when I walk in the door is make myself dinner with this meal. And the reason I said I'm not going to say the service because the meals are pretty repetitive. It's kind of like, oh wow, shrimp and couscous again. But like it is really good to have something healthy waiting for me at home that I can look forward to. So it kind of was like a little bit of a hack to not eat so sloppy while I'm on set and I'm tired and my snacks are at a premium, I get to kind of think forward and be like, Oh, well, here's something I'm doing to take care of myself. So that was my antidote this week.   Grace Great. I mean, I love that. I definitely do meal delivery when I can, especially when I'm at home, just like it just makes things easier. And with your repetitive things and I need to get myself together because sometimes I am coming home and continuing the bad behavior.    Amy Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, I love like just in general that you really took care of yourself artistically with your antidote. And I took care of myself physically. And I think both of these things are important. And some weeks you don't get both. So yeah, if you can focus on one thing at a time, you're still doing the best you can. If you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. That's #thatsmyantidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Welcome back to the antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is incredible. She's the creator and author of the insanely popular blog Bitch's Gotta Eat, where she posts about her life and about Judge Mathis. Her recaps are a treat. She has written and produced for HBO's Sex and the City spinoff "and just like that", as well as Tuca and Bertie, Shril,l and Work in progress. She's published four books and she has a fifth book releasing next year titled Quietly Hostile. Please welcome New York Times bestselling author and all around badass, Samantha Irby.   Samantha Irby Hello. I can't believe you made me sit through that introduction.   Amy I'm upset with myself, too. I was like, This must be painful.   Grace First of all, I just want to say that Judge Mathis is known as like my mother calls him her boyfriend. And.   Samantha Irby Every Black woman of a certain age is Greg Mathis's pseudo wife. So I have been to this taping a bunch of time, live. It's impossible to live in Chicago and not there.   Amy You walk down the street and oops, you're in the taping.   Samantha Irby Yes, I'm not going to the bean. I'm not going to the Sears Tower. I'm going to see Greg. And every time I've gone, when I tell you that the women age 50 to 65 are dressed like Easter Sunday, trying to catch.   Grace Greg's eye, you know, with their Easter hats.   Samantha Irby The kitten heels are in effect. Once I went there and this lady was like, Hey, look, you don't get to talk to him, right? You had to talk to the bailiff because he, like, entertains between cases. I don't. I can't believe I'm talking about this. Like, this is real court. But there was and this woman was like, Hi, Greg. And I was like, I mean, shoot your shot, but girl he is married and this is TV.   Grace Just tossin the puss over. Yeah. And you know, he's from Detroit, which is where I'm from and where my parents still lives. So, yeah, he holds a very special place in our household. My mother loves judge shows. So I've. I've seen many of them more than I wanted to.   Amy I don't watch and your recaps take me there. So I'm I have to be honest. I read your recaps and I'm like, I saw it.   Samantha Irby That is the highest compliment I've ever been paid. I am more proud of those recaps than I am of my books. I just I just it during the pandemic, I was like, you know, I love a bit, you know, I will run a bit into yeah, like I am a annoying person in that way. And it was like early pandemic. And I was like, What can I do? Right, because we weren't leaving the house. And I'm like, What? Inside my house? Can I turn into a thing I can write about? Because like, I wasn't doing anything interesting and I was watching Judge Mathis and I tweeted, Would anybody who read it if I recap Judge Mathis and all it takes for me is one yes. You know what I mean? Like.   Amy Yeah, yeah. You weren't looking for, like, a critical mass. You just wanted one person say, yes, please progress me that way.   Samantha Irby I need one person to be like, hey, can you be an idiot? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, right away. I'm like, I came home one day, we still have a house phone and I don't know how they got my number, but like some Warner Brothers executive left one message and I was like, Oh, no, I just when am I going to get sued? Yes. Yes.   Amy They're like. Hello, Miss Irby.   Samantha Irby Well, that's what I was prepared for. But the message was like. Hi, this is David. I work for Warner Brothers. And I was like, Here we go, here it comes, here comes. And he's like, Someone alerted me to your recaps and I'm like, Oh, my God, oh my God. And he's like, Could you give me a call back?   Amy What, that's too vague.   Samantha Irby I'm like.   Amy I would never call that person back. David from Warner Brothers.   Samantha Irby I was like, I'm never calling. Absolutely not.   Grace Oh, no, that's not enough information. I need to know how you feel.   Amy Y'all need to get in touch with David.   Samantha Irby Call them and tell them that I'm sorry.   Grace You better write to your agent, like, find out what the f--- this is.   Samantha Irby No. I called him back and they wanted to work together. Oh, like. And I was like, this is amazing. And then I was like, does Greg know?   Grace Has Greg read my recaps.   Amy Quick Quesh.   Grace And then what was he wearing when he.   Amy When he read it.   Samantha Irby First? Does he know and also what's under the Robe. Or. Well, I ended up like not working with them because I was like, Oh, I can't do an extra.   Grace Well, also, you have to be like honest in your recaps. Same thing, because if you are like cuddled up to production, you know, you can't be as candid as you want to.   Samantha Irby When Greg makes a mistake, would I not write it if I know that he's going to read it.   Grace That listen, what I'm hearing is that you're bringing light. Yeah, I think they should be greatful.   Amy They're grateful.   Grace Well, she's very impressive, isn't she? But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is anything weighing on you in life?   Samantha Irby Well, I am a month into a new Zoloft prescription.   Amy Right level of deep.   Samantha Irby I mean, I still am in therapy. Do you guys ever I mean, I feel like this is no knock on my therapist, but I feel like when I log in to therapy, like, for me, it feels like, oh, this is the Samantha Irby Comedy Hour. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like, bring any sensitive thoughts, energy. Like, I see her face and I'm like, can I get her to laugh? I truly like I would love to be healed. But first, will you laugh at this 45 minute that I'm about to do? So I am in therapy for all of years, and whatever I'm not getting from it is my fault. I feel like I'm the problem and my therapist refuses. It's on me. I'm like, Could you give me homework? At least I would be doing something. So the pandemic sort of like broke my brain a little bit in that, you know, we didn't have to go outside or go anywhere or see anyone. My general resting state is like hermit. Right. Yeah. If I don't have to leave and, like, it sort of indulged all of my worst instincts and habits, it was like, oh, great. I'm going to get really comfortable in never going anywhere and never doing anything. And then when things started to open back up, I couldn't handle it. And I'm a pretty, like, even keeled person, right? And I know myself pretty well. I'm, like, really self-aware. And I would find myself in public just terrified. Like, terrified. Not even that something was going to happen, right? It was never like, Oh, somebody's going to walk in here and shoot us all up. It wasn't that kind of thing. It was very specific to me. Like, if I'm in the grocery store, oh, that man over there is probably going to come yell at me for making bad produce choices. Right, you know? So the moment where I was like, Oh, I really have to get some help, I was in the car, it was raining and I had my windshield wipers on, like not the fastest they could go, but not the slowest. Right. And so it's on the medium. And I'm sitting at this red light. I look at the car next to me and he is I'm going like slow. And I started to spiral, for lack of a better word, being like, why do I need mind to be fast? Why can't I just drive with the slow wipers like that guy? Why can't I be relaxed about anything? And truly, I'm, like, coming undone. About windshield wipers while stopped at a red light. And I was like, this is not normal. I need to talk to someone. And it took a little while. I had a couple other incidents, like I was then Trader Joe's, and it felt like this woman was chasing me. I know she wasn't. But you never, never. In the story, you see someone around every corner and like, yeah, yeah, in a rom com. It's cute, but when your brain is like boiled linguine, it's terrifying.   Amy Yeah.   Grace It's terrifying.   Samantha Irby I was like, Oh, she's following me. I need a doctor. So I finally got a doctor.   Grace No, I get it. I mean, honestly, what we've all been through collectively in the past few years, like it has done different things to different people. Like I was very much like you where I didn't barely leave my house for like a year and a half. And then once I did and then whenever I would like before vaccines, I sometimes wear two masks and a face shield to the store. And then I found myself getting, like, unreasonably angry with people who are walking in the halls without masks in my building. So I was just like in this constant state of discomfort and rage. So what mine turned into was just like cousin people out. And by out there, like, I can't get on this elevator without a mat, you know? So I think whatever this time is done. And then remember, that was all combined with George Floyd and all the racial unrest and, you know, tanks rolling down the barrier. So we've gone through something. All of you. Yeah. So whatever way you've processed it or whatever triggers it caused, I feel like that's completely normal. And we've all had that. You know.   Amy I still remember I went to the movie theaters, and it was the first and last time in the movie. Yeah, cause I went and I wore to Mass, and I'm like, looking at the audience around me and just seeing person after person coming in without a mask. And I'm like, I'm watching them, and I'm like, When the movie starts, I won't feel this way. But then I'm watching the movie, and then someone like coughs and it's literally, Sam, it's not that I'm like, Oh, they coughed. I'm going to get COVID. I'm past that. It's just like, I don't want to be around your car. Yes. I don't want to be around these people. I don't like that you're chewing on my chair. Why did you bump me? Like, it's weird. Yeah, like, I don't know what it is, but I'm like, something about the safety we needed from saying safe from COVID has become, like, this weird.   Grace Like, permanent thing. Yeah.   Amy Permanent shield that I need from people that I don't know when it'll go away.   Samantha Irby Yes, but it feels almost like moving through, like feels like a video game or something, right? When it's like, more like a person comes up to you, it's like, what are you doing? What do you want? I don't know. I got to the point where I was like, I don't need and I'm pretty good at small talk with a stranger. Now it takes me a second to be like, Oh, hey, yeah. Weather is nice. Uh huh. You know, like, I don't even know how to talk anymore. And we as for processing it, it's like, who has a hard time? Like, we can't. I feel like we're all just coping, but we're not, like, moving through. Like, you know, we haven't assessed. Yeah.   Amy Even though that's going on, I do think it's such a wonderful time to be on this call with the three of us because we all identify and I think that we should just like work on raising our vibration in this moment. Like, as you know, the show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh-- as we've all evidence. There's a lot of bullsh--. A lot of motherf---ing bullsh--. Yeah. So. So, Sam, what is your antidote this week? In other words, is there something non-work-related that's bringing you a little piece of joy this week?   Samantha Irby Yes. Okay. Forgive me for bringing up some old sh--, but somehow I missed on the first go round. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Oh, wow. I love this. Yeah. Somehow I missed it when it was actually on. And it's so funny. It's the kind of thing that I wish I could work on. Right? Because it's just like insult after insult.   Grace You just put that out in the universe, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But you know, it's like, we're going to come back. We're going to come back.   Amy Brooklyn 100. Yeah.   Samantha Irby And it's like getting, like, veep, like those shows that are, like, so fast. But at the end of the day, like, when it's like, okay, I can sit still before I passed out for 20 minutes and laugh. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is my is the soothing balm. At the end of my day.   Amy I'm obsessed with that. I also just want to know, Grace, you have I mean, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is not an old show. It's not it's like still out here. But is there a show that's kind of like just off the air that is your balm? At the end of the day.   Grace I flip back and forth between three actually. The office. The American office. Okay. Living single.   Amy Yeah, I love that.   Grace And the third one is Frasier.   Amy Wait. Okay. I love Frasier.   Samantha Irby I also love Frasier.   Grace Those are about three that I consistently come back to. Yeah.   Amy Yeah. I do feel like there's a part of me that's like an old man who went to boarding school with the father who's a cop.   Grace Oh, I identify with Frasier hard. Okay. Like Frasier and I have the same standards for, like.   Amy His his house, or it's like the it's eclectic. Like, the way he decorates. I was like, Yeah, me too Fras.   Grace Tossed salad and scrambled eggs, baby, all day.   Amy Come on. Sam, you've cultivated a real online presence around being quietly hostile, which is why the title of your book is perfect. But obviously, and I hate to reveal it to people, but there are corners of your heart that are really, really warm and sweet. And I'm curious about these two identities. How do you hold them both in your life and when do you choose to let one show more than the other?   Samantha Irby Well, oh, that's a good question that I'm I don't even have a funny answer for.   Amy I'm not your therapist. You don't got to be funny.   Grace Stop trying to give us a tight ten.   Grace Exactly.   Samantha Irby I think in general, like, okay, all I ever want to be is liked. All I want to do is, like, make people happy. Which is why I write jokes. Because I want to make people happy. And so I always lead with the nice. I mean, I truly am nice and, like, don't have a problem with many people or things until they present a problem for me. So I go out into the world like. But my inner monologue is a nightmare from hell. And in my head is usually where the hostility lies. A lot of it's pointed inward. But then sometimes I'll just, you know, I have a lot of thoughts that are like, man, I hope his car gets a flat tire today. You know what I mean? Like.   Grace What a gentle wish, you know, what I'm saying. I'll just, like, I hope he walks today.   Amy That's not. I think that.   Samantha Irby I can't have anybody, like, death on my conscience. Right? Like, I mean, sometimes I'm like, I hope they get hit by a bus and live. That's my. That's my, like.   Grace Just hope he breaks the bone real bad. Yeah.   Amy Hope they're shocked by it. Otherwise, fine.   Samantha Irby But yeah, I. The hostile is mostly self inflicted hostility. Or it's like reading the news and things happening in the world with my like, yeah, our class come out. But I try to I used to, you know, I worked in customer service for so long and I have mastered the sort of like neutral greeting, like, we're having an interaction. I'll start here. If you grow up here, I'll be so nice and sweet and whatever. But if you take it down here, then I'll get right down. Yeah, well, when they go low, I also go to hell. Okay, limbo, bitch. I don't care less, you know. But I do try to. I mean, I don't think that I have some, like, special magnetism ability, but I have found that just like moving through the world, it truly is easier if you start nice, you know?   Amy Yeah, you're so right. And sometimes, even when it's really hard. You're not wrong. Yeah. It just start things off better.   Samantha Irby There have been some trying situations than if you like. I grit my teeth, but you know, I'll be like, okay, I'm not sure that it works out.   Grace What's your sign, Samantha.   Samantha Irby Aquarius.   Amy Oh, wow.   Samantha Irby But I am a Leo Rising. Which explains.   Amy There it is.   Grace The fire.   Amy Yeah. Yeah.   Samantha Irby Which explains a lot. You know.   Grace Yeah. Cause I feel very similarly, like I can be very, very, very, very nice. But if you take me there. Oh, the flames will calm areas, so the flames will shoot out and burn you.   Samantha Irby Okay, well, here is some truth. I am sneaky mean, which is like, I could not fight, right? Like, if somebody had me, it would be them hitting me and me hitting the floor. Right? I cannot fight, but I'm the type who's like, how can I destroy something you love secretly?   Grace How can I make I don't want to end your life, but I just want to make it very unpleasant for you.   Amy 28% worse. I love that about you.   Samantha Irby Like, What's your favorite food? How can I destroy that for you? Just anything. I like the type who, you know, if I'm in a fight at work, let's say, like back in the old animal hospital days, I'm like, somebody pisses me off at work. I am the type to like, you know, the boss is like, Hey, Sam, what's going on? And I'll be like, Yeah, I'm good. We're having a good day. So, so, but you know, that girl over there didn't do X, Y, Z, and I don't know, I cleaned it up for her, but I don't really know if she understands how to work here, like I'm that type of person.   Grace Just like a quiet tattletale. Like it's just a nonchalant narc.   Samantha Irby Yeah. I feel so terrible admitting that. But if I have to be mean, that's how I mean. There's, like, I'm doing a great job, but, you know, who isn't? That bad girl who cheated on me earlier? You know, she may need a talking to.   Amy She may need a talking to. Yeah.   Grace Oh. What would you say in your life? Is your proudest non career accomplishment of anything?   Samantha Irby I learned to drive stick shift on the oldest card in history when I was 18 and to this day driving that wreck I had like a 1987 Ford Escort. I feel like I could drive a tank, but nothing. There's no vehicle that I can't manage the windshield wipers. I may have an existential meltdown over it, but I absolutely could drive the car. Like teaching myself painfully how to drive stick? Yeah, that's up there.   Amy And don't you feel like a superhero driving stick? Because you're like, I can drive in Europe?   Samantha Irby Yes. Okay. Any time I'm watching, like The Amazing Race and they get a stick shift car in Europe and they can't drive. And it's just like an and I'm like, you're.   Amy Like, I'd f---ing kill it.   Samantha Irby Yeah, this is one task. I would be good. When soon as they told me to run, I'd be like, oh, I quit. But the car, I can't do that. Oh, I'm off this show now.   Grace I mean, that's a huge accomplishment, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I wouldn't even try it. Like, I don't even know where stick shifts are. Like, like, where do you even buy one?   Amy Too late for you, Grace.   Samantha Irby You don't need to anymore. Now people only have them like for fashion. I drive an automatic now. It's much easier on my life.   Amy I fully drive an automatic. Yeah, but one time I went abroad and it was cheaper to rent a stick shift, and I was like, Don't worry, friends, I got it. And then I stalled out in the middle in the middle of a big old roundabout.   Grace Amy pushin the car around that roundabout. Oh. It must have been something wrong with the car.   Amy Yeah, I'm like, Oh, no, I definitely know how to drive it.   Samantha Irby I think this car is broken, it's not my fault.   Amy Let's take it back. Somebody push. Oh, Sam. Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. This has been awesome. Oh, my God.   Grace Thank you so much for being here. I mean, it's still 2022, but feels a lot better after we talk to you.   Samantha Irby Oh, thanks. Yeah, mine too. You're better than Zoloft.   Grace Thank you.   Amy Every day just a little bit better is is a lot even though, you know, do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you just love, not something you created.   Samantha Irby Okay. Something that I'm not a part of. This podcast Maintenance Phase. Aubrey Gordon, who is a friend of mine.   Amy I'm in a maintenance phase. Oh, my God.   Samantha Irby Who, she wrote a book called What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. She's like, incredible. She has this podcast where it almost is like investigative or like research based, but where they take some part of diet culture and dissect it in a funny I mean, some of the topics aren't like hilarious, but they are both like so funny and smart. She and her partner, Michael, they're just really doing good work in the fat people space and they're just the best. So Maintenance Phase.   Amy Obsessed.   Grace Awesome. Check that out.   Amy Yeah, that sounds great.   Samantha Irby It makes me feel altruistic to plug someone else.   Amy That is so awesome. But I'm going to go ahead and plug your book as well. All your books. Y'all heard them in the bio. But you know, just Google Sam Irby and buy everything you see.   Grace Yeah, yeah. You could get it on Kindle. You could get it out Kobo. You can get it on Audible.   Samantha Irby Oh, yeah. Shock your librarian by asking for it.   Amy Yes. Why are you in here?   Grace And where can people find you? Are they Internet? Only, only Instagram? What's your-   Samantha Irby Only Instagram. It's bitchegottaeat.   Grace Love it.   Amy Love it. Classic. Well, this has been awesome. Thank you so much.   Grace Thank you so much, Sam.   Amy Bye.   Grace Bye. Okay. To close this out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah. Girl.   Grace You can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put my finger on who I am. And that is by Beyoncé knowles-Carter.   Amy What? I've never heard this.   Grace Yes, I'll read it one more time. Oh, you can't put your finger on who I am. I can't put my finger on who I am. Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter.   Amy I don't understand this quote. I can't put my finger on what it means, but that's because Beyonce doesn't want me to. What I love about this quote is that I keep thinking of her song, I'm that Girl, where she says, like, I didn't want this power. And she's like, it just happened to me. That's what makes me think of how we are actually vessels of our art. And some people are open to the call and some people are not and sometimes not being open. The call isn't like, Oh, you have a talent, you're not pursuing it. It's judging yourself too much, not completing deadlines, it's having an idea and then thinking it's not good enough. Not investing in it, but there's always a call. And beyond, say, what I love about her is that she is open to the call. And I think that quote to me, like you're trying to figure out, but I can't figure me out because I didn't ask for this to just happen to me. And I was just open to the call. That's what I kind of here. I want to live closer to that feeling, but I don't always. What does it make you feel, Grace?   Grace It actually makes me think about evolution. So when I think about Beyonce in particular, like obviously the first time we saw her was with Destiny's Child as the lead singer of a group. Then she busts out with, you know, crazy in love and then, you know, everything from for to self-titled to lemonade to now this new Renaissance Act one. And, you know, we've heard two more acts are coming. And so what I love about her in particular as an artist and, you know, obviously I stay on her constantly. So a lot of people think it's basic to like Beyonce or like it's the thing to do for, you know, a youngish black woman to love Beyonce. But I love her because I don't know what I'm going to get every time I bet on nobody's bingo card for 2022. You thought you were going to get a house dance? We are facing like album, like Renaissance. Like when I heard it, I was just like, Oh my God, she's doing this here and she's doing this there. And that's why I'm so thirsty for those visuals, because I know they're going to be incredible. So the whole thing about like, I can't put a finger on who I am because you can't put a figure on who I am, because I can't put a figure on who I am, is that it feels like she's open to evolving in whatever way her art can take her, which is exciting to me because I think on a certain level as artists, oftentimes I was just like, What is my voice? What am I trying to say? Like, Who am I as an artist? But what I love about this quote is like, it could be anything. It can change. You know, Beyoncé started out as like a straight up pop girl who was dancing and everything, and then she went to Lemonade where she got more politically active in her music. And now this is sort of a return to dance, but in a different way. So it's like maybe we don't need to be so concerned about defining ourselves as artists that we can just sort of evolve wherever the work takes us and stop being like trying to peg yourself in a box or peg yourself as a certain thing. Because if you decide that I'm not going to put myself in a box, I'm not going to put my finger on who I am. As Beyoncé Knowles-Carter said, then if I don't define me, you can't define me either. So that's what I love about this quote is just sort of almost giving permission to be whatever the f--- you want to be. It could be Tuesday and I'm this and I'm Friday, I'm this. So I think it just gives the creative mind room and space to expand.   Amy Yeah. Oh, I like that. I love that. Thinking of artist evolution. I feel like I've gotten to so many conversations with people about, like, some of the greatest artists stay doing what they do. Mm hmm. They're like, This is my land. I'm going to stay in and I'm going to keep doing it. And then some great artists like Beyonce, they evolve over time. And you always feel her. Obviously, she has such an iconic voice, but like, yeah, she's always in evolution. And I think she's someone who's like, Oh, the thing I did last year over it, moving on. Let's evolve and let's bring the culture with me. It's a it's really beautiful. And it's like anyone who says basic to like Beyonce. You mad at yourself.   Grace Oh, I literally don't care.   Amy You made at yourself. I'm like, wow. Okay.   Grace Yeah, I guess you don't like joy, but.   Amy Yeah. Tell me you ain't got self-esteem.   Grace Exactly. And the thing is, let the artist evolve because that's also something that happens is like some stans or some fans are just like, now, I like it when you did this other thing. I mean, that happened a lot with Beyoncé after she did formation. Like people were just like, Oh, no, Beyonce is black. Like Beyonce cares about police brutality or whenever. Oh, no. I was just like, yes, she been Black, always been Black.   Amy And she was hiding it to get here to incept yo ass and so she won.   Grace Yeah. And it's like let her evolve, let her be something different. Like when all those country people got mad when she did daddy lessons at the CMA and just you see all these like dour faces in the audience just hating and refusing to clap and stuff like that. Let artists evolve to do what they want to do.   Amy I agree.   Grace Thanks for listening to the antidote. Me Hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace at Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.    Amy And follow me, Amy at amyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and take care of yourself today. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and associate producer Jess Penzetta.   Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT, the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's. Also, don't forget about our live show. It's this Saturday, November 12th, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. Doors open at 7 p.m.. Our guests are the Dulce Sloane and Jordan Carlos. And you can purchase tickets now at NewYorkComedyFestival.com. That's NYcomedyfestival.com or at the link in our shownotes.   Grace We'd love to see you! The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, writer, and actor London Hughes about the practice of letting your sparkle show, how sex is self-care, and letting things come to you. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  the FBI’s 40-year investigation of Aretha Franklin, and how some hospitals are raking in high profits while their patients drown in medical debt. They also share their antidote: wanderlust. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Life can be dark and horrible, but what makes humans so resilient is their ability to find the light in dark situations. I think that’s the only reason why we’re still on this planet.” -Quinta Brunson Purchase tickets to our live show: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/the-antidote-podcast-live/   Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---ing help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into lemonade. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to The Antidote for another week. Amy Yes, we're so happy to have you in. Just a quick reminder before we get into everything, don't forget, our live show is coming up Saturday, November 12th at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. Grace Yep, doors open at 7 p.m., like she said. And you can purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our show notes. Amy And actually our guest this week, London Hughes, she's performing at the New York Comedy Festival, too. So if you're feeling nasty. Go ahead and buy tickets for Friday night as well. And you get to see London Hughes. She's hilarious. Fall in love with her in just a moment on this episode. Grace Yes, definitely is a fun conversation. But Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Well, guys, I read on Vice recently that there are all these wild things coming out from FBI's 40 year investigation of Aretha Franklin. Grace Forty years. Amy I didn't even know that they were investigating her like that. Apparently the FBI file shows the singer was under investigation from. 1967 to 2007. Grace Wow. Amy Mostly because she was politically outspoken and was friends with MLK. They thought that her performance, that MLK funeral could start a revolution, and they were nervous about, quote unquote, black militant power. This is literally nuts. And I literally I'm like, FBI ain't got no cartels to deal with. The eighties came and the crack epidemic was here and you're like, Let's investigate Aretha still. Like, y'all are so weird. Like. Grace I mean, you know what? It's always so profound to me how afraid people are of Black people loving themselves. You know what I'm saying? Like literally Aretha Franklin, she was like a singer, an artist. You were so scared that she was going to whip us up to, like, I don't know. Amy Respect ourselves. Grace I don't know what you want, baby. You got it. Like, I don't know. Amy What what she's got what? What, baby? What does she have? Grace Black people can't want to respect. Amy R-E-S-P-E-C- what? Grace This. This. This. Whole country is built on us, not respecting them. Yeah, this is very disheartening. And the fact that it went on for so long. Amy That's what I'm saying. They're weird. Grace Y'all, weird. Amy Why you so obsessed with her. Grace Yeah. Why are you so obsessed with her? I mean, you know, it's very, very, very disturbing. And God only knows what they're who they're investigating. Now, you up on you when Beyonce's business leave her alone like you bet Jay-Z's business. Like, it just seems so bizarre that they would do this. But I guess I'm glad it came to light, because once again, the United States has proven that you guys are too obsessed with Black people just existing. So I guess we got to keep fighting. Weird. Amy Yeah. I mean, we got to keep fighting. We have no other choice, but that's not the only bit of bummer news. Also, NPR is reporting that hospitals have been raking in profits while patients struggle with medical debt. The quote says about a third of the 100 million adults in the U.S. with health care debt owe money for a hospitalization, according to a poll conducted by the nonprofit Kaiser Family Foundation. Close to half of those owe at least $5,000. About a quarter owe $10,000 or more. Medical debt is crippling and forces people to make difficult choices. And to me, this is a bummer because when capitalism gets greedy around human life, I want to tap out like capitalism ain't what it's supposed to be anyway. It's not what it's cracked up to be like. We're all out here just struggling and working on 9000 zooms a day and getting really tired. And then on top of this, when we get sick from the jobs that we have to do to survive in this economy, there's no support financially or medically. Grace I mean, I'm I'm one of those crazy people that thinks that. We should have universal health care. So this is, of course, very disturbing to me. I mean, I remember Obama talking about on the campaign that like the last moments of his mother's life, she was like worried about like all the money that she owed. I think that we just need to do better. I don't know what the situation is. I keep voting for Democrats and.   Amy I mean, they have the problem.   Grace And they're not doing sh--. So I don't know what else to do. I mean, it's sort of one of these huge, giant issues that you kind of feel powerless against, because I don't want anybody going into debt because their child is sick or their grandma is sick or their mother is sick or they're sick. It's really, really sick. I mean, and frankly, I, you know, have an ex who passed away very young in his life from cancer. And, you know, part of the reason he didn't get treatment sooner was because he didn't have insurance. I mean, it's f---ed up the way that this country treats human life as a part of the economy. Yeah. So I don't know what to do about it, but it's very wrong. It's. It's a complete bummer.   Amy Yeah. So after discussing this bummer news, how are you feeling, Grace?   Grace Not great. How about you?   Amy You know, pretty sh---y.   Grace Okay, well, let's get into this antidote then.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace My antidote, as we have discussed before, I am in New York for work and so I was feeling so stressed. And you know, I talked about before on the podcast how I was like planning on all this stuff that I was going to do in my neighborhood. But here's the problem. It was the plan.   Amy Yeah, yeah.   Grace Because it kind of gave me like a to do list of things that I should do while I'm there. And, oh, here's the best thing and thing. And so this week, what I did are this last weekend, I should say I can't do anything during the week. It is very. Before me. But last weekend, what I did was I just picked a coffee place that I wanted to go to. A tea place. Really? Let's be real. I don't drink coffee. But I decided to get my tea and wander. So I'm in a new neighborhood.   Amy So you just got a cup in your hand?   Grace Yeah. It was so lovely. The. The weather was cooperating. So I just took my tea, and I was like, you know what? Let me just walk down the street. Okay, let me. What should I make a right or a left? Okay, I'm a make a right. And like, I discovered so many new little gems in my neighborhood. And also just people watched and enjoyed being in a new place. So just like wandering with a cup of tea, listening to a podcast, I was listening to our friend Nicole Byers podcast, why won't you date me.   Amy We love her.   Grace And so and then also in New York, the leaves are beginning to turn. So the leaves are like yellow and red and just seeing them falling off the trees. So it was just like a really lovely fall day. So it was just yeah. Cute. Walking around in my ugg boots, in my little jacket.   Amy Let's go off, Uggs.   Grace With a little with my little matcha latte with oat milk throughout my neighborhood, just having a lovely, lovely afternoon. So that was my antidote.   Amy This sounds delightful.   Grace So, Amy, what was your antidote this week?   Amy Well, it's so crazy that yours is wandering your neighborhood because mine is kind of similar. It's like the L.A. version of yours. Because mine was wandering by car a couple weekends ago. I was at a wedding for one of my closest friends, and as I was leaving, it was sort of in Malibu. It was north of L.A. and when I was coming back, the directions I was taking the one on one back, and there was a moment where my directions said to exit the one on one. And I had this instant in my head I was like, But the one who runs away is the way I drove. Here is the way I go back, like, why would I exit? Why I don't want to exit. And then I was kind of like, You know what? Let Google Maps lead you. Because, you know, there are times when you know your route and Google Maps tells you to do a thing and you're like, Naw Google. And I'm like. This time I was like. Like.   Grace And then you end up in like an hour of traffic. Yes.   Amy Yes, exactly. So I was like, it's about to be morning rush hour. I'm going to listen to Google Maps. And the craziest thing, it took me this weird route on this street called Lost Virgins Road, which I had never been on. And along the road it's so green. It's trees everywhere. It was there were hills, there was fog. There was just like like slow driving, like no way to move fast because all the cars are just lined up perfectly on this road. And then it led me all the way to the one and I got to drive down the one and look at the ocean as I was driving home. And for me, when I came to L.A., I remember when I first moved here, when I didn't know my way around, I would wander by car because I wanted to learn different neighborhoods. Yeah, and this even though I had Google Maps, Google Maps told me where to go, but it gave me that same feeling of like, let me take the pretty route and just see what happens and all eventually wander back home. And that's exactly what happened. It was the most beautiful drive and I wouldn't have taken it had I knew the way home. I put it into Google Maps just to check traffic, but had I just done it my way, it would have been just random traffic back to back, bumper to bumper on the 1 to 1. And then because I went this other way, I got to see all this beauty to start my day. And it hit me in such a good mood. So that was my antidote this week.   Grace I love that both of our antidotes are kind of like wonder. We just kind of like where we walked around and or drove around and saw pretty things. Oh, I love that.   Amy I agree. Well, if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, like wandering your neighborhood or taking the scenic or at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. Again, that's 8336843683. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Okay. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is the first British Black woman to be nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Best Show Award for her comedy special, To Catch a Dick. Catch it on Netflix, y'all. She also was featured in Sex Unzipped, hosted by Sweetie and the History of Swear Words, hosted by Nicolas Cage. Well, sh--, motherf---er. God damn. She also created, wrote and starred in her own YouTube comedy series No Filter. And her dating podcast London actually is available on Spotify. Please forgive me for disrespecting you. Please welcome four time Guinness World Record Holder. London Hughes.   London Hughes That was beautiful. I love that intro. I love it.    Amy I don't know what it was that led to an accent.   London Hughes I think you know what? Some Americans do it and it's terrible. But you, you got the gist of it? It sounded good.   Grace Okay. London. Can I show you my British accent?   London Hughes Of course. Please. I will close my eyes again so I can feel it. All my senses are, like, locked and loaded.   Grace Okay, I'll say. I'll say. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy? Is that good?   London Hughes You know what? That wasn't bad at all. Listen, I've had some shockers. I've heard. Hey, you. Oh, oh. Crumpets. Ooh.   Amy What's happening?   London Hughes But your. Grace. Top tier. Very impressive.   Grace Thank you. I appreciate that.   London Hughes Some say, you could bag a British bae by with that 100%.   Grace Okay.   Amy Go get em.   Grace I wouldn't mind it. I do love you guys' accents.   London Hughes Yeah. And we love yours. And that's a crazy thing.   Amy Oh, that's what's nuts. It's like. We talk and I. It's like, just like potatoes rolling around in the bag. I'm like, who wants to hear this noise.   London Hughes I love a Black American accent. Like, it's just sexy. Like, if a man's like, Hey, Ma. And I'm like, Yes, sir. What you want with me? What do you want? Hey, Ma. What we finna do, Ma? What we finna do?I don't know what we finna do, but, I mean, I would love it. I would love to do it. I would love to finna do whatever you want to finna do. Yeah, I love it.   Grace That's so funny. Because honestly, that was what happened the first time I went to New York as an adult or whatever. Like some dude on the street was just like, Yo, what's up ma. I was just like, Oh, marry me.   London Hughes Literally like what. That is something about new. I never even been to New York, but New York. Guys, let's talk about the swagger. Yeah, that's just, like, pleased with the just, like, just. Please. Grab me and just take me away. I love it. Yeah, I love your country. Oh, it's amazing.   Grace Thank you. And we you know, sometimes we don't love it. But.   London Hughes Look. You know what, it's like, if I can give African-American's perspective, I will anywhere I can. I'm just like, your country is ethnic, and I know it feels like it isn't. But I used to want to be an African American so bad, so bad that I was obsessed with everything American. And I wasn't the only one. Everyone, every Black person in Britain had an obsession with Black America since they were born. So, yeah, I was very jealous of all of your childhood. I am jealous of all of it. Like the fact that you grew up watching Black people on TV. Like what? The first black woman I saw on TV was American. So I as a kid, I used to think to get on TV, I had to be American. So that's why I moved here, because from a young age, I was like, Well, I want to be famous, I want to be on TV, so I have to go to America first. That woman I saw was Aunt Viv, Black Aunt Viv. But she was the first black woman I saw on TV show American Accent and the music I listened to. It was all American from TLC, Destiny's Child, Aliyah, all Americans. So then and I'm wearing Sean John Rocawear baby that American so as a British person. We love you guys. You guys. We're obsessed.   Grace That makes me happy. Well, like when you say you love African-Americans in particular because sometimes our own country doesn't love us. Yeah, that. Really is that really. That really touched my heart.   Amy Exactly.   London Hughes No. I think African-Americans are exceptional people.   Amy I mean, I agree with you. All right. So so you're very, very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Okay? We're here to get deep London, so let's check in first. Okay. How are you feeling today? Like real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you in life? How are you doing?   London Hughes So I just went through a traumatic experience this morning.   Amy Wait, what?   London Hughes So yeah. So basically I woke up, got ready to go to yoga, walked out of my building and there were 20 police cars and two police helicopters.   Amy What.   London Hughes In the. Sky. And apparently there was something going down in my building. I had no idea. I came out with my hands up.   Amy Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.   London Hughes I was so scared.   Amy Yeah.   London Hughes And I think I'm on CBS News. I'm like.   Amy Oh, my God.   London Hughes I think there was a lot going on. There was a lot going on.   Amy Do you know what it was?   London Hughes I think someone in my building had somebody hostage. That's what the police said with a gun with it. Yeah. And so that was a lot to take in. That was my first hostage situation. I've never heard a gunshot before. So. In my life.   Grace Yeah, because you're from England?   Amy Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.   London Hughes There's like, police involved. The guns involved. I'm very on edge. So luckily I went to yoga and I namaste'd it out of me, but it was a very intense morning. To wake up. But the the police were really nice. They really sweet to me. And yeah. And I got out of the area. I couldn't go back home after yoga. I had to go to a friend's house because they were still. There was still a hostage situation. Wow. So then when I go back to my street, it's like nothing ever happened. Sunshine and dogs are out. I was like, did I dream of dreaming? Wow, everything's gone. Police are gone. It's beautiful. Everything's fine. And I live in a really nice neighborhood, so I was very confused. But yes, that was.   Grace Now. That's America in a nutshell. Terrible. Things happen, and then it's just like it never happened.   London Hughes Like it never happened. And when I told my friends that yoga about it, they were like, Yeah, that's normal. And I was. Like, That's normal. My mom and dad both rang me from the U.K. to make sure I'm okay cause they're very anxious. Yeah, I was very anxious, but primarily hostage situations and like police, armed police outside your house and helicopters is normal.   Grace It's pretty common here in Los Angeles. Yeah.   Amy Yeah. It's pretty wild.Grace had a situation. I still remember there was an active shooter in her grocery store.   Grace Yeah. So what happened was I was on a meet. I was on a zoom call, and literally I was over zoom, and I hear pop, pop. Then literally I get a text from my friend who used to live in the building and is still on the building chain. She was just like, Stay in your house. There's an active shooter in your building. And I was like, What? But it turns out it was the boyfriend of someone in my building, but he did it in the parking lot of the grocery store that I live near. So, yeah, he shot some woman in the face.   Amy What? Oh.   Grace I was looking on the news, on the local news to see if anybody would cover it. And it was literally a 5 second story or whatever, like deep into the news.   London Hughes How does that make you feel? Because I feel like mentally my mental health is affected by living in a country that has. Yeah. Active shootings. Yeah.   Grace Yeah. It's not great. London. Yeah. I literally feel it every day. And ever since. Buffalo in particular, kind of like whenever I see a white man with a backpack, I'm just like, what's in there? Yeah.   Amy Literally, Grace and I were at dinner, like, a couple of nights ago, and this random white man in cargo shorts, like, came in a side door, and I froze. I was like, why is he walking in the wrong entrance? And I was like, Oh, this is trauma. It's America.   London Hughes See the trauma? This is so I don't have that yet. Yeah. And I'm just scared that I will start to have that assurance of my dad about it, because he has friends from America that live in Britain. And they were talking about a time when one of the American friends, one of them was like out at a pop and a car backfired. And like he dropped to the ground and everyone in the public to him, like what he doing.   Amy What he doing.   London Hughes Like in England, that's No. One. But if you hear it out back, no one in Britain would drop to the ground because when you see that, that's just how the naivete that we have in the. But that's something that's trauma that you live with in America.   Grace Yeah. Keep keep that going as long as you guys can. Yeah.   Amy And honestly, honestly, that bit about trauma is exactly why we started this podcast. So, London, what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   London Hughes I went on a date. Oh, Do you know what it is? I go on dates often. And I like guys. I'm not go that to love not love like really quickly. Yeah, I'm obsessed. And then like, yeah, drop them just like that. Just as quick. I'm like that.I'm like all or nothing and I'm in relationship. I feel like there's a flower and there's the gardener. And so.   Amy Yeah, I always say that. I always say that.   London Hughes There's a flower and a gardener.   Grace I'm a f---ing flower, ok.   London Hughes I have gardening tools because, you know, I'm very successful and I have my own place and I have my own career and I'm, I'm, I can garden. So I've just been gardening these dudes and helping them grow and that's the problem.   Amy That's the problem.   London Hughes Because I'm the flower.   Amy I'm the flower girl literally this is what got me into therapy was realizing I was like, I thought I was a gardener because I have gardening tools.   London Hughes Yeah.   Amy And then my therapist was like, um. Have you met you? She's like, Yeah.   London Hughes You a flower, you a flower. You should be watered. Your mulch should be should be moist.   Amy Massage my mulch.   London Hughes Massage your mulch, like you're a flower. And so because we've got garden into it, a lot of women become gardeners, then they're unhappy that unsatisfied and they're wondering why they're not. It's because you are a f---ing flower and you have been gardening. And so I met this guy and he's a gardener.   Amy He's massaging that mulch.   London Hughes Oh, massaging the mulch.   Grace Till the soil. Water the leaves. Let's go, baby.   London Hughes So I'm very happy about that.   Amy I love the idea of an antidote being like letting someone treat you to a good time. Like, I'm like, that's an antidote, honestly.   London Hughes It's a great form of therapy to just have someone just really, like, love on you. And I know it sounds shallow.   Grace Especially as Black women, it's.   Amy It's not shallow.   Grace It's like an extra of self-care.   London Hughes It really is self-care. And I feel like as Black women, we do just take everything on ourselves. We work very hard. We better. The brunt of so many things were just like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll just get on with it. We're just going to do it, yeah. Cause the world is cool to us so we with with tough end to the world. But sometimes you go, I realize I'm a baby girl, I'm a little baby girl and I need looking after because I'm a baby girl.   Amy Exactly.   London Hughes I need a strong man to come look after me because sometimes I'm a baby girl. And so yeah, last night. I was a baby girl four times. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.   Grace Oh my god. I love that. You better get it in. But you know what? I do have another question for you.   London Hughes Okay.   Amy So in Amy's intro of you, she talks about your world records, her Guinness Book of World Records. Okay, so could you just fill our listeners in like, girl? How do you have four? What are they? Let us know.   London Hughes I love how you say, girl, how you have four. Okay. This is how I have four. Basically, I figured out that if you do a world record for something that hasn't been done before. Or has only been attempted once or twice, you can easily break it and end up in the record books. So I have world records for the most stupid things, so I have one for the fastest Ham and cheese sandwich made blindfolded.   Amy Wow. Wow.   London Hughes I got the back. I'm in the book. Page eight. Let's go. Let's go get the book. I'm in the book. And then I've got one for the most bangles on a wrist in 30 seconds. I've got one for the tallest paper cups tower made in a minute.   Amy Wow. Oh my God.   London Hughes And I've got the final one is for the tallest tower of hats worn on one person at one time. Pow.   Amy I need that photo. Wow.   London Hughes You had to balance them on your head. I can find that to balance them on your head. And on top of that, you have to keep it there for like a minute. If any of the has dropped, you lose the record some. If I did it, I won't tell you the right words that I want people to go and try and beat them. But yes, I know it's full and they give you the plaque and you get in the book. And yes, we do make do I got more Guinesss World records than Usain Bolt. I am I I'm a unicorn I one of one. My uniform is unicorn the only one with only one. Whip. Whip.   Grace That girl.   Amy That's right.   London Hughes Quip quip.   Grace Where did you get the idea to like try to break world record?   London Hughes So in my past life, I was a children's TV host and I was like the face of the kids channel, like Nickelodeon in the UK. And part of it was one of our jobs. We present the show, we do sketches, we do that, and then we try and break world records. I've  attempted like 20. I've broken four.   Amy There has to be something that like isn't in the Guinness Book of World Records that you have done, Grace or that I have done, that could actually be.   London Hughes 100%. Silly things like the fastest time to get in a sleeping bag, like that's a world record. Yeah.   Grace What about the fastest time closing a dating app? Because that would be that.   London Hughes Hey, you know what?   Grace That one I win at.   London Hughes I have done it in literally downloaded it, edited it, put up all the pictures, deleted it.   Amy Deleted it.   London Hughes Yeah. It's hard out here.   Amy It is hard. But what I love about you, London, is that you even went out and found a date and you were like, I deserve an upgrade and you found it. And I realize you said something recently. You said that you reached all of your goals in 2020 and now you know that you can do anything. Yeah, I want to know more about that. How did you unlock this confidence?    London Hughes Do you know what it is? So I used to get bullied a lot. So this version of me is like Pokemon. Now you've got like the furtrapped Charmander, Charmeleon Charmeleon Charzan, like I'm Charmazan now. But Charmander me, I was definitely insecure about my looks. I go I. I really care what people thought of me. So I would bend over backwards for other people. And I put so much weight, whatever they thought of me, I put so much weight and I didn't realize that people just projects. So like if someone didn't like me, I thought I was a problem. It's like, no, no, they are the problem. If they don't like you, that's their problem. That's your problem. And I didn't realize that. So I was really trying to make people like me and I was living with these girls at university and they I'm 18 at this point, 90, and they all believe me. And it was so traumatic and they were just like and they were black women as well. And it's this is sad because I love women, but sometimes we can really turn on our own and be our own worst enemy. And at the time, I feel I was the problem. And then I didn't realize. Now looking back on it, I'm like, Oh, I was so awesome. That just made me more authentic self. Rock these girls the wrong way to the point where they had to express it by being mean and they would do stuff like, I used to work. TGI Fridays. Yeah. And I was studying at university and doing 12 hours, just the teacher on Fridays. And I would come home and there'd be a house party in my house that I'm not invited to. And they would make me sit in my room. What? And I wasn't allowed out my room by.   Amy That's jealousy, jealousy, baby.   London Hughes And then they would leave all the washing up for me to clear out.   Amy Why? Why was that your responsibility?   London Hughes Just because they could and they would just leave out outside my bedroom door, or they would just leave it for me to do. And I'd be like, okay, I'll do it. Like.   Grace Oh, well, it's me. It's so clear that they saw the light that is yellow and bright if brighten. And then. And so they're like, I have to crush it. I have to stomp it out before it gets. Yeah.   London Hughes And I was just a shell of the inside me was just like, I'm fine. I'm this I'm not outside. I just was scared of doing the wrong thing all the time because I just didn't want these people to know like me. And then I started doing stand up and when I got on stage and got my first laugh authentically as me, that gave me the validation to be like, I don't need this, I'm fine just the way I am. And the confidence came off to that. I'm doing stand up. I became a new bitch. I didn't even know that I would go anymore. Wow. I can make strangers. I can go through on stage and make a roomful of strangers laugh and laugh at me like, come on, let's go. And so after that, I never looked back. And so I had goals. I'd set myself my whole life. And some of them were small, some of them were big, but they all kind of involved my career and my life. I was like, I want to live in America. I want to I want to have a Netflix special. I want I want to have my own TV shack. I want to have a movie night. And these are all things that happened in 2020. And I remember I came to like September 2020 and been like London during a global pandemic. And you sold a Netflix special. A movie and a TV show. Oh, yeah. Um, you're going to do everything. You don't even live here. You're not even from here. You've just moved to America. I moved to. America in February 2020 two weeks before Tom Hanks got COVID, and I achieved a lot that year. And I just realized that, like, you know, when it's for you, it won't go by you.   Grace Yeah, that's true.   London Hughes Now that I know that I'm unstoppable.   Amy You know what's so beautiful. I'm obsessed with that. And it's also so beautiful because a year when we all had to go inward against our will, we all had to go inward. You were able to keep tapping into the truest you, and that's what brought your success.   London Hughes Thank you, Amy. Honestly, like the wildest time of my life was when Kevin Hart flew me to Las Vegas to meet him. And I literally was like, This man does not know me, only seen as my talent. Kevin saw me do stand up and was like, She's amazing. And I remember when he flew me out and I was just like, I have been my whole life. I have been that girl that's been overlooked with black women. We've all been overlooked women in a situation where we thought we weren't good enough. Being a black woman in the white man's world of comedy in Britain, it was just failure every day, rejection every day. I was always told that I wasn't funny. I was always told I was an acquired taste. I was always, I would never do this and I would never do that. I remember my own agent. I was like, I want to be back in America. And she was like, You're not even big in England.   Amy How dare she.   Grace How she feeling now, though?   Amy Yeah, where she at?   London Hughes She's still there. She's still my agent. See, that's the thing. See, look, at the end of day, she apologized. Yeah, I know. When they've done it before, she used to look after like Russell Brand. Russell Brand was big in the UK, then crossed over to America with that call. So Forgetting Sarah Marshall blew up. So that was the message she knew. And so Langston Hughes came along. No one had done that. No one had been big in comedy, had been big in America before, going big in England before being in for me. So I remember just like flying out to Vegas and he sent me a car. Car came, fly out to Vegas, get to Vegas. And the guy's like, London, escalate and get to my hotel. And I'm in a suite and I'm just like. What? This is my life. This is reality. These are things that I would write about in. In my diary or things that I would try and manifest dreams. I'm like, No, this is my truth. And Kevin, what's that? What you want? And then I was like, I want to be able to say. And he laughed. And he was like, okay, listen to this. Girl my train. I'll be the train driver. I'll drive you to stardom. And you'll do comedy Beyonce,.   Amy Wow.   London Hughes And I was like.   Grace Oh, my God. But honestly. London. Can I just say lucky us.   London Hughes Oh, Grace.   Grace You know what I'm saying?   Amy You're right, though. You're right though.   Grace Lucky us. Because, you know, if you hadn't been able to break through all those boundaries, I would have never gotten to see you so lucky that you were able to do that. Yeah.   London Hughes I mean, if I listen to everyone in Britain, I wouldn't. But my gut and my heart was like that and I literally was like, if I go to America and it doesn't work, at least I tried. Let the plan was to work my hardest. Break down those doors and just really. Just, like, really throw everything. Yeah. And I got to America to break down the door. But the door was open, and they were like, Yeah, come in. What is that? Really? And then I just remember it was a global pandemic. I'm in Vegas. Kevin Hart spent the day with him talking about my career, and he's like, I want to produce a Netflix special, and I don't have additional movies in our movies TV series. We're doing it all. We're doing The Takeover. And I remember just thinking like, This man is that my uncle? This man doesn't know me. This man doesn't owe me anything and he sees value in me. He doesn't even know me. So what was I thinking? Trying to bend over backwards for my friends at university who I genuinely loved and cared about when a stranger. A stranger, a man who's worth 300 million and the other side of the world. So what I could. Well, I saw myself. What other people kept telling me wasn't that, you know, I'm so sure. Like you never know where your blessings come. And he's one of my blessed Kevin Darnell Hart changed my life, and now my confidence is through the roof.   Grace But you know what? But it's. But what you're talking about is so important. And, you know, I'm I'm glad that you're talking about it, because I think people need to hear it. I think it's that you're in charge of letting your sparkle show. Yeah. When you found your sparkle wasn't when Kevin Hart saw you, your sparkle was already there because you decided to take the reins off of yourself and really show up authentically as you. So anybody can do that no matter even if you don't want to be in comedy or you don't want to be in this business or whatever, I don't blame you, but anyone in their life just really show up authentically as yourself and the world needs to see it. I'm like stop shrinking.   London Hughes The moment I stop trying to be something I wasn't. And that's when everything happened. Because before, you know, we all go through phases, we all try and be a thing. The moment I just said, F---, I'm going to do me, that's when I wrote to Catch the Edible Comedy Festival is the White Festival in the world. It's every orchestra in Scotland. Comedians from all over the world go there to perform stand up every day for a month. And it's so why? And I remember being like, should I do a show to try and appease then like and all the white men that they were doing a certain type of show which is like very posh comedy. And most of the guys that get nominated, they are from Cambridge University and you know, they're very this distance. Like, I have a joke about my dad and my. Aren't your parents funny when they do this. And all the girls but a lot of the white females that would be like, oh my God, I am such a quirky white female and I'm going to say anal and it's comedy. And so I was like, Should I be like them? And then I was like, no, I'm going to do a show about dick.   Amy Yeah, yeah.   London Hughes That's what ended up getting me nominated. So I was like, Oh, just be like, Yeah, do yourself. Do you talk about what you love? Oh, no, I love that. Oh, I love dick. Dick is so good. God bless Dick.   Amy I mean God bless. Well with everything you have going on, like how do you prioritize self-care? What do you do for yourself?   London Hughes So I have like duvet days where like I literally just will not leave my house or leave the bed and yeah, it goes, I call it bed peace. So like when Yoko Ono and John Lennon just sat in bed. Jhene Aiko and Donald Glover recreate that for a music video. And I think the song was called Bed Peace by Have Bed Peace While I'm in bed, I eat pizza in bed, I watch anything and everything. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has the land of Potomac. And I just like just to me, just veg out. I just not care. And then I've also started doing hot yoga as well.   Grace Oh, I love hot yoga.   London Hughes It's so good.And after that, you just feel so much better about yourself. And so I do that. And then, yeah, having as much sex as possible is self-care. So I like to find a date, catch a dick. So on the day, they're all things I enjoy. So spin on a dick. I'm there. Watch my special if you don't know what I'm talking about. But basically. Yeah, I feel like it's really important to put you first. And I think in life, especially as black women, we work really hard and we try and yeah, you know, you can't be combative, you can't be divisive to a black woman. We don't want to get the stigma of being the angry black woman. So we we spend a lot of our lives going, yeah, sure, that's fine. Yeah, sure.   Amy Yeah. I can work with that.   London Hughes I can work with that, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. So, and like that gets tiring after a while. So some days you just gotta be like, No, I'm going to do me today and that's all that matters. So yeah, that my happy, that my self-care days.   Amy Oh I'm obsessed with duvet days.   Grace I have never done that. And you know what I'm going to try.   London Hughes Yeah, try it.   Amy I have to, I have to incorporate this into my life because I have to be honest, I tried it. A couple of weeks back. I did it and I got I was like, I'm not doing anything. I need to make a list of things to do. And I know what I'm saying. I failed, and so I need to do it for real.   London Hughes You have to just switch off lights off, don't do anything. And a lot of my best ideas have come off the DVDs because you literally just your brain just switches off and then like something happens, you'll watch something and get an idea and get inspiration. I'm not worried about anything else. It just comes naturally because I don't like force anything. I don't force it is one of my most I don't force friendships. I don't force force anything. And sometimes we're just in this natural state. Stop that. I call it the butterfly effect. So there's a saying and it's this gardener was trying to catch a butterfly and in the garden the butterfly flying around and he's got his Barcelona and he's swinging and he's missing and he's swayed and he's hot and he's out of breath. But if he just stayed still, the butterfly would eventually land on his nose. Yeah, and that's how I feel about life. I want the butterfly to land on my nose. Yeah. So just stay grounded, stay still and the butterfly will land on your life. And literally, it's worked in every career, in love life.   Amy I feel this. Yeah, I need this lesson. I needed this.   Grace That stay still and the butterfly will land on your nose. I feel like that is so true. Like, sometimes the answer is when you just, like, walk away. That's just some self care. And it comes.   London Hughes It comes to you. And it's always when you like. When you let go, that's when it's yours. Yeah. That's what they have that saying let go and it comes back to it's yours every time I've gone, oh I don't care about that job. I get it every time. But the job that I'm like. Ohhhh. I never get those ones. But the one for you just. I just do the thing and then it's mine. And that's how I feel about life. Thank you. Whenever you want to buy an outfit, when you have money, you never find what you want to buy. But when you don't have money, that's when all the things you want to buy and everything is here. But then if you just relax and whatever, you're not even thinking about it. You're like, Oh, that's a cool outfit. Oh, I get that, that it's yeah, don't take the pressure away, take the risk, take the pressure away. And so yeah, the butterfly effect is really good for creatives if you just want to get out of your own way.   Amy Yeah. Oh, London. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. This has been amazing.   London Hughes Aw, thanks babe. I feel better, too. I feel like you were supposed to give me the therapy or was I supposed to give.   Amy No. You really helped me, so much of that. Just hit so close to home. I was like, I needed this today. I was crying in therapy. How I'm too busy. And now I'm like, Here we go.   Grace Well, you need to duvet day. You need some bed.   London Hughes Do the duvet day, bed peace.Let it come to you and it will. That's the craziest thing. It really will come to you.   Grace Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about?   London Hughes There's so many things that I can't even goddamn tell. So like every I mean, two of my movies have been announced, but that I don't even know when they're coming out. Well, I will just say, what's my Netflix special to catch it thick if you haven't yet? It's produced by Kevin Darnell. It saved my life and I filmed it in a global pandemic to 70 strangest. Most comedians do the Netflix specials to their fans because I just moved to L.A. and didn't have any fans yet. I did my Netflix special to 70 people that just thought they were going to a comedy show.   Amy Wow,  that's so cool. The laughs were on.   Grace Tey were dying laughing.   Amy Yeah, I think it's such a good show.   London Hughes They had never heard of me and it was the pandemic and they just wanted to be outside. So yeah, that was a lot of fun. What's that? And then look out for something so exciting that I can't even talk about the if if game is a game changer.   Amy Oh, we're excited. We're excited. And where can people find you on the Internet?   London Hughes So theLondonHughes on Twitter. On Instagram, that's where I'll be. And I announced all my stand up gigs and everything, like want to see me live. I do like comedy, so Laugh Factory, Hollywood improv. So I'm about in L.A. and I'm doing the New York Comedy Festival in next month. In November, tickets will be announced soon. So yeah, stop by your phone and come see my new special to catch a bouquet which yes, I wrote a new show, Catch A Bouquet   Amy Oh my God.   London Hughes And I'm debuting it at the New York Comedy Festival. So.   Grace Oh my gosh. I will be in New York, so I will definitely be there. Yes, yes, yeah.   London Hughes It's all about love. I'm ready to be a wife. It's ten times funnier than to catch a dick. And it's my renaissance.   Amy Ladies and gentlemen this has been comedy Beyonce. Thank you so much.   London Hughes Thank you for having me.   Grace Thank you. London.   London Hughes Whip whip.   Amy Whip whip.   Grace Okay to close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy I sure am. Let's go.   Grace Life can be dark and horrible, but what makes humans so resilient is their ability to find the light and dark situations. I think it's the only reason why we're still on this planet. And that is my new Emmy Award winner, Quinta Brunson. I'll say it one more time. Life can be dark and horrible, but what makes humans so resilient is their ability to find the light and dark situations. I think that's the only reason why we're still on this planet. Quinta Brunson.   Amy Oh, I love Quinta. I love Quinta so much. I had the brief joy of working with her for like a week right before the pandemic. And, and I just had such a light comedy crush on her. And obviously we all know her from her online presence and her work at BuzzFeed, all these things. But watching her grow up and become the star, creator and champion of talent that she has on Abbott Elementary has been incredible. She's impeccable. And I love this quote. And I remember it's from Essence magazine, from the interview. She did the cover story she had with Essence. And I remember she says that she felt that it's certainly the only reason black people are still here. And I love the specificity of that because it's like, yes, all people need to make light in dark situations. But Black people, we are resilient, as we just talked about with our guest, Linden Hughes. We are resilient. We have bounced back for days. And even though sometimes it is painful to always have to keep bouncing back, I think the joy of being Black is that we always have our joy. They can't take it. They can't take it. As Beyoncé said, they hate me because they want to be me. You know, they can't take it. So I'm like, life is dark and horrible, but that's why we're comedy writers. That's why we love jokes, that's why we love each other. And I think that is why we're here, to keep on spreading that love. So I know it's just a beautiful quote and Quinta is a beautiful person.   Grace Yes. I also atan Quinta Brunson and I'm so happy, like I literally screamed when she won her Emmy. I was so excited, like, I want it. And, you know, I don't know her as well. I've met her a couple of times, but I'm so happy because Abbott Elementary is such a gift. And so this quote actually makes me think of Abbott Elementary because literally she made a comedy about a underserved school and she made it so funny. And she's able to make certain points about our kind of messed up educational system, especially that fails a lot of kids of color. She's made these points, but made them in such a smart and it doesn't feel like afterschool especially. And it's so funny, like she's really created something so special. So to make that funny, like there's a high level of difficulty. And I think it's what I love personally about comedy. Like all the stuff that I do that is 100%. My voice always has some sort of medicine you take with your yummy cake of comedy. You know, I really love to do stuff that's satirical and stuff that takes the dark moments that we have in life and tries to give you a different perspective on it and make you laugh. So I feel like this quote is almost like the essence of comedy, taking the dark and horrible things and making light of it. I think that's the joy of being an artist and also the joy of being alive.   Amy Love that. Agreed.   Grace Thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two e's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and treat me like I treat me. Yeah. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks. Associate producer Jess Penzetta and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT, The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created byAmy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes. Antidoteshow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. Also, don't forget our live show Saturday, November 12. Purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our show notes.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy See you soon, New York.

On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace share advice they would give their younger selves to help them better navigate relationships, including not taking romantic relationships so seriously, and setting boundaries within their friendships.  Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – Ime Udoka’s cheating scandal, and the leaked audio with racist remarks from a member of the Los Angeles City Council. They also share their antidotes: a new coat and a new vision board. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “I think it’s just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to.” -Sandra Oh Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. Purchase tickets to our live-show: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/the-antidote-podcast-live/   OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in' help. Grace We are comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into Lemonade. Beyoncé reference. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another Wednesday. Another us. Amy Hey, hey. The only thing that I want to talk about this week is that we finally got the details for our first live show. Ooh. Listeners. That's right. If you listeners want to become viewers will come out to the first live show ever. It's going to be Saturday, November 12th, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. You can purchase tickets now at NY Comedy Festivalt.com. That's NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our shownotes. Grace We are so stupid excited and we will have an announcement of the guests very soon. But come see us. We are so excited to actually meet some of you in person. And yeah, we have been planning this and so we're ready to turn up with y'all and hear you guys and adults. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Amy And you'll also get a little bit more dose of us. So you're going to hear a little later in the episode our storytime segment. And you'll see that if you come to our live show, you get to hear a little bit more from us. Isn't that you see what you want? Grace You will see unedited Grace and Amy. Amy Yes, uncut Grace and Amy. Grace Uncut. But you know what? We wouldn't need an antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Okay, well, guys, I'm not a sports fan by nature. I don't really follow sports well. But I'll tell you what, when a Nigerian man is a head coach, I'm paying attention. And when that Nigerian man chooses a baddy as his fiancee, I'm paying attention. So I've been following this Ime Udoka cheating scandal like and it is for that is yikes. Yeah it's yikes. Basically, for anyone who doesn't know, actress Nia Long's fiancee and head coach of the Boston Celtics Ime Udoka, made headlines for having an affair with a staff member and violating team policies in the process. And the affair is bad enough, but here's why it's a major bummer, eh? He's been engaged to Nia since 2015. They also share a son, Cass, who's ten years old. Part B, she had just moved out to boston to be with him and Black people ain't trying to be in Boston like that. So she'd given up her LA life to go to Boston. Grace I mean, you got Nia Long in your house. Amy Come on. Grace You got Nia Long in your house. Who is? I don't know how old the queen is. I'm not going to say, but she looks incredible. You're going to have that in your house and you're going to step out on her and embarrass her after she picked up all her Chanel bags and move them to Boston. Amy Come on. After you fathered the child, you engaged the woman, you said move with me to the cold city of Boston, Beantown, and she did it. How are you going to do that to a bad bitch? Grace I don't know. I mean, it's the disrespect is so terrible, but all I do is I pray for that woman's peace. I hope that whatever she decides to do, you know, whatever she decides to do is whatever she decides to do. At the end of the day, that's her baby's daddy. Yeah, but at the. But I am heartbroken for her. This must be so embarrassing to, like, have your business in the street like this. It's embarrassing regardless. But, like, now, millions of people know that this man, like, cheated us. It's so disgusting. And, you know, I just send my love and support to that queen. Amy Yeah. And he's making Nigerians look bad. I'm just annoyed. That's not the only been a bummer news this week. The other bit of bummer news also involves a scandal, a leak, if you will. Los Angeles City Council president has resigned from her leadership role after audio leaked of her racist remarks. Grace Bye girl. Amy Yeah, I'm like bye girl literally. There's so many things that make this bad. So basically Los Angeles City Council member Nury Martinez resigned because she was making racist remarks about a fellow council member and his black child. The council member, Mike Bonin, is a white man and his family adopted a Black child. And he, of course, in campaigning, has gone out with his family, which includes the Black child. And Nury Martinez took it upon herself in a conversation to say Bonin thinks he's f---ing Black and she's saying things like, they're raising him like a little white kid. I was like, This kid needs a beat down. Let me take him around the corner and then I'll bring him back. This woman said this in a recording. Grace Didn't she call him a monkey, too? Amy Yes, she did. This one forgot the color of her own skin. This woman forgot that her last name, Martinez. This woman forgot that they don't want you here neither. I'm like literally, lady, what's wrong with you? Grace I live for whoever recorded this. I live for whoever record this. Amy Being like I got gold right here. Grace I'm so happy that that bitch is cut off right at the knees. Cut her because she could have kept rising within the Democratic Party. I'm so sorry. You can't lead a diverse city like Los Angeles. And have those kind of f---ed up views. So I'm glad I didn't see anyone yell at me one on Twitter or other, like saying anything but this woman should resign. And that that's not typical. Sometimes you hear people, Oh, well, maybe we should forgive or whatever. But no, it was so egregious that everyone was like, she got to go and she did go and be a bitch forever. Amy And also, I will say that's the one thing I like about the scandal that the Latinx community has been protesting heavy against this woman because it could turn into an us versus them situation like crabs in a barrel. We're all punching down and I'm so glad it hasn't. There have been large groups of Latinx protesters outside of her house calling for her resignation because they're like you, making us look bad. And I also like love that as people of color we can all agree on sh---y behavior is unlikely to me. I'm like I. I was expecting the protesters to be mostly black and the fact that they weren't actually filled me with pride for my city. My city. Yeah, I love that I said my city. I don't know if I've ever said that about L.A., but it filled me with pride for my city because I was like, Yeah, we can all agree that this was this was toxic behavior. And she got to go. Grace And then did you see like some of the footage from the council meeting? People went in. They could not even finish the council meeting because people were just like, why are they still here? Why they still here? But why they still here? But why? So, you know. Amy It was a reverse Beto. Grace So I really I really did feel like whenever people, like, line up behind us as people of color, it really does fill my heart with a lot of love because we're all in this human experience together. And city is a city does. So when you do something that terrible then. You know about talking about a toddler, a two year old. Bitch. You got to go. Amy You got to go. Grace I'm glad you're gone. Amy Oh, how do you feel after hearing about all this bummer news, Grace. Grace Oh. Actually, it's it's not great. I mean, these ones this week were pretty bad. I'm so sorry that my queen Mia is being treated like sh--. And, you know, while it's great that this council member resigned, I hate that she said in the first place. Amy Yeah, I mean, for real. So that's why we got to get into the antidote. Let's get into it. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace? Grace Actually, okay. I bought a coat, so I know that sounds like Oh bitch. By the coach. She's in New York. She needs a coat. Right? That doesn't sound like that would bring anyone that much joy. But let me tell you, I have kind of missed the seasons now. I really do like living in L.A., you know, but now that it is starting to get a little colder, I bought a Canada goose coat and let me tell you why that is a meaningful thing. First of all, I will acknowledge right now that some people do not like Canada Goose because they have in the past used coyote coyote fur. Amy Where? Grace On their hoods. Amy Oh, like the fur. Grace The fur around the hood. So I will acknowledge anybody who hates the brand. I will acknowledge that that is the thing. I did not get a coat with any fur on it, just a regular puffer coat. But let me tell you why. This is a meaningful moment in my life. Canada goose coats are very common onsets to be used because they are very, very warm. And oftentimes you're shooting, you know, in the cold weather here, there's a lot of weather in New York, especially from September up. There's a lot of it's very unpredictable. There could be it could be 81 day. Then next day it's raining. And, you know, so there's a lot of weather. So I remember trying one on when I was an assistant while I was here and I was like, Oh my God, this coat is so nice. And then I went online. I was like, I'm going to get that coat. It's really warm and nice. And seeing the price of the coat was very out of my price range as an assistant. And you know, we will be shooting until December on this current production that I'm working on right now. So I was just like, I think kind of get myself a Canada goose coat, go, oh, and so I like ordered it from Bergdorf's and I went and I picked it up because it was expensive enough that I would have had to sign for it. And I'm never home because I'm always on set. So I bought this coat and it really lit me up. Number one, it's just a really good coat. It's super warm, it's got little straps so you can like kind of wear it as a backpack. Amy Like the Beyoncé coat. Grace Exactly. So it's got those straps. So you could wear it as a backpack like our Ivy Park coat that be in Amy have the same one because we are what. So it's just a really practical, very, very warm coat. And I bought the long one that comes down like past your knees. And yeah, it costs a lot of money, but it really just was a moment of growth for me financially because I was just like, I can afford this coat, I'm going to pay for it with my business account because it is a business expense. And so it really made me happy that I was able to afford this coat that was so out of reach for me just like seven years ago when, you know, I was an assistant. So I was, you know, I just had it on set this week and I wore it and I just felt so proud and I felt so warm. I was so happy. So I know. It's just like then an expensive coat would bring me that much joy. But it did because I was just like, Look, the last time you were here, the last time you were on a set in New York, you wouldn't have ever been able to afford this. And now you can't afford this. So. So, yeah, that was my antidote. Buying an expensive coat's a very impractical coat, but I will get a lot of use for it because hopefully I will work on this show again. And also my parents live in Michigan, so I can definitely get use out of it when I'm there around Christmas. So that was my antidote this week. Amy I love that. Grace And what was yours this week, Amy? Amy So I had a witchy night with two girlfriends where we like. I'm a big goal setter. I'm a Virgo. Don't act surprised. I love to set goals. And we had a night where we talked about our goals and we made vision boards together and it was so fun. My friends are named Alison and Lyla and we've been in a writers group for years, and so we got together, we got these magazines, we lit candles, we set our intentions. We imagined herself like moving into greatness. Then we made these vision boards and it was amazing. I like making a vision board. I don't do it like at a regular time every year, but it was so wonderful to do it and I think it's something that's easy for our listeners to do. If you guys are interested, just grab some magazines and just cut out the images that speak to you. I try not to think too hard when I'm cutting them out. I'm just like, I like this. This is a pretty image. This is the house I want to be in. This is the coat I want to wear when I'm in that house. Haha tied it together and I also like words that inspire me. Like I have the word entrepreneur. Rainbow access, women of influence, top talent because I want to work with top talent some day. So I have all these buzz words on my vision board. I have these images of black women thriving. Diana Ross is on my vision board. Zoe was on my vision board. Like, there's so many people because I'm just seeing like the joy that they have is what I want to experience. Yeah. So if I were making a vision board with Grace, I would put a Canada goose coat on there because I want it. Grace Yeah, and here's the thing. I mean, I understand that not everyone can afford a Canada goose coat. I was in that place not too long ago, but I think that it is nice to just buy yourself or something slightly impractical that is, you know, whatever is within your budget at this moment just to make yourself smile. Amy Yeah. So if you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 8336843683. Again, that's 8336843683. We'll be back after the break. Welcome to Story Time. Grace As though this is the segment of the show where we're going to ask each other a question we've never spoken about before and who knows where the conversation will go? Amy, are you ready? Let's do it. So, Amy, I came across this tweet recently by at QueenVeej and it said Aunties and Auntie Juniors and I'm sorry, I claim Auntie Junior. I'm not a full Auntie yet. Give the nieces some advice about life that can help them navigate romance and friendship better than you did in your teen and young adult years. So if you could write a letter to your younger self in your teen and young adult years, what would you say to her? What advice would you give yourself about navigating romance and friendship better? And why?   Amy Me? What advice would you give to myself?   Grace Yes.   Amy Huh? About navigating romance and friendship better. It's so funny. I was you. As you know, I recently went to Paris and when I was walking the streets with a friend of mine, she's so awesome. And we were just, like, strolling around and she's like, Do you ever see your younger self walking around the city? And I'm like, Yes, yes. That happens to me all the time where you're going home. You're like, That's me is just like another girl who looks vaguely like you, whatever. And she was like, What is the thing you would say if you could go up to her and say something? And at the same time I said, Just f--- the guy. And she said, Don't f--- the guy. I was like, Don't f--- that guy. And we started laughing, like, literally just balling out in the middle of Paris. Just laughing so hard.   Grace That is so funny.   Amy Because I feel like the lesson I wish I could give myself about romance is, like, not, not. I'm like, I'm glad I made it to, like, you know, my ripe age with no STDs. But I'm also sort of like kids go to people who live well with that quote from Girls, like, like all fun girls have HPV.   Grace Just a light STD. Nothing, you know, life changing. Just like, just like a, like one of the ones, like, just, you know, like little gonorrhea.   Amy Yeah, just the one that I could take a little pill. But I will say that, like young me, because of the church and all these things was so like, well, first you have to, like, hold hands for nine weeks and then you kiss once on the mouth for a year and then you fall deeply in love, and then you get married. And nine days after marriage, you can say, I just had the craziest concept of how love worked. And if I could do anything, I wish I just walked around a little bit and not not even necessarily sex. I just mean, like, made out with a few more guys, got my heart broken a few more times, like actually like, loosened up a little bit. And that's such a weird thing because I'm like, I guess I got here kind of healthy in some ways, but I think because I didn't date a ton when I was younger, it actually kind of f---ed me up like that. Every relationship, I was like, This is the guy, this is the one. And that actually was like its own mind f--- of thinking that every guy that quote unquote chose me was the guy. Yeah. And I feel like had my parents let me date, I might not have had the I don't I might still have. They're like some women. It's just out of your program.   Grace Yeah. Like, I just want to say that this is kind of we're friends. There's so many similarities between us. But, yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like I was so much more conservative in so many ways. Yeah. As a kid, like, not never politically. Never, don't, don't get that twisted, but never politically. But I mean, definitely I didn't dance to music that didn't feel like.   Amy I worked it ut.   Grace Pure, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would I wouldn't ever, like, went back that came out. I don't know how old I was, like maybe who I was back high school or something like that. But you know what I'm saying? I was just like, No, I cannot do that. I have too much respect for myself. Like, I just feel like I just didn't have a lot of fun as a teen and a young adult because I felt like I don't know if it was respectability politics about being a young black woman in particular. Because I was like in a lot of white spaces, I was usually one of very few black people. So I don't know if I was doing that because I felt like I had to to comport myself in a certain way because I was a black girl. You know, I went to Catholic school for nine years, too, so like I had a lot of that Catholic guilt about, like, you don't let anybody like me touch you or disrespect you. You are a jewel from Jesus's crown and you have to like be perfect in everything that you do or you are going to hell. Like if anyone said the slightest thing to me, I was just like, he doesn't respect me, so he must be gone. And I have to. Wait for my God chosen spouse to come to me and he's going to lay down rose petals on the ground and throw coats over puddles then, you know, just overy map romanticizing. And I was just like, girl, you were like 15 like back then ass up have some fun dance just date boys kiss boys do stuff like without so much weight on it. But I just-   Amy Cath em a little bit. Spin on the dick, you know, just like spin on that dick.   Grace I don't know if I used to be spin dicks, but at least I should have been like, Oh my God, just because he held my hand doesn't mean we're going to get married in five years. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it was. Yeah, I, I relate a lot to what you were saying.   Amy Yeah, that's, that's my big one. And I will say, as a girl who I love to dance and I was back in that ass up and shaking it like a salt shaker, and I knew what skeet skeet motherf---er means, but I was just like, but that's just dancing. I was always just like, That's just dancing. I'm not doing anything wrong.   Grace Now you're more fun than me. Because I was just like, why? Like, I really hated, like, grind dancing too.   Amy Oh, I loved it. I was like, I didn't like, what's that song? Feel a little pow pow coming, dude. I like, literally can't believe that was a real song on the radio and that we danced to it and we felt a little punk coming through. I cannot believe all of that now. The 90s were wild.   Grace I hated that because while like I felt like, Oh my God, like I and to this day I kind of feel like this. I was just like, why you couldn't just walk up to me and grind on me and at the bus stop, like, why you touching me?   Amy It was literally the grossest time of of our musical journey. This generation, like I. I was on that floor. I was on that dance floor, but I wouldn't grind it now.   Grace I was on the floor. But I was on the floor by myself. I would dance on tables. I would, you know, I would have a lot of fun doing, like, choreography for, like Beyonce videos and sh--.   Amy So now, Grace, your turn. If you could write a letter to your younger self in your teen and young adult years, what would you say to her? What advice would you give yourself about navigating romance and or friendship? Since I only did romance.   Grace So I would say the same thing that you said about romance as we just discussed, that I should have like loosened up and not put so much weight on every interaction with a guy. But as far as friendship, I would have said have more boundaries. I mean, I really like let a lot of girls walk all over me when I was younger. Like I remember like coming to this sort of Republican Catholic school. It was really challenging. Like, I had a lot of friends with racist parents who didn't want me come over their house and stuff like that. And so whenever I did have a friend, it was like I had to hold on to that person so much. So I put up with a lot of stuff from friends and when I would say to my younger self is that friendship is supposed to make you feel good. So if somebody is in your life and they are like lowkey bullying you or making comments on your appearance or being telling you you're a nerd or that you read too much or like.   Amy What the f---? Yeah, they're not your friends. As my mom would say.   Grace Exactly. I remember one time I had this friend, I won't say her name, but she was having a birthday party and she said that her mom didn't want to invite me out because I was Black. And so my other friends were like, we had like a little clique and my other friends were like, We're not going to go to her birthday party because it's not right that she is not inviting you. And then one by one, I learned that they did go to her birthday party and they were hanging out with her at times without me.   Amy That's that's terrible.   Grace And it hurt my feelings.   Amy Of course it did. That's terrible.   Grace I was still friends with them, you know what I'm saying? So.   Amy You're a kid, you have no choice.   Grace Exactly. So I feel like I don't know what would have been better to just be by myself or just have these toxic friends. And that sort of spirit lasted all the way into college. Like, I had some very toxic friends in college. I had one friend who told me that I would never be an actress because I was dark skinned. And.   Amy What the f---?   Grace Yeah, I had like messed up friends. I had a friend who she knew. I like this guy and then she end up hooking up with him like I think because I liked him, you know what I'm saying? I was like some sort of low key power move. Like, she since has apologized. It's a friend that's still in my life. You know, she did apologize for it. But, like, I feel like I let a lot of friends treat me badly because those early years I didn't have a lot of friends. And so I just like a lot a lot of girls just like walk all over me. Whereas, like, I have these extra, extra high standards for guys. I had like no standards for my female friends. And so I'm glad that as I've gotten older, I set boundaries and I do not have any toxic friends in my life right now?   Amy Yeah. I actually wanted to comment on that because I'm like, when you talk about that experience like that, that is so heartbreaking to me that you had people in your life and I won't even call them friends because I can't. Because those people were not your friends. They people around you, but they were not your friends, but that you had people in your life who treated you that poorly and said that they loved you with one side of their mouth and then were just like sh---ing on you with the other. Yeah. Lots of women who go through things like that, grow up and don't have close girlfriends and distrust women and like kind of can become backstab and like, that's why there's so much and all that is from the patriarchy. Like, I don't blame them for that. It's all the patriarchy and white supremacy. We know this, but like a lot of those, a lot of women in adulthood who have been through that have a hard time, there's those girls were like, I don't know why girls just don't like me. And it's like, yeah, cause toxicity. But the fact that you have cultivated there's I'm looking at your friends they're and I know I'm in it but like also your other friends that I've met and like the friends we have in common. You have cultivated such fantastic female friendships as an adult that I'm sort of like, Wow, Grace. Like, I just want to, like, sit in the moment of realizing how far you've come because that could have damaged you permanently, like literally could have.   Grace It really could have. But thank you for saying that. But yeah, I made a decision like there was one friend that ripped it wide open. It was a friend that right after we graduated from grad school just was so terrible to me. But she was my friend since high school, so I felt like I had to like put up with it. But that moment, like she said something unforgivable and I was just like, you know what? She's gone. And guess what? Anyone else that makes me feel this way is gone. So it was like my early twenties that I finally got to the point where I'm just like, and now we're not doing that anymore. And so the only friends that I will keep in my life and I'm very good at like snip snip as you know, like when I even go to parties, like. It's just like.   Amy I've seen it. I've seen it in person. It's cold blooded.   Grace Yeah. It's just like, oh, like somebody else would say something. I was like, Oh, that doesn't go with my moral code or center, so I'm just going to remove myself from that. Oh, I'm going to go get a drink like Amy has seen it happen.   Amy And I'm like, Oh, Grace is gone. I was like, I don't know what happened, but something not right.   Grace So yeah, you talked about your romantic stuff, but like what lessons would you tell yourself about friendship?   Amy I will be honest and say that I had a small but very good friend group growing up, and so I was a nerd and I was an out the outskirts girl. But I weirdly navigated a lot of social groups because I was Black. And so there was like this a little bit of like, you're the cool girl because you're Black and there's a little bit of like athletes thought I'd be good at sports. I was not. So I was in the athletic circles for some reason, and then I was a drum major. So they said my name and every football game, everybody knew who I was. So especially in high school, I kind of shot up in a weird way in popularity because I was the drum major, which is the nerdy activity. I was like king of the nerds, but like literally as a result, overnight I went from the quarterback. I knew I was I was invited to the parties, you know, and so it was just such a difference. And so, I mean, if I could say anything, there was a period in middle school where I was being bullied. And it made me mean to my friends where we all kind of like had these rules, like, we can't do this because a bully might come after us, we can't do this. And we were like policing each other's behavior in like seventh grade. And I remember that being kind of a dark period. But I will say, when we got to high school, I remember having a big conversation with my middle school friends and we all like apologized to each other. Like we didn't know what we were going through. Like we were all you would be just babies. Yeah. So I will say, and I mean, like, I believe you know this from knowing me, like, I really pride myself on being a good friend and I and as a child, I, I don't know how we did that, how we all got f---ed up and then all like, apologize and all came together and we're friends still.    Grace Yeah. So I would say to young people, it's like if somebody is really making you feel bad, try to talk it out with them. Try to like maybe that person is not aware of what they're doing and you might lose a good friend by just cutting them off. But if they do have that talk with you and they're still like sticking their heels in the ground and like, not treating you how you deserve to be treated, get rid of them at that point. Like don't let them stay around too long because you want to recapture like a moment from the past of like when you guys were really good friends. So it's like a balancing act, like, you know, don't dispose of people like too harshly, allow them to to earn their way back into your life. But if they are not doing the right things after a certain conversation, then, you know, be comfortable with letting them go. I think.   Amy I agree.   Grace All right. Well, that was fun. I mean, and in the spirit of talking to our younger selves, a lot of times we make the mistake of focusing on others happiness and pleasure and not our own. So today's quiz is: do you get enough pleasure?   Amy You trying to ask me about myself?   Grace Right. Right. So let me let me get. Let's get it to this quiz. It's like old school Cosmo quiz, so I thought it would be fun. So I was just like, let's let's do one of these old school work.   Amy Let's do it.   Grace So at work, you're most likely to be known as a the one who organizes the awesome monthly happy hours, be the one who's always at the watercooler with the juiciest gossip, or C the one who stays until, well, no one really knows when you leave. Just that you're always the last one there.   Amy C, C. But I'm also A. I'm A and C. Yeah, but.   Grace But you we only have to pick one. We only get to pick.   Amy Well I mostly C because I mean I run a company, I'm always working, I'm like, this is unfair. I'm like, The boss can't be like, I'm at the water cooler. I'm like, What about you, Grace? What are you.   Grace I would say.   Amy I know what you are.   Grace I'd be C too probably.   Amy Nuh uh, you're B. You are so B.   Grace Do I like to gossip?   Amy Yes. Girl. Yeah. Are you kidding? Of course. You're like. And then I heard.   Grace You're right. That's right. You know what? I was on set last night. A friend late, like, was. Tell me about some Hollywood gossip. And I was just like I turned to my show and I was like, Well, girl, guess what I heard. You're right.   Amy See, just sayin. You might be gone late at night, but you still doin B.   Grace I still I yeah, I guess. Oh, wow. I've learned something about myself. I guess I do like the gossip. Oh, I've got to work on that. Okay, let's say B, okay, we're going to go with B.   Amy I don't know, makes me delightful.   Grace So when friends and family ask you what you want for the holidays, you say a an external hard drive, a coffeemaker and the comforter to replace my ratty old one. B Well, I guess my accessories yours is looking a little sparse. Hmm. I see nothing but a gift card. I'm planning a glam shopping spree of epic proportions. I know which one I am, but which one are you?   Amy You know me. I don't like gifts. I'm not a gift person. So I think of these options. I would choose C because then I'm responsible for getting my own thing. Yeah. I would never tell someone to give me a list of things. That's my nightmare.   Grace Yeah. You know what I would say C as well, because I am 1,000% busier than my parents.   Amy Mm hmm.   Grace And so, like, whatever I ask for, like, something, they'll get the, like, nice, practical thing, and I want this stupid, like, expensive thing. So, yeah, C would definitely be me as well. Okay. And question number three, you start chatting up a guy who just might be Chase Crawford's long lost win. I am so sorry. Chase Crawford, you are very handsome there this text. But it's obviously from an earlier time in life and obviously.   Amy Gossip Girls stans.   Grace Written by a white woman. So let's update it. Who shall we say, Amy?   Amy Do we say Michael B Jordan?   Grace Okay.   Amy Oh, no, no, no. Jonathan Majors.   Grace Okay. All right. So I'ma read it with the updated reference. Okay. You start chatting up a guy, he just might be Jonathan Majors. Long lost twin, but your girlfriends want to call it a night. You A blow off the girls and flirt on. You'll find your way back to your place. Or his. B. Say good night to the guy and kick yourself later for not getting his number or C bag your back to hang back with you since you did the same for her last week.   Amy Interesting. Oh, I think I would say C for me, but I wouldn't guilt her. I wouldn't say like I was. I did it for you last. I would just be like, Can we have one more drink? And then I promise we're out of here and I'll pay for the Uber. Like I would more like throw things at her to be like, can, can, can you stay with me and I'll do this and I'll do that and I'll do this to please you. Since you are now using me, I would not guilt her from a past favor. But what about you?   Grace I would say B.   Amy B was my second choice.   Grace Yeah, I would probably say goodnight and then kick myself later.   Amy Oh yeah. I was torn between the two, to be honest, because I've done B a lot, but I've also done C a lot. But usually I do C and then B it's like, say one more drink, stay one more drinking. Then after the drink, I'm like, okay, well, bye. And then I'm like, Oh, so it's usually a combo.   Grace But people are very surprised about this, about me. But like when it comes to boys, I turn into a 14 year old girl. Like.   Amy I was not surprised after hearing our storytime.   Grace Yeah. I am not good at chatting up guys like I can receive a flirt. Yeah, but like as far as me having to do anything, like getting his number, it was just. It was just it would just never be me asking. So number four, when getting ready for girls night you a take a long, relaxing shower and touch up last week's manicure. Okay, B squeeze it. A quick shower before you run out the door. C. You take a bubble bath, deep conditioning your hair and spritz out a moisturizing spray.This is such a weird question.   Amy B What are white girls doing? This?   Grace I'll just see my friends. I'm not trying to f---, y'all. I'll take a shower. So I'm not stinking but I'm not about.   Amy Bubble bath for who.   Grace Juge myself up to those are my friends.   Amy Oh yeah. You all know me. I'm showing up in sweats.   Grace And then the last question, this quizzes short and sweet. How many times do you and your guy get it on each week.   Amy Each week?   Grace Damn bitch. A it would be impossible to count. You can't help but jump him every time you see him. B get it on regularly but also enjoy quiet nights just chatting and catching. C. Try to catch a live on a Saturday and/or Sunday.   Amy This quiz is so weird. Well, first of all, you got to have a weekly guy to be able to answer this question. So maybe I'll answer from the past.   Grace Yeah, I'll answer from the past myself.   Amy I will say. B, I mean, I don't. Well, I've been in the relationships where you can't keep your hands off each other, but those are always toxic ties. It ain't a good relationship. Well, not all the time. I won't make a blanket statement, but in my experience, any time I've been giacometti's, there was some toxicity. Yeah. Like the Jasmine Sullivan songs from hotels. Like there's usually some toxicity attached.   Grace I know, right? You know, but boys, they. They get to f--- for a reason.   Amy And they're good at that.   Grace They're good at it. But I would say B as well. I mean, I feel like that's a relationship if you're just like getting in on all the time, when are you talking, when are you connecting? When are you like having the good part? Like, I mean, sex is great, but I'm just saying, like.   Amy Sex is great. But have you ever hugged?   Grace Have you ever cuddled? Like, like, my favorite pair would be just like, oh, we're going to watch something bad and yeah, eat a pizza on the couch and cuddle, you know, like that. That's that's what the relationship part is. Okay, so let's tabulate our answers and find out if we get enough pleasure. Okay. So, all right. So our results is that, Amy, you got four points and I got five points. So both of us fall in the same range. Not surprising.   Amy Not surprising.   Grace A perfectly satisfied sister. Ooh. So you mix your pleasure. Perfect cocktail with equal parts business and fun, which makes for a bad ass time and a level head when friends need advice. This is a girl who everyone wants to be friends with, says Seth Meyers. Oh. A psychologist.   Amy A Los Angeles relationship expert, not Seth Meyers from TV.   Grace I was like, Seth Meyers. You out here writing quizzes. That's what you did before your show. No. A Los Angeles relationship expert. She can write out trouble spots in relationships and is viewed as responsible and careful. Keep up your bounce M.O. and you'll find people coming to you from everything from party planning tips to project proposals. Look at all that alliteration.   Amy Wow. Cosmo really tried it with your tongue.   Grace Goddamn.   Amy Yeah, well, we're perfectly satisfied. We're neither deprived diva or queen of temptation.   Grace We're not virgins or whores. Okay?   Amy We're right in the middle. Madonna whore.   Grace Just lightly whores and lightly. Madonna. I don't know if you guys enjoy these three times. Please let us know. We would love to do more of them. And if you have a prompt for us to let us know what you would like us to talk about. Hit us up on our social at theeAntidotePod. All right. So to close this out, we are doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy I sure am.   Grace I think it's just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to. That's by Sandra Oh. One more time. I think it's just as important what you say no to as what you say yes to. And that is by actress Sandra Oh.   Amy I love that. She's absolutely right. In fact, from a creative standpoint, like when I was starting out my career, I had sort of like a, you know, the opposite of a spirit of abundance. Like I was very like wanting so desperately to have the job that I have now. And so I was saying yes to too many projects like anything across my desk, I'm like, I could do that, I could do that, I could do that. And I think part of it is like child of immigrant syndrome. Like I grew up trying to prove I could fit in and like I would take on like we've talked about on the podcast before. I'd like take on my friends like idiosyncrasies and be like, We're the same, we're the same. Don't worry, I'm an immigrant, but I'm the same. And so it kind of translated in work to being like, I can always see a way. I can always see a way to, like, fix the story problem, work on that script, do that project, write that for someone. I always see a way. And so I started overloading on projects and I got so burnt out and I actually had to write it on a post-it. Your first answer is no. Yeah. And I put it next to my computer. And anytime an email would come in for my raps or someone being like, Can I pick your brain? Da da da, all this stuff, it's so overwhelming. When you start to say yes to too many things that you lose your creative center, you lose what makes you you and what makes you good at what you do. And I had to be like, I have to say no. And the reason I'm saying no is X, Y, Z. So that helped me a lot. And then I also wrote in a post at one time, if you pick something up, you must put something down. And that was right by my computer, too, so that if anything came across, I'd be like, Well, if I'm doing this, what's leaving my schedule was leaving my to do list was leaving my and sometimes I'd be like, Well, I don't want anything to come off. And I'm like, Well, then that means I can't do it. And it's really challenging. I'm a people pleaser. I still struggle with saying, no. I always think I'm hurting someone's feelings or letting someone down, but it is so important you define who you are and what you are supposed to be doing. The more that you clear out noise and that's what saying, no, it's clearing out noise. So I love this quote.   Grace Yeah, me too. Very similar to you. It makes me think about things that I said yes do. But I said no to just in general. I think also what you said about the picking your brain thing, that's the hardest one.   Amy Oh, it's so hard.   Grace That is so hard because especially when it's like a young black woman who's gonna be like for advice. I do make a good amount of time to do that. I do have a good amount of mentees, but at the same time, like, I have had to start saying no to some stuff that's come through a DM or come through like I have to make room for myself. And like the biggest creative thing that we're doing is creating our own lives. Yeah. And so if I'm constantly doing things that I don't want to do, that I am creating a life that is not pleasing to me and I am creating art from a life that is not pleasing to me. So I really do take that thing to probably the frustration of my reps, because I do say no more than I say yes at this point. You got to you got to say no in order to say yes to the right thing.   Amy Yeah. Agreed.   Grace Okay. So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace at GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me Amy at Amy Aniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts and oh and make sure to buy tickets to our live show on Saturday, November 12, at 7:30 p.m. at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York. You can purchase tickets now at NYComedyFestival.com or at the link in our show. Oh my gosh guys, we're going to be announcing the guests in the coming weeks and you are going to love it. Come see us. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks. Associate producer Jess Penzetta and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus. And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes antidoteshow.org. Or call us. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Yeah, it is.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, writer, and actor Solomon Georgio about his favorite kind of gossip, the practice of being kind to yourself, and karaoke. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  scam robotexts have surged in recent months, and the shift to remote work drove over 60% of the house-price surge. They also share their antidotes: change of season, and a new pair of glasses. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “I feel like the youthful experience is what drives the creativity, and I feel like experience and maturity as an adult, experience as an elder statesman, THAT refines it.” -Black Thought Purchase tickets to our live-show: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/the-antidote-podcast-live/   OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram, with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---in help. Grace We are comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into Lemonade. Beyonce reference here. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another week of The Antidote. You are our constant antidote. So thank you for being here. Amy Thank you, listeners. And also it's fall time, you know, and I'm not trying to be like a Trader Joe's ad or anything, but I know I said my antidote a few weeks back. My antidote was a Trader Joe's Overnight Oats, and I went to Trader Joe's yesterday and they had pumpkin flavored overnight oats. I had to get them. I had to snatch up. Grace So you love the pumpkin. You like the pumpkin and the fall spices that are your jam? Amy Well, I like a seasonal snack. I won't even say it's fall specific. I think there's something fun even outside of Trader Joe's when the seasons change and you get to have something that's just for that season. But I think I'll be honest, I think Trader Joe's kind of overdoes it with the pumpkin, like, you don't need pumpkin mochi and like pumpkin burritos and pumpkin eggrolls. Calm down. Yeah, they do too much. Grace Calm down. You try- you have a pumpkin patch that's why you got so much pumpkin but do you like I did I like I do you know it's so interesting it's always the end of the year where we get, like special snacks or whatever, special foods. I'm more of a Christmas snack person because I love, like, like like a peppermint brownie or like, you know, like peppermint in. I guess I just like peppermint. So that's usually Christmas. So I do I do enjoy those. Or, you know, at Starbucks, they used to have this thing they probably still do. It's like a cranberry like cake thing. Oh, it's got like a little frosting and like, little dried cranberries. Amy I remember this. Grace Yeah, yeah. It's very yummy. So that is part of the reason my waistline is what it is. But I. I love a special. Yeah, I do like a special snack. I mean, you don't really see that as much in spring and summer. It's usually fall and winter. So we're getting into that season. Amy I do want to shout out an Instagram account that our amazing producer just told us about called Black Girls in Trader Joe's. And I'm like, This account is my life because it's literally like, what Black people buy a Trader Joe's. Grace Yeah, it is different. We like different things, you know, we like a little spice in our set. You know, I do really think there are Black snacks. Amy There are Black snacks. She literally took a pecan pralines. That's a Black snack. Grace That's a Black snack. Amy Organic maple butter. That's a Black snack. I'm looking at things that she's posted recently. Banana pudding flavored ice cream. Come on, Black snack. Grace That's the Blackest snack I've ever heard. Amy Mama's biscuits. That's Black as hell. Grace Trader Joe's. You appropriating our culture? Amy Is. Is Mr. Joe actually, was he Black? Maybe he got some Black in him. Maybe he want some Black in him. Grace Way back. You know, he did a he did a 23 and me and he's like 10% from the Nigeria. Amy Aren't you all? Grace Yeah. Well, you know, speaking of a snack, we have Solomon Georgio, my beautiful coworker, coming on very soon. So we had a really fun conversation, so we can't wait for you guys to hear that. Amy He a tall glass of water. You can't see it on the podcast, so you're going to have to follow him on Instagram. Grace Yep. So but Amy, Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Yeah, starting now up top with our bummer news of the week. I'm sure you've noticed this, ok. Scam robo-texts are increasingly skyrocketing. A new source let us know that the Federal Communications Commission issued an advisory last month about substantial increases in scam robo text complaints. The agency said this, along with reports by non-governmental robocall and robotics blocking services, has made it clear, quote, that text messages are increasingly being used by scammers to target American consumers. Yeah, I get texts all the time. The FCC has implemented several steps to stop unwanted robocalls in recent months, including a rule that phone carriers must implement caller ID authentication to help reduce scam calls in block by default, any illegal or unwanted calls based on, quote, reasonable call analytics. But I'll tell you, the caller I.D. thing doesn't really work. It does say scam likely but then also sometimes it's just somebody name and I'm just confused.   Grace Yeah. I mean, here's how I feel. I'll be. Now I have a little apple watch. So whenever I get a tech like this with my breasts or whatever, I'm just like, Oh, look at all these text again. I'm popular. And then some brand offering like 3% off some socks I bought like ten years ago. Like how you still got my number? Okay. You know, and then sometimes you do the little stop too quick thing and it does not work. They still they still be blowing my sh-- up.   Amy For anyone who's having trouble with robo-texts. One thing that I did was go into the settings on my phone and just go into text message, just scroll all the way down and say Filter unknown senders, and then at least you can keep them separate from your inbox in your texts. But that's not the only bit of bummer news today. The other thing is that I read in Bloomberg that remote work drove over 60% of the House price surge. The shift to working from home drove more than half of the increase in home and rent prices during the pandemic and will likely drive up costs and inflation going forward as the shift becomes permanent, according to research from the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco. In fact, Grace and I were actually reading on Yahoo! Finance exactly why this is happening. Basically, home sellers across the country have become discouraged by the slowing housing market as higher mortgage rates reduce house buying demand. But at the same time, the tight supply of homes for sale has caused more would be buyers to be locked into the rental space. So.   Grace Yeah, I mean, rents are getting higher.   Amy Yeah, rent is supposed to be a more economical alternative to buying and now renting sucks too.   Grace Yeah, I mean, this. It's just really hard that, you know, people need a place to live. People need a roof to have over their head. I mean, I'm exploring buying a home. I think I've talked about this before in the podcast and yeah, it's, it's disturbing. Like, what do I do? Like, part of me is just like, Oh, should I rent until the market cools down? But then also rent is higher now. So it's kind of like what is the better financial decision? And I was telling Amy recently, I was just like, Oh yeah, I feel like I need to like sit down with like a money person and have them explain everything to me because it's sort of like people are just like I've talked to real estate agents, of course, who are just like buy now, you should buy now because this is the time to buy. And then I've talked to other people who are just like buying is a scam. Like, you. Like maybe when people used to live in the same home for like ten, 20 years, it was good. But now like, you know, there can be an argument made for renting long term because it keeps more of your money liquid, you know. So it's it's interesting like these debates and I think that the conventional knowledge of buying a house is great for everyone. It needs to be sort of adjusted. You know, I think it's just not a one size fits all thing for anyone. I think that, you know, you should take an evaluation of like where you live, like how the housing market is like. Yeah, like what? What are the property taxes like? What are the mortgage rates? I think there's just a lot of factors, but I think that our parents generation for sure, we're told that like you must buy a house in order to be successful as a human being in America. But I think that we should just all be be investigating it more instead of making it sort of like a one size fits all, you know, situation.   Amy Yeah. Yeah. Especially as economic disparity increases. Wow.Like, yeah. How do you feel after discussing this, Grace.   Grace Not the best. I mean, I keep - we keep doing stories about the housing market. I'm just like, girl. What you finna do? It's like what you gonna do about this thing. I don't want to live in a I mean, I apartment building is lovely, but I've just outgrown it. I'm just too, like, crotchety and old now. To be living with these. Like, I live above a musician and next to a DJ, so you know what that's like. So I'm just like, you know what? This is a young woman's game. This, this sh--, this. This is a young woman's game. I can't be. I can't be out here like this, though. So I need to figure out what I'm going to do. Now.   Amy This is exactly why we need the antidote. We need a break from all this. So.   Grace Okay, let's get into it.   Amy This is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well, like I've mentioned before, I am in New York City for work. And so my antidote is very it's very basic. I guess it's just like the weather because, you know, I live in sunny California usually. And, you know, I've been there for about four years. And the one beautiful thing about L.A. that nobody can ever question is the weather. It's very consistent. It's usually between 70 and 80 every day, and that's in the winter. And in the summer, you might have some hotter days and a flu colder day. But typically during the day, during daylight hours, it's usually between 70 and 80. And it might drop down a little chillier at night. But for the most part, you can rely that's probably not going to rain. It's probably not going to be cold enough for you to have a real winter coat. And that's where I've been living for the past four years. And, you know, during the pandemic and illness especially, I really just stayed in L.A. for that time. So now I'm back in New York and it's fall and it's just every day is a new adventure. I love that. When I got here, it was still pretty warm. So I was wearing some of my L.A. clothes. I busted out my sandals. I had a little this cute little virus that actually I learned about it from Monroe Steele, my favorite influencer. She is like a little white crop top and a little like Mary white skirt. And, you know, I was wearing stuff like that the first week and then halfway through the first week it started to get a little chilly. I was like, okay, it's a little bit in the air somewhere, some jeans and a sweater and let me throw this little jacket on. And but this week, it's been a little rainy. So, you know, I busted out my umbrella. You know, that gets very little use in Los Angeles. So I have my little umbrella.   Amy Did you put on some boots?   Grace Yeah, some boots. I wore my UGG boots this morning, brought my little umbrella and I was like it was kind of sprinkling. And I just walking down the street in New York listening to Beyonce because when am I not listening to Beyonce? And it was just so nice. And I just love boots and coats and sweaters. And, you know, I have those things in L.A. and I wear them occasionally. But it feels necessary in New York, you know, to say sometimes I wear a sweatshirt, now I am just like, girl, it's fully 80 degrees outside. It's like why?Why do you have a sweatshirt on? But in out in New York, it's just like, oh, I have a sweatshirt on because it's actually cold.   Amy Yeah. I love this. I actually really you're you're making me realize like I really love fall fashion as well as for snacks and you saying this, I'm like, yeah, I, I love a jacket, I love a sweatshirt, I love a boot. And like L.A., you're right. It is like sometimes a little forced. It's like the weather drops to 68 degrees and everyone's like in a full parka outside, like, yeah, we get to dress like it's cold.   Grace No, no, me and the showrunner of the show that I'm on. Hi, Danielle. So we both talked about how like when we first got to L.A., she's she's been living there much longer than me, but like you, I would make fun of people. Like, I remember my first show in L.A. I was just like, it was like 60 degrees out and people were in full jackets. And I was just like, Yeah, guys of, like, little bitches. Like, What are you doing? I'm like, I, it's like it's literally not cold. And now I am that person. I am that girl.   Amy I saw one time in L.A., saw someone wearing a scarf with a short sleeved shirt. And I was like, Wow, you really trying to act like it's chilly.   Grace F---ing L.A. Yeah, I just, you know, I get so I'm really excited. And then also New York fashion in general. I mean, it's just different. It's different. It's like sleeker, it's black, it's like, you know, very sophisticated in in certain spaces. So I'm also excited to like shake up like I wear a lot of athleisure in L.A. because what everybody does. So I'm excited to just shake up pieces and like, go shopping for, like, new little things that I've probably just saved to wear. What next time I'm in New York again? So. So, yeah, I mean, it's it's been lovely not waking up in the morning and kind of not knowing fully what the weather is going to be like because it it just reminds me also of just growing up and being in New York. For all those years. It's just it's giving me like the warm fuzzies and I am excited to be like fully cozy.   Amy I'm with you. I completely agree. I love being cozy. Yeah. Nancy reference.   Grace That was that was my antidote. What was yours this week, Amy?   Amy My antidote was I got a new pair I'm getting. They haven't arrived yet. I'm getting a new pair of glasses.   Grace Oh. Let's discuss what it would - what are they like?   Amy Well, first of all, I you know, I had to go to the eye doctor, and they send me all these, like, alerts, like, it's time. It's time. Please come see us. Please. Your eyes need us. And I was, like, all panics. And I went and I was like, Oh, I took so long to come, didn't I? And they're like, No, you're almost a year to the day. I actually congratulated my eye doctor because I was like, Oh, you send those reminders at the right time because it took me like two months to pay attention. And they're like, Yeah, we, we does this. So but I was coming out and I really like my glasses during the pandemic. I switched to like these like thinner gold frames that are Ray-Bans and I really like them. But when I went to the eye doctor, I was going to just swap out the lenses and then I was kind of like, Let me try a new frame. And but someone recently told me that my gold frames, like they kind of when they think of me, they think of me with these gold frames. And I was like, I like that because I used to always wear, like, thick black, like, "I'm a writer" frames. Like I can't see, you know, I'm moody, I'm dark. And then like during the pandemic, I was just like, everything is so dark. I want to have brightness around me. And I started, like, getting my nails a little louder and getting gold frames because I was just like, I just want to look at myself on the zoom and be happy that I look animated or something.   Grace Yeah, they call that like us, like serotonin dressing or something.   Amy Oh, yeah. Oh, sh--.   Grace Yeah. There's like a actually a name for it. Like bright, bright colors. Oof! What is it called? Dopamine dressing. That's what it's called. Dopamine dressing.   Amy But I yeah, I was just like, oh, I'm tired, I'm sad, let me put some bright on my face. And so I went and I chose these new glasses that my eye doctor and I'm excited. They're the same gold, but they're going to be more square and. Okay. And the reason why I'm choosing this as my antidote is because I think glasses are very for me, I'm like super almost blind and I'm like, so they're very functional for me and being able to say, no, I want them to be part of my fashion and like have them be something that I like, look forward to putting on instead of just like I need to see is something that I've sort of been stepping into more because when I had to make the switch from context glasses, I was kind of sad. My eyes were and I quote, starved for oxygen. So my. My eye doctor said my.   Grace Are my eyes oxygenated? I don't know. You know, I haven't been to the eye doctor since I was a child.   Amy You should go, because it's not just about vision. Grace has perfect vision, but it's not just about vision. They can see if you're getting glaucoma, they can tell if you have high blood pressure   Grace Yeah, I have that in my family.   Amy Yeah, you should go. So, yeah, guys go to the eye doctor. Not even if you can see. But I used to be I was kind of sad when I first had to transition to glasses. And the more I started to embrace, no, it's a fashion statement, and it's you choosing how you present yourself. The more I've enjoyed wearing glasses, so I'm excited for them to arrive. It'll be like a gift to me, my own personal B and C box from my optometrist. So yeah. Yeah. I will say when it's rainy. Since your antidote was weather, when it's rainy, wearing glasses and riding my bike and there I walk inside they fog up. I'm like, Oh, I hate this, but.   Grace Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. I mean, I, I love that. I love that there's something that you're going to put on your body that makes you smile.   Amy Every single day. Every single day. And so, listeners, if there's something that you can do, go, go outside, bring some fresh air, enjoy the weather as your antidote, and then maybe choose something pretty that's just for you to put on.   Grace Yes. A little dopamine dressing by yourself, you know, whether it's glasses or just a new like on color sweatshirt or because most of the country is really going into the cooler weather right now, which is great.   Amy Yeah. If you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, share them with us using the hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail at 83368436831 more time. That's 8336843683. We'll be back after the break. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today who is it Grace?   Grace Our guest today is a brilliant comedian, actor, writer and overall motherf---ing delight. He's written for shows like Shrill, High Fidelity and the upcoming Netflix show Survival of the Thickest with Me. And let me tell you, he fine, too, in and out of drag. Okay. You can see for yourself because he's appeared on shows like Drunk History, Two Dope Queens Crashing and Hacks. Please welcome the host of the Juice podcast and one of my favorite humans, Solomon Georgio.   Solomon Georgio It was too nice. That was too nice. Can you do it again and be mean.   Grace Be mean. Okay? What can I. say.   Amy He's so good looking. It makes me angry.   Grace He is a trash person. And he said some mean things every day.   Solomon Georgio Well, that's actually very true.   Grace And his wig wall is not that fabulous. That's a lie.   Amy That's a lie.   Oh, we can back up. We can back up.   Grace I'm lying. I'm just struggling to come up with negative things to say.   Amy Solomon is very impressive, but we are here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Okay? We're here to get deep.   Grace So let us check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. You know. Real tea.    Solomon Georgio You know what? Today was a very. It's it's been I've actually been very good at taking care of myself these past few weeks, so I'm feeling pretty relaxed. I'm at ease.   Grace Oh, yeah. Now, you just came back from Palm Springs, right?   Solomon Georgio Yes.   Amy Palm Springs will do that to you. M   Solomon Georgio Mm hmm. I was just by the pool drinking pina coladas. Yeah.   Amy I love that. I love that you're so relaxed. I love that Palm Springs vibe you out. So let's keep those good vibes going. We need that right now.   Grace This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with all the B.S.. So what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Solomon Georgio I'm very I'm very, very good at at being allow and being kind to myself. I'm very that's kind of a very integral thing that I always do. I tend to create a lot of self obstacles. And what I do is I'm now at the place where I give myself a lot of permission to do things. And that's kind of that's usually kind of my like my antidote is be like, be like, be mad, be annoyed, be frustrated and go out and do whatever you need to do. But mostly that involves just getting drunk and flirting with boys.   Amy Well, how did you get into the practice of being kinder to yourself? Like, how did you start to practice self-love in that way?   Solomon Georgio For me specifically, it was always just a need to be an overachiever. And and I think that's like it was also like part of like, hustle culture. Like, I think the millennial curse is hustle culture, grinding, working every so every single hour you can possibly work. And I'm not thinking like like that that toxic positivity is what it's called.   Grace Yeah.   Solomon Georgio And I essentially was like, I am working hard. I am doing too much. What am I? And so, yeah, you accomplish a lot out of it, but you don't appreciate those accomplishments. And then you try to focus on something even bigger and you're like, What am I? I'm not. I'm. I'm lost in the shuffle. I'm all I am is a list of accomplishments. And now I'm like, I'm just I'm just Solomon now I'm just like you. You're allowed to do whatever you want. You've done so much in your life that if you decide to retire this moment, you could.   Grace Yeah, you better do it. That's right.   Amy I have a lot.   Grace I mean, don't retire yet because we still need you.   Amy Look at her try to push you out of the industry. You better get gone.   Solomon Georgio It's just mostly it's. Mostly just not doing that thing where I'm like, I have 90 jobs at once. Yeah, it's just doing my I'm taking it because I just it's immigrant mindset. I'm like, I'm still going to work hard, but it's like just two jobs.   Amy Yeah, that's, that's a really good practice. I have to be honest. I have always been someone that the fewer things I have on my plate, nothing gets done. I kind of have to stack it. And but then there's like a tipping point, right? Where it's like, Oh, it has become over sex. And I'm like, and then suddenly everything's going to the wayside. But there is like this, like a window of like, okay, don't put too many things, but it comes from we're all immigrants on this little f---ing zoom. And like, that's that's where it comes from. Is that like we just got in this country? Don't f--- it up. Keep striving.   Grace My mom used to tell me that they could send me back. No, like my mom. Like she used to tell me and my brother, they could send me back. To make me good.   Amy Wait. That was a threat. She said, like, do the dishes or they'll send you back.   Grace No. It wasn't anything like that. She's just like, you know, you guys, you know, you have citizenship, but it's conditional. They can send you back. So she's like, they could send you back. Like, if you do anything to wrong.   Solomon Georgio And that condition is me.   Amy If I report you.   Grace If you like, commit a felony. I think she was trying to keep us out of jail.   Amy Oh, my God.   Solomon Georgio So great. That's effective.   Grace Yeah, it was effective. I was like, Oh, no, I don't even know. The people back there so I got to be good.   Amy That's hilarious. My mom did used to threaten CPS. She would be like, If you if you act up, I'll call CPS. And I'm like, What? But you would get in trouble, lady.   Grace Yeah, they would put you in jail. And then take me away.   Solomon Georgio Yeah, but I also it's it's an effective threat because, like. But then you'd be gone, so.   Amy Yeah, my biggest trouble would be out of this house.   Grace Jail sounds peaceful after taking care of these damn kids.   Amy But yes, that immigrant hustle mentality like quieting that voice, that's really telling.   Solomon Georgio My, my also, I think specifically just saying, no, I'm very good at that now. I used to not be. I used to be very much like. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now I'm like, you know what? No. I ain't going to do that.   Grace You know what. Also. So, I mean, I feel like we've talked about this before, that we were in our thirties when we got our first big break as far as writing or whatever goes. And so I think that when you wait a little bit, then when your agents or your managers are coming to you like, how about this? You're just like, Oh, I have to take it like. Nobody would. Like I can't even get fired in this town? You know what I'm saying for so long? So I think that, you know, that, at least for me, contributes to it too, is just like, Oh, I feel blessed to have these opportunities because I had to really fight to get here. So it feels like weird sometimes to be turning down so much. But yeah, I've gotten good at it too because I like sleep.   Amy Oh, sleep is.   Solomon Georgio I bought my first brand new bed, like probably the first on my own like three years ago, three or four years ago. And I was like, from this point on, I'm going to spend as much time in this as possible.   Grace So tell me what's the mattress? What's the name of the mattress like? What you working with?   Solomon Georgio I got. It's I went I went for the Casper knockoff called Zionists. Starts with a Z. And it's, it's I feel like it's the same quality, but it's half the price.   Amy Yeah, okay.   Grace Zionist. That is a tip from Solomon Georgio. Friends, if you want a Casper mattress but you want to spend all that money, get a Zionist.   Amy Unless Casper becomes one of our sponsors in which I will renege that statement. Play your cards right, Casper.   Solomon Georgio And also if Casper becomes a sponsor for my podcast. I never mentioned that.   Amy Well, let's talk about your podcast just a little bit. You know, it's called The Juice, and I know it's based on gossip, but the episodes I've listened to are so, so funny. I want to hear about what's your favorite type of gossip?   Solomon Georgio I like I like workplace gossip. Like, it's just because I'm like as much as I love celebrity gossip, it's just I feel like there's an inundation that's been happening with it. So like anything like, like especially the deep, you can do this industry, the more like a, like you feel almost like separate from like regular culture. And then now like so every chance I get, like. It's just anyone who has a piece of information, whether it's true or not. I do not care about truth when it comes to gossip. At all. I don't.   Grace I mean, it's called gossip.   Solomon Georgio Exaggerate.   Grace It's not called the truth.   Amy I love that you love workplace gossip because my mom works at a hospital and she is always sharing gossip and I won't share the gossip or she'll be like, Why are you trying to get me fired? They can send me back. I'm not going to share the gossip. But she there are times where she'll just be like, Oh, the latest at the hospital is this. And I'm just like. I'm just eating it up because it's people I don't know. Their lives are in shambles. It's so beautiful to hear, like a story of someone else's drama and just being like, I wonder how it turns out. It's like your own TV show in your head.   Solomon Georgio Like my favorite feeling in the world is to watch somebody, like, sit down, but like, let me tell you something. And you're like, that is exactly the way you should start a sentence when you like. Like when people are like, try to do small talk and be like, how how's the weather? Like, f--- that. Just be like, you want to hear some sh--? I'm like, Yes, I do.   Amy Boom. And I'm like, Oh, we're in it.   Yeah. First of all, that's when, when a Black person says, boom, that's when, you know, that's about to be fine. You know what I'm saying? That's when it's going to be a very good story. So, Solomon.   Solomon Georgio Yes?   Grace What would you say is your proudest non-career accomplishment that you've had?   Solomon Georgio Oh, wow. You know what? I'm be honest with you. I do karaoke every once in a while, and, uh. And I'm a terrible singer. However, I learned to manipulate my voice in such a way throughout several songs where I only went out. And those are my monets.   Amy What are the songs? I love karaoke.   Solomon Georgio Uh, Harry Belafonte jumped the line at least one at every three times. The conga line starts because of me.   Grace Oh, my God.   Amy That's incredible. What's another one?   Solomon Georgio The. There's also. I do Lionel Richie all night long.   Amy Oh.   Grace Classic.   Solomon Georgio Loggins Footloose every once in a while. And I do a pitch perfect version of Under the Sea.   Grace Oh, my God.   Amy I love karaoke. And my opening song is Always Kissed by Prince. I won't even sing a song until I have sung Kissed by Prince.   Grace So I definitely miss singing a lot. So sometimes karaoke takes on too much significance in my life because I'm like, Oh my God, this is my moment that these bitches don't even know I can actually sing. And then I go and then yes, somebody will grab another mic. And I was like, No, no, no, no.   Amy What are they doing? I don't want to miss my moment.   Grace And it always like, upsets me. But you can't, like, be a poor sport. So you're just kind of like, Oh. I guess you're singing it with me now, Angela.   Solomon Georgio Oh, no. I say no.   Amy I always say, you need something. You need me. You need someone else to help you because I become a real ham. Like once I've been unleashed that karaoke, I can't sit down again because. I think it's the same thing. Grace Like I said, choir in high school, like I did reality theater sh--. And I took opera lessons as a kid. So it's like. As an adult, where are you singing for people? And something just, like, taps into me when at a karaoke booth, especially when it's a private room with your friends that I'm just like, You need me to sing on that, too? Oh, I know this one.   Grace You want to do backup. You need a backup dancers.   Amy I'll be happy I'm up there dancing.   Solomon Georgio My voice isn't prepped.    Grace See I'm warmed up. My vocals are warmed. So whatever you need.   Amy I'm so sorry.   Grace Oh, I can rap the Jay-Z part in that Beyonce song. I could. I could go Hov.   Solomon Georgio Oh, there's harmony. There you go. There's there's a melody, too.   Amy It's really insufferable.   Solomon Georgio See, I'm not. I'm not that good. So.   Amy Oh, Solomon, the worst part is I'm not that good. I just love it that much. Like.   Solomon Georgio Oh, I. Don't like I will sing my f---. Like, if I'm. I will sing loudly from that point on. Like you, if you are near the stage, you'll be able to hear my voice in the crowd. I just won't grab a mic.    Amy Respect.   Grace So, Solomon, actually, it's really funny. Our researcher found something that we actually talked about today at work, which is slugging.   Amy Oh my God.   Solomon Georgio Yeah.   Grace So what turned you have gotten into, you know, you you have beautiful skin and you're into skin care. Yeah. So explain to me what slugging is for our listeners.   Solomon Georgio It's pretty much just any petroleum based products. Uh, like, I like, like a, like a Vaseline or, or a, like I use a curvy healing ointment, which is also petroleum based, and you just put a thin layer of it on your face. And I don't know, like, it just kind of locks in moisture. It's it's a great, like, skin preserver somehow. I'm not I'm not too sure about the science behind it, but yeah, you do. I do. I do. Piercing myself like two, three times a week. And it it's been like the coolest thing for the texture on my face is been.   Amy Do you do  it in the morning at night, or.   Solomon Georgio I just do this, I do at night. I sleep with it on throw down my satin pillow case and.   Amy Slide around on that thing.   Solomon Georgio And clock out.   Grace Amy's, you're just so so sexual. So you can slide around on that thing.   Amy That's just-   Grace I think we're just talking about his face. I can't help it. It's just my voice.   Solomon Georgio It's just how I sound.   Amy But I still remember like, yes, when I was a child, my mom just like taking Vaseline and just like smearing it on my face. And I'm like, oh.   Solomon Georgio Yeah, my mom would cover up. My mom would cover us up in like mineral oil in the morning. It's essentially it is a black mom trick. Like this is not like they called it a new term, but it is an old trick from every black mother to book. Cover your children in Vaseline.   Grace Yeah, like coconut oil, shea butter and all these things that were, quote unquote discovered of recently. Black people have been doing it for literal centuries. Yeah. Yeah.   Amy But I do like the idea of even turning that moment into a self-care moment, because the fact that you do it a few times a week, it's like, oh, it's like an intentional choice to say, I'm. Takes care of my skin. I'm going to take care of me.   Solomon Georgio Yeah, well, I feel like there's, like, especially with modern day skincare, there's a lot of exfoliants and, like, cleaning out impurities, but it's like you're really doing a lot of damage to your skin. And I think I don't know what the process is called, but I learned it's so essentially what I do is I do retinol one night, then I do an exfoliant the next night, and then I do two days of recovery and then I do and that's the one I do the slugging. And then I go back and then I repeat the pattern after that.   Grace That I've never heard of, of that I am a random person, so I end up probably doing that anyway, just like doing my skincare a couple of nights in a row that I'll forget it like a couple of nights. So I probably end up doing that anyway. But there's no method to that. It's just some nights I just all I have the energy to do is like if I have makeup on that day, take it off. I that's one thing I'm pretty good with is.   Solomon Georgio I feel like it's some kind of important, like if there's so many aspects of skin care that I feel like stripping, stripping, stripping and like I think the kind of thing we do is like a moisturizer. I'm like, Yeah, sometimes you got to just be way nice.   Grace Yeah.   Amy So true. Well, speaking of being kind to your face, you also can do a serious beat like you are really great with makeup. That's how I discovered you. Actually, I was so confused when Grace said, Oh, Solomon's a writer in my room. And I was like The Drag Queen. And I was like that's so cool, I was like, That's incredible. And she was like, He's also a writer. And I was like.   Grace And a comedian.   Amy He's beautiful.   Grace He contains multitudes.   Amy And I watched a lot of your standup after that, but I knew you. I don't know how my Instagram only showed me you in drag, but I only knew you as a beautiful woman and it was delightful to know that you had so many talents.   Solomon Georgio I appreciate that. For me it's like I don't really because drag is like a whole performance thing. I just like I just used the time during the, the pandemic that we had to go crazy. I just was like, okay, I don't like, I don't I like I can meditate every once in a while, but it's just going to drive me crazy having my voice mad and like, like I was like, one thing I've always wanted to do was to get really good at makeup. And I just was like, You know what? Let's look up, let's bus editorial. So, like, I knew I had some idea, but this time I was like, I'm going and I'm going to know everything. Yeah.   Grace That's so cool. So did you specifically study like drag artists or were you just like in general, I want to learn about makeup.   Solomon Georgio It started with drag artists and then there's also like, I want to get good at doing like my own like face that night. Like, so, like, just doing it like a, like a, just a boy beat or whatever. That's what I call it. And I just wanted to. So, yeah, so she started there and then I started following a bunch of other makeup people and then now I'm just have my TikTok is just makeup tutorial.   Amy Yes, yes. Okay. Do you have any quick and dirty like makeup tip for us? Like, like don't contour so much or I don't know, like because I need to re learn because. I was like.   Grace We don't know, sh--, okay?   Amy I just think, like, I was the opposite of you, Solomon. During the pandemic, I quit wearing makeup entirely. So the first time I did my makeup to go out like post-pandemic, I looked atrocious because I had forgotten how to do everything. So.   Solomon Georgio I think there's I think there's just essentially this is learning to have a day and a night face. I think that's always important. Like something like contouring is I would do at night.   Amy Yeah.   Solomon Georgio But like during the day, bronzer is always the f---ing best. Um, and what I learned recently is how, like, I've been like, very focused on transfer proof makeup, especially since all my makeup is brown.   Amy Yeah.   Solomon Georgio And the setting spray that I realized that is that actually is the most effective. It smells terrible now, but it's the Ben Nye Final Seal.   Grace Oh, theater makeup. Yeah.   Solomon Georgio Yes, it is. It's like. And it is. It smells like it takes a second for the smell to go away. And then you. And then I bet it's shiny. So I blot it with the Fenty blotting powder afterwards. And it's nothing to put a tissue up my face like.   Amy Because I need to get better.   Solomon Georgio You can put it to, like, right up to my face and nothing comes off.   Grace Wow, that's so good.   Solomon Georgio It's like. It's like it's like you can wear a white shirt, a white dress with that. Like, as long as you do that and put the powder over it. Oh, you're good.   Grace Oh. That that is very useful because Amy and I did a show and I got a full beat, but like a dummy, I. You know why I thought I could just put on a turtleneck dress with this full makeup on. And, of course, I, like, ruined my thing. But I did learn a tip. Get your makeup off that you can use a Clorox white to get makeup off your clothing. That is something I did not know before.   Solomon Georgio And it comes off pretty easily. It's just very disheartening to see it.   Amy Yeah, yes.   Solomon Georgio Because it's like. Yeah. Because people look at you like, did you just eat chocolate?   Amy You poop on your shirt? No.   Solomon Georgio Did you sh-- on your neck?   Grace Oh, no, that's racist. Just chocolaty.   Amy Oh, wow. Solomon, we feel so much better now that we've talked to you today. This is so great.   Grace Yes, she's right. It's still 2022. But you know what? It's like the last because we talking to you.   Solomon Georgio Oh, you know what? That's all that matters.   Amy Really.   Solomon Georgio As long as I make you feel better.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to pledge? You can even be something you love, not something you created.   Solomon Georgio Well, actually, the thing that I am excited for that I got to be working on is the most current projects that I'm doing with Grace, which is survival of the fittest that will be out next year at some point. And yeah, I've it's truly been like I feel like I've this is probably the funniest show I ever. I've worked on some funny shows and this is probably the funniest I've.   Amy Oh, I love that.   Grace Of course, your. Your amazing podcast, The Juice.   Solomon Georgio Yes, yes. Please listen to that. I forgot.   Amy That also.   Solomon Georgio  What else do I have going on, I don't know. I was being my wigs here.   Grace Okay, Solomon. And where can people find you on the Internet?   Solomon Georgio I'm Solomon. Georgio. All across the board. There's no other Solomon Georgio. And if there is one, you're now required to take them down.   Amy Yes, you're on notice. We're coming for your ass..   Solomon Georgio I will show nudes if you follow me. I won't. I'm sorry. I never said sent a nude in my life.   Amy I have yet to receive.   Solomon Georgio That's a full, full lie. I never sent a nude once. I've never even taken a nude. So I don't even know.   Grace I'm a liar.   Amy Best kind of gossip is a lie.   Solomon Georgio I will lie to you if you follow me. That's 100% true.   Amy Thank you so much for joining us.   Grace Thank you so much, Solomon.   Solomon Georgio Absolute pleasure. Bye.   Grace Ok. To close us out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote? Emmy Girl I feel like the youthful experience is what drives the creativity, and I feel like experience and maturity as an adult experience, as an elder statesman that refines it. And that is by Black Thought one more time. I feel like the youthful experience is what drives the creativity, and I feel like experience and maturity as an adult experience, as an elder statesman that refines it. And again, that's by Black thought.   Amy Ooh. I mean, Black Thought is allowed to say, as an elder statesman, I don't know if I would be whipping out words like that. I was like the elder statesman, but he truly is. But I think I agree. I think, though, what this quote makes me think is, yes, a play. You know, we've talked about Bernie Brown before and the ability to have that childlike sense of play and to return to play. That's what that is what drives creativity. That's what makes you creative. And even if you're not a creative as a job, being able to have that ability to have creative moments in your day and in your life like that, is that makes you better at your job no matter what you do and makes you better at living no matter what you do. And I do think that refining your creativity as you get older, like by taking classes, by like gaining new skills, by honing your voice like that does refine like those things do refine your creativity. So I agree with the quote and I think what it makes me think of, like not even relating it to our careers, I almost want to just relate it to growing up. I think one of the most beautiful moments, the most beautiful things about becoming an adult is remembering that sense of play and making sure, like, not to let it go and to find the times in your day and in your life when you can dig deeper into that childlike part of yourself so that your creativity can flow again. What does it make you think, Grace?   Grace I just that like youthful experience, I grew up a black immigrant going to a Republican leaning Catholic school. So you can you can imagine how that went, you know. So I realized that part of the reason why I am an artist is trauma. So those youth. Yeah, those youthful. Variances. Those are kind of what made me want to make art, because what happens a lot of times, you go through like a tough childhood, like when you go through like bullying at school and stuff like that, you're just like, I'll show you. I'm going to make it someday. And so as a result. Part of the reason I am an artist is because I kind of had a tough time growing up. But what a maturity and becoming a quote unquote elder statesman, which I am not yet. I think what it teaches you is to go back into those experiences that were so traumatizing and hurtful at the time and actually be able to use those. And as you get older and get further into your artistic journey, I feel like it becomes easier and quicker to do that. So like, I'm I'm at the point now where if some wild happens to me like this weekend or whatever on Monday when I get back into my writing room, I can actually process that and like put that in the script. Now you know what I'm saying? Like I, I what maturity and growing as an artist has done is been able to take Yeah. Those experiences from the past like the traumas of the path. High school Jesus Christ was very traumatic, you know, middle school traumatic that I'm able to like take those moments and like infuse not if not the actual experience, but the feeling of that experience into a character that is having a completely different experience than me. So I think you're just quicker at it and better at it the further and further you go along. So like those early moments can teach you a lot and can sort of make you a more three dimensional human being because you've been through sh--. But then the maturity allows you not only just the maturity as a human being, but the maturity as an artist allows you to be able to take those experience and actually spin them into something that can be used and in your art.   Amy Oh, my God, Grace. I'm so glad you said that. F--- what I said. I don't know what I said. It was a mess of words. It was a word. No, no. But I'll tell you what it was. It was wonderful. It was fine. But this was great because it reminded me I have a saying that I say to myself, whenever sh-- goes left in my life, I always say everything is story I any time I remember one time I was driving to a friend's house and I just took a turn real wonky, and I hit the curb and my tire exploded and I was like, What the f---? And I was like, I don't have the money to deal with this, that. And then I was like, everything. A story I never called triple AA. And now I'm going to do it and I'm going to know how to write this. Yeah. And I'm like, and I know the stress of this moment and how long I'll actually be late to the thing that I was going to because I have to deal with this. And I started kind of becoming like, no, I was still feeling stress, but I was like almost like an observer of my life moment instead of being immersed in it. Yeah. And so yeah, when things go left, I mean, I've been through breakups or I'm like, This will be a great pilot someday. And I'm just like. And you're just like, and I still am in it. But that ability to process it and not to deny the emotion, but to realize that the emotions are valid because they're going to give you fodder to heal. Because the writing I heal that that is so deep. And I love that connection to like not just acknowledging that you have trauma, but that trauma actually feeds into how you can be so good at writing character and excavating human emotion because you felt about them. That's why we do this thing.   Grace Thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at Amy Aniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts girl.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And put some oil on your face. The antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and Marcelle Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith, concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Yay! Yay!

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian Naomi Ekperigin about the joys of a swimming pool, the power behind ‘most’, and procedural Lifetime movies. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  holiday airfare will be super expensive this year, and the former Governor of Mississippi helped Brett Favre secure welfare funds for a volleyball stadium. They also share their antidotes: a lymphatic drainage massage, and celebrating. This week’s Creative Tap-In: ”Creativity doesn’t wait for that perfect moment. It fashions its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones.” -Bruce Garrabrandt OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram, with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to f---ing help. Grace We're comedy writers in Los Angeles, so we're taking those bad news lemons and making them into lemonade. Ow Beyonce reference. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another week of this podcast. Welcome back to the antidote. Amy And another week of this garbage world.  Grace Yes. Yes, that is that is very true. I mean, yet we are still on this spinning orb of garbage. Amy This trash island called Earth. Grace Trash island called Earth. So, Amy, did you hear about this story? I saw it on Condé Nast Traveler that now there's going to be 80 minute flights from London to New York, like the Spanish designer Oscar biennials. He made like a super, like, futuristic, hyper strength jet that can get from London to New York in 80 minutes, like just a little over an hour. Amy I'm laughing at that because I just imagine Black. Women's wigs flying off. Like peww, just everything ends up in New York all bald. What happened. That was too fast. I don't want to be on that fast ass flight. Like there's something wrong with that. Why would you doing that? Grace That's scary. Amy We're not even supposed to be in the sky like people are not supposed to fly. Grace I mean, this is just concept art right now. But it's still wild that they're trying to do this. Amy Why can't that guy do something else with his genius? Like, I'm just like, we don't. Yeah, I want to get places faster, but sometimes it's like, don't try and be God. Don't try and fly too fast is going to f--- something up. Grace Here's the technology that I'm interested in, Amy. Like, did you ever watch Star Trek? Amy I have before. Grace Remember, they used to have those trans transporters. Like, that's the sh-- they should be working. Amy And they turn into specs and then they show up somewhere else. Grace Yeah, that's the technology. Amy No they shouldn't Grace. They will scramble us up. Grace They have those, like, adventurous people who want to be, like, the first person to do it. You know, there's there's human beings, and there's human beings that do like human trials or like new medications that there's people who be willing to try it. I'm about to be I'm like, before I get to transporter, you got to have that technology for a few years and make sure that nobody can get cancer, whatever from it. But I mean, if you don't use your genius on something, then, you know. Amy Please don't get transported. You hear the science, don't transport my friend, because I don't want him to come out on the other side looking all weird. Her face is on the back of her head. I'm like Grace, turn around. And she's like, I did. Grace But I'm here now. Real quick. Amy I made it to dinner in 5 minutes. Was it worth it? Well, that reminds me of our guest conversation, because we did talk about travel with Naomi Ekperigin and she's coming up later in the episode. So I wish we really asked her if she was into transporting. Grace Yeah, I wish we had asked her. Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Right?   Amy Starting now, top of the hour. Bummer. News of the week. This first bit of other news is about holiday airfare. I read on CNBC that, quote, Average domestic airfare for trips over Thanksgiving is $350 and international round trips are going for an average of $7.95. Both marked a 22% increase compared with 2019 and quote, meaning that this holiday airfare will be the most expensive it has been for the last five years.   Grace This feels a little predatory from the airlines, to be honest, because, you know, people want to see their families like during the holidays. So it's just really sad that, you know, a lot of people are not going to be able to afford to travel. And here's the thing. Like, life is so short. Like I've had some friends recently lose people very unexpectedly. And these are the times when you should, you know, spend time with your loved ones and your family.   Amy Yeah, I don't like that they're saying good luck to those people who have families far away. Just like good luck. Happy holidays are broken because it's like.   Grace I mean, it's like capitalism. I mean, they're just like. Well, if you can afford to then you can. But if you can't, sorry. You know.   Amy That's my thing. I like the play. They're so old, you never get snacks anymore. They added a row. Like, it's just like it's like a bus in the sky. And they keep raising the prices and they are now flying fewer and fewer and fewer planes because they don't have enough crew because we don't want to catch COVID in the sky. And so I'm just like, it's just making travel abominable. And it used to be a luxury back in the day. And I'm like, now it's like.   Grace Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was lucky enough recently to fly business class and, like, for my job and. I was just like, Ooh, child, this is this is not what it used to be.   Amy Have you ever watched that show, The Other Two on HBO max, it's so f---ing funny. Have so much. And there's a scene where they're in business class and, like, this is class. It's so nice. It's so nice not being in the back of the plane and then people just putting feet by their feet, like people seated behind them, put their bare feet up right next to their face. And she turns it literally, it's a foot and it's like, Wow.   Grace Yeah, it was real. It was real. I think the seat was very like.   Amy Like hard?   Grace Grimy. And it's just like that. The the the movies didn't work. It was but.   Amy It didn't work. That's the whole point.   Grace And that's a that's a long flight. Amy, it was like 6 hours.   Amy 6 hours too long. Well, that's not the only bit of bummer news. Next up, we're going to talk about Brett Farve. Okay. Former Mississippi governor helped Brett Favre secure welfare funds for his f---ing volleyball stadium for his daughter. And this story, if you haven't heard it, you're living under a rock. But I'm going to tell you right now, I went on ESPN. Brett Favre wanted money to build the stadium at his daughter's college. University of Southern Mississippi. So you're on notice to USM. And he, along with former Governor Phil Bryant, took $4 million that had been designated from the federal government to be used for welfare funds. This is not alleged. It has been proven. We have seen the text messages and Nancy knew who was tasked with spending the money to help. The state has already pleaded guilty to 13 felony counts for her role in the welfare scheme, which means they threw a woman under the bus for all of this and knew is the one who released the text messages between herself and Brett Favre. It's totally disgusting. You need that. Welfare funds, which are supposed to help those in need in the poorest state in the nation, were used for a volleyball court. But also the other thing that's offensive to me is that Brett Favre is a sh---y scammer. You better learn to scam my n---- literally. Why was he sending text messages being like, is this a scam? Yes. Will people know? Okay, like he's a bad scammer.   Grace I when I see sh-- like this, I was just like, how small does your heart have to be? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like. And he better hope that there's no hell, because they're going to send him to the hardest piece of hell. Like he literally stole food out of poor children's mouth.   Amy What is he the Nestle Corporation?   Grace To build a volleyball court?   Amy That's crazy.   Grace Like. And then also, why is he not in jail? Like he's. We seen the text. Like, everybody knows he did this sh--. So, like, why is he, like, chillin in his mansion where the f--- he lives? Because I don't even know. And so, like, why is he not in a jail cell right now? Like, how are those children going to get their money? Like what? What is going on with this? I mean, I have to say, being a rich white man is just the best. Get out of jail free card that one could ever have.   Amy I read a great quote by writer Chris Burke of SB Nation, which is like the fan club for the Packers. He said Brett Favre soiled the G and bamboozled us all. The player was a legend. The man is a legendary con artist. And I'm like, Yeah, you're right, Chris. I'm like, This man, is it? And I just love that. He said he bamboozled us all because literally he did. He bamboozled his own state and that governor let him.   Grace That is a true bummer. And the fact that he doesn't seem to be facing any serious consequences. Well, yes, you know, people are literally killed for selling cigarets on the street or people are shot down for, you know, at a traffic stop for no reason. And he just gets to steal millions of dollars from poor children and mothers and the people who need it. And he just gets to chill in his mansion.   Amy Anyway. How do you feel, Grace, talking about this sh--?   Grace Well, not the not the best. I mean, that whole Brett Favre thing is such a it's like a tragedy. It really I just really think about the people that didn't get the services they need because of that man. And then also. Yeah, I mean I sad that people can't travel during the holidays to see their grandma Christmas. That's sad.   Amy Yeah, I'm upset about all of this, too, but that's why we're going to get into the antidote.   Grace Let's get into it.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace I'm here in New York right now, which is great. I have been hearing about something from a friend of mine. She swears by this one kind of massage, and I was just like, You know what? It's the weekend I'm about to start going into production, all that different stuff. So let me try this out. So I got a lymphatic drainage massage.   Amy What is that?   Grace Basically, we have lymph nodes. You know, Oliver bodies and they don't have a system like other bodily systems. This is what it was told to me. Please, if you're a doctor and you're like, That's bullsh--. I'm sorry. I don't.   Amy This is some really whack science.    Grace A lymphatic drainage massage is people physically pushing fluids through your body so you can eliminate them, I guess either like by peeing or sweating it out. So there's two parts of the massage, so there's the actual massage where she's like pushing the fluids. And then there's-.   Amy What does this mean? Like, you're, like, peeing while she's massaging.   Grace No, no, no, no, no. You're not peeing. It's just like they do it. And then within the next few days, it helps to, like, debuff you deep blow to you. Oh, she was saying that a lot of times people do it right before, like a big event, like a wedding, or like celebrities do it before, before a red carpet or something because it's basically draining like a lot of excess fluid out of your body, by the way, that she manipulates it. And honestly, I could tell the difference right after I looked at my stomach, I looked at my legs and she even put my hand on certain parts of my body and she's like, feel that. She's like, that's all inflammation. Like my upper leg. It was all inflammation. And then afterwards she's like, Feel it again. And it freaked me out because it was so much flatter that I was I was used to my thigh being.   Amy I don't want my lymphs inflamed.   Grace So anyway, so there's two parts of the massage, the actual massage, and then she sprayed magnesium on me and then wrapped me in like eight bandages. And then I went and I sat in the sauna for a half hour. Yeah, I just felt like a lot healthier. I felt like less puffy. Less bloated.   Amy I like it. I want to try. I always see it. I'm like, What the f--- does this mean? A lymphatic drainage. It just sounds so clinical. So now I with your encouragement, that's the great antidote.   Grace Yeah. I just want to warn everyone. If you do try it. It's not relaxing. You know, if you're if you're going there for, like a relaxation moment, it's not super relaxing. The actual massage part is not super relaxing because this she's like digging deep. But once you actually get into the sauna, that part was super relaxing. And then what's cool about it is that like, you literally see the difference right away.   Amy That is the great antidote.   Grace So it was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy So I recently was interviewed in Glamor UK about the ways that I put wellness in my life, especially considering not only the writing program I started, but also this podcast. And one of the things I said in the article and that I actually was my editor this week is celebrating. I think so much of the antidotes that we have are about going inward, taking time for yourself, being solitary recharging. But I actually think celebrating and living in the now of your achievement is an antidote. And it's something that I used to really struggle with. I really still struggle with that a little bit. And so sometimes I really put effort into having intentional celebrations. So one thing I did this week was I started a production company a year ago called Super Special, and you can follow us online at the Super Special and and it's our year anniversary and we've done a lot in the first year for a small company. And I wanted to celebrate it and also to celebrate it with the people that we've been working with and the people that have supported us. And in some ways I'm like, have we done enough to earn a celebration? But I'm also like, We have more. Who cares? Yeah. On whose metric. So yeah, exactly. So it was really, really wonderful to be able to celebrate my team in front of the people who are, you know, supporting our projects and to get to have a night where we were focusing on our strengths and how we've grown over the last year, as opposed to thinking like, what's next, what's next? What next? Because I think I always is a Virgo. I'm just like, Well, you're doing okay, but like you've got more to do. And that wasn't that great. And what's next? And this was a moment where I was like, I'm not living in the next, I'm living in the now. So finding some time to celebrate.   Grace Amy, I'm so proud of you. That's been so beautiful to watch you in the past year. Like do this company, like your your writing program has been so impactful. Like all your writers are like you're they're racking up wins. You know, they're they're assisting people. They're getting their work out there. You shot a short film. I mean, like you've done so, so much. So I'm so glad because you are a person that loves to work hard, which is great. But I'm glad that you took a moment to be like, Wow, I've done all this in one year of my company. So that that is a beautiful anecdote. And I think that, you know, we can all learn that lesson. I also am a person that does not always celebrate the good. Because I'm just like, what could go wrong? If I can't celebrate it because they know it might go away if I see them right away. You know, so I think that that's a great lesson for, you know, everybody listening that to celebrate your yourself, you know, even when you're working hard, you know.   Amy Yeah. And honestly, as a true introvert, like celebrating takes a lot out of me. So I'm really tired. And now I think I need a lymphatic drainage massage, so. AUDIENCE If you guys tried any of our antidotes at home, let us know. Shout us out on socials with hashtag. That's my antidote. Or leave us a voicemail. Guys. We can play them on the show. Lose a voicemail by calling the number 83368436831 more time. That's 8336843683. And leave us a voicemail sharing your antidote and we will share it with the world.   Grace Yes. I mean, if you didn't catch that, we're going to make sure that we also have that number on our social so you can hit us up. We would love to hear your sweet voices and hopefully play one on the show soon.   Amy We'll be back after the break.   Grace Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our stunning guest is a writer, actor and comedian. She is a native New Yorker whose mom hails from Detroit and whose father is Nigerian. Oh, that's great. And. So you see what she's our BFF. She co-hosts a podcast with her husband called Couples Therapy, as well as another podcast about Lifetime movies called I Love a Lifetime Movie. You can see her on TV in Mythic Quest and hear her on Central Park, both on Apple TV. Friends. The phenomenal, amazing and spectacular. Naomi Ekperigin.   Naomi Ekperigin Wow. That was beautiful. Thank you so much.   Amy Of course.   Grace But it's all true. Also, she got some banger standup specials on Netflix.   Amy I mean, I didn't even talk about the stand up specials, but then I would have had to keep talking because I would have started naming all my favorite jokes. And then this would have gotten long.   Grace Yea, it'd be forever. It'd be forever.   Amy Check her out on Netflix, y'all.    Grace So, Naomi, you are very, very impressive, but we aren't here to talk about your many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah, let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?   Naomi Ekperigin Well, I mean, look, look, I've got to tell you this right now. I woke up at seven to get my will. I got the dog out at 832 nine. Okay. Then later, round from like 9 to 1130. Tried to make a ramen. I saw on TikTok and my stomach still hurts.   Grace From scratch?   Grace And I took a nap. Well, it was a quick but you know how they give you quick, easy recipes. And I like saw that I was like, wow, I actually have all of these things in my house. And I said, I'm going to do this with an egg on top and now it's breakfast.   Amy Nice.   Naomi Ekperigin And, you know, I regret it.   Amy I mean, here's the thing. What I heard is today you were a professional dog walker, a chef, and part of a sleep study.   Grace Yeah.   Amy You had a very ambitious day.   Grace You had a productive day to me because I-   Naomi Ekperigin Wow you all are. Good.   Grace I have-   Naomi Ekperigin That's a good that's a good twist.   Grace I have never attempted to make ramen, so the attempt is really the victory. You know what I'm saying?   Naomi Ekperigin That's nice of you. But my stomach was like, Girl, you mixed up some spices in a way that may not have been correct.   Grace So what if I had this? Or, like, what was the problem? Too much thought. Too much spice?   Naomi Ekperigin No, I think it was, like, too spicy. It was, like, supposed to be, like, shooting up a packet of instant ramen. But I was like, I don't want to actually eat the packet, but it was like, use the spices, like put the spice into the packet and then put it in all this other stuff. And I just wonder if that spice packet was not like a cute. No, no, just I'm saying and I think it's just like too many like I was doing that, I was doing Chipotle like because I had to sub it for a Korean like I know Korean peppers. Then I got to put some honey, then I got to put in some soy sauce. Obsessed. Wow. That's the other statement, right? But this is. I took that stuff off like I thought without using the salty white stuff, I was like, Maybe it won't be. But I was like, Dear, there's really no way around this. Like, it just is a salty sensation, but it's like a spicy, salty. I made garlic chips.   Amy This is a lot. That's what's going on in that tummy. That tummy is like, Ma'am, I was expecting salt, but I got Cuban coriander and cloves.   Naomi Ekperigin All before noon. It was like, Why are you doing this? I mean, that's why I'm saying you're an ambitious chef. You know what I'm going to say that we are here to raise our vibrations a little bit, make that tummy feel yummy. So let's get into it. This show, it's called The Antidote, because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month? You know, it's so funny because that is definitely something that I told myself I got to I decided to make a concerted effort to find out because I noticed in particular, once I moved to Los Angeles, it really did become about work in a way that even though, of course, New York is a place where you hustle and work, I just didn't feel the same. Maybe pressure on it, I think. And so now it's been real. I'm like, Oh, I was like, Oh, I got to go do stuff that's not. And for me, that has been. It sounds very simple, but I'm starting with just, like, socializing. Like last night, I had a standup show. Yes. And I went up and then I stayed and watched the rest of the show. What? I saw people.   Grace I mean I mean.   Naomi Ekperigin I know this is like something I don't do, but I really I was like, oh, when I came home, I was like, oh, I'm in a better mood. And I think it's because I had a chat and I got to see other people doing stuff and even the stuff that wasn't good. Yeah. You know, sometimes when you see stuff that's not good, it, it can be kind of helpful because you're like, Oh, well, I mean, anybody can be, oh, you know, they're up, they're failing.   Amy So what am I bad at?   Naomi Ekperigin Why am I so hard on myself? Get up there and just start talking. Oh, my. So and just, you know, I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a while and that felt good. It felt good to me because then I made it not just about the act of doing a set and all the attitude I have to be like, we started late and who these audiences were, you know, whenever I made it had a little more to it than just the work part of it. And I got to start making myself do that more. I really got to just like get out there and interact. I really love that because it's like, it's about like making sure, just like you said, that the work part of it doesn't take over. And I think as beneficial as that can be to see people bomb your you can also see people who are really good and either way you're going to get inspiration. And either way, it kind of returns you to, at least in some small way, the mental state you had when you were new in. You're there for the first time and just enjoying it. But that sounds nice. Okay. Can I tell you something? I another thing I do for my own joy.   Grace Yes.   Naomi Ekperigin I do not believe in posting deadline articles. Okay. I said it. I said it. All right. And like when someone posts, it's not like I'm sitting there going, What's wrong with you? I'm like, I get it, you're excited. You want people to know what you're doing. Also, a lot of this business is in creating the illusion and so part of that illusion. But I'll say that that illusion is in posting that article, okay? Like, look, fake, you know. Okay. But I despise it because I think it serves to feed into. Into the pickup and the strutting and like because it's like I think we all know that by the time something's been posted, it's like it presents something different than what's actually happening. And so I don't want to do it, but then it's like I'm I was like, but I want people to think it's not because I'm not, like, proud of what I've done. And I'll tell anybody in a conversation if you ask. But there's something about posts and the feathers posted a peacock feather, you know, that I just it just like I'm not good at it. Also, it's like I'm not famous too. And maybe that's I'm a bit of social media because I don't like the way.   Amy Oh wait, are we going to do this? Like, literally, like, are you begging for compliments? You are a TV star.   Grace You have touched David Letterman's beard, bitch.   Amy Wait a second.   Grace What are you talking about?   Amy What. Studio B knows who you are. Okay. You perform at the King's Theater in Brooklyn. I was. there. I was there. It was part of Two Dope Queens on HBO.   Naomi Ekperigin Oh, God. We were young and we were so young.   Amy Oh, my God. The youngest. I remember you wore a beautiful black one piece jumpsuit. And now, as my ripe age, I'm like, You can't wear that. It's too hard to go to the bathroom. But back then we were cocky and we wanted people to know that one strip of fabric fit our body.   Grace That's all I need one closure.   Amy Oh. It was so beautiful. I remember being like, you got me into my jumpsuit era. I think you really did. I feel like I was like, Oh, I need jumpsuits. And then I traveled one time in a plane with one, and I was like, This was a mistake for traveling, travel. You got to get full naked to use the bathroom like this was a mistake.   Naomi Ekperigin No, no, no, no. No, no jumpsuits on aircraft.   Grace In a public situation like you like. The thing pools like you have to kind of hold it up so it's not pooling on the ground, you know what I'm saying? There's just a lot of acrobatics that need to happen.   Amy And then if you've got a bag, sometimes, guys, I put the strap of my bag in my teeth. I'm not going to lie. I've done it before. I'm like, I don't want to put it on any of the surface of this bag. I will hold it.   Naomi Ekperigin I don't know about being.   Grace I don't know if it should go in your mouth girl.   Naomi Ekperigin Be immune. I think you might be immune to monkeypox. You might.   Grace So what would you say your favorite place is? And I asked this very loaded question, as I know this often turns into a New York versus Los Angeles discussion. But I mean, it doesn't have to be either one of those cities that could be like someplace you've vacation. Like where is your favorite place to be?   Naomi Ekperigin Okay. I'm going to tell you this. I'm actually not going to give you a geographic location. What I'm going to give you is a swimming pool by myself on like an 80 degree day for me that's so hot that I love. There's nothing I love more than being in a swimming pool. I thought when I moved to Los Angeles that was like swimming pools would be everywhere. Like give you a pool. I know it was like every house has a pool, right? There's something about being in the pool. When I was little, I took swim lessons really early on because my mom did not apply to me. She really wanted me to make sure I knew how to swim. So I was like learning to swim from maybe age six. And I just really like it. I like this feeling that you can make. Can't I be weightless? You're so cool and comfortable. I don't like it when it's heated. I'll tell you this, man. I don't like a heated pool. I want that water crisp.   Amy Yeah. Why? Why would it be heated? That's what a hot tubs for.   Naomi Ekperigin I know, but people heat their pools. Wow. And I say, give me that crisp, cold water. Yeah, I love that. Because when you first step in, you like to go to go jiggle. And I suppose you're like, now I'm good. Yeah. I love that. Like, honestly, just thinking about it, like, oh, and like whenever I travel, I want an Airbnb that has its own pools thing NASA's that makes me feel very decadent and I just don't like random so. So I say it has to be empty.   Grace Like 11 a am in the middle of the day on a weekday.   Amy Yeah. Not a public pool. A private pool.   Naomi Ekperigin Yeah, exactly. Well, the last time I went to a hotel, you know, it had a pool for everybody, but I picked because I was, like, had a separate pool for children. Nice. Get them out of here. And I see them little kids out. However, when we get there, the pool for the children was closed. So everybody buddies pool these god damn children. Okay.   Grace Oh, no.   Naomi Ekperigin I lost my mind when this man. He had a little he had a little boy had knee maybe two ish. And he keeps and you know little Nico, you know, I know his name is Nico because the father keeps going. Nico, get us puppies. Nico, get us puppies. Giving a little boy French fries in the pool.   Amy You got to stop. You better stop.   Grace Flag on the play.    Naomi Ekperigin Nico, no quiere papas. Okay.   Amy No.   Naomi Ekperigin Every French fry his father would give him, he would drop it in the pool. He would just drop it. He was like, I don't want this. And I was like, Why do you keep giving? So I was like, Stop, give it to have it. And he just dropping em. And I was like, And then I'm out of this pool. I have to be.   Grace Unsanitary.   Amy You were in a wet potato pool. That's disgusting.   Naomi Ekperigin I was in a wet hash brown. Yeah. Not today.   Amy Not today.   Grace Nico. That is a flag on the play.   Amy That's infuriating.   Naomi Ekperigin I know. I was like, he does not want these. Like, that's what was killing me. I was like, why do you keep offering them to him? He's like, not even that he wouldn't let it go.   Amy That's insane. It's such a game changer to be at a hotel or a resort or a pool place that has a separate pool for kids. It's such a game changer because you're just like, Oh, I can float. Well, you know, I can barely float. My body don't work that way, but I can sit. I can stand. In my own water and not be worried that it's suddenly going to get warm because a little kid peed in it. You know, I'm just like, that's serenity. That's serenity to me.   Grace Yeah, Amy and I are not swimmers. I literally a friend told me recently and I'm like, organize this at some point, but that there's a man, a man in Arizona that can teach adults to swim in four days. So at some point we be doing it.   Naomi Ekperigin Wait a minute.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Let's go. Let's find this man. Exactly.   Naomi Ekperigin There's no water at Arizona, so I don't trust this. Okay? Yeah.   Amy Anyway Naomi. You know I want to hear you talk about the word most. You've talked a lot about how adding this word has changed your routine. What has it brought to your life? I love this. \.   Naomi Ekperigin I think that certainly yes, we've all you know, everyone talks of how society has shifted in this notion of cancel culture and all that. And for me, instead of thinking about it like that, like I'm going to get canceled, I think it's about just being a we are so much more aware of the diversity of experience and existence than we were even ten years ago, let alone 20, let alone when we were children. And I think that to me it is so easy to account for that and still say what you want to say as a comedian, as a writer, as a person. Because I think that sometimes standup is just like say something outlandish and then figure out how to justify it, you know, in the back end or take a big swing and then you'll get to it later. And I certainly think that for a lot of people. Even now, those big swings are in the generalizations. You know, they are in women be like I mean, when we all grew up Def Jam, it was white people. It's black people that like, it would just be like blankets. And that was you know, it was funny. And it could be surprising when you're like, oh, you put this thing together that I've never accounted for. Or You spoken to an aspect of the black experience that like other people don't talk about like there there's some value in that. But I think now and I think the three of us are this example, like the three of us grew up as those nerdy black girls who at some point people were saying, talked white. Mm hmm. And now here we are. I mean, writing the Blackest things on television. I mean, we've all come to, you know, people stop. I think people are stop doing that. Or I think they do it a lot less because there's now the realization that, you know, Blackness contains multitudes. Yes, gender contains multitudes. Sexuality contains multitudes. You know, and so, you know, you can still temper your language and still say what you mean. Right. You know.   Amy Yeah. And not paint with a broad brush.   Naomi Ekperigin Yeah. But still. Yeah, you know, still get the point across and make sure you're not, you know, needlessly offending people. I think it's it's also like, you know, I want I just want to be liked. I mean, if you're trying to get on stage and say sh-- that makes people mad and then, you know, and then it's like, well, at least they're talking about me. Some people just feel like they want to get aroused.   Amy I just want the conversation.   Naomi Ekperigin No, I don't. I don't want no conversation.   Amy Yeah. And you can still be funny. I think sometimes there's a feeling that comedy comes from a broad brush painting, but it's like, actually there's a lot of comedy in choosing the way that you be selective with how you say what you're saying, which is something I love about your comedy because you constantly do that. So I yeah, it's just always, I'm always like, Yeah, if I evolve the comedy, evolve it.   Grace Yeah. And there's so much universality and specificity are universal. I don't know how if that word, how I said it was how it's pronounced.   Amy Universal-   Grace Universality.   Naomi Ekperigin But also, you know, I know what you meant. I knew what you said, you know.   Grace And specificity. And I think that the people who are so comfortable not caring like that, something hurts. People have never been bullied. Now I've been bullied. I've been bullied.   Amy Same. We have that in common. Yeah.   Grace Exact. So, you know, I went to like a Republican Catholic school for the first nine years of my life and so I'm nine years of my education. So I know what it's like to be bullied for race, for gender, for how you present yourself or how you talk or whatever. And so I never, ever want to do that to anyone. So if somebody from a community is like, Hey, don't say that, don't call me that, don't discount my experience in your comedy. I'm more than happy to do so because literally the reason why I got into comedy or the reason why I love comedy above everything else, is because I like to make people laugh. I like to give people joy. And if something that I'm saying is not giving a certain community joy, then I want to stop doing that because that is not my intention, you know?   Naomi Ekperigin Right.   Grace So I love that you do that because I think it's so important for us, as, you know, comedy writers, comedians, to keep having that discussion that it's not just like, oh, cancel culture. You can't say what you want anymore. Like, no, when you think actually take a pause and think about it as a black person, I'm just like, Don't call me the N-word. Don't make fun of me for being fancy or whatever. I don't like that or whatever. And if somebody had just been like, Oh, okay, I'm not going to stop doing that because you're too sensitive. I would have feel some kind of way about that. Right. But anyway, let me move us to another question, Naomi. Um, is there a piece of art, meaning a book, a play, a show fine art that has had like an impact on your life? Was there is there something that was just little young? Naomi was just like, Oh, this I want to be an actor or I want to be a comedian. Like there was was there some sort of formative piece of work for you?   Naomi Ekperigin Well, it's funny because, you know, my first dream was to be a writer. That's what started it. And that's how cool I was obsessed with, you know, books. You can always just find me in a corner reading a book. And this is not a high art. But I started out I'm obsessed with the Baby-Sitters Club. Yeah. And was and I was like, I'm going to write. I'm going to write book. And I to write books about girls who were girls. And like that was like, I'd be doing like sh-- stuff and then hanging out, being girls like it boys and babysitting. When I was like, I was like really obsessed. And that was something very formative for me in the beginning. And just like when I say I have, I had all the books they had like a Baby-Sitters Club, Kids Club, which is kind of like a male thing. I had doubles. Yeah, we donated all of my books to the library because I had duplicates to the point where you just have a whole set of the books. My God. So he gave them to the library at 1/35. I was like, Take it for the children. It's just another generation that was like, that was huge for me. I think it was writing way. I mean, I did want to act because and I would say to like, you know, growing up in the nineties there were so many black shows. So it was easy to see like, Oh, I want to do that when I was little. And then, but I still didn't know how, you know, I mean, the TV felt like a magical box. Yeah, right. But writing it was like every birthday, probably through high school, people would just give me journals and pens and like, all you know, I love. Oh, my God, give me stationery. Give me a cute pen. I love a little notebook.   Grace Were you a Lisa Frank girl?   Naomi Ekperigin Well, come on. Yeah, of course. Say my stickers and the notebooks and. Oh, God. Do you remember jelly roll pens? Yeah. Metallic in, like, all caps. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. And then when they dried up, you'd be so upset, but they would always dry up before the pen was.   Grace They weren't meant to last forever. Because the thing is, is that I realized when I was younger, I wrote so much stuff longhand and now we don't do that. So my pens be the lasting for years because I was just like, I know like my dad's that aspect of it because like, he'll be like, do you have a pen? And I was and I was like, no, that he's like, how you a writer with no damn pen? I was just like, fair point. Fair point, Dad.   Amy We write digitally.   Grace But yeah, I love the Baby-Sitters Club. That was my sh--, too. That and Nancy Drew, you know.   Naomi Ekperigin Yes. Oh, my God, Nancy. Also, did you guys ever read Goosebumps? Yeah.   Amy Goosebumps and Fear Streets. Yes. Yeah. I was like, I'm grown. I'm reading Fear Street. It was so good. Yes. Books were books were that bitch.   Grace Some of this the like. Yes, I read the kids books with both of us. F--- me up to this day because what I got into too young was romance novels.   Amy Oh yeah. I was, I was reading something like aged ten. I'm like, what does it mean that his engorged member.   Grace What is her? What's is his throbbing member?   Amy What does that mean?   Naomi Ekperigin Ok. V.C. Andrews? Did you read that? I read that way too early. Flowers in the attic.   Grace Oh, well, for me, it was the author name Amanda Quick. And the reason why I got into Amanda Quick was because, you know, most success novels, like The Woman's, like, thrown back and the guy's like kissing her neck or something like that. And so I would be too embarrassed to, like, take that out. But Amanda Quick, she had that, but it was on the inner cover. So okay, so the top cover was just like a plain color. So I got it. So I wasn't embarrassed when my librarian friends, you know, I was reading freaky books.   Amy Because the librarians knew.   Grace They knew. My my 11 year old brain was just like they ain't finna know. No, they ain't finna know.   Naomi Ekperigin Oh.   Amy Here comes that horny toddler.   Naomi Ekperigin But for some reason too, I imagine little grace like ten year old Grace, for some reason, is wearing a business suit. And so it's like I'm imagining a little girl in, like, a fancy outfit checking out.   Grace I was like, I'm going to put these books in my briefcase.   Naomi Ekperigin In my briefcase, my Jansport briefcase.   Amy See you tomorrow, Cheryl.   Grace I know. I mean. I mean, I read the Madonna sex book that way. They had one at the library, like. Yeah, I would use the library. Yes. For education of for children's books, but also learning some else that that I was not ready for. Sorry, Mom and Dad.   Amy But it sounds like for you, Naomi Baby-Sitters club was really formative like that was like the series that that sort of started putting in that feeling of I want to be a writer.   Naomi Ekperigin It did. I went and I went to, like, book signings to meet Ann M Martin. And there's a picture of me like a ten years old. I mean, the glasses were coke bottle. The braces were shining. And I was so nervous. And what's so funny about it is that, like, because my mom had this picture and it was like the dowdy white lady she was giving us, like, white turtleneck with, like, a sensible sweater over it, you know, like. Yeah, like a bra. She was like. And the fact that I was tongue tied, you would have thought that I was being like, God is being Michelle Obama's. Yeah. Like, my mom's, like, stand next to her so I can take a picture. And I was like. And it's, like, intimate. And I said, this woman is a rock star to me. And it's like, very, very regular. A regular. Yeah, because you're from Harlem. So this happened like in New York. Things like this happened. Yes, yes, yes. We were going to thing. That's the thing. I think my you know, my mom really got me into stuff early and like going to shows and, you know, we'd always go to the movies and, you know, back in the day, we used to have to sneak in to like we go to pay for one and then we see two bored, you know, best friends for like a Saturday. Oh, I see. Exactly. So that was like always. Ah, you know. So she introduced me to a lot of stuff early in a way that's like to me, it's like I loved growing up in New York and I know tons of people who feel like the city is so hectic. And I can imagine it may be hard to raise a kid there, but it's just like there's so much stuff you can just go ahead and do things. It's just like museums are free. You can just like walk in and be like babysitter. Exactly. Those are something and just realize like, okay, that person's a murderer and that person's not. Like, my mom would even tell me she'd be like, You can always ask an older woman for directions. Do you mean like lost or is it a space? She would tell me to ask an older woman, period. That's so good. And it was like, yep, that's all I do. And that if I get scared, confused or don't know, whatever, you know, I mean, you just go to somebody and then.   Amy Yeah, I've become that older woman, I think, at a grocery store as a random kid.   Grace That literally children come up to me all the time like she's she looks safe. She's never hurt a person in her life.   Amy Oh, that's great. I love being trustworthy.   Grace Yeah, no, I appreciate it. So another question for you then. What do you love about a Lifetime movie? Like, obviously, you have this whole podcast about it and you know, I have seen some lifetime flicks myself, but I am not in deep into the canon as you are. So please tell us, what about a Lifetime movie is iconic to you.   Naomi Ekperigin Okay, now, look, I'm going to tell you this about me right now. I love a procedural, okay? I love my criminal minds, my law and orders. And I think in my lifetime, my preferred lifetime movies are the thrillers, you know, are the scary ones. I don't really need to watch a rom com. Michael Lifetime rom com. And so I find the Lifetime thrillers to be very much procedural. Okay, I like the structure of it. I know what's going to happen in the end. In the end, a woman will fight for justice because Lifetime, lifetime is very ACAB okay, because I guess every movie about the cops don't do it. So then she has to do it herself, you know, I mean, like her and her friend, because inevitably the cop is like our hands are tied or they're like, we can't find anything. And then it's like a woman in the woods and she, like, kills a man with a tea kettle or something, you know, she hits him over the head with a tea kettle. And I find that very satisfying. I also think that there's a lot of wish fulfillment in the kitchens, in the homes. Yes. You know, there no matter what you do in a Lifetime movie, you have a kitchen island. Okay.   Grace Made of Caesarstone. Marble. You know what I'm saying? The best of materials.   Naomi Ekperigin Like literally I was like you're a substitute English teacher and you own property. And I was like, okay, I love this world.   Grace And let me tell you, as somebody from the Midwest or whatever that can happen in the middle of the country. You're a coastal bitch so you don't know about these cheap prices.   Naomi Ekperigin You're right.   Grace You can. You can be a substitute teacher in Michigan and have a nice kitchen island. You know.   Amy Naomi, we feel so much better now that we've talked you.   Naomi Ekperigin I feel better talking to you. I think I better get some stuff done today. You guys are giving me my second wid..   Amy I love it.   Grace We are happy to do that. Always. Sh-- still. I mean, we still in America in 2022. I know, but. But it's sucks a little less because we talked to you today.   Amy Yeah. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you love, not something you worked on.   Naomi Ekperigin Oh, no. I'll plug myself. You can see me in the new movie Me Time. And that also stars Kevin Hart. Regina Hall. Yeah. It's a fun family film.   Grace And then, you know, when Jody comes out next year or whatever, you know that Naomi has a role in that as well. So, you know, you check for her when you see Jody coming out, you know, check for her because she's she's one of my star studded cast.   Naomi Ekperigin Well, I'll tell you what I did. I'll tell you what I did, Amy. And I'm not afraid to tell the listeners. I said, Hey, you got me. I can say. And, Jody, you got any parts that I could audition for this thing? And I get it now. And I mean, I am not a I'm no grace too loud to be coy. I've known her too long to be coy. Yes. And then Grace. So, you know, she's like, well, you know, a lot of the main parts are already cast. I was like, Grace, I don't assume I'm going to get a part. I would like to play Lady in store who says move, like, I'm fine. And she did it.   Grace Yeah, she killed it.   Amy When we win.    Grace She killed it. She killed it.   Amy I just got so inspired Grace has a show and she cast her friend. Because her friend is amazing. You know, it's like it literally is like, what is the thing? Luck is when preparation needs opportunity. Like, yeah, it's like you're already is not the thing. Oh, no. But the point is, you can ask that not just because you're her friend, but because you have this crazy voice and it deserves to be heard. Yes.   Naomi Ekperigin Guys, guys, I'm going to listen to this episode over and over.   Grace Please do. Because we need the ratings girl.   Amy Can you listen to it on multiple devices? Just send it to your mom. Send it to your therapist. Send it to your husband.   Grace I mean, 90% of our audience are my two parents who listen to it multiple times a week. But where can people find you on the Internet? Naomi?   Naomi Ekperigin Visit me on Instagram. That's where I'm having the most fun and you're seeing the most dog pics. And that is black dress comedy spelled exactly the way you think it's spelled because I was on these socials back when I had a day job and I took Caitlin, so now that's what's up. So visit me it as always. Listen to couples therapy. If you like a Lifetime movie. Listen. I love a Lifetime movie. Look, I'm giving you something every week, okay? I'm giving you something every week.   Grace She is producing. She's working on a regular basis for you there, so there's no reason that you can't conceive something. Naomi Ekperigin on The Weekly. You know what I'm saying?   Amy Come on, come on. Thank you so much, Naomi. We love you.   Grace Bye.   Grace Okay to close this out. We are doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quotes?   Amy I sure am, Grace.   Grace Okay. Creativity doesn't wait for that perfect moment. It fashions its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones. And that's from Bruce Garrabrants. I'll read it one more time. Creativity doesn't wait for that perfect moment. It fashions its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones. Bruce Garrabrandt.   Amy That's a cool quote. I. I do agree that creativity doesn't wait for that perfect moment, and that for me, it makes me think of like not waiting for inspiration. Like, you just got to move forward with what you're making and, and hope that inspiration comes through the process of doing. But the second part of fashion's its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones. Sure. I don't. I don't know if it. I guess maybe the word perfect is, like, I'm bumping me. Like, maybe, like in fashion. It's its own moments out of ordinary ones. Because I'm sort of like, what is a perfect moment, I guess, is what I'm thinking. But overall, I do like the quote. I think it's speaking to don't wait for inspiration, keep living. Because through ordinary life, by doing things that you always do, but also like even breaking out of the norm and doing different types of things. But just by living. Creativity will eventually find you. So that's what I hear from this quote. Mr. Bruce. What about you, Grace? What does the quote make you think?   Grace I it makes me think about all the times where I've just randomly gotten creative inspiration out of, like, nowhere, you know? So sometimes I'll be turning something over in my mind. I'll be trying to untie a story problem or fix the character, or I don't know what dialog should go in this scene. And then I'll sometimes put it down and sometimes when I'm in the shower, that's when I get the answer. Sometimes when I wake up first thing in the morning, sometimes I get the answer. Sometimes when I'm like at a concert or like just somewhere out in the world where it is not convenient at a party or whatever to like get that. And then sometimes when I'm drunk or like, you know, zoning out at the end of the night, like that's when I get the answer. And what I will say to everyone is that that moment you get the answer, even if it's an inconvenient moment, you need to record that because there have been so many moments where I'm like drifting off to sleep and I'm just like, I have the answer to that problem. Sleep. Wake up in the morning. The next morning. It's just like, Oh, Jesus, I don't remember what. I know. I remember that I had the answer. I just don't remember when the answer is. And, you know, the good ideas, I think, always do come back. But it puts you through so much because you're just like, Oh, man, I have solved that problem. But but it was not a convenient moment. So I, it makes me think of all of the little ways that just living life like sometimes will give you that answer. I once got an answer from a story problem when I was in the grocery store buying kettle corn. So I think that it's just that creativity doesn't always wait for the perfect moment when you're sitting at your computer or when you have the perfect time. Sometimes I'll be driving and I'll find it out. Wow. It just reminds me of all the moments where I've gotten answers to creative questions when it was not the right moment to do so.   Amy But that's kind of cool. I feel like this this quote for me was like a little figurative, but for you, it's like almost literal. That's going to be doesn't wait for that perfect moment in fashion to zone perfect moment that ordinary wants. You driving girl and I hit ya. That's cool. Oh, yes.   Grace Like that's what she should do. You know? And sometimes it's because I'm listening to a podcast or I'm listening to some music. Beyonce's Renaissance, I still love it. But anyway, that is what that made me think. So thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi. That's. A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And get out there and socialize. The antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'eraa Spragley Ricks, and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound mixing by derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidote at antidoteshow.org. Like we said, you can call us. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor E.R. Fightmaster about living with intention, tales of cryotherapy, and discovering their voice. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  Starbucks recalled some of their drinks due to possible contamination, and a judge refused to dismiss a lawsuit against a cancer survivor’s 'FCANCER' vanity plate. They also share their antidotes: pre-exploring a new neighborhood, and canceling plans. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “If you’re creating anything at all, it’s really dangerous to care about what people think.”-Kristen Wiig Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote, or leave us a message on our hotline at 833-684-3683. Sponsors:  BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. We're comedy writers in Los Angeles. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love.  Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hey, everybody. Amy I love that, wow. Given Mr. Rogers. Grace I miss singing a lot. So sometimes in unexpected points, I just break into song. Amy Girl. Same like in meetings, I'll be like, and then we're going to get the nuts. Grace Why? Oh, it's because there's something that my soul wants that I don't do anymore. Yeah, I mean, I'm actually thinking because I want to learn how to sing plastic on the sofa. So I'm thinking that while I'm in New York doing production stuff, that I might actually get a voice teacher. Amy Wait. You should do that. You should do that. I have a friend who did this recently. It was a while back, but he he used to sing in an a cappella group in college and he was like, I really miss it. And so he ended up getting a vocal coach. And then that vocal coach introduced him to some of the other singers that he was coaching. And then they formed an a cappella group. And they put on a show. Grace Oh my goodness. Amy It was right before the pandemic they put on a show. And I was like, What? You're like a 35 year old man in a group? What's happening. Grace No, I love it. It's like just something you do for fun. Like, my my theory was to be, like, do a little cabaret act where I, like, wear a sparkly dress and I have my kids, like, all hiked up to my chin. And be like, Let me get right to the point. Big spender. Amy It has to be when you're old enough not to care. It's like your 75th birthday. You're just like. Grace No, I want to do it now, Amy. Amy Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply I would take, like, over 20 years for you to get, you know, I think not the kind of thing. Yeah, you're like, I'm good now I can do it. Yeah, I guess just like you've taken 35 years, it was more that I thought, like, what's the age that you won't have the fear or like the nervousness of being like, I'm making my friends watch me perform. Grace Honestly, I think I'm getting there now. Amy Love that. Love that. Embrace it. Grace You know what, bitches? You know what? Hype me up. Come gas me up at this at this club where three people, only my friends showed up to watch me think because yeah those are the things you know when you are little remember like high school and stuff you just joined clubs because you wanted to do it or you just joined the dance team or the theater or the band or whatever just because you wanted to do it. Like, why can't we do that as grown ups too. Amy By the way, just to tease our guests coming up. Stay tuned. ER Fightmaster is going to be on. You may know them from Grey's Anatomy. Grace Grey's Anatomy and and My Heart. They are one of the writers in the room that I'm in right now. And so we can't wait for you guys to hear that conversation. They deep. Amy They deep. We actually tackled the idea of, like, doing something just because you feel like it. So it's a great combo. Grace Yeah, awesome combo. Well, Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now top with our bummer news of the week. So fall is right around the corner. Yes. And I read that everyone's favorite overpriced coffee shop is recalling some drinks. Why Starbucks is recalling hundreds of Starbucks espresso bottles that were sold in a handful of states due to possible contamination of metal particles. This is a statement from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. They said that 221 cases, that's 221 cases. I don't even know how many are in a case.   Grace And probably some that that weren't reported. Of course.   Amy Of course. Yeah. So flavors from Starbucks, vanilla espresso, triple shot, 15 ounces. They were sold in Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Oklahoma and Texas. Oh, my God. All the states that need help. They were all affected. And my thing- this is a bummer to me because I'm like because of the pandemic, like when everything shut down, when the pandemic started, I was like, oh God, I got to learn how to make coffee. And I did.   Grace Yeah, exactly.   Amy Like, it's part of my, like, morning ritual is making myself coffee.   Grace Yeah. And I used to get matches or ties from Starbucks because I'm not a coffee drinker. I only drink tea. And yeah, I like, you know, some I've gotten some tea gifts from friends, including you. You got me, like a little too much ginger like mix for my birthday one year. And so like now you told us recently about that little Goldie Blender thing that you make a with blender. Yeah, exactly. So I got one of those and I have my own matcha now so I can customize it exactly how I want. So, yeah.   Amy Call her Starbucks Edwards because she got those treats on lock.   Grace I'm a barista bitches. So so yeah I have stopped. So I just use my own stuff, you know? Who knows? It's probably covered in chemical too, you know? I know our dishes have. You know, they come in pretty colors, so they're probably full of chemicals as well, but it feels a little safer. So that's what I do.   Amy Yeah. Well, that's not the only bit of bummer news this week. So apparently there's a judge that refused to dismiss a lawsuit against a DMV patron for trying to have the vanity plate f cancer. Now, let me tell you a little bit about it. In December 2020, a woman named Carrie Lynn Overington applied for a vanity license plate reading the letter F cancer on one word and received it two months later, in June 2021. She received a letter from the manager of the Division of Motor Vehicles office in Dover telling her that the play, quote, does not represent the division and the state in a positive manner. End quote. So this woman was bussin for like the better part of a year before they told her, you'll plate all wrong. The DMV manager, Levi Fisher, wrote that any plate considered offensive will be denied or recalled if issued in error.   Grace What's offensive about f cancer?   Amy That is my question, and this is why I'm bummed out. It feels like a positive message to me. I'm like, What the f--- do y'all love cancer? You all weird? I'm really confused about who's seeing her plate, being like. I'm offended.   Grace Did she have cancer?   Amy I mean, I think that's why she got the plate. And so she said, My vanity plate receives positive feedback everywhere I go. And I've had more than a few deep conversations with complete strangers about my cancer and how cancer has touched their lives because of it. She also wrote, The community of cancer warriors, cancer survivors and those who love them is far reaching and very supportive and quotes. So this woman is like connecting to people who understand the trauma she's been through, who are survivors like her, and all through her license plate, her vanity plate, and like for some reason it's a problem because of the F, I guess.   Grace Also like I'm so sorry to tell you, American people and people around the world, frankly. Your kids have seen all kinds of things. The Internet is open. Okay? Your kids have seen all types of things. There's like literally no protections even on the porn sites. So, like, something that says F cancer, if you tell me about it's about the kids. It's not about that. It's about policing women's language once again. And I also think, you know, I've had cancer in our family. Most of our. Most of our listeners probably know someone who's been touched by cancer in some way, shape or form. I've had loved ones die too young from cancer, and it's such a brutal disease. And if she survived that and she wants to memorialize the fact that she survived that. Yeah, then let her have her vanity plate. That's absolutely wild. And obviously she's been getting good feedback. She hasn't been getting bad feedback about it. Yeah. So like, I would just re pitch to be like, okay, so you don't like cancer, how about f--- cancer? You know? And I'd say, how about how about I write it all the way out so everybody knows exactly what I said, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's it's really disheartening that the government and like, would there's so many other things to worry about like then that, you know. Yeah, I don't know. It feels it feels dumb. And you know what? I'm proud of you for coming up with that idea, girl. And I'm so sorry that your state is such a frickin square, you know?   Amy Mm hmm. I agree. Poor thing. How do you feel after hearing all this bummer news, Grace?   Grace I'm not the best. I mean, Madeline, our coffee and someone can't say f cancer, which they should be able to say.   Amy And the metal is going to give us cancer. So, like come on.   Grace Yeah, I know.   Amy How do we live? How do you live? I'm just trying to live. I'm just trying to see 50. Oh, Lord.   Grace No, obviously longer than 50. Girl, please.   Amy Okay. Just trying to see 75. I'm just trying to see 99.   Grace Yeah. Okay. 99. So we got to a place where it's accessible. I've been in the nursing home. Will hold their hands and die at the same time. Cool. Yeah. Okay. Let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week? Grace.   Grace So as I've talked about on the podcast already, I have to go to New York for work. I'm supervising fat for a beautiful show that I'm working on. So, you know, it's a little tough to leave your house for three months. Like you're you see your routines and your friends and you're you're, you know, your coffee shop, your grocery store and stuff like that. So what I've been finding a lot of fun and is pre exploring the neighborhood where my Airbnb will be. So like, you know, just going on Yelp would be like, what are the cool spots around that, the cool cats and neighborhood is doing, you know, where's my grocery store? Ooh, that's cool. Like I made an appointment to get my. Now, then the day before production stats. So I'm just like, ooh, this, this is going to be like, maybe my nail spot, you know, while I'm there for, you know, almost three months. But then, you know, I also, as I talked about on the podcast, love a f---ing sauna, I think a sauna, there's something about like get in that hot box sweating it out. That relaxes me so much. So I found a place to get my sauna. I found a place to get my brows done and just been like looking oh, yeah. Like, is there a place with smoothies in the neighborhood? Every. Every so often now and then, your bitch loves the smoothie, but, you know, cleaning that blender is very, very annoying. And then I don't know if my Airbnb will even have a blender, so I'm just like, Oh, where can I get smoothies and green juices and, you know, the things in my neighborhood? So it's actually taking a little bit of the stress away of like all this packing and all these to do list before the trip, because I'm like, Oh, once I'm there and all my bags have arrived and all the things I shipped out have arrived, then I get to explore these new. These new things and this new neighborhood. It's a part of New York that I never lived in. I've lived in several different boroughs, but this is a borough that I have known that I lived in for a few months but didn't live in most of the time I was there. So it just feels like even though I lived in New York for 15 years, I get to explore a new neighborhood. And the beautiful thing about New York is that each neighborhood has such a different personality. So I'm so looking forward to learning the personality of where I'll be staying for almost three months.   Amy Oh, I love that. I love just the focus on it takes some of the stress off, like because there is something like and then I'm going to leap off this hillside into work and I guess I won't have a lie because production is very all consuming. But doing this research is kind of like, No, my life is going to be around me. Like I can cultivate that energy of home. I really like that and I actually am going to borrow that the next time I have to travel for work. I love it.   Grace Yeah. And then I'm going to like, you know, even like looking I'm starting to look into the Broadway shows I want to go to and stuff like that. You know, it's just cute. But anyway, that was my antidote exploring the the neighborhood. What is your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, mine is almost the opposite of yours. Yours is looking into things to do and mine is canceling plans.   Grace Love it, love it, love it.   Amy Literally. This was this is a really, like busy workweek. I feel like I say that every week. It just feels like it won't let up. I don't know something about the hybrid. Zoom back in person hybrid life. Yeah, it has been really, really stressful for me and like really hard to find balance because you're like rushing home to get on a zoom and then speeding through traffic that you forgot existed. You get to a lunch and all this stuff and I'm just like, I'm really struggling to find finding balance. And in the summer, an answer that I had and I think I even shared it on the podcast was doing Pilates. I really got into like Friday mornings. I do plays. I like to have a nice stretch before I sit all day. And. And this, this past week, actually, my antidote was canceling plays and it was really hard because why is this a treat for me? I really like it. But this week was weekend. I had to prepare for a trip and I just was like, I need my morning because for me, I wake up really early in the morning on the days that I work out because I like to do a little writing before and then I go to the gym and then my workday starts. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to wake up at 6 a.m. on a Friday. I can't do it. I just like it's like I've hit a wall, I can't do it. So I decided to cancel the Polaris and sleep in just a little bit and just wake up and get to writing. And it was really nice. And then to make up for canceling it this morning right before our recording, I did like a 15 minute stretch like crazy listen to Plastic Up of silver and Virgo's Groove Back to back, which is about 10 minutes long and did a full like I do like dance stretches like that I used to do from when I when I used to dance. And so I did a full stretch routine and I was like, okay, it's not the same as doing polarities. It wasn't like hard or challenging, but I still moved my body and that made me feel good. So every now and then it's an antidote to add things to your plate. And every now and then it's an antidote to take things off.   Grace No, I love that. I think there's great lights. Give yourself permission, because self-care is about what you need right now. It's not about like. I have to self-care. I have to be like, Oh. That's okay. Like it shouldn't be like another thing on your list if you need a. Craig. Take a break, y'all. Like, yeah, it's cool to, like, have a schedule to, you know, do certain things on certain days of the week. But if there's a day that you would rather to sleep in, that's what your body's telling you that you need. So you should listen to it.   Amy Yeah. Thank you. And speaking of breaks, we're about to take one. We'll be back right after the break. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Our extraordinary guest is an actor, writer, improviser and comedian who has appeared on shows such as Grey's Anatomy and Shrill. They are currently a writer with me on Survival The Big It's on Netflix, starring Michelle Buteau. And they're an amazing musician who sings, plays guitar and piano than in their bands win. So go stream their sh-- so you'll be ready for Twins new single coming out in October. They are very passionate about women's sports, in particular the WNBA. So get ready for their podcast, Jockular coming soon. Please welcome the indomitable and glorious ER Fightmaster.   ER Fightmaster Oh. What an intro.  I'm blushing.   Grace Yeah. Well, you know, I live to make you blush.   ER Fightmaster Thank you, Grace.   Grace Me and ER flirt a lot in the writers room.   Amy Wait a second. I'm going to get jealous. What's that about?   ER Fightmaster Grace talks about you, Amy, like you're a partner. And so you understand since you're a functioning partner. Grace is exploring flirtation outside of your home.   Amy I have to be okay with that.   ER Fightmaster Long term partnerships, you have to add spice.   Amy Well, ER is very impressive, aren't they? But we qren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Sorry. We're here to get deep.   Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything bringing you joy or anything weighing on you today?   ER Fightmaster I. My real emotion today is that I've been running around. I spent the the weekend outside of my home. The person I'm seeing space. And so I was like, I didn't have any of my stuff. And then I immediately got back today and it's a monday. And so I'm just like back in work mode and I'm shooting. So I'm in that brain mode of being like, What am I forgetting? What am I forgetting?   Grace So what you're saying is that you're sort of in a busy moment. Are you excited by the busy or does it feel a little overwhelming?   ER Fightmaster The person that I am seeing right now, we are both very busy people. And so one of the things that I really tried to get like really intentional about in in dating this person is when I have their time, I really try to be fully with them. And so that just means in the time that I don't have with them, I actually have to be really diligently getting stuff done. And I like that. It's a nice place for my brain to to be because there is this, this thing going, going, going, going, going mentality. And I feel like earlier this year I really hit this like wall of I can't keep going like this. I can't have two or three things that are ten things that I'm accomplishing every day, some I need to fully turn off. And so I'm trying to do that inside of this relationship. And so today is just one of those days where I don't feel stressed. I just feel like, okay, we made the trade, we made a trade. We had a Sunday where we didn't answer a single email. We didn't talk to a single person on earth except for her. And now we're back in business.   Grace Yeah, I think that's a really healthy attitude to have days where it's all about her and you guys can have your couple moments, but then realize that, okay, that means that on the days that we aren't together, that means you're going to have to get more done than you probably would normally do.   ER Fightmaster I think this is a better switch for me. I think it's really nice to value both times because also when I'm with her like the end of a long weekend and I'm with her, I start to get that bitch to be creative and productive again. And so the flip back and forth is a nice balance.   Amy Yeah, well, those those sound like good. Vibes to me. I feel like we should keep those good vibes going. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I'm curious, E.R., what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   ER Fightmaster Something that has been I don't know if it's been even in some ways it's been bringing me joy, but really, it's just been like this thoughtful process that I'm trying to go through. Um, I. I think I'm at this point in my life, I just turned 30 this year. And, you know, there is something about like those decade birthdays where you're like that's reevaluate. And one of the things that I really came to terms with this year was I think I've been in a position quite constantly from like a young age of enjoying putting other people first, whether that's for my own personal pleasure or for conflict management or, you know, just like, you know, surviving in a mentally ill household. Like all of it was just like other people first, what do you need? What will make the situation easier for all of us? And I started to realize recently that I like I didn't I didn't know what I wanted and what things were what things am I doing that are making me happy versus what things am I doing that are, you know, I think are giving me worth to other people what these are outward facing and what things are bringing me joy down to, like the brass tacks of what kind of like print patterns do I like when no one's telling me, like all of these things. And so I've been kind of like collecting little pieces of like art or fabric or images that I liked all the way up to going to like cryotherapy to see what it felt like to get really cold, which is a sensation I hate and see. Like if that put my brain in a different place just then this like immense effort to get to know me better. That's what I've been doing.   Amy I mean, that really resonates with me. Like, honestly, like, I mean, Grace and I are both children of immigrants. And when I was a kid, I was just telling someone about this the other day when I was a kid, I used to act like whoever I was around because I wanted to be like, We're not that different. I'm just like you. I'm just like you acceptance me kind of thing, you know, trauma from growing up in a mostly white suburb of Dallas, Texas. So it wasn't until I, like, graduated college that I was really like, wait, what are like my own idiosyncrasies? Like, what are the things that. That are fully Amy and not like amalgamations of people I've been around for years. Yeah, it's like an unpacking that I think I would like to believe that a lot of people go through, but I feel like people who have had to present their identity to the world a lot actually go through it more and probably even later in life because you're constantly negotiating who you are against, how people are accepting you. Yeah. So yeah, I, that really resonated with me. It kind of like I was like, Oh my God, I feel like I'm still going through that. Like just figuring out like. Oh, what patterns do I like?   Grace Yeah. And I feel like so much of your twenties too is like about fitting in and like hanging out with friends and like, being the same as your friends and you're all having similar experiences. And as you get older and you start moving into different jobs and different parts and certain people get married and have kids, then you're just like, Oh, okay, I got to figure this sh-- out because now I don't have the crutch of all these people around me all the time because I know who. The only person that I can say for sure I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with is me. So I think that I also identify with what Amy said about feeling like, you know, especially growing up like again in a mostly white suburb. I always felt like, oh, I have to, like, be the representative of blackness sometimes. So I was just like, What is blackness? And so I had to like define this in a very narrow way. So I would try to be that and but like the best representation of that. And so in that I think a lot of me got lost. So I had to go through a similar process like when I got to grad school of like evaluating. Yeah, what do I want to, what do I like? Like what kind of art do I want to make?   ER Fightmaster But I think we are lucky in this way because I think that this is a conversation that actually not a lot of people are like. I think this is a conversation for the the margins and whatever section you occupy because there's there's of course, it's like we are we all understand different ideas of assimilation, like both of our groups of human beings understand how to assimilate or how we were expected to or needed to to survive. The thing about assimilation is you are actually aware constantly of your differences. You are aware of self where the people inside of the center, the norm aren't as aware of self because they are they are, like, invisible to themselves.   Amy Mm hmm. I agree.   ER Fightmaster And we are not invisible to ourselves. We are constantly, or at least when we were kids, we were, like, constantly aware that naturally we were doing something wrong. So we're studying ourselves and now we're adults and we enjoy our identities and we love ourselves. And so I think it's this really. Parenting thing is like, no, no, no, no. Nothing about my queerness is wrong. Nothing about your blackness is wrong. It's just trying to figure out what am I. When I'm not staring at the center, what is my life on the margins without looking in at them and waiting for them to tell me I'm doing this? Okay.   Grace I love how you frame that as a benefit, almost like you get the opportunity to look deeper into yourself. And yeah, I do think about the people that I grew up with who assimilated very easily or didn't even understand that what they were was quote unquote, the norm. I feel like, yeah, they are much more unexamined. So I think it while it is difficult, especially as a child, when all you want to be is the same as everybody else. But I also think it is gifts because that sort of core of examination of who you are, is. Is. Is a beautiful thing. It's what makes you you, you know. So you are you have a piece of art, a book, a play show, fine art that had really an impact on your life. Like sort of taught you that you want to do what you do.   ER Fightmaster Grace, we were talking about this the other day because we were talking about The Color Purple, and I had said I had read that book in high school, but I never saw the film kind of bizarre. But through this journey of, like, trying to get to know myself better.   Grace Mm hmm.   ER Fightmaster I keep coming back to that that moment in the book where she is, I think. Celie says it or maybe six does it. But if you see The Color Purple on a field and you don't notice it like that's how you heard God.   Grace Mm.   ER Fightmaster And I. I remember reading that. So that book has been coming up a lot for me recently. I don't know. I it's it's like we were like talking about people are bringing it up to me and it's I. That that book was probably the moment that I realized that like I was gay, like that there was actually language. But I think the reason it was so special to me was because they didn't say gay in the book, and that was not actually the conversation. It was just at the same time that I was like in Ohio, having this like love, a true, like, deep love affair with this girl at another school. And we didn't know what was happening to us and we didn't know even that we were having sex. Then the Color Purple gets dropped in my lap and I'm reading this, like, beautiful love story about, like, longing and, you know, silly watching her, the woman that she loves be with this bad man and, you know, all this, like, gentle touch and all of this this like, kind of male violence and then not having the language for this queer love and then even just the Color Purple, the, you know, theme itself of like, pleasing God by finding beauty. It has just been really it's just been really re resonating in my brain, I guess, for some reason.   Grace That's beautiful. And I feel like being an artist is the act of noticing, especially, you know, what we do as writers or whatever it is, the act of noticing beauty or ugliness or bringing together of things, the beauty and the ugliness. That's part of what we do. Also in your work as an actor. Like noticing noticing people in humans. So, yes, I can definitely see how that has played into your life.   ER Fightmaster I just did this like talk about like the antidote kind of thing. I just did this guided like kind of meditation program where this woman, Sally, talks about emotions and how they pass through you and how we have labeled emotions as positive and negative. And we we experience them as such because that's how we really build them. But if you can sit in your body, like through different, like, breathing techniques, you can actually evoke those emotions devoid of a story. So like, for example, you can invoke the emotion of fear if you sit inside of a room and you ground yourself and you listen really, really intensely for the smallest noise. And the minute that you do that, your senses become awakened. And when your senses are awakened, you experience fear that if you don't attach story to it, then it's not trauma. It's just you understanding that fear is passing through. And when I was. And then she does it with anger. And she does it with sadness and she does it with joy. And you're feeling all of these emotions pass through and you're not attaching them to trauma and you're not attaching them to pleasure even. And you are just noticing the experience of having the emotion. And that to me is everything that we do like, it's all the art we create is not always the healthiest artist that brings our trauma into it, but it's going back through your Rolodex, putting yourself in the space of feeling that emotion. And that's what we write through, or that's what we sing through, or that's what we act through. And I just love that. It's like we're just getting to this point in our lives. We're like, Let's try to notice these things without adding any, any like sadness or Yeah, yeah. I wait to them.   Amy What was that? Was like a YouTube class. Is it a book? Was a resume, was it a masterclass? Like, how do I tap into that?   Grace Well, we love sh--.   Amy What's that about?   ER Fightmaster You know what, I am going to start I'm going to send this to y'all. I'll send this to Grace. It's this you believe it or not, some my girlfriend made me do.   Amy Oh, my goodness. That's exciting. Wait, I did want to ask about the cryotherapy. Did you actually do it or was it a thing you were?   ER Fightmaster I did it.   Amy What? What was that like? I've never done it.   ER Fightmaster It hurts. It f---ing hurts. It's like, you know, a hundred negative, 150 f---ing degrees and you're in there for 3 minutes watching the clock.   Grace Did you do the whole three?   ER Fightmaster Yes, I did the whole three because I'm stubborn. And I did it two times because I wanted to experiment with which version of my brain I could handle pain with more. So the first time I kind of made a glowering face, I was kind of stuck in time. I smiled for the whole experience because, you know, people are like, if you smile, your body releases serotonin.   Amy That ain't true.   Grace That ain't true.   ER Fightmaster It didn't work. It didn't work. I was just cold and smiling.   Grace Yeah, I've done cryotherapy once because, like, there's this place that I go to do sauna, you know, I think I've talked about the sign of I shouldn't say fast with a f---ing sauna. And now I've started doing contrast therapy, going back and forth between the sauna and like a cold plunge pool. Like, that's my sh-- right now. So they did cryotherapy there. So I was just like, I begin in the plunge pool. I can do this. Cryotherapy. I'll be able to stay in there the whole time. Imagine it's worse than stepping outside naked, like in the coldest day in Michigan. Yeah, it's like, literally, you're. You're standing in there and you start shivering almost immediately. Oh, my gosh. And you're supposed to stay like the longest. You should stay in. There is 3 minutes, but you can do as little as 30 seconds. So I think I was able to stay in there about I was stubborn to I didn't make it to three, but I made it to two. But like, I almost died.   ER Fightmaster Did your lip turn blue?   Grace No. But I did feel like I was getting. I've had frostbite before, so it felt like I was getting frostbite.   Amy But why do people do it? Why?   ER Fightmaster It did alleviate. I have pretty bad back pain and it did alleviate my back pain. But then I went and worked out and the back pain came right back. So it's like, okay, well, I'm not just going to be f---ing cold every day in the morning for a nice back for 2 hours and then work out and have to be cold again. It's not going to happen for me. I learned that I don't like it.   Amy That's great. It's a learning experience. That was me with acupuncture, guys. I tried acupuncture and I was like, Oh, I don't know why I thought would be relaxing. I have a full fear of needles. And this ladies, I-.   Grace Oh, no, bitch.   Amy Literally, she stuck that first needle and I was like, Oh, this is not for me. And I was like, Wait, I'm terrified. Like, I started, like, you know, when you're anticipating something about to like. I was like.   ER Fightmaster Yes, yes.   Amy My whole body. And I'm like, getting hurt. Okay.   Grace No, that's. And that's exactly what you don't want when you're doing acupuncture. You need to relax.   Amy I couldn't lie still.   ER Fightmaster Where was she putting in the needles?   Amy Everywhere. Well, so I did. I did acupuncture and cupping. At the same time. Cupping is where they do the hot cup on your body and it like steams up. How that I will say, okay, here's the thing about cupping. It felt terrible. But just like cryotherapy for you E.R., it completely, almost completely relieve the pain in my shoulder. Like I have an old shoulder injury that just hurt. My shoulder hurts all the time starting right now. And the cupping relieved that pain for like two days. It felt like I was in a deep massage for, like, two days. And then the pain came back. Then I was like, I'd rather just get a massage. So   ER Fightmaster It's, it's almost like we're just going to have to we're getting all of it, and everything that we do to fix our bodies is only temporary. This is bullsh--.   Grace Yeah. Having a body is f---ing bullsh--, man. You have to take care of so many things. You know what I'm saying?   ER Fightmaster If I did cryo when I was 22, I would have been able to left a building. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I do cryo as a 30 year old and it makes my back okay. For an hour.   Amy We should have all started sooner. It only gets worse from here. It's downhill, it's downhill. It's literally your body slowly die of fear.   Grace It's downhill from here or whatever. Literally the other day I was on the treadmill. And you know how you do the things where you all breathe up? You know, you lift your arms as you're breathing in and then, you know, as you're breathing out, they go back down. I lift in my arms to breathe and f---ed up my shoulders.   Amy You, you hurt yourslef breathing.   Grace I have to go to the sauna. I was just like this fat. I enjoyed myself. Oh, great. Oh, no, no, no.   Amy Deep breath, then. Pop, pop, pop. No.   Grace I have a lot of fewer ailments than a lot of my friends, so I. Sometimes I feel drunk with power because, you know, I don't have anything super chronic, you know what I'm saying? And I have friends that have back problems and injuries and stuff like that. I'm just like. I'm aging beautifully just like drunk with power. And that was like God was like, no,.   Amy Let me let me check you. Right quick.   Grace Yeah, right. Quick.   ER Fightmaster Don't get too confident, bitch.   Amy Exactly.   Grace And she gone learn today.   ER Fightmaster Do any of you all do just physical therapy? Because I'm kind of realizing that's the only thing we haven't mentioned.   Grace I did do the physical therapy actually at one point.   Amy Here's the thing. My trainer at the gym keeps telling me how much I need my baby. And I'm like, I don't know. I feel like a mix of massages and cryotherapy will save me.   ER Fightmaster And I'm just. Actually. No, I hear what you're saying about the PT. I am just going to stay in the cold.   Amy Yeah, exactly. Cute. Cute. I understand you're a professional in this field, but I'd like to try sitting in a quiet room and feeling my emotions. Okay.   Grace You like, I know you have been trained. That's why you're called a trainer, because you are qualified to train other people. And you look at bodies all the time. But you know what? Whose advice I'm not going to take yours.   ER Fightmaster Sweetie, sweetie, I think I know what I'm talking about.   Grace I'm going to get needles that I don't want in me placed in me.   Amy I'd rather get stabbed to death sometimes.   Grace Literally look like f---ing hellraiser, but I'm not going to actually go and get a stretch.   Amy You're right. I need PT.   ER Fightmaster We all do. Apparently.   Grace So. E.R., what would you say is your proudest non-career accomplishment, just like that has happened so far in your short life?   ER Fightmaster That's a good question. Well, you know what I will say it is I do feel I'll let myself off the hook in this because it's hard it's hard to think about it like that. We are artists. So I do think it's not a 9 to 5 like it's the accomplishments that maybe you would get in a 9 to 5 are you know, are you are now you're a supervisor and now you're a manager or now you are getting a raise or you know, now you are the one making the presentations. Now you run a team. All of those are great, but those are all like under the umbrella of a company. I think we as artists are the company, you know, we are the business. And so every accomplishment that I have made in that career way has been like adding art to this life long gallery. And so it's even hard for me because I love making art so much to separate any of my accomplishments from doing. The art. Or it's all seems to have informed my career in some way. So like right now, for instance, I'm I just I used a, we had like, you know, a month off, Grace with July off. And so I use that time to travel. But I had a week in July where I realized in this conversation with Self that most of the things that I've made, even if I was primarily responsible for them, I have put other people's names on because I like. Creative teamwork. And I've been in team environments and I don't I have not had the. Necessarily the pride or the ego need to be like, this is mine. Except I did realize that I do. I did want something that was mine. So I used the one week that I was home in July to record a an album of music that was just like songs that have been swirling around that don't sound like my band, and they are just what I wanted. And I would go in with my producer every day and I would say I would kind of give him key words of like, Here's the song I've written all of the I want the instruments I want the way that we make it sound to be. This one will be a kind of space cowboy ask. I want this one to sound really hollow and cinematic and. Getting that done. Just being in a room and. Only, you know, trusting my instincts about the art that I wanted to create. That was a big accomplishment for me, and it is still a big accomplishment for me because I'm going to make videos for these songs and I'm working on the release and I'm working on the album, and I just made this promise to myself that I would make this particular project entirely mine. I was going to own every part of it. I'm going to pay for every part of it. I'm going to have my hands in every part of it, from the video to picking the director to the costume to the album. Art. I'd like to make it, you know, like, I want every part of it to be mine and that. To me has been a big accomplishment because I had to get over this wall of thinking, but is that selfish? Is that stupid? Is that a waste of my time? This might be the first thing that I've made, with the only outcome needing to be that I am happy with it on the other side. So that that's that's going to be my accomplishment.   Amy Yeah. And it's like it is so interesting because I mean, you loophole does by being vaguely career, but it's also really about art. But it's a very valid loophole because so much of our greatest accomplishments as artists are the art we make for ourselves and like. And sometimes that art we make for ourselves can make us money. And in a perfect world, it does. But like, sometimes it's just. I just want to be happy that I did it. I want to be happy that I made it all my life. That's exactly why I did my short film, like, a few years ago. That's exactly why Grace and I started this podcast. We were like, We want something that's ours that we can figure out the timeline, that we can decide how it moves, and that we have something that we get to hold. You know, that it doesn't have to be subjected to other people's points of view. And even if it does, it's like, meh.   ER Fightmaster It makes everything you do better. Everything you do is better when you do something, after you've done something for yourself, even even if the thing that you've done for yourself, like there are things that you change about it, like even giving yourself the like I made a short film a few years ago right before the pandemic and that that was in that way, I'm sure you understand, like making that short film was this. I didn't really expect anything to happen with it. I just wanted to prove that to myself that I can make a short film and that I learned more about the things that I would have changed than I could have ever anticipated. Like, you know, looking back at the project mean I'm proud that it's done. I think it's a good thing I would have changed so much. I would have done so much differently. And I'm a better artist now because I did that for myself.   Amy Yes, I know we're about to wrap up, but I wanted to hear about the audiobook that you narrated. I was wondering, what did you learn about your own voice when you did it?   ER Fightmaster There's something so nice about doing an audiobook. First of all, it is a lot of f---ing work. It is unbelievable. It is. I was in over two weekends. I think I was in a bus. With overhead fluorescent lighting for 30 hours.   Amy Woah.   ER Fightmaster And so it's your and you're reading it. And, of course, you can, like, skim a little bit ahead, but you're not going to read that. I mean, I'm sure professional but I didn't read the whole I had a f---ing job so I didn't read the whole book ahead of time. So I was like reading and you know, and adding inflection and doing all this sh-- at the same time. And you don't even realize that everybody has a speech impediment. It's just something I learned. We all have a speech impediment. We all have a regional accent. We all are saying towards instead of toward like the irritation. But what I really appreciated about it is, you know, they always say that you don't like the sound of your own voice. When you do an audio book, you don't have the time anymore to to bully yourself. You are trying to get a product out and you are trying to actually service this project. And this was a specifically I loved this project. The book is called Man of War. It's a young adult book about a trans kid growing up in Ohio and their journey. I mean, it really was an incredible like parallel to my own life. I was really I felt really, like, blessed to be reading this book at this time. And it goes from the, I think like 14 years old, all the way up to 30 that were following this person in their gender journey. And so I'm processing all of this and then I'm hearing my voice back and just really rapidly getting over like any insecurity I have about my own voice to get this done and to add meaning to it and to service the book and to do it all honor. And I just thought like I was able to get out of my own way. And so that audiobook helped me come to listen to my own voice without a filter of self-loathing. And now I would say I like my voice. And after I did that book, I immediately got a did a partnership with Dixie and did some audio erotica.   Amy Yeah. Oh, hear that, ladies and gents, people ER's got some audio erotica for your ass.   ER Fightmaster Yeah. Plus one on the Dixie app. Y'all better stream. We call it stream to cream.    Amy Oh, that's perfect. Oh, my God. Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, ER.   ER Fightmaster I'm just so happy that I got to do this. I really have heard just so much about you from Grace and Grace. I've loved working with you so much. So I'm glad I got to be in this.   Grace Oh, same.   Amy 100%. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you just love, not something you created.   ER Fightmaster I did just. I did just get a subscription to Imperfect Produce. And I got to my house today, and I felt like the most grown ass, ethical, ass looking ass adult on the planet.   Grace Oh, so it's just like like it like the name suggests, just like. Like fruit that was too ugly to be sold.   ER Fightmaster And that's that's sometimes like I got clementines from them today and also imperfect produce if you're f---ing listening to this send me discount. Because this is free, this is bullsh--, I'm doing this for free. I just care about the environment. They tell you how much water you've saved and how much food you save. I figured time with your order and then they cut the price of the food by like, well, no one wanted it because these clementines were too small. And so then it's just like it's cheaper, it's all more affordable, and they're saving stuff that would have been thrown out.    Amy Oh my gosh. Maybe we should share subscription grade because I'm scared that I would get it and I'd end up with.   Grace Yeah.   ER Fightmaster Well, actually, that wouldn't matter because they were going to do it anyway.   Grace Yeah. Well that's good. That's true. That's a good point. That's a good point. And where can people find you on the Internet?   ER Fightmaster They can find me on Instagram and Twitter as genderless_gap_ad and on Tik Tok. I think I am just ER fight master.   Amy Thank you so much. You are an awesome.   ER Fightmaster Thank you all.   Grace Thank you so much for being here, friend.   ER Fightmaster I appreciate you.   Grace To close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yes, ma'am.   Grace Okay. If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. And that is by Kristen Wiig one more time. If you're creating anything at all, it's really dangerous to care about what people think. That is Kristen Wiig.   Amy That's a perfect quote given our conversation with you are especially like you are speaking about how they're creating music just for them and that the only end result that they're concerned with is, am I happy that I got to the other side? Yeah, it's something like I know we've talked about it a lot. Like how do you get out of the what will make them buy this? How will they how can I sell it? Like what? What makes it marketable? And climbing back into why do I like it? Why does it make my soul tick? You know, it's really hard, especially it's hard at every level. I was going to say, especially as you move up. But actually I remember like trying to break into the industry and trying to write like a staffing sample and being like, Oh, what's the thing that's going to make it work? What's the thing that's going to get me staff? Then I remember someone saying, You can't control that side of it. All you can control is what you do, so you might as well do what you enjoy. And I still struggle with that, but I agree with the quote. RMS Wigg I agree that it's it's really I think dangerous is a very delicious word in this quote because to say it's dangerous to care what other people think is really it's like anything that takes you off your true north of like knowing your creative voice. It compromises who you are and that's dangerous. So I agree with the quote and I want to listen to it more. What does it make you think? GRace?   Grace Yeah, it made me think something very similar. I feel like it is quote unquote dangerous because when we start out as artists, you are doing a lot of stuff that's derivative of other people's work. Right? Because you kind of have to in order to learn what it is. But sometimes it's hard to stop because then it becomes like, okay, well, I need to discover my own voice. But I was like, But what if my voice is something that people don't like? Like, what if I'm doing something new? Because, you know, every time somebody as an artist does something new, someone break the mold, someone does something unique and different, like, you know, even things you can look at something like Atlanta or you could look at something like even insecure, like the dead sh--, like visually and like music wise and like that had never been done before on TV. The confidence that that takes is a lot because everybody wants something recognizable. They want something that they can put in a box. And sometimes when you're doing something completely new and something completely different, it's very, very frightening because people are telling you like, Oh, that's not something we've seen before. So you need to put it back to something that you've seen before. And so that's why I think that she says it's dangerous because it's you will lose your entire creative ways if you can tenuously allow that to happen to you over and over again. And then next thing you know, you'll be just like an artist without a country. It's sort of like. I'm an artist that can imitate very well what other people can do. But I do not have the ability to recognize where I am in that. So yeah, myth way you spin on that because like I think, I think that's very true can be dangerous if your objective as an artist is to create something original. Right. Not everybody's objective is to be that. Okay. So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social found me Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy You can follow me. Amy at Amy Aniobio. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-OB-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's the with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And go discover some of your favorite things. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producers, Se'era Spragley Ricks and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT, the Artist and Cosmo, the truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith, concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is the production of American Public Media.   Amy Yeah, it is.

On this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace introduce a new segment, ‘Storytime,’ where they tell each other a story about themselves! Grace and Amy share their happiest childhood memories, which include Narnia, teeny weeny afros, and redefining beauty.  Amy and Grace also share their bummer news of the week – rent in Manhattan reaches a new high, and sitting all day can cause health problems, even if you exercise. They also share their antidotes: the two of them went to a beautiful patio restaurant for a de-stress dinner date. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Make up a story... For our sake and yours forget your name in the street; tell us what the world has been to you in the dark places and in the light. Don't tell us what to believe, what to fear. Show us belief's wide skirt and the stitch that unravels fear's caul.” ― Toni Morrison Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram, with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote Sponsors:  BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. We are comedy writers in Los Angeles. Amy And you know what? We're here to help. Grace So as a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy Damn straight. We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace We talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need to show that focus is on joy. Grace This is the antidote. Oh. Hi, everybody. You know what? I am looking at such a great day in L.A., but I'm so happy to be here with my friend and be here with you doing the antidote for another week. Amy Yeah, you guys. Grace is about to leavin on a jet plane. She's about to be out of here. Grace Oh, you too, bitch. Like we going to be cruising. We going to be high fiving in the sky. You know who says yes? Actually, you're. You're leaving, actually, before me. But tell us, where are you flying off to, my lady? Amy Oh, well, by the time this airs already, be back, y'all. But I am on my way to France, you know, my other home. And I haven't really spent considerable time there since before the pandemic, so I'm really, really excited to go. Yeah, yeah. Grace Yeah, yeah. You got to have some cheeses and some breads. Amy That's right. You know. Yeah, exactly. So. Grace You know, I am sort of lactose intolerant, but when I go to I can eat that cheese and nothing happens to me. What are we putting in our cheese? And the American. Amy Literally, America is a cesspool like, what? They're just like,. Grace Why does our bread taste so bad? Amy I used to think I hated bread, and then I went to France and I was like, Hmm, say, roses, take them numb because they have. Grace Laws that make sure that you can't put too much extra sitting there, which is great. Amy Yeah, it's so true. I'm like, everything in France tastes better is a little better. By the way, I saw that one of our listeners shared an antidote. Grace Oh, great. Amy Her handle is Ruthey Morris. That's R-U-T-H-E-Y  Morris. And she said, My antidote for this week is morning meditation. I love that, Ruthie. Before I even get out of bed, I check in with myself and set intentions for the day. It makes me feel so much more relaxed and confident when I have a busy day ahead of me. Ruthie, you and me are speaking the same language. This is also my morning antidote, if you will. Grace Yeah. And you know what? I've just gotten recently a little bit more consistent with meditation. Like, I have some affirmations that I say in the morning, but just recently I started doing meditation more religiously. And yeah, I do the same thing. I just lay there in bed. I have the Headspace app and I just pull it up and I do my morning meditation. And yeah, it really helps center you before you get into the craziness that is life. So thank you for sending that in. Amy And other listeners, if you'd like to send in your antidotes, please use the hashtag. That's my antidote and also tap the show if you'd like. And we would love to share them on the pod. Grace But Amy, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting out of top with our bummer news of the week. So, guys, have you heard that rent in Manhattan has now reached an average of $5,000 a month? Guys, this is nuts. Literally, in July, it reached this new high 5113 is the median rent. Grace And this is even more than 5000 I was hoping under. Amy It's over 5000. According to the same report, average rents in Brooklyn landed at $3,883, and one in four apartments in the boroughs are bidding wars for the fourth month in a row. This was the latest report from Douglas Elliman, which is the realtor company. But yeah, it's like. Literally why are rents this high? Grace Yeah. Here's the thing that bothers me about this the most. Brian is too damn high, and then wages are not keeping up now. So I moved to New York when I was 23 years old. I wanted to become an actor, and so I hopped on my little ass on a Greyhound bus and I came out to New York, you know, with all these dreams and stars in my eyes. And, yeah, you know, I was able to stay with my family for a couple of months, so that was a blessing. But I moved out after like two months. I was staying with my aunt and I moved out with a friend into a one bedroom apartment where she used to sleep in the living room, and I used to sleep in the bedroom and our combined rent was 1100 dollars and it needed to be 1100 dollars because, you know, my first job right out of college, I was like an editorial assistant and I was getting paid like $24,000 a year and my friend was like working at a club, you know what I'm saying? And she also came to New York to be an artist. So like, we would not have been able to do that. If rent was $5,000. It would have been impossible for us sometimes the 550 each that we were paying in this, you know, one bedroom in Queens was still kind of tough, you know, to to swing at that time because I wasn't getting paid very much at all. So I don't know this like New York is an artist's mecca. Yeah. So. People who want to be come designers, people who want to become actors, writers, so many different things. They come there for that. So how is the city going to be transformed for the worse if artists are not able to afford to live there? Amy Yeah, I agree. And I'm like, Oh, so it's going to be like 19 people in a room. Grace New York is one of those places that if you have a big dream, that's where you got to go. Like, you know what I'm saying? I could have never done what I have done if I did not move to New York. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So it just breaks my heart for anyone. Even if you have a dream to be on Wall Street and you got a degree in finance or whatever, you're going to be working like an assistant job, a low level job. How are you going to be able to afford that? I'm mean. Amy You gotta have roommates. Yeah, yeah. You're going to have roommates til you're in your thirties. But that's not the only bit of bummer news. Up next is, hey, did you know that sitting all day can cause health problems even if you exercise? Yeah. A new study which involved more than 3700 men and women in Finland. It was actually done by Vahid Ferrar here. I hope I'm saying his name right. A postdoctoral scientist at the University of Eau Lu. This study found that many dutifully exercise for a half hour, but then sat almost nonstop for another ten, 11 or even 12 hours a day. In the study, they were called active couch potatoes. Grace Oh, no. Amy And their blood sugar, cholesterol and body fat all were elevated. So exercise might not be enough. Okay. It's not going to be enough to counter the health issues created by prolonged sitting. How's this make you feel, Grace? Grace Wow, um, I am a writer, so I'm going to say. I mean, like, I can't. I can't. Not like I sit a lot because I'm at the computer typing scripts. Amy Yeah. Grace What am I going to do? And even when I'm like on set, like you're sitting at Video Village, you get up to talk to the actors, you know, every few minutes, but you're mainly sitting down. And I live in Los Angeles now. I used to walk a lot when I was in New York, but now I work. You know, I live in a walkable neighbor of Los Angeles. But, you know, I just don't have to go as far to, like, run errands anymore, like, you know, walking wise. Like, if it's something is a mile away, I actually do drive, you know? So this is a bummer for me because then now it makes me think I should get one of those treadmill desks. And those are a bummer to me. No offense if anybody has one, but like every time I've been on a zoom with somebody who's doing it. It's a bummer. And also, I don't want to be working out like slowly all day long so that I've got my little peloton time or whatever was enough. I thought that it was enough to keep me awake, but I guess not. Amy No. But also, I will just say this study, I was kind of like, oh, it's like eating bad food is related to illness. Like to me, there was a little bit about this that just felt like fear mongering. I'm like, Tell me something I don't know. This just in water as well. Like, I'm not because I'm like, Yeah, of course, sitting is bad for your health. We know, but y'all invented these damn computers and made us do it. So I'm just kind of like, do you want us to be productive or do you want us to be healthy? Because I don't know if the two go hand in hand. Grace Yeah, I mean, well, you know, we we live in America. So, you know, the answer to that question is. Amy Yeah, I definitely do.  Grace It's all about productivity in this capitalist society. I mean, now that I know this, I guess I will just try to get out and maybe add a walk to my morning. But, you know, once I'm actually at work, like, there's nothing I can really do about the fact that I, you know, sit most of the time. Amy Well, one thing that I've started doing, Grace, if if maybe something maybe our listeners can do is I used to be so mad that I don't have a bathroom right next to my office. But now here and stuff like this, I tend to walk down like to a further away bathroom so that I'm like getting some steps in there so that that helps a little bit. I hope to also just do a lap like maybe like you're working and get up because we're all working from so many of us are still working from home. Yeah. Like get up. And instead of just going to the bathroom and going back, do a lap around your studio, around your one bedroom, around wherever you live, just do a lap before you go back to work. Grace Yeah, yeah. I'll definitely try to get out more for sure. But yeah. So sometimes when it's just necessary to sit for like. Amy I know. Uh. God, I got to write. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. How do you feel, Grace, having heard all this? Grace Well, I mean, I. I feel pessimistic about the the future of New York. And I also feel sad that I now I have another thing that I have to f---ing get it to by day, which is to get a bitch at work. If you don't want to die early death, how do you feel? Amy I mean, about the same. So, yeah, this is exactly why we need the antidote. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace? Grace My antidote had to do with you. Oh. It did because, you know, I'm going away for a few months to supervise a production and Amy's going to go to France a little bit. And so we decided to get together because we won't be able to easily see each other for until December. Frankly, we want be able to. Amy That's wild. When you say that, it makes my heart hurt. Yeah. Grace But so as a result, we decided to have a little drink slash dinner moment. And it came at a moment where I was dealing with a lot of stress. Like there was something that happened earlier, I won't say, because it's regarding a certain person that owed me a certain product, but things did not go as planned. And so I was very, very upset arriving there. So we sat. We got a drink. I told you what happened. And it really was what I needed in that moment, because I was so stressed out, because I have so many things to do before I get on this plane and go on this trip. So, so yeah. Just sitting there with my Amy having some delicious food. I think we had some pasta. Amy Yeah, that was the. I mean, that really was the best part of it for me was like it was restaurant that I don't ordinarily eat at because it's like, mostly like carbs and cheese. I was like, why don't I eat here more often. Then I sat down and looked at the menu because it's so it's like there's a beautiful little patio moment. It's like the cocktails are good, the vibe is right. And I was like, Why don't I eat here more often? And I'm not saying the name of the restaurant because I'm kind of dragging them because they hand out the menu to like, Oh, it's just cheese and bread. Grace Cheese, bread and butter. That's what it is. Amy Even the vegetables come with a plate. Literally one of the dishes I was like, Could you do? What is this? And he's like, Oh, so it's served on a pillow of cheese. Grace And you know, we're Black. Our lil tum tums, our tum tums can't handle that much, you know, we lactose intolerant. Amy Yeah, we are both lactose intolerant. But on this night, we chose it because it was in a good location for what we both were up to before. And it just ended up being the right spot. And it was so nice, even though our waiter got too busy and kind of left us alone too long. It was really nice to just, like, sit, like sit which is going to kill us. Grace Oh no. I should have been doing laps around the restaurant. Amy But it was really nice to sit and we got these cute cocktails that came in, like take home cups that were shaped like cats. And I was like, Why is this a thing? Grace I was just like, because we saw the thing and we both love whiskey. Like, we're both whiskey drinkers. And so we're just like, Oh, this one has whiskey in it. I was like, Why is it f---ing $30? And then we really just both were just like, F--- it, we're just having that guy tonight. So, yeah, so we ordered it. It came in a ceramic cat with a flower and then they're just like, guess what the treat is? You get to keep the cat. Amy And I was like, You charged me to take care of this cats. I was if we were know what this wicked cat. But I was just like, you know what? We do want it because now we each have something in our homes to remind us, you know, that night or that specific dinner that we have. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, we have a souvenir. Oh, yeah. Well. De-Stress dinner was also my antidote this week, so this is beautiful. So, yay. Listeners, if you are looking for an answer, grab a friend gallery, go to a restaurant. You don't go to that often that you think the vibes are going to be noise and just go have a de-stress dinner, kvetch about what you're going through and then enjoy a good drink. Grace Yeah, yeah. And then sometimes like we were right, we did make a bad, bad decision about the dessert because at first Amy was just like, Oh, Van Leuwen is nearby. Like, we should go there to get some ice cream. And then I was like, I don't know, we're here. That's zucchini cake. Looks pretty okay, then we had it. And it was not. Amy But I'm like, Don't you pass off vegetables as dessert. How dare you. Grace I thought it was going to be a zucchini bread moment. Like, you know, because I do like zucchini bright if it's like moist, but it was not moist. But, you know, sometimes it's cute to share dessert with your friend, too, because you're sort of cutting back on the calories, but at the same time, having a little treat with your friend and you're like, Ooh, we're going to be bad.   Amy We're gonna eat dessert.    Grace Which, you know, I don't know why we think that way. Dessert is not bad. It's the patriarchy, you know.   Amy Well, it all dates back to white supremacy, like, literally. Any time in your day that you like. Why do I think that? Well, it's either the patriarchy or white supremacy. I'm sorry, darling. We've been infected.   Grace Oh, no. But yes, it was such a lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely time. And. Yeah.   Amy Focusing on the antidote. Great. Yes. Yes. Oh, man. Now I want to get another friend's dinner with you. Well, we will see.   Grace I know, but it's impossible till December.   Amy I know, but we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. I know we are, though. And I look forward to the day. We'll be back after the break. And we're trying a new segment today, so make sure to stay tuned. Welcome to Story Time.   Grace Yeah, we keep getting feedback that our listeners want to hear more about us and thank you for that actually. So we're excited to try out a new segment on the show. And yeah, just let us know what you think.   Amy We're going to ask each other a question we've never spoken about before, and who knows where the conversation will go. Grace, you ready?   Grace Let's do it.   Amy What is your happiest childhood memory and what makes it so special? Mm hmm.   Grace Happiest childhood memory when I was a little girl. I had a best friend. And as you know, she was kind of like me, not super popular at school. And she, you know, she and I stuck together because we got to know each other in preschool. You know, I'm from Guyana. My parents are Guyanese. And so when my parents came over, they put me in like early preschool. Caribbean people love schooling, you know, I know you go early as a Nigerian, but they love you. And also they like put me in school as soon as they could. And so I made friends with this girl named Sarah. And we were just a little swirl, little best friendship as little children. She's white. I'm black. She was just my best friend. And so we had so many fun times going to Oak Park. Park. I used to live in Oak Park, Michigan, and so did she. And I just remember us, like, riding bikes, like, down the hill. And like going into the forest and playing Narnia together because we were both nerds. So we read like a lot of the Narnia books, so we would pretend to be like Narnia in the forest. And I was just like, Oh my God, like our parents just let us go to the forest. The eighties were a different time. You know, I just remember just playing dress up with her. She always used to have a box of dress up clothes in her closet. And so I go over to her house and play dress up. And a lot of times we would read books together, so we'd be like, okay, the new Nancy Drew just came out, so we'll agree to read it together. So she was just my very, very best friend and I still know her. She lives in like the Chicago area now. And now she's a librarian, which is very sweet. We were friends with the librarians at the library because the the library was in like in the park area. And we'd go to the library and go get ice cream cones at the ice skating rink after. So just that time, because she was kind of like my only friend at the time.   Amy Yeah, I just like the idea of knowing that you have a deep connection, that someone from your childhood. That's awesome. Yeah.   Grace And after this, I should hit her up. I should hit her up.   Amy And this is so sweet. It, like, became a tribute to your friend. I love this.   Grace Yeah, it's a sweet person. Sweet person still. So what would you say your happiest childhood memory is, Amy?   Amy I don't know the answer to that. I feel like most of my childhood memories are pretty bittersweet. It'll be like, Oh, when I was playing and then that dog. But my brother. You know, it's just like everything. It's like, Oh, my first coed birthday party. And the cops got called. I'm like everything. All my memories are like real weird, yeah, yeah. It's so funny because when I first heard the question, I thought, proudest childhood achievement.   Amy Oh my God, of course, you would.   Amy But maybe my happiest. It's a little bittersweet, but actually I think this might be one of my happiest memories. So when I was like maybe six or something, my parents, like my whole childhood is like littered with like Nigerian weddings. My family was always going to Nigerian weddings, like because there's a big Nigerian community in Dallas. And I remember when I was six, there was a wedding coming up and my mom said I could pick my outfit and I picked like this green and black. It was like aqua green and black striped dress that was not very fancy, but it was just like kind of like three quarters sleeve, like scoop neck dress that was kind of like a calf length. And I wore like white tights and like black shoes, and I was like, I look cute. And I was like.   Grace That sounds very nineties, you know what I'm saying?   Amy Yeah, it was super nineties, so I don't think I looked that cute. But that's not even the memory. The memory is in the dress is relevant because my mom kept saying she was going to do my hair for the wedding and I had kind of like hair like I do now, like shoulder length kind of hair. And my mom pulled a fast one on me and she f---ing shaved my head. Not all the way loss, but like into a tiny little teeny weeny afro. And which is what Nigerian parents do. Like if you look at pictures of Nigerian kids, they all the girls have teeny weeny afros. It's just like we don't have time to do your hair. You going to have a teeny weeny. But like as a kid in Texas, I felt like I was like, What are you doing? I remember crying and being so mad. I was like, Why did you cut my hair off? And she was like, So you look nice. And I was like, I don't look nice like this. And the dress having a scoop neck, I was like, My hair's going to be on my shoulders. And instead there was no hair. So I was just like, it's just all neck. And I was I was so upset.   Grace Beautiful neck and a beautiful head.    Amy Yes, and this little chocolate face like I was adorable. But at the time, like, you know, you're in f---ing Texas and you're over here just feeling like I want to fit in. And my mom took the one thing that I was, like, kind. It made me fit in with like my longish hair and cut my hair off. And we got to this where I was sobbing the whole way to the wedding. I got there. I was so upset. I was just like, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I just felt so, quote unquote ugly, which I now know is like, you know, the patriarchy and like, white supremacy and my poor childhood mine. But after the wedding happened and there was a reception, we're like sitting with our families and stuff like in Nigerian weddings, dancing. It's like a huge thing. Like everybody dances, you throw money on the bride and like all this stuff. So people are starting to dance and they're playing good music and music that I knew. Some of it was Nigerian, some of it was pop music. And I remember people kept coming by and saying how pretty I looked. And obviously it's a mostly black wedding. It's mostly Nigerians at this wedding. And I was just like, Yeah, okay, layers. And then I was kind of like, maybe I do look cute. I don't know. And then they were playing a song I like. I'm in my chair just kind of dancing, and my dad was like, Dance now. And I'm just like, No, I don't want to. I don't want to be okay. And he's like, Just go dance. You loved the song Go Dance. And then my dad, like, took me out on the dance floor and we started dancing. And then he left me and I was cutting up. I remember being so happy because I was like all these people here and like I'm saying it now as an adult at the time, I couldn't like fully conceptualize this, but as an adult, I'm like, all these people here don't have the standards that the world that Texas had. And they all said, I was beautiful and they all said I was cute, and they all said I was a good dancer. And so I was like, it was one of the first moments I remember being around people who were like me, like holy, like me, and feeling like I fit in. And so I was dancing. And I remember somewhere in one of my parents like photo albums, there's a picture of me, like, with a huge smile on my face in that green and black dress with my arms spread wide just like so happy in the middle of this dance floor. And and I loved to dance like I've always loved to dance like I used to dance like, you know, I took dance my whole childhood. I danced in college. I was on dance teams. I choreographed things. But like, I've lost that. I can't I'm not that great a dancer now. You don't use it, you lose it. so guys keep twerking. But I literally.   Grace Keep twerking. Put that on a T-shirt.   Amy Literally keep twerking or you lose it. But I used to dance a ton, and that was one of my earliest memories of just like loving, loving dancing. And it was photographed, so it was real. I was like, Is this a fake memory? But it's real.   Grace No. I love that story because it has a whole emotional arc. How writerly of you. Like, she cut my hair and I'm just like, Oh no. And then you're like, I got there, and I was just like, Oh, maybe I'm cute. Oh, yes. And then, oh, I had such joy. Oh, yes. So you took about a whole journey.   Amy It's so funny, but it's indicative of the fact, like what we both said is like, all our stories are like, bittersweet. And I'm like, most of mine start happy and end sad, but that's one that started sad and ended happy.   Grace No, that's great. I mean, yeah, I can relate because my story was just like we bonded because we were bullied and then we found joy in one another, which is the happy part of it. But yeah, I do think like being a little black girl, especially the way we grew up with in mostly white spaces, that we're not kind to us that you know. Yeah, sometimes it is challenging to find those happier memories, but I'm glad we took a moment to like, reflect on that, you know. Like, it makes me feel better. Like, so often when I think of my childhood, I think of like all the things that were unfair or racist or, you know, sad that happened to me. But I'm glad that I could take a moment today to, like, just pause and reflect on, you know, something happy or something good that got me through those tough times, being a kid, you know?   Amy Agreed. Yeah.   Grace Well, I mean, we've been friends for such a long time, but yet I'm still learning about you. So I actually like this little story type thing that we do.   Amy Yeah, it was fun. So much fun. I think we should do this again sometime. LOL. I always say that.   Grace So if you enjoyed our Story Time segment, let us know and send us some questions you would like us to answer. Like, you know, send us some prompts like.   Amy Mhmm.   Grace Out here. That would be great. So hopefully the next time we do this will have a prompt from you guys. That'd be fun.   Amy By the way, Grace, do you remember those quizzes in the back of magazines that we used to take back in the day?   Grace Oh, yeah, like, you know, Seventeen magazine and things like that.   Amy Yeah, like what fruit is your identity?    Grace Oh, yeah. And now? Now.   Amy Are you pretty enough to deserve a boyfriend?   Grace How does your comforter tell you what period underwear should you should have? I don't know. Like I had- BuzzFeed is now the new Seventeen magazine.   Amy I know BuzzFeed really is. But I think we should take one of those quizzes to close out the segment. I found one online.   Grace Okay. Sure.   Amy It's a friendship quiz. It's. Are you a good friend or a bad friend?   Grace Oh, no. I hope we're friends.   Amy I have a feeling we're going to pass.   Grace Yeah, I feel like they're going to f---ing, like, crush this sh--. You know what I'm saying?   Amy If anyone else wants to take this quiz, it's on Oprah.com. Just Google it. But here's the first question, Grace.   Grace Great.Mm hmm.   Amy Do you initiate contact between the two of us, like by calling, emailing, dropping by for a visit? Do you do this? Never. Rarely, sometimes. Often or always.   Grace Often I would say.   Amy Yeah, me too. I feel like you often call me or email me.   Grace And text you. Usually texts.   Amy Is this quiz dated? And how come texting isn't- drop by for a visit? I mean, I don't do that so much, I can't even be in your building. Yeah, yeah. Drop by.   Grace But like, calling, I was like, if you call me, I'm just. I'm usually a little alarmed that just like, I guess I was just like, oh, is something wrong? Yeah, cause actually, that's just the world we live in right now, you know?   Amy Exactly. Exactly. Well, I would say we both passed because we both they often question, too. Do you create a supportive atmosphere? Making a point of being cheerful, encouraging, and caring enough to make me feel good. Never. Rarely, sometimes. Often, always.   Grace I'll say often. I wish you were always. But.   Amy Yeah, Yeah. I think it's often. I would say I do it for you. Sometimes I think I'm a Virgo. So I'm often my tendency is often to want to like support through feedback. And I'm like, it's an annoying tendency of mine, I would say, but I default to that. So I don't know if I always am a cheerful, encouraging, caring presence. I hope I am. I would say sometimes slash often.   Grace Yeah, I would say often. Yeah. I think you're you're often encouraging. Yes, I would.   Amy Oh, good. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. Yes. Okay. Great checks for both of us.   Grace You know that dream you have great crush it. Oh, yeah. I don't do that. I don't do that. Okay. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Okay, we do that pretty typically. Okay.   Amy Question three Do you prepare a special event like a dinner, a birthday party, or a fun activity for both of us to do together? Never, rarely, sometimes, often or always.   Grace I would say for that one, rarely. It's just because we're we're just busy. Yeah. You know, if I can help out with any of your stuff, I try to do that. I've never been like a big planner of like, things. I don't even really do a birthday party for myself. I just. I kind of like to just travel on my birthday, so. So yeah, I would say rarely, but mainly just because I'm too busy to do so.   Amy Yeah, I would say rarely as well. I mean, we've planned a few dinners and you planned for us to go get our OR photography done. So we've done a few little things, but agreed it's rare because we're busy people. This quiz makes it seem like it's rare because we don't care about each other, but we respect each other's need for time. Okay. Question four Do you stand up for me with other people? Defend or support me when people aren't treating me well? Oh my God, who's not treating me well? Do you do this? Never. That often. Always   Grace Always. I mean, I have to say that Amy is the mayor of L.A., so I so I have to very much, like, defend her when she's out there because people generally like her a lot. So, you know, on the rare occasions it has happened or whatever, it's it's literally just somebody saying something like, oh, yeah, she's so busy. Well, she's busy because she's a bad bit, you know what I'm saying?   Amy That's hilarious.   Grace So, I mean, so it doesn't happen that I have to do it very often because I think also people know better than to speak ill of you in front of me. But yeah, I mean, if it did happen, it would be an always 100%.   Amy That's what I keep thinking of. I'm like, who is coming to me and talking about Grace? I'm like, That would be a wild choice.   Grace Yeah, yeah. I'm just like, Do you have you ever seen either of our social?   Amy Like, I'm like, my social media is a tribute to Grace.   Grace Yeah, literally it stayed with mine or whatever in every other picture. It's me and Amy. What are you. What would you be?   Amy  I'm also like, where are we that people aren't treating either of us well and the other one is seeing it?   Grace No, I mean.   Amy I mean, not often.   Grace Yeah. I mean, honestly though a one time I can't think of it because remember when we went to Italy and there was a mix up with our villa. But like first world problems guys.   Amy Relatable content.   Grace Amy did a very, very sweet thing where she decided to like pay for the villa for me and Tash for like two nights. And we were so attached because she, like, didn't tell us. And so we had gotten there and we were, like, asking our travel agent, we're just like, We have to pay you for this hotel. He's like it's not due yet or whatever. But then Amy was just like. Just so you know, you guys, I am taking care of this villa for two nights. And I was like, Oh my God, that's so sweet. So when we get there and the villa is not the villa that she ordered, oh, bitch. All three of us went flames because we were just like our friend tried to do something nice and y'all are playing her shady. It just turned out that it was a genuine mix up. But and they and like so many people, came to apologize to us. So we're not mad about that. But, you know, in the moment we were at we me and Tash went into protection mode, so.   Amy Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you know how she got away? Notice I was verified on Twitter. I'll ruin you. You see this blue check. You better check the receipts.   Grace Yeah. So, yeah, we have evidence. For always.   Amy Yeah, yeah. Exactly. That is true. Well, I'm going to ask you one more question. Okay. Do you focus on my problems and offer empathy, understanding, kindness, comfort and verbal reassurance? Never. Rarely. Sometimes, often or always.   Grace Always. I would say yeah. Whenever you bring it to me. Yeah, for sure.   Amy Yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like I do that for you always. I think it's almost like the basis of our friendship. Because like, do work, girl.   Grace You, you, you doing great. Yeah, that's literally what we do for each other. Like, uh, I'm so stressed. Oh, no, but you're doing great. It's you're stressed because you love everything you're doing, you know? So I think that we constantly do that for each other.   Amy I agree. This quiz was very sweet. It didn't drag us like I feared it would. So, so glad to know that based on this quiz and our answers, except for that one rarely, we are great friends.   Grace That's great. Great to know. I mean, you know, was there any chance that it wouldn't be. To close this out. We're going to do our creative in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Oh, yeah, sure.   Grace I can make up a story for our sake and yours. Forget your name in the street. Tell us what the world has been to you in the dark places and in the light. Don't tell us what to believe, what to fear, show us beliefs, wide skirt and stitch that unravels fear's call. And that is Toni Morrison. And that's from her Nobel Prize lecture in literature in 1993. I'll read it one more time. Make up a story for our second year for Get Your Name in the street. Tell us what the world has been to you in the dark places and in the light. Don't tell us what to believe. What to fear. Show us beliefs, wide skirt and the stitch that unravels fears. Call Toni Morrison.   Amy Well, Ms. Morrison, you is deep.   Grace Yeah, that's what she known for.   Amy I think that the first sentence kind of made me think of traveling and like just picking an identity. Like, Yeah, I drive cars in Portland. Like, I'm a, you know, I'm a venture capitalist. I'm originally from Copenhagen, but I lost my accent. But, you know.   Grace Yes, Black people are everywhere. Yes, I'm from Copenhagen.   Amy Yeah, that's right. That's right. Be confused. It's like I think of that for make up a story for our second year. Forget your name in the street. I'm like, okay, girl, my name is Trinity. But I think what she's saying is I hold on to the second part of that sentence, which is say what you are in the dark and the light where it's sort of like, forget the story that you've been forced into or like what you've been told or what you were led to believe that, you know, quote unquote, sacred contract that you had with your past self. It's like, forget that story and live in both the dark, in the light and and just be as opposed to being prescriptive. That's what it makes me think of. It is pretty deep. That last sentence to show us beliefs, the wide skirt and the stitch that unravels fear's core. I'm still wrapping my head around that. But, Grace, what does this quote make you think?   Grace Well, it makes me think of losing yourself inside of your own stories. And and so, you know, when you're working in TV, a lot of the times you it's a collaboration, basically. You know, all the all your favorite shows there is anywhere between, you know, 3 to 12 writers that work there. And we all sit around and we brainstorm ideas and and whatever show you see is, is, is our collective imaginations. Our collective lives are collective stories. But, you know, when it's your own project or your it's your own thing, you do get to just lose yourself within your characters and stuff like that. And recently I've just been thinking about that more because I've been doing a lot of work for others, which has been a joy in a way. I mean, I literally love everyone and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to work on all the amazing shows that I have. But every so often I'm just like, What's the purest expression of an artist? It's like me sitting there, like coming up with something that shows the dark and the light parts of myself. And so, you know, and that's also why I became a comedy writer. It's just like I want to take the dark parts and make them light and like, take the dark parts and make you think about them through laughter. So to me, this is reminding me today that, you know, craz, you know, try to find yourself like an artistic project that's either just for you or, you know, start something new that you're developing from scratch where you're not thinking about like, you know, this, this studio is looking for this or that studio's looking for this. Maybe I should come up with something like that. Like, you know, it would be really nice, especially this time when I'm going into production on another show and I actually really don't have anything to write other than the scripts from the show that I'm working on right now. It might be a time for my own joy and stuff to really just sit and be like, Maybe you want to write a book, maybe you want to write a novel. I really love them romance novels. So I was like, Maybe I want a-   Amy Ooh, girl. You could do that.   Grace I'll write it. Write a little.   Amy Make us one, Grace.   Grace Romance novel. I do it because the romance is lacking in my life. So, you know, sometimes I like to pretend. But, you know, I think that, you know, it's just the reminder. And, you know, Toni Morrison, who gave us some of the most incredible works of American literature that have ever been written. Just remembering like how signature her work was and how you could read a sentence like Show US Beliefs, Wide Skirt and the stitch that unravels fair's call. Is there a more Toni Morrison sentence than that?   Amy Literally now.   Grace You know what I'm saying? She loves flowery and and elaborate language. And I was just like, I want to have that, too, someday, where somebody can read a sentence of mine, like, you know, I've had the pleasure of working with Robert Carlock and Tina Fey. And, you know, you can read one of their jokes and, you know, that's a that's a Fey Carlock joint. So I, you know, I guess I have aspirations to have that kind of voice for myself, but I need to make time to do it instead of just, you know, responding to the industry. So thank you, rest in peace. Toni Morrison.   Amy Yeah, and I agree that she's deep, but one of the simplest things she ever wrote, I actually posted as my away message on Labor Day this year. There's a piece that got reprinted in The New Yorker that's called The Work You Do The Person You Are and she gives sort of like for tenants about labor. And I'm not going to give them now where we've got it long enough, but you can look it up. It's in The New Yorker, but just about like how to think of yourself as a worker. And it's something that like, I don't know if I was just in a mood to hear them that day, but it's not it's not the usual. Toni Morrison Like poetic language. It's very straightforward and direct and a little didactic, and I really enjoyed it because I was like, Oh right. Even someone as prolific as her needed rest and being able to separate yourself from your work is so important. Yeah. And so I really loved all the things that she has said and and the ways we continue to celebrate her. Cool. Thanks for pulling that quote, Grace. It was great.   Grace Thank you. Well, you're welcome, I should say. I was just like, thank you for thanking me.   Amy I get it, we love each other.   Grace That's kind of supportive friends.   Amy Exactly. We ain't that bots.   Grace So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. We'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And go make up a story. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Mariannne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Buh-bye.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor Topher Grace about reliving the 90s, finding balance and the upside of burnout. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – the haunted house from horror movie “The Conjuring” sold for $1.5 million, and there’s a new startup that helps layoff workers more “humanely.” They also share their antidotes: a new piece of art from JC3 Art, and a Bose portable speaker. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “The beauty of art is that it allows you to slow down, and for a moment, things that once seemed unfamiliar become precious to you.”-Kehinde Wiley Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram, with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote Sponsors:  BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. We're both comedy writers in Los Angeles. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have, and self-care. We stand during these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi Everyone. Welcome to another week of The Antidote. We are so happy that you're back with us this week. Amy Yes, we're so happy. And thank you guys for continuing to share your antidotes. One of the antidotes we recently received was from listener Sara Lowe. She said, I have to say that my antidote is the themes controlling little people's lives, cheating their needs to make them never hungry or sleepy or have to go to the bathroom, getting them a promotion every two days with spare time to master the violin skills. So cathartic. Oh. I love that, Sarah. Grace Oh my God. That takes me back. I have not played The Sims in very, very long, but I'm glad that The Sims are still around, still, you know, has fans and. Yeah. We're so glad, Sarah, that that is something that brings you joy. Sometimes you got to take a little brain break and move around other little people that aren't yourself. Amy So true. So true. Grace? Grace Yes. Amy I know it's been out for a while, but I've been obsessively watching the Halle Bailey Little Mermaid trailer. Grace Oh. My God, I am so excited. It's like. Amy Truly. Grace Like I The Little Mermaid is one of my favorite Disney movies. One of my favorite Disney movies of all time. The music is fire. It's really good. And I remember there was a time in my life that our dad used to take us to the movies, like when a New Disney thing came out. And I remember it was just like you would go to the Star Theater in Southfield, Michigan, and we would go and we would sit and we were watching. So great. And so it actually makes me a little emotional to think that little black girls are going to be able to see Halle Bailey as Little Mermaid, and they're going to never live in a time when that doesn't exist is so beautiful to me. And she looked beautiful. She sounded amazing. I loved how they did her like dreads. The CGI looks. Amy When that note hit, I was like, woo. Grace Yes. Amy Ariel's Black.  She can sing sing.  Grace Yes, yes. Ariel will throw a little run in there. That's right. You know, when you have a voice that beautiful and nimble, it would be a shame to not show it off. So I am excited for this entire movie. Like I told Amy before, I was just like, Black Panther two is going to bring me back into the theaters and the next time I'll probably go for this Little Mermaid movie. Amy Yeah, I completely agree. And also just getting a remake of something from the nineties. I mean, we'll talk about it even more when we get our guest up here. Topher Grace is on a little bit later. But getting a remake of something that we grew up with is so cool when they get it right. And when I watch that trailer, I'm like, Yeah, you did it. Y'all did it right. You didn't mess it up. And that's what makes me so happy. Grace Yeah, I'm so excited. It also just gives me I remember when I first came to New York, I was walking down the street and this little white girl ran up to me and she was just like, Mommy it's Cinderella. Amy A little white girl ran up? Aww, because of Brandy. Grace And I was just like, because I had yeah. I so I had like braids at the time and it was just like, oh my God. Like, kids live in a world where, yes, there's the Cinderella that you can still watch people. So if anybody has a problem with Ariel being Black, call yourself, Oh, watch The Little Mermaid. You know, first of all, call your therapist. And second of all, you can yell. The other one still exists. So you can, if you like that one better, you can go watch that. But but it was so sweet to me that this little girl thought that I was Cinderella. Amy Flawless. The only Cinderella I still recognize.  Like, literally. Grace So I really I really think that, you know, representation matters. But beyond that, I'm just excited to see this brilliant artist like she is beautiful. She's a great actress. She is an incredible singer. I mean. Amy Okay, she got the pipes. Grace You know what I'm saying, design. You know what I'm saying? So I'm just so excited to see her do this. So, yeah, I mean, I'll buy my ticket right now. Amy Wait, what did you just say? Grace I might buy my ticket right now. Is the ticket available? Amy How do we find out? Disney, they literally did it right. And I'm just like Disney. You are about to break the f---ing bank with this one, so I'm excited. Grace Well, we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Yeah. Starting now, Top with our bummer news of the week. The first bit of bummer news is so weird. Did you hear Grace that the Conjuring house sold for $1.5 million? The Rhode Island farmhouse, where the paranormal happenings that inspired the 2013 horror movie The Conjuring has been sold to a Boston developer who plans to keep it open to the public. The 18th century home in Burrillville sold for 1.5 to $5 million, far higher than the 1.2 million asking price. There's a new owner. Her name is Jacqueline Nunez. She plans to keep house open as a paranormal attraction. What do you think about that? Grace I am currently shopping for real estate is what I think about it. And even a haunted house. A house that is known to be haunted. Even that is $1.5 million. Like, damn, this housing market is insane. And obviously they listed it at 1.2 and they still got. Amy  There were multiple offers. Grace Like, you know, multiple offers. It was sold for 325,000 over ask. See, that's why I can't find no place to live, Amy. If a haunted house is 1.5 million, I want a non haunted house. So I probably got to pay about two. Amy I mean, that's what it sounds like. I literally think it's wild that people are signing up to get haunted. The fact that the owner, Nunez, says, quote, that she's not afraid of the house, nor does she think it will harm her. Bitch, your wallet has been harmed. The ghosts are already coming for you. So I'm a little creeped out that people would pay that much money to be that close to stuff. That's that creepy and scary. Grace I know. And then I'm just like, Girl, did you not see the movie? Because it does sound like this ghost is dangerous. It sounds like they're dangerous. That's why they did a whole horror movie about it. I mean, I won't lie that bad. I. I really hate horror movies, so I haven't read it. But I've seen trailers as the commercials for The Conjuring, and it sounds like the ghosts are not just chilling being like, hey, girl, you want you want some oatmeal this morning? Like, no, like. It's like they're doing bad things.They're like mad ghosts or angry ghosts. Amy You're absolutely right. And literally, literally even talking about it makes me scared. Grace I know. Amy Just talking about the sale of the home. So we got to move on. Moving on to our second bit of bummer news. So I recently heard that there's a startup, a new startup specializing in layoffs. So basically, let me read a little bit about it. As the tech space is facing plunging valuations, less venture capital and an economic slowdown, many tech companies are laying off employees in great numbers. KIarna CEO used a prerecorded video to let employees know that at least 700 of them were about to be laid off but didn't say which employees. The news came up two days later via short video calls, and it was 10% of their workforce. So because of this, people are like, you need to get better at laying people off. That was terrible. So now a startup has been founded called Continuum that has been called a quote unquote labor marketplace for fractional executives, a.k.a. part time consultants. And it's basically TaskRabbit, but for high paid executives. And you can hire a gig worker to assemble like, you know, you can hire a gig worker to consult on your business, including how now how to lay people off. That's where we're at. Grace That is really super sad, like, you know, that they're looking to like batch fired people. But I guess their their thing is to lay off people more humanely to like fight against that. So I guess that is better than firing 700 people like so cold heartedly. So I guess that's that's better. But it's just sad that there's so many mass layoffs right now that in this time of inflation and everything like that, that there are literally has to be a consulting firm to do it. And frankly, it gives me. Up in the air. So George Clooney. Yeah you do it. You, your. This your company, George Clooney. You you feel bad because you did that movie. And now you started a company to, like, be better. I don't know. It just like it feels like a movie. Amy And like. Apparently Continuum charges a flat fee for layoff consulting services, and the fee escalates with the number of employees laid off. And the thing that's the craziest to me is that despite venture capitalists tightening their wallets, this new company continuum financed investors to hand over $12 million in funding. So my question is, what happens when this lay off startup has to lay off people? Like when when the economic downturn goes back up, who are they going to call? Grace Oh, my goodness. Amy They're like, Well, guys, watch the video that we made for that company and listen to it and go home. Grace Oh, my God. Yeah. Amy Well, how do you feel after discussing all this Grace? Grace Oh, yeah. You know, comme ci, comme ca. Amy Thank you for speaking French for me. I really appreciate it. I don't feel that great either. I'm really feeling bad for people getting laid off. Yeah, and that's why we need the antidote. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer. News What was your antidote this week, Grace? Grace Uh a piece of art that I purchased. It's really racy. Yeah. Like I am a drop you a link right now so you can look at it. It's quite lovely. It's. Amy Wow. Grace, this is beautiful. Wait. Okay, describe for people. Grace I will describe it for the listeners. So basically how I found out about this artist is on good old Facebook. Yes, I still do. I have a Facebook page. I saw a friend like this really great artist that went to high school with me. His name is Kevin Palmer. So also check Kevin Palmer out. But he was doing sort of a collaboration with Joe then though, the third, who is also like a michigan based artist. And they had this beautiful piece of art called Cloud Watching, and this is a collaboration with Kevin Palmer and it is just beautiful. So it's got like a hot pink background and it's a black woman with like a short natural and then she's got like these sunglasses, but they got colors in them and like, she just looks so regal and beautiful. And I love to have art featuring black women in my home. And it really, you know, I also love a lot of colors. Amy can attest that my home is very colorful. Like, I have a pink couch and I have a green couch and like, I love deep pigmented colors in my space. It just, like, makes me happy. So this is a perfect picture featuring a black woman. It's got a lot of colors. It was like the right size. I was kind of looking for another picture for my office, so it's going to be so great. And then it's really cool that this guy from high school that I know that was always like doing animation and doing sketches and drawings in high school that he's like making his living, doing art. So I was the so it gave me a double good feeling because number one, I was so happy that this guy I knew from high school has become this successful artist. And I was like excited, you know, that I had the money to support that work. And then also just the actual piece of art is so beautiful, and I'm going to put in my office and I'm going to look at it. And so if you guys go to Jay, see three. So three is the actual number three. So it's jc3 art dot com. You can actually see Cloud, Watchmen and a bunch of other pieces by this incredible artist. So go support some Detroit based black artists. These are some beautiful photos. So my antidote is also letting you guys know about the art so you can go support it too. So, yeah, that was definitely my antidote this week.   Amy Nice.   Grace And what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy So for me, I had, you know, a while back was my birthday and at my birthday party, the rooftop where we were, because y'all know, I stand on a rooftop. The sound at the rooftop was sub f---ing par and we couldn't hear the music loud. It was still a fun party. I had a good time, but I wanted to talk to Beyonce and I was really pissed that the music wasn't loud. I didn't show it. It was my birthday. I felt nothing but joy. But in the back of my head I was like, Trump is f---ing down. And so there wasn't enough sound at my own party. And so we didn't get to dance much. And since then I've been like, I just want sound around me. I miss concerts. I still have not gone to concerts. I know people be doing that, but I'm not breaking the sound until I go see Beyonce post the tickets, bitch. But then I'll break the seal. But until then, I'm just in my house and listening to music on my f---ing headphones and I have some surround sound in my living room, but I don't have it anywhere else in my house. And so I actually recently got a new Bose portable speaker that I can carry through my house, like a little boombox, and I had a little Bose speaker, but these new ones, the sound quality is better. And I got to tell you this, I was listening to Cuff It and I was listening to Alien Superstar on this new Bose speaker. And I know like. It's been months since the album come out. It's still got a lock on me. I don't know what it is. I she put drugs in. I don't know. But the album is still blasting for me. And I did not know that in the back of alien superstar Beyonce was spelling unique until I listened to it on my little portable speaker. I didn't know.   Grace You know, I love that because I think every time you listen to the album and it also has a choke hold on me. In fact, Beyonce, it's very rude that you sprinkle a little crack in there, but I. I have a Bose speaker, too.   Amy Oh, my God. Wait how cute. What color is yours?   Grace Mine is silver. And, yeah, I listen to I mean. Yes, I do listen to the Beyonce album on it, but I mainly use it in my bathroom so I can listen to podcasts as I shower. But yeah.   Amy I love that. Oh, I'm going to do that with mine.   Grace Ooh, yeah, yeah. It's really great. Super easy to connect and it's like, yeah, it's like the right amount. It's just like the sound quality is beautiful.   Amy Yeah, yeah. It's so late to do this, but I literally want to have once I carve out an hour of time, 58 minutes time, I want to sit down and re listen to the album on the speaker just to hear it all like authentically again without me, like sharing through all of it.   Grace Oh my God.Yeah, I literally sing along too early. No, when you sing along to a song too early. You don't know all the words.   Amy That was me. I was like, alien superstar whip whip.   Grace Yeah. Like, you need to. Listen to it so you can get to the words. But but like, I'm too impatient. I'm like, okay, learn it. I know the first stanza, so I'll just keep singing along.   Amy That's exactly what I did. And I didn't realize I had done. That until I heard it. And I was like, Wow, there's spelling unique back there. And that's when I was like, Oh, I haven't listened to this album. I just keep screaming over.   Grace And just be like, oh I love her.   Amy I love her so much, Oh, well, I'm glad we are both seen in this way, and I love that both are antidotes. We're about tapping into art, you know, the art of audio and the art of visual, if that's a way to describe it. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Okay. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is an actor and, well, one of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood. While he's maybe best known for seven seasons playing the affable Eric Forman on Fox sitcom That 70 show. He's also been a part of the Marvel Universe, and he's currently starring in Home Economics on ABC and will soon reprise his role as the aforementioned famous Eric Forman on Netflix's upcoming that 90's show. Like what? Oh, he was a bomb ass tennis player in high school and considered going pro. So he's also sad Serena just retired. Please welcome this super talented and currently uninjured. Topher Grace.   Topher Grace Wow. I mean, fantastic intro, guys. I'm here just for that. Whoa.   Grace Oh, my goodness. That 90's Show, I'm so excited. Like, first of all, the nineties is having a whole resurgence right now.   Amy It's happening. It's having a thing, like bell bottoms. I don't know what else.   Topher Grace Someone at Netflix. Put that together and went, wait a second. What if, you know, what year would it be and that in that fictional town. But yeah, I just I just went to do it because I have a day job. I can only do one episode. But it was like everyone was on it. It was so great. Like, everywhere I was like going to a high school reunion and then going back to school in class with your teachers this day and then going like, you know, like having the same locker and all look the same. It was just incredibly cool experience.   Amy Well, Topher is very impressive, isn't he?   Topher Grace Let's not focus on me. Let's focus on you guys. One. Grace. If we got married, your name would be Grace Grace. I think it's really cool.   Amy That's pretty cool.   Grace No, it's very true. And I would be honored.   Topher Grace What is that? What's your middle name?   Grace My middle name is Nkenge. N-K-E-N-G-E, which is Congolese..   Topher Grace That would've been a really interesting name. Grace Nkenge Grace.   Amy Yes.   Grace Grace Nkenge Grace. I love it.   Amy That's an author name right there.   Topher Grace I was embarrassed of my last name when I was younger. A lot of other boys made fun of it and said it was like a girl's name. And then when I got older, I realized every girl wanted it as a last name.   Grace Oh my god, I mean.   Amy Did you get a lot of marriage proposals?   Topher Grace My wife's name is Ashley Elizabeth Hinshaw, and when I married her, her name got so princess-y. So fast. Ashley elizabeth Grace.   Grace Oh, my God. That's so beautiful. That's like iconic.   Topher Grace Queen Ashley elizabeth Grace.   Grace Royal. Yeah. It feels very royal. It feels like, you know, Princess Di.   Topher Grace I see Amy's trying on Amy Grace right now. How does that feel?   Amy I am. Well, I've already tried Amy Edwards because I want to marry Grace. So Amy Grace is also beautiful anyway, that I get to incorporate Grace.   Topher Grace We got, like a kind of a new age thing going on. The three of us - we don't have to put a label on it.   Amy I'm into it.   Grace You know, like I always said that if I have a daughter, I'm going to name her Grace Junior because, like, why can guys only name their kids after themselves? So, so Topher. If we had a kid, it would be Grace.   Topher Grace Grace Grace Grace.   Grace Grace Nkenge Grace Junior. You know.   Topher Grace Fine. I'm leaving my wife. I'll do it.   Grace Just for this girl.   Grace Goodbye Queen.   Topher Grace That is super cool. I mean, come on. She'll understand.   Grace She'll understand. She seems pretty awesome.   Amy She's like I can't beat that. I can't top that. Well, this show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes from the bullsh--. So is there anything non-work related that's bringing you joy today? This week? This month?   Topher Grace You know, my wife is pregnant. We're having our third.   Grace Congratulations!   Topher Grace Thank you. And my home life is, like, so different than my work life that I enjoy both. But work is so chaotic. And then we go home and my wife is such a. Like I hate talking about it because Caitlin, by the way, who plays my sister, is like eight months pregnant on the show. So I'm dealing with like I'm here, I'm talking to her and then I'm home. I'm like, I offerred to rub her feet the other day. And then she's like, What? I was like, Sorry. I mean, I thought I was at home.   Amy That's hilarious. No, colleague you can't rub my feet.   Topher Grace She was just like, I don't like that, but I would, you know, could you go get me something? But like, I, I, I hate guys talking about pregnant women. Like, even when they're being positive, I feel like it's like they should just shut up about it. Like, she's such a trooper. I mean.   Amy She's so brave.   Topher Grace Or she's so brave, yea.   Grace I mean, literally, birth is frickin brave. Like when you see what it takes?   Grace Oh no. There's, like, nothing. I can't say enough, you know, like saying to my wife and to Caitlin, I'm like, I wish I could just kind of take your pain. Sorry, you know? Yeah. And even then, my wife's, like, just, like, you know, don't try. Just like me watch bachelor or whatever, but, like, we're having just such an amazing time. We already have two kids, and just, like, it's so peaceful, it's almost like, great, because we didn't go on any vacations because of it. So we're just, like, hanging out at the house. And anyway, my, my home life is like the weekend me is so different than the weekday. So I do. I really enjoy being home.   Amy Nice. Nesting.   Grace It sounds like your wife and your kids are your antidote, which is lovely.   Topher Grace Speaking of nesting, by the way, each time my wife gets pregnant, I think she starts to have like a dream of what it'll be like with this new kid. Now, we joke about it now, but the first child we had, she was like, I feel like I should get an outdoor couch. And I was like, Okay, cool. I think she had like a vision of like, you know, she's out that we know in those sheets. Like, what's the whole deal when there are sheets in the wind?   Amy Yes. Oh, that's my vision to just like drapes outside.   Topher Grace I don't know what role was in her mind. But we kind of like set a thing up and then she. The outdoor furniture is way expensive. I had no idea until this.   Grace Weather proof.   Topher Grace And we had to get. Weatherproof, yea. And it was she used it one time because she's like, you know, it's like a baby. Like she can go outside and hang out. There's a lot of stuff to do. And then the second child, she was like, because we moved to another house, she was like, I want to get like a not like a bed, like not a couch. And I was like, this feels like the same thing and it's not going to happen. And I got it. I was like, I sort of realize this is the tax of just being a husband, you know, someone who's out of it. Okay, cool. So we bought a bed and I swear she hasn't even been out on it once, but she even do one time on it.   Amy Now she wants an outdoor house.   Grace So yea, what's the next one? A whole house?   Amy Third kid. I need a casita.   Topher Grace An outdoor house, but I think that's an outhouse. You talking about an outhouse. So, I mean, she can have whatever she wants, I guess. But I was like on this one, I keep waiting to see what the what the what.   Grace The thing is going to be.   Topher Grace Yeah.   Amy I really love that. It's like manifesting this like calm way, like, oh, it's going to be calm enough that I'll be able to lounge on this. No.   Topher Grace I think three kids is going to be way calmer than two. Yeah, it's going to be more clam.   Amy for sure. For sure.   Grace How old are the other ones?   Topher Grace With a four and a half year old and a two year old and they're actually great and very cute. It's yeah. Home is like. Home is just great right now. But the problem is it is such a I wish I could balance it out better, but I guess everyone's reaching for that balance.   Amy I know someone the other day said work life balance is actually a myth. It's now we should think of work life compatibility or something like that. I think that was the word they use words like, Is your work compatible with the life you want? Is the way you live compatible with the work you do, and because you the balance is actually just doing one a lot and then doing the other a lot.   Topher Grace But that's so right. And really, you know, I actually think you that might be it, which is it is compatible in the sense that yeah, one of the reasons I took the show is 15 minutes away from our house and I get you don't have to travel and I can see my kids all the time. So in that sense, I'm very happy. Yeah.   Amy Yeah, yeah. And sometimes I, I get hard on myself and I don't have kids and I'm still kind of like, I have no time, and I'm like, well, maybe it's because of how you're filling that time and making sure to take space too. Like, pat yourself on the back when you're doing a good job because it sounds like you are.   Topher Grace I'm trying very hard. That's I've never even when I think back to different times that I felt successful in life, I go, you know, it didn't feel successful when it was happening.   Amy Right?   Grace Yeah.   Topher Grace You know, and I actually think I have this weird theory. Why? Because I when 70 show ended, I took off a year and moved to New York and did nothing. I mean, I, I, it kind of robbed me of my, I mean, it was a wonderful experience, but it was like I didn't get to do any of that college stuff. Like, I went to New York and, you know, I skydives and did a bunch of drugs and, and like every night I saw like a Broadway play. I mean, it was like, just whatever I wanted to do. Yeah. So I kind of had my early twenties, like late in my twenties, but that year, nothing like was that challenging? Yeah. And life felt great. And professionally, I was like, just careening downhill. Like, I wasn't trying to do anything at all. And even I don't even think I called my reps that entire year.   Grace I mean, I think that that's great. I feel like one thing that we do forget to do as artists because we're just like, What's the next thing? What's the next thing? What's the next thing is to live? Because I'm sure those experiences that you had in New York I mean, I lived in New York for 15 years. I know. Amy, don't roll your eyes. I talk about being from New York a lot, but I but I lived in New York for quite a time. And New York in your twenties, when you don't have any responsibilities yet, I mean, probably the things you saw, the people you met from all over the world, like I'm sure that informs your work to this day, like as an actor.   Topher Grace Oh, yeah. There was a before and after that time and it was also not even just New York, which is, you know, it's such a unique experience in itself, but also just not working. I started working, I was 19 and I look back and go, Yeah, that is actually really young. You know, at the time I was so ready to get in the world, but I was doing it at a certain point when I was doing movies and the show it was like, I remember, like, I just feel like a robot. Like it was like, you get actually better at what you're doing. The more burnt out. You are ironic. You think you get. Well, I'm sure. Then you get to a certain point and you then can't work anymore. You have.   Amy A point of diminishing returns.   Topher Grace Yeah, exactly. But. But before you hit that point, I think you are actually your mind is so in tune with the needs of the thing you're doing that you actually get. Better at it. But, you know, there's a there's a price. You know, there's a trade off.   Amy Completly. But I for one, for your family, for your wife, and for your current job. I'm so glad you took that year because think of all the like you were in a machine for so long creating an amazing show. But had you not gotten to go wild, it's like, Oh, who would you be now? It's like, I agree with Grace that time must have been crazy, but also almost like pivotal to transforming you into who you are now.   Topher Grace That was wonderful.   Amy I heard about something kind of therapeutic that you do. I heard that you sometimes reedit movies on your own, like Star Wars.   Topher Grace I was hesitant to bring this up because you guys were like, When I listen to Sasheer's episode, you guys were like, What do you do that's not in the industry? I was like, uh oh, like.   Amy But this is okay. This still counts because I think it still counts as something that's not work related because it's not like you're out here trying to become an editor.   Topher Grace Yes. And I.   Amy He's like, actually I applied to a few.   Topher Grace Actually, I want to go, no, no. I really want the directors I work with to know that I don't want to do that. It's a totally separate skill set. You know, the first thing I cut just to learn how to do it was Atonement. Did you ever see that movie?   Amy Yes, I love that movie. The necklace on the floor.   Topher Grace I love that movie, too. But it has these flashbacks. And I was like, I think they could be in like a different order and you could piece it together differently. So I, I mean, I, I did such a hatchet job on it. It had a happy ending. They, they die. In the end, they would have played a whole different version.   Amy It was 35 minutes long.   Topher Grace No, that's the problem. That was literally the problem. I showed it to my friend is like, that's a great short. But that short film is a little long, you know, who's like. And then I was like, I need to find something that has so much footage. People think I'm a huge Star Wars fan. I mean, I like Star Wars like anyone. But I took the new the Natalie Portman ones. That was the new trilogy time. I packed it into 180 minute movie and that's like 10 hours of footage. If you put they they complete the the visual effects. And you know, I start to realize when I talk about this, sometimes I lose people like when I'm at dinner with my wife.   Amy No.   Grace It's fascinating.   Amy No, I truly love. It's so, like, therapeutic and like, kind of just like you're in the zone and it almost feels like you're putting like a hoodie on and you're doing your thing like a DJ or something.   Topher Grace But you, you definitely lose a lot of time. Yeah. Like I haven't been able to do it as much since I had kids, but it feels like Tetris to me. Like that scene is supposed to go here and this connects to that. I just again, I don't want to do it to any of the directors who I work with, my future directors. I, I don't want to edit your thing, but I just loved, I heard I never went to like a drama school, but I heard in like drama school. They make you like both star in the plays, but also do the lights and the wardrobe and all this stuff. And I feel like it's kind of your version of like gaining a context of, of where I am.   Grace So we found out that your first love, like you were a tennis player, like in your younger days. So how did that like did you still play tennis? Is it still like something you do in your life or is that part of your life done and over?   Topher Grace Will I? It will surprise you guys. No, I'm not very athletic on a whole, but I do play tennis from time to time as the sport I was kind of into. I thought I was basically I was really good for this boarding school that I went to and I was on the varsity team and I've been, you know, whatever I had like a letter or whatever. But once I got and by the way, I remember going so far as to think like, would I try this? You know? And then once the minute I got out of school, I went like, Oh my God, I'm terrible. Like, this was just as I was in this little microcosm.   Amy Your big fish in a small pond.   Topher Grace But I basically that's how I got into acting was was I had I sprained my ankle and I couldn't do spring you know, is when I'd had small parts in the spring musical at the school because you could go do small parts, you can do like a lead. And that's what all the girls were doing and in high school and know like I'm going. So then I started writing on. I was like, I can kind of do this thing. And I tried out and I got the lead in this play. A funny thing happened on the forum and like all the drama kids who were like really in the drama club like threatened to quit the show because I was like out of left field. Like, this town is growing here. I wasn't even a jock. I was like, nothing. They were like, Why is this guy? He's not even like he doesn't even spit when he acts, you know, they they were all like, well.   Amy He doesn't care enough to spit.   Topher Grace You know, they were doing those. You know, those like those takes that, you know, real actors are doing in high school where it's like.   Grace Yes.   Topher Grace Like father, you know.   Amy Father!   Topher Grace Father why have you forsaken me, you know, like.   Amy Just the most serious actors.   Grace That is so good.   Topher Grace I like writing jokes and stuff. And by the way, it was a strange production on that show, and the directors didn't show up that much. So we kind of added a lot to it and it wasn't good, but I think it was like very original for high school kids. And that's the show that the producers saw me in. So it was like.   Grace Oh, wow.   Topher Grace Very short after that. Yeah.   Grace You know what there is? There's a book that Oprah talks about a lot. It's called When God Winks. And like when I hear moments and like we talk to a lot of people on this show about their journeys and there's those moments that just lead you along the right path. So, yeah, that sprained ankle was your moment, so you make a whole transition. You had no idea that it would lead you down a whole life path, a whole life career. That that is so cool.   Topher Grace It's so interesting to look at is I was bummed like in that that's so funny about what you're saying. It's like when you're really bummed about something like Step Back, it might actually be the best thing that ever happened to me.   Amy And the worst thing to happen to them drama kids because I mean, they're like I didn't get the lead.   Topher Grace Let me tell you something.   Grace But I know Topher Grace.   Topher Grace They all tot this day. They all think if I hadn't tried out, they would have starred in, you know.   Grace Wow. No.   Amy Sorry.   Grace And then as somebody who is president, president of the thespians in high school.   Topher Grace Oh no, Grace. Are you are you one of the people? You were mad at me?   Grace I was one of those people.   Topher Grace Grace. I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I just had my own take on the material.   Grace Don't apologize to me because. You know what? But I. But I understand what that like when you get into, like, these theater, like, communities, and you're like, we're the theater kids. We wear our adversity jackets, too, with our theater. Like, I was one of those nerds. So I understand, like the the absolute crazy situation you probably walked into as like someone who just auditioned for a play once that all of a sudden was the lead. Like, I know they were big, man.   Topher Grace But Grace, here's my question, because you're obviously an original mind. And, you know, any school that had like a big deal theater department that their plays were like kind of like the kids were like robots, like they were doing like a low rent Broadway play. And I'm sure, Grace, if you were involved with the production, you were probably not. You're probably going to do your own thing in the same way, right?   Grace Yeah. I mean, I knew I, you know, I wanted to be an actor since I was like eight years old. So like I yeah, I was really trying to, trying to do it. But yeah, I think I was different. I think I was kind of like you because I came from like a Catholic school to like this public school. And so like all the theater kids, like, they knew each other because they had viewed theater in like middle school together. So I was kind of like the fresh face too. And yeah, I never bought into the cliquish ness of that, honestly. I was like the little drama teacher's pet, and everybody was mad at me. They're like, Why does Grace?   Topher Grace And where are they now, Grace? It's just you and me here. Where are they now?   Grace I'm talking to. You. You know what I'm saying?   Topher Grace They're listening right now and they're going. Yeah, you got em. Because your show is all about being peaceful. I'm talking about revenge, but. No, but you know what? Sweet.   Amy Well, you know what? We are unbothered, and that is the point. Topher. We feel so much better now that we've talked to you. Thank you so much for coming.   Topher Grace Yeah, me too. This is as fun as I thought it would be. So thank you guys.   Grace Yes. Do you have anything? Well, obviously you have something coming up that you would like to plug. You want to tell us when and where we can find Home Economics.   Topher Grace You can watch Home Economics. The real answer is Hulu anytime but it is on Wednesday nights at 930 on ABC. And and, you know, enjoy. I don't know or don't watch it. I mean, do whatever you want to do. Don't let me tell you what to do.   Grace Watch it live because you get better residuals that way.   Topher Grace Yeah, actually watch live. Forget the whole hulu thing.   Amy It only is available on ABC at 930.   Topher Grace It's only available night of. Okay. And if you have the Nielsen box, if you're listening and you have a Nielsen box, just put it on. You don't even have to watch it. Okay?   Amy Put it on. You walk out of the room, leave it on. And where can people find you? On the Internet?   Topher Grace Uh just my name. I'm not very active that. Sorry, I'm getting older, but I do have a Twitter that I sometimes do things on and sometimes Instagram. But I. I'm like, you know what I found? I'll tell you guys little secret. Now that I've had kids and the pandemic happened, I just like, I'm scrolling back like five years for like for pictures. I have zero content.   Amy You're like, it's all tb. What is it? Throwback Thursday Tbt.   Topher Grace Yeah, it's all Tbt.   Grace You know, people love those, actually. So I believe that people wouldn't just consume just old pictures of you from before, so I'm gonna check you out.   Topher Grace Or just hit up Google. Just type my name into Google. You get a bunch of those images.   Amy Go to Google Images. That's where you can find them on the Internet. Google.   Topher Grace Yeah, look at me, look at me on Google.   Amy Thank you so much Topher.   Grace Just Google me real quick. Thank you so much.   Topher Grace Can you Google me real quick? Before we go can you guys just Google me real quick? Thanks.  Let me know what's going on with me. Thanks you guys.   Amy Bye.   Grace Okay to close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this quote?   Amy I sure am. Hit me.   Grace Okay. The beauty of art is that it allows you to slow down. And for a moment, things that once seemed unfamiliar become precious to you. And that is by Kehinde Wylie. I'll say it one more time. The beauty of art is that it allows you to slow down. And for a moment, things that once seemed unfamiliar become precious to you. Kehinde Wylie, who painted Barack Obama for the Portrait Gallery, among other amazing things.   Amy I don't know what the term is, but there's a term in like psychology where when you see something once for the first time and you are market, you start to see it over and over again. I thought it was insight learning, but it's not insight learning. I can't remember the term as but what this quote kind of makes me think about is that how where are you going to be moving through the world and be like in your head and not seeing certain things, but then like one day you'll pass by like a neighbor's house or something and be like, Oh, those are really pretty pink flowers. And then after that, every day you walk by, you notice the pink flowers. Or if you like, you know, drive a certain car. You're you're thinking of buying a certain car or something, and suddenly you're driving around the city and you see that car everywhere. And it's not that there's more of that car. It's just it was unfamiliar and now it's precious to you. That's what this quote kind of makes me think of, is that when you slow down to notice something specific, that specificity can continue to pop up in your day, in your life. And sometimes that can be not only just in art, like visual art, like the things that I've mentioned, but also story themes, like as writers times when someone will be like, No one's ever done a show about blah, blah, blah, and then you'll be in conversation with a friend at another time, and suddenly that topic will come up again and you're like, Oh! And it kind of keeps planting in your head until you start to kind of work it out later and start coming up with what it could be. That's what this makes me think of. That's something just out of reach suddenly becomes like, important in some way. And then sometimes as an artist, you can't shake it until you deal with it.   Grace Yeah. Or make it into something.   Amy Yeah. Yeah. What does that make you think of?   Grace Yeah. You know, it makes me think of a couple of things. The first thing, it makes me think I was talking to my friend er the other day and there they just read The Color Purple again and then they mentioned this quote I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple and it feels somewhere and don't notice it. And so this quote combined with that quote is that we are often as human beings, partially by necessity, like rushing through life and not stopping to notice things like we live in Los Angeles, like there's a lot of beauty, there's mountains and you know, yeah, some of it's a concrete jungle, but but there's palm trees and, you know, you can go on hikes and there's so much beauty that's everywhere. Like it's sort of a tropical location. I mean, I guess it's a desert, but, you know, you you could see like citrus trees and such beautiful flowers. And sometimes when I'm going on a walk, I, like, make myself. I'm just like, Grace, stop, drop into this moment. And look around. And sometimes I just notice, like, the most beautiful colors, the birds and the sounds that I'm hearing. I mean, this is something that, you know, meditation and stuff is like helping me tune into. And I feel like the art of being an artist is to notice. Like when I was in New York, it was like the perfect opportunity for this. Like, obviously, there's interesting people in Los Angeles as well, but we're often in our cars and stuff like that. But I remember just like walking down the street in New York or sitting on the subway and listening to someone's conversation, or sometimes I used to like to just go to Central Park with a book and yeah, I would be reading my book, but every so often I would look up and I would look around at the people and I would imagine what their lives were like and like, Oh, I wonder if that I wonder if they're just they're dating or they've been dating a while or. And then I'd make up little stories for myself and in their head. In my head. And I used to do that, you know, both as an actor and as a writer. And it's those moments, that sort of color in the texture of your work when you are trying to fill in, Oh my God, this scene is kind of land here. I need like something.   Amy Something.   Grace To like spice it up that I'll remember, like this moment I had or this thing I saw this person a thing. And that it does become precious to is just like because you're just like, Oh, my God, I can, like, spice up my scene spike and spice up my work, spice up my characterization with this thing that I saw that now is quite precious because now it's become part of my work. So yeah, that's what it made me think. Noticing things around you. And I think that even if you aren't an artist, I think it's just genuinely important to like instead of rushing around through your day, like, to, to just take a moment, like if you're going for a walk, take a moment to look at the grass and the trees and the people. If you are in your home, like, oh my God, that piece of art that I bought in that place, like, just think about like how much you love looking at it. Like, it's really just about this quote to me just means sort about dropping into whatever moment you're in and either using that for art or just using that for the thing that we are always creating, which is our own lives.   Amy Yeah, I love that. That's great.   Grace Okay. So thank you for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And go reedit your life. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley. aAssociate producer Taylor Polydore and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is the production of American Public Media.   Amy Whip. Whip. Yes.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with author Ijeoma Oluo about the importance of community, the art of make-up, and not shrinking back. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week – A certain famous singer doesn’t want Virgo dancers on tour, and neighbors threw a note over the fence after hearing a woman having sex with her windows open.  They also share their antidotes: a new Netflix documentary about personal finance, and Trader Joe’s overnight oats.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” -Maya Angelou OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 or tag us on Instagram, with the hashtag #ThatsMyAntidote FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. We're comedy writers in Los Angeles. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to The Antidote. We missed you so much. Amy We missed you. It's been like a month. A month plus? Grace I know. Like, what is the life without this podcast? Amy I know what were y'all even doing. How did you even go on? Grace Yeah. Like what happened? Like what happened while we were gone? Like, you know, send us a little message or something. We want to know what was going on. Amy Well, actually, we did get a message from someone. Did you see? Grace We did? Amy An antidote listener who goes by at Writeous_Warrior and that's spelled W-R-I-T-E-O-U-S underscore warrior. That's right. They're a writer. They said felt my anxiety creep up a little this week, so I started working out on my elliptical again. I always feel better after that and I'm just going to go ahead and add hashtag. That's my antidote. And I love that they shared this. Grace Oh yeah. I used to stand that elliptical machine that used to be like my main machine when I had the strength. And right now I don't even have the strength anymore. I used to be on that puppy for 45 minutes to an hour. So I am so happy that your elliptical machine brought you peace and joy this week, Writeous_Warrior. Amy I also haven't seen a lot of you in the last month, so like what have you. What have you been up to, my friend? Grace Oh, so much. Just, you know, catching up on some projects and you know, yeah, I'm going to do my Thanos, you know, I still love my son is going on my hikes, you know, just just having a little relaxing, little hiatus moment. But, yeah, I miss hours just like, what are we recording? Is it this week? Oh, no, it's not this week, is it next week. Oh, no, it's not next week. Oh, it's like four weeks away. Okay, I'll just chill. What are you been up to? Amy You know, not enough. Not a lot of sleeping. Yeah. Girl went outside and outside, kept her up late. So, yeah, I've been celebrating the end of a rap. Sh--. I loved watching that show and celebrating its first season conclusion. I also, you know, took a couple of weekend trips and. Yeah. And then same like you like the day to day antidotes like polarities and making sure to say my affirmations and things like that. I've been making sure to soak that time up. And for anyone who missed it on our socials, Grace and I also posted some videos of our antidotes that we took during the hiatus. Well, if you love art and words and books and things, then you're going to love our guest who's coming up later in the episode. Author Ijeoma Oluo. Grace Yes, we had such a lovely conversation with her, so we can't wait for you to hear it in a few minutes. Whew. Okay, so we wouldn't need the antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. First up, guys, this is hilarious to me. And like, if this rumor is true, it's it's out of we just got to investigate. But we heard a rumor we heard a rumor that Jennifer Lopez in the past didn't want Virgo dancers on one of her tours back in the day. Heather Morris, a former actress on Glee and former Beyonce, a backup dancer, spilled the tea on a podcast recently, and she said that after a long day of auditions, J.Lo entered the room where dancers awaited their fate, asked all the Virgos to raise their hands, and then whisper to her assistant before dismissing them. I want this to be so true. It's such a weird story. But apparently that Heather Morris is saying that apparently it's because J-Lo's ex, Marc Anthony, was a Virgo. So it was like Virgo Energy doesn't agree with her. And I guess it's a bummer because, like, I'm a pretty good dancer. So I'm a lil upset. Grace Yeah, you used to dance. You used to dance dance. Amy Maybe that's why I never made it. Maybe it's my Virgo nature. That turned people like J.Lo off. Grace Well, the oppression to the Virgo community in the dance community, it's like it's like I guess this is a thing but you know what have thought you should wanted Virgo to be on your dance team. They're going to be very obsessed with getting those steps. They're going to hit those accounts hard. You know what I'm saying? They'll be up late at. I in this hotel room? Yeah, exactly. Although I don't know what this Virgo discrimination is. Amy But, you know, I have to say, honestly, J-Lo as a Virgo, thank you for releasing me from the stress of your other dancers' imperfection, because I wouldn't be able to handle this. And honestly, I love that someone is against bad guys because frankly, sometimes I'm against me. I can be like, Oh, I kind of get it. Grace Well, I would like to discriminate against f--- boys. Can we do that? You know, I got really excited when I heard about F--- Boy Island thing, but I thought that they were just going to put them on an island. So we knew where they were so they wouldn't infect society. But now it turns out it's just another reality show to waste our time. Amy Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm going to join you in the discrimination against F--- Boys. Not in my dance troupe, not in my body. Grace But again, it's just a rumor. Hearsay. We don't know that that actually happens. Amy Exactly. Sounds like something from Glee was just hating, but is so funny that I was like, we have to talk about this. Yeah. We'll slap a big allegedly on this entire conversation. Grace Allegedly. Amy Allegedly. Now, this next bit of bummer news is not alleged. Okay. Apparently, neighbors in Yorkshire threw a note over a fence after hearing their neighbor having sex with her windows open. The neighbor in question, Amber O'Donnell from Yorkshire, was mortified after receiving a complaint from a neighbor who believes they heard her having noisy sex. She was so mortified that she shared her reaction to the note on TikTok. Wow. Read. If you're going to have animal sex during the middle of the day, please close your bloody windows ending with that. Oh. Apparently O'Donnell is an only fans model and in her TikTok video, she says she could never leave the house again. From the embarrassment in the video has been seen over 1 million times. And I'll tell you what, Amber Girl, you are the only one who saw that note. Now, a million people have seen it, so I hope your numbers are up. Grace You know, that's what I'm saying. But it's smart marketing, you know what I'm saying? It's like, hey, you want to see this? Only fans. I'm real loud. Amy Give the girl a break. Why don't you have, like, speakers in your house? Why don't you have headphones? Like, why can't you close your windows? Grace That poor neighbor hasn't had an orgasm in five years and is mad because she got to hear somebody else's. I don't know, because to me it would be different if there was like kids around or something, but there was no mention of children. So I'm just like grown, recognized, grown, you know, like that sex is something that happens and that people do. So, you know, stop acting like, all prudish or whatever about it. Like, sorry, it's kind of like life. Amy Completely. Grace You know? Amy I'm proud of her for getting an afternoon delight. Grace And I'm proud of her for using this as a marketing opportunity for her Only Fans. Amy I believe in you sis. I don't know if your sister. Actually, I've been to British girl. Anyway, how do you feel after discussing the bummer news, Grace? Grace Well you know. Actually, the ones that we did today were kind of fun, so, you know, I actually feel pretty okay. But we still go talk about this antidote, right? Amy Exactly. Like still life. And so let's get into the antidote. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace? Grace Well, I watched a little docu-mentary. Amy Ooh, smart. My friend is smart. Grace Oh, you know, entertainment plus learning. So I saw this documentary. Amy You heard it right here. That is a great advertising for a documentary.  Grace Entertainment plus learning. So I watched this documentary. It's called Get Smart with Money. Amy Oh, I want to watch that. Grace And, you know. Amy I like money. Grace It was it was so cool. It was like these like I think it's like four different money experts talk to, like, real life people and they, like, follow them for a year, like after they give them sort of like a strategy to address their issues. And so it's very cool. Like they check in with them throughout the year to see like how integrating these strategies into their lives has improved their financial situation. And most of them, all of them really like changed all their lives and it was super cool. So there was the advisors were like, Tiffany Aliche who's like also known as the budgetnista. Amy Oh, yeah. I follow her. Grace Yeah. Yeah. So she was on there then a guy named Peter Adeney, aka Mr. Money Mustache. Amy No, I don't like that. I mean, I want to support him, but what. Grace Uh he's a guy he, like, retired at 30, so he, like, knows about the whole money thing. And this guy named Ross McDonnell, aka Ross Mac. Amy Why do they all have nicknames? Is that part of getting a lot of money? Is having a nickname? Grace Maybe. Okay, we'll come up with some nicknames for each other. And so it was really inspiring. And I got like a lot of little tips about money. You know, I like nice things, so it like, kind of dragged me a little bit. I was just like, Oh, yeah. And the thing that drag me the most is when the budget is there was just like, you need to separate your spending into needs and loves on one side and wants and likes on the other side. And then I realized I buy a lot of things that I want or that I like. But she actually said The great thing about focusing on your needs and loves is that you use your money more intentionally to make your life better, rather than wasting money on just things that you want or like. And the framing of that was so useful to me because I was just like, Oh yeah, like I bought like a bunch of dumb sh-- recently that I just liked or wanted. But if I were to use that money and like seeing stuff of, like buying wants and like, it's just like about getting rid of waste in your life. It's not about describing yourself of anything. It's about re funneling that money into things that you really love or that you really need. So I was just like, Oh my God, that will just that one little tidbit was so interesting. And I went out with friends afterwards and I told them about it and they're like, Oh, wow. And I was just like, Yeah, we as friends need to be talking more about money. Like, it's always such a quote unquote private topic. Yeah, but I think it's really important to talk about money and like, be more conscious, you know, bringing it back to, like, the true purpose of money, which is to support your what you want in your life. So. So that was definitely my antidote because I was just like, Oh, I feel good. I feel like I have a better perspective on money just from watching that one little. I think it was just like 90 minute documentary. So that was my antidote. What was yours, Amy? Amy So mine was a little simple antidote and it sounds kind of like maybe like dol it ties to yours because sometimes while you watch Netflix, you eat out of sneak. And my antidote this week is Trader Joe's Vanilla Overnight Oats. Guys, this is not an ad. It's literally the fact that in the mornings I make myself breakfast in the morning. I like that the ritual of making myself breakfast. But the last time I went to TJ is I was like picking up like dairy stuff. And I saw these overnight oats and I was like, Oh, I don't make myself oatmeal very often because it takes a long time. And I actually like oatmeal. I'm like a grandma. I like old lady sh--, and so I like a meal. And I was like, Oh, I never make it for myself these days because I'm just so like work, work, you know, I'm just like in this period of being very, very work centric. And I haven't been able to enjoy, like, the practice of just making myself a bowl of oatmeal. And I was like, I'm going to buy these overnight oats. And they have vanilla overnight oats and then also almond butter, chia overnight oats. One has a little blue lid, one has a like brownish red lid. And I bought one of each and I was like, whenever I'm getting that little hankering for my grandma breakfast, I'll eat these. And it literally happened where I was like, I just want to have a warm bowl of oatmeal and I don't have the time because there's something about I will say there's something about oatmeal that is comforting to me because that's what my dad used to make for us when we were kids. Whenever my mom my mom would do like eggs and biscuits and pancakes and waffles and all these things. And my dad is not as much of a, quote unquote chef as my mom. So the breakfast he always made for us when we were kids was oatmeal. And I always hated it. When I was a kid, I was like oatmeal again. Dad is like, Can you do grits? Come on. And I was always annoyed. But now as I've grown up, I find oatmeal is very comforting because it reminds me of my childhood and reminds me of my dad taking care of us. But it's also emotionally like satisfying to me because it makes me remember like, Oh, this is one of the first meals that I remember my dad consistently making as a kid for for me as a kid and my brothers as a kid. So, yeah, I climbed into this vanilla overnight oats bowl and it made me so happy. And I just like the first bite. I was like mmm.   Grace So may I ask, are you a person that because I also love oatmeal, but I also love like a little add in to my oatmeal? Do you ever add anything to your overnight oats or you just eat them like straight up no chaser?   Amy What I actually do is I make them with almond milk and I chop up ginger like candy ginger. I chop candy ginger. And so I if I'm making it in the microwave, I'll do like a minute and a half, and then I chop up the ginger and put it in, and then I do another 2 minutes and then stir it all up. And then the whole bowl tastes like ginger.   Grace Oh, my God. I'm going to try that one. I love oatmeal to just be so full of sh-- that I can barely see. But yeah, I have to check out. No overnight notes, although that almond butter one sounds like more of my speed. It's good, too.   Amy I like them both. I can't decide which is my favorite because I always eat them so far apart that I'm like, this is the one. But so I always, well, I don't usually buy them. It's a more recent thing, but it really was kind of like an antidote moment. But I bought one of both, so I'll report back when I eat the new one.   Grace Yeah, I feel like. Like you could definitely do me and Amy's antidote this week, listeners, because you can watch this documentary on money. Get your money right, get your tips, you know, and then you can do it while snacking on some delicious overnight oats.   Amy Yeah, how cute. All this talk made me hungry. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is that, Amy?   Amy Ooh, girl. You know, my chest is real puffed up when I get to introduce a Niger Sister.   Grace They don't carry less.   Amy No, we don't. And this queen hails from my problematic fave home state. That's right. She's a North Texas. Yeah. She is a writer, speaker and Internet Yeller. She's the author of the number one New York Times bestseller. So you want to talk about race? And most recently, mediocre the dangerous legacy of white male America. I but she learned a little bit about that in Texas. She has twice been named to the root 100. And in 2020, she received the Harvard Humanist of the Year award. Her work on race has been featured in The Guardian, The New York Times, The Washington Post. And she once survived an interview with Rachel Dolezal. Please welcome another black woman just trying to heal America. Ijeoma Oluo.   Ijeoma Oluo Thanks for having me. I'm excited about this conversation.   Grace Thank you for being here. I mean, she is very impressive, but we're not here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Ijeoma We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah, let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you or bringing you up?   Ijeoma Oluo You know, I don't know. You know, I just. I just ordered a, like, therapy lamp.   Amy Ooh, tell me about that. What's that?   Ijeoma Oluo Born in Texas, we live in Seattle, and there is no sun at all. You know, like, we had, like, three days that look like it was turning into spring up all my winter clothes away. And now it's been like 45 degrees everyday and gray.   Amy No.   Grace Oh my goodness.   Ijeoma Oluo And it's sad and awful. And I like having to change my foundation color every month, you know? So I finally went like one of those, like, therapy lips that makes you feel like you have sun.   Grace Like it's sun.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah, it's supposed to, like, help you get through your day a little better because I can't afford a vacation every other week. And I know, you know, I can't get anything done.   Grace Yes. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think that's what it's called. Like when you suffer because of lack of light. Yeah, that's that's real.   Ijeoma Oluo And here in Seattle, there's a lot of that. So, yeah, today I just finally it was like, okay, you know, obviously I need I need to be able to function if I'm going to keep living here. But otherwise, you know, I'm doing okay. It's been a weird yeah, I would say these last couple of days looking at the news to be a black woman existing on social media in any sense. And so that's been a little overwhelming. Yeah, but I got it off my chest. Yeah. And I got to talk about it a bit, and now I'm just trying to get back to life.   Amy Well, we're here to help raise your vibration. We want you to feel good. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So what's your antidote this week? What's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month or this year?   Ijeoma Oluo Oh, I did my nails. And I think.   Grace Oh, my God.   Amy Wait. Describe them. Describe them for our listeners.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah. So basically I, I like to play with nail art and I had some and I look and it's like white lines basically, and you just randomly kind of scribble with white and then you fill in the little sections that the scribbles make with different colors. So I've got like some of my favorites bright yellow, deep pink, chill blue. And I don't know, it just feels like bright and sunny. That was a fun project to kind of toss myself into.   Amy You did it yourself.   Ijeoma Oluo That's good fun.   Grace Wow.   Ijeoma Oluo Yes. Yes. I spend a lot of time on these little tiny creative projects. It's a lot of fun. And then we saw Ailey this weekend.   Amy What's it, Ailey?   Grace Alvin Ailey. Alvin Ailey Dance.    Amy Oh my. I have always wanted to see them. I saw them in college once, but I've always wanted to see them again. I it's the end of that sentence.   Ijeoma Oluo It was beautiful and we haven't done things in so long because of the pandemic. And not only was it wonderful to do this beautiful thing, but also because at Seattle there was an overrepresentation of blacks. Yeah, yeah. You know, and this about coming through. And so we got to see people we haven't seen in over two years. And it was just such a lovely thing to see these beautiful, you know, black dancers and the celebration of a Black body.   Grace Yeah.   Ijeoma Oluo And a Black audience coming together for the first time in a long time. And we were all dressed up and. Yeah, it was. That was a lot of fun.   Grace Oh, that's beautiful. I mean, I've seen the Alvin Ailey dancers in New York a few times, and I used to live in New York and oh my goodness, the shapes that they can make with their bodies, like, I like, took a picture of theirs and I got it put on canvas and it's in my living room as part of my, my inspiration, all of like, you know, happy people that I have in my world that watch over me. But they are so amazing. It's like you take a picture. It's like. Like almost every move is a picture. Yeah.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah, absolutely. And the way. They do the lighting and everything. It's just I love it too, because, you know, if you go see The Nutcracker or something like that, it's like the stage in the set. But when you see the Ailey dancers, it's the dancers and this beautiful lighting that really highlights all of them, the.   Grace Skin, yes.   Ijeoma Oluo Reactions that they're making with their movement. And just that like a little tiny movement. And you see all these like ripples as their muscles move and it's just beautiful and you know, the music and yeah. So yeah, that was lovely. That was a really, you know, fun weekend. I saw there was a bus ad that drove by and it was like and I was like, Oh, no, no. I pulled over. And it's not like I just needed I needed like that hit of Black community that that can be really hard to find out.   Amy Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so curious about that. Living in Seattle, one of one of our friends is is from Seattle and he's black and he definitely was like, yeah, like I have a weird, like, you know, connection to race and talking about race, which I feel like must have influenced some of your writing, like getting into the things that you write about.   Ijeoma Oluo Absolutely. I think growing up in a place where it's considered rude to talk about anything that might make white people uncomfortable, you learn to understand what isn't said. So this is not a place where someone's going to come up to you and say something blatantly racist. Yeah, they're going to smile at you and treat you so differently and you really have to figure out what's going on. And I don't know if I'd be the writer I am if I grew up in a place that actually just handed the racism to me, like, this is what it is, because I really did have to investigate and dove deep to to protect my sanity. Right. You know, in a space that will tell you it loves you and loves everyone and voted for Obama. And it certainly doesn't act that way. And you got to figure out how this how this works for your own protection and just to be able to function in the world. So yeah, it's definitely a space that can be really damaging. You know, I've lived here since I was two, three years old. And when I when I see other people who live here and grew up here, if you grew up in an area, you know, we had a couple of redlined neighborhoods. Like my partner was lucky enough to be born and raised in one of those neighborhoods where he was surrounded by black people. Hmm. That's a really unique experience. Yeah. If you didn't grow up in that, you either made a lot of compromises and you become an adult who doesn't know who you are. And you carry a lot of pain that you shut down. Or you become someone who got used to making a lot of people uncomfortable and saying whatever. And that's kind of me. That's kind of who I was when I was like, Okay, well, you know, this whole conforming thing isn't going to work. I might as well go out swinging. And that's kind of how I've been living my life for quite a while now, right?   Grace Well, that I mean, I can relate. Yeah, I grew up going to Catholic school in Michigan and yeah, it was the same sort of thing. I shrunk myself for a long time until I got to the point where I'm just like, okay, well done, shrinking. So you going to get these words? You can't get this, this, me or whatever. And if it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable.   Amy It became a little bit for me, like a conscious effort because I, I had never obviously growing up you never hear the term respectability politics or anything like that. And I, I'm Nigerian and like my family was always like, stand up, stand up straight, like, you know, speak correctly, enunciate and all these things. And but then I realized, like, one does not reject the other. Like, you can be whoever you are. And I almost made it a choice. As I got older, I was like, Oh yeah, I can be the Stanford girl who curses like a sailor and says n----- and like, doesn't censor herself in different spaces. And you're just gonna have to take all of me because I contain multitudes of Blackness like it just became so important to me to fully be myself. I didn't realize I was holding back until I entered more spaces where there were more Black people. And I was like, Oh, wait, I want to feel, yeah, real. I want to feel fully like myself all the time.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah. I think like a lot of our survival depends day to day when we can't escape, you know, like, like, like therapist psychiatrists will say that, you know, a lot of how you deal with stress depends on how much agency you've had in your formative years. So, like, if you couldn't escape a situation, then you will detach. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that a lot of us, a lot of black people and especially black women have to do that because we are not given a lot of agency in the world, especially as we're younger. And so we detach, but it's still there. And I think that once you touch that, once you get into that, you can't forget. It's like this flood that comes out and yeah, it's yeah, yeah. And that's it. That's there's no going back once that happens, you know. And I just figure that like, oh, I'm either going to get fired from every job I have from here on out saying something or I'm good after, like find my own way. And, you know, I lost almost every friend. I had almost every bit of community I had. And it was it was almost like, you know, cleansing with fire. And at the end, you know, I'm I am a more whole person, but I couldn't for a second shrink back. Like I don't even know how it's it would be absolutely impossible.   Amy Sounds like a fair trade to me, as Drake would say. Well, here's the thing. You've had a lot of conversations with white people about their whiteness and, you know, white people about their trying to be blackness, i.e., Rachel Dolezal. How do you keep on doing that? Like where do you find the patience to keep having these conversations?   Ijeoma Oluo You know, I think for me, I'm every time I'm looking for the potential benefit before I do it. So I say no a lot.   Grace Okay.   Amy Yeah, that's healthy.   Ijeoma Oluo You know, like once I when I interviewed Rachel Dolezal, which by the way, I only did because. Probably my favorite editor on the planet, Charles Moore, did ask me to and if it hadn't been a black man that I trusted, had worked with pushing me and telling me that he had a vision for this, that he thought I could really do this. I said no. The first time he called. He left me a voicemail. And I remember I was doing an event, and it was right after Rachel Dolezal had changed her name to catch me, which is my sister's name, by the way.   Amy Yes. I remember reading that and being like, oh, man.   Ijeoma Oluo And I was like, This bitch, I can't I can't with her. Yeah. And I just went, you know, doing this. And then I get a missed call from Charles. And I looked at it and I said, Oh, this asshole. He's going to try to get me to do something about Rachel Dolezal. I just know it. And so I avoided him. I didn't call him back and he called me. He's like, no, hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out now. It's going to be amazing. Is this like Zimbabwean accent and this plan and. After I did that interview, which was draining and, you know, sitting in someone's house who hates you and and views you as a threat to this whole scam, even though, you know, for like eight oh, 8 minutes. I was there all day. I was so tired. Mm hmm. And after that came out and it was, you know, it made the mark that it made, which was bigger than I could have ever imagined. Suddenly, every single problematic white person, people were like, you should have be homeless. No, no, come on, y'all. Like, you have to love me. And so for me, I just look at it and say, like, do I actually benefit? Do I benefit from this to other black women benefit from this? And that's really, you know, unless it's someone in my life that I personally love. Yeah. Mm hmm. That's kind of the criteria I'm looking at in these conversations. I am not trying to better white people in any way, shape or form. I don't have time to mention too of them. Yeah, just. I'm outnumbered.   Grace So you got to state. Like, what did Jamar used to say? Save yourself this. Like, you got to. You also have to save yourself. Like, if you were just doing that all the time. And I love that you say no all the time because it you that's a way that you protect yourself from downloading everyone's feelings or having to answer the same questions over and over again. Because we don't have any education about race in this country, you know?   Ijeoma Oluo Mm hmm. I always try to remember that it's dangerous to carry around the pessimism of what white people are capable of. It's fine to be a realist of what they do well, but what they're capable of, that pessimism is something that whiteness leans into this thought like, Oh, if you were direct with me, I'll die, I'll fall apart. I can't handle it. I can't learn. Give me time. And here we are, thrown in the deep end of racism. From. From the womb. Yeah. Mm hmm. And figuring it out and building a language for it while fighting it. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, I don't think it serves anyone to think, like, oh, me having the seventh conversation with this one white person is going to do anything. All it does is reaffirm the fact that they need to be hand-held through the entire process, and they don't. Mm hmm. And and also, like, I am worth more than that. They are not worth more than me. They're not worth that level of my time. And if I have to spend more time in whiteness than I spend in community, something's really wrong.   Amy Oh, my gosh. That is. Yes, that I, I so much is coming my head right now. Just even that if I have to spend more time in whiteness than I do in community, something is really wrong.   Ijeoma Oluo Publishing is overwhelmingly white and my first book, I was the only black person who touched my book and it went out into stores and and it's frustrating because you're fighting and battling. But if I had to spend all day.   Amy You're like at least it's just a phone call with an editor or two. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, I am curious. Like, you come from a family of amazing artists, like, not only your brother, I'm awfully his wife, Lindy West, who's also a writer and who we also hope to have on the podcast someday. And I'm curious, are you able to lean on each other through the creative process, or does it feel like are you more of a writer who's like, No, I'd like to just sort my sh-- out over here because I lean on Grace. So I'm curious about.   Grace And I lean on you.   Amy Your inner circle, even though writing can be an isolated process. Who you lean on?   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah. When I first started, I absolutely did. You know, Lindy had been writing much longer than me. You know, she she went that traditional path through, you know, English degrees and, you know, internships and things that I like as a poor, black single mom, young, single mom, like, did not have. And so when I first started writing, I was almost 30 and didn't know what a pitch was. I remember like, Oh, what's a pitch? I don't know. What is this? Meaning, I keep hearing it. I assume it means I'm tossing something at somebody.   Amy I keep saying I'm going to do it, but yeah.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah. I just need like.   Grace Do I need a glove? Do I need a special glove?   Ijeoma Oluo What part of this thing that I throw gets money thrown back at me? That's the thing. I, you know, you stand. And so, like, in the beginning, you know, I was so scared. Writing was really hard. I remember I had a full panic attack the first time I ever published anything.   Amy Yeah.   Ijeoma Oluo And I did have my brother read it. My sister in law read it multiple times, said, tell me. Because, you know, black women are told time and time again, don't make things about you. Don't take up this space. It's selfish. If you're writing anything that's not in service of others, then you are being selfish. And it was a really personal piece, my very first piece, and I literally was bawling snot coming out of my nose like, I can't do this. And then they had to tell me multiple times it was good. And so navigating early on, like my sister in law, absolutely helped me a lot. And there were a lot of other like women writers in particular who gave me advice, who read pieces. You kind of just pumped up my confidence. And then, you know, now I would say I don't really, you know, occasionally we'll talk shop like Thanksgiving, people. I want to go to Thanksgiving at your house. Look, all we do is complain about like our, you know, our publishing industry and complain about trolls on the Internet. It's so awful. It's so depressing. Like, you would think we're the most miserable people on earth because we, like, store that. But now, you know, I do actually like, you know, my my partner is a musician and a writer and a DJ. And so I talk with him a lot like we, you know, as a having a black man who, you know, I know a black person in the house who is in a creative field in public spaces. We, you know, he's the first person to read almost everything I write. And then I have other writers really across the country because Seattle is and have a lot of people in it to lean on who, you know, when we have a crisis and there's always weird stuff, you know, like when I got swatted and my mental health was really struggling, you know, it was black writers who were really like, remind me to eat, reminded me to take care of myself. And then when they would get attacked, when they got SWAT, you know, like, like when Damon Young got swatted, that was a phone call we had. You know, he was like, Hey, the weird club I'm in now.   Amy Longtime listener, first time caller.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah exactly. Yeah. I'm blessed to have community throughout the country that I work really hard to try to maintain. And and I'm super blessed to have a partner who gets it. My last book, because last book was hard, you know, mediocre was I in the middle of this pandemic, you know, in the middle of these uprisings? Yeah. I'm writing about the history of, like, the murder and torture of black people by white supremacy. And I was falling apart. And I just remember, as I have these big deadlines and usually, you know, you like stop showering. You just like, right, right. Right. And my partner stayed up with me for like three days straight, just googling anything I needed him to Google and just bringing me food, keeping the kids out of my way. And he kept looking to me, We're doing this, we can do this, we can do this and did not nap until the moment I turned that draft in. And then just like that, you know, the first book I wrote all by myself and I remember how awful that was. And the second book, like having someone in there like I can, I can go on about like.    Amy Does he do house calls? Because I could use a hand.   Grace Do he have a brother?   Amy You want to come to LA. LA's sunny.I'm just saying.   Grace I need some of that in my life and I'm in the house all the time.   Amy It's mad sunny here. It's like, too much sun.   Grace You know what I'm saying. I'm still single, you know, out here trying to find a king that can support me, too.   Amy Exactly. Sit up by me while I watch Mean Girls for the 15th time and call it research.   Grace Well, I could just pitch dick dick jokes to him all day. I just like, did you like that one? Did that make you feel emasculated? Good, good. That's what I want you to feel that is so refined that you have and in an entirely separate page dedicated to your makeup does like what about makeup brings you joy?   Ijeoma Oluo Oh, man is always brought me joy like so I love art. Yeah you know. And I was always that artistic kid that was like, you should be an artist. You grab your ship. And that was never my desire. Like, I loved it. It was an outlet for me. And I love makeup since I was, like, four. Like, you know, my mom would give me all her old makeup, which is funny because my mom is white. So I like to mess, you know.   Amy You're just like the wrong foundation, the pinkest white face.   Ijeoma Oluo Oh, yeah. Like the ash, you know, the dead. Looking at the lips, like, that'll do it. Everything. Yeah. And I would smuggle it in the school and at recess, I would open up an umbrella and sit under it so that the playground teachers would see me and just cover my face and whatever makeup I had managed to, like, sneak out of the house. So I've just always loved it. And the more I write, the more it's turned into, you know, like I've said before, you can't think about white supremacy and that f--- up and winged eyeliner, so you just got to focus. And it's the thing every day where I'm focusing on myself, I'm doing something colorful and fun. And so I always that's always been a presence in my social media. And, you know, like, like you were saying, I mean, like before, like people didn't even know. Some people come to me like I didn't even know you were about yeah, I used to do it all the time. And then people wanted more of me and people kept feeling entitled. They were like, you know, I'm a I really come here for your brain and not for your makeup. Oh, well, they don't pay me anything, so I don't really care, you know? And it was just annoying and and I wanted a space where I could just be as into it as I wanted and flood the page and not confuse people. And so I just put in a separate Instagram where, you know, I can just pop it in there. And it's fun because I get to talk just about makeup and the ethics of consumerism too, but never not weird or boring.   Amy You're like, I'm still me. Yeah, I'm still educate you all. Just going to look real pretty doing it.   Ijeoma Oluo Exactly.   Amy But also, like I would say, during the pandemic, you're like because during the pandemic, like, we all, like, became mega slobs. I mean, the pandemic still there on let's be honest, people still dying. Okay? Like we know COVID is here forever, but during the year, during lockdown, like, I just became a full slob. Like, there was a moment I quit shaving my legs because I was like, What's the point? And then one day I went outside and the wind blew and I felt it go through the hair on my leg. And I was like, Oh, I'm going to shave my legs. This is feminism choosing. This is none of them. But your posts, like I like, reminded me I could be pretty for me. Like seeing your face and like there was one where you had this copper lipstick on and like, and I was just like, Oh, wow, she's in her house being beautiful because she enjoys that. And I was like, I can do that because so much of why I was so excited to chat with you is because of the joy you brought me during the darkness of the pandemic. And yeah, like literally makeup is in its own way. It is an antidote. It is like a thing that you can do just for you. It's like making your house beautiful. It's like, you know, painting your toes, painting your nails. These are things that you can just do for you. And I love that you have a separate Instagram devoted to it because you're like, It's for me if you all tune in and that's cool.   Ijeoma Oluo Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's funny because the responses I get, you know, at first it was like, I love this thing. I'm proud of this. Look, I want people to see this cool thing I made. Yeah, that was it. But people come up to me at events crying about what it means to them. I've had people say, you know, I went through cancer and lost my hair and didn't think I could ever feel beautiful. And yet I watch how you just wear whatever makes you feel good and you're always trying something I would have never imagined trying.   Amy Ijeoma Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. Like.   Grace Yeah, like sh-- sucks, but it sucks a little less. Yeah.   Ijeoma Oluo This was lovely. Yeah. This little dose of, like, Black phone conversation at night. Yeah. Before I have to go into a board meeting is one thing. I'm going to go in so much more energized and I love that. This was lovely.   Amy Thank you. Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It could even be something you just love, not something you created.   Ijeoma Oluo You know? I mean, I would say right now I am I am still really excited about my newsletter that I've been doing my substack just because when you're writing books, a lot of times you stop writing articles like I don't have the bandwidth on those assignments. So now I have every week a chance to like actually comment on things in a way that's more thought out than Facebook or Twitter. Yeah, but less formal than an article. And so if people want to check it out or, you know, are you used to following me back in the day when they used to click on these articles I wrote, that's the space where all of my hot takes. Personal stories, weird random complaints. Everything is drama oluo. I figure you learn that name. You shouldn't have to learn another. So Instagram and Twitter and Facebook. That's where you'll find me under. Ijeoma Oluo   Grace Yeah. And buy her books, y'all. Please. Bye. They're amazing.   Amy Bye.   Grace Bye. Oh, my God. I love talking to her. It kind of felt like her heart touched my heart. Is that weird to say?   Amy No, but I get it bitch. That was so amazing. I'm going to go subscribe to that substack.   Grace Okay. Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tap, tap, tap in. Now to our creativity. Okay. You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. Hmm. That is by Maya Angelou. I'll say it one more time. You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. Maya Angelou.   Amy Hey. Maya Angelou. You said that. Should I? First of all, her. She should be a real good coaches. Like she should be stacking them quotes like.   Grace Yeah. I mean, poetess.   Amy Yeah.   Grace Activist.   Amy Quote-tress.   Grace Yes. Quote-tress. Yeah. A queen all around R.I.P..   Amy Yeah. I love that quote. And I'm so glad she left us with so much gold on this wretched earth. I'm glad that we have people like her to turn to to remember that creativity is limitless. I love this quote because it makes me think of the fact that, like, when when I'm not writing even and I don't want to say it, I'm going to procrastinate away because I think this is a procrastinate. But even if I'm not writing, if I'm doing something creative, I'm still kind of feeding my writing. So like as a kid, I actually was artistic in a lot of other ways. I used to dance, I played the flute, I did theater, and I did spoken word for a moment. No offense is not a word artist, but like, you know, so when I was younger, I used to do a lot of artistic sh-- and it led me to writing. And there was a while when I first got into writing that it was kind of the only creative thing I did. And I, it became like I used to come up with all these stories, but then when I was only writing, I literally couldn't come up with anything. And I realized I had to tap back into other forms of creativity to keep the channels open, I guess. So that that's what the quote makes me think of is just like the more you invest in your creativity, the more it invests in you, the more abundance of it you have. What about you? What does it make you think of?   Grace It makes me think of. Like there used to be a time when I used to think I was going to run out of ideas. Hmm. I was just like, what if I just have one script in me?   Amy Oh damn.   Grace Just have one. You don't know what to make.   Amy Biggest fear of my life.   Grace This is like. No, I mean, one hit, one real fear. Yeah, exactly. I was just like, because, you know, you see it happen all the time. You know, somebody just does one one film or one one show or one book or, you know, it's just it was something that I really struggled with becoming a writer, you know, because I sort of I started out as an actor and, you know, an actor, you're the material is generated for you and stuff like that. And I was like, Oh, well, I have like kind of an idea of what I want to say. But I was worried that that the more I did it, I was like going to have like a finite amount of ideas and that I was one day going to run out. But what I realized is, you know, Ms.. Angelo just said is that, no, actually your brain starts forming connections or whatever between things. Yeah. So you walk around in your living life and your brain is making it into stories. Yeah. And so in that way, you can't ever really run out of ideas because you're experiencing things every day. The cashier you interact with on the street, you know, the thing that you see, like on a walk, like sometimes you just see a random diaper on the ground and you're just like, What happened there? You know? So it's like. And then your brain starts making a story because you're practicing the art of writing in a so, you know, you just begin to do that. And also is reminding me that I used to do this thing. I used to do this book, The Artist Way by Julia Cameron. Yeah. And part of, you know, you're creative. You know, as for creative recovery, I'm not in recovery. I make my living doing this. But, you know, it's sometimes good to, like, use some of those those tools to help. And the artists date with something that I used to really enjoy doing. So once a week you're supposed to take yourself on artist date, meaning doing something creative that doesn't have to do with your chosen form of art. So go to a museum, go to like, I think like a sticker store, or just like.   Amy You're supposed to be single.    Grace I'm really good at it.   Amy I'm like. I can do that.   Grace Just going to consume other art, basically. Like, you know, I used to, like when I was like.   Amy Intentionally, not sadly.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. Like when I was in New York, obviously Broadway was there, and I'd been a big theater nerd since I was a kid. So I would, you know, even when I didn't have any money, I would just go and stand in the TKTS line or I'd do the lottery for tickets and I would just go and, you know, watch Broadway. You know, I was always targeting TV and film, but to watch a good play, to watch a good musical to to go to Alvin Ailey like gets just talked about. Yeah. You know to do yeah or just like go to go to the symphony, you know, just do some just consume art that's beyond TV and film, which is my chosen art form. It can just, you know, the more you experience creativity, the more you use your creativity, the more you have, as the quote says. And I truly do believe that.   Amy I love that. I mean I mean, we're in agreement.   Grace Well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.    Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast and also rate us five stars. Goodbye and don't forget to moisturize. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes senior producer Se'era Spragley Ricks. Associate producer Taylor Polydore and Marcel Malekebu.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org. And remember to follow us on social at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's, y'all.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Oh we back.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian, actress, and publishing maven Phoebe Robinson about expanding your world, gratitude journals, and wow moments. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: A Chick-Fil-A store in North Carolina is trying to get people to volunteer for food, and a couple in San Francisco is fighting a parking ticket they got very unexpectedly. They also share their antidotes: making new friends, and spontaneity.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.” – Robert Bresson Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 Sponsors: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping The Antidote is a listener powered weekly podcast. To support the show, visit antidoteshow.org/donate FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another week of The Antidote. We here again. Amy We here again. And just so you know, we're going to be going on hiatus for a few weeks, a little summer break. But don't worry, hotties, we'll be back September 14th. So in the meantime, don't be a stranger. Send us your antidotes. And if you have any requests for an antidote and anything you want to tell us that is bringing you joy, send us that, too, so slide into our dm's on Instagram at theeantidotepod. That's the with two E's. Or you can also go to our web site, antidoteshow.org. Grace So, girl, I don't know if you've seen this, but the other day I was like, in a meeting, I can't even remember who I was meeting. And then all of a sudeen I get a little alert that says that Governor Newsom is declaring a state of emergency in California because of monkeypox, bitch. Amy I'm overwhelmed by this. I can't take another pandemic. I'm like we we barely are out of this panini. We're actually fully still inside the sandwich. Grace Still in the panini. Amy We're inside the panini still. And now there's something else coming up. Grace The panini still on the George Foreman Grill cooking, you know what I'm saying? And there's. Amy Sprinkle some monkeypox in there. Grace Now. We got to be sprinkled with monkeypox. And I am staying in a hotel this month. And I'm just worried about that sh--. Amy For the month? Grace Well, not well this month. I'm going on a short trip. Amy Gotcha. Okay. I was like, wait, Grace, what's happening? I have a guestroom. I was like. Come stay with me. Grace I'm not- I'm not going for that long. I'm just going for a few days, but it's going to be at a hotel. And I heard that like you could get it from bedding. So obviously I'm just like, what. And so I don't even know what I'm going to do. I guess I'm going to bring like my own pillowcase or some sh--. I don't know, because. Amy Sleep standing up. Grace Yeah, I don't know what to do. Because, at least COVID, we didn't have to worry about the bed sheets, but now you got to worry about the bed sheets, because if somebody infected sleeps in your bed, you could get it like that. Amy Why would someone be sleeping in your brand new hotel room? That's not going to happen, Grace. That's not going to happen. You're more likely to get bedbugs in New York. Grace I mean, I don't know I don't know who slept there the night before. Sometimes they be trifling. Do they really change the sheets? You know, what I'm saying? What if the person who's changing the sheet has monkeypox? Amy Oh, no, I didn't even think about that. They shouldn't be at work, though. But then again, you don't know because did you read this? The incubation period is like 7 to 21 days. I was like, that's too long. Grace Then so you don't know you have it for seven to 21 days. So somebody could be at work changing my hotel sheets and be like that. Da-da-da-da. Monkeypox. I get monkeypox from just laying in those beds. Amy You know what you need. Grace I'm going to bring my own pillowcase, bring a flat sheet. And then I, you know, I always bring my weighted blanket wherever I go. So, yeah, that'll be on top of me and I'll throw that other sheet off of me, you know? Amy Yeah, you can just burrito yourself in your weighted blanket, then you're just covered in your sheet. Yeah. Also, we were on Bridger Winegar's podcast. I Said No gifts, and I gifted him a clean pod, which is a electrical device that cleans germs off of luggage. Maybe you need one of those. Grace I should get that for myself, you see, I ordered one in the in the mail, but it hasn't come yet and I leave soon. Amy Oh my gosh. Grace So I'm just like, what do I do? I'm going to go to Target and see if they have one in there. Amy Okay. They might. They might. I feel like whatever you need to do. I had an old therapist at the very beginning of the pandemic, and she was like, Whatever you need to do to feel safe, do it. Because I was like, I'm going to be crazy and do this thing. And she's like, Why is it crazy? It makes you feel safe, so just do it, you know? And so I'm like, Bring those, yeah, bring those pillowcases. Your pillowcases are going to be nicer than the hotels anyway. Don't matter what hotel yours are. What brooklinen? One of our sponsors. Grace Thank you Brooklinen. Yeah, I just don't. Yeah, I can't think about it. I'll be in New York so I'mma go see a Broadway show. I just like I just got to wear my mask and long sleeves. I ain't touching nobody. Amy No, you better wear a coat. Even though it's summertime. Grace F--- monkeypox, man. It's just once again. 2021 and 2022, I'd like to have a word. Amy Hold my bag. They both said they both did. The Usher. Watch this. Watch this. Do, do, do do do do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Grace Watch this. Okay. Well, you wouldn't need The aAntidote if you didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Well, we're starting now up top with our bummer news of the week. First up, I don't know if everybody has heard about, like I was seeing memes about Chick-Fil-A online and I wasn't really sure why. And now I know why. So there's a Chick fil A location in Henderson, North Carolina, that decided to give out chicken sandwiches. Dot, dot, dot. If you volunteered your time, they posted and I quote, We are looking for volunteers for our new drive thru express. They posted on Facebook and said that you could earn five free entrees per shift, a.k.a. one hour worked.   Grace That is trifling. I just have to say, I mean, and Chick-Fil-A is trifling anyway because, you know, they are dipped in homophobia. Yeah. And I didn't grow up with Chick-Fil-A, but I even have some gay friends who are just like, ooh, girl, that chicken is worth the homophobia. So I said, Well, let me see. Let me see what this chicken sandwich talking about. And it was I have to say, it's a regular ass chicken sandwich. Like, it's not even that good. It is. Wendy's spicy chicken, much superior to Chick-Fil-A. But I'm just like, what is this? This seems like you want to pay people in chicken sandwiches. Like, low key. I'm just like, it's like it feels a little racist too. It's just like, oh, you Blacks like chicken. Y'all going to come. Y'all going to come and work for food or whatever like we did on the plantation. My dude.   Amy Yeah. I'm like it feels like serfdom to me.   Grace You know. Like, no, man, that's not even.   Amy The part that made me mad was that the restaurant operator at that location. His name is Joel Benson. He responded to the backlash on Thursday, July 28th on Facebook and said, quote, After carefully reviewing claims, we have decided to stop this program and not move forward any further. This idea was a little too creative and the consequences unintended.   Grace Creative.   Amy End quote. I'm like, creative. I can think some other words because creative is doing a lot of work in that sentence.   Grace A little too cheap.   Amy A little too cheap. Thank you.   Grace You know what I'm saying? Y'all broke, like, with what's going on with Chick-Fil-A?   Amy Well, that's not the only bummer of the week. Something else just, like, made me feel wild this week there is a man in San Francisco who got a parking ticket after the curb he was parked by, got repainted during the night. So this couple, it's actually a man and his wife are fighting the ticket for parking in a red zone after the curb was repainted red while his car was parked in the spot. They've lived in San Francisco for decades, like many people in the city. Parking has been tough, but they had their own faithful parking spot on one corner and then one day walked out. There's a $180 ticket and the curb was freshly red. Again. We got to ask, ya'll broke?   Grace Y'all broke. Like what? What is happening like. Why is everyone acting weird? Yeah. I mean, if I park my car there and it's red the next morning, you cannot give me a ticket. And then also feels like a sneak attack because I'm sure they park the car in the evening and they woke up and then I was like, the ticket was already there. Like, why would you do this once you paint the curb or whatever, you would even put a warning on there being like, you can't park here any more.   Amy Yes. It's also crazy because of two reasons. Desiree, who's the wife of the man whose car got ticketed, she said it's clear that it wasn't there before, that the stripe wasn't there before because the city missed the spot so as not to paint their Honda's tire. And then part two. The guy, Jeff, he's a painter. So he also was able to be like, this is fresh like a detective. He was like, I'm a painter. I know when paint is fresh and this is fresh.   Grace And I'm just like, once you it's gotten to this PR level. Just. Just take the ticket off. I mean, like, obviously you guys did something shady, so just take it off. Like, what is all this fighting back or like, oh, we didn't mean to or whatever. So, you know, just don't even make these people have to go to court to fight this ticket like that. Just just y'all need $180 from these people. Just just let them go. Let em let them. Let them. And, you know, they won't park there anymore. That's.   Amy I'll tell you that much. uh. After hearing these two news stories. How are you feeling, Grace?   Grace Not great. Um monkeypox. Paying people in chicken. Illegal parking tickets. Oh, what a what a world we live in. How you feeling?   Amy What a world. You know, not much better, honestly.   Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and the things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So Grace, besides twerking nonstop to Beyonce's new album, because I know we're still on that, what was your other antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Um. Well, my other antidote is I a made a new friend.   Amy Oh! Oh, my God. Now I want to meet them.   Grace Nice. So anyway, so the how I made this new friend is we have a mutual friend and this person is in the industry and I think is trying to make a transition to from drama to comedy. And so I was introduced to this person and so, you know, we had a lovely zoom and then I sort of offhandedly mentioned I was like, Oh, you know, I know you're new to the city. Like, let's get brunch sometime if you want to, not thinking anything of it because you know, most times you throw that kind of thing out and it never happens. And then he hit me up later and he was just like want  to go to brunch. And I was like, yes. And so we went to brunch this weekend and we just had a lovely time. We just we just talked and, you know, just new little friend. And he even told me. He's like, you're funny, you should do standup. I was like, Oh. Thank you. So, so, yeah, we just had a lovely brunch. And, you know, it has been a minute since I can say I made a new friend. And so even before the pandemonium, I feel like, yeah, I would be in events or whatever, but it would just be like a very quick Kiki, a very simple joy this week, meeting a new friend that I could alk to sometimes, you know. So that was my antidote. What about yours, Amy? What would you what was your antidote this week?   Amy Well, I love to tie our antidotes together, and I'm going to find a little tie. Tiny tie is that you spontaneously went to brunch with a new friend, and that, in fact, was my antidote. Spontaneity. I like literally.   Grace Aok rubbing off on you.   Amy Alok rubbed off on me. Our talk with Alok has stuck with me this whole summer I've been since. Since we interviewed them. It's been on my mind to, like, try and lean into moments of spontaneity. Because I feel like, you know, I feel the most fun, spontaneous when I'm on vacation, but I haven't been able to schedule a vacation. I was just I had too much work this summer and I have a vacation coming up in September, but it's so far away like it felt so far away. And I was like, How do I get spontaneous now? And I did a few spontaneous things in this past week. I one night was out like having wine with a friend, and then some people at another table were like. Talking about this dive bar they were going to, and my friend was like, Do you want to go? And I was like. Yeah. And at first, my first instinct was, no, I don't know them. I'm going to go home. But literally they were like, Y'all want to come? And we were like, Yeah. And we went. And it was so fun to go to a bar I had never been to and be at a dive bar hanging out with people I don't know, I may never see again. And also they were younger than me. So like when I bought everybody a drink, they were like, Oh my God, that is so nice. I was like, It's a dive bar. The drinks are like, $2. I'm like, It's fine. But I felt like their ric older friend.   Grace A round of drinks on me.   Amy Yeah, exactly. Two buck chuck for everyone. But then I also had an impromptu girls night with two of my girlfriends who recently met through me, and then they were like, Oh, we should hang out again. And we were all like, Yeah. And then it was like, you know, like you said, you say that sh-- all the time, like, let's hang out again. And then it happened and we were like, we did it. We literally spent like 5 minutes just being like we did it. We said we were going to do a thing and we did it. So spontaneity was my antidote, and I want to keep trying to lean into that.   Grace So, yeah, I mean, that that's great. I'm so happy that you took some spontaneous moments.   Amy I was on my Aries sh--, Grace.   Grace I know, right? Yeah, I mean, that's great. I mean, I as you know, I love spontaneity. I love, like, waking up and being like, I don't know what I'm doing today. Like, there's nothing that will stress me out more than seeing a full calendar.   Amy Opposite girl.   Grace Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything that you do, I'm just like, Oh, that sounds like every.   Amy Torture.   Grace So I'm. I'm really happy that you found joy in it. It didn't seem like you. You felt stressed out by it or anything like that. So. So I feel like that's a good, like, good sign that you can do more of that and it'll be good.   Amy Yeah. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our brilliant, hilarious and gorgeous guest is a writer, comedian, author, actress and publishing maven. She co-hosted the podcast Two Dope Queens, and her latest book, Please Don't Sit On My Bed in Your Outside Clothes is a New York Times best seller. She created and stars in the new Freeform TV series Everything's Trash. She is more obsessed with Peloton than Grace. And if you watch her show, you know, she pronounces Bergamont like Berger-mah, please welcome Phoebe Robinson.   Phoebe Robinson That was so good. Thanks for having me.   Grace I don't know why you want to have me and Amy and Phoebe beefing over Peloton, like, right off the jump, but. Cool. Cool.   Amy I got to call it like I see it. I mean, y'all both have little tushies, but I just want you to know. That the obsession is mutual. You have something in common.   Grace Well, you are very impressive, Phoebe, but we are not here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah, let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?    Phoebe Robinson I'm feeling. I'm feeling good. I am burnt out from work, but I feel like I got to see my brother and sister-in-law this week so it's like nice to see family. They were in town, so that was super cute. I think COVID just kind of made me like. So scared to go outside and haven't gotten it yet. Knock on wood, thank God.   Grace Me too.   Grace And you've been on set like, Oh my God.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. Yeah. And I'm so nervous about it. And like, you know, when I was doing the show, we got tested three times a week. And so I would like go to set, come home. Like I wasn't really like doing much. So I'm just trying to be like, Girl, are you just going to stay inside for the rest of your life? So now I'm just like I have, I had brunc with a friend, Nore Davis, you know.   Grace I love Nore.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. I had brunch with him today. And it was so nice. We just like went to a restaurant in Carroll Gardens and like hung out for 3 hours and just like, it was so cute, I was like, I just gotta live my life again. I think that's where I'm at, but I think I just sort of returning to this new version of myself, and so I'm just trying to get to know her right now.   Amy Yeah, I'm like, That's really special, and I think that's something that feels like a good transition into a new self, and I want to keep those good vibes going. We need that right now. So what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Phoebe Robinson So literally, I feel like my my evolution is I'm just turning into like Gwyneth Paltrow meets Brené Brown.   Amy Those are two good people to combine. Those are two good right ladies to combine. Honestly.   Grace I know.   Phoebe Robinson So I started keeping a gratitude journal that I write and you write in the morning and the evening of each day. And so that's been like a good thing that I'm doing and I'm meditating. I try to meditate five times a week to sort of just like.   Amy Nice.   Phoebe Robinson You know, I've been going to therapy. I started going like a year and a half ago. I realize I'm emotion minded and so it's really good for me to just have meditation as a way to sort of just start the day, sort of even because I know that I could just be, you know, I'm a passionate person, so I need to just sort of, like, ground myself so that I won't be as passionate all the time.   Amy I love I've never heard that phrase. Could you describe what emotion minded is?   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. So it's like basically like if something happens, good or bad, it can be stressful, it could be exciting. Whatever emotion I feel is like, what happens first. And then my brain catches, Oh, I could be like stressed out about something and I'll catastrophize instead of just like, then if I'd give myself like an hour, I can be like, Oh, here's the way that I could absorb it, and it's fine. But I just go with like, whatever emotion evokes in me, and that's what happens first. And so I have to like sort of play catch up mentally.   Amy Oh, wow. I love that.   Grace I can relate to that a lot. Phoebe, let me ask you another question. What would you say is your proudest non career accomplishment?   Phoebe Robinson Hmm. Whoa. That's a good one. I think my proudest accomplishment is probably that I. Became a traveler like I used to not really travel and experience the world just because I financially couldn't afford it. And you know, growing up my parents weren't really travelers. I love them, but they like they like to just be at home. They don't like to go out to restaurants. They just like to do their own thing. And so once I paid off my credit card debt and my student loans like summer of 2017, I just like, you know, would travel to see U2 concerts Or like, you know.   Grace I know you and Bono have a special relationship.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah, I love my my I love my short king Bono and you know, going on solo vacay at the end of the month and I'm just like really enjoying just sort of experiencing other cultures and whether it's the food or just like, you know, going to sort of like tourist attractions, it's just really nice to. You know you once you have like you routines you like I go to this coffee shop and I go to this store and I go to this bookstore. You feel like your world is just that. And then when you get out. Oh my world, it's like literally a speck of dust. And, like, it's just great to see how other people, especially not in America, how they live. And it's it's so not work oriented in a way, which is refreshing.   Amy Yeah. And I bet it still feeds your creativity. Like just being a human out in the world and absorbing the world is going to feed that creativity.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. Is that a good accomplishment? So some people are like, Oh, I ran a marathon.   Amy Oh, no.   Grace  That's a wonderful accomplishment.   Amy This is a deep ass accomplishment because it's not just I travel, it's literally I empowered myself by paying off my debt and taking ownership of my finances. I learned how to save and become a traveler. Like, that's huge. That's like.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Healing.   Grace And, and then also it's great that you're curious about other places because I've noticed that not everyone is curious. Sometimes people want to travel and they want to like, you know, eat and they want everyone to speak the language and they want to like stay on the resort. But I think it's wonderful that you're curious about how other people live. And I think that that is something that not only feeds your creativity, but sort of feeds you as a human being.   Amy I also really like you talking about it in context to your like, I don't know if this is a term debt journey, but like literally in context of like coming out of debt and taking care of yourself because and I also love that that's part of your show like that. That is like part of the character of Phoebe Hill in Everything's Trash is that she's in debt and has a lot of bills to pay. And I'm actually curious, like, how has it felt for you drawing from your real life to become storylines and sort of like even influence characters on the show, like your brother character? Is it embarrassing? Is it fun to be able to pull from your real life?   Phoebe Robinson It's really fun. And I think in particular with the Money essay, when I started working with my showrunner, Jonathan Groff who is just a dream.   Amy A legend. I love him.   Phoebe Robinson And a vision. I love him so much. And the money essay that I wrote in the book, Everything's Trash But It's Okay was one that really that really resonated for us. And we're like, Oh yeah, this really informs, you know, someone living in New York. And I think so many shows such as Sex and the City, which is canon for me. I love it. I watch it like once a year, like I don't judge it at all. But when I was in Ohio, it was like I would watch that. I would watch like Living Single, watch Felicity. So it's like, Oh, I'm going to come to New York. I'm going to have a loft apartment. One day I'm going to have all these insider clothes and blahblah blah. It's like no one has a loft.   Amy That's not a thing.   Grace First of all, you're rich if you have like an extra bedroom. Like like you know what I'm saying. Like you if you got a coffee table, you doing better than most, you know.   Phoebe Robinson And so with this show, I really wanted to show. I think often when people think about representation, they think about gender and think about race, which makes sense. And for me, as much as I love New York, there is so much class going on, you know, like what you can afford. Like, I didn't go to theater. I didn't go to Broadway for like the first 15 years I lived here because I could freaking afford it. Yeah, you know what I mean? And so, like, I want to show this character on the outside. She has this successful podcast. It's gaining ground, but she's in her early thirties and she still doesn't have control of her finances. And, you know, she's, you know, eating dollar pizza and like hiding the reality of her bills from her friends and her roommate. And I feel like so many people have been through that journey and I feel like, yes, you want the show to be aspirational. But I think you could also be grounded in sort of what it is like to live in New York sometimes.   Grace Yeah, I mean, I can relate to that a lot because like I literally came to New York on the Greyhound bus and I was like I was like, I got a paid internship and I was living with my aunt in the spare bedroom. And yeah, it took a long time. But I think also what's great about like that time in your life is that you're so excited just to be there. I'm from Michigan and I know you're from Ohio, but like getting there is like it's so hard in many ways, but then it's like your your whole spirit is lit up from coming from this other place to New York City, which is like bright lights, big city. Until I left, I still like would sometimes look up at the Empire State Building and be like, wow, I did it. I'm here.   Amy That's so cool. Do you have any. Wow, I did it moments, Phoebe? Like I saw the video you posted on social of seeing your billboard in Times Square that warm my heart. Are there any even if it's small like, oh you like got the perfect coffee that you have. Like, wow, I did it. Moments in New York.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah, I mean, I think so. I moved into a new apartment and I'm in my office and right now I'm looking at the Statue of Liberty. And so.   Amy  Wow, you did it.   Phoebe Robinson I mean, she she's small, but.   Amy She there.   Grace You can see her. But you can see her. Okay?   Amy You see the pleats in her skirt.   Grace You can see her little green ass. You know what I'm saying?   Phoebe Robinson So it's just like nice because we were on the zoom for the writers room and half of us are in New York and half was in L.A. So it just was nice when we're having like creative discussions and I can see the "statch" or if I'm just writing by myself and it's like 11 p.m. and I'm like, Oh, I'm so stuck. And I just look at the "statch" and I'm like, This is like, so no one calls it the "statch."   Amy I love that you call it the "statch." Staring at the "statch", getting inspired. I'm in my mid thirties staring at the "statch".   Phoebe Robinson But it just was like it's one of those things where you're like for so many people, for so many generations the "statch" LOL was like this beacon of hope and like a new beginning and like my life is going to start here because I'm in New York and I kind of feel that way too, when I look at it I'm going through this transitional time, like career success, personal life challenges. And I just feel like I'm shedding like, you know, Phoebe 3.0 and now there's 4.0. And it's just really cool to see like, oh, wow, I'm like not living in a basement apartment with a mice problem. Like, things are. Okay, you know.   Grace You've done it, girl. Two time New York best selling. Often, girl. Yes, you did it. That's that's beautiful.   Amy And on that book notes, you are a publisher-ess. Okay. So your imprint, Tiny Reparations, which, by the way, great name, specializes in authors of color and women and queer voices. I want to know, what books are you reading right now that delight you?   Phoebe Robinson I have my phone here, so I actually write down, I think starting since 2015, I write down every book that I read. So I can actually tell you the most recent books that I've read.   Grace That's so good.   Phoebe Robinson Is it? Is it good or is it?   Amy That's really smart.   Grace I think it's great because like sometimes I have a good reads account. So that's kind of what how I keep track of the books that I read and I do the little book challenge every year - how many books can you read in a year.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah, I love that. So I really this is a poetry collection written by Jasmine Mans called Black Girl Call Home, and I really liked it. That was phenomenal. I loved Mikki Kendall's Hood Feminism. I thought was really good.   Grace Mhm.   Phoebe Robinson And what else? Oh, The Gift of Imperfection.   Amy Oh yeah. I love that book.   Phoebe Robinson That dragged me.   Amy It literally dragged me.   Phoebe Robinson I was like, I was like, okay.   Amy I'm like, why you know? How do you know me and why do you hate me?   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. And then I really liked it. I know this is biased, but my but the last book that was published on my imprint called Portrait of a Thief by Grace Dealey. It's our first New York Times best selling book on our imprint.   Grace Congratulations.   Amy Congratulations.   Phoebe Robinson So exciting. She's a debut author. She wrote it while she's in medical school.   Amy Oh, so she's also a genius.   Grace What a bad bitch.   Amy What?   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. And I told her when I first met her because I read the first page, I was like, Oh, my God, I'm so obsessed with this. So I devoured the book in like a day and a half. And I was like, We have to get this book. And when I when we resumed with her, I was like, Girl, you're you're not a doctor. You're a writer. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but screw medical school. Because you're a writer, and so to see a book like hers be successful. To me, I'm like, That's proof that we could tell other narratives that aren't mired in sadness, you know.   Amy That's awesome.   Grace Yeah, that's, that's really great.   Amy It also feels like a full circle moment. Like you, Phoebe Robinson had difficulty getting your first book published, and then you started your own publishing imprint. And now you are giving authors their first taste of what it feels like to know that you're worthy. Have you ever, like, walked through? Like, who didn't publish a book? Have you ever, like, walked through and done like the what is it, Pretty Woman? Like a big mistake. Huge. Like, just like, show up for a meeting. They're like, we have a meeting with Phoebe Robinson and then just stand up and march out.   Phoebe Robinson I haven't done that. But, you know, honestly, my publisher, Bloom, was the only place that wanted my book, every other place that, like my, my agent sent my proposal to, they were like, no, this isn't going to sell. It's like not relatable. No one wasnts to read essay collections by Black women. And I was like, This is 2015. This feels ridiculous to me. Yeah, I gotta say that like I was, I always thought, you know what, like, Hollywood is so white. And then being a publisher, I'm like, publishing is so white. It is.   Amy Whiter than white.   Phoebe Robinson It's it's whiter than white. And again, it's a class thing, like you know, if you're like an editorial assistant, they're paying, like. $35,000. You cannot live in New York on $35,000. You know what I mean? And so it's a lot of people who are like they have connections or they come from money and they can have this experience and they don't have to worry about their bills. And I'm just sort of like publishing should be for everyone. This is just greedy. It's just greedy. Yeah. Yeah. And like to have this sort of kind of air that can only be for the people who can afford to be a part of the industry. Always is kind of heartbreaking for me. Yeah. So I really like trying to do my part. But you know, this industry's been around for so long, it's hard to like overturn change or, or, make change happen quickly. It's going to happen slowly, but. GIRL Yeah, I love the publishing industry, but I'm also like, we got a lot of f---ing work to do because this is too messy. It's too messy.   Grace So when you write, when you were in your fabulous and new apartment, when you're looking at the "statch", who are you listening to these days? Like, what do you like to listen to music first of all, while you write or?   Phoebe Robinson Absolutely. I love it. It's great.   Grace So so who's got you?   Phoebe Robinson I mean, this is probably the the part of me that is truly the old soul, because I'm like. Like no one and. And listen, I have no musical talents. I'm not, who am I to say or judge, but I feel like no one like new people. Like but even people are like, oh, my God, Harry Styles. I'm like, yes, he's goodlooking but I'm like, Honey. Grace Jones Yeah. David Bowie. Annie Lennox. They were doing this 30, 40 years ago and the songs are better. So I'll just listen to those. You know.   Amy Respect. Respect.   Phoebe Robinson So I just listen to like a lot of like I've been listening to a lot like Chaka Khan, like Fleetwood Mac, you know, like that's what I've been listening to. And then I've been super recently I've just been listening to like Pete Tong, who does like a lot- he DJ's, does like a lot of EDM. So I've just been like listening to EDM music.   Amy You're like in the club at your desk, just jerking around and typing real fast.   Phoebe Robinson I'm like, yes, I'm loving this remix to this song from like 92.   Grace I just I just imagine you just like standing dancing with your computer, your laptop, like.   Phoebe Robinson I'm just like damn. There's a current current person I do listen that I'm obsessed with. Her name is Lianne La Havas.   Amy Oh, I love Lianne La Havas. She's she's amazing. It's what you don't do. That's one of her songs. Yes. I love her.   Phoebe Robinson She's great. I'm like, I want to write a movie and have her like do the soundtrack. Like I - that would be so cool.   Amy That would be so cool. Lianne, you're listening. Miss La Havas. Miss La Havas. Now's your chance. Call, Phoebe. Find her on the Internet. DM her. Slide in.   Amy Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. Pheebs, this was awesome.   Grace Yes, she is right. Sh-- still sucks in America, but it sucks a little less because we've talked to you. Yeah.   Phoebe Robinson No, this was great. And it's just like, you know, the world is just heavy right now. And it just seems like I don't know if you guys, but I subscribe to, like, the New York Times alert which just-   Amy I had to turn them off.   Grace Yea, you got to turn those off.   Amy I had to turn them off.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. And I think we're kind of living in a culture that's sort of like Pavlovian and sort of like that every 10 minutes. Here's some more bad news for you to read. Yeah. And so, you know, not to bring it back to my show, but, like.   Amy Everything's Trash right now. Yeah. Yeah.   Phoebe Robinson And one of the things that I love about the show is that like. You know, for me, it's so important to just see. Distinctly different Black people living their lives. Being confident, having fun. Yes, I remember. Like when Groff and I were pitching the show around and sometimes execs would be like, well, what's the hook? And I'm like, what's the hook to any of these slice of life white lady, white dude shows. It's just like they're existing and their humanity is their hook, so. And I feel like people don't think that our humanity as Black people, specifically as Black women, is enough.   Grace Yeah.   Phoebe Robinson And I'm like, it is. And so I just wanted something that was buoyant and joyful, and I just want us to feel better and laugh a little bit because we just can't live in the muck because we're all going to be depressed. We're not going to be able to change the world the way that we have the potential to.   Grace 1,000%. I mean, you got to keep your vibes high. Like, especially if you believe, you know, even a little bit in the law of attraction. We have to, like, keep ourselves up here. We have to keep vibrating on a high level so we can bring people along with us, you know, because getting dragged down into the muck is not gonna do anything for anyone. I don't know why the industry is so obsessed with, you know, high concept things because, you know, like, literally one of the most successful shows, Friends, was just like a bunch of people just hanging around in apartments. Like, yeah, so bizarre that people always want to have this hook. Yeah, why can't it just be that. You know.   Phoebe Robinson Even Ted Lasso is just a guy who's clearly on the spectrum and does not respect boundaries but wants to bring joy. Yeah, like that's the whole show. That's it.   Grace Yeah, that's it.   Amy Yeah.   Grace You know.   Amy Simple. It's a simple premise.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah.   Amy Yeah.   Phoebe Robinson Yeah. So. You deserve that, too.   Amy We deserve that, too. Yeah.   Grace And everybody, please check out her show. It is so funny.   Amy Oh, my God. It's on.   Grace It's on Freeform and then it's on Hulu right after. Right?   Phoebe Robinson Yes. It's streaming counts so please stream stream stream.   Amy Do you have anything else that you love that you want to plug? It can be something you love and not something you created, just something you're into right now.   Phoebe Robinson I really love Southside. I think it's one of the funniest shows.   Grace So funny.   Phoebe Robinson It's so funny.   Amy It's so funny.   Phoebe Robinson And I'm like, I'm like, this is a show that white people aren't going to get into. And I don't give a f--- because it's so brilliant and so fantastic. So I really love that show. Yes. And I've been rewatching I've been rewatching like romantic comedies. And oh, Amy, that book you sent? I read it. Yeah, I read it last year.   Amy Game Changer.   Phoebe Robinson Over Christmas. It's so good.   Amy It's so good.   Phoebe Robinson Um, so I like  rewatched Something's Gotta Give and I'm just like, I love a Nancy Meyers moment.   Grace Oh, that's a great one.   Phoebe Robinson I'm like here for the boug. I'm here for the, you know, linens and everything. But I just, you know, I just love that movie because I'm like, Diane Keaton is like f---ing 60 in that movie and, like, having sex. And I'm like, Yeah, this is so f---ing cool. Yes. And that that movie came out of like 2002. And I'm like, I think we kinda forget how rev-, yes. It's sort of like showing like elite coastal like coastal elites or whatever. But I'm like, this is a sixty year old woman having sex and falling in love and a guy younger than her thinking that she's sexy, like that's revolution. Yeah. And we got to honor that.   Grace Yeah.   Amy I love that. I'm going to go back through my Nancy Meyers collection and, you know, get it poppin this weekend.   Grace And where can people find you on the Internet?   Phoebe Robinson You can find me on Twitter, Instagram and TikTok at dopequeenpheebs. P-H-E-E-B-S.   Amy Thank you so much, Phoebe. We love you.   Grace We love you.   Phoebe Robinson I love you back.   Grace Bye. Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah, I'm ready.   Grace Okay. Make visible. What without you might perhaps never have been seen. And that's by Robert Bresson. I'll say it one more time. Make visible. What without you might perhaps never have been seen. Robert Bresson.   Amy Mm hmm. That's a really lovely quote. I mean, it's deep as f---, honestly, I feel like, especially with the conversation we just had with Phoebe. You, me, Phoebe here on this call and others in, like, you know, our generation of storytellers from Issa Rae to Quinta Brunson to Nicole Byer, Michelle Buteau, like we're all literally trying so hard and working so hard to make visible what without us might perhaps never be seen. And not not to say that the onus is on us because all artists are trying to do that. It's not just us. We're all trying to reflect our humanity to our viewership, our readership. And I there's part of me that, like, feels, you know, so often this industry, people are like, what's your brand? And you need to be posting and get on Instagram. And it can feel kind of icky. But I think part of that visibility like being visible, is actually just to serve that function to be visible, like thinking of the guests we've had from Alok, Tunde to Ryan O'Connell. You know, it's like people are trying to make their stories and their visibility the story.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Yeah. And so this quote is is really powerful, I think. I don't know who Robert Bresson is, but he'd be saying it. He put his foot in this quote.   Grace He put his foot up in that quote.   Amy He put his foot in this quote because he really be saying some things.   Grace He be saying the truth.   Amy Yeah. Yeah. What does that make you think of?   Grace Well, first of all, it made me think of you because I'm just your tribe writers and what you're doing with them is so special and sort of creating a space for them to take the next steps in their career. And so you are providing a place where new voices can come through, and without you, they may not have had the chance to be seen.   Amy Thank you.   Grace You're very welcome. Giving you your flowers, sis. Otherwise, it just makes me think of those that came before us too. So as a creative of color, as an immigrant, creative, as, you know, all the different identities that I am, you know, I feel like this huge responsibility to use my life to show parts of my communities that have not been seen. So by me telling my stories, hopefully that would give permission for other people to tell their stories. And that is the number one thing I kind of want to do with my career. Of course, I have ambitions for myself, but I also have grand ambitions to become a person who can help people whose voices are typically not showcased to bring forth their voices with whatever influence I am given or will be given in the future. That's a huge dream of mine. And I have this wall of legends in my apartment and I look at it all the time. We have Dorothy Dandridge, I have Eartha Kitt, I have Maya Angelou. I have all these incredible people. And I look at them often and I sort of say a silent thank you because of all of the things that they did and because they were able to put things that hadn't been seen before in the world, I am able to put things that haven't been seen in the world. And I have such a gratitude and I kind of think of all of us as artists and creatives like in a huge circle, that we are continuously moving the culture forward and moving this world forward with our work, creating things that have not been seen. And I always get so excited when I see something or a community represented. Like there's a show on Peacock called We Are Lady Parts. It's so good and it's like about a punk band of like all Muslim women. And I it's it's incredible. And I mean. Makes me grow and learn and and just also just see a community that I hadn't seen before and be able to laugh and and experience the universal emotions that come with specificity. Because as we make things specific, we begin to see that our our humanity is more interlinked than ever before. So I do think that art is such a huge gift as far as understanding other cultures and realizing that other cultures are the same as us. So thank you, Robert Bresson. That is a fire ass quote that reminds us all of the importance of making art that perhaps has never been seen before. That's what it makes me feel.   Amy You already are. You already are.   Grace Thank you, darling. Thank you. Wow. Well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like, feeling good about yourself. Please subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And look out your window and appreciate the view.   Grace As a reminder, we'll be going on hiatus for a few weeks. So please, please, please send us your antidotes and any requests for an antidote and anything you want to tell us that is bringing you joy. And we'll be back in a quick minute with new episodes on September 14. We will miss you, but please go to our social on Instagram at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's. We're going to have some fun treats while we are gone. And always, you can relisten to your favorite episodes on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be back soon.   Amy The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes Marcel Malekebu and associate producer Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producers, Erica Kraus. And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes once more, please. We're gone for a month. We will miss you. Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's, y'all.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy See you soon.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with Sasheer Zamata about matching tattoos, estate sales, and tapping into energy.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week –  flight attendants warn not to drink any water on planes, and it’s getting harder to get a passport. They also share their antidotes - giving back to the community, and going to a plant nursery. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  Art is never finished, only abandoned - Leonardo da Vinci  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Oh, my God. Can you believe it's like the most of the year's over in that crazy. Amy What's it is? Grace Most of the year is over. Amy You're right. Oh, we're in the second half - we're officially in the second half. It's my birthday month. Grace Yeah. Holla holla holla. Amy Yeah. Grace It just seems like just the other day that me, you and Iman were at that Malibu hotel, like, you know, the first day of the year. Amy Oh, my God. Grace Seems like just- Amy That was so long ago. Grace It was, but. Amy Yeah, when we went on that hike, when I pretended I was someone who hikes and then y'all were like, You want to do this again? I was like, Nah. Grace Literally, guys, this is Amy. This is Amy. I was just like, Oh my God, I need to hike more. And then Iman is just like, Yeah, I hike all the time. And Amy's just like, I don't like hiking. I loved being here with you guys. I just want you to know that I don't like what I'm doing right now.  Amy Yeah. I was like, this was fun. Never again. Love the views. Fly me there like Kylie Jenner and her jet fly me. 3 minutes to the top. Oh, let me take a look and I'll go back down. Literally nuts. And we know Beyonce finally dropped her album. I can't. Grace Yeah. Amy I can't believe we we haven't talked about it on here. Grace I mean, listen, we you know, we love it. You know we love it. I mean, the thing is, we've talked about it a lot on here. We talked about. Amy No, I can't even I don't want to cry today. Grace We talked about the vinyl like we talked about so many things already about this glorious album. And you know that the queen has gifted us with something and you know, we receive it. I mean, you know we love it. So, you know, we're going to give you a little break from the Beyonce content for a minute. Amy Literally, we're too much we're literally too much for our own friends groups. Grace I mean that we stand to heart literally in our group chat I she, she- you know how Beyonce put out that firstTikTok where she like cut together her fans dancing and singing, break my soul. Like I literally cried about it. Amy That's the level we're at, that's the key we're on. Grace That's where we are. So we're going to just leave that there. And just know that we are staning hard. Amy Yeah. So moving on, what are you up to this weekend, Grace? I'm sad. I feel like I'm not going to see you. Grace Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to get a facial. Amy Wait, what? Grace Tomorrow. A facial. Amy Wait, what? I'm going a facial tomorrow. What time is your appointment? Grace Oh, my appointment is at noon. Amy Oh, my God. I'm right before you. I'm 1030. Grace Oh, my God. We can. We can. High five in the-. Amy High five. Grace We'll, high five on your way out, my way in. In fact, I will park in that one space that they have in the back. You know what I'm saying, Like. Amy Okay, I always park on the street. I get lucky. I don't know why I always park on the street. Grace No, I always do it in the back. Amy Right in front. Like, literally, I'll be pulling up in a car pulls out, and I'm like, let me just boop boop right in there. Grace No, I do the little- Amy But I have a little car, so. Grace Yeah, yeah. You got that little baby little baby thing that can fit into a lot of places. Mine is a sedan, you know what I'm saying? Like. A sedan. Amy A full-size sedan. Grace You know. Amy A grown woman sedan. Grace A grown woman sedan. So, you know, I can't. Amy Oh my God. We're going to look so good. Grace I can't. I can't. Yeah, we're going to be, like, glowing. Like, you will leave glowing and I'm going to be all dull. And I was just like but I'll be glowing later. I'll be glowing soon. Amy I'll be glowing soon. Don't worry about me. The glow is coming. Grace It's coming. Amy Oh, my God. Grace Yeah. We have the same facialist because me and Amy are what? Gross. Like we just, we share a lot of things. Amy I prefer the word adorable. Grace Yeah, that's good. Yeah, we're pretty cute. That's what it is. Well, we wouldn't need the antidote if you didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy That's right. Starting now. Top with our bummer news of the week. Well, first up, this is so weird. As if air travel wasn't already annoying as it is. A Tiktok star named Cierra Mistt has a video that's gone viral and it's already surpassed - Hmm?   Grace Sierra Mist? Like the, like the?   Amy Like the drink from the nineties. You're correct, but her name is. C, it's spelt like Cierra. Like Cierra. Like you C-I-E-R-R-A. Actually, that's not even how Ciara spells it. It's just wrong. Yeah, this is wrong. Yeah. Her TikTok name is Cierra Mistt. Which is hilarious to me, but she has surpassed a whopping 7 million views and left viewers conflicted after she admitted why she never drinks tea or coffee on a plane. She says that you shouldn't drink coffee, tea or water on your flights because the airlines hardly ever clean the water that's used for their drinks. Yuck. And this I know to be true because I have a friend from high school who went to flight school and she said the only part of the plane that is not regulated by the TSA to clean is the ice container. So guess what they do. They don't clean it. And that is why you should never get ice in your drinks. Devastating.   Grace Devastating. I had heard about this. I had heard about this a while ago. I don't know if you told me or if someone else told me, but I'd heard. And don't get coffee or tea, don't get ice. So there has been many a time where I have just thoughtlessly ordered a cocktail on the plane and they come and they bring it with ice in it. And then I just let it sit Then they're like, did you not like it?   Amy Are you serious? You don't drink it?   Grace No. Because I remember. I remember. And then I'll be like, Oh, I. Sorry, I didn't like it. Can I actually just get a glass of wine? Because that's never with ice in it. So I have to keep remembering, reminding myself to only drink wine on the plane because there's no way there's ice in it. And I am a tea fanatic. I loved tea so much. And so I always want some tea, you know, especially if, like, there's a meal on the plane and they're bringing you like a little dessert moment. I always want, like some mint tea or something or some green tea to go with it, but I ain't doing that. They don't clean their water, so. No, thank you.   Amy Yeah. No, no, that's nasty. That's nasty. But the bummer news doesn't stop there. Okay. Do you know another travel related bit of bummer news? It's getting harder to get a passport these days.   Grace And why is that?   Amy Basically, the price to get or renew a passport has gone up as of January of this past year. A first time adult passport now costs a total of $165, including the $35 acceptance fee. A renewed adult passport costs $130 and a passport for a minor cost, a total of 135. It's an increase of $20 from 2021. Like it's gone up 20 bucks in a year. It's going to skyrocket. And this makes me mad because the wait time to get a passport is already long, it's already been bad, and Americans are so under traveled. In fact, Americans don't travel enough. It's something like there's an organization called YouGov, which is a UK based international research data group, and they said that only a third of American adults, about 37%, actually have valid, unexpired U.S. passports. So we're not well traveled as it is. And I know for an opinion that the more you travel and the more you immerse yourself in other cultures, the more you become like a citizen of the world and become open minded and not as closed minded. So I feel like if it's hard to travel, it's going to make Americans more prone to stay uncultured and a little ignorant. Which makes me sad.   Grace Well, I mean, I just want to holler at Joe Byron.   Amy I mean, Biden is trying. Okay? He signed an executive order in December. We saw this- mandating the creation of an online passport renewal system. But, you know, it's not up and running yet. It should be by the end of the year. But he's trying.   Grace Yeah, he is trying. And, you know, we make fun of him, but honestly, he's who we got. And I'm really happy that January six did not take like.   Amy Oh, god, that got dark for me.   Grace I know, you know. But, you know, it could have gone a different way that day. Thank God it didn't and that Joe Biden is our president. So we will give him credit where credit is due. He's trying to fix this. So hopefully he can soon. To be honest. You know, when I hear $20, I'm just like, if I'm being real, I'm just like a ticket for a plane. Costs so much more to go overseas than the $20 difference. But I do agree that, you know, we should be trying to make a passport as accessible as possible. I think that, you know, I'm even thinking about school and stuff like, you know, encouraging kids to go get their passport and like be curious about other lands. Because I do think that travel, if you can afford it, is such an enriching thing in my life. I mean, all the trips that I've taken have taught me so much about myself and my abilities. And traveling by myself has been always very moving. So I hope that people are still able to go through all the rigmarole of getting their passports, because I really do think it is worth it. In the end, we need to make passports more accessible to more people.   Amy I need Joe Biden to figure that out because he ain't figure much out. I don't mean to be critical of that man. He very old. He's trying to put one foot in front of the other.   Grace He's just trying. Like also, I feel like the things that the Democrats and Joe Biden are doing, like they just need to get better at messaging and letting people know what they actually are doing because they have done some stuff. It's just, you know, the Republicans are really good at messaging and us liberals are not.   Amy They sure are.   Grace Yeah. We got to-   Amy Oh, my gosh. Oh, man. Thinking about politics makes me feel not so great. How do you feel, Grace?   Grace Not great either.   Amy I honestly feel like I want to take a trip after hearing this- out of America. But can I get a passport in time? We don't know.   Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. Tell me, Grace, what was your antidote this week?   Grace Well, my antidote so was I gave a little talk, a little, little question answer segment at this amazing organization called Black Girl Film School this week.   Amy Oh, cool.   Grace And it was so nice. It's my friend Jada who actually runs the organization, and I'm so proud of her. Yeah, I went to film school with her, you know, back in the day. So their mission statement is the mission of Black Girl Film School is to increase the number of Black women working and leading in the film, TV and media industries by designing inclusive learning experience for girls 13 to 17 to learn filmmaking and technical skills from behind the camera. So of course, like I saw her at an event recently and I literally she did not ask me. She, I was just like, hey, you know, if you want me to talk, I could talk. I was just like-   Amy Oh, my God, this is incredible.   Grace Yeah. I'm so inspired by what she's done that I like, literally just offered myself up because I was just like, there is of course, I am very personally interested in having more young women realize that this is a career path and that there's so many paths like they teach the kids about editing, cinematography, like all aspects of filmmaking. So, you know. Right. And early so that they can, you know, maybe choose to go to college for that or at least sort of keep up their film education in college. And they they just get to explore that. And we talked about my episode in the last season of Insecure Episode 506, and it was cute. They picked two scenes that they wanted me to talk about and it was just so nice to hear their, like, young, sweet little voices like. So it really just lit up my day to, to know that this organization is a thing and that they're Black women, young Black women who are curious about our industry and knowing that it can provide opportunities for them to express their stories some day. So it was just a really lovely afternoon to chatting with those young queens. So that was definitely my antidote this week.   Amy I love that. Oh my God, I want to get involved. I'm going to donate.   Grace I'm sure Jada would love for you to come speak to them as well.   Amy Of course, anytime.   Grace So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy While you were spending time molding young minds. And I was spending time also at a nursery.   Grace Nursery?   Amy I'm trying to make a segway. I'm sorry. You were- these children are aged. I know. It was not a good segway. All I'm saying is I went to a nursery.   Grace Oh, so you are molding young plants.   Amy So you were at a school. Okay, I'll say you were helping people at a school, and I was helping at another school, a nursery. And it was a nursery, a wholesale nursery filled with plants. This is not a great segway. I'm sorry. It was very clunky. My antidote this week was going to a nursery and it was going plant shopping with my florist friend, Brooke. Brooke Wetzel. You can find her on Instagram at ThePlumDahlia. She I've spoken about her so many times. Exactly. She always fits out my house with really great flowers. She got me into my flower arranging hobby. She she dumps flowers on my porch. And I arrange them. And it's like literally the best part of my week. Like every couple of weeks she does this. So I went strolling through this nursery, looking at plants, and it was really relaxing. It was very hot because it was a fully outdoor nursery and it was huge. It like spans like a block and we literally walked almost the whole way. It had to be like half a mile the length of this nursery. I really love plants, but I'm very like not good at high maintenance plants. So getting some that go outdoors that I can just have something nice to look at when I look out my window was really the priority for me, so I'm looking forward to when they get delivered. It'll probably be next week because we got to find parts for these plants. Looking forward to it.   Grace Yeah, I love plants shopping because like it feels like a little bit of decor because, you know, I. I moved into a new apartment during 2020. It was, like, my pandemic hobby. And then for months, I was just having so much fun, like, decorating everything, but, like, now I'm done, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah, it's always fun when you can, like, add a little bit of decor because, you know, you need to.   Amy Yeah. Spice it up. Yeah. So I'm excited. I'm excited for that. And once I get it poppin, once I get my plant party poppin, I will invite you over so you can see the new patio.   Grace Yea, we'll meet your new children.   Amy Yes, yes. That's what I should have said. We were both helping children. You real ones. Me plant ones.   Grace Plant babies. Yeah.   Amy Exactly. Well, anyway, we'll be back after the break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Well, our guest today is a hilarious, stunning actor, podcaster, comedian and writer who has made you laugh on Saturday Night Live, Woke, and Home Economics just to name a few. She also voices some of your favorite animated baddies on shows like Tuca and Bertie and the upcoming Marvel series Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur. She believes in the healing power of Christmas and really thinks it's time for everyone to get on board with bidets. Please welcome the incredible Sasheer Zamata.   Sasheer Zamata Yay. Hey, thank you.   Amy Well, this year you are very, very, very impressive. Okay. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many accomplishments, okay? We're here to get deep.   Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? For real? Like, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you or is there anything bringing you joy today?   Sasheer Zamata I feel like. Good. I'm like in a general lackadaisical, chill mode right now.   Amy Ooh, nice.   Sasheer Zamata I go back to shooting home economics at the end of the month. And I've just had kind of a month to do nothing. And I really have been doing nothing, and it's nice.   Grace Teach me your ways.   Amy That's nice. Yeah. We never get to do nothing. Tell us what that's like. Like tell us the nothings that you do, please. In the morning, you wake up and sit?   Sasheer Zamata Yeah. Yeah. I've been sitting. I've been sitting in my bed for a long time.   Grace Yeah, Amy really needs to know, because nothing is not something that she's ever done.   Amy I don't know what that is. But I'm obsessed with it. I'm not even jealous. I'm just happy another Black woman gets to experience it. I'm just thrilled.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah. Like, yeah. I mean, I am trying to remind myself it's okay to do this because of course there's the voice in my head that's like, you should be digging up space somewhere. You should be doing a thing, writing a thing, creating a thing. Why are you using valuable time? Just like, chill, but it's like already spent time doing that earlier. And I'm going to keep doing that later.   Grace You're going to keep doing it later.   Sasheer Zamata It's okay.   Grace Yeah, it's really okay.   Amy Exactly, yeah. You're literally on multiple shows on television at any given moment. You're allowed to sit down.   Grace Yeah, yeah. I'm like, Yeah, it's so important to decompress and have those moments because yeah. You about, you about to have a busy rest of your year shooting your show.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, exactly.   Amy Well, let's keep those good vibes going. Okay, we need that right now. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So tell us, what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Sasheer Zamata Um. I was told by a clairvoyant that I need to dig deeper into the moon and. I already knew that because I have a planner that literally tells me what the moon's doing every single day and what you could be doing to tap into that energy. And I have a moon phase book on my coffee table. I have the moon calendar app on my phone. So I've already been called to the moon in different ways. And then someone was like, you needed to actually dig deeper. And I was like, okay, you're I believe you. And yeah, I just been like getting a lot of joy and all kinds of emotions from the moon in general and just excited to, like, know more about it.   Amy Okay, wait, so this is now moon talk with Sasheer Zamata because I'm like, please explain what this moon journalist is telling you to do.   Grace Yea, I'm so curious. Yes.   Amy What does it mean to get deeper into the moon?   Sasheer Zamata I mean, there's a lot it's like dense, which is why I haven't gotten.   Amy We got time, girl. We got- you here to talk so talk.   Sasheer Zamata But it's like why I haven't gotten that deep into it because here we have it next to me like this book. This book tells you, like, what plants to plant if you want like.   Amy Like if you want healing from the moon? Is that?   Sasheer Zamata Healing from the moon. Or it'll be like if the moon's in a fire sign today, maybe you should be exercising. Or if it's like in a water sign, maybe you need to relax more. And then you can also even go according to your personal signs and see, like, what you need personally from the moon, huh? Yeah. I took a moon class.   Amy Wait, wait. Where did you take a moon class?   Grace In Los Angeles, I assume in Los Angeles.   Sasheer Zamata Of course.   Amy Of course. What was the moon class and also who was teaching it? I need to know. An astronaut? No.   Sasheer Zamata An astronaut? Of course not an astronaut.   Amy No, no, no. It's like Chani Nichols or someone, right?   Sasheer Zamata Yeah. It was someone. An astrologer, astronomy person. It was during lockdown. So I did it from my home, vi Zoom and same same deal. Just like what the moon does, what you could be using it for. And it's actually wild because while I took that class, I was looking for a house to buy and the teacher was like at the end of class, like, is anyone going through something big right now? And they want to know what the moon's doing? And I was like, I'm actually house hunting right now. And she like, you know, did some stuff on her computer and she was like, Oh, it looks like a Taurus Moon is actually the perfect time to buy a house because it's like being grounded and rooted, putting roots down. And she's like, There's going to be a Taurs Moon this Friday, I was like, Okay, cool. So by this Friday I'm going to get a house. Cool. And at that time I had already put an offer in for a house I put in the highest bid. The listing agent called all the cash offers and asked if they would match my number. Someone did so. So the house went away. I mourned it for two weeks. It was sad. I was like, I guess let's keep looking so that the class I took was on a Monday. I was going see a house on Wednesday and I was like, Maybe this house I'm going to see on Wednesday will be the house. And then I get a phone call before I see the house. It's like that house that you had initially put an offer on, the cash offer fell through.   Amy Oh, my God.   Sasheer Zamata You're next in line if you want to, it's yours.   Amy But you got to come on Friday.   Sasheer Zamata I mean, we we did. We were we started the process on Friday.   Grace Oh, my God.   Grace And I am currently sitting in my house.   Amy Wow, guys, and the house is beautiful. Like, I see. What? I see.   Grace Paneling. Pink walls.    Amy I see sconces like literally the house is gorgeous. So you won.   Grace I see a raffia furniture. It's very lovely. And it came on Friday like the lady said.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, the moon helped me get this house.   Amy And you're the voice of Moon Girl in Devil Dinosaur. No wonder you're like you are. You are a moon girl.   Grace You're a moon girl.   Sasheer Zamata I mean, yeah, I am the mother of Moon Girl. Moon Girl is played by Diamond White and I play her mother and it's such a cool show. I'm so excited to be a part of it.   Amy I'm really excited about it. I read the book. The comic books. Yeah.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, yeah. I would have loved to have had a show like this when I was a kid.   Grace Oh, yeah. I think about that all the time. Like all the shows that are coming out now that I would have loved to have. Also, I looked at the IMDB. The cast is incredible. It's like Laurence Fishburne and folks like that.   Sasheer Zamata Jermaine Fowler, Gary Anthony Williams, Alfre Woodward.   Amy Is he your husband? I don't know why I asked that.   Sasheer Zamata Jermaine's my husband. Yes. Yes.   Amy I just wanted to know because he's real cute.   Sasheer Zamata He's real cute.   Grace Well, you got to wait till the moon is ripe, Amy, and then you can go find him.   Amy Oh wait. I'm going to shoot my shot right now. Yeah. Let me wait till the moon says so, okay.   Sasheer Zamata But yeah, I love seeing a Black cartoon family and then like a teenage Black superhero. And we run a roller skating rink in New York City. Which is, like, very cool.   Amy It's like, made for you because you skate.   Sasheer Zamata It really is. It really feels like they just, like, found a Venn diagram of everything I like. And now it's like, a perfect circle.   Amy Yeah.   Sasheer Zamata It's. It's truly for me.   Amy That's so exciting to have those opportunities come your way where you're like, Well, mine to lose. Like, this is for me.   Sasheer Zamata Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I feel so, like, honored to be a part of it and and glad that I can bring the story to people.   Grace So speaking of skating, I you know, we are both friends with the lovely Nicole Byer. And I know that you guys had a skate gang during the pandemic.   Sasheer Zamata Skate gang.   Grace Pandemonium. I mean.   Sasheer Zamata We were full gang.   Grace It's still the pandemonium. We we I have to acknowledge that the pandemonium is still going on. But do you still skate at all outdoors?   Sasheer Zamata Not really. Yeah. So since things have opened back up, everyone got busy, thank goodness.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. All y'all working hard.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, yeah. But yeah, there was a nice, beautiful moment in time where we had Tuesdays available and like every Tuesday at 6 p.m., we would go to the park and roller skate and I felt like being a kid. It was just like like we were literally playing outside. It was so fun. I remember  telling Nicole. I was like, This is a really beautiful thing you put together. Like, you didn't have to do this. She just like texted so many random friends and was like, Do you want to skate? And then we all said, yes. And now I have like new friends I didn't know before. And she was like, Yeah, I didn't know I was going to do that, but I'm glad people said, Yeah, yeah, it's very cool. And we still text each other and we still like talk about skating, but we just haven't met up in a very long time. Maybe one day, we'll figure it out.   Amy Yeah. It's like an old improv troupe.   Sasheer Zamata Absolutely. Yes.   Amy Well, we're all on a text thread.   Grace Well, you know, I'm sure that you and Nicole be best friends until you're old and gray. So maybe. You can do it like after you retire or just reconstitute skate gang. Just a bunch of cute old ladies skating in the park. That is very adorable.   Sasheer Zamata Aww. That's very it's a great idea. It'll be our modern version of, like, walking through the mall.   Grace Yeah, yeah.   Sasheer Zamata Skating in the park.   Amy All these kids are terrified of you. They're like, here come the grannies like I can't stop.   Grace Oh, I got to skate with my walker.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah. Nicole's great at picking activities and forcing me to do them.   Grace Oh, yeah. Poling, too, right?   Sasheer Zamata Pole dancing. Yeah, we were doing that for like two years and she didn't ever stop. She now has two poles at her house and she's just like, she's great. I mean, I was good by the time I stopped, but I haven't done it since the pandemic started, so I'm a little rusty. But yeah, Nicole is dedicated.   Amy You need that friend. Like Grace is that friends to me, we went and got aura photography done and like literally we went and got our auras photographed and we learned about our auras and it's something I would not have done. I'd heard of it. But you need that friend who's just like, just do it. Come on, let's do it. Yeah.   Grace And then we found out that. That we have similar colors and our auras.   Amy Surprise, surprise.   Grace Yeah. So, yeah, we like. I got it done with my friend back in New York years ago and the person there said, Oh, friends often have similar aura colors. And I was like, that's like, I don't know, maybe me and Amy won't have similar color. But then we did.   Amy What? Of course we did.   Sasheer Zamata  What would have happened if you guys had opposites?   Amy She would have ended the friendship.   Grace I should have never been friends with her. I would have just been like, You know what, cancel the podcast.   Amy You got to go our auras aren't compatible.   Grace So sorry.   Amy That would have made me so sad. I always wonder because you know, people read like astrology and stuff and you hear about compatible signs. I always wonder if someone would ever just like literally end a relationship because it said that their signs were not compatible. I've always been like.   Sasheer Zamata I mean, I just literally saw an Instagram video where some lady was like, I would rather sweep the ocean floor than ever date an aries are like people like, Oh, they automatically write people off.   Amy Oh, Sasheer.   Sasheer Zamata Oh, no.   Grace I mean, you know, there's, there's, there's things about us that are.   Amy And also people be saying that about Virgos, too. I'm a lot I get it.   Sasheer Zamata I think that every sign, of course there's bad qualities about people. And people have signs like it just- this person cut me off. They must be a cancer, you know, like it doesn't matter.   Grace Yeah. And then also I feel like if you really like the person you just sort of because I like, I think I'm very incompatible with like Leos or some sh--. And then I remember I was dating one and I was just like, Well, that doesn't have to mean that we're not compatible. I think it's all malleable. So whatever you decide to, to what meaning you decide to give it.   Amy Yeah, yeah. You got it. You got try it.   Sasheer Zamata I dated a Virgo, and after we broke up, I just wanted to, like, check on him to make sure he was okay, but I didn't want to talk to him, so I'd read his horoscope. Like, for him to be like, how is he doing it? What is the unvierse saying right now. Yeah.   Amy I'm going to say thank you on behalf of him because I'm a Virgo and I want someone to check on me sometimes. I'm channeling my emotions into making lists and critiquing others, but really, I'm hurting. Okay. Okay, I'm hurting. I want to hear about the matching tattoo you have with your bestie, Nicole.   Sasheer Zamata Oh, yes. Yeah, Nicole and I both have. Good night world tattooed on us. Mine's on my calf. Hers is on her tricep. And there was like maybe, let's see, maybe six years where we didn't live in the same city. She was in L.A.. I was in New York and. We met in New York and she left. And it was very devastating to both of us. And so we would call each other on the phone. Every night. And talk to each other for hours. And at the end of our conversations, we'd be like, okay, goodnight world. Goodnight, Sasheer. Good night world. Good night, Nicole.   Amy Oh, my God.   Sasheer Zamata And then we were in Austin at the same time together. And so we just went into a random tattoo shop and got Goodnight World tattooed on us and also then stopped saying that to each other completely after we got the tattoo.   Amy I love that you're like that chapter is over.   Sasheer Zamata And now that's done. It's an incident time we don't need. Say it again. I got a tattoo recently with Nicole. It wasn't a matching tattoo, but we both got tattoos at the same time. It's been years since the last time I got a tattoo and I forgot how painful they were. And I've got this Wicker Peacock chair tattooed on me, which I love chairs in general.   Amy I love chairs. I love that as a personality trait. Oh, you know, Sasheer, that chair lover.   Sasheer Zamata It really is a personality trait for people who listen to the podcast will like send me a DM me pictures of chairs, which I love. It's welcome. I love that.   Grace Is there a particular kind of chairs that your favorite kind of chair like? Are you a couch person? Do you like a high stool? Do you like a accent chair? Like what? What kind of chairs?   Amy An ottoman? A futon. A chair and a half.   Sasheer Zamata These are great questions. I own all of these. I love a day bed, which is not exactly chair, but I have multiple. I have three in my home currently.   Grace It's for lounging.   Sasheer Zamata I love to fully spread out. Fully lounge. Yes, but the tattoo I have is a peacock chair and that's the first chair I bought with my own money, like when I was in college. I felt very proud of that and also just feels very like Afrocentric and seventies, which I love, but I forgot how many lines it has, like as a picture. So when she started tattooing me, I was like, Oh my God, what did I do to myself? This is going to be forever and so painful. Just like a million tiny lines going back and forth just to get all the details. Looks beautiful. But I was like, Oh no.   Grace Oh, no. Oh, no.   Amy No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.   Grace I feel like that's what that would be, me getting a tattoo. I'd be like, Ow. Ow. Okay. Are you done? No. Oh, ow.   Amy We've just begun. Wait. So tell us more about your love of crystals, because you've taught me a lot about moons, and I know that Jade is really healing and that you really like Jade. So I just want to hear some some crystal talk. Yes.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, I like Jade. I have one by my bed. I would encourage you to do the same thing.   Amy It's the green one. I have a little green jade stone by my bed as well. I don't know why. Tell me what it means. I just did it because someone told me to. What do I have to?   Sasheer Zamata I mean same. Same. Someone said it. It sounded nice. And now I do it. I can't remember all the qualities of Jade. But I do know that it does help you dream. And I love dreaming. And I have had very vivid dreams since I was like a pre-teen. And sometimes they reflect something that's going on in my subconscious or something that might be bothering me. Sometimes they're a little prophetic and might tell me like, what might happen. Yeah. And I feel like just like rubbing the jade a little bit and being like, tonight I'm going to dream about something will help that.   Grace Yeah. You know, I kind of got into crystals a bit. My friend Azie Dungey. Hi, Azie. I used to work with her on Kimmy Schmidt, and the offices of Kimmy Schmidt were in Greenpoint and they had like this crystal shop around the corner. So a lot of times we were like during lunch, like after we finished lunch we would just go and like Azie knows a ton about crystals. So I have so many crystals from that time because like Azie'd be like you need this one or like she would tell me about the different properties of the different ones. And my brother actually is super into crystals too. He like, oh, he has like amulets and stuff that he wears around his neck or he keeps certain things in his pockets for protection. And yeah, I really do believe that, you know, the earth like where they get the crystals from, they have a positive or negative charge. And I think I think it can help even if it's just like mind over matter. I like having them around me.   Amy Yeah, yeah.   Sasheer Zamata I think with all this stuff, it's like it may be bullsh--. I don't know. But if I feel like I'm putting my intentions in the right spot, I think it does help. Like, I feel like if I believe this is helping me, it's going to help. So, yeah, I may as well just do it.   Amy Well, you know what? Sasheer, we feel so much better now that we've talked to you. This has been wonderful.   Sasheer Zamata Oh, good. It's making me feel good, too.   Grace Yes. The world is still the worlding. 2022 is still 2020ing. But it sucks a little less because we talked to you.   Amy Yes. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you love that you didn't work on.   Sasheer Zamata Home Economics season three is going to happen sometime this fall. Yeah, and you can watch Woke on Hulu and Moon Girl Devil Dinosaur is coming out sometime next year. And I'm in Tuca and Bertie, season three. It's out right now.   Amy Nice.   Sasheer Zamata You can watch that on adult swim and then HBO Max. And I just started reading bell hooks all about love. And that is nice.   Amy Me too. It's, like, queued up on my. I haven't started it yet, but I just downloaded it, like, three days ago. So.   Sasheer Zamata Yeah, it's I'm like, I also just started it. But, you know, the intro, it's very intriguing, the idea that we're kind of in a state of being where people are cynical about love in general and it's like cool to not think that love is important and it actually is very important. And then there's also just like many kinds of love. Isn't that just like romantic love is the most important. We got to remember about friendship and family, etc.. So yeah, I would, I would tell you to read that.   Amy And where can people find you on the internet?   Sasheer Zamata Um, my website's sasheer.com. I will post like live shows and other things there. And my Twitter, instagram is at thesheertruth and I'm on Tik Tok for some reason and it's just Sasheer Zamata. I don't postmuch. I just post like my standup videos.   Amy I'm going on it.   Sasheer Zamata But yeah, they are there if you want to watch them.   Amy Great. I do. Thank you. Thank you so much, Sasheer. This has been awesome.   Grace Thank you.   Sasheer Zamata Yes, thank you for having me. It's so great to talk to you guys.   Amy Bye.   Grace Bye. Okay to close this out. We are doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yes, I am.   Grace All right. Here we go. "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Leonardo da Vinci.   Amy Great quote. I started kind of I already was kind of finishing it in my head because in film school, our professors used to say that a good script is never finished, only abandoned. And to me, what that means is, like sometimes as an artist, you just have to step away. Like, you're always going to want to make alterations or little edits or micro like changes. And yet because you want to continually improve it and every day you live your life, you actually become a better artist because by living you become a better artist. And so you're always going to want to make changes, but eventually you just have to stop. And not so much call it finish, but it is complete. I mean, and also to hear this coming from a man like Leonardo da Vinci, like didn't he do Mona Lisa? Didn't he do The Last Supper? Like they some of the paintings in life that I celebrated is the best art of all time, at least the best white art. We don't know all Black art. Most of it is like under the rocks and has been stolen, but like literally some of the best white art of all time. And even he had to just step away. He had to say, it's. It's finished. I'm done.   Grace Yeah. And then, you know, he he abandoned it. And it was so good that Beyoncé and Jay-Z did a video in front of it, you know?   Amy Right. Right. And he probably if he were alive today, he'd be like, why are they in front of my ruined my my art piece that is so ugly? Like, he wouldn't even be appreciative because great artists want to keep on tinkering, but you really do have to abandon it to get to a place where the world can appreciate and joy, absorb and experience it. That's what it is to be an artist, to abandon your work to the world. What does the quote make you think?   Grace Similarly, as I've thought about it, because I was just thinking about all my old scripts, you know, like all my old scripts from the first one I wrote about a celebrity like a dog walker that wants to become a celebrity, too. You know, the last one I wrote, which is probably my pilot that I'm developing right now. So I feel like, yeah, you can always go back. When you go back and you look at those early attempts, you're just like, Wow, this could use a whole lot more work and you could potentially go back and do it. But you're just like, No, I am on to the next. I'm on to a new challenge. I am on to a new thing because the work can always evolve. It's sort of like being human. Like you, your work lives in a way, as has your characters have their own life and they have their own thing. And there's always more that you can evolve into. So it's always challenging as a writer to know when you're done. Sometimes the script that you are working on is just never going to get to the level that you wanted to be. But you are still sitting and dreaming and imagining and feeling like, okay, if I just keep working on it, then maybe someday I'll figure out how to like close this story whole or like make this character make sense. But sometimes you just can't. So it's sort of like it reminds me of the the struggle of, like, figuring out what to abandon and what not to abandon. Because sometimes when I talk to, like my mentees or people who seek advice from me about like breaking into writing, sometimes somebody will come to me and they'll be like, I have ten scripts and I'm just like, No. Like, you know, say.   Amy You probably have half of one..   Grace You know, so maybe they need to work on one of those scripts longer and to keep refining it and making it the best they could be. Or maybe that one idea needed to be abandoned and go on to the next one. So I think that it's that's the challenge of being an artist. You have to figure out like, when is it truly done? Like, when does it feel truly done? I think the thing is, is that your ideas, even if you have an idea from the past, sometimes you're just like, oh, I could spend time doing this. But I think that my taste and everything has sort of evolved. So you need to let that evolution happen, like you said earlier, that you need to abandon things either to put them out into the world or just realize that that idea that you had ten years ago probably no longer works in the current iteration of you as an artist. So that's what it made me think. Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How bout you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me at AmyAniboi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy You know, and go jump in that pool. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes Marcel Malekebu and associate producer Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Mariannne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Too-da-loo.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian and writer Michelle Buteau about balance, blunt honesty, and the power of no. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week - thousands of beagles who had to be rescued from a laboratory in Virginia, and Desus and Mero’s breakup. They also share their antidotes: stand-up shows, and making matcha in the afternoon.  This week’s Creative Tap-In: “Don’t wait for inspiration. It comes while working." - Henri Matisse OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi everyone. Welcome back to another week of The Antidote. We are here once again. Amy Oh, I like that sing-song. That was nice. Grace Ant-ti-dote. You know what? I'm feeling the spirit of Beyoncé coursing through my veins. Everything feels very sing song-y. Everything feels very new, real. She is edging us right now. At this point, she is keeping us, like, excited enough, but not given us the whole thing. So the Queen has dropped a couple of a little, you know, scoches of things. So she gave us a reel. Did you see that reel, Amy? Amy I loved that it. I loved it. And I'm like, Beyonce's doing reels now. I mean, she's been doing videos and reels, but like this one felt different. I don't know why. Why did it feel different? Grace I don't know. Maybe it's on her TikTok, too, because, you know, Beyoncé now has a TikTok. But Beyonce, um, are you going to singlehandedly bring back f---ing vinyl? Because I haven't thought about it in a while. Amy Vinyl is back. Grace And I feel like when, you know, you and I were, you know, in our twenties, vinyl had sort of made like a kind of a comeback or whatever. Like the hipsters were super into vinyl. Amy Everybody had from Urban Outfitters. They were selling that little I can't remember the brand, but there was like a little record player that everybody was getting from Urban Outfitters that wasn't very good, but everybody had one. Grace Yeah. But like, that was a moment. That was a moment. But I feel like, you know, we move past that moment. We're just like we don't even have to do any kind of physical media. It's all streaming, you know, it's all Spotify, it's all Apple. So now Beyonce has given us album covers. I'm just like, oh, am I going, I'm going to buy a record player? I think I think I would. But yeah, I mean she might legit bring back, Beyonce might legit bring back vinyl and I live. Amy I know pure slash honey going to be sexy and you know Virgo's Groove is what I'm going to listen to. I bet it's going to be really, really methodic, like a real harsh metronome beat coming and staying on tempo, not speeding up, not slowing down. I'm here for Virgo's Groove. It's going to be a perfect song. Grace I can't wait. I mean, why is it not July 29? Like, why is it not? You know what I'm saying? Amy It's so close. It's so close. Grace Alright. Well, I guess the joy has to be put on pause for just a moment, because, you know, we wouldn't need an antidote if we didn't have something to get an antidote from.   Amy We're starting now up top with our bummer news of the week. So, Grace, did you hear the story that there are thousands of beagles like the dog that are looking for homes after being rescued?   Grace You mean like Snoopy? Charlie Brown's dog?   Amy Yeah. Yeah. That's Charlie Brown's dog, yeah. There's a facility based in Virginia called Envigo, which breeds beagles for pharmaceutical research and testing. And at least two reports revealed that the facility, quote, "performed unnecessarily painful medical procedures on dogs and puppies." So 4000 beagles were rescued and now are in need of a home. Different rescues across the country are working on rehoming the dogs, shipping them in vans across the country. And it costs a lot of money and they'll have to take 5 to 6 trips because there's so many dogs. And they said the estimated costs of taking care of these dogs to get them back to health ranges from 275 to $700 per dog. I am not much of like a pet owner slash lover, but to me I feel sorry for these beagles and if I could, I would adopt a beagle. I don't think I have the capacity to care, take care of a beagle like that because I travel a lot. My home has a white couch, but I do feel for these little dogs. They didn't ask for this.   Grace I would not be surprised if they were able to rehome all of those dogs because I feel like there are enough people, because people sometimes like to have more than one dog and there's a lot of dog lovers out there. So I'm just going to try to be optimistic and hope that people will step up to the plate and take care of these little babies.    Amy Yeah, I hope it's okay. And I hope that just like your cat found a family that loves it, I hope that someone finds, houses this dog. So if you guys and gals want dogs, you know, just search Beagles Virginia adoption. I'm sure it'll come up, but that's not all the bummer news we have second round of bummer news is that late night talk show hosts Desus and Mero announced that they're breaking up even though the news is broken by a Bodega Boys fan account. It was announced on the show's official Twitter account that the duo, quote, "will be pursuing separate creative endeavors moving forward," end quote. And that "Desus and Mero" the show that was on Showtime would not be returning. That's right Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are breaking up and the fourth season of the show just aired. And they've, like, interviewed, like the president and like Yo-Yo Ma and like, all these incredible people. And I'm like, oh, no. I have to say, I think it was bummer news for me because I always get sad when like, famous duos split up. Like, I always assume that they're like actually friends IRL. And I'm like, when they end up breaking up, I'm like, no. Like if Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were like this, we're announcing the end of our friendship. I would perish. I wouldn't be able to handle it. So seeing the possible fallout makes me sad.   Grace Yeah. I mean, I've had a lot of situations where friends, family members, celebrities that I've known or whatever. There's just stuff going on that you just don't know about and that we never truly know anyway. Sometimes you don't even truly know your friends. Your friends have sh-- going on that you have no idea about, so much less like someone that you don't know at all. I'm just like, Oh yeah, I hope they're okay, but and I wish both of them the best in their separate creative endeavors. But I'm always kind of like, yeah, something obviously was going on that we didn't have any idea about and they got to deal with that. They got to handle that behind the scenes, I guess, but I don't ever feel like connected to it at all because I'm just kind of like, Yeah, people hide things. People are different in public and private.   Amy What are you hiding, Grace? What are you hiding?   Grace You don't know, you know what I'm saying? It could be anything.   Amy It wouldn't be hidden if I knew.   Grace I mean that's what I'm saying.   Amy Oh my god, she's got secrets, guys, listeners.   Grace I could have a double life, Amy. I could have a full family in Mexico.   Amy Grace has another podcast.   Grace I'm moonlighting. I have another podcast.   Amy She's hosting a podcast in Mexico. Oh, my God. But you bring up a good point. Like, you could never assume someone's public persona is the private or real story. I do think that's like Instagram isn't telling the truth. I think that's something nice to remember because I've I've been surprised by, like, friends' divorces or like things like that. I'm like, what? But y'all look so happy in the pics and it's like, Yeah, that's not the whole story. They're real people going through sh--.   Grace Yeah. Human beings are complicated. Like you have no idea, like why they just choose chose to do it. It could be, you know, that they're beefin or could just be like, you know what? We're done with this and we each have creative ways that we want to express ourselves separately. This could be just like we get to see cool new things from both of these guys. So I'm looking forward to see what they bring and if and if they did have some sort of falling out, I hope for their previous friendship that they they fix it.   Amy I like that take if they're strong together, maybe they're even stronger apart, and we'll see even more art and more comedy.   Grace Yeah.   Amy And hopefully they squash that beef.   Grace Hopefully they squash that beef.   Amy Yeah. How do you feel after talking about the bummer news today, Grace?   Grace Oh, sad. I don't like that dogs are are being used for pharmaceutical research or that Desus and Mero.   Amy That's literally wild.   Grace Might be sad. I don't like it. I, yeah. So I don't feel the best. How about you, Amy?   Amy I've seen better days.   Grace Okay, well, let's get into this antidote then.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well, I was like last night. I was like, Oh man. Like I had like a long ish day. And so I was just like, You know what? I want to really, really laugh right now. And as we know, I've expressed before that I really, really, really love, love, love, love, love, love, stand up. And so I watched two stand up specials back to back. You know, I had my little cannabis soda and so it was even funnier to me, to be honest.   Amy So now it's funnier.   Grace Yes, even funnier to me. And so the two specials I watch, one by Taylor Tomlinson and it's called Look at You, which was taped this year.   Amy I actually don't know that comic. Let me look them up.   Grace Oh, she's so funny. She's like young. She's in her twenties, but she's been doing stand up for a long time and she's so good at it. So she talked a lot about, like, mental illness, like her mom passing away like like heavy topics. But she still managed to make them so funny, so sweet and relatable. And then I was going to stop. But then Netflix was just like, Hey, bitch, you watched this one. Don't you want to watch another standup comedy special? And I was on the couch and I was like, I might. And so they directed me to a special I had already seen, which is Leslie Jones's Time Machine special, which I watched. It came out in 2020. So I was watching a lot of standup in 2020 because I'm just like, please, please make me feel good, like Halle Berry in that movie.   Amy Yea, someone please.   Grace Make me feel good. Please. Because, you know, we were in the midst of a nightmare, so we were just kind of going through it. So I watched it back then and I was dying, laughing again. Like, sometimes her delivery is like a very like yell-y, but I don't know, it kind of works for her. And so basically the whole like special was about different ages that she had been through. So I think she starts out like near the beginning, like her being in a club and somebody saying that Prince is coming. And so she got really excited. She wanted to f--- with, she wanted to have sex with Prince. And so she's just like, how do I out hoes these other hoes? And so she talks about, okay, I know what I'm about to do. So she gets herself like a Sade ponytail.   Amy Oh, my God.   Amy She gets herself a Sade ponytail. And then she sees Prince. Prince comes in and supposedly had his booty cut out. You know how Prince used to have the booty cut outs and stuff like that?   Amy Yes. Uh, an androgynous king.   Grace Yes. And so.   Amy Like, look at me.   Grace He's looking good. And so she was just like, okay, how how can I out hoe these hoes? And so she started dancing and whipping that ponytail around, girl. The ponytail came off and Prince saw it.   Amy Oh, no. I knew that's where this was going.   Grace And then.   Amy I'm like, you can't slap on a ponytail and then go to the club. Like, you're going to be dancing all hard.   Grace And then she was like, yeah, but then I went over to the bouncer in VIP and I was like, But can I get my ponytail though? It's just really amazing to see this woman just. And at one point, it was so adorable. She was laughing at herself and she was just like, This is so fun.   Amy Oh, that's so sweet. You know, it's funny because of SNL, I kind of forget that. I forgot that Leslie Jones did standup first, but that she that's how she got to SNL, in my mind. She does sketch, you know, and and and as an actor. And I love seeing that when people return to their roots, like when they're like, I remember the thing that gave me the joy for this. So I love that there's a moment in there where she's like, This is so fun. That to me is like the joy of seeing someone do the thing that made them love what they do.   Grace Yeah,.   Amy That's cool.   Grace And like, so there was that moment. And then in Taylor Tomlinson's, she says that she makes a lot of jokes about her dead mom. And she said at one point, she's like, Do you think I would have been this successful, this young if I had a live mom? And like, and so like   Amy It's so dark.   Grace It's so dark. But I was just kind of like, you know what? I'm watching two women who are, like, processing their trauma in such a joyful way that they're just they this is what they both were born to do. This is both what they were meant to do, and they're just having a lot of fun with it. And it was just like, Oh, what a lovely way to end your evening. Like, just watching two brilliant female stand ups just f---ing kill. So that was definitely my antidote this week. Just joy watching two people stand in their purpose and do the thing they were meant to do. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy So my antidote this week was making matcha in the afternoon. And I'll tell you why, matcha tea like green tea, but matcha with the powder.   Grace I know.   Amy I'll tell you why.   Grace That's my sh--.   Amy Because I went to the dentist for the first time in maybe like a year and a half, like last week, and they scraped the little stains off my teeth and my teeth are extremely white now. So I was like, Should I get whitening? And they're like, You don't need whitening. We just need to clean your teeth. So they cleaned my teeth and I was like, Holy sh--, these pearly whites, my teeth are great. And the dentist was like, Well, do you drink coffee? Do you drink tea? And I was like, both. I drink coffee in the mornings and then tea in the afternoons, like, you know, because it has a little less caffeine than coffee. And they said, my dentist said that actually tea stains your teeth more than coffee. And I didn't know that. I thought coffee did. And they're like, No, tea's worse. Tea, the stains get up in there and they stick around. But at any rate, this last week was like, I always buy matcha and I'm not really good about consistently making it because you have to get a blender and all the things. But there's this black owned drink company called Gold. Or maybe it's Goldie. It's "G-O-L-D-E." And they sell now a their own branded like hand mixer, which just has a button on it. And "zzzz" and it like charges through USB. And I was like, I can mix matcha now. So just for the first week, I wanted to keep my teeth clean, my teeth white a little longer. And I was like, Let me get into mixing matcha tea, which isn't going to stain as bad as black tea and kind of has near the same amount of caffeine. So I'm still I'm not going to get that lull in the afternoon like I usually get, which means I should take a nap, but I don't have time for naps. So I have this little hand mixer now and I just "zzzz" so I've been drink, I've done Matcha tea from Buddha Teas from Golde and then from this place called Chroma Wellness that does like a collagen matcha tea, which is not vegan, but collagen is good for your skin and it has like ginger in it and it's spicy. So I've been making these matchas and it's like a little moment. Matcha is a gentler high than black tea. You just feel like calm and focused and awake. So, yeah, it's just been a little calming moment in the afternoon. It's been nice.   Grace I love that. I mean, I love matcha. I also have it in my house, but I'm going to get that blender for sure. Like, thank you for letting us know about that.   Amy Yeah. And support a black owned business. Yeah. We'll be back after the break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today who is it, Grace?   Grace Our stunning guest is a comedian, writer, actress and author. She also hosts Netflix's The Circle and the Principles of Pleasure. And do yourself a favor and check out her hilarious special Welcome to the Buteaupia. She a podcasting queen, too, with her show Adulting, which she co-hosts with Jordan Carlos, and she owns a mid-century modern furniture store with her husband. So she a business boss, too.   Amy Okay.   Grace And the mom of the cutest twins in all the land. She is the co-creator and star of the upcoming Netflix show Survival of the Thickest, based on her book of the same name. I am blessed to currently work on that show, so I kind of need to not f--- this up today. Please welcome the incomparable Michelle Buteau.   Michelle Buteau Oh, my goodness. What an intro. I'm. I'm tired. Just from that intro. I'm like. Are you guys my accountant? Do I need to pay taxes on any of those things you just mention?   Grace Well, you do it all. I mean. I mean, I have to cut some stuff out.   Amy Exactly.   Grace I mean you a busy girl.   Michelle Buteau I'm a busy bitch. I'm a busy bitch. Yes.   Amy That's right.   Michelle Buteau I'm excited for it.   Amy You are very impressive, Michelle. But guess what? We're not here to talk about your many, many, many, many accomplishments, okay? We're here to get deep.   Grace Oh. So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?   Michelle Buteau My face hurts from fake smiling and I'm not even doing it for other people. I'm doing it for me because if I don't smile or at least, like, know what it feels like to stay happy or be happy, I'm just going to cry. Like, was it Oprah that said, listen to people that they'll, like, tell you who they are? I feel like America has been telling me who she is and I need to f---ing listen and be like, okay, got you. Like, I can't keep thinking holding on to this one memory we had when I was 15. Like, it's not good. And now with littles, I feel like Mama Bear, I need to protect my cubs. And so, yeah. How am I doing? I'm equal parts, grateful and resentful.   Grace I feel that's so hard.   Amy Yeah, I- no truer words.   Michelle Buteau Yeah.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Yeah.   Grace But this show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with all the bullsh--. So, Michelle, I will ask you, what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Michelle Buteau I can't say rosé.   Amy Yes you can. You definitely can.   Michelle Buteau No, I'm supposed to be like, you know, doing my nails or like finding a new recipe or some sh--, but really sitting. Sitting and having a glass of wine and just not. Not thinking about anything. I'm a big list person. I'm always making lists. I'm even making a list for, like, how to relax and how to do a date night and how to want to do a date night. Then you have to do 17 more things. I'm just like am I giving myself more stuff on purpose? Because this is just like where I'm at now. And so, yeah, I'm just, I'm really trying to figure out how to just be and so that's my thing. Rosé.   Amy Well, let's talk about that. You're drinking it while sitting where you sit, Mom. Like, were you sitting by a window? On the dock of a bay?   Michelle Buteau Right now?   Amy A balcony, like no sitting when you're drinking this?   Michelle Buteau No one thinks I live in New York, because I have windows. Let's be clear about that. Oh, I don't want to take it. So that's the backyard.   Grace Look it. She's got the bay in her backyard. She got a bay back there.   Amy Woah, is that a forest and water?   Michelle Buteau Yes, we have a private beach and some trees. I mean, oxygen is wonderful.   Amy That is nature.   Michelle Buteau Never stop breathing. LOL.   Grace Do you still, like, go into the city to hang out, or do you kind of hang out right where you live?   Michelle Buteau You know, we moved to this big house in City Island in the Bronx the end of 2019. And I miss my Bed-Stuy crew. I miss my Brooklyn community. I miss seeing Caribbean folks, all types of black and brown folks, interracial couples, even the dogs had fun names like, I just miss it, you know? I miss beautiful people, good food, overpriced cocktails and mixed prints, just fly with fly sh--, you know, the suburbs in New York City, especially the Bronx. Like, it's still diverse as f---, but it's like, keep your head down my business and do your thing. And so, you know, it still taking me a while to get adjusted here. But, um, it's sort of like not to quote Angelina Jolie, huh? Here I go. You could have it all, but not at the same time. So I feel like while I'm really thankful for the nature and to be peaceful and just mindful because you're really sharing space all the time with people, which is great if you're single, but when you're taking care of so many other people, it's like, we all need a corner to think in without hearing people arguing drunk or horns and sh-- like that, right? Or fights or whatever. But it really has to be the best of both worlds. Like we have to go into the city and see some fly sh-- and see some people argue and teach these kids how to ride a subway and walk on a New York City sidewalk, because that's the best education you'll never get in school. Because why don't you, like, grow up especially in New York City- you have the best of both worlds. You can appreciate so much stuff and travel anywhere in the world. And that's when I want to set my kids up for I mean, sure, take the SATs, do all that stuff that everybody blah, but the real-   Amy Take the test.   Michelle Buteau Take all the tests you're supposed to take. It's like the stuff we make important. I'm just like, okay, sure. But also like when you graduate, who are you going to be in the world and how are you going to carry yourself? How are you going to take care of yourself when I'm not here anymore? I want to give them all the things that I never had. I want to be the example I never had. I want to be the change I want to see. Oh my God, am I going to do it?   Amy Ok, ok. Deepak Chopra   Michelle Buteau Yes.   Amy I'm like, oooh. She on her influence sh--. Give us the quotes.   Michelle Buteau Oh, no, she's been on Etsy again.   Amy I want to live life, love.   Michelle Buteau She's ready for a new mug. Uh, oh.   Amy You know, I do think there's something about the the freedom and seeing people like you empower your kids to have that freedom to say, like, I'm going to teach you how to walk on the sidewalk, but I'm also going to be around and take care of you. Like it's hard to to balance it all. And you're doing it.   Michelle Buteau It is. Oh, well, thank you. I'm trying to. But, you know, even when you balance, let's say you're doing a hard yoga pose and the teacher will tell you if you're shaking and you fall, that's part of it. That's what it feels like. It doesn't feel like you were just doing a tree pose. It feels like you're always working for it and you are so used to, you know, rocking back and forth and trying to get your balance that you're just like, Oh, that's just how I live now. And it isn't till you sit down, you're like, Why do my bones hurt? But it's not just the hustle. It really is the pandemic that I have to constantly remind myself like. You're doing a lot and still trying to keep people safe. And it's like bananas.   Amy And I feel like you're juggling so much. I mean, I when you say all the things like, we heard your bio, Grace gave your bio, it's like you're juggling a lot. Like, I do want to know, like, how do you find time for yourself? Like, where are the times? Okay, well, let's talk. Let's talk girls trips. You know, because we've been on a couple and I'm guessing.   Michelle Buteau Yea. They're so fun.   Amy And you've been a little busy and haven't been able to have them lately. So beyond the rosé and I do love a glass of rosé, what are the things that you're doing just in the little mini nuggets of the day? If it's not a whole week and it's not a whole trip that you like to do for yourself, that is just yours.   Michelle Buteau Right? So I carve out time for myself and also I have a great partner. So Saturday night I flew my mom in from Florida to help me with laundry real f---ing talk cause I don't want a bunch of people I don't know in my house. I got the nanny for the kids, set them up with like the old lady gang. Husband went to a birthday party, got drunk with his friends, stayed at our apartment in SoHo. I went out, got a mani pedi. The extra 20 minute massage on my feet. Yes, please, bitch. I'm tired. I went to go see my friend's play. Alison Leiby. It's "A Show about Abortion." That's the name of the show. It's a beautiful show. It hit different. And then I met a friend for drinks. So it's just like if you have a partner who's just, like, go do you and like, oh go do you too, like, that's also great, too, because we don't have to do everything together. We need to come back with a story, you know?   Amy Yes, come back and share some thing.   Grace Yes.   Michelle Buteau I already know what you did today. And the young dads, too, I feel like need to go off blow off some steam because you're trying to hold it together all the time. So it's just nice to even go out with, like, even a dog dad or what like just some other dude that knows how to take care of someone other than themselves to be like, that sh--'s hard, right? Like one time I invited a bunch of couple friends out because I knew they needed it. Nobody wanted to do it for themselves. And I'm like, I'm just getting us a room in the back of a thing and we're just going to have some sake and some bullsh--. And just the first 20 minutes mandatory. You got to talk sh-- about your kids. Okay?   Amy It's a rule requirement. You will be asked to leave if you don't.   Grace Well, I feel like that's real.   Michelle Buteau Yes.   Grace I feel like, you know, having a child is so hard. And I think that it must be even harder. Like if you're pretending like it's not hard, because I feel like, yeah, I talked to some moms and they're just like, no, like, like Aiden is an angel and.   Michelle Buteau They're dead inside. They're going to break.   Grace We have so much fun together. It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the best thing I've ever done. Yeah.   Michelle Buteau Yeah. When people are like, this is the best time. I'm like, they don't know how to say sentences or wipe their own ass, but this is the best time. Go on, go on, tell me more. Tell me more of your lies. And I work really hard to have these kids and I'm still just like, this is hard as f---. So if you don't want to have kids, if you're on the fence, don't. You're fine.   Grace You might be talking to me.   Amy Thank you.   Michelle Buteau Nobody should shame like nobody should. Shame anyone into anything they don't want to have or that they do want to have. You know, people who want to shame you are people who are f---ing insecure with their decisions and not happy and they want the whole misery loves company bullsh--. Guess what? Misery will age a bitch and also stress me and stress will kill me. And guess what I don't want to do right now? Die and look old bitch. Bye.    Grace A hundred percent.   Michelle Buteau I got a TV show coming out with-.   Grace I know.   Michelle Buteau I gotta look. I can't die now.   Grace Let me tell you, y'all, it is going to be so good. I mean, I can't wait.   Michelle Buteau  And I know you tell me, too, which I love.   Grace Yes, you know, I would. It's like I'm not you know, what happened is, like, when I was young, I used to pretend to be so perfect. And I would pretend everything in my life was perfect. And, you know, I always like I used to eat chicken nuggets with a knife and fork and sh--. And so one day I just like, you know what? I'm going to stop lying.   Amy Bougie baby.   Grace I'm a stop lying just all together. And so sometimes when you turn the spigot on, it's hard to turn it off. Like, sometimes I'm a little too honest and I'm just like, Oh, snap, I shouldn't have said that thing. But so, Michelle, do you have a piece of art, you know, a book, a play, a fine art that's had a real impact on your life? Because I know that you went from like doing news to being a standup. You know, that's that's a transition. Was there something that triggered that or was it something that you kind of like secret? He always wanted to do.   Michelle Buteau Um, I think I a not so secretly wanted to get into some type of performing because I would always be that kid at a wedding. You know, dancing with all the adults. And I'm just like hyping people like, come on, come on. Like as if I'm like at basketball like college basketball game. And so I'm like, what is this need to get everybody up, get everybody up. You know. Like what am I going to be like an aerobics instructor? I'm like, let's go. And everyone's like, the only child. I was like, Sure, we have time for the percolator. And, um. I don't know, I. I mean, my mom loved old movies, so it was a lot of like tap dancing and singing and romance and stuff. But, you know, and then I just remember loving Sinbad so much. I'm just like, what is this light skinned joy? Because I never saw a woman that looked like me. The closest thing was Sinbad. I was just like he just out here, yellow and sweaty as f---. I was like, that's me.   Grace I also loved Sinbad.    Amy I watched that show.   Michelle Buteau Plus, I love that his name is Sinbad. My mom is so Catholic, but she loves Sinbad. And I was like all of this is wild. And it goes back to that thing of like me trying to hype people up at a wedding where I'm just like, Yeah, I still want to be a host and take care of you and take care of me. We're all having fun look at this.   Amy Well, thinking even just a little bit about like, how so many people of color especially are having to meet the needs of others. I remember that there there's an interview you did with Paste magazine where you said, I love telling people what I need without apologizing. It really is a superpower. And I agree. But I want to hear I want to hear about that, how you came to that and how it is your superpower.   Michelle Buteau Oh, God. That is just like. Life right, um, just getting older and being in bigger, more important meetings. People need to take you seriously. I'm not going to lie. It's also been interesting having a white husband because I'm like, Oh, okay. I'm going to put that on for a day. Yeah, and that's great. And I'm also realizing that I've tried it the other way. I've tried to be nice and mousy in the way I was like the way I was raised.   Amy Yeah.   Michelle Buteau But that doesn't work and that doesn't get sh-- done. And, you know, I always say to my friends that I feel like I'm that chef at the end of Chopped where I'm like, "agagaga." Just running around trying to get stuff on a plate. And I'm like, Oh, what if I just told the three other people in the room what I need?   Amy Mm Yeah.   Michelle Buteau And that's how you save yourself. And people aren't mad at you, you f---ing people pleaser. They won't be mad at you, they'll respect you and be like, okay, cool. I'm glad you told me. Instead of like breaking your spirit down and then just being like, f--- it all and having a breakdown and being like, Nobody talk to me. Like Just tell people what you need and it's okay. You are actually going to be respected and probably make more money.   Amy Yeah. If you're empowering other people around you.   Michelle Buteau Yeah.   Grace Yeah. Like trust you to be, like, when you're very clear about your needs, people trust you more to be in charge. And that. And that's something I had to learn.   Michelle Buteau Yes. Confidence.   Grace Because I was like, Yeah, I also used to have the people pleasing thing a lot. This is this is new information I'm giving to Michelle because she has not seen the people pleasing art of myself. But-   Michelle Buteau Not even a little bit. I think it's a lie.   Grace But I definitely did that for many, many, many years. And I found that because I was worried about pleasing people so much, people wouldn't trust me to be in charge of sets, or people wouldn't trust me to be in charge of running a room. People wouldn't trust me to do it because like, Oh, Grace just goes wherever the wind blows. So I think that, yes, in a way, taking care of yourself shows the elements of leadership.   Michelle Buteau Yes. And people will see you as a threat and let them.   Grace Yes.   Michelle Buteau That's Okay. You know, my mom says the grass is always greener when you standing and sh-- you don't know. And that's fine. And that's fine, too. That's the thing. It's like once you figure out your power and can stand in the light, people aren't comfortable with that either.   Grace Mm hmm.   Michelle Buteau But always go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. Unless you like that sh--. I don't.   Grace Mhm.   Amy Oh, my gosh. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, Michelle.   Michelle Buteau Oh, that's so nice. Me too. I'm not drinking during the week, so I wouldn't toast, but. Oh well.   Grace Amy is right. Like the sh-- still sucks, but it sucks a little less because we've talked to you.   Amy Yeah.   Michelle Buteau Oh, I love that. You guys are so great.   Amy Thank you. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? I mean, we know about the show, but we'd love to hear you plug it. And if there's anything that you love, not something that you created, you can also put that, too.   Michelle Buteau Oh, my goodness. There's so many to do lists to watch. I mean, like, look, I love me some 90 Day Fiance. I'm just saying, you want to talk about being  citizens of the world. I'm talking about being hoes of the world, talking about international hoes.   Amy Yeah.   Michelle Buteau You know what I mean. You can't afford that romance, bitch. You got to go somewhere.   Amy 90 Day the other way.   Michelle Buteau So the government can figure out how sad you is in three words. You were living in his mom's basement. He said it was his roommate. No. Just because he's got his own entrance don't mean he's not live with his momma. And he's got three lizards that eat better than you. Bitch, go the f--- home. I know it's not great in Serbia, but you can get better marrying your fourth cousin. That's okay. Everyone's done that before. Nobody give a f---. You know what I mean. I feel like bitches come over here settling and they're just like, But. But it's Ohio. Yeah. That's why you got to go back.   Grace Yeah.   Amy You go to go back, bitch. It ain't worth it. It ain't worth it.   Michelle Buteau You gotta f---ing go back. 90 day muah chef's kiss oof! Love it so much. It's also nice to see couples that are more f---ed up than you. And I have a show coming out on Netflix called Barbecue Showdown. It's the second season, but I didn't host the first season. It's going to be dope.   Amy Where can people find you on the Internets real quick before you peace?   Michelle Buteau Oh, everywhere except Facebook. F--- Facebook.   Amy Yeah. Same.   Grace What's your handle?   Michelle Buteau Oh, okay. Michelle Buteau, B-U-T-E-A-U. Ok. It's like, beautiful, bitch. Get into it.   Amy Yeah, we're into you. Thank you so much, Michelle.   Grace Thank you.   Michelle Buteau Thank you.   Grace and Amy Bye.   Michelle Buteau See you later.   Grace Okay. To close us out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy I sure am.   Grace Okay, here I go. "Don't wait for inspiration. It comes while working." That is by Henri Matisse. Again, one more time. "Don't wait for inspiration. It comes while working." Henri Matisse.   Amy That's Henri. Henri Matisse. He is French. So it is a French name. And you need to pronounce that French name.   Grace Henri Matisse.   Amy Henri. Merci. Monsieur Matisse j'adore set quotation. I don't know how to say it in French.   Grace Oh, now she's showing off.   Amy I f---ed up. Merci Monsieur Mattise.   Grace Amy is fluent in French.   Amy I clearly not. I couldn't think of the word quotation, but other than that, yea, doing all right. But I agree. I agree with this quote. It's like when people talk about, as you know, for us as writers, lots of times people talk about like being inspired to write something or like, oh, like when when you get in the flow and all those things. I'm like, those are wonderful things. But when you want this artistic thing to be your job, you also just have to figure out how to work through the hard spots and by working the flow arrives. It makes me think of that book, Big Magic that we both love, where she talks about like doing other artistic pursuits to awaken your creativity in the area that you want it to. But it's when it's literally like finding a relationship when you're not looking is when it finally arrives. But that kind of is what inspiration is. It's when you're just going through the motions of your creativity, through your art that it arrives.   Grace What it made me think is it reminded me, like in my twenties, I did not take this lesson. So there was a time when I moved to New York when I was 23, I was running away from rejection. And so what I did was not. Pursuing anything. I wouldn't go to auditions. I wouldn't write anything. I wouldn't do anything because I was too scared of the rejection and I was too scared to create something that might be bad. So what I did was not work. And guess what, guys? That doesn't make you any better at anything that you're doing. So what I learned was, you know when I am tempted to procrastinate, which is always when I am facing that blank page, which is a lot, I remember that even if if something isn't coming or I feel a little blocked or I don't want to do it right now because I'm tired or whatever excuse I give myself for the reason I'm not working, I have to remember that a lot of times you will start and the inspiration will come then because you are in the flow of whatever you're doing. Also, it just reminds me of being a TV writer. Like, we have very intense deadlines. Like we make anywhere between eight and 24 episodes of television in any given season. So you can't just be like, you know what? I'm just not going to write my script until inspiration strikes me. No, like the sh-- has to go to the network on this day. The revisions are due on this day. You know, it's got to be shot on this day. So sometimes, you know, you can't just sit there and wait for inspiration to strike. You kind of just have to get it done. And I would say nine times out of ten, as you do it more and more and more, then the thing that you are reaching for will come. But you can't figure that out until you do it. I feel like I learned so much in film school, but the real lesson was when I got my first internship, I learned that I didn't want to work in late night because I had a late night internship, and if I had not done that, then I wouldn't have learned that, you know? So even the act of starting and the act of doing the work will at least at the very least will make you figure out whether it's something that you truly want to do or not.   Amy I agree with that. And you can also start small. You know, because sometimes it can be really daunting, like, oh, I got to do the work. So I want to be a big budget studio filmmaker. So I guess I just have to go broke, like writing all these things that have explosions in them and then figure out how to shoot them. And it's like, No, you can start in a small way. What's the smaller, tangible thing that it might be less scary for you? But I also love what you said about sometimes you only figure out what you don't want to do by trying it, you know? I had the same experience when I was starting. Like I was working in development. I was like, I don't want to tell writers notes. I want to write the thing. And I was like, Yeah. So yeah, I really, I really liked that. It's a really nice reminder that sometimes you got to you got to just try it. How else you gonna know?   Grace How else you gonna know? Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy Yes. I feel so good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, right. We'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee way two E's.   Amy If you like, feeling good about yourself. Please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And tell people what you need. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes Marcel Malekebu and associate producer Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erika Kraus and our editor is Erika Janick. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.    Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actress and comedian Laci Mosley about amazing first dates, swimming, and ancestry. Amy & Grace share their bummer news of the week: U.S. inflation reached a 40-year high in June, and New York’s nuclear attack PSA worried residents.  Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include: twerking on a boat and celebrating friends.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “As is the case with most people in this game, I am driven by financial motives and creative motives; the question I had to answer is which motive I will give priority to?” -Nipsey Hussle  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So if you've got some kids, put some headphones on them, hand them a little iPad, tuck them into another room. Because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome. We're back again. Back, back, back again. Amy Yeah. And today we're coming to you from Santa Barbara. Grace Santa Barbara. Me and Amy are in the same house. Amy Yeah, she's right on the other side of the door. Grace Yeah, yeah. I can say I'm waving at her right there. Yeah. Amy You all can't see that. It's a podcast. But I'm waving right now. Grace But I'm high fiving. High fiving your high five. Amy Santa Barbara seaside coastal community filled with many old people. Lots of wine, greenery and good food. Grace Yeah. And you see- Amy Light on seasoning.   Grace Oh, light on seasoning. You right. Amy Why did I just drag Santa Barbara? Grace I don't, like we. It's beautiful. Here we are. We're happy to be here. And our house is very adorable. And, you know, you can see the mountains as you're driving. You see like little, little vineyards. It's very, very adorable. Very cute. Amy Yeah, it's like idyllic. It was really nice at twilight and we were driving to dinner and seeing, like, the whole city kind of city town, big town, kind of light up before our eyes. I was like, Oh, this is pretty. I get why people come here. Grace Yeah. Yeah. And it was, like, very pretty to just, you know, even in the morning, just to, like, look out at the mountains and the palm trees and and our backyard is really nice. We have, like, citrus trees in the backyard. It's just like very tranquil vacation. Like, I don't I don't know if I would call this a vacation. It's just like we just had to get out of town. Amy Work-cation, work-cation. Yeah. For anyone wondering why are they, like, in Santa Barbara together? Like, what? Is this romantic in a way? Well, first of all, I love Grace, so it is a romantic getaway. But part two, we just need to get out of town and wanted to get some work done in another environment. Like, you know, after our little chat with another guest of ours, we realized that, you know, we need to find more moments of spontaneity and get out of the house, do things that are a little different. So here we are. Grace Yes, thanks, Alok. And yeah, it's just nice to sometimes get away from a common space. And I moved to the Los Angeles area kind of right before the pandemic. So there's so much of California that I have yet to explore. So this is my first time in Santa Barbara. So I was just like, Oh yeah, be nice to see some sh-- I'm never seen. And so I'm excited that I'm seeing as like, Oh, I got to come back here. This is cute. Amy Yeah, she cute? Grace Yeah, it is very cute. So, Amy. Well, we wouldn't need an antidote if you didn't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Yeah, that's right. Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Okay, guys, first thing up is that did you know U.S. inflation has reached a new 40 year high in June? Is that a high of 9.1%? I am amazed. This is a bummer because as prices go up, there's a higher risk of a recession. The Consumer Price Index, or CPI, stood at 9.1% in June, a significant increase from 8.6% in May. Oh, my God. It just sounded like a math major. I'm just going to say that, right? Grace Oh, my God. Who is this CNN reporter? Amy Thank you. Grace CNBC diva, okay. Amy Call me Connie Chung. Anyway, that's according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Not to me, just reading stats from others. That is the largest 12 month increase since December 1981. And apparently the typical American household now needs to spend 493 more dollars per month to buy the same goods and services they did at this time last year. That information is coming from Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody's Analytics. Mark, call me - I too am an economist. If you just heard me repeat your sentence. Yeah, it's clear. We speak the same language. Grace I think we've found a new career for our friend, Amy. Amy I mean. Should I give up writing? Grace He-. Amy Should econ? Should I econ? Grace Well, Beyonce said release your job so. Amy Say less, queen. Say less. Grace So yeah I mean that is not cool. But Saadia Zahidi, managing director at the World Economic Forum, said that women have been disproportionately affected by the cost of living crisis following labor market losses during the pandemic and insufficient care infrastructure such as for the elderly or children. So not only is everyone struggling, women in particular are struggling, and it's just sort of typical. We all struggle more because we just don't have enough support in this country. So I know a lot of my friends who have small children in particular had to leave their jobs during the pandemic or the height of the pandemic, I should say, while everything was shut down because they couldn't send their kids to school. So that's there. And then, you know, so they left their jobs. So they. Already don't have enough money. And then now, you know, prices are rising and, you know, they can't find childcare. It's it's awful that, you know, things that affect the United States of America tend to disproportionately make things harder for women in general.   Amy Yeah, for women and people of color. But Grace and I recently watched a New York nuclear attack PSA that has gone out to residents. It's 90 seconds long advising them how to prepare for a nuclear attack. And look, preparation for emergency is great, but I'm going to say this video is a bummer because it's bad. It's a bad video.   Grace It's a bad video. And then also, like, why are you, like stroking fears? I was like, we're already going through enough. Is 22 not enough for you guys? Like there's a war in Ukraine, there's f---ing inflation through our ass like we just heard. And like there's so many things going on that we're worried about, about our politics. So we need this on top of everything else. Like for why? Whose decision was this?   Amy Yeah, it's literally crazy, especially because they say a nuclear attack has happened in New York. Don't ask me how or why. And I'm like, Oh, cool. So we're starting from a place of no information. And then they give three pieces of advice. They say, Get inside. There is no inside. It's a nuclear attack. It's coming for you. Part two is stay inside. Yeah, I'm dead, so I'm staying where I lay. And then part three is stay tuned to media. You know it's not going to work after nuclear attack. The phones.   Grace Yeah. It's sort of like, yeah, you're just kind of f---ed. I mean, it sort of feels like, you know, I think back in the day during the Cold War, they used to have children get under desks and stuff like that. And it's sort of like. Yeah, like New York's a f---ing island. If a nuclear bomb drops on New York, it's a f---ing wrap. It's a wrap. Like there's nothing that you're going to really be able to do at that point. So alarming people when there's just so much going on already, just seems needless unless there's some threat. And if there's a threat, you need to tell us or whatever so we could go. If we don't want to be there, you know, just don't like be like just in case, you know. And then guess what? If there's a bomb that's dropped, you're not gonna remember all that sh--? Like, you're just not, you're just not going to remember. Like, you'll be so distressed, like, figuring out what the f--- happened or where are you or trying to get away. Like, and literally the advice is nothing specific. It's just like, go inside.   Amy That's what's crazy. I can't believe that. The whole mayor. The whole mayor. Who's Eric Adams? I got to talk to him because he literally said, oh, it's a very low probability of attack in New York, but we're just taking necessary steps after what happened in Ukraine. And now I'm scared.   Grace So. Yeah. Now you bring it up Ukraine. Because, you know, Ukraine, they're going through it, you know, like, yeah, death and destruction raining from the skies. So, like, why you comparing New York to Ukraine? Like, what do y'all know that we don't know? Like.   Amy Tell us, tell us or just like, keep these videos to yourself. And he says it's part of a large number of emergency preparedness announcements that they're in the works doing. And this is like the first one.   Grace Oh, okay. Well, why the first one, though? That should be the last one. You're like, oh, it should be in order of likelihood.   Amy Yes. Fire, hurricane, flood.   Grace Yeah. Those things are more likely to happen. I was in New York during Hurricane Sandy, so you should do that one first. Do that one because that one could actually happen unless you know something we don't know. But then.   Amy Once again.   Grace Once again or whatever, you're going to be all right, because you're going to be in the bunker under the city, mayor. But the rest of us just gonna be out here. Just like go inside. And if you got some nukes on you. If you got some nuclear dust on you, just wash it off.   Amy Wash it off. Don't use hair conditioner. Don't use conditioner. It'll make it stick. That's all I know. That's what I know about.   Grace Yeah, well,.   Amy Radioactive ash.   Grace We don't need this, Mr. Mayor.   Amy Thanks, but no, thanks.   Grace Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Oh.   Amy Now I got that to worry about. Oh, how do you feel, Grace?   Grace Like a nuclear bomb exploded inside of me.   Amy Oh, no.   Grace And I can't get inside. No, I don't feel very nice. I don't feel great. How about you?   Amy Very much that. Very much the same. Yeah, it's giving sadness.   Grace All right, well, let's give ourselves the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and the things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Um, well, as the listeners know and as you know, I went on a vacation. I went to Lisbon, Amsterdam and Antwerp for a few hours. And probably one of my favorite things that I did in Portugal, my friend booked us a little boat tour thing, which was in the evening just as the sun was setting. And it was three of us in our party, like my friend, my friend's friend. And, you know, some other people were on the boat. It was like ten people on the boat, and they gave us snacks and wine and the sun was going down. And then they let me be in charge of the music. And.   Amy Okay. DJ Grace.   Grace I, of course, played my new favorite song, Break My Soul with, by Beyonce. And I was just living my best life on that boat. So dancing on that boat was my antidote. It was so pretty. I was like, away. I was with a friend that I don't get to see very often. And I met a new friend, and the guy who was driving the boat was so nice and kept bringing us wine. And it was just like a moment of, you know, my life, a lot of the time I wasn't able to travel because, you know, it took me a while to get my career started. And so it was just the moment like on that boat being like, Wow, look what I get to do now. Like, look at what all my hard work allows me to do right now. And it was just fun. And the weather was perfect. And I had so much footage of me twerking to Beyonce on that boat. And then we played Rihanna. We played so many fun songs, and Portugal got a little bit of ratchet music, you know, that they might not be accustomed to over there. But we had we just lived our best life, got our whole life on that boat. And it just gave me a moment to reflect on how far I have come up until this moment. And yeah, so that really I was away from America, which helped to not think about all the ills that are going on in America. And I just felt free and Black and on the boat and living and dancing.   Amy I felt on the boat. I felt free, I felt black, I felt on the boat.   Grace On the boat. Like I was getting the spray from the river. Like on my face. And I was just holding on to the sails and twerking it down to the bottom. It was so much fun and I'm glad and I didn't fall in the water because that would have been bad. But I didn't fall in the water because my friend made sure I didn't, because I was right there on the edge twerking on that boat. So that was definitely my antidote this week. It just made me so happy. And even right now, just like reliving it and imagining it just brings a smile to my face. Yeah. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, I actually think I'm going to change my mind. I was originally going to say it was an antidote for me, was producing the first short film for my writers program. I have a writers program called Tribe Mentoring, a large number of independent and intermediate level writers. And we ended up shooting our first short from one of the writers this last weekend. And my executive Anj and I produced it. And it was really wonderful because like getting to light up in that way or to give someone the feeling of that. I made my art, that feeling that makes me so happy. The only other thing that makes me that happy is giving other people that feeling. And so it was really wonderful to have those moments, but I realized that was technically work. Like it was work related. So that was going to be my antidote. And it is kind of. But then I realized I had another antidote. I had a double dose of seeing my friends shine this week. Last Wednesday was the premiere for the new show Rap Sh--. That's coming out on HBO Max. It premieres on Thursday, tomorrow night. And it is like literally it's such a dope show. It's created by Issa Rae, showrunner Syreeta Singleton, starring Aida Osman, KaMillion, Jonica Booth, Daniel Augustin. It's such a fire cast, it's so great. And I directed Episode six, so they let me come to the premiere. I was like, I get to go? And I was so happy to be there. And then I came home from that premiere and I watched my other friend's show, Phoebe Robinson on Freeform. Her new show, Everything's Trash premiered, and I got to watch that in a drunken haze after going to a premiere party. And I'm just at home drinking water like a good bitch because I was like, I'm not trying to wake up hungover. So I'm drinking water and watching my other friends show. And I was just like, This is a night of Black lady excellence. I just, like, was overwhelmed with this feeling of pride and joy. Watching my friend shine and Phoebe's show is so funny and so, just, like, comedically, just being fun. It's just a really fun show. And I love that it explores the sibling relationship because I have a really close relationship with my older brother and getting to watch that on screen, I've never really seen that like Black siblings portrayed with that much like comic value and love. So that was really great too. And I realized like that was the real antidote because I could have come home and just gone to bed. I was already feeling good. I wasn't like looking for more reasons to feel great. But I told myself I really wanted to watch it on the night it premiered, you know, get them streams. And that was my antidote because I woke up like rethinking of jokes from the show and stuff and being like, Oh my God, this is so fun. So that felt really good. And I just, I feel. There are times in life where it feels like you are more focused on what work you are doing and how you are performing and if you are getting ahead. And I do have those moments, but every now and then my brain like lets me release that and just have like the joy of sitting and other people success. And that feels really good. Like realizing that, like, people who look like me are doing great things and that's an antidote for me. And that's what this last week was. From the short film to the premiere of Rap Sh-- to the premiere of Everything's Trash. It just felt like, wow, just like being able to support amazing people.   Grace Yeah, that's incredible. I mean, I can't wait to see Rap Sh-- our friend Syreeta is the showrunner. And of course, well, I'm just a gorgeous angel, so talented. I used to share an office with her at Insecure and so I'm so proud of her. And of course, Isa, we stand from the beginning. So, yes, definitely supporting your friends and and feeling pride in people that you know or even people that you don't know that look like you, that that are having these dazzling successes is it does make you feel good to just be like, oh, we're marching in the right direction. Like things are bad at times. But there's these glimmers of hope and these glimmers of light both in the world and in our industry, that that is so important to remember.   Amy Yeah. We'll be back after the break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Our guest today is an accomplished comedian and actress hailing from Texas who has been making you laugh on shows such as a Black Lady Sketch Show, iCarly, and the upcoming Lopez versus Lopez on NBC. You can also catch her as a contributor to the ABC series The Con. This Queen stans a scammer. So it's only fitting that she hosts the very funny Webby Award winning podcast Scam Goddess. Please welcome the scamming goddess herself, Laci Mosley.   Laci Mosley Hello. I'm just trying to match the energy of y'all's beautiful voices. I'm like, hello.   Grace Oh, thank you.   Laci Mosley Hi. Hey. Lovely to be here. Because the girls know I be screeching.   Grace No, that's why you're here to give that give our listeners a little somethin different, you know?   Amy Exactly. Well, Laci is very impressive. We all know that. But we are here to talk about your many, many, many, many, many accomplishments. Okay. We're here to get deep.   Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you? Anything making you feel good?   Laci Mosley I mean, today y'all caught me on a good day. Today was a good day -der-na-ner. How much copyright? All stop before y'all get sued.   Grace Tank our budget, girl. We ain't got no budget.   Laci Mosley Is it Ice Cube. Is it Ice Cube knocking at my door? Okay. He said I got to be quiet.   Amy Oh no.   Laci Mosley I so I had therapy this morning, which I love seeing my therapist. She is a Black woman with amazing hair. And. Like, it's just it's amazing. Like, it's so.   Grace So like, What? Give us a give us a visual. Like, what's the hair like?   Laci Mosley So she has I think she, like, maybe was premature gray. But she just let it all go gray. And it's really long and healthy and natural. And she just looks like an apothecary witch. And it's like the most beautiful, complimentary way of that. Like, she's just such a baddie. I love her. But so I had therapy with her, but I was coming off of a 24 hour long date.   Amy Woah. Oh. So it went from day to day again, day to night to day.   Grace Oh my goodness. That must have been a good day. I have never been able to stand a man for 24 hours. So please tell us about this.   Amy Where'd you go? What did you do? I mean, I know some of the things you did, but what other things did you do?   Grace Yea, we can guess if it's 24 hours, you know what I'm saying.   Laci Mosley Okay, we didn't do that though.   Amy Oh. Okay.   Laci Mosley It was 24 hours and he didn't get no, no bust down.   Amy I love that conversation.   Grace I love that.   Amy I love this.   Laci Mosley All conversation and make out and a little booty rubbing. But just-   Amy Of course. Gotta get the booty rubbed.   Grace Aw, that's nice.   Laci Mosley Right. Very wholesome Well, it started like with a brunch date on another day the day before, and then he had to run someplace and we just didn't feel like it was long enough. We we had such a great time. And so I was like, Oh, well, I said the word friend and, you know, like, I'm bi. So like with straight men, like if you say friend, they're just like deflate. They're like, what, like. It wasn't even in the context.   Amy So I'm nothing to you.   Laci Mosley Right. So you hate. So you hate me.   Grace Yea.   Laci Mosley Okay, okay. Imma get my things. Imma get my briefcase. That's what straight men have, right? And then I was like, okay, let me send him a little textual message. I would be like, I had so much fun. Like, I want to see you. Like he lives in New York. So I was like, I want to see you again before you leave. And then he cut to yesterday. Text me like I canceled my flight. What are you doing today? And I was, like, hanging out with you.   Amy Wait.   Grace Oh my God, how romantical.   Amy That's romantic.   Laci Mosley It was very romantical.   Amy Oh, my gosh.   Grace He didn't care about no change fees, girl. That is- He likes you.   Amy He sounds rich to me because those change fees are back. The pandemic is over.   Laci Mosley Oh, listen.   Amy The change fees are back.   Laci Mosley They are.   Grace Right.   Laci Mosley The change fees pulling up and also they'll be like, yeah, your flight was first class, but now you in a middle seat in coach. Do you want to go home or not?   Grace Exactly.   Amy How serious are yoabout grandma?   Laci Mosley Right. Cause your neck gon' hurt. Your neck gon' hurt.   Grace Cause you ain't- You can't be picking a flight a few days before because yeah, he's gon' end up in the middle seat. Alright. That must have been a really great day.   Laci Mosley Right. It was. It was like brunch and then another spot and then another spot and then a diner and then a karaoke bar. And then the London. It was it was very sweet.   Amy That's fantastic. I'm like, well, I mean, how do we top that weekend? I will say, let's just keep the good vibes going. I feel like we need that right now. So thank you for making me wish for more out of my life.   Laci Mosley What's that viral tweet? God, show me how good it can get.   Amy Show me how good it can get.   Grace Or Ciara's prayer or. Or God, I saw what you've done for others.   Laci Mosley And I want you to do that for me, Jesus.   Amy Do for the least of these, what you would do.    Laci Mosley Y'all about to make me buy some miracle springwater, I'm, like going.   Grace Well, I love to hear that because, you know, my therapist says that I need to start collecting good stories about men, so I'm gonna put this one right in my pocket.   Laci Mosley There you go.   Grace So, you know, we just wanted to ask you, what would you say is your antidote, which means, like, what is something non-work-related that is bringing you joy this week, this month, this year, other than your fabulous date?   Laci Mosley Man, ya'll are catching me on the best week to do this podcast. It's a slay.   Amy I'm obsesed.   Laci Mosley Amy. Grace. I feel like y'all are clairvoyant because I would have told you two weeks ago, like, I don't f---ing know. Cause all- Can I curse out here?   Grace Yeah, yeah.   Amy Yeah, we f---ing can. We f---ing do.   Laci Mosley I won't lie. I had an epiphany on mushrooms, like, two weeks ago that I had been living in a fog, like a fugue state for, like, three years of just fear and just, like, a lot of trauma and just, like, not even being myself, constantly being on thinking I had to make people laugh or they wouldn't like me or trying to protect myself. And I came out of it like I was on this trip and I was kicking my own ass. And I was like, Why are you operating like this? This is not who you are. I don't recognize you. And I really put my feet back on the ground and was like, Okay, you cannot just keep working to cover up the fact that you need to heal and that you need to have a life like you can't just allow work, so you can say yes to everything and allow work to be your life. And so I was like sitting down was like, what really makes me happy? And this also came from a conversation that I had with a woman at a park for someone's birthday. She was like, What's the last thing? Like, not work related that like, really made you happy or excited? I couldn't think of anything to say. She told me she made gazpacho, gazpacho and and she it was delicious in all that she gave to all her friends. And they ate it and they loved it. And she was like, that was the last moment that I was so excited about something and happy with, like a piece of life that had nothing to do with me being a product.   Amy Yeah.   Laci Mosley Yeah. So I made, I rented out a pool and one of my very good friends, who's also a comedian, she used to be a swim coach because, you know, all of us comedians, most of us have had other jobs that are like, what wouldn't I do. Yea. I bartended foot fetish parties, you know, like you got to get these bills paid. The foot people-.   Grace I was a dom- I was a dominatrix real quick you know.   Laci Mosley Just on the side.   Amy In between.   Laci Mosley You know, 12 hours a week I be beating on rich white men, you know, and I.   Amy As you do. Went to the nightclub, did my comedy set.   Laci Mosley Right literally right after.   Grace That was just a joke. Mom and dad, I was not a dominatrix.   Laci Mosley Let's give a shout out to the doms out there.   Amy Exactly.   Grace Shout out to the doms out there.   Laci Mosley Sex workers work.   Amy Exactly. Keeping our bosses stable. Thank you.   Laci Mosley Please keep beating the CEOs. We need this.   Amy Yes, please, please, please.   Grace They need it. They need it.   Amy As a community.    Laci Mosley So she was a swimming instructor. And I you know, I swim laps in a lap pool, like at the gym, like Olivia Pope. You know, I was just thinking about how I'm f---ing the president and just swimming. And but I can touch the ground. So there's a sense of control there. And so if I'm in water where I can't touch the ground, if I'm the ocean, like I am very, very nervous, I don't do it. The only time I actually did it was like I was on a job and accidentally we all got thrown into the Pacific. But it wasn't something I would have done.   Grace What?   Amy Why, what kind of job?   Grace Yeah, I need to avoid that kind of job.   Amy I was a dolphin trainer for a minute before I started at the laugh factory.   Laci Mosley I was working on a show called Florida Girls and for the most part, yeah. We were always in swimsuits, shout out to Laura Chen, my personal guru. I love her. We're always in swimsuits. And I remember that day everybody kept asking me on set because we were shooting the pilot presentation. So the budget was not giving budget. You know, it's a presentation. Before the show got picked up, everybody kept walking around the set, be like, Are you a strong swimmer? Like so many people in the crew and cast and producers kept coming up to me.   Grace That's suspicious as f---.   Laci Mosley I'm like, Look. I know how, you know, sometimes racism be racism, but I ain't gonna lie like a lot of Black people is afraid of the water. You're not wrong to ask.   Amy Me. Me.   Grace Me.   Amy If they asked me, I would have said no.   Laci Mosley I'm a scammer. This is my first big job. I'm 25. I'm trying to get the bag. So I was like, yea, yea, yea. Yea, yea. The strongest. Like I'm like a rock but for swimming. I get in the water and I just f--- it up like.   Grace Oh Oh. I think I forgot to tell y'all. I was on a swimming team with Michael Phelps.   Laci Mosley Yea, yea, yea. The water, the water is scared of me. The water's scared of me. When I come, that's when the tide roll back. Because they'd be like, Oh, not this bitch again.   Amy Not this one.   Laci Mosley I be swimming it up. And sure enough, we get on a jet ski that's jet skis are like for two people, max, we're four people on the jet ski, it's a part of the plot. We steal the jet ski.   Amy Okay, okay. I was like, wait. Okay. It's part of the plot.   Laci Mosley So we're supposed to be ratchet. We stealing this jet ski. There's- we're the four best friends on this jet ski. So they had a stunt driver, which when we actually shot the show, Patty Guggenheim, who's on the show. Amazing. One of my great friends, she did- she took a little lesson and she drove the jet ski better than the stunt driver. And none of us got thrown in the ocean, but the stunt driver started feeling herself. And I knew it because we was out there. We were shooting this, you know, it's like having fun stealing this jet ski and someone's like, Get off my jet ski, you whores. And like, we're like, riding around. And she takes a hard left turn. And I'm like, now, miss girl.   Amy What. Misthink.   Laci Mosley Miss Girl.   Amy Miss nut.   Laci Mosley There are four grown ass bitches on this jet ski. Why would you do this?   Amy Why would you do that?   Laci Mosley She hits this hard left turn. We all fly into the ocean and I just remember if you panic, you'll drown. If you panic, you'll drown. So I went in and I relax. Laura. Laura Chen is like 90 pounds soaking wet. She grabs the back of my swimsuit. She's like, I got you. You're not going to drown. I said not this little ass woman trying to support me.   Amy I got you. And then you just pull her in. And she's like, aha-ah.   Laci Mosley Right. We both go down. It was about to be real Titanic. I was about to find that necklace. With the diamond in it, like we was going to be at the bottom. So they had lifeguards on jet skis, so the guys zoomed in and helped us. But I've always like, you know, I love Beyoncé as as one does.   Grace Yes. A thousand percent.   Laci Mosley Yeah.   Grace In the hive over here. Yeah.   Laci Mosley And I saw her, like, jump off a yacht into, like, the clearest blue water, and I was like, I want to be able to do that and Mykonos and not be afraid. Like, I don't want to be afraid of the water anymore. So my friend Kimmy took me or I took her to this pool because she's always told me I'll she'll give me a swimming lesson whenever, but I would always just do work, work, working and like not really taking it seriously. And I was like, You know what? No, we're going to do this. So like a Tuesday afternoon, we go to some white man named Jeff who has money. Inexplicably, we don't know how he has money, Jeff. So go there and like I, she gets me comfortable with the water. And then by the end of the session, I'm jumping in the pool in the middle of the deep end and not touching the bottom and swimming up and floating on my back and looking at the sky. And she said something when we were trying to like she was trying to help. I still can't tread water that well, I'm dense, but also like it's I'd start kicking like I'm on a peloton and I get tired and I'm like, I'mma die. But not to be dramatic, but I'm gonna die.   Amy Yeah. Pool deep enough.   Laci Mosley When I was floating and like trying to float on my own, she was like, You have to trust that the water will carry you. You're not stronger than the water. She was like you are when you enter the water, you're in the water's space. And so the less you trust it, the less it's going to work. And she was like, You can't fight this. You have no control. And the more you fight, the harder it will be. And I was like, Oh my God.   Amy That's deep.   Grace That is deep.   Amy The Pacific ocean.   Grace Literally.   Amy That is f---ing deep.   Grace I mean, we're revealing something about ourselves today, but Amy and I cannot swim. And so we we had a friend in Mexico try to teach us how to float. So maybe we both die if we get thrown into the f---ing Pacific.   Amy It was bad. It didn't work.   Grace But it didn't work. But it was because we didn't trust the water, Amy.   Amy That's why. I didn't trust the water.   Grace We didn't trust.   Laci Mosley Cause as Black people, why would we trust the water? It's a real shady bitch.   Grace Why would we trust anything? Why would we trust everything?   Amy Exactly. Exactly.   Grace And the water took us from Africa, where we was at.   Exactly.   Grace To America where we didn't know anything.   Laci Mosley We know what you did, water.   Amy And the waves are frothy and what? White. I don't trust them. I don't trust them, just saying.   Grace They try to pull me under, they call it something called current.   Amy Oh man, that is so deep. Laci. That like, not only applies to swimming, it literally applies to life.   Laci Mosley Yes. And that's what I took from it. I was just staring at the sky in the water, like being and you know, when you're in the water. I love to have my phone on me and like be talking to people and also mid email and you can't have it because your hands are wet. So I didn't have my phone for 3 hours and was just present.   Grace Yeah.   Laci Mosley And forgot how good that feels. So that was.   Amy That is a really good antidote: being present and trusting in the water. It felt so much of what you said was just like I felt like it was. And I hope that everyone feels this way when they hear it. It felt like it was for me. Like, Amy, look at your life. Like, quick, like, calm down from work, get in the water and just, like, let yourself float every now and then because we need that. And I'm always like, my phone is right next to me right now. I'm like, always on my phone. Even when I'm really happy to be whom I'm with, I'm still like distracted and I'm just like, Oh, I'm going to I'm going to get my hands wet, if not my whole body, just my hands. So I can't hold my phone.   Laci Mosley We could get an ankle. We could, we can get an ankle, a little moist. You know, we can do that.   Amy Okay. I have to know, Laci, because I've been wondering this for a while, because your podcast is called Scam Goddess. Have you done your ancestry and are you part Nigerian? Because I'm trying to understand your interest in scams because it feels familial to me.   Laci Mosley Listen. Oh, my. Niger. Okay.   Amy Oh yes.   Laci Mosley I  don't know how to work a foofoo stick, but Imma learn. But I don't know where I'm from. My mom recently started doing ancestry, and I was like, Bro, like, this is a scam. You know, how many of our relatives got priors? We can't give the government our DNA.   Amy We really shouldn't be.   Laci Mosley These n------ hanging off the last strike like, come on now.   Amy Found them. Found them on ancestry.   Laci Mosley Got them.   Amy It's wild. It's wild. So I understand not doing your ancestry for that reason. But your mom. Your mom is into it, though.   Laci Mosley She is. We don't know where we're from, but every African that I meet who's like from a country in Africa has always told me I look like I'm from Cameroon. Every single one. From Ghana. Senegal, like everywhere.   Grace All I know is I did my ancestry and I was very dissatisfied because I'm not like clearly from one country.   Laci Mosley It just said Thomas Jefferson. It was a picture of Harriet Tubman. Like.   Amy Just like.   Grace But like sadly, my largest percentage was like 20 something percent. And I was just like, oh, so I'm like a mutt from Africa. Like, I don't have like a, a clear country. I think the biggest one was, was Benin-Togo.   Amy Well, it is interesting even knowing that that quest to find where you are from, even though it's something that I feel like everybody is doing in their own way, whether they're on ancestry or not, I feel like it's really important to find a sense of belonging, especially when the world is so f---ing bleak right now. You just want a sense of belonging. That's what we're looking for.   Laci Mosley We all need that. I mean, we're lucky as black people that we made our own community and our own culture, you know, that kind of gave us that sense of belonging when we couldn't find it. You know, we all we all have similar like if you hear Melodies From Heaven on a Saturday morning. Yeah, you know, you've got to be cleaning like, you know.   Amy It's time.   Grace You know. You know what's next: Rain Down On Me. Yes, you all know.   Amy And suddenly you're like, how'd this broom get my hand?   Laci Mosley The broom appears. You're in bed still and somehow a broom and a dust pan have appeared in your hand.   Grace And everybody knows. And everybody knows am I singing the high part? Am I singing am I alto today? Am I soprano today? Am I a tenor today?   Laci Mosley Melodies.   Amy That was beautiful, actually. Laci, when is the album? Give us the album. That was beautiful.   Laci Mosley And I was just singing the like melodies from here. Yea, I'll take sometimes, take me in your arms and hold me close. Oh, hold on y'all. That's, uh, Fred. Oh, no, that's Kirk. That's Kirk. Kirk at the door.   Amy Maam. That is a cease and desist from Mr. Franklin himself.   Laci Mosley He says cease and desist in his name.   Amy Wait, last question for you. Before we let you go, tell us about why you decided to take up roller skating during the pandemic. How did it keep you sane?   Laci Mosley Oh, man. Shout out to Nicole Byer. She started.   Grace I love Nicole.   Laci Mosley Yeah, we all did UCB together. So many of my friends come from that. My favorite cult. And and, you know, we all were like, let's go roller skating in Pan Pacific Park. You know, we've been going to Pan Pacific Park for-   Grace Are you part of of her skate gang?   Laci Mosley Mm.   Grace Oh, my God. I've never I knew that Sasheer was in it, but I didn't know that you were in it, too. That's so cool.   Laci Mosley So we will all go and roller skate. And it was fun because like we were going like usually around dusk, so like the kids would be leaving because none of us are like really banging with the kids. So I was like, I know it's a park and it's actually probably for the kids. Like, get these f---ing kids out and.   Amy Get them out of here.   Laci Mosley F--- the kids.   Amy This is my park now. It's after 5pm. Give it to me.   Laci Mosley So some skaters are really experienced and like really, really good like Kim New Money, who's also a photographer and is amazing. One of the most like energetically wise. Like when she comes into a room, you just feel good. Like she's such an aura about her, but she is a really good skater and would like try to teach us how to skate backwards or whatever. You know, I'm very basic, you know, I want to get some flashy roller skates that could light up. They were not like so they weren't professional, but boy, did they look cute in the Instagram story. But like, it was something to do that got our minds off of work because, you know, we're all at this point working in the pandemic and like, you know, all stressed, you know? So it's like it was fun and it was, like, distracting and like, someone would bring a boombox and make these mixes of just like, all the soul music, all the fun music seventies. Like, you know, we listen to The Chi-Lites  and sh-- and skate. It was like a white boy who made these and but he was hitting. He had a hit. And I remember one time because everybody's out in the park working out. I used to work out with my trainer in the park because you're outside and you don't you're not as worried about COVID. And I remember there was a session that looked like everybody was like a new mom or something. They just had mom energy. And there was one Black man who was running this, like, group, and they would be on the same. Kind of skating area that we were in until they finished the workout, so we would have to skate around them. And I remember one time like he was working, he must been working these mommy's too hard because I think somebody like threw a ball or something and it flew away, probably a kid and he went to get the ball for the kid. And they they do these crunches and doing these exercises. And as soon as this Black man, this drill sergeant, as soon as he stepped away, all these women looked and saw that he couldn't see them and they all stop working out.   Amy Where Tyrell? Where Tyrell?   Grace Well, hey, let me do some squats real quick.   Laci Mosley It was giving Smoky and Friday, like when he leave, I'll be talking again. Like it was giving like they were Like where he go. And then when he came back, they're like and 59, 60.   Amy Yeah, that is so funny.   Laci Mosley It was very funny. But that was so great because it was like doing something that has nothing to do with productivity, not anything, you know, I'm not monetizing this. It's just fun and getting to look and observe and watch other people. You know, it was it was a really, really fun time.   Amy Oh, I'm obsessed with that. That sounds enjoyable. I want to pick up skating. I need to pick up swimming. All these instructors in your life, Laci. I'm going to need the numbers.   Laci Mosley I got you. I got the lock on instructors.   Grace Please.   Amy I need to become a child. I think really we have to cultivate more play. One of our quotes was from Brene Brown and she's all about like cultivating play and that's what this sounds like. So I'm glad you've been able to do that.   Laci Mosley I'm reaching back and finding that child and just doing dumb sh-- and touching grass physically because like, why did we ever stop that? It's like we were told that okay. Leaves childish things, but it's like, no, like being a child is like, one of the most fun parts of your life. If if you're lucky. I know everyone isn't as fortunate to have a good childhood, but like being an unemployed scammer, just high on life, touching things, breaking things, asking questions and like, it's fun to go back to that.   Grace Yeah, because somebody gave us a briefcase at some point.   Amy That's what went wrong. Who do I give this back to?   Grace Someone gave us a tiny briefcase and said, you have to work all the time.   Laci Mosley Who gave me this briefcase?    Amy Wow. Laci, we feel so much better now that we've talked to you.   Laci Mosley I do too.   Grace Sh-- still sucks, but it sucks a little less because we talked to you today.   Laci Mosley Yes, same for me. This has been amazing. Y'all are fantastic. Oh, I'm such good vibes.   Amy This is great. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can give me something you just love. Not even something you're working on.   Laci Mosley Yeah. Okay. I would say that all of the season two of iCarly is streaming now on Paramount Plus. I have a movie coming out called The Outlaws on Netflix. Don't know when that's dropping, but, you know, Adam Sandler's properties are very fun. Watch it. It's a very fun movie. Oh, and Scam Goddess,my podcast. If you like robbery fraud comedy, come on over, girl and also snitch on your friends and family. Email us. But and then something I have nothing to do with that if you are a workaholic, um, and especially if you're a Black woman. Diahann Carroll has a book that's available on Amazon. It's called The Legs Are The Last to Go. And I read it for Chelsea Devantez's podcast, Imma plug her too: Celebrity Book Club. But-   Grace I'm going on that next month.   Amy Yeah, yes.   Laci Mosley I love Chelsea. She's the only bad bitch who could get me to read a book for a podcast.   Amy Truly the only. Truly the only.    Laci Mosley And if you are a workaholic, especially if you're a Black woman who's a workaholic, because a lot of us are. It was such a great read because this woman I was cackling because when I tell you, like she had all the racisms happen to her, but the way she glosses over it, like I'm trying to get to the bag. But the biggest takeaway that I took from it, if you guys if you don't read the book, but you should, it is, she worked so hard her entire life and then at the end, what she really had left was her family. And she said how much she kind of regretted not spending time with them, not investing in the relationships in her life, not living. And she was so grateful to have that time as an older person to really connect.   Amy That's incredible.   Grace And oh. Where can people find you on the Internet?   Laci Mosley Oh, if you want to follow my mess and swimming and whatever else. D-I-V-A-LA-C-I. DivaLaci. On all platforms.   Amy Awesome. Thank you so much, Laci.   Grace Thank you so much. This is such a pleasure.   Laci Mosley Oh, it was a blast. It was just so fun. Great way to end my work day.   Grace Bye. To close this out. We're going to do our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yes, I am.   Grace Okay, here I go. "As is the case with most people in this game, I am driven by financial motives and creative motives. The question I had to answer is which motive I will give priority to." That's by Nipsey Hussle. I will read it again, "As is the case with most people in this game. I am driven by financial motives and creative motives. The question I had to answer is which motive I will give priority to." Nipsey Hussle.   Amy First of all, Big Nipsey fan and.   Grace Rest in peace. Rest in power.   Amy Rest in peace. Yeah, I really like this quote and I love that he doesn't answer it like he says. Which will I give my priority to? I love that he doesn't answer it, that it's always up to you. And obviously when he says most people in this game, my instinct was to say, Oh, he's thinking, he's talking about music, about the music industry. But I was like, well, he's also he owns a store and he was an entrepreneur and he started a clothing line. And I was like, Oh, the game of life. I like, realize, like maybe when he says most people in this game, he just means living. You have to- you're driven by financial motives and creative motives. And I think what's interesting is when you're a creative, very often they feel so linked. Your financial and your creative kind of go hand in hand when you make your hobby, your job. Like Grace and I have as writers, as he did with music and sometimes it feels like you can't like they're so linked that it's like, how do you decide? And I've always found my best creative decisions come when I'm like, If money were not an issue, what would you do?   Grace Yeah.   Amy If you didn't have to think about the right thing financially, what would you do? And when I make those decisions, I am usually right. So that's I love that he's saying that there's the question and he doesn't answer it. And I.   Grace Yeah.   Amy I think there are times where you have to take the money job. Sometimes you just have to. Today I got to give priority to money because I need to pay rent. But then another day I'm going to give priority to creative because I need to feed my soul. So it's cool. It's cool a quote. What does it make you think, Grace.?   Grace Yeah, I actually love that he doesn't answer it either because it feels like there's no judgment, you know, because if you if he did answer it, it would be like, oh, you should be doing this or you should be doing that. But it's sort of like it's the question that a lot of artists have to answer for themselves, because you have to give room to acknowledge that there are some people who are just always going to be in it for the money. Yeah, like.   Amy That's true.   Grace They are the most interested in fame or they're the most interested in, you know, growing their brand per se. But and, you know, some of us who are more creatively aligned might judge that that point of view. But I don't necessarily think that you should I think you should just ask yourself the question, am I driven by financial motives or creative motives and then build your qui- career accordingly. If you're driven by financial motives, I think it's hard to be driven by financial motives in this business because it's sort of like then it feels like you're kind of searching about like, what do people like? Like, I have to sort of mold myself into what people like. And if you there are people that are very, very talented up with that, like frankly the Kardashians. It's- That their whole thing. They know how to figure out what people like and give it to them. And so their businesses grow because that is what they are very good at doing, you know? Kris Jenner is an evil genius in that way. So I think that. You just have to ask yourself. I am sometimes too driven by creativity and sometimes I feel like that has hurt my pockets. Sometimes because I turn a lot of things down or I or I'm always been like, Oh no, I have to focus on this one thing because this is the thing I love. So I have I struggle not to have judgment, but I try not to have judgment for people who only have financial goals, because that is another way to live life. Why why should one be considered over the other? So yeah, I love this because I love this quote and I picked this quote because I feel like it poses a question that it doesn't answer and it sort of taps that I would have judgment towards an artist that was only financially motivated. And I was just like, Why? Why should you? If that's what they know that they're going into the situation for and you never know what they're going to do with those finances. It's not necessarily that they're going to buy a bunch of cars or whatever. Or buy a million houses. Maybe they'll use their financial blessings to bless other people, or they'll grow their influence so they can actually help make other artists dreams come true. So I think thank you, Nipsey, for leaving us with this quote because I think it does just pose a question that all of us need to answer as artists. Well, thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me Grace at gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me Amy at AmyAniobi that's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And let the water carry you. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. The show's production team includes Marcel Malekebu and associate producer Taylor Polydore.   Grace All executive producers Erica Kraus. And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Mariannne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The True.    Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith, concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Yea, it is.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with internationally acclaimed author, public speaker, and comedian, ALOK, about spontaneity as self-care, getting through writer’s block, and a love for fashion. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: The battle over student loan forgiveness, and cheese-scented manicures (does anyone really need that?) Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include getting pedicures, and having champagne for no reason.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas.” - Donatella Versace  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. Super strong. So, you know, hide your kids because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times we all need to show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another week. Amy Hi. Every time I think about "This is The Antidote." I like, want to like high five you or start doing, like, little kid, like patty cake. That's why- I don't know, guys, we're on like a zoom together, but every time after Grace says "this is the antidote," I start, like, high fiving my hands like a little kid. That's what's happening. Grace High fiving a thousand angels. Yeah. It's. I mean, I guess every week in 2022,  we' re going to be like, it's been a week. So it's like, this is not a new thing. But, you know, on those days when I feel a little bummed out, my often antidote is little Kaavia James. Oh, my goodness. Amy Oh, my God. Uh, Queen Kaav. Grace She's so cute and smart and, you know, has a little personality, her own little attitude. I started to say sassy, but I was just like, Ooh, that word is weaponized against us. No, let's- Amy No, sassy, sassy's canceled. Grace Yeah. She's just a beautiful little girl living her best life with her very rich parents, having all types of experiences around the world. Amy And also I'm just saying that Kaavia gave the tour of their new house. Grace Ha ha ha. Oh, my God. Well, I have to watch that. But I've been watching some very cute things of her this week where she was kind of falling asleep in her car seat. Like a little dance party with her mom. Amy Yes, the dancing. Grace I just love her little black girl magic that she seems to be so joyful and happy and taken care of. And, you know, in this world where we adults have to know so many things in order to remain informed and vote and take action and donate towards whatever causes that you feel passionately about. It's just nice to see the innocence of a little girl enjoying her little life, and it's just gorgeous to see this young black girl who already has her own, like, fashion line and book and everything. It just makes me so happy. Amy I will say one of the videos that literally brought me to tears was her going to the store to see her fashion line for the first time. And they're like, Who's that? And she points at a poster of herself and goes, Kaavia. Like I was like as a little Black girl to go to a store and literally, not figuratively, but literally see yourself in that store. Like I am here for all of these Black millionaire actors and and models like Naomi Campbell and singers like Beyonce and Cardi B and icons like Beyonce, I should say I'm here for all of them giving their little Black daughters the world. It is fantastic to see them growing up and being fully surrounded by love. Grace Yes. And then also I follow this account called Boogie Babies. It's literally about little Black children like joyful moments. And there was this one video this little girl, like, was eating some chicken that I guess her dad cooked. And she was just like. She like tried it and then she was just like. It's not good. And it's so funny. I was just like,  your daddy can't cook. It's okay. But she really gave it a try. She gave it a college try. She took two bites, and she was just like, okay, the first bite, not good. But then the second bite, she just had to put that chicken down. And she was just like. It's not good. Amy That reminds me of the little girl I saw who was doing her own makeup and her mom's, like, laughing at her, and she's like, so confused why her mom is laughing, but she has, like, eyeliner, like on her forehead. Like, she looks crazy and she sees herself in the mirror and goes, What did I? What did I do? Impossible. She was surprised, but she doesn't look good. Grace That's so cute. That's what I'm saying. Like, you know, it's an argument to almost have a child. I don't know if I will, but children sort of remind you of the innocence that can exist in this world, which is beautiful. Amy You got that right. Grace Well, thank you, babies, for making us smile this week, but we got to get into the show. So, as you know, we can't have an antidote if we don't have something to have an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. First up, guys, the battle over student loans continues. Debt hangs over millions of people's heads and delays their chances of financial freedom. In a couple of extreme cases, people have even fled the U.S. to get away from their student loans. Like, I can't believe this. Apparently the average student loan debt in America is around $33,000. People are waiting to hear what President Joe Biden has to say on the status of student loan debt forgiveness ahead of the ending of the student loan pause on August 31st, 2022. If people don't know, the pause was due to the COVID 19 relief. And I'm like, I'm at the point of about to be asking, what does a president do? Because he has not been able to do anything that we need. I think people should get their debt forgiven. I paid my debt, but I still think people should get their debt forgiven. Like, why not? Other countries, this doesn't exist. Yeah.   Grace I mean, there's this whole thought that, oh, I paid off my loan, so everybody should pay off theirs. Like, why are you being a hater? Like, if we can make things better for the future generation. Like, why shouldn't we? And like, why does it cost so much to go to college? And why are these loans not at 0% interest if it's just to like help people get the education that you genuinely need to help succeed in this country? Like, why aren't the loans at least like very low interest? I would be willing to just pay back the principal if you want the money back. But like these companies have added like thousands upon thousands of dollars of interest onto things, so people just can't get ahead of them. So I really hope he does something and I hope it's not just $10,000 like people have been proposing. I hope it is the $50,000 that the Democrats are pushing for.   Amy Yeah, I hope so too. But that isn't the only bummer news this week. Also, I found out something that is angering me that Velveeta and British nail Polish brand Nails Inc have paired up in a collaboration with Kraft Heinz called the La Dolce Velveeta Campaign, which is all about stepping out in a confident, unapologetic way to show the world that you're living a life filled with outrageous pleasure. That's their quote, not mine. And one of the first things they're doing as part of this campaign is introducing a $15 Velveeta manicure. Wait, what? Now your nails can smell like Velveeta cheese. That's right. That's what I said. A limited edition set of two cheese scented polishes will cost cheese fanatics $15 on the Nails Inc website. It includes two shades, finger food, a bright red and la dolce Velveeta, a creamy yellow color. I can't.   Grace That is disgusting. I mean, why would you like that? Cheese is known for smelling bad. Like that's the whole thing. It's delicious, but nope. Who wants to smell like cheese? Who wants their fingers to constantly smell like cheese? And then also it feels like this can't even really be a thing. Because wouldn't the top coat that you put on top of the Velveeta thing take down some of that cheese smell? Or do they have a cheese smelling topcoat as well?   Amy Cheesy topcoat. I mean, I don't see anything about that. But they do say that the cheesy scent appears once the nails are dry. So maybe it's just like burning through that top coat. Maybe it's cheese as  f---.   Grace GROSS. Like, why would anybody do this? There's so many things that we need to innovate in this world, like cancer is still a thing. Like, maybe, maybe we should spend some technology money on creating things that are really helpful for the world.   Amy Fixing spectrum internet.   Grace Yeah. So I don't know, I guess everybody maybe Velveeta wants to be relevant again, I guess because I guess Velveeta was a big thing when I was like a little kid. Yeah, but I haven't heard the name Velveeta in quite some time, so maybe there. This is just like a marketing ploy to, like, get people to, I don't know, smell their nails and be like, you know what? I'm going to go get the supermarket. I'll go get a block of Velveeta.   Amy Oh, well, I'll tell you what, Velveeta. It ain't working on me.   Grace No thank you. I'm good.   Amy Well, how do you feel after hearing all this, Grace?   Grace I feel weird, to be honest. How about you?   Amy Yeah, I kind of disgusted. We're in debt and our fingers smell like cheese. I'm not into it.   Grace Weird combination of things. Okay, then let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week to make us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Lady Grace?   Grace Well, as I've talked about before, I'm going on a trip soon. So when I go on a trip, girl, as you know, I'm getting my hair braided tomorrow, you know, and I get everything. I get new outfits. Like I often buy, like, a new bag or a new dress or something like that to go on vacation because, you know, I want my Instagram photos to be lit and such and so forth. That's part of the whole vacation experience, right? Part of the whole thing. So what I did for my vacation that's coming up very shortly is that I went and got a mani-pedi. Not a mani-pedi smelling of Velveeta.   Amy Okay. I guess I was. That was going to be my question. What did it smell like?   Grace But just a mani-pedi. And, you know, it's a moment like I go to this place that I really love that's not too far away. And it has like these beautiful, like, chairs, and you get like a little thing of champagne when you go in. And then, you know, this time I tried a brand new technique where my nails are Korean glass nails.   Amy Sounds fancy.   Grace So I did that on my nails like my and, you know, did a very lovely, you know, manicure. And then probably my favorite part actually is the pedicure where I love.   Amy I love that you called it a "pet-ti-cure."   Grace Yeah. I always do a little bit of an elevated pedicure. I don't do just the basic one. I try to, you know, get a couple of little extra services to make it, you know? Yes, we're trying to beautify our feet, but we are also trying to make it a self-care moment. So I always get like one of the ones where they like put some sh-- on your leg and they wrap it in Saran. Wrap and like, yes.   Amy Yes, that's my favorite. That's the paraffin treatment. I love that sh-- because I'm like, Yeah, I want to go home and have my feet feeling real soft.   Grace Yeah. So the scrub and it was just so delightful and I had my little glass of champagne and you know, I was listening to a podcast and it just feels really luxurious. It's a simple pleasure, but it's just a moment to take care of myself and feel good in that moment, get a little foot massage. And also, just like when I look down at my feet, either when I wake up in the morning or when I'm walking outside in sandals, I'm just like, Oh, look how pretty my toes are. You know? It's just one of the simple pleasures of life that I don't always.   Amy Wiki Feet is asking how pretty are they? Post the pics.   Grace Oh I, I mean I wanted to pullthat feet website for sure.   Amy How pretty are they? Wiki Feet wants to know. How pretty are they?    Grace They pretty cute. They pretty cute. So yeah it was it's fun. So I'm you know, beginning my preparations for my vacay so that, you know, everything is right, you know, for the pictures when I'm overseas. So, Amy, that was mine. What was yours this week?   Amy Well, this is so funny because you mentioned that when you go and get a pedicure, they give you champagne. That's fancy. And my antidote this week is champagne for no reason.   Grace Why you need a reason?   Amy I didn't know you were going to say that. And I'm obsessed with the fact that you had champagne when you had your pedicure. But literally, you know, there are times where I am anticipating like good news or something and I want to, like, get myself a champagne so I can do a toast, like with my coworkers or with my friends, you know, or like your birthday or someone has given you champagne. You're like, Let me save this for an important occasion. And I want to say it was after the holidays. I happen to have a couple bottles of Veuve Clicquot and I was like, Ooh, I got to save these for something special. I know that's not even the fanciest one. I'm going to give you a rundown of the champagnes I like. But like, literally, I was like, I should save this for a special occasion. And then there was a day this week where I was like, being alive in America in 2022 is a f---ing special occasion.   Grace You better preach.   Amy And I popped a bottle, poured myself a little flute and just like, had champagne by myself. And I watched TV. I made myself a little dinner. Actually, I think the night I had it was the night that I ordered myself some sushi. So I had sushi and champagne and I was like, I felt celebratory because I was drinking this bottle of champagne or, you know, a couple of glasses. I didn't finish the bottle. I would have been sideways, but I kind of treated myself and I've done this before and I realize, Oh, this is like a mini antidote for myself. Instead of waiting for the world to tell you when you are allowed to celebrate yourself, every now and then, you can just be like, I'm a Black woman alive in America, thriving. Let me have myself a glass of bubbly. So I really like Veuve Clicquot. I like Pierre jouet. There's also a beautiful Belle Époque bottle that Pierre jouet does that has flowers on it that's so pretty. And then I also like there's a rosé champagne I love called I don't actually know how to pronounce it it's Billecart-Salmon. I think is how you say it. Look at me with my French isms, but I think it's Billecart-Salmon and it's a rosé champagne and it's mad fancy. But there was a day where I went on drizly.com. And I was like, Hook me up. And they did. And they did. So every now and then, don't wait for the world to tell you you're allowed to celebrate who you are. What you are. What you do. What you care about. And what you've accomplished. Every day you are here, you can celebrate. So that was my antidote this week was a little glass of champagne. I did feel guilty the next morning because I was like, I didn't finish this and it's going flat now. And I had to pour some of it away. Like two days later I was like, I got to pour this way and I feel bad because I kind of wasted the champagne. But at the end of that, who cares? I want to celebrate me.   Grace Yeah, yeah. I love that because I think it is important to find those little moments of celebration. Because I know you work so hard and you know, so it's good. Anything that will bring a little sparkle into your day, including sparkling rosé. I think that that's a beautiful thing. And yeah, we don't need to wait. Like I always say, like, you know, I'm from an immigrant family and sometimes people are like, we're saving it for special. And I'm always telling my mom, I was just like, wear the purse, like, do the thing, you have the time because, you know, life is short. And, you know, I know that that's a cliche to say. But let me tell you, once I got into my thirties, like life started flying. Like it started going real fast. I feel like life is real slow when you're in your teens and even in your twenties, you're like, it's forever. But it it starts going real fast as soon as you hit that big three oh, and so, you know, 2022, I can't even believe that we're more than halfway through at this point. So yeah, you know, if you want to have champagne on a Tuesday, girl, you know what I'm saying? Okay, you better do it. Okay.   Amy Thank you. I appreciate that support sis we'll be back right after this break.   Grace Okay. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Grace. Are you ready to get your mind upgraded?   Grace Oh, yeah.   Amy Because that's what's about to happen. Our guest is an internationally acclaimed writer, comedian, poet and public speaker whose work explores themes of belonging, the human condition and trauma. They've headlined the New York Comedy Festival and will be headlining Just for Laughs Festival in late June. They're the author of Beyond the Gender Binary and have appeared in HBO's Random Acts of Flyness, the documentary The Trans List, as well as the Netflix docu series Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. They're also a fellow Stanford grad right along with me. And, you know, I was going to mention that, so stop rolling your eyes. Now it's time for us to get curious with them. Please welcome, Alok.   Grace Ooh.   Alok Hi.   Grace Hi.   Amy This is a treat.   Grace We're so excited to have you here. You were the very first guest that Amy mentioned that she wanted to have on this podcast. So. So. Yeah. Finally dream realized you're here.   Amy I'm sweating. I'm fine.   Grace She truly is. So they're very impressive, aren't they? But we aren't here to talk about your many, many accomplishments, Alok. We are here to get deep.   Amy Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you in life?   Alok So much. Yeah. I'm a cancer, darling. Oh, my God.   Grace Emotion.   Alok I really appreciate that instead of asking, how are you? You have the follow up to Is there anything weighing you in life that made me feel seen as a cancerian sign? Of course there is. I'm feeling a lot of grief right now. I just lost my aunt to cancer a few weeks ago and she was very close to me emotionally and physically, 7 minutes away. So it feels like haunting to be in New York and feel her presence and her absence at the same time. I'm feeling a lot of pain and sadness. The rise of anti-trans discrimination and violence and legislation in this country. And it just feels kind of off putting to me because on the one hand, I want to I want to celebrate pride and I want to be happy. And I also. It's that awkward moment where you can also cry at the party because you're like, there's so much suffering in it, and we have to find a way to braid it both. And then at the same time, I'm also feeling so much gratitude and so much joy to be here with you both. So I'm taking and holding a lot.   Amy Yeah. And is that not what it is to be human? I mean. Yeah, taking it and holding a lot at all times.   Grace Yeah. And it's and it's so interesting. Like, you know, the laws that have been put on in the last like six months have been so disgusting and sad. So I totally get why there would be such a conflict of emotions around pride, like you want to celebrate, but at the same time, like, you know, Florida. Oklahoma. Yeah. It's a really troubling time to be in America right now. So I feel that. But we have to somehow lift ourselves up. Then that's that's the reason why Amy and I wanted to do this podcast to, like, find the space to both acknowledge the sadness and and try to find a little piece of joy. And so you're our joy today.   Alok And I really appreciate that, because I think for me, there's been a profound shift in my life where I thought that I had to sacrifice my joy or compromise my happiness in order to draw attention to the severity of what I and my community was going through. And then I realized that's an extension of the very oppression that I'm trying to combat, is when I'm not able to access my laughter or my levity or my pleasure or my stillness. And so I'm new to this journey. But in the past few years, I've really been trying to move joy first and to actually recognize that like there's something sacred and precious for those of us who are not supposed to be able to claim space for celebration and euphoria to do that.   Grace Yes, I love that.   Amy Yeah. Well, as you know, this show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with all the bullsh--. So we want to know, Alok. What is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that is bringing you joy this week? Or this month or this year?   Alok Yeah. Spontaneity.   Grace Hmm.   Amy Tell me more. I'm a Virgo. I don't that.   Grace No. Please talk to my friend.   Amy Please explain.   Grace You were on a podcast recently, and they were just like, What would you change about the angel Amy? And it took me a while to to to think about it, because I think she's pretty perfect. But the one thing I would change is I would love her to be more spontaneous, so please talk to my friend.   Alok So you're catching me. I'm in the middle of a really big tour that I just kicked off about a week ago, and I'm doing like 40 cities all across the country, which means I'm deeply sleep deprived. I'm catching both flights and feelings at the same time. This is non-binary magic happening right now, and one of my favorite parts of touring in the world is I go to these places where I don't know anyone. I don't really know anything. I have no idea what's going to happen. And I end up having the most thrilling experiences after my shows because I'm just constantly surprised and full of wonder of how my expectations. Of what could be just disintegrate around me. And I really relish in that feeling, that sensation of being like the world exceeds any ability for me to try to contain it or encapsulated and in a K.O. battle between me and the world, the world is always going to win. And there's something just like so humbling and so gratifying about that certainty of knowing that any extent that I try to create control in my life and know what's going to happen, it's just never going to work.   Grace Oh, a word.   Alok Amy's freaking out right now.   Amy Yeah, I'm like, I don't know how to crawl inside that feeling like I'd like to be like hmm.   Grace But, you know what-   Amy That's okay. Like, I hear you, but. I'm like, ha, I need control.   Grace You know what? I you know what you just said. Alok. Reminded me of my twenties in New York, and I've lost that magic being a grown up, number one. And number two, moving to L.A., where I feel like there's so much that kind of has to be planned. But I just remember in my twenties in New York, I would just like decide to go to like a comedy show, and then it would just lead to the most magical night end up like at a hookah bar in the East Village and meeting people from all over the world. Yeah. I need to find a way to get back to that.   Alok What I like about spontaneity is it reminds me that there's so much beauty in the world. If I just take the time to notice it that there's, like, so many everyday miracles, but we don't ever elevate them to that. And I think the way that I have been sort of coping in my grief process and because I just feel this like acute and pervasive sense of loss in my life right now is I've been really trying to notice all of the reminders of beautiful things around me. And so it's so easy for my brain to go to like despair. But instead what I did, especially in this trip to Milwaukee, is I just I really noticed. Wow, I really love what people are wearing. I love how people gesture their hands. Have I ever taken the time to admire how people blink and how many times they blink? I just love that we're alive. It's so cool and gnarly that we get to do that. I love I love the sound of a voice on a microphone. I love what I can do with my voice. I love getting ready. I love like getting my hair done and my makeup done and like looking at my face and being like, Oh, my gosh, I'm alive. That's really cool. And I just am really realizing that that's the key to I don't know if I would say happiness. That's a lot of pressure. But the key to like making it is really developing a practice of noticing and get and receiving the reminders from the universe that it's going to be okay. Yeah.   Amy Yeah. Even just that the practice of noticing because I think that's so much of what it is to be an artist in any form and honestly, to be inside your humanity is to have that practice of noticing. And I think sometimes when we're rushed, frustrated, harried and also so regimented like I have become, I think the pandemic has helped them with that like me, just kind of like being like, there's an order. Follow the rules, wear the mask that I just in some ways, I have found myself having to remind myself that I should be in the practice of noticing or what I call observing or just like like Grace. And I had a conversation on the podcast a few weeks back about what I miss most about my early writing days, when I didn't have so many deadlines and meetings and things and calls and zooms was getting to go to a café and sit and just be and notice. Mm hmm. And it made me feel more creative to just be. And the more we do that, and the more we notice people and things and places and experiences that are familiar and yet foreign, that are new and yet and yet, like intrinsically who we are, the more connected we are. And yet it's so hard to do that for, you know, just because of how we live these days and we have to find the ways to do it.   Grace I'm Aries, so that is the energy I bring. I am a person who rebels against structure. I don't like it and I had been taught ever since I was a little kid that my spontaneity or my not adherence to structure was a bad thing and it was something that I had to beat out of myself that I that I needed to wake up every day at 7 a.m. to get my workout on before work. And I needed to schedule my day. And whenever I do do that, I feel like in jail. So it's so for me it's been like how much can I adult while still allowing my natural spontaneity that I want to have in my day. I hate like waking up in a day and knowing what's going to happen. You know, I just have to now because I'm an adult. But there was a time, like I said, in my twenties in New York, I would just wake up and I'm just like, I don't know, there's an audition today. I might go I might not go.   Alok Right. The I might.   Grace Yeah, exactly.   Alok I might. It's such a mighty phrase, you know?   Grace Yeah, but I've been taught, like, ever since a child. No, Grace, you have to have more structure. You have to do this. So it's funny to.   Alok And we judge those people, we judge the might people, because we're like, Oh, you don't have clarity, you don't have focus.   Grace Exactly.   Alok What are you trying to do? But actually, there is such a precise clarity to being able to ask yourself, What do I feel like I want to do in this moment? I might feel like I want to go out and I might feel like I want to stay in. I'm only going to know in that moment. But so much of like the structures of capitalism, an age make us have to have this kind of permanent narrative. This is who I am. Not this is what I'm feeling moment to moment.   Grace Yeah. And I feel like, you know, so me and my co-host are going through opposite struggles as far as spontaneity is concerned because we like. Yeah, I just I. I have been beaten by adulting into having more structure than I would actually really like.   Amy I'm so sorry, Grace. It also might be my friendship.   Grace No, it's okay. No. I think-.   Amy I'm like I have a hard out. I have a hard out.   Grace No. It's okay.   Alok Oh, my God, hard outs. Yes.   Grace But I also. You made me-   Alok What was life  like before hard outs?   Grace I know it's such an industry term. You don't ever hear it any other place, but. But now you've also made me really excited because I have a trip coming up and I'm just like, Oh my God. I want to do what Alok does. I will do spontaneity.   Alok Yes.   Grace Yes. I'm very excited.   Alok I mean, I shouldn't have to explain why spontaneity is, like, beneficial for us under capitalism, and it can actually give us more creative ideas. But to the cynics in the audience who are probably hearing this being like, I don't have the luxury of spontaneity and sort of defense coping mechanism. I truly believe to your point about observation being an integral part of being an artist, that what good artistry is, is an elaborate mirror that is actually saying, here is what I see. And, and reflecting back what I see in you to the world, how are we supposed to accurately do that? Unless we are doing the research and the research is living. And so I, I once had a therapist tell me she was like, of course you have writer's block because you're working all the time and you're not spending any time living and you have to live in order to actually have content that you want to create. And so what I started to do is just keeping like a daily diary of what I, what I'm thinking, feeling, doing in the day. And so that now whenever I need to write or create, I go back to my own life and my own memories. And that gives me such an amazing repository of encounters or ideas or provocations that I can elaborate on in a more formal art piece.   Amy Yeah, I fully agree. I'm looking kind of like huh because I am realizing I don't really. I've historically been like, I don't believe in writer's block. It's just a version of fear or it's just like, you know, nerves. But I have been experiencing writer's block and every time, literally every time I've told someone I've had it, I'm like, I don't really believe in it. It's just fear. I just haven't had the time. But some people might call it writer's block, but I don't get that. And I'm like, Oh, it's this lack of living. It's that I've been in the house, it's that I'm not going out. It's that I'm not doing my, like, vacation to me. Like, I'm very type-A, very Virgo, very child of immigrants, Nigerian. But like when I go on vacation, I'm not the planner. I'm just like, I show up and I do top ten cafes of where I'm at and just be like, Oh, let's just see what where the day takes us. That's how I am. And so vacation replenishes me because it's the only time in my life that I'm spontaneous, structured within this ten day window. I will be spontaneous.   Grace I can I can say that that's true because we've vacationed.   Amy Yeah, she knows we vacation together. I'm like, I don't know what I want to do today.   Alok You're like, who are you?   Grace Who's this bitch on this vacation? You body snatch my friend?   Amy And I'm like, it's the best feeling ever. And I'm realizing I have writer's block because I haven't taken a real ass vacation in a long time. I haven't been spontaneous.   Alok And I don't I want to say it's like not your fault, too. It's like we glorify a culture of being on all the time. Yeah. And what that actually does is it depletes us. And I've, I've been really, really thinking about depletion because people continue to ask me, how do you keep going when there's so much there's so much, so many reasons not to. The people keep asking me, what is your replenishing ritual? And it genuinely, I sound like a freaking Hallmark card here saying it, but it's genuinely because I love us more than they could ever hate us. And I spent so much time focusing on how much they hated and forgetting how much I loved. And what I noticed about spontaneity is it allows me to remember why I love the things that I love. Because when you see people not as just like coworker or identity or label, but just like human spirit, human spirit, and you're kind of navigating a new scenario together. That's why I freaking loved, like, camp when I was younger. Like, you're just all in this stuff together. And I think that's my camp friend. We go way back, girl, you just spent a day together, but you just act like your best friends. You know.   Amy We've done a potato sack race..   Grace But you made something out of popsicle sticks, so you're bonded forever.   Alok And I guess I just want to bring that kind of camp trust fall. We're all in the woods for a weekend together to every conversation where it's like that kind of that kind of urgency and experimentation and awkwardness actually is what creates a kind of long lasting and enduring love that I can return to when I'm feeling depleted. And so the case then becomes vacationing is not actually about leisure, it's about survival. And that reframe, I think, is really important because I notice that I can always make the things that are essential for me seem like luxury goods, like rest. I'm like, oh, if I get 8 hours. That's a reward. Are you kidding me?   Amy What?   Alok Why am I doing that to myself?   Amy Yeah, it is essential. And we're calling it luxury. You're right.   Grace So let me ask you a question. So you have obviously traveled so many places, you know, in your career. But what would you say is your your favorite place? And it it can even be at home. But like what? What is your favorite place that you've been?   Alok Hmm. There have been so many favorite places. Every time I'm touring my manager, the agents get so confused. I'm like, Yeah, let's go to the Dakotas. Let's go. Let's go to the. And they're like, Are you sure? And I'm like, Absolutely. Because I promise you, there's someone who feels the same pain as me there. They may not be able to look like me or wear what I'm wearing, but I promise you, they feel that same sense of loneliness. And I don't think that people should have to flee in order to not feel lonely. Yeah, I think that people should be able to be wherever they are and not feel lonely. And I want art to be that which makes people feel less lonely.   Amy Yeah. I mean, yeah. And it's like a path towards healing trauma as well, like thinking of how beauty can be that path for so many people. I mean, you have such an incredible and noteworthy sense of style right here on this podcast. I want I wish I could even I can't conceptualize in words how fantastic you look. So how does fashion and beauty factor into your self-expression and into identity for you?   Alok You know, I really believe that fashion saved my life and that it's such a strange statement to say, but I mean it because before I could control my body as a young person, clothing was the first place that I could actually, on my own terms, say, this is who I am. And so styling myself was a way to interrupt other people's expectations of what I should be and to insist, like, okay, this is who I am on my own terms. And that sense of practicing autonomy of appearance I had just because of so much racism and transphobia, I had been dispossessed of autonomy of my body. And so fashion kind of gave me permission to be like, you get to choose who you are and you get to design your own life. And that sense of possibility, I think, is, is what I love so much about style and beauty. It's about actually like I'm in control of this ship, I'm in control of my life. And with that control actually looks like is surrendering. That's the paradox of beauty. And fashion is surrendering to the fact that even though I'm wearing this amazing stiletto heel, New York will put out a rainstorm and will lie to me and gaslight me by saying that it's not going to be raining and you just have to surrender in that moment. Ala Carrie Bradshaw just getting rained on and you're cute, glamorous look. And then you're just like, Wow. That's also the part that I love about fashion. Precisely. It's impracticality.   Grace Yeah, yeah.   Alok People will be like fashion is impractical but I'll be like that's what I love about it.   Amy Yeah, yeah. It's here for beauty's sake.   Grace Yeah. And I've been like, I had sort of always loved fashion as like a little kid. Like I used to wait for, you know, the InStyle magazine for the Oscars to come all the time. And I used to do so, like, dream about, like, being able to wear I think I used to be obsessed with like Dolce and Gabbana back in the day. And so I kind of gave that up because I didn't have the money or the resources. And about two years ago, I really started like getting into luxury and getting into fashion more. And it's been so fun to rediscover what I actually do like because I had made everything practical for so long because I was living in New York. And right now I am currently in the process of learning how to walk in heels again because I kind of forgot. Because I didn't do it for so long, you know, probably since my twenties in New York, because, you know, in New York you just get used to being like flats. And then also the feminist to me was just like, if you gonna want to holler at me in those heels, he gonna want to holler me on the ground. Okay?   Alok Right.   Grace But I do love the look of them. So now I'm learning how to walk in them for me, you know? And it's like a completely different experience.   Alok Yeah, I think beauty is for you and it's so wrong and egregious to me that so much of the beauty conversations about looking beautiful to other people, I actually really believe in self intimacy as the highest and most elevated form of romance. Because when all these partners leave us and you're left with yourself, if you're looking at yourself being like, I'm nothing that's going to cut deeper than what anything anyone else can say or do to you. And so the self-compassion work that I've been really trying to work on has brought me to beauty and fashion as a place and as a location to return to my body. The rituals of like getting in makeup, of doing my skincare routine, of planning my outfit, I mean, and once again, people inherit that conversation as luxury. That's it feels like a recurring theme that the things that are perhaps most vital and essential are seen as superfluous and excessive, but that they're seen as such because the very criteria they're being evaluated through are the people who don't want us to be joyous and free. So, of course, the things that give us joy in free they're going to say are redundant and the things that are killing us and poisoning us, they're going to say areessential. So we have to do that inversion.   Amy I wanted to say I listened to your interview on the Man Enough podcast and you said something that made me almost swerve into traffic as I tried to write it down. You said the antidote to trauma is compassion. That's obviously so relevant to our show. And we're wondering if you could expand on that or tell us how you practice compassion and self-compassion in your life?   Alok Yes, great question. Thank you. I'm sorry you almost swerved into traffic. That's- like you're reminding me of Gen Z being like, run me over, I love you that much. Like, okay, well, there's this like kind of a macabre sense.   Grace Amy. It's a podcast. You can listen to it later again. Amy.   Amy No.   Grace No, I must capture it right now.   Alok Right. I mean, but I here's the thing. I lived in L.A. for six months. I understand sometimes you really have to pee so bad and you're not going to be able to get to the toilet for about 20 minutes. And so you have to intentionally listen because you're trying to distract yourself from that other need. So that podcast you like, if you would, if you had lost that attention, who knows what would have happened?   Amy Yeah. Yeah.   Alok I think that's actually my career is to keep. It's to keep- be so compelling. I can give relief to people who really need to sh-- if they're stuck in traffic. I want to be that kind of urgency. Um. Yeah. When I'm talking about antidotes, like, here's the bigger secret and why I'm so excited about what you're all doing. I actually do think that we can heal, and I do think that we can get free. And I know that's like not in vogue right now where people are like so committed to cynicism as like, yeah, like I'm radical because I'm critical. I actually think hope is the radical practice. Like, hello, I agree. And when I'm talking about antidotes, it's actually coming from a deeply hopeful place in me that's like, yes and. Yes, there's all these things here, but there are things that we can do that can actually bring us peace. And what I really champion for compassion about is not that it's actually just even about helping other people because it's often framed as being the better person, but actually compassion for others as the ultimate act of self-love. Because I love myself enough to not be perturbed by you and your lower frequency, I don't want to invite that negative energy into me because that's going to increase my cortisol production and stress me out and manifest this physical pain that I don't want to deal with. So I relinquish myself from even your ability to contaminate my energy.   Grace And then like what I've been thinking about in my life with all this stuff that's been going on, you know, against trans and gay and Black people and brown people in this country. Sometimes when I think about like the way that people vote and they think about us, it affects me being in the world. I find myself looking around at people not with compassion, but I'm just like, Are you one of those? Are you one of those? So I feel like you're so right. Like, if I were to be able to get to a place where I realize it's just a lower vibration, I can stay at my vibration without being dragged down by other people's vibrations. Sorry. Please continue.   Alok It's weird because Alok has been out here sounding like Jesus recently. All these Christians keep messaging me like talking a lot like a Christian and I'm like, okay man and address Jesus or Alok. What's good.   Grace What's good. What's actually good.   Alok And I just really this word mercy keeps coming up to me is that now I'm able to see people are operating from a low frequency because they've been taught a malnourished definition of love. They've not had access to care and intimacy. I feel mercy. I'm so sorry that you are wasting your precious time on earth oppressing me when you could be playing Mario Kart. What the hell are you doing?   Grace Yes, yes, yes, yes. Could be watching Drag Race. You could be-.   Amy Getting all the Korok seeds.   Grace You could be having sex. Okay, I will I will ask one last question, because I think this is a quick answer. So what would you say is your proudest non career accomplishment?   Alok Mm hmm. Being alive. Winning is living. Living is winning. And I just really do not take it for granted that I'm here. A lot of things that try to make it so that I'm not here and I just have to return to that basic and fundamental fact that even if I don't produce anything, or even if I don't do anything, I'm producing a breath. And that is an elaborate love poem.   Amy You're here.   Grace We are our ancestors wildest dreams. That's what I always have to bring it back to. Because, like, even when I'm having a terrible time, I'm just like, oh, my God, a hundred years ago, I could never be this.   Amy Mm hmm.   Grace Well, thank you.   Amy Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you.   Alok I just can't wait for you to vacation, Amy. That's what I really want.   Amy I want it for me, too.   Alok I want, like, wild Instagram stories of you on vacations. Like,.   Amy I will.   Alok Amy gone wild. Like, I want, like, people like who even is she?   Amy Just wig askew. The front of the wig is at the back.   Grace I mean, I've seen it. She's able to do it, like when-.   Alok Like who even is she truly?   Amy I am ready for my vacation. And Alok, this world sucks, but it sucks a little less because you're in it and because we've had this conversation. Thank you so, so much.   Grace Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It could be just something you love, not something you created.   Alok I mean, I'm like kind of touring the world right now, so hopefully, like, come, like come and, like, experience it.   Grace Yes. We'll be there later this month.   Alok Amazing.   Amy We're really excited. And where can people find you on the Internets?   Alok Every time people ask me that question, I'm like, so I'm addicted to Instagram. It feels like inappropriate just being following my handle because it's actually a really dark thing that I'm on there all the time. Hey, come and see the product of me displacing all of the other things I need to do with my life on Instagram.   Amy Exactly. Yeah.   Amy At A-L-O-K-V-M-E-N-O-N   Amy Well, thank you so much, Alok. This has been incredible.   Grace Thank you so much, Alok.   Alok Thank you.   Grace So to close this out, we are doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity, as is the name. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah, I'm ready.   Grace "Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas." That is by Donatella Versace. Say it one more time. "Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas." Donatella Versace.   Amy I had to laugh a little bit when I heard it because it made me think at first, like how Versace has so many, like, mixed patterns. Like, so many of their fabrics are like loud.   Grace Yeah, they do have very loud fabrics.   Amy The Versace brand is beautiful, but what it really makes me think of in terms of what we do, I think being in the writers room and how there will be times where you pitch something and then someone else will pitch something like, Yes, and what if it was a little like this? And then, in fact, it's coming from a conflict. Like, it's like I. I don't see it your way or I see it your way, but it's not clear enough for me or I hadn't gotten to your way yet, or I've already thought beyond that. And so that conflict of people seeing a different point of view leads to creativity. I remember in the Insecure Writers room, Prentice used to always say, like, we live in the gray and we would choose story based on when there were two opposing points of view that we would argue about in the room or discuss in the room at random, like who Issa should end up with. Like because we had conflict over it. We wrote that into the story. You know, it's like she had to have tension over it, too. And we did that every season. Like, whose fault is this fight? Is it Molly's? Or Issa's?Every season, we had a few storylines that were bred from a conflict of ideas and it led to creative ways to show story. So that's what it makes me think of fashion and writing. What about you, Grace?   Grace Actually, this is the first time that it made us think of the same thing. Yeah, it made me think about the writers room and how, you know, at certain times and I still struggle with this right now, I'll be like. No, that's what I think. And you guys, if you don't see why it needs to be this way, then I'm going to be mad. No. But honestly, the best stuff comes when your idea interacts with another idea. So it's not even always like that. Sometimes the writer's room will get into a real big flow. So it's like, yes and yes and yes and. And you're sort of on the same track and you're getting excited about that. You're always that. You're all heading in the same direction. But no, sometimes it's something that comes from an opposite idea or something that comes all the way left. Or you might say something that has a dress in it, for example, and you're like, Oh, addressing this. And somebody will come up with a pitch about addressing a problem. And you're like, No, no, I'm in a physical piece of clothing. But no, they're brain turned it into a addressing something.   Amy Oh, yes.   Grace Sometimes that's like one of those happy accidents that makes the work kind of come alive. Also, I kind of think about that right now. I do get a good number of notes in my life right now because I'm developing, yeah, several projects. And, you know, writers always sometimes say that, oh, this person at the network didn't know what they were talking about. Duhduhduh but sometimes and oftentimes, frankly, they are putting a finger on something that even though even if you don't address the note exactly like how they want you to do it, they are pinpointing something that's bumping. And sometimes that note will actually activate your creativity to like, okay, I have to give this person what they want because they are financing this thing. They are my boss. So I have to try to to satisfy myself and satisfy them. And the challenge of that sometimes makes something even better than what you originally conceived or that you were holding on to. So, yes, this quote feels like the essence of being a TV writer. Really. Okay. Thank you for listening to The Antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. Alok had bars. How about you, Amy?   Amy Um, Alok changed my whole damn life. I'm spontaneous now, so I feel great, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime-.   Amy Oh, not spontaneous.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two e's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate his five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And Celebrate Being Alive. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards is produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes and antidoteshow.org please and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee way two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Yay.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with Tik Tok’s best friend Tefi, to discuss enjoying friends around the dinner table, releasing negative energy, and the power of a healthy reframe. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: FINA, the world governing body for swimming, bans transgender women from women’s events, and New York ruled that Happy the Elephant cannot be released to a sanctuary, and must remain at the Bronx Zoo. Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include going to a sauna, and pilates. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.” - Dorothy Parker OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Brooklinen.com - use promo code ANTIDOTE for $20 off your purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace, or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.  Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So if you don't know me by now, turn this podcast off because we're going to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace Don't we know, this is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another week. And it is been a week. Amy Oh. Grace It has been a 2022. You know what I'm saying? Amy It has been a 2022. I really hope y'all are like on vacation somewhere, like an elongated vacation. And you haven't come back from your 4th of July activities and you're still, like, on a beach somewhere enjoying life. Grace Yeah, we wish that for you. But, you know, you got to tap into some of these simple pleasures. Like both Amy and I had the most delish vegan chocolate chip cookies the other day. Amy Yes, we did. Oh, my gosh. They were so good because there was salt on top. There was Maldon. Grace Yes. Amy There was Maldon salt sprinkled on top.  Grace Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, the salty with the sweet, you know. And then it's also like they came out kind of warm, too, so it was like melty and, you know, the kind where you have to use like three napkins for one cookie. And they were like a good size too. Amy They were really big. I was like, for me, sometimes a big cookie is overwhelming because I love a cookie. It is my favorite dessert above everything. But when they're too big, I'm like, I feel this pressure to eat it all in one sitting. And then I get like the sugar burn in my throat where I'm like, I had too much sweet. Grace Oh, sugar burn? I don't even know what that is. I mean, like, my body really is like, I could take all the sugar you can give me girl like jam it in, but oh, that's interesting to know that that a cookie is your favorite. I will file that away for the future. I'm not - I do enjoy cookie, but I would say either a cobbler or a pie is my favorite. Amy Oh, okay. I'm down with that. What I hate it when people are like. I like cake. I'm like, what? It's just, like, fluffy air, but cobblers and pies are hearty. I just. Grace, can I tell you something? This is not my antidote. But I had this inkling that this week was going to be some bullsh-- and that when I went grocery shopping a couple of days ago at Sprouts, they have like half pies. Grace Oh, yeah. Amy So you can buy half a pie and I bought half an apple pie. And let me tell you what I had for lunch today. Not half of half of that apple pie. Grace You know it. All you're telling me right now is that you're a hero. Okay. Pie in the middle of a day I stand. Amy Yes. Well, I'm like, now you made me want a cobbler. That'll be the next stop on my dessert journey. My dessert as lunch journey? Grace Wait you didn't tell me what your favorite kind of cookie is Amy As long- it has to be soft. I'm not a crunchy cookie person. Like, what are we trying to do? Work? While we enjoy dessert? Grace Those are violence. Amy Yeah. Yeah, it has to be pillow soft. I really love a molasses or a ginger. I also will do, like, a vegan chocolate chip. I'm always, like, pleasantly surprised when it's amazing, but I prefer a little spice in my cookie. Grace Oh, I like it spicy. Amy I like my cookies. Like I like my man. Spicy. Grace Black? Amy Yeah, exactly. Well, dark brown because molasses cookies, they are brown. I like my cookies like I like my men - brown covered in sugar and a little bit spicy. Grace Oh, I could get on board with that. Well, now that we've processed our desserts, we can't have an antidote. If we don't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, top with our bummer news of the week. First up, the world swimming body has banned transgender women from women's events. So just for some background, FINA, which is the International Olympic Committee for Swimming, decided to ban trans women from their events, and it was passed with a 71.5% approval rating. Under the policy, transgender women must show that they basically have not experienced puberty. And they said it was necessary to use sex and sex linked traits to determine eligibility criteria because of the, quote, unquote, performance gap that appears between males and females during puberty. The policy has taken effect, and I'm disgusted. I'm just mad. Grace Yeah, it just feels like one of these anti-trans laws and policies that seem to be sweeping the world. I guess I thought we were the only ones f---ed up in the US, but I guess it's made its way everywhere. Amy It's all over honey. Grace Yeah. And it doesn't seem that there is a transgender woman yet that has risen to that level. So it feels like it's just in case one of these ladies make it this high, we're going to say they can't play. And it just seems so silly. And it also feels like where are transgender women supposed to compete? Right. So if they can't compete with the women and then they can't compete with the men, then where are they supposed to go? It feels like a way to like a low down way to exclude trans people from sports just in general. I mean, unless they have a transgender league, which feels like segregation. So where are these women who are wanting to compete at this level? Where are they supposed to go? They just can't compete. That feels like discrimination in its highest form.  Amy It 100% is discrimination. And as we've discussed, when legislation gets passed to control humans from literally doing the things that bring them joy, I'm going to get upset when an athlete has decided to take on a sport as hard as swimming, as hard as anything at the Olympic level. And they actually are very good at it, no matter their gender. We as humans are equipped with a desire to compete and a desire to, even in some ways represent our countries where we're from, make ourselves feel pride in what we've accomplished. And they're not just stripping them of a chance to compete. They're also stripping them of that the pride, the feelings that make you feel joy as a human, to know that you've done something that other people can't do or might want to do, that you can inspire people. They're taking that away, too. Grace If someone that is different than what they think the quote unquote norm is is competing in a sport. And they're just like, let me try to make as many obstacles as I can for this person because they're good. So I don't know. I feel like there are athletes that are born with certain advantages, like they have shorter muscles or, you know, there are athletes- . Amy Well, Michael Phelps. His wingspan is crazy like his. They've done measurements. His arms are longer than the average human's. He's still allowed to swim. Grace Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There are genetic advantages that certain athletes do have. And so I don't even know the science to know that, you know, going through male puberty gives you an advantage. But I can say that there are a lot of people born with certain hormonal or physical advantages that make them better athletes, and we don't stop them from competing because they're born with that thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, this this feels like it's transphobic. I don't know. Amy It feels like it is. Yeah, but that's not the only bummer news this week. There also has been a court ruling that Happy the elephant from New York - Happy the elephant is going to remain at the Bronx Zoo because a court has ruled that she's not a human and therefore doesn't have rights to leave. Now, this story is like a little weird to me because basically there's this elephant named Happy. She was happy, ain't happy no more. Grace She doesn't sound like it. Amy But she was in captivity and has been in captivity since she was one year old and has been living at the Bronx Zoo for the last 45 years. There's only one other elephant at that zoo and that elephant and Happy don't get along. So there have been people trying to advocate to say, hey, can Happy either go back to an elephant sanctuary or somewhere where there are more elephants so that she can be surrounded by elephants that are like her. And the Bronx Zoo was like nah, she ain't human. She don't have the right to decide where she goes. And also these people who actually know sh-- about elephants are trying to advocate for her and they won't let them. So this is bumming me out because it also it just feels like discrimination against this poor baby elephant. Yeah, that's wild. Grace That is wild. And I don't even know why we're still doing zoos. Like, can we can we stop doing zoos? I mean, I feel like, you know, yes, it's nice when you are a child to go to the zoo and you can see the elephants or you could see the tigers or you could see the monkeys. But I mean, it's just nice to see them. Like we're not thinking about the quality of life of these animals, like we're just going to view them as. As spectators when they have the right to be free, too. So I feel like what is the value of a zoo other than seeing an animal up close? You know, I don't I don't think it's worth it. Amy It's a little cringe. I think zoos should go away. Even when I was a kid, the animals very often looked really sad. And I remember one time seeing a lion just running into this side of the cage, like just running into it over and over. And I was like, That lion is not okay. He don't want to be here. Yeah, I have a different feeling about sanctuaries, like where they're caring for the animal and they're around animals that are like them. But a zoo where people are just, like, taking pictures and gawking and dumb teenagers are trying to crawl inside the cage and then getting mauled. I'm just kind of like, can we. Can we stop? I'm with Grace. I want it to stop.   Grace Let Happy go.   Amy Yeah. Let Happy go. Let Happy be happy.   Grace Yeah.   Amy How do you feel after hearing all this?   Grace Well, I feel unhappy. How bout you?   Amy Feel like I'm in captivity in a cage called America.   Grace Yeah. We're all here, girl. Yeah. Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. Tell me, Grace, please make me feel good. What was your antidote this week?   Grace A sauna. Oh, I love a sauna. And I don't. I can't even really explain it. It's just like I love sweating and I love the heat. It always just makes me feel so relaxed.   Amy Two of my least favorite things.   Grace Yeah, I like it. It feels like so relaxing and. And yummy and I. And, like, my muscles sort of melt. It's so good that I did go earlier this week, but I'm going to go again tonight because it was a really tough day   Amy What did you just, like, discover as a sauna near you or?   Grace Yeah, well, I had been to this particular location before, but I don't know, like these little reminder emails that sometimes businesses send you, like, will actually work. It's this place called Pause. And, you know, I live, you know, a couple of miles away from it. And so, like, you get your own little personal sauna and a little plunge pool. So you go in, you close the door. So you have your own little space and they have towels and they have like a little, little basket for all your belongings. And then there's a cold plunge pool and there's an infrared sauna and it's just you. And so you go in and, you know, so I wear my little bathing suit. I went in there, I sat in the sauna for I think the way they describe that you should do it with the plunge pool is that you go in the sauna for like 9 minutes, then go out and you go in the plunge pool for like 30 seconds because it is like painfully cold. So you shouldn't really stay in there longer than 3 minutes. So you go in there and then you go back into the sauna, and so you go alternate back and forth between the pool and the sauna. And it really is great because, you know, I've been doing this floor boot camp on Peloton, which is a combination of cardio and weights. And I did it the first time and it was like, oh my God, I was so sore for like three days. But what the sauna plus plunge pool combination does is that it helps with recovery because you're, like shocking your body in both directions. And also just the sauna, like the warmth of it, like stretching and stuff in the sauna can really help with recovery. But yeah, it just really woke up my body and I felt so blissed out and relaxed that I got a package. So that's the reason why I'm going back tonight. So yeah, it just brought me a lot of peace also because it's your own little room. I had like my phone, I don't put it in the sauna with me because it'd probably break the phone, but there was like a little gap in the like between the floor and the door of the sauna. So I just put on like one of my favorite podcasts. Why won't you date me with Nicole Byer.   Amy Oh my God,.   Grace Our friend. And so I like literally just sat there and laughed and listened to the podcast while I was in the sauna. So it was just like my little pod of deliciousness. And so the reason why I haven't been to the sauna is because, you know, usually it's a it's a community activity that, you know, you're usually in there with multiple people. And I'm just like, if there's anywhere where COVID could spread. Easy as f---.    Amy It's going to be in this hot ass room where we all got fevers.   Grace Exactly. It's going to be in the hot ass room. There's no air circulating. It's literally being kept inside. It's also the reason why I haven't done hot yoga in two years, and that is my favorite kind of yoga. I love hot yoga. That's like my favorite kind. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's my Caribbean blood or whatever. I just really like, I don't enjoy heat as a concept, like in the weather, you know, I don't like to be super hot, but like when I choose it, like when I'm going into a sauna or a steam room, it just feels so good and relaxing. And I felt like so many endorphins. It almost felt like I was, like taking an antidepressant or like I had had like three drinks or something. It just made me feel almost like drunk with like how good my body felt after it. And of course, I'm a nerd. So I did some research on the benefits of the sauna. And it turns out like people who use sauna have lower incidences of heart problems. It helps with recovery from workouts. You have to probably sauna more than I'm willing to sauna.   Amy Yeah. I'm like, I'm not like down to sit in the heat all day. But if it actually has these health benefits.   Grace Yeah, it has really great health benefits. It's like, good for your skin. It's like, you know, we have all these toxins in our bodies. It helps, like sweat it out, like, and then it just makes me feel really good. So there's health benefits and it just really improves my mood. So I'm going to try to do at least once every other week. And, you know, I've always said that when I buy a house, I want to have a room where I can have a sauna at home. So I could do it even more than I do it. I really love it. Yeah. So that was my antidote, girl. What was yours?   Amy Well, this is about to be a bougie self-care gym slash sauna antidote minute. Because my antidote this week was a private Pilates class. I through the pandemic, I, you know, I gained the COVID 19. I got a little chunky around my middle and I hate it. I hate it not because necessarily the weight gain itself, but it represents stress to me and and it represents like not healthy eating. So I started going back to the gym earlier, late last year and then the mask mandate lifted. So I stopped doing classes because I felt really unsafe in the gym with no mask on. Like because literally at my gym it's like it's a glass box and just people just like hawking loogies out of their mouths as they're two feet away from another person, like sharing weights like the gyms are disgusting. You have to go through trials to be fit. And I don't like trying hard at anything physical. So the gym has been difficult for me lately, but one of the things I missed is I had just started taking pilates at my gym. I'd never done pilates before and all these people had told me, Oh, I think you'll like Pilates. And I used to dance when I was younger. And Pilates feels like dance conditioning, like it's stretching, but like a lot of the moves are very similar to the stretches you do when you are a dancer. And it felt very like, in a weird way, new, but also in some ways familiar to my body because of my background as a dancer. And I really was like excited to like embark on this Pilates journey and then the mask mandate lifted. But then I realized in my gym at the time did not have private instruction or anything, but they just got a private pilates instructor. And I was like, I think I'm going to splurge and do it. I think I just want to know if it feels similar, if it's fun, like what it'll feel like. To me personally, as someone who like sometimes needs someone to be looking at me specifically to like adjust my form and whatever. And it was wonderful. And my instructor is a former dancer too. And so like, she's just, she knows, like, I don't dance anymore. Like, I cannot do the splits, I cannot do a pirouette. I will fall over. But dance was my sh-- for like ten years of my life. And so this pilates instructor knows like my instinct to always point my toes and like, why I'm always turning out my feet and all these things. And and she tends to give instruction in a like kind of dancey terminology way. And it just literally makes me feel like I'm getting ready to dance again, even though girl that ain't going to happen. But it makes me feel that way. And it made me really happy and it was hard working on the reformer machine. And then there's another machine that I forgot what it's called. Maybe it's called the Cadillac, I don't know, but that's a car, but it might be called the Cadillac. Working out on these two different machines and then having someone there who's adjusting you. I was like, Oh, maybe I'm going to become a private pilates bitch. Like, it's not cheap. But also in this world, as we have learned from certain guests, we've had that things that very often people consider luxuries are things that we should enjoy and appreciate. And I was like, Oh, I think I bought a couple of packages, like, just like you did, like I did it the one time. And I bought a little six session package to be like, Okay, I'll at least do it six times and then I'll assess. So yeah, I'm really excited to keep exploring pilates and I'm glad you get to keep exploring your sauna. Yeah, love it. Well, guys, we'll be back after this break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today who is it, Grace?   Grace Our guest today is Tiktok's BFF, who says she was put on this earth to make everybody feel more comfortable at the dinner party. That is life. Watching her Tiktok is like having a glass of wine and kiking with your best friend. And since Amy and I love a girlfriend kiki. We're so happy to have her with us. With 1.4 million followers and counting. Her account is the go to place for pop culture gossip and relationship advice. She's the official Tiktok host for InStyle. Please welcome the heartfelt and hilarious Tefi..   Amy Oh,.   Tefi That is so nice.   Amy It's like you knew just for our listeners, because this is a podcast, so you don't know what I saw the minute that Grace said. Watching her Tiktok is like having a glass of wine. Tefi drank from a glass.   Grace Yes. We love.   Amy It was f---ing brilliant.   Grace Why don't I have wine? I should go get some.   Tefi I'm telling you, like I've had such a week. I was like. I was talking to my project manager, Shannon, and I was like 4:59, 4:59. 4:59. We're popping it. We're popping it.   Amy It is that.   Grace That's right. So it can be in the glass and ready to be consumed right at 5pm.   Amy Five on the dot.   Grace You know, five on the dot because it's a weekday. But you know what? Who cares? It's always 5:00 somewhere. As they say.   Tefi It's 1,000%. It's always 4:59 somewhere. And I always like to tell people that my favorite thing is it's 4:59 somewhere. And then I always say Miami wasn't built in a day. I don't care about Rome.   Grace Why are we talking about Rome? That's all the way over there.   Tefi I don't know anybody in Rome.   Amy Miami is still literally being built.   Tefi I know. They find away.   Amy Yeah. Did you know Solange's song? I keep telling everybody this because I found out. Solange's song Cranes in the Sky is about the cranes over the city of Miami because Miami is being built all the time   Tefi Yes, because she's also a cancer. And I keep notes. I keep tabs on my cancer girls, like I'll read my horoscope and I'll be like. Me and Selena Gomez are not having a good day. Like, I like, literally. But yes, Solange is like one of my, one of my girls. Like, sometimes when I'll be reading it, it's like, talk to your family today. I'm like, Solange, you got to do it.   Grace Reaching out over the cosmos for your-   Tefi Literally. Yeah, literally. If Solange can pull through the day like I can find it within me, you know,.   Amy Completely. If she can do it, we can do it. I completely agree. Well, let's check in first. Okay. You're very, very accomplished. But we're not here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. We're here to talk about how you're feeling today. Okay. Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?   Tefi How am I feeling? Yeah, I think. So. For a long- so I'm somebody who I can hold on to, like a lot of old energy. And I think sometimes when I'm trying to think about how I felt or how I felt in a certain situation, I can tap into that memory in such a like real way. I can really like use my root chakra and like ground myself and really go back there. But instead, like instead of letting that go and moving on, like, okay, that's how I felt that I got to the bottom of it. I'll carry it around with me almost to kind of like take care of that version of myself, even if it was from months ago. So I can feel myself holding on to like all this old energy. And I know what I have to do. I know I have to go to the gym to physically, like.   Amy Physically get it out.   Grace Mm hmm.   Tefi Like, sometimes when you have, like, a heavy heart, I'll like. Like, tap on my heart. I'm like, you got to shake it. You got to kind of shake it out, you know what I mean? And disperse that. So I know I have to go to the gym because it's such a great place to like while I'm running, while I'm working out, I'm physically imagining the energy coming out with my sweat like anything so I can see it, see things in a clear mind, right? But I have issues with the way that I view my body. So I know if I start working out, I'm also tapping into, like, a frenemy of mine. Yeah, I call it that the Heidi to my LC, you know.   Grace Oh, my gosh.   Tefi So it's like, hey, girl, I always love hanging out with you, but when I leave, I feel a little f---ing obsessive, you know? So I'm like, So I went to the gym today, and the whole time I was like, okay, think about it in ways where like if you're really having like a hard food day and like instead of calling it strawberries, I call it folic acid because it benefits, this is great for my eyesight, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm at the gym and I'm like. I'm running, right, because climate change, if the waters are coming, I got to be fast.   Amy I need to be able to run.   Tefi I'm running. I'm running. You know what I mean? You have to make it. Besides, besides making it about size or whatever. Yeah, it's more about like, well, if I'm running in the woods and I'm doing the zigzag because someone's shooting at me, this is where this comes in handy. You know what I mean?   Amy That's so smart.   Tefi I did all that. I think. I think I'm proud of myself about like, being able to, like, reframe things. It took everything except electroshock therapy. It took everything. Everything but a lobotomy.   Amy I am still working on that. The reframe.   Grace The reframe is so important.   Tefi But it's exhausting.   Grace This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So it sounds like for sure going to the gym is an antidote for you. But what is another antidote that you have? Meaning, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week, this month or this year?   Tefi Non-work-related? Goddamnit, have you been talking to my mom? She's like literally my mom. She was like, What makes you happy? I'm like, going to work. And then she's like, Other than work, I'm like, and then I go to sleep. I think, you know, I was at somebody the other day asked me, What makes you happy? The happiest the happiest that I am is sitting at a table eating with my friends. It is my favorite thing in the entire world. Every time that I am sitting with my I don't call them my best friends, I call them my non-negotiables. Right. Because I feel like-.   Amy I love that   Tefi BFF. For me when I, when I hear like BFF or whatever, I'm like, you guys are going to break up, but my non-negotiables mean that I will work towards- fix it. You know what I mean?   Amy and Grace Yeah, that's right.   Tefi So when I sit with them and I'm in one of our apartments, there's eight of them and some very rarely we- we're all together. And for some reason the stars just aligned. It was not planned, but we were all together like last Monday. And I'm looking around and it's like one of those moments where you're like, This is a great place for the movie to end. So, you know, the character is going to be okay like that, that moment, you know what I mean? And it zooms out. You know, I grew up watching Lifetime,.   Amy But I mean I love that. I love that. There are times when-   Grace That pull out.   Amy Yes. When someone does like someone says that one joke in the whole table laughs and you're just like, this is the end of the movie.   Tefi You're good, like, You're good. I think I appreciate that so much too, because like, I'm on the Internet so much and I'm I try to read comments all the time and people are like, Oh, you should not read comments. I'm like, Have you ever heard of an engagement rate? Okay, never mind. Mind your business. Then. But I'll be looking for comments. And so many people say I don't have any friends and I didn't recognize I'm always the group of friends that I'm talking about my non-negotiables. I've known them since I was in elementary school. They're the same people. Yeah, some of them a little in college, but that's like the latest, you know? And so I'm looking I look around my friends and things happen where my mom will call one of them. She's like, It's your mom. And she just said something so funny. I'm like, Mom, call me, you know, like, so.   Amy That's how tightknit you are.   Grace Yeah.   Tefi But a lot of the times I've recognize too that I avoid them because people that you don't know well will not be able to tell if something's wrong, but your friends will. So I rather hang out with an acquaintance, so they'll be like, Why are you avoiding me? And I'm like, no reason. They're like so Facetime me. I'm like, No.   Amy And they're like, Oh, there's something.   Grace Oh, they know how to call you on the thing.   Tefi I know. So sometimes I'll be in New York, and even though this makes me the most happy, this dinner party like that is my antidote. Having a glass of wine. The conversations that we have that people who really know us can be too much. So I'll avoid it. I live with my antidote sometimes.   Amy That's so interesting. I mean, I we haven't talked about that at all. And I have to say, I, I agree with you. Like there are times where even the things that I love and it's it's not super healthy, I guess, but there are times where I'm like, I almost feel like I don't deserve the antidote because, like, I haven't, like, been productive enough this week or like I didn't get this thing I wanted or whatever. And I'll withhold myself from experiencing the thing that gives you joy. And that's so much of what we're trying to counteract, even by Grace and I, even having this podcast and forcing ourselves to have weekly antidotes is like, No, you will self care bitch. You know, it's like you're- we have to find a way.   Grace Oh, you have a guest this week. You have to find a way.    Amy Because that can happen.   Tefi You will self care, bitch.   Amy Exactly. Get into it. And it's like that can happen. And I love that you're calling that out because this thing that you love that brings you so much joy, but sometimes you're like, But it sees me too clearly. And I got to step away.   Grace Starting during the height of the pandemic, you became an antidote for a lot of people, you know, because your your channel started in 2020 during everything. And I was just curious-   Tefi What happened?   Grace  What happened? We were going through a little something. Back then I can barely remember. It's not like we're still going through it right now, but do you think that Tiktok will stay your platform, or do you have plans to like grow your brand elsewhere?   Tefi Oh, my God, no. So, of course. Of course. It's fine. If Meryl calls, I'll do the movie. Fine, fine. You know, but I am, I'm working on things with other like networks and I am getting more into like scripted stuff or whatever. But I always say, like, I will always be on TikTok. The only skill that I have is like being myself, you know what I mean? That's the only skill. If you pulled up Excel right now, I'd start crying. I'd start bawling. So you know what I mean? So when it comes to Tiktok, you get to a certain point where you meet people who it's kind of like a PR in a way that they'll assign you with somebody who is kind of like, How can I help? What do you want to do and how can I help you? We have this brand deal, like if you if you like for me, I said I want to host red carpets and it was Tiktok. Mm. Yeah it was Tiktok that said, we have a partnership with Warner Brothers. Why don't I introduce you, why don't we have a meeting with them? So it was Tiktopk that put me on my first red carpet to interview people. And they said literally, they said, What's your experience? And I said, Oh, I've done hours of interviewing in the shower that oh, please, you know what I mean? Like basically none. So when and to this day, like once a week, I have a meeting with people from Tiktok, and when I tell you, they sit with me and they're like, How can we make sure- and it's not about like how they signed me up for projects that don't even use Tiktok. Like, how can we make sure that your dreams come true? I've never had people care about me like that. So, you know, I mean. I mean, okay, wait. My publicist, my manager.   Amy And they're like, hey, hey, hey, man. We're right here.   Tefi My mom definitely cares. So when it comes to Tiktok, not only am I in a place where I love my audience there, but I owe Tiktok, everything. Like if Tiktok was like, Oh, can you come can you come serve coffee at the office? I would like I would love to make you a latte, you know.   Amy Girl, you know, don't you dare serve them coffee.   Tefi It'd be bad. It would be like, you know how like-   Grace They'll be like, Ok, we will never ask Tefi to do that again.    Tefi  Yeah, exactly. Bill Murray was at bartending at this bar in Brooklyn. It's like a famous story. It was, like his son was opening a bar. And no matter what anyone ordered, it'd be a tequila shot. That's like what I would do at the coffee shop. It's like, here's your black coffee.   Grace  I didn't make it myself. I went to. Starbucks.   Tefi Exactly.   Grace I made coffee at Starbucks.   Amy But you know what you offered? You offered and that's what counts.   Tefi I did.   Amy Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you like to plug? It can even be something you just love, not something you created.   Tefi Dammit. I was unprepared. I was like, Has everybody checked out Netflix?   Amy and Grace Yeah. Yeah.   Amy Let's plug Netflix. They need help right now. Their stock is in the gutter.   Tefi They do, they do, but let me tell you. If Blockbuster comes back, I'm switching up so frickin fast. Their head will spin, ok? But absolutely not. I have nothing to plug. I'm HelloTefi on Instagram and Twitter and TikTok. And like if you have a funny meme, send me a meme. I love a good meme, a mimi like my mom says.   Tefi I love that. Okay, well, thank you so much. This has been amazing.   Grace Yeas, thank you so much. Bye.   Tefi Thank you. Thank you. Bye.   Grace Okay to close this out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah, girl hit me.   Grace "Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye." And that's by Dorothy Parker. I'll say it again. "Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye." Dorothy Parker.   Amy Dorothy Parker sounds like a Virgo to me because I agree with this quote. I like the i- it literally is saying to like what I perceive it as the disciplined eye is education and education in any form. It doesn't have to be formal education like getting a degree. It could be classes, it could be, you know, reading a book about the thing you want to be creative about. But I think that wild mind and it's really hard to hold both, especially once you gain traction in the field of your choice to- that wild mind is what got you there. And that disciplined eye is will will keep you there. And so it's hard. Like it's something that I struggle with, like returning to my voice after writing on a show. Like, how- what are the things that make my inner clock tick and makes me stay, like, creatively free? And then how do I retain all the things that I learned to be disciplined about my execution? Like, that's what I, I think of. It's interesting that it says creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye, I almost feel like an artist, an artist is a creative wild mind and a disciplined eye. But let me not rewrite the quote, Dorothy. I'm a leave it to you. But I just I do think that being creative for profit or with, you know, with a career objective behind it kind of requires that discipline eye. I think it does. What is it make you think, Grace?   Grace Well, this made me think about how when you are first being a creative and you've gone to like school, like I went to film school, I went to school. And you learn all these rules about how you should build a character and how you should have a scene. And they're different for comedy and they're different from drama. And there's just so much to learn. Also, you learn about shots and you know how to put it in the script and you know what the director does versus what you do. And so there's all this learning that you do and then it starts all over again because school does not per- prepare you for being a creative out in the wild. I feel like what happened to me is that I developed a very disciplined eye. So I was writing with a lot of technique, a lot of rules in my head, a lot of things. So I feel like when I look at my earlier attempts, there was no no wild mind in there. It was just like you go from A to B, your character. Like I was writing in complete sentences. Like it didn't sound like how people talk. And I started out with the wild mind, like you said, like we all do as children. Like you just are creative by nature. You play, you make little. I used to make little soap operas with my Barbies back in the day and basically schooling tames that wild mind. So for me, there was a clicking in that happened, I don't know, maybe about six or seven years ago where I was so frustrated and I felt like my work was just like, I'm doing all the things right. Like, why isn't it as good as I want? And I was just like, Oh, I have to embrace the play. I have to embrace the wild mind of when I didn't know all the rules in order for your work to be good. So I think that this is a perfect encapsulation of what I didn't know I was missing at the time. I thought I knew all the ways to do it and and all the rules. And I had read all the screenplay books, and I was a student in film school. And so I was just like, why isn't it and why isn't it magical? It's just competent. It wasn't magical. And so I realized that I had to bring back the wild mind in order for my work to be not just confident, but to inject the magic and the the uniqueness of myself that wasn't coming through because I was paying attention to too many of the rules. So thank you, Dorothy Parker. I'll remember. I'll keep remembering   Amy  I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you. Dorothy Parker.   Grace Thank you, Dorothy Parker.   Amy I have just learned a thing about myself as well that I need to get a little more. wild.   Grace I think we all can get a little bit more wild. Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and keep in touch with your non-negotiables. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Executive producer is Eric Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Mariannne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The true.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes, please, at antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Peace out.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor Tian Richards (Tom Swift) about staying present, finding the best donuts in his favorite cities, and loving Black women. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week - The Supreme Court Overturning Roe v. Wade - and also provide resources for how to fight back. They also share a joint antidote this week: listening to,  “Break My Soul,” by the queen, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter.   This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Make an empty space in any corner of your mind, and creativity will instantly fill it.” - Dee Hock If you’re looking for resources following the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision on Roe v. Wade, check out the following: Plan C Pills: https://www.plancpills.org/ Repro Legal Helpline: https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ Call or text the Miscarriage and Abortion Hotline: 1-833-246-2632 OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. Because we grown, y'all. So, you know, prepare yourselves. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another week in the final days of America. Amy I mean I mean, the end is nigh. The end is right here. Grace Yeah, I think it's a wrap, wrap, wrap. I'm just trying to figure out which country I'm going to escape to. But, you know, for now, we are here. And welcome to all you lovely listeners to yet another episode. Amy Yeah, it's exhausting to be here and no further proof of that than I went to my first comedy show, guys like. Just like Grace. I f---ing love live comedy. I love stand up. I love being in the energy of a theater where we all agree that this is funny. I just love that feeling. And I went to my first comedy show since the pandemic, like literally two and a half years, my very first show this week. And I f---ing fell asleep. Grace Oh, baby. Amy I fell the f--- asleep. I was so. I'm just so tired. I'm so tired. Grace Oh, I hope you were to where it could be seen. Amy Girl, I was in the front row. We got in and the place was packed and I was like, Oh no. And they told us our seats. I did not intend to buy front row seats. I don't that we didn't know we had front row seats. They just put us oh my God, in the front row. And I was like, first of all, I never want to be in the front row at a comedy show ever. You don't want to be in the direct eye line of the comic. They make you part of the show. What would you think about this joke? I'm like, I don't want that energy. And then there I was and it's freezing in the theater, and I had to put my sweater sweater on me like a blanket. Grace And then you're so warm and comfy. You should have left that sweater off, girl, so you could stay awake. You should have froze. Amy I'm so embarrassed. Grace Let me tell you guys. So, my friend Amy, this she she has this affliction. I think it's because she works so hard, but she she does. She has been known to fall asleep when sitting still. Just in general, just sitting still like I sometimes she'll be like, Come over, Grace. And I'm like, Are you sure. She's like, Come over. We'll watch something. Amy You're like, it's after 8pm, we'll watch nothing. Grace And I'm just like, We'll watch something? Okay. Amy I can fall asleep anywhere. I really get it from my dad. My dad is a sleepy king and I am his sleepy princess. I can fall asleep. I've fallen asleep at parties. I've fallen asleep at nightclubs. I've fallen asleep at the bar with a drink in my hand. I've fallen asleep in every Lyft ride I've ever taken. Grace And the thing is, is, is, you know, I do tease her, but I am jealous because getting me to sleep is a whole science project. It's like I have to have the temperature just so. I have to be under a weighted blanket. I have to take special gummies. Like there's so much that has to happen for me to sleep. And I cannot sleep on an airplane. I cannot sleep anywhere in public. Now that we just talked about sleep, now it's time to talk about being awake to the woes of the world. Amy Oh, my God. Grace So, you know, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to have an antidote from. Amy Starting now up top with our one and only bummer news this week, Roe v Wade was overturned. If you are sentient in America, you know this and it's a bummer because without Roe v Wade, approximately half of U.S. women are now stripped of their right to choose how they want to handle their bodies and their pregnancies. Grace It's just heartbreaking because I feel like this is going to affect the women that don't have the resources to go somewhere else. So there are some politicians, some states that are saying, you can come here and we'll help you get the health care you need, the abortion that you need. But it's sort of like it's already such, you know, to make the decision is a thing that someone has to do and then to think about, like having to leave, like, can somebody come with you or are you now faced with going to a whole other state by yourself and doing this on your own? It just seems like really callous and terrible to have to like go to a whole other place to get the health care you need. Like, that's so distressing. And a lot of women are not going to have the money to do that. Amy Criminalizing abortion doesn't mean that abortions will stop. It means safe legal abortions will stop. Abortions have existed since babies have existed. So there will always be people who either choose or. Necessarily have to, for health reasons, end a pregnancy. And the idea that making it illegal will actually stop the practice is stupid. It's just stupid. And it's meant to actually stop women and people with uteruses from having the right to choose what they do with their own bodies. It is not a religious act to say like they have tried to conflate it with religion, to say like, oh, the heartbeat starts at 3 hours. You see the baby's head go back and it screams during an abortion. They say these crazy things to get the religious right on their side. But that's not why they're doing this. It's anti-feminist and anti-woman and anti women or people with uteruses to even begin to say like we deserve as a group of men who decide what happens in America, we deserve to decide what you do with your bodies. It's not religion that's doing this. It's power. It's a need for power. Grace And it's wild. Because the thing is, is that, you know, all these men that are like, don't, don't, don't get an abortion. I'm just like, you want to have sex, don't you? Yeah. You want to have sex? Yeah. Then you know that. That's what I'm saying. Like you're participating in this, too. Like you want to. You want to have sex, don't you? Yeah. So sometimes. Amy You want to pay child support? Grace Yeah. You know, sometimes that sex is what leads to pregnancy. So, like, you know, this affects you guys, too. Like, you want to be taking care of, like, 15 kids because, you know. Amy You want to be the next Future. You want to be the next Nick Cannon. Grace Because you know, they're coming after contraception next. So, I don't know, maybe women of America we should try to Lysistrata stop having sex with these dudes stop having sex with them because. Because you never know. Because. Because that's what puts you in the situation that you might get persecuted and prosecuted because some of these states are now having laws that if you do get an abortion, like it's considered murder and you're going to go to jail. So, you know, the only way to completely stop it is to stop having sex. So maybe we should stop having sex. Amy Maybe we should. But it's also wild to me to assume that contraception, that people only take contraception to stop pregnancy. I take contraception because I have fibroids and studies have shown that having a regular period can slow the growth of fibroids and like fibroids suck. You have to have surgery for that. I've already had fibroid surgery and so I take contraception for that. Lots of women have irregular periods. And how were you supposed to family plan or plan to not get pregnant if your period isn't regular? So people take contraception for that. It's not just like, let me make sure I don't have a baby. Like, there are also things that as a woman, it's hard to be a woman. And sometimes all of these tools and practices are to help us be people. So the fact that Clarence Thomas has also wrote a concurring opinion that says that next he's coming for same sex marriage, same sex relationships and contraception is a real bummer. Y'all. Grace Yesterday, we you know, I'm in a writer's room right now, and we talked a little bit about it in the room. And what I said yesterday is just like I've been protesting since I was 19, like I went to a school that had an affirmative action case, and so I had to start protesting since I was 19. I, like made calls for Al Gore. I like made calls for Obama. I like canvassed. I vote. Right, I donate. I do so much. Then you elect, you know, these Democrats and a lot of them aren't doing anything and they're like, oh, give us $7 so we can f---ing like beat someone in November. I was like, You have the House and the Senate and the White House. You can do something now. The women cannot wait until f---ing November. I read this tweet yesterday. It's Leah M Willingham wrote the tweet. It says, The clinic staff, the only abortion clinic in West Virginia, is no longer performing abortions. As of today, Roe has never been enough. But in states like West Virginia, it was the only thing protecting abortion access. The clinic staff spent Friday canceling appointments of 60 to 70 patients scheduled for abortions in the upcoming weeks. Some patients broke down and could not speak through their sobbing. Some patients were stunned and didn't know what to say. Some patients did not understand so that those 60 to 70 women can't wait till November. They can't wait till November. They can't, you know what I'm saying? Like, you got to you guys have to do something now. We elected you. We already elected you Democrats, because guess what? The Republicans have told us who they were the entire time. Democrats, you know, with the the notable exceptions of Maxine Waters and AOC and Ayanna Pressley, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, like with the exception of those angels. The rest of y'all aren't doing enough. The rest of you guys are not doing enough. So why don't you take the power that we already gave you two years ago and do something to help the women that need health care. It's health care. Amy Yea, it's health care. I also just want to mention that there are states that had trigger laws on the books that basically it was like if Roe v Wade is ever struck down, it immediately applies to our state. Some have been in place for as long as 17 years. It goes back to that just in case laws that we talked about, like they make laws that are just in case things go our way or don't go our way. And so there are these states that have these trigger laws. The states are Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, my f---ing home state of Texas, Oklahoma and Wyoming. So abortion will in some of these states, it's already illegal as of Friday, as of last Friday when this passed, and then some within weeks it will trigger. So if you're in those states and you need human care, health care, if you need care for your body, start driving. Hoe. Because you can come to California, you can come to New York, phone a friend, get out of there and do what you need to do before going back to the place that is supposed to be your home in the place where you're supposed to be safe. Because unfortunately, in America, a person with a uterus is not always safe. Grace You know, I just finished dragging Democrats, but I guess you got to vote for them because at least they're not the ones trying to do this. But but I guess you have you can vote, you can donate, you can go to a protest. I plan on going to a protest this week. So there are things you can do. Amy Well, let's talk about hope just a little bit, because you know us here at The Antidote, we don't want to just live in the sadness. One hopeful thing is that Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill Friday that immediately protects abortion providers in California from liability when caring for patients traveling from areas where the procedure is now banned. Our access is narrow. Gavin Newsom also announced that California is going to pass a state constitutional amendment protecting a woman's right to an abortion. It'll be on the ballot this November. So, like, motherf---ers get out and vote. Voting actually matters. And even though it feels very often like it doesn't, it is these local elections, state elections that actually do make a difference at higher levels. So please, please get out and vote in November if you live in California. Also, there is an organization called Plan C, which you can find at PlanCpills.org, which will send abortion pills to be accessed online and used at home. Over half of all abortions in the U.S. are done within at home abortion pill, which this organization has called, quote, medically safe and effective, up to 11 weeks, end quote. So learn more at planCpills.org. And then just for the people in the back who maybe are not looking for a solution in November or right now, just take care of yourself, drink your water, call your person. It's a quote that I love from Heaven Nagatu. You can go to therapyforblackgirls.com, browngirlstherapy.com, informedimmigrant.com. All sites where you can help yourself and find ways to access mental health care, which is really. Grace Also our sponsor. Better help. Amy Exactly. They didn't even pay for this ad but literally go to betterhelp.com/antidote and get 10% off of your first month of care. So guys, you need to take care of yourselves when sh-- like this is mounting up and you're not feeling right in your head. Like you're not supposed to do this alone. Seek out help. We're in dark times and we need it. How are you feeling after this conversation, Grace? Grace I'm feeling. Anger, but righteous anger feels like good anger to make change with. Yeah. Yeah. How about you? Amy I agree. I'm feeling. I'll be honest and say I'm feeling a little hopeless. I've I've never really, like, really haven't really identified as like truly American my entire life. Like, I'm always like my Nigerian identity has been stronger for most of my life. And when things like this happen, I almost feel like, like emotionally homeless, like, not actually homeless, but it's like, where is home for Black women? Where is home for? Yeah, just people who look like me and I don't know where it is. Maybe it's Ghana, um, people keep calling Ghana the Mecca, so maybe I'm going to move there. But yeah, I feel like, emotionally wrecked and like, yeah, not okay. I feel not okay. Grace Yeah, I can relate to that. As someone who also comes from immigrant parents and who has taught since I was little that this is the best country in the world, it it is not showing up that way right now. So let's get into The Antidote. Amy Yeah, because we need it. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. Grace La la la Let's not even play these games. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. We have the same antidote this week. Amy Yes, we do. But this one we talked about, we usually don't just I want people to know, we usually don't discuss our antidotes advance. But we did. And we have the same antidote. Grace Yeah. So somebody dropped me a text that Beyonce's song was coming out at midnight that night, and I was like, What? And so I was just like, I knew it. I knew when. I knew when she, like, let us know so early about the album. There was some more stunts coming. Amy You said it. GraceI knew that it wasn't just, Oh, we're going to wait till July 29th and the Queen probably is still not done with us. But she dropped the most beautiful, melodic, perfect for this time, you know, Dancing Till the World Ends type song called Break My Soul. Amy Break My Soul. And I got to say, yeah, our antidote this week is Beyonce's Break My Soul. And it there's something about I think we're going to a song a week by the way I have a feeling we're going to get a track a week until the release that is deserve what I feel in my spirit. No, we don't deserve we're garbage. And yet the Queen blesses us anyway. But literally the song and it dropped early on. Tidal guys support Black businesses because I have Tidal so I got the drag sex I was online and I literally like started playing it and could not stop. And I was with a friend and they tried to talk to me and I was like, Shut up, I'm listening to Beyonce. Grace And if you go through the actual song, like, first of all, it starts off with Big Freedia. So we should also give Big Freedia her flowers. Amy Big Freedia. Big Freedia. Yes. Bounce Queen. Grace Big Freedia. Did that. So, you know, they came on the track and it's just like this hype, like bounce from the beginning. And then Beyonce, Beyoncé comes in with her just beautiful la la la la la la. And I'm just like, oh, give it. And then, you know, the hook drops, you won't break my soul. Like, it's just so like, that's what we need right now. That, like, there's so many things trying to break our soul. Beyonce Yeah. You know, you're trying to remind us that we still have the power to keep our vibrations high and the song is just the f---ing vibe. It's like dancy. It's like, beautiful and it's like vintage. It feels kind of like nineties in a way, like at the end, gospel choir, like giving me, like Mariah make it happen from the nineties. Like it's all like there's so many movements, so many styles that she's touching. She raps in it. Amy Oh, I know there was a Twitter user I'm going to mispronounce. I think it's New Negro, but it's it's at N-E-U-N-E-G-R-O who said Beyonce. They gave us an anti-capitalist, pro-gay summer anthem with vocals, rapping a choir call and response and Freedia. We really won. Hashtag break my soul. And I was like, yes. She gave us everything we needed. And literally the lyrics are unstoppable. When Big Freedia comes in. At the end it says, Release your anger, release your mind, release your job, release the time, release your trade, release the stress, release the love, forget the rest. I'm like, I'm on, I'm on it and I'm on it. Grace It also feels like very, very like perfect anthem for Pride Month and yes. Just yeah, you know, I love it. Amy I support the girls. Grace Yes. And you know, we do, too. So we're happy about that. And and so it was just what I needed. And like, I've just been driving around every time in my car, I. Just put it on repeat. I roll down the windows and I'm just like, LA, you're going to hear this song. So I'm just driving around. I put it on in my house, you know, when I've been feeling down about Roe versus Wade. Just dance around my house. Because not only is it a bop, it just is like a message. Like, she's almost giving us an affirmation. You won't break my soul world. You won't break my soul, Clarence Thomas. You won't break my soul, you know. Whoever else is try to come for us, you know? F---in Marjorie Taylor Greene. You won't break my soul, you know. We're going to win. We're going to win in the end. Amy That repetition is what we need to be repeating to ourselves. Grace So thank you, Queen Bee, as always, for giving us something that we needed. It is a beautiful time to fight for the ideals of this country. And I feel like this is a reminder to, you know, in the midst of the fight and in the midst of all the things that we must do every day to, like, not get discouraged. You won't break my soul. Amy We'll be back after the break. Grace Okay. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is an actor, fashion icon and tall glass of water from the Dirty South, starring as Detective Tom Swift in the new Nancy Drew spinoff show. Tom Swift on the CW. Our guest plays the first openly gay Black male superhero on television. This cancer king has lived in Georgia and South Carolina, and he takes pride in his temple of a body. We've seen the games on IG. Oh, please welcome Tian Richards.   Tian Richards Oh, first of all.   Grace Thank you. I hope you don't mind.   Tian Richards That is.   Grace That we objectified you right off the bat.   Tian Richards I am here for it. That is my first intro. The best intro. Sh-- is the only intro I ever need.   Amy We'll send it to the New York Times. We'll send it to Glamour. Yeah.   Tian Richards If I ever drop a mixtape one day, like, be concerned if I'm dropping a mixtape. But that will be the intro to my future mixtape. Oh yeah, I'm ready to get the facts and the info. I'm glad I'm done. I'm done.   Grace We do our research.   Tian Richards We're done right there. I'm good. I'm good.   Grace And listeners, what you cannot see is that, first of all, he has the most beautiful smile.   Amy Oh my God, like, I can't look right at him.   Grace I know it's very it's a little I feel attacked. And also he is wearing a vintage Mariah Carey T-shirt. So, I mean, would you would you call yourself one of the lambs? Would you call yourself a lamb?   Tian Richards Yes, not by way of like crazed fan, but supporting my girl and her discography, giving her her songwriting duties. Because, yes, the Queen writes all her songs. Yeah, I love vintage Mariah Peak Mariah, to me, was the Butterfly album.   Amy Thank you.   Grace Oh, my God. You just gave me chills. That album was my childhood. Like, I was always running through the sprinklers. Now.   Tian Richards Baby. Honey. The roof outside like, oh, my. Oh.   Grace My God. Outside an underrated. Oh, the roof.   Tian Richards Come on, Grace, let them know.   Grace Anyway, you are very impressive, Tian, but we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah. Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? For real? Not small talk. Is anything weighing on you? Anything making you feel great today?   Tian Richards Thank you. Yeah. No, I'm a cancer, as you guys already mentioned, so I'm always talking about my feelings. Now, today is calm. I feel mellow. I haven't worked out yet, so I got to go get my body and mind together. But now woke up. Ate some good food, did some ADR, meditated, talked to my person. So that's kind of. Oh, yeah, talked to my. Mom.   Grace Oh, I love that.   Tian Richards Yeah. And I just been really in a in an introspective place just with everything that's happening. Yeah. I've been reading All About Love by bell hooks.   Grace I love that.   Amy She's a lot of our inspiration.   Grace Queen. Rest in power. Yes. A a visionary. Yes.   Tian Richards So gratitude and introspection has definitely been the theme of this. This time in my life. I'm about to be a new age in a couple of weeks, in like two weeks.   Amy Uh huh. Uh huh. birthday boy. Well, I love that. I mean, let's keep the good vibes going then. You know, we need that right now.   Grace So this show is called The Antidote because, you know, we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh-- of life and 2022 has done anything is punch us all in the face real quick. What is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month or this year?   Tian Richards I would say good food and community like your friend group.   Amy Nice.   Tian Richards That's been a good thing. Just having good people and good energy around you and sharing it over a good meal. Yeah, yeah. Because just it's that mix of culture and family. I always say my dream is to like have my own version of, like, eat, pray, love or high on the hog.   Amy Yes, yeah, yeah.   Tian Richards Like, I want to go with that for myself. So I want to take like a nice excursion around the world and, you know, meet different people. Go back to my homeland. You know, I'm from Trinidad, so.   Grace Oh, yes, my Caribbean brother. We spoke about this. Yeah, we talked about oh, I'm from Guyana, you're from Trinidad. And I actually do. My, my sister lives in Trinidad currently, so.   Tian Richards Oh, yeah. Okay. Well. Not to get too deep, but what part?   Grace Wherever the convent is at. She's the nun, my sister.   Amy She's in the convent.   Grace Mhm.   Amy Is there a convent? Do you know of convent in Trinidadian?   Tian Richards I'm sorry. I just blew my f---ing wig back. Your sister is a nun?   Grace Yeah. Yeah.   Tian Richards I love this for all of us. Yeah. Like Caribbean Sister Act like.   Grace Listeners. Listeners. I have. I have. A sister who is a nun. Yes.   Tian Richards Sister Mary Clarence sing.   Amy Well, Tian, you said you like good food. So do you cook or do you are you enjoying it or both?   Tian Richards I don't cook. Won't cook. It's not my ministry.   Grace No, I understand. No.   Amy Don't worry. You're in the right group.   Tian Richards Yeah. Listen, if I have to survive, I will pick up my phone and I will order DoorDash or Postmates or my favorite Uber Ubereats. But my cooking, I always say if I can eat somebody else's food and be like, This is better than mine. Like, I shouldn't be doing this. And I've learned my lesson. I don't cook, but I love to indulge in everybody else food.   Amy Well, if good food is one part of your favorite antidote, what are some of the meals that like? If someone made for you, you're like, You really get me. You know what I'm into. You like me.   Tian Richards Or any type of, like, grilled and season chicken. I like different flavors. I like wings, you know?   Grace So you Black is what you saying.   Tian Richards I'm Black as hell. But I love a good chicken wing, you know what I'm saying. But that real Atlanta sh--. Love chicken over here because we met over chicken. Okay. Okay.   Grace Seasoned grilled chicken is what you said. Right before I started with my tomfoolery.   Tian Richards Yes. I love we love tomfoolery. I'm a I'm I love a good dessert. You can always give me with like I have a mean, sweet tooth. I like to consider myself a donut connoisseur.   Grace Ooh. So do you have a place in L.A. that you really love?   Tian Richards I have a place in every city. Love every city.   Amy Oh, okay. I want to hear L.A., Atlanta, New York. What are your donut spots, if you remember off the top of your head. So it's okay if you don't.   Tian Richards Oh, off the dome. Let's go. And I can also bring you on a great donut tour in L.A.. Okay? You have to go to California Donuts in Koreatown. You have to go to S.K. Donuts by the Grove.   Amy S.K. Yes. S.K.   Tian Richards Yes.   Amy I'm writing this down furiously.   Grace California Donuts.   Tian Richards Voodoo at citywalk. They're great.   Amy Yes. Yes. Voodoo. Uh huh. Uh huh.   Tian Richards Uh huh. If I ever going to keep going, Sidecar is good.   Amy Sidecar. I knew you were going to say Sidecar, I was like, when is he going to say sidecar? I'm so glad.   Tian Richards Yes, Donut Friend downtown and if you bout that, like take your ass down to Crenshaw and Slauson and go to Slauson Donuts.   Amy Yes. Okay. Okay. So more Black businesses, I'm assuming.   Tian Richards Of course.   Grace I'm open. Yeah.   Amy So if it's owned by white people, don't go there. I'm joking.   Tian Richards Don't go. And really quickly. Oh, speaking of Black owned businesses in Atlanta, Sublime Donuts, Black owned. Mm mm. Also Revolution Donuts in Atlanta. And we end in New York. Donut plant in Flatbush is amazing.   Amy Yes. Donut plant. Oh, my God, I love it. Yes.   Tian Richards And Dough in Union Square is also great.   Amy Oh, that is so good. Wow. Thank you for taking us on that donut tour. Like, literally, I got to go to Atlanta. I got to try these spots.   Grace Yeah, you know, I've never been to Atlanta. I got to go. Wow. Never. But, you know. Y'all the. The governor down there, I don't like him. That's a bad dude.   Amy They got Stacey Abrams. But Stacey Abrams there too.   Grace I know. But I'm just saying, the guy who beat Stacey Abrams, well, fake beats Stacey Abrams because we all know that she won there. Yeah. But you know I try not to spend.   Tian Richards Well, the whites are going to always white so you can't really. We got our own separate thing that's so different.   Grace I do need to go I do need to go to Atlanta. That's when one.   Tian Richards Come on down. And I can bring you to the best wings spots. Best strip clubs best.   Amy I've always wanted to go to an Atlanta strip club.   Grace Me too, because those girls.   Amy They're like actual athletes on the pole.   Grace They're athletes. Yeah, yeah.   Tian Richards Oh, yeah.   Grace I mean, what I've seen like, I mean, I love I would love to see that in person because I've seen videos of these girls doing their thing. And I'm just like, I just sis, I just want to tip you because you're doing great. You're doing a great job. And I took one pole class, one pole class, and I gave up because it's really hard. Like, it's, it's very difficult. And those girls go through a lot to do those tricks, you know?   Amy Yeah, that's real. It's very difficult. I have a question for you, Tian. what does it mean to be a proverbial sad boy, as you describe in your IG caption? Because I love that. So let's just let our listeners-   Tian Richards Everybody had some like cool bio and I don't have a bio for the longest and I'm like, I'm such a cancer. Like, such a cancer is my sign, my sun, and it's also my moon. So I'm like-.   Grace Oh, so you're double cancer.   Tian Richards I think when people meet me, they see that I'm very like open and kind. That's that, that's the Leo energy. But when you get to know me, I'm very empathic and intellectual and very much everything is feeling based. And I will always have friends say you're such, like cancer and like it, you know, was a bad thing. And I'm like, Yeah, I'll be on my side bullsh--. And it's fine. Like, I'm going to wear my all black. I'm going to listen to my Amy Winehouse and Billie Holiday. Yeah, I'm like, yes, have my blue light in the apartment and lie on my bed and listen to lo-fi like it's great. It's great and it's a lifestyle and it's one that I can embrace my feelings and who I am and then go out into the world and conquer that sh-- and not project on other people.   Grace Oh, that's beautiful.   Tian Richards That part.   Grace That's right.   Amy That's called boundaries.   Grace That's also just it's-.   Tian Richards  Emotional intelligence anybody?   Grace Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Emotional intelligence. And I love that. I am also very emotional. People don't really know that about me because I really try to keep it in because guess what my signs are? I am Aries with a Scorpio moon, so I am flames, you know.   Tian Richards She's on fire. Fire.   Grace A lot of fire happening in there. So my emotions are a little dangerous.   Tian Richards But that's the difference with fire and water. Like if I'm upset, I'm just so internal. But fire signs like my sister's a fire sign, and it's just. Yeah, guys are so external and I. I wish I could be that at times, but I'm just gonna go get sad. Yeah.   Grace I mean it, it wants to go external real quick, but I have to have a job, so I keep a lot of it in. I'm the only people who get it is strangers. Like if you f--- with me out in the wild and I don't give a f--- about who you are or what you're about or whatever, you could get it from from jump. But you know, people who I care about or job situations, you have to really work to get me there to the point where you see the the flames come out of my ears, but it can happen.   Tian Richards Okay. Be honest, when's the last time you beat somebody's ass?   Grace Never.   Tian Richards Never?   Amy Hands or with words or with words?   Tian Richards Because a verbal spar is a thing, too.   Amy Yeah.   Grace That might have been just last week then.   Tian Richards Anybody can get it. I'll get you a T-shirt. Anybody can get it.   Amy Well, I know this like inner sad boy energy. This cancer energy sometimes manifests in like an inner critic that can be talking to you. Sometimes I want to know, are there ways that you found to manage or silence that inner critic, especially as you're on this incredible journey of starring in your first show?   Tian Richards That's real. I can't even deflect from that one that's something I'm still dealing with. Imposter syndrome is a real thing.   Grace Yeah, yeah, yeah.   Tian Richards Lack of self-worth. Self-love is is real and that's real. You have to come to terms with with that. And it's a day to day thing. And I think having good people around you who affirm you, who speak into you, having a good sense of self and expression, like again, not letting that weigh you down, but finding ways to release and purge. That is important. And I try to do it in a healthy way. Like, that's why I work out so much. Or I make sure I journal because I know, like during the pandemic that was like my quarter life crisis. And it was very, you know, it was reckless in a lot of ways. Like I started out, listen, okay? So I started off the pandemic with like three or four tattoos that was in. I started getting them on January, February.   Grace What you get?   Tian Richards By June I had 27.   Amy 27 tattoos.   Tian Richards I have 27 tattoos. I started 2020 with 3 to 4 tattoos. Now I have 27   Amy Oh no. The makeup team on Tom Swift is like   Grace Oh my God. What did you get?   Amy What's your favorite one?   Tian Richards Okay. I have Zora Neale Hurston on my forearm and it says If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say that you enjoyed it. Yeah.   Grace Oh, I love that. See, look, you got. You got deep tattoos. You know what I'm saying?   Tian Richards Deep sad boy sh--.   Grace I thought you'd say Mickey Mouse.   Tian Richards I ain't no basic. Nah. Everything's so deep.   Grace Yeah. He told me he was cancer. Yeah, he told me that you know.   Amy But part of that was like, I don't want to say coping, but part of it was like self care in its own way to get tattoos. Do you feel like?   Tian Richards Yeah. I. No. At the time I think it was just externalizing what I felt internally, but that wasn't the best way to deal with. I'm still appreciative of the ones that I got during that time, but I've grown and learned to deal with that in other ways. And yeah, now that's, you know, my art or just being present in the world. I love how we can connect with humanity just when we're out. Just making sure you look people in the eye, whether they're homeless or they're going through something to acknowledge, you know, their humanity being out in nature and just appreciating, you know, the universe's creations. I think to be present is the most beautiful thing. And, you know, I try to always do that daily.   Amy I write that. I write it down sometimes, like not like every time that I find myself distracted. But when there are days where I'm extremely distracted, I will literally just write down on my notebook, be present, and at least for the moment that I'm writing it down, I am, you know, even if it doesn't extend beyond like the 10 seconds it takes for me to write that, I'll just be like Amy be present. And then I'm like, okay, I was present just then. Now I can go back to being a distracted mess, but I am. It's so hard to actually just sit in the now of things. Right. Especially when you're in a period of growth like you are. And it's like, how do I find the ways to just, like, focus in the now and not fast forward to what my therapist says, futurizing or what's the other word? It's like when you're thinking of chaos in your future.   Grace There's catashtrophizing.   Amy Catastrophizing. That's it. Yeah. It's like. Yeah, yeah.   Tian Richards Being present is the hardest thing is so much stimuli coming at you, so many different opinions, people wanting you to be one thing and just wanting you to be the idea of who you are and you're still trying to find a sense of self and move forward. Yeah. So yeah, just finding ways to be present. Sometimes I'll just look up and you can see where you in the sky and you can see nothing around you. And sometimes that just centers me. But I'm happy during this time too, because, you know, something that we work so hard on is out in the world and people are finding it. And I love where that could be for the new generation. And I sometimes feel outside of myself in that moment because it is so different and so. So precious, you know, to me. So, yeah, I just. I try to find that separation.   Grace Yeah, that's beautiful.   Amy Wait. I mean, you mentioned the show, like. Yeah, I know we don't talk about work that much on this podcast, but I do want to know, because your chemistry with your costar is incredible. It's one of those things when I watch, I'm like, Yeah, almost seem like siblings. And I feel and I, I feel like you must have like a lot of work wise work husbands, work partners, because it feels like your crew is really close and your cast is really close that I feel like that same in a similar way, that connection with Grace like we work together outside of Insecure because we loved each other so much on Insecure and we knew like one day we're going to reconnect. And I, I like that you just said that about Ashley because it feels like y'all are going to be in other things together down the line because they all just have really good chemistry.   Grace Yeah.   Tian Richards Smart girl. That's my angel.   Grace Stunning angel. angel. She's so good on it, too. You both of you are. Oh, yeah.   Tian Richards Yeah. Just to watch her. It's. It's amazing. And I just love being around, like, beautiful women, strong women, Black women. Like, I have two sisters. I only have sisters, so.   Grace Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's that's why you're so sweet.   Amy That's why, like, you just you you are you can tell that you stan Black women like you can just tell.   Grace One of my brothers told me once that because I was he would tell girls that I wrote for certain shows to pick up ladies.   Tian Richards That's such a flex.   Amy That's such a flex, you know who my sister is. Maybe I can bring you all set, Ma.   Grace You know that one show. My sister's on it. So you know, you want to give me your number now.   Tian Richards To I know you saw that one on and yea, she work for that one, too.   Amy So, yeah, she work for that one, too. What's your favorite show? Yeah, that's my sister's show.   Tian Richards It's my sister's show. But it's really it's really the homies, though. It's the homies from down south because my homies in South Carolina in Atlanta is like they vibe with probably usually not my show. And they'll be like I, you know, this one show on the CW right now, that gay n----. Yeah, yeah. That my homeboy right there. Oh yeah he going he going to go into space and sh-- that my boy. It's him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can tell him to say what's up to you. So yeah f--- with your boy. It's really that.   Amy I am obsessed with you making like hardcore super masc n----s talk about you to get girls. Like,.   Grace Oh, I love I love a boy that loves the sisters because, you know, we work hard for you guys.   Amy We really do.   Tian Richards Like, can we talk about legacy? I just got can I just give an interpretive Black woman history lesson? We love all our Black women from the beginning of time and we don't talk about specifically our industry. Let's shout out to the Nina Mae McKinney's and Hattie McDaniel's and Dorothy Dandridge. Yeah. As we just keep moving through time, even in the era of. Oh, let's do it. Diahann Carroll, Eartha Kitt, Cicely Tyson, Diana Ross, and then nineties sisters. You know, we have Moesha. Sister Sister. One on one, like.   Grace Girlfriends.   Tian Richards Pride Family. I mean. Girlfriends.   Amy Living Single.   Tian Richards Living Single.   Grace Different worlds.   Tian Richards The original Friends, the different world.   Amy The original Friends. Let's talk about legacy. Talking about legacy. Let's talk about yours a little bit. You said you were quoted as saying that you were inspired by watching Omar from The Wire, a gay, dark skinned black man kiss another black man. What do you hope people take away from watching you in this new series, Tom Swift.   Tian Richards I hope they see freedom.   Grace Mm hmm.   Tian Richards I hope they see a boundless future. I hope they see possibility. Without forgetting the legacy. To know what and who we stand on. And to know we can go. To know that we do exist in the future. And that we are going to help build the future, that we help build this country. And that's the foundation that we stand on. You know, that's us. Our blood is in the soil. Our sweat, our tears, our bones. It's in the waters. The voyage over here. And I hope all of that is felt along with. Our ancestors lie down and stood up so that we could move forward. And I just want to be a bridge in that way to show that we. We look so different in all of our identities and all of our intersections, and we don't have to be held back by oppression at all times. It's always going to be something in our way, but it's a resilience to our spirit that is going to be a part of that in unapologetic and that identity. That's what I loved about who Omar was on screen and how Michael Kay Williams embodied that so beautifully and many other queer characters. He was a beautiful ally in that way with how he gave his artistry for that. And I just want to do the same, and this is only the beginning. I hope to play a myriad of things that will serve to lend to that legacy. But to just have my coin in the in the pond just feels good.   Grace I love that.   Amy Oh. I feel so much better now that we've talked.   Tian Richards Proverbial sad boy.   Amy Like, oh my God, I'm obsessed with that of all.   Grace Amy's right, you know, stuff still sucks. But it sucks a little less since we talked to you. Yeah.   Amy Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug, as in a specific episode to tune in for any sort of twists we need to know about the show.   Tian Richards Oh, well, the season is still airing, so make sure you guys tune in live. But if you know streaming is more your thing, check it out on the CW app or on HBO Max when the season wraps. Yeah, we are every Tuesday at nine/eight Central. CW Episode four is coming up, which is dope because it's called And The Chocolate Cowboys. So we kind of go.   Amy I like me a chocolate cowboy.   Tian Richards Yea. The Midwest and you kind of see some some cowboy energy. Come on, we got our old town road sh--. You know.   Grace Oh, okay. Well, we love Lil Nas X.   Amy Lil Nas X, you listening. Lil Nas X.   Tian Richards Listen.   Amy Montero, you hear that.   Tian Richards Montero. Mont-Montero. What up, boy?   Amy You paying attention? Uh, thank you so much, Tian. This was amazing.   Tian Richards You guys are amazing. I love this. Thank you for this today. Truly.   Grace Okay. So to close this out, we're going to do our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Oh, am I ever. Let's go.   Tian Richards Okay. Make an empty space in any corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it. That is by Dee Hock. I'll read it one more time. Make an empty space in any corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it. That's by D Hock.    Amy Hmmm. I mean, I wish I believed you, Dee Hock, but I think based on your name and this quote that you were born before the Internet, I feel like if I make an empty space in any corner of my mind, Instagram will fill it up. Twitter will instantly fill it, or a to do list will instantly fill it, or worries about the pandemic will instantly fill it. I want this to be true. I don't know how to make empty spaces in my mind. So I don't quite connect with this quote. But I will say that in the rare moments like I know we talked with the past guest about like being good to ourselves and taking vacations and in the rare moments where I have been able to do that. And I actually experienced blank. You know like live life but without the two do's I do feel more creative. So I want to support the quote by saying I believe that can occur if the right circumstances are there. But I do like the essence of it. What does it make you think of, Grace?   Grace Well, I agree with you that it's very hard to make empty corners of the mind. It actually made me think a lot about meditation. And it's a practice that I want to do more. But it's a frustrating practice to me because my mind is literally so busy. So this is like an aspiration of mine, because I do know that there have been times in my life where I have been able to really successfully complete a meditation practice and really. Yeah, the, the weird thing is the more you do it, the the easier it gets. But those first couple of weeks are so torturous to someone like me who's brain is so-    Amy Girl. I don't meditate.   Amy Busy like my brain is busy. And then I also am a perfectionist. So it's sort of like I also want to meditate, right? You know, so if I feel myself thinking too much, I'm like, I'm doing it wrong. And then. But then if you actually listen to the teachings of meditation, even if you are thinking you're still doing it right, it's just that you have to let the thoughts move through. You like water like that. Oh, okay. There's a thought. Okay. You can go now and you know. So I have been able to reach that a little bit in my life at certain times. And when I do, I do think that it does create sort of like a beautiful space because you're not identifying with so many thoughts that you have. Like it's that idea of, I am that my thoughts. So if you are not your thoughts, what are you? You are the space that is in between those thoughts. And sometimes when you are able to create that space, I find it's a beautiful place for creativity. It's a beautiful place to listen to God. Because, you know, I talked to God a lot. Like I you know, I have a similar practice to you where I get up in the morning and I say affirmations and I thank God for things that have yet to come and all that different stuff. So I talk to a lot. But the problem is, is I don't listen as often as I talk. So I feel like this is reminding me today that maybe try to get into a meditation practice again because it does really enrich my life when I'm able to make it through the two weeks it takes to actually begin to see the benefits of it. Yeah. So, so.   Amy Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I love that you know how to meditate based on try it. And I know it's something that I should keep working on, but I hate being that at things just like, you know, so maybe future me. Maybe future me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.   Grace I mean, it's, it's it's hard to even because sometimes I pop out of bed and I'm just like, Oh, I got work to do. Got to, you know, pop out of bed and, and get these emails done before, you know, my day job. But so it's hard to, like, be like, oh, I'm just going to spend 5 minutes just doing nothing. But in the end, it does actually help for your mental health and then also for your creativity. Thank you for for that gentle reminder, Dee Hock. And thank you guys for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. All right. We'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and remember, you're part of a legacy. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards is produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producers, Erica Kraus. And our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Grace Bye.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with writer, actor, and disability advocate Ryan O’Connell  (“Queer As Folk,” “Special,” “Awkward”) about finding the perfect swing set, working out, and staying chic.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Russia extending the detention of WNBA star Brittney Griner and people finding fentanyl on crumpled dollar bills in Tennessee.  Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include: listening to the “Sibling Rivalry” podcast and taking a long walk with ya’ mama.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” -Gloria Steinem  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 The Antidote is a listener-powered weekly, podcast. To support the show visit, http://antidoteshow.org/donate FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.   Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So you know the drill by now. Hide your kids, because we've got to say something. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another week. Amy Enough with that welcome. We need to talk about Beyonce. That's enough. It's time to talk about the Renaissance.  Grace Okay. Okay, okay, okay. All right. This was the jump straight in, which I appreciate because I'm also a member of the hive. Amy Of the big hive. Grace Okay. So we were just peacefully enjoying well, I don't know if enjoying our existence. Amy Peacefully? Enjoying? Grace That we were doing. Amy We were alive on a Thursday. Grace You were alive on a Thursday when all of a sudden my friend Amy texted me out of nowhere and says, Did you get your Beyoncé box? I was like, What the f--- are you talking about? Beyonce box? What the f---? It literally I texted, what the f---? Dash, dash. Never mind. I'm buying them all. So then I go straight to the website and I did not buy them all because I was just like, Grace, calm the f--- down. So I ended up buying boxes one and four because I know. Amy I bought two and four. Grace Because one, you know, I love the number one for obvious reasons. And then number four I know is Beyonce's favorite number. Amy I was gonna say people were doing Beyonce math. They were like four is what she the tattoo she has four blue ivy her song one plus one people were like oh one is going to be something having to do with relationships. Or maybe two is the best box because one plus one equals two. Amy So people we're like doing Beyonce like beautiful mind sh--, trying to figure out the boxes. Grace Well, listen, you know what I think is probably going to happen? I'm probably going to buy two more boxes. Amy Here's what I think. I think because the description of the boxes is the same, I literally think there's going to be a music video that drops on July 29th and there will be poses that she does from the music video. Grace That's on the T-shirt. Amy That'll we see on the shirt. Yeah. Because they say pose one pose two three and four. So I'm like, it's going to be the same box just with a different shirt. That's my theory. Grace I don't know. All we have to do is sit and wait. I was like, Why did she tell us so early? Amy She's teasing us with this f---ing Vogue British Vogue cover. She's like, That's right. I'm on my marketing sh--. Grace My God, first of all, I like my eyes. Couldn't handle the beauty. Like, first of all, that gold outfit, the pink outfit. There's just so many fits like the one where she's like in metallics and she has f---ing bubbles all around. Amy Like come on. Grace And she looks like a robot Beyonce. Amy The red. For me, it's the red horse. Like, I'm like Black woman on horses. I'm like, Go on, cowboy, come on cowgirl. Grace Yea, I heard that there may be some country elements to this album. Amy Of course, there will. Beyonce tackles all genres, all forms with the melodic melodies of her voice. No matter what she does, we will be staning her. Even if she's just like, Here's a note. Y'all don't get a whole song on the 29th, okay? The Renaissance is my voice going, Oh. And then that's it's. Grace Literally I'll be like, I stan. Amy I'm still going to be like, Beyonce the Legend. Grace She can do nothing wrong. Queen. Amy This is all we deserve. We are garbage. We are filth. Give us nothing. Grace Okay, well, now that we have reached Peak Joy because of our Beyoncé staning, we kind of have to bring ourselves back down, unfortunately, because we cannot have the antidote, the title of this podcast, without having something to have an antidote from. Amy That's right. So we're starting up top now with our bummer news of the week. So the first bummer news item is something that's been going on for a while. Brittney Griner, who is the WNBA star and has played for the Russian Premier League since 2014, was detained in Moscow on February 17th after officials claimed to have found vape cartridges with hashish oil in her bag. Hashish oil is illegal to possess in Russia. As of last week, Russia has extended her detention.   Grace Yeah, I mean, I honestly, I have to tell you listeners that I almost didn't want to do this story because it it is it breaks my heart every day. My sis is over there, you know, this Black woman in this very racist European country, and I want her home. I want her back. Yeah. I want you to send in Navy SEALs to go get her from where the f--- she is. And I understand that there's all this diplomatic bullsh--, but I don't want her where Putin is. I want my sis back home. Yeah. So I can't. I can't go missing because Anderson Cooper is not going to be talking to my mama on the news, trying to figure out where I am if I go missing. I know it's not the same as if a white woman goes missing. You know, we don't we don't care. We don't hear about the Black women that go missing. So I know this is not that. But it's bringing up that for me. What can we do to help, you know, our sis get home? Yeah. So this. You know, this has been really hard for me to even think about. And I know it's important for us to think about it because, you know, not thinking about it brings less awareness to it. But this has been so hard to even process.   Amy Yeah. And part of that, the difficulty of processing it is why we bring it up anyway, because stories about Black women missing are often underreported and we have to call attention to this. And even though we're a podcast and not a news source, I think it's important to shine a light on the fact that more often than not, when Black women go missing, they don't make the headlines. And she's one of the most famous Black women to be in a situation like this. So it is important to keep talking about it. You're right. That's not our only bummer news, though. There has been a warning in Tennessee from police telling people not to pick up folded dollar bills because they could have fentanyl in them. And authorities in Tennessee, just to give the full, full logline on this bummer news is that authorities in Tennessee are warning residents not to pick up discarded folded dollar bills because they may contain fentanyl. And I got to tell you one, it kind of reminded me of the pilot of that show, Workaholics on Comedy Central.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Where they had the folded dollar bills in there always poop in them. And it's like, don't pick it up. It's a poop bill. It's a poop bill. So I was like, it remind me of that first and then also just reminded me of an urban legend, like the idea of like, whoa, something your parents tell you before you take the train alone. Like, Yeah, be careful.   Grace Yeah. It's so wild. that this is an actual story because we actually had to check it out because we're just like, Is this real? But but yeah. You know, what this actually brought up for me is that when I first moved to New York when I was 23, I would find money on the street all the time. Well, I don't know if it was just God being like, Oh, look at this poor little broke girl. That she moved here on the Greyhound bus with nothing. So maybe maybe we'll just help her. But literally on the street all the time. When I was in New York, I got.   Enough to pay rent?   Grace I were like, No, no. I would just find like a 20, a five, you know, dollar bill. And like for the first whole year in New York, I used to just find money on the street.    Amy But just to be clear, the county sheriff's office has said it's not like you touch the money and fentanyl gets on your fingers and then, boom, you're dead. It's literally that you can inhale it.   Grace Protip don't put your face near any money. It's filthy. There's literally nothing more filthy than money.   Amy How are you feeling, Grace? After discussing this bummer news.   Grace Well, it has brought me down from my Beyonce glow.   Amy Yeah. Feels dark. Guys, don't sniff your money. I feel like we. We might need the antidote.   Grace Yeah, well, let's get into it.   Amy So, guys, this is a segment where we talk about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well, you know, it's been really tough even to like watch TV at all because know it's been like the you know, I've said many times that RuPaul's Drag Race is the only thing that brings me joy as far as watching anything. Also, Girls5Eva shout out. I think they just had their season finale. It was great. But so I was just like, What do I watch sometimes? You know, even though we work in the industry, sometimes I go on Netflix and stuff like that. So overwhelming, like, what do I watch? Like there's just so much stuff on. So I was just like I, you know, went on YouTube because I've been watching a lot of like silly things on YouTube and also like, you know, fashion videos and stuff like that. And I saw that two of my favorite drag queens have a podcast and I'm like, Oh what's this.   Amy Wait, what?   Amy Yes. And then.   Amy Did we inspire them?   Grace No, no, no. They've been doing it for years, it turns out.   Amy But did they inspire us.   Grace Unconsciously. Because literally I feel like so connected to the. To the drag race girls. They're all friends in my head, but so it's on YouTube and it's called the Sibling Rivalry Podcast, and it's starring Bob the Drag Queen and Monet Exchange. So I love these queens and they are best friends and their friendship is so sweet and they just talk about whatever. Like they, they'll just pick a topic like, like I listen to one last they called the one about porn or whatever. I so like they'll talk about just anything. And then they have this very cute, like, arguing, banter or whatever, like, like, like brother brothers, you know, like two brothers. And it's very adorable and they're so funny and so on a YouTube, you know, they have a whole a channel, you know, for sibling rivalry. So they do sibling rivalry, which is just a topic that they talk about and they do sibling watchery, which they either watch the current season of Drag Race or they watch past seasons of Drag Race. They're watching a past season right now because Monet, um, one of the hosts is on a current season of Drag Race, so they don't want to like obviously talk about it with Monet kind of being on it. And then they also have advisory where people are writing advice like right in for advice. And so I was just like, Oh my God. So it's like three different experiences. So I started going back and watching a bunch of the old ones, and then I saw that halfway through on YouTube. It kind of drops off of the video and you're just hearing audio. And I was just like, Oh, wait, I want to see my friends. And so they have a Patreon. So I just signed up for my very first Patreon. So now I pay, I think I whatever, whatever level is like $10 a month I pay now. So I could see the whole entire video and I get the videos a little bit early. And um, yeah, they have like Patreon exclusive things like you could watch. Like Bob hosted the thing called the Pit Stop where they talk about the current season of Drag Race. That Monet is on. So, so like you could watch the pit stop with Bob like today with Bob I could watch the Pit Stop at 3 p.m.. So it's just like brought like a lot of joy to my life because it never gets super, super heavy. Like the one of the ones I watched just recently. Like, Monet was crying, but he was crying because he was so happy and I was just kind of laughing instead of crying too, because I'm just like, Oh, to be so happy, to be brought to tears. I have not felt that happy in a while, but I was just like, It's so beautiful watching this queen, like in the midst of, like, this massive glow up that he is going through because of the show, like being on this all winter season. And he's so happy. And Bob has a show on HBO called We Are Here, and it's just so beautiful to watch these like two just like really just super Black men because they love their Blackness and and everything like that, too. To watch them be so successful, to see their joy and witness their joy and be a part of their joy and even like contribute to it through the patriot. It just really, really made me happy and it just made me so glad that you and I are doing this because I was just like, Oh my God, when my sister's show gets picked up, we could celebrate it all year. And like, when big things happen in our lives, we can celebrate that and communicate our joy through this podcast. That definitely like lit me up this week and I watched way too many of those because, you know, at the end of the night, I just want to smile. And so thank you, Bob The Drag Queen and Monet exchange for being my antidotes this week. So how about you, Amy? What is your antidote this week?   Amy Well, I am currently in Texas visiting my family. By the time this airs, I shan't be here anymore. But my antidote has been long walks with my mom every since I was a child, actually when I was a kid, since I was a wee bit in North Texas, I love a long walk. And actually when I was in high school, my dad and I used to go for morning runs together and after I went away to college, I came and went. Every time I would visit my mom and I would go for walks. She's like, I can't run like you and your dad, so let's go for a walk. And it sort of just became that now my dad don't even walk with us. Like, it's just like a tradition, no matter how long I'm home, if I'm home for three days, one of these mornings we're getting up early and going for a walk more if we can. But you know, this is kind of a quick trip. I just went to see my dad for Father's Day, so my mom and I went on a nice long walk this morning and it's really hot. There's like a heat wave in Texas, so we had to go really early and we're just sweating our f---ing nuts off, like going on this walk. And also, I taught my parents how to listen to the podcast. She's going to hear me say that I sweat my f---ing nuts off. Sorry, Mom. But.   Grace Sorry, Miss Aniobi.   Amy Yeah, exactly. Sorry. But we walked together, and it just. It's one of the things like, you know, when you go home and your parents, like, try to make you their little kid again, like, they're going to make you meals, and they're like, you need your laundry washed. And there's so many things that I like kind of do to make my parents feel better. Like to be like, Yeah, of course, buy me a sweater, you know? And I'm just like, I don't need this. And I do it to make them feel better. And sometimes it's a little annoying to have to kind of like, revert to like a slightly needy place when you are so adept at taking care of yourself as an adult. But I find the walk with my mom is something that I do to make me feel better. And she loves to walk like she walks all the time, even when I'm not home. But it's something that is a reminder of my youth and being a kid with my mom because we've always done this that doesn't feel it never feels like, okay, yeah, Mom, let's go for this walk. Like I'm always like, Mom, when are we going for a walk? Like, it's the thing that's mine that I feel like I give to her instead of the other things that I feel like she's giving to me where I'm like, I don't need this anymore. But the walk is something that we both love and both need and both enjoy and look forward to. So sometimes when I come home, as much as I love my family, like family can kind of be a stressor. So there are times where it the antidote of family isn't always something that I latch on to, but there will be moments and I always know. Like when I came home on this trip, I was like, My aunt is going to be making sure that I squeeze in and walk with my mom. And it made me feel really happy.   Grace Oh, I love that.   Amy I do really like to tie our antidotes together and I don't know the natural tie this week, except that you can very often listen to a podcast when you're on a long walk.   Grace Yeah, that's true. And you know, we're in two different places right now. You're in Texas, so it's okay. We can have different things this time.   Amy Yeah, yeah. We'll tie together next week.   Grace Yeah, maybe. Who knows? We might. We might never tie together again.   Amy Oh, no. Also, we want to know what your antidotes are. Our listeners tell us your self-care stories. Head to our website antidoteshow.org. Scroll to the bottom and press contact us. You can even send us a voice note or a video. Have fun with it. We might just play it on a future episode. We'll be back right after the break.   Grace So welcome back to The Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Well, our guest today is a comedian, writer, actor, author and activist. His Netflix show Special comedically detailed his life as a gay man with cerebral palsy. In 2019, he received the Human Rights Campaign Visibility Award and was named one of the 50 trailblazing individuals who actively ensure society remains moving towards equality, acceptance and dignity for all queer people. He's starring in the reboot of Queer as Folk on Peacock and look out for his new book, y'all. It's called Just by Looking at Him. And it's on shelves now. Please welcome Ryan O'Connell.   Ryan O'Connell Hi. Very nice to be here.   Grace Well thank you so much for coming.   Ryan O'Connell Of course.   Grace We're so thrilled that you're here. You are very, very impressive. But we are here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. We are here.   Ryan O'Connell Why not? I was. Get my publicist on the f---ing phone. This is bullsh--.   Grace Oh, my God. He's right here. Actually, we're sorry. We're going to change the whole format of our show.   Amy But Grace is right. We're here to get deep, so we want to check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? Not small time. Is there anything weighing on you?   Ryan O'Connell I feel very strange. I feel like I'm turning my brain into the container store because I feel like I'm having to do press for these two things that I care very deeply about. But I'm having to do it against a backdrop of tumult and dread. And it feels it feels sort of tasteless and it feels like, I don't know how to navigate this, however, I guess. So basically it's like container store vibes in my brain right now. And I don't quite, I don't know, it just feels like it just feels like not chic, like none of it.   Amy And you know what? I really identify with the Container Store metaphor, a store I loved as a child because I'm a Virgo and I like order.   Ryan O'Connell Oh my God, wait. You're a Virgo?   Amy Yeah.   Ryan O'Connell Honey, that explains all the deadline announcements. By the way, by the way, I'm just saying that because I'm a Virgo too baby, so.   Amy I love it. But that's why I identified with your Container Store metaphor, because this time is really bleak and there's a lot to hold, and we somehow have to keep pressing forward. So me, I want to keep those good vibes going because we need that right now.   Ryan O'Connell Well, I feel I feel guilty because I feel like I'm a relentless pursuer of joy. And I feel like that feels almost like it almost feels like not conscientious. Like, in a weird way. I know it sounds crazy. I mean, I also think social media has, like, warped our brains in terms of, like, what is history activism and showing up. And, like, I don't post things I don't like, post like outrage. I just don't do that because it's at a certain point, what am I actually doing? Like, what is this actually doing? And I feel like after the pandemic, we were robbed of so much pleasure during those two years. I mean lol I'm acting like it's not, you know, it's over. But, but basically, yeah. So I felt like when, when I got vaccinated I was like, okay, I'm going to pursue pleasure. And like that was like my, my keyword. And it kind of has been like kind of my guiding word the last year because momma needs it. You know what I mean.   Grace No. I love that for you and I love that I think more people can take that lesson because we're only on this little blue orb for a little bit. So you might as well. And I don't know about you, but like as I've been getting older, like life just keeps moving faster and faster. Like the years keep flying by, so you might as well get some pleasure out of it. But let me let me ask you a question.   Ryan O'Connell Sure.   Grace Ryan, do you have any specific rituals that you have in your life that sort of help calm you?   Ryan O'Connell Oh, my God. Of course. I mean, some are some are very basic, some are not. And some are very basic in the sense that, like exercise. Ever heard of it? I've heard of it.   Grace Yes.   Ryan O'Connell Like I think as you get older, it's sort of an all hands on deck scenario with your endorphins. And yeah, I'll take mine. I get really greedy when it comes to endorphins and I'll take what I can get. So yeah. So I exercise this huge part of my life having a healthy connection to my body. As a writer, we obviously are living up here in our house for brains, so it's really good to, like, not return my brain's texts for an hour. And just like, you know, also I love, you know, I'm vain. So there's also that. So   Grace There ain't nothing wrong with it baby. You know what I'm saying.   Ryan O'Connell This idea of, like, perfectionism, like, bigger, faster, stronger. It's like, obviously, like, especially like being born into a body that I could not control. I feel like I have sort of control and every other aspect of my life. So like it makes a lot of sense. So exercise is really, really important. And then I go on swing sets like I love the swing.   Amy I love this about you.   Grace Still you love swing- okay, so.   Ryan O'Connell I'm obsessed with swings.   Amy Okay, so what kind of swinger are you? Are you a glider or are you a or are you a pumper? Like, do you do a lot of leg, you know?   Amy Oh, that's a great question.   Ryan O'Connell That's a really great question. So when you are on swings as much as I am, honey, she's verse. She is like. I like, oh, yeah. I mean, because I go and like when I'm done, like the hands are raw and I'm like, I probably have like 80 diseases.   Amy Cause of those frickin metal cable, like why are the swings so-   Ryan O'Connell No, I know, I know. I'm feeling like it's like, literally like skin is peeling and I'm like, okay, I'm like, okay, I'm an athlete.   Amy These are your battles scars.   Ryan O'Connell I'm like, you can tell that he works with his hands. And so yeah. So I've been going on swings, I mean, ever since I was a little kid duh. But then seeing it transition to adulthood, there's a really good swing set. I mean, I'm very specific about my swings, first of all. Oh, there's a lot of   Amy Let's hear the criteria.   Ryan O'Connell Well, a lot of them are not up to snuff. So I used to go to Coldwater Canyon Park, loved it. I also loved it. It was like all nannies. Like I had truly it was like so dark. It's like in the hills of Beverly Hills. Like the Hills Hills.   Amy No, you're right. I know that park.   Grace Nobody taking care of their own baby.   Ryan O'Connell Honey. When when the hills have hills, you know it's dark, do you know what I mean? Yeah, so but I loved it because great swings you could really gain traction. It was really and it was like sand on your feet, which I love because, like, I hate the beach, but I love sand. Make it make sense? Um so. So that was a way for me to like engage in sand culture without having go to the beach and culture. I So I really loved that. I loved it. But then, but then something happened. Something catastrophic, something that really threw me off my axis, which is that they they took out the sand and they replaced it with just like, concrete. And it was like, Oh.   Amy That's not okay.   Ryan O'Connell It's not okay. It's not okay.   Amy Why'd they do that?   Ryan O'Connell Probably to get me out of there.   Amy Yeah, they were like this man like sand.   Ryan O'Connell Because, by the way, when I. When I go, I go up for up to 2 hours, you know what I mean? And so yeah. When, when I.   Amy It's a day trip. It's like half a day.   Ryan O'Connell Yeah, oh totally. And so, and kids will come up to me. I mean, I wrote this in to my show, but like, kids will come up to me and really be like, we're waiting. And they, they have no tact. They'll just say, it's my turn and I'll just look away because I've my headphones on. And I'll pretend they don't exist.  Yeah. And then the parents look at me very disturbed and then it's like we move on from that whole moment and we don't address.   Grace Also, I just want to say that I live for the fact that you don't get off the swings for the children because guess what? They got to learn. They got to learn that the that the world doesn't revolve around them. So you are giving them an early lesson. My Aries spirit loves that flame.   Ryan O'Connell Yeah. Well, I'm a teacher. I'm a teacher in so many areas and. Yeah, yeah, totally. I thank you for acknowledging that because, I mean, I never would. Yeah.   Grace So, Ryan, I really loved this NPR interview that you did recently.   Ryan O'Connell I did?   Grace Too much. Press, darling. Too much press.   Amy I don't remember.   Grace Basically, you said in the interview that when you wrote your first book or whatever, you had not yet dealt with some of your internalized ableism. Yes. And I've heard talk of internalized racism, internalized misogyny, internalized phobia. But I was just like, oh, wow, that's the first time I've really heard that term use. But I just wondered what lessons you've learned about internalized ableism that you can now articulate.   Ryan O'Connell Yeah, I mean, it's like internalized abelism feels like carbon monoxide in the sense that, like, you're breathing it in all the time and you don't even realize you're slowly poisoning yourself. I mean, I think I think even when we talk about the gym and when we talk about exercise, I think even that can be a very complicated slippery slope for me to live in because on one hand, it's been really empowering to see my body, which I not normally used to see as sort of like this defective flop, like like and all I could see it was as something as a failure, as all I could see. It was through the lens of the things I couldn't do. Then when I went to the gym, I was like, Oh, chic. Like, go truly go off. Like. Like you're. You're you're surpassing my expectations. But a part of me also feels like I am striving for a body that presents as. I mean, I'll never present a stable body because I have a limp and it's very visible, but like part of my body, like, it's so complicated. It's like I lost weight during the pandemic, and it was like I and in some ways I felt better because my muscles are very tight and felt I felt like looser in general. But then also I was like, oh, am I like, am I like trying to make my body more conventionally attractive? Am I trying to again, it's like, am I chasing this kind of able bodied ness that is, by the way, elusive and I'm never going to have. But like but like where does that where where does like, genuine self-improvement? And am I kind of like internalized? It wasn't begin because it's like they kind of need each other and it's really hard to parse out which is motivating which. So it's like, I mean, I think that. Interrogating it and being aware of it is still miles away from where I used to be, where I'd even know what it was. Yeah, but it pops up in really kind of unexpected ways. Mm hmm. You know, it's again, it goes back to, like, even, like, my drive for success is sort of like, I'll show you, because I've been like I've been, like, chronically underestimated my entire life. And there's something I really get off on, like, showing, like, what a person with a disability is capable of, but also like. But also that feels problematic because I have this, like, superman complex that is like, doesn't allow me to actually, like, rest, but it's also brought me so many amazing gifts. So it's sort of like it's really complicated, babe. It's like, not a simple thing, you know what I mean.   Grace 100%. And neither are any of the internalized things because, you know, as a Black woman, I identify with a lot of what you said, that like I am chronically underestimated, constantly. So it feels like I have to there's so much to prove. But then it's sort of like and it has brought me a lot of blessings and success, but then also I'm just like, why do I feel like I have to prove so much to and to whom am I proving it? You know what I'm saying? So I think that it's a very relatable thing to anyone who is is different in any way can relate to that.   Ryan O'Connell Do you guys ever wonder what it would be like, though, if people estimated to you the right amount? Like like do you ever wonder, like, where you would be in your life if if so much of the motivating factor wasn't also you? Like, I'll prove you wrong. Like, I sometimes wonder that if I like. If every day wasn't just like this hill that I had to climb, I'd be like, F--- you guys, I can do it. Like, I wonder what it would be like, basically. Like, what would it be like to be like Rob Schneider in the late nineties?   Amy Well, it's funny that because the thing that I always find myself wondering is what would it be like if what if I knew that someone would bet on my potential instead of my achievement? I think that's where I'm like, Oh, I'm always wanting someone to bet on my achievement instead of the fact that, Oh, maybe she could do it, which is really hard.   Ryan O'Connell That's so,that's so I relate to that so hard and it's like, Oh, anyway, that is so real.   Grace So I feel like in life it's just like all the preparation that we as like women or people of color or, you know, disabled people like we are all the preparation that we think that we have to do. There are certain things you can't do it until you actually do it. So you just kind of have to bet on yourself and believe that whatever things that are in your personality that need to come out to be effective at that thing will come out and show themselves.   Ryan O'Connell But but there's also like it makes sense, though, that we're not, like, second guessing ourselves because because. Okay. So for every champion that, like, there's always like there's 80 million people that are like, no, you know what I mean. Like that are not that are not betting on you. And it really does take one person to be like, no- who has power and who is like, no, no, no, this person can do it and they can lift you up and do all that stuff. Because like beyond that little utopia of, like a party of two or three, it's still a scary f---in landscape.    Amy Well, it is really hard to, like, stay motivated when you're being creative and you feel like all these gatekeepers are keeping your out. So I'm curious, like, when was the last time you had to talk to yourself to motivate yourself? And what did you say?   Ryan O'Connell I have a very thick skin and I know how to emotionally bottom like nobody's business. And this this business is a lot of emotionally bottoming. And and and it's like I just know how to do that. And I know how to not get discouraged because I am very, very laser focused about what I want to do. And I've been trolled since the moment I was alive, so like you throwing some more trolls, I was like, honey, fine. Like, join the pack, baby. It is disappointing, though. I mean, I think I just went out with a show Accessible, which is gonna me an all disabled boarding school and.   Amy Oh, that sounds great.   Ryan O'Connell It was going to be like John Hughes, but like make it without obviously the problematic stuff too. But but like, it was going to be really amazing because like, what a wide spectrum of disabilities, what a fun thing to explore. There's all kinds of people, all kinds of walks of life. I just realized walks of life is an ableist term whatever. So but everyone, everyone passed. And it was sort of like, wow, like people still really don't care about disability in this really profound way. Like, I like and it wasn't, it wasn't it didn't I didn't take to the bed, but it was very much like, all right, that's information, baby. That's information. That's another thing I always say. That's information. My friend Catherine's taught me that   Amy I say that.   Ryan O'Connell Where she was like, It's something- You do.   Amy I do. Well, no wait. I say, I've learned a thing. That's that's my that's it. I say, I learned a thing.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, my God. Isn't it?   Amy I learned a thing.   Ryan O'Connell By the way, isn't it kind of incredible? Like, it's so it's so minor, but it's like the perspective shift that allows you to have is mind blowing. It's like, okay, that's information. I know that now. Okay, moving on. Moving on, do you know what I mean?   Amy Yeah, exactly.   Grace Honestly, like in four years, those same people will be like, Oh my God, I'm obsessed with you. Like, they won't even remember that they passed on your show.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, they won't. Well, by the way, everyone passed on Special. Everyone. I mean, I can I can say this now. I don't really give a sh--. Netflix passed on Special in 2015 and then bought it in 2018.   Amy So you never know until you know.   Ryan O'Connell You never know. You never know.   Amy It's literally nuts.   Ryan O'Connell Absolutely.   Grace I really enjoyed the video you made for your coming out story, and I wonder if, like, coming out to your friends.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, yeah.   Grace I wonder if you could describe that for our listeners and share how how your friends reacted when you did that.   Ryan O'Connell Well, I was gonna say you only come out once, but that's not true. You can actually come out multiple times.   Amy Many, many, many times.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, but I wanted to only do it once. I'm an efficient Virgo, okay? I'm not here to f--- around like I know when I've decided something. It's on and like, that's it.   Amy Fall in line world.   Ryan O'Connell Yeah. So I came out when I was 17. I just, I did it by appointment for like my first and second tier friends and that was exhausting. But I also love, love, love being booked- honey, it was the original press.   Amy Hello. You are second tier.   Ryan O'Connell It was. It was. Hello. It was. But it was the original press. It was the original doing press. It was doing press. And and so then when when I got done with those, I was like, oh, god, am I going to send a mass text? Like, How the f--- am I going to tell people I know, Oh, I'll just throw a party chic. My mom went out of town. Ha ha ha. And I was like, I'm going to throw a giant rager. And then so I sent a text to everyone on my phone being like, Hey, guys, come to my house for a secret that will change all our lives forever. And then I made a   Amy Drama.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, honey. By the way, if you didn't know I was a person that would gay after I sent that.   Amy They were like we know what this is about.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, I know. Shockingly, a lot of people didn't. But it was 2004 and so it was like Jack McFarland or bust. So yeah, it was a simpler time. So basically I was like, okay, I'm going to go to and I went with my friends that knew I was gay and we went to Spencer's gifts in the mall and got like all these, like kind of, I like, like penis pasta, these phallic little gifts blah blah blah. I put up a Morrissey and Marr poster and like and then I filmed the video with my friend Katie where she, like, goes in to kiss me and I'm like, No. I can't. And she's like, What do you mean? Why are you not into me? And I was like, Because I'm gay, bitches. And then I turned around and everyone started cheering and it was so good. And I invited my crush and I definitely saw his dick that night. Not to brag.   Amy Oh.   Grace No. First of all, that story is iconic.   Amy Iconic.   Grace It is so perfect. I also love.   Amy I was producing.   Amy I loved it. You were already a showrunner.   Ryan O'Connell I was already a showrunner. I'm in really though like you know what I mean.   Grace Yes.   Amy Do it again, Katie. That wasn't it. I don't believe you.   Ryan O'Connell No. I know that. Katie, you're not landing the joke but okay, okay. I love you, but.   Grace There was a set up. There was, you know, some lead up to it and there was just, you know, a climax. So it was like great storytelling.   Ryan O'Connell And I did what I had to do, you know what I mean?   Grace Yeah, you do what you had to do.   Ryan O'Connell In Ventura the opportunity to tell a story like that medium rare, so. so I, I, I was, I was grasping at coke straws, you know, as a storyteller.   Amy As a young storyteller.   Ryan O'Connell As a young gay storyteller in Ventura, CA I didn't get many opportunities. So I had to take what I could get.   Grace I love it.   Amy That it's an iconic story. I love it and I feel like that's a beautiful place to end. Wow. Ryan, I feel so much better. Now that we've talked to you.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, good.   Grace Yeah. Well, obviously, your your show is coming out soon and your book is coming out. Would you like to take a moment to plug it?   Ryan O'Connell Oh, sure, yeah. Queer As Folk comes out on Peacock June 9th. If you haven't gotten it already, I don't blame you, but you should.   Amy Now is the time, bitches.   Ryan O'Connell There's a lot of streaming platforms. I understand, but this is worth it. Uh, trust me. And then my novel, Just By Looking At Him, comes out June 7th. No, I would never choose to have two projects come out in one week. However, if you're gay, you are legally required to have things released during Pride Month. It's not my fault.   Amy And if you don't buy it during Pride Month, guess what? You're homophobic, you're homophobic. You better tune in and you better buy the book.   Ryan O'Connell Exactly. And speaking of pride, all these products are sponsored by Chase Bank.   Amy And Coca-Cola.   Amy Well, m novel is sponsored by OshKosh B'Gosh and Massage Envy.   Grace That rainbow can of coke.   Amy Yeah. We're allies for thirty days.   Ryan O'Connell Feels good to be gay.   Grace And where can people find you on the Internet?   Ryan O'Connell Oh, I mean, if you are that unwell that you want to follow me, I guess you can call me RyanOconn - O-C-O-N-N.   Amy Oh, I love that.   Grace Sweet.   Amy This is. This is fantastic, Ryan. Thank you so much. I loved every second. Grace and I just got our life.   Ryan O'Connell Oh, thank you. This is so fun to you guys. Thank you so much.   Grace Ok, to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Let's go.   Grace Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. That's by Gloria Steinem. I read it one more time without leaps of imagination or dreaming. We lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.   Amy It's interesting. I know. I usually like love the quotes. This one to me is a little it's a hard for me because and I'll say something that was also quite Virgo is I dream about work a lot and I hate it like it makes me feel like I worked all night and I constantly dream about work. Like I'm constantly, like, kind of like not I'm not like a savant and like solving story problems in my sleep. It's not that I'm literally, like, dreaming of myself, like writing on a whiteboard or dreaming of myself at my computer writing a script.   Grace Oh my God, that sounds stressful.   Amy I hate it. Yeah, it's like, I hate it. And I. When I dream about work, I know it's because I'm stressed out about the thing I'm dreaming about. So I'll dream about pitching and I'm like, Oh, I'm stressed about pitching. Let me practice my pitch. But it's not quite pleasant for me to dream about work. And dreaming about work is my brain trying to plan for the stressful thing. So this quote I would like to keep imagination and dreaming separate from planning, because as a Virgo I plan everything like I literally just to have something to cross off every day I write, wake up as the first thing on my to do list.   Grace Oh my God.   Amy So that I at least start my day having accomplished one thing. I. Wake up and so I plan everything. So this quote doesn't quite speak to me. It's the first one. And I love Gloria Steinem. Believe in everything she stands for, the things that I know that she stands for, at least. But this one doesn't. I prefer to think of imagination and dreaming and the excitement of those places as completely separate from planning. But I think I see her point. But anyway, what do you think? What do you think about the quote?   Grace Well, I don't I don't process dreaming as like sleep dreaming. I process that as dreaming like like actively thinking about the things that you would like to happen.   Amy Okay. Oh, that's nice. Okay.   Grace Yes. So that that's how I process that. Anyway, so dreaming, after all, is a form of planning to me is just the whole idea of if you can't see it, you can't be it, you know. So even like thinking about our guest today, you know, we talked a little bit about, you know, internalized ableism and all this different stuff. Like in order for me to try to be this person in Hollywood that doesn't sort of fit the mold of what you typically see in Hollywood, I had to be able to imagine it. I had to be able to see it. So I try to spend some time actively dreaming and imagining every day what I want for my life professionally, creatively, dreaming of other ideas for scripts or other ideas for things that I want to do. It feels like before, before I can bring the fullness of the life that I want into existence, I have to imagine it first and I have to dream it first. So it's kind of a little bit like a manifestation.   Amy Yeah. I was like, I want to swap the word for myself of dreaming with manifestation manifesting.   Grace So I feel like the time that I spend, like thinking of like my idealized life, like the career that I want, the the movies that I want to write and then the the shows I want to create. Then like how I want to be processed as someone in the industry that can rise to a level where I can reach back and help other people. Like it's all in order for me, I think to get there someday I have to spend active time dreaming and imagining that for myself. So I think Gloria Steinem for this quote, because it is reminding me today that I in order to write that, come to fast. I have to imagine it. I have to dream it.   Amy I like the quote more now. I understand.   Grace Good. I'm glad. I was just like, okay, drag me for this quote this week.   Amy I understand it in a new way. I was thinking of dreaming and sleeping and I was like, she telling me to dream about work. I was so mad. But now I get it.   Grace But it's so interesting to me as your friend that you are like. There's nothing that says work about this. Mm hmm. There is absolutely nothing that says work.   Amy Planning to me is equal to work.   Grace Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. But that's. But that's how you process it. Because you are like. You like me also like, you know, we are very identified with our work. So. But but yeah, that that's really interesting. That also just the different ways that we thought. Dreaming is really interesting. So this is the interesting quote this week. Yeah. So thanks, everyone, for listening to The Antidote. We hope that this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy Yeah, I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Graceyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And stay chic honey. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Rachel Brees.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio Executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith, concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's y'all.   Grace The Antidote is the production of American Public Media.   Amy Yea. It is.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with showrunner and writer Sierra Teller Ornelas (“Rutherford Falls,” “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” “Happy Endings”) about choosing power pieces, bathtub luxuries, and big Cathy energy. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: baseball players who decline to wear Pride-themed jerseys and people on the internet criticizing Cardi B for putting her own singles on her album. Huh? Don’t come for her.   Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include buying a pink blazer and finding a sexy rooftop to hang with friends.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “When creativity melds together with global issues, I believe you can bring the world together.” -Virgil Abloh OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So you know the drill. Prepare for us. We've got to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi everyone and welcome. Another week, another Wednesday, another us. Amy Another us. That already makes my week feel nicer. Grace So Amy, I, you know, I talked last week about that. You know, my antidote was that, oh, I'm going on a trip that well, I plan my trip. I have done all my hotels, I've done all my flights. I'm so excited why I am buying impractical things for my trip. I'm going to. Amy I understand. Grace A new little bag, cross-body bag for when I'm traveling. So, I mean I'm excited. Amy You need some cute little outfits for the gram. Grace Yeah, like cute little outfits for the gram or just for me. You know, sometimes it's just nice to, like, be dressed up in a new place and look at new boys and all that. Amy Yes to looking at new boys. Let's talk more about that. Grace I know, no. 100%. But, you know, there is something, you know, I'm sure when they come here, they think we're exotic. So when we go over there, they're kind of exotic to us. Amy Do they? Uh.  I would like to believe that I feel like they come to America and they're like, oh gross, let me slum it for a bit, this whole country is ghetto. Grace Okay. Well, Amy, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to have an antidote from. Amy You're not wrong. So now we're starting up top with our bummer news of the week. First up, you know, it's June. The month of Coca-Cola Presents Pride which means that. Or, you know Barclays Bank.   Grace I could get rainbow cookies.   Amy Yeah Subway sandwiches presents pride but really it is pride month. And so obviously, as you know, a lot of corporations go off and like say like, oh, we're really pro LGBTQ+ for, you know, the next 30 days. And our first bummer news is really that there have been five players on the Tampa Bay Rays that opted out of wearing LGBTQ+ pride themed uniforms during the team's annual Pride Night event. Five of them, they're all pitchers. I don't know what that says about pitchers, but they declined to wear the pride themed jerseys, citing religious beliefs. And in fact, one of the players, Jason Adams, said, quote, A lot of it comes down to faith, to,like a faith based decision. So it's a hard decision because ultimately we all said what we want is them to know that all are welcome and loved here, end quote. So is it a hard decision if what you want is for everyone to be welcome and loved here? Jason? Yeah. You've been contradicting yourself since that first sentence.   Grace Exactly. So wearing the pride decal is saying that you guys are welcome and loved that part and then also like to go to the extreme of like peeling off things off your jersey.   Amy And also I think what's nuts about it is like some commentators have even been like they've rallied against the team for being too political or quote unquote woke. And some said we're no longer going to attend games. And while others were, of course, applauding the Rays for promoting inclusivity. And I always find it funny when people who are like season ticket holders are like, we're going to boycott the games. And it's like, they already got your money. Okay, so you won't be there. Someone else will.   Grace Yeah.   Amy But it's like what. And why is it political or woke to put a rainbow on your shirt? I'm like, I'm sorry, but you can't like I mean, it's a conversation. It's an argument that's too old and frankly, like, dumb to continue to have with people who just do not see other people's humanity. It's similar to what Black people go through. It's similar to what Asian people go through, where it's like, if you are refusing to see my humanity, I don't know where to begin talking to you. That's what it feels like. Yeah. So I'm like, cancel the Rays or cancel these five pictures. Cancel baseball.   Grace I'm a writer and I like words. I mean the correct things to me, political means, stuff related to a political party, somebody whose identity as an LGBT queer person. To me that is not political. To me, that is an identity that has been under attack. So I just also really hate the use of any time you're saying like, oh, Black people and gay people. And transpeople should have the same rights as a straight, white, cisgender people. Everyone's like, Don't be political as like nothing about that is political. And and identity being a thing is not political. So your argument that, oh, it's getting too political, that doesn't even - math? Make it make sense.   Amy Yea, speak on that. Speak on that.   Grace You know, so, you know, affirming people's identities and making everyone feel welcome is not a political act. It's a human act.   Amy Yes.   Grace It's a kind act. It's a American act. Because this country was supposedly founded on the principles that everybody could be welcome here on religious freedom. Obviously, we know that our country didn't start out that way because people like me and Amy started out in chains. But, you know, if you're talking about the ideals, the the highest ideals of America, it's supposed to be for everyone. So that is not political. That is just humane to me.   Amy Yeah, you're absolutely right. And thank you for speaking on that, sis. I just got a whole word, but that's not the only bummer news we have this week. Next up, have you been hearing that people are calling Cardi B out for using her singles in her upcoming album?   Grace Yeah. It made me feel old.   Amy So people are coming at Cardi saying she is trying to boost the numbers on her album by using the single's Up and WAP on her sophomore album. There are folks on both sides of the debate in support and against. Of course, Cardi heckled her haters by tweeting lmao. Imagine me not putting my own records on my album and I'm really annoyed by this because I'm like, since the beginning of time, since the beginning of allbums.   Grace I know.   Amy Don't singles go on albums?   Grace I admit it made me feel old. I was like, I feel like this must be coming from like the youth, you know, that don't remember when you used to get a single on the radio first and then you would get the music video on MTV or VH1, and then you had to wait for a while, and then you were psyched to have the single on the album because you liked the song. And before streaming, you couldn't just listen to whatever saw whenever, like you would get the CD and you would be happy that the songs on the CD because you've been hearing it and you wanted to have it in your house. So this made me feel mad old because I was just like these children. They expect fresh music, every single song to be fresh on an album. I was like, That's not something that I was brought up to expect.   Amy Yeah, you're absolutely right, Grace. I mean, there was one fan who waded into the debate and they said, quote, I don't see anything wrong with it. The sophomore album was always supposed to be WAP and Up's home. Then she got pregnant and things got delayed. The songs are part of the work and not just random songs thrown on an album. And I'm like, end quote. Sorry, I meant to end that quote, but I'm over here like I listen to DJ Khalid's last album, and it's like all singles.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Why are we mad at Cardi for doing what other artists do?   Grace I feel like a lot of people just want to be mad.   Amy Also, why would it boost sales? We already have the singles, so if you're buying the album, you're not buying it for those singles because you already own those single. So I'm confused again.   Grace Also, who buys albums anymore? Like you usually have like Apple Music or Spotify and your streaming stuff, you know, that feels like that's the most annoying, you know? So I'm just kind of like, what are you so you got some extra songs you wanted more. Extra songs like what? I don't really get it. So maybe Grandma Grace needs somebody to explain to her why people would be upset. But I genuinely was perplexed by this because this is how music has been released my entire life.   Amy Yeah. It also feels like weirdly anti mommy, like, because it took a long time for her album to come out, but she was like making humans. So I'm just kind of like, Y'all, are you y'all just mad that the album took a while to come out? Maybe remember that she's a mom and she had a lot of other work to do.   Grace Yeah. Even if if it. If she wasn't, I was just like, get off her neck. Let women do whatever they want. I was just like, you know who I stan right now? F---ing Rihanna. I stan her every day because we ask for music all the time and she won't give us sh--. And now she's got that baby, you know, she really won't give a sh--. So you know.   Amy Exactly. She's like I'm moving back to Barbados.   Grace We are not owed.   Amy In my Fendi mansion.   Grace Yeah. We are not owed anything by these artists. If Cardi decides, sit down for the rest of her life and say, You know what? I made all my money. I'm not going to make not one other bit of music or whatever. That would be her right. She could do whatever she wants with her life.   Amy You're absolutely right. And I literally really expected Rihanna. I was like, well, she troll us and name her baby Album and be like, There's the album you asked for. Like, I just wanted her to do something that's like, her baby's middle name is single. I guess I was like, We don't deserve nothing from that queen. She's like, I gave you looks. I reinvented the Met Gala.   Grace Rihanna's not a comedy writer, but, yeah, a comedy writer would do some bullsh-- like that.  I named my baby album, so y'all shut the f--- up now.   Amy I got an album for the next 18 years. Well, ordinarily, after the bummer news, we really feel like sh--. But in supporting Cardi and Rihanna, I actually don't feel that terrible. I feel kind of okay, but the world still sucks. So.   Grace So let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news and the world. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace So honestly, everyone, I will be very honest right here. This was a week I mean it was a week. As far as work stuff, so I didn't get to do very much self-care, but I did buy something that arrived this week and it really made me smile. So I got a blazer.   Amy What? Like a jacket? Like for business ladies? Like you work at a bank?   Grace I know it sounds very boring. Yeah, I did. So I have a friend that's very fashion. Fashionable, you know. And so she told me a while back, you know, I was into a lot of, you know, designer bags in 2021, and I've sort of got a collection now. So I've slowed down to stopped on that. But I was just like, oh, you know, I would love to have like some really nice pieces so that when I go out or, you know, if I have an event, I can just like throw out, throw it together out there real quick and feel like cute. And so the advice she gave me was, get a really nice blazer. Hmm. And I was just like a blazer. I'm. I don't do that.   Amy That's where I'm at. I'm like, blazer?   Grace I thought about it. So my whole life has been about rebelling against the blazer.   Amy Wait, your whole life?That's why you became a TV writer. You're like, I will never have to wear a blazer.   Grace Exactly.   Amy Please explain how your whole life has been about rebelling against blazers.   Grace I will explain. So, you know, I'm from immigrant parents. They wanted me to be a lawyer. They wanted me to be something in the professional world. My dad want me to be a professor. So, you know, that whole like you have to dress a certain way to be at work thing. You know, I've been rebelling against that my whole life. That's why I started out as an actor. And, you know, now I'm a writer where you don't have to wear you can wear sweatpants to work, and it doesn't matter. So. So I was just like, oh, so I guess I had sort of like a thing against blazers because I'm just like, that's the uniform of a man.   Amy Oh, I was going to say I'm laughing because I definitely felt the same way, but I conformed like my first assistant job. I showed up in a suit and my boss was definitely wearing jeans. And was like, What?   Grace That is so cute.   Amy I did it for like four days.   Grace Baby Amy showed up to the writers room.   Amy I was like Mom and Dad, ain't nobody dressing like this. I got to change my clothes.   Grace That's hilarious. Yeah. So I like. I just like, blazers. That's not for the creatives like me. And so. But then, like, I began to actually look around, and I was just like, oh, a lot of these these blazers being styled in such a cute way, like over a little sun dress. And so I was just like, Oh, okay, so maybe I can I can get a blazer, but like, in a way that I would enjoy wearing it. So I did some research and I found this really pretty like blush rose blazer from Frankie Sharpe that is oversize and I love it. It's gorgeous. I can't wait to bring it on my vacation because Amsterdam is a little cool still in the summer, so I can't wait to bring it on my vacation to Amsterdam and like rock it over some cute little dresses that night and even the other night. And I went to dinner with my friend from film school and it got a little chilly at night and I had my little regular jacket on, but I was like, you know, this would have been a moment for that blazer. So I'm just, like, excited to incorporate this blazer into my wardrobe in a fun way.   Amy You won me over when you said it was soft pink. Because in my head I'm just thinking, like, hard shoulders, black, three buttons. And I'm just like. And I was like, what. But you're right. A blazer can be feminine. It can be whimsical. I remember seeing his family had a gold blazer on, like with. Yeah. I was like, that's cool. Okay. All right. I understand this antidote. I do.   Grace And just to say, like, if you do have a job that wears a blazer, I don't I didn't mean to insult you.   Amy She's mad about it.   Grace I didn't mean to insult you. It's ust like, you know, me and myself or whatever. I 'm sure people that there are very cool ladies, like in suits, you know, with jobs all over.   Amy First I was going to say if anyone has a job where you do rock a blazer to work. I mean, come on, tag us. Like let us know how to rock a blazer. Ways that it can be cute. Ways that it can look good. Ways that it's not what we would expect. Because in our industry, people don't wear suits. But I have seen women in some nice suits before, so and man, ooh, I love men's fashion. So if you have rocked a blazer in a way that we should see, just tag us on Instagram and let us know.   Grace Okay, Amy, what is your antidote this week?   Amy My antidote this week is roof tops. And by that I mean, yeah, just like a rooftop moment. Some of our listeners might know that I went to UCLA for grad school, for film and television. It was so wonderful. And I was honored this week to speak at the UCLA 2022 commencement ceremony as the distinguished alumni.   Grace Yeah. We love this.   Amy I want to distinguish alumni award and got to give a little speech. The other commencement speaker was Troy Kotsur, who won the Oscar this year for the movie Coda. And so it was really awesome to get to speak and get get this award and get to try and inspire some youths.   Grace I'm sure you inspired the youths.   Amy Thank you, Grace. Thank you. And afterwards, five of my friends who came to see me speak took me out for a drink, and we went on a rooftop and we I had not like I love like, oh, I love a rooftop. It's something I love about New York. Like, New York has a lot of rooftop bars. So does L.A. And people sometimes don't think about L.A. as a rooftop location, but they out here and there are some places to get a nice drink and a view. And we happened to we went a little bougie. We didn't know where to go and we didn't go bougie on purpose. We were just like, What's a rooftop near UCLA? And I saw a rooftop by J.G. in Beverly Hills, and I was like, What's that? I don't know. Let's go there. It had five stars, and I was like, Let's go. It was at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. Well, we got up there. And not only did we look amazing because of course, but also it was 360 views. And I was like, it was an accidental antidote. It like the breeze on a rooftop when it hits you just the vibe is right. And like we were just having a cocktail while it's still sun out. And I was like, I love a rooftop and now I just want to become your blazer, bitch. I want to come a rooftop bitch. I'm like, this summer, I'm going to be hitting up a rooftop a week because I'm like. There's something about that.   Grace I'm down.   Amy Breeze up there. And being a little above the mess, the chaos, damp streets, that makes me feel at ease.   Grace Yeah, I mean, that that's the thing that people don't remember about L.A.. You can get some incredible views because, like, we have all these hills and mountains and and, you know, and all the palm trees and especially at night, it can be really, really pretty.   Amy So our antidotes this week didn't like kind of like converge how they usually do, you know, like how we're usually so similar like on the same grind. But I will say that, you know, a great place to wear a pink blazer. On a rooftop.   Grace Okay I love that.   Amy We got to do it.   Grace We see how that writer vibe be working.   Amy Yeah. Yeah, I love making. There's always a connection between our antidotes. So the next time I'm heading to a rooftop, I'm bringing my girl and she's rocking out with her blazer.   Grace I'm rocking that blazer.   Amy Also, we want to know what your antidotes are. Don't forget. Please tell us your self-care stories. Head to our website antidoteshow.org. Scroll to the bottom and press contact us. Also, you can send us a voice note or a video. Doesn't have to be an email. We might just play it on a future episode. We'll be back right after this break.   Grace Well, welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is a showrunner, writer and Queen Weaver. That's right. She leaves, not hair, but fabric. This Navajo Mexican American goddess hails from Tucson, Arizona, and she advocates for more women of color in writers rooms every day. You can catch the second season of her show, Rutherford Falls, a comedy starring Ed Helms and Jana Schmieding on Peacock right now. Please welcome Sierra Teller Ornelas.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Thank you. Before I start it's (speaking Indigenous language). My name is Sierra Teller Ornelas. I'm a member of the Navajo Nation. I am Edgewater Clan, born for the Mexican clan. Traditionally, when we speak in front of large groups, we start by first introducing ourselves and our clan. Thank you so much for having me here today. I am so excited. This is like one of my favorite podcasts. So this is like so cool. Thank you.   Amy Oh my God, you're one of our favorite people. So I'm stoked to hear that. Fans interviewing fans.   Grace Yes, we're staning each other today. So she is very impressive, Amy, but we are not here to talk about her many, many, many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy That's right. So let's check in first. How are you feeling today, Sierra? Like for real, not small talk. Is there anything that's weighing on you? Anything bringing you up, down?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I'm goodish. I'm like excited to be. I'm at ATX Festival right now, which is like a television festival. I'm kind of riding high. We did a couple of panels today and I got to premiere my show, Rutherford Falls yesterday, the season two premiere, and it was really cool. I haven't been in a movie theater because like we the show both seasons were made during the pandemic and I took really COVID stuff really seriously and I had a lot of family members who were heavily impacted by COVID. And so I had been in the movie theater and to go and like just like sit and drink a Diet Coke and watch people watch our show and laugh at the right moments and like really enjoy. It was just like it was so joyous. And so I was I had a lot of anxiety about coming here, and I'm feeling really good. I'm missing my son's carnival. We worked all year to raise money to raise carnival. And so I got to face time him. And he's like eating a Ninja Turtle ice cream and like, having the best day of his life. And I had to just sort of watch. So it's a little bittersweet, but he's clearly unaffected. He's like on so much serotonin from the sugar and the bouncehouse. So it's good. It's all good. It's mostly good.   Grace And someday he'll be able to be like, My mommy's is like a bad ass showrunner, so, you know, that's great.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yeah, he's pretty aware. He's always like, Yeah, he, he kind of knows Mom makes TV, which is weird.   Amy That's amazing. And I also love just the Ninja Turtle Ice Cream with the Gumdrop Eyes. It's one of those?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yeah, exactly. The bubblegum eyes.   Amy Man that takes me back.   Grace So this show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with all the bullsh--. So what is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Honestly, I think my antidote lately has just been sitting in my car, like it's not the most. It's not the most luxurious thing in the world but my dad.   Amy In traffic?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas No. So like when my dad my dad is a pharmacist is a pharmacist and he used to work night shifts and so he would come home at like 6 a.m. He'd be like, You want to go get a coffee? And I was like ten and shouldn't probably have been drinking coffee, but we go to Circle K and like split a newspaper and just sit in the car. And I think people watch and like sip on a coffee and it was mostly just like milk and sugar, I think probably. Right. But whenever I get like kind of down by life, when you're working and you're a mom and you're like no time finding like little five minute increments that are like, just for you. And oddly, I really like sitting in my car, so I'll like get to work 10 minutes early. I'm like blast music because music always sounds the best in your car. In your car. I'll just sing at the top of my lungs or I'll have like a little five minute date with myself, with, like, the pastry I want or the drink that I want, and just kind of like, kind of it's not meditative. I don't know if it's healthy, but it's like being in a cocoon or something for four or 5 minutes, and I just kind of take that time.   Amy Yeah, I identify with this. I have a bad habit. Well, not a bad habit. I think I am seeking time to myself and, like, just, like, quiet and solitude. But I'll come back from, like, driving to a meeting or whatever. I'll come back home and I'll sit in my garage until, like, the light sensor goes off.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yes.   Amy I'll just be in the garage and I'll keep listening to my podcast and sitting there or like play finish the song that I'm listening to her answer to emails. I'm just by myself. And then the light turns off in my garage and I'm in the darkness. And then I'm like time to go, girl. But I feel that.   Grace And I love that. It's, like, connected to a memory about your dad, too. I think that's so sweet. Like some of these things that you don't even realize. Like a couple years ago, like I realized, like, my dad used to bring us like candy at night. He used to bring us, like, Snickers bars or whatever. Like whenever you come home from work, like he would go from work to the gym or whatever. Hi, Dad. I know you're listening. So you go from work to the gym, and then afterwards he would bring us a little treat like a candy. And so I realized that's connected to my desire. I only want sweets at night. It's like.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Lovely.   Grace Yeah. So. It like you don't know how those little things like affect you. And I think it's really sweet that you're first of all, I'm just like picturing tiny you with a half of a newspaper and a cup of coffee. How cute is that?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas It was probably the funny pages. But yeah, it was like a 40 year old man when I was ten, basically.   Amy Just reading Cathy.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Oh, my God. That's what one of the writers on Rutherford Falls calls me is Navajo Cathy because. I'm always. Like, stressed and, like, running around, like, ack ack is like.   Amy Well, you were quoted as saying you've come a long way from reading those funny pages, and you were quoted as saying, quote, The Navajo are a matrilineal tribe. So it's not weird for women to be in charge. And, quote, I want to know, what does it feel like, Sierra, to be a bad bitch? What's it feel like? You are in charge. You're running a show you created. What does that feel like?    Sierra Tellter Ornelas Amazing. It feels really good. Like, I feel like we all have similar careers in that. Like, we worked our way up from from staff writer. And we're not like, you know, I mean, like Amy and I worked on Happy Endings together and like, that was my first job in television and it was David Caspe the show creator's first job in television. So like there are people who show up and have these ideas and they get made. And I very much was like, not someone who just showed up. I like have been here for for 12 years and. Yeah, and I mean, you remember that room like Josh Bycel and Groff and Gail like they love to teach and they love to almost huge from Hillary. Like, they love to teach and they love to give like, lessons. And I remember just like writing everything down, like writing down what to do, what not to do, because they like people would come back with failed pilots and like explain where it went wrong. Right. And things like that. I remember just like writing it all down. And so it's almost like when I get to be in this job and impart that knowledge to the new writers, which is like such a great feeling, especially the native writers, and then also like to know what to do in those situations because someone told you, you know, it's just like a really cool feeling of like I remember bosses having those like one percenter jokes are like, I don't care if anyone gets that, I just want to put it in and like the ability to do that and know that like native people are going to get it and like it's your story and you get to and the story of so many people in your community. Like it's just it's a great feeling. I don't know about it, but it feels good to be the boss like I've always been bossy.   Grace So with all this Cathy energy that you have and frantic, frantic energy, do you have any rituals in your life that sort of help calm you?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I used to go to Korean spas a lot. That was like my favorite thing to do pre-COVID. And I've kind of tried to recreate a lot of that with like pads and face masks and things like that. I bought at Target, there was this sort of like basic, basic bitch mom target egg chair that like during the pandemic, just like went away. And I'm a part of this moms group on Facebook and any time there were like, like the targetin Rosita has the egg chair, like it was a big deal. Like you had to do, like. I was up late or something and someone posted that they think the egg chairs are in Eagle Rock. And I was like, I bought one immediately and I put it together and I just have this little balcony and it's weird. It's like being in a cage, except it's got a big opening. But I stood out and this little balcony that I have and I just look out my, my into like kind of Glendale Hill in my house. And sometimes I'll sit with my son and I'll just, like, drink coffee and just stare and kind of have a moment. We have these I've had some some deaths in my family due to COVID. And my mom said that like she believes that hummingbirds are signs of people coming to visit you. And so we have like a lot of hummingbirds come and it's just really lovely to kind of watch them and feed them and just sit and kind of have a moment. Especially like before my son wakes up or before my husband wakes up and just kind of have that time alone. Sometimes I just scroll on Twitter and it's not healthy, but some of the egg it feels, it still feels healthy ish a little bit.   Grace Because you're in your egg, you're in like your cocoon.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yeah, exactly.   Amy Yeah. Well, when it comes to a spa day, that speaks to Grace because we. Yeah. Grace's self-care routine. So I want to hear from both of you. What is your like must in your spa day, self-care, skin care, whatever the thing is that you do to sort of relax and bring like self beauty back into your life? What is your must? What's the thing that you're like, Oh, I got to do this each time.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I have, like a big, like, soaking tub, like a yeah, that's like really hot. And I'll put in. During the pandemic, January Jones had that like a recipe where it was like baking soda and apple cider vinegar. I did it once. I was like, This is too much for me. I can't do it. It was like. I was like, God bless you. I can't, I can't do it. But I'll do like a lot of a lot of Epsom salts and a little bit of bath oil and I'll just soak and soak, but I'll do like a Caldwell like face mask because I feel like your pores open up. So it really kind of penetrates. Then I'll get one of those, like Korean scrub scrubs and just scrub all the dead skin and kind of give myself my own Korean scrub. And then you sometimes you have to, like, let the water go and kind of clean it out and then refill. So sometimes if I'm feeling very special, I will treat myself to a refill because I hate wasting water. I feel very guilty. But if it's been a very long day and then I'll like set up an iPad I had. There's an incredible P.A. on our show who is a woodworker. And he took measurements of my bathtub and made a little, like Trumbo table for me so I can, like, work in the bathtub. Or I can watch him think, Oh, it's amazing. This is beautiful, like zebra wood. And and I'll just sit there and just hang out by myself for a while. Sometimes about that, I'll come visit for a second and then he'll leave. He'll like check on me.   Grace Like this. This is mommy time.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas But it's. But it's good. And then. And I'll do a hair mask. That's the big thing. So my favorite things to do. Yeah. So you you like, I'll do like a scrub for my scalp. And then they have these hair masks that you can put on. Sometimes what I'll do if I'm feeling really down and have to go to work is I will wet my hair and put a giant hair mask on where I just like douse my hair in it and I'll do two braids and kind of Heidi clip them up. And so I've done that all day and then at night I'll take the bath. So like, it's like my hair is getting ready and then I take the bath and have, have, have a night.   Grace Yeah, I've done that before. I've like deep conditioned all day, so I will, I'll put the conditioner in my hair and then I'll put like a little plastic cap on and then I'll put a little head wrap on over it. So my little secret, I just get my moisture in.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Nobody knows. And there's something about it where it's like I'm being so productive in my relaxation.   Grace Yeah.   Amy I love it. I'm typing and I'm getting soft skin. F--- you, world.   Grace You don't even know about it.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas But yeah, that's, that's what I enjoy doing.    Amy Yeah. I don't know. It's wild to me to even hear you saying that you had the Korean spa like scrub brush just scrub off the dead skin in my head. I was like, I thought you had to go to a spa to get that. And I'm like, Oh, you can, you can buy that.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yeah, they have like a gift shop and you can like buy like packs of five and stuff and like.   Grace You looking at two hoes who love a scrub. Okay.   Amy Yeah.   Grace We love a scrub. Yeah, we'd be scrubbing.   Two hoes that scrub needs to be a pilot.   Grace Ok, let's write it Okay.   Amy You heard it here first, Grace Edwards is working two hoes that scrub. Told ya - do people still say told ya for Deadline? I don't care.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I know. I love it.   Amy I had a question. I wanted to know if you were wearing a power piece today and if you could describe for our listeners what a power piece is.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I buy a lot of native jewelry. I love native jewelry, specifically Navajo jewelry, because that's my tribe. And when you go out and try to get a job interview or you a dissertation or when I was pitching, I have like a, you know, glove compartment full of jewelry. And I would pick, you know, the power piece that I would go in and feel most confident wearing. So, yeah, today I was very nervous about being on a panel with Robin Thede.   Amy She's an icon.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas She's like such a force. And I was like oh my God. And so I had a squash blossom necklace, which was like a giant piece of turquoise and silver work. And it was gifted to me at the Indian Gaming Conference because we show we did a Rutherford Falls panel and they gave the men bow ties and they gave the women these squash blossom necklaces. And it's huge and as beautiful as I put that on and some big earrings. And then I have a beaded bracelet that says Skoden, which is like a native lingo for like, let's go then. And yeah, and then I wore that and I wore Cody Sanderson is this amazing Navajo silversmith, and he has this silver ring that has the word bitch backwards on it. So, like, if you punch someone, you leave the word bitch on their face.   Grace Yeah.   Amy I'm obsessed. I need that. Cody, are you listening?   Grace I need that in my life. I need it.   Amy Cody.   Grace I mean, I got. I've never been in a fight. But I will get in one   Amy But I will get in one.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas You want to get into one wearing one of his rings and I have a couple of pieces in the show, Rutherford Falls. There's a scene where Terry's about to go up against a huge corporation, and he opens up a safe filled with native jewelry. And it was all the jewelry from the writers. And this gentleman named Byrd running water. And we all donated pieces to put in. And one of them was this Cody Sanderson bracelet, and that's what he wears. But that was like one of the first things I bought when I got to be money, because that was like a real sign, like I had made it as I had a Cody Sanderson piece. But yeah, so and like sometimes too, and like your page doesn't go well. You're like, got to change of the power pieces. Like put the back and put this one on. And, and you have like, you know, I have like jewelry for my grandma and jewelry for my mom. Like, my mom gave me a bunch of pieces when I had to do press last year and stuff. So it's it's a native thing. We love we love our jewelry. My son has a jewelry. A box with jewelry, you start wearing it really early like little baby bracelets and baby necklaces and stuff. And so we start we start really young. Yeah.   Grace Yeah. My friend Azie Dungey, a Black and native writer, she makes beautiful earrings.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Gorgeous stuff. Yeah, she is a writer on season two of Rutherford. Oh, great. Yeah, I love her to few things, but her tastes. Oh, my God. Like, we just. Like it's always a lot of the writers on our show who are native are also beadwork artists. So Janet Sweeting and Bobby Wilson, they do a lot of quill work. And like some of them, I was like, I would hire you off of your beadwork. Like just the precision and the humor from those pieces. I was like.   Amy Yeah.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I would staff them based on their beadwork, like 100%.   Grace Do you have like a formative piece of like art that has had an impact on your life? Like a book, a play, a show, you know, even a painting or something that has had an effect on you?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Oh, man. I would say The Godfather. Yeah, I would say When Harry Met Sally and I would say my mom and her sister worked on this giant two great hills rug. It took them four years to weave. And I was like, I was like six or seven when they took them. They fought for two years, so it really only took them two years to weeks, but there was like a break up in the middle and then they got the band back together.   Amy It's a journey.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas But like watching my mom and her work on this piece. They won Best of Show at Santa Fe Indian Market, which is the first time in like 70 years a textile had ever won. And it really changed the face of Navajo weaving. And so to watch these, like, native women go through this, like, artistic process and have a vision and a plan and execute it, we were like on CNN, my mom's rug was like in Business Week. It was like, buy this was bought by this like software engineer, a millionaire guy. And it really changed our lives. It changed the kind of course of my whole future. But there was something about like watching her weave into the night. It was like the first thing she saw when she woke up. It was the last thing she saw when she went to sleep, like she just wove and wove. And it was like, oh, a lady with a dream. Like it was really. And I remember being like, so inspired. And when she was weaving, weaving is so sedentary, like we were binge watching before, that was a thing. Like we'd go to Blockbuster and get like eight movies and the sun would come up and I would be like beading and she would be weaving. And it was just like she was like we were like coworkers a lot in the summertime. And I think watching her make art and then watching these movies and having her explain them to me and my dad explained that like that was like very formative.   Grace I think it's beautiful, like when artists actually grow up in artist's households. So like that lesson that your mother kind of taught you, like weaving this, this rug for all those years. Like, it's, like, possessed, like, but it's like that's such a beautiful lesson that, you know, we as as as artists have to learn. Like, it's the persistence and it's the vision and seeing it all the way through to the end, because a lot of people would have given up. A lot of people want to finish that rug. But look how it was such a change maker for your whole family. That's beautiful. Yeah. And then also, I love When Harry Met Sally. That's like one of my favorite movies of all time.   Amy I want that movie, Sierra. The movie about this rug and this mother, daughter, sister or aunt relationship around this rug. That sounds beautiful.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Oh, thank you. I hope so. I hope to write it someday.   Amy I was gonna say. I want to see baby Sierra with her hands on her hips like Meg Ryan with the Cathy cartoon and a tiny little coffee just like, literally, like I'm an adult.   Grace I'm watching The Godfather. Excuse me.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Leave me alone. No, I definitely was like a tiny 40 year old. But once I turned 40, I was like, Oh, thank God. I'm finally this thing I've been pretending to be for 30 years. No, I was just going to add, like you were talking about, like that artist persistence. And I also think one of the things that really helped I remember you talking me one time, I don't remember this about like Nigerian confidence. You're like, Oh, that's my Nigerian confidence. And you should just like referenced it. And I was like, Oh my God. And I think like Navajos have something similar where it's like knowing your worth, like, just really like forcing people to recognize your worth. And, and I feel like my, my mom was an artist who never was recognized as an artist. She was recognized as like a craftsperson or like curio creator kind of thing. And but she knew she was an artist. And one time we went to Lachman to see this Van Gogh exhibit, and it was really beautiful. And my parents cared about art, so they took us to see it. But there was a rug exhibit of rugs that were made during, I want to say, the 1800s, which is around the time Van Gogh was around. And she was like, everyone knows who Van Gogh is and no one knows who these women are. And she was like she was like they didn't get to sign their work, so no one knows who they are. And it was really her calling to like and so she started doing recreations of rugs from that time period. And I think, like, that is something when you're talking about like matriarchs and feeling like a boss, like watching them have to really like demand that their worth be recognized was like integral to, like my career and my, my, my path.   Amy Sierra. Wow. I feel we we both feel so much better now that we talk to you.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Oh, thank you for saying that. Same. Same.   Grace Yes, she's right. Like the world is is still a terrible place but it sucks a little less because we've talked to you.   Amy Thank you. Thank you. Well, we know what you have coming up, but I'd love for you to just let us know. You know, feel free to plug it. And if there's anything else you want to plug, feel free to mention.   Sierra Tellter Ornelas Yes. So Rutherford Falls Season two is premiering June 16th on Peacock. I hope everyone will watch. Please binge it. Please watch something else after you finish it. So the algorithm thinks we're good boys and girls. And thank you so much for having me on here. This I was so, so lovely. Thank you.   Grace I thank you for coming. And where can people find you? On the Internet?   Sierra Tellter Ornelas I'm at SierraOrnelas on most platforms.   Amy Beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Sierra.   Grace Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Sure am. Go for it.   Grace Okay. When creativity melds together with global issues, I believe you can bring the world together. And that's by Virgil Abloh. Rest in peace again. That's when creativity melds together with global issues. I believe you can bring the world together. Virgil Abloh.   Amy That's beautiful. I. I love Virgil Abloh. His death really affected me. I'm going to be honest. I was really, really emotional. And I don't always get mad emotional when celebrities die. I think it was just because it felt like he was in his zone of genius. When he died, he had already conquered so much and he was like getting into directing and like set design and all these other cool things that extend beyond like art are beside and yet beyond his role as a creative director for Louis Vuitton. And I just started buying his stuff like I have a Virgil Abloh wallet, I have off-white shoes. Like, I was just so obsessed with him and like where he was going as a Black creative. I even like was in Miami and went to like they had at where his show was and I went.   Grace Art Basel.   Amy Yeah. During Art Basel, I went and saw the setting for his last runway show and I watched it live on the Louis Vuitton Twitter page. Sorry, this is not about the quote at all. I'm just saying, I'm a huge Virgil Abloh fan. I'm obsessed with him.   Grace Yeah. Yeah.   Amy But yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just it really affected me when he passed and I kept wondering why. And I think so much of it was because even though we clowned him for like donating $10 to charities and things like that, it was like he really was someone who's like, I stand for the culture and I play in all spaces, but I'm going to use my creativity to uplift blackness across the world. And it made me feel the same way as like like design and television and movies. They have a way to impact the world. So when I hear this quote, I feel like he's it's almost like him saying that that it was his purpose to use creativity and meld it with global issues, like what does it mean to elevate blackness? And then he was hoping to bring the world together by doing this. So the quote to me kind of like speaks to his, like, mission as an artist. I will say there's part of me like a skeptic in me that is kind of like I mean, we can try, but will it work? Case in point, America sucking. But I also it was sort of like we have to have grand ambitions to achieve bigger things. And I think that's what this speaks to is a grand ambition. And I think it's beautiful, but I'm also biased because I love him. So. Yeah. What is the quote make you think, Grace?   Grace Um, well, it just makes me think about the power of art to bring issues to people's hearts instead of their heads. So you can. You can watch you can know that there were black people being lynched, you know, since the beginning of this country, frankly. But if you listen to Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday, it gives you an emotion. You know, you can know something intellectually. But what I think the power of art is, is to make you feel it's to sort of make it into an emotional thing that you can consume. So, you know, strange fruit. Billie Holiday The revolution will not be televised. Like Jill Scott Heron. What's going on? Marvin Gaye. Like, you know, movies like Moonlight and Hidden Figures and, you know, 12 Years a Slave or whatever. Like, it's, I mean.   Amy Yeah, it's. You not wrong. You not wrong. You're not wrong, you're not wrong.   Grace It connects, you know, facts into an emotion, which I think is the wonderful thing about art. So what Virgil was saying and what his art was an example of is the way that you can use your art no matter what medium it is, to bring awareness to things, to bring an emotion to things, to celebrate a culture, to make us feel something about something we know emotionally. Like we can know how hard it is to be a black gay man in America. But then you watch him. Moonlight and you watch it happen and you watch in all the ways it manifests in these characters lives, and it makes you more connected to the struggle if you are a person that has empathy. So I think what Virgil was saying was that art has the power to take history and current issues and and frame them in a way, in an artistic expression, whether it be a song or a pair of sneakers or a film or television show to make people feel more deeply about that thing. And frankly, that's what I love about comedy and about being a comedy writer is that you can hide a lot of things in humor. You can give somebody like a little candy with their medicine. And as somebody who loves to do.   Amy Loves some nighttime candy   Grace Exactly. So, yeah, that's definitely what it makes me think and feel.   Amy That's beautiful.   Grace Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote to we hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy Yeah, I. Feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And congrats on being a bad bitch. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidote show.org. And eemember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Okay.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actor, comedian and podcaster, Bowen Yang, about Soundcloud music mashups, bad dates in New York and formative romcoms. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: a nationwide lifeguard shortage and strawberries spreading Hepatitis A. Eww!  Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include reconnecting with their favorite places and people, from Portugal to old friends to bad restaurants from their twenties.  This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” - Brene Brown OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So, you know, like, get your kids out of here, because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news for keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times we all need to show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Antidote. We are so happy to here. Amy I'm happy to be here, but I'm also like a little, like, bummed we recorded on Saturday mornings and like. June gloom is in full effect. Yeah. Grace It's really, you know, you're used to the Los Angeles sun and, you know, just during May and June, there's just always like fog in the morning. It's like really makes the city look gray. Amy It's really odd. It usually burns off around lunch, but it does mean that every morning. And for people who don't know, maybe people outside of California don't know that June gloom is like a thing in the L.A. area. And it's it really just like wake up, you wake up and you feel like you're, like, sleepy and behind, which I always feel. But you feel it like even more during the month of June, because the sky is so gray and you're just like, Why is the sky reflecting my mood? Grace Oh, that's funny. Like, sometimes I like it because, you know, I'm from the you know, I'm from Michigan and I spent a long time in New York. And so you spend large stretches of the year when it's sort of foggy and cloudy and cool and stuff like that. So it kind of gives me a homey feeling sometimes. Amy  Oh. Grace Because sometimes. Amy I moved here for the weather. Grace I know. And it's a big selling point to me as well. It's just that every so often it can feel like Groundhog Day in L.A. it's like 75 to 80 or, you know, 70 to 80, sunny, sunny, sunny or whatever, no rain. So sometimes when we get a little bit of variety, I kind of like it. Amy Oh, okay. All right. I will not be joining you in that field. Grace All right. Well, you know, we can have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week, y'all. We've pulled through some darkness. Darkness is still happening in the world, but we wanted to have a lighter news week, still heavy news. It's still bummers. This is a little lighter than what we've been through in the last couple of weeks. Yeah. First up is that there is a nationwide lifeguard shortage. Has anyone else heard about this? Basically, the American Lifeguard Association says that they're between 40 to 50% fewer lifeguards at public pools and beaches across the country. And this could impact about a third or even half of the nation's 300,000 pools. And it sounds kind of like who cares? But the problem is like if the fewer lifeguards means fewer people getting saved, which means more drownings.   Grace Yeah, that's not great. You know, lifeguards are so essential. And I just remember that was like a sought after job. Like when I was in high school. Yeah. Like you're like the.   Amy I get to sit at the pool all day.   Grace Yeah. I'll be a lifeguard or I'll go work as ice cream shop or whatever. It's just like, I wonder, I know this sounds very old. I was like, do teens do teens do a job like summer jobs?   Amy No. I do wonder, what are teens summer jobs? Because if it's not lifeguard lifeguarding, to me it was like a coveted job. It's like, oh, you got a body. You get to sit by a pool and every now and then you get to be a hero. Like, it's just like and as someone who was saved by a lifeguard when I was ten, who almost fully drowned in a public pool and then some strapping young man dove in and scooped me out like they feel pretty essential to me.   Grace Yeah. My younger brother almost drowned when I was a kid. I remember that. Somebody must have saved him. I don't remember who, though, because I'm just like, he's. He's under there. I remember some adult pulling him out of the water. So, yeah, it's very, you know, so there would have been no Amy Aniobi. And no my brother.   Amy Exactly. I know, but apparently there's like a bit of a perception problem. It's so funny. The public often sees lifeguarding as a do nothing job where someone just sits in a chair all day with a whistle. But I'm also like, Yeah, it's do nothing til it's do something, you know? And I'm like, as a as a youth, like you're getting paid to sit by a pool. Why is that not cool?   Grace Also, I'm just like, Yeah, they have to do nothing. So they're paying attention. Like, Yeah, well, like you have to. What do you want them to be doing? Like?   Amy Yeah, they're not actually doing nothing. They're watching.   Grace They're watching.   Amy That's what they're doing.   Grace Yeah. So I'm just.   Amy Like an air traffic controller.   Grace Yeah. They got to, they got to be on it. You know, fact it sounds like it's an incredibly hard job, especially the way our attention spans are set up right now, like everybody's on their phone.   Amy And maybe that's why there's a shortage.   Grace We can't pay attention for more than a couple seconds. So someone actually just sitting there looking at the water, making sure everyone's safe. That sounds like tremendously hard.   Amy It makes me sad because I'm like, what a summer without swimming? Like, these little kids won't have anyone to watch them swim. So I'm worried about that. So if you have swimming skills like maybe consider it, you know some it's just starting off June gloom. Home is about to burn away. So, like, maybe consider it become a lifeguard. But that's not all. That's up with the bummer news. There's also one more item that we'd like to discuss, and it also involves the summer, because in the summer you eat strawberries, and strawberries are potentially spreading hepatitis A. Yeah, I know. The FDA is investigating 17 cases of hep A in the U.S.. There are 15 in California and one piece in Minnesota and another in North Dakota, 15 in California. Because California's like the strawberry capitol, at least a dozen people have been hospitalized. And the agency says the strawberries were purchased between March 5th and April 25th. But, you know, so you need to be careful when you're buying your strawberries. If you're looking for strawberries, maybe they've been what's it called, redacted. When they did no recall that it recalled. Yeah, maybe they've been recalled. So you can't get your strawberries. But the thing that I want to say, the symptoms of hepatitis A so that people can be I hope I got it. But symptoms can include yellow skin, her eyes, an upset, stomach, vomiting, stomach pain, fever, dark urine or light colored stools, diarrhea, joint pain and fatigue. So if you're feeling those things and you've recently eaten a red little berry made a straw, you've got to get you to a hospital.   Grace Listen. First of all, I feel like just being the age I am, I have about five of those symptoms right now.   Amy I'm like jaundice? Check.   Grace I was just like fatigue. Check. Joint pain, check.   Amy Diarrhea. Yeah, I'm nervous.   Grace My stomach is always a little bit upset, so. But that's just being older. I mean, this is sad. I just want to know, like, it feels like, oh, this is something that can happen. But you look at a strawberry and you don't know whether it has it or not. Like you can't look at-   Amy You're like, help.   Grace Look at the strawberry and tell. So no, it's going to probably affect people buying strawberries, which is such a delicious summer. Treats like low in calories, low in sugar, but still tasty, you know, full with antioxidants. You know, we don't want to stay away from strawberries, but if there's-   Amy And people people have been freezing them. So the other issue is that the FDA is saying lots of people freeze them to make smoothies later. So they could have botched, in fact, the strawberries and they in their freezer and they're like, I'll pull these out in July and boom, hep A. You know?   Grace But then but then when you go to the grocery store now, like you can't like that sort of thing, you can't tell because it's sort of like, oh, okay, those that was that batch of strawberries. But I bet the reason why they figure it out that the strawberries were tainted in the first place, a bunch of people had to get sick first.   Amy Mm. You're right. And once again, you know what a summer without swimming and what is summer without strawberries? I know everything is coming to get us.   Grace Everything is coming to get us, man, even the simple pleasures.   Amy So hearing all this, how do you feel, Grace?   Grace Oh, I feel like a whole June gloom settle in each of us. So how about you?   Amy Yeah. Feeling a little low? Feeling a little gray.   Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote, then.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consume, the things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace So I have a good friend in New York who is taking a trip to Portugal, to Lisbon, and I decided to go. And, you know, I I've always waxed philosophical about Portugal too many. Yes, I am a Portugal evangelist, you know, outside of the Caribbean, you know, where I'm from. I really love the Caribbean a lot as far as Europe goes. Portugal is my favorite European country that I've been to. I feel like they really are very loving towards Americans and as a Black person, I don't feel the hot burning racism that I do in other places. I don't feel dipped in the cauldron of racism as much as other places I've been. So I'm excited about that. Just thinking, you know, I'm really in the heat of a lot of work stuff right now. You know, I have a lot of projects that are sort of all happening all at once. And the current show that I'm working on, I get a one month break from July to August, but yeah, like a large portion of my work life will be free in July, so I'm so excited. To go back to Portugal, a place that I really enjoy to go. You know, I was just like, well, if I'm going to be all the way over there in Portugal, where I've been more than any other country, frankly, why don't I go someplace I have never been? So I've been doing some research online about which countries are most friendly to black people. And I came across people saying, Belgium is.   Amy I love Belgium.   Grace And then I asked my friend Amy, who lived in Paris for a while, like which places that she traveled to that she enjoyed. And she said she also like Belgium. So yeah, looking forward to beginning to plan a trip to Belgium as well. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Well, I actually had a really great date with an old friend this week. So my antidote this week is is kind of like making sure to take time to reconnect with old friends. Like Grace, I've also been really consumed with work this week, and it's all been stuff that I'm super passionate about but just have not quite found balance this week, which I don't enjoy. I like to have balance and I'm looking at my calendar and I'm like, Ooh, balance isn't coming for a while, but I have a friend who lives in Singapore. His name is Matt, one of my closest friends in the entire world, and he was in town this week. And he kind of has a knack unintentionally of coming when I'm insanely busy, it's always like I'm in production and like and this week I was in pre-production and like it's always like the craziest times and he's like, I'm here for three days, but, you know, best friend. And also coming from so far away, I'm there are times where I'm like, I literally cannot see you. And this was a week where I was like, I have to figure out a way to see you because I know it'll make me feel better. And this will be like I wasn't like being like this will be my antidote, but I was like, seeing you always brings me joy because we've been friends for so long and we always do something like, you know, we were roommates in our twenties. So we always do something that's like very 20 of us. So we went to a restaurant. Like it's either like, oh, like pre-pandemic it'd be like, Oh, let's go out and we go and it's like, I don't want to be in WeHo, I'm in, I'm almost 40, so I'm just like, I'm like, I'm not trying to be and we hope, but like for Matt, I'll do it. You know, it's like, ah, oh, let's go. Like to this crazy restaurant that we always wanted to go to and like, ordered a shrimp tower that we never got to order when we were young. And I'm like, Don't eat all this shrimp. But from it I'll do it. And then this was we went back to a restaurant and I won't disparage the restaurant, but we went back to a restaurant that we used to like thirst after in our twenties that was like not expensive food. It was just like really good street food. And I was like, This is going to be so good. And it was it. I like fully like did not feel great afterwards. And like was a little ill for most of the next day. Like not not in a bad way. It was just like bad. It wasn't. The food was not made bad. I didn't get hepatitis A, it was just not healthy food. And the next day I was like, Oh, I feel gross. But I was like, Yeah, but for Matt, I had to eat it.   Grace Well, your stomach is got bougie taste now, your stomach.   Amy I know. I'm too fancy for this sh--, so.   Grace I guess it's like, what is this swill that you're putting in me? Yeah, I'm used to sushi from blue ribbon.   Amy Lol. But yeah. So Matt and I might be having a bottomless mimosa brunch today because again, hashtag live like we're 20. Yeah, I'm just like really I'm always really excited to see. It's so interesting when certain friends reenter or like, come back into your day at a new time, you still kind of revert to how you were when you were younger in the good ways. Like if it's back to the old ways, like where you're gossipy and weird or whatever, I don't like that. But being being able to be like it's a fun day and there's no plans and our plan is just to hang. Like, I never get to do that now. And getting to do that with good friends like that is really healing. So that was my antidote this week.   Grace That's so sweet. By the way, I too, am going to a brunch with an old friend from grad school. Actually, yeah. We're going to have mimosas in different parts of town.   Amy Imma call you drunk around 2 p.m.. Hey, girl. Well, this is so much fun. I'm glad that both of our antidotes are about, like, spending time with familiar people and places, you know, like going to a place you love or start planning to go to a place you love and planning to spend time with a friend with a familiar friend. Again. A connection. Look at that.   Grace Oh, my goodness. It's almost like we are really good friends.   Amy Sounds like we like the same sh--. Um, well, also, I mean, Grace and I have just shared our antidotes, but we also want to know what your antidotes are. Tell us your self-care stories. Head to our website. Antidote show, dawg. Scroll to the bottom and press contact us. Send us a voice note or a video. We would love to see it and we might just play it on a future episode. So that's it, guys. We'll be back with our guest interview after the break.   Grace Okay. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Well, our guest today is a comedian, actor, podcaster and overall motherf---ing icon. He is the first Chinese-American cast member of Saturday Night Live and co-host of Culture podcast Las Culturistas. Go Subscribe. He next will be seen in Fire Island on Hulu, a buddy comedy written by and also starring comedian Joel Kim Booster, which is a modern take on Pride and Prejudice. He's also set to star in the much anticipated A24 musical f---ing identical twins across from Megan Thee Stallion and her niece. Please welcome. Please welcome one of people, sexiest man alive. Bowen Yang.   Bowen Yang Wow. Oh, I just have to pull behind the curtain for the listener, because Amy is telling me to look out for the word alive as my intro. And I was like, Oh, I wonder what I'm trying to, like, fill in the blank. Like, I wonder what sentence would trail would like to lead into the word alive. I didn't know you were going to pull that on me.   Amy Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Come on.   Grace You should have known like.   Bowen Yang It's humbling. Humbling.   Grace Sexiest man alive will follow you for the rest of your career.   Amy For the rest of your life.   Bowen Yang No, but I just. I just didn't realize that, like, I think this is the thing I have to look out for now, which I did, which I don't know how that makes me feel.   Grace It should make you feel sexy.   Bowen Yang Yeah, yeah. But I, you know, you wake up every day and you do your best, and some days you feel it, and some days you don't. You guys. You guys know. Everyone knows.   Grace Well, let me just say, today you are doing your best.   Bowen Yang Thank you.   Amy And your best is very, very high. I'm just saying. I can feel the sexiness through the Zoom.   Grace I don't know if you guys know, but right now Bowen is rockin some blond up top and I am living. I love it. It looks really good on you. Like it. What was the decision like? Was was that conscious decision like? Did you think about it? Do you normally cut color your hair or because it feels like you don't on SNL? Right. You wear a lot of wigs.   Bowen Yang Yeah, it's wigs. But like, you know, I bleached it like five years ago. I really liked it. It was like this, like, deep blue that washed out into, like, a gunmetal, like a silver, like a dark silver, dark metallic. I really liked it. And then. And then once I started to, like, try and, like, consciously make the decision to, like, try and audition for stuff and book things, I was like, I guess I should do it black just to, just to leave things open ended. And then I kind of got too scared to do it in the future. And then something like there was just something about January 2022 where I was like, Who knows how long I'm going to be on this earth?   Amy This world will be here.   Bowen Yang Or this or this. This world will be here. Yeah, yeah.   Grace You know, climate change is real.   Bowen Yang Climate change is real. So I was just like, let me just do it. And then it kind of also aligned with this f---ing identical twins movie with Meghan. Like, I, I play, I play a role in it where it kind of maybe calls for like a bleached blond moment. And so I went ahead and did it.   Grace Oh.   Amy I'm so excited.   Bowen Yang She's going to be. She's going to be amazing.   Grace Oh, she's going to be amazing. You're going to be amazing. I'm fans of both of you guys and I'm also really super looking forward.   Bowen Yang For the same reason, right?   Amy Yes. Your knees. Yeah. Bowen's knees. Meghan's knees.   Amy Like. Your twerk game, Bowen? I just want you to know your twerk game is on the level.   Bowen Yang Thank you so much.   Amy Yes. Well, this show is called The Antidote, as you know. So we're looking for ways to just, like, calm down from the bullsh--. So I want to know, what's your antidote? Bio in, like, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Bowen Yang I really just love that question so much, and I took me a while to come up with the answer, but I think I was talking to someone who shared with me like a SoundCloud mash up. And then I realized that I have I've had like my SoundCloud algorithm has been like kind of sitting patiently for years now on the sidelines. And like, I went and I went, I went and picked it mine and my account and like, I've just been like given all of these great little remixes and mash ups. So I think like I'm revisiting SoundCloud, remember, like what a moment it was and still kind of is, but like there's like there's like the SoundCloud rapper. It's like, you know, there's like, there's, there's, there's a pocket for it in the culture that's very specific, but it feels like maybe too niche. And I feel like maybe it's like time for everybody to start to reawaken to like SoundCloud or remixes or mash ups. There's this mashup of Anaconda by Nicki Minaj with this Sophie Song immaterial, and it's just like.   Amy Oh, I'm in.   Bowen Yang It fits perfectly. And then you get that. You get like. You know, a Charli xcx thing. You got a Lady Gaga thing you get and you really just runs the gamut. And then there's just like a whole like world to be explored on SoundCloud. So that's my antidote. That's like bringing me joy because it's been it's been a week. And so I feel like, yeah, taking me there, you know.   Amy I'm so glad. I'm so glad it's taking you there. And I also really, really, really used to love mash ups and I fell off from mash ups and now I want to re explore them.   Bowen Yang As a culture. I think we fell off, right? Yeah.   Amy Like, why did we quit mashing up songs?   Grace I have to say that, you know, I feel weird right now because I don't think I ever was into mash ups like you. I don't know, maybe I'm just, like, in that particular generational pocket.   Amy It's not too late, Grace.   Grace It didn't - never, like, experience that, but, like, what? What to you makes a good mash up. Like, is it? Do you like real ratchet stuff? Are you more like into poppy stuff or do you like like when two genres of music kind of kiss each other on the mouth.   Bowen Yang That's I think it's all three all of the above. Yeah. And especially that. So that example I just gave which was Anaconda, which you know, is like Nicki pink print with Sophie, this like groundbreaking, like electric, forward thinking pop artist like those you wouldn't put those things that the same kinds of people like both artists. Yeah but to like put them in the scene, to have them intersect in the same moment is so it's like that's like heaven to me. Amy, do you relate to this? I feel like the mash up moment for me, for someone my age was girl talk. Did you listen to Girl Talk?   Amy 100% was girl talk. I literally, yes. Did you ever go to booty? Have you ever been to like a booty party booty sf or does this ring a bell? So it was a mash up party that used to happen in pop up warehouses in San Francisco and Los Angeles. It's called Booty. I don't know why, but I used to go and it was like literally girl talk hit and it was like, Oh guys, we mashin. We mashin up.   Grace Oh my goodness.   Amy It was so much fun.   Grace so much less cool today.   Bowen Yang So much less cool today.   Grace So yeah, yeah. Just I want to know what booty party is. I want to be into dumb mash ups.   Amy It's not too late.   Grace I'm just jealous. You know what? The only mash ups that I like can really think of right now is like, you know, the Grammys, what it was, it's like, oh, like Janet Jackson is going to perform with Willie Nelson. Sure. Like, yeah, those kind of live mash ups that happen on the VMAs or the Grammys or whatever. Right. That's all that's my relationship with mash up. So that might mean that I'm elderly.   Bowen Yang No.   Amy For me, my favorite mash up is when you don't hear it coming. What's it going to be? And then suddenly you're hear. Ay. It's Rihanna!   Bowen Yang Totally.   Amy And, yeah, maybe they'll come back. Maybe they'll come back. The pandemic ruined all fun.   Bowen Yang The pandemic ruined all fun.   Amy I love that as an antidote. I'm like, I really am going to go deep on SoundCloud.   Grace Oh, my God. Okay, like, I'm going I'm going to ask you just just to send me a list, a playlist, so I can be super cool like you guys. So I am so looking forward to Fire Island thing. So I was wondering, is rom com like a formative genre for you? Is that something that you've always enjoyed? And if so, what is your favorite rom com and why?   Bowen Yang Oh my god. I think. Like what the heart like a hard rom com. Like it's like a tie between Ten Things I Hate About You and like, Clueless.   Grace Yes.   Amy Very good picks.   Bowen Yang And then, like, my Best Friend's Wedding as like the ultimate, like, I don't know, like the ultimate source.   Grace Like when I think of like the ones I love. I love everything from When Harry Met Sally to Love Jones. Yeah, jobs are formative. If you want to talk about formative, formative, Larenz Tate.wherever you are. You were formative for.   Bowen Yang Hard T formative.   Amy Yes. Formative. Formative.   Grace Formative for me.   Bowen Yang There you go. There's just something really I, I love a rom com that, like, leaves you feeling like you're ready to fall in love or that you're ready to, like, be more in love with the person you're with, like, or whatever it is. Like, like, it's hard for it's hard for me to do that. It's hard for anything to do. Yeah. But like yeah. The, that, the songs that do that, the movies that you, that the books that do that like, I think those are the things that like kind of holds a lot of power for me.   Amy I really like that. Especially the idea of for me, I, I tend to prefer the rom coms where they already knew each other at the beginning as opposed to the ones where they meet in the movie and fall in love in the movie. Because I'm like, That's not real. But the one like. Like Harry Met Sally, where it spans all this time, or The Proposal where he was her assistant, or Two Weeks Notice when she was his assistant. I'm always like, they knew each other in a context that put a foundation of love. And it feels more real, I guess, to my Virgo brain. So I really love those types of romcoms. Those are the ones.   Grace I mean, if we're going to talk about the ingredient that I need for a rom com. Yeah, it's a male lead that has f---ing swag. That's why Love Jones is like, the pinnacle for me. Because Little Larenz. Yes, he has swag for years. I, I really love it when, like, I really don't respond as well to, like, the nerdy, weak male lead. You know, I really like the one. I mean, this is probably why I'm single and addicted to toxic, toxic masculinity, but.   Bowen Yang Same, same.   Grace But I do love it when, you know, the men are just like, just swoon, just like swag. I love that.   Bowen Yang Because it's hard to come across in real life.   Amy Yeah. And also when that happens, you're getting dick-matized. If you're getting swept off your feet in real life, he's also going to sweep away your car and you're credit.   Bowen Yang Oh, my God.   Grace Well, I mean, in real life, like, swag often equates to f--- boy energy. So I get that. So I saw on your Wikipedia page that you were born in Australia. Yeah, we're, we're. How long were you there and do you ever feel any sense of Australian identity or do you feel like fully like American?   Bowen Yang I mean I think when I was younger like when I had like fewer years under my belts or whatever, like it, like the split between the places I lived. I mean I was only in Australia for six months after I was born.   Grace Oh, okay. So it's kind of like me because I'm an immigrant as well. But I'm. Huh. I was born in Guyana, but I only I came over when I was 15 months, so I don't have any real-   Bowen Yang So like, but it's but then, but like I did visit like five years ago and I was with my parents and they were like and my mom turns to me and said like, look around. Like you drank. Like your first breaths were here. The first sips of water you had were here. The first food you ate was from here. Like that. Like, you know, the things that made your body like built up are like from this place. Like, there's some connection and it's like, oh, wow. I was like, the first time I felt connected to this. I'm like, I feel like you can, you can say the same for Guyana, Grace.   Grace 1,000%. You still feel like a connection to it on like a soul level, although yeah, not on a like memories level, you know.   Bowen Yang Yeah, it's like the same for me. Like I feel more connected to like China maybe, which I never technically lived in, but I visited and like, but yeah, I mean, like now, like as time goes on, like anytime someone tells me I'm Australian, I'm like, Oh, do I tell them? And it's probably not worth mentioning because. Because we have nowhere to go. Like, you know, like I have nothing to like point to be like, oh, I grew up with this and this and that. Like, yeah, I've barely eaten Vegemite my life. Like, yeah, none of that.   Grace You've never said good day. You just. Never.   Bowen Yang I've never say good day. Yeah, never done it.   Amy Yeah, yeah.   Bowen Yang My, my, my accent is when I try to do the accents like it comes out bad. So I'm like, this isn't maybe I can identify with this too much.   Amy I mean, like so much of your personality and where you are now, like, so, I mean, you live in New York now, so and you're there so much of the year, especially because of SNL. I'm curious if there's a best or worst date you've ever been on in New York or anywhere. Actually, why am I limiting the city?   Bowen Yang Well, the worst date was, it took place in New York. Australia? At 6 months old? Baby date.   Amy Yeah. That sounds adorable.   Grace A play date that just went left.   Bowen Yang Play date. Yeah. I wish, I wish I could remember. I wish I could forget those. No, I am that the worst that I've ever been on, like hands down was in New York, but it was with this guy who I had, like, met like the day after Hurricane Sandy. Like,.   Amy Oh, no, like the timing.   Grace Not a great time.   Amy We survived an apocalypse.   Bowen Yang Sorry, we're surviving apocalypse. But but that wasn't the bad date. Like, that was actually a solid first date where we just took a walk and it was lovely. Um, his name. His name was.   Amy First and last with SSN, please.   Bowen Yang Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was. Oh, gosh, it's all coming back to me now. It was his name was like his name was Shawn finally the second date. And he basically wanted to take me to a horror movie.   Amy No.   Grace Okay.   Bowen Yang After I. I think I mentioned to him that I don't love horror as the genre, especially on a date like, yeah, it's like.   Grace Already not getting attention to your needs.   Bowen Yang Exactly. Exactly. Already not paying attention to my needs. And then. The movie was not good. I forgot. I forgot what movie it was, but it's not a great movie. And then 20 minutes and he's just like, We should go. We should go. I think he. I think he felt anxiety about, like, making the wrong decision.   Grace Mm hmm.   Bowen Yang Whatever. Makes sense, Shawn. And then afterwards, he's like, Sorry about that. I was like, No worries. And then he confessed to his name. Not being Shawn. No, but being something else. Because he was just too afraid. He's just like he just. I think he just had some hangups about online dating. He just didn't want to reveal too much about, like, his real identity, his name. I'm like, I get where he's coming from. But it did just like, kill the mood on top of killing the mood.   Amy This is the horror movie. Yeah, it's like he peels off his face. I'm actually the end.   Bowen Yang I know I. I forgot what his real name was. I think, like, I'm just really like, I haven't talked about this in a while, but that was like, for sure the worst day. But like it was in Union Square. Like we didn't really have oh, not really. No. Anywhere else to go. Like even though like it was like a weeknight, like it was just a lot of things misaligned I think. Yeah, but that was, that was it.   Grace I actually had a guy that I went out with. I was so excited about it. Like, I was like, he's tall. He's like, he's like cute black guy. He says he's a psychologist, so I could get free therapy. Yeah. And then I. Then I met him in person, and he's just like, okay, I got something to tell you. I'm like, What are those things? And he's just like, Okay, so I do live with my parents. So that part about me having my own place was not true.   Amy That's ok. Some people are.   Grace I am not a psychologist, I have started taking an online community college course in psychology. So I was like.   Amy I can see some name it and claim it. Like maybe he's just very ambitious and was like, I know I'm going to get there.   Grace But I feel like I need you to tell me where you at right now. You know, if I if I'm working with potential, like let me know. I'm working with potential. Don't be coming at me where I think I would get a glow up.   Bowen Yang Wow.   Amy I want to know iff you're Barry or Barack, and that's fine if you Barry.   Grace Exactly if you Barry. You are.   Amy But if you Shawn, get out of here.   Grace I can get you to Barack. You know what I'm saying?   Amy Last question for you. I'm curious what it's been like to work with your best friends. Like you have a podcast with Matt Rogers, now this movie with Joel Kim Booster. And obviously Grace and I are besties and we work together. I want to hear how it's been. Is it complementary skills? How does it feel?   Bowen Yang It's I feel like I just I really lucked out. And I hope you guys feel the same way. Like and especially with, you know, and in our podcast, it's like, you know, we kind of we kind of kept it loose. And I think that's the reason why we've done it for so long, because we didn't, like, put too much structure on it. We were just kind of like, yeah, made a loose enough container so that any time we felt, even if we didn't feel like, like up to it, up to like turning ourselves on and like, you know, shooting the breeze and like being on the mic, doing a podcast together, it still felt like it was building towards something. And like, you know, I really I wouldn't have done it for so long if it wasn't for the fact that I was with people that I loved. And the I mean that the movie the for the Fire Island movie, I really I if I think too too much about it, I really start to get so emotional just that it's crazy. Like, I'm I get to be in this movie with my best friends, two of my best friends about this experience that like Joel and I have had for many years. And it's being like kind of, you know, dramatized based on like a Jane Austen novel into this movie. I mean, like, you know, the fact that like he that are both that like so many stars had to align for us to both be at the place where we could, you know, make this together, do it together is is really special because it's like it's like you're ten, you're on tandem bikes, but the bikes are separated. You now that you're on like two unicycles and you're, you're trying to like, make it seem like it's a tandem bicycle, right. As you shoot it. So, like, that's that's kind of the joy of it is that like, you know, two people who might be on this on different tracks, like whenever you can find that the chances to like meet me in the same meet on the same trajectory is like that's really special. And like being like a self-made person, I think in any industry is kind of a myth. Like, I know that's totally true. I think, I think, I think the other people to like really be part of your support system. And I feel like I'm very outwardly publicly about that. I'm like, I don't do I don't really do things alone. I do that. I love doing things with other people. I like having fun collaborators and like, yeah, it's how I've gotten this far. So that's why.   Grace I love that. And I'm definitely one of your readers, by the way.   Bowen Yang Oh. Thanks. Thanks, Grace.   Grace And yeah, thank you so much for saying that. I mean, me and Amy have had so much fun so far. And, you know, we hope to someday be as successful as Las Culturistas.    Bowen Yang It's just about, you know, continuing to do it. I think you guys should just like, really just do it for for as long as you both want, you know, it's because I because for a second I was getting a little tired. There's one particular time last year where I was feeling really burnt out and I was telling Matt, like, our contract was about to renew, and I was like, I don't know, like maybe we, maybe we just put a cap on it. Like we just do one or two more years. And he was like, Well, it doesn't feel like work to me because we're hanging out like it's like, you're my friend. Like, you know, it's, it's it shouldn't feel like, too draining. I'm sorry. If it is, then like, let me know. And, and, and we'll we'll work through it. But where I'm coming from is that it's not it shouldn't feel like it's work. And so I feel like, yeah, I feel like that's something that you guys can definitely, definitely, definitely just like take all the way.   Amy Wow. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you.   Grace Oh, yes. Thank you so much for coming on. You know, so world is still a dumpster fire, but it feels a little bit better after talking to you.   Bowen Yang Same. I can. I can say the same.   Grace So where can people find you on the internet?   Bowen Yang Oh, I think I'm just on Instagram at the moment. It's at FayeDunaway.   Grace Love it. Icon, met Icon.   Bowen Yang There you go.   Amy Yes. Thank you so much, Bowen.    Grace Yes. Thank you for being here, Bowen. Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah, girl.   Grace Let's go. Okay. Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. And that is by Brené Brown. Of course, I'll say it one more time. Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change. Brené Brown.   Amy Brene Brown. I love her. I love her. I've read four of her, I think four or five of her books now. She like primarily studies shame, which is like a dark topic, like, no, who wants to talk about their shame? But it it goes deeper than that. It's not just like what makes you embarrassed or what are the things that have happened to you that make you feel shame? But it's about how to cultivate play and how to tap back into who you are and how to open up and be creatively open and thus like open in all ways, like professionally, romantically, familiarly open. And this quote is beautiful because I think vulnerability is something that's really hard for adults to practice like as children were vulnerable all the time. We're like, I got to poop, Mommy. It's like, I start my time. I'm crying. It's like, I'm so hungry. You like, don't wait to throw up. You throw up through your fingers and you're just like, Sorry, I don't know what to tell you. And I'm like, adults. We have we don't have vulnerability. We don't say what's on our mind. We're worried about how we're going to be perceived, how people will think about us. And this quote to me is just true. Like, I think vulnerability is where creativity comes from, where change comes from. I don't remember the other words, but all the things she listed.   Grace Innovation was the other.   Amy Innovation. It comes from being vulnerable enough to fail, vulnerable enough to say your first thought, like I love in the writers room and we're like bad pitch and we say something or it's like, it's not this, but something like this, or it's like we're saying, we're putting a blanket on before we say our off the cuff thought, but having that vulnerability to say something will ping pong off of somebody else's idea and become something great. And that's where innovation happens. That's where creativity happens. So Queen Brené Brown, you right, what does it make you think?   Grace Yes, she is right. She is a gift to this world. What it made me think is there was a time that I was writing from my head in that my heart. Mhm. So I, that's know I had to learn how to be vulnerable in my work for it to truly number one be satisfying to me. And I think my work got better once I was able to tap into that vulnerability. So, you know, when you're first writing like it's normal for everyone to sort of imitate what they've already seen. So, you know, you might have somebody you than you might like be a big like I was a huge Charlie Kaufman fan, etc. Started to talk about, you know, yeah, he's a big, big, big Charlie Kaufman fan. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Being John Malkovich.   Amy Adaptation. Being John Malkovich. I built a tiny floor where ye in your cursed kind can live.   Grace Exactly. So I love me some. And then also, you know, I started off as an assistant. I worked at Inside Amy Schumer, I worked at Broad City, wonderful shows, all of them. But, you know, so what I was doing when I was first starting writing, I was like, Oh, these people are successful. I love their work. So let me see, like what I can do to like make it like theirs or whatever, which was a-   Amy Make your work like theirs.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. So I was just like trying to like the first screenplay I wrote. I remember I was trying to do a Charlie Kaufman esque thing then when I got to screenwriting class or whatever. Hi, Andy Bean, and thank you for this thing that you told me back in the day. Andy Bean and was my screenwriting professor, but I everybody was laughing really loud at my scripts and I was just like, I felt, I am supposed to be Charlie Kaufman. It's supposed to be deep. It's supposed to be witty, it's not supposed to be funny. So I was like mad, especially at that point. I had not come to terms with the fact that I was a comedy writer, yet I wanted to be like a dramedy writer, kind of. And so when I spoke to Andy about this, he was just like, Let your writing be what it is. Let it come out of you instead of trying to make it something it's not. But it took me a long time to realize that. It took me a long time to put parts of myself that I am afraid of, parts of myself that I am ashamed of, parts of myself that I am still working through and questioning at in my characters as a writer. Like, I'm about to turn in a pilot pretty soon and it is the most vulnerable. It is the most me I have ever put in anything. And it feels so good. Who knows if it's good or not? I mean, but it feels good to me. So I think that you kind of have to start from that place, because that is the only way that you're able to access your authentic voice is to be vulnerable and allow yourself to put yourself in your work in a and show up in a way that could be like, Oh my God. Sometimes I'm like, Oh, well, people read this pilot and know that this is how I feel. And I was like, Yeah, girl, you wrote it so they will know. So but I can now I've gotten to the point where I can be vulnerable enough, where I'd be like, I don't care. Like, this is what makes this me. This is what makes this a grace. Edwards joint, you know, versus imitating.   Amy A Grace Edwars joint.   Grace I was doing is that of imitating people that I admire and whose work is is still formative to me in many ways. But I can I can make it me now. And I'm at the point in my career now when where me is going to be put out into the marketplace pretty soon with, you know, my project, Jody, that should be coming out next year and with this hopefully this pilot. And as a result, I'm just like, I'm going to get ready.   Amy For this podcast.   Grace Yeah. This podcast we're putting out here, yeah, this is us putting ourselves out in the world and it feels vulnerable, but it also feels amazing. So yeah, that's what this quote means to me is just have the courage to have the vulnerability, to put yourself in the work that you're putting out there in the world. Good or bad, you have to sort of do it. Otherwise it is not your voice, it's someone else's speaking through your mouth. Love that. Okay. Thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Goodbye and go hang out with one of your best friend. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo the True.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Ciao, baby.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with director, screenwriter, and producer, Steven Canals, about Oprah interviews, traveling to France, and never dimming his light.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: The mass shooting at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas that killed 19 students and 2 teachers and left at least 17 others injured. Amy and Grace share ways you can support the victims of recent mass shootings and urge lawmakers to step up to end gun violence.   You can donate to: The Texas Elementary School Shooting Victims Fund, organized by Victims First.  The Buffalo 5-14 Survivors Fund  organized by The National Compassion Fund You can Send a letter through Everytown USA to your senator to  prioritize gun legislation.  You can text ACT to 644-33 which connects you to Everytown USA.  Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include a bathroom spa day and a hot toddy. This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “Trust that still, small voice that says, This might work and I’ll try it.” - Diane Mariechild OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. And you should know the drill by now. We're at like episode ten, get your kids out of here, because we're about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace Self-Care we stan. Amy During hese trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode. And you know what? It's been a week. I think we all know what I'm talking about, though. You know, usually we give a little chitchat at the top of the show, but, you know, we're going to go straight into the bummer news this week. Amy And, you know, trigger warning. We're going to be talking about mass shootings and gun violence. So if you'd rather skip the segment and protect your peace, we completely understand. Feel free to just skip ahead on your podcast app until you hear us talking about antidotes, which you'll know because we'll, you know, we'll sound more relaxed. The only thing we're discussing today is, as you can probably guess, are the 19 students and two teachers who are killed in a mass shooting in my home state of Texas. Just for context, if you haven't heard. Grace And where have you been? Amy I mean, where have you been? If you haven't heard? But we're just a mere ten days after a gunman killed ten black people in Buffalo, New York, who were just at the grocery store living a normal Saturday. And now we're encountering the fact that an 18 year old gunman killed 19 students and two teachers in a mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas. And of course, he is used an AR-15, according to The New York Times, officials said that when specially equipped federal immigration agents arrived at Robb Elementary School, local police told them to hold off from confronting the gunman. So this man was just in there going ham. While police were right outside, parents, in fact, begged police to enter the school while the shooter was inside. But they allegedly refused for 40 entire minutes. Grace Ah. I don't even know. How to express my grief this week. Because Buffalo happened, I believe, on the 14th, it was just it's a process that, that people just woke up that morning and went to the grocery store and were murdered by an AR 15 that said the N-word on the side. Then they were just shot down and it was on Twitch. What sick stuff is that? And I like I had that pit in my stomach was still not healed and I was trying to figure out like be able to like live life again after beginning to process that trauma. And then I'm at work one day and I hear this and that it's babies I the fact that still in yet there have been bills announced and tried to be passed already and that the Republicans the GOP or whatever refused to oct. Amy Yeah. Grace Once again. Amy Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it because there have been more mass shootings in America than there have been days in 2022. Okay. So Tuesday, May 24th, was the 144th day of the year and it was the 212th mass shooting in 2022. That's how bad this is. And that's the thing. There have been two gun bills that have passed in the House and not yet in the Senate. They're called H.R. eight in H.R. 1446, that both would tighten gun sales regulations by expanding background checks. No one's trying to take anyone's guns. We're just trying to have background checks for the people who have them. And also, no one needs an AR15, literally. That's what these bills are saying. And the way that it's being convoluted in the press to be like they're trying to take our guns. And I'm like, No, you don't need these guns. And we're trying to background people like this guy who bragged on Twitter about having an AR 15 two days before he went and shot up this school. That's what these bills are trying to stop. And the GOP won't let them pass because they are being funded by gun lobbyists. That's the issue. Grace 1,000% and it's so disgusting. I used to be a writer's assistant on a show in New York and in between seasons I actually worked at Everytown for Gun Safety. So I should say that people I remember having to check the emails and people thinking that Sandy Hook was a hoax and people sending such terrible emails to this organization. We weren't allowed to tell people where the office was. Like, we literally had signed something not to tell anyone where the office was and all that organization was ever trying to do with like universal background checks, the mental health. Amy That's if that's it. Grace Then I actually got to attend a bunch of lectures and stuff like that and I would love to take everybody's guns away. I, I'm not on the same page as every town. I would like to take everybody's guns away. Amy I understand. Grace But I remember even learning that having a gun in the household or whatever even increases the likelihood of death by suicide. Yeah, it increases the likelihood of death by domestic violence. Like it like beyond the mass shooting issue, like guns in the home, like kill children. This gun culture, this addiction to guns that this country has is sick and twisted and it's killing, you know, thousands of people every year that don't need to be dead. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Amy 100%. Last thing I want to bring up on the dark side of this issue is that, you know, Beto O'Rourke, he's a former El Paso congressman. He confronted Texas Governor Greg Abbott at a press conference and said, quote, The time to stop the next shooting is right now and you are doing nothing. You said this is not predictable. This is totally predictable, end quote. And the thing is, he's right. He's absolutely right. And the fact that the police swept him out of that courtroom faster than they entered that school is something that kept me up at night. The fact that he spoke truth to power for one 5 second moment and they got him out of there is something that I'm just like, Wow, so weird. Are we still confused about what police are up to? Are we still confused about what you care about? Grace 1,000%. This is the sickness that the NRA has made, like being Republicans synonymous with loving guns, like and. Amy And also somehow synonymous with pro. What's the word again? Pro life. The party that's pro life won't get rid of AR15. The party that's pro life. Yeah. Won't protect the lives of children. Grace Make it make sense Make it make sense. Amy Make it make f---ing sense. It doesn't. Grace So what we wanted to do is give our listeners opportunities to help in some way, shape or form, you know, at the end of the day. This will not bring any of the people back. So even, you know, donating money feels very hollow right now because I keep thinking about those kids that were dropped off at school that morning and are not in their parents arms right now. But here are some things that you can do to help some of the victims families. Amy In our own way. Grace And I often feel that an antidote in times like this is activism. And like Grace said, sometimes giving money feels hollow. But we also want you to call your senators, call your congressmen, and we'll present some ways to do that, both in our show notes and right now and on our social feeds, so that you can stay involved in whatever capacity you can handle. No pressure. You know, sometimes you have to disconnect to stay, you know, present in your day. But hopefully this is helpful. Grace You can donate to the Texas elementary victims. Go fundme. It's 4.5 million at the time of this recording and counting. So a lot of people have been donating to that one. The fund was started by victims, first a network of families of the deceased and survivors from over two decades of previous mass shootings. Amy Let's not forget that these shootings have been happening for a while. So you can donate to the Buffalo Survivors fundraiser. It's $2 million and counting. And it was started by the National Compassion Fund, which is a subsidiary of the National Center for Victims of Crime, the nation's leading resource and advocacy center for Victims of All Types of Crime. There's also, of course, Sandy Hook Promise. Let's not forget the mass shooting that we thought would change things that didn't. You can donate to the Sandy Hook Promise. The Sandy Hook victims are working to get more laws for gun control. You can donate or send a letter to congress through their portal. SandyHookPromise.org. Grace And you can also donate to Everytown USA. And they also have a resource that allows you to send a letter to your senator through everytown.org. Demanding to prioritize gun legislation. And you can text A-C-T to 644-33. Amy That's text A-C-T to 644-33. And it auto populates information that you can send to your senator. Wow. Okay. Well, it's hard to come out of something like that. I mean. Yeah. How are you feeling, Grace? Grace Um, not great. Very sad this week. How about you? Amy I mean, very much the same. It's really hard. I'm just going to be honest and, like, it's really hard because it's my home state. It's a state where, you know, my brothers are raising their children. And the fact that this keeps happening in America on repeat. It just makes me think of that Onion article like No way to prevent Says only country where this always happens. And yeah, I feel powerless and really emotional. And I this feeling is going to continue. And I also want to be able to push forward and find some space for positivity. And so that's what we're here for, is not to ignore what's going on. It's really to just find ways to try and find ways to bring ourselves comfort. So, yeah. Grace This country is, I don't know, maybe time for a new one. Maybe we need to start from scratch. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we can start from scratch because people should be able to go. And this is just examples for the from the past week and a half, people should be able to go to the grocery store, to church and to elementary school without fear of being gunned down. I know I've been looking over my shoulder every time I've been to the grocery store this week, so. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's get into the antidote.   Amy Yeah. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. Or at least try to. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well, I will say that my antidote this week probably just it didn't work. That was intended to make me feel better. It didn't really make me feel better, but it did gave me a moment of escape. I decided one day to do a bathroom spa day.   Amy Nice.   Grace Which is the lovely. So what I do is I usually put on like I have a little portable speaker and so I put on like, you know, one of my favorite podcasts, Why Won't You Date Me by Nicole Byer? Because, you know, listening to Nicole is always going to be fun. It's always going to be silly if I was going to make me laugh. So I put that on and then I took like a really lovely long shower using my favorite exfoliating scrub, which is by Mary Magdalene and my favorite.   Amy I love that. Wait, there's a brand of body scrub called Mary Magdalene?   Grace Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. You know it exfoliates, which we all need to, like, slip off, like, all the dead skin, and then it also has oil in it, so it's also moisturizing at the same time. So I did that, and then I washed my face and I use Tata Harper products for that. But I also have this little PMD. I'm showing it to Amy right now.   Amy What is that? What's a PMD?   Grace It's like a little it's like a scrubber on one side. So it has like.   Amy It looks like Gumby, like it's like a little body that, like, has no arms. And then around round little head, it's real cute.   Grace And so it's pink because I'm a girl. Yeah. And, and then it has like these little scrubby, like silicone scrubs on one side.   Amy Oh, I see.   Grace And then on the other side, there's just a rose quartz, little death. And then the rose quartz. Little disc heats up.   Amy Wait, what? How? Oh, because water in the shower.   Grace No, no, no, no. This is this. This is actually. You charge it, so it's.   Amy Yeah, that's why it kind of looks like a vibrator.   Grace Yeah.   Amy It does kind of look like a vibrator. I said it looked like Gumby, but it looks like a vibrator.   Grace But anyway, it does not. But on one side, it's got this little rose quartz, little disk and it heats up. So you. So what I do is as I'm getting out of the shower, I press the little button that makes it heat up, and then I put on my, like, little robe or whatever, and then I go over to the sink and that's where the spa day continues. Friends. So the.   Amy Start the YouTube girl. Start the YouTube channel like, what.   Grace So, so then I have this new product that I just introduced into my skincare routine that I'm obsessed with. It's by Pat McGrath, makeup maven. Jamaican Queen. British Jamaican queen. Anyway, so there's this beautiful it's it's called Rose 001 The Essence. And it's called Divine Skin. And let me tell you, you just put like three little drops in your palm and then you just press it into your skin. And literally, it smells so good. And then it just it my skin loves it. It just sucks it up or whatever, and. And if I can literally feel my skin looking better, feeling more tight or whatever. So after that I put on lactic acid. My I do mine from Tatcha or whatever it's called the dewy serum. And then I finish it off with Ren, which is clean beauty.   Amy Oh, I love Ren. And it's not expensive either. Ren is not expensive and really good products.   Grace Yeah. Yeah. And it's also clean beauty because I've been very obsessed with like not putting, I don't know, chemicals, toxic chemicals in the skin. So it's clean skincare and I use the glow daily vitamin C gel cream all over. And so my skin is like so moisturized and supple. And then I did like a little under-eye mask just from Sephora.   Amy What the f---? This is-   Amy I put.   Amy Like y'all goinna have to like text Grace or DM her and be like, just drop me the regimen. Because she's been talking for 40 minutes and I'm like, oh, I need all of these things.   Grace Yeah. Made me feel taking care like I was taking care of myself in the midst of all the grief that I was feeling this week over the shootings. But I so it didn't fully take away that, but it gave me a moment at least like, Oh, I'm taking care of myself right now, which made me feel really good. So what was your antidote this week, Amy?   Amy Yeah, I, I've been feeling a little sick, so I have been making myself hot toddies in the evening before I go to bed. I love a hot toddy, I said. I only I think there was a time where I said, I have the ingredients to make one drink in my house and it's a Sazerac that's like my favorite cocktail. But I actually always have the ingredients to make a hot toddy. Hot toddy is ginger tea with honey, a splash of lemon and just a dollop of whiskey. And I really enjoy making it. When you feel like sore throat or like a cold coming on or anything like that, it's nice to drink something warm before you go to bed. And the whiskey kind of, like, helps you sleep well because it's not like. It's like half a shot of whiskey. I'm not. I'm not, like, out here getting drunk on a hot toddy, but I like switching up the whiskey because it makes the hot toddy taste different. Of course, you all know my obsession with Bro Brother's whiskey, but I also really love redemption rye and some spicier whiskeys too, that I've tried in my hot toddy. And this week it was nice to do this because I'm someone who tends to check the news like morning, noon, night, and not like all day long, but literally in the morning, around noon. And at night, because that's when I have breaks. So I'll check the news on my lunch break. I check the news before I go to bed. And obviously the news this week was really dark. And what was great was that I would check it before I made or before before while I was drinking my hot toddy. And then I would like watch some Netflix and just chill out a little bit. And then because of the whiskey, I'm like, Ooh, I'm a little and also ginger t makes the entire too. So like, ooh, I'm a little tired. I'm just going to go straight to bed. I'm not going to read anything else. I'm just going to go straight to bed. And it was really nice and I actually enjoyed some nice dreams that were not about work, which is what I usually dream about.   Grace Oh God, I literally can't believe that you dream about work.   Amy Oh, it's terrible. I don't enjoy it. Feels like I worked all night, but yeah. So if you feel like making yourself a little evening beverage, you can make a hot toddy. And if you are, like, sensitive to alcohol or don't want to have the alcohol, you can also just have ginger tea with honey and lemon. It's really relaxing. Yeah, ginger tea is a digestive, so it also helps your food digest and is good for you. So yeah. A delicious little evening cocktail to take me on to Sleepy Town.   Grace I love that. I love a hot toddy sometimes even when I'm not feeling sick. I love love a hot toddy because it just gives you that warm. Like the whiskey going down feels a long arm, and then it mixes with the natural warmth of the tea. And then, yeah, there's a little bit of sweet and a little bit of sour. It's really, really a delightful drink. So I'm glad that that brought you a little comfort this week.   Amy I can see that and it makes sense. Both of our antidotes were about relaxation.   Grace Yes, relaxation. And like calming down escape, self care. Like, yeah.   Amy We needed that this week for that. And also listeners, just so you know, we also want to know what your antidotes are. So tell us your self-care stories, the things you're doing to check in with you to make sure that you're staying centered, to disconnect from these sh---y times. Head to our website antidote show, dawg, scroll to the bottom and press contact us. And also, you know what? You can also send us a voice note or a video. It doesn't have to be an email. Whatever is easier for you, just go and contact us. We might just play it on a future episode when we come back from the break we have. A throwback interview with our dear friend and showrunner Steven Canals that we recorded very early in our antidote journey. He was so kind to be like, Yeah, I'll let you all practice on me. And it's so good we just have to share with the world. It was such a great interview. So stay with us and we'll be right back. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Your friend, Steven Canals. Hailing from the Bronx, Steven Canals is the Emmy nominated and Peabody Award winning co-creator, executive producer, director and writer of the effects drama series Pose. Stephen recently earned three count em three 2021 Emmy Award nominations for Pose's third and final season, and he recently directed his first episode of Love Victor, which is on Hulu now. Prior to all this glamor and drama of Make It Glam, he got his start as a graduate of the prestigious UCLA MFA screenwriting program, which is where he met my co-host, Amy. And I'm actually angry that they're so in love. So now I pledge to steal him from her. Please welcome Steven Canals. My ultra talented new best friend.   Steven Canals Hello, ladies.   Amy Hello.   Grace Hi, Steve.   Amy Nice to have you here. Thank you for coming on the antidote. And, yeah, listeners, he's very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get deep.   Grace Let's check in with my fellow New Yorker. Amy hates when I talk about New York. Because I talk about it a lot. But I used to live in Harlem. And I have a love for the Bronx. So how are you feeling today? Like the real. For real? Like not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you today?   Steven Canals Oh, that's a big question. Today. Okay. Real talk. So this morning, I. I was very emotional. This morning I was I don't know what was going on with me this morning. I woke up feeling really sad. I was I woke up feeling melancholy, I think partially because we I wrapped directing my episode of Love Victor yesterday and the process of working on this one episode. So I directed I'm directing or directed the third episode of their third season, but it was the first episode in their production cycle. So I'm kind of the person who got them started for the season, and I literally haven't been on a set since Pose wrapped in March and you know, I haven't made anything and and the year has just been kind of a we all know what this year has been like.   Amy Yeah. A nightmare.   Steven Canals Yeah. And so being back on set was so just thrilling and exhilarating.   Amy Yeah.   Steven Canals It is like, truly, I know, like, every creative who's in television has like a different feeling about like what part of the process is their favorite? For sure, I can say with certainty, I love being on set. I love, love, love being on set. I love directing. The truth is, the deep, dark truth is that I do not enjoy writing. It's torture to me. It is not fun. I like to have written. I love to have written. I do not like to write, but I love directing. I just I love being behind the camera. I really, really enjoy working with actors and talking story and character and modulating performances. And so I think I was just really in my feelings about. This experience that really only was like four days of prep and six days of filming being over. It's like, Oh yeah. And now there's that process of having to just sit in the, I suppose, sit in the silence or in the solitude, waiting for that experience happen again.   Amy Yeah, yeah. Because you, like, fall in love with whatever you're directing. And it's almost like this weird breakup. Like a beautiful breakup because there are no hard feelings, but you're like, I fell in love with this to be able to do the work and get deep on everything. And then the morning after, it's like, Oh, that thing I love has left me.   Steven Canals Yeah, yeah.   Grace It's like coming down from a high. Like, it almost feels like it might be like, oh, like when you go on a fabulous vacation and you're happy to be home or whatever, but it's still like you miss all the excitement from that.   Steven Canals Very that.   Amy Yeah. I completely, completely understand that feeling. And, well we're here to help raise your vibration because-   Grace We're gonna raise it.   Amy Yeah. Yeah, we want to. We want to just leave you with good vibes for the evening. So the show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So we'd love to know, in your words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week, this month, this year. Anything that's making you feel a little lighter?   Steven Canals Well, one thing that definitely did it for me today and it was really unexpected is I watched the Oprah Adele interview and then that concert.   Amy I wish I watched it. I was like, please tell me about. Please tell me about it.    Grace Yes. What was your favorite part?   Steven Canals Well, anytime Oprah is interviewing anybody, I love it. I'm just like Oprah in an interview is like catnip for me.   Amy Yes.   Grace A queen.   Steven Canals Like, she's such a just really great at interviewing people, you know, at so many.   Amy And those moments when she gets surprised and you're like, they surprised Oprah where she's like, oh, my gosh, she's seen it all.   Steven Canals Were you silent or were you silenced?   Amy Silenced.   Grace Or when she leans in, like when she gets closer, you know, she's about to go in and either make somebody cry or like ask a really sharp question.   Steven Canals Yeah, I live. I live for the aha moments. So. So the interview was great. But also just like hearing, like listening to Adele talk about her life and her songs and then her singing was really that was lovely, you know? And I had a really nice day. She has one song that always makes me feel really emotional, and I think because I was already in that place this morning, listening to her sing it live in the concert made me cry. And it was nice to have a catharsis. When we were young. Yes, there's something about I don't know if it's the lyrics in the song or it just there's a I'm listening to it this morning. I think what got me was like there's just a there's a underlying. Sort of sense of regret that it's not that song that makes me think about. Certain people in my life. I'm like, you know, like. Like, I don't ever want to have to feel that way. You know, like, I want to make sure every choice I make now is. Is coming from a place of pure intention. So that when I get to the point where I'm like, I know I'm in like, you know, my third act of my life, I don't look back. I feel like I have to live in a place of regret.   Amy Yeah, I mean, that's what I love about her music. And I feel like so many of her songs, she plays with memory a lot. The song for me that surprisingly makes me cry is the saying goodbye to your new lover or saying hello to your new. What's that one? Da da da da da da.   Steven Canals Mm hmm.   Amy You know.   Steven Canals Yeah.   Amy That song, it's like a happy sounding song. But the way I have wept listening to it. Because it's sort of like the idea of you moving on. Just like in a similar way, I think when we were young, it's about you leaving that past. And, like, there's a ghost of you back there, and there's a ghost of you in the front of you, too, you know, like in that new relationship, you're kind of there, all of that. And like Adele she just has this way of every song feeling so personal.   Steven Canals Yeah. Yeah.   Grace It's like good crying music. Good catharsis music. I mean, my favorite Adele song is the most basic Adele pic.   Amy Hello.   Grace I heard that you- Not a deep cut, but that sh--. Every time it gets me.   Amy When she goes, I've heard, I'm like,.   Grace Okay, all right. You got me girl, you got me.   Steven Canals It's the settling down for me. I heard you settled down.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Yeah. Like, ouch. Okay. You didn't even level up.   Steven Canals You settled down, so.   Grace I know.   Steven Canals How dare you be happy? How dare you?   Grace I know.   Amy Yes. Are there certain songs that you turn to when you're like, I just need to get some feelings out? Is it typically Adele? Are there any other artists that tend to make you go, okay, time for a cry.   Steven Canals You know, to be honest with you, I think, well, my my poor therapist will have a field day because, you know, I have an emotional wall and I don't let myself feel feelings. So.   Amy I love that you named it.   Grace Same. Same thing. Okay.   Amy Obessed that you named it.   Steven Canals It's The New Yorker in us.   Grace Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be tough there.   Steven Canals You have to. So I'm generally not one for like, to be honest with you, I love music, and it always makes me like drums up. Emotion makes me feel music's not usually the thing that brings tears or catharsis. If I want to cry, I'll go to movies. I don't usually go to music.   Amy Well, I'm curious. Okay, so you said this was your antidote today. Was seeing this interview with Adele and Oprah, the master interviewer and the master voice. I'm curious if there's something, especially we're coming out of the pandemic, even though you know COVID is here forever. Is there something that you have found a surprising thing that has started that has become something that like soothed you during this time or that makes you kind of forget that we're in a full hurricane of American evil at all times?   Steven Canals Well, I think well, yes, for sure. And it's an odd one only because. In many ways, we're still like, once I tell you what it is, you understand it. Like you're being completely confronted by the pandemic in spite of it. But I would say travel.   Amy Yeah. Yes, bitch.   Grace Where have you been?   Steven Canals So this summer, I was invited to France to participate. Yeah, I was a juror for. It's called Series Mania. So it's an international television festival. And it was. You know, to be honest with you, initially, like I wasn't, because I think about a week before I was supposed to leave was when the Delta variant was announced and that was happening and I was like, Oh, I don't know if I should go. And they were like, No, no, we're going to take every precaution. And I was like, But I decided to go anyway. And I'm really glad I went, because in spite of the fact that, you know, everyone was still having to wear masks and, you know, you had to show your vaccination card everywhere. There was something about just being out in the world and not I mean, we were. In 2020 when when we were in the height of it, you know, I was here in L.A. and we were in lockdown. I literally was in my apartment for six months.   Amy Yeah.   Steven Canals Couldn't go anywhere. I'm just here for six full months. And to be out in the world again and like to see people and to just have just a smidgen, just a little bit of normalcy and. Yeah, and and grace, I know you will this will resonate for you, which is being from New York like. Having the ability to walk and use my leg. Yeah. And like, I just, I so missed that, you know, it was just rude and in some weird way a game, even though you had to wear masks and I just sort of forgot about the pandemic, right? It just you. I felt like I was just a normal person again.   Amy Yeah, I completely agree. Grace. Grace and I took a little trip right when the Delta variant was announced here. We went with a friend of ours, Tash, to Sicily for, like, a week. And it was the same thing, like Delta. It was like, Hey, it's out here. Like the day before we were traveling. It was like, Oh.   Grace Yeah, we already spent. And then we, like, treated ourselves for the first time. We like used really like nice like travel agents and stuff like that. So it's like, well, we spent a lot of money already, so we feel, Delta Girl, you're going to have to stay to the side because we're not canceling this trip. So yeah, it was amazing. And then also to be in Italy, they really love Americans and Sicily because remember, everywhere we went there, it's like the Americans are back.   Amy They literally kept saying that they're like Americans: they're back.   Steven Canals I love how you both did that. In pitch and tune and in harmony.   Grace It often happens.   Amy Exactly. Tell us about France. Like, how long were you there and did you get to like travel around or did you just go to the festival and come back?   Steven Canals No. So I was there for three weeks. The first week and a half I was in Lille, which is in the north eastern part of France. And it was beautiful. It was such it was just it was gorgeous. It felt it much more rural, I would say. At least in parts than than than Paris. But it was it was gorgeous. And like, we, you know, they really you know, they know how to host and they rolled out the red carpet.   Amy So I'm going to circle back to this. I'm going to need to get the details of this whole. Yeah, I can do TV in France. I can do that. Yeah. I could judge that. Okay.   Steven Canals We got to get you into that. We got to get you in there.   Amy Exactly.   Steven Canals And then the last week and a half was was spent in Paris, and I'd never been there. So that was also beautiful. And I, you know, I was walking like 25,000 steps a day. And yeah, in spite of the fact that I ate croissants, plural, every single day. I still came back and I lost 6 pounds just walking.   Grace So also, I think our food here is filled with additives because I. I went to a food store in Paris once, and they were saying that, like for the bread and for the croissants, there's literally a law that says you can only use certain ingredients. And we ain't got that law here.   Amy Here, they're like, the more ingredients, the better.   Steven Canals You know what I find by saying that, though? Like, I have a friend who is from New Zealand and when she moved to America, the first thing was she said, I'll never forget, she's like bought a loaf of bread, took one bite through the entire loaf away. I was like this horrible. And she was like, it's, there's so much sugar in the bread. And she was like, It just does. It just doesn't taste like bread. And I was like, Oh. And then you travel internationally and you have their bread and you're like, Oh, I get it.   Amy I remember when I was a kid, I used to think I hated Italian food. I was like, Italian food is terrible because I had only had Olive Garden. And then when I grew up and I went to Italy for the first time and I was like, Oh, I've never had Italian food until today. I was like, Buca di Beppo ain't it? I did not realize that I was not eating Italian food. Oh, yeah, yeah. American food is trash. That sounds like an amazing trip. And I hear what you're saying. Just even, you know, even from Grace and my experiences traveling to the idea that, like you are confronted with the pandemic, to even be able to travel all of the hoops to go through, to like get your test and have all the digital stuff so that you can enter the country. And yet once you're actually there, you just get to be. Keep your mask on and be. It's really beautiful.   Grace Speaking-   Steven Canals Now, go ahead, Grace.   Amy Go.   Grace No. I was just saying, speaking of bees, there were so many in Italy that-.   Amy I was not speaking of bees.   Grace I know, but you said you could just be maybe think of the bees because there was this one be that one morning when we were prosciutto, the bees landed on our prosciutto. Cut a piece. We were we're.   Amy Not kidding, Steven. This thing landed on the prosciutto. And we, we're like, is he doing a dance, what's happening? And then we see him lift a corner up in his little bee legs and we started screaming and.   Grace It was I was just like, I ain't never seen an American bee do that. So I'm just like, you know what? Our food is trash because bees don't even want to touch it.   Amy It was crazy.   Grace It was crazy. Sorry, sorry. I keep doing this, sorry.   Amy That's a great story.   Steven Canals That's a good story.   Amy Well, we have we have one last question for you before we leave you. Obviously, Grace and I both worked on the show Insecure, and it's brought so much happiness to our lives outside of our careers, like pros, obviously brought a lot of professional success into your life as we rattled off at the beginning of this interview. And people ask you about that part of your journey a lot, but we'd love to hear like they ask you about, like what career, how your career started and how you got this, how you got the script made, and how many drafts and how many mean things. We've heard you answer those questions before. On other interviews, however, we'd love to know what are ways that the show has enriched your life and brought you joy outside of your professional career.   Steven Canals Mm. Well, that's a, that's a, that's a big question. The first place that I go to immediately is I think about all of the space that you have to hold for other people, right? Because I think what you were saying about the experience of like us being at the center of of working on content that means a lot to people is great. But I think that like those questions that you just pointed out, like the, you know, tell me about like how long did it take to get made and blah blah blah. Like that tends to come from people who are either based in L.A. or working in the industry. You know, like, like people out in the real world really could give a sh-- about that, like they're not particularly interested in. And, you know, how did you get it made? Like, I don't get that from like, you know, the, the person who lives down the block who just casually watches the show. But I do I find myself more often than not being in the position of receiving a lot of energy from people like a lot of goodwill and having to, again, hold space because there's this thing that happens where if you're deeply connected to work or art that you see and I understand that because I'm that way, you know, like, like I think we all have like. Some actor or director or musician or artist or writer that we love, right? Like, had I had the opportunity to meet, you know, by Toni Morrison, for example, who wrote my favorite book or my favorite novel, beloved, like I would have had that reaction being around her, you know, where I'm just like, Oh my God, you know? So I get that when, when people meet me out in the world and they're like, Oh, you create a pose. Like then suddenly the tenor changes a bit. And it's like, I have to tell you, you know, while watching this episode or watching this show or, you know, the way that it shifted me or changed me. And so I think, to answer your question, having those experiences have. Changed me for the better because I think that it has. Going back to something we were talking about earlier that Grace and I connect on, it's like I think it's forced me to be more in tune with my own feelings, you know, because I think it's hard to be. There was a version of me in my twenties and even I would say in my early thirties where I think I, I really valued being the person who mastered the art of the emotional disconnect. You know, like, I think I spent a lot of my twenties and my thirties being like, Oh, you like Steven is that person that you want to put in the middle of the sh--storm, because I'm not going to fall apart like I'm the person who's going to show up and I'm going to be there and like we can put all that stuff, the emotions to the side, like, like work needs to get done or we need to keep moving forward, which I think is very much in line for like Black and brown people in this country in general that we're just kind of conditioned.   Grace Because we have to. Yeah.   Steven Canals You know, you just have to kind of move. And I and I think I really took that in and so holding space for other people when you know, whether it's, you know, the mom who's telling me watching the show makes me wish that I could reparent my kids because I know that I would be a different kind of mother seeing a character like Blanca or, you know, meeting the 60 year old woman who just came out as trans and acknowledged her, her identity only after watching the show and surviving cancer. You know, like you have moments like that and you're being confronted by people and their lived experience. You have and.   Amy They're so vulnerable.   Steven Canals You know, you have no choice but to just go to that space with them. And so I think in the process, it's like it's forced me to be, again, more open and more, I think, more generous and loving with my emotions, with the people in my life and more honest, but also has taught me to never, ever, ever be in a space where I'm dimming my shine and not just being authentically me.   Amy Wow.   Grace That's beautiful.   Amy So Beautiful. I love that.   Grace I mean. I connect on that to so many levels because I remember I was an assistant and they used to call me Unflappable Grace. Like, they would just throw sh-- at me, and I would just be like, okay. And I might go in the bathroom, cry. But no one ever, ever saw me sweat. And yeah, there was a point in time and something I'm still struggling now at my age is like, you know, letting people, like, dropping that, Oh, I'm okay. You don't have to do anything for me, you don't have to. Yeah. So I really, really connect to that sentiment. And yeah, I mean. Pose did that. Pose taught me a lot about a community that didn't know anything about. So I can only imagine people that are members of that community, like how much it meant to them and having to sort of accept that that praise and hold space for people's emotions. I'm sure that's not easy for folks like us.   Amy Well, guys, we said we'd get deep tonight and we did. But this is such a great conversation, and I feel so much better now that I've talked to you, that now that we've gotten to have this time with you. I feel good.   Grace Yeah, the world is still tough. But this is a this is a gift talking to you tonight.   Amy Yeah. Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you just love, not something you created.   Steven Canals Like all the Housewives franchises have been really good this year.   Amy I've been hearing that.   Grace Oh, so. Okay, who's your favorite on Potamac? Who's your-   Steven Canals My favorite on Potomac?   Grace Yeah.   Steven Canals Let me think. This season surprise. And I usually I feel agnostic about her this season. I liked Karen. I actually go.   Grace The grand dame.   Steven Canals The grand dame. I really enjoyed Wendy this season. I was like kind of whatever about her last season, but I liked her this season.   Amy And obviously people can tune into your episode of Love Victor, which we're so excited about. And finally, where can people find you on the Internet?   Steven Canals I am on Instagram and on Twitter at Steven with a V, StevenCanals.   Amy Not these ph's out here.   Steven Canals Not these fff's. Not the fff. I'm like mm.   Amy That ain't nothing but a Stefan.   Grace Thank you so much for being with us tonight. It's truly a pleasure.   Steven Canals Thank you for having me.   Grace So the next segment is our creative tap in.   Amy Let's hear it, Grace.   Amy So this quote is from a woman named Diane Marie Child. Trust that still small voice that says This might work and I'll try it.   Amy Why does this quote make me want to cry? It's so true. Trust that still small voice that says this might work and I'll try it. It literally is making me feel emotional because I got notes today on a script and like, Oh God, I literally I'm going to cry.   Grace Oh, no, Amy.   Amy No. I hate notes. Like, I literally like I'm I process notes so poorly and it's it's just part of my process now. Like, I used to beat myself up for, like, being so hard on myself when I get notes, but it's now I'm just like, embrace it. It's just who you are. I hate getting notes, even when they're good. And literally today I got notes on a project that's really important to me and like and the note was good and I was like, now, like, my body is just like, was this fight or flight? And I'm going to fight. And I literally had a little voice in my head. It was like, Well, that could work, so maybe you should try it. This happened to me and I was like, Oh, I need to try this f---ing note. But then it means that it's creating more work and it is what it is, is the process. And I know sometimes that might not be with the quote talking about the quote could be talking about just like even a new idea, try it as opposed to someone else's idea. But for me, the way I absorbed it today because I am such sh--. With like I'm real bad, I literally can't function. I started crying on the call. I don't know, but it just. It's just who I am. I've decided. It's just who I am. I it's the part of me nobody sees except now, I guess people who listen to this podcast will now know that.   Grace I've seen it.   Amy You're listening to a grade A pussy. So that's what the quote means to me.   Grace Yeah, yeah.   Amy What about you?   Grace What about me? Well, it just reminds me of a well, first of all, it reminds me about the beginning of my career when I would have all these ideas, but I would never write them because I was so scared of failure. Scared of success. So it was like trying to avoid actually doing the work. Yeah. So, you know, the, the, this might work. I'll try it. That attitude is kind of what everyone needs to like do anything creative because if you are going to pre-judge it before it even exists, you'll never do anything creative. And it also makes me think about my life now because I'm moving into new areas and stuff in my career. I'm, you know, running a show now and also thinking about getting back into acting. And, you know, there's all these thinking.   Amy Thinking about getting back in.   Grace I know I'm getting back in.   Amy And you're getting that thing. Yes. Yeah.   Grace So, you know, a part of me still feels shy to even say that out loud or to tell people because, you know, I sort of was just like, oh, I'm not a person that needs attention. I'm just a writer in the back and, you know, that whole thing. But just having the courage to like step out and try it because more than likely it's going to work. So thank you. Diane Marie Childs. It's just a reminder, you know, being creative is mostly about having the courage to try something that you haven't tried before and not be so wrapped up in the results or be so afraid of failing that you don't try it at all because, you know, like Diane Marie Childs says, this might work.   Amy That was beautiful. I love that we both had different interpretations of it too.   Grace I know that's the power of the quotes. Thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel a lot better, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy. At AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and you know, ratings five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And you know what? Keep speaking truth to power.   Grace Amen.   Amy The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producers Erica Kraus, and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the artist and Cosmo the true.    Grace APM Studio Executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org, and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidoteshow that's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Ow ow.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with comedian and actress Sam Jay about the grown way to drink tequila, quick visits back home, and organizing the sweetest proposal for her fiancée.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Black doctors facing discrimination at hospitals and no sign of relief for inflation! Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include watching Girls5eva and savoring pesto pasta! This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions.” -Grace Hartigan OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So, you know, like cocomelon them kids, you know, turn up the volume on Cocomelon and you step into another room because we've about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have, and. Grace Self-Care we stand. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Here comes another episode. So here we come again. Once again. A new week. New episode. Amy New thing to make me mad online. I'm a little annoyed at online shopping, to be honest. I just went back to a store I hadn't really shopped at in a few years, and my sizes are not my sizes anymore. Some things arrived and I'm sending them back. Grace Yeah, that's the thing about online shopping. It's so convenient because you're just like, Oh, I'm just on my couch. I can look through all of these sweaters and dresses, but then, you know, you just have to have faith that it' s going to fit. And if it doesn't, I keep so many things that do not fit me because I don't want to go through the drama of taking it to the place to return it. The FedEx or the UPS. I don't feel like going, so. Amy I literally don't shop at stores that don't have easy return policies. Like I will check the return policy on a store and if it's like it costs 4.95 to return this and it must go to UPS, I'm like, Oh, I guess you don't want me to shop here. I'm literally unless it comes in a box and I can put tape right back on that box and push it out the door. I don't even shop there because I'm like, not worth it. I need convenience of all forms. Grace No, I totally get it. It's I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. It's my truth. So, Amy, we can't have an antidote if you don't have something to get an antidote from. Amy You Right.  So starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Grace Okay. Amy First thing, guys, I mean, you heard these black doctors facing discrimination. This isn't new news, to be honest. But this particular story really made me upset. There's a 39 year old doctor, black doctor named Doctor Dare Adewumi. And if you know anything about me, you know that I love that name because that is Nigerian, who is a doctor in Atlanta. He filed a federal lawsuit against Wellstar medical group and Wellstar health systems alleging employment discrimination based on race. He filed the lawsuit because he was fired from Wellstar Cobb Hospital in Austell, Georgia, which is in an Atlanta area hospital where he led the neurosurgery practice. And the part that's frustrating is he filed this lawsuit and then all of these other black doctors in the area started coming out and sharing their own stories of completely random discrimination. He said in a quote, "I've worked so hard, done so much to get to this level, and all I really wanted to do was help sick people. And here I was having this taken away from me for no reason other than my skin color" end quote. And I know he worked hard because this man is Nigerian and Nigerians work hard at everything. So I am particularly mad because they wronged my cousin, but I'm also mad because this is always the case with black doctors and black people in high end fields and high, you know, living in spaces of whiteness. The scrutiny is so high, it's unfair. Grace Yeah. I mean, this is this is terrible. I hate that this happened 1,000%. I hate that this happened and I believe it. I mean, that is a real bummer that this guy was so discriminated against that he needed to file a lawsuit. So I believe that this happened. So I'm really sorry. And I hope he wins his coins because he deserves. Amy Yeah, well, the bummer news doesn't stop there. Have you noticed that sh--'s real expensive lately. Grace Amy? I have noticed. Amy Well, that's my second piece of bummer news. According to CNN Business and my bank account, inflation rates have been increasing since August 2021. In fact, the Consumer Price Index rose 8.5% for the year ending in March. And that's a rate that we haven't seen since December of 1981. Yeah, and just to put that in perspective, that means we're seeing these rising gas prices, rising food prices, and Americans literally, there's no there's no sign of relief in sight. Grace Yeah. Well, yeah, I have noticed this. I went to the gas station and I remember, you know, when I was driving a lot, when I was, you know, working on Insecure, I remember a half a tank used to be like, I don't know, like 25 to $30 girl. Half a tank cost me $75. And I was just like, Oh, whoa. I was like, okay. Grace They really telling the truth about this inflation thing. Grace  You know, what I'm saying this is this is the bullsh-- that's too much money to pay on gas for not even a whole tank. Amy People are comparing it to the inflationary period after World War Two, and they're saying that like basically back then there were all these issues with decline on supply chains and and there's all this pent up demand because there has been such attacks on the supply chains. And that's what we're going through. Just like we talked about a couple of weeks ago, with the shortage of baby formula like that is that it's all because supply chain issues are happening as a result of the pandemic, and that is leading to inflation and the pandemic still here. And so I am panicked about the future of America. Grace You know, the sad thing about this is that the Federal Reserve has given very little guidance in general on how long they predict it will take for interest hikes to lower. And so it's kind of like, oh, just hold on. How long? We don't know.   Amy Anyway, how are you feeling right now, Grace?   Grace Well, I do feel like there's a little brain cloud, you know, and in cartoons, when they have that little rain cloud right over your head, yeah, it's just raining just on you. That's kind of how I feel now after hearing all that bad news. How about you, Amy?   Amy Oh, no, I'm pretty much the same. So how about we get into the antidote to feel better?   Grace Yeah, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So Grace, what was your antidote this week?   Grace So my antidote is just a really fun, funny, sweet show that's actually written by a friend of mine. Oh, really? I know. Yeah, from. I know. From Kimmy Schmidt. It's. It's called Girls5Eva, and I love it, you know, it's, you know, executive produced by Tina Fey as well as Meredith Scardino, who is the creator of the show. And it's starring Reneé Goldsberry, I think is her name Renee Elise Goldsberry, Busy Philipps, Paula Pell and Sarah Baraeilles. And it's about like old girl group from the nineties and they're kind of reuniting to, yeah, you know, start creating new music again. And it is just hard funny because you know, me and Amy talk about all the time that, you know, comedy right now is always kind of dark. Like there's a lot of dramedies that sort of sort of market themselves as comedies. And, you know, I love a lot of those shows. You know, as well, like but every so often I would I will go back to Frasier, I'll go back to The Office, I'll go back to to A Different World or Living Single, because sometimes you just want to laugh and you don't want to like think about like the growth of this character or whatever. Like, you know, you just want to like have a hard comedy with lots of jokes that's light and airy and beautiful. And that's what Girls5Eva is. I mean, obviously they are well-drawn, complex characters as well, but it's just like hard, funny. You laugh so much. The music is amazing. It's by Jeff Richmond, who did the music for 30 Rock and stuff like that as well. And I just they figured out a way to keep this going in season two to keep it as funny and fresh as it was for season one. So literally, I rushed to my TV as soon as I realized that that it had dropped and I like watched one before work and I was like, work starts at 9 a.m. and I was like watching it at like seven am.   Amy I love that.   Grace With my Kashi cereal.   Amy I'm not going to lie. I sometimes I do that I wake up before work and I watch something in the morning. It feels so good. It feels like you're being bad like, ooh, Saturday.   Grace Yes. It's like, ooh, I should be saving this for later, but I'm just hitting it right out of the park. And so I ate my Kashi and I ate and I watched it and I laughed so much. And it just brought me such joy because I'm so proud of my friends for like creating a show that I love so much. And a lot of my friends actually worked on it as well. And my friends are writers like Lauren Gurganus, Azie Dungey, you know, Matt Whitaker. So it's just such a joy to watch. So I would really like hard recommend if you're just looking for something to, to watch, it's on Peacock and just, just watch my friends' show. It's so funny and I promise you'll laugh and I'll be worth it. So loving Girls5Eva really made me smile this week. How about your antidote, Amy?   Amy Well, your antidote was about watching television. And my antidote was about foods you eat while you watch television like pasta. And my antidote was what goes on pasta, which is pesto. And I'll tell you why. Pesto is my antidote. I'm not a big pasta eater. I just like eating pasta. If I'm, like, hungry, 20 minutes later, it feels like I'm eating air. Don't know why. I think it's because I'm vegetarian and I don't get I can't eat pasta with meat in it. And it's rare that you go to a restaurant. It's like shrimp. It's like three little shrimp and it's like salmon pasta isn't a thing that's happening every day. So I just don't have a lot to say about pasta. Like, how many times do you eat spaghetti? But I went out to eat with my co-host here and I was like, I really love pesto and I just don't have it often. Also, adding to the things that make it annoying to eat with me, I'm also lactose intolerant. And so most of the time pesto is made with dairy, so I avoid it. But every now and then you catch a restaurant who does it right. And we went to this restaurant and they had a dairy free Marcona almond pesto. And I was like, I'm getting it, son. And not only was it spaghetti with this pesto and a poached egg on top.   Grace I remember the poached egg.   Amy And the spaghetti noodles were all thick, they were thick. And I was like, What kind of spaghetti is this? It could barely even stand on the fork. And it was just like dripping in pesto.   Grace Yeah. I love a thick spaghetti, you know? I like the thickness in many forms.   Amy But I really like a thick spaghetti and I really like pesto and I really like pasta with an egg in it. And I was like, this is so fancy and delicious. And I, I was like, I am savoring this. I was really, really hungry when we got to dinner. But I have pesto so rarely because it's never dairy free that I was like, Oh, it's rarely dairy free. Places do it. But I was like, I'm going to savor this and savor every bite and enjoy it because this is a moment that doesn't happen often. And it's so funny to think of just like a meal at a restaurant, spaghetti as a moment to have like an antidote or to savor. But it really did feel special because it's something that I ordinarily I see pasta on a menu and I'm like, not for me, like I'm just going to be hungry in 10 minutes. Yeah. And this was a time where I was full afterwards and I was happy and I got to taste something really delicious and I got to be with my friend. And I was like, This is my antidote. Getting to have a leisurely, beautiful, sumptuous, delicious dinner with a dear friend and enjoy some pesto.   Grace I love that. I'm glad that I'm part of your antidote this week. It's yeah, it was a really lovely meal and it was like we were sitting outside and we had like done something earlier together. And yeah, we got to see a lot of each other this weekend, which is really rare and nice. So, yeah, that pesto was fire. It was really good.   Amy Ooh, thinking about that meal, it makes me hungry all over again. I'm going to get a snack. We'll be back after this break. Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today who is a Grace?.   Grace Well, this Emmy nominated multi-hyphenate hails from Boston, Dorchester, specifically. The New York Times called her one of the most exciting provocateurs in comedy right now. She is a standup. She's an actor and writer who's written for shows such as Saturday Night Live and That Damn Michael Che. Her HBO show Pause is a fresh new take on the late night talk show. She's accomplished and cool as f--k and we are so excited to get to know her. Please welcome Sam Jay. Woo!   Sam Jay Hey. What's up? We got it all in.   Amy You're like, that's. That's everything, right? She's very impressive. She's very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get zeets, so.   Grace Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? For real? Like not small talk.   Sam Jay Like real talk. How am I feeling? Yeah. Exhausted, but not in a bad way. Like I've been exhausted for things I hate. So it's not a bad exhaustion, but I am like, I'm tired. Seem like it's never a break long enough because you on your break, you kind of thinking about what you got to do. You know what's next. Creativity is weirdly draining in that way because it's all fueled by you and your ideas. So you're just constantly like, Whoa, I got it. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's all good stuff. And, like, I feel like I'm, like, growing as a person. I woke up today feeling very. I'm figuring it out.   Amy Nice. Do could you say a little bit more about that? Like figuring it out professionally, feeling- figuring it out personally.   Sam Jay All of it. I think the balance of it, like how I'm going to interact with all of it and come out the other side. A whole person.   Grace Mm hmm.   Amy Yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, let's keep these good vibes going. We need that right now. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard. We all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I want to ask you, Sam, what is your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Sam Jay My friends are like Jak's in town. You know, Jak Knight is also a part of Bust Down. And one of my close friends and he's been here because we're working on Pause season two. And so I'm getting the like jam with my homies and you know, we're going to Boston to do a scout. We're shooting probably two episodes of Pause in Boston this season. And so I'm excited to go home and be like scouting my hometown for, like, my TV show. That's kind of like what? Like, what the hell? And, like, Zach, I mean, Jak's going to be there, so I get to kind of show him where I grew up and stuff. We've never, like, been to Boston together, so, like in a corny, cheesy friend way, I'm like, I'm going to show my friend my whole town at the same time that's exciting. Bust Down. We're going to do a show and a screening Saturday. So I'm I have a few things to be excited about.   Grace That's wonderful. And like, what is your relationship to your hometown? Like, do you feel like I don't know. I have, like, complicated feelings about my hometown. Like, I don't like there's love there, but also left for a reason. Yeah, I left for a reason.   Sam Jay I mean, I think that's like the deal with hometowns, you know? Mm hmm. But I love Boston. My family still there. When I go home, it feels like home, but it's hometown sh--. Two days, and I'm like, I did enough. I got it. I'm ready to go.   Amy Wait, what's your max number? Is it really two days?   Sam Jay Like two, three days? Oh.   Grace Yours is lower than mine.   Amy I love you all so much.   Grace Yeah. For me, it's a week. This week is like. I'm like, once I've been there a week, I'm just like, get me back to the coast.   Amy But I love that you're so close to, like, old friends. And I always feel like part of what becomes an antidote over time are the people who knew you when. And especially like since so many of your friends are comics, you guys are all coming up together and doing the same things. But they also knew you when. So knowing a few of where the bodies are buried.   Sam Jay Yeah, for sure. I mean, I've known Jak, sh--, maybe six, six years now since I started. So, like, he knows, like, when I was broke as sh-- insecure in service that wasn't going to work out. And just those days. And I was like, where? I don't know what I'm going to do. You know what I mean? I think that's what it is. The longer you live, the more you have, like all these these different, like, factions of your life.   Amy When I was growing up, I, I've had so many nicknames and that's how, you know, when people knew me as what they call me, like in college, I was Amy Jay. And after I left school, I was Amy Amy, like double Amy and now I'm just Amy. And like, when you encounter people from the past, then you're like having to be like, Oh, yeah, don't call me that. That's not my nickname here. Well, speaking of being broke for a while, I loved the financial episode of Pause "Money An American Way". I watched that three times. I just wanted to absorb it because, like, there's such a I don't know, it's so hard to feel in any way financially unburdened or financially free. And I felt like you explore that so well, even with the people you talk to. And I wonder, has taking control of your finances been an antidote for you in these wild times you feel like you're in control or not? Does it ever come?   Sam Jay I'm still I'm still buying too much sh-- and I'm so.   Grace I can relate.   Sam Jay Still buying too much  stuff and working on it, you know what I mean? I'm. I'm trying to get my sh-- together. Let me just say that.   Grace Yeah. I mean, I have a luxury problem that I developed during the pandemic. I started watching all these YouTube girls like, tell me about what Gucci is coming out next and then I go and buy it.   Sam Jay I like stuff. It's a problem. We're actually exploring it in this Pause season two. There's like a episode we're doing around addiction. And I'm talking about my- I like stuff.   Grace Yeah, well, I need to watch that one in particular. I have that same affliction.   Sam Jay Yeah. It's bad.   Amy Well, another thing I love about your show is like the fact that you feature house parties each episode. And like I, part of why I loved watching it was because it came out during the pandemic, and house parties were like a relic of the past. And I'm like, watching your show and like the first episode, I almost too much information, but I literally almost cried cause I was just like, Oh, these people. And I was just like, What? Are you someone who hosts the party? Do you like hosting a party? Does it bring you stress or does it make you relax?   Sam Jay No. Yeah. Part of the reason that concept came about is because I'm a party person and people are always coming over all the time. And I was just trying to get it closer to feeling like me and not contrived and I'm always drunk in my house screaming at somebody about something at the time, you know? So I was like, Oh, that might be a good setup for this. So like, you know, these ideas to come through. And also I just think that that's what people do. You know, you especially when you're like in your thirties, you're not doing a lot of like the douche clubbing and you're like hanging out in your crib arguing over some bullsh-- till it's 2 a.m. because you won't let a point go and like it just, I think, allows for real dialogue to happen because the stakes are very low. I feel like when you're at a desk doing the standard desk show, you're now in an authority already, and so you have to be correct. It was something that me and Princess talked about a lot and I was like, I just don't want to have to be right, you know? I want to have room to make mistakes in this show. I want to have room to grow in this show. I want to you know, and I think we're doing more of that this season where I can go out in the world because of the less COVID rules we can really get out in the world this time. You know, just learning things through these interviews where I come out on the other end going, Oh, maybe I think differently now based on these experiences. And I wanted to give myself space for that. And a desk just doesn't seem to allow that type of personal growth to happen. And so the party stakes are so low that people feel comfortable saying what they think. Because we're all saying what we think. And then on top of that, it gives room for error and not having the cleanest opinion.   Amy Yeah, it feels more like a conversation rather than an interview.   Grace Yeah, yeah. And, and it feels super black because I feel like the way that the looseness of the way you talk to people, it just felt it just made me miss like, just like Amy was saying. Just made me miss just those. Those late night parties where you aren't censoring yourself. Quote, unquote, mixed company. So you feel like it's all small talk. And that's what I really love about, you know, those parts of the show.   Sam Jay Thank you so much.   Amy But when you are drunk in your house, what's your drink of choice?   Sam Jay Oh, I drink tequila. I'm a tequila girl.   Grace Oh, my God.   Amy Wait. Tequila and what? Just straight.   Sam Jay Sometimes. Just on the rocks with an orange. Most of the time just on the rocks with an orange. Wow. I'm a grown up. I'm a grown up right now. I've got a little OJ in it because my girl made it. But usually just little orange.   Grace Tequila gives me a headache. Like tequila. Like tequila Grace is a Grace that you don't necessarily want to meet right now.   Amy She a lot of fun. She a lot of fun.   Grace Oh, when we when me and Amy went to Mexico, we did a tequila tasting. It was great. We learned a lot about mezcal and all the different.   Sam Jay Yeah, we did that to me and my fiancee - I just got engaged. We did that.   Amy Oh, congratulations. You heard it here first. No, I'm joking. Exclusive.   Grace Do you have, like, an engagement story that you would be willing to share?   Sam Jay An engagement- Okay. Yeah.   Amy I love love.   Sam Jay Oh, well, I proposed on my birthday. So my birthday party was a good way to mask an engagement situation and a good way to get her friends in town and stuff.   Amy And to pressure her to say yes because that would have sucked.   Sam Jay And it's like "it's my birthday." Yeah. Good way to get her friends in town. But I'd be like, what are these people doing here? But like, everyone's is here for a party. And I do like a really big 40th birthday party and got everybody together. Her best friend was actually moving to Japan. She's- she's a military wife, so they were moving off to Japan. So I wanted to do it before her best friend loved it. I knew it'd be really important for her to have her there. When I got of course we got the ring and all that. I had already picked all that out and then I got a saxophonist to come in and play Caught Up in the Rapture by Anita Baker. Kenny? Not Kenny G, but also they gave me sh--. But it was not Kenny G, but I got oh yeah, sax was supposed to play Caught Up in the Rapture, which we kind of fell in love to Anita Baker. Like we had- the night we had sex. The next morning she was playing Anita Baker and I was like, I f---ing love Anita Baker. We just like listened to Anita Baker all day and like laid around the bed and talked and stuff. So it's like kind of one of the songs that brings back all those, like good old memories of how we met. And she was drunk and high because it was a party, so she didn't know what was going on. So as I was like saying stuff and also I was trying to create an intimate moment within a public moment. Yeah, yeah. Like the saxophonist was playing like I'm talking in her ear because the things I needed to say to her were personal and not for everyone to hear.   Amy And she's like, "What!".   Sam Jay She's just like, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Like "Get to the point, bitch," because she thinks I'm in one of my- sometimes I get drunk and I rant. I do I get drunk, I, I corner her and I hit her with these heavy rants of like, this is what we need to be doing, you know what I mean? So I was hitting her with one of these. She wanted to go dance, so she was like, uh Huh? And then finally she realized, like, there's a saxophonist is like, next to you and like, a moment is happening. And then she just started crying and the uh huh's got more and more like high pitched because she was bawling. And then I dropped the knee like, like old school g, you know, love it, you know? And there was a ninja turtle there because.   Amy Please explain.   Sam Jay I had a nineties themed party and I'm, as you know, I'm a giant child. And so you're going.   Amy To be like, it was New York.   Grace So it was it. DONATELLO That's my favorite.   Sam Jay No, no, no, no, no, no. Because it  was a party and because it was a nice theme party. I wanted the Ninja Turtle to pass out pizza so I got Michelangelo. He's the party, dude. And so Michelangelo was there to hand out pizza. And the photo, the most famous photo that all our friends shared of the engagement is me down on one knee with me like this, with Michelangelo standing on the side. Like this.   Grace I love so much.   Amy That is. Wow, you do throw a good party. First of all, that is incredible.   Grace The way you thought everything through.   Grace You know what I'm saying? That that.   Grace That the Ninja.   Grace Turtle is is doing pizza because Ninja Turtles love pizza. It's a nineties themed party. You had the saxophonist there. Oh, my God. It sounds like-   Sam Jay  Yea, it was nice. She was dressed as like Lil Kim when she had the Chanel. Yes.   Amy Oh yeah down to the strips.    Sam Jay And I was just like Fresh Prince with the inside out blazer.   Grace Oh, I love that so much.   Sam Jay We came in like Puffy and bass and we had on shiny suits and more money, more problems, and then we took them off.   Grace And then I'm going to be going to request if me and Amy are ever in New York when you're having a party, we would love to come.   Amy One Time. One time. You could be like, this is going to be a small one. I'll invite them so they don't embarrass me and we'll just roll through.   Grace We'll just roll through.   Amy Just let us know what time we need to leave by.   Sam Jay You guys can definitely come.   Amy Pop in, pop out.   Amy The more the merrier. Sure.   Grace That's great.   Amy Are there any antidotes that you do together as a couple? Things that you do to like self-care for each other?   Sam Jay We like to go. We like to get high and go to the museum like she'll do an edible. I'll do that sometimes. I do shrooms. She doesn't mess with shrooms, but like we like to get high and go to museums a lot. That's our like that's one of our jams, especially when we go somewhere like out the country that's like, that's the move. Like psychedelics in the museum is fun times.   Grace Well what would you say is your proudest non career related accomplishment that you have?   Sam Jay Honestly, it is the growth that I've had in my relationship. I feel like I've really turned a corner and I'm starting to learn how to prioritize my relationship. And that was such a hard thing for me to find the balance between that career and just my own selfish wants and in, you know, just really I feel like I'm getting into this real settled place in that and really learning how to put it first. And when I do that, not thinking, Oh, I'm prioritizing my fiancee over myself, or I'm sacrificing something I want to do for something she wants to do. But it's a prioritizing of the whole relationship because the relationship is something that I want and that I want to see grow and just kind of turning that corner and and gaining that understanding and really stepping up to the plate to try to implement that has been something that I've been proud of.   Amy I mean, I'm assuming that took work, like getting to a place where you're like, Oh, I'm kind of f---ing up, like, and then wanting to do the work like, yeah. Was there, yeah, was there like a a moment or a turning point for you that you started realizing like, Oh, we is me?   Sam Jay Yeah. I mean, we had a really f---ing tough ass summer and I went through a little bit of a period where I wanted a break, you know, and I was like, I need to get out here and explore it, know the world. And it was like really hard on her because we really love each other. And we went to couples counseling through the whole thing and watching her try to still be in it and process it and be present while I was doing that. And like not just the way she sacrificed herself for the relationship because she could have just been like, N----, you're doing some wild sh--, I'm out, I'm not beat for it. Where it was like, and I don't want this, but it was like, If this is what you need, let's try this. And in that, you know, I think keeping the therapy going was a good tool to have this person kind of navigating us through whatever that. And by the end of the summer, one I was just like, I don't really want to be out here, I think I like the idea of it more than what it actually was. And I think because.   Grace Let me tell you, the streets are not great.   Sam Jay I don't like the streets.   Grace I'm in them. And they're not great.   Sam Jay I think I was just feeling controlled and I have a problem with that. And I was just feeling like she was smothering me a bit and all my choices weren't my own anymore and I needed to feel individual again. But in that, you know, and being like, I don't really like the streets and also how it was hurting her, it just made me check how much these things were really important to me and what was actually important to me and what I really wanted out of life. You know what I mean and if I want this, then I have to feed it and nurture and grow it. And I can't be selfish anymore. I think also turning 40, you just get older and your brain just stops being dumb, you know, like you start to see things and like, it just is is a thing where I do really I really love my fiancee and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And that's just going to take work. And it's just something you have to constantly keep feeding and growing and investing in. And I don't think we really think about that at first, but it's like you've got to keep turning to the relationship and putting putting your your energy back into it to get anything good out of it.   Amy That's beautiful. And A like you do not look 40. So I'm glad to hear you are because I was like, that is too wise for me. And I'm like, I was like, how did this 23 year old come up with this? Now, I'm like, Oh, I see. That's why you drinking tequila.   Sam Jay And living grown up little.   Grace You being grown. And that that is meaningful to me because I literally right now am in a place where I'm still dating. But it's really hard for me to prioritize that kind of stuff in front of my career right now because like, I'm just used to the grind. So I felt like that was a word for me to like, think about what do I really want for my life? And if I want a relationship, then I need to pour into it.   Sam Jay You have to make room for it. Yea, it just doesn't ike nurture itself in it. And it's like there's a lot it's a lot to it. What- she's absolutely worth it because she pours back into me, you know what I mean? And with-without that balance, I don't know if these other things would feel as good or matter as much without what I have on the other side of it. So it's like they they're both very important.   Amy I'm assuming that your new show Bust Down doesn't tackle heavy topics like this. It's a full ass comedy. Is there anything you can share? Because comedy is a huge antidote for everybody. You know, everybody, especially during these crazy times. Is there anything you can share about the show?   Sam Jay I don't know. You know, it's a fun, silly ass show. When we really went for jokes, we didn't want to be important and we didn't want to do any, like, heavy lifting for the black community. We like we were thinking about Martin days and I'm not saying it's as funny as Martin. No one come f---ing yelling at me. Please.   Amy To be clear. Different show, different tones.    Sam Jay But we were just going for that feeling of like, this is just funny for funny's sake. It is not trying to do anything else but just be silly and funny. You know, we often say and it feels a little corny, but we're just like, you know why white people and white spaces and white writers and white actors, they just get to f---ing shoot and be goofy as sh--. And it seems like any time you do something black, you got to carry the whole race to the finish line or something.   Grace Message with a capital M.   Sam Jay And I'm like, no, man, we just want to make a silly, silly, silly dodo and dick jokes and laugh a bunch. And so that's the thing that we made and I'm really, really proud of it.   Grace That's great. I mean, that's all we need right now. I mean, you know, you need to laugh when sh-- in the world is going.   Sam Jay That's what we're going for. We're just going for hard hitting jokes, man. And and and the yuk yuks.   Grace Well, obviously we want to plug Bust Down or whatever, but is there anything else that you would like to plug? It can even be something that you love that someone else does.   Sam Jay Oh, man. Wow. I mean, there's just so much dope stuff out in the world right now. Like, I just say, like, support, good art. Keep going to comedy clubs. No, seriously, that's how we get to a space to make a show, you know, is like some of this stuff gets worked out on stage and some of that growth that you need to be able to stand in front of a camera, you figure out in front of a live audience. So just like supporting live arts is like super huge and important. And I would just encourage people to do that because it's fun things that I have coming up. I mean, the most important thing really is Bust Down on March 10th on Peacock TV. It is like a project, a like a passion project, a thing I made with my best friends. And I really got to watch them grow. Like, grind and shine and, like, grow. And it was just, like, a really beautiful thing to make and watch. And we hope people really dig it and laugh a whole lot. Watch Abbott Elementary because I love Quinta and that's the homie.   Amy Yes,.   Grace Yes, we are big fans here of Abbott Elementary.   Sam Jay You know, just get out there and watch the sh-- that's good.   Amy And Sam, where can people find you on the Internets?   Sam Jay I don't want you people finding me on the Internets. No, you can find me at SamJayComic on any- Instagram or Twitter - it's both SamJayComic.   Amy I love that you're just like, No.   Grace No, please don't. In fact, don't at me. Please.   Sam Jay Please don't. I really don't. I hate it.   Grace Thank you so much, Sam. This was delightful.   Sam Jay It was great. Thank you, guys.   Amy Yes, thank you.   Grace Okay. Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tip to tip in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace Here we go. "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." That is by Grace Hartigan. I'll read it one more time. "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers, only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -Grace Hartigan   Amy I had a professor in college who said art and entertainment is the only medium through which culture gets to have a conversation with itself. He used to say that because it's like we're watching it in real time as we're living. And it's it's like people from our time doing a thing before our eyes. And that's what this quote makes me think of, because it sort of makes me think that you engage with art, with character, with story, because you're trying to figure out or trying to assess or examine something about the human condition. Not because you know it, like I can know where a character is from or like what they're doing in a scene. But the idea of character. I feel the best characters are close to people and people are evolving. And they're never set. They're never fixed. They're on a journey. That's why we talk about the character's journey. So to me that I think the quote makes me think of that like we're engaging in a conversation with ourselves or with our heart, as the quote says. And then it's not about answering, it's about having a conversation. So maybe even though she says asking questions, for me, I almost think it's like learning, having a conversation. Yeah. What do you think?   Grace That's great. I guess what it made me think of is the fact that I thought that I would get to a point in my artistic life where I did it right. If that makes sense. So constantly, you know, as artists, you're striving to reach the highest level of achievement in whatever art that you choose. And so if you're trying to reach the highest level of achievement in whatever art that you choose, you think that there's a right way to do it and there's a wrong way to do it. And this script is either right or it's wrong. It's either bad or it's good. But as I've gotten further into this path of being a writer, being a creative, I have learned. I've learned that it's sometimes it's not being right or being wrong or this is bad or this is good. It's almost a step on the way to getting to your highest artistic expression. So yeah, sometimes though, you had to write those bad scripts or those bad jokes or you know, you had to go through that in order to get over to the other side. So it's not about a piece of work being right or wrong. It's asking the question of, okay, like in this particular piece of art, what are you learning? What are- how is it getting closer to the ideal thing that you want to make rather than judging it so harshly? Which is what I definitely used to do. So every time I write a movie or I would do something, I'd be like, Oh, is this achieving what these like artists that I look up to have achieved? And I used to judge myself against that. So now I don't do that anymore. I was just like, What is the best version of Grace and Grace's work that I can achieve? Which is growth. But at the same time, sometimes I still I'm just like, Is this right? And Is that wrong? And the only way to judge right or wrong is comparing it to something. So I'm still at some point comparing it somehow to other people's work. So this is just kind of like a reminder. Like, bring it back to you, girl. And like, what did you learn through creating this script? Or this character, or this podcast, like, what did you learn that's bringing it closer to your best self? Because that's really all you can do. That's really all you could achieve.   Amy Yeah, I feel you. I think that that sounds really relatable. Good quote.   Grace Okay. Thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's "thee" with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And support some live art. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio Executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidote Show.org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy That's right.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with actress Aya Cash about peanut butter and jelly, thrifting, and parents that support your dreams. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Trans women being denied safety at Ukraine's borders and microplastics found in the lungs of living people. Yuck! Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include Black-owned candles and twerking around your house! This week’s Creative Tap-In:  “To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.”— Kurt Vonnegut OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy Hey, listeners. Before we start this episode of The Antidote, we want to express that at the time of this recording on May 14th, we heard that ten people were shot and killed and three people were wounded in Buffalo, New York. Our hearts are with the families of the victims. Grace So before we get into the fun of it all, we wanted to acknowledge that we have heavy, heavy hearts. Words feel hollow right now, but we couldn't not acknowledge this tragedy. Authorities have described this as racially motivated extremism. And we denounce this violence and all violence against Black and brown people. Amy So as we start the show, we want to remind you that today and every day, Black lives matter. Grace Black Lives Matter. Thanks for listening. Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. You know, put some earplugs in the ear holes of anybody who shouldn't be. Listen to this. Because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Amy Woo! Woo! Grace Hi, everybody. Welcome. Well, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to have an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. Guys, I'm really bummed out about this one. So transwomen are apparently being denied safety at Ukraine's borders, which is just a blow because black people are also being denied safety at Ukraine's borders. And I'm just like, come on, it's a war. See humans as humans and just help people. I also kind of feel like there's just been so much trans violence in the last like, I mean, since forever. But in the last couple of years it's been so much trans violence. And this always makes me think of the intersectionality of being black and trans or of color and trans, and it means you're double unsafe. And I feel I've heard that, you know, since 2017, trans people in Ukraine have been legally recognized but must undergo extensive psychiatric observation and a lengthy bureaucratic process before their gender can be reflected on formal documents. Add to that the way that all these people in East Europe be treating people of color and black people specifically. I'm just like, end this f---ing war and be kind. Can we just be kind? It's too hard to ask. Grace Yeah, I mean, it's really disturbing. I mean, sometimes it's it's funny. Like, I sometimes I reflect on Martin Luther King's words. That said, the arc of the moral universe is long, but it always bends toward justice. And I have to remember that, because sometimes it feels like we're taking so many steps backwards, like there's so many new laws against trans people just popping up all over the country. There's so many there's so much gerrymandering and there's so much anti voting rights going on. It just feels very anti progress, period. So this really makes me sad. I mean, obviously, you know, as a human being, my heart is with any person that's in any kind of conflict. That means in the Ukraine, that means in the Middle East, that means in Africa. That means all the way around the world. But it's it's hard when you can't feel 100% on board with loving people because they're being hateful towards others. So that that's a real bummer. Amy Yes. Grace I'm really sad to hear that. Amy The bummers don't stop there. I also read that microplastics have been found in the lungs of living people. Did you hear about this? Microplastics, microplastics. So basically there's this thing called polypropylene, and it's used in plastic packaging and pipes and PET, which is a type of packaging, and it's used in bottles like, you know, plastic bottles, like, well, then we drink water out of. Well, people have been breathing in the tiny particles, you know, for years. But now microplastics have been detected in human blood for the first time in March. And it's showing that the particles can travel through the body and may lodge in organs. Grace Nope. Amy They say the impact on health is as yet unknown. But I'm going to tell you one thing. It doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good, Grace. Grace I don't think that we should have that. And you know what? I made a commitment a while ago to start drinking water almost exclusively out of glass bottles. Hmm. And so this is validating my decision to do that. And also, like, you know, I get, you know, like meal delivery services. And sometimes I'm just like, you know, let me not just heat it up in what it came in, which is plastic. Let me put it in an actual dish and then put it in the microwave or you know, I've even stopped trying to use a microwave so much. Sometimes if it looks like something I can heat up on the stove or put in the oven, I will do that because I do really believe that it's just really not healthy. Like I used to eat so many TV dinners as a kid. So I feel like I'm full of plastic already. Amy You full of plastic, girl. You might be full of plastic. Grace I'm full of plastic. And then, you know, I was poor for a long time, so, like, you know, eating, you know, green giant, you know, steamed vegetables out of a friggin plastic bag. Amy No, nutrients. Grace I feel like I'm probably already been exposed to a lot. But, you know, what I'm trying to do now is I my favorite water is Mountain Valley. And so. I drink a lot of that. Amy Yeah, it does come in that fancy bottle. I don't buy that sh--. I'm like, who this for? And then I also have like this fear that the bottle, the glass, like in the recycling bin is going to get crushed and then some recycle man is going to pick it up and cut his arms open. Grace Oh, my God. Amy I literally am always like, uhhh. Grace Not something you should worry about. Amy But that's my anxiety. I'm like, what if the glass breaks and then it hurt somebody later? But also, when you talk about microwaves, man, I'll be using that thing. I'm going to be honest. Like to bring out a pan and a spatula and to whisk sh-- around in that spatula and just, like, put it in the microwave. And then I'm like, What is this doing to me? Well, microwaving all this food every day.   Grace I remember from fifth grade. Mr. something. Mr.. I don't remember his name.   Amy You don't remember, sounds like..   Grace I do not remember his name. He was not very nice to me. But anyway, I remember him saying when you put on the microwave, go into the other room. I remember that from.   Amy Yes, I do like step away. I don't stand in front and stare.   Grace But I but I was just like, well if you have to go to the other room, it's probably not that great, but I, but I use it. But you know, the one thing that I do try to do and I'm not saying I'm perfect with it, but I try to like move things from plastic container and put them in an actual plate. I don't even know what what are the chemicals on the plate? I don't.   Amy I know that's the thing cause my plates are black and I'm like, how they become black? Like, not in a racist way, but like. But like, did they paint them like, is it made of black stone? Is it dyed like, how is it black? And it has a gold rim? And I'm like, What's that made out of? I'm pretty sure the chemicals are all up in me and probably in you too sis and probably in our listeners. Sorry y'all.   Grace We're all made of plastic.   Amy Sorry for that bummer news. I, I feel like sh-- now. How are you feeling, Grace?   Grace I don't feel the best.   Amy Yeah, that's why it's time for the antidote. Oh, my God. So I want to just get into it and say that my antidote this week and many a week is candles.   Grace What kind of candles?   Amy Candles are my antidote. And I'll tell you why. It's because they fill your house with, like, pleasant little smells that you weren't expecting that are better than the food you were cooking or the farts you were farting, or, you know, the burps you were burping. It's just like I mean.   Grace What I'm hearing is that you are struggling with gas.   Amy All I'm saying is, houses be sneaky sometimes. And also we're all working from home. If your windows aren't open, it can get a little like, you know, stale in there. But the solution is to light a candle. And this is not an ad, but I'm just going to run through some of my favorite candles. If you guys follow me on Instagram at AmyAniobi on Instagram, you will also see I posted things about the candles I love. My favorite candle is by a Black owned company called Black Sunflower. They make a rosemary sage candle. They also make a candle called Melanin that literally just smells like, you know, brown delight. And then I also really love Harlem Candle Co, which you introduced me to, Grace.   Grace Yeah, I love. I love that place. I actually know the owner, Terry Johnson, and.   Amy Oh, wow.   Grace So I've seen her business grow and it's so inspirational. But yeah, I have tons, tons of Harlem Candle Company candles.   Amy She is celebrity to me. My favorite is Speakeasy. That's my favorite candle. And then I also really love Jean Gray Candles. They have one called Black Magic that has, like spicier smells. Deandra Kriegman has a candle called Santal Cardamom. I think that's how you pronounce the word Santal. But it sounds it smells kind of like Pachulia ish, like cleaning clean and. And, like, a little spicy. I like Alexander Winbush. The September six candle.   Grace Same, same. I love that candle.   Amy That's a good one. And for diversity, I'm throwing in my one white candle, which is Malin and Goetz.   Grace Your one white candle.   Amy My one. Yeah, these are all my favorite candles, but they're all Black owned companies. But my my only, like, white company whose candle I absolutely go hard for is Malin and Goetz Sage. I really love sage. You know? I love Sage. Yes. It's it's literally the best smelling candle on the block of any block except the block of black on candles, which kick it out of the water. But anyway, that's that's been my antidote this week. What about you, Grace?   Grace Well, my antidote is something I've been doing since I was a little girl.   Amy Mm.   Grace I love music.   Amy Ditto.   Grace I love dancing.   Amy Me, too.   Grace So sometimes when I have just had a long day, or if just my energy I can feel is stale and low. You know, I listen to a lot of podcasts. That's usually my grown up thing to do while I'm showering or whatever. But every so often, you know, and I will talk my way around my house like I will get into it. I will get into the mood of whatever artists it is. I like one thing on heavy rotation as always, even though it's an older song at this point. Queen Bee. What a f---ing me.  I love this The Savage remix with Beyoncé and Megan Thee Stallion. I love.   Amy Unstoppable. If you don't jump to put jeans on baby, you won't feel my pain.   Grace Exactly. I love that. I love tap, tap, tap in my saweetie. I love dancing around to like old classics like Carl Thomas.Or I also live dancing around to that one Demi Lovato song. Sorry. Or whatever. It's basically about being a bad bitch. It's like, Baby, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for just being so fabulous. So sometimes I'll even put on a little outfit. I'll be like, You know what? Yeah, I was just like, You know what? This is what I have on sometimes. Just have on some ratty shorts and I'm just like, No, this is not the vibe for this particular song. So sometimes I will put on a little heel, you know? So I feel like, Oh, I like that. I'll put on a little, you know, little freakum dress. And I will dance around, as you know, and I'll help me sometimes close my rings on my Apple Watch. Close my rings.   Amy I love this. This. I don't know what that means because I don't have an Apple Watch, but I'm assuming it means, like, movement.   Grace Yeah. Like you're supposed to get a certain amount of minutes of movement and a certain amount of calories and a certain amount of hours standing. So those are three rings and you have to close all three for you to be happy. And so.   Amy Sounds like pressure.   Grace It is purposely so. So yeah, sometimes I will be putting on a full show in my house and I will feel like sweaty and happy afterwards. And I was just released to so many endorphins like exercise often does. And, you know, I have formal exercise like yoga and pilates on and I hike and stuff like that, which I've talked about before on the show. But like every so often it's just fun to do non specific exercise, which means to me put it on some music, dancing around the house and having just a good time. Me, myself and I, you know. So, yeah, just, you know, feeling joyful in your own environment can just shake you out of a dark mood if you have to. To get shaken up.   Amy Yeah, dance it out. That sounds great. I love that. That's a great place to stop. We'll be back after the break.   Grace Okay. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a very special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Well, this Bay Area Beauty is an actress and producer best known for her role as Gretchen Cutler in the cult comedy series You're The Worst. She also plays Stormfront in the Amazon superhero drama series, The Boys and Cheryl on Fox's new comedy, a mockumentary called Welcome to the Flat. She is a lover of peanut butter and jelly, vintage clothes and antiquing. Please welcome Aya Cash.   Aya Cash I'm my own hype person. Woo.   Grace Well, we want to hype you, too, girl. Thank you so much for coming on.   Aya Cash Thank you for having me. I like that intro. I feel like that probably captured me more than most things.   Grace I just want you to know that me and Amy had a heated discussion about peanut butter and jelly before this.   Amy Yes.   Grace So we're coming down off of that. To be honest, I'm not sure that Amy and I are friends anymore.   Aya Cash Wait, what's the debate?   Amy Here's the thing. I love peanut butter and jelly, so I was, like, really ecstatic to talk to you about it. And then I made the mistake of mentioning it to Grace before the show started. And the way I make peanut butter and jelly is mostly peanut butter. It's peanut butter on both slices. And then just a thin layer of jelly in between.    Grace That is-   Amy Aya, your face.   Grace See, she's on my side. You know what I'm saying? She's on my side. She understands that the peanut butter to jelly ratio is the most important part of the sandwich.   Aya Cash So, I mean, Grace is a cat person, so I thought we'd have nothing in common, but. Absolutely. You're insane, Amy. It is. It's about balance.   Amy I want more butter.   Aya Cash It's about texture.   Amy More butter, baby.   Aya Cash All peanut butter? No, if anything, I go less on the peanut butter. More on the jelly. Yeah.   Grace That. See, that's the right answer. And I don't know how you feel. I love a strawberry preserve.   Aya Cash Oh, absolutely.   Grace That is. See?   Amy Uh, what, the most basic of preserves. You got to go weird. Apricot.   Grace How dare you?   Amy Blueberry.   Aya Cash But the key word is preserve rather than jelly.   Amy Yeah.   Aya Cash Like that. Yes. That's the high class. And and like, if you've got a little George Foreman grill, if you put it in there and you get it a little.   Grace Oh, my goodness. Well, I had not heard that, but I will take that tip to heart.   Amy I'm glad we can all agree on preserves. I'm really happy about that. And I will. The only thing I like more than peanut butter is hot peanut butter. So I'm going to try this George Foreman thing.   Aya Cash I thought you meant spicy. And I was like, wait, now we've gone too far.   Amy No. Like temperature.   Grace Amy, was that shade?   Amy Just, like, warmed up?   Grace Oh, okay.   Amy Well, we've started out on a weird foot.   Grace I take responsibility for that because I came in hot. But anyway, our guest today is very, very impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. We are here to get deep.   Amy Yeah, let's check in. How are you feeling today? Not. Not small talk. Like for real. Anything weighing on you. Anything making you really happy.   Aya Cash F---ing horrible. It's so funny. I. I was thinking about coming on this podcast all day, and I was like, do I lie and say, I got out of bed easily. Like, I had such a terrible day.   Amy I love. It. Yeah. Get into it. Let's get into it.   Grace We're here to raise your vibration, girl, you know. How was your day today? Truly.   Aya Cash I just had a sad day. It was like bad weather. But as we know, the world is on fire for many reasons and I just felt super sad all day. And actually I listened to your podcast before I came on because I do my homework like a like a nerdy little students. And and it did it actually made me feel better. And I was I was taking a walk with my dog, listening to the podcast, going like, it's okay, it's going to be okay. And it's, it's fine. We all struggle. You don't have to come in and have all the answers.   Amy Yeah, very true. Yeah. So we're here to raise your vibration. Like Grace said, we need different antidotes to deal with that bullsh--. So I'm curious if there was anything today or this week that's bringing you a little joy. What was it?   Aya Cash I get so much joy from my dog, and she's also it gets me out of the house. And as I said, I was listening to your podcast with Robin Thede and and I was like y'all talking about, you know, picking up dog sh--. And it's so funny. It's like it's so I think it's like with kids. I mean, I don't know, nor do I want to ever know, but like, you don't get grossed out by it. Like, I love my dog's poop. Like, I'm like, how is it today? Is it healthy? And like, I'm disgusted by all poop. This is not like I'm not a person who's, like, normally cool, but for some reason it's like the act of caretaking. I'm like, I want to know how her health is and like, you look at her poop anyway, but it's like the act of caring for her is what makes me feel love for her. Like what shows me that, like, love is a verb. And so the act of caring for her often takes me out of my head like I did not want to take her on a walk. It's freezing in New York again today. And I but I had to. And then we're on our walk and and I was like, okay, this is this feels better. It feels better to get out of the house. It's like everything you sort of the anticipation of it is always worse. And then you go do the thing and you're like, This was the right thing to do. I didn't need to watch all of that horrible Netflix reality show today. I should have just left the house.   Grace First of all, it sounds like like you're one of your luck languages is acts of service. Ooh because you know doing doing stuff for people, learning that love is a verb that is that is very much in tune with the acts of service love language, which is one of my love languages, which means. But you like to do stuff for other people. I like people that do stuff for me and not vice versa. So but but also, I'm curious, what was the Netflix show that you were watching?   Aya Cash Oh, my God. It's it's like the same thing over and over again. I just can't even remember what it is now. It's it's a show about is people who bring their significant others.   Grace It's the ultimatum.   Amy It's the ultimatum.   Aya Cash The ultimatum. Yes.   Amy We literally dragged it. We dragged it on our podcast.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Oh my God that show.   Aya Cash Yeah.   Amy Hot garbage yet  you can't look away.   Aya Cash It but it's not the antidote because it's like eating too much candy, which I also did today. Like you're you're like, oh, this feels really good in the moment. Like, I don't have to think or feel. And then afterwards you're like, What? Just happen? What just happened?   Grace It is called bingeing for a reason. I do like sometimes you sit and you kill a show and you're just like, Yeah, I don't remember anything that happens other than I feel worse.   Aya Cash Oh yeah. But then you got to be kind to yourself too. I feel like that's part of like the bad cycle is actually all the judgment that happens afterwards. Like, it's actually fine too. I've been working very hard. I can take a day and sit in bed and watch a show. It's the judgment that comes from that and the like, Oh, what are you doing that's bad? You're not doing this, you're not doing that. But that's that's the thing to work on.   Amy I really believe in like, like, quote unquote, forgiving yourself or procrastinating or like for taking a day unexpectedly. Because sometimes you plan a day like it's Saturday, I'm not going to work. I'm going to just like have a day. And sometimes a day just happens and you're like, Oops, I'm six episodes into this Netflix show and knee deep in a bag of like, you know, candy and you're just like, This happened to me. And I feel like it's important to be like, forgive yourself. It's totally fine. Today was the day. You'll get back on the horse tomorrow.   Grace Yeah, that's literally my day today. I just polished off a half a package of chicka boom, chicka boom popcorn boom, boom. chicka a pop.   Amy Chicka pop, boom chicka pop.   Grace White cheddar.   Amy Boom chicka pop. Damn, I have to say something. Honest, guys, I. I said half. Knee deep in a bag of candy. And I didn't want to specify the candy because I thought you guys would drag me. But I'm going to say the candy. That is my guilty pleasure. And you guys can just drag away. It's candy corn.   Grace I don't know. I mean, I just want you to know that you're here on the day of the demise of our friendship. First of all, she said that psychotic thing about peanut butter and jelly, and now she tells me it's candy corn, like.   Amy But not like every day, but like the month of October. I'm just like.   Grace But it's not October, girl. It's not October though.   Amy I know. Now it would be peeps. Okay? It would be peeps.   Aya Cash Amy, I thought you and I, we're going to, but we have friends in common. I was like, I know what kind of Grace's a cat person. I was like, Amy and I are going to connect and yet.   Amy I'm lowkey a monster.   Grace Yeah. What is going on today, anyway? Let's. Let's get back on the rails.   Amy I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I've embarrassed you both ways, but we do have friends in common. And our friend Alison tells me that you are an exceptional and teacher. I want to hear more about this. Like, where do you do it? What do you find? How long does it take to find something great? All the things.   Aya Cash Yeah. I just love old sh--. I always have. It started when I was young because that's, you know, I like stuff. I'm a staff person and. And we couldn't afford new stuff. So you'd go and you'd search and I'd go to the Goodwill bins and I'd get clothes out of there. And I thought that was really fun. I mean, obviously now I just sound like every basic bitch because it's like that's what people do now. Like, everyone's into thrifting. But what?   Grace No, I'm not. Everyone. I am. So, like, I'm intimidated by thrifting. In fact, I like need a buddy or something because I always just go in there and I was just like, Everything is everywhere. There's no organization. I am afraid like there's too many things. So but.   Aya Cash I think I like the game of I'm like, let's unearth something out of out of a bin of, you know, a dirty. I feel like I feel like I'm just telling you I'm very comfortable touching dirty, nasty sh--.   Amy But every now and then you start searching in that sh--, you find some gold. So I'm like, Is there something that you like? Do you usually go with a purpose? Like, I'm looking for a dresser or I'm looking for a chairs for the dining table? Or is it more like a hobby? You're like, I'm just antiquing today, and whatever I find is what I find.   Aya Cash I have wishlists from other people. So again, acts of service. I like, I like, I like a task. I like somebody given me like, here's what you need to do. So I have friends who tell me what they're looking for and then I'll go and I'll find something for them.   Grace Oh, so kind.   Aya Cash I don't need to buy for myself. I just like to.   Grace You like to be in a game. Yeah. Well, so is there is something that you have gotten that was like, wow, that was my favorite find of your antiquing adventures.   Aya Cash I mean, you know, anything that you find that you realize is worth a lot more like, I found this crazy teapot for $5 once and I looked online on first dibs. It was like 250 bucks. And I was like, amazing. But my husband actually found crazy enough at our local antiques place or like consignment place, he found a dye transfer, which is like a sort of an artist's proof of this photo of a photographer that he just made a movie on.   Amy What.   Aya Cash And.   Amy That's incredible.   Aya Cash Like randomly and yeah, for like 150 bucks. And then the artist who still alive was like, Oh, you shouldn't share that for like $15,000. So that's really that's the best one.   Amy Wow. He's like, that's worth a lot of money.   Grace Oh my God.   Amy Save my face for years to come.   Grace He's just like, just so you know, I plan on blowing up. And so get the shirts now, boo, because it's about to go.   Amy I love that. I am like as a hobby shopping maybe it's the pandemic kind of stresses me out. I think I used to kind of like grazing through a Shawn store and just like touching every shirt and being like, What am I going to try on? And now I'm always like, Get in, get out. And I'm like, I want to get back to that. And I feel like maybe something like searching for treasure in an in a thrift store will make me feel like a little bit more tied to the process of shopping. Again, I miss shopping.   Grace Yeah. I mean, I miss mall like I'm from the Midwest. So, like, malls were like a huge part of growing up. Like, your parents would just drop you at the mall. But yeah, that is definitely something lost in the pandemic that. Sort of urge to browse.   Amy Speaking of growing up, I know your mom is a celebrated poet. She actually, like, wrote one of my favorite poems ever to the woman crying uncontrollably in the next story. I love that poem so much. And I was curious, what was it like growing up in a creative household? Did it feel like you're like, I'm going to be an actor? And they're like, stay away from this fresh howl? Or are they more like, Yes, pursue your dreams? Did you feel supported or or like you're being a rebel in any way?   Aya Cash No, I lucked out completely. My my parents were very supportive of me doing basically anything other than becoming Republican. They were like. You're a. I mean, they were they were so supportive and so surprised when I started to make a living at it. Like, I don't think they were. I don't think their or my idea of being in the arts ever included like financial stability. So that was the surprise. Yeah, it's I mean, I really like on my bad days, I think about God, I'm just so insanely lucky to have this as a career and to to support myself because my, my, both my parents were artists. My dad was a musician and my mom was a poet is a poet. And I struggle so much and my mother is an insanely successful poet, but she doesn't make a lot of money. That poetry is not valued in our society. The way fake f---ing on TV is.   Grace Right.   Amy Says a lot about us, but you right, you right.   Aya Cash It's true. So I feel so lucky, and I really respect the way they both dealt with their art. And my mom, you know, my mom was in Penthouse when I was a kid. She had an erotic short story in Penthouse because that was a way to pay the bills like she did things that like, you know, sort of adjacent to her passion to pay bills. But she, you know, she's she's a true artist. And that example was set for me. So I never felt I mean, I did. Society told me I should feel bad when I was a waitress and not acting and not working, but. But my home never made me feel bad about that. There was never like, well, give up this dream. It was like, No, do what you want and probably be poor for the rest of your life. And that's okay because money is not the ultimate goal.   Grace Wow, I'm really moved by that actually, because I do feel like so many of us who make our living doing art or whatever, it's the exact opposite. Like there's not only society telling you that your parents are just like you.   Amy Passion won't pay the bills.   Grace You can't eat them peoms girl. So you got to have to figure it out. So I really think that that is a beautiful way. And so many times, even as professional artists, we judge the quality of our work by how successful it is monetarily. But I think that's a great lesson for people to to realize and to take is just that success doesn't always mean monetary success. Sometimes there's something beautiful to get just by the act of doing the thing.   Aya Cash In fact, money can sometimes pervert the experience in some way. Like when this becomes your job again, it's such a gift and it's so incredible. But it does something different than the the, you know, it it it becomes a job. And the reason that most of us got into this, you know, into any art was not necessarily because we were like, this is how I want to make my money. It's because we were excited about the thing and just purely for the joy of it. Now, that said, somebody said to me recently, we act for free, we get paid to do press. And I said, I do not act for free. I am 30. I mean, yes, I act for free and I audition and I do readings. But yeah, like.   Amy As a general.   Aya Cash Actually, if it's my job. I would like to be paid for it. So I think artists get the other side of that of like, you should do it for free, which I don't agree with. But, but there is something pure about, about doing something because you love it and not because it's, it's a part of the career.   Amy Yeah. And remembering that like North Star, it's hard. Like you said once. Yeah. Being like, oh, I should be doing this. I should take this job, I should think about this, I should have this meeting or whatever. And then it's sort of like, Whoa, wait, why? Trying to remind yourself, why am I doing this again? And sometimes you do sort of I personally kind of lose my compass every now and then and have to remind myself, wait, no. These are the things. That you really care about. These are the things you want to focus on.   Aya Cash You can get caught. You know, it's it's interesting. I feel like I, I was thinking about how ill suited I am for this podcast in some ways, because I can be very suspicious of, of positivity in a certain way. Like, you can get caught in a gratitude trap that makes you not allowed to feel your feelings or. And because I grew up in San Francisco, sort of around that culture and sort of just crystals and sh--, which, by the way, I was having a bad day and my friend Mikayla gave me some crystals and I was like, I will take this crystals. I'm much more open to it now. But I also am I get you know, I get sort of nervous about the the the negative aspects that I've experienced around like wellness culture sometimes. And I but I also feel like as I get older, I'm I'm a lot more open to all of it because like, whatever works, we all just want to like be happy and whatever that is, whether that's God, whether that's self-help, whether that's the artist's way. Like it feels like, you know, why, judge that the judgment was is sort of an old remnant of somebody inside me that I don't really need anymore.   Amy I love that you said that because I truly think that like, yeah, I get suspicious of I'm from the South Bible Belt and people who I can think they can pray themselves happy. And I am sort of like, well, it's a practice, you know, it's like the things that you do to practice happiness are so important in practice. Well, but if you don't acknowledge the dark, it comes back. So I think, yeah, so much of even why we started this was because we're like, we feel like we're almost being like covered by everything happening in the world and it's like it's less that, oh, I think an antidote will make me feel good forever. It's more like it'll make me feel good for just one little hour. And then I'll go back to remembering the world is sh--. But yeah, I feel you. I am someone who historically is suspicious of happiness too. And I love that you said that. It just really spoke to me.   Grace Well, I have a question. So Amy talked a little bit about how your mom's poem really, really affected her and she really loved it. Do you have a piece of art in your life that you remember? Either a book, a play, a show, fine art that has had some sort of impact on your life?   Aya Cash You know, I. I want to come up with some sort of, like, interesting, cool answer. But the truth is the truth is that the artist's way helped me so much and continues to help me. And I am, I, I, I do not believe in God. And she uses the word God a lot. And I found that really hard as we as I worked through the book and she's like, just replace it with something else. I was like, That's a pretty strong word to replace. But, you know, you can. But I find her workbook just, like, wildly helpful. And I do morning pages every day still and and get still. Yeah.   Grace That's so great. I also love the artist way and I tried to do the other books that she has, but I don't. I didn't have as much success. Yeah, but that's so cool that you still do artist pages every day.   Aya Cash Yeah. And it's great too when you're not working and feeling like, oh I, I didn't, you know, I'm not an artist at this moment because it just sort of gives you permission and I've given it to a lot of people. So I would say that that's, you know, that and like real key letters to a young poet kind of sh-- from college that like, I think those things enter your life at a certain stage of life too. So when I was first encountering those kinds of books, I, it really like blew my mind open in that way that I wish I could let my mind be blown a little more as I get older and I and I hope to find more things that blow my mind the way those books did when I was younger.   Amy Yes. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about anything you'd like to plug? You can even be something you just love, not something that you're created.   Aya Cash I'd like to plug the. The cup of coffee I'm going to make tomorrow. I'm going to, like, take my time with that. It's pour over, grind my own beans, sip it slowly. I feel like that's what's coming up next for me.   Amy I love that for you. I will be enjoying coffee on the West Coast in your honor. Now, your Instagram says you're no longer here, so where can people find you nowadays on the Internet?   Aya Cash You can. You can. Find me on Instagram and I will pop in occasionally. I took about an eight month break and it was great and so I'm probably going to do it again, but I'm on, you know, I got to promote some sh-- so it's maybeayacash. My ambivalences right there in my handle.   Amy This has been great.   Grace Yes. Thank you so much for dropping by and dropping some knowledge on us today.   Amy Thanks so much. Bye.   Grace Okay to close us out. We're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. So here's this week's quote To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, so do it. That's by Kurt Vonnegut. I'll say it one more time to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. And that, again, is by Kurt Vonnegut. What does that make you think, Amy?   Amy I love it. Yes, it makes me think, yes, you should practice whatever art you can touch, like even if you're bad at it. So do it. I love that it makes your soul grow. I completely agree. And, you know, I'm going to personalize it a little bit in that in our like, you know, writing was a creative thing that we used to do for fun. Like even thinking of our guest today, I was talking about monetizing your creativity and how that can actually kind of turn it into a job. And I actually the more I grow in my career, the more I seek new ways to be creative. So not because writing doesn't make my soul grow anymore, but because there's a price attached to it. There's like a there's like a like it sounds bad, but, like, I don't know how to say it in a non bad way, but a burden attached to writing sometimes because I have to do it for work and it still makes me grow, it still makes my soul grow. But I look for other things like my flower arranging, going to museums, taking long drives, taking photographs, directing. Like there are all these other things that I do. So all of that are things that like there are times where I'm like, Oh, I don't have time to do this. I got it right. And then I'm sort of like, No, go to that museum girl, because it's going to help your writing go like mess around with and Flowers is going to help your writing and all of it does so. I love that, Mr. Vonnegut. I will go do it. What does it make you think, Grace?   Grace Well, it actually makes me think of the artistic things I don't do anymore like I used to. Yeah, honestly, it does. I used to dance, and I used to take voice lessons. I used to do a lot more acting. I used to be part of a sketch group. I used to do improv. So in the pursuit of being a creative person as a career, I will admit that sometimes I feel the need to be good at creative things, or it feels embarrassing and that's stupid and I don't know why. It's kind of like sometimes I'm like, Master that sh-- or What's the point? Which is a real dumb point of view to have. Like, for example, singing brings me joy. So even though I'm not Jazmine Sullivan, I can carry a tune, but I stop because I'm like, Oh, what if someone in Hollywood sees me doing it and it's like, Oh, bitch, this bitch thinks she's summer walker. I'm like, You know what I'm saying? So, you know, first of all, nobody's even thinking about me like that and how it's not coming to wherever I would be singing.   Amy No. Shower. No   Grace So I was just saying and acting is sort of the same for me. It's kind of like unless I'm Viola Davis, why I do it. So that is a point of view that I'm really trying to shake free of that, because art makes your soul grow. Do it because you enjoy a bitch like you don't have to master it. You know, dance because you love it. You don't be having to hit the Corio like Blue Ivy, young icon. You know, you do it. Does it make you smile, Grace? Does your body feel good doing?   Amy I, I that's just made me think of all the things you said you used to do. I also used to do, apart from acting everything else, like dancing, singing, all of it, improv. And I don't anymore. But I took a ballet class. I used to be really hardcore. I was like, I will be the first black ballerina at the NBA. And then like Misty Copeland came along and I stole all that sh--. And also, like, I was not good. I also was not good.   Grace Hot take. Amy is mad at Misty Copeland.   Amy I was pretty trash. I was not that good. I just really liked ballet. But I don't do it anymore because in that same vein as you, I was like, Well, if you can't be great at it, why do it? But I did take an adult ballet class that was offered at the gym down the street for me, and I took this ballet class one day, and when I tell you it, I went and I was scared. I was going to feel bad because I've taken some ballet classes as an adult that make me feel like sh-- because I'm like, Wow, I have no flexibility, blah, blah, blah, all the things. But for some reason I think because everyone in the class was kind of bad, it was so fine. And I like had the biggest smile on my face the whole time. There's a moment we were doing some move and I caught eyes with someone in the class and the guy is another guy in the class and he like looked and we caught eyes like an embarrassment because we both. Messed up, and he kind of like gave this little shrug and started laughing. And I started laughing and I was like, This is incredible. Like, why am I not been dancing this whole time? Because I'm not an expert. You don't bitch. Get in the studio. This is so fun. So I didn't think of it the way that you said it. When I first heard the quote. But it is making me realize that, like, if you like it, do it. We should all be singing and dancing just.   Grace 1,000%. We should all be doing it. Well, thank you, Mr. Vonnegut. You actually gave us some real great advice.   Amy Some good advice. Never would have expected that from a white man.   Grace Amy. Well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We have injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And I hope by and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and read us five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is EriKa Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes. An antidote show that org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod that's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Bye bye.

In this episode of The Antidote, Amy and Grace connect with Peloton instructor, makeup artist, motivational speaker, and writer Tunde Oyeneyin about gifting people with confidence, discovering her calling, and walking down the street with her tiny king Caesar. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: The Supreme Court versus Roe V. Wade, plus wildfires ravaging New Mexico. Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include watching stand up live again and happy hours on IG Live.  This week’s Creative Tap-In: "The creative adult is the child who survived." -- Ursula Le Guin We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey Do you have a favorite antidote, or need an antidote suggestion? A question for Grace and Amy, or something you loved that Amy, Grace or one of their guests has said on the podcast? Share a message with The Antidote team: https://mpr.tfaforms.net/111 BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So if you are sensitive, maybe go lie down and, you know, like, turn this off. Because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have.. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is the Antidote. Oh, hi. Welcome, everyone, to another episode of our show. We're so happy to have you. Amy Yeah. Welcome back. This week has been a little insane. Grace Yeah, in so many ways. Amy So many ways. Like culturally, spiritually, physically. Grace Nationally. Amy Nationally. Grace News wise. Yes. All those things. All the things. Amy Mm hmm. Yeah. I mean, the Met was last week, which is like I mean, you can't I'm not even going to talk about Kim K and the disrespect of wearing that dress, but I will talk about how beautiful Rihanna looked as a marble statue. Grace Oh, my God. Because the thing is, is she's like 15 months pregnant. Yeah. So everywhere. So she probably didn't want to go through all the drama of, like, getting dressed to go to the Met just so we could live, you know what I'm saying.I was just like, it's for us every time. So they did this beautiful marble statue of her. I think it's her Vogue cover where she is pregnant. It was so stunning. So we still got our Rihanna moment. Amy I'm like, Is it real art? Grace It's digital art. But regardless, at least I got my Rihanna moment, you know, cause that's who I watched the Met Ball for. And the only other person that I was like ahhh was Lenny Kravitz looking fine in that corset. I don't know how. Amy He he never misses. He never. He's like, Hey, guys, I'm going to allow you to see me. Grace If you need a little treat for your eyes. Go look at him getting ready on his Instagram. He's got, like some still pictures of him getting ready. And just that 57 year old body is just right and tight. Let me just tell you that. It's good. It's working. Amy It's all working, Lenny. All your parts are working for me. Grace Yeah. Anyway, moving on. We can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Yeah. Starting up top now with our bummer news of the week. First up, you know, the Supreme Court decided they might overturn Roe v Wade. And the only way we found out, because a leaked document allegedly written by Justice Samuel Alito started circulating and it was like quietly circulating since February. And somehow it hit Twitter and the world now knows. And in the draft, Justice Alito wrote, We hold that Roe and Casey must be overruled. The document is marked first draft and dated February 20, 2022. But the thing that's infuriating about it is I have now seen breaking news just this just today, that part of the draft said that the U.S. needs a and I quote, domestic supply of infants to meet needs of parents seeking to adopt that those who would otherwise abort must be made to carry to term, to give their children up for adoption, because the adoption needs in America are so high, we don't want to import. Like what? That's the implication. The end was just me adding my own implication. But like what. What? Grace Yeah. That that's the most insane justification. Amy You a judge, fool. You a judge, sh--. Grace First of all, I don't know the statistics exactly, but it seems like there's still a lot of kids to adopt. They might be older kids. Yeah. If you don't want like a fresh if you want a fresh baby. That's true. Like they only stay fresh for a few weeks. So I feel like if Amy Coney Barrett wants to do, like, farms for these children to just come out and then, you know, give them to, I guess, rich people, it feels very Handmaid's Tale. If that ain't the most f---ed up thing I've ever heard. Amy That's the thing that's so agonizing to me is like there is no domestic shortage of children. This is not a system that will now occur if Roe v Wade is struck down. It's not like, Oh, great, now I can adopt domestically. No, Angelina Jolie wanted to get her baby from over there. So that's what she did. Like, that's not it's not that they can't or don't want like it just it's like making two things compute that don't compute. And also. Grace They absolutely don't. Amy Yeah. And the fact that Justice Clarence Thomas apparently said in Atlanta, we can't be an institution that can be bullied into giving you the outcomes you want. Like he's like you can't bully the Supreme Court. Grace I mean, what is a protest then? A protest is not bullying. A protest is saying this is the will of the people. Nine people who control the fate of 300 million people. Yeah, that's the reason why that's a citizen's right and a citizen's duty to protest things that they don't like. That's what protest is for. That's the reason why we have free speech. So we can let the nine people. Amy Nine. Grace Who control our entire. Amy Livelihood. Grace Livelihood of. 300 million people. We could be like, Hey, guys, we don't like it. Like you don't like that you might take away rights for women, that you're going to force women to carry pregnancies to term that they can't afford. B are sometimes medically necessary. C Come from rape or incest. D Just because you don't want to. It can also just because you don't want to bring a child into the world because it's her body still. And yet even my most feminist badass friends or whatever, when they decide to have children, more of this sh-- is on them than it is ever on the man. That's just how our society is built. Amy And how our bodies are built. Grace That's how our bodies are built. That's biologically we have to go through the trauma of birth. And then once that's over. Women have, you know, often breastfeed and that's on us. Like, there's so much of child rearing. Like, men have not still gotten to the point where they're. 5050 childbearing with us. So you know if we're going to be signing up for all that work, we should want to do it right. Amy It takes me right back to that quote from Veep. Vice President Selina meyer said, If men could have abortions, you could get them at an ATM. And I'm like, It's so f---ing true the way that this country wants to police women's bodies, the men and then the white women who vote for them, who don't even realize what they're doing to themselves. Grace So it would be chaotic if this actually has been handed down and if it has been handed down by the time this episode airs. I guess we're in the sunken place, but so far it has not been handed down yet. But it seems likely that it will. Amy Yeah, well, the bummer news doesn't stop there. First, I'm scared for our bodies, and now I'm scared for our world. There are strong winds that are fueling wildfires in New Mexico. And it's just another sign of climate change and how our country is. You know, our world is literally being like, hey, can you leave? Basically the cow canyon slash hermits. Peak fire is the largest fire in the history of New Mexico and it's burned through 165,000 acres so far. And the fire is causing so much damage that it's threatening a multi-generational culture that has endured there for centuries. There are descendants of Hispanic settlers who arrived there long before the U.S. was even a country. It's like, literally bad. Like, I don't know how to spell out bad, except that, I mean, all the things I just said, it's bad.   Grace Sounds pretty bad.   Amy And there are at least six other wildfires currently scorching other parts of New Mexico, according to the National Interagency Fire Center. And this week, President Biden approved a disaster declaration for five counties. Like all of New Mexico is on fire.   Grace I don't even know. Like if a fire broke out in my apartment, I'd be like, okay, let me grab my computer and my photos and my documents. And I would lose everything else, like the trauma of losing all your belongings and losing your home.   Amy And this is a fire that's literally caused by severe drought and the climate crisis. And so it's sort of like, who is responsible? It's it's us. Yeah. The call is coming from inside the house. It's. It's people.   Grace Climate change. Like the there's the assertion that climate change still isn't real is so crazy to me.   Amy Yeah. No, it's real. Let's just say it now. It's real.   Grace Okay, well, let's get into the antidote.   Amy Yeah. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week? Grace?   Grace Well, I am currently working on a show on Netflix starring the lovely and amazing Michelle Buteau. Oh, my God. So, yes, she is the best. So we as a staff went to go see her standup show at the Netflix is a joke festival nice this week and it was really lovely because first of all, you know, we've been working all over Zoom and it was so great to meet my coworkers for the first time and see what their legs looked like. See how tall they were walking over there. And I was like, Oh my God, one girl. I have freckles. I was like, growing up freckles, you can't see that other zoom. And so we had a dinner at Superbowl first, and then we walked to the Hollywood Palladium, where it was a lineup of comics, not just Michelle. It was hosted by Lily Tomlin.   Amy What?   Grace And Jane Fonda.   Amy That's so cool. Legendary.   Grace And I was like, and then I saw them up close. I was like, These bitches look good. They they look good. Right. So it was so cool to see them in person. And it was on the day that that we learned about the Roe v Wade thing. And so it's good to like be in a real, like liberal feeling crowd. Although there was one comedian that was definitely not liberal, but everyone else was, it was women. So there was Michelle Buteau who killed it. I think she did the best. But I am I don't know, biased.   Amy I bet she did.   Grace Margaret Cho.   Amy Yeah.   Grace Was also incredible. Like, I grew up, like, idolizing her. Yeah. And I used to watch her sitcom or whatever it was only was season, but I used to love her second single, you know, just a queer Asian icon. Just. Yeah, just. It was such a pleasure to see her. Cristela was great. Angelia Johnson was great. Tracey Ashley was one of my favorite comics. And Amy knows this is that I love stand up. Like, literally if I had sort of got my sh-- together when I was in my twenties, I started doing stand up. I probably would be a stand up, but and everybody tells me it's still not too late, but I'm just like, I feel like it's too late because I'm too busy. And I got. I ain't got time.   Amy What shows you going to at 11 p.m.?   Grace You know what I'm saying. I ain't got time to be to be bombing, you know, multiple times with my manager. Come see me do something, be bad. Nah, I'm good.   Amy Sorry to crush your dreams. It's too late.   Grace But I will sit in the stands and just watch people do it because I absolutely adore it. And so was the first stand up show I'd been into in two years. Just I love female stand ups and it was just great to see such a great lineup of the ones who are really, really, really doing it. And it was such a fun, fun time that obviously made me laugh a whole lot. So that was my antidote. Amy, what was yours?   Amy Wow. I love how we kind of always have, like, similar antidotes. Mine's like that. The budget version of your antidote. My antidote this week was having a virtual a happy hour on IG Live with my writing program. I started this writing program called Tribe last year during the pandemic when it was like, you know, Black creatives, how do we convene? Like, how do we find each other? And there are a bunch of writers in the program. There have been about 33 writers who have come through the program to date. And he graduated a class recently and now are trying to find ways to stay in touch. And they're sort of spread out. So a lot of them are here in L.A., some are in New York, some are in different cities. So my friend thought of this amazing idea to host like virtual happy hours with the writers so that we could stay in touch. And so we've been doing it on Fridays just real quick, like it's not even an hour because, you know, I'm just busy. So it's six to like 640. But we get on, we have a drink, we talk about writing journeys and careers and how they're feeling about their craft and where they're at along the journey. And it's so great. It's like I I'm not someone who's like, jumping on July like that. Like, you know, I'm not just like a rapper back stage being like, let me just get on the line real quick. Let me just share my thoughts with the world. Like that's not what I do. I'm a pretty private person, but being able to do that in this way with friends and like feel like stay connected, you know, it's like so special and it's been really fun and I look forward to it every week. It has been really fun to do virtual happy hours on IG Life. And you know what it's like? It's not like as like functional as Zoom, but it's nice because your other friends can join and like leave comments and talk to you and all this stuff. So I was like.   Grace Give you little reactions.   Amy Yeah, I'm talking to like an old person who discovered IG live super late. But. But yeah, that was definitely my antidote this week.   Grace Well, I love that because you know, it's about giving back to, you know, these these glorious writers that you mentor. I like already stole one of them, my my sweet assistant Liz who I saw. She was wearing a fun wig.   Amy Yes.   Grace On IG live.   Amy That she dyed herself. She dyed it herself. I was like, this is beautiful.   Grace I enjoy watching those. The ones that. I think so. Yeah, I think that that's a wonderful antidote.   Amy Thank you. Also, we want to know what your antidotes, our listeners tell us your self-care stories, please. We love to hear from you guys. So head to our Web site antidoteshow.org. Just know the on that one just antidote show dot org and scroll to the bottom and press contact us. Send us a voice note or a video. We might just play it. On a future episode.   Grace Yeah, we're considering doing a mailbag episode soon, so please, we need contents for our mailbag episode so we can speak directly to you.   Amy So shoot us an email and we look forward to receiving it. In the meantime, we'll be back right after this break. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Well, our lovely and amazing guest is probably the person I see the most, although this is our first time meeting.   Amy What?   Grace This host, author, motivational speaker, model and peloton coach is my favorite instructor. His bike bootcamps and arms workouts have me calling out to the ancestors for strength, and she has used her platform to speak out on Peloton about racial justice, grief and women's issues. Sis is a founder of the Speak Movement and Instagram Live series aimed at giving a platform to those facing adversity. She hosts the new Peloton podcast Fitness Flipped and her new book, Speak Find Your Voice, Trust Your Gut and get from where you are to where you want to be. Drops on May 3rd. Please welcome the glorious Tunde Oyeneyin.   Amy Woo!   Tunde Oyeneyin Not the ancestors.   Grace Yes, the ancestors girl. And honestly, like those 2 pound weights that I have on the back of my bike, they be feeling like 15 pound weights when you're done.   Tunde Oyeneyin Yeah, I hear it. I hear the ancestors answer that call. They said, I know she didn't call us for this again.   Amy Grace, you can do it.   Grace She's like, the ancestors are busy.   Tunde Oyeneyin Yeah, well, thank you. Thank you so much, Amy. Grace, so wonderful to be here with you all.   Amy Thank you. Thank you. You are so impressive. But we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. Okay? Today we're here to get deep.   Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real? Like not small talk. Is there anything weighing on you?   Tunde Oyeneyin Okay, not small talk I am feeling. Hmm. Oh, so many feelings. I am feeling overwhelmed. There's so much happening right now. I'm feeling overwhelmed. And in this overwhelming moment, I also feel so much gratitude because I'm overwhelmed with opportunities, the blessing and the power of both ends. And I'm tired. Yeah, right. I just I'm. I'm tired. I just came from Brooke Shields. Hi. Because she read my book and highlighted and underlined and highlighted and wanted to interview. And that is I just posted something on Instagram and I said, let me let me not act like this is not a big deal. So yeah, so I'm also just I am also in this moment where I came home and put my bags down. I'm talking my dogs abandoned my dog all day long.   Grace Cesar, an icon.    Tunde Oyeneyin Yeah. I thought to myself, what is this universe that you landed in? So I am overwhelmed, I'm overjoyed. I'm in deep gratitude. And I'm also tired. But I'm good.   Amy That makes a lot of sense. I can't believe us and Brooke Shields. Did you hear that, Grace? I mean, I'm just hearing.   Grace I know. I'm so sorry that you went from the palace to the ghetto.   Amy Hey, girl. Wow, you took it that way. And instead I was like, wow, we amazing.   Grace We are. We are. I mean, wow. Yeah. You know me.   Tunde Oyeneyin I'm happy to close out the night with beautiful sisters.   Grace So thank you so much.   Amy Yes. Well, let's keep those good vibes going. We need that right now. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So we want to know what's your antidote? In other words, what's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week or this month?   Grace Oh.   Tunde Oyeneyin My dog. My dog. Cesar. Cesar, my dog is my best friend. The other night here, too, to spend the night at one of my friends houses because my schedule's kind of crazy that day. And I said, it's not even fair to him to not, you know, have zero attention today so to stay with you know so I just recently moved and I'm in a much larger space and you know, I'm in this space in my life where I think that so often in life we let me rewind and say, I'm a single woman, I'm 36 years old. I live in Brooklyn by myself.   Amy Feel you, feel you.   Tunde Oyeneyin I think so often, like we life, we wait, we wait, we wait for things to start living. We wait for a to find a partner. We wait to have children. You wait to do all the things. And so I said, let me show up for myself in this moment by myself. Let me create this and then they can join. Yes. And so I just recently moved into my first home and I have I have not spent a night here by myself without my dog yet. And so I was here last night without my dog. It felt so. I missed. And you know what it was like to walk this dog to had a great day and like I felt really good about it. And then I, you know, I'm used to hearing his pitter patter, then I'm used to feeling his the warmth of his body. And yeah, so my dog, when he when I began to go in mode where I realize that I haven't looked up from the computer or gotten up from my desk in 8 hours. I look at him and then he brings me back to my center. He's like, okay, sis.   Grace I mean, first of all, his Instagram presence is iconic. I just like to talk about like, because he just seems so unbothered. He's so I bond, he's unbothered. And I just want to know, like when you got him, did he come with that energy or was it just like I'm around sun, I'm like, and I got to be chill, you know what I'm saying? She's got so much energy, I got to, like, calm down.   Tunde Oyeneyin Well, you know what? I think that animals do take on a lot of characteristics of their of their their owner. And I am a vibrance and wild and all things. When I am home in my house sister's I am so yeah, yeah. And so unfazed and quite unbothered. And so I think he does pick up some of that from his mother. But this dog just he takes it to a whole nother level. He's so unbothered, so unfazed. Only thing he cares about is like, feed him, pet him, and life is good. He's so famous. Any time I'm walking him around the neighborhood, people don't even say hello to me. They. They run and they say, Cesar, and they run and start petting Cesar. And I'm like, Cesar, okay, you pay the bills.   Grace You don't pay a lick of rent.   Tunde Oyeneyin Okay. He's now reached a new level of fame. And so he's been acting, you know, just like the most as of recently.   Amy I love that, Cesar. You bring me to the party. You put me on the guest list.   Grace Cesar signing tiny autographs with his little paw.   Amy Here's another one. Tunde, stop walking. I've got to sign another one.   Tunde Oyeneyin I'm sure he will make a cameo before. Before we're done here, he will make a cameo.   Grace Oh, my goodness   Amy I'm already obsessed.   Grace That is very exciting to me. So you used to be a celebrity makeup artist, and I actually do. You do. From time to time. I know you work with Revlon, and from time to time you'll do a little like I learn how to do my eyes. I see. I did it today for you.   Tunde Oyeneyin Yes, eyeliner.   Grace Or whatever I did, I did my eyes.   Tunde Oyeneyin I see the wing.   Grace But point being like now that it's so interesting that you had this whole other career like when you were living here in L.A. as a makeup artist, like and now you are, you know, obviously this, you know, peloton coach like author doing all these other things like, so what is what is the role of makeup like? How has it changed for you? Like, what role does it have in your life right now? Is it more?    Tunde Oyeneyin Yeah. That's a great question. Nobody's ever asked me that before. I would say that I fell into the world of makeup. I fell in love with it because I enjoyed gifting people with compliments. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of confidence. I struggled with my way. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. I went to predominantly white school. Not only was I one of the only Black kids, I was the only dark skinned black girl. And so I didn't see people that look like me. My mother was light skinned. The media didn't use dark skinned women to represent beauty. It wasn't until I saw an image of Naomi Campbell appear. She was being interviewed on something and I saw her. I yelled to my mom to come into living room. She came into living room. I said, Mom, she's beautiful. My mom said, Yes. I said, If she's beautiful, then do you think it's possible that I'm beautiful too? And I slowly found confidence. And once I've found it, once I taste it. Once I realized what it looked like. Felt like. I felt like I wanted to share it with everyone. I want everyone to experience this feeling that I'd found. And so I felt to make up because I loved gifting people with confidence. Now, the role that makeup plays in my life now is makeup allows me to show the world, number one, the energy I'm on. It also allows me to also shift the energy that comes my way. You, baby, you throw a red lipstick.   Grace You talking to Amy right now.   Tunde Oyeneyin Then you walk through a crowd of people like you throw a red. Can't nobody tell you nothing.   Amy No, no.   Tunde Oyeneyin Right. Like and that's the you. It's this layer of pow that you bring that energy that you bring.   Amy I love that. And you really are speaking like straight to me because I love a bold lip. I don't have one on right now. And the pandemic kind of ruined that for me because of masks and stuff and.   Tunde Oyeneyin Girl.   Amy But I bought my first red lipstick today and literally today I told Grace right before we started recording. I was like, I didn't put it on because I didn't want Grace to think I was dressing up for Tunde.   Tunde Oyeneyin Oh my God.   Grace Literally I'm just like.   Tunde Oyeneyin We're all friends.   Amy Yeah. Well, especially like Grace and I work in, like, still a predominantly male dominated industry in film and TV. And for me, it became important on set to wear a bold lip, like at least one day a week. I'm like, I'm going to wear a bold lip. Sorry, you work with the lady I'm going to wear, you know. Yeah. Well, tied to the makeup journey, I wanted to ask about hair like you cut your hair last year. It was a big moment for you. How liberating was that feeling and what pushed you to do the big check?   Amy Oh, so many factors played into it. I mean, as a Black woman, as a woman in general, you're hair is so much of your identity. Your hair is so much of your identity. I was in a space where I found that if I had braids versus silky straight weave versus a ponytail versus my faux goddess locks, like, depending on how I looked, people would treat me different. Yeah, man, yes. Would approach me differently if I had straight hair or straight. We've been yo, yo, yo, yo, say Black. If I had my goddess locks in queen, this empress and so and so and so I just I wondered what I would be like if I was just me. I also didn't know what I look like. I mean, I've been wearing a weave since kindergarten, all literally. I didn't know what I would look like owning my own beauty. Yeah, there is this thing. You look at yourself, and there was a difference in the beauty that you see in yourself. Because you look at yourself and you say, Oh my God, it's just me.   Grace Yes.   Tunde Oyeneyin No hiding. I was. I was hiding.   Grace Yeah.   Tunde Oyeneyin This is just me.   Grace That's beautiful. And I connect with that a lot, you know, because again, I'm from a, you know, I lived in New York for many, many years. And I and I would sometimes experiment, like with different hair and stuff like that. And yes, it's very true that people like perceive you very differently. But like from the outside looking in as, you know, somebody who's written with you since like 2020, late 2020 when I got my peloton bike and, you know, a member of BGM, like, you don't know like how that move was so moving to so many black women in that group. Like we discussed it for a while, just like the queen. Two day she cut her hair off. Yes. Let's go, sis. Like because it is true. Like as Black women, we are so identified with our hair and most of the identification comes from how long is it the how does it lay? Does it lay straight? Do you have edges? You know, it's all so.   Tunde Oyeneyin Do you have that good hair? What kind of hair is it?   Grace Exactly. For our listeners, it's the BGM is the Black Girl Magic Peloton Group. And I also belong to BPR, I think it's called and it's.   Tunde Oyeneyin She got to shout them both out.   Grace Yes, Black Peloton riders. So yeah, they're just, you know, Facebook groups of Black people who love to ride Peloton.   Amy I love it. I love it. I see a lot of articles about what you eat in a day to stay healthy to day and the things you eat to stay toned. I wanted to know if you had a favorite guilty pleasure, healthy or non just a thing that.   Tunde Oyeneyin Well, I mean. I'll say this, I'll say this. Me saying what I eat isn't so that somebody else follows now my guilty indulgences. And you know I love foods I love. Food. I think that food is part of enjoying life now. A good a really good salad. Also, like, you know, like makes my world happy and good and some of my friends make fun of it because I'm one of those people that genuinely love. And it's weird, but I also genuinely love shrimp tacos and fries. And a burger is my favorite food. And I like to drink beer and eat french fries. Ah, but now that I live in New York, I've never been big on pizza. Like, pizza's great, obviously, but New York should call it something or rather.   Grace I know. It's-   Tunde Oyeneyin Pizza. If you're if you're not having it in New York, it's not pizza.   Grace It's a whole other game.   Tunde Oyeneyin They don't tell you that.   Amy It should be called something else.   Grace It's a whole other game.   Amy It's like soccer and football. It should be called something else over here, because we doing it weird. Like, I agree.   Grace Yea.   Tunde Oyeneyin Call it cheese crusts.   Amy Yeah. Yeah, saucy cheese crust.    Grace Yeah. New York and Italy, only people are allowed to call it pizza.   Amy That part.   Tunde Oyeneyin That's it.   Amy Yeah. Last question for you. I was wondering, did you ever think you were going to reach and connect to as many people as you have when you first started working with Peloton, especially on topics of race and grief?   Tunde Oyeneyin Yes and no, but mostly yes.   Amy Wow.   Tunde Oyeneyin When I after I took my very first cycling class, actually, I lived in L.A., I was a makeup artist. I was in a space where I hated my job. I told you I'd gotten to the world because I enjoyed getting people with confidence. I lost the artistry and it was all it was corporate. And for anybody that is an artist, like when you lose, the essence of it was when I got there and I understood that 15 years later a lot changed. The industry changed like. I fell in love with make up because the girl who was going through chemotherapy, I was able to give her eyebrows. I was able to show her eyelashes on. So she felt like she looked like herself. The woman that had been in abusive relationship for 20 years and couldn't look at yourself in the mirror. I was able to help her face the mirror. That's what I fell in love with. And so the industry was changing and it was all about this. And look at my dad. I'm going to have to make it. And so the the the gift I wasn't able to give the gift is that I got in the business to give. And so I was in this space of uncertainty and doubt, didn't know what I was supposed do with my life work. My parents driving my dream car, living in my dream neighborhood in L.A. felt like I had a lot to give up if I stopped.   Grace Yeah.   Tunde Oyeneyin And so I was in New York and I took a second class was my first time taking a cycling class. By the time I'd unclip from a bike, I was walking back to the hotel room. My walk turned into a skip, then a hop. I start laughing and I start crying all in 1 second. I feel this wave of blue energy move through my body, felt it from my fingertips to my toes. I knew after my very first class that I would be cycling for the rest of my life. I knew that I would be teaching. I knew that I'd be teaching on the world's biggest platform, and I knew that I would be able to touch tens of thousands of millions of people. After my first class, I had absolutely no idea what Peloton was, but I was certain. So when you asked me, did I know that I would reach people in this way? Yes, but no. But yes. I said in the third grade that I wanted to write a book. My book Speak comes out May 3rd. Speak, find your voice, trust your gut, and get from where you are to where you want to be. It's the story of all of the many lessons, the heartache and the trauma and the loss and the body image issues and the joy and the resilience and the triumphs. And I, I think that we're different as people. Yeah, but I think ultimately as people we all long for love, we all alongside. I hope that people read this book and they see. A little bit of themselves in me, and so they realize that we are more alike than we are different. I led a ride at Peloton. It was called the Speak Up Ride. Chelsea and I, Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts and I would teach a breathing speak up series of Peloton. And the first one was right after the murder of George Floyd. And, you know, the world was in a pause. And I led this Black Lives Matter ride. 22,000 people took that ride live. That's how many people go and seen J.Lo at MSG when she's in New York.   Grace And that's a big ride. Just for anyone who doesn't know Peloton, that is a impressive number to join a live ride.   Amy Wow.   Tunde Oyeneyin Right. Some 207,000 people have taken that right now to date. The reason I say that is to say that it was 22,000 people who united in solidarity in one moment together in In that time, remember how we felt? It was like this massive. Protest gathering virtually. And so. After that ride, there are people who messaged me, white women who messaged me and put on their page, post on their page and said they they'd never taken my class before. That was their first time riding with me and that they hadn't taken my class because we didn't look alike.   Amy Holy sh--.   Tunde Oyeneyin And because we didn't look alike, they thought we didn't have anything in common. And I applaud them for for being a courageous enough to say that on the page, because Lord knows the comments came after them. So I comment, I complimented them or commended them rather for that, because it's that type of vulnerability, honesty that makes and gets us out of this. Yeah, that makes change. You've got to call yourself out. Call yourself out. And then others will follow. They'll look deeper. And so it was as if that moment I thought to myself, if you don't invest 20 minutes in me in a cycling class because we look differently. If you're hiring manager, why would you invest 20 days, two years or 20 years in a candidate that looks like me? Right. So, yeah, that part of it. No, I didn't I didn't see that. I didn't know that that was going to be. Part of my purpose in this, however. I answered the call.   Grace And thank God you did. I won't even say because. Because, you know, you have such a like a light when you write. When I when you write with you. And I can even say that like on January 6th, during that crazy time when the capital was under siege, what I did is I got on the bike and I rode with you. And so you are really, you know, for someone who rides with you regularly, like you really do provide like for those of us that do look like you, you provided a space for us to feel safe. And obviously, you're doing the work for people who don't look like you. You've also spoken like I remember you. You did that thing with Shonda or whatever. You've done like speeches and you know, Peloton is giving you the platform to do, you know, talks about race. And I think it's such a beautiful thing that you do for people not only giving them the space to work out and feel good. And your playlist are fire, Girl, all that. But it also gives a lot of people the the strength and the opportunity to show up and be truthful and honest and vulnerable on your platform. So I thank you for that.   Tunde Oyeneyin Hmm. Thank you for that. Thank you I receive that.   Amy I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. That was this has been amazing.   Tunde Oyeneyin Thank you. So great to talk with you all.   Amy Yeah. Do you have I mean, we've heard about your book, but I'd love to if there's anything you want to tell us about if you'd like to mention the book that when it comes out, anything like that or anything you love.   Tunde Oyeneyin Yeah. So speak. Find your voice. Trust your gut. And get from where you are to where you want to be. It's available wherever you buy books. It's also available for audio version narrated by yours truly. It has been such a treat, such a joy, such a pleasure to see you. And I want to compliment you both for being two black women in this space. What a movement. This is in motion just to see you both in motion as black women in this predominantly non-black space. Breaking down barriers. I spoke with Bozoma St John recently and she said when you blast through glass ceilings. Take caution. There will be scars and I am sure the scars that the two of you that are inflicted that are you're healing from or possibly still cut and bleeding. And she also said, you blast through the ceiling and the person that follows behind you doesn't even know that you're the one to thank. And so for those that will follow behind you and don't know your name to thank you, I say thank you.   Grace Oh, my God. Tunde, thank you so much.   Amy Thank you so much.   Grace Thank you. This is such a joy to have you here.   Tunde Oyeneyin Thank you, ladies.   Amy And last but not least, where can people find you on the Internet just before we.   Tunde Oyeneyin Oh, well, you know, I'm Gen Z so you know, I'm on Instagram. Well, actually, Gen Z's on TikTok.   Amy TikTok   Tunde Oyeneyin I did just get a TikTok.   Grace Oh.   Tunde Oyeneyin I'm not good at using it yet.   Amy That's all right.   Tunde Oyeneyin But I but I do have and I think I have 20 followers. So thank you for the 20 of y'all.   Tunde Oyeneyin You going to have 22 after today, girl.   Amy All right. Okay. Give me 10 minutes.   Tunde Oyeneyin Yes. Instagram tune2tunde. And then I think it's the same thing. I'm pretty sure I put the same thing on Tik Tok tune2tunde on Tik Tok.   Amy Beautiful.   Tunde Oyeneyin Thank you.   Amy Thank you so much, Tunde.   Grace Thank you. So to close this out, we're doing our creative tap in, which is our segment about creativity. Amy, are you ready for this week's quote?   Amy Yeah, girl hit me.   Grace The creative adult is the child who has survived. And that's by Ursula Le Guin. Again, the quote is The creative adult is the child who has survived.   Amy Yeah. Oh, that's deep. Well, first of all, it makes me think of so many things, Grace, because first, it makes me think kind of a therapy and how your inner child the part of you that like and I don't know if it's all forms of probably some forms of therapy where they talk about your inner child being like the youngest part of you, where you first experience like pain or trauma. And that very often things that trigger you as an adult are result of a conflict that happened when you were younger. And you have to continue to soothe and feed your inner child as an adult so that you can say like emotionally open and emotionally available and unlocked and and not repeat traumas and all that. So it sort of made me think of that. But in general, it does make me think of that sense of play. One of my favorite therapist, Rene Brown, I've read, like all of her books, talks about how we need to cultivate play as adults. And and play is whether you are in a creative profession or not. You should find times in your day to sing, to dance, to make mistakes, to be creative for no reason with no outcome like monetary or necessary outcome, so that you can continue to be tapped into your younger self. So I truly do agree with this quote, that it's the child that survived because being an adult is learning the rules and, you know, wearing pants outside and like you're not picking your nose and singing on key and and structure and order and screen play software. And it's like as a kid, it's like, I just want to write a story. I'm just going to start writing and I'm going to pick my nose. I'm going to take my pants off in the middle of the room and just keep on dancing to music. And I don't know what the beat is. And I'm like, That is creativity being unburdened by the things you've learned and processed and just getting to be. So the quote weirdly like made me feel sad when I heard it, but that's what I think it means. And there is some happiness in that. What about you? What does it make you think?   Grace It just makes me think of, you know, as children, there's so many people who intentionally or unintentionally tell you what and what you cannot be. There's teachers who say there they're maybe they might be trying to be helpful, but they're saying, oh, you know, maybe you should pick something more practical or it's really hard to do that. I tried that and it didn't work out for me, so it probably won't work out for you. I once had a friend who had like a guidance counselor and she wanted to go to a certain university and the guidance counselor was just like, Well, I don't think that, you know, that's for you because you didn't take AP classes. And I feel like, you know, sometimes parents do that again, sometimes out of love because they think that steering you towards a more practical field is actually helpful because they don't want you to deal with a lot of disappointment. They don't want you to be. Or for several years. And, you know, I won't lie. You know, I really did get my career really poppin off until my thirties. So in a way, they were right. I was poor for about like over ten years after college or whatever. I was pretty poor, but there was something in me that needed to do this, that needed to be an artist, that needed to be a creative person. So when I think about the child who has survived is the child that was able to sort of block out all those voices that doubted the ability to create like thrive in a creative profession. What I love about this quote is that, yes, it is sort of you have to put on your armor starting when you're a child. If you want to become a creative adult, like you have to kind of put on your armor. Okay, I'm a black this teacher. I'm a black this friend. If you're still dancing and you're if you're still singing and even if it's not your profession, the fact that you are able to black out all the negative messages around creativity means that you are how you say a survivor like Destiny's Child. So thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace at Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe and rate of five stars at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And call a friend. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Eric Rahmani.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo, the true.   Grace APM Studio Executives in charge are Chandra Kavatii, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffiths concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Bye bye.

In this episode of The Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards connect with comedian, writer, and actress Ilana Glazer about motherhood, weed, and good trips.  Amy & Grace share their bummer news of the week: Black women having to defend themselves on primetime and Twitter selling to the highest bidder.  Amy & Grace also share their antidotes for the week, which include indulging in luxurious lifestyle videos and brownie cravings. This week’s Creative Tap-In: “Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.”- Henry Miller  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE We want to hear what you think about The Antidote! You can help us out by filling out a short audience survey: Antidoteshow.org/survey FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy.  Grace And I'm Grace.  Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So if you got a kid, yeet em. Yeet em right out the window because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care. We stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Grace Oh, hello. Hi, everyone. To yet another episode of The Antidote. Thank you for coming. Amy Yeah. This week has been rough for me. I don't know about you, Grace. Grace Yeah, it's been a long week. Amy It's been running through me. There's something like COVID is back. She's straight up surging again. Grace Yeah, she's just like. Like the f---ing groundhog on the day. Like she popped her head up out of the hole and said whoop, whoop, click, click or whatever. Amy What sounds do groundhogs make? Grace Five more years of COVID. Five more years. Five more. You thought you all were gon' get out your house. Oh, no, no, no. Amy No, no, no. I'm here. I'm here to stay. But it's just been rough. I have like four friends who have COVID right now. Grace I'm so sorry. Amy Work is working and stress is stressing. I don't know. This is just been one for the books. Grace It has been a week. I agree. It's been so busy. I've had to wake up so early to do work before work. You know what I'm saying? Amy I know that. Grace My work day at work week is not done. I still have some stuff to do today. So tomorrow I'm just getting my nails done. So I'm excited about that. That'll be kind of a mini antidote for me. I'm getting my nails done tomorrow. Amy I'm so excited for you. Well this week has been rough, but there have been two little bright spots, two little bright spots this week. Listeners, maybe if you follow Grace on Instagram at Gracyact, you might have seen that she had some good news this week. Grace Oh, thank you, sis. Yes, my show, it's in development at Peacock was announced this week. So yeah, that did make me smile because it's been in the works for a minute and so I'm happy that everybody knows now. Amy People know people know you a badass. I love that. And second little bit of good news. My good friend Carrie was listening to our podcast last week. Grace Oh, thank you for the listen, Carrie. Amy And she mentioned the one of our bummer news items was about the lack of baby formula for mothers, and she mentioned that there is a way to donate to help out. Grace Great. Amy You can donate to WIC. It's an organization. I mean, everyone knows WIC, but just in case, it stands for women, infant and Children. And it's a supplemental food program for women who are pregnant or breastfeeding infants and children. Grace So if you do want to donate, you can go to n, as in Nancy, w, i c a dot org slash donate (nwic.org/donate) That's n as a Nancy W, I c a dot org slash donate (nwic.org/donate). Amy Yeah. And also one of those women is my very sister in law. So Shannon also told me that about the WIC services and how you can buy formula. And then if you don't use it, you can sell it back for a lower price. So there there are lots of mothers who can benefit from this. So if you have a free five, ten, $20, consider supporting WIC. Grace $1,000,000. Even if you have. Amy All your money. Help the moms. Grace Help the mommys. Anyway, moving on. We can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from. And I'm a little fragile this week, but, you know, we got to do this bummer news. So let's let's get into it. Amy Here we go. Up top with our bummer news. First up. Oh, my God. Megan Thee Stallion sat down with Gayle King for an exclusive interview on CBS. You know about the shooting and now people are coming for her online. And I do not like it. It's stressing me out. Grace Like the heat that's building in my chest right now. Okay. I'll let you finish. Tell us about the story. Amy Yeah, well, I'll just say that for anyone who doesn't know on July 12th of 2020, it allegedly there was an argument, alleged argument between Tory Lanez and Megan Thee Stallion on her- on their way to a party. And she was leaving his car and he allegedly shot her in the foot. And I only say alleged because I'm required to. But the bitch was in the hospital with a shot in her foot. But let's just say it's a bummer, because while we may never know what actually happened, women and specifically Black women always have to justify violence of any kind against them. And that to me, like the fact that she even had felt compelled or was pressured by people to do this interview. And now that she's done it, people are like, but is it true? And people are even more skeptical. After the interview, you're literally asking a woman to relive her trauma on a national stage and then still saying, I don't know if I believe you. And whatever happened to believe women? Grace Yeah. Also, it's sort of like she had gunshots in her feet. Where they come from? Where. Amy Where they come from? Grace Exactly. And we've seen this repeated time after time with Chris Brown and Rihanna and like, oh, you know, women who were walking late at night or jogging early in the morning, like, oh, they shouldn't have been there. They shouldn't have been wearing that. They shouldn't have been doing that. It's always having to justify, like, why violence happens to us. And it's very, very frustrating. And also, people on Twitter, I don't know, maybe sit this one out. You weren't there. You don't- you you are not watching the the court trial. Like so like why don't you just keep your opinions to yourself and not make this poor woman feel so bad that she has to get on TV and be crying in the face? And then y'all still don't believe her like that is that makes me so, so mad and sad. Amy I completely agree. But the bummer news doesn't stop there. You mentioned Twitter and that's our next bit of bummer news. Grace Oh, yeah. Amy Elon Musk, he literally offered Twitter $44 billion to purchase the service and it's a big f---ing deal. He says he wants to make it a place for quote unquote free speech, which terrifies me. Grace So racist and Nazis and- Amy Yeah, I don't know his his definition of free, but it feels like it's anti me. Yeah. And also CNN Business writes and I quote, "The answer boils down to the outsized influence of Twitter on public discourse and the uncertainty of what happens when the world's richest man who revels in his unpredictability gains singular control over that influence," end quote. You know what, CNN business. I never read you much before, but I got to say, you reading my mind, because that to me is exactly the issue. There are critics who fear like this guy, just to watch the world burn like the Joker will just open the floodgates back. And basically Trump's version of Twitter will become Twitter. Grace Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Amy It used to be a place where we share jokes and what we're eating for lunch. Grace Also. My dude, if you I was going to say my n----.  Amy He ain't nobody's n----. He is from South Africa, but he ain't nobody's n----. Grace Okay. Okay, my dude. What I will say to you is if you have 44, Bill, have you got 44 bill that you can secure financing for - there are better things. Amy There are better things. Grace That you can buy. There are better things that you can do with 44 billion than buying a f---ing Twitter like you could. I don't know. End world hunger. You could end homelessness in the United States of America. Like there's so many things you could build an actual legacy that will live behind you that will be like, Oh, that Elon guy, he did something great for the world. Buying Twitter is not the thing that you should be doing with $44 billion.   Amy No. And it's crazy because it just shows how much people will do to have power. It's like, why is everyone trying to get to the moon? It's not, oh, because I want to save the planets. It's so I can go there, you know? And I'm like those that sort of mindset that's more obsessed with power and, and like Guinness Book World Record stats, I'm like that to me is just what is contributing to wage discrepancy, the treatment of workers, the income gap in America, the disappearance of the middle class, like all of it, is just this thirst for power. And I feel like maybe I'm being reductive by putting putting it all in the same bucket. But for me, it just I don't know why it's just a social media site, but it doesn't bode well to me.   Grace Yeah, it feels it feels bad. And these men that are just chasing power, I just. Yeah, I honestly cannot relate at all. Because how many. How many yachts do you need?   Amy Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, I guess I'm too poor to relate, but. I'm just like. I'm.   Grace I can't relate.   Amy I don't know what I would like to be like. I'd like to fly to the moon. So I'm gonna like, I don't know, I'm just like, what? Can't relate anyway. How do you feel, Grace?   Grace I yeah. Don't feel great after all that. How about you?   Amy Uh, equally sh----.   Grace Okay, well, let's get into this antidote.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that make us feel better about the bummer news. Grace Please. Make me feel better Make you feel good. What was you antidote?   Grace Make me feel good.   Amy I want to feel good.   Grace I'm saying we in a, we in a mindset this week, so um my antidote this week. I had, you know, I had I was so busy, so I wasn't really able to do anything super out of the ordinary. But then what I already do, which is luxury lifestyle videos on YouTube.   Amy Oh, my gosh. This is very Grace, y'all.   Grace Okay, so here's the thing. I spent a lot of my life not having any disposable income, because if you guys don't know in Hollywood, if you don't have any nepotism or you don't know anyone or you come from the Midwest like I do. Or whatever. It takes a long time. It takes a minute to actually jam your foot in the door because nobody's trying to let you in there. So, you know, it's only been about, I would say, five, six years that I have had any disposable income. So during the pandemic, I decided, okay, you know what, I'm going to like invest some time and some knowledge into learning. Like, where are the cool places to travel? Like, what are the cool things to do? Like, what about all these, like, luxury brands and like, you know, just getting an education and all that kind of stuff. Because, you know, baby, every so often I love to turn an outfit. I'll have like a, like an industry event to go to. And everybody looks so good. So I want to, you know, I want to be looking good, too. And so I, you know, I had time to scroll net-a-porter and I'm not a stylist, so these girls help. So. So the first girl that I'll tell you all about is this girl named Highlowluxxe or whatever. Her real name is Jenee. She's from Virginia. She's a Black girl. And like the name of her channel suggests, she sort of mixes, like, high end pieces with low end pieces. So she'll do, like, a haul of, like stuff from Zara or H&M, but then she'll also tell you about the Louis Vuitton bag or the Valentino bag that she bought, which is great. And so, you know, she'll she'll try on outfits. She got big titties like me so I can see like, especially like the dresses and tops-   Amy Thangs be thanging in them thangs.   Grace Yeah. My thangs be thanging. So I could see like, how it would fit on a larger chested person. And she'll put together outfits. And sometimes I will buy the outfit from the router to the touter. So I'll buy everything from the glasses right down to the shoes. So I'm like, okay, next time I have to go to an event. I'll be stuntin on these hoes because, because Highlowluxxe told me that this is the outfit to wear so I wear it. There's also Monroe Steele, another Black girl based mainly out in New York. She also has stuff down in Miami. So she does these these travel blogs where she'll take you along on her day. So she'll- You'll see her go to brunch, you know, you'll see her like go to an event and she'll tell you about all her, her what she's wearing and like where she's going. So if you go to Miami or if you're in New York, you can see, oh, this is a cute place to go. Monroe told me about this. So it's really like a 360 thing. Like she does a lot more vlogs than any of the other girls. And she also focuses a lot on skincare, which I like as well. Then there's Tamara Kalinic. She's from Serbia, and she's like, travel and ultra, ultra luxury. So when I want to lose myself in a fantasy, like places that, you know, I, you know, I could I haven't been able to go yet. Like she'll go to Switzerland, she'll be on like a private island, private jet, like she has like 12 Hermés bags that are each like $20,000 each. And then she's got like jewelry dripping in diamonds, like, so like her closet is probably millions of dollars or whatever. So it's fun to see that because I'm just like, someday I will do the things that this bitch doing right now.   Amy I bet they will. I want to look at nice things. You just convinced me. I want to look.   Grace Oh, go look. So, Amy, what is your antidote for this week?   Amy My antidote, guys, I think I was PMSing this week, but I was just in a really funky mood all week long. And there's been some bad news on that. It's other people's news. But friends of mine who I've been wanting to support and show love to this week and holding space for that, and then also just things in my own life that are just going a little crooked, that I've just been really sad all week. And like I watched, I rewatched Ali Wong's special cause I was like, I want to feel safe.   Grace Oh, me too. I did it last night. I did it last night.   Amy Are you serious?   Grace No. I did it last night as I was getting my hair done. Yeah.   Amy I did it two nights ago. But but my real antidote this week, because that was already my antidote last week, was that I just had a craving. And this is why I think I was PMSing. I just had a craving. I was like, I want a cinnamon roll. I want a cinnamon roll so bad. I want one right now, right this minute. And I ended a meeting on Zoom and I immediately just started looking on my phone for best cinnamon rolls in Los Angeles. How to deliver a cinnamon roll? Well, I didn't find it, y'all. I didn't find it was 4 p.m.. And most of the best cinnamon rolls in Los Angeles places either don't deliver where I'm at or end delivery in the morning or close at four. So I was like incensed and I was like, What do I do to get this thing that I want? And then I found that there is a place called Bronte Bakes. I don't even know where it is, but it delivers to my hood. And I found this place and they had a cinnamon roll flavored brownie. And I was like. I want it. I want it. But you can't just order one brownie for delivery. So, you know, I ordered a box of six because that's what you do when you one thing. You order too many.   Grace That's fair.   Amy It was delightful. It was in my hands. 45 minutes after I pushed order on Postmates.   Grace That's what I want to hear.   Amy I tipped the driver. Too much money. Because I was so grateful that he delivered one box of brownies. And, guys, let me tell you, the brownies were delicious. Not only did I get two cinnamon roll brownies. I also got a red velvet brownie, a gluten free chocolate chip brownie, just to see if the gluten free was good. I also got an Oreo brownie and the sixth brownie was a classic. A classic brownie. My only beef with the classic brownie was that it had, uh, too many chocolate chips in it. And I'm like a real classic brownie. Why you got chips in there? It should be all moist, squishy-ness.   Grace Just moist cake. Cakeness. Yeah. Yeah.   Amy So but I ordered I ordered the box and I ate three the minute they arrived.   Grace Listen I support.   Amy And then three the next day.   Grace I support I support it sometimes that that craving just satisfying that craving. Like especially when you've been denying yourself for a while, you know, I know both of us are on our little fitness journeys. We tryna keep it snatch. We livin-.   Amy I deleted my whole week of fitness.   Grace Exactly like, you know we try to you know, we try to live in Los Angeles and survive, you know, these hoes out here, you know, on our necks. So I feel like, you know, when you be denying yourself and ooh that first little bite I know that the hit right.   Amy The way the way I like I literally opened the box opened it up, stood at my counter was like, ahhhhh.   Grace Over the sink. Yes, bitch, don't even warm it up. Don't put it on a plate.   Amy Now, I was like, room temp. Room temp is the best temp. Or car temp because it came out of somebody's car. I do love you mentioned that getting that craving like satisfying the craving right away. And I feel like this week you satisfied your craving for luxury goods?   Grace Yes.   Amy By looking at these videos and I satisfied my craving for empty guilt free calories. We'll be back after this break.   Grace Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?    Amy Girl, this one's a treat. Our listeners may know her best as the co-creator and star of Comedy Central smash hit Broad City. But I know her as a bad bitch and a great mom. Like she f---ed around during the pandemic and co-created the sweetest baby girl, and she somehow makes breastfeeding and compression socks look good. Her comedy special. I know how? Her comedy special, The Planet Is Burning, premiered on Amazon Prime in January 2020, and she played Justin Theroux's wife, on screen and in my dreams, in the recent horror film that she also co-wrote called False Positive. She's an activist and feminist queen, and even during midterm elections, she stays horny for the polls. So put on your socks, get out the vote and make some noise for Grace and my dear friend, the incomparable, incredible Ilana Glazer.    Ilana Glazer Hi! Hey hey hey. Aw, thank you so much. That was really generous and delicious for me to take in.   Grace And thank you so much for being here. You're very, very impressive. But we are not here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get deep.   Amy Yeah. Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything that's weighing on you?   Ilana Glazer It's such a crazy time. It's so crazy that we grew up without the Internet and then grew up with the Internet. I'm 34.   Grace Yeah, like.   Ilana Glazer I think we're around the same age. Like, it is so wild. Like, our brains are, you know, like. My baby's eight months old. She knows what a camera lens is, and that it means that the attention's on her. And when I tell you her poses, I'm stealing her poses, they're so natural.   Amy Please show us one.   Ilana Glazer Ok, this is one.   Amy It's a podcast. People can't see it. But we will describe it.   Ilana Glazer This is one.   Grace Young icon. Young icon.   Amy Listeners, her head was tipped to the side, her mouth open, saying, like, Hey.   Ilana Glazer Exactly. And like. It's like, okay. So as dark as I do feel all the f---ing time. All the f---ing time. I'm also like, there's like, equal beauty and magic going on, and that is equally as challenging to hold. I find.   Grace Yes.   Amy Yes. Yeah. Two things can be true. Favorite expression from therapy. It's like the world is burning and.   Ilana Glazer F---ing amazing.   Amy I got a real cute pair of jorts.   Ilana Glazer Yeah, yeah. And they make me feel good. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy.   Amy Yeah. Well, let's talk about what is your antidote this week? In other words, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week? This month.   Ilana Glazer Okay. So the the umbrella thing for me all the time right now is my baby. Like, I can't even tell you the yiddish word for, like, thick legs is pulkies. Her pulkies are just are, are. I'm like, girl, you're lucky I don't literally eat. Consume you back into my belly. Oh, my God. Her hands are like circles. Oh, she's so chunky. It's hilarious. It is hilarious.   Amy I love a chunky baby.   Ilana Glazer My. My partner, he's half Jewish. Half like German, like O.G. German. Moved to this country in the 1700s. His mom and it's his mom. She makes this like German treat called Schnecken and I like-   Amy What is that? I mean I want it.   Ilana Glazer It's it's really good it's kind of like rugelach if you know what rugelach is but with raisins.   Grace Yeah yeah.   Ilana Glazer Instead of chocolate. And I call my baby's like neck fat Schnecken so her Schnecken, so her Schnecken- and I mean there's no meat in Schnecken but I call her, it's her Schnecken meat.  Her Schnecken meat is so chunky and bountiful. I mean, it's just even like cleaning up her sh--. I'm just like, weee, it's like, so delicious and delightful. It's crazy. It's so insane. It's like, it's just crazy. So that's the umbrella thing, but like, that's like, so overwhelming that, like, a smaller thing is diluting. I'm such a nerd, diluting drinks with water, like, half coconut water, half water and just drinking that up, just drinkin that up. It's like electrolytes and sugar, but also I'm like watered down. I don't need the whole, like, sugary.   Amy All the sugar.   Ilana Glazer Right?   Grace You get the little essence of it, but then you're hydrating yourself. Yes.   Ilana Glazer That's right. And also like during that with seltzer.   Amy That's a good antidote.   Ilana Glazer Yes. Yes. I believe I got to- props to Matt Shapiro, my friend, who in the beginning of COVID, he was like, life hack. This is getting me through with seltzer, too. I'm getting too old for full on bubbles. I got to water that down.   Amy Real burpee.   Ilana Glazer Yeah, I'm a bag of gas. I don't need to remind myself my aging via belch so water it down and just take a chill pill. Water it down.   Amy Can I give you one more?   Ilana Glazer Yeah.   Amy Someone once said, like, because I'm getting to the age where two alcoholic drinks makes me fully fall asleep.   Ilana Glazer Completely.   Amy And someone said between each drink have sparkling water with bitters. Like if you're out. Have a cocktail. Then sparkling water with bitters. It tastes like a cocktail, but it's nothing.   Ilana Glazer I love it.   Amy And the next drink have a cocktail.   Ilana Glazer I love it.   Grace That's good because you're like. It's like a hydration sandwich. Yeah, it's like drink. Okay, hydration. We're not getting all the way there. And then another drink.   Ilana Glazer And also the bitters is a little bit like hello, like wakes you up a little bit. Love that.   Amy Wake up, bitch.   Ilana Glazer Yeah, wake up, bitch. You're at the club. Oh, I love it. I love it. That's great.   Amy That's amazing. It sounds like looking at your baby brings you a lot of joy and settles your soul. Is that something like when we're all doomscrolling- is that something that gives you relief or are there other things that you do-   Ilana Glazer Oh my God, that's that's another antidote is I have like, I can barely touch ground on Instagram. Like, it feels like a physical hold. It feels like my brain is melting out my eyes and nose into the phone. And then I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I like it. Get the f--- off. Freaks me out.   Grace 1,000%. I think that that's just, like, great to do. Just to take social media breaks. I think that's just healthy for everyone. And maybe like, try getting your news from some place else on Twitter. I'm. Talking to myself right now.   Ilana Glazer Yeah. Do you guys know Democracy Now?   Amy Yes.    Ilana Glazer That's the sh-- for me. Like the headlines for 20 minutes. And then if you want to go deeper, you go deeper. But it is like it's the, um. It's like quick. It's such a gut punch. Like, oh, but it's like,.   Amy Yeah, I've gotten it all.   Ilana Glazer Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to go puke after this 20 minutes headlines, but it's like, at least like the real sh-- and pretty efficient.   Amy Yeah, because I used to for a minute I was listening to The Daily and it was too deep, like, yeah, 20 minutes of like and here the death rate- and I was just.   Ilana Glazer A little too emotional, right? For me.   Amy And they always try to put a positive bit in there but I'm like. Mhm.   Grace What would you say is your favorite place in the world? Would you say it's back home in New York? Would you say it's just any other place like what is the place that you're like, oh, when I go there I feel most myself most relaxed. What would you say that is?   Ilana Glazer We've been going to the Bahamas for the past few years and we took our baby this Christmas. And I would say there it's just like the, the, the, especially during like the winter months, the tropical climate is like sh--, it just like my hair, my skin is meant to be there. I love the whole East Coast. I mean, I'm in Florida right now and I'm like thrilled. Mhm. Um. But yeah, I would say the Bahamas. Um, I have a I have a question because Grace just asked me what's one of my what's like my favorite place to be or one of my favorite places? You guys have traveled a lot together, right?   Grace Yeah.   Amy Yeah.   Ilana Glazer So what's like one of your favorite places that you've gone? Because your traveling inspires me.   Grace Well, I would have to say Portugal. Like we went on a trip right before the pandemic. Like we left-   Amy Days before   Grace like December, like December 2019 to like, like almost mid-January 2020. We went on a trip, we went to Barcelona, we went to two cities in Portugal. The Douro Valley. We went to Porto, we went to Lisbon. And yeah.   Amy It was amazing. Literally, people would be like, Yeah, American, would you like free treats? I was like, How, why? Why are they so nice?   Grace And yeah, the least racism I've ever felt. Probably anywhere outside of like a brown country or a Black country. So it was.   Ilana Glazer Wow, that's so lit.   Grace Yeah, I loved it. It was great.   Amy Yeah, it was great. Lisbon in particular, it's very hilly, lots of little cobblestone streets, and the food was absolutely fantastic. The only people who were mean to us were other tourists. The Portuguese were delighted by our presence.   Grace Everything like to the point where, by the way, I might have had COVID in Portugal. But, you know, let's. Let's let's just put that to the side really.   Ilana Glazer It's all good.   Grace I was really sick. So we went to this one restaurant and the waiter was just like, I see you're sick. Let me bring you some cold medicine. And he did. He brought me some cold- he went to the store, got me some cold medicine.   Amy It was like a cartoon.   Grace Then I asked the bartender if he could make a hot toddy. He did not know how to make it.   Amy Didn't know what it was.   Grace He looked it up.   Amy Looked up the ingredients.   Grace Made it. And brought it to me. And he was like, so like, do you like it? I was just like, Where am I? Yes, they were amazing. I was like, This must be what it's like to be like a white male billionaire.   Amy It was wild.   Ilana Glazer That's it. That's so dope.   Grace It was great.   Grace That's f---ing lit. I love a hot toddy. Love a hot toddy. But delivered by what I'm picturing. A gorgeous Portuguese bartender.   Amy He was gorgeous. He was gorgeous.   Grace He was. The people are-   Amy He was like cleaning a glass and being like, is it good? And I'm like, yes, clean that glass.   Grace And we're like, Yes, thank you so much.   Ilana Glazer Yeah, that's such a hot one as a favorite place. Portugal.   Grace Mm hmm.   Amy Yes. I'm curious, do you have any rituals in your life that help calm you? And I actually I want to ask specifically about weed, if that's okay, because I know when you were pregnant, you stopped smoking. And I'm like, if feels like that was probably a ritual that calmed you. Like, how did you cope?   Ilana Glazer Well, it's funny with weed, I, I don't know what your guys's usage is.   Grace I now love a gummy to to wine me down at night.   Ilana Glazer Nice. And also it's like so awesome in L.A. the way it's like set up. Yes, obviously legally. But like. Just like as, uh, just boutiques. It's such a well-oiled machine. Well, what makes me laugh about weed is that it causes anxiety first before it causes its chill.   Grace Oh really?   Ilana Glazer For me anyway. I'll get high and I'm like. What have I done? And then I like, slide. I get over some hump and then I slide into being like, this is what it is and what being high is, my friend, Mary. But yeah, I like to I used to like smoke and then go, you know, go walk around the city. And now what I really like to do is just. Get high at home, like maybe after my baby has gone to sleep. And, yeah, it's so it's such a nice thing to associate with home. I it's so funny. Like, I used to just go out, freak out and then be like, high and chill. And it's, it's, it's just like, what kind of, like, self challenge. I thought it was like an exercise. Yeah, I love to smoke it. I like a gummy, but I'm not- like edibles. You can't control as much. And I'm a pretty like controlled person believe it or not. Mhm. So only if I'm starting like really early will I do a gummy so that I can because it gets you going to like. It chills me out but also gets me going. Um, but yeah to get high and take a bath is uh- I really like a joint. I smoke out of like glass bowls or a glass little one-header. But I love just like a sip of a joint, one or two sips of a joint and a bath with Epsom salts, I mean.   Grace Oh wow.   Ilana Glazer Call that a Saturday.   Amy Like what.   Grace Oh that's an antidote. Yeah. That's a, that's a good one. I want to try that.   Ilana Glazer Oh so good.   Amy I want a bath and satls. Why don't I bath? I mean, I shall.   Grace Wait. I was just like Amy.   Ilana Glazer You mean take baths. You bathe, Amy. You're. You're a successful writer.   Grace You bathe, you don't you don't take baths.   Amy Yeah, I'm not Ashton Kutcher. I shower daily. But why don't I take baths? I- like there's a bath tub at my house and I've never used it.   Ilana Glazer And also like generic brand Epsom salts, you know what I mean? Just like whatever. It just so the salts make it like, I don't know, it's so good, so good and like to hydrate before and after. I love it.   Amy First of all, I just want to say, because I know we've touched on a few antidotes and we didn't even talk about the power of friendship as an antidote. And you and Abby's friendship, I mean, you're a new mother. You're super busy. How have you found ways to stay, touch with your friends and the people you love?   Ilana Glazer That's such a good question because it's like hard and there's this like, I think this there's this moment right now and I've I've just started to like I've been in touch with my friends, but it's been like hurried and rushed and whatever. And I'm just kind of starting to go that the whole key is gentle, being gentle with myself and going gently. So just like touching base with my friends, one friend at a time and knowing that I'm going to get to everybody. There used to be this like Rush and the feeling of like task with friendships where I'm like, Yeah. And it's like, your friends don't want to be a task. You don't want to be a task for your friends. So like going gently and like taking whatever time it takes to actually enjoy it is important to me just what seeing one friend this week and one like phone call, whatever when I can. Mhm. So really slowly, really slowly and gently and just like holding my shape with myself inside my own mind where I'm like I'm not a bad friend for not getting back to everybody immediately and I'm thinking of whoever and like sending them, you know, thinking of them and, and loving them from here. Mhm. But yeah. Just having those limits with myself, really working against the like harsh voice to be like it's okay when you, when you are ready to come to this friend is when it'll come together. So yeah. And I think like a baby is this clear timeline, new life, these milestones it's yeah it's easy to pin around her but it really this really relates to before I had a baby before I was pregnant and where and I've been on this, this continuum of like less task oriented and just, like, making the space to just be with a friend.   Grace Yeah. Mm hmm. That's wonderful. I mean, and I love what you said about, like, friends don't want you to think of them as a task. Yes, because sometimes I do. Yeah. That I'm just like, oh, this person. I haven't talked to them in a while.   Ilana Glazer Yeah.   Grace Yeah. I got to I got to figure out a time to like, you know, text back and forth. Like, I'm not a big texter back and forth. Like some people can text their friends all day, like, and there's very few people I can do that with me. Amy is one of them, but like certain friends from back home in Michigan are just like, want to ask me all these questions? And I'm just like, Oh, this is becoming a task and I need to stop doing that and realize that they will still care and love me anyway if I don't exchange like 80 texts a day.   Ilana Glazer Yeah, totally.   Amy I love that. And also, it gives us an excuse to hang out with you like, you know, like touch base with you.   Ilana Glazer Same. So the same.   Amy This is great. Cheat code awesome. I mean that it's.   Ilana Glazer Thank you so much for having me.   Grace Thank you for being here. Bye. Now we're doing our creative tap in in which we tap, tap, tap in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace Okay, here we go. "Develop interest in life, as you see it, in people, things, literature, music. The world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." I'll read it one more time. "Develop interest in life as you see it in people, things, literature, music. The world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." And that is by Henry Miller.   Amy I've never heard this quote before, but I've literally said the essence of it to so many people, because this is why I'm a writer. It's my love for forgetting myself. Sometimes it's really hard for me. I have anxiety and it's hard for me to get out of my head. But when I get to, like, go to a museum and I'm like, my job is to absorb this art. Or I have coffee at an outdoor café and I'm like, Listen to the conversations around you. Watch the traffic in the street. What is that crazy person doing outside? Like, that's when I feel in-tune with the world and I feel fully present. And that's why I'm a writer. Like, that's why I love this quote. Because it's literally the reason I love what I do. And the reason that I feel. Like I don't know. I always sort of think that, like, writers aren't always the most interesting people. We just know how to to write about the most interesting people, characters and places and experiences. We know how to tap into what's interesting in the world, and I don't know if other writers would be like, Hey, I'm plenty interesting, but I'll say this like, I'm a type-A Virgo, Virgo child of immigrants. Like, all I do is study. Like, I'm not that interesting, but I love being able to forget myself and create from a space of being tapped into culture in the world around me and what other people are doing, what other people are feeling, and how those feelings and emotions and experiences can be universal. It's literally why I do what I do. So this quote is beautiful. I'm obsessed with it and I want to know what it makes you think.   Grace Well, first of all, I don't- I want to contradict that you are not an interesting person. I think that you're very interesting, but I understand what you're saying, that part of what makes you an interesting person is that you're curious about other people. I think that people who are who would consider themselves interesting or whatever but are not curious about people are probably not as interesting as they think they are. I think that what makes someone interesting is what they're into and what they're curious about. So what it makes me think is I spent a lot of time as a child feeling very isolated in many ways. I was like the only Black child at, you know, a white Catholic school, the only Black kid in my class. I didn't even fit in necessarily with the Black kids because, you know, my parents were immigrants and I had different lunches than everybody else. And I wasn't really tapped in to the Black American experience because, you know, when I was little, my parents had just come over from a whole other continent. Yeah, Guyana in South America. So what I learned and how I became a writer, how became an artist, is that I was being excluded anyway. So I learned to like observe people. So I turned it- what was a really tough time for me where I was being bullied. I turned all of that stuff into art because- and that was became my coping mechanism. So.   Amy Yep.   Grace Yes. Like a girl would be cartoonishly mean to me and call me all kinds of things. But then I began to become curious about like what would make somebody like that like and then I would begin to observe things about that person in and it actually could give me compassion sometimes because I saw how insecure that person was or like that, you know, their mom picked them up and their mom yelled at them to get into the car. So maybe she's yelling at me because her mom yells at her. And so I began to see like the things I was going through. They still hurt, but at the same time I began to have them have a purpose. Yeah. So that this whole idea of, like, forgetting yourself was like a coping mechanism that I had for a long time. And now that I'm not in that place of being bullied and all that, I still carry that with me. As sometimes, you know, I'm still an introverted person. So my instinct when I'm at a party, I still just want to talk to like one person. So me being successful at a party is like talking to three people to have in-depth conversations. And I really enjoy like digging into that person. I'm not a person who wants to have small talk with a bunch of people. I want to have a deeper conversation with two or three people at the party, so forgetting myself, being curious about the person that's in front of me sort of feeds my art still because like a quirk that they have a line that they say, Yeah, the way that they move their head is all like fodder for like characters or anything. And that's why I think personally I love being a writer too, is just being able to see these little things in people and draw them out and make them into work, so-   Amy I love that. I love that quote. Henry whoever his face sounds like a white man.   Grace Henry Miller.   Amy I f---s with them.   Grace Yeah. So thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace. At Gracyact. G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me Amy at AmyAniobi. That's a-m-y-a-n-i-o-b-i. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Derek Ramirez.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Ow ow.

In this episode of The Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards connect with comedian, writer and actress Amber Ruffin about braids, painting nails, taking a break from the news and the secret to self-love.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: Airlines dropping the mask mandate and Black and brown NYC residents waiting for millions in emergency aid. Amy & Grace also share their antidotes for the week, including their love for streaming TV. OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So maybe tuck some little cotton balls into the ears of your little ones, because we bout to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of our show, The Antidote. We are so grateful that you are here with us today. Amy Yeah, it literally means so much. We've been seeing people rating us five stars on on Apple Podcasts and leaving beautiful reviews and tagging us on Instagram and Twitter. And it's just amazing. Thank you so much. Grace Thank you for tagging us in your stories. Thank you for sending us love in our DMS. Thank you for, you know, telling a friend about the show. Thank you for telling your mama about the show your daddy, your cousin. Thank you so much for all the love. And Amy, did you hear that Oprah. Amy What? Grace Oprah, yes. Has heard. Amy Well, to be completely accurate, Oprah Daily has heard. Grace Okay. Amy But you know what? Grace It's got Oprah in it. Amy You right, Oprah Daily is adjacent to Queen Oprah herself. So in my mom's eyes, we friends with Oprah. Grace But but thank you for all of the beautiful press that we've received. We will continue to try to bring you a show that you enjoy and cool guests that you like to listen to. All right. So anyway, moving on from the little love fest, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from, unfortunately. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. This first one, Grace, it's really a bummer. You heard about how these airlines are dropping the mask mandate.   Grace Yes, I did hear. Some people are very happy about it. I on the other hand, I'm very sad.   Amy Yeah, I'm very sad. It fills me with a sense of dread and panic because it feels like like isn't how this sh-- spread in the first place, like people getting on planes sick. And then and I know people are saying that like, oh, they've changed the air filtration in the plane. But what I do know is pre-pandemic, every flight I ever took, I felt a little sick afterwards. And with the mask, that doesn't happen.   Grace Listen. So let's talk first about Naomi Campbell, f---ing icon of the skies. Okay? Okay.   Amy She knew before any of us.   Grace I used to get sick on every single flight that I took, but then I never had- did the mask like she did before the pandemic. But I did start wiping down everything, and that helped. But literally, I used to get a cold every time. We do know that COVID is airborne.   Amy Yeah.   Grace And we do know that the longer the time you spend around a person that is infected, whether you have a mask on or you don't have a mask on, you are likely more likely to get infected the longer time you spend with someone. So on a flight, even if I have my mask on, if I'm sitting next to somebody COVID, guess who's getting COVID?   Amy Yeah.   Grace Grace.   Amy Yeah, exactly. It makes me so angry that literally a single federal judge, some dork from Florida, knocked down the Biden administration's public transportation mask mandate. And now, like literally flight attendants, we're going up and down the aisles collecting masks. And I saw a video where this woman was immunocompromised and filled with terror on her flight as they were cheering and taking masks from other people. And she was like, did they have to announce this mid-flight? It's like you couldn't wait till people land it. It's so disrespectful. It just assumes it's so hard for me when organizations just assume that what they want to happen is the norm for everyone. You are a company that serves all different types of people, so to just assume that like everyone's going to be cool with the masks coming off is so wild to me.   Grace I also I'm just like, yeah, let's like, not make the rules for assholes. I don't know.   Amy Yeah, yeah.   Grace Let's not make the rules for assholes. And let me tell you something. If you ever see me on a flight and you ask me why I'm still wearing my mask, you gon' get a little clap back because I don't ask you why you're not wearing your mask. Please leave me alone.   Amy So leave her alone. And you know what?   Grace Leave me alone.   Amy That's not the only bummer this week. As always, there's more. So I'm sure you heard about this Bronx apartment fire that happened back in January. It killed 17 people, eight of them children, and more than 60 people were also injured, while the residents are still waiting for millions of dollars in aid. The other hard part about this is that the building is mostly inhabited by Gambian immigrants and other West African people. So basically it's just a bucket of brown people waiting for aid that New York has not yet given. It's four months later, and only a fraction of the aid promise has trickled down to the survivors. The city promised them $4.4 million, and there are about 150 displaced families still waiting.   Grace First of all, 4.4 million does not sound like enough.   Amy It's not.   Grace But as for these pennies you're making these people wai,t like they need a place to live. They need to get new belongings. They probably have children that they need things for that were probably burnt up in the fire. I mean, let's rush things to these people like, you know, what is taking so long. I understand bureaucratic red tape, but, you know, it's an emergency.   Amy Yeah, that's the issue, is that when it's Black and brown, people experiencing an emergency. Remember Hurricane Katrina? Remember Puerto Rico? When it's Black and brown people experiencing the emergency, we're always left waiting.   Grace You know, it's already distressing enough to lose everything that you have in a fire, especially if you're not from here. You don't have family in other places that can help support you, that you're if you're an immigrant already, you're facing a lot of xenophobia and discrimination. Both of us come from immigrant families, so we are very familiar with that. So, you know, anything that we can do to help would be great.   Amy Yeah. So that rounds out our bummer news this week.   Grace Yeah. I mean, the world is a challenging place. Let's just say that.   Amy I'm going to agree with you.   Grace Okay, well, let's get into the antidote, then.   Amy Good. So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So what was your antidote this week, Grace. Let's hear it.   Grace Well, I turned down. I fired up Miz Netflix. Hmm. She's having a bad week, but I. I fired.   Amy Yeah, we got to support our sis.   Grace We got to fire- we got to support our sis. You know.   Amy Ted Sarandos got a Black wife. I want Netflix to do well.   Grace Yes, Sarandos does have a black wife. That is very true. So we support sis. And because of you, him. So let's get into Selling Sunset.   Amy The joy. I didn't realize it dropped. Oh, sh--. I'm behind.   Grace It's Back.   Amy Oh, my God.   Grace And it is full as usual.   Amy Yes.   Grace Of drama.   Amy Yes.   Grace And rich ass real estate and fashion. You know, three things that I love very much. Drama, high class real estate and fashion. So let me first tell you, girls, you know, they got a Black girl designer.   Amy No, they don't. No, they don't know.   Grace They do and she is glorious. Let me tell you about her. Her name is Chelsea Lazkani, I hope I'm saying that right, sis. Forgive me if I'm not, but her name is Chelsea Lazkani. She looks like black Barbie.   Amy Mm hmm.   Grace She. Her fashions are amazing. Her lines are iconic. The the weave is snatched. Everything about this sis is amazing. Now she is coming in friends with Christine. I am I am curious to see if that...   Amy Aligning herself with the darkness, I see.   Grace ..sticks, because, you know, although, Christine, we have to admit that the villains on reality TV do help the show keep going. Yeah, like we need to hate them in order for the show to have some sort of drama about it.   Amy And I need to see her lips keep getting bigger and bigger.   Grace Even though I am not a fan of Christine, I understand her purpose. So she comes in, bring- Christine brings her in, but she is she's like a mom, a wife, and just just killing it on all levels. And I'm looking forward to seeing what her presence is on the show. I'm only like two episodes in, so we will see that. It's just so fun to see all that real estate and the girls are like dripping in Chanel and Bottega and Fendi and like jewels. So it's just fun to look at all these girls, but it's giving me everything that I need. Like I said, I love, like, reality TV because it just really allows me to just soak in and not think about the dramatic structure of things. So I am ready. That is my weekend. I got some work to do, but in between my work Imma be catching up with the girls on Selling Sunset. So, Amy, that was my antidote. What was yours this week?   Amy Well, in a similar fashion. Is that how we're saying fashion now? I'm catching on in a similar fashion.   Grace Yes.   Amy I, too, was committed to Netflix this week, and my antidote was Ali Wong's stand up special "Don Wong." I am obsessed with Ali Wong from day one. I used to watch her clips on Instagram. She would always post videos of her dancing while her husband's looking really bored in the background. Or her kids are like I, why is my mom weird? And I was like, I love this woman. And literally Don Wong. F---, is it good. It's like.   Grace It slaps.    Amy It hit me right in the feels. And I literally- I've had the busiest week. I've had meetings on meetings, on meetings. I've had so many deadlines. I've turned in things this week and I'm in a waiting process. And like, I started this, taking this class and like I came home from class last night at 11 p.m. I don't know why I even think I have time to take a class, but I came home at like 11:30 and I was like, I haven't had a solitary, even a half hour. That was just for me all week long because it's been so much work and I love my job, but you need to be able to decompress. And even though I was so tired, I literally was like, I just need to do something for me with no agenda attached. And I went on little Netflix and that's how they say in French Netflix. I went on Netflix. And I turned on Don Wong and I sat there. It was 1 a.m. because I came home and I ate and I fix my flowers because y'all know I do my flowers. And I just sat down and I watched Ali Wong and just laughed for a full hour and cried because I was like, I've never felt more seen, but like, the whole thing is just like, I'm a powerful badass and I can't hide it. And-   Grace  Well, first of all, let me validate that whole feeling of needing a moment to yourself, because sometimes I'll be like, I have a crushingly busy day tomorrow and I know it's late and I probably should go to bed, but I need a moment for me before it's tomorrow.   Amy Yeah.   Grace And it starts all over again.   Amy Yeah.   Grace So I love that you did that for yourself. And I love that you still arrange your flowers.   Amy Yeah, thank you. Well, if I didn't, they would die, and that would have given me guilt. So I. I had to, but I was arranging the flowers while watching Don Wong. And I have a couple of friends who we call ourselves monsters because we're so intense about our careers and the things we want and the achievements we have. And watching her, I'm like a fellow monster. And I like, I loved it. And I will say now that I do have a sadness that she you know, the news about her divorce is really what reminded me to watch the special because I hadn't seen it yet. And I do have a real sadness because she was like an inspiration me. Like you can be a monster and have love and like now I'm like, can you? But I just everything she said was so funny, so like-   Grace So Funny.   Amy Raw and real and also, like, just so funny. I don't even want to get into how real it was. It was just so f---ing funny. The jokes were all bangers. She is so good at her job.   Grace Yeah, I like. Okay, I have a few ones that I've thought about.   Amy Yes.   Grace So first of all, I loved that she talked about male comedians versus female comedians, that that fan pussy is delightful, but fan dick is terrifying. I laughed so hard. That is so true. It's just like, you know, there's all these lovely ladies throwing themselves at stand ups, but there's all these, like, creepy men who is, like. I want to stuff you in my trunk and pull out your toenails. I stand. I don't know. It's just so funny. As women who, you know, are successful in our own ways, it's just really funny to hear that verbalized in that way because it is true. It's just like men's romantic opportunities actually increase when they get rich and successful. And for women, oftentimes it decreases. Yeah.   Amy Which is a bummer because when she was like, I have never been chill and I've never wanted to f--- someone who's chill. And I was like, seen. Seen, sis. Seen. It's hard not being a chill woman, but yeah. So that brought me joy, seeing another not chill woman. Speak her mind aggressively and be funny while doing it.   Grace Yeah. And just that she is. It's so dirty. But sorry, Mom and Dad that I said those jokes. I know you listen every week.   Amy LOL.   Grace You know, as women we are so we have so much pressure to be nice and to keep our mouths clean.   Amy Not keep a dick in them.   Grace Yes. It's so nice that she could be that dirty and funny, so. Thank you, Ali Wong.   Amy Yeah, those are some really good antidotes. So, yeah, I hope they made you feel a little better. And I hope you too will support Netflix this week.   Grace Yes, they lost some subscribers, so they need it. Why are we shilling for Netflix?    Amy I have no idea. Are you sponsoring us? F--- Netflix. Get HBOMax.   Grace I was just like, why did we just all of a sudden become corporate shills? Like for what?   Amy I have no idea. HBOMax, please. I love you the most. You know this. All right. We'll be back after this break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?       Grace Well, our guest today is a writer, producer, actor and an Emmy nominated queen of late night comedy who gives me life with her "Amber says what segments" on Late Night with Seth Meyers and hosts the aptly named Emmy nominated Amber Ruffin Show on Peacock. She has written for Seth Meyers, The Detroiters, A Black Lady Sketch Show, and is writing a whole musical adaptation of Some Like It Hot. And if that wasn't enough queen behavior, she is also the bestselling author of You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism that she wrote with her sister, Lacey. She is my New York sis and a genuine delight of a human being. Please welcome. Amber Ruffin.   Amber Ruffin Yay, I feel welcomed.   Amy I love it. She is so- Amber, you are so impressive. But we aren't here to talk about any of that sh--, okay? We know you got accomplishments, but we're here to get deep.   Grace Yes. So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like. Like for real. Like not small talk. Like, is there anything weighing on you or are you feeling pretty good today?   Amber Ruffin Today was a mess. Today was. If today had a theme, the theme would be these motherf---ers.   Amy Oh. I had one of them days.   Grace Oh, I have those often. Yes, very often. They trying me today. That's that was the theme of my day.   Amber Ruffin Truly. They are trying you.   Amy We feel you.   Amber Ruffin I didn't know. I didn't know if we get like this. But here we are.   Amy Yeah, well, you know, we're here to help raise your vibration. This show is called The Antidote because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So we're here to talk about that. What's your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work related that's bringing you joy this month or this week or this year?   Amber Ruffin So I always wear my hair in a afro and then I'm like half doing it. I don't really care. Everyone I work with is white. When I look bad, no one knows. They don't know any better.   Grace They don't know about edges, girl. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know about edges.   Amy You look great!   Amber Ruffin Little naps around the edges. They love it, they don't care. But then two weeks ago, I got my hair braided up, you know, and, like, cute cornrows. Like wavy cornrows. I was, like-   Grace That's a game changer.   Amber Ruffin This is who I am. I'm lady cornrows. Lady f---ing forever. I will do this every second. I'm not on the show. I'm going to have lady cornrows. It's. This is how I'm going to live now.   Amy That's low key, inspiring me. I did cornrows for just a beat. A couple years ago, I was in between hairstyles, and I was just like, I don't know what to do with my hair. And I did it. And it changed my whole. Like, I stood up straighter. I demanded valet. It just changed who I was.   Amber Ruffin It really did. You got an extra half hour on the top of every morning. You just wake up. Ready? Go.   Amy Yes. And how does it feel? Like greasin the scalp?    Amber Ruffin So easy. The breeze touches it.   Grace It's- You could get right down in there. And I think that like that moment where you figure out, like, your base has a hairstyle is an iconic moment for every woman, especially a Black woman. Like when we figure out like, oh, this is it. Like, that's, that's. That's a good time to be alive.   Amber Ruffin It truly is.   Amy I fully agree. Did you go anywhere in your cornrows? Did you, like, hit the town?   Amber Ruffin I went to the Super Bowl. I was like, I know I'm out of town.   Grace Okay. So we need to talk about it.   Amy In the Blackest Superbowl of all time.   Grace Blackest Super Bowl of all time. So how was that? Who did you see? Oh, yeah. No, I did see that you went to the Super Bowl. I think I saw an on, on Instagram or something. So, did you see anybody? Cool. Like, what was your experience of that?   Amber Ruffin We sat in front of Heidi Klum. We sat behind Dr. Oz, and we sat next to Jabari Banks, who is the kid who plays Will Smith in the new Fresh Prince reboot. He was my new perfect baby and I love him so bad. And I certainly snatched him up and told him that he was a perfect sweetheart. He was very nice.   Grace Look at you.   Amber Ruffin I love you and your perfect. And he was like, Please, lady, let go of me. You are holding me too tightly. You are not very big but you squeeze like a man.   Grace I mean, that is such a random collection of celebrities. You know what I'm saying like. Like Dr. Oz, like, did they let him out?   Amber Ruffin They did. They did. Who is that cray? But then we saw a lot of fun our little friends at the little pre-party thing like Chris Redd and Sam Jay and-   Grace Oh, that's awesome.   Amber Ruffin All of our cute little NBC babies. It was great. It was great. And the way I got it was NBC was like, do you want to go to the Super Bowl? I was like, No, I don't want to go to no Super Bowl. I don't care. But then I was like, oh, you know what? The only two people I know who love sports, I only know two sports boys, and they're two guys I went to high school with who are still my very good friends. And I, you know, they're a package deal. And I was like, Oh, I can't just take one person. And I said, Can I have two tickets? And they were like, Okay.   Amy Wow, wow. That's how you got it. They didn't say, Haven't you had enough?   Grace The power that flows through you, Amber, just like, just, just two more, two more for my friends.   Amy How did your friends love it?   Amber Ruffin They had so much fun. We had and they're my old friends from high school. So, you know, all our stories are like, oh, you remember the time we drank all that beer? Then we were running down the street streaking. But then now we get to have this new, like, chapter of when we were being wild and old.   Grace Yeah. They get to have, like, our friend's famous now, and she could get. Super Bowl tickets. That's so cool. Yeah, I ain't got it like that yet. Nobody asked me if I wanted to go to the Super Bowl.   Amy But I like that you said "yet." You know it's coming.   Amber Ruffin That's right.   Amy One day. One day. Grace is going to be like, Where are my tickets? I asked for five. I don't know.   Grace Well, it sounds like that gave you, like, joy from, you know, just being in the environment and seeing the halftime show and hanging out with buds from from high school and sharing that experience with them. Yeah.   Amy I have a question for you, Amber. You wrote a book with your sister and it's fantastic. And literally one of the moments, that chapter that you have that's like, I want to put this book down and run away from it. Like, I want to talk about that because obviously and for anyone who hasn't read it yet, you got to pick up our book. It's called You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey. It's about her and her sister and the experience of everyday racism that hit their lives. Very relatable content. And that particular chapter addresses the fact that, like, sometimes dealing, re-dealing with the trauma can be a little traumatic. And I'm curious, like how in writing a book like this, how did you find ways to soothe yourself to take care of you?   Amber Ruffin Yeah, I had to cut down everything else. Like, you know, how in your normal life you'll be like, can you believe this congressman said this racist thing? Can you believe this child got shot, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's just, you know, you're talking about the goings on of now. And I was like, oh, we- as we write this book, we will not be doing it.    Amy Yeah, we will. Absolutely not be doing that.   Grace  Did you just, like, not go on to Twitter, like, at all?    Amber Ruffin Oh, maybe a little bit.   Grace Mm hmm.   Amber Ruffin In at work. I would look at the news for work.   Amy Right. Right.   Amber Ruffin The second I'm in my house we're not talking about it. I don't want to hear about it. We will not be watching the news today. But that's how you do it, is you compartmentalize that you don't have too much of.   Amy Any more compartments. It's like it's a glass of water dealing with racism, a glass of water. And it was filled with the book. You didn't have room for the daily news. You didn't have room for the other things.   Grace And I can completely relate to that because, yes, sometimes it can just get so overwhelming and like, you still have to live life.   Amy How? How? I mean, I know your job is reading the news, processing the news, and also making jokes about the news. Does the comedy of it help? Like, does it help not feel so erert?   Amber Ruffin It helps to have a take on it and I have a bit about it. And then it feels like I have handled this, you know, it feels like you've done something about it. I didn't do anything, but it feels like you did. You know, I took this bit, this horrible bit of news, and I wrote a song about it. Yeah, that's how you do it.   Amy But it is.   Grace But it is helpful because you know what? Like somebody is somebody who doesn't experience things like we do is going to, like, hear your take about it and maybe think about it in a different way, you know, with a laugh or, you know, I'm not like just processing it in a different way so you reframing it is actually helping. So you're so accomplished. And obviously and do you have like a non-career related accomplishment that you're super proud of?   Amy I love that question.   Amber Ruffin What a great thing to pretend to have.   Amy No, you do. You do.   Amber Ruffin I like to paint my nails.   Amy Oh, wait, wait. You did that yourself?   Grace You did that?   Amber Ruffin Yeah.   Amy Okay, so this is a podcast. I'm going to describe her nails. They are black, right? Black paint and also gold polka dots. But the polka dots are almost like little lines.   Grace It's like a-   Amy Pointing down in a pattern. It's perfect. It looks-.   Grace Oh, my God, you did that yourself.   Amy It looks like a window pane. Like like stained glass.   Grace Amber. Amber is a full nail tech.   Amy What   Amber Ruffin I love to do my nails.   Amy With regular polish are like, do you use like gel? Like it looks so professional. Wow. Ok, see?Look at that.   Grace No, I'm just so impressed. I like like - listeners. It's, it's like, literally like a trellis.   Amy Her nails are beautiful. They're art. Like, put them in the MoMA, their art.   Grace You should be proud of that.   Amy I like literally, I paid for these and mine is broke. Look at these. Broken.   Amber Ruffin No.   Grace No, look. Look at this. Yeah, mine broke, too.   Amy Another question for you. You posted a Valentine's Day animation short about cloning yourself.   Amber Ruffin Yeah.   Amy And it starts with a really cute self love story, and then it turns really, really dark. I'm not going to spoil it, because everyone should just scroll back through Amber Ruffin's Instagram and find it. It's so good. But your caption was what struck me. You said, love yourself today and everyday, and if you've seen this short, you'll be a little confused by that. I want to know why that caption and then also to you, what is, what is loving yourself today and every day look like feel like?   Amber Ruffin Thank you so much for mentioning that video. I'm so proud of that. I think I've got all kinds of sh--, that video every Valentine's Day, I go this video video's the sh--. I do all kinds of stuff on TV and here and there and be like, that was fine. But that little animated video, I think, is one of the best things I've ever done. It makes me laugh so f---ing hard. So weird.   Grace Oh, my God.   Amber Ruffin What do I do to love myself? I don't really. I am bad at this. I don't take time out for me. I don't set aside. I don't have any rituals. I don't have any treats I give myself.   Amy Except your nails.   Amber Ruffin Except my nails.   Grace Your nails.   Amber Ruffin I will sit down and do my nails. Oh, I'm so cute. But I do really like myself very badly.   Amy And I love that.   Amber Ruffin I don't think I'm dangerously cocky, but I would be lying if I didn't say I was cocky. Like I like me. I think I'm great. I think I'm doing it. I think I'm cute.   Grace You are.   Amber Ruffin It's bad. It's bad.   Amy Wait, wait. Did you always. You always felt that?   Amber Ruffin 100%.   Amy What do you think it's like from your family, from your parents, or like just?   Amber Ruffin It's because I'm youngest of five.   Grace Mhm.   Amber Ruffin Everyone said everything I did, they would go, that's right. Good job. You do it. What a beautiful song. The baby sang a song. Don't you love it? Good job, baby. I'd be like, yeah, I did. And no matter what I did, no matter how it looked or sounded every you know, I have three older sisters and mom and dad, and my older brother. And they would all be like, Aww, alright, you're doing it! I love that. All the time. And then I think it really created a monster. It really did.   Grace No, it created-.   Amy Such a protective monster.   Amber Ruffin I do think also like it's also a combo of like, oh, well, whatever happens happens because I'm having so much fun. And fun has always been my goal instead of getting things and doing.   Amy I love that.   Amber Ruffin You know, so-   Amy I'm going to adjust my thoughts.   Amber Ruffin Because I always- the goal has always been fun and I've been chasing the fun and good stuff just happened at me. But I wasn't really after that. I was after how can I be the goofiest, the loudest, and then everything else just kind of fell into place. And I think that's why I've been allowed to be so cocky because it hasn't been. It's just like, Yeah, I can sing an improvised song and I can host the improv show, you know?   Amy Yeah.   Grace Yeah.   Amber Ruffin You can be cocky about it all you like, but a thousand people can also do that. But you know, feeling cocky and good about that, you know, and getting that response from the audience is, I think what created a monster.   Amy I, but I love the focus on I actually want to just like circle that also not just for people listening but also for myself because I need to remember that the fun.   Grace Yeah.   Amy The fun and following the making sure that you're having fun because it's that thing where it's like we, we chose this industry. We chose we didn't come from a line, long line of improvisers who made you, said we have to keep the family talk show going. Like that didn't happen. So it's like you you're doing this because it's fun and chasing the fun as opposed to chasing the accolades or like the I don't know, the thing that you've also gotten, like the viewership or the renewals, like you also got that, but not because you're chasing that. You got that because you're chasing a really great feeling.   Amber Ruffin Chasing the fun. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to ever have children because yuck, so I'm my baby.   Grace You talking to the right two? Okay. But yeah, I do. Like, I wake up every morning with a ton of gratitude for what I get to do with my life. But sometimes I do be letting people try me and I forget like that. This is all fun stuff that we do. So.   Amber Ruffin Yeah.   Amy This day may have started with these motherf---ers be trying.   Amber Ruffin Motherf---ers.   Amy But you know what? We're going out on the fun. I feel so much better now that we've talked to you. Do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something that you just love and not something that you created.   Amber Ruffin Something I love is that frickin Bel Air remake is the sh--.   Grace You like it?   Amber Ruffin It is the sh--. I saw the first three episodes.   Amy It's good. Yeah.   Amber Ruffin I was like, this is the absolute best. I just didn't know you could do that.   Amy It's so cool.   Amber Ruffin I'd never seen such a thing. I've never seen a remake of something with-   Grace In a different tone.   Amber Ruffin A completely different cast and a completely different tone. But you still make all the connections. You still feel like it's the same people. It's insane.   Amy Watching it. You're like, Why aren't they making jokes? You still, like, understand everything that's happening? Yeah. And the guy who plays Will Smith is really good. I think that they I don't know in the marketing he didn't like talk in the marketing is a lot of like looks and like they're trying to sell drama, drama, drama. So when the show starts and he talks for the first time, I was like, Oh, and I just like his voice and his demeanor. He's so good.   Amber Ruffin He's-   Amy Your baby's good, Amber.   Amy I raised him by myself.   Grace You raised him.   Amy And then you yeeted him.   Grace From the Super Bowl.   Amber Ruffin In Philadelphia and I yeeted him to LA.   Amy That is amazing.   Grace No. But but yeah, but we should- you should also like, you know, promote your show.   Amber Ruffin Also while you're on Peacock, which is free and not like put in your credit card and then later they'll charge you and you forgot. We don't need your credit card number, keep it. Don't even take it out of their wallet. Just put your email in there. Make up an email. We don't give a f---. We're Peacock.   Amy What?   Amber Ruffin The Amber Ruffin Show.   Amy That's their tagline.   Grace Yeah. And you can actually choose Amber as your what? Your avatar.   Amber Ruffin That's right.   Grace So.   Amy What?   Grace Yes.   Amy I am doing that tonight.   Grace Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like it's very adorable. It's a little- because, you know, she's a friend. So I'm just like, is this creepy of me that I have this?   Amber Ruffin I love it.   Amy Yes.    Amber Ruffin Let them make a Grace avatar. See how fast I choose it.   Grace Wonderful   Amy Thank you so much, Amber.   Grace Thank you so much for being here.   Amber Ruffin Thank you for having me. We win.   Amy Yes.   Grace Yay. We did it. Okay. So now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tap, tap, tap in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace "Eliminate something superfluous from your life, break a habit. Do something that makes you feel insecure." And that's by Piero Ferrucci.   Amy Hmm.   Grace I'll read it again. "Eliminate something superfluous from your life. Break a habit. Do something that makes you feel insecure."   Amy That's great. When I think of eliminate something and I say superfluous. I don't know if that's right, but I say superfluous.   Grace Oh, that's probably how you say it.   Amy No, no, no. I don't know. Because I said "uh-folstery" until I was like 15. So don't listen to me. But when I think of eliminate something superfluous from your life, I think at first I started thinking like Marie Kondo style, like stuff. But then the second part of the quote that was Do something that makes you insecure, break a habit. I started thinking of actions that are superfluous and I was like, Yes, there's something I won't be able to name right now, what I plan to eliminate. But when I think of it that way, like break a habit, do something that makes you insecure, I think of like, what are the things you do that you don't need to do? And there's this book called I think Atomic Habits. I haven't read it yet. It's on my list, but it's about like basically listing out the things in your day that you repeat every day and then figuring out what are the things you don't need. And this is what that quote makes me think of. And I want to do this quote. It sounds like very productive. And it sounds like when you feel insecure, when you lean into places or parts of you or, or ways of behavior that kind of like undo your norm, I think it leads to creativity. I remember we had homework in grad school at one point where our professor said, like, sleep on the other side of the bed for the weekend. And then we had to come in and talk about what it felt like and this is what this quote makes me think of. So now I want to do it. It's cool. What does it make you think of, Grace?   Grace Well, it makes me think of giving myself grace.   Amy Ooh, cute.   Grace Because, yeah. Giving myself myself, you know? But it makes me think of like, very. I am not the most productive person. Like, I used to beat up on myself a lot for that, but I'm not. I have allowed myself to get help for things in a way that I used to feel guilty about, but now I don't. So I have allowed myself to get a meal delivery service instead of feeling like I had to cook every day. Like I used to feel like I had to cook every day because that's what I saw my mom doing. And I felt like I wasn't being a good grownup if I didn't cook every day, so I allowed myself to do that. But still, like the break a habit thing that that's like the most interesting part of it. Like that thing that you said about sleeping on the other side of the bed. I'm just like, what are things that I have sort of become accustomed to doing all the time that I could just shake up in my life? So it it does like make me excited to think about it after and see if there is anything that I could just do differently to give myself like a different creative charge. It's kind of like, you know, in The Artist's Way, like this book that I, I live by or whatever. But in the Artist's Way, they talk about taking yourself on an artist date, meaning, like doing just like a small activity for yourself that's like outside of what you would normally do, like go to a museum or whatever.   Amy I love that.   Grace And so like, it almost is like- on my artist day when I go on a hike or do a different kind of exercise that I am not used to doing because it's like, oh, like this makes my brain fire in a different way. And I'm seeing things that I wouldn't normally see, you know?   Amy Yeah, I love that. It also kind of makes me think of Amber like, leaning into fun and the idea of like, Oh, do something that makes you feel insecure. Like, she literally sings a song about the news or whatever, and I'm like, Oh yeah, we should all find the things in our day. Like, that's fun and weird and quirky and like different and lean into the insecurity of that and just like, let yourself play.   Grace Yeah, I think that's such a thing that you miss as an adult, just in general, that sense of play or that sense of joy. And I think that's part of the reason people love having kids is because like kids remind you of that sense of play and that sense of joy. But you know, those of us who don't have them, like we can find that in our daily lives, too, just like, you know, put on some music and dance or like the other day I was like doing Toni Braxton choreography in my bathroom, and I was just like, if anybody can see me now. But like, my favorite thing that she said today was that to chase the fun and, you know, you definitely do that at first. Like when I first started were- doing theater and I first started dancing. When I first started singing, it was just because it was fun, you know, there wasn't anything really attached to it. But then, you know, this becomes our career and then, you know, writing becomes work and acting becomes work and all these things become work. But we should think about going back to that initial spark of fun that we originally had. And I think for any- no matter what you do, listeners, I think they you can take that because, you know, there is a reason why you chose what you chose to do with your life.   Amy Oh, oh. That makes me feel so good. I just want to sit in that for a moment. I really love that.   Grace Well, thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh. We'll be here next week.   Amy And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me, Grace at GracyActt. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's a thee with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And remember to chase the fun. The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidoteshow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Ow, ow.

In this episode of The Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi, and Grace Edwards connect with comedian, host, writer, and actress Nicole Byer on answering emails, dancing on the pole, and clap backs for haters on the internet. Amy & Grace share their bummer news of the week: Georgia allowing everybody and their mama to carry guns, the national baby food shortage, and tragic new reality show: The Ultimatum. They also share their antidotes for the week - RuPaul’s Drag Race and staying hydrated!  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace.  And we want to help.  Amy And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So, like, hide your kids hide your wife, unless she into that, because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stand. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to yet another episode of The Antidote.  Amy Yay. Oh, my God. Grace, did you see these photos of Rihanna being made pregnant and mad cute? Grace Why is she- Rihanna, I'm going to talk directly to you. Could you give the rest of us women on planet Earth a f---ing break? Can you just get off our necks? I mean, you're 12 months pregnant looking like a full meal, like that red dress. Amy Beyond the snack status.  Grace That's- If I wore that red dress, I would look like a grandma. She looks like- Amy I'd look like a bottle of ketchup. I'd look like a bottle of ketchup. Looking for a burger. Grace Anyway, moving on, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from. Amy Starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week. So first up, Georgia Governor Kemp signed a bill that allows people to carry guns without license. Did you hear about this? Grace I unfortunately did hear, yeah. Amy Literally mere hours after the subway shooting in New York, Kemp said owning a gun without a permit is, quote, "a constitutional authority that people have. And they certainly shouldn't have a piece of paper from the government to be able to legally carry a weapon," end quote, which I think is lunacy. Okay. Grace Well, how is it legal without a permit? That's my question. Amy Well, it's legal in Georgia, anyone can just pop off now. Grace I don't want to go to there anymore. Amy No. Grace I'm just like, nah, I mean, I. I get it. I mean, I'm from Michigan. A lot of people have guns in Michigan. You know,. Amy Texas. I'm from Texas. Grace I personally. Yeah. You know, I'm personally against gun ownership, but at the very least, the bare minimum, there should be at least background checks, making sure the person is not a domestic abuser. Like making sure that the person doesn't have a criminal record. Like those are what the permits are good for truckin. But I guess he's like, not even that. Amy There's nothing more transparent than this bill to prove that he's basically just saying, Hey, gun lobbyists, I'm your f---ing bitch. Put it in my mouth. It's like literally nuts that he's so openly, like, just, you know, a pawn, a pawn. Grace And anybody anybody can get one, you know what, out of the womb. Instead of wrapping you in a blank- instead of wrapping you in a blue blanket. Grace We're going to give a baby a gun, because guess what? Amy Little gun. Grace Little tiny gun. You know, just in case you need protection in the nursery. Amy Just in case. Just in case. Timmy, Timmy the toddler is stealing your blocks. You come. Amy Glocked. I'm like, What the f---? The United States has the Amy Most gun related killings in the world, and we're like, the response to that is more guns. Grace More guns. Yeah, it's just a bummer. Amy It's a bummer from jump. But you know what? You also mentioned babies. And so I'm going to take you to our second bummer news. Yeah, there's a shortage of baby formula. Did you hear about this? Like, it's getting worse and it's leading some retailers to limit how much customers can buy in a given transaction. Apparently, there are thousands of young babies across the country that rely on formula each year. It's something like 25% of infants born in 2017 were fed exclusively through breastfeeding, which means that the other 75% if you can do math, I'm bad at math, so I'm just doing it saying this out loud to help myself. Grace That was correct. Amy But the other seventy-, thank you. 75%, they rely on formula. And now because of supply chain issues caused by, you guessed it, COVID and inflation prices and lack of necessary ingredients because of the pandemic, there's a shortage of baby formula and they're literally rationing baby formula in some states. Amy Isn't that nuts?. Grace We get more third world. Grace Every day. Grace I this makes me really sad. I think I was a formula fed baby. I think my mom did. Amy It was, too. Grace I think my mom did like breastfeeding for like a couple months. But I think I know my momma. Amy Not my mama. She had a job.   Grace Like, yeah, I had to do formula and I think I remember my baby brother had formula too. So that's really sad that this vital thing and you know, not every woman can breastfeed. Some women try really hard and they're not able to do it. So this seems like a pretty big crisis.   Amy Yeah. And I said it kind of dismissively, like my mom didn't breastfeed me because she had a job. Lots of mothers who have jobs breastfeed. But like Grace said, like lots of people don't have the ability. And also my mother literally worked nights. So how was I going to be breastfeeding? I'm not at the hospital with her. My little baby ass would get real sick. So I was home being fed formula by my confused dad. So I'm like over here like literally children to think of like rationing food for babies.   Grace It's so dark.   Amy It's just something that's like what? It just feels very strange to me to to hear that there are literally plants in Michigan. Michigan, your home state?   Grace Yeah.   Amy Where there are literally they were kind of trying to manufacture the baby formula from other ingredients and then baby started getting sick because they got bacterial infections and two died. Two babies died.   Grace Yeah, we got to fix it. I don't know how to fix it. Tell me where. Tell me where the gofundme is. I will help or whatever. Somebody, you know, one of our listeners knows an organization that is doing something to help. I would love to donate. This is really sad.   Amy But the sad news doesn't stop there because in fact, where do babies come from? People having sex and I'm trying to make a segue way, where do babies come from? People having sex sometimes or from a tube from a lab. But in this case, people having sex and where does sex come from? A relationship, whether it's good or bad. And my third bit of bummer news is that a relationship show on Netflix called The Ultimatum. Have you seen this show?   Grace I did see this show because everybody was talking about it. So I was like, let me see what foolishness is this. And, you know, I love real dumb reality stuff like Selling Sunset and stuff. So I was like, Well, maybe I like it. I loved at least the first season of Love Is Blind. I didn't really enjoy season two. It was too sad. But but yeah, I watched this. Well.   Amy Well, let me sum it up real quick. For anyone who doesn't now it's the full title is The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. And it's a dating series about long term couples who come in, swap partners and decide if they'd like to keep their current partner or pursue a relationship with another compatible person on the show. Which to me sounds like chaos.   Grace It's pure chaos, first of all, like just getting into it. Like I just remember there was at least two girls. It might have been three girls who are just like, He needs to marry me because I cook and I clean and I do the laundry. And I was just like.   Grace Is this the   Grace Fifties? Like, why are these girls? Like, why are these girls? They're like 25 talking about like cooking and cleaning for grown men when they both have jobs. Like that's it felt so regressive to me. And even the idea of an ultimatum for marriage, especially that young, felt very regressive. It didn't feel it didn't feel 2022.   Amy Yeah.   Amy All the- like you said, all the women were under the age of 30 and they're all like, I'm delivering an ultimatum, let me tell you something, sis. If you have to deliver an ultimatum in your relationship it's not going that well. Okay. Because you're not on the same page. Yeah, probably something you should want.   Grace Yeah. And then also, like, there were a couple of men who delivered ultimatums to their girlfriends.   Amy Oh, what were those ultimatums?   Grace Yeah, they were just like, get married to me right now. Or else I'm leaving you and finding someone who actually does want to get married. And that also felt and that alternately like- whereas the girls demanding it from the men felt like very regressive. And the men demanding it from the women felt controlling. It's chaotic to watch and it's entertaining, but also it just makes me sad for the next generation. I hope that they're not representative of where the world is going.   Amy I completely agree. I really, really hope that's not that's not where we're going. I'd like to move forward, which means I'd like to get to the antidote. How do you feel, Grace?   Grace Not the best. How about you?   Amy You know, com si com sa.   Grace Com si com sa. Okay, let's get into the antidote.   Amy So for anyone just joining us, this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. What was your antidote this week, Grace?   Grace Well. My antidote this week is an antidote that I have many, many weeks, which is the best show on television. And that show is RuPaul's Drag Race.   Amy Hmm. No, it's a good show. It's a good show.   Grace I love it. There is literally nothing, nothing on television that brings me this much joy, especially since Insecure has left. There is literally nothing that brings me this much joy because it like is a treat for your senses. It's like your eyes, like you're seeing this beautiful makeup that these girls do. They're also really, really funny. A lot of the times they do these acting challenges. They're often at least stylists like putting together looks. But some of them are also designers. Some of them make their own clothes. They have to dance. They have to be able to lip sync well, which is a harder skill than you would think. So it feels like almost the ultimate artist is a drag performer. I love that. And I also learn a lot too about LGBTQIA issues that I wouldn't have known before, and also I've been watching since the beginning, so it's been beautiful to actually watch where season one everyone is. Just like my family threw me in the trash and oh no, never spoke to me ever again because I'm gay. And now to this season where there's this. A drag performer named Jorgeous. Obsessed. And she is just like, Oh, I saw a drag at 16. And my parents are so supportive and so it's really beautiful to see like that there's more acceptance of drag and it becomes more mainstream and people are having so much appreciation for this art form. And of course, I have my favorite performers like Shea Coulee and Jaida Essence Hall.   Amy Yeah, I love Shea Coulee.   Grace And-   Amy Shangela.   Grace Shangela, Trinity The Tuck, you know, Jinkx Monsoon, a bunch of these girls. And so it just brings me so much joy. It lights me up, I laugh, I cry at some of the sad stories. I'm moved to tears. I really, really, really, really love it. And as a writer, I don't have to, like, analyze things. Why is this good? Why is this bad? You know, it's really, really a fun, fun experience for me.   Amy I love that. I love that. I mean, I think that's a great a great antidote. And I love that just disappearing into a reality show is sometimes like what we need as writers to just be like, put this brain on pause.   Grace Yeah.   Grace So with so much fun but still consuming artistry at the same time. So, Amy, that was mine. What was yours this week?   Amy Okay, this is going to sound basic. As f---, but like, literally, my antidote this week was drinking water, hydrating bitch. Like, literally, I was just like- I traveled. Well, we talked about it on the podcast. We went on vacation in Hawaii with my friend for her bachelorette, and then I did like a research trip for work and came back and like travel just, like, dries me out. Like, I'm just like a little raisin when I come back from trips because you're on planes and planes are drying you wearing a mask and you can't drink as much and whatever. And I got back and I'm like, I'm going to make a concerted effort to, like, rehydrate myself. And also it was really hot in L.A. It was like 90 something degrees when we came back. And I was just kind of like, I'm going to dry up some more. And I'm I'm we talked about like using facial masks for our skin, but I also have like ten little magnets on the side of my fridge, like literally the numbers one through ten that I move through the day when I drink a cup of water. Is that Virgo?   Grace Yeah. I wasn't going to say it this time. I wasn't going to say it this time.   Amy Oh my God, it's okay. You can always call me out. But it's only because everyone, everyone I know has, like, a bottle that tells them when to drink or it's like one cup almost there. Two cups. You got it. And I hate those bottles. I'm just like, I don't need to be cheered on. I just need to do my job. That's also Virgo of me. But literally, like this week in particular, I was like, I'm going to drink water. I'm going to make sure I get to at least eight every day. I don't always get to ten, ten. It's just like extra credit, but I'm going to get at least eight. But then I also was changing the types of water I was drinking.   Amy So I was drinking like-.   Grace You were doing a little flight? Like a little tasting.   Amy Yes. A water flight. So I had like purified water and then I had alkaline water and then I had coconut water. And then I also have this nonalcoholic spirit called Seedlip. I don't know if you've ever heard of this. It got sent to me. I'm bougie, but I don't buy sh-- like this. Like I like alcohol. If I'm going to be drinking, let me drink. But like there is this nonalcoholic water called Seedlip that tastes like alcohol. Basically with the alcohol taken out. It tastes like an old fashioned, but without the burn of the whiskey, which I really like, I like the burn of the whiskey. But literally I was like, I'm on a hydration kick, so I drink that as a cocktail. And I was like, Ooh, I'm over hydrated. And I sprayed my face with rose water and guys putting moisture into your body makes you feel younger. I felt more energized. I was like, there was pep in my step. And even though I don't think I'm going to keep doing these water flights forever, it was like kind of a nice antidote to re acclimate myself back into like normal life. I guess after so much travel, I was like, I want to just like make sure that I'm moisturized and like not a dried up little girl with some ashy spots. So that was my antidote.   Grace With some ashy spots, I love that.   Amy I feel like both are our antidotes. This week we're about replenishing ourselves.   Grace Yes.   Amy I'm going to- I don't know if it's a stretch to say that, but I think they.   Amy Were.   Grace We'll take it, we'll take it.   Amy Well. Awesome. We'll be back after this break. Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Our friend Nicole Byer. Nicole is an incredible actor, comedian and Emmy motherf---ing nominated host of Nailed It on Netflix. She also hosts Wipeout on TBS and a bevy of podcasts, including Why Won't You Date Me, Best Friends and 90 Day Bae. She has appeared on countless television shows, including Loosely Exactly Nicole, where this queen gave me my first J-O-B. She stars in the NBC series Grand Crew, created by our friend Phil Jackson. She has a half hour stand up special currently on Netflix and an hour long Netflix special called BBW or Big, Beautiful Weirdo. Please welcome Nicole Byer, our ultra talented, super busy, bad bitch of a friend.   Nicole Byer What a lovely intro. It's so funny to listen to a friend say nice things about you.   Grace Well, it's all true, girl. So it was easy.   Nicole Byer Well. Thank you for having me, Grace. Amy, thank you for having me.   Amy Thrilled. Thrilled.   Grace It's our pleasure. So before we get started, let's check in first. Like, how are you feeling today? Like, not small talk. How are you feeling like. Is there anything bringing you joy today or anything sort of weighing on you?   Nicole Byer Well, today was, like, not a super busy day.   Grace Mm hmm.   Nicole Byer So I didn't really get around to, like, answering emails and stuff until, like, five ish.   Grace Yeah, I mean, I get it. I totally sometimes when I'm sitting there in my pho- phone doing whatever, I'm just like, I should be doing work.   Amy I completely agree. And I also think that like emails like literally no matter what you do, answer them or not, more will arrive.   Nicole Byer I mean. It is awful.   Grace Yeah. And it's just like these little notes that just interrupt your day.   Nicole Byer They sure do. They really do. And then you have to, like, have an answer. So I just created a new email address for when I shop. So I'm going to have that email address so that doesn't f---ing clog up the rest of my emails.   Amy That's smart.   Nicole Byer You know, I'm trying I'm really trying to work. How you say smarter.   Grace Not harder.   Nicole Byer And not f---ing stupid.   Grace Oh, well,.   Amy I want that for you. And you know what? You might feel unproductive, but I want us to just raise our vibration today. As you know, this show is called The Antidote, because life is hard, and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I'm curious, what has been an antidote for you this week? What's something non-work-related that's bringing you joy or this month or this year?   Nicole Byer Well, I was like super busy for like a solid two weeks, so I didn't work out or anything and I didn't pole dance. But on Sunday I went and had a pole session with my pole teacher, Veronica, who I love dearly, and she taught me how to do. I think it's just called like a hanging hold where your top arm is high up on the pole, your forearm is resting across the pole, your other arm, the lower one, and then you hold yourself off the ground. You do a climb and then you hold yourself. And I had she was like, It's going to be quick. You're going to come down fast. She was just, you know, and I was like, okay. And then I did it a couple of times and she was right. And then there was one right held it for like a three count. And I was like, Yeah, I like, I have a very big I'm fat as f---, but like I'm strong and like that felt really good and really nice and it was like this fat body, not only does it like carry me places, but it's like really f---ing strong and can do some, like, pretty incredible things that other people can't do. So that felt really nice.   Amy I am ready for the video. Like, I know there will be a video.   Grace I mean, there's so many poling videos on her Instagram. I mean, it's a treasure trove of poling.   Amy I watch them all.   Grace If you want to see them.   Nicole Byer I will say. Get ready for some more. Because I had a pole outside for a very long time because I was like, I couldn't put a pole in my house. What if I f--- up a ceiling and I'm like, Who cares what f--- up a ceiling? I'll fix that. And then I had like a bed in my office because I was like, it doubles as a guestroom. And a friend came over and was like, You have a bed and every single- who's coming to your home, I was like, you're right. I now live alone. Who's coming here?   Grace I mean, I feel like there's so many people in and out of the house because I used to live with Nicole for a minute. Like, I got really scared at my Airbnb when I was working for her. You know, I was coming from New York, and so I was not used to like people being able to walk up to your door like. And so I was like scared all the time. And there was all these entrances and and.   Nicole Byer Oh, yes,.   Amy Why so many entrances?   Grace  I just don't know. But then-   Nicole Byer This was in Echo Park?   Grace In Echo Park by the lake. And so Nicole's like-   Amy Oh no, you can't live by a lake with multiple entrances.   Amy Lake people going to get inside.   Grace And literally like Nicole was just like, Grace, I cannot hear you talk about this one more time. So come live with me.   Grace So I came my little suitcase.   Grace and  I lived with Nicole for a bit, but there's always fun people coming up and through your house. So I feel like you need the beds, right?   Amy Yeah, but you just, like, hosted the Critics Choice Award.   Nicole Byer Yeah, that was a lot. That was pretty stressful.   Amy You looked gorgeous. It was.   Nicole Byer Thank you.   Amy I was there.   Amy I was there.   Nicole Byer You were there. Stressful, live television. Stressful because you're like, there's no take over, take overs? There's no redos for me. Oh my God, there's no redos. It's like I had to be very aware not to curse on television.   Amy That's difficult.   Nicole Byer And let me tell you, it felt like- it's hard. It's so hard because you're like, oh, sh--, I didn't read that right. You can't see that. You just have to keep going. Make it funny. Hopefully it's funny, but I felt like I was interrupting a like conference. It was in the bathroom of a hotel.   Amy In the basement ballroom?   Nicole Byer Yes. Basement ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel on the west side of town. And people would get up in between things and like be hugging and stuff. And then a lady over the loudspeaker would be like, sit down, five, four. And I was like, oh, my God. And then people would sit and be like, kind of mad.   Amy Like, Hey, I know you were just talking to your best friend, but please.   Amy Listen to me.   Nicole Byer Yeah, it it felt insane, but it was very fun. And I do love looks, costume changes, and looking fabulous. Like I got all the Getty's. Yeah.   Grace Oh my goodness. That Siriano. That Siriano.   Nicole Byer  Christian Siriano. I have got to just give him a shout out because my stylist, Marco, whatever Marco dreams up, Christian executes in the most beautiful way. Yeah my like. I really love the pink dress that I got to wear. But that purple dress I got to wear to the Emmys.   Amy Oh, my God, that purple dress. If anyone hasn't seen it, please go to Nicole's Instagram because she reposts it every now and then.   Amy Because it is perfect.   Grace Stunning.   Nicole Byer It was like a dream realized. I felt like I felt like Martin Luther King Jr. He had a dream and.   Nicole Byer So did I.   Nicole Byer Someone's gonna listen and be like, Oh, my God.   Amy She just said- Hollywood's beloved host said.   Grace Okay. So that was amazing. I love that thought process. And I'm sure that like on days where you're feeling super stressed, like you can just take yourself mentally back to that moment and look, look what you've accomplished. Like, you know, Christian Siriano is making you gowns and you're an Emmy nominated host. You know.   Nicole Byer Thing is, I can't do that. Well, I never reminisce on things I have done. And I'm never like, look at what you've achieved. I'm always like, you're in a creative lull right now. You're having a hard time writing jokes. Even though I put out a special, I'm like, How do I get back to where I was? How am I writing more? How am I perform? It's bad. I don't. I need to learn how to like, enjoy the moment and enjoy what I've created.   Grace Yes, you definitely do. And also, you know, both you and Amy are Virgos.   Nicole Byer Amy, when is your birthday?   Amy August 28th.   Nicole Byer Oh my God. I'm one day later.   Amy What? Incredible. I'm a double Virgo, Rising and sun.   Nicole Byer Same. But on some charts we're Leo's.   Amy Yeah, yeah. But f--- those charts because I know myself. I love a list. I love critique. I love to critique.   Nicole Byer I didn't realize how much. Like, I'm a pretty messy person, but, like, my mess is organized specifically to me that when someone adds something to the mess. I can tell what you about. And I'm mad.   Amy I'm like, that spoon shouldn't be on that pile of spoons.   Nicole Byer Yes. Because I'm like, that's not where the spoon. That's a different spoon pile. Then that spoon belongs. And I get, like, unreasonably angry and it's like, bitch, it's all just a mess.   Amy Yeah.   Grace But that's all I'm saying. There's, like, parts of you. You guys are very different, but you're also the same. You know what I'm saying? Like that whole thing of, like, I must work, work, work, work, productivity, productivity. I think that you both. You guys both have that.   Amy The inability to reminisce. I don't do that. I'm just like, well, yeah, dummy, you haven't gotten as far as you said you would.   Nicole Byer Exactly.   Amy Buckle down.   Nicole Byer Exactly. Which is awful. And then sometimes when you've, like, overachieved, gone a little further than you want to, it's like, Yeah, well, sure. Why wasn't it more?   Amy When people do negative reviews of Nicole or work you've been on? Like, Nailed It. Not for me. And you're like, repost and you're like, Great, Christina. Thank you very much. I'm obsessed with that because I'm like, views are views, honey. Views are views.   Nicole Byer I just want to read you the best review I've ever gotten.   Amy Yes, please.   Nicole Byer Okay. So they're criticizing Grand Crew and also complimenting it at the same time. But so it's a whole review. But then it gets to me. Now, I detest and I mean in all caps detest Nicole Byer. I don't think she has one shred of talent and often ruins any scene she's in. She's always over the top for every line and always trying too hard to be exuberant and funny which she isn't. That was poor casting. The part was written for me. I'd be pleased if I never had to see another show with her. And she is the number one detractor for me. The story lines and the plots aren't groundbreaking, but then neither of the storylines and plots of most ensemble cast shows. The biggest problem they seem to have is they rely on Nicole Byer for any humor. And well, read my point above. And then there's a little bit more about sitcoms of color where color merely vanishes. I really commend producers, writers, etc., for that. These are rare shows that are just human experiences, not racial experiences. So six stars for how the show is written out of how many? I don't know. For actual entertainment value, I'd probably go three or four. The nonracial writing is a large step in the right direction. Now they just need to work on the humor aspect and replace Nicole Byer. My friend, I love you because I don't know you and you're sitting here stewing. That's funny. You sat down and were like.   Grace The time that took to formulate you know he spell checked it. I'm assuming it's "he."   Amy Is it "Byer" "by" or "buy?" Let me look it up.   Nicole Byer I love it - it like brings me actual joy when people openly tag me and don't like me because I try to make people laugh and smile. But if I don't and then it makes you feel better to tell me I'm terrible, then that means I've done, like, the same thing.   Amy You want it either way.   Nicole Byer Yeah, I did something. I made you feel something, and you felt better telling me I'm a piece of sh--. That's fine. My check cleared. It's great. Did yours? It sure didn't. But you feel better in that moment.   Grace They got a lot of time.   Amy You used work hours.   Nicole Byer That's fine. That's fine with me. Yeah. And also, people are so creative. This one person said that I had fat black fingers like cockroaches, and I was like, You should be a writer. I have never heard those words together in any sort of description. And then they also like went on to be like your Cheeto crusted. And I was like you don't know I eat Cheetos. I love that you've like now made a fantasy about me and.   Grace This is so mentally healthy.   Amy I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Like the reframe, the power of the reframe. I stand.   Nicole Byer Like I just, you know. I was like a bad kid and I did bad things and it was like if my mother used to say she was like, if you just focused on anything, the things you could achieve. Because I'd be like like I used to shoplift. I was a bad little kid and like, it was just like figuring that things out. It was just like if you just applied it to something positive, like instead of like saying something nasty to someone, maybe you write a poem or like write a script like you could do the things that you want to do. But also if you don't, that's fine too.   Amy I'm obsessed with this. Like. This is my favorite thing. You're like- that ability because I feel like it's so easy. We are in such a time where, like, we get lost in the comments and like, people can get like. And I, I've fallen prey to that. Like, I'm someone who had to be like, Oh, I'm going to turn this off. I'm going to mute this person. And sometimes I'm like, I love the idea and I'm wondering if it was a process for you finding that ability to be like, Oh, no, let me look at it this way. Oh, I won. Or is that just naturally just how you grew up? The result of great therapy.   Grace When Girl Code first came out, people were like, She's fat, she's not funny. And I was like, Well, I am fat. That's true. And then I was like, Huh? Maybe I'm actually not funny to that person. Comedy's super subjective. That's okay. I don't have to be for everybody. Hopefully the people who I am for are ride or dies and follow me from thing to thing. Also I made it to TV. So like that in itself is a huge feat. So like being not funny. That's nice. That's nice that I got the job. And then I think when like someone critiques writing on a show, it's like, but it made it to television. So it's like you might be critiquing it, but like it got made. So at some level it is good. It's just not.   Amy Yeah.   Grace For you. Yeah.   Nicole Byer And there's things that are not for me. I just don't publicly put them on blast because somebody worked really hard on it.   Grace I just need a piece of that because literally someone wrote a BuzzFeed article about Jodie. Jodie has not even come out yet.  And I like literally like curled into a ball.   Amy Jodie is Grace's new show.   Nicole Byer So here's the thing. Somebody holds Jodie near and dear to their heart. They think you're going to do something to ruin that. So they're projecting sh-- onto you.   Grace Yeah, yeah.   Nicole Byer You got the job because you pitched something great that the creators or the network in charge of this IP was like, We see that in you. So it's like, if somebody has something to say, who cares? Somebody who makes a decision, chose you. And that one person might not like it, but 100 might. You know?   Grace Yeah. Yeah, I've, I've readjusted my thinking. I've gotten to the point where like, I no longer read comments about it. But now- but I need to get to your place where-   Amy I want to reframe. Yeah, I could-   Nicole Byer Log into that bank account.   Grace Oh, that's true.   Amy That's a good a point.   Nicole Byer Just log in and go, that's nice.   Amy Yeah, that's my favorite part because the people especially I love seeing the anti Nailed It comments because I am sort of like but you watch.   Grace You watched the whole thing.   Amy You watched.   Grace She got this dream though, she got this dream though.   Amy I'm like, wait, what?   Nicole Byer And again I'm not for everybody. Yeah. And whenever because some of the comments are just like, oh, she's a comic for white people, or she's like, she's not really black or whatever. And I'm like, Huh? Well, aren't you revealing yourself? Like, I've done that my whole life and it doesn't bother me anymore. But I was like, Isn't that interesting that you think we're a monolith and we're not?   Amy Mm. So yeah.   Grace That's a very. Frustrating comment. I mean, both of us, both Amy and I have gotten that thrown at us that time.   Amy Oh, 100%.   Nicole Byer Yeah. I mean, like, what is black? What is white? I'm just like, when people are like, you're not black enough. I'm like, according to who? Other black people or like, stereotypes that white people have pushed on us. Yeah. Like, it's like it's a huge it's a very big conversation.   Amy Yeah. Somebody has written the dissertation, yeah. Somebody somewhere has studied it. Right. So, yeah, I'll look up for the essay.    Nicole Byer Maybe you don't have to. I feel like I'm-   Grace See that's the Virgo coming back. She's just like, I have to study.   Amy I have a degree.   Grace I have to be prepared to answer this question in the future.   Amy That's the Nigerian cropping up. Because I'm like, can I get a degree in studying that? I'm trying.   Grace Yes, 100%. But so I have another question for you, Nicole. Oh, what would you say is your proudest non career achievement?   Nicole Byer Oh. My proudest non career achievement. That's that's honestly it's a really hard question because.   Amy You know, you got to put that Virgo down for a little bit.   Nicole Byer Yeah. So much of my life is just wrapped up in my career. Mm hmm. Um, I don't know. I taught my dog had a roll over, and that was pretty. Pretty, pretty great.   Grace Which Clyde? Which what was Dog? Clyde?   Nicole Byer I taught Clyde how to- so I taught him how to sit, shake, lay, roll over and crawl so he could do all of those at once. Sometimes if I just go sit and I'm holding a treat, he'll roll over without laying down which is truly incredible to see. That's not my proudest achievement. What is my proudest f---ing achievement? Actually, you know what I think my proudest achievement, it was before I had a career acting- was the play that I was in in high school. I think like I did a really great job. My mom was super proud of me.   Grace Which was the play? Which one was it?   Nicole Byer So there was so many students at school who wanted to do theater. So we did a collection of shorts by Christopher Durang, and I was in one called DMV Tyrant. And it's just this like woman at the DMV who like isn't helpful.   Amy Love that.   Nicole Byer And the first night went really well. The second night went really, really well and then the third night went well. And someone complimented me on the third night and my mom was like, You should've seen her the night before. I was like, Damn! She was right. I was better the night before. But still funny the third night.   Amy And that put in you the fire to always better yourself. Well, I'm glad that that play that you were in in high school lit a fire in you. It sounds I wish I wish I could have seen you on the second night.   Grace Not the third night, but the second night when you were transformative.   Nicole Byer Yes, just on fire.   Amy I feel so much better now that we've talked to you, Nicole. I mean, you know, the world still stinks, but it stinks.   Nicole Byer Oh, that's so sweet.   Grace Isn't she? She can be sweet sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes. But do you have anything coming up that you want to tell us about? Anything you'd like to plug? It can even be something you just love and not something that you created.   Nicole Byer Something I love. I love to send people gifts. So maybe that's something if you're listening, if you're thinking of someone, send them something. Also, I will plug something I've performed in Grand Crew, please. Yes, you can watch on Peacock Hulu and yeah just-   Grace On demand too. You can get it on demand.   Nicole Byer It's NBC, so yeah. Watch it wherever you can. Tell an enemy, tell a friend, tell everyone you can.   Amy Love it. And where can people find you on the internets?   Nicole Byer Oh, you can find me on Instagrams at Nicole Byer and on Twitter at Nicole Byer and I don't want to start a tik tok.   Amy I started one. I'm sorry I did it. I did it.   Nicole Byer I feel like I have to. Like tik tok is the thing.   Amy Maybe do it. You could start real easy, just like photos of you in beautiful dresses to a song and tik tok will time it out to the music.   Grace Oh, I didn't even know you could.   Amy That could be your first tik or tok.   Grace Your first tok.   Nicole Byer I don't know what they're called.   Amy It could be your first little tik tok, but my first tok.   Grace Your little twok.   Amy Yeah. Your first tok.   Grace Is it like a tweet?    Amy Thank you so much, Nicole.   Nicole Byer Thank you.   Grace Thank you.   Amy Bye.   Grace Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tap tap tap in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace The quote is. "Your desire is your prayer. Picture the fulfillment of your desire now and feel it's reality. And you will experience the joy of the answered prayer." That is by Dr. Joseph Murphy. I'll read it one more time. "Your desire is your prayer. Picture the fulfillment of your desire now and feel it's reality. And you will experience the joy of the answered prayer." Dr. Joseph Murphy.   Amy That ain't nothing but some manifestation, hoe.   Grace I know right.   Amy I'm like, let's manifest. I literally love this quote because literally it is manifestation. Yes. That's what it is. That's what it is. And I- it's so difficult for me personally to mani-. I had to like go to a workshop on manifestation to like learn how to feel that.   Grace Virgo.   Amy And I had to listen to, oh, my God, I'm going to call I'm going to name something that's really going to embarrass me. But it unlocked for me manifestation really unlocked for me. When I heard the Ariana Grande song. Just like magic. Y'all, I know I sound real stupid, but literally go and read the lyrics to that song. Literally, Ariana Grande is like dream it and I get it. But literally I'm saying it's a perfect song. I listen to that song and I was like, the power of manifestation. She's like, I get everything I want because I'm attractive, because I attract it. She says it both ways. I get everything I want because I attract it. And I'm like, literally, yes. And that's why I love this quote, because this is like literally what successful people do. They manifest. They say, I already got it. It's mine. Thank you, universe. Like, that's the whole point. So to me, that's what it says to me. I love it. When I heard it the first time, I was like, What? And then I heard it the second time, and I was like, Yeah, that's some manifestation sh--. Yeah. What does it make you feel?   Grace It means to me very much the same. Like, what is the journey to being an artist? What is the journey to being a creative person other than having faith and believing that it can happen? I genuinely do believe in manifestation and I believe that the things that I don't have, it's because I don't really believe them in my spirit. And I think the essence of being an artist, an essence of like using your mind to create things. What is that other than manifestation? What is being an artist other than manifestation? Like we sit in front of a blank screen as writers all the time and literally we manifest shows or or work and words to come from nothing. This quote means to me the essence of being an artist, which is creativity, which means to create, which means to manifest, which means you have to see it first before you can achieve it. So this is like one of the most pure quotes to me about creativity.   Amy But I do want to add, like, I know you made fun of me for being a Virgo and taking like a workshop on manifesting, but like it was on YouTube. So let's all calm down. But also, I do want to add that like the reason I had to do it because I used to think the opposite my entire life as a kid, any time I was like, I'm going to win, I would lose any time I was, it felt that way. It was like any time I was like, I want to get first chair in the band, I wouldn't get it. But like the times where I was like, I don't think I'm going to get this, it would happen. And so I trained myself to not imagine the good scenario. So for 30 something years, I felt that if I saw it in my head, it wouldn't happen and I had to work hard to get it and ignore the result. And that worked for me. Like it worked, you know, like I literally it made me work harder because I was like, I can't see what it looks like, so I need to work harder. So I had to undo that. I don't know where that programing is, just like me. I think when you're-   Grace It's America.   Amy When you believe something- Yeah, I mean, scarcity complex. Well, it's like when you believe that you don't deserve something. Like, it's hard for you to imagine it. Yeah. So I had to kind of untrain, like 30 plus years of being like, don't imagine you can get it because if you don't get it, it'll make you more disappointed. Ignore that feeling and train myself to be like no sit inside the joy of already having had.   Grace Yeah, I can relate to that 1,000% because I felt like what I realized it was my mindset that was really holding me back in certain ways because I was just like saying something out loud doesn't necessarily mean that you believe it, but I mean, this is just something that has worked for us and for me and so I can say it to people.   Amy And for Ariana Grande.   Grace Yeah, and for Ariana Grande. So I can say it to people, but I feel like, you know, whatever practice that you use. It's just a great thing to try to remain positive and optimistic about your dreams, even if you don't necessarily believe in manifestation.   Amy I love that.   Grace Okay. Well, thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi -A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. And follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's "thee" with two E's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And reframe that mindset. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is EriKa Janik. Sound Mixing by Eric Romani.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM Studio Executives is in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at AntidoteShow.org. And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's "thee" with two E's y'all.   Grace The antidote is a production of American Public Media.

In this episode of the Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards connect with writer and comedian Yassir Lester about dipping into his favorite cereal, managing anxiety, risking it all for celebrity crushes, and giving back to the kids. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week: the Amir Locke verdict, the world’s shitty air quality, and more. They also share their antidotes for the week-old friends! City Girls! - and discuss the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown.   OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So I took them little kiddies into bed because we about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Antidote. Amy Well, we're so happy to be here back in L.A.. Grace You are. Amy Grace is still in transit. Grace Yeah, yeah, I'm headed on a flight. I'm headed on a jet plane back to sunny Los Angeles soon. But I'm really sad, actually, to leave New York because, you know, I know not to L.A., man, but y'all don't really give women compliments the way. Amy Oh, we come in spicy this morning. Grace A man stepped out of his cab yesterday, and I was waiting for my Uber. And a man came out of my his cab and was just like, I love your shoes. This you're doing is says like, what? Look at your outfit. You know, I love that you made an effort. I do it in the elevator said that. Amy And then the cab driver was like, sir, yeah, please pay your fare. Grace You know what I'm saying. That was a cab driver who did it. Amy Wait, the cab driver was like, I would rather talk than make my money. Grace Now it's not even just men and women do it to like. Amy What? Grace I stepped I was getting on the elevator the other day and this woman, like this Black woman, just stopped and she's like, Excuse me, sis, what you have on, you're doing it today. And I was just like, oh, my God, New York. Thank you. Wow. Sometimes I'll be in an outfit in L.A. and nobody don't say sh-- to me. Amy I'm just going to ask. I'm just asked real quick for my mind. Do these people have masks on while they're doing this? I'm just curious. Grace No. Amy Because I will say, okay, because I will say this. And I think L.A., the friendliness has gone down. L.A. is not a super friendly city. And I and I agree with you on the higher end for sure. But I have noticed the general friendliness has gone down because of masks. Yeah. And I'm like, when you're in stores, people don't really talk to you. When they do, you're like, what? You're like, I can't see your mouth moving. I don't know what you're saying. Grace And I know I know a lot of women don't like that. I'm not saying that we want street harassment. Amy In our twenties. We were like, Ew, don't talk to me. Grace Yeah, exactly. No street harassment. But I mean, like I will say in New York, nine times out of ten at me anyway, it's been pretty respectful. Like nobody's like making comments on body parts, they're making comments on my outfit or, you know, or just saying, God bless you or um. Amy And also times have changed because I feel like I remember I was followed once in New York, which really, really terrified me by this guy who is like trying to holler and then trying to attack. Grace Oh no. Amy I still remember our friend Lauren, who posted that she and her wife were walking their dog and someone hollered at them and was like, Y'all can't be going around looking that good. And then like literally saw they were holding hands and then was like, It's cool that you love each other, but you can't look that good. And it was like, I don't want to be homophobic. And that just cracked me up. And I'm like, even the hollering is polite. Grace Anyway, moving on, let's get to the show. We can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from.  Amy Starting now up top with a bummer news of the week. All right. So first up, Sweet Grace, did you hear that 99% of the world's population breathes poor air quality? Grace Oh no. I mean, I know we live in L.A. We just breathe smog. Amy Yeah. Amy Oh, literally listeners don't know. My voice always sounds raspy because I'm constantly coughing because I have very bad allergies in L.A. and it's literally just the air is packed. Yeah, it's full. Smog gets toxic. It's killing us slowly with this song. And the U.N. is actually calling, as they very often are. But now U.N. is calling for action to reduce fossil fuels, while simultaneously who is doing all these studies that prove we need to reduce these fossil fuels? And they're saying, well, the air quality is porous in eastern Mediterranean and in Southeast Asia, followed by Africa and I'm like why are you sh---ing on Africa, like y'all haven't been to L.A. The air quality is terrible in L.A. Let's not talk about the continent of Africa. Grace I literally don't believe that Africa has worse air quality than America. I just don't believe it. I just don't Amy Half of that sh--'s a jungle. Grace Yeah, exactly. They have. Amy Anti-Africa. Amy Like. Amy But It's true. It's half of it is very green. Grace Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like there's whole deserts and sh--, like lots of greenery. There's waterfalls and stuff is not worse than here. I don't believe that. Sorry. It's pretty dark. Yeah. Amy Yeah, it's pretty dark, but the darkness doesn't stop there. Second bit of bummer news is that there have been no charges against the police in the Amir Locke Shooting. For those who don't specifically remember this case, since so many people are getting shot all the time. Mr. Locke was awakened in the early morning hours by officers entering his apartment under a no knock warrant, and he was holding his own handgun. And then and he had begun legally. And the cops shot him last February. And so hearing this is really sh---y, like, you know, for it feels like the police right now with police brutality and police shootings are like one for y'all, one for us. Like, it feels like judges are just like, okay, Blacks, calm down. Don't you shoot up any more targets. Okay, now, now we gon we're going to let this guy slide. Don't you shoot up any target, and I'm just like y'all this is not. This is not progress. Grace I feel like the only reason that Derek Chauvin got convicted is because everybody was on their f---ing neck like. Amy Yea. Grace Everybody was from day one. Like there were so many protests. There was so many, you know, tweets and letters and calls. I made call. Amy People there and people outside the courthouse. Grace  Outside the courthouse, but I feel like we we literally can't do that for every single time this happens. So the ones that are end up just like lower profile, like Breonna Taylor, you know, it was high profile for black women. But I feel like a lot of people did click in to that one in particular. And so they're not facing any charges. So it's like it's either you have to be outraged and in the streets and then maybe that means that officer will get convicted. But I didn't even really hear about this one. So. Amy And it happened in the same city where George Floyd was murdered, so literally in the battleground of where the anger took place last year. And they still did this. Grace Exactly. Din't learn sh--. Amy Didn't learn sh--. And the last bit of bummer news this week is a little bit lighter. Those of you may have seen the Grammys last weekend. And Jazmine Sullivan. Queen icon, the voice of a generation literally was forced to share one of her Grammys with Silk Sonic. And there's something to me that's so funny about a tie at an awards show. Grace Yea, why? Just pick one. Just pick one. Amy She has had 15 nominations over her 19 year career. And now finally in the same night, she won two Grammys. She won for pick up your feelings for best R&B performance. And she also won best R&B album for hotels. Duh. Hotels is the greatest album since Lemonade. And literally, she's out here having to share one of those with like, high ass Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak. Grace But at least they gave her things for hotels. Yes, it is great. So we love Jazmine and I'm glad that she got at least acknowledgment for that brilliant, brilliant, beautiful album. But yeah, you shouldn't have to share anything with those. Like like they're good, though. They are. They already have like 12 Grammys and they've been out for like two years. Amy Yes, they've been here for 9 seconds. Grace No shade. We love silk sonic. But but yeah, Jazmine shouldn't have had to share that one. You guys can get the next one. Come on. Well, after all that bummer news, I kind of feel like sh--. How about you, Amy? Amy I'm in the same boat. Grace Okay, let's get into the antidote. Amy This is a segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and the things we did this week that made us both feel better about the bummer news. So I'd love to know what's your antidote of the week, Grace. Grace My antidote this week is old friends. Oh, friends that you know, I value all my friendship, so obviously I value this any of you here, like we're doing a podcast together, but there is something about someone who's known you for over ten years. It's just like they knew you when you didn't have sh--. So, you know, when I was in Baltimore, like I mentioned on the last one, my friend got married and so my birthday brunch was populated with all friends from high school. They know all the little traumas I went through in high school, the the boyfriends I had and everything like that. And then also I'm here in New York, right here where I lived for 15 years. And yeah, I had friends that I met in grad school, which is that like my friend used to cook me dinner because I was broke and like all those traumatic and beautiful stories and all the glow up and like when I got my first call to be on Kimmy Schmidt, they were all there for that. So it's been just so beautiful, like being around people that have known me so long. Amy I would love for you to describe the emotions that it gives you to hear you reflected back from your friends. Grace Yeah, it's just like being home or something like that. It's like it's a feeling of home, of like being deeply known and that our friendship has survived so many. Like a. Zoom downs and the world's ups and downs in our own personal lives. You know, people have had babies. People have gotten married. People have gotten divorced. Like there's just so much life that's been lived. And we still love each other, which is, to me, a beautiful thing. Amy I'm obsessed with that. I love that being around friends you love can give you, as you put it, a sense of home like that to me is like, really that that's that's the thing, right? Is like searching for all your life. You're searching for the places where you belong and finding places where you belong. And there's something about always knowing that you have this special bond with people who know you a different way. Grace Anyway, obsessed with that. That is my antidote for the week. How about yours, Amy? What was your antidote this week? Amy My antidote was a little bit more basic. It was listening to the new City Girls song. Grace That ain't basic, girl. That sh-- is good as F---. Amy Is listening to the City Girl song top notch? Um on a loop, yo. Yes. First of all, that song is so good. And also so many of the lyrics are so f---ing funny. Like, I just, like, f---ing love it. I, I love rap songs about working hard. Grace Yes. Amy I am a double virgo. I love rap songs about working hard, about finding your self-worth, about knowing your value about stunting on thos hoes. Which is like a lot of rap songs, but there's this particular mix of like where it's almost like the men. It's not about the men, it's about you. So like, you know, formation by Beyoncé with the savage remarks also by Beyoncé and Megan the negative. But then I also love some toxic people like Lil Baby something to prove. Like there's certain songs where it's just kind of like they have the ability to make me feel like I can go do things. Bank by Earth Gang. If you haven't listened to Bank by Earth Gang, it's literally all about laughing on the way to the bank. And I'm like. I love this song, but there's something the City Girls lyrics. Two of my favorite lines are when Caresha raps could pay for it, but I'd rather him. Grace Yeah. Amy Like. Grace You could, girl, but you'd rather him. Amy Could've paid for it, but I'd rather him literally. When JT verse is flawless. When I say it's flawless and she comes in just going like, you got to pay for this. And I'm like, literally every time I hear it, I'm like, Since I've been back, there are so many times when I was even at the airport. And so I was like, This is 2.99. I turn to my friend, I'm like, You got to pay for this. I can't stop. This song just pumps me up.   Grace Love it.   Amy It's so good. She has a great line where she's like, Beefin with who, bitch? I don't know you. And I'm like, That's right.   Grace That's. Period. You know what? Let me tell you how that hits me in my heart right now, because, you know, another antidote that I didn't even really mention was Ketanji Brown Jackson being.   Amy Let's talk about that..   Grace Confirmed for the Supreme Court.   Amy Here's one other line that's relevant to this situation. Not only does she say, beefin with who, bitch? I don't know you. Yeah, but she also said, y'all gossip and I'm in the news feed. And I'm like, I'm like, when I see this Ketanji Brown sh--, that's exactly what it is. Okay, y'all gossiping. But I'm in the news feed.   Grace Yeah, like it happened.   Amy What. Period.   Grace It should have been a bigger margin, but guess what, bitch? It happened and she's up in the Supreme Court, and y'all could be mad about it all day, every day. But it won't change the fact that she's in there. It won't change one fact. I love that.   Amy I will say it was an antidote watching that six someone repost of the 6 seconds that it hits Ketanji Brown, Supreme Court Justice Brown when it hits her that she got the nomination. And you just see all of the emotions run across her face, like being like, Oh, I got it. Oh, this is heavy. Oh, this is so important. Oh, I cannot cry like seeing her, like, process it live. I like who I am. What I loved about both of our antidotes is yours is about the sense of feeling at home with people, you know? And mine was like the sense of feeling like at home with yourself.   Grace Yeah.   Amy With complete strangers, complete celebrities. But I was like, That's right, bitch. When I heard that song. And it literally anytime I hear a rap song that's just about like I'm a bad bitch, even though I'm always trying to feel that way and I often suffer from imposter syndrome, it does make me feel like there's a part of me that is that in there. I feel like you must feel that way. Even going home and seeing old friends.   Grace Yeah, it's wonderful, huh. Well, I do feel a bit better now.   Amy Yeah. Yeah, well, that feels like a good place to take a break. We'll be right back.   Grace Welcome back to the antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Oh, it's only my brother from another mother. My husband from another. That's not the same point is I met this comedian, writer and actor years ago. And for folks who don't know, he hails from the Dirty South Georgia, to be exact, and is known for bringing his comedy talents to shows like NBC's The Carmichael Show, HBO's Girls, Showtime's Black Monday and Beyond. He's now the head writer for the upcoming Marvel studio series Armor Wars, and he and his brother recently teamed up to talk sneakers, video games and all things culture on their new podcast, History of Heat. In other words, he knows his way around the podcast and my heart. Please welcome the tallest child in Los Angeles. Yassir lester. You know, you look young.   Yassir Lester That is so kind.   Amy Black don't crack.   Yassir Lester At mine. My brother has a joke, so I'm giving them all credit. It's like he told me. He was like, Look, Black don't crack. But in your case, it shatters. He was like, Why do you look so old?   Grace So rude.   Amy He is fully wrong. Your brother is mean.   Grace So, Amy, he is very impressive. But we're not here to talk about his many, many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get deep.   Amy Yeah. So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything that's weighing on you?   Yassir Lester For those of you listening, I suffer from a crippling anxiety. I had a pretty big anxiety attack yesterday.   Amy I feel you, yeah.   Yassir Lester The come downs are always kind of weirdly like I become insatiably, like, hungry and I haven't eaten enough today. So I'm going to order some Chinese food in a little bit. And then that I also finish the Kanye West documentary. So that's that that also puts you in a certain particular mood. You know.   Amy You were feeling some feelings.   Yassir Lester A lot of feel, a lot of feelings.   Grace So. Yassir. What is your antidote? In other words, what is something non-work-related that's bringing you joy this week?   Amy Or this month or this year?   Grace Or this month?   Amy You know.   Yassir Lester Prayer, meditation, a mixture of both. I think that, like, I truly, you know, I heard someone once describe prayer as talking to God, and meditation is listening to God.   Amy Ooh.   Grace Love that.   Yassir Lester Yeah. And I was like, wow. I was like, Really? And so that is really, you know, that's just kind of a constant. So I always kind of put that first and encompassing all that is like, you know, relationships with family and friends. Like, I consider like love, prayer, meditation. I consider that all the same, like, conscious energy, right? So that's like one thing. So that's the serious, serious, like, true answer.   Amy I love that. Wait. I want to I want to just sit with that a little bit because I really love the concept of communication, both talking and listening, because I think sometimes I don't know, I have a tendency to think of prayer is asking for things as opposed to gratitude and like being able to have a conversation. And I love that you keep both sides of that. That's really cool.   Amy No, I was just going to say that every time I pray or whatever I literally started off, it's like, God, I know we haven't talked in a while and I feel like I'm like, I don't deserve what I'm going to ask for, but I'm going to ask you for anyway. Yes. Oh. Lord, I would love Idris Elba and a Birkin.   Yassir Lester Idris Elba. Grace Come on. Just those are just so surface like who's your deep cut.   Amy No, her real one is different. Her real one is different. Yeah.   Grace Who's my real one?   Amy Are you going to say it?   Grace You can say it.   Amy Who you really want? Who you really want?   Grace Who?   Amy Boris Kodjoe.   Grace Oh, Boris Kodjoe.   Amy That's your man, that's your man.   Grace And when I saw him in person, one's at age club and I was just like I was out at a meeting with someone else and I, like, turn to the person. I was just like, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything that you're saying right now because that man over there is my number. F---ing one. Like, just beyond. Like if God made a man just for Grace, like he just arranged all the features of his face and body for me.   Amy Wait, wait. I want to get back to you. Said you had deep antidotes and then some other ones. Yeah, I want to hear the other ones.   Yassir Lester You're going to hate this number two. Boris Kodjoe's wife, love her.   Amy Woah. What.   Yassir Lester Love Nicole Ari Parker. Oh, my God. That is.   Grace She is very beautiful.   Yassir Lester Yes, she is my best friend and she is listening right now.   Amy Stop right there. You can die.   Grace Oh, yeah. I was just like, girl. I'm not about to toss it over at Boris Kodjoe. Don't worry or whatever. I'm good.   Yassir Lester That. See, that is the big difference that is that like and I hate to be like genders are different but like I feel like whoever my number one is, if I were a single person in the world and I saw them, I would walk up to them and be like, If you are willing to have an affair, we can go right now.   Amy Now is the time. This might be the place.   Yassir Lester And for you, Grace, like again, men are such dogs that if you went over to him, be like, Hey, do you want to have an affair? He'd be like. Yeah, you're beautiful. Okay, look, you know, they'd be like, You can just do it, you really.   Grace I would never I could not I could not sleep at night. And that was that would be such bad karma for me. So I'd be like, Oh, man, I can't do that to another woman for sure.   Yassir Lester Oh, my God, that's so crazy.   Grace And she. They all got those cute kids. I could never.   Yassir Lester But I mean, you don't have to rat him out. You can just have an affair and be silent.   Grace Do you think I could have an affair with Boris Kodjoe and not tell people. I'm telling everybody I've ever met.   Amy I would hear about it while it's happening. Amy!   Grace He's hitting it from the back right now.   Yassir Lester Oh, my God. Okay.   Grace Amy, he's really good.   Amy What's that sound? Oh, it's just cheeks clapping. Don't worry.   Grace And then she'd be like, can you finish first and then.   Yassir Lester  Now. Now I get why you can't have an affiar.   Amy I feel like that makes sense.   Yassir Lester Yeah, that feels crazy. Real number two. Um, decaffeinated venti, iced americanos from Starbucks.   Amy Oh, hey, that's vintage. I say vintage because I haven't been to a Starbucks the entire pandemic. Isn't that crazy?   Yassir Lester Because you only been to hilltop.   Amy Why does that make you mad?   Yassir Lester Yeah. Oh, because you only have hilltop coffee. You uppity-   Amy I will say the funny thing is it's because once I learned I could make coffee, I just kept making it. It was like the world shutdown. I was like, What ever shall I do? And then I started buying whole beans and I bought a little grinder. And now it's like part of my ritual. I'm like, Let me grind up these machines. Let me make this coffee. Yeah. And it became. Really. But there is something really comforting and vintage, but also like just a modern treasure of being able to go to a Starbucks and get exactly what you want. And it tastes the same every time.   Yassir Lester But there's a Starbucks like three quarters of a mile from me. So it's like I don't walk. I get it. I walk back. It feels like there's a ritual involved, you know what I'm saying? And to Quinn, any obvious point? Like, I worked at McDonald's for years, and it's like, I hate it because I worked there. But I also know if I go into that, McDonald's is going to taste the same way it did. 20 years ago. You know what I mean? And I like I like to win any obvious point consistency. I like I like making sure that, you know, I like knowing that it's always going to be there. And also I like that it is quite literally a placebo. And I was talking about anxiety, blah, blah, blah. And I'm sure there's, you know, can they actually decaffeinate a coffee? Who knows? But like I like that I get that I get the the ritual of it all.   Amy I am obsessed with the antidote of ritual, like just yeah. Comforting yourself with the familiar and like going back to like, I mean, the simple things.   Yassir Lester Yeah, I'll say and there's again, simple joy. I think every though it depends on your diet clearly. Well I think every adult just to like reconnect with themself should have a bowl of their favorite cereal like twice a week at night. Like I do it as like a little dessert. It's I really don't like that one. Just getting a little fruity, just like just like a mug of fruity pebbles or cookie crisp cinnamon toast crunch. Like, I think that, like. And this will be the last, like, big statement I make, I promise. But, like, it's so easy to be, like, bills, you know, like, life, all this stuff, and you. You really like. I do feel like the philosophy of cereal kind of just, like, grounds you in there. Like, there's a small thing that I enjoy and like, kind of nothing else matters for a second, right? Like, and you don't have to feel guilty about it's not eating like a pint of ice cream or any of that stuff, you know what I'm saying? Like, it really does, like, I don't know, like, brings you back to kind of just being young in a weird way. Yeah.   Grace Yeah. And the excitement of having your favorite cereal, like, yeah, those are joys of a child.   Yassir Lester Also, just sit outside for 5 minutes, just like sit outside for 5 minutes on your if you have a porch or, you know, whatever, even just at the driveway of the apartment complex, whatever, like you just realize that you are a creation of the universe. See it for what it is for a second. Breathe in the smog.   Amy Oh.   Grace Sweet, sweet smog. Yes.   Amy Yassir. We talk all the time about family and how much we love our families. Like I always. Like, I like to hang out or talk to my family a lot. And I'm curious, even just the ritual of seeing your family, like most of your close family, moved to L.A. and they all live here like now. Do you feel like they someone asked me literally earlier today, is family an antidote for you? And I was like, No. But I do love them a lot. I'm curious, do you feel like family is your is an antidote for you? Do they calm you down? Amp you up?   Yassir Lester I feel like uh can can your poison also be your antidote, right? You know?   Amy Yeah.   Yassir Lester Yeah, I know.   Amy That's deep.   Grace That's deep.   Yassir Lester Wow. He's spittin. Oh, no. But like I would say, mostly antidote because I'm very. And I think, you know, and I. I don't want to make this like, black writer Twitter podcast, but like, I do think that like as writers, I think it's very easy to become very insular and you're just always working things out in your head, your head, your head. My family's really good at helping me at least seeing some different perspective because I also don't like and this is this is a conversation for a different day, but it's like I also like I kind of tell my family stuff and then like my therapist and that's it. Like, I don't like, go to friends. Like, I've got this problem. Like I just like sit there, just like will punch a hole in the wall. And everyone was like, you're okay? And I'm like, yes.   Amy Let it out.   Yassir Lester So so I would say they're mostly antidote every once in a while. Of course, you argue with family. Well, yeah, but like, I feel like family is only poison if you care about them, right? Like, I have so many friends that they just, like, don't care about their family, you know? So they just don't think about them, like.   Amy But that's true. Like, it's true like they can only be poison because you care which in itself is like. You have feelings.   Yassir Lester Yeah, exactly.   Amy And that's a positive thing. I think about that so often, especially like during the pandemic, there were times where I was like, mom and dad, you can't tell me what you're doing. Because once you say like, I went to Costco, I'm just imagining the darkest sh--. Yeah, I'm just like, you were in a store in Texas. Like, I just can't handle it. And I'm like, that gave me anxiety and that was poison. But also in its own way, I'm like, Well, it proves I care about you. So I'm going to let you know.   Grace Yeah, having family is a blessing, but it's also like you care. Too much and you try to like, make sure they're safe and everything. And but, you know, you have to remember that's my therapist says that they're grown. They can do what they want, so.   Yassir Lester I just. Real quick, my mom same thing like June 2020 I like she she shares her location with the kids just in case and like I went to text or something, but I needed like a picture that she had already sent. So I hit the info button and it showed her location and she was fully in a Walmart. So I didn't say anything and I was like, What do you do today, mom? She's like, I just went on a walk and I was like, Mom, just so you know, your location popped up and I know you were at the Walmart Supercenter. She was like, just so you know, okay, yes, that's true. But I'm being careful. I go right into Walmart, I go in, get the things I need, walk out. I go right into Nordstrom Rack, get the things I need, walk out. I go right into Best Buy and she named. She named like five places. I was like, N----, that is the mall.   Grace Mama was shopping. Her check came in. And she was just like.   Yassir Lester I was like, oh, what are we to it's. It's so you're like, oh my God. Because every single thing I know, we all know this is like all of your psychoses. Most of them come from your parents, and you don't realize it till you can analyze them fully. And you're like, Oh, yeah, I remember my mom growing up when I would get like a tax return. I was like 17 again from McDonald's, and I would be like, truly, I remember conversations like, I think I'm going to save this money. And my mom was like, You spend every dime damn money. You know, you don't know what's going to happen. So like, my mom was Literally.   Grace I love your mom.   Yassir Lester Literally anti saving money.   Grace Is she an Aries?   Yassir Lester What is April 14th?   Grace She's a Aries, I'm an Aries or whatever. So yeah, that's our whole f---in energy because I just like yolo. I was just like, Oh, I want this big or whatever. Yeah, it costs a whole week's pay, but bitch, you only live once. So I feel like me and your mom would be best friends.   Amy All right, well, we've talked about parents. I want to talk about siblings a little bit. You and your brother Isaiah host a podcast together.   Yassir Lester Yeah.   Amy Which was called Sneakers. What was it called?   Yassir Lester So we had so we had two different one, it was independent called my brother's sneaker and then we were acquired by the big mega corporation.   Amy Woah.   Yassir Lester I'm just kidding. It's a podcast company, I'm not, but it is but stockx, which is a very big sneaker marketplace. The other podcast network had us reboot it essentially. Cool. So we do. It's about sneakers and culture, but it's the same thing we're doing now. You know, those are always our entry way.   Amy I love that.   Yassir Lester We talk about, you know, from what what would just be, you know, a shoe to being like, why was Kamala Harris's nephew in law wearing these. Are these shoes whack now?   Grace Yeah those Dior.   Amy That was incredible.   Grace Dior Jordans or whatever.   Yassir Lester Yeah.   Grace Yeah.   Amy Yeah. That was a moment. Yeah, that was a moment. Have you guys, I mean, you guys have collaborated for years. Have you always wanted to work together? Like who got into comedy first?   Yassir Lester Well, you know, it's interesting. So we all like because also my sister is a union hairstylist. So you're also that barber? Yeah. So we all work in the industry.   Amy Y'all the Wayans.   Yassir Lester Lord willing.   Amy Everybody got a job. Lord willing.   Yassir Lester Lord willing, and we nepotism is such a real thing in general and you don't realize it until you get and then you're like, Oh my God. Like, Yeah, but I don't know y'all's connections, but like, I truly was like, I mean, mine came from standup, right? And it's again, you're just like the idea of just like writing a script and hoping you'll get in is like, for anybody listening, it's not going to happen. Somebody somebody immediately.   Grace Somebody just jumped into the ocean, Yassir.   Amy You're responsible for 12 people in the industry and for that I thank you.   Yassir Lester Listen. I'll be honest. There's not enough jobs. You, whoever you are, don't come to Hollywood.   Amy Do something else.   Yassir Lester Do something else. Be a painter.   Yassir Lester And also say, oh, sorry, Grace.   Grace No, I was just going to say and if you don't have nepotism or whatever, which none of us here had or whatever, yeah, then you have to kind of risk it all. Like you kind of have to do it. Like I got on a Greyhound Greyhound bus at 23, you know, and, you know, had maybe $100. And that I was like going to stay with my aunt in New York and like got a paid internship where I was making like $200 a week, like before taxes.   Yassir Lester Yeah.   Grace Like that's the type of show you got to do or whatever in order to do it. But like, it's hard to do that not everybody can do that, so.   Yassir Lester No, and that's and that's the crazier thing is that like, you know, and again, for us three, it's like I know our stories, you know, Grace, I just heard yours, but I'm like, you know, I'm not going to be like and I was eating rats in the gutter and I made it like, I'm not, you know. Yeah, but it's like to be broke and like, try to make it even requires a certain amount of privilege, which is so crazy to me, you know what I'm saying? Like, like I worked at Borders bookstore, I worked at like Best Buy and like all these, you know, and even then you're like, damn, the fact that I, like, could even get a job is like, it's so far beyond what other people have to go through, you know what I mean? So like.   Grace 1000% and I knew like.   Yassir Lester They also say, oh. Sorry.   Grace No, I was just saying that I knew that I had a safety net. I knew I could always come home. So that is privilege.   Yassir Lester But. Absolutely. And that's one of the reasons why I came to L.A. was with my grandma, lived in Fresno at the time, and I was like, if anything ever happens, I can at least drive up to Fresno and like find my grandma couch to sleep on. Right. But I was also going to say the thing about nepotism too, that, uh. Being Black creatives, you know, nepotism truly still kind of gets, you know, where because you have to be so talented, you have to be so talented.   Amy You can't be sh---y.   Grace You really can't. That's I totally agree because nobody is going to give you a chance for no reason.   Amy I. I. I actually want to pull out of the work conversation because that's it's always stresses me out thinking about how f---ed up this industry is. But I do want to ask, like outside of work. Yeah. What do you have like. I know you paint. I know you have your podcast, which is kind of work adjacent and painting opens up creativity. But I would like to know what is your proudest non-career related accomplishment?   Yassir Lester Pre-pandemic, I was working with this organization called Cause for Celebration, and they would throw birthday parties for children and like single parent homes, underfunded homes, or in foster care. That was great. And like, you know, again, it's like kids that would normally never have a birthday party. Like, quite literally, the science shows that like a child just being acknowledged with a birthday party, like keeps them out of jail, gets them in school, you know what I'm saying? And you're just like. So something like that. It was always just like, damn. Like, again, like, I grew up and like, my mom, at the very least, would be like, I got a cupcake or you know what I'm saying? Like, just again that acknowledgement.   Amy That small acknowledgment.   Yassir Lester You know, I've always been of the school of thought that was like if I ever make it, I was going to go back, right? And yes, there's so many times that like, I mean this sincerely, like my mom, like we she would have $10 in her pocket and that would be it. And she saw someone on the street, she would give it to her and give it to them. And she would always be like, you have to take care of everyone. Like, you just have to. You know what I'm saying is the only way we can really humanity can get out of this mess. So she always like gave this spirit of giving is always been within me. My brother and sister has a certain level of love that only comes from giving, if that makes sense. It's really weird. You don't, you know, especially you remember being like a kid and people were like, It's better to give them receive. And you're like, I always want toys.   Amy Yeah. Exactly. You're Like, What are you talking about?   Grace Yeah, yeah. Better to give to me than.   Yassir Lester Yeah, exactly. Yeah.   Amy And where can people find you on the Internet?   Yassir Lester Got rid of Twitter. That's another antidote, actually. Oh, get rid of Twitter. So Instagram at Yassir_Lester. I think that's it. I don't have much of a footprint no mo.   Grace Yeah well your show will be coming out.   Amy You do and they about to find you on, I don't know, at Marvel.   Yassir Lester Yeah. You guys, look out for Armor Wars premiering in 2030. Should be exciting.   Amy I was. I was like, should we call it the upcoming show? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, we should. Oh, well, this has been amazing. I'm like, I feel like I haven't laughed as much in a while about such dark things. So thank you very much.   Yassir Lester Oh, was my dream.   Grace Now we're going to do our creative tap in, in which we tap, tap, tap in to our creativity. And you and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast. You also miss the sense of where you are going and why. That is by Eddie Cantor. I'll read it one more time. Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast. You also miss the sense of where you are going and why.   Amy I think what it makes me think of. Maybe not right now, but I've been I've actually been reading this book. It's an older book, and some of it feels a little dated, but it's by Simon Sinek, who I really appreciate as a thought leader. And it's called Start With Why. Then the book is all about how the greatest companies have a very strong why and sometimes their why is even stronger than what they create. But if you but if you're trying to grow your company too fast, you can lose your way. And that's when things like company start to fail. It's like when they're just like cost cutting and thinking of their competitors and like moving too fast. And so right now, in this moment, just because I'm in the process of like starting a production company and I did a lot of work last year to find out like, what is my why I hired a consultant. I like did all these workshops and obviously I've been reading all of these like business books and everything. So right now, in this moment, that's what that quote makes me think of, is like making sure, like just because your career or what you're working on, your creative trajectories accelerating not to lose your Y, not to lose the thing that grounds you and to make sure that you're driving in a direction that you believe in. That's what makes me think of. What about you?   Grace Well, it just makes me think of how sometimes, like, in this business, you get to the point where your dream is work. So sometimes you forget to enjoy the work, that you forget that this is what you prayed for. This is what you sat in your room dreaming about or whatever, because it at some point it becomes work. It just encourages me to be like, Oh, wow, you are kind of living inside of your dream right now. It may not be exactly how you pictured it. Like I pictured myself as Angela Bassett. Really? But I'm not Angela Bassett or Angela Bassett. I am Grace Edwards. But and so the dream doesn't look exactly how I pictured it, but I literally wake up every day and my work is things that I love. And sometimes I'll get so anxious and stressed out and like thinking about, Oh, is this going to go? Or, Oh, I have to do this over here and and start thinking of my dream as oppression. It reminds me to be like, remember the why that you wanted to do this for a reason. And part of it is like putting your voice out there, putting yourself out there, creating work for people who you feel are underrepresented. So remember that whenever you're just like, Oh, I'm tired or like, Oh, I don't want to do this meaning or whatever. Just remember that it's all a privilege.   Amy That's nice. I mean, I like that. It makes both of us think of the why, even if it's in a slightly different way. But it is like, check back in with your self. Remember the why. Remember why you you signed up for this. That makes me even think of giving like how Yasir was talking about the power of being able to give back. And I'm like, that is so much of why we create art and we are almost mean like capital. We like Black creatives. It's it's not just I want to see my name in lights. It's also I want to give future Black people a thing to see.   Grace Yeah, that's a huge why. And that's so important to remember every day when we do work. Okay. Well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace at GracyAct. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me. Amy at AmyAniobi. That's A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two e's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy And remember your why. The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It is produced by Jenna Hanchard and ourassociate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT The Artist and Cosmo The Truth.   Grace APM Studio executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidote Show dot org and remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Ow.

In this episode of the Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards connect with actress and comedian Robin Thede about what her talent built, the ways her design aesthetic calms her, and why she takes the time to finish her lunch.  Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week - stressful job market! expensive Covid tests! - and also share their antidotes for the week which include fitting in vacation and spending time with loved ones outside of work.  OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning, our help comes with some strong language attached. So hide your kids, like tuck them into bed, it's time to say night night. Because we're about to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f—-ing madness on the news, we're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times, we all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace This is The Antidote. Hi, everybody. Welcome to our second episode of The Antidote. Thank you for coming back. We are so appreciative that you're here again. Amy Yay! Thank you! Warm my little heart. Grace And let me tell you guys, my friend Amy. Amy Who, me? Grace Is looking like a whole ass snack. Like she switched up her hair. It's like, more like a blow out. It's like a beachy wave thing, I mean. Amy Yeah. Mama got a new wig. Grace Oh, my goodness. That is a good wig. Like, it looks like it's going right down to your roots, girl. Amy I mean, literally I feel like the Black woman power to change your look at the drop of a hat and the drop of a few hundred dollars is a phenomenal gift. And even though it's sometimes really annoying, I miss, especially pre-pandemic, like being able to just change my look up every now and then. Grace Yeah, yeah. I mean, I love it. I mean, you know me, girl, I got braids. Right now I have faux locs. Amy Your faux locs are bangin, like y'all. I'm always here for a faux locs moment and Grace, like she whips those things around. I'm like, yes, whatever you want, I shall do it. All right. Well, let's get into the show.   Grace Well, we can't have The Antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from.   Amy So we're starting now up top with our bummer news.   Grace Oh, no.   Amy It's all about the great resignation. Basically, 4.4 million Americans have quit their jobs in the last month. Not year, in the last month, because there's so much dissatisfaction with working conditions, uninspiring jobs, bad bosses. It's literally gone global. Everyone is like, I'm done, I'm out self-care moment. I literally saw a tweet a couple of weeks ago that a boss had sent all these tasks to his assistant to do in a text message, and the assistant responded, it's giving shackles I quit.   Grace I actually live. Who is that icon? I need to find this person, follow them on Twitter forever.   Amy They covered their name to protect them. It said it's giving shackles.   Grace It's giving shackles. I quit. You know, there are some times in my life I should have said shit. You know what I'm saying?   Amy Yes, 100%. But I think the reason it's happening, it's like, money is spread thin because of the pandemic and people are expecting more from all of their employees. And we're also burnt out because we've been in fight or flight slash like crisis trauma mode for two years running. It's really indicative of the fact that we have not learned as a society to prioritize self-care. But like, that's what bums me out. I'm like glad that people are leaving jobs that don't inspire them. But I'm also sad because it's indicative of a bigger problem. Capitalism.   Grace I mean, and, you know, you and I, we talk about, you know, we are crazy busy. But I actually was talking to a friend earlier today and I was just like, you know, my life is insane right now. There's so much to do. But I feel so blessed by the fact that I enjoy all of it. So part of me, like, it's like, Oh, this is great. People are standing up for themselves. But you're right, it's true that there shouldn't be so many bad working conditions that fully four and a half million people quit their jobs, that, that super sucks. Yeah, that's that's that's bananas.   Amy In a month. And then on top of that, our second piece of bummer news. What it also makes me scared about is that free COVID tests and treatments are no longer free for the uninsured. So all these people who have quit their jobs who are like probably getting exposed to COVID just because they live in America and people be mask free 2022. Now they don't even get free COVID tests. And basically there was this program that used to reimburse clinics and hospitals for the testing, as well as for treating uninsured patients with COVID 19. And they literally stopped the claims because they, they're like, we can't accept any more claims because we have lack of sufficient funds. And now people will be charged $125 for testing and $100 if they go through a physician's office. And basically, people have taken it to Congress being like, hey, can we get more funding for this? And of course, Republicans objected.   Grace Oh, my God. I mean, just in time, because let me tell you.   Amy Deltacron?   Grace She is Molly whopping her ass right into America right now. So.   Amy Wait, we went back to the top of the alphabet? I thought we got. We haven't even gotten to Zetacron. Why are we back at Deltacron?    Grace Yeah, I don't know. Now, all the mask mandates are going down. The vaccine mandates are going down. And just in time for this new variant to be like, Hey, girl, I'm here. And now, people can't even get tested for free.   Amy And let's not forget that as of March 28th, an average number of about 18,000 Americans are still hospitalized with COVID 19 per day and 3000 are in ICUs and 753 are dying. So it's not like this thing is over.   Grace I'm literally outside a CVS every day, like a crackhead. Like, give me another shot. Give me another one. I'm just like. So give me another one of them boosters, baby. You know what? Keep- let me keep some at my house. I'll put it. I'll put it in myself.   Amy I'll be smart. I'll only boost every 3 to 6 months. Don't worry, just leave me with the shots, I'll be responsible with the booster.   Grace You know, I'll put a clean syringe every time or whatever. Just give me some of that sweet, sweet booster shot.   Amy Last bit of bummer news. This one just bummed me out. I saw that Bruce Willis is stepping away from acting because he has aphasia. And I have heard of aphasia. But just for people who don't know, it's actually described as a neurological condition that affects a person's ability to communicate verbally or through writing. And it affects an estimated 2 million people in the United States per year, according to the National Aphasia Association. It can stop how you speak. It can stop how you communicate. And of course, as an actor, you have to memorize lines. So his daughter, Rumer Willis, broke the news and literally said he's stepping away from the career that he loves so much. And he's 67. He's not that old. And for that to happen after his illustrious career and all that, like Bruce Willis, like.   Grace Everyone fucks with Bruce Willis. Can I just get that out? Clearly everyone fucks with Bruce Willis because he fine, he up. He's like a bald headed king. Thank you, Bruce Willis for your service. And also, that's just very sad. I mean, you know, my dad is 82. He's still working. And, you know, I'm thinking of him at 67 having to step away from things. And yeah, that's too young if you still really love something to do that. But, you know, he's got to take care of himself. And I hope that, you know, whatever treatments they're giving him are at least making him comfortable. And, you know what a wonderful actor. Yeah.   Amy That's the bummer news for this week. How do you feel, Grace?   Grace Well, I don't feel good. How about you?   Amy I'm pretty shitty.   Grace Okay. Well, let's get into the antidote!   Amy So for those of you just joining us, this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed or the things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So, yeah, Grace, what was your antidote this week?   Grace As we speak, I am sitting in a Baltimore, Maryland, in a hotel overlooking the harbor. It's my birthday weekend, so it's a poorly timed trip. It's a poorly timed trip. I mean.   Amy Who cares? Treat yourself!   Grace I have so much work to do. I should probably be in Los Angeles, in my office, doing the things that I always do, but I sort of set like this boundary, like, listen, Grace, you're, you have a lot of work right now, and that's not going to change. It's actually going to get worse, especially if the things that you want come to pass. So I'm, so I'm starting now, starting today, starting on this trip, it's like I'm not going to let work, take away opportunities for me to be somewhere else. So before this, I went to my parents house in Michigan and it was lovely. I was still working, but I got to kiss my mom's face. I got to hang out with my sweet brother, you know, I got to see my dad, you know? But it was nice. I was in my childhood bedroom and I was like, I'm working on this amazing new show that's coming out on Netflix starring Michelle Buteau. And so, like, we're in my childhood bedroom and I'm showing them pictures of like when I was Dorothy in The Wiz and all my show choir pictures. And I'm literally looking through all my drawers and seeing like my old Girl Scout books and stuff like that. And then after I leave Baltimore because my friend is getting married in Baltimore, that's the reason why I'm here. He's getting married on my birthday, which was shade, because he's known me since we were 14. So they know where my birthday's at. So he didn't need to get married on my birthday.   Amy He did not do that to offend you! He probably did that because of pricing.   Grace I mean, I love you, Justin, and I'm obviously here. I love you, and I'm obviously here, so I'm not that mad about it. But. But then after his wedding, on my birthday, then I'm going to New York for a week and still I am going to be working a lot. But I told my assistant to leave my evenings free, so I'll get to see friends at night. I'll get to see business contacts and people that I've hung out with for years that I used to live in New York with. So I just love the fact that I took this poorly timed vacation. Because even though there's so much work that has to go on during the vacation. I'm still stealing moments of joy, stealing moments of connection. So I feel like it's so important, even when you have a ton of work or you have a lot of obligations in your life, that you still make time to, like steal those moments. So that's what I'm doing this week. I'm stealing moments in between the work that I have to be somewhere else. Feel a different energy. Feel a different city. And yeah, and because I'm moving around so much, I really don't have time to focus on all the bummer news and all the things that are going on in the world. Because I got to get on a plane. Oh, snap. I got to repack this bag. Oh, snap. Did I remember my podcast recording equipment? Like, you know, I have to do all that stuff. So it feels good to be distracted from the routine of life, to be somewhere else and kick up like some new energy. So.   Amy Yeah, and you're trying not to become one of these 4.4 million people who quits their job. You know, it's like that's what it's about is mental health, self-care, boundaries. You were like literally living that in practice. And sometimes it's hard. Like you keep on calling it an ill timed trip, but when is the right time to take care of yourself? Like, you know, so I'm just like it, it's hard to set boundaries and to protect your peace. But you're doing it. You're living it. And I think that's incredible. That's a beautiful antidote.   Grace Well, thank you. And I'm just curious, what is your antidote this week been?   Amy LOL, we have a very similar antidote because I'm also on vacation. I am recording this podcast from lovely Maui, Hawaii. I'm here for a bachelorette weekend with one of my closest friends in the world. Her name's Zoe and she wanted to do her bachelor in Hawaii. I've never been to Hawaii, I had never been there before. And I was like, it's really hard for me to, like, commit to getting away. And, and I love vacation. I actually really feel like traveling rejuvenates my creativity. It always makes me tap into my writing in a new way. So the flight getting out of town, like you're saying, it kind of rejuvenates my ability to focus on my work when I get back. So I was really happy that they decided to do Maui instead of something that was like super local because it kind of forced me to get out and then I got, you know, my new hair and then I also.   Grace And it's gorgeous.   Amy Exactly. And then I have a view of the ocean outside of my hotel room. And yeah, it's it's been incredible. I literally am like, it's in a weird way. Like, I've lived internationally, I've been all over the world. I love to travel, I love vacationing, and I've never been to Hawaii. And it feels like so, it feels novel to me. It's like me on this island and like and I will say there has been a lot of talk during the pandemic about not going to Hawaii so that, to protect the locals. And it has been a complicated conversation for me because I'm like I have complicated feelings around going to tourist destinations during a pandemic. And I, what I will say about our group is that like we are the most hardcore, like testing every 10 seconds, like we're so insane about safety and we really decided to do it in a really protective way for us and to not like, you know, be in Hawaii, like littering on the street or whatever. So, but I am like, hey, I'm coming here and, and wanting to experience it and be as kind to the island as possible. And it's so funny, the videos, you know how the hotel TV has like a loop of like, welcome to our hotel type videos. All of the videos are about like literally they say, we have sacrificed so much to allow you to keep coming here. Like the video says that. And they're like, please protect our island. This is Ohana. You are part of our family. Please protect our island. And it's like really moving. I like sat and watched the whole little entry video and I was like, I hope these white people up in here are listening to this video because I'm feeling it deep.   Grace I mean, it's like kind of White Lotus talked about it a little bit. Yeah, yeah.   Amy Just to throw this in, the first night I got here at this resort, this, I was walking through a hallway and this random Black woman who's a guest at this resort saw me and goes, Hello!   Grace Oh, my God. She was just like my sister.   Amy She sis-ed herself. Yeah she's like, I just haven't met you yet and there aren't a lot of us here. I was like, so nice to meet you. It was so sweet, so on that we'll just keep on enjoying our vacation vibes right after this break.   Grace Welcome back to The Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Amy?   Amy Our guest today is a comedian, actor, writer, showrunner, as well as executive producer, creator and star of the Emmy Award winning HBO sketch comedy series A Black Lady Sketch Show. We stan for a bad bitch support group.   Grace And Black lady courtroom.   Amy She was the head writer for The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, making her the first Black woman in history to hold that position. And so glamorously, too. And she also was the first Black woman head writer for the White House Correspondents Dinner. She was named one of Variety's top ten comics to watch. And she is one of my personal top ten Instagrams to watch because y'all the cheekbones. Make like Doja Cat and get into it yuh. Please welcome Robin Thede.   Robin Thede That may have been the best intro I have literally ever had in my entire life. I'm going to bottle it up. Thank you very much.   Grace Well, Robin, you are very impressive, but we aren't here to talk about your many, many, many accomplishments. We're here to get deep.   Amy Yeah.   Robin Thede Yes. Okay, let's do it.   Amy Let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Is there anything that's weighing on you?   Robin Thede Oh, sure, the world. But I will say thank you because you let me finish making my pasta for lunch. And I bring this up because old me write pre-pandemic me or even pre a year ago me would have just said, forget it, pass out, die, don't eat. You're supposed to be somewhere at 2:00 and no one's going to understand of your late. And what I've realized is in the pandemic is. No. If I need 5 minutes, it's not the end of the world and just ask for it like I don't want to die tomorrow knowing that I didn't take 5 minutes to make lunch. And, you know, I made this beautiful cauliflower pasta. This pesto and kale? Yeah, it's fantastic. It's a vegan pasta. It's a cauliflower pasta by Banza, which I really like. Tons of protein, not a lot of carbs, if you care about those things. And a vegan pesto that I did not make, but I bought and then I sauteed some kale and did some, you know, salt and pepper and some things and just a beautiful pasta in the middle of the day.   Amy Ladies and gentlemen, she's a chef.   Grace Let, let me add it to the bio.   Robin Thede Normally, normally I would make my own pesto, but I had to get the lunch ready of like 8 minutes. But but it was that sort of thing. That's that kind of like, you know, we talk about self care and we always ask each other, how are you checking in with your self, with your friends, etc., etc.? And for me, I need to be kinder to myself in a lot of ways. I'm my own harshest critic, but I'm also bad to my body sometimes. Yeah. And this body is the only one I got. So I've tried to stop beating myself up about the things I don't like about my body, which obviously are not many.   Grace Yas queen, you better say that shit.   Amy I was like, What would that be?   Robin Thede Even making a joke like that is like for me, because normally I go into.   Grace Like this sort of like it's like.   Robin Thede No, forget that. Like this is the one body I'm blessed with and I need to love every inch of it. And that includes feeding myself when all the other years I would have just gone until 10 p.m. without eating and that's not frickin healthy. So yeah. So I took, I took the time.   Amy Well, you know, we want to get into the show. The show is called The Antidote, as you know.   Robin Thede Congratulations, by the way. This is so dope. Two of my favorite people.   Amy Ohh, thank you. So I'm curious, is your antidote this week cooking for yourself, making yourself a little meal?   Robin Thede Yeah, for today it is. I mean, you know, I also, in my mind am a secret dog owner. I don't own a dog, a dog. But we were raised with Welsh Corgis. Ones where they don't have tails. And so I have a notebook where. Oh it's downstairs, but I have a notebook that has a corgi on it and it says a little corgi makes your day a little better. So in my mind, I've been toying with this idea of getting a puppy.   Amy Oh, my God. Would you?   Robin Thede I don't think so, because I just, I move around too much and I'm just too busy, and I don't want to pick up poop, but. In some ways, just even looking at the puppies or watching little YouTube videos up there makes me happy. Just small things, you know, just little things.   Amy I love a puppy video. I also love when it's like unlikely animal friends, you know? Like, a puppy and a duck.   Robin Thede I love it. And it's always like a wolf and a cat. Like, what are you doing? Why are they friends?   Grace Or, like, a duck and a goat.   Robin Thede Duck and a goat. Yeah, duck and a goat. It would be good.   Amy I don't think I could get a pet. But I also find an antidote of mine is looking at other people's pets from a distance. It's like babies. I mean, you're cute over there.   Amy Totally. And that's the thing. There's no like there's no risk just Googling them. You don't have to pick up their poop.   Grace Yeah, that's the part that I don't like, the poop part.   Robin Thede Do you have an animal, Grace?   Grace For the same reasons. Like, I like to be able to move freely and not have to worry about, like, you know, where to put them or whatever. But I am more of a cat person than a dog person. And.   Robin Thede All right, we can move on now.   Grace Let me let me let me explain myself first! So I'm more of a cat person, more than a dog person, because cats are fucking real. That's what I'm talking about cats are fucking real. Dogs, always happy to see you. Oh, they're always licking and whatever, jumping on you. But a cat will let you know how she feel at any given moment.   Robin Thede You're talking to the wrong audience. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate the speech, but my roommate in college had a cat who sent her to the hospital.   Amy In college?   Robin Thede Yeah.   Amy That's rude, first of all.   Grace That's why you don't like cats. It's trauma. It's PTSD. From that time.   Robin Thede I've ever liked them, I think. Why would I want an animal who's going to spite you every day I come home? I get that in my life. I can get that from a man. Why would I want that from a cat?   Grace I like it. I'm like, make me work for it. Make me work for it. Okay.   Robin Thede Girl, bring that up in therapy. Don't put that on me. Yeah.   Amy I would say you've come a long way from having a college roommate. You're in a beautiful home. Which, by the way, we're just seeing a corner of it. She won't show it to us, but. Oh, it's beautiful. The corner we're seeing is lovely.   Robin Thede The rest is just shambles.   Amy And I got to assume, like, you're someone like you work a lot, you're on sets a lot, you travel a lot for work. Like what is it like coming home? Is home like a place where you get to finally relax and feel more like yourself?   Robin Thede Yes, yeah. Yes. And I have set it up that way. My house is very white and very-   Amy White people?   Robin Thede Whi- white people.   Amy Like white supremacy?   Robin Thede Have you guys heard of the KKK? Oh, my God.   Grace Oh, my God. Is that the reason why that lamb has a hood on it? So cute.   Robin Thede All lamps have a hood!   Amy Oh, they're all trying to fight me.   Robin Thede Oh, no. Twitter's just ablaze. Oh.   Amy No y mean white as in serene.   Robin Thede No, it's very serene. It's very like people always come in my house and I go, Is this a model home? And I'm like, it's not a gated community. I don't understand why it would be a model home, but no, it's not. Or they'll go, oh, is this still the stage front?   Amy Wait, what? No, I think I like you because my house is like that. Like my living room is very like it is how it is. Like my pillows are in the middle here on either side. I there's something to me that's comforting about just.   Robin Thede Walking into serenity. Yeah. I walk in like, I think most people like, my crazy brain and all the characters, like all the comedy I do would think my house would be, like, colorful. And it's like that always very like gray invasion, white and like some blush elements. But then I will say my family room in my kitchen, which is all kind of one area, it's like navies and grays and blues and like a much more comfortable kid. My nieces and nephews can jump off the couches and do all of that, but my bedroom is like white and cream and blush and that's it. And like, my living room is the same. My formal living room is the same way. Ooh, I'm bougie formal living room.   Grace Yeah, I was two living rooms, must be nice.   Robin Thede Yeah. Somebody said, somebody said if your couches don't touch the wall you rich and I'm like, oh my couches don't touch the wall.   Grace This one touches the wall. But I got another one that don't touch the wall. So maybe I'm rich too.   Robin Thede See you got two couches so you rich.   Amy I know what I heard was multiple couches.   Grace Amy has an estate okay, so first of all, I don't. I don't know why she always trying to downplay how nice our house is.   Amy Stop right there.   Grace Three floors.   Robin Thede Amy and I have the same desk.   Amy Yeah, we do. We have the same office desk, and I absolutely love it. I remember seeing it for the first time on Zoom with you and I, like, had a kenipchin because I was just like, Oh my God. My style icon has my desk. I'm like, How did this happen?   Grace To the follow to last question, would you say that home is your favorite place? What? What is like your favorite place to be? Just in general?   Robin Thede Oh my God. Italy is my favorite country to be here. Hands down. It's just so beautiful. As you know, from my pasta adventure today, I learned how to make pasta in Italy. That's the other thing, guys. I didn't make my own pasta today. I didn't make my own pasta. I could of. I have a possum. Wow. I can't. I know how. But yeah, I, but anyway, so Italy, I would say is my favorite country. But yeah, home. Home is my favorite place and I am a bit of a homebody. Not no way of like I don't like seeing people, but just in a way of like the pandemic has forced me to be. And I do think I replenish my energy at home for sure.   Grace I feel the same way. And we also love Italy because me and Amy went on a trip last summer. We went to Sicily.   Robin Thede I know.   Amy Even thinking about and I don't want to get like super heavy on the pandemic of it all, but that's so much of why we even started this podcast, is we missed each other and missed being able to like find joy. And I remember you posting on Instagram about like how to maintain friendships during the pandemic. And that was like, hit me in my heart because I was like, this is how I feel every single day, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. I'm curious like what has been your way to form community during this crazy time and, and what have you found has helped?   Robin Thede I'm so glad you brought that up because I'm rarely vulnerable on my Instagram. Like it's usually, like you said, just cheekbones and that we move on.   Amy Literally the best.   Robin Thede But yeah, I think for me, I put up this really vulnerable post that was about how much I love my friends, but how also I feel like I've kind of been a bad friend over the past two years to many a two year old. So just so many of my friends that I love so dearly because I haven't found the courage to have the sort of social life that we all used to have. And I just don't have it. And the thing is, like, I make television 11 months and 28 days of the year. I have about three days between seasons. Yep, on A Black Lady Sketch Show. Even though people think even though people like it's only six episodes, why would that take you a year? And I'm like, You have no idea the epic size and scope and how long it takes to make television.   Grace Takes so much.   Robin Thede But for me, I have a responsibility to my crew. Even when I'm in post, you know, when I'm editing the show, I still have to go to color and sound mixes in person. That means I cannot be COVID positive. I also have an autoimmune disease and I had COVID in January of 2020 and it was it damn near killed me. So I and I said without no hyperbole, like I literally could not breathe and told my mom I might stop breathing in my sleep like I it was awful. And this was before we knew anything about. Yeah, right. So two of the three seasons of the schedule had been made during a global pandemic. It's so stressful and my friends are all like, Well, I'm not even going to come to your house because I don't want to get you sick, you know? So it's like at the end of the day. I do feel like in so many ways I'm lacking as a friend and no friends have made me feel that way, of course. But I was so happy to see the responses from people saying the same thing. Amy, you were saying, which was same and nobody faults you. Like all of our friendships kind of.   Amy Suffered, felt a hit.   Robin Thede Suffered just because of that. Yeah. And the thing I am learning is that all my friends are great because I still miss them so much and want them so much. And, you know, there wasn't anybody that I'm like to thank God for that pandemic, so I can cut that off. You know, there was nothing that I remember when I saw the two of you at an event. I don't know if we should say what it was, but I saw that you be at an event a few months. Yeah. Can I say, who cares about that? Yeah.   Amy Yeah, everybody tested, it was great.   Robin Thede Yeah, like everybody tested, it was the safest.   Amy Anyway, but.   Robin Thede It was the safest. It was outside. Everybody was tested and or vaccinated, and I still wouldn't take off my mask. Yeah, like, I'm still just one of those people. And I think I was shooting at the time.   Amy You were, because I remember.   Robin Thede Yeah. Because that thing for me, I'm like, okay, I'm coming to your birthday because I love you and I'm obsessed and I haven't seen you in forever, but I'm putting 200 people's lives and jobs at risk by doing it, you know, and it just sucks, you know? And so anyway, I'm just trying to be more gentle with myself about some of the friendships I haven't been able to like, you know, maintain as much as normal.   Amy I'm loving, like just being able to reminisce about some of these great times that we've managed to have even in the pandemic. And because it's like sometimes you're thinking about like, Oh, what did I do last week? And it's like I sat in my house, but there were some bright spots like I even think of first. Sure. Yeah. Like even I started staging in my house every now and then. I never used to have time.   Robin Thede I'm here for your, listen, your sage and candle Instagram. This is what I'm living for.   Amy Last question for you and then we'll let you get back to your pasta. I know earlier last year you said that you get hard on yourself for not being where you want to be sometimes, but then you think about how proud your six year old self would be of you. And I'm like, there are days where I'm like, Oh yeah, that's true. I've come further than I ever dreamed. And then there are days where it doesn't quite fit, you know? And I'm curious, like, what conversation for for that six year old girl who has so many dreams ahead of her, what would that conversation sound like to tell her, hey, girl, it's going to be fine. So let you be in the space where you know you're okay.   Robin Thede I love that you brought that up because ever since I posted that, you know, when you when you're when you think you're not where you're supposed to be, think about how proud your six year old self would be of you. I have really internalized that as my mantra. And when I'm ever feeling like, Oh, well, this show didn't go. I was developing this show and we put out a press announcement. Now it's dead, you know, da da da da. That's a normal in this business. And like or, you know, I keep thinking, oh, god, I used to be on TV every day and now I'm on TV six episodes a year and like, am I falling out of the spotlight? Am I not keeping up the energy of my career? Do people even care about what I'm making? I'm like, Do they have any idea how good what I'm about to release is or how long this takes? Do they appreciate that or do they just think, Oh, she'll never be bigger than she is because of blah blah blah, right? So all that negative self-talk. But then I, I thought about this this morning in a new way. I looked around and I go, Look at this place you live, right? And no matter how big or small, right.   Amy Yes, yeah.   Robin Thede I just go, my talent built this, my talent built this, nothing else but my hard work and my talent. And I say that because my talent has taken care of me. I have never had a loan from anybody. No man has ever paid my bills. My parents have never paid my bills. No shade to anybody who's doing that. Because.   Amy I mean if you got the hustle, keep it.   Robin Thede You know, that part? That part. I have accomplished so many things based on my talent. Why would I ever get down on myself if something didn't work out? And I do believe if something doesn't happen, it's not meant to be. And I believe in that divine order for sure. So now I'm just getting so much better about taking things in stride. I have a movie that was announced. It's at Amazon.com, killing it. It's Shaun of the Dead meets Girls Trip, and we're in development for that. Yeah. And I'm hoping that it goes through and so you guys can see it in your theaters and everything's fine. But things take time, right? Like people ask me what what's going on with that? And I'm like, Oh, it just takes time, you know? And I can't get down on myself if something doesn't go or something's taking too long. But at the same time, there's always that fight of going, Oh, you're getting older, people are going to want you when you're looking older or whatever. But I had to get rid of that too, because a I did decide to age backwards. So that's been lovely. It's happened. I just decided like like a month ago I was just like, Yeah, oh, I'm going to age backwards. Yeah. I just decide I feel like my.   Grace Manifest it sis.   Robin Thede Whatever is for me is for me and leave everything else, you know, it's like I've spent so much of my life trying to control what I can, when the truth is that whatever is outside of your control will not be affected by you trying to. Control that. So yeah, so I said tobacco control. And I also had to just really more than just gratitude rights. I was doing like gratitude journals and all that kind of stuff, but I kicked it up to another notch when I was like, Look at every look at this pillow, look at this chair, look at this laptop, look at this desk, look at this car, your talent. But that you and it's not about the material thing. My sense of safety, my sense of accomplishment is not just rooted in those material things, but it's rooted in the environment that I've created for myself in my life. And that's huge. As somebody who grew up with nothing on welfare, like my parents had to work so hard just to barely scrape by. It's like, never forget that. Never forget that. I don't care if I make a knock on wood, but I don't care if I never make another television show again. I'm not going to lie.   Grace Yeah, you will, for sure.   Robin Thede I will, but see what I had to because-.   Amy You right because also, your talent is you.   Robin Thede That's right. And that will never go away. And if you believe in God, then God has gotten me this far because I think God and talent is the same.   Grace Is the same.   Robin Thede But whatever you believe, it is your talent that has got you there, wherever you believe that talent comes from. And I believe it comes from a higher source. So that's the other thing that's nice is that I'm not one of those who was like, God, God, I'll do it. God got me. And then don't do nothing. It's like.   Amy Na na na na na.   Robin Thede I've been working very hard and I will not rest until I see my goals accomplished. But at the same time, I'm also going to stop beating. I have stopped beating myself up when things don't go the way that I had thought. Because here's the last thing I'll say. Everything that didn't work out. My God. Thank you. Yeah, everything that did not work out. I think about praying to be on SNL. And when I auditioned in 2013, I was like, This is it. This is I have been submitting for ten years. And I was like, Please, please, this is it. I'm finally here up in front of Lorne Michaels. Is this is it? This is it. Didn't get it. Wow. And I was like, my sketch dreams are over. I had done six other sketch shows at that point, either writing, performing, guest, starring with all this other stuff. And I was like, This is it, this is SNL. I'm going to make it. Didn't make it. And I was like, Well, I have to get a new dream now. And I was already and then I got the Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, and then I did my own late night show. And on both of those shows, I was doing sketches left and right and it didn't leave me. I know, right? I never left me. I was like, Well, that dream's over. I literally said that like, Oh, well, that thing's over. No more sketch. I'll just do something else in comedy. And I literally only went on to do sketches that I wanted to do and then created a Black Lady sketch show. And the rest is history, literal, literal, right? So it's like even when you think you're giving up on your dream, you're dream ain't going nowhere.   Amy It ain't going nowhere.   Grace I go back to that in my life, like everything that didn't work out or whatever. Now I can look back and I can see how that was leading me in the right direction. So I think that that's like a beautiful lesson in that when things don't work out, it could be that it's leading you to an even better place, because if you had been on SNL, you would have been there for probably five, ten years and a black lady sketch show wouldn't have happened. You know what I'm saying?   Robin Thede I would have been dating Pete Davidson.   Amy Slinging that community peen.   Robin Thede Oh, my God, it would have been terrible. But, you know, the funny thing is that in my personal life, I think about all the men. I said, Please, God, just let him call me one. It would have been terrible.   Amy The way we've been saved.   Grace I thank God. Every day. Every day for that one.   Amy Oh, what?   Amy Well, just the way out. The way out of a relationship, too. I mean, all of that kind of stuff is just like, oh, the blessings. Yeah, but I do believe that.   Amy I love that. I love that it's so real. So this is the end of our conversation. Do you have anything coming up you want to tell us about? I know you can't say much about season three, but I think you'd like to know it could even be something you're not involved in that you just love.   Robin Thede I'll just say this. A Black Lady Sketch Show season three is coming soon. I'm very excited about it. And it's our most epic season.   Grace Oh, my God. I can't wait.   Robin Thede Yes.   Amy And on that note, we will end this interview. And thank you so much, Robin, for coming on and giving us the life today. Thank you.   Grace Now we are doing our creative tap in, in which we tap tap tap in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace Here's the quote. Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know, how you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess we may be wrong, but we take a leap after leap in the dark. Let me say it one more time. Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess we may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark. And that's by Agnes de Mille.   Amy Wow. That was deep. I was like, living. Is that a form of not being? Sure. I was like, Huh? And then it was like knowing how you begin to die a little. I was like, How about that? But I will say, I think when you continue to grow as a creative, as a person, as you stay curious, as you keep on reaching for new things to know, you stay creative. Hmm. And if you think you've learned everything, your creativity starts to die. But not. Not just your life. But I think of, like, to be honest, those comedians who are all like pissy comedy. I can't. And I'm like, Aren't you supposed to continue to work on your craft? Comedy doesn't age well. You have to update your craft. And if you don't choose to lean into the space of not knowing the the leap after leap in the dark, if you don't lean into that, your voice becomes irrelevant. You as a comedic force, as a creative, can begin to die. This is why I believe in lifelong education and like self-help or whatever. You got to do therapy. All the things that you can do to keep on growing. Because I actually do this on first. Listen, I was like, what? But now I'm like, No, I fully, fully believe this quote because it is like, yeah, once you think you have learned how to do what you were put here to do, that is the minute that your creative energy begins to die.   Grace Amazing. I love that. What this makes me think of and it's so interesting because I always pick these quotes before we talk to our guests. But this actually brings up something for me that Robin said when she was like, when I didn't get SNL and God had another plan or the universe another plan that makes me think of all the many times in my life where I thought that I could control the way things went. And when it says living is a form of not being sure, I feel like when my creativity really began to explode was when I stopped trying to guess what's next. Because before I was just like, okay, well, I'm working on a sketch show, so I have to do a sketch thing because that is the natural next step. And those are where I have the most connections and everything like that. So I wasn't coming to it from a place of What do I want to do? What am I most interested in? It was more of like trying to fit myself in whatever box or modality that I was closest to. So now I literally just seek out what I want to do and I don't try to control everything. And that, like, really releases my creativity because it's not me trying to guess what the best next move is. It's more like me coming first from my creativity and what interests me instead of trying to control everything. And I've become, like, comfortable enough to not be sure. Like, you know, earlier in my career I would be like, well, if this doesn't happen by this point or whatever, I have failed. Or I was just like, the next thing I'm going that is going to happen is this. And now I'm just like, whatever comes across my desk or whatever my agent sends me, I'll take a look at it. If I like it, I'll do it. If I don't like it, I don't do it. I have absolutely no clue what I will be doing or where I will be this time next year. And I'm comfortable with that. I'm fine with that.   Amy I love that we both had different ways of interpreting the quote.   Grace And it's so funny how often that it sort of aligns with something that our guests have said, you know, I like this part of the podcast.   Amy You can say it out loud. You can say with all your put some face on that.   Grace I like this part of the podcast.   Amy Me too.   Grace Well, thanks for listening to The Antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you, Amy?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you'd like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracey Act, that's g r a c y a c t.   Amy And follow me Amy at Amy Aniobi that's a m y a n i o b i and follow the show at The Antidote Pod.   Grace And that's a the with two e's.   Amy If you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.   Grace Goodbye!   Amy And look at everything you built.   Amy The Antidote is hosted by us, Amy, Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jennifer Hansard and our associate producer is Taylor Commodore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Krauss and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Alex Simpson.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni. Talent booking by Marion Wales. Our theme music was composed and produced by Titi the Artist and Cosmo the Truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Shepherd and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at Antidote show dot org and remember to follow us on social media at the Antidote Pod. That's the with two e's.   Grace The antidote is a production of American Public Media. Bye!   Amy Bye bye!  

In the first episode of The Antidote, hosts Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards connect with Tracee Ellis Ross on plant care, positive self-talk and belly rubs. Amy and Grace share their bummer news of the week, discussing the U.S. Supreme Court nomination of Ketanji Brown Jackson, Texas Republicans removing books from kids' classrooms and the return of the platform shoe. Amy and Grace also share their antidotes for the week - hiking! flowers! - that helped them deal with the madness. OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp Online Therapy -  betterhelp.com/ANTIDOTE FULL TRANSCRIPT Amy The world is a dumpster fire. I'm Amy. Grace And I'm Grace. Amy And we want to help. And fair warning. Our help comes with some strong language attached. So hide your kids, please. Like hide them now, because we've got to say some things. Grace As a reflex to the f---ing madness on the news. We're keeping it positive, uplifting, but opinionated. Amy We talk about cultural moments we love. Grace Talk to people we adore. Amy Crushes we have. Grace And self-care we stan. Amy During these trying times. We all need a show that focuses on joy. Grace Welcome to our first episode of The Antidote. My name is Grace Edwards. Amy And I'm Amy Aniobi. Grace And as close as we are, we actually don't remember when or where we officially met. But since there is not a ton of Black lady comedy writers in Tinsel Town, we probably met through friends, you know. Somewhere like. Amy Bitch. Tinsel Town, you old. Grace Tinsel Town. I stand by it because it's what, festive. But I suppose it is more commonly known as Hollywood. But we got a lot closer when we started working together on an HBO show. You might have heard of it called Insecure, starring the wonderful Issa Rae. And we were kind of work wives. Everybody at work was very disgusted. Amy I still remember a day that I was late to the zoom, and I came in and you were like, There's my perfect friend Amy. She's so brilliant and flawless. And everyone went, ugh. Grace I know. Oh, my God, same. I am Amy's hype woman. I just. I don't know. I just think everything you do is perfect. Nothing you've ever done was wrong. Amy Right back at you, girl. You're a f---ing queen. Let no one near me ever say nothing else. Okay, well, Insecure, sadly, has ended, and we no longer work together. Grace So since we're always kiki-ing in about how f---ed up the world is right now, and we help each other through the bullsh--, we thought we could invite y'all in to join us. So here we are on this lovely ass and hopefully healing ass podcast. Amy Mm. The world is so dark right now. Grace It's bleak. Amy So f---ing heavy, and it's important to us to be able to absorb the news, but we don't want the news to absorb us. So we were like, okay, we need to know what's going on in the world. But after we take in that trauma, what's our antidote? What are the things that heal us from how shady the messes we made the show The Antidote because it's what we needed. But then we actually discovered a quote by Queen bell hooks that fully convinced us the name was solid. Grace The quote is The practice of love is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination. Again, the practice of love is the most powerful antidote to the politics of domination. Isn't that a whole word? Amy As Black women, we are always fighting to keep our head above water. And this quote inspired us to talk not only about our healing, but also about creativity. So after our antidote guest interview will have a moment called the creative tap in, where we chat about creative process and what helps us do our jobs. Grace So we're going to have guests every week. We're going to have suggestions for ways that you can feel better about your life. So we hope you enjoy it. Amy So now that we've set this bitch up, let's get into the show. Amy For real. Let's do it. Amy Well, we can't have the antidote if we don't have something to get an antidote from. So starting now, up top with our bummer news of the week, the GOP has been grilling Ketanji Brown Jackson, who, by the way, is a Harvard grad. And all around, as you know, we always have to be a bad bitch. They've been grilling her about her opinions on like things that she shouldn't even have to talk about at this level, like child pornography cases, her religion, critical race theory, the anti-racist baby book. Grace I didn't Cruz ask her to, like, be like, what is the woman like? I just can't. I mean, at the end of the day, it's just an attack on trans women. As we all know. These things go on. They're trying to trap her into a definition of what a woman is. And we all know by this point, if you're not ignorant, that a women can be many different things. The sex that you were assigned at birth is not necessarily your gender. So, you know, it's all tomfoolery at the end of the day. Amy I love that you said tomfoolery after using Tinsel Town in the same episode. Grace. You are 80 year old times 80 as your bio on Twitter says. But literally, like they consistently interrupted her. They consistently talked over her. They repeated point. She is answer. They're just talking in circles around her, trying to confuse her. But b-, she is the Barack Obama of women. She is like the gold standard of what it is to be in this job because we all have to be perfect to get to that level. And if she's confirmed, she will literally be the first black woman to serve on the Supreme Court. And they are trying to stop at nothing to stop this person from getting as far as she's getting further than she's already gotten. And it is infuriating to me. Grace Yeah. I mean, it's I'm so afraid that she's not going to get it and she's so qualified. Look what they did to Merrick Garland. And that was the white man. So I if if she is actually confirmed, that will be a very good day. And that will be an antidote for me, actually. Amy Yeah. There's more to make. You saw this week now my home state where Ted Cruz is from. There are all these superintendents that are pulling books from the libraries that are talking about sexuality and transgender people. And for me, this this riled me up because I'm just like, well, let me just say the thing first. So basically, for months, conservative parents and politicians across Texas have been pressuring districts to remove from school libraries any books that contain explicit descriptions of sex labeling, several young adult novels as pornography. And I'm over here like if it's in a school library, guess what? It's not pornography because you know it's pornography. X tube pornhub, the entire f---ing Internet, which your child has access to because you got them a phone when they were well. So they already know what tits are. So what the f--- are you talking about? Greg Abbott. What the f--- are you talking about? Texas. You need to stop this sh--. Grace Yeah, it's very frustrating because it's sort of like, I mean, at the root of all of this and Florida's don't say gay bill Oliver. The root of it is homophobia and transphobia. And they're trying to they know that they don't want to be known, just like people don't like to be known as racist. People don't like to be known as homophobic. I think less people care about not being known as transphobic, but that's another conversation. So they don't want to call a thing a thing, which is that we don't want our kids being exposed. That to that fact, the actual fact that there's gay and trans gender people out there. So we're going to call it porn because nobody's going to be able to argue with taking porn out of schools. I think we can all agree that that's not what anybody wants, of course. But it's but that's the thing that is so infuriating about it. Call it what it is. You don't want your kids being exposed to the facts of the world. And that's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. Amy But that's not the only thing pissing me off this week. Okay. I'm sorry. There's so much bummer news, even like for our first episode. But I'm also pissed off by the fact that platform shoes are coming back. Have you heard about this? They're like calling it the trend. They're like, Oh, we're making the Internet wholesome again by bringing back platform shoes. Platform shoes like those big ass bricks that used to be under your feet when you would go to, like, you know, a play in high school and you would run too fast and slide to the side and you'd roll your ankle because your whole shoe like flops to the other side of your foot and you fall down. That's what's coming back. Well, and they literally are calling it mood enhancing fashion because people are all nostalgic because of the pandemic.   Grace Well, I refuse. I refuse. Why are we having nostalgia for this period in time? That was not bad. F---ing great. You know.   Amy It was a dark decade. Okay, so anyone who was sleeping under a rock has to have seen or has to know now that there was a certain presenter who made a certain comment about a certain nominee's wife, and that nominee walked on stage and smacked the sh-- out of him on live television and then yelled, Keep my wife's f---ing name out your f---ing mouth twice. That's a. Blip it all out. It literally went past network sensors in Australia and in Japan. So you can look up the unedited feed to know that this is real. And literally was wild because I mean, I want to keep their names out my mouth so nobody comes for me. But we kind of have to say their names to talk about this news item.   Grace Yeah, we have to say their name. Just say their name. Like everybody knows that it was Will Smith who did the slapping and Chris Rock who did the talking.   Amy Yeah, so what a bummer.   Grace It was a bummer because first of all, I just want to say it had already been a bad night for black people. Can you just start there?   Amy Yeah, except for.   Amy The first award of the night. Ariana Debose.   Grace Yeah. You like to pose we stand her Afro-Latin acts. Correct? We love you. Congratulations on your Oscar. And then it started with the glorious Beyoncé performing her glorious yellow and then blue ivy in the front locket. And Jennifer, just let us know. Get ready. Get ready. Because I'm almost here, y'all. I'm almost here. And I'm up here with my mama just doing the damn thing. But then, you know, a lot of black people lost, including Beyoncé, that that made me that always makes me furious. I was just like, so, you want.   Amy I knew it was going to be Billie Eilish.   Grace  To. You Want this queen to come and bring the war.   Amy Dress like a f---ing tennis ball as sexiest and it's all on by.   Grace Her daughter Correo. And then you gon deny this queen her? They will once again the for the second time by the way. Yeah. So that happens. And then I'm sorry, Jane Campion one year.   Amy After she insulted the Williams sisters.   Grace Yeah. So she's dead to me because of that. So.   Amy Jane who?   Grace We had already had a bad night or whatever as the Blacks of America. And then this comes and I remember I was sitting next to my mom and I was just like, What's happening? Oh, this must be a bit. Oh, my God. Wait, what are. And then I heard all the silence.   Amy Mm. I thought my loudspeakers went out.   Grace I was just like, Oh, my God, I don't think that was a bit. And then everybody, like both of us were so confused. Of course, I run straight to Twitter to see if there was any confirmation. And it was real, y'all. It was really real.   Amy Yeah. And I think the bummer is that Black people are once again caught in the middle between. I could not sleep that night because I was, like, caught in the middle between like what is right and what is wrong here? And here's why. Because literally sticking up for a Black woman in a public forum. Correct? Slapping a man in a public forum, maybe not slap it in front of all these white people, but also Chris Rock. Why you coming for his wife? And second of all, he is a comedian, so he is allowed to make jokes. But we are always making jokes about Black women. And third of all, I lost count. But I was just like, we're stuck in the middle. And I'm seeing all these hot takes on Twitter of women being like, I love an angry Black man. And I'm like, No bad take. And then people like, Will you be in jail? And I'm like, No bad take. I like, I don't know. Is it, do you think?   Grace Yes. He should not have slapped Chris Rock.   Amy I mean, not on. Not on that stage. Let's say that.   Grace Maybe he could have said, I'll see you outside.   Grace You know what I'm saying. That part too. But I was just like, maybe keep your my wife's name out of your f---ing mouth. Maybe could have been said. Yeah. Or, or whatever. I don't know what the procedure was for Jada, but he but that was first of all, it was a bad joke. It's obviously a commentary on her appearance. And I remember like after what happened to Chadwick, people were kind of like, let's stop commenting on people's appearance because we don't know what's going. Yeah, and we did.   Amy We do know. No, we do know. Jada has publicly spoken about her hair loss and her decision to shave her head. We do know what's going on with her.   Grace I know, but   Amy So maybe don't talk about it.   Grace But in the like, because some people were just like, did Chris Rock know?   Amy Of course he did. He made a movie called Good Hair. He made a movie called Good Hair.   Grace But yeah, but okay. So if we give it to him that he did not know that. Okay, then even still, let's stop making jokes about people's appearance just in general, because it's just not.   Amy Don't do it. Low hanging fruit.   Grace It's low hanging fruit. And unless you're saying that this person is stunning, like, why would you come for somebody on a stage that is a billion people. People watch this.   Amy All over the world.   Grace So why would you try to embarrass this woman or say something.   Amy Again.   Grace Bald head.   Amy Again? Cause he came for her in 2015.   Grace Front of everyone. So I feel like he snapped. I don't know, I, I do not condone it. But also, there's a part of me that understands why he did it. Yeah. Just want to clarify. I do not condone what will did. I, I just can get inside his head.   Amy Yeah, I condone the emotion. And that led.   Grace I condone the emotion. Yes, but I know you condone the action because you shouldn't be walking up and slapping people. Like. Like it's just not.   Amy Yeah. I also do not condone all the hot takes. I'm like white people. Sit this one out. Sit this one out. I saw arrest him trending. I saw. I saw. There's so many things I saw trending last night that I was like, why people be talking too loud about sh-- that is not their business. This is black people's business. Will Smith is from Philly. He reminded us last night. West Philadelphia, born and raised. And Chris Rock is. Wait, where's he from? Brooklyn.   Grace Yeah. Bed-Stuy.   Amy So, I mean, they both know don't start now and won't be. And they both decided to start some last night. And I'm like or Chris decides to start something and I'm like, it's settled. It's handled like.   Grace That. I mean, that's the reason why he did not press charges. I was like, Yeah, there's no way. Chris.   Amy Are you kidding? He just got his net net or Netflix stand up deal.   Grace There's no way. No, I'm saying there's no way.   Amy Literally Chris Rock is going to have a special after this.   Grace You know what I'm saying.   Amy He would never he would never. Denzel went and took him aside too.   Grace To do that to each other at that level. So I was like, yeah, I was tired of the hot takes. I'm just like. Just. You know.   Amy This is what I'm talking- yeah, and this is what I'm talking about. Like the, the tragedy, the bummer of, like, negotiating our Blackness in white spaces because people were like, how dare the academy let him receive that award after Harvey Weinstein has received awards, after Casey Affleck has received awards, after so many people, Roman Polanski, so many people who are openly violent and non apologetic have received comparable awards. And I'm like Academy's they take in their awards. Why would they stop us from getting this one? They don't give a sh--   Grace As as messed up as that is. I will be angry at the Academy if they take his Oscar back.   Amy Oh, no, it's not messed up. Unless you're also go back in time and take back every single award from every single confirmed abuser in their history.   Grace Exactly. And they're not going to do that.   Amy Oh, so you better leave Will Smith alone.   Grace Exactly. You better leave it alone. And let's keep cool heads here. Let's relax.   Amy Yeah, I completely agree. But it did really buy me out, just. Just having to think about it anyway. I mean, how do you feel, Grace. After hearing all of that?   Grace Well, I feel like absolute sh--. How about you?   Amy Terrible. Okay.   Grace Let's get to our antidotes.   Amy So this is the segment where we tell you about the culture we consumed and things we did this week that made us feel better about the bummer news. So what was your antidote this week?   Grace I went to Runyon Canyon in Los Angeles. So those of you who don't know what Runyon Canyon is, it's sort of a park that is very hilly and you climb upwards. It's very, very popular as the thing to do here in L.A.. I decided to drive up to Runyon Canyon and take a hike and it was lovely. So I climbed all the way to the top. And when you get to the top, it's just like this beautiful view of Los Angeles. And it was a really clear, sunny day. And I felt like Mufasa on the top of the hill. I was just like, everything the light touches is yours. That is.   Amy Masai Kenya.   Grace But obviously that's not true. I do not own everything. The light touches in Los Angeles, but for a moment I felt like I did. And so I just really think it's a great way that, you know, anyone can do this, you know, even if you don't live near like a hiking trail or whatever, you can get outside, go to a place that you don't normally walk. If you're taking just a regular walk, go to a park, go to the ocean. You know, when I'm on my hike, you know, I got my AirPods in listening to a podcast or some music. So I'm not like on my phone looking at all the alerts coming in. Like, This thing is sh--. This is another reason the world is like, you just take a break from that for a minute. So, Amy, what was your antidote this week?   Amy Well.This week my antidote is actually something I use pretty often. I really love arranging flowers and it's something that I started doing through the pandemic. But there was something about the stillness of always just being in your space and everything being the same every day, like wake up, shower, zoom, go, go. Go, zoom, zoom, don't go to sleep. It was just, like, so monotonous that I was just like, I need something in this house that is living. Yeah. And I had worked with this woman. Her her Instagram is the Plum Dahlia, and she's amazing. And she literally brings me a bucket of flowers. Her name is Brooke.   Grace Oh, yeah, that's my plant lady, too.   Amy Yeah. Brooke's, your plant lady, too. I love her. So. But she she was like, oh, I'm actually she helped me, like, pick some plants. And then she was like, I'm actually a florist and I really work a lot with flowers. And she took me to the flower market and I got to see all these fresh flowers. This one morning at like 5 a.m. we went to the flower market in the pandemic, and I was like, things are alive, well, thriving. So every two weeks, she brings me a bucket of flowers of just like mixed flowers from, I think, the flower market in downtown L.A. and leaves them on my doorstep. I pay her, but it's so nice to just get like generally I'm just surprised me. Whatever's in season, just bring it and dump it. And she brings me a bucket of flowers and it's like a ritual that every Friday after work or every other Friday, it's every two weeks that she brings these flowers. Because I will disconnect from my computer and I turn on a good song and it's just me and the flowers. And I unroll all the flowers she gives me on my kitchen counter. And I cut them all and I like take off the lower leaves and I get my vases out and I choose a what goes in this face, what goes in that vase filled with water, put in the plant food, put in the flowers, make my little arrangements. And to be honest, the reason it's an antidote is because I don't know if it's because I'm Nigerian, a child of immigrants, but like, I try and monetize like every hobby I a writer that was a hobby and I was like, Let's turn that into income. I was like, I need something that is actually a hobby that is fully just mine and isn't for anyone but me. And I take pictures of the flowers, but I don't post them. I did one reel and Tik Tok way back in the pandemic because I was bored. But like, I just always take pictures and they're just my pictures of my flower arrangements. But I wanted to say the thing that inspired me to actually start doing a flower arrangement instead of getting bouquets was this woman I follow on Instagram bio blooms. I follow her to watching bee like just literally like turn that face around and figure out what she's going to do with the arrangement. I was like, I can do that and not in a like, I can't do it like her. Like she's like a full virtuoso, but I'm like, I can do that. Like I can do it on my scale and smaller and janky or but like just for me, I can do that and it looks like it calms her. So I want to see if it calms me and it literally does.   Grace Oh, I love it. And also I just love that both of our antidotes kind of had to do with nature. This this time we don't tell each other, so. Right. Yeah, we don't tell each other. So yours was about the sort of beauty of nature. Bringing that beauty into your house. And mine was about going out into Nature Annex and experiencing nature that way. So, you know, just take a moment for this week, even if it's 10 minutes, just get outside, even if it's in your backyard, you know? You know, we live these lives where we get it from car or if you live in a big city where there's a subway, you go from your subway to your home and their screens at work and their screens are home. Or you have a zoom life like I do, and you're just at home, you know what I'm saying? Zoom, zoom, zoom. All I want to do is with her, zoom. Zoom, zoom and boom, boom.   Amy Zoom, zoom, zoom and another zoom.   Grace So, you know, just step away, get outside, realize there's a whole natural world out there and we're supposed to be a part of it.   Amy Oh, I love that. Well, we'll be right back after this break. Here we go. Welcome back to the Antidote. We have a special guest today. Who is it, Grace?   Grace Our guest today is a decorated actress with multiple Emmy nominations, several NAACP Image Awards and a Golden Globe for her starring role as Dr. Rainbow Johnson in ABC's critically acclaimed series Blackish. She is the founder and CEO of Pattern Beauty. She is an executive producer who I am lucky enough to work with on Jodi, our Daria spinoff. And she's the founder of Joy Mill Entertainment. She is a fashion icon. And if you look up the word baddie in the dictionary, she is the picture with the definition. Finally, she's one of the most light filled beings I have ever had the privilege of meeting. Please welcome Miss Tracee Ellis Ross.   Tracee Ellis Ross Oh, my God. That was crazy. I will say this. You forgot one really important factor.   Grace What's that?   Tracee Ellis Ross Your friend.   Grace You're my friend, of course.   Amy Oh, my God.   Grace Oh my God. How could I ever.   Amy She could have used her platform to pump up herself? And you see how she didn't? That's Grace.   Grace I know.   Amy A selfless Queen.   Grace My. My wonderful friend.   Amy We are so honored to speak with you. You are so impressive, Tracee.   Tracee Ellis Ross Oh, my God. Cool it. The two of you. Or my new favorite expression. Get out of here.   Amy But we aren't here to talk about your many, many accomplishments. Just so you know, we're here to get deep.   Grace So let's check in first. How are you feeling today? Like, for real, not small talk. Like, is there anything that you that's weighing on you are making you feel amazing today. How you felling?   Tracee Ellis Ross I'm actually feeling really good today. Last night I got a really good night's sleep and. Yeah, and, you know, right now they're not easy to come by for me. And so I'm really big on my sleep because I'm I move very heartily through a day. And I read I, you know, all cylinders fire during a day for me. So when I actually turn it off, like I really like to get that room and get in there. And in this growth spurt that I am in, as these hormonal shifts are occurring in my body at 49 years old, there's some growing pains around this growth spurt. And I'm the sleep has been hard to come by. And so the last last night I like got a good night's sleep and it was like, oh, that was juicy. So it made today, even though it was really hefty. I had a really good day today. How is today for you?   Amy I'm so happy to hear that. I feel great today for the same reason as you, Tracee. I, I have been running on fumes since 2022 started and I literally had a breakdown while at the gym yesterday and started crying out of exhaustion. And I went to bed last night at 9:45 p.m. and I was like, couldn't have done a better thing for myself. I feel like we don't sleep enough as a society.   Tracee Ellis Ross We don't. And and by the way, Amy, it's so interesting. I remember. I mean, we all have heard this never endingly but I'll sleep when I'm dead. And I said to Naomi Campbell, she said, I'll sleep when I'm dead. And I said, Yeah, but here's the thing. You might die sooner.   Amy That's-   Tracee Ellis Ross Like like, you know, the sleep is and I also I think that which is why I love what you guys are talking about, particularly as black women and women. But culturally and societally, this idea of the hustle and the grind has given people a really kind of warped sense of how to be the most productive and how to have the most what I like to call juicy and joyful life. And I really think that rest harmony and your life balance, if you can find it, which is not always a choice for all of us when you have kids, I mean, sometimes finding a balance between work and play is just not possible. But and finding out what play is for you, like all those kinds of things. A nap. There's so underrated. And the truth is that I feel like if we gave better attention to those things, we actually would be more productive and it would be a more compassionate society.   Amy As you know, this show is called The Antidote because life is hard and we all need different antidotes to deal with the bullsh--. So I want to know, Tracee, we both want to know what's yours like, what's something non-work related that's bringing you joy this week? This month, this year?   Tracee Ellis Ross I love audiobooks. Like I love, love, love, them.   Amy What are you listening to right now?   Tracee Ellis Ross Something terror to. Any david Sedaris book is a favorite.   Grace Oh, he's so funny.   Tracee Ellis Ross Oh, my God. It's he's got a great voice hearing him. I really love listening to say layman's heavy can read it himself. I just finished that one. I love a good conversation with friends. Girlfriends. Mm.   Amy Yeah.   Grace Yes.   Tracee Ellis Ross I love a dinner. I'm not a big go or outer, but I just love putting on something cute and going to dinner. And that has been a real loss for me during the pandemic. Meantime, not have that because I love that to connect over food, my friends like really special. I love being with my nieces and nephews and my family. I have my siblings and my sister. My older sister Rhonda and my nephew Rafe came over and we planned on my favorite hike in the area and then we cooked lunch. Well, I cooked lunch and we listened to David Sedaris. He was so annoyed. My 12 year old nephew.   Amy Three antidotes in one.   Grace He's like, We have to listen to a book.   Tracee Ellis Ross So Annoyed. What are some of my other answers? I love a fresh cut flower.   Amy Mhmm   Tracee Ellis Ross I have plants all over my house.   Amy Yes.   Tracee Ellis Ross I care for them and I wipe their leaves down and I spritz them and I talk them.   Grace Amy's losing her. Sh--. I'm just. I'm just telling you, Amy's losing her sh--.   Amy I'm losing my sh--. Because. Because, like, literally, I do this. Literally. Look at my plant right here.   Tracee Ellis Ross That's a money plant. Amy.   Amy Yes. And I have plants all over my house and.   Tracee Ellis Ross That's a blossoming money plant.   Amy Literally. It's thriving, as is my bank account.   Grace Oh. Girl. Yeah, I have a money plant too, in my living room. And I also am a plant mom. I'm very I have a an app called Planter that helps me know when I should water them, my children, whether I should, when I should spritz them with I should give them a little, you know, plant food. Yes.   Tracee Ellis Ross My father is my plant app.   Amy I love that. He just calls you up. And he's like. Hey.   Tracee Ellis Ross No, seriously. And let's see. The best story is during the pandemic, I was living with a big fiddle leaf fig. I mean, recently she did not like the move and she's not thriving in the same way. But my dad, I was like, Dad, look at my fiddle. She's amazing. And he goes, He sent it back with a thumbs down.   Amy Rude.   Grace The shade the shade.   Tracee Ellis Ross Seriously. My dad is known for that, he said. I zoomed in. What is that ugly piece of tape on her? And I was like, Oh, I put the tape. So she goes up. He goes, Excuse me.   Amy Wow, you looking for problems.   Tracee Ellis Ross Hee said. Plants like beautiful things, too. Tracee, do you have a ribbon?   Amy Wow. He's right.   Tracee Ellis Ross He was right. So I went and got this beautiful velvet ribbon and put it on my plants. And and that was when she really started thriving. So but my dad literally we reported in my new house. We he did the whole front with. Me. We went to nursery together. We potted everything. He moved things around the house and, you know, it was a whole, whole thing. So my dad, when I have a question, I'll send him a picture of a leaf and be like, What's happening?   Grace Damn. Well, that wonderful.   Amy Randomly, he's like, Good morning to you.   Tracee Ellis Ross Seriously. Well, by the way. And now he'll send me text and say he'll say later, tell them that I miss them or whenever I feel like I mean out loud.   Grace Oh, my gosh. That you know what? Like knowing you, that makes me that makes so much sense that your dad is like that. By the way, I love when he makes an appearance on your Instagram. You guys are so adorable together.   Amy I'm curious. I want to know because, you know, we we both follow you on Instagram. And obviously, Grayson, you go way back, but I don't always know the story behind every gram. Could you walk us through the belly massage video that you posted? My favorite.   Grace My favorite video of all time. Yes. I was just like I just like scroll down through Instagram. But I was just like, oh, Tracee, it looks like, oh, she looks gorgeous.   Tracee Ellis Ross Okay. So I have a lot of antidotes. And I believe in movement and movement of the skin, movement of the body when I'm with my friend Adrianne and she's like, Why are you out of breath?   Amy You were breathless in the video.   Tracee Ellis Ross I said, I'm massaging my belly. And she was like, I'm sorry, what now? And I said, Well, I'm a smudging it. I just put some oil on, have a shower, whatever. I don't know what it was. And I said, I'm massaging it. And she was like and I said, Let me face time. You let me show you. Because I started telling her about it and how it was important. She was like, you're in scenes like face timed her. And then when I saw myself doing it I said need to hang up, got to record.. Now I have a philosophy for Instagram. I will not shoot something for Instagram. I won't get up for Instagram I won't like. But I was happy to capture things that are occurring. As a matter of fact, I'm thrilled.   Grace No, I really think it made a lot of women feel so good. Like, I figured that that to acknowledge that, you know, we our bodies are all changing. I know my body is very different than it was even five years ago. So. And I don't know, you still look so gorgeous.   Amy Well, I mean, look at you. Not only do you have an aspirational body as you're doing this, it also makes it, like, very approachable to be like, oh, right. Like, I can I can have fun.   Tracee Ellis Ross And even if I'm uncomfortable with my body, I have I can have a joy about it. And I don't. And the jiggle the the things that move, you know, like my body, I look at Instagram and I'm just like. Oh, is that what it looks like? I mean. It's so confusing, though, because it's a nightmare. It is. But it starts to really.   Grace Yeah. Gets in there.   Tracee Ellis Ross Like connect with what you see. You know, I remember when I was in my second, the beginning of college and the, the breast implants had sort of taken on younger. It wasn't. And I remember I was so self-conscious this one summer going to the beach because when I laid on my back, my boobs would go flat. Mm hmm. And they would, you know, fall down. And what I had been seeing and this is back then, so don't even talk about butts. But yes, I'm on with them. And their boobs would stay up and God bless everybody has different boobs. But I became incredibly self-conscious and I remember I can't remember who maybe it was a therapist, somebody who was like, first of all, all boobs are different.   Amy Yeah.   Tracee Ellis Ross They're just all different. Some people sit up, some people fall down, they do all different things. And I actually I think I wrote a piece about it, actually.   Amy I love that.   Tracee Ellis Ross I think I did. But but mine are like eggs and they just go and not hard boiled ones.   Amy Yeah. Not straight up in the carton.   Tracee Ellis Ross No.   Amy To the side.   Tracee Ellis Ross Ain't no shell on them, you know. I mean.   Amy They're really like yokes.   Grace Yeah.   Tracee Ellis Ross Like, you know, when you crack it in the pan, that's what this is. My. And so I had to, like, reconcile between what I was seeing and and what my body looked like and, you know, all that kind of stuff. I wish we all could have a more compassionate and. Loving. Relationship to not only what we see in the mirror, but what our bodies feel like. It's it can be like a really bad, like, worm in your head.   Amy Yeah.   Tracee Ellis Ross And I. I actively spend energy and time working against it.   Grace Yeah. I mean, can we talk about that? Like, what is the conversation that you have with yourself? Like when you see, you know, the egg yolks, when you see those funny moments, what is the conversation that you're having with yourself to try and get yourself to the place where you're accepting, you know, my my worthiness?   Tracee Ellis Ross This is what I say to myself. I mean, my worthiness, my beauty, my sexiness is not defined by my physical body. It is not if I think of women that I think are beautiful and worthy and sexy, it is not because I'm like, oh my God. Her ass is like so perfect.    Grace It's never that.   Tracee Ellis Ross It's never been my thought. Never. And honestly, if you talk to those that you want to find sexy, they don't think that either.   Grace Mm. It's so true.   Amy That makes me so emotional.   Grace That makes me so emotional, too. And I, I just want to say that, like, what you are saying is going to be healing to a lot of women because, I mean, you are objectively fine as f---. So I definitely think that if you struggle, I think that a lot of women who struggle will feel a lot of comfort in that, that it's everyone. It's not. It's the way that we're programed. Yeah. So yeah.   Tracee Ellis Ross  And also, by the way, another piece of that is what you all see of me. I'm. Is what I have decided to share with you.   Amy For sure. Yeah.   Tracee Ellis Ross So, you know. Sure, I was flipping and slapping on my my whatever on my stomach, but it wasn't in the lighting where I would have personally been traumatized by it during and. And same thing with the pictures that I share or whatever. Like for every great sexy picture, there's 83 that I delete on it.   Grace No, I mean, everybody can relate to that one yourself because Lord knows, like literally I remember on my birthday, I, I was at Insecure, I was doing my, my cameo. You know, all the writers do cameos in episodes of Insecure, so I do my cameo and it was like my birthday and I had my makeup done and everything like that. And I was like, Ooh, this will be a great little birthday shoot, girl. I took a hundred pictures before I found one that was acceptable. To post. So, I mean, yeah, I mean, we can all relate to to that.   Amy No, but I love what you're saying about the separation of like who how you feel about yourself being separate from how you physically look. I'm like, I want to sit in that just a little longer because when I heard it, I was like, I've never said it to myself that way. And it's so important to realize that these are these half to for like mental health have to be two different things.   Tracee Ellis Ross Yeah. And I think part of what makes them two different things is knowing that is knowing where the connection lies between those two things.   Amy And you turn it around and make it into something so much better. I'm like, I love embracing exactly where we are. Both like as a I feel like things are so heavy right now. And obviously that's why we we love talking to people like you who are just bring some light in because everything it's perspective and keeping that good perspective on where we are.   Tracee Ellis Ross But I think the key and I will we can end on this. I think the key is finding what makes your heart sing and those things can be big and small and being able to cultivate and carve out space for yourself to do those things that allow harmony in your life, even if it's 5 minutes by yourself or 5 minutes doing a thing that you love and and to doting all of the reality of how hard life is. I am such an advocate. So what a treat. Number one, to talk to the two of us who I think are both amazing. One a friend and one that I'm now adopting, Amy.   Amy Thank you.   Tracee Ellis Ross Adopting a new friend. And also two women whose work I just am in awe of and really appreciate what you bring to the world in so many ways. And now with this as well. But the way you use your voice and the content you create that continues to create balance and harmony in the images of how we get to see ourselves in expansive, in an expansive, beautiful way is just exciting. So I'm happy to be here talking to the two of you about antidotes.   Amy Thank you, Tracee.   Grace Thank you, Tracee.   Amy Ah. That interview with Tracee Ellis Ross was amazing. If you want to see the video we referred to, it is on her Instagram and the post was dated February second.   Grace Now we're doing our creative tap in which we tip, tip, tip in to our creativity. Amy and I are both writers, so being creative brings us joy. And this is a podcast about joy.   Amy So Grace every week is going to surprise me with a quote about creativity, and I'm going to let her know what it makes me think.   Grace Here we go. The painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through. I'll say that one more time. The painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through. And that is from Mr. Jackson Pollock.   Amy Jackson Pollock? He a painter? I heard of him.   Grace Yeah, he liked to paint. He liked painting a lot of things.   Amy But I actually do like this quote because I am a writer. And when I'm writing, I believe that the characters are real people. I always try and design my characters like they're real. I give them biographies. Where are they from? Where do they grow up? Why did their parents name them that? What's your favorite song? I try and make them real people before I start writing. So the essence of to me when I hear the painting has a life of its own, let it come through. That's how I feel like I can't ram story through. When I'm writing, I'm like, What would this character actually do? And I if the character's a living person, I can't, like, say that they're going to do this thing because it's story convenient. It has to make sense. And I have to let that character move how they move. And sometimes I can want all day for something to happen in the story. But unless I make it make sense to my character, it's going to feel forced and it's not going to be a good painting of words. Yes. What does it make you think?   Grace Sometimes your characters, sometimes your story takes on a life of its own. And it's a weird thing then when it happens, because it's like. I. Wait, I did this, I did this. You are my creation. But at the same time, it does sort of have to make sense. The story points the jokes sometimes. Sometimes I will come up with a banger ass joke. And I was just like, okay, I did it today. I wrote a joke about medium penis energy, and I love that you love it.   Amy Yeah.   Grace But sometimes you got to kill a joke that is a f---ing bang or ass joke because it just doesn't make sense coming out of your character's mouth. It doesn't make sense with the story that we're telling. It doesn't connect. It's always a a sort of a freaky experience when you realize that you cannot bend the character to your will. You actually have to bend your will to the character sometimes.   Amy And isn't that like not to I don't want to sound like cocky or something, but is isn't that talent? Like, isn't that you as an artist? Like, there's a moment, I think, when you cross from proficient into talented, when you realize you can't force it. And I feel like Mr. Pollock in his splatter paint is literally like because to me, I look at his art. No offense, I get it. He's a virtuoso, but I look at his art. I'm like, it's just like some splatters. But I do think that he's saying that even this is unforced. Like, I let it breathe. And it was supposed to be this most yellow in this most blue and this much green. And I feel like there's like a tipping point when you realize, if I force it, it's going to be bad.   Grace Yeah, yeah. And it's like God or the universe or somebody out there, whatever you believe in. I feel like sometimes your work comes through you is just like, you know, when parents, you know, sometimes they're like, Oh, my child came through me, my child income from me. I mean, I ain't got no kids, though. The script is my baby's. So sometimes it comes through you and that is not of you. It's like comes through you. And yeah, that's like tapping into whatever, like, creative force there is. Okay, well, thanks for listening to the antidote. We hope this injected a little bit of joy into your week. I know it did mine. How about you?   Amy I feel good, girl. We should do this again sometime. Oh, we'll be here next week.   Grace And in the meantime, if you like to follow us on social, follow me. Grace. At Gracyact. That's G-R-A-C-Y-A-C-T.   Amy And follow me, Amy at AmyAniobi. A-M-Y-A-N-I-O-B-I. and follow the show at theeantidotepod.   Grace That's thee with two E's.   Amy And if you like feeling good about yourself, please subscribe at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and also rate us five stars. This is our first episode. Please write us five. We need it.   Grace Goodbye.   Amy The Antidote is hosted by us Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards. It's produced by Jenna Hanchard and our associate producer is Taylor Polydore.   Grace Our executive producer is Erica Kraus and our editor is Erika Janik. Sound Mixing by Evan Clark.   Amy Digital Production by Mijoe Sahiouni Sound Talent Booking by Marianne Ways. Our theme music was composed and produced by TT the Artist and Cosmo the truth.   Grace APM studio executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert and Joanne Griffith. Concept created by Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards.   Amy Send us your antidotes at antidoteshow.org And remember to follow us on social media at theeantidotepod. That's thee with two E's.   Grace The Antidote is a production of American Public Media.   Amy Bye.

The world is a dumpster fire. Work wives, best friends, and TV writers/producers Amy Aniobi and Grace Edwards want to help. In response to the madness in the news, they share the culture that lights them up and activities that bring them joy, plus strategies they use to cope with these wild times. They also invite inspiring special guests to share their own self-care strategies. And since Grace and Amy are comedy writers, they bring a level of casual, edgy fun to it all. During these trying times we all need a show that focuses on joy. This is The Antidote. FULL TRANSCRIPT Grace Hey, y'all. I'm Grace Edwards. Amy And I'm Amy Aniobi. Grace We're comedy writers and best friends, and we want to inject a little bit of joy into your day. Amy In our podcast. The Antidote. We're going to recap some bummer news, then tell you what we're doing to stay sane through all the chaos. In other words, we'll give you our antidotes for the week. Grace Because here's the thing about the world. Everything sucks. Amy Pandemics. Multiple war zones. Ivy Park. About to bankrupt me again. You get it? Life is hard right now. Grace Amy is often my antidote. Amy Oh, you're mine, too. Grace And we invite very special guests to talk about their strategies for self-care and how they get through the B.S.. We get deep, but we also have a good time. Amy We talk about everything from politics to pop culture to the trauma of low rise jeans coming  back. Grace For real. Man, my butt crack is not ready for prime time. Amy Don't get me started. See, that's why we're here. Grace So join us Weekly for the antidote. Wherever you get your podcasts. Amy We look forward to Doomscrolling and surviving together.