Most couples have no idea why their marriage isn’t as easy as they thought it would be. In the Secure Marriage Podcast, Paul Elmore, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and his wife, Shannon, use Biblical truth, the latest relationship research, 16 years of professional counseling, and 25 years of personal marriage experience to show you exactly what you need to do to make your marriage work better. It doesn't matter if you're just starting your marriage, you want your good marriage to be better, or your marriage is melting down, when you use the Secure Marriage Framework you are guaranteed to fight less, feel understood, and enjoy a deeper connection with your spouse.
I Don’t Feel Like I’m Important To My Husband
Once again, I’ve been an imperfect husband. Unknowingly, over the last several months, I’ve been doing something that has made my wife feel unloved and unimportant. In today’s podcast, you’ll hear us work through the issue together, and see what it looks like to get reconnected again.
7/29/2024 • 21 minutes
Supporting Your Spouse’s Wild Ideas
Sometimes, my wife comes up with some CRAZY dreams and ideas. It’s in those moments that my true character as her husband is revealed. On today’s podcast, you’ll hear about Shannon’s latest “adventure” and what a joy it was being her biggest cheerleader (minus the pom poms).
7/25/2024 • 18 minutes, 14 seconds
2024 Marriage Cruise Recap
Want to work on having a happier marriage while enjoying the beautiful blue waters and white sandy beaches of the Caribbean? Listen in on the conversations from the couples who went on our 2024 Secure Marriage Cruise and hear how their marriages have changed for the better.
7/22/2024 • 17 minutes, 22 seconds
My Friend is Having An Affair? What Do I Do?
Ever had to make a decision which is guaranteed to make at least one person angry, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to get out of it? On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll give you crystal clear instructions on what to do if your friend tells you they’re having an affair, […]
3/16/2024 • 20 minutes, 9 seconds
Did my Husband Sabotage My Birthday?
What are you supposed to think (or do)when you’ve told your husband for years that you want to be celebrated on your birthday, and he still completely forgets or does lame last-minute things? That’s what we’re tackling on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. P.S. We’re also taking a painful walk down memory lane […]
3/12/2024 • 38 minutes, 41 seconds
How to Melt Your Wife’s Heart Through the Power of Empathy
Do you know how to get emotionally reconnected after a fight? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll walk you through the secret recipe you need to know that will make your wife’s heart melt with love and affection.
3/8/2024 • 20 minutes, 36 seconds
Yelling at Your Wife and Kids is ALWAYS a Bad Idea
We understand that you get frustrated with your wife and kids at times. But losing control and blowing up on your family does damage that can last for years. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why losing your temper is actually causing more problems than it’s solving, and the two […]
3/1/2024 • 27 minutes, 2 seconds
Don’t Let Shame Destroy Your Relationship
If you spend a lot of time beating yourself up internally, chances are you’re pretty critical of everyone else around you, including your spouse. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re exploring how shame becomes a toxic element in your relationship and why it’s important to become the healthiest version of yourself.
2/19/2024 • 28 minutes, 49 seconds
How to Completely Remove Anger From Your Marriage
Remember the last time you or your spouse blew up in anger during a fight? Remember what they said and how they acted. Now imagine the same fight except without the blow up. How would things have gone differently? How would it have felt. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re introducing you […]
1/19/2024 • 23 minutes, 19 seconds
Why Doing Planks Makes Your Marriage Stronger
Shannon and I have committed to doing planks everyday of 2024. So far, we’ve kept our promise despite being sick for the first two weeks of the year. So what does this have to do with marriage? You’ll have to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast to find out.
1/15/2024 • 14 minutes, 29 seconds
Why I Woke Up SUPER Mad at my Husband
Husbands… have you ever woken up and the first thing you realize is, your wife’s really mad at you? Welcome to my world today. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re inviting you into our humor-filled morning of a wife who didn’t get enough sleep. Buckle up!
12/28/2023 • 14 minutes, 41 seconds
The RIGHT Way to Pick A Christmas Tree
It’s Christmas Day on the podcast, and out of the goodness of our hearts, we’ll share with you the RIGHT way to pick a Christmas Tree… which obviously is Shannon’s way. 😁 Merry Christmas to everyone who so kindly listens and supports us here at Secure Marriage. Without you, we wouldn’t be able to do […]
12/26/2023 • 22 minutes, 29 seconds
Why Love Isn’t Enough For A Happy Marriage
At some point in your marriage, you’ve probably said (either verbally or internally), “We’re sooooo in love!” And I have no doubt that this was (and maybe still is) true. But being in love will never be enough to have a healthy and secure Marriage. “Why?” I’m so glad you asked. That’s what we’re covering […]
12/21/2023 • 23 minutes, 26 seconds
My Husband Confides More in His Mother Than in Me
When your spouse starts sharing the intimate details of your relationship with other people, it can feel like a major betrayal. It can hurt even more when you find out those other people are extended family members, On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re exploring the options you have as you work through […]
12/12/2023 • 21 minutes, 50 seconds
Will Dating Other People Help Strengthen Our Relationship?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re challenging the belief that dating others can inherently strengthen a committed relationship or marriage. We’ll shed light on the emotional risks and potential damage it will inflict on the foundation of love and trust.
12/7/2023 • 22 minutes, 18 seconds
Why You Should Stop Using A Toxic Tone of Voice
If you truly want to be heard whenever you speak, you need make sure your nonverbal communication (posture, attitude, tone, and timing) isn’t sabotaging your message. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll learn why HOW you say things says more about WHAT you’re saying than the actual words you use.
11/28/2023 • 22 minutes, 28 seconds
How to Know When To Call it Quits!
When things are getting bad in your relationship, where’s the line between continuing to fight for the relationship and calling it quits? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll attempt to answer this difficult question as well as explore one of the deeper issues that lead to this question in the first place.
11/24/2023 • 24 minutes, 23 seconds
How to Respond to “I Don’t Want To Argue About This.”
It’s pretty difficult to find resolution when your spouse is trying to avoid any conversation about the topic. It usually leads to frustration, disappointment, and eventually discouragement. Instead of getting mad, in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we want to help you understand why they’re withdrawing and show you a better way to […]
11/20/2023 • 20 minutes, 16 seconds
Why I Yelled At My Wife Because I Care About Her So Much
It’s been a hard week at our house this week. Shannon went through an experience that scared the crap out of me, and my response, as I tried to care for her, was to yell at her. Yes, we know it doesn’t make sense, but in a backwards sort of way, it does. If you […]
11/2/2023 • 19 minutes, 30 seconds
What If I Get Married and Then Find Someone Better?
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re going to listen and respond to one the best answers to this question we’ve ever heard. It’s honest. It’s clear. It’s blunt. And, it’s also the truth. Thanks to @discovergrace and @pastormikeadkins on IG for the 30 second clip you’re going to listen to today.
10/26/2023 • 20 minutes, 35 seconds
Stop Trying To Teach Your Husband How To Be A Good Husband
When your spouse is doing something that’s bugging you, the first (and most natural) thing your survival brain tells you to do is to tell them what they’re doing wrong. Of course, you expect they’ll be ever-so-grateful that you told them how wrong they were because, after all, you were just trying to be helpful. […]
10/23/2023 • 23 minutes, 51 seconds
Help! My Husband Finds Other Women Attractive
What do you do when your husband, who is genuinely loving and kind most of the time, admits he finds other women attractive? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how to navigate the variety of confusing feelings and learn how to respond in an appropriate manner.
10/20/2023 • 20 minutes, 41 seconds
What To Do When You Realize You’ve Been A Complete Jerk To Your Wife
Realizing you’ve been a less-than-stellar husband to your wife?. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we explore the journey of self-discovery and self-improvement when you’ve finally woken up to your shortcomings as a partner. Whether you’ve recently had this realization or it’s been a long time coming, this episode offers valuable insights on […]
10/9/2023 • 15 minutes, 26 seconds
What NOT to Say When Your Wife is Overreacting
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll reveal the things to say and, more importantly, NOT to say when your wife has “strong feelings”. Learn how to navigate these situations with patience and grace and create a more harmonious and supportive partnership, even when emotions are running high.
10/5/2023 • 21 minutes, 12 seconds
How To Be A Loving Husband During “That Time of the Month”
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, join us on an informative, humorous, and empathetic journey to understand the nuances of supporting your wife whenever “Aunt Flo” comes to visit. Learn how you can be a more loving and supportive husband even while the two of you are riding the rollercoaster of her hormone […]
10/2/2023 • 18 minutes, 17 seconds
Why Negative Self Talk Will Sabotage Healthy Conflict
Negative self-talk is a subtle cancer that can disrupt, and even escalate, everyday conflicts. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I are exploring the intricate connection between your inner dialogue and how it impacts your conflict resolution skill.
9/28/2023 • 22 minutes, 58 seconds
Why Getting Reconnected After A Fight is SO STINKIN’ HARD!
Working through a fight is one thing. Getting emotionally connected is an entirely different skill—one that not many couples have learned to do really well. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll talk through the psychological barriers to getting reconnected and a few practical steps to make it easier over time.
9/25/2023 • 23 minutes, 23 seconds
How Can I Fix My Marriage When My Spouse Doesn’t Want To
Fixing a marriage when one spouse is not willing to do the work can be challenging. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult decisions a spouse has to face when they realize they’re alone in wanting to improve their relationship.
9/7/2023 • 14 minutes, 15 seconds
How to Get Your Husband To Avoid Helping Ever Again
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll teach you the fine art of turning your loving husband into a certified expert in avoidance tactics. Forget about teamwork, communication, and shared responsibilities—we’re here to show you how to master the art of making your man conveniently disappear whenever there’s work to be done. After […]
9/4/2023 • 16 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Giving More Than You Get in Marriage Always Works Best
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing some insights that underscore how acts of selflessness and generosity can lead to thriving relationships. From the small gestures that strengthen emotional bonds to larger sacrifices that shape the foundation of lasting relationships, we uncover why embracing the philosophy of giving ultimately paves the way […]
8/31/2023 • 21 minutes, 34 seconds
How to Take Your Marriage to the Next Level Using Emotional Intelligence
When you can understand and manage your own and others’ emotions, especially in the midst of complex and stressful situations, you’ve finally mastered the essential skill of emotional intelligence. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how EQ will help you to communicate, collaborate, and positively influence your spouse despite them […]
8/28/2023 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
Is AI Trying to Sabotage Healthy Masculinity
Earlier today, Shannon typed a question about marriage and relationships into an AI engine and was stunned by the response she received. Surprising, the answer it returned showed a strong bias against husbands. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll share with you the response she got and what it means for men […]
8/23/2023 • 19 minutes, 15 seconds
Giving Your Spouse the Best Day Ever
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about the art of creating unforgettable moments for your spouse. Through self-less, intentional acts of service, you can learn how to fill your spouse’s cup and make them feel loved and cared for.
8/17/2023 • 19 minutes, 34 seconds
Celebrating Our 300th Episode!
🎉 Celebrate with us on our monumental 300th episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast! Join Shannon and I in this special episode as we reflect on the most memorable moments, groundbreaking revelations, and heartwarming testimonials that have made our journey together so extraordinary. Tune in as we raise a toast to love, trust, and unbreakable […]
8/14/2023 • 16 minutes, 27 seconds
The Proven Exercise to Make Your Marriage Better (that my wife hates)
8/7/2023 • 39 minutes, 30 seconds
Why Men Find it Hard To Start Changing
When you become aware of something that needs to change in your life, it’s not always easy knowing how to […]
8/3/2023 • 19 minutes, 48 seconds
Does Sharing Emotions Make a Man Weak?
It’s not easy to be emotionally vulnerable in front of your wife (or pretty much anyone). For a lot of […]
7/31/2023 • 28 minutes, 11 seconds
Why Making Your Spouse Take Responsibility NEVER Works
(A little FYI… Last week, we released a different episode with this week’s title. (Doh!!) While I have some words […]
7/27/2023 • 30 minutes, 10 seconds
Why Making Your Spouse Take Responsibility NEVER Works
When your spouse makes a mistake, how much time, energy, and effort do you spend trying to get them to […]
7/25/2023 • 17 minutes, 3 seconds
Why Men Have Such A Hard Time Admitting They’re Wrong
Over the last week, I haven’t been a kind and loving husband. The times I’ve been wrong, I’ve responded with […]
7/21/2023 • 15 minutes, 26 seconds
Our Husbands Won’t Get Off Their Phones
Does it feel like your husband spends more time on his phone than with you? Are you starting to get […]
7/17/2023 • 35 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Attunement Wins Your Wife’s Heart Every Time
Are you able to anticipate what your husband’s or wife’s needs before they need it? In today’s episode of the […]
7/14/2023 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
If You’re Married, You Should Live Like You’re Single
One of the biggest complaints we hear from couples is “My spouse expects me to do everything.” or “My spouse […]
7/7/2023 • 14 minutes, 9 seconds
The Best Way to Fix Anger Issues in Your Marriage
It’s terrifying if your husband or wife continually blows up in anger. You never know what’s going to set them […]
7/3/2023 • 19 minutes, 59 seconds
What's the Main Reason Someone Has an Affair?
If you’ve ever discovered your spouse has cheated on you, you’re immediately hit with a flood of emotions and questions. […]
6/29/2023 • 17 minutes, 23 seconds
Relationship Advice From Ted Lasso
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re tapping into some of the wisdom from your favorite mustachioed “football” […]
6/26/2023 • 21 minutes, 24 seconds
Announcing our 2024 Marriage Cruise
So, you want to work on making your marriage better, but the idea of sitting in some hotel ballroom for […]
6/23/2023 • 34 minutes, 53 seconds
Listen to Us Resolve Our Saturday Morning Fight
You know how we’re constantly saying, “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a Secure Marriage.” Well, […]
6/5/2023 • 30 minutes, 57 seconds
My Wife Tears Me Down When I Open Up Emotionally
Being emotionally vulnerable isn’t always easy for men (duh). What makes it harder is when a husband makes an awkward […]
6/1/2023 • 20 minutes, 42 seconds
Meeting Your Spouse’s Needs—Who Goes First?
Your survival brain says, “I want to make sure I get all my needs met first.” So what happens when […]
5/29/2023 • 21 minutes, 58 seconds
I Can’t Stop Hearing My Husband’s Cruel Words
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people”. Unfortunately, the words your spouse throws at you in the midst […]
5/25/2023 • 20 minutes, 29 seconds
My Husband Wants Us to Keep All Our Problems Private
Do you want to get some outside help for your marriage, but your husband doesn’t want to “air our dirty […]
5/22/2023 • 14 minutes, 29 seconds
What Love and Respect Really Means in a Marriage
You’ve heard the terms “love & respect” thrown around for years now, but chances are you don’t actually understand what […]
5/18/2023 • 25 minutes, 11 seconds
Why Unconventional Couples Have The Greatest Sex
Are you an Unconventional Couple? If you are, then you probably have a happier marriage than most couples out there. […]
5/15/2023 • 12 minutes, 35 seconds
What to do if you Regret Getting Married?
Does it feel like you made a huge mistake by getting married? Wish you could have a do-over? On today’s […]
5/11/2023 • 14 minutes, 48 seconds
How Secrets and Jealousy Will Destroy Your Marriage
Marriage is based on being vulnerable and transparent with each other. The minute lies, secrets, or jealousy creeps into your […]
5/8/2023 • 20 minutes, 29 seconds
Are You Afraid Your Husband is Going to Leave You For A “Newer Model”?
Many older women are afraid their husband may be tempted to leave them for a younger woman. This doubt and […]
5/4/2023 • 27 minutes, 24 seconds
How to Support Your Husband in the Midst of a Mental Health Crisis
Trauma can complicate the normal times of stress and conflict in a marriage. Understanding these unique dynamics is essential if […]
4/27/2023 • 31 minutes, 2 seconds
How to Handle the Silent Treatment
What do you do if your husband or wife simply ignores you whenever they’re upset? Is there a way to […]
4/24/2023 • 25 minutes, 29 seconds
What Are the Signs of an Unhealthy Marriage
When you’re not feeling good physically, it’s nice to go to a doctor and have them tell you exactly what’s […]
4/20/2023 • 21 minutes, 55 seconds
Where to Start if You’re Looking to Improve Your Marriage
So. You want to make your marriage better. There’s a lot of places you could start, but what’s going to […]
4/17/2023 • 18 minutes, 50 seconds
Learning to Develop Tolerance to Annoying Behavior
Sometimes it’s the little things about your spouse that just drive you nuts. The things they do aren’t wrong, inappropriate, […]
4/13/2023 • 16 minutes, 6 seconds
Is it Normal For Your Spouse to Always Be Expecting Rewards?
Does your spouse expect a reward every time you ask them to do something helpful for you? Does it feel […]
4/10/2023 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
How do the Ghosts of Your Past Impact Your Marriage Today?
Did you know a large portion of the conflict in your marriage comes from your personal stuff before you were […]
4/6/2023 • 16 minutes, 19 seconds
How These Stupid Secure Marriage Tools Actually Work
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I once again share how we actually use the Secure […]
4/3/2023 • 20 minutes, 39 seconds
What’s Better for My Marriage? Pastoral Counseling or Professional Counseling
Okay. You know you’re ready to get help for your marriage, but you don’t know what type of counseling you […]
3/30/2023 • 21 minutes, 39 seconds
How to Get Reconnected in Five Minutes or Less
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing more personal stories of how Shannon and I get connected […]
3/27/2023 • 19 minutes, 8 seconds
I Want One More Child and My Husband Doesn’t. How Do We Find A Compromise?
Learning to compromise in a marriage isn’t always easy, especially when it’s around the topic of having more kids. In […]
3/23/2023 • 17 minutes, 43 seconds
Can Going to Counseling by Myself Help My Marriage?
Sometimes your spouse isn’t ready to go to couples counseling when you are. Should you wait, or can doing counseling […]
3/21/2023 • 17 minutes, 28 seconds
Is Today’s Culture Producing Immature Men?
How does a mature, healthy man look and act? Do the men of today look different than the men of […]
3/17/2023 • 18 minutes, 51 seconds
What to do If You’ve Been Missing Your Wife’s Emotional Bids
Recognizing and responding to emotional calls (or bids) is considered one of the key elements of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, […]
3/14/2023 • 15 minutes, 20 seconds
How to Start Getting Connected Even if Sharing Your Feelings Feels Impossible
For many people, being able to identify and verbally articulate their feelings feels like an impossible task. When overwhelmed, they […]
3/10/2023 • 20 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Patch the Holes in Your Emotional Bucket
What is the fastest and most effective way to deal with your past hurts and hangups? Do you have to […]
3/3/2023 • 29 minutes
Are You Finding it Hard to Make Your Husband Feel Loved?
What if you’ve tried everything you can think of to make your husband feel loved and appreciated and he still […]
3/1/2023 • 21 minutes, 54 seconds
Is Your Husband Emotionally Unavailable? Here’s What to do.
Have you tried everything you can think of to get connected to your husband, only to walk away feeling hopeless […]
2/23/2023 • 17 minutes, 31 seconds
Highlights From Our 2023 Marriage Cruise
Well, we made it! Shannon and I just got back from our first-ever Secure Marriage Cruise to the Mexican Riviera. […]
2/16/2023 • 22 minutes, 51 seconds
257: I Want Connection And My Husband Only Wants Sex
Different sexual drives don’t have to ruin your relationship. Problems arise when you stop trying to understand—or actually stop caring […]
2/14/2023 • 20 minutes, 53 seconds
Everyone is Wrong—Communication Doesn't Make Your Marriage Better
Even though communication is important in any happy marriage, it’s actually the bi-product of something much more important. In today’s […]
2/6/2023 • 22 minutes, 46 seconds
5 Signs You’re Stuck In Abusive Relationships
There are very clear signs when your relationship has crossed over from a bad relationship to an abusive relationship. In […]
1/30/2023 • 23 minutes, 34 seconds
254: The Simple Secret to a Secure Marriage
You’ve probably heard that marriage is hard, and the people who say that aren’t wrong. But, believe it or not, […]
1/19/2023 • 12 minutes, 57 seconds
253: Don’t Do These Three Things When You Find Out About Their Affair
If you just found out your husband or wife has had an affair, your brain immediately kicks into hyper-survival mode. […]
1/17/2023 • 16 minutes, 42 seconds
This One Phrase Will End Almost Any Fight With Your Spouse
Only a handful of couples know how to use this magic tool that makes fights and conflict pretty much non-existent […]
1/12/2023 • 13 minutes, 25 seconds
Our Path to a Happy Marriage
Shannon and I didn’t know how to have a good marriage when we first got married. But over time, we […]
1/10/2023 • 22 minutes, 53 seconds
A Wakeup Call For Lazy Husbands
Warning: This episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was not part of our regularly scheduled programming and contains strong opinions […]
1/4/2023 • 20 minutes, 32 seconds
Making Your Marriage Better in 2023
If 2023 is the year you’re going to make some changes in your relationship, we’ve made it easy to become […]
1/3/2023 • 20 minutes, 14 seconds
Is Your Wife An HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)? Here’s How to Tell Her
As many of you know, Shannon is a Highly Sensitive Person. When I first suggested that she might be an […]
12/26/2022 • 21 minutes, 54 seconds
Want Your Wife To Love You More? Be More Decisive
Do you ask your wife, “What do you want to do?” a lot? Chances are, you’re asking this because you […]
12/22/2022 • 21 minutes, 2 seconds
Believe it or Not, Men Have Feelings Too
We recently received an email saying the Secure Marriage Podcast talks more about husbands trying to meet the needs of […]
12/20/2022 • 27 minutes, 18 seconds
Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late to Work On Your Marriage
Husbands, you can’t fix a marriage you’ve been neglecting in three days. When a wife is at the end of […]
12/15/2022 • 30 minutes, 20 seconds
What to do If It Feels Like Your Spouse is Testing You All The Time
Nobody likes tests. And if it feels like your spouse is testing you all the time or trying to catch […]
12/12/2022 • 17 minutes, 1 second
What to Do When “You Love Him, But You’re Not IN Love With Him”
It can be hard to do kind and loving things for your husband or wife when the warm, lovey feelings […]
12/5/2022 • 22 minutes, 42 seconds
How Do You Have A Healthy Long Distance Relationship?
If you’re in the military, or business requires you to be gone from home for extended periods of time, it […]
12/1/2022 • 22 minutes, 3 seconds
My Husband’s Complaining I’m Not Prioritizing Him
If you’re a wife with kids, a job, chores, a dog, and a husband—all of which need your time and […]
11/28/2022 • 14 minutes, 12 seconds
What to do When Your Wife Won’t Stop Being Verbally Abusive
What do you do when your wife won’t stop attacking you despite every effort to de-escalate the situation? Is there […]
11/24/2022 • 15 minutes, 8 seconds
This One Thing Makes Your Relationship Successful (according to 40,000 couples)
Even though relationships are complex, there’s one thing that’s been proven to be the most important if you want to […]
11/21/2022 • 19 minutes, 40 seconds
How To Resolve A Fight In Under 20 Minutes
If you’re married, you’re going to have fights. But if you use the tools we’re going to teach you in […]
11/17/2022 • 11 minutes, 29 seconds
What to Do When Compromise is NOT An Option
What do you do if you want another child, but your husband doesn’t and wants to get a vasectomy? Where […]
11/14/2022 • 16 minutes, 21 seconds
It Feels Like My Opinion Doesn’t Matter
So… you’ve just shared your honest opinion with your spouse, and instead of them saying, “Thanks for sharing” it leads […]
11/10/2022 • 17 minutes, 37 seconds
What Does A Good Relationship Look Like?
You probably know what it feels like when you’re in a bad relationship, but can you clearly answer what it […]
11/7/2022 • 23 minutes, 39 seconds
What to Do If It Feels Like You’re Falling Out of Love
As your relationship moves through time, the feelings of “love” start to change. If those changes feel like you’re losing […]
11/3/2022 • 18 minutes, 12 seconds
Is it Okay to Go Through Your Spouse’s Phone?
If it feels like your spouse is hiding things from you, it’s tempting to try and find “proof” of their […]
10/31/2022 • 16 minutes, 8 seconds
What To Do When Apologizing Makes Your Fights Get Worse
Taking responsibility, apologizing, and validating your spouse’s feelings are supposed to make things better, right? So what happens when you […]
10/27/2022 • 15 minutes, 33 seconds
Is Fighting About Chores Ruining Your Marriage?
If you feel taken advantage of because your spouse expects you to do all the chores, you’re going to want […]
10/24/2022 • 20 minutes, 54 seconds
Is Marriage About Personal Happiness or Duty to Family
For years (okay… for centuries), there’s been a debate on the purpose of marriage. Should it be for your own […]
10/20/2022 • 7 minutes, 7 seconds
How to be Compassionate When Your Husband’s Behavior Embarrasses You
Does your husband embarrass you whenever he expresses his strong feelings? Do you wish he would be more conscientious of […]
10/17/2022 • 19 minutes, 54 seconds
How To Move Through the Rough Patches In Marriage
Every relationship has its ups and downs. How you move through them will either build more connection or lead to […]
10/13/2022 • 19 minutes, 36 seconds
Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity
If your spouse has betrayed your trust by having an affair, you’re probably doing everything you can think of to […]
10/10/2022 • 13 minutes, 48 seconds
Stop Trying To Be Independent In Your Marriage
Most couples are trying to stay “independent” and failing. They have this flawed belief that they can get married and […]
10/6/2022 • 18 minutes, 2 seconds
Shannon’s Success Stories
Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is part two of Shannon’s Tough Mudder saga. You’ll find out how well […]
10/3/2022 • 33 minutes, 21 seconds
#224: What A Kick-Ass Wife Looks Like
Shannon is an incredible woman. Earlier this year, she made the decision to run a 30K mud run at the […]
9/29/2022 • 13 minutes, 50 seconds
#223: Research Says Your Difficult Marriage WILL Get Better
You may have a hard time believing this (we did at first), but research shows that couples who said they […]
9/26/2022 • 12 minutes, 44 seconds
#222: How Do I Become A Happy Person
If you’ve listened to the Secure Marriage Podcast for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard us say, “It’s not […]
9/22/2022 • 18 minutes, 54 seconds
#221: My Husband Thinks “Marriage Shouldn’t Be Work”
If your husband refuses to do the things to learn how to be a better husband, you’ll want to listen […]
9/19/2022 • 17 minutes
#220: What to do if Your Husband Struggles With Depression
I (Paul) have been going through a season of depression. Obviously, it affects Shannon and our daily interactions. On today’s […]
9/15/2022 • 16 minutes, 55 seconds
# 219: What to do if You’re Living in a Sexless Marriage
Being rejected every time you ask for sex is bound to lead to strong feelings of resentment, frustration, and disappointment. […]
9/12/2022 • 16 minutes, 31 seconds
#218: Can My Husband Buy Anything He Wants if He makes all the money?
Yep. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about money. But, like with all things marriage, we’re […]
9/8/2022 • 22 minutes, 57 seconds
#217: The Absolute Best Way to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved & Encouraged
We’ve all heard the platitude, “Happy wife, happy life.” But, what would happen if we took that idea seriously? When […]
9/5/2022 • 17 minutes, 36 seconds
We’re Getting Married. Do You Offer a Pre-marital Program?
If you’re getting married (or engaged), you want to make sure you’re compatible with each other and marrying the right […]
9/2/2022 • 13 minutes, 49 seconds
How Can I Make My Husband Fall In Love With Me Again
If your husband has grown distant and the spark has started to fade in your marriage, in today’s episode of […]
8/29/2022 • 20 minutes, 45 seconds
Can I Tell My Wife to Shut Up?
Yes. This was a real question that was posted, so we decided to give it a real answer in today’s […]
8/25/2022 • 11 minutes, 51 seconds
Is Tit-For-Tat Destroying Your Marriage?
Comparison and accusation will kill your marriage. Telling someone they’re inadequate because you’ve done more will never build trust and […]
8/22/2022 • 21 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Navigate Separating From Your Spouse
8/18/2022 • 18 minutes, 45 seconds
What to do If You or Your Spouse Are Verbally Abusive
Why do you say the meanest things when you’re fighting with your spouse? Why can’t you control your temper and […]
8/16/2022 • 21 minutes, 58 seconds
What to do if You're Stuck in a Horrible Marriage and Your Spouse WILL NOT CHANGE
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re addressing a very real problem… having to deal with a spouse […]
8/10/2022 • 32 minutes, 22 seconds
Things Paul Wished He Knew How to do Early in Our Marriage
Early in our marriage I didn’t know how to love my wife well. Because I never had anyone show me […]
8/4/2022 • 14 minutes, 35 seconds
How to Get Your Avoidant Husband to Pursue You
Has your husband been pulling away emotionally? Does it feel like there’s a bigger and bigger gap growing between the […]
8/1/2022 • 18 minutes, 9 seconds
#207: Are You Afraid To Be 100% Honest With Your Spouse
The other day, I suggested to Shannon that we try a little experiment and see if we can be 100% […]
7/28/2022 • 26 minutes, 23 seconds
When Your Husband Spins Everything To Be Your Fault
I wish today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was based on theory. Unfortunately, I, like a lot of other […]
7/21/2022 • 29 minutes, 1 second
When Do We Get To Do Things My Way?
If you choose to be married and/or have kids, you are making the decision to no longer live your life […]
7/14/2022 • 21 minutes, 12 seconds
My Wife Isn’t Attracted To Me Anymore. Is It Too Late?
What do you do if you realize you haven’t been the kindest of husbands for the majority of your marriage […]
7/11/2022 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
How To Set Boundaries Even When You Don’t Want To
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult task of having to set boundaries with […]
7/7/2022 • 17 minutes, 41 seconds
The Habit that Leads to the Biggest Changes in Your Marriage
Oftentimes, the biggest changes come from the smallest actions. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you […]
6/30/2022 • 19 minutes, 18 seconds
How to Help Your Wife When She’s in a Crisis
This week, while training for her Tough Mudder, Shannon had a little “accident”. This experience reminded us both of the […]
6/27/2022 • 28 minutes, 44 seconds
Holy Cow! It’s our 200th Episode
It’s a big big day for Shannon and I here on the Secure Marriage Podcast. We’ve hit 200 episodes and […]
6/23/2022 • 21 minutes, 3 seconds
Am I Broken Because My Husband Won't Listen to my Feelings?
Why doesn’t my husband want to try to understand me or my feelings? Why does he make ME feel so […]
6/19/2022 • 18 minutes, 15 seconds
Are You A Woman That Suffers From Beauty and the Beast Syndrome?
If you’re in a relationship with a man who treats you poorly but you keep hoping he’s going to change […]
6/16/2022 • 13 minutes, 20 seconds
What’s Crossing The Line With Coworkers of the Opposite Sex
Does your interactions with coworkers of the opposite sex make your spouse uncomfortable? Have those situations caused accusations, mistrust, and […]
6/13/2022 • 21 minutes, 19 seconds
Healthy Ways to Handle Anxious Attachment Issues
The way we receive care as a child affects how we engage in relationships for the rest of our lives. […]
6/2/2022 • 22 minutes, 44 seconds
How To Have Better Connection, Communication, and Conflict Resolution
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I wish we had better communication in our marriage” then we have an incredible […]
5/29/2022 • 17 minutes, 6 seconds
Why Everyone Has A Need For Connection
After spending the last few days being grumpy, I’m finally coming out from under the emotional cloud and I found […]
5/26/2022 • 10 minutes, 33 seconds
How To Be Angry & Still Stay Connected
The last two days I’ve been “that husband” who’s been in a really bad mood and acting surly and grumpy […]
5/22/2022 • 18 minutes, 15 seconds
Why First Responders Have A Higher Divorce Rate
Policemen. Firemen. EMT’s. Doctors. Nurses. We’re grateful for each and every one of them. And yet, statistics show these first […]
5/19/2022 • 12 minutes, 52 seconds
How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse, Part 2
We are designed to heal. It doesn’t happen fast… the process isn’t always predictable… But it does always happen. In […]
5/12/2022 • 22 minutes, 29 seconds
How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse
It’s been a painful couple of days for Shannon. Yesterday, she found out she lost something that’s incredibly precious to […]
5/5/2022 • 25 minutes, 15 seconds
Should You Check Up On An Unfaithful Spouse?
How do you rebuild trust if your spouse has cheated on you? Infidelity is a deeply personal and painful experience, […]
5/1/2022 • 11 minutes, 44 seconds
Why You Need To Be Careful Giving Advice To Your Spouse
Do you like to tell your spouse what to do? Are you “helping” your spouse by giving advice and they […]
4/28/2022 • 11 minutes, 11 seconds
How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Negative Self Talk
Everyone struggles with some level of self-criticism. So how do we support our spouse when they get stuck in an […]
4/24/2022 • 18 minutes, 51 seconds
How To Handle Major Life Changes With Your Spouse
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing a major life change for Shannon, myself, and our entire […]
4/21/2022 • 24 minutes, 40 seconds
How To Respond When You’re Treated Rudely
Last Saturday, I had a run in with one of “those people” who ends up on the news for getting […]
4/17/2022 • 17 minutes, 36 seconds
Are You Willing To Look Foolish For Your Spouse
We all have this built in alarm system that works hard to prevent us from looking bad. So what happens […]
4/15/2022 • 18 minutes
Choosing To See The Best In Bad Situations
The trip from LAX to our hotel didn’t go quite as planned today. In this episode of the Secure Marriage […]
4/7/2022 • 13 minutes, 55 seconds
What To Do When Your Wife Says She's Not In Love With You
What do you do with this statement? How are you supposed to respond? What does it actually mean? Is there […]
4/3/2022 • 11 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Help Your Wife Find Herself
If your wife has also devoted a large part of herself to being a mom, when the kids are ready […]
3/31/2022 • 19 minutes, 59 seconds
What to do When Positive Intentions Get Lost
When my best intentions get executed poorly and end up hurting Shannon’s feelings I sometimes wish she could just read […]
3/24/2022 • 12 minutes, 29 seconds
How Your Husband Should Respond to Being Inconvenienced
When other people make mistakes or don’t plan ahead and it costs you time, energy, or money, how do you […]
3/17/2022 • 15 minutes, 14 seconds
What To Do When Connection Is Missing In Your Marriage
How do you measure connection in a marriage? What exactly is it and how do you get more of it […]
3/13/2022 • 16 minutes, 42 seconds
Why Rigid Thinking Will Ruin Your Marriage
Has it ever felt like your husband wasn’t truly listening to you or your ideas and no matter how hard […]
3/11/2022 • 12 minutes, 49 seconds
Can I Fix My Marriage If My Husband Won’t Do Counseling?
It’s easy to feel trapped and discouraged if your husband doesn’t think he needs to do marriage counseling. But that […]
3/4/2022 • 11 minutes, 11 seconds
How Can A Husband Love His Overweight Wife?
Physical health. Weight gain. Dress sizes. These are very common points of insecurity and conflict for a lot of couples. […]
2/27/2022 • 17 minutes, 6 seconds
Why Miscommunication Doesn’t Always Lead To Conflict
When you get really good at doing marriage, not all misunderstandings will lead to conflict. Sometimes they’re so ridiculous and […]
2/26/2022 • 14 minutes, 2 seconds
#173: How To Validate Your Wife Even When She’s Wrong
Did you know you can talk to your wife in such a way where you stay emotionally connected and both […]
2/20/2022 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Initiate Hard Conversations With Your Husband
Does your husband get defensive whenever you need to talk about something important? Does it feel like he shifts the […]
2/18/2022 • 20 minutes, 36 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Wakes Up In A Pissy Mood
I didn’t want to record today’s podcast, but Shannon made me. I was in no mood to think about marriage […]
2/13/2022 • 9 minutes, 7 seconds
Why You Need A Relationship Roadmap
“I’m at the point in my marriage where I feel so ignored, neglected, and numb that I’m ready to start […]
2/3/2022 • 14 minutes, 50 seconds
#169: How to Not Let Hamburgers Ruin Your Marriage
What was the last stupid thing you and your spouse had a fight about? For us, it was hamburgers. But […]
1/30/2022 • 15 minutes, 12 seconds
How To Respond Graciously To Your Spouse’s Mistakes
Your spouse just screwed up again. You’re fuming inside, feeling frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. You want to give them a […]
1/27/2022 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
Is Being Controlling Ruining Your Marriage?
When you (or pretty much any human being) become afraid, your survival brain tells you to try to get as […]
1/23/2022 • 14 minutes, 21 seconds
What to do when your spouse refuses to be honest
Resolving conflict is hard enough even on the best of days. When one person refuses to engage, lies, or deflects […]
1/21/2022 • 11 minutes, 34 seconds
Our New Roadmap To A Secure Marriage
So… it’s 2022 and your marriage isn’t where you’d like it to be. You know it can be better, but […]
1/2/2022 • 21 minutes, 5 seconds
Is Being Inconvenienced A Moral Issue?
If you’re like me (Paul), you learned the lesson not to inconvenience other people. That lesson got so ingrained into […]
12/30/2021 • 16 minutes, 39 seconds
A Special Christmas Gift For You
We understand if 2021 has been a hard year for you. So you can start 2022 with hope, Shannon and […]
12/27/2021 • 8 minutes, 45 seconds
A Tool That’s Guaranteed To Resolve Conflict Faster
Several years ago, in the midst of one of our fights, Shannon and I discovered a way for both of […]
12/23/2021 • 14 minutes, 54 seconds
How to Avoid Hurting Your Spouse When You're Highly Stressed
When things that are out of your control go horribly wrong and you find yourself frustrated, disappointed, and irritable, how […]
12/19/2021 • 33 minutes, 27 seconds
How To Make The Holidays Less Miserable
Has the holiday season become a season connected with disappointment and bitterness? Do times of love and connection too often […]
12/14/2021 • 19 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Survive The Family Holidays
If the holidays are supposed to be times of joy and happiness, why do things too often melt down and […]
12/2/2021 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
Are You Unintentionally Ignoring Your Spouse's Needs?
It’s happened to all of us… You make a simple request to your husband or wife and they completely ignore […]
11/25/2021 • 16 minutes, 13 seconds
What Our Bathroom Taught Us About Our Marriage
Let me just say upfront, this episode was my wife’s idea. I thought we had agreed we were going to […]
11/21/2021 • 12 minutes, 7 seconds
Is Your Spouse Suffering From SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)
If you’re not familiar with the Pacific Northwest, starting in mid-October the clouds roll in and it becomes a grey, […]
11/18/2021 • 13 minutes, 22 seconds
How To Create Healthy Relationship Habits
Having a fun, easy marriage is possible when you’ve created healthy relationship habits. But how to create good habits and […]
11/11/2021 • 15 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Grieve The Loss Of Your Relationship
For those of you whose marriage is struggling right now… We know you’ve spent months and/or years trying to make […]
11/7/2021 • 13 minutes, 41 seconds
Paul & I Need Your Help
Shannon and I really want Secure Marriage to be something that’s way super helpful to you and your marriage. That’s […]
11/4/2021 • 12 minutes, 25 seconds
How Being A Highly Sensitive Person Affects Your Marriage
For those that don’t know it, Shannon is an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). We learned about this almost twelve years […]
10/31/2021 • 18 minutes, 58 seconds
How To Bring Up The Topic Of Finances With Your Spouse
For a lot of couples, talking about money causes fear, anxiety, and panic. Sometimes, these conversations (or avoidance of them) […]
10/28/2021 • 18 minutes, 49 seconds
Are You Avoiding Conflict To Keep The Peace
We’re just like you and hate having fights. In the past, I (Paul) admit to keeping things hidden from Shannon […]
10/21/2021 • 21 minutes, 16 seconds
Is Your Husband Constantly Spinning The Truth?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re introducing two concepts that have devastating consequences to any relationship—Skewed Memory […]
10/17/2021 • 13 minutes, 39 seconds
Is Your Husband Not Fulfilling His Promises
There’s nothing more painful than getting your hopes up just to have them dashed against the jagged rocks of reality. […]
10/15/2021 • 13 minutes, 51 seconds
Today's Episode Goes Horribly Wrong!
It’s happened again. We sat down to record one topic and our own dysfunctional stuff shows up while the tapes […]
10/10/2021 • 23 minutes, 50 seconds
Do Questions Feel Like Criticism
Shannon has this annoying habit of constantly asking me questions no matter how big or small of a decision I’m […]
10/7/2021 • 20 minutes, 50 seconds
How Do You Get Over Resentment Hurt and Neglect?
How far can you go on with your marriage when your spouse keeps treating you unfairly? It is never easy […]
10/3/2021 • 17 minutes, 28 seconds
When Your Husband’s Disappointment Feels Like Anger
When men have strong feelings, it usually shows up as anger. Their team scores the winning touchdown… they’re fist bumping […]
9/28/2021 • 20 minutes, 22 seconds
Are You Married to Your Soulmate
Has it ever felt like you married the wrong person? That somehow the “right” person is out there waiting to […]
9/23/2021 • 16 minutes, 10 seconds
The One Question Shannon HATES To Ask
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re going to pick on my wife for a little bit. Not […]
9/20/2021 • 16 minutes, 48 seconds
How To Prevent Conflict 95% of the Time
Do you find yourself stuck in tiny power struggles day-in-and-day-out? Do small decisions you have to make with your spouse […]
9/17/2021 • 13 minutes, 28 seconds
Why Do Married Couples Fall Out of Love?
It’s one of the most common excuses husbands and wives use when their marriage is falling apart—” We just fell […]
9/12/2021 • 14 minutes, 56 seconds
When Is It Okay to Lie to Your Spouse?
It’s just sad that some people are led to believe that lying in any shape or form can turn out […]
9/9/2021 • 16 minutes, 28 seconds
Some Unscheduled Conflict While Recording Our Podcast
In most of our podcast episodes we talk about some random fight we’ve had within the last few days. In […]
9/5/2021 • 20 minutes, 44 seconds
Why You Need to Manage Your Stress Better
When was the last time you said or did something awful to your spouse because you are stressed out? If […]
9/2/2021 • 10 minutes, 22 seconds
What to Do When You Love Your Spouse More Than They Love You
Do you feel like your spouse isn’t as engaged as they were before? Does it feel like they’re slowly drifting […]
8/29/2021 • 12 minutes, 13 seconds
Why Most People Feel Hopeless In Their Marriage
In a recent survey, people were asked, “What makes you feel hopeless in your marriage?” Out of all the answers, […]
8/24/2021 • 12 minutes, 25 seconds
Can You Give Up What You Really Want for Your Spouse's Happiness?
Have you ever thought (or said to your spouse), “If I can’t get what I want, then you won’t get […]
8/20/2021 • 21 minutes, 2 seconds
The Real Meaning of Unconditional Love
We hear the phrase “Unconventional Love” all the time, but do you really know what it means? More importantly, do […]
8/17/2021 • 11 minutes, 9 seconds
The Importance of Shared Values
Do you find it hard to start a conversation with your spouse about the things that are slowly tearing your […]
8/9/2021 • 11 minutes, 7 seconds
Wives—Stop Emotionally Bonding With Other Men
When your husband isn’t available emotionally, it’s tempting to turn to other empathetic men and share all of your marriage […]
7/29/2021 • 14 minutes, 52 seconds
Every Spouse Needs To Work Two Jobs
When you come home from work tired, it’s hard getting into a marriage mindset. You just want to sit down, […]
7/28/2021 • 13 minutes, 40 seconds
What To Do With A Narcissistic Spouse
Living with a narcissist is one of the most taxing and damaging thing that can happen to a spouse. It […]
7/22/2021 • 17 minutes, 11 seconds
Is This Important Thing Missing From Your Marriage
There’s a thousand things that can make your marriage miserable. But at the top is one simple thing that I […]
7/20/2021 • 15 minutes, 21 seconds
How To Stop Being Anxious Spouse
If you struggle with anxiety, you already know it affects not just you but your spouse as well. Your ever-present […]
7/12/2021 • 22 minutes, 31 seconds
How To Be Your Best While In Survival Mode
New jobs… Moving… Having a baby… We all go through season where things get a little stressful. Usually, instead of […]
7/6/2021 • 14 minutes
This Is Why A Husband Should Celebrate His Wife
Okay men… you wife wants to feel special. She wants to know that you think about her, that you love […]
5/27/2021 • 7 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Argue Without Being Defensive
If you’ve been married for any amount of time, you know that fights are gonna happen. But did you know […]
5/24/2021 • 15 minutes, 36 seconds
What Are YOU Doing To Make Your Marriage Better?
When your marriage is struggling, it’s easy to focus on the faults of your husband or wife. You believe that […]
5/6/2021 • 12 minutes, 47 seconds
Why You Should Correct In Private & Defend In Public
How do you talk about your husband or wife when they’re not around? Kindly? Harshly? In today’s episode of the […]
5/4/2021 • 12 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When You Spouse Won't Get Off Their Phone
Back in the dark ages (like 1995) marriages never had to argue over technology. Now, couples fight over too much […]
4/30/2021 • 13 minutes, 3 seconds
Join Us On Our First Marriage Cruise
Working on your marriage should never be boring. Sitting for long hours listening to some guy telling you what’s wrong […]
4/24/2021 • 10 minutes, 15 seconds
Paul Admits He Was Wrong (And Shannon Was Right!)
Admitting to your wife you were wrong is never easy. Yet, this is the unfortunate experience I’ve found myself in […]
3/18/2021 • 19 minutes, 22 seconds
Why Being Grumpy Usually Leads to Less Sex
A lot of husbands (and some wives) have never understood the connection between emotional and physical intimacy. They are genuinely […]
3/10/2021 • 11 minutes, 55 seconds
How We Resolved Our Most Recent Fight
Like we’ve said many times… “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a secure marriage.” This last […]
3/5/2021 • 17 minutes, 13 seconds
What NOT To Do To Get Your Spouse To Change
Every husband or wife has that “thing” they’d like to see changed in their spouse, believing it will make their […]
3/2/2021 • 12 minutes, 5 seconds
Accepting The Quirkiness Of Your Spouse
Does your husband or wife have that “thing” that drives you crazy, even though, you’d have to admit (reluctantly) it’s […]
2/25/2021 • 7 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Date Night Should Still Be A Big Deal
Remember when dating was something that was fun and easy? Now, after a few years of being married, you probably […]
2/22/2021 • 18 minutes, 35 seconds
Does Selflessness Lead To Being Abused?
We talk a lot about the importance of being selfless and serving your husband or wife on a daily basis. […]
2/12/2021 • 12 minutes, 16 seconds
Why Bonding With Your Spouse Is So Important
Friendship with your husband or wife is good. Compatibility with your spouse is nice. Physical attraction is exciting. But bonding […]
2/8/2021 • 10 minutes, 9 seconds
Are You The Pusher or Withdrawer In Your Marriage?
When stress creeps into a marriage, one person usually pushes for connection while the other person usually withdraws, hoping to […]
2/2/2021 • 12 minutes, 7 seconds
Are You Willing To Sacrifice For Your Spouse?
Do you know what your spouse has given up because he or she decided to be married to you? I […]
1/28/2021 • 16 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Handle Your Wife's Monthly Mood Swings
For decades, women have been stereotyped (often unfairly) as moody and grumpy during their time-of-the-month. And yet, there’s always a […]
1/25/2021 • 11 minutes, 47 seconds
How Men Can Develop More Empathy
Has your wife ever said, “You don’t understand me” or, ” You just don’t care? If that’s you (and it […]
1/21/2021 • 12 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Refuses To Compromise
For marriage to work, you have to listen to the needs of your spouse and be willing to give up […]
1/18/2021 • 12 minutes, 47 seconds
What To Do If Your Husband Keeps Lying
Lying. If it’s done once, it’s easier to forgive. If it becomes a pattern, it will destroy trust and any […]
1/14/2021 • 13 minutes, 52 seconds
Why It's Hard to Apologize After A Fight
Fighting is never easy. But apologizing is even harder. Admitting you’re wrong, listening to the feelings of your spouse, empathizing, […]
1/11/2021 • 22 minutes, 25 seconds
What to do With a Moody Spouse
Let’s be honest… your spouse probably isn’t happy and pleasant to be around 24/7. If your spouse happens to be […]
1/7/2021 • 19 minutes, 24 seconds
Where Does Reconciliation Begin
If your marriage has been struggling for awhile, you may not know the first steps you need to take to […]
1/4/2021 • 13 minutes, 30 seconds
What to do When Your Husband Refuses to Get Help
Few things are as painful as being married to a husband who insists nothing’s wrong and he doesn’t need to […]
12/24/2020 • 22 minutes, 43 seconds
Should you defend your wife against insults from your family?
Sometimes the person you marry isn’t always welcomed into the family. There may be snide comments, back-handed insults, or even […]
12/22/2020 • 13 minutes, 6 seconds
Our 100th Episode (and a cool giveaway)!
It’s took us a little while, but we’ve finally made it to our 100th episode! This podcast has been one […]
12/9/2020 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
Who Should Do More Chores: Husband or Wife?
It’s the little things that make or break a marriage… like chores. Ironically, it’s not about the chores. It’s about […]
12/2/2020 • 19 minutes, 39 seconds
What To Do When You Disagree on Having More Kids
Even though they can drive you crazy at times, children can be a blessing in your marriage. But what happens […]
10/16/2020 • 13 minutes, 2 seconds
Does Your Marriage Suffer From Marital Remorse?
If your marriage has been a struggle, you may find ourself sitting in marital remorse (it’s sort of like buyer’s […]
10/10/2020 • 19 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Hold Your Spouse Accountable To Their Goals Without Sounding Critical
So, your husband or wife says they want to lose some weight. Then you watch them make multiple trips into […]
9/11/2020 • 19 minutes, 58 seconds
How Shannon Has Been Overcoming Obstacles & Achieving Her Goals
(Shannon wanted an entire episode all about her, but she didn’t want to admit it, so this is what we […]
9/10/2020 • 23 minutes, 48 seconds
How To Go 27 Hours In A Two-Seater Car With NO Arguments
For many marriages, traveling usually causes conflict and fights. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, listen in as […]
9/2/2020 • 17 minutes, 37 seconds
What To Do When You Feel Embarrassed By Your Spouse's Anger
Having your spouse angry at you is hard enough. When it happens in public or in front of family or […]
8/15/2020 • 16 minutes, 14 seconds
Why Some People Don't Like Our Podcast
Believe it or not, and despite our best efforts, some people have told us they really don’t like our podcast. […]
8/13/2020 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
#92: When Should A Couple Consider Separation
When you’re in a difficult marriage, one of the hardest decisions you face is whether to separate to continue to […]
8/10/2020 • 14 minutes, 38 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Keeps Threatening Divorce
Fighting with your husband or wife is hard enough. But when they threaten you with divorce, your survival brain kicks […]
8/3/2020 • 16 minutes, 18 seconds
What To Do When You Feel Blamed All The Time
When something goes wrong for your spouse, do you feel yourself bracing because you know it’s just a matter of […]
7/27/2020 • 23 minutes, 5 seconds
Why It's So Hard To Forgive Your Spouse
When you’re hurt, finding forgiveness isn’t always easy. You want your husband or wife to admit they were wrong, that […]
7/23/2020 • 22 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When Your Dreams Make Your Spouse Nervous
Have you ever wanted to do something really badly but your spouse wasn’t on board? For many couples, this can […]
7/20/2020 • 15 minutes, 4 seconds
#87: How One Misinterpreted Text Led To Our HUGE Fight
Despite being a trained professional counselor with years of experience helping couples fix their marriages, last Saturday, Shannon and I […]
7/2/2020 • 27 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Secretly Has Lunch With Their Ex
Keeping secrets from your spouse rarely turns out well… especially when it concerns meeting up with your ex when your […]
6/26/2020 • 19 minutes, 50 seconds
What To Do If You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Every couple fights. So when do those fights cross the line and become emotionally abusive? Or, if you know they’ve […]
6/18/2020 • 16 minutes, 4 seconds
Your Spouse Wants To End The Marriage
Very few things are as devastating as hearing your husband or wife wants to end the marriage. What do you […]
6/15/2020 • 13 minutes, 23 seconds
Dealing With Sexless Marriages
You may not know this, but for a lot of couples, sex is pretty important (insert sarcastic look here). And […]
6/12/2020 • 17 minutes, 4 seconds
What To Do If You've "Fallen Out Of Love"
You hear people say all the time “I’ve fallen out of love”. Worse yet, they use that reason to end […]
6/8/2020 • 12 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Change Your Negative Attitude Toward Your Spouse
Sometimes, your spouse just bugs the crap out of you. Everything they do frustrates or disappoints you and it’s nearly […]
6/5/2020 • 16 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When You Crave Something New In Your Marriage
If you’ve been married for any amount of time, you know that the “feelings” can start to fade and things […]
5/29/2020 • 11 minutes, 18 seconds
Is Doing Something Without Your Spouse Wrong?
Once you get married, should you do everything together? How can you keep your individualism while still being married? CAN […]
5/26/2020 • 16 minutes, 54 seconds
Who Does The Chores When Your Wife Starts Working From Home?
Chores are one of the most common things couples fight over. What can complicate the debate is when a wife […]
5/23/2020 • 21 minutes, 29 seconds
Husbands—Start Improving Yourselves
Gentlemen. If you want your wife to be happier, more attracted to you, and have less fight, you only have […]
5/22/2020 • 8 minutes, 54 seconds
How To Become An Empathetic Spouse
Do you want to fight less with your husband or wife? You need to learn how to develop empathy. Do […]
5/18/2020 • 19 minutes
The Number One Thing To Look For In A Husband or Wife
The other day I posted a question on a Facebook Marriage Group asking, “What’s the one thing you wish you […]
5/15/2020 • 17 minutes, 13 seconds
How COVID-19 Is Affecting Our Marriage
This episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is just a personal update letting you know how Shannon and I are […]
5/12/2020 • 19 minutes, 31 seconds
Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?
If your husband or wife has cheated on you, you want to avoid getting hurt and make sure that never […]
5/6/2020 • 12 minutes, 29 seconds
A Better Way To Talk About Feelings
Talking about feelings can feel awkward and uncomfortable for two main reasons. First, you might be that task-oriented person who […]
4/3/2020 • 12 minutes, 45 seconds
Understanding Your Spouse's Primary Need
Do you know the primary need of your husband or wife? Did you even know that women have a primary […]
3/30/2020 • 14 minutes, 15 seconds
How To Support Your Spouse When They're Trying Something New
When your husband or wife wants to try something new, it can rock the relationship boat. Things can feel uncomfortable, […]
3/13/2020 • 19 minutes, 31 seconds
What Will People Say About Your Marriage At Your 50th Anniversary Party
Shannon and I just got back from celebrating her parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary in Southern California. She threw them a […]
3/3/2020 • 9 minutes, 5 seconds
How To Make Big Decisions Together
We know at some point, you and your spouse couldn’t agree on some major decision and it’s ended up in […]
2/26/2020 • 15 minutes, 35 seconds
Why You Need To Ask, "How Can I Be A Better Husband or Wife?"
Imagine how your marriage would change if, later today, your husband or wife stopped you in the kitchen and asked […]
2/17/2020 • 13 minutes, 39 seconds
Practical Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Relationship
When your husband or wife says they’ll do something and then they drop the ball and don’t follow through, doubt […]
2/8/2020 • 14 minutes, 23 seconds
Why You Should Bring Your BFF Into Your Marriage (It's NOT what you think)
Wouldn’t it be nice to stop wasting time and finally get down to the REAL issues in your marriage? We […]
1/24/2020 • 22 minutes, 31 seconds
How "Captain Obvious" Can Save Your Marriage
Driving home from work the other day, I came up with a super simple technique that makes communicating with your […]
1/17/2020 • 9 minutes, 57 seconds
How Relentless Empathy is Guaranteed to Improve ANY Relationship
If you’re like us, whenever your husband or wife is hurting because of something they’ve done to themselves, it’s… (how […]
1/12/2020 • 13 minutes, 9 seconds
How to Stop 90% of Your Fights Before They Even Get Started
Everyone knows, as a married couple you need to know how to resolve conflict. But wouldn’t it be better to […]
1/3/2020 • 7 minutes, 45 seconds
#61: Tired of Being The One Who Always Goes First?
If you’re the one who ALWAYS has to go first because your husband or wife won’t initiate, it’s easy to […]
12/20/2019 • 21 minutes, 40 seconds
#60: 8 Essential Tips To Survive the Family Holidays
The holiday season isn’t always the easiest, especially when it involves extended family. Old conflicts… Unresolved tensions… Unspoken expectations… all […]
12/13/2019 • 30 minutes, 13 seconds
How To Show Your Spouse You Love Them By Taking Responsibility For Your Crap
Admit it. If your spouse changed that one-little-thing about them, you’d probably be a lot happier. Right? Everyone wants to […]
12/9/2019 • 19 minutes, 44 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Won't Initiate Sex
Sex can become frustrating when it feels like you’re not wanted by your spouse. If you’re not careful, it can […]
11/22/2019 • 9 minutes, 59 seconds
The Magic Question That's Guaranteed To Change Your Marriage
What if you had to do just one thing to GUARANTEE you’ll have an awesome marriage? Sound too good to […]
11/15/2019 • 12 minutes, 23 seconds
#56: How to Overcome Sexual Shame in Your Relationship
If your sex life has been a struggle in your marriage, sexual shame may have something to do with it. […]
11/11/2019 • 17 minutes, 10 seconds
#55: How To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse
If sex has gotten boring and… uneventful in your relationship, but you’re not sure how to bring it up with […]
11/1/2019 • 22 minutes, 20 seconds
How To Support Your Spouse When They're Totally Messed Up
If your spouse is suffering from any type of illness—physical or emotional—it can be taxing on a marriage. It’s easy […]
10/26/2019 • 15 minutes, 14 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Works Too Much
Are you a wife that’s feeling lonely and less-than-important because your husband gives all of his attention to work and […]
10/2/2019 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
5 Communication Styles That Are Guaranteed To Destroy Your Marriage
The way you communicate with your husband or wife will determine is you have a happy marriage or a frustrating […]
8/20/2019 • 12 minutes, 12 seconds
Four Tips For Effective Communication With Your Husband or Wife
If your marriage is struggling because of bad communication, you’re not alone. Most relationships are frustrating and disappointing, not because […]
8/13/2019 • 9 minutes, 23 seconds
Why Telling Your Spouse What To Do Can Potentially Hurt Their Feelings
Does it drive you crazy when your husband or wife offers suggestions or offers you their opinion on how you should do something? This simple but very powerful relationship dynamic can quickly create major tensions and blow ups in a marriage.
8/2/2019 • 19 minutes, 51 seconds
The Magic Technique We Use To Stay Emotionally Connected During A Fight
Back in the old days (like 2 years ago), when Shannon and I would fight, we’d go from talking about […]
7/19/2019 • 13 minutes, 8 seconds
Why The Little Things In Marriage Are So Important
Does your marriage feel stale, boring, or overall disappointing? If so, there’s a good chance you’ve been ignoring the little […]
7/12/2019 • 13 minutes, 24 seconds
How To Know If Your Marriage Is Worth Saving
When your marriage has been struggling for a while, it’s easy to start wondering if it will ever get better. […]
7/5/2019 • 27 minutes, 43 seconds
How To Stop Feeling Like Just Roommates
If you’re like us, life’s busy. We understand why it’s harder to find times to truly connect with your husband […]
6/28/2019 • 19 minutes, 16 seconds
We Talk Openly About Our Core Fears
What is the deepest fear that you have about yourself? Have you ever shared that with your spouse? Being that […]
5/30/2019 • 18 minutes, 6 seconds
How Things Can Get Better Even If Your Marriage Is Off To A Rocky Start
What’s my most shameful mistake as a husband? This is the podcast episode I’ve been dreading to record. BUT I […]
5/28/2019 • 16 minutes, 37 seconds
How Do You Know If You Are In A Codepndent Relationship
Are you always trying to change your spouse’s emotional state, spending hours and hours of energy trying to fix them? […]
5/23/2019 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
How Much A Divorce Will Actually Cost You
Divorce is expensive. Really expensive. Unfortunately, sometimes you won’t even know the full cost of the experience until years later. […]
5/23/2019 • 12 minutes, 54 seconds
Relationship Red Flags When Looking For A Spouse
Do you know what you should be avoiding when looking for your future spouse? Most people don’t so they base […]
5/16/2019 • 23 minutes, 2 seconds
How Do You Know You've Found "The One"
How many times have you asked yourself, “Is this person ‘the one’?” Is there actually a failsafe way to figure […]
5/10/2019 • 17 minutes, 20 seconds
Why You Should Never Use Name-Calling In Your Marriage
One of the most dangerous and toxic things you can do to your spouse and your marriage is use name-calling […]
4/20/2019 • 13 minutes, 35 seconds
The Story of How We Met
We’re asked all the time, “How’d you guys meet.” In today’s episode, you’ll find out. You’ll find out the things […]
4/5/2019 • 25 minutes, 46 seconds
Three Ways To Reduce Defensiveness In Your Marriage
“How can I share my hurt feelings with my spouse without causing him to become defensive?” This question taps into […]
3/29/2019 • 22 minutes, 19 seconds
The Magical Power Of Empathy
What does it feel like to have your spouse listen to your feelings without trying to fix you or tell […]
3/22/2019 • 14 minutes, 47 seconds
How To Start Moving Forward After An Affair
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we tackle the painful subject of infidelity in a marriage and how […]
3/21/2019 • 12 minutes, 28 seconds
How To Reduce Defensiveness In Your Spouse
Correcting your spouse… always pointing out what they’ve done or said is wrong… is one of the best ways to […]
3/8/2019 • 16 minutes, 58 seconds
How to Become A Better Student Of Your Spouse
No matter how long you’ve been married to your husband or wife, there’s still new stuff you can learn about […]
2/23/2019 • 19 minutes, 42 seconds
The Secure Marriage Framework (Revised)
If you want to learn how to communicate better with your husband or wife, you’re going to want to get […]
2/16/2019 • 19 minutes, 6 seconds
The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages have become a staple of all good marriage educational programs. Originally a book written by Gary […]
2/10/2019 • 19 minutes, 1 second
Why Unspoken Expectations Will Screw Up Your Marriage
Unspoken expectations are cancerous to any marriage. Whenever you want your spouse to do something your way and on your […]
2/1/2019 • 16 minutes, 21 seconds
How To Help Your Struggling Spouse
Since moving to Portland, Oregon, Shannon has struggled with the winter weather. At first, we thought is was going to […]
1/25/2019 • 16 minutes, 51 seconds
How To Gracefully Receive Help From Your Spouse
It can be very difficult to allow your spouse to take care of you when you are sick or injured. […]
1/18/2019 • 13 minutes, 18 seconds
Why Negative Thoughts About Your Spouse Ruin Your Relationship
When you allow negative thoughts about your spouse to occupy your mind it has a negative impact on your marriage. […]
1/12/2019 • 20 minutes, 18 seconds
Why We Ditched Church To Go Have A Fight
Sometimes, you end up in a fight with your wife when it’s the highly inconvenient. For us a few weeks […]
12/28/2018 • 21 minutes, 56 seconds
How To Get Your Spouse To Change
Let’s admit it. Everyone has those little things you want to change about your spouse. It’s a normal part of […]
12/21/2018 • 18 minutes, 57 seconds
How You Can Turn Off Your Survival Brain
In this week’s episode, we’re trying something a little different as we talk with Jon Furman, pastor at Beaverton Christian […]
12/15/2018 • 24 minutes, 9 seconds
How Much It Sucks Admitting I'm Wrong To My Wife (And How Important It Is)
So,,, it’s one thing to be wrong. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to be wrong while I’m recording a podcast […]
12/7/2018 • 18 minutes, 19 seconds
Three Essential Things To Look For Before Getting Married
There are lots of things that should be talked about before you get married. This week we talk about three […]
12/1/2018 • 13 minutes, 15 seconds
Pre-Marital vs. Pre-Engagement Counseling
We believe everyone should get some sort of counseling before they get married. Traditionally, that’s been pre-marital counseling, but in […]
11/23/2018 • 15 minutes, 6 seconds
How To Handle Extended Family During The Holidays
In this episode, Paul and I give 4 tips for for managing the stress that can happen when trying to […]
11/16/2018 • 14 minutes, 5 seconds
What To Do When You Disagree On The Facts of A Situation
In this weeks episode, Paul and Shannon work though one of the recurring themes in their marriage, disagreeing with the […]
11/9/2018 • 16 minutes, 24 seconds
Why Happiness Is A Byproduct of A Secure Marriage
A Secure Marriage is knowing that your spouse is committed to you no for the long haul, that they are […]
11/3/2018 • 10 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Is There No Test Before You Get Married?
Most couples, when getting married, have the expectation that marriage is going to be all sunshine and roses. In other […]
10/19/2018 • 12 minutes, 53 seconds
Our Favorite Tool To Improve Communication With Your Spouse
The most common question we get at workshops is, “How do we improve communication?” In this episode, we talk about […]
10/5/2018 • 7 minutes, 24 seconds
Supporting Shannon Through Her Tough Mudder
We’re on the road for this podcast episode so Shannon can run her first 10 mile Tough Mudder up in […]
9/28/2018 • 20 minutes, 44 seconds
What It's Like To Be Best Friends With Your Spouse
It's not enough to just be married to your spouse. It's essential to be friends with them as well. A friendship that grow stronger and more intimate is the things that will help you feel more connected and make it easier to endure the normal disagreements that come along.
8/25/2018 • 16 minutes, 36 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Is A Highly Sensitive Person
Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is not easy. In this episode, Shannon talks about what’s it’s like to be […]
7/19/2018 • 22 minutes, 49 seconds
What To Do When You Think Your Spouse Is Being Lazy
When you think you’re doing more of the day-to-day stuff, it’s easy to get resentful and start accusing your spouse […]
7/12/2018 • 18 minutes, 32 seconds
What To Do When Your "Helpful Ideas" Are Taken As Criticism
Sometimes, the helpful ideas your spouse offers can be perceived as critical, corrective, or controlling. In this episode, we look at how to shift your mindset so you're not constantly fighting whenever your spouse wants to contribute their thoughts or feelings.
7/8/2018 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Is Struggling With Depression
Depression is never easy. When your spouse is having a hard time simply being happy there are things you can do to help them get through the experience.
6/29/2018 • 18 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When You've Been Wronged and You're Having A Hard Time Letting It Go
We all get wronged now and then, but we don't always have the ability to get justice. In this episode, we're talking about this exact situation in our life and how we've decided to deal with it.
6/27/2018 • 22 minutes, 1 second
How Mad Shannon Will Be If Paul Dies Unexpectedly
In the last 2 months, we've had two neighbors die unexpectedly. These men were relatively young, and this has made Shannon think about what she would do if Paul were to pass away without warning.
6/23/2018 • 14 minutes, 9 seconds
Why Speaking Harshly To Your Spouse Is Toxic To Your Marriage
How you say things to your spouse is just as important as what you say. Paying attention to your tone […]
6/11/2018 • 13 minutes, 51 seconds
Correcting & Criticism—Two Things Proven To Ruin Your Marriage
Music in this episode is provided by PurplePlanet.com
3/22/2018 • 17 minutes, 11 seconds
How Improving Yourself Encourages Your Spouse
3/9/2018 • 11 minutes, 56 seconds
What To Do When You Think You Spouse Has Forgotten Something
3/9/2018 • 14 minutes, 49 seconds
What To Do When You And Your Spouse Disagree
2/23/2018 • 12 minutes, 44 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Is Yelling At Traffic
2/13/2018 • 12 minutes, 20 seconds
What To Do When Your Wife is Hurting And Hiding In The Other Room
