OH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DEAD? Well nobody told us! That's right folks for exactly one week only your 7th favorite podcast that you listen to strictly out of obligation is back to discuss the forthcoming Academy Awards. It's Hollywood's biggest night and for you this episode might be your biggest fright! That's right! There's a Three Men in a Baby ghost in this one! Marvel as Sean mispronounces almost every nominee's name! You'll be dazed as Bill attempts to pronounce the name of his favorite movie! You'll swoon as Will realizes what a horrible mistake he's made associating with two elderly morons! It's fun! The Balcony will be back Summertime 2005 with half a face iron (the other half look like alien science) 

Folks, the Balcony is closed for a little bit so enjoy a couple of weeks of goldie oldies and then we'll be back with Gandhi eventually! Gobble, gobble, you flippin Puritans. It's the busiest travel day of the year and the Balcony Boys have got you covered with a turkey that even the most benevolent of US Presidents couldn't pardon. Yes, friends, it's time we travel all the way back to 1952 and take a look at Plymouth Adventure, a film that can only be described as "completely inaccurate" and "very boring." Sexier than the reenactors at Plimoth Plantation but not as sexy as anything that can be described as sexy, Plymouth Adventure tells the tale of all the drunken horniness that accompanied the Pilgrims (and others) on that fateful sex romp across the Atlantic on the Mayflower. Don't watch this film this film in mixed company because your company will fall fast asleep. Plymouth Adventure stars Spencer Tracy and a bunch of dorks dressed like nerds. Happy Thanksgiving from our balcony to yours! Black Friday sale happening right now. Go to any ecommerce site and use offer code "Balcony19" to see if that saves you any money!

Hark weary time traveler! We're taking a couple weeks off cause we're exceptionally lazy! So enjoy the VVitch this week and some other shit next week and then we'll be back for Gandhi someday! Do you want to live.... balcony-ly? Boys and girls, grab your pitchforks and your other things that you carry on a witch hunt cause we found the 2015 trip into madness, the Witch! Robert Eggers, you crazy for this one. Join the screen debut probably of the world's greatest living actor, Harvey Scrimshaw and travel to just outside old Plimoth Colony where a bunch of super puritans run into a nasty little goat and his coven of witches. Maybe? There's almost no way to know if we understood this beautiful little movie but we sure did watch it! The Witch stars an old faced English man, an old faced English woman, an old faced English girl, an old faced English boy, the twins from the Shining and BBBBBBBBBBBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK Philip.

Welp folks, all good things must eventually wither and die and just like the sands in an hourglass, this tv show, like all tv shows, sucks ass. It's a movie podcast and we're in the middle of spooky movie month so what better way to wrap up Boo Englund 4: The Final Chapter than with a three hour TELEVISION mini-series. It's profoundly boring for 2 hours and 30 minutes but boy howdy do the remaining 15 minutes sprinkled across this thing rip. Rest in Pieces (a movie we should have just done another episode on). It's Salem's Lot. Bye. 

Pay know attention to the man riffing alone for upwards of 7 minutes and definitely don't go down in the basement because this week the Balcony is the only safe place in the House by the Cemetery, another Boo Englund classic that we maybe should have thought more about before watching because it's not very good is it? Anyway. Enjoy!

What's scarier than being super horny? Nothing if you ask me, the guy writing this. It's a sinful pastime and should be discussed with pastor asap. It's Two Boys in  a Balcony and we're talking what might be the horniest horror comedy of all time, the Witches of Eastwick, a film in which three of the most beautiful women of all time all supernaturally fight over who gets to bang Jack Nicholson. Tough life, Jack. It's week two of Boo Englund 4: the Final Chapter!

Friends, family, lovers, we gather here today to lay to rest Two Boys In A Balcony, the award watching, formerly New England film podcast and its two hosts, Bill McMorrow and Sean Sullivan, and we welcome back from the grave Thrill McMorgue-o and Halloween Sean Sullivan as Boo Englund returns for it's fourth and final chapter! That's right! It's Boo Englund 4: The Final Chapter and we're kicking things off with Ghost Sean's first selection, the awesomely titled and mediocrely movied 1971 film, Let's Scare Jessica to Death! It's neither scary nor (spoilers) does Jessica die! Why did he pick it? BECAUSE FRANKENSEAN (there it is) SKULLIVAN (holy shit folks we did it!) is a deranged maniac! So join Thrill McMorgue-o and Frankesean Skullivan as we say goodbye to Oscar and say hello to the Scary Oscars!

Run, don't walk, to the exit of any place where you might be forced to watch one second of this week's film, Chariots of Fire, a movie so boring, I'm refusing to write another word about it. 

You can take your outerspace superhero race car movies and shove'em up your butt cause this week we've got a film that's just about ordinary people... ordinary people at the top of their tax bracket.... ordinary people in an impossibly large house that somehow doesn't have a swimming pool or maybe it did I didn't notice THIS FILM IS ABOUT THE PERFORMANCES. In 1980, American stud Rob Redford picked up a camera, winked at it, and said, "I reckon I could win best picture with one of these" and history was made. Wow. What a great piece of film journalism. You didn't know that because you can barely read. When God was handing out brains, you were like, "duh i don't need one of those" and then babbled your lips with your index finger like a big diaper wearing baby. You're basically as smart as a smart dog compared to me, a guy as smart as ten smart dogs. You're ordinary people and I'm extraordinary people. We are not the same. Sincerley, Bill McMorrow the person who wrote that you are as smart as a smart dog.

Balcony Vs. Basement. Godzilla Vs. Kong. Ecks Vs. Sever. Kenny Vs. Spenny. Spy Vs. Spy. Results Vs. Expectations. Sullivan Vs. McMorrow. Kramer Vs. Kramer. 

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove is in the air as in Sean is in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove with this week's movie. Holy moly. If you don't like the hornier episodes of the Balcony, turn back now. Today, we watched the 1970s cult classic, The Stepford Wives. Get your Matthew Broderick 2000s remake the hell out of here. We took the delorean back to 1975 and frankly, Sean is never leaving. Bill left. What do you think of when you hear Disneyland robot? Grover Cleveland? I genuinely hate trying to write these things up every week but it would look stupid if there was nothing here right? Right? The Stepford Wives stars Katherine Ross and Mrs Sean Sullivan

It's the compendium to our old Deer Hunter episode where we talk about the other nominees. It's the first half of the podcast without the second half of the podcast cause that was already a podcast! Do you understand? We don't talk about the Deer Hunter very much in this episode titled the Deer Hunter because we already did the Deer Hunter during Cazalentine's 2021. It's pretty simple. Don't be so thick. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we've finally reached the end of our month long celebration of the damn life and work of what we can confidently call the most unsung actor from New England, John Motherfucking Cazale. Five movies, all absolute bangers. Today, it's the 1979 Best Picture winner, The Deer Hunter, arguably the greatest movie about Vietnam and according to Bill, maybe of all time. We sing, we dance, we have a swell ass time.    Also stay tuned to the end of the podcast for a big announcement regarding the damn future of the Balcony.

If only we knew then what we knew now, I wouldn't have to write up a write-up for Woody Allen's Annie Hall. Maybe I'd be writing a write-up about Star Wars... oh Star Wars... you ever hear of this thing Star Wars? Nominated for Best Picture at the 51st Academy Awards, Star Wars tells the epic tale of a young farmhand ripped by fate from his quiet life of skyhopping womp rats into a tale of intergalactic intrigue and politics, meeting wondrous creatures and friends along the way. Good movie, Star Wars. One of the best! Anyway, Annie Hall is about how a guy doesn't want to have sex with a hot lady cause she's too cool. We have different priorities, you and I, and that's fine. 

IN THIS CORNER.... WEIGHING 165 POUNDS... THE 2022 FUNNIEST PERSON IN MASSACHUSETTS... THE REASON FOR THE SEASON... BIG DADDY LAUGH.... FROM COMEDY CENTRAL.... MISTER SEAN SULLVAN FROM TELEVISION! And his opponent coming in at 115 pounds with no muscle tone and pecs... an absolute plucked chicken.... he will surely die in the ring tonight... 1987 HOT WING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD RECORD PENDING... Bill. Anyway. Bill can write these if he wants. He can even edit them before he posts them to instagram but I'll be honest, I don't know if he can read. We love him anyway! Rest in Power!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, listen to this podcast like its your wife. From my personal point of view, this is a podcast to listen to. MERMAIDS! This week in the balcony, we're splashing around with Cher, Winona, Bobby, and the gang and we're talking MERMAIDS, a movie so nice they had three directors. Did you know that? Well you will in the next 90 minutes. We get into this charming little picture and sing a whole bunch. I can't remember what else happens but who cares? Listen, rate, review, and don't go up in the bell tower when you're drunk. What's the matter with you? It's Mermaids with the boys and no, we don't know why it's called that either.

Cuckoo cuckoo! That's right, friends! It's time once again for the Balcony to fly over the cuckoo's nest all the way to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the 1975 mental asylum comedy drama extravaganza! All the pug ugly character actors that still crushed an unconscionable amount of ass are on full display! It's a character actor buffet. Plus we talk about what's possibly the best lineup of movies we've ever covered in the awards era of the Balcony. Any of them could have except Barry Lyndon!

It's Cazalentine's Week 3 and it's the afternoon and the day is dog so it's Dog Day Afternoon. It's very good! (Please note: Two Boys in a Balcony, the award watching New England film podcast does not condone or encourage bank robberies of any kind but also acknowledges that we're not your dad. We can't tell you what to do with your life. If you want to rob a bank, we're not going to be happy about it but we still love you. Do you understand that? We still love you. We just want you to make better choices. I know it's hard. We're in the middle of a pandemic. The government increasingly seems to care less and less about us. You have to live your life and if living your life leads you down a path of crime, that's your choice and we respect it. We don't like it but we respect you to make your own way in this world. God Bless.)

You're gonna need a bigger balcony

It's Week Two of Cazalentine's and we're back with FFC for his 1974 Best Picture LOSER, The Conversation (it lost to the Godfather Part II so I bet there's no hard feelings). This is a dang gem of a flick with peak HACKMAN BABY! Gather round, young friends, and listen to a conversation about the Conversation. I hate writing these blurbs.

Well well well look it is. Our ooooold friend the Godfather colon part two. Yup. That's right. Once again dedicating February 2021 to the late, great John Cazale has finally paid off because for the second time in three weeks, Sean didn't have to rewatch the movie! The Godfather colon part two is incredible but it's long and there's so many other movies to see and we talk about them and more this week in the Balcony. 

What's good, rummy? It's old timey days in the Balcony today so 23 skidooo or whatever the hell... it's the greatest con of all... TWO BOYS IN A BALCONY TALKING ABOUT THE STING! It's the second of two Redford/Newman collabs and the only one to win the big dawg award for biggest dawgs in dawgville. It's a fun one today probably we hope. Godspeed and good riddance or something nicer. I hate writing these. 

Hey gang. Look. We did the Godather way back in Cazalentine's 2021. So we reposted that episode. But we really wanted to talk about Cabaret and Deliverance and also two other movies I can't remember right now. But i'm sure they're good. They were nominated for best picture. When was the last time a bad movie ever got nominated for Best Picutre, Joker?

Ladies and gentlemen have we got an offer for you that you can't refuse! It's week 1 of Cazalentine's, our month long celebration of the greatest son of Revere, Massachusetts John Cazale! The man made 5 movies, killed it in each and every single one, and all five movies were nominated for Best Picture and 3 of the movies went on to win (The Conversations didn't win because the Godfather 2 did! Two Best pictures nominations in one year!) How could we not dedicate a month to this incredible man!    Today, we watched approx 10 hours of film for you. The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, and the newly released director's cut of the Godfather Part III, Mario Puzo's Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone! Two of the movies are masterpieces and the third one is also a movie! It's Two Boys in a Balcony! Serious. Film. Journalism.

Bond with a snail and punch a mime cause it's the French Connection!

Hey there! It's me, Sean, from the future, bringing you an episode from the past! We were supposed to record an episode about the best picture winning film, the French Connection, but everything feels bad right now and talking about one of the worst cops of all time didn't sound like it was going to make us feel any better about anything so here's an old episode on the movie the Cider House Rules. We don't have a patreon but if you wanted to throw a couple bucks to the Eastern Massachusetts Abortion Fund at https://emafund.org/ that seems like a good thing you could do.  Gather round, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England, you fakers of medical degress, you cuckolds of vets... it's the Cider House Rules today in the Balcony. What business are you in? Cause we're in the watching movies and then talking about the movies biz and boy howdy have we got a movie that we watched and want to talk about. Nominated for more Academy Awards than anybody could justify 20 years later, we tackle all the hardest hitting questions one could have from watching this film such as who is Sean's best friend? Why it's your friendly neighborhood apple picker. Too bad Tobey Maguire didn't have his organic web shooters yet cause that would have made picking apples so much more efficient, we could have avoided an entire incest subplot. The Cider House Rules stars Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron, Michael Caine, Roman Roy, Delroy Lindo, a bucket of apples and mostly Paul Rudd.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNN AT EASE ABOUT FACE Ladies and gentlemen, we didn't lose the episode this time! It's Patton! A movie about a dick who won a war or something. George C Scott seems like a pill and George S Patton seems like a psycho but God Bless them both because we got to watch fake tanks fight! It's Patton! Patton on the Ritz! If anybody wants to write these, please email me your episode descriptions to [email protected] and also money

Love means never having to watch this wretched movie again. It's Two Boys in a Balcony and in the immortal words of J Geils and Peter Wolf.... love (story) stinks.

Well, I'm packin up my game and I'ma head out west, where real women come equipped wit' scripts and fake breasts. Find a nest in the hills, chill like flynt. Buy an old drop-top, find a spot to pimp. Then I'ma Two Boys in a Balcony-it up and down ya' block, With a bottle of scotch and watch lotsa crotch. Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' "chillin' the most." Then rock that bitch up and down the coast.  Yee-haw motherfathers! This week on the Balcony, we're talking scumbag classic Midnight Cowboy, the only X-rated film to ever win Best Picture and boy howdy is it scummy? I don't know about this one. You're telling me a cowboy is gonna midnight? Come on. Anywho grab a bus ticket to Florida and cuddle a corpse cause it's Two Boys in a Balcony. 

Why should I worry? Why should I caaaaaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaare? I hope when Billy Joel drove through the front of your house, he didn't damage your dad's Hi-Fi because this week on the Balcony the boys have gone to the dogs? That's right! We watched the 1988 Disney classic(?) Oliver and Company which incredibly was named the Best Picture of 1968 at the 1969 Academy Awards! Confused? Need me to draw you a map? It's not going to help solve the very simple comedic confusion I've introduced but it will lead you to the help you need. You're going to need supplies. Do you have a fanny pack? Yes? Throw it away. Where we're going, everything needs to be contained within the body cavity. Don't walk away. The future of the past depends on your actions right here in the present.... where are you going? 

Sure they call it In the Heat of the Night but an awful lot of it takes place in the heat of the day! That's funny! Yo it's the Balcony Boys and we're here once again to discuss the 40th film to be named Best Picture by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences but more than that, we're talking about one of the most important years in cinematic history! What? That's right, punks! Golden Hollywood is fading away and New Hollywood is stepping up to change everything. It's a good one, folks!

Hark! Ho! Herald! Hear ye, hear ye! The Lord Majesty, Henry 8, needs some new strange and only one man stands in his way and that man's name is A Man For All Seasons. That's right! It's the movie that won best picture at the 39th Academy Awards and that the Boys Balcony watched.... ALL THE WAY THROUGH! Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall, all you have to do is call up your favorite podcast app and stick in your favorite ear buds or headphones. We don't tell you how to live. Enjoy or don't. Again. You have free will. Look around you. You can change! All it takes is one step!

The hiiiiiiiiiiiiiills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with sound of balcony! LOL What? That's right! The Boys are finally back to talking about a movie that almost everybody has seen except for Sean who had not seen it! It's the Sound of Music, the timeless cherised classic masterpiece that tells the story of a sexy nun who hangs out with other sexy nuns until she becomes the music teacher to a bunch of kids and starts a world war 2. Also there is a goat puppet show that makes no sense. O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay! It's a fun one so gather up the family, explain to them why you have to excuse yourself for an hour, and hop into your big boy hammock and have yourself a siesta. You've earned it! And while you're resting, why not take this new episode of America's Dumbest Film Critics Critiquing the 20th Century Masterworks of Cinema for a spin!

hey folks. Look. We really did try to record a new episode this week but when Sean got to Bill’s, his laptop decided that was the time to do a one hour update. then, and this is 100 percent truth (we have the local facebook group screenshots to prove it) the entire town of Whitman MA last power just as Sean had finished getting everything ready. I wish I was joking because it was freaky. Anyway here’s an old one about a Disney movie about ducks that are not mighty nor Donald. Quack! Quack! The Balcony Boys are back and I'm starting this boys might have some sort of psychological disorder because they can find the horny in a movie that's about a man trying to buy a lake to save geese. It's the 1965 Disney classic(?) Those Calloways... which Calloways? Those Calloways. If you've never heard of this sober meditation on fur trapping and alcoholism than you are what THE LAMESTREAM MEDIA calls "every person that has ever lived." We still don't know how Bill stumbled upon this but when he's in one of his moods and starts cruising Disney+, watch the hell out! Those Calloways stars the dad from the Parent Trap, the second lady from Psycho, 15 indistinguishable old white guys, and a lovely young lady named Birdie or Bridie! Nobody knows!

The boys are back in town (the boys are back in town)! That's right! Rip down the caution tape! Mop up the chalk outlines! The Balcony is back open for business and boy howdy do we have an episode for you! The golden years of Hollywood are thank friggin christ drawing to a close and the 70s are right there... right there! It's just a few more weeks of goofy, big budget bullshit and then it's Midnight Cowboy times. But that's five years away. Right now, we need to visit the first of three musicals that win best picture in the middle 60s and we're doing it in high style with a movie that looks better than it is and sounds better than it should, My Fair Lady, the timeless tell of a groomer grooming a girl in a very literal sense (they wash her... more than once). It's full of songs only your parents could love and costumes that are admittedly extravagant. It's just there. Sean likes it enough. Bill doesn't. I don't know what to tell you. We're rusty and it's free. Go listen to Pod Save America or something you namby pamby babies. 

Last rerun unless we fuck up again next week! It's the swing dinging 60s! yeah baby! Do I make you horny? Behave. This week in the Balcony, the boys are diving headfirst into a movie that they are too dumb to love so much but love, love they do. It's Mike Nichols's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and down boy down. Everybody is hot and bothered. Sorry the episode went up late. Sean got that moderna good good yesterday and has been an absolute force to be reckoned with. WATCH OUT FOLKS! THE BALCONY IS ALMOST 100% VACCINATED AND WE'RE TAKING NAMES. WE WILL SMITE OUR ENEMIES!

It's sweeps month in the Balcony apparently! Because of a combination of allergies, travel, and general incompetence, the Boys are having to throw up some classic Balcony eps for the next couple weeks. But fear not... we'll be back with My Fair Lady soon enough! God Bless! Unswamp that canoe cause the Balcony boys packed a picnic and they're headed to the richest body a water this side of the Mississippi that is also in New Hampshire, On Golden Pond or maybe Golden Pond. Is the "On" part of the name of the pond or just the movie? These and other questions won't be answered within the confines of this particular podcast but Sean will sing a "very funny" parody of Lil Nas X's "Old Town Road" and Bill will not know who Lil Nas X is.... and you know what? Maybe neither will you if you're listening in the distant future... so here's a refresher: "Montero Lamar Hill, known professionally as Lil Nas X, is an American rapper, singer, and songwriter. He came to international attention for his country rap breakout single "Old Town Road," which achieved viral popularity on the video sharing app TikTok in early 2019."  Wait... what the fuck is TikTok? "TikTok, also known as Douyin in Chinas, is a popular social media app that allows user to watch, create, and share 15-second videos shot on cellphones..." So TikTok is just long Vine? This world has passed us by but don't let this episode pass you by.  On Golden Pond stars Henry Fonda, Katherine Hepburn, Jane Fonda, Dabney Coleman, a distressing amount of youthful punks, a wacky mailman, and a pond made of Gold. Rate, Review, Subscribe, Canoe, Love.

Sean feels like shit. Here's an oldie:  This week we reach 50 episodes which can only mean one thing: corporate buy-out time! That's right! Two Boys in a Balcony has been officially purchased by Turner Broadcasting Services which means we finally get to talk about the most watched program in the history of TNT... no not Franklin and Basch... no not Rizzoli and Isles.... we're talking about the motherfucking SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION SONS AND DAUGHTERS! It's your dad's favorite prison drama if your dad watched TV on a rainy saturday afternoon when he couldn't mow the lawn. I'm sorry. It turns out Turner did not purchase our podcast. That was just an advertising email I received in 2008 about a new season of Rizzoli and Franklin. The Shawshank Redemption stars Tim Robins, Morgan Freeman, and Elmo

It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to have a hard time paying attention to a stuffy boring English movie It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to get distracted by slaps heard round the world  It's not unusual for the Balcony Boys to run out of steam within the first three lines of a VERY good song parody.  It's Tom Jones day here in the Balcony and what a weird moving picture do we have for you today. It's the John the Baptist announcing the arrival of New Hollywood but still being like we can only tell lame ass stories about the aristocratic class. I don't know. It's a rough one and I hope there's some funny. Big shouts to New England film Best Picture Winner Coda... we'll see you... in 59 weeks (give or take a Boo Englund or two or three)

It's a real special edition of Two Boys in a Balcony as America's Dumbest Film Critics, Bill and Sean, are joined by an actual young person with thoughtful, articulate critiques and reviews of the art of cinema who doesn't think Lawrence of Arabia is "too fucking long" or "stupid." That's right! It's actor, comedian, raconteur, man with the lumberjack hands, Will Martin! Will stops by the balcony to discuss the 2022 Academy Awards nominees as we gear up for the big game on Sunday night! It's the Super Bowl of Film except without a lot of the excitement, suspense, and drama of football because we've just gone through two months of precursor awards that make the winners on Sunday somewhat inevitable to us (film journalists) but maybe not to you (regular normals). Will Sean stick to his guns and go with West Side Story down the line? Will Will make a very moving defense of Licorice Pizza that will get shot down by two fat old guys going, "He's a child" over and over like Mark Ruffalo in Spotlight? Will Bill prove that he has any range as an actor and cast aside his Boston accent to try and sound like he's from Minnesota? All of these questions and more will be answered over a very chaotic and potentially unlistenable two hours! Enjoy!

Here's the god's honest truth straight from the mouth of your boy Seanald Sillyman. When the Boys, Balcony sit down to watch one of these Best Picture winners, we try to go in with as few expectations as possible. We want to give these pictures a fair shake. We're America's Dumbest Film Critics and if we can't  objectively evaluate these Best Picture winners, do we even deserve those titles? So it is with a heavy heart that we announce if while following the simple mathematical concept know to layman as "rounding up" your movie clocks in at FOUR FUCKING HOURS, then you, dear film, have to earn that runtime and frankly, Lawrence of Arabia, a film that many people consider one of the greatest of all time, does not meet the high, high standards of the Boys in the Balcony. That's right, folks. Lawrence of Arabia is a classic Boondock Saints, a film that we can understand people enjoying but we just did not in almost any way. Good riddance, Larry of Arabia. 

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIGHT TONIGHT! The Boys are crackerjack boom bap zapped to be talking about an absolute masterpiece, the 1961 Best Picture West Side Story, daddy-o. Stay cool. Zip. Pow. 

Here's the thing, folks. Sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes they get it wrong and there's just nothing you can do about it. The past is the past. You can dream, sure. You can sit around and think of all the hypotheticals... what if I could go back and kill baby Hitler? What if I could go back and slap the living shit out of Vincente Minnelli for even thinking about making this abomination? This is the worst best picture winner we have seen so far. It's yucky. I'd rather watch Gigli. 

Guys, we fucked up and forgot to watch a movie but still wanted to bro down so enjoy!

There's only seven more shopping days (probably) till Christmas and luckily for you there's just as many children in the Family Stone and the Balcony Boys are there to walk you through this yuletide reunion. What a goddamn poet I am. We're so close to Christmas. This is a McMorrow family favorite and a Sullivan family "When did we see that? In 2005? Jesus Christ what happened to our youth?" Anyway, it's more fun than sleeping in a twin bed in your parent's attic with your brother's fiance. Turns out, this is kind of a crazy movie. Anyway. The Family Stone stars Diane Keaton and it doesn't matter cause you stopped reading 300 words ago.

Ho ho ho! The boys are taking a couple weeks off from their Academy Awards mega-watch but didn't want to leave you standing in the breeze, holding your junk, reflecting on the decline of the American empire. We wouldn't do that to you so we recorded an episode about a classic Hollywood Christmas special long lost to time but found 10 years ago and lovingly restored and dumped onto HBOMax with no fanfare. It's Rod Serling's A Carol for Another Christmas directed by lil Mank(Mank!) and starring the cast of Dr Strangelove. Does it rule? Absolutely. Is it depressing? Absolutely. WIll you be able to get credit at your local community college for watching and engaging with this poignant and still relevant film? Absolutely. That's the Balcony guarantee! Listening to this podcast is worth 7 credits at any community college. Bill's already half way to a degree in tube television repairs and Sean is in the Matrix. Do you want the red pill or the blue pill? The red pill wakes you up from this pristine nightmare world and the blue pill keeps sedated and denies you the joy of the post-apocalyptic utopia where there is no sun. Follow the rabbit or something. Bullettime.  

Light up those baguettes, folks because this week the Balcony is in the City of Lights, France, where they got nude beaches but the girls don't shave their pits. It's An American in Paris directed by Vincente Minelli and starring Gene Kelly and really that's the story here. Holy hell. You seen this guy? Gene Kelly? Fucking incredible. An absolute star. One of the brightest of all time. There's 90 minutes of an adorable movie and then 20 minutes that elevates it to a level of greatness we rarely see. It's An American in Paris and it's a movie and we're a podcast!

Somebody got a little damn cosmic horror in my regularly scheduled Boo Englund 3D! Folks, it's John Carpenter's underappreciated piece of brilliance, In The Mouth of Madness. Just a typical tale of insurance fraud mixed with the cosmic origins of the universe. Somebody even says, "The Old Ones" in this thing. It's a straight up Cthulhu. Sam Neil from JURASSIC PARK EVER HEARD OF IT, stars as a flipping narc come to make sure that big insurance stays rich and uh oh loses his damn mind. Like all the way. Like it's impressive how little of his mind is left at the end of this thing. It's a wild one and here to help you navigate it are a couple of boys who know a thing or two about going mad and getting mad. It's the Two Boys of Two Boys in a Balcony talking about the great JC. Merry Christmas ya'll

Who the let the DOG out? Woof woof woof woof. Haha lol it's week three of Boo Englund 3D and we're talking about the scariest thing on the planet Earth, of course, rabies and adultery. We take another trip round Stephen King country as we look at the compelling story of a dog that got bit by a bat who then goes on a killing spree of property protection proportions. Fully on Cujo's side in this one folks. Look wittle chonky fur baby Cujo! Who cares if sometimes it's a guy in a suit or a chocolate lab in a suit. Bonus: we talk about the dangers of sugary cereal (or mention it. i really can't keep track of what it is we say). Sean auditions for a Colbert Report reboot and Bill turns 51! Ain't life grand! He's going to Aruba so venmo MrSeanSullivan any amount of money so that Bill can pay off his trip!

Look, folks. There comes a time in every podcast's life where one of the hosts takes a nauseating boat ride to a beautiful New England island, gets zero sleep, takes the first nauseating boat ride home in the morning, dads all day, and then falls asleep multiple times while recording a podcast about a movie that no one likes. Folks. The sound this week is less than ideal but at least the content is content. We watched Flowers in the Attic for week two of Boo Englund 3D and it's a stinker. No two ways around it. This has big tv movie energy but somehow played in theaters. There's less incest than you expect but more incest than you'd hope. Very little flowers. Good amount of attic.  

Shiver me timbers and avast ye mateys! The pirates have left the balcony in such disarray that we weren't able to get a new episode out last week for the first time in two years! Ahoy! But fret not, sailors, cause the balcony buds have persevered and rowed their boat ashore to final lay out their case for why Mutiny on the Bounty absolutely fucks. Charles Laughton, Clark Gable, other people! It's the most fun you'll have on a boat that seems to be absolutely no fun to be on! Boats rock! We love our beautiful boaters, don't we folks?

Oh hello there, folks. This week, the balcony is closed for maintenance. Sean ated too much pie and we need to do some structural reinforcement. Enjoy this classic episode from the New England run of Two Boys in a Balcony, episode 7, Hot Summer Nights! Director Elijah Bynam's tribute to the coke fueled 90s tributes to the 70s, this is a fun one probably. I forgot to relisten. Cheerio!

This is it, folks! Episode 100! For 100 weeks, each Wednesday, America's Dumbest Film Critics have gathered to bring you no insight, no knowledge, nothing but laughs and silent laughs (presumably). We went back to the beginning to watch the most New England movie of all time, The Friends of Eddie Coyle. If you want to sync up and watch along, why? But if you do, you can. Just listen to us babble for 10 minutes and then start in the least professional way ever.  NEXT WEEK! The next phase of Two Boys in a Balcony begins with 1927's first Academy Award for Best Picture, Wings!

It's episode 99. You've had 98 episodes put on podcast layaway and now it's time for the main event. In the pantheon of New England films, 1997's Good Will Hunting is maybe at the top of the pile. Everybody loves this thing... everybody but resident crank Sean Sullivan that is! It's Bill "the Orphan" McMorrow's time to shine, baby! It's not your fault... unless you don't listen! 

dude it's tha fawking fighta kehd

Hoo-ah hoo-ah hoo-ah. Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah, hoo-ah hoo-ah hoo-ah.... HOO-AH! That's right folks! There's only four more New England centric Balcony adventures left and this week we decided to waste one of those slots on a movie that almost exclusively takes place in New York City! New York City?! Pace Picante! It's Scent of a Woman, an insane movie made by insane people. Hey, Sean here. Don't watch this movie! Hey, Bill here. Watch the last 20 minutes if you want. Make your own destiny. Is it creepy that Al Pacino can identify women's perfumes? Ab-so-lutely. One of the world's greatest actors finally won his best actor academy award by being pretending to be a blind guy who at one point pretends to not be a blind guy. We also switched podcast hosts so if you can't see this, shoot us an email at [email protected]! 

We're winding down our run of New England films with the most cucked about film of 1994, Blown Away! Oh your finale is about a car with a bomb that will go off if the driver applies the brakes? Hold me motor oil, said Speed. Holy hell. Watch speed. Listen to us. It's a fun one!

Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a MURDER in the Balcony. WHODUNIT FOLKS?? Was it Mr Jaundice with the bootleg Moderna in the ATRIUM?! Was it Mrs Puce with JNCO jeans in the LAUNDRENETTE?!?! OR was it THE BALCONY BOYS IN THE BALCONY WITH LAUGHS?!?!?!?! It was Mrs Puce. We are still looking for motive however investigators discovered she'd recently watched the 1985 murder comedy Clue. Ok. Bye.

Bill: Well Sean, I'm going to Boston with you. You know The Guy Who Manages The Red Sox, the Red Sox's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Sean: Look Bill, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Bill: I certainly do. Sean: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Bill: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Sean: You mean funny names? Bill: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Sean: His brother Daffy. Bill: Daffy Dean... Sean: And their French cousin. Bill: French? Sean: Goofé. Bill: Goofé Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third... Sean: That's what I want to find out. Bill: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Sean: Are you the manager? Bill: Yes. Sean: You gonna be the coach too? Bill: Yes. Sean: And you don't know the fellows' names? Bill: Well I should. Sean: Well then who's on first? Bill: Yes. Sean: I mean the fellow's name. Bill: Who. Sean: The guy on first. Bill: Who. Sean: The first baseman. Bill: Who. Sean: The guy playing... Bill: Who is on first! Sean: I'm asking YOU who's on first. Bill: That's the man's name. Sean: That's who's name? Bill: Yes. Sean: Well go ahead and tell me. Bill: That's it. Sean: That's who? Bill: Yes. PAUSE Sean: Look, you gotta first baseman? Bill: Certainly. Sean: Who's playing first? Bill: That's right. Sean: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Bill: Every dollar of it. Sean: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base. Bill: Who. Sean: The guy that gets... Bill: That's it. Sean: Who gets the money... Bill: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Sean: Who's wife? Bill: Yes. PAUSE Bill: What's wrong with that? Sean: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name? Bill: Who. Sean: The guy. Bill: Who. Sean: How does he sign... Bill: That's how he signs it. Sean: Who? Bill: Yes. PAUSE Sean: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. Bill: No. What is on second base. Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second. Bill: Who's on first. Sean: One base at a time! Bill: Well, don't change the players around. Sean: I'm not changing nobody! Bill: Take it easy, buddy. Sean: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base? Bill: That's right. Sean: Ok. Bill: All right. PAUSE Sean: What's the guy's name on first base? Bill: No. What is on second. Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second. Bill: Who's on first. Sean: I don't know. Bill: He's on third, we're not talking about him. Sean: Now how did I get on third base? Bill: Why you mentioned his name. Sean: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? Bill: No. Who's playing first. Sean: What's on first? Bill: What's on second. Sean: I don't know. Bill: He's on third. Sean: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE Sean: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it. Bill: All right, what do you want to know? Sean: Now who's playing third base? Bill: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base? Sean: What am I putting on third. Bill: No. What is on second. Sean: You don't want who on second? Bill: Who is on first. Sean: I don't know. Bill & Sean Together:Third base! PAUSE Sean: Look, you gotta outfield? Bill: Sure. Sean: The left fielder's name? Bill: Why. Sean: I just thought I'd ask you. Bill: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Sean: Then tell me who's playing left field. Bill: Who's playing first. Sean: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field? Bill: No, What is on second. Sean: I'm not asking you who's on second. Bill: Who's on first! Sean: I don't know. Bill & Sean Together: Third base! PAUSE Sean: The left fielder's name? Bill:

Look we all know that Bush did 9/11 but was it all just retaliation for the 2000 expose the Skulls peeling back the secrets of the clandestine Yale group? Who can really say? All I know is that ever since I wrote that sentence my wifi has stopped working and a giant Q popped up on my screen. Oh well! That's what I get for not keeping my virus software up to date!

With karate, I'll kick your ass from here to right over there. Ladies and gentlemen, this movie stinks. We're sorry. It's why we're switching over to Best Picture winners because even when a Best Picture winner sucks, it's at least-awarding winning as opposed to the Next Karate Kid which is bad. Anywho, stick around for the end for the debut of Bill McMorrow Esq's new hit single, Karate!, a real song that he probably even wrote!

Ladies and gentlemen, have we got a flippin flick for you today! In the two years, we've been doing this podcast, we've scoured lists upon lists of the best New England films and for what ever reason, this one never pops up but if you're looking for forensic crime films in the vein of Zodiac and another example that I can't think of, then check out this true crime drama, the Boston Strangler starring Henry Fonda and Tony Curtis. It's both a bone dry crime scene investigation and a weird surreal late 60s trip. It rules. I wish it was pure fiction. Thoughts and prayers but we try to be as respectful as possible and almost certainly completely fail in that pursuit.

Ladies and gentlemen, today, the balcony gives you a choice... a weapon of choice if you will... if you could touch my hand and see that you're about to have an hour and fifteen minutes of fun time, party boy riffs, would you still try to assassinate the two boys in the balcony? No. You wouldn't. It's the Dead Zone with Christopher Walken! Don't worry... at no point do either boy make it even close to a Christopher Walken impression!

Ahoy! Today the Balcony Boys are dipping their toes back into the GCU (the Gillespie Cinematic Universe) to look at I, Tonya director Craig Gillespie's 2016 totally fine, the Finest Hours, a movie that Bill swears he saw rushing the Capital Steps during the failed insurrection and thus he would see hung for treason but Sean knows is just a perfectly fine watchable movie about a ship sinking or something. It's wet!

Whoa ho! It's a New Year! New Pod! The boys have had I, Tonya on the schedule for awhile now and since we have no confidence in the 2020 Winter Olympics actually happening in 2021, we figured no time like the present to watch 2017's I, Tonya, the Tonya Harding biopic anchored with four absolutely killer performances. It's a good one. Enjoy.

What ho! Has a Charles Dickens references crept over into the Balcony? Are the boys becoming hardcore Dickheads or did they just watch a steaming pile of Christmas pudding this week from 1986 called the Best of Times. The Best of Times it certainly wasn't! Gene Shalit! It stinks! Jay Sherman! We end Russellmania season on the worst of notes because instead of this we could have watched Used Cars, The Thing, Overboard, Captain Ron, Escape from New York, Escape from LA, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Once Upon A Time in Hollywood, The Hateful 8, Furious 7, F8te of the Furious, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Soldier, Executive Decision, Stargate, Tombstone, Backdraft, Tango & Cash, or The Thing again. Instead, we watched the Best of Times cause we're idiots. Fare thee well, Springfield Massachusetts's favorite son! We'll see you on the other side of the bells

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum! The Balcony boys are feeling festive and celebrating the reason for the season, KURT RUSSELL, who incredibly has cemented himself as one of the all-time great cinematic Santas with the very charming and fun 2018 Netflix original film The Christmas Chronicles! What a romp! The story of a family of true believers accidentally ruining Christmas and then having the wherewithal to set things straight? It'll warm the dead cockles of your heart! The Christmas Chronicles 2, on the other hand, sucks all the shit and should be avoided at all costs! It's a Balcony divided but a Balcony united! It's Buy one, get a bag of trash free in the Balcony! Happy Holidays! Blessed be the baby Christ born this day December 23, 2020!

Beep boop beep boop the podcast wore podcast pods! It's week three of Russelmania or Kurt Russmas or the month where we watch a bunch of Kurt Russell movies cause who cares anymore? Springfield's most famous son (go f yourself, Doctor Suess). It's baby Kurt week cause we watched the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes a movie that posits that computers make you smarter but I would suggest watching this movie made me dumber. Hi. I am Sean Sullivan from Two Boys in a Balcony and I no joke think I fell asleep at one point during this episode. Bill says funny things but I really have unraveled.

Folks, Sean here. I've been doing goddamn daily podcasts everyday and I'm going insane. Yes, Bill, I forgot to put in the theme song. No, Bill, I probably can't fix it right now. Sorry. I needed to get a little business out of the way to let Bill know I forgot to put in the theme. ANYWHO WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM CAN I HAVE ANOTHER! It's Big Trouble in Little China week here in the Balcony and boy howdy did this thing sail clean over our heads. Good luck!

About six months ago, one of the idiots of this show discovered that beloved human actor Kurt Russell was born in Springfield, Massachusetts and he is now forever our favorite son and we have decided to dedicate this last month of this especially shitty year to only watching his movies and we kicked things off with a patriotic banger! Miracle tells the origin story of a bunch of Wall Street scumbums and how they single handedly prevented nuclear war. It's a heart-warming tale that even Sean, a man who hates hockey, got sucked into. It's emotionally manipulative filmmaking at it's best! ALSO NEW LIMITED-RUN PODCAST ANNOUNCEMENT! Sean decided life in 2020 wasn't hectic enough and launched a special 25 day audio advent calendar where he watches a different version of a Christmas Carol every day. Why did he do this? Because he's a moron. New episodes daily through Christmas. Lots of Balcony approved guests! Synergy! 25 Days of  A Christmas Carol https://t.co/LmY4SR4mtq?amp=1

If you came hear looking for a scholarly dissection of Oliver Stone's paranoid masterpiece JFK, KEEP ON TRUCKIN' SISTER CAUSE THIS AINT THE PLACE! However if you'd love to hear two idiots talk around a three hour movie about the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, we might be able to do a little business together. Was it the Cubans? Was it the CIA? Was it the gay legitimate businessmen of New Orleans? Why not all three and more! Everyone's a killer in this beautiful thing except Bill and Sean. Their alibis are airtight.

Party over, oops, out of time, we're watching a cartoon from NINETEEN NINETY NINE! Crunch crunch creak creak It's the big iron giant boy, the Iron Giant directed by the great Brad Bird. It's a movie about beatniks and single moms, nuclear proliferation and the troubles of domesticating squirrels. It's got everything want from a movie and it is good so watch it and then listen to us and mind the mess, people. We're not professionals.

Whoa there Quiz Kid Donnie Smith! For $25,000 dollars, what 1994 directorial debut did the Balcony Boys dreamily discuss for very long in the final tumultuous days of the American experiment? Time's up! It's Quiz Show directed by Robert Redford, a fact we almost certainly forgot to discuss in any significant detail. Look if you want facts, read a wikipedia. If you want America's Dumbest Film Critics, listen to the Balcony. And as a bonus, the boys finally reveal their true forms: morally bankrupt cretins who would absolutely cheat on a game show given any opportunity! Come on down! You're the next contestant on Two Boys in a Balcony!

Here's the deal, jack. On the eve of one of the darkest days in American history, Bill and Sean hooked up the dang pod machines and recorded an episode on Alfred Hitchcock's 1955 comedy, The Trouble with Harry. Sean was tripping balls on claritin the whole time. Bill was tripping on his balls the whole time. Sean also tripped over Bill's balls once or twice or three or four times EACH TIME FUNNIER THAN THE LAST! Don't read and walk at the same time, folks! We don't know if the bombs have started falling but by the time you listen to this episode, we will be three months away from knowing the next President of the United States (Go Jorgenson!) Remember to have voted yesterday if you're listening to this on the day that it came out and remember to vote in the next election if you're rocking this thing in 2024! We will have almost certainly stopped speaking to each other by then and pulled the entire archive down so congratulations to you for being smart enough to download every episode right away!

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to cast another Boo Englund into Bill's Soul Pit for another year and helping us we've got the goodest buddies Will Smalley and Andrew Mayer to help us shuffle off this mortal coil. We gathered on Bill's 50th flipping birthday to watch the original Child's Play from 1988. Sean and Andrew had never seen it so Bill and Will pretended to hold their hands to guide them through this baby murder doll story! Good times abound!

Gather round for a most harrowing tale of a mentally ill man who just wants you to be safe on Halloween. That's right, folks, we called another audible and instead of whatever bullshit we said we were watching, we watched the newest Netflix original Sandman production, Hubie Halloween! AND TRUST US... we get into it! We certainly don't spend the entire episode talking about other horror movies like Borat Subsequent Moviefilm or One Cut of the Dead, a Japanese zombie comedy that we realized we couldn't actually discuss without ruining all the wonderful surprises. Anyway, this the premiere episode for ARTICULATE, INTELLIGENT, COMPREHENSIVE, and IMPORTANT discussion about Hubie Halloween, a movie that exists. Hubie Halloween stars Adam Sandler and Shaquille O'Neal.

I KNOW! I threw the goddamn mic cable away! There's nothing we can do about but I can't write off the stuffed peppers we shoved in our faces if I don't put the episode out! We gathered round the fire table for another of our patented socially distanced balcony nights with old friend and horror aficionado Mark Gallagher to watch the Wes Craven masterpiece, A Nightmare on Elm Street from 1984! We meet Fred Krueger, lowly child killer, who hasn't had time to stop off at the demonic open mics in Hell to hone his quips and instead is just menacing. This movie rules. I have no recollection of the conversation after but Sean, Mark, and Bill were there so that's something! One more bonus episode next week and then never again (for now)!

*extreme creep voice* Stand clear of the meteor shit! It's week 17 of Boo Englund and we're dipping our damn toes back into the waters of Castle Rock (probably) for the ultimate Halloween dream team matchup! Script by Stephen King, direction by George Romera, best acting by Stephen King! It's Creepshow! 5 tales so scary (?) that you'll probably die... of laughing maybe! Or Covid-19! There's lots of things that will really kill you out there. Try to avoid them... if you can... muwhahahahaha!

Summer camp! It's a girl's time to be alive! Unless you go to Camp Crystal Lake LOLOL!  Once again we opened up the balcony and brought in hilarious comedian and LOYAL LISTENER Rob Greene to watch the original Friday the 13th on ole big screen! And yes, Bill's mic cable is somehow supremely shitty throughout and I don't know how to fix it. Hopefully you'll forgive us and not send your mother to murder us in a very haphazard yet methodical nature!

YOU'RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT THIS! It's week three of Boo Englund and we're doing a bonafide masterpiece,, Brian Depalma's 1976 teen sex comedy Carrie! It's Carrie! You know exactly what is going to happen the entire time. THere's no surprises and it is absolutely thrilling. It's Carrie!

LOOK OUT! It's another B-b-b-bonus Boo Englund episode for you criminals. We set up the projector and the screen on the veranda and sat down with two good buddies for an EXTREMELY SOCIALLY DISTANCED screening on the John Carpenter masterpiece Halloween from 1978. Jaime Lee Curtis you crazy for this one. Doug Guertin from the Top Five Podcast and Dan Boulger from our episode on Hamilton came together for a real sloppy chat about almost anything and everything! Marvel at Doug's Halloween origin story! Behold Dan's inability to stay focused and remember that we were recording! Dazzle at Mrs Boulger's meatballs. Trick or Treat Smell Our Feet

The most beautiful thing in the world is listening to the Balcony boys fall in love with the insanity that is 1982's Spanish exploitation picture Pieces! Set in Boston, filmed in Spain, at no point does it appear that anyone in any scene is speaking the same language. This movie has it all... chainsaws, co-eds, and kung-fu. None of it makes any sense and yet, even now I feel compelled to try and piece together the puzzle that is this movie. Pieces! It gets the highest honor the Balcony has ever bestowed: a very strong recommendation!

Ladies and gentlemen, as a special Boo Englund bonus for your ghouls and ghosts, the Balcony boys are running a series of special extra episodes recorded before and after some socially distanced outdoor screenings of classic slasher flicks! The New England rule gets tossed right out the window as we journey to rural Texas for one of the greatest horror movies ever made, Tobe Hooper's Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Along for the ride is longtime good buddy and hilarious comedian Mike Whitman! So sit back, relax, and scream loud enough that the police definitely should have been called during our watch of this absolute classic

Boo Englund comes in a day early this year! We were going to talk about some boring historic drama but called an audible for the asbestos-based horror of 2001's Session 9. Relive your days of co-playing Mtv's Fear by listening to special guest Ken Reid recount us with his teenage tales of breaking into the abandoned mental hospital where this films takes places and then giving us a very scholarly assessment of the film! It's the Shining in Everett so put on your mask and don't breathe the air!

Hey there, sports fans! It's a Friday B-b-b-b-b-bonus episode! Once again Sean and Bill set up the projector for a little outside screening on the Disney+ presentation of the live musical adaptation of Ronald Chernow's biography of a man with the last name of HAMILTON! Does it take place in New England? NOT FOR A SECOND! But they mention John Adams a couple times so that counts. Going us on the veranda is our good buddy Dan Boulger who you might have seen on TV once or twice. It could be completely unlistenable but you get what you pay for and what you paid for is three dipshits rambling incoherently about almost anything but the thing they were watching! Comedy!

Ooops we did it again... step aside Boondocks Saints II: All Saint's Day, there's a new king of Mount shitty movies. That's right. We poked the dying corpse of the Zucker brothers legacy and watched the right-wing, conservative "comedy" An American Carol starring Chris Farley's less charismatic brother Kevin and a virtual who's who of Hollywood's true heroes: annoying republican twittter celebrities. James Woods, Jon Voight, Kevin Sorbo, and Kelsey Grammar all in the same picture?! STATES RIGHTS! This movie sucked shit but we had a fun conversation with the hilarious Mark Gallagher of the Mark Gallagher Thing so please enjoy and vote. That's apparently all anyone can do.

Hey gang. Sean here. I didn't forget to post this episode. I had a highly complicated, highly fraught, and highly illegal scavenger hunt prepared that would have seen you travel from Plymouth Rock to the Bunker Hill Memorial to the Dr Suess Museum in Springfield ultimately arriving at a textile museum in Lowell but Bill said I should just post the episode. We watched National Treasure. Here. Somehow this is better I guess.

Today in the balcony, the boys pull off the greatest heist of all time. That's right. We broke into the Disney vault and smuggled the 1957 revolutionary war romp Johnny Tremain back into the light. Dip your hand in silver, chop it off, and melt it down into musket food cause we are the boys, yes, we are the boys, the boys in the balcony.

Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers gathered in a hot ass room in Philadelphia to sing and dance our way to independence! That's right, folks, it's about to get all 1776 up in here and to do it, we're joined by Josh Gondelman from Desus & Mero, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, books, pep talks, and the good ole pod Make My Day with Josh Gondelman! It's our biggest guest ever so you know we're firing on all cylindars and the audio on Bill's mic is a little off but don't let that stop you from enjoying some wholesome goddamn goofs about the hungover social studies teacher film of the century!

Join us to today in the wayback machine as we travel to the single worst event of the year two thousand and one. Today in the balcony, it's Summer Catch a movie so bad that I won't waste one more second thinking about it.

When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot, Water WIZZZZZZZZZ is a very cool spot. That's right, folks. For the second time in three weeks, we relocate the balcony to the top of a three story water park in Wareham, MA for the most geographically unrealistic New England film of all time, the Way, Way Back! You're telling me this kid rides a bike from Marshfield to Wareham everyday and no one notices? COME ON! It's a nostalgic ride back to probably 2012, maybe 1985, maybe 1994! We're travelling through time like a damn Dr Who. Have fun! Wash your hands!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bill is in love... with cinema! Today in the Balcony, we're talking about a movie that has the old man smitten and Sean forgot to watch! What? Yeah. Sean really fucked it up this week and thought that he would be able to remember what happens in this movie he watched a month ago but folks, he doesn't! Lots of Boy Scout memories and lots of a gosh darn honest to goodness fawning over this weird sweet movie.

It's the damn dog days of summer baby and it's time to get together with your ole pals Bill, Sean, Lenny, Kurt, Marcus, Rob, and Eric and stop acting like kids and start acting like some damn Grown Ups. This cursed artifact of a simpler time should not be consumed by any viewing audience but after repeatedly threatening to watch the sequel throughout the episode, Sean is here to tell you that Grown Ups 2 is significantly more enjoyable. Quarantine really has rotted his brain. We'll announce a gofundme for the redemption of his sanity very soon. Grown Ups stars the 1993 cast of Saturday Night Live.

Today in the balcony, we finally smashed open the box that said "in case of emergency, break glass" and pulled out the red phone that calls directly into the TV Guidance Counselor Cave and it's a good thing we did because Bill and Sean were ill-equipped to discuss the legacy of One Crazy Summer director Savage Steve Holland alone. Instead we call upon our good friend, Ken Reid, who has now cemented himself as the VERY. FIRST. GUEST. It's a fun one as the Balcony boys pick the brain of the TVGC about this 34 year comedic masterpiece. Of all the movies we've done in the balcony, none have aged as beautifully as this one. And if having a guest on wasn't enough, keep your ears peeled for an appearance from the star of the film, Tony V!

This time it's personal... because the Balcony boys got together for a socially distanced movie night with them and 7,000 mosquitoes! This is not a typical episode because Sean forgot the power cord for the recording equipment so they had to improvise but it's audible. You can hear it. It's not a commentary track but the boys periodically stopped the movie to reflect on what they saw/buffer the movie cause the outside aint' got the best wifi. It's Jaws: the Revenge, an insane movie! If you think our typical film commentary and analysis is lacking, you ain't seen nothing yet! Michael Caine!

What's scary than a shark in two dimensions? A SHARK IN THREE DIMENSIONS! Today in the Balcony, we're jumping off the screen (of your phones) and into your hearts (of your ears)! QUAID!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the balcony

We gather here today to lay to rest the Boondock Saints and cinematic auteur Troy Duffy. Say your piece and get the fuck out.

Good morning, nerds! We're kicking off year 2 with a documentary about a man that could very easily have been either one of the boys had their fathers dropped them off the balcony as a baby. Overnight documents the rise and rise and rise of one Mr Troy Duffy, acclaimed director of the Boondock Saints, a movie we just adore. What are your thoughts on Keanu Reeves? What are your thoughts on Ethan Hawke? Kenneth Branagh? You better get your house in order cause Troy Duffy knows exactly how he feels. Overnight stars Mark Wahlberg, John Goodman, Billy Zane, Vincent D'nofrio, Jerry O'Connell, Matthew Modine, and hope.

Happy anniversary probably maybe? We did it. The Balcony has been open for a year and we're celebrating by watching a movie that Sean calls "reprehensible." It's the Boondock Saints! If it's your favorite movie, don't tell us! We risked imploding the world and put the very fabric of existence into risk by putting the Boondock Saints up on the Boondock Saints scale. Does it pass muster? Who knows? But get comfy with the Boondockers because next week, audible, we're watching Overnight, the 2003 documentary about the rise and fall of Boondocks director, Troy Duffy and the week after, we put a bow on this bitch by diving into The Boondock Saints II:All Saints Day. The Boondock Saints stars who gives a shit and co-stars it sucks.    Donate to the massachusetts bail fund. massbailfund.org Black Lives Matter. We love you. Wash your hands. Stay safe.

Hey folks. It's a real weird week to try and be silly but we're so close to our one year anniversary that we decided to stay course and watch a movie called Free Fire that honestly we didn't like. Does the spoiler alert go before or after? Who knows? We were in weird moods when we recorded it but I think we were able to keep it funny enough. Hopefully it gives you a couple chuckles along for when you're taking a break from the endless shit fire.  Also it is a weird time and we're not any kind of political podcast or think that we stand as some sort of authoritative or guiding voice but if you've got a couple extra bucks, there's a lot of organizations right now that could use whatever you can spare. The Boys have been chucking some cash toward the Massachusetts Bail Fund (https://www.massbailfund.org/) Be safe. Wash your hands.

Next stop... FUNderland! That's right! We're moving the balcony to FUNderland because we watched Next Stop Wonderland and then set up microphones to complain about it for over an hour! What's more fun than that? Don't answer that unless you want to step into the FUNderdome with the Balcony Boys. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you crossed paths with your soul mate 56 time over the course of 90 minutes only to finally meet them at minute 93 when the movie ends? No? What happened to your imagination? Next Stop Wonderland stars Philip Seymour Hoffman and others.

Gather up your elder signs and pray for a swift death cause the Balcony Boys are back to their witchy roots and we're paying homage to the Elder God Cthulhu and YogSobbaDoo with 2019's Nicolas Cage mindwrap Color Out of Space. Richard Stanley is back, baby! It's almost like he never left! At the very least, one of the balcony boys knew who he was. This is a weird ass movie and it was a weird ass record as Bill McMorrow succumbed to cosmic space madness on more than one occasion and somehow drops the Facetime call a minimum of 17 times and EACH EVERY ONE WAS LEFT IN CAUSE SEAN IS BUSY BEING AN ADULT! It's Two Boys in a grove, conducting blood rituals to the Ancient Ones! Color Out of Space stars NICHOLAS FUCKING CAGE HALF WAY THROUGH HE STARTS TALKING LIKE DONALD TRUMP AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WATCH IT???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

bip bap you jazz cats... we're going back to the swinging 60s for a sleek, slick, mod New England HEIST film! Who would have thought a movie in New England would be about bank robbers? It's the original Thomas Crown Affair and it's seeeeeeexxxxxxxyyyyyyy. We need some wholesome recommendations coming up because the boys are getting randy (Do I make you horny baby - Austin Powers). This thing has all your New England favorite traditions: lobster bakes, downtown Boston, horse polo. It's a very fun episode and you don't even have to break into our hearts to get it. What? The Thomas Crown Affair stars the Pierce Brosnan of his day, Steve McQueen and the Rene Russo of her day, Faye Dunaway, and the Dennis Leary of his day, a third guy that plays a cop! Balcony!

Good morrow to you and thine and thus begins another most stimulating dissection and dissertation of the more intellectually prosperous corners of the cinematic arts as Mssrs William Barholomew McMorrow and Sean Esquire Sullivan present thoughts both enlightened and inspiring on the Master, a film from the year of our Lord Jesus Christ Two Thousand and Twelve. It's a high-minded discourse and also very smart and full of mirth. The Master stars the Joker, the other guy from Twister, and movie Susan Lucchi.

Hey there, baseball fans! This week in the Balcony we're taking a look at one of the great American baseball films, the underrated 2019 Doctor Sleep, directed by Mike Flanagan, based on the baseball book, Doctor Sleep written by baseball connoisseur Stephen King! It's Field of Dreams for the corona-age! It's also the sequel to the Shining. BUT AMERICA'S PASTIME! Pitchers and catchers report! Open it back up! Doctor Sleep stars Roger Clemens, Mike Scioscia, Don Mattingly, Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, Wade Boggs, Darryl "Daaaaaaaaaaaryl" Strawberry, Ken Griffey Jr, and No Way Jose Canseco

Hide your children, hide your wives... the Balcony Boys are on a monkey hunt. Recorded live from two separate balconies via a series of social distant cans and strings, we're back with our first true quarantine episode. Are there glitches and botches a plenty? You bet your nuts but that doesn't matter because we're talking about the 1995 Wolfgan Petersen infectious disease romcom Outbreak! Why? Because we didn't think the first episode recorded remotely would be awkward enough, why not throw in the quaint tale of an epidemic that's totally isolated and controllable! Fun! Outbreak stars Tootsie, Rene Russo, my crush on Rene Russo, and the monkey from Friends.

Oh folks, we're broadcasting live from the bunker balcony with a very special, "in case of emergency, break glass," episode of the podcast. Originally we intended this to be a bonus episode to celebrate the end of Marchy March but now that we're legally prohibited to be in the same balcony due to Covid-19, this is the best we got. At the beginning of Marchy March, Netflix released the latest collaboration between King Mark Wahlberg and Director Peter Berg. It's a movie for sure. It hits all the most basic parameters to be called a motion picture. Are there better movies? Are there worse? Who knows. Not us, that's for sure. Come back next week for something. We've literally got nothing to do.  Spenser Confidential stars Mark Wahlberg and Alan Arkin for some reason.

STAY IN THE FUCKING HOUSE! Well, well, well, Marchy March has certainly taken a turn. Despite repeated pleas from the Balcony for Mark Wahlberg to beat the shit out of Covid-19, the response has been tepid. Scientists have argued that a punch, no matter the star power attached, can "beat" the "shit" out of a pandemic-level virus. OK SCIENCE. Instead, a few days before the world fell apart, the boys gathered once more in the Balcony to record an episode about the 1996 movie Fear. Is the timing of this episode's movie's title bad? YES. YES IT IS. But it's fun and it's a fun movie you guys should visit or revisit depending on your previous visitations. It's Fear starring Mark Wahlberg, Reese Witherspoon, William Petersen, other people.  We have a bonus episode coming soon and then we are out of content for the moment. We're going to try and do some watch along things on Zoom or Instagram or Facebook or some one of those things so follow us on facebook at facebook.com/balconyboysshow and stay safe. We don't know when we'll be back in the balcony but we're gonna keep on being America's dumbest film critics and washing our hands with our butts.

WARNING: Before consuming this episode of Two Boys in a Balcony, please consult your doctor to see if Rock and Roll can work for you.  It's week three of Marchy March and sweet shit, Bill's happier than a pig in a pile of Rock Star dvds (if you don't like it, you write the copy, McMorrow!) It's the fictionalized, unauthorized dramatization of the Tim "Ripper" Owens story! You know... the story of the guy who replaced Rob Halford in Judas Priest because... I... don't... know. Bill, we forgot to talk about Tim "Ripper" Owens! Goddammit. Anyway, this is a movie and it stars Mark Wahlberg and it's probably very homophobic BUT WHO IS TO SAY? Stand up and shout! Rock Star stars Mark Wahlberg, Rachel from Friends, McNulty from the Wire, Peter Pettigrew, the sheriff from Deadwood, and Elvis Fucking Presley

On a very special Two Boys in a Balcony, the boys are taking about their favorite subject of all... movies with Mark Wahlberg in them! How do you follow up arguably the three most ambitious literary adaptations of all time? With a flawed remake of a giant gorilla movie. How do you follow up your flawed remake of a giant gorilla movie? WITH ANOTHER LITERARY ADAPTATION! Today, the boys are diving into the 2009 Peter Jackson film The Lovely Bones based on the best selling novel and almost starring Ryan Gosling. That's right. Little did we know when we set the schedule that the second week of Marchy March, the Funky Month would be about a movie that our beloved Mr Wahlberg joined only a day before filming starts and it shows! Come see why Peter Jackson had no choice but to rush back to the world of Middle Earth with nine (9) more hours of hobbit based cinema. It's week 2 of the Funky Month! Feel the vibrations, both good and not good. The Lovely Bones stars Mark Wahlberg, Lady Bird, the Tucc, and other people probably!

The boys walk you through the 2020 Marchy March Bracket which can be found exclusively at facebook.com/balconyboysshow probably!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME TO BRING FORTH THE RHYTHM AND RHYME! That's right! It's the first week of Marchy March, the Funky Month and we're peaking early this year with what might possibly be the best film we've ever covered, Paul Thomas Andderson's masterpiece, Boogie Nights. Would you watch [REDACTED] where [REDACTED] [REDACTED] up the [REDACTED] all while {REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] in [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]? Yeah you would. Boogie Nights stars the Patron Saint of the Podcast Mark Wahlberg and honestly that's enough.

Avast ye landlubbers and ahoy and wicky! It be the Balcony wit Two Lads and the seas be raging. A squall blew in from the south and dar she blows! All right. Enough. It's your weekly trip to the cinema with America's Dumbest Film Critics and we're here today to do our goddamnedest to crack open Robert Egger's 2019 puzzle the Lighthouse. We've each seen this movie twice now and for the life of us, we have no idea what is going on and/or why but we like it? Have you given as much thought to mermaid genitalia as Robert Eggers? As us? Well be prepared for the anatomy lesson of your life and spoilers abound probably. Honestly, if I tried to spoil this movie for you, I'd be getting almost every detail wrong anyway. The Lighthouse stars Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe and no other people.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! Today the Balcony is full of love! Bill's got his Cupid wings on. Sean's got his Cupid diaper on. We love love and it makes us want to kill each other more than ever. Today in the balcony, the most romantic film of all time, Danny Devito's pitch black comedy The War of the Roses. Boy howdy, to quote Sean's mom, "that movie is sick. It's a sick movie." What happens what people stop loving each other and start getting real? Sorry my kid has the flu. This intro sucks but this episode is chock full of Grade A certified Balcony goodness. The War of the Roses stars a sexy Michael Douglas, a sexy Kathleen Turner, and the sexiest Danny Devito

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S PODCAST! You know all those times we said that Two Boys in a Balcony is about films set in New England, feature New England, about New England, or say the words New England? Well we're stretching that to the absolute limit today as we talk about the Shining, the most New England film ever made that's set entirely in Colorado. But fret not, Shelley Duvall does at one point say, "Vermont" and that counts! It's the Stephen King masterpiece that he absolutely hates... check into room 237 and listen to America's Dumbest Film Critics talk about Stanley Kubrik's the Shining. The Shining stars you know who the Shining stars. Stop being dumb

Guys... we screwed up and watched a weird 1982 DIRECT TO VIDEO animated movie from Rankin/Bass called the Flight of Dragons that sucks and the best thing we can say about it is that we snapped half way through the episode and just stopped recording. So it's a short one this week but we're back next talking about an absolute New England masterpiece. We love you. Rate, review, subscribe or  don't.

She don't like she don't like she don't like... the podcast! Welcome back one and all to the podcast that never ends cause it's riding high on ten tons of rowdy powder! We're not making beignets in the balcony and that ain't powdered sugar, my friend. We watched the 2001 pre-9/11 coke fueled biopic Blow starring America's favorite scumbag, John Depp! It's a wild one, ladies and gentlemen! So wild that Sean forgot to listen back to take all the times he got up to go to the bathroom. Maybe there's none! Maybe there's 10! Only you can find out. Blow starts out in our own backyard and takes on a globe trotting journey to upwards of THREE countries! This is an old Bill favorite but a young Sean discovery! It's a fun movie about the absolute scum of the earth! Blow stars an asshole who hit his wife with a phone, Pee-Wee Herman, Penelope Cruz, and the sweet baby blues of one mister Ray Liotta!

Siri, turn on extreme Dave Matthews voice DON'T DRINK THE WATER DON'T DRINK THE WATER DON'T DRINK THE WATER Today in the Balcony, the boys dare ask, "what's so civil about action anyway?" It's the 1998 snoozer A Civil Action and it's so boring to write about that I daresay I just won't do it. FUN EPISODE THOUGH! Lots of jokes! A Civil Action stars Danny Zuko and Tony Soprano.

Oh folks! It's Wednesday which means it's time for the Balcony Boys to be your cinematic guide to the films of New England and if you can believe it, we've got a movie that's harder to find than I am the Cheese! They must be keeping this thing in a friggin BRINKS VAULT cause it's impossible to find a copy of William Friedkin's the BRINKS JOB! Fire up your Dutch television transfers illegally uploaded to youtube and watch the film the way the director intended... on your phone with subtitles and a European television station identifier hiding in the corner like a translucent ghost. This is an episode and though we joke around a lot, this was the one where Bill almost broke Sean! Do you like Ray Lamontague? Do you not like Ray Lamontague? Well you're in luck because during our special Lamontague corner, all two viewpoints are represented. How many times is the right time to walk through an entire heist? The Brinks Job would suggest three! The Brinks Job stars Columbo, Young Frankenstein, Mira Sorvino's dad Paul Sorvino, and a bunch of other people whose efforts Bryan Singer would rip off for the Usual Suspects. Goodbye.

Happy New Year! We hear in Balconyville have been busy returning all the Christmas presents you got us for that sweet, sweet cash and/or store credit because your gifts aren't cool. You know what's cool? $13 to the Paper Store. Guys, it's the Social Network, a film so good Sean Sullivan called it the best movie of the 2010s and a movie so good Bill thought it was directed by David Lynch. He's so stupid. If he wants me to stop saying it, maybe he should write the intros for the episodes. In honor of Aaron Sorkin, the boys did this talk on the walk... on a couple of treadmills! We recorded this episode live at a Curves fitness center and boy howdy did they ask us to leave immediately. It's 2020! Get woke, Curves! The Social Network stars Not Michael Cera, No Longer Spider-Man, and the dude from Trolls!

You're dreaming of an episode of Two Boys in a Balcony about White Christmas! Just like the ones you heard before! Where America's Dumbest Film Critics and a cast of dead mid century entertainers, break down the Christmas classic, White Christmas! Warning: there is no blackface in this movie. That's a different movie. It's White Christmas! Sorry I'm in the middle of unwrapping a new episode of your favorite podcast for you! White Christmas stars ghosts!

Today, dear friends, we complete our Winona Ryder hat trick with 1994's Little Women. Can Sean keep focused? Could Bill take Ken Burns in a fight? Do we restart this episode 17 times? No, no, and no! It was 18 times. I'm gonna be honest guys I'm not really feeling this ep description so I'm just going to say this: listen, rate, review, subscribe, burn your sister's manuscript, rail against marriage, and then get engaged in the final seconds of the movie. Little Women stars Winona Ryder, Susan Sarandon, Hermione Granger, Lady Bird, Claire Danes, Kirsten Dunst, the girl from Midsommar, Christian Bale, and TIMOTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CHALAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

We finally did it, folks! We finally watched a movie that people wanted us to talk about! It's the 2003 Boston Shakespearean tragedy, Mystic River from the mumbliest director in the old west, Ol' Blue Eyes himself, Mayor of the city that never sleeps, Clinton Eastwood. Is this movie funny? NOT AT ALL. Is this episode funny? What'd you crack your head, kid? Course it's funny. You're with the Balcony boys. Did Bill watch Mystic Pizza instead of Mystic River? Only time will tell. So come along as we dip our toes into a body of water you should never dip your toes into! Mystic River stars Isthatmydaugh Terinthere and the Savage Brothers, Fred and Corey Matthews.

Attention Black Friday shoppers, there's a sale on.... your hearts! The Balcony Boys grabbed a cup of hot cocoa, dumped out the cocoa, filled it up with love, drank it, and then sat down to discuss their top 5 Christmas movies of all time! It's a Christmas miracle wherein they only overlapped twice probably but maybe three or four times! Who cares! It's the holiday season and loop de loop and dickory dock, don't forget to hang up your sock and also download this quick little shot of seasonal pick-me-up what does that sentence even say. God Bless America and God Bless the United States of America and God Ble

It's a brazzle dazzle day today in the Balcony so let us be your candle on the water and steer you toward a third song title from today's masterpiece Pete's Dragon from 1977. With the launch of Disney+, the Balcony Boys take a deep dive into Passamaquody Harbor and break down the legality of orphan purchasing and dragon keeping. Who do you call when an invisible dragon fucks up your fence? Do you know? Cause I spent a lot of money putting that fence in and late one night when I was coming home from a hard night of drinking with my friends in the lighthouse game, an invisible dragon threw me and my car right through it. There's no other explanation and like a good neighbor, State Farm won't believe me until I have proof. Pete's Dragon stars all your favorite stars of the 30s, 40s, 50s, and today!

Oh Captain, my captain... get off your damn desk and get your ass up into the Balcony as the boys discover and rediscover the 30th anniversary of the stuffy boarding school drama Dead Poets Society. Guys, is poetry fun? Was that question grammatically correct? Who knows? Who cares? Carpe Diem or whatever. Put on your Hogwarts robes and sneak off to the Indian cave cause friends, we gots some living to do. What's your favorite poem? Is it the one about the escaped prisoner with the hook hand who sneaks up to Lover's Lane? My favorite poem is this podcast. I genuinely fear for my mental health with each additional word I add to this episode description. Rate, Review, Subscribe, Carpe, and Diem. Dead Poets Society stars the Genie from Aladdin, the bad guy from Robocop, a Muppet Baby version of Ethan Hawke, a guy named Josh Charles and another guy that looks just like Josh Charles. Good luck!

Gather all ye virgins and let me sing you a tale of three witch sisters and the virgin that resurrected them accidentally by using his virgin fingers to light a candle in what can only be described as the virgin goof of the century. That's right, all you blossoming young boys and girls, we watched the 1993 Disney cult classic Hocus Pocus and you know what? It's a movie! We tried our best to keep this episode clean and free from the scourge of profanity but Sean insulted Motley Crue and Bill lost his cool. It happens. But what I can tell you is that this episode is the perfect cap to the first annual Boo Englund celebration of all the spookier New England films. Fare thee well, October. We'll see you next October! And we'll see you here every Wednesday for more new episodes as we ramp into the holiday season the only way we know how - ignorantly discussing movies that we're only partially familiar with and insulting each other in ways both new and revolting.

Smack dab in the middle of Boo England, it's the Two Boys in a Balcony Halloween Spooktacular! With special guest appearances from Sean Sullivan! Bill McMorrow! The boys are counting down their FIVE FAVORITE SCARY MOVIES and talking about a whole lot more. It's a bonus episode because we* love you** *Sean **the sound of his own voice

Say it threw times for the third week of Boo England... balconyboys balconyboys balconyboys! Whoa watch out the hosts with the ghosts are here to talk about Sean's self-professed favorite movie of all the time, the 1988 Tim Burton masterpiece, Beetlejuice. He'll say silly things like this was the career peak for everyone involved and [email protected] if you think you can prove him wrong. Spoiler alert: you can't. Bill had never seen this movie and boy oh boy did he jump in the line and rock his body in time, ok? I believe you. We're talking the magic career of lil Timmy Burton from Pee-Wee to Dumbo and everything in between but mostly about how Otho should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor at the Academy Awards. They don't mention that on the episode but hindsight is 20/20 and we're correcting a mistake now. Who writes these blurbs? Jesus christ. Anyway... Beetlejuice rules and it stars the ghost of Alec Baldwin, the ghost of Geena Davis, Wynona Ryder, the goddamn queen of North America Catherine O'Hara, and that other guy that was in Deadwood after he'd already done that really horrible thing that should have prevented him from being cast in Deadwood... seriously how did that happen?

****Today's episode is brought to you proudly by Fences! Since the beginning of time, Fences! have been used to keep people from going places they shouldn't go. Fences! When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, singing words of wisdom, "Get a fence!" Go to your local fencing supply store and use offer code Balcony for one confused look. Fences!**** Today in the balcony, we celebrate week two of Booooooooo England, our celebration of the spookier side of New England films, by watching the 1989 Pet Sematary directed by a person and written by a weirdo. Is this movie a complete disaster or an honest to God classic? Who can say? Join us as we discuss mostly fences if we're being completely honest. Is your yard fenced in? Do you know where your kids are? If you had a fence, you'd be damn sure they weren't chasing kites into the street. So grab your favorite dead kitty cat and annoying neighbor and take a stroll through the backwoods of Maine. Pet Sematary stars a lump of bricks, Tasha Yar, the kid that said "boys have a penis, girls have a vagina" in Kindergarten Cop, unbounded property lines, and Herman Munster.

Clap, clap! Turn on the lights and get out of the basement! It's the Conjuring on the first week of Booooooooo Englund, the Two Boys in a Balcony October celebration of the New England films for the more spooky hearted. A rare case of a New England film crossing state lines, join famed CT paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren for an exploration of the true(?) story of the Perron family haunting of Harrisville, RI. Look, I'll be honest with you... this movie creeped me out (Hi. It's me, Sean. I write these. Bill can't write.) Listen to two grown men debate whether or not they would talk to ghosts for a million dollars! They say other things but I'm (me, Sean, again) too afraid to listen to this episode.  The Conjuring stars Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Ron Livingston, Lili Taylor, a hundred and one kids, a bunch of fucking ghosties and one very dumb and completely unrealistic childhood game.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered hear today to mourn the death of the career of Penis Breath, the young man who played the older brother in E.T. who was doomed to play the lead of today's balcony feature, the 1983 I Am The Cheese, a movie so unenjoyable it's only available on youtube or at your sadder public libraries. But fret not, friendly listener, because the Balcony Boys do all the heavy lifting as they implore you with a heart full of love to never watch this movie on your own. Listen, though, because many a wonderful goof is had including discussions of the death of Natalie Wood, the aformentioned E.T., and almost any other single thought that popped into their minds. I Am the Cheese stars the older brother from E.T., so many old, old, old men, and a fat man dressed like a newsie? This movie sucks but this episode is fun!

Welp nothing floats forever. This week in the balcony, the boys bid a fond farewell to Derry, ME with their most recent movie yet, 2019's IT Chapter Two. The boys gathered the balconeers and headed to the cinema on opening night and will recount you with their tale of surviving a two hour and fifty minute sequel. How much popcorn is too much? Where should you deposit the excess? Would you believe that the key to defeating an ancient cosmic evil is to study with the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross? IT Chapter Two stars Professor X, Miss Sloane, Stefon, Ziggy, a guy on a horse, another guy, and Pennywise the damn dancing clown. Just call us angel of the balcony! It's Two Boys in a Balcony. Pray for us!   email: [email protected] @balconyboysshow on facebook, twitter, and instagram

Everything floats in the balcony... because we put root beer and ice cream on it! Hey! It's the longest goddamn episode of this very fun and popular podcast and CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BALCONY BOYS! It only took 13 episodes till we finally made one that was longer than the movie we watched! It's a spooky one today because we're talking about the 2017 re-adaptation of Stephen King's IT directed Andy Muschietti, just in time for the sequeal IT Chapter Two to hit theaters. We tackle all the big issues. What's different from the book? What's different from the 1990 mini-series? Can you handcuff a moose? Has Sean ever read a book in his life? Who can say? IT stars Bill Skarsgaard, a red balloon, 11,000 little kids, and a can of perafin wax.

Ripped from the tabloids, it's Two Boys in a Balcony and we're talking the steamy, black comedy To Die For directed by Gus van Sant. Have you ever wondered what teachers the balcony boys are still pining for? Have you ever wanted to somehow know less about Pamela Smart than you did before? Well you're in luck cause class is in session and Professors Sullivan and McMorrow are here to teach you the Golden Rule: rate, review, and subscribe. To Die For stars Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Joasfkasdghna;lskerqn Phoenix, a probably pre-scumbag Casey Affleck, another person, and David Cronenberg.

Today on a somber episode of Two Boys in a Balcony, the boys are taking a look at the harrowing expose on mental illness from the early 90s, What about Bob? A very serious study of the decline of the modern man, this... just kidding this thing is silly as shit and we're here for it! Can a movie starring two of Hollywood's most reliable leading men who absolutely hate each other on sight succeed? We think so. It's a fun one and most importantly, it's a good one. What About Bob stars Bill Murray, Richard Dreyfuss, Julie Hagerty, the lady from Law and Order Criminal Intent, the kid from Hook, a goldfish in a mason jar, and my man, Reg E Cathay. It's What About Bob on Two Boys in a Balcony!

Let's get together yeah yeah yeah and talk about this movie in the Balcony! Hey! It's the Balcony Boys here with what we hoped would be our most wholesome episode yet but almost certainly is not. It's the 1961 classic Disney picture The Parent Trap! What's the legality of separating identical twins in a divorce custody battle? Is this a fun children's romp or an indictment of the American judicial system and the breakdown of traditional family norms? Who gives a fig? It's the Parent Trap. The Parent Trap starts Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills. It's the Balcony Boys with *extremely Coors light voice* ttttttttwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnssssss

It's the dang dog days of summer and instead of using the balcony to shield us from the heat, America's dumbest film critics Bill McMorrow and Sean Sullivan are up in the balcony, baking in the heat of the 2018 AT&T/DirectTV joint production Hot Summer Nights, a movie that deserves a bigger audience than surely it has ever had. Buckle up, there's a lot going on in this one. Would you ride your motorcycle in the rain? What would you do if they put jimmie's on your ice cream? Does anyone outside the MetroBoston area know what a jimmy is? Hot Summer Nights stars Timothee Chalamet, Maika Monroe, Alex Roe, a lollipop, Alfred Molina, a pesky 12 year old, baby formula, and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefer. It's Hot Summer Nights in the Balcony! Rate, review, subscribe, don't stop the pod to watch T-2.

Grab a bucket of scrap paper and head to the woods. Today in the Balcony, we're talking the 1946 forgotten classic the Stranger, directed and starring Orson flipping Welles. Hey who reupholstered all the chairs up here? It's looking classy as shit in the balcony. Have you ever suspected that your teacher at your prestigious prep academy might be a Nazi? Well have we got a film for you. The Stranger stars Orson Welles, Edward G Robinson, Loretta Young, an annoying pharmacist, a dog of indeterminate color, and an obsession with clocks that borders on mania. Join America's Dumbest Film Critics as we audition to replace whoever hosts the movies on Turner Classic Movies. Is it Robert Osborne? WATCH YOUR BACK, OSBORNE!