“It’s important that we remember to talk ‘to’ our kids, not ‘at’ them” - Mark Hart   Summary Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens.  As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible!  What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life?  Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children.  Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of.   We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you!    Key Takeaways Keeping teens in a “teflon” bubble and trying to shield them from the world their whole lives doesn’t work.  We need to teach them and get them ready. Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged.  Pushing back is a natural part of maturation.  Teens demand authenticity!  They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church.  Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them.  Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations.  Take time for conversations.   For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour!  Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever.  See your child as a whole person.  You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.   A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family.  Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we take time to have significant conversations with our kids?  How can we do this more?  Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too  much?  Not enough?  How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home?  Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family?    Links: Ascension press - Bible Heroes Register for the Family Board Meeting WWM On Demand course  Listener Survey  

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24 Summary All of us do things that annoy our spouse.  Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa.  How do we communicate about these situations?  Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong?  Is that what the scriptures tell us to do?  In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse.  We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them.  Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive.  Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.  Key Takeaways Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other!  Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.  When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals. We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.    Couple Discussion Questions What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?   Who is challenging me?  Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?  How can my spouse help me?  

“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.”  -Anonymous One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It’s hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven! Notes: The Absorbent Mind (Montessori book) Articles on toddlers from Focus on the Family (Christian website)

Other Resources Welcome His Heart:  https://welcomehisheart.com/ MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/ Key Takeaways Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ. Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world.  Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service.  Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children.  Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships.  In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family.    Couple Discussion Questions How are we leading together in the home?  Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership?  What is my understanding of forgiveness?  How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships?  How is our marriage serving others?  How are we giving from the well of our sacrament?  What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?  

“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett   Summary The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it!  That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children.  One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources!  In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age.  Listen in! Key Takeaways Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality.  Many things make each one of us unique.  Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology Your temperament is the way you REACT.  Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.   As a parent, knowing our children’s temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses.  When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze.  Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.    You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.   Couple Discussion Questions Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.   Observe your children this week.  During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths.  What are our gifts as a couple?  How can we better use them for the good of our children?  

Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.   Summary There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful.  As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don’t look much different than the secular, frantic families around us!  How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there.  Which ones should Catholics follow?  In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world.  The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!).   Listen in!    Other Resources   Book:  Abba’s Heart Podcast:  MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture   Key Takeaways To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His. Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging. More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them.  Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task.  Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them. When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us?  Why or why not?  On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now?  How unified are we in our home?  What does it mean to delight in our children?  What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently?  What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?  

Summary: In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family’s moral development.  Couple Discussion Questions: How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children’s development? How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values? What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs?  Resources: For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Beauty resets our compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. ~ Andrew Peterson   Summary Our children will grow no matter what, but how they grow and what they learn is heavily dependent on their environment.  Parents can shape the world of their children to include beauty, freedom of artistic expression, and space to wonder.  In this podcast, we talk to Andrew Peterson, singer, songwriter, author, father and now grandfather.  Over the last 25 years, Andrew has used his creative talents in the world of music and fantasy books for kids. He has done this out of the firm belief in the power of art to commuicate eternal truths and draw people into relationship with God.  Our family has been blessed by his work over the past 25 years and we hope that all our families will be too!  Key Takeaways Parents need to shape the world to be beautiful for their children.  Beauty evangelizes even to the very young child. Art, in all its expressions, is essential to life.  Beauty resets the compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. It awakens within us the desire for the Kingdom - God’s Kingdom here on earth and in heaven.   Delight in your children.  They need to know that they are wonderfully made and they learn that by how we respond to them.  Sin is when I forget who I am.  Our kids need to be solid in their identity as a child of God and so do we!  We need to learn to desire things in the right order.  Sin happens when we live a life of disorder.  As parents we can help order the lives of our children in the right way.  Couple Discussion Questions How does our family experience art (music, literature, movies) in our home?  What do these things communicate to our children?  Do we delight in our children?  How can we do this more?  What are we doing in our home to help our children “desire things in the right order?”  How can we shape the environment in our home to do this?     Resources God in the Garden Wingfeather Series (books) Wingfearther series (series on Angel studios) Andrew-peterson.com Music list on spotify  

“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker   Summary After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.     Key Takeaways If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.   For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them.  Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.   Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.     Couple Discussion Questions Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”?  How can you grow in this?  List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together.  What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not?  In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?   Resources The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt IGen by Jean Twenge

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. ~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock Summary All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.   Key Takeaways Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness. Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.  No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.   Couple Discussion Questions What were my expectations coming into our marriage?   Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment?  What am I grateful for?   Resources Article on Expectations and Happiness

The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert Summary Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author.  Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love.  Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively.  The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them.  Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are.  After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s.  Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press. Key Takeaways We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom.  Chastity gives them the freedom to love.  Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?”  The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful.  What we do with our bodies matters.   Rules without relationships breed rebellion.  Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them?  That we like being with them?  That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them.  Couple Discussion Questions How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?   What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?   Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body?  Is this something we need to look into more?     Resources The Chastity Project - https://chastity.com Envision - TOB for Middle Schoolers

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28   Summary:  Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success.  Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”.  Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.   Key Takeaways: Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity.  As they grow and as you teach them they will learn.  But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry Self control is an unappreciated virtue.  Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!” Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life. When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain.  As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.   Give them space to make a choice.  The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it   Couple Discussion Questions:  How would we define self control?  Why is it important How do we respond to our children when they lose control?  What do we think about this?   What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?  

Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/   00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer

Parent’s reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give.  It is our reaction that teaches our children.   Summary One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie.  Do you punish them for lying?  Do you punish the offense?  How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them?  Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families.  In this discussion, we hear Jordan’s thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse.  Hear about the “Honesty Incentive Rule” and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers.   Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org    Key Takeaways Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect Most children will lie at some point.  It is a natural part of their development.  It is how you react to them that matters. There are different stages of lying.  The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old.  The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions. When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it.  There is no need to react - this is not an emergency! Take time to observe your children’s behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface.    Couple Discussion Questions What is our reaction when our children lie to us now?  How do we handle it?  How do I feel when our kids lie to me?   Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children’s behavior?  Would we know when something was going wrong?    

Play is the work of childhood.  Summary It seems like in today’s world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities.  We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play.  We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved!  It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more.  Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults.  And this means less supervision, not more.  Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices.     Key Takeaways Play is essential for a child’s development. It is “freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something” - Dr. Peter Gray You need to be intentional about choosing your child’s activities based on their developmental needs.  Kids under 12 really don’t need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family Don’t allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement.   Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough. Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad.    Couple Discussion Questions Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc).  What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid? What activities are our children involved in?  Are they developmentally appropriate for them?  How can we encourage more play among our children?  Are there other families who would join us in this?    Resources: Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web  

Growing in holiness doesn’t require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love.  And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.   Summary Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece!  There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective.  What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children.  They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness.  Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself.    Key Takeaways   If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life.  Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices.  Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things.   The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me” Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.” Jesus doesn’t ask us to love an ideal.  He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him.    Couple Discussion questions Think of a person in your life who shows God’s love to others.  What do they do?  How do they do it?  What can you imitate?   “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”  Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life?  What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus?  What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today?  How can I receive their love more fully?  

The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.   Summary Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse think about this?”  You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise!  It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children.  Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them.  Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team.     Key Takeaways The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship!  Strength is found in your differences!  Respect what each one of you brings to the table.   God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you.  He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it.     Couple Discussion Questions What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this.   What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent?  How is this a strength?  Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing.  Make a plan to help them as best you can.  Resources Tip Sheet Worksheet from Discipline guide

Parenting isn’t about doing everything perfectly.  It's about showing up over and over again no matter what.     Summary Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents.  But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don’t need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!).  Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many.   Key Takeaways Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives. Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life.  It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the “perfect plan” on how to be a family. It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation.  We can’t make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong. The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood.  If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct.   Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn’t over.    Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change?  Is there a course we are on that we need to correct?   Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong?  How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church?  How can we keep those lines of communication open?   Who are the “spiritual fathers” in our life?  How can we pray for them? Resources Bible in a Year Podcast Ascension videos w Fr Mike   Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.     Summary One of the greatest blessings of Alicia’s life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters.  Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics  in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of “the perfect Catholic family”.  But that is far from true.  As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God’s grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together.  Listen in as we talk about God’s faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.     Key Takeaways Life is not always easy, but God is near We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us.  Don’t get frustrated by differences, embrace them! When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships   Couple Discussion Questions What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood?  Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings?  Why or why not? What can we change about this?  How does sharing values with others change us? 

Summary In this episode, we explore the essential aspects of training for virtue and the challenging task of granting freedom to our children. We emphasize the importance of always communicating that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide, expecting mistakes along the way. We discuss the value of risking giving your child freedom, acknowledging it's not an easy journey. Key discussion points include how to provide more freedom for kids to make good choices, understanding if teens view parents as mentors, and identifying areas needing better boundaries and more training at home. Join us for practical strategies and insights to support your children in making virtuous choices while balancing freedom and boundaries.   Key Takeaways Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide.  Expect mistakes Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware!  It's not easy!  Couple discussion questions   How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this?  Do my teens see me as a mentor?  Why or why not.  Plan some time to talk to them about this.   Where do we need better boundaries in our home?  What are the areas in which our children need more training?   

The most important challenge you can take  What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge!  More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings!  What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family -  Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!   Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/   Related podcast episode:  MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/  MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart  - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/ Key takeaways: One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time.  Protect your yes with 1,000 no’s Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home. Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage! Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.   Couple Discussion How do we waste time with our kids?  How do we lavish love on them? What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that?  What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart?  How can I express this love to my children?  

Summary In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls.  Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use.  Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don’t define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it.     Key Takeaways Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games.  Because of women’s gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media.   Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction.  Their child’s future success in life depends on it.  The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content.  You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners.     Couple Discussion Questions Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction?  Are any of our children in danger of this addiction?  If so, what are we going to do about it?  Do we have a written tech policy?  Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one.   What is our plan for social media use for our children?   Resources The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/  

The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world. ~Dr. Leonard Sax Technology can be a blessing or a curse. It can be used for great good and yet it can expose people to grave evil. Helping our children learn how to responsibly navigate the use of technology, especially social media, is one of the immense parenting challenges of our age.  In this podcast, we look at the unique challenges that technology presents to parents and why parents must meet this challenge head-on!  We talk about how to discern your tech use as a family and why just locking down every device is simply not enough.  Like most areas of parenting, we need to first train ourselves and then take the time to train our children.   KEY TAKEAWAYS: Don’t be naive. Stay on top of what your kids are watching and what they are engaging with.  It is our responsibility to prepare and guide them.  Discern your tech use as a person and as a family. Walk them through the seven keys to empower them to make good choices because tech is a powerful gift of God and should be used for good. Seven keys the church gives us to guide us in using technology Does it communicate a balanced worldview? How is the creator's attitude oriented towards the subject? Does it dignify the human person? Does it speak the Truth? Is it inspirational? Is it done with skill?  Is it motivated by experience? Train your children to use it as they grow. Like driving a car, prepare them to use it as they mature and are old enough to use it wisely and virtuously   COUPLE DISCUSSION In what ways have we been blessed by media and technolgy?  How has it helped us?  How can we discern our media use as a family?   If our goal is to form our children to become adults who can make good media choices, how and when can we give our children appropriate freedom?  What does that look like for our kids today?    Resources:  Infinite Bandwidth: Encountering Christ in the Media. By Dr. Eugene Gan https://www.afterbabel.com/p/algorithms-hijacked-my-generation https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2799042   https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction   https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?gift=9xPqLPcwLfFbf_nnCRecvKJ-3gklcv6nZX-Hliug6W4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share   https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-your-son-addicted-to-video-games  

“We can only see our spouse clearly when we look at Jesus first.” - Dan Lawson   Summary In this podcast, we tackle some hard issues in marriage.  What makes couples believe that they need to get divorced?  Why is it essential for couples to have a vision for their individual lives and for their marriage?  What is the pattern in successful marriages that we can emulate?  We even talk about what to say to a person who tells you they are getting a divorce - a very difficult and sensitive topic, but one that we have to discuss.  Dan Lawson is a Catholic therapist who takes a solution-focused approach with his clients, as opposed to “problem-focused” approach.  This means that instead of looking only at what is going wrong in a relationship, he asks questions and guides clients to look at what is going right.  This hopeful approach helps spouses to encounter their own goodness which is where you need to start to create a pattern of mutual admiration, one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage.  Listen into this essential conversation!    Key Takeaways Divorce is a sin against hope.  It says “I can’t change.  They can’t change.”   The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness. We need to start first by looking at Jesus and pursuing holiness in our own lives.  Then our marriage can improve.  It is essential that each of us look first at what we are doing right in our marriages and in our lives.  When we can see and affirm that, then we can do more of that and “starve” out the negativity. Every person needs to ask themselves the question, “Who do I want to be at the end of my life?”  We need to have a vision for our lives and live that way in our marriages. Establishing a pattern of admiration and trust is key to building a life-long, life-giving marriage. Most spouses struggle to communicate their needs and their feelings.    Couple Discussion Questions What is my vision for my life?  Who do I want to be at the end of my life?  How has my spouse loved me this year?  What are some of our greatest accomplishments together? “The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness”  What are my thoughts on this?  

It’s easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our Heavenly Father is with us.   Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children?  People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age!  One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you.  It is supposed to form you.  It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK!  But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads.     Key Takeaways: If you are impatient with your children you are normal!  Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves Parenting takes alot of time!  Lessons need to be taught over and over.  There is no magic bullet.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us.  We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over   Couple Discussion:  How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10?  How would you rate your spouse?  Discuss this.   What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over?  How has God been patient with you?  Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why?  Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with?  How can you learn from this?  

“I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity.  Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” Tobit 8:7 Summary Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles.  You see, Satan’s plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married!  These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples.  In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between “anticipatory” and “escalatory” foreplay,  and what to do when your libido is completely gone.  There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other.  Listen in and join the conversation!  Key Takeaways Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them.  Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse.   If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, “What AM I willing to do?” No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal.  There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse.  We should be continually learning in both.  Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy.  Sometimes we don’t accept how overly generous our Father is!    Couple Discussion Questions Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other.   How often do we discuss our sex life?  What is holding us back from having this conversation?  Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not?   Resources Charting Toward Intimacy podcast www.vinesinfullbloom.com Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/ Banter/Announcements: The Hook: Body: QUESTIONS ON PHYSICAL INTIMACY   Start with some fundamental assumptions:  Sex is good and holy and belongs in marriage The sexual act is more than just physical it binds us emotionally and spiritually We need to make time for sex - this is not a leisure activity.    QUESTIONS Relationship between emotional and physical intimacy Should emotional foreplay be as consistent and intentional as physical foreplay? What is the difference between being joyfully available and putting out?  “Joyful receptivity” I’ve heard a lot fndmtl Protestant wmn write about always being available for their hsbnd, so this doesn’t sit well with me as a Catholic A mother's mental health is also important. No one is talking about postpartum depression. When a woman is depressed and tired it feels like a job.   Making the time How do you fit in actual times for sex with a family that spans teens through toddlers, up really early with the littles and up way to late with the teens?  Our teenagers stay up super late. It’s killing our sex life!!   MORALITY/THEOLGY   Practical sexual advice from secular sources How do we learn how to achieve mutual sexual pleasure without looking at inappropriate materials?  Is it ok for Catholics to research/learn about sexual pleasure? Is it ok for Catholics to read books like Come As You Are or She Comes First, I've heard they have good information in them but also promote practices that are not morally appropriate.  Where is the line between pursuit and lust?   Sex as a renewal of the sacrament How should the sacramental nature of catholic marriage change how we approach the physicality of sex? Should it? Discernment Is it bad to have a “target” number of children? I.e. we want 4 kids What is your take on birth control? We want to focus on our intimacy and feel we’ve taken a wholehearted Catholic approach to our big family -6 kids but….. Raising kids is expensive. How do we practice nfp if we can’t afford to have another kid How do you remain open to life per what Alicia was saying in terms of femininity (her 2nd point) when pregnancy is a true fear as I’m in my mid 40’s How do you personally navigate times when you have to do nfp strictly?  

Parenting is not an inborn skill. It is something that we learn over time from trial and error and with help from others.    Summary Over the past 28 years raising our 10 kids we have made a lot of mistakes, but also learned from them!  In this podcast, we go over 12 tips that we have found make a big difference in the life of a family.  They are principles that we live by and how we have gotten where we are today.  None of them are rocket science - but they are things you may not have thought of before or realized how essential they are.  We have released this podcast before, but now we have a new perspective since our kids are older and now we have grandkids.  The great thing is, we have found that these tips still work!  As you listen, make sure that you choose 1 or 2 things that you want to implement in your lives starting this week.  Don’t try to do everything! Small changes over time have the biggest impact.  Listen in and join the conversation!     Key Takeaways It is not your job to make your children into saints.  It is their job to make YOU into a saint! You are irreplaceable.  Your children will only ever have ONE mom and ONE dad.  No one can do for your child what you can do.  Your children cannot be the center of your family.  They are part of a community.   Love requires boundaries.  But at the same time, remember that rules without relationship breeds rebellion.   Children need to be taught everything.  They don’t know the words to say to be respectful, or the way to respond when you ask them to do something.  Do not be surprised when they don’t do what you want right away.  Your job is to teach them.     Couple Discussion Questions Do I find it easy or hard to embrace my authority as a parent?  Do I recognize my unique place in the life of my child?  How would I articulate my role?  How do I feel about my child making me into a saint?  What are ways I see them teaching me how to be less selfish?  Do we have a plan for discipline? Are we on the same page?  Where do we disagree?  

Summary Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop!  We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd.  Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be.  He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement.   Key Takeaways Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies. Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies. Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation. Couple Discussion Questions How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic? In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community? How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience? Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities? What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?  

In this episode, Mike and Alicia Hernon explore the transformative impact of conversations with children. They emphasize the importance of fostering a family culture centered around meaningful dialogue. From toddlers to teens, discover practical strategies for nurturing curiosity, understanding, and mutual respect within the parent-child relationship. Don't miss out on this engaging discussion that highlights the profound influence of conversations in shaping both children and parents alike. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

“Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic.” ~ John Paul II, Letter to Women   Summary Women have particular gifts to bring to the world which were identified by John Paul II as the “genius of women”.  The Given Institute was created by religious superiors of the major orders in the United States and works with young women in all states of life to help them realize that they are gift, work to discover their unique giftedness and then make a plan to bring those gifts to the world.  In this podcast, we discuss these topics with Michelle Hilleart, their Executive Director who is  passionate about the need for women to know their own dignity and worth.  There are so many lies and confusing messages being given to young women today and these messages are preventing them from not just being who they were created to be, but also preventing them from knowing how they were created.  Listen in to hear about what REAL “girl power” is!    Key Takeaways John Paul II identified the “genius of women” as receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity. Every woman is called to be a spiritual mother - whether she is a natural mother, single woman, or consecrated woman.   Every woman is called and gifted and those gifts begin to grow when a woman knows who she is as a daughter of God.  Once we know what those gifts are we should then create an “action plan” to bring those unique gifts to the world.    Couple Discussion Questions Do I recognize my dignity as a daughter of God?  What are the gifts that are uniquely mine?  How can I develop those gifts and bring them to the people around me?   

“It's our experience that parents who don’t allow their children to play with weapons have little boys who will chew their toast into the shape of a gun”   Summary Hello, I wanted to ask a question in regard to violent play for a toddler. My 4 year old boy is obsessed with all types of toy swords, lasers, etc. Any suggestions on how to manage it in a way that lets him explore but also places limits on it?   This question came from a listener who is a mom of a normal boy!  But often this type of behavior catches parents unaware.  Our culture gives so many confusing messages to boys in the world.  Sometimes the behavior of little boys can be surprising or even shocking to moms who aren’t used to rough and tumble play.  But the beauty of boys is that they are made for this!  And playing is how they learn to make sense of the world around them, handle conflicting emotions and learn to relate in a healthy way to other boys.  In this podcast, we tackle the issue head on with some funny stories and practical advice.  We also discuss some of the psychology behind the emotional life of boys and what parents need to do to keep their boys well-adjusted and loved.  In the end we have tips for you on how to teach your boy to use his body in a way that respects himself and others.     Key Takeaways Violent play  in young boys is natural and when it comes from within their own mind (not from images introduced to them) it is not just harmless, but important to allow.  Boys work out their emotions physically. The verbal and emotional parts of their brain are not hard wired as girls’ are.   Getting your boys comfortable and confident in their bodies is essential for their emotional and mental health. Boy’s emotions are just as present and as deep as girls are. They are just expressed differently and need to be responded to differently.  Couple Discussion Questions   What do I find hardest about my boys How can we respect the way they are made    Resources:  Documentary on the emotional life of boys https://youtu.be/y9k0vKL5jJI?si=W8v5vmmWzNojXKAV

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on this enlightening episode of the Messy Family Podcast as they sit down for an insightful interview with Bishop Joseph Coffey of the Archdiocese of the Military (United States). Together, they explore the intriguing question, "Where do Bishops Come From?" and delve into Bishop Coffey's personal journey of faith, discernment, and leadership within the Catholic Church. With candor and wisdom, Bishop Coffey shares his unique perspective on the role of bishops in today's world and offers valuable insights into the formation and responsibilities of these spiritual leaders. From his early experiences in the military to his calling to the priesthood and eventual consecration as a bishop, Bishop Coffey's story is both inspiring and enlightening. Throughout the conversation, Mike and Alicia engage Bishop Coffey in a wide-ranging discussion that touches on topics such as the challenges facing the Church, the importance of prayer and discernment in leadership, and the role of bishops in shepherding their flocks through turbulent times. Whether you're a devout Catholic seeking a deeper understanding of the Church's hierarchy or simply curious about the journey of bishops, this episode offers a fascinating glimpse into the life and ministry of one of the Church's spiritual leaders. Subscribe now and join Mike, Alicia, and Bishop Coffey as they navigate the complexities of faith, family, and leadership in today's world.

In this faith-filled episode of the Messy Family Podcast, Mike and Alicia discuss discuss the significance of authenticity, the power of family traditions, and the impact of a vibrant faith community. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting your family journey, this episode promises valuable insights and practical tools for nurturing a legacy of faith that will endure for generations to come. Tune in to the Messy Family Project podcast today and discover how to build a legacy of faith that withstands the test of time. Don't miss out on this inspiring conversation that will empower you to embrace your role as a faith-filled parent and create a lasting impact on your family's spiritual journey. Subscribe now and join the Messy Family Project community as we navigate the beautiful messiness of family life together! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the heart of family bonding and spiritual growth with an enlightening interview with the Marinist Family. Guided by the profound core beliefs of the Marianist Family Retreat Ministry, our guests share invaluable insights into strengthening familial ties, fostering communication, and embracing forgiveness and commitment within the family unit. Key Takeaways: Discover the transformative power of affirming familial love and forgiveness. Embrace the teachings of Mary as a model for nurturing familial spirituality. Explore the concept of discipleship of equals and its impact on family ministry. Learn how community plays a vital role in nurturing familial bonds and spiritual growth. Uncover the structured and unstructured opportunities for growth within the Marinist Family Retreat Program. Embrace the practice of prayer and discernment in opening oneself to the gifts of the Holy Spirit within the family context. Couple Discussion Questions: How can we incorporate the teachings of Mary into our family dynamics? Reflecting on the pillars of the Marinist Family Retreats, which aspect do we feel is most crucial for our family's growth? How can we create a balance between structured and unstructured family time to nurture spiritual growth? In what ways can we foster a sense of community within our family and extend it to the larger community? Tune in to this enlightening episode as we uncover the tools for deepening familial bonds and fostering spiritual growth with the Marinist Family.

For a child to learn how to love, they need to first be loved.  So many people find disciplining their children to be one of the biggest challenges of being a parent.  We look back to the way our parents raised us and often we realize that we want to do things differently, but we just don’t know how.  Without a new perspective, many times we just fall back on what we experienced as a child and we react from our own woundedness or our own view of what a father or mother should be.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about how parents can model the perfect parent, God the Father Himself.  As we do this, we will find ourselves walking in our true  identity as a son or daughter of the Most High.  When we understand that, then we can form our children as God forms us.   Listen in to this essential conversation and use our Key Takeaways and Discussion Questions to go deeper with your spouse on this topic. Key Takeaways We need to parent the way God fathers us, free of emotion and manipulation Discipline starts with relationship because its all about forming their hearts. We need to teach children how to repair and restore relationships when they do the wrong thing.     Couple Discussion Questions In our childhoods have we experienced shame from our parents or those in authority?  How did that make me feel? Do we imitate those behaviors in our parenting?  How can we reflect God the Father more in our formation of our children?  Consider one of your children in need of formation.  What is the best way to reach their heart?   

Your family culture is the operating system in your home.  It communicates to your children more powerfully than any written word. Family culture is something that we are passionate about in this ministry!  We believe that this is the secret weapon of the Catholic family and something that every mom and dad needs to be very intentional about.  The culture within the home is like the operating system in your family and it communicates more powerfully than any written word.  In this episode we give the foundations of family culture and explain why it's important.  Because there is so much to cover, we only get to talk about the spiritual life of the home and what that means for the children.  This is a re-release of a previous episode, but the information is timeless and the principles are the foundation of many of our courses and guides.  Re-release MFP096 Building a Family Culture For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Key Takeaways Parents don’t create a culture, they steward it.  All the members of the family participate.  Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word.   Your culture must be stronger and more attractive than the secular culture and it must communicate more powerfully. A wise family learns how to manage the urgent and prioritize the important. The spiritual life of your home needs to be the foundation of your culture because it is our connection to God that gives meaning to our lives. Couple Discussion Questions There is a culture in our home right now.  What is this culture communicating to our children?  What are some values that we want our children to learn from our culture?  How can we do this better?  What are the Urgent things in our life that we need to manage better?  What are the Important things that we are putting off?  Resources FBM course registration to grow a healthy culture in your home! https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/  Family Culture download:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-culture-guide/  

Embark on the second part of the compelling discussion with Mike and Alicia Hernon on The Messy Family Podcast. In this captivating follow-up to the previous episode, "Headship - Do Wives Have to Obey?" the Hernons dive even deeper into the nuances of marital dynamics and the concept of headship. As the Lenten season approaches, the Hernons extend an invitation to their audience, encouraging participation in the Cana 90 Lenten program designed for couples. Reflecting on the importance of embracing one's vocation, the conversation seamlessly picks up from the last episode, addressing the complexities and challenges faced by couples in different stages of marriage. Drawing inspiration from the teachings of John Paul II, the Hernons continue to explore the delicate balance of giving and receiving in the context of marriage. They delve into the significance of wives receiving love and husbands actively leading, debunking misconceptions and offering practical insights for couples striving for a harmonious partnership. Mike and Alicia share personal anecdotes and observations from their 30 years of marriage, providing a unique perspective on the dance of collaboration within marriage. The episode unfolds as a profound exploration of the beauty found in the messy and intricate tapestry of family life. Whether you've just joined the Messy Family Project community or have been a dedicated listener, this episode promises to deepen your understanding of headship and inspire intentional, loving partnerships. Subscribe now to The Messy Family Project Podcast and join a community that embraces both the challenges and beauty of family life. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on another insightful episode of The Messy Family Podcast, where they fearlessly delve into the timeless and relevant topic of headship in marriage in reference to the key passages in Ephesians 5.  In this episode, the Hernons share the behind-the-scenes of their podcast and video show on YouTube, inviting you to subscribe and become a valuable member of their growing community. They take you on a journey through recent family events, from unexpected hospital visits to the joyous arrival of their seventh grandchild, Declan John. Amidst the chaos, the Hernons ask for your prayers for a family facing health challenges, emphasizing the power of community and support in navigating life's trials. They also share exciting updates about upcoming events, such as the Good News cruise with Father Mike Schmitz and the Catholic Couples Getaway with Chris and Natalie Stefanik. Stay tuned for announcements for Catholic Couples Getaway 2025! As the episode unfolds, Mike and Alicia explore the concept of headship in marriage, addressing the age-old question: Do wives have to obey? Gain insights, reflections, and practical wisdom on this crucial aspect of family life. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or part of a messy family, this episode offers valuable perspectives on collaboration, obedience, and the beauty of shared roles in marriage. Don't miss out on this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that aims to navigate the beautiful chaos of marriage, offering inspiration and support for every member of the messy family community.

🎙️ Dive into a captivating episode of the Messy Family Podcast with Mike and Alicia Hernon! In this edition, titled "Angels Watching Over Us with Fr. Wolfgang Seitz," we explore the fascinating realm of guardian angels and the divine assistance that surrounds our lives. 🌟 Join Mike and Alicia as they welcome Father Wolfgang Seitz from the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross, an expert on the Holy Angels. Fr. Wolfgang shares insights into the deep devotion his order has for the angels and provides a unique perspective on the vital role they play in our lives. 👼Discover the untapped source of strength that our guardian angels offer, and learn about a yearlong consecration program that can deepen your connection with these celestial beings. Fr. Wolfgang's experiences and teachings shed light on how our guardian angels collaborate with us in both natural and supernatural aspects of life. 🏠 As you listen, gain a profound understanding of the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross and their mission to spread devotion to the Holy Angels. Explore the rich history of the order and how it intersects with the powerful tradition of consecration. 🙏 Whether you're a believer seeking to enhance your spiritual journey or simply curious about the divine mysteries, this episode provides valuable insights. Tune in to the Messy Family Podcast and let the wisdom shared by Fr. Wolfgang Seitz inspire you to embrace the unseen yet eternal presence of angels in your life. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that may forever change the way you perceive the guardianship of these heavenly beings! 🔗 Subscribe to the Messy Family Podcast for more engaging discussions and practical insights on navigating the beautiful chaos of family life with Mike and Alicia Hernon. Your journey into the messy and miraculous tapestry of familyhood awaits! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode, we look into the world of toys, discussing their impact on children's development and the importance of purposeful and intentional choices in selecting toys for our families. Our special guest, Regina Doman, shares valuable insights into cultivating imagination, creativity, and responsibility in children through thoughtful toy choices. As we explore the role of toys in shaping a child's worldview, we reflect on the significance of simplicity, quality over quantity, and the benefits of open-ended toys like building blocks. We also touch upon the idea of rotating toys to keep a sense of novelty and excitement while minimizing clutter. Regina emphasizes the importance of recognizing the formative nature of the home environment and the valuable lessons children learn through play. We address the common challenges parents face, such as dealing with violent play, and how to navigate these situations with wisdom and balance. To further enrich this discussion, Regina suggests checking out her article on Nova Natural, where she elaborates on her philosophy and approach to toys. We conclude with a prayer for parents, seeking God's guidance and blessings in raising children who embrace the beauty of simplicity, creativity, and responsibility. https://reginadoman.substack.com/p/throwback-friday-toys Your support and prayers contribute to the mission of rebuilding families and making a positive impact on marriages and children. If you've been blessed by what we do, consider making a donation or spreading the word to help us continue our work. https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Thank you for joining us on this journey of exploration and reflection. May God bless your families abundantly, and until next time, may the Lord bless you and keep you.

In this heartwarming episode, join us as we dive into the rich tapestry of family traditions that bring the true spirit of Advent and Christmas alive. From creating a meaningful Jesse Tree to instilling the importance of service and charity, we explore how these traditions not only connect us to our spiritual lineage but also form the bedrock of a unique family culture.  🎄 Resources Mentioned: Explore additional resources on Advent and Christmas traditions by checking out our Advent and Christmas Traditions Book, visit our website for more information. 🌈 Join Us in Creating a Joyful Family Culture! Discover how these traditions not only bring joy and wonder to your home but also form the identity of your children in profound ways. Let's build a community that stands out in love, service, and faith. 🔗 Connect with Us: https://instagram.com/messyfamilyproject?igshid=NGVhN2U2NjQ0Yg== 👍 Like, Share, and Subscribe! If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to give it a thumbs up, share it with your friends, and subscribe for more heartwarming discussions on faith, family, and traditions. 🌟For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

“The family is where children discover how to be human.” - Archbishop Charles Chaput Over and over again people ask us how to help their kids get along with each other.  We usually respond that of course their kids don’t get along - because they are kids!  That is what you are doing as a parent.  You are the ones teaching them how to live at peace with other human beings in the world and they are practicing what you teach them in your home!  This is the training ground for their lives.  But that doesn’t mean that parents do nothing.  There are important lessons that parents need to teach their children at home so they can learn key social skills and have great relationships with their siblings not just while they are under your roof, but for the rest of their lives.  Listen to this re-release of our 2016 podcast on this subject.     Key Takeaways: Be open to giving your children as many siblings as possible.  Don’t always intervene.  Let your children alone to work things out on their own.  Help them value differences between different personalities by learning to appreciate each other. Teach them how to forgive and repair relationships when they are broken.   Couple Discussion:  How can we structure our home routine to foster better relationships between our children?  Do we intervene too much in sibling conflicts?  Not enough?  Have we taught our children how to ask for forgiveness?  If not, how can we do this?    

Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships   At a few of our events, we have gotten questions from older parents who ask what to do about adult children who have cut them out of their lives.  At first we were surprised by this question, since the parents who attend our events are usually not ax-murderers or reprobates.  But then we realized that this seems to be a disturbing trend in our culture - young people who find fault with their parents and therefore choose to disown them.  Because we serve parents, we wanted to give a different take on the “wisdom of the world” and challenge our listeners to set boundaries and be healthy, but in a way that still honors the commandment that God gave us to honor your mother and father.  Yes, some of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes, but that does not mean that our families of origin should still have power over us.  Listen in as we help color in some gray to a discussion that is far from black and white.     Key Takeaways: No one should have the right to “push our buttons”.  We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy. Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful. You can’t replace your family - for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them.  One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother.  This is God’s idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously   Couple Discussion: How can we honor our father and mother appropriately?   How would we want our children to treat us someday?  What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family?    Resources Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139 Great article from Catholic Psych - https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships  Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin

“The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child ” - Mike and Alicia    A child’s temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child’s deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control.  Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict.  Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations.  In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D’s of temper tantrums.  Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done.  In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom.  Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.   Key Takeaways: Determine Diffuse Distract Done Couple Discussion: When do our children have meltdowns? Why?  What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums?  How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?  

“You are called to have great hearts here, counter-cultural and brave.  You can build something better, freer, more generous, and nobler, beginning in your own home.” - Bishop Thomas Olmstead, Complete My Joy 59 Man and woman coming together to build a home is a natural experience that has happened over and over again since the creation of the world, but we need to keep learning about what marriage is for and how to nourish this essential communion.  In this interview with Mike and Sharon Phelan we discuss how marriage can be transformational in the lives of men and women and a path to the true flourishing of the individual.  The problems are coming from a culture that is lying to us and pointing us in all different directions.  We discuss the concept of “submission” and “headship” as well as NFP - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Join in this conversation and find wisdom from this Catholic couple.   Key Takeaways: Marriage is like ballroom dancing - without a leader, there is no dance. Men need a mission!  And that mission should be to enable their wives to be a mother who is strong, beautiful and free.  NFP unpacks the mystery of a woman’s body to her husband (and sometimes to herself!) Following the Church’s teaching on marital sexuality changes us! Even if we don’t fully understand or agree, acting in a virtuous way promotes virtue.    Couple Discussion: How is does our marriage “dance” look right now?  How can we do this better?  Are we in “awe” of our ability to bring children into the world?  How does this effect our marital relations?  How can we learn more about the Church’s teaching on marriage and family?  Resources Complete My Joy - apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Thomas Olmstead The Mission of the Family video series https://www.kofc.org/un/en/campaigns/into-the-breach.html  

“An important element in forming Christian maturity in teens is creating a ‘Yes’ culture in the home, where a child can take risks, try new things, and find out more about who they are all while under your guidance.” - Mike and Alicia With the advent of the sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s and the subsequent increase in teen sexual activity, the response of the Christian community in the 80s and 90s was to make dating among conservative Christian teens verboten.  Among many good Catholic families, there is still a wide range of opinions on when kids should start dating, even among other families that we really respect.  We have allowed our older teens to date and in this podcast we explain why.  Like most of what we do, we have not guided our kids perfectly every time, but we have done it intentionally and we have learned some things over the years that we can share with you.  Listen in to this podcast on mentoring kids during this essential time of development.   Key Takeaways: Not all dating is the same - there are different levels. We need to prepare our children for healthy relationships and this includes giving them dating guidance.  How you do that is up to you, but it needs to be done.  Create a YES culture in your home.  Freedom and responsibility go together Casual dating is for teens, serious dating is when you are ready for marriage - in college and beyond.  Don’t confuse them.  Couple Discussion: Have we created a yes culture in our home?  What was our dating experience like? What would we like our children to imitate from our experience?  Avoid?  What are our “rules for dating” for our children? References to be included in summary:  Preview for The Dating Project movie here   

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” - CS Lewis Life can be hard.  Sometimes, in response to difficulties, instead of turning to the Lord in our pain, we self-medicate which can lead to addictions of one kind or another which only leads to more pain in the long run.  In this podcast, we hear the story of Ched and Nanette Salasek, Catholic parents of six children who have a story that every couple needs to hear.  Even if you haven’t struggled with addiction, you can learn from the lessons that they share about the healing grace of the sacrament of marriage, the role of the Blessed Mother in their family, and surrendering everything to the Lord.  Listen in to this inspiring and hopeful conversation.   Key Takeaways: The only path to freedom is through individual surrender.  No one can do it for us.   The role of a spouse in helping an addict is one of support and prayer and constant surrender.  God doesn’t want just our external actions - He wants our hearts!  Couple Discussion: Are there areas of our life that we have not surrendered to God?   Do we have addictions in our life that are ruling us?  Are there areas that are out of control?  How has God used our failings to draw us closer to Himself?  References to be included in summary:  Dare to Surrender Book - https://amzn.to/3QqlAOA

“With careful planning, honest communication, and the right help and care around you, your different tomorrow can be meaningful and extraordinary.”― John Delony Let’s be honest, family life is full of stress! Sometimes there are big stresses like the loss of a job, a new colicky baby in the house, overwhelming responsibilities, or marriage issues. But even the little stresses can add up! Moody teens, worries over a child’s academic performance, or even a messy house can lead parents to feel like “I just can’t take it.” What is a parent to do?  In this episode we take an honest look at anxiety in parenting and help parents to put it all in perspective.  The bottom line is, the longer we do this family thing, the more we realize that the problems never go away, but we simply see them differently now than we did before.  Listen in as we share our perspective to give every parent encouragement and hope for your future as we learn to put it all in God’s hands.   Key Takeaways: Take back your life Don’t get trapped in the weeds - lift your head up!  Do the little things well - Atomic Habits Every Yes needs to be protected by 1,000 No’s.  Prioritize your life Couple Discussion: When have I recently felt stressed? Has it become overwhelming? Where do I need perspective and help from my spouse? What are essential elements for our simple life plan to bring order? References:  FBM download - Messyfamilyproject.org/guides Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH John Deloney book - https://amzn.to/48T8LUb  

“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s “crazy” side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.” ― John M. Gottman Many people are good at functioning in their marriage, getting along, caring for kids, paying the bills… but are they really thriving?  How can we get more out of the most important relationship we have - the one we have with our spouse? In this podcast, we look at the book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and explain how to use these ideas to make your marriage grow.  Though the expression of these ideas are new to us, the truth contained in them is not. We have found that we have done many of these things in our marriage over the years!  Listen in for some great relationship advice for anyone who wants to move from a marriage that is surviving to thriving.   Key Takeaways: Review 7 principles Couple Discussion: How can we Honor each other  Start a Gratitude challenge  When is our Daily connection and weekly date night Do the Family Board Meeting  

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love” - Jesus to St. Margaret Mary How can we love like Jesus?  What is His love like?  Answering these questions is the role of devotions in the Catholic world.  They help us learn more about God and how He relates to us.  The Sacred Heart of Jesus teaches us to love as God loves and this is a lesson that all families need to embrace fully.  In this podcast, we interview Emily Jaminet of the Sacred Heart Enthronement network and author of the new book Holy Habits of the Sacred Heart.  Our conversation explains how both of our families have been impacted by this devotion and how it has given us a way to proclaim Christ as King, and also to have a place to go as a safe refuge in times of trial.  As we pray to the Heart of Jesus, He can change our hearts to make us more like Himself!  When we learn about how He loves, we can imitate that love which is a path of holiness itself.  Learn more about this devotion, what the Nine First Fridays are, how Jesus blesses families with the 12 Promises of the Sacred Heart and why the Enthronement is a means of evangelization and transformation.   Key Takeaways: This devotion gives “spiritual stability”, focus, and a way to understand the love of Jesus in a concrete, defined way.  It prevents us from making Jesus into our own image, but instead reveals to us how He truly loves. Jesus wants a relationship of love with each one of us and He wants to transform our hearts to be like His.  A great way to reconcile with children or those with whom we have conflict is to say, “I am allowing Jesus to change my heart”. Forgiveness means that we are coming up against “cancel culture” which says that once someone does something wrong they are cut out of one’s life.  By following the Heart of Jesus we learn practice forgiveness in our home and communities. The devotion of Nine First Fridays and the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart in the home give families concrete ways to understand and come closer to the Heart of Jesus. Couple Discussion: How can we increase our devotion to the Sacred Heart?  Emily mentioned that giving up control and trusting in Jesus is a first step to being docile to Jesus.  What does that mean to us?  How can we practice forgiveness in our home?  Is there anyone in our lives that we need to forgive?  Reference Links:  https://welcomehisheart.com/ https://www.emilyjaminet.com  

We need to take a sacramental view of ordinary life - Mike and Alicia Hernon We often say that family culture is the secret weapon of Catholic families.  Why is this?  Because the culture within your home is more powerful than any written word.  It communicates expectations, beliefs, and values to everyone in the family.  In this podcast, we tackle some questions that listeners have sent into us about the culture within their homes. We answer questions like “what do I do about kids always fighting?”, “how do I take care of individual kids in a big family?”, “how do we handle birthdays?”, and “Help! I feel like I’m drowning!” (which isn’t exactly a question, but it is a common email we get!).  In all of these situations, the issue comes back again and again to the culture you are fostering within your home.  When you see all that you do in light of that, all the other issues will fall into place.  Listen in and learn about this powerful tool that every parent should develop.   Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

Christ is present in a special way when a couple prays together.  They not only renew their yes to God, but also achieve a deeper union with each other, which springs solely from the union of hearts and couples in the sacrament of marriage. - Fr. Henri Caffarel How can couples move their marriage from surviving to thriving, or from good to great? By making couple prayer a normal part of our marriage. Christian marriage is a supernatural endeavor, so that means that it is really not possible to have a successful marriage without Jesus!  Prayer between spouses isn’t just something you do, it is a gift from the two of you to Christ Himself.  It is acknowledging that Christ is the “glue” that keeps you together.   In this podcast we talk about how to incorporate prayer into your marriage, why it is so important, and how prayer can help you forge a deeper unity than you have ever had before.  Much of this conversation is discussing the writings of Fr. Henri Caffarel, founder of Teams of Our Lady.  Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

The indissolubility of marriage…should not be viewed as a ‘yoke’ imposed on humanity, but as a ‘gift’ granted to those who are joined in marriage…  God’s indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross. - Pope Francis The marriage sacrament is meant to heal and transform us into who God wants us to be!  But sometimes that journey is not what we would expect.  In this interview, David and Margaret Bereit share their story of marriage and David’s conversion - the two are completely intertwined!  Listen in as we talk about how they walked together in freedom though they were in different places, how they loved each other and their children in the midst of their different faiths, and how David came to join the Church and what that meant for them both.  There is some great advice in this interview for those in mixed marriages and for anyone who wants to know how to deeply love friends and family who are in a different place than yourself.   https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30 Back by popular demand, this is another interview that we did with Michele Doman, Alicia’s mom and mother of 10 grown children, grandmother to over 55, and great grandmother to more than 7!  In the last interview, we talked about Michele’s life as a young wife and mother.  In this conversation, we talk more about being a parent of a large family and how she was able to do that successfully over the last 50+ years of marriage.  Listen in and get some wisdom on discipline, relationships with teens, and managing a large household.   You will hear that the struggles are real, but so are the joys and blessings of marriage and family life.  https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com   Watch here: https://youtu.be/Zd_I6cwvcRM 

Of course your children don’t get along. They don’t know how to get along! That’s kind of what you are doing as parents, teaching them what they don’t know - Mike and Alicia All of us struggle to live in a community.  That is the human condition - we need other people but we also find it hard to live with them!  This is true for children, but also for adults. In this episode, we answer some questions that our listeners had about what to do when your kids fight with your friends' kids, how to handle dividing up household responsibilities with your spouse, and what to do with adult children who are living at home.  It's hard for kids to learn, but  it’s also hard for parents to know how to teach in a way that can be received. Listen into this conversation and take some time to discuss these important topics with your spouse.  https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

“Healing is an essential dimension of Christinaity.  It expresses the entire content of our redemption.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus of Nazareth Some of us think of healing as being “for other people”, those with trauma, abuse, or mental illness.  But that is not the way that Dr. Bob Schuchts sees healing. As you will hear, he believes that healing is part of the story of every Christian because we all have been damaged by our own fallen nature and we all live in a broken world!   There is an anointing in our Church right now for healing ministries like this and we believe healing is essential for every parent so they can be who God is calling them to be in the lives of their children.  We have been personally blessed by Dr. Bob’s teaching and ministry through the John Paul II Healing Institute and we are very excited to share this interview with him. Listen in to this conversation about why we need healing, how to be healed, and the role that Christ wants to play in each of our journeys.   https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/ https://jpiihealingcenter.org/

"Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer God did not create man in isolation, He created man to live in community with others.  This is the best path for the full development of the human person!  Men need other men to push them, support them, love them, and let them know they have what it takes.  In this touching interview, Mike talks to John Doman, Alicia's dad, about his experience as a young Marine in Viet Nam and the events that set the course of his life.  They cover John’s marriage to Michele, his wife of 50 yrs, his struggle with PTSD after the war, and how the brothers God gave him throughout his life saved him again and again - physically and spiritually. Listen to this very important conversation about the importance of relationships and how God can use them to show us His love over and over again.     Family Board Meeting - LIVE! : messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ Watch here: https://youtu.be/FIT6s7szDlU  

"This is a book about love; more exactly, it is about the love that knows no end, the love our hearts yearn for. The love that consumes, that reverberates, that heightens—it is a love that costs everything—yet offers everything. - Theresa and Peter Martin, The Rule When the young priest Fr. Karol Wojtyla was living in Poland, he wrote a “rule” for married couples, similar to the protocols that religious orders follow for their way of life. His suggestions were born out of his deep friendships with young married couples who he observed and who helped him see what married couples need to do to find true life within the married vocation. We heard about this book and were immediately intrigued, so we invited Theresa and Peter Martin to share with us more about their book, how it came to be, and about The Rule itself.  In this podcast, we talk about the challenges of married life and how the Church can help us live a life of grace, the role of children in this quest of holiness, and what a life of prayer looks like in the home.  Most importantly, we talk about community and how essential it is for families to support each other in their common life. Listen in and see how you can join in this movement of married couples living the Rule outlined by St. John Paul II.    https://www.wojtylaci.com/ Watch here: https://youtu.be/rUCpCVKNDWk

“When an army retreats on the battlefield, it doesn’t mean that they are giving up. It can mean that they are taking time to reassess and regroup so they can come back stronger. This is the essence of a Family Retreat.” ~ Mike Hernon The concept of a family retreat is something that we have developed over the years for our own family.  It grew out of our desire to regroup and reconnect with our kids outside of the daily chaos in our home.  To do this, we have taken our children to vacation homes, retreat houses, and occasionally to a hotel, to take some time for family fun, team building activities, teaching and prayer.  We don’t use a set program, but we do have the same principles that we use over and over.  In this podcast, we share these principles with you so you can develop your own retreat for your family.  If you would like more than what is just offered on this podcast - check out our Family Retreat Guide found on our website!  Even if you don’t do a retreat this year, listen in so you can talk about it with your spouse and develop a strategic “retreat” for your family.   Family Retreat Guide: messyfamilyproject.org/guides/ Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/A5pQ-qaJ9vY

We love hanging out with Chris and Natalie but in this interview, we found out something else we have in common. Both of us had honeymoons that were epic fails! Is the last time you got away, your honeymoon? Hear from all four of us as we talk about the first time that we got away as a married couple without our children and why we think it’s so important. Parents have a lot resting on their shoulders. Work, the busyness of family life and the strains of our world need to be relieved by taking time to get away from ordinary life to be reminded of who we are and our first priorities. Getting away has a price but the return is unbelievable! Listen in as we chat with Chris and Natalie Stefanick about the first time that they got away, some crazy failures on our honeymoon and how you can make the most of the time when you go away.  More infomation at catholiccouplesgetaway.com

“Christian marriage is the school of love, where despite the limits of our own love, we can discover Christ’s presence and power to teach us to love one another with the Love that never fails” - Peter and Debbie Herbeck When we offer date nights, we try to pick topics that are fun for couples but also useful and thought-provoking. That's why we are so excited to share with you this interview we did on our June Date Night with Peter and Debbie Herbeck.  They have been in ministry together most of their adult lives and are the authors of a book that expresses much of what we believe and teach on marriage: Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage. Listen in to this conversation and hear from this wise and authentic couple.  When Peter and Debbie married, they had the challenge of coming from two different faith backgrounds, two different family dynamics, plus the challenge of two very different personalities! You will hear how they tackled forgiveness, learned to be vulnerable, how they handled the differing roles of father and mother, and most of all, how they helped their children encounter Christ.  You will love listening in to this conversation!     Lessons from the School of Love: Cultivating a Christ-centered Marriage: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/lessons-from-the-school-of-love-cultivating-a-christ-centered-marriage/   Join us for future Date Nights by getting on our mailing list here: messyfamilyproject.org

“Teaching is an essential part of our faith that reminds us that following Jesus Christ transforms every part of our lives, from our attitude toward money, to the choices we make at the doctor’s office, to the way we build our families.” ~ Nancy Bandzuch Parents are charged by God to be good stewards of their children and caring for children includes forming them in the faith and teaching them!  This is especially important in our culture where there is widespread confusion about some of the most essential issues, in addition to issues where Catholics can disagree.  Nancy Bandzuch has taken on this challenge to help parents discuss these issues with their children clearly in the book Catholic Social Teaching for Youth available through her ministry Catholic Sprouts.  In this interview, we talk about why this task of the formation of children is so important, how to use this book for a variety of ages, and what is covered.  Listen in to be empowered to embrace the task of forming your children in the truth.    www.CatholicSprouts.com  www.CatholicCouplesGetaway.com  Watch here: https://youtu.be/zse3JrTzNuU   

“Words of affirmation are simply true statements affirming the worth of another person” ~Gary Chapman Parents need to take time to consider how they are intentionally calling out the good in the lives of their children because it is within the family that people have their identity - who they are - confirmed and then affirmed over the years. This is just as essential to children as food, clothing, or education! One of the ways we have instilled affirmation in our family culture is the practice of “honoring”. We usually do honorings on someone’s birthday or times of transition like graduations. Listen to this podcast to find out how to start this practice in your home, why it is important, and the effect it can have on your family.  For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Watch here: https://youtu.be/tHK1vP_SOXE

“Mothers are the strongest antidote to the spread of self-centred individualism… It is they who testify to the beauty of life”. - Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia The life of a mother is hidden and powerful at the same time, but the message of our culture is that you only matter if you have a strong resume, evidence of your worth, and an education to back it up. This is simply not the way God sees the vocation of motherhood! In this interview with Christine Hanus, author of the book Everyday Heroism we discuss the reality that the “hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” even when we don’t feel like it. This conversation is full of tears, laughter, and real stories about real moms who deal with the ups and downs of raising children. We hope that this podcast inspires all moms to be the best person they can be for their kids, but also for themselves. Embracing motherhood means embracing personal growth and holiness on a whole new level.  Buy Christine’s book here: https://amzn.to/3J5kcwN Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com New and Improved Website - Check it out! - messyfamilyproject.org  

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. ” – Mark Twain All families need to play together.  Why?  Because this is how you lay the foundation for your child’s belief in God, his self-esteem, and this is how you communicate to him, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love him.  In this podcast, we dive deeply into the importance of doing an intentional Family Fun Day and give some practical tips on how to do it so everyone wins.  This month’s Play and Pray Challenge is a great excuse to think about how you can grow closer as a family through play and fun!     Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge Getaway - Early bird ends 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-91-king-of-the-home/ MFP 205: Nine First Fridays to Change the World - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-205-nine-first-fridays-to-change-the-world/  

“Do a date night! It’s cheaper than marriage counseling.” This is an oldie but goodie podcast for you. We released this one way back in 2015 when we were just starting out but the content in it is something that even we need to be reminded of! When we have gotten into “slumps” in our marriage when we don’t feel like we are connecting, working together, or in sync with each other, that is when we need to take a look at our date nights. Are we spending intentional time together? Are we having fun together? Are we making room in our lives for our spouse? Listen in to this podcast where you will get some inspiration to not just get out of the house, but to also make your time together effective and impactful for your relationship.   Play and Pray challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge Website - www.messyfamilyproject.org Date Night Herbecks - 6/15 - www.messyfamilyproject.org/programs/date-nights/ Getaway - Early bird 6/30 - catholiccouplesgetaway.com Watch episode here: https://youtu.be/r6NACXjUaVs    

“If all fathers fulfilled their duty of watching over the discipline of their children, we should have but few crimes and few executions.” ~ St. Alphonsus Ligori If you haven’t listened to MFP239 on the foundations of discipline, you should do that first.  This podcast will give the practical steps for those principles.  Once a parent has clear in their mind why they are discipling and they have made a plan on following through, they need to actually work that plan!  In this podcast we give the practical things to keep in mind as you work to discipline, or form the hearts and minds of your children.  There are six questions you should ask yourself when evaluating your child’s actions.  Not all behavior is a child acting out or defying you.  How do you know the difference and how should you respond?  Listen in!    Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/     Watch here - https://youtu.be/vl0t6KbGJok  

One thing that we at the Messy Family Project are passionate about is family culture. We call it “the secret weapon of the Catholic family” because it can be so powerful! In this interview, we talk to Elissa Tiprigan of Catholic Family Crate, a business that is in the business of Catholic culture. We talk about how and why she started her business, the importance of beauty in the home, and the elements of what it takes to bring a family together. This episode is full of great ideas of how to engage your children from toddlers to teenagers and bring them into closer relationship with you and with the Lord who is the source of life. As a special gift, we are also including this download on Building a Catholic Culture at Home that you can use to look at your family culture and get some ideas to strengthen it. In addition, Elissa gave all our listeners get 20% off sitewide by using the code MESSYFAMILY! And here is their website: Catholic Family Crate And a link to all their free resources: Free Downloads Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/RZdxVvyDGmw

To become a better parent, I need to become a better person ~ Mike and Alicia One of the subjects we are most often asked about is discipline.  We know how hard it is to form the will, heart and mind of a child!  Though every child is different and every parent is different, there are some principles that we can give you to help you make a discipline plan that works for you and your spouse.  In this episode, we start with the foundational points..  First, we need to get our hearts right and recognize why we are taking the time to discipline in the first place.  Then, parents need to speak with confidence, set clear boundaries, and do so keeping in mind that your role in affirming your child is essential.  Listen in as we start this essential conversation.   Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/     Watch here - https://youtu.be/vmEzF1MCvPE   

“When we're able to put most of our energy into developing our natural talents, extraordinary room for growth exists. So, a revision to the "You-can-be-anything-you-want-to-be" maxim might be more accurate: You cannot be anything you want to be—but you can be a lot more of who you already are.” ― Tom Rath, Strengths Finder Very often parents focus on improving the weaknesses in their children, but actually the opposite is more effective.  The best way for any person to grow is to focus on their strengths - virtues, talents, or what they are naturally good at.  Using those strengths builds confidence and actually can then make up for the weaknesses.  Listen in as we discuss how to empower children through “strengths-based parenting”. Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/     Watch here - https://youtu.be/TTV85m_tlp0   

“You know that feeling you get after a good night’s sleep? Yea, me neither.” - Every Parent Ever If you feel like you are living in a state of almost constant exhaustion, you are not alone.  It's not just the sleepless nights and crazy days - that’s a reality that parents have always had to deal with.  We believe parents are more exhausted today because  there are certain elements of our culture that do drain our energy more than parents in the past experienced. In this podcast, we pinpoint those elements so you can see them, recognize them for what they are, and learn how to manage them.  You do not have to be worn down all the time!  Managing the stressors of parenting is possible and hopefully we can help you with these tips and tricks! Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Catholic Couples Getaway - www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com/     Watch here - https://youtu.be/inI8NPgFzsg 

 "Men do not fear a powerful hostile army as the powers of hell fear the name and protection of Mary." -St. Bonaventure One of the questions we ask parents as an icebreaker for our in-person events is “How many of your childrren have used rosaries as weapons?” This is a common experience of families with young children as parents try to pray.  We get it.  For a long time, we found it hard to encourage devotion to the rosary with our children, but we have grown and learned a lot over the years! As we launch into the month of May, we wanted all our listeners to take some time to reflect on why the Blessed Mother is so important to families.  In this re-release of an earlier podcast, we talk about devotion to Our Lady, how to pray the rosary as a family creatively, and how she can inspire us in our family life.  Listen in and be encouraged and inspired! Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org Play and Pray Challenge - www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ 

“Before we began the adoption process, before we could be the parents our children needed us to be, I had to grieve those losses.  I had to offer my broken dreams to Jesus, and trust He would not permit me to carry the cross of infertility unless He could bring something beautiful out of it.” - Emily Stimpson Chapman This interview with Emily and Chris Chapman is an amazing conversation about some deep and painful topics, but sprinkled with laughter and joy!  Emily Stimpson Chapman is an accomplished author and Insta personality, but she is also a wife, mother, and friend to us!  Through their own journey in the ups and downs of single life and then marriage, Chris and Emily have learned many lessons that they share with us in this podcast with wisdom and humor.  It's amazing to hear how you can go from living alone, to living with a husband, to living with 3 babies in a very short amount of time.  Add to that a basement flooding with sewage, ailing parents, and adjusting to family life overall makes for some interesting conversations!  Join us for this visit with the Chapmans and be encouraged on your unique journey with the Lord. Find all this and more at www.messyfamilyproject.org Watch here - https://youtu.be/QBesLrHJ4vw

“How can there be too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.” - St. Theresa of Calcutta There is great confusion in our world, even among good Catholics, about the purpose of marriage and even the purpose of having children. Catholics do not “discern having another child”.  Instead, our default is that we are always open to new life in our families, but in grave circumstances, we can postpone pregnancy for the overall good of our family.  In this episode, we discuss how we can form our conscience to come to a deeper understanding of the role of children in our marriage that includes, but also goes beyond, financial considerations. Discerning this area of marriage can be tricky, so we called a lifeline for this one, and invited Jonathan and Amanda Texiera, founders of WalletWin, to come on and help us to navigate this issue and give couples good questions to discuss with each other and options to consider.   Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/x_vnTYkxO9Y For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/  

“Its better to be wrong together than right alone” - Mike and Alicia   There are many things that spouses need to navigate in life - finances, educational choices, work issues, in-laws - and for all of these issues there is an “X factor” that makes all the difference - UNITY.  Without unity, even the most perfect of scenarios will not bring peace, but with unity there is nothing that life throws at a couple that they will not be able to handle.  The question is, how do you forge that unity with each other when you have two different visions of what your family should look like?  In this episode, we tackle this difficult question by encouraging couples to “push up”; to look at your life from the 50,000 foot level.  Instead of starting with the details, start with the big picture.  Those are the conversations that are most helpful.  Listen in as we give couples some concrete questions to discuss with each other to build that unity that is absolutely essential to a flourishing marriage and family life.    Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

“Dream big, plan simple, act now.” - Mike and Alicia Hernon Dreaming is an integral part of living a life to the fullest.  But dreams that take us away from our vocation are fantasies and actually detract from living an abundant life.  What is the difference and why is it important? Dreaming in the best sense is an essential skill to have. Not everyone is a natural dreamer, but we can all learn to be!  In this podcast, we discuss having a Growth mindset versus a Fixed mindset and how that affects our family life. We also give some tips for how to rise above the everyday work that we do and create a vision for your family that will motivate and inspire you to grow.  Watch here: https://youtu.be/Sh-X0FGePeo Find all this and more at messyfamilyproject.org

“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.” - Brene Brown The emotions of young people can be overwhelming to us, but we have to realize that they are overwhelming to them as well!  How can parents help children to regulate their emotions in a healthy way?  Not every emotion needs discipline, sometimes kids need understanding and empathy to assist them in learning how to move through their own feelings.  In this podcast, we give some practical steps for parents to help their child to recognize, express, and get in control of their strong emotions.  This is an issue that can be tough for parents, especially if they have never learned this skill themselves, but it is essential for the well-being of every child.  Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/ Find information on this and more at https://messyfamilyproject.org/

Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute in the highest degree to their parents’ welfare. - Gaudium et Spes, 50 Listener questions are back!  We had a wonderful time visiting with listeners all over the East Coast and as we traveled we collected questions from them.  Here are a few of those questions including how to emotionally handle the mess and chaos that inevitably comes with young children, getting kids to behave at mass, and family of origin issues.  We also talk about bringing the Montessori philosophy into how you view your children and the importance of living with purpose.  Listen in to our conversation with Katie who asks us these questions from the perspective of “every parent” who deals with these issues on a daily basis.    Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/   View the episode here - https://youtu.be/ICRiQC2bftA

When we look at the lives of those who have faithfully followed Christ, we are inspired with a new reason for seeking the City that is to come and at the same time we are shown a most safe path by which… we will be able to arrive at perfect union with Christ, that is, perfect holiness. - Lumen Gentium, 50 One of our great gifts as Catholics is the “older brothers and sisters” that God has given us in the saints.  There are saints for every personality, vocation, and even job type!  In this episode, we interview the creators of the podcast “Saints Alive!” who tell dramatizations of the life stories of the saints.  This is a great tool for parents in this digital age when we are all looking for good media to put in front of our children and into their minds. We hope this will be a valuable resource for parents looking to fill their children's minds with good and holy things!       Saints Alive Podcast - https://www.saintsalivepodcast.com/episodes Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/  For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ View the episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBVi8fszH6k

Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most solemn obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators. This role in education is so important that only with difficulty can it be supplied where it is lacking. ~ Pope Paul VI, Declaration of Christian Education  Educating children is one of the most important and daunting tasks parents must face.  For some parents who have good resources at their disposal, the choice may be easy.  For other parents, the choice is agonizing - charter school, Catholic school, homeschool, or public school…. What is the best thing for my child at this time?  But the needs of your child are not the only thing that you need to consider.  In this episode, Mike and Alicia give parents a framework for the conversation they need to have with their spouse on educational choices for their children.  There is not only one answer!  Listen in to this reboot of a classic conversation on marriage and parenting.    Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  Family Board Meeting Course - https://messyfamilyhood.com/  For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ View the episode here - https://youtu.be/zK3fPkNt2Oc  

Children have not been given to parents as a present, but as a trust for which, if lost through their negligence, they must render an account to God. ~ St. Alphonsus Ligouri   Raising teens is an art, not a science.  It takes finesse, subtleties, and nuances to get it right. Children are pushing back and trying to become independent adults while they are still not yet ready for the responsibilities of adulthood.  How do you slowly give them more freedom while making sure you don’t give them TOO much?  In this episode, we interview Bill and Tanis Merimee, parents of 9 children and founders of the ministry Marriages of Grace.  Bill and Tanis have a unique perspective also because they are both musicians and have children who are particularly artistic.  Teens who are artistic have special challenges and needs because they have a great gift to give the world - their art!  How can parents nurture this artistic temperament while avoiding the pitfalls that can come with the godless culture that is growing in the art world.  Listen in and join the conversation!    Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90    Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/   View the episode here - https://youtu.be/eRnjftj7r5w  

Each day be conscious of your duty to be a saint. — A saint! And that doesn’t mean doing strange things. It means a daily struggle in the interior life and in heroically fulfilling your duty right through to the end. ~ St. Jose Maria Escriva   One of the things we teach couples all the time is that marriage and family life is your path to holiness.  So the celebration of Lent and Easter should look different if you are a married person!  Sacrifices and commitments that take away from your vocation should be avoided because the first step in discerning anything is to consider your state in life. This means that you and I can become holy by not just having an hour of adoration, but also by playing with our toddlers!  Or taking your teen out to coffee, or having a weekly date night with your spouse. Catholics need to explore more of what it means to be a saint in our homes.  Listen in to this webinar we did on the Monday before Ash Wednesday to explain our Cana90 program for couples and families.  Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90    Moms, Dads, and Family Board Meeting Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/   View the episode here - https://youtu.be/9XXXCgvrRgI 

“When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter's life, you would beoverwhelmed, or both.” ― Dr. Meg Meeker All girls have a certain pattern of physical development that will change them into women, but these changes need to be guided, nurtured, and shaped by loving parents.  The genius of womanhood is a great gift to the world and parents are the ones who help a girl realize this gift. We did this podcast to help all parents encourage the feminine qualities within their daughters.  Not stereotypes, but honest, strong, and true womanhood.  Listen in as we give some insights, inspiration, and practical advice.   Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ View the episode here - https://youtu.be/Al0Wlyat9iI

Manhood isn’t something that simply happens to boys as they get older. It’s an achievement – something a boy accomplishes, something that can easily go awry. If we ignore the importance of this transition, and fail in our duty as parents to guide boys through it, then we will learn the hard way why traditional cultures invest this transition with so much importance. - Dr Leonard Sax In today’s world we cannot assume that all boys will grow up to be masculine men.  But this is the task of every parent of a boy!  Parents need to recognize that boys need to be guided on the road to manhood.  It doesn’t just happen all by itself.  To give this guidance well, parents need to first realize that boys and girls have been created with different gifts.  Though a truly balanced man finds within himself both masculine and feminine qualities, parents need to start with encouraging a boy’s strengths, his masculine qualities.  Listen into this conversation as we discuss how parents can take an active role in encouraging masculinity in their sons.     Read more on masculinity and femininity - https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/gender-differences-taking-the-risk Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/   For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/  View the episode here - https://youtu.be/yFwQIagpisg 

"Creating informal rituals when you can connect emotionally is critical in a marriage" ~ John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work   Dating your spouse consistently is the easiest thing you can do to keep your love alive - and its fun too!  We have been challenged recently to spend more time with each other and just have fun.  Because our work puts us in each other's orbit all the time, it can be easy for us to think that we don’t need MORE time together, but we do.  Date night reminds us that our relationship must come first because it is the foundation of our family.  Listen in as we give some encouragement, ideas, motivation, and inspiration to always, no matter what, date your spouse.    Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar  Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/  For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ View the episode here - https://youtu.be/dAwqkXM3UMg 

“Anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be.” For some reason, dealing with sons and daughters can bring out anger in a person who has been mild mannered and easy going their whole life!  Why is that?  What we have noticed is that children do not create our weaknesses, they reveal them. It is good to understand why we react so strongly to certain situations in order to grow in virtue.  In this podcast, we shed some light on the truth about anger, give some tools and ideas for handling anger, and share some of our own experiences and difficulties.  If you struggle with anger you are not alone!  Listen in and join the conversation.   Family Board Meeting Webinar - https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-events/date-night/2023-family-board-meeting-webinar  Interested in Cana90 for your parish or yourself - https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  Moms and Dads Courses- https://messyfamilyhood.com/    For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ View the episode here - https://youtu.be/aYv3whGxIdo

“The sacrifices our parents made to give us brothers and sisters is one of the greatest things they have done for us.” - Mike and Alicia Hernon We usually talk about family life from the perspective of parents.  But for this podcast, we are going to take some time to talk about what it was like growing up in a family of 6 for Mike and a family of 10 for Alicia.  We didn’t realize it as kids, but our parents' lives were really hard and they made a lot of sacrifices having the large families that they had. We see now that although our parents had difficulties, they were not prevented from giving us the greatest gift that they could - our brothers and sisters. Our siblings haven’t blessed us just as children, but we have been able to benefit from those relationships into adulthood!  Our brothers and sisters have colored in the outlines that our parents traced for us.  We hope that all parents listening will realize that more than money, premier schools, or fancy clothes your children need brothers and sisters.  Those relationships are riches they will have for the rest of their lives!  Get your Messy Family gear -  jacket, pullovers, and Yeti at : https://messyfamilyproject.org/give  View the episode here https://youtu.be/3Ely0kr-Ifw

The holidays are a perfect time for families to have game nights or even game days!  Games teach children invaluable lessons about strategy, logic, and skill but also about how to get along with others, what consequences mean, and how to be a good loser and a gracious winner.  Taking time to invest in games for kids is a great activity for parents and you may actually have fun too!  See our list of games for families below to enjoy!   Support our mission and choose a great thank you gift: https://messyfamilyproject.org/give Games list mentioned: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/games-we-love 

If curiosity is a trait that can lead to the development of healthier, deeper, and more intimate relationships, then it could be another vital feature of the life of the child. - Maggie Hernon Did this title cause you to look?  Do you wonder what it is about?  Is it causing you to click to listen?  That is because you are curious and that is a good thing! Curiosity is something we should all be encouraging in our children and there are numerous benefits.  People who are curious have better mental health, are more successful in life and relationships, and have a more highly developed sense of wonder and awe in the world.  Children are born curious, and it is up to parents to encourage them through the tools we give them, the environment we provide and how we model curiosity ourselves.  Listen in to find out how to help your children be curious about the world and themselves and why this is an essential skill. https://messyfamilyproject.org/

"When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness." - Bob Hope The holidays are an important “memory making time” for children because these are the years in which their impressions are sometimes bigger than life, bigger than reality!  Parents need to be very intentional about the messages that they are sending to their children through the way that they spend their time, energy, and money.  In this podcast we take some time to review the importance of family culture for the formation of identity, belonging and mission.  But then we get into the practical side of the holidays and give some tips and tricks that all parents can benefit from!  Listen in!

“Money touches every aspect of our lives and colors our interactions with others. If we don't get our relationship with money right, our relationships with others hardly stand a chance.” ~ Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira Boy do we have a treat for you!  One area in which we have always been hesitant to talk about is family finances.  But we figured, when you know what you are not good at, you outsource!  This is why we are bringing in Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira, founders of WalletWin, a financial-success program and podcast that help everyday Catholics get intentional with money.  In 2012, they were $24,500 in debt, but in less than eight months, they had paid off all their loans and closed the doors on debt forever. Since kicking debt to the curb, they’ve focused on saving, investing, and giving, and they’re now teaching others how to do the same.  We have found their advice to be very balanced and helpful to couples who desire to learn how to work together and manage their money in a way that brings peace and stability to their home.  Listen into this crucial conversation! 

Join us for a conversation that was inspired by our listeners' needs! Our daughter Katie (with a guest appearance by baby Catalina!) joins us as a host to ask questions that have been sent to us by various families over the past few months.  In this episode we first talk about the time between dinner and bedtime, which we affectionately call the “witching hour”.  For some reason, it’s always a difficult time but there are strategies that we have used to make it better.  We also discuss the sad reality of adult children who have left the faith and how parents can respond to them.  In addition, we give some great places to go to find information about child development so parents can know how to create appropriate expectations and we end with some practical advice on simple dinners.  Listen in for some inspiration to help you on your great adventure!  

“Ultimately, only bountiful marriages can transform our domestic churches into sanctuaries for this liturgy of love; and it is this liturgy by which we sanctify our daily lives and the world” ~ Living Beyond Sunday We have been blessed to work with many great ministries serving marriage and family and The Catholic Man Show is one of them!  David Niles and Adam Minihan, along with their wives Pamela and Haylee have written a great book for Catholic families called Living Beyond Sunday; Making Your Home a Holy Place  and we were thrilled to talk to them about it on this podcast.  David and Pamela joined us for this interview in which we talk about the book, but also about how they started out as a family, why they wrote this book, and how it can help other families in their walk with Christ.  Just like our work at MFP, this book is full of truth, but also very practical and real. Listen in to be encouraged and inspired!

“Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” ― Padre Pio Parents worry about many things - finances, children’s health and education, extended family, grandparents… and then there is the state of the world and the economy!  How do Christian parents handle all the things that COULD go wrong?  The answer is that this world is not our home and God is in control.  God allows difficulties to come our way not for us to worry or be anxious, but for us to turn to Him in prayer and rely on His grace for our lives.  This is a throwback podcast - way back to #51!  Listen in and join the conversation.

"True love involves the selfless pursuit of what is best for the other person, even if it means sacrificing one’s own preferences and desires” ~Dr. Edward Sri We are so happy to share with you the recording of one of the largest public date nights we have ever had!  Our interview with Dr. Ted Sri and his wife Beth was fun, insightful, and, we hope, inspirational to everyone who heard it.  Their new book, The Good the Messy and the Beautiful has the same perspective towards family life that we have on our podcast - that life is full of difficulties and trials, but this is the path to joy and true life!  The goal of family life is not just to survive, but to grow in holiness.  Some of the topics that we cover in this conversation are emotional and physical intimacy, dealing with woundedness in marriage, and why your marriage is the foundation of your home, but also part of the foundation of the Church! Listen in to hear the wisdom of Ted and Beth Sri in our conversation with them.

It is not our job to change our child. It is their job to change us ~ Maggie Radzik Oh boy, do we have a treat for you!  In this podcast we have a fascinating conversation with catechist and Montessori trainer Maggie Radzik.  Maggie is a leader in Catholic Montessori in the US and she is committed to seeing the work of Maria Montessori applied in a truly Catholic context.  What is so genius about Dr. Montessori’s philosophy is that she drew her conclusions not from her own theories, but through first observing the children.  She approached the child with humility, knowing that God designed them in a certain way, and that the adults around the children need to not impose their own will and ideas on the children but instead provide an environment for that child to grow and develop into the person God made them to be.  Parents can learn much from this no matter how old their children are!  This humble approach to the child can be applied to toddlers, teenagers, and all in between.  There are so many topics covered in this podcast - potty training, discipline, tantrums, intellectual development, prayer, and more!   Listen in and join the conversation.

"Families are the ultimate and best example of a team" Every family is made up of individual people with strengths and weaknesses. Knowing these enables us to work together better! Patrick Lencioni, celebrated author and speaker, has found that there are six “geniuses” found in effective teams. Every person has two of them. When we find out our working genius and that of our spouse, we can function more effectively for the good of our family. Listen in to this podcast where we talk about the six working geniuses, how to figure out what yours is, and why it’s important. Working Genius book and free resources - https://www.workinggenius.com/resources Messy Family University events - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/university/ Join the community of the Messy Family Neighborhood - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

“A definition of self-control is joyful mastery over one’s thoughts and desires.” - Dominican Sisters of Mary on Open Light Media  Children are little raw balls of personality - and some have more than others!  They are unformed little people and it is the job of parents to form them.  This is a great joy to be given the privilege of training a child in the way they should go, but (let’s be honest!) it can also be exhausting!  In this reboot episode we have a conversation about teaching kids self-control which is an essential virtue for any successful person.  Self-control is not only taught through things like discipline and giving consequences, it is also taught by giving our children tools and strategies to conquer the emotions inside them that may threaten to overwhelm them at times.  This conversation was released four years ago and at the end we give an update on the kids that we discuss.  It was good for us to see how far they have come!  Listen in as we talk about self-control and join the conversation. 

"A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." - Proverbs 31:10 Let’s be honest.  Moms do much more work than the average person, especially when they are at home with young children for most of the day.  Even moms who work, or who have a side hustle, rarely pull back on caring for children, running the household, and keeping everyone fed and clothed.  But this great service to the family can also be a burden, it can cause resentment, and it can cause burnout.  Moms can feel stuck, even trapped.  How do we prevent that from happening?  How can we change our perspective and embrace what we do for our family as our path to holiness and sanctification?  It comes down to three things - identity, belonging, and mission.  Listen in to learn more!  

“We are witnesses to what the Lord Jesus has done in our lives.” ~ Tony Foy, Executive Director of NET Ministries Ireland Many of you may have picked up that Mike is pretty proud of his Irish heritage.  We had a daughter who wanted to be an international missionary at 18 and Mike was hesitant until she said she wanted to be part of NET Ireland.  That was a quick sell!  NET is an organization that forms missionaries to evangelize junior high and high school students all over the world.  Tony Foy and his wife Sheena have been running NET Ireland for – years while they have been raising seven children of their own.  In this conversation, we talk about both of our experiences raising children who become adult missionaries, share our differing perspectives, and give the lessons that we have learned through it all.  Tony and Sheena are brilliant guests and we had some good crack (look up an Irish translation for that!).  It was a joy for us to connect with other like minded parents who are also in ministry to hear their wisdom and stories about this greatest of adventures - Catholic family life. 

“Most people spend more time planning a one-week vacation than they spend planning their life.”  ~ Michael Hyatt As we begin a new school year and the fall season we think this is a perfect time to start or re-start a new habit or routine in your family and be more intentional about your family culture. This is a great time for your family to do a reset! Too often we put off making changes in our family, or it ends with us just talking about it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. This is a special podcast that we did in front of a virtual “studio audience” - couples from our member site!  We recorded it with them and will be starting small accountability groups to keep the resolutions from the “reset” going.  After listening to this podcast if you want to join a small group, let us know!  Or maybe you want to get together with some of your friends and do a “reset” together.  Use this time of new schedules to make some new fresh habits for you and your family.  We are always called to begin again and move upward and onward to strengthen our family culture! 

“If you want to be a great parent, you need to be an amazing spouse”  ~Mike and Alicia Hernon Often romance is associated with shallow, fleeting feelings, but really, the romance that we share without spouses is a powerful example to our children of the exclusive intimate relationship that only spouses are to enjoy.   A kiss in the kitchen or an embrace in front of your children is not only to make them say, “Dad! Mom!  Ewww!” but it is to show them the way they are called to love.  It is this intimate exclusive love that is the foundation of the family, and the best place for children to grow is within the shadow of the love of their parents.  So it is essential that we continue to pursue our spouses and learn how to love them intimately.  This is a task that should take our whole lives!  And just to make it interesting (or difficult depending on your perspective!) men and women have different needs when it comes to intimacy and we need to be pursued in different ways.  

“We do not hesitate to declare that devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus is the most effective school of the love of God; the love of God, We say, which must be the foundation on which to build the kingdom of God in the hearts of individuals, families, and nations” ~ Haurietis Aquas, 123 What is the devotion of Nine First Fridays?  This is a request that Our Lord made to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque in 1675.  In these visions, she saw Christ revealed with His heart exposed as He explained to her that this Heart was beating with love for all humankind.  In this world that is getting darker and darker, more than ever we need to find refuge in the Sacred Heart of Jesus! The devotion is simple. Families go to mass for nine first Fridays in a row, with the intention of making reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for all those who ignore Him, scorn Him, and do not love Him. In return, Christ made 12 Promises to all who complete this devotion.  You can find those in our blog this month!  If families begin this devotion in October, June will be the 9th first Friday and then you can consecrate your family to the Sacred Heart on June 16, 2023!  See below for some additional prayers to the Sacred Heart.  This small offering of ours attains for us powerful blessings!   https://www.franciscanmedia.org/franciscan-spirit-blog/prayers-to-the-sacred-heart

Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’” ~ St. John Paul II All marriages go through a cycle.  That cycle includes times of romance, when everything is going well, your love is full, and you are working as a team.  It also includes times when things aren’t so great - we call this “disillusionment”.  Disillusionment is when you don’t have the feelings of being in love; you may not even like your spouse very much!  This is when we feel dry and even alone in our marriage and we need to choose to love.  It is like times of dryness in our spiritual life.  We still show up to mass, say our prayers, and go through the motions, but we don’t feel close to God.  Our marriages can be like this as well!  We need to learn that we still need to show up to work with our spouse, choose to smile and be kind, and speak with affection, even if the feelings aren’t there.  In this podcast, we describe this part of the cycle of marriage and give some encouragement on how to deal with it and move through it because when you do, it leads to true joy, a love that is deep and real because it has been tested and tried.  

“The family is where children discover how to be human. It’s where they learn how to respect and love other people.. where they discover their place in a family story larger than themselves.” -Archbishop Charles Chaput   We meet parents all the time who tell us, “My kids don’t get along!” and our response is, “Of course they don’t get along.  That is kind of what your job is as parents.  To teach them how to live in peace with other people and they practice this with their siblings.”  Family is the training ground for life. This is where children learn how to be human - to fight, to forgive, to share, to live in community.  Parents must be the stewards of the culture of the family and part of that culture is the relationship between brothers and sisters.  The greatest gift a parent can give their child is a brother or sister - but that is just a starting point.  We parents also need to intentionally work to teach those brothers and sisters to love each other.  Because strong sibling relationships are one of life’s greatest joys.  Listen in as we discuss this essential topic for parents.   Check out our blog post on this topic: Encouraging Good Sibling Relationships

Family communion can only be preserved and perfected through a great spirit of sacrifice. - St. John Paul II Let’s be honest.  Parenting is hard. Some studies have shown that up to 18% of American parents regret having children.  Though that statistic may not be completely true, it does show a growing number of people who don’t just struggle with being a parent, but actually resent it.  We need to talk about this!  It is good to acknowledge those feelings, but parents need to then move through those feelings, be curious about them, and make sure they don’t get stuck there.  In this podcast, we talk about why people may feel this way and what to do about it.  Our mission is to empower parents to embrace their sacred calling and we can’t do that without meeting parents where they are at.  For those parents who struggle with this job - we hear you and you are welcome here.  Listen in and join the conversation. Check out our blog post on this topic: Help! I Hate Parenting My Kids (Sometimes)

   Food is love, but it’s only love if it’s shared. ~ Fr. Leo Patalinghug Family dinner is something so simple yet so important and foundational in your family culture.  We need to constantly be reminded and encouraged to take time to focus on those relationships in our family daily, or at least weekly.  In this fun, engaging conversation with Fr. Leo, we discuss family dinners, but also inviting others into our homes, and how to have true leisure. Fr. Leo makes the point that dinners together are not just important, they are actually essential! In this podcast we also talk about our upcoming cruise with Fr. Leo to Portugal and Fatima next spring.  It is a river cruise through wine country but also to several shrines and holy places, particularly the blessed shrine of Our Lady of Fatima.  We are blessed to have such a great friend in Fr. Leo and we hope that you will join us for this conversation, but also on our trip next year! Fr. Leo’s organization - https://platinggrace.com/ Women Wonderfully Made FREE Webinar Dads Vs. Wild FREE Webinar Join us a the Cruise and Pilgrimage to Fatima - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/ Check out our blog post on this topic: Do Family Dinners Matter?

Blessed is the house where an older person lives! Blessed is the family that honours the elderly! - Pope Francis, from his message for the Second World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly None of us live in a vacuum.  We didn’t just appear upon the earth in isolation!  We are all part of a family - not just our nuclear family, but a wider group made up of aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents, stretching back generations.  How often do we consider the role of our grandparents in our lives?  Or the role that we will play in the lives of our grandchildren someday?  In this podcast, we discuss the importance of these relationships, some guidelines for both generations to learn how to relate to each other, and how parents can embrace their role as grandparents.  We have found that you never stop learning and growing in your relationship with your spouse or your children.  This podcast will benefit everyone who has grandparents, who is a grandparent, and those who are navigating relationships between their children and their parents.  This podcast is in response to the call of Pope Francis to celebrate the role of grandparents on the Sunday closest to the feast of St. Anne and Joachim, grandparents of Jesus, this year on July 24.

The vocation of marriage and the vocation of consecrated life beautifully work together and we think this interview demonstrates that fact!  In this podcast we have a conversation with Sr. John Paul, from the order Mary Mother of the Eucharist, a Dominican congregation in Ann Arbor MI.  She is a fellow Franciscan University alum and principal of St. Michael School in Columbus OH. Like parents, she is in charge of the formation of virtue in young children, but she sees this formation from a different perspective.  During our conversation, she explains how to discuss the virtues in daily life and gives us some language to use.  Sister also demonstrates how to spot virtues in children and call them out and shows why this is so important.  Join in this recording of our member date night with a very special sister.     Dominican Virtue Tree: https://openlightmedia.com/online-learning/interactive-virtue-tree/ Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/  Moms and Dad Webinars & Courses: https://messyfamilyhood.com/ 

We love it when our listeners dictate what we talk about!  In this episode we tackle some great email questions and voice memos that parents have sent us.  A mom asks if its ok that her 2 yr old is wearing his sister’s dress up clothes and another mom is overwhelmed at another child on the way. Does this make her not “open to life” or a bad Catholic?  We also had a wife share with us her heartache at her husband’s lack of faith in the home.  How can she honor the Lord and honor her husband at the same time when he is not interested in living the faith?  Listen in as we talk about these questions and the issue of keeping life in balance.  How do we make time for it all?  Our answers are empathetic, but also practical and we believe they can help many parents out there.  Join the conversation!   Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/    Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton As we celebrate the founding of our country, we want to take time to salute and honor those families who serve our country. The decision to serve affects not only those serving in our armed forces but also the spouses and children.  In this podcast, we discuss with three military families on the joys and crosses of this vocation they have chosen to live. This conversation is really beautiful because much of what they share is applicable to any and every family. Important principles like trusting the Lord in everything, investing in your community and constantly pursuing your spouse are applicable to every marriage. We also ask about the virtue of patriotism and how to pass this on to our children. We hope this podcast will inspire you, it has inspired us!    Want to hear more on this topic? Check out our latest blog post on raising patriotic kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/raising-patriotic-kids/   Don’t miss the virtual Family Board Meeting in August - https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/    Fly down to the Catholic Couples Getaway on Cozumel island - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/ Join us for a Fatima Pilgrimage and Portugal Cruise - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/fatima-cruise/

“You know what my bedtime routine was when I was a kid? Darkness!” ~ Jerry Seinfeld We love our listeners.  And we love answering their questions!  In this episode, we are joined by our Program Coordinator, Katie (Hernon) Gamboa who represents the “every-mom” and gives us some great topics to talk about.  The first issue we tackle is sleep!  Since few young parents ever get enough of it, we help out by giving some tips and tricks as well as perspective.  One of us is good at getting kids to lay down and one is not.  We explain how this happens and how to make sure it doesn’t happen to you.  Another great question is in regards to big families.  The more kids you have the more the humanity and brokenness you will experience as a family.  Bringing children into the world isn’t just a matter of another pregnancy, it is another life that you are tied to for the long haul.  Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint!  How do we soberly decide our family size?  How do you know when and if you should take on a stewardship of another life?  And the last question is in regards to fun.  What does the Hernon family do for fun?  The answer is simpler than you think!  Listen in and join the conversation!

“It's better to be wrong together than right alone” - Michele Doman Every couple argues.  Or at least they should.  The reason is that arguing can be a path to unity which is what marriage is all about.  Some couples argue in measured tones with carefully reasoned ideas, while others argue with raised voices and emotional exchanges.  Every couple is different, but there are some principles that we all can follow to make our “discussions with emotion” more productive and focused on bringing spouses closer together.  Listen in as we give you Five Ways to Win Every Argument….  Just kidding.  That would not be a very good marriage podcast!  We will actually give you some tips to help you forge that unity in a manner that is healthy, holy, and good for both of you.  This podcast is a re-boot of “Arguing in Marriage” from March 2015.

Anxiety results from assuming responsibility that God never intended. I need to play the part God meant for me.  ~ Michele Doman This is a very special podcast that takes you behind the origins of the Messy Family Project.  Many of the ideas, philosophies, and lessons that we teach come from the wisdom of the Church, and also from wisdom we have gained from others.  This show is an interview that Alicia did with her mom, Michele Doman, who taught her much of what she knows about parenting!  Michele shares some of her story growing up in Manhattan, NYC, living through the tragedies of the Vietnam War, the confusion in Church teaching after Vatican II and the struggles she experienced transitioning from being a successful student and professional to being a stay at home mom.  We believe the lessons she learned will help moms and dads out there see God’s faithfulness and love for them in any situation.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – Augustine of Hippo We want our community of messy families to be above average.  Intentional. Vibrant. Better than all the rest.  One way to do that is to be very thoughtful about how you spend your leisure time with your family this summer.  Every family and every trip is different, but no matter what the length is or where you go, families should be sure to make the most of their time with their children. Vacations strengthen your family culture, help you and your children grow personally, and are good for mental health! But this will only happen if you are sure to define your “why” and then make a simple, flexible plan. Listen in to this podcast when we share some of our vacation experiences and give some tips and tricks for making the most of this special time with your family.

Every family has an anointing and in order to walk in that anointing we need to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. - Deacon Larry Oney After Jesus ascended into heaven the apostles had the Eucharist.  They probably celebrated mass together, they had the Blessed Mother with them, and surely they prayed and fasted.  But they did not go out and evangelize, heal the sick, or preach the word.  Why?  They were waiting for the Advocate, the Breath of God, the Power from on high - the Holy Spirit.  Often we forget that we need the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within us to do any good work.  He is the one that enlightens our minds when we don’t know how to respond to a child, He gives us the courage to be vulnerable with our spouse when its hard, and He enables us to lift our hearts in prayer.  Join us for this interview with Deacon Larry and his wife Andi.  They have two very different stories of walking with the Lord and their marriage is an unlikely match on many levels.  But God brought them together and now they are serving alongside each other in preaching and teaching about the love of God and the joy they have in serving him.   https://hopeandpurpose.org/ https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/

“Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is always at the same time a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’...” ~ St John Paul II What is one of the most important things you can give your marriage?  TIME.  We build relationships with the material of time - no time spent means nothing is being built. It is very easy for all of us to push time spent with our spouse to the back burner because although our marriages are Important, they are rarely Urgent. Think about it - there will always be something more urgent in life than spending time with your spouse. But there is nothing that is more important. Couples must intentionally take time to prioritize time with each other or it simply will not happen.  Daily connection, regular date nights, and weekends away are all different types of time we can put aside for our marriage. You need to take time for your spouse, but you also need to spend it wisely. In this podcast, we discuss some common stumbling blocks for couples, practical ways to make this time for each other and even some conversation topics for you and your spouse. 

“My kids don’t get to hurt me.  That is way too much responsibility for them.” ~ Dr. John Delony So many of us don’t have a healthy relationship with our emotions and don’t have the boundaries that we all need to protect ourselves appropriately.  We get caught up in the things we can’t control and wind up ignoring what we can control. In his book, “Own Your Past, Change Your Future” Dr. John Delony draws on his two decades of work as a therapist and crisis responder to teach parents how to take extreme ownership for themselves and their children.  We were thrilled to be able to interview John and go even deeper into his thoughts on how we can be healthier people who can then be more effective spouses and parents.  The lessons that he gives in this interview and in his book are timeless.  Listen in as we discuss the real definition of “trauma” and “grief”, ownership of emotions and thoughts, the epidemic of loneliness and the need for friendship, and the role that parents play in all of this. 

 “For a Christian, joy isn’t what happens when life is going perfectly; it’s what happens when you know you are loved perfectly, even when life is a mess.” ~ Chris Stefanick Sometimes we look at other couples and think, “Those people have it all together. It must be easy to be married to that person.  We are the only one’s struggling.” Nothing could be further from the truth. This interview starts with fun questions like “What’s the best part about being married to Natalie?” and “How did Chris pop the question?”.  But then, true to the brand of “Real Life Catholic”, Chris and Natalie quickly opened up their marriage to us to share the very real pain and suffering that they have journeyed through together.   All of us have our own battles to fight in our lives, and often we bring these battles into our marriages.  The question is, do our spouses come alongside us and fight FOR us, or do they themselves become another “battle to fight”?  In this conversation, we discuss the process of healing from sexual abuse within marriage, the effect on both spouses, how you can help your spouse through their struggles, and how to lean in to all the grace that the sacrament of marriage has to give.  This is a raw and real conversation that we believe will speak to the hearts of husbands and wives who take the time to listen. 

"In the adult, the space of acceptance is never whole, yet it is in the child. The child is really capable of listening impartially and unselfishly, the child is receptive to the greatest degree." - Sofia Cavalletti, Founder of CGS We’ve all been there. You’re trying to calm a crying infant, the toddler is crawling under the pews, the seven year old is drawing in the missal, and you wonder if your teenager is getting anything out of this at all. What are we talking about? Taking kids to mass! The mass is the font and summit of our faith but so many times we wonder if our kids are Pay attention at all. Does standing in the parking lot with a crying infant or chasing a toddler through the vestibule count as your Sunday obligation? In this podcast, we talk about the challenges and importance of bringing our children to Jesus in mass. The world that children live in is completely different than ours psychologically and spiritually. It is absolutely vital that parents recognize this in order to nurture the child’s growing relationship with Christ. Listen in as we share our stories and insights on encouraging participation in this most important family prayer, Holy mass.  Funny "Post Church Press Conference" YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om-qeqwcF8g Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Parent Resources: https://www.cgsusa.org/discover/cgs-approach/cgs-in-the-home-parent-resources/ Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/  Take our listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/messyfamilysurvey2022

“When parents nag kids, we get ignored.  When they nag us, we keep answering. Just who is smarter?  Maybe we have strong-willed kids because we (parents) are not strong-willed.” ~ Dr. Ray Guarendi In this episode, we have an enlightening conversation with Dr. Ray Guardendi, a Catholic father, teacher, and clinical psychologist who we have been following since the early years of our parenting.  It was a joy to speak to him and we think you will find it super helpful as well!  We discuss many things with Dr. Ray such as the difference in parenting today versus parenting 20 years ago, the dramatic changes that he has seen and how parents should respond, and how to make your discipline plan as effective as it should be.  We also cover social media use with kids, the importance of parental authority, and what parenting advice you should NEVER listen to. He even gave us a test we can do to see how strong our authority is with our own kids! With a great mix of practical experience and professional insights Dr. Ray gives wisdom and encouragement to parents of all ages in this fun and engaging conversation. 

Host Hijack!!  Alicia’s brother Paul joins Mike for some manly conversation (but don’t worry, Alicia jumps in at the end!) This conversation will be helpful to anyone who is looking to have a great marriage - whether you are a husband or wife.  It’s clear that there are many roles that men play in our world, some big and some small, but no other role comes close to the significance of being a good husband.  Instead of just talking theory, Mike and special guest Paul Doman discuss very real ways that husbands can and must love, serve, protect and lead in the home. This topic is essential for both men and women as we consider how we are being called to take extreme ownership for the way in which we lay down our lives for our wives and embrace our sacred calling. Representing the ladies, Alicia joins the end of our conversation to pose some questions from wives about their husbands.  Join in our conversation to laugh, be encouraged, and empowered in the role of a Catholic husband in a marriage.   Special Catholic Couples Getaway next January: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cozumel-2023/  Guide to strengthen your marriage: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/

“Without ideals we are aimless, but never let ideals eclipse the reality of our situation”  ~ Mike and Alicia Hernon Living life with infants and toddlers is no joke.  And the more you have the crazier your life is!  We all know life is more than survival, but there were plenty of times that all Alicia could think when she woke up was “I just have to make it till nap time”. In this MFP classic episode which first aired in 2015, we talk about living life with kids under 5 without losing your mind. We give some practical tips for managing your children, ways to keep your marriage alive at this time, and how to act as a team in these crucial years.  Even though the “Survival Zone” is in our distant memory, we now have grandchildren who remind us regularly how much energy kids take!  Listen in for these essential tips in getting through these difficult times with grace and joy. 

“Instead of trying to protect yourself through your fear, learn to live dangerously! – by doing and saying what you think, know, and believe to be right, by not caring that you may be mistaken at times”  ~ Dr. Conrad Barrs, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation Unfortunately, we live in a Pinterest-perfect, commercialized, consumerist culture that is looking for the top of the line in everything.  What happens when that attitude bleeds into our parenting? How does it affect our kids when we start demanding perfection from them instead of delighting in who they are?  In this podcast, we dive into the concept of “affirmation” and examine how essential it is that our children receive affirmation from us.  When a person is affirmed, they are not afraid to take risks, to be vulnerable, or to fail.  They know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.  They are delighted in and they know it.  Childhood should be a process of a person receiving these messages from their parent so they can become who they were born to be. Listen in as we discuss the effects of affirmation, practical ways to affirm children, and what affirmation is NOT.  The reference for this podcast is the book Born Only Once, by Dr. Conrad Barrs.

“One earns Paradise with one’s daily task.” ~ Saint Gianna Beretta Molla  Chores, laundry, meal preparation, etc, etc…. It never ends!  But even this part of family life is an area in which God wants to enter into our lives and teach us to be holy.  Yes, there are very practical aspects of family life that we need to just get done, but HOW we do them will effect our growth as a Catholic family.  Listen in to this podcast where we discuss how we do chores, laundry, and our family’s schedule.  Things change over the years and its important that we realize that being flexible is one of the keys to keeping family life peaceful.  Finding new chore charts, routines, and assignments at home is one way that parents can keep themselves and their kids on their toes and learning how to serve each other.  The home is the training ground for life!  Stefanick Date Night Sign Up: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-chris-natalie-stefanick/

“If their love is a true gift of self, so that they belong each to the other, it will not only survive but grow stronger, and sink deeper roots… only when love between human beings is put to the test can its true value be seen.” - St. John Paul II  Over the years, we have met many couples, ordinary people, who have been able to come to a deeper understanding of God’s love for them and the importance of their marriage because of the challenges that have come up in their lives. Many of these stories are inspiring, so we decided to share some of them with you.  We interviewed three couples from our Messy Family Neighborhood who have faced challenges in their marriage that they have been able to learn from by God’s grace.  Billy and Lori are a young couple who needed to learn how to operate as a family and not as “married individuals”.  David and Erin are a military family who dealt with the dangers of military conflict as well as long deployments.  Bill and Lisa have three children with various special needs who forced them to adjust their expectations of family life and prioritize each other even when their children’s needs seemed overwhelming. We all need to hear stories of God’s grace acting in the lives of other people to be inspired and encouraged. Listen in and enjoy.

The world says husbands and wives have the same or even interchangeable roles.  Some fundamentalist Christians and even Catholics say wives should let their husbands decide everything (even in regards to sexual intimacy!) and wives should obey as long as it is not immoral.  This way of thinking does not reflect the rich, intricate, dynamic teachings of the Church in regards to men and women.  A true Catholic marriage calls men and women to act in complementarity so they both become who God is calling them to be. Listen in while we unpack this controversial but essential topic on the role of a wife in a marriage.  (podcast on a husband’s role in marriage coming soon!)

Lent is a great time to take inventory of our spiritual life and ask ourselves, “How am I doing in my relationship with God?”  To help us all do that, we decided to interview Mike’s spiritual director of many years, Fr. Boniface Hicks.  Fr. Boniface is a director of directors!  A Benedictine monk, he runs the Institute for Ministry Formation at St. Vincent Archabbey and is the author of several books on spirituality.  But more important than that, he is a spiritual father giving guidance, encouragement, and sharing the Father’s love to many people around the country and even the world.  In this interview we discuss  why we should pray at all!  We also get into the practicalities of prayer - how to do it, how to make the time, and the effect it can have on our lives.  Jump in and listen to this discussion we had with Fr. Boniface and our members on our most recent Neighborhood Date Night. 

You try your hardest to raise your teenagers with patience, honesty and good manners, but they still end up being like you. – Anonymous There is much confusion among teens today around the crucial questions of life and we believe it is because too many parents are not taking up their essential role in their children’s lives.  During adolescence, the parent-child relationship is crucial especially for the parent of the same sex. Fathers teach boys how to be men, and mothers teach girls how to be women.  It’s never too early to start thinking about how to handle this period of transition from childhood to adulthood.  We have seen over the years some families who do this transition very well, and unfortunately some that don’t. Listen in to this podcast as we discuss things we have done with our teens, five of whom are now adults, and how we continue to learn about this wonderful stage of parenting that brings its own joys and challenges.   We discuss these resources in our podcast today: Why Gender Matters Preparing for Adolescence Wild at Heart Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters Bringing up Boys Passport 2 Purity

After attending our niece’s wedding recently, we had some time to reflect on the significance of marriage not only in our own lives today but how being married prepares us for our eternal unity with God.  The church teaches clearly that marriage is a foreshadowing of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and the Church, His Bride.  This reality should impact our marriages greatly!  We need to allow this truth to change us and make us even more serious about deepening our relationship with our spouse.  Listen in for some inspiration about marriage, weddings, and even religious vocations.  This conversation will inspire and encourage you!   Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/    Lenten program for couples: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/ Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/  Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

“Teaching kids how to handle money is more than dollars and cents, it’s about character and responsibility” - Dave Ramsey Handling money is a subject that can bring about strong emotion in couples, but it's a life skill that we need to teach our children!  How we use money reflects our values, and if we want to intentionally train our children and instill in them our deeply held beliefs, then we need to teach them how to use money.  Like most things we do as parents, teaching isn’t just talking.  Children learn by example, they learn by asking questions, and most importantly, they learn by doing.  In this podcast we take some time to explain how we have taught our kids how to use money and how they have taken these lessons into adulthood.  Although we don’t propose to have all the answers, we do share how we have handled allowances, paying kids for chores, children contributing to the household, and children taking care of their own expenses.  Listen in for some fun conversation and inspiration!

The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses.  Gaudium et Spes 52. How do you live life intentionally?  You plan for it!  And when you are a family, that plan starts with taking some time to have a “deep dive” conversation with your spouse.  A tool we have designed to guide this conversation is called “The Family Board Meeting”.  Think about it this way, your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board.  Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan?  Once a year it’s a good idea to get away, dream a little and set some goals.  The most important part of this conversation is not making the perfect goals or having the ultimate budget or schedule.  It's actually about having a unified vision as a couple for what you want your family to be. That’s what it’s all about.  Listen in as we discuss this valuable tool for you and your family.  (This podcast is a throwback to 2015!)   Free Webinar and Worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/   Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/    Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/  Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/ 

Having all our adult children along with our grandchildren at our house over the holidays reminded us that all the sacrifices we have made over the years (and continue to make!) are all worth it.  We thought our listeners would enjoy hearing from our kids’ perspective what worked for them and what didn’t, what we taught them intentionally or unintentionally, and how these lessons affect them now as adults.  We tell parents all the time that is so important to imagine what you want your kids to look like when they are adults, and we have tried to live that out ourselves.  Some topics we discuss in this conversation are the importance of forgiveness, “adulting”, managing teens, allowing kids to fail, and communicating respect for children so they know their voice matters.  We hope you enjoy listening to this conversation because we enjoyed having it!  New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/ Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

Lovers do “for love” what never would be done for a reason, or a rule, or a doctrine or a law. True love “loves” and needs to suffer — not for suffering’s sake alone, but for the sake of what we know is only gained on the other side of suffering: Joy.  - Damon Owens   Damon and Melanie Owens have been serving couples throughout most of their 27 years of marriage and now they have launched their own marriage ministry called Joyfully Ever After.  Damon has been the executive director of the Theology of the Body Institute and, with Melanie, they have trained over 20,000 couples in marriage, NFP and in the beauty of the Theology of the Body.  In this interview we discuss some of the greatest needs they see in marriages today, what to do if your spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage, and how to increase intimacy in marriage.  Like us, they offer practical tools for living Catholic life with authenticity and joy.  Listen in as we dive into our conversation with this inspiring Catholic couple.     Damon and Melanie’s ministry to marriage: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/ New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/ *** Support our ministry: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ –  His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our children to focus on more than just presents and treats, but instead on the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem. Download our free guide to Advent and Christmas at : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/  Previous podcasts of interest: MP 036 : Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-036-holidays-with-in-laws-and-out-laws/  MP 021 : Visiting Family - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-021-visiting-family/ MP 074 : Busy-ness - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-074-busy-ness/

Jeff Cavins is the author is the Bible Timeline, the tool behind the hit podcast “The Bible in a Year” with Fr. Mike Schmitz.  Jeff and his wife Emily have studied, taught, and led thousands of people into a deeper relationship with the Word of God through their books, talks, and guided tours.  They have a heart for families and a desire to teach parents how to teach their children!   On this podcast, we discuss teaching scripture to our children and learning why it is so important that parents do this.  Not only do the Cavins have great insight, but they also have developed tools for parents to use in their own homes!  Listen in as we learn more about their work and how they are continuing to serve the Church by helping families fall in love with the Word of God.  If you would like to  the video recording, sign up here: messyfamilyproject.com/date-night-with-the-cavins Advent Email Campaign Sign up: messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/ Cruise Info: messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/  Jeff's Website and Pilgrimage Information: https://www.jeffcavins.com/

We love interacting with our listeners and one way we do this is by taking your questions!  Katie (Hernon) Gamboa joins us again to sit in as the “Every-mom” and ask us the questions that our members have sent in to us to be answered.  Per usual, there is a variety of subjects that we cover in this episode.  One mom is struggling with spiritual desolation and a husband who is agnostic.  A dad dealing with addiction reached out for encouragement and advice on relating to his wife during recovery.  We also touch on lighter topics such as laundry routines, having fun with your kids, and navigating the secular Christmas trappings that are all around us.  And we always have questions about toddlers, so that topic is in here too!  Thank you to all who sent in their questions - we hope we have done them justice! Link to FANOS:  https://hopehousehealing.com/learn/fanos Link to Cruise: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/

All of us need community and having people in your home is a great way to make them feel loved and to experience a little bit of heaven.  But so many of us have “hostess anxiety” and feel like our home, our cooking, or our kids aren’t good enough to be exposed to others.  The reality is that we all need to practice hospitality, but not everyone has been trained how to be a good host!  In this episode we do just that!  After giving some inspiration, we go through some practical tips that we have found over the past 30 years for entertaining large groups, small groups, people with kids, or a group of couples.  Getting together is worth it!  Listen in and then subscribe and share!

In this episode, we continue the conversation on spiritual freedom with Matt and Jen Lozano from Heart of the Father Ministries and we get practical!  Matt and Jen walk us through the process of defining the lies of the enemy and breaking their power over us.  This all begins with repentance and forgiveness.   Then, we have to renounce these lies, just like we do in confession, and engage in the grace that is there for us.  Last we need to receive the blessing of the Father, which is the deepest longing of our hearts.  In this podcast, all of us share examples of how this process has transformed our relationship with God and we talk about the importance of blessing our children, which creates in their heart a place to receive the blessing of God the Father.  Listen in to the conversation!

Parents feel like failures almost every day, but this is the lie of the enemy!  We are so excited to share with you this interview with Matt and Jen Lozano, speakers and teachers for Heart of the Father Ministries. They have worked with people all over the world, hearing their stories, praying with them, and leading them to freedom.  In our discussion, we talk about some essential spiritual issues which are so vital to parents’ ability to pass on the faith to their kids.  In this first part of our conversation, we talk about recognizing the lies that we believe, renouncing them, and choosing the good.  So many of us believe lies from our past which keep us trapped in a “small story” but when we allow Jesus to free us, He brings us into a larger story, the story of truth.  Please listen in to this powerful podcast. 

When families act as they were created to be they can be a powerful force of transformation and renewal in the world because the Catholic family has what the world is looking for.  Every person has a deep need for belonging and relationship, which is naturally found within family and ultimately satisfied by God the Father. In this presentation, we will discuss how to cultivate these relationships and give an uplifting vision for how the family can be fully alive and change the world. 

We all realize there is a war on the family, right?  But do you understand where it is coming from?  And what the goal is?  You can’t fight a war when you don’t know who the enemy is and what they want.  In this podcast we identify the enemies of the family as socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism.  The ultimate goal of these “-isms” is the separation of children from their parents.  Make no mistake, we do not fight against physical kingdoms, but against “principalities and powers” as it says in the scriptures. This fight is being waged in the world of philosophy and ideas which have been infiltrating into our society, our politics, and now even our education system.  These roots are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit.  We would like you to take some time to understand how your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit has been effected by these philosophies.  It goes deeper than you think!  This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells.  Listen in and join the conversation. 

Forgiveness is becoming a lost practice in our increasingly secular world which we believe is one reason for the fracturing of our society. We are always going to offend each other. People are always going to sin against their fellow man. Those offenses and sins cause distance between us. How can they be repaired? Forgiveness. In this podcast, we define what it means to forgive someone and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. We also discuss having good boundaries when you forgive and how to make sure those boundaries don’t become a wall between you and those in your community. And last we give you all a challenge, a forgiveness challenge, set out by one of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal,  which promises to set you free and draw you closer to Christ and others.   Join us for a special date night with Jeff and Emily Cavins: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-the-cavins/  Events calendar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We talk a lot on our program about the “messy-ness” of life, but we thought it would be good to take some time to unpack why exactly we use this term and why it's so important to every family.  Every family is a messy family because we live in a broken, fallen world and we constantly are trying to repair relationships and situations that have ruptured.  Why is it so important to recognize this?  Because if we deny or ignore this reality, or try to control our situation and make it neat and perfect, we will only end up frustrating ourselves and making the situation worse.  Families need to embrace the mess knowing that they are exactly where God wants them to be.  

All of us deal with fears in life and overcoming them is the key to living in freedom in your relationships.  People have anxieties about all sorts of things, but within your spouse you should be able to find a safe place. Within marriage is where you should be able to admit your fears, have them be seen in the light of truth, and then overcome them through action.  Listen in while we discuss how you can recognize ways in which fear is holding you back from true connection with your spouse and ways to conquer that fear.   For more on this and other topics related to marriage, parenting and family life at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

  Divorce is so common in our culture today that the effects of it on children can easily be dismissed. Almost every couple who gets married has a family member whose life was affected by divorce, so we can think it must not be a big deal. But those people who are adult children of divorce will tell you that it is.  It is a wound they carry their whole lives, but because of Jesus and His power over sin and death that wound can actually be transformed and become a life-giving wound.  Dan and Beth Meola are the founders of the ministry “Life Giving Wounds” which serves those adults whose parents have divorced.  Their compassion, wisdom, and vulnerability in sharing their own stories is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in to this conversation even if you are not an adult child of divorce.  It will give you insights that you have not considered before regarding this pervasive issue in our society.   Links:  https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/

Parenting kids in a tech age; Teaching kids virtue in an age of tech; Is it possible to use tech with virtue? “It is your responsibility to train your child in virtue and slowly move from protecting their innocence to building Christian maturity.  This is true for many areas of life, including use of technology” - Mike and Alicia Hernon We have talked about the harm that the overuse of screens can do to kids and especially teens, but in this podcast we give parents some ways that they can be proactive in this world of Big Tech.  Screens are here to stay, so parents need to take them on as another area in which they need to train their children in virtue.  Do not lose heart!  It is possible to have virtuous kids who are on social media, play video games, and interact with others online.  Listen in as we show you how.     Referenced in this episode Catholic Youth Summer Camp - https://cysc.com/ Messy Family Membership - https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-neighborhood/  Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/  Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/

At the suggestion of our members, we talked MONEY with Sam and Rob Fatzinger, parents of 14 and authors of the new book A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More. This conversation was insightful and full of great ideas for you and your families!  Money is a hot button topic for many couples and we need to find ways to use our resources wisely especially when you have a larger family and live on one income.  Rob and Sam show us that it is possible!  Plus, living simply has other benefits such as the lessons it teaches our children, care for the environment, and a greater respect for the goods of the earth.  Listen in to this fun conversation with the Fatzingers and the members of the Messy Family Neighborhood.   Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/  Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/  Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/ Book - A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More - https://amzn.to/3pH2811 Fatzinger blog: http://fatzfam.com/

In this podcast, we answer listener questions in a new format - our new Program Coordinator, Katie Gamboa joins us to present topics for us to discuss. She did a great job! We may be biased since she is our most amazing oldest child (but we aren’t - she DID do a great job!) With Katie’s help, we tackle some sticky questions such as how to handle a sister who is coming out of the closet? How should this be handled with kids? Families are also struggling with the strong emotions of their children when the parents have big feelings themselves!  Listen in as we discuss socializing young children, physical intimacy and the “desire discrepancy”, and expectations in marriage and family.  Thank you to all our listeners who contact us with questions.  We love to hear from you!

Part of our message at the Messy Family Project is that parenting is a path to holiness. But the question many couples have is how much parenting is God asking of us? Within the bounds of the Church’s teaching, there are many prudential judgements that couples have to make - when to abstain from sexual relations, how to give birth, how many children to have, how long to wait in between births, and how to incorporate this new baby into your family. In this podcast we share some of our birth experiences and the values that we have come to embrace through the ten children we have brought into the world all in the context of the gift that it is to be a parent. Children are the supreme gift of marriage - they are not only good in themselves and good for the world - children are also good for us! Listen in as we take on this important discussion of infants, childbirth, NFP and more.  Join us in the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/  Find out more about the course for mothers and daughters: https://messyfamilyhood.com/maidens-signup/  Find out more about the course for dads: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/

April 22 is Earth Day, but maybe we Catholics could call it Creation Day and celebrate the loving Father who gave this world to us to “till and keep”.  Maybe we were thinking of this because Mike was chopping down old trees on our property and we all have sore backs this morning!   But seriously, some may look at the extreme environmentalists and be tempted to move to the other extreme and not take seriously their stewardship of the land and animals that are part of our world - but that is not a Christian response!  Time and time again our Church has encouraged people to take responsibility for creation around us, be it plants, animals, or the earth itself.  We are supposed to take care of it and use it well.  Listen in as we talk about teaching and modeling for our children the correct way to care for the gift of creation.    For more information and resources visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

During this episode, Mike shares his story of his parents’ divorce when he was a teen and his own journey of healing over the past 20 years.  But this is more than just his story.  We also share the hope that Christ brings to us in all our relationships, the lessons learned from suffering and pain, and, ironically, how the divorce actually strengthened his belief in marriage as a covenant between two people that should never be violated.  Anyone who has experienced the effects of divorce in their own lives, or who has married someone who has needs to hear this message.  Even though divorce is ubiquitous, it is not without devastating effects.  What is the answer?  Its the same answer that applies to us all - we need to be Fathered by God and find our identity in Him.  Listen in and have hope!     Take Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2021    Referenced ministry for children of divorce: https://www.lifegivingwounds.org/ Support their sacred art drive: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/sacred-art-for-children-of-divorce#/

For years, Patrick Lencioni has had books on the top of the best seller charts.  He is a master at teaching businesses how to improve their culture and organizational health.  In this podcast, Pat and his wife Laura join us to talk about the culture and health of our families and how his lessons from business can help us!  In our Family Board Meeting course, we use his book 3 Big Questions for the Frantic Family to help couples discover their unique values and rallying cry so this interview was a great time for us to go even deeper into these questions with our listeners.  This podcast is from a Zoom call that we had with our members and the Lencionis so we were able to take questions from the audience and have some great interaction.  Listen in to this compelling conversation!   Complete our listener survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP-2021    Take Pat’s Working Genius assessment using our special discount code: Messyfamily at https://www.workinggenius.com/ Join the Family Board Meeting course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

This is the year of St. Joseph so let’s talk about what we can learn from this man who knew Jesus and Mary more intimately than any other person who has ever lived.  There is so much we can learn from him! Because there is really no definitive teaching on St. Joseph, we can extrapolate from what we know about Jewish culture at the time and what we read in scripture to imagine what he must have been like.  We do know that he can teach us about being a spouse, a parent, a follower of Christ.  He can show us how to love Jesus and Mary better and, as patron of the family, he is a powerful intercessor for us!  Listen in to this insightful conversation about the man who can serve as a model to us all - St. Joseph.   Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/ 5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

Join us for an extraordinary interview with Fr. Jay Donahue, a priest of the Diocese of Pittsburgh who has a heart for marriage and a deep and abiding love for Christ.  We discuss with Fr. Jay the impact that his own large family had on him, how couples can image Christ’s love for the Church and the importance of the Blessed Mother in the lives of priests and everyone in the Church.  He even dives into the sexual scandals that have plagued our Church with extraordinary love and compassion.  You will be inspired hearing his passion for marriage and God’s vision for marriage. We hope you enjoy this interview!    Webinar on Holy Week as a Family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/holy-week-webinar/ 5 Week Family Board Meeting Course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/

Discipline is the issue that we get the most questions about probably because there is so much conflicting advice for parents out there.  The bottom line is that every couple must decide for themselves how they will form the children that God has given to them. But, don’t worry, we do have some principles and encouragement to give you!  In this episode, we discuss the importance of Respect in the home.  For children to truly be obedient and secure in their family, they need to respect their parents.  Evidence of this respect is what we call “first-time obedience”. Yes, it is possible and parents should expect it of their children.     Download our Discipline Guide:https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/  Join waiting list for next Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/

Looking for ideas on how to celebrate Lent as a couple or as a family?  Listen  in!  When a married person celebrates Lent, especially when they have children, it looks very different than how a single person or religious does it.  Lent is a time to take stock of how we are responding to God’s grace to become who He is calling us to be.  How are we becoming a better wife, mother, husband, or father? To really invest in Lent this year, we want to encourage you to consider commitments of prayer, fasting and mercy all in light of your married vocation.  We have provided a great resource for you on our website -- Cana90!  Sign up to receive daily emails of encouragement, tracking sheet, services for the Triduum, ideas for weekend celebrations with children, and more!  Sign up for free online or order the book.  Let us walk with you and encourage each other on our Lenten journey.     Become a member of the Neighborhood: https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-jan-2021/ CANA 90 and Stations Books : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

In 1924, Eric Liddell gave up his place to compete in the Olympics final heat of the 100m race because it was held on a Sunday.  He probably would have won that race, but his desire to keep the Lord’s Day holy stopped him.  Would we have that courage?  Starting in Exodus, the Lord has asked HIs people to keep holy His day.  He commands us to set it apart from all other days to honor Him, but also for our own good!  God will never ask us to do something that is not good for us, and He COMMANDS us to do things essential for our health and well-being.  How does your family set this day apart?  Have you been influenced by the culture, especially with the restrictions put upon us by the pandemic?  How are you setting this day apart from all other days in your home?  Listen in for encouragement and ideas on how to reclaim the Lord’s Day.   Lenten program for couples - join us for Cana 90: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/ Join our membership site, the Messy Family Neighborhood: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

January is a time of beginnings and new resolutions.  The best way to make plans for the future is to evaluate where you are today!  You can’t get directions unless you know where you are.  In this podcast, we give you some encouragement as well as a method to assess where your family is at using our Five Elements of Family Culture.  We hope that doing this assessment will inspire you to do your own Family Board Meeting, but even if you don’t, knowing where you are will help your family to make plans for your future.   *** Find out more about our February weekend workshop on the Family Board Meeting: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/    Two Quizzes:Five Love Languages Quiz - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/ Temperaments Quiz - http://www.temperamentquiz.com/

We are asked very often how parents can create an environment in the home that will keep their kids close to the faith. To help give parents even more resources for this, we decided to interview Colin and Aimee MacIver, who are both parents, teachers, and authors for Ascension Press. They have created resources for parents to help them catechize their children and also to communicate the beautiful truths found in the Theology of the Body. Both Colin and Aimee are kindred spirits who have a heart for teens and their parents. They bring a wealth of experience and wisdom that we think you will benefit from! Also, we discuss our upcoming free webinar and paid Family Board Meeting workshop designed to help parents create a game plan for their family as we begin 2021. Listen in! *** Find out more about our February weekend workshop on the Family Board Meeting: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/ Resources from Colin and Aimee: - The Catechist's Field Guide to Confirmation, by Colin MacIver - https://ascensionpress.com/products/the-catechists-field-guide-to-confirmation - Theology of the Body for Teens, Middle School Edition, Colin & Aimee MacIver, contributors - https://ascensionpress.com/products/theology-of-the-body-for-teens-middle-school-edition-student-pack-includes-online-course-access - Baptism: Belonging in the Family of God, Parent's Guide, Colin & Aimee MacIver, authors - https://ascensionpress.com/products/belonging-parents-guide-1 - Quick Catholic Lessons with Fr. Mike Schmitz - https://ascensionpress.com/collections/quick-catholic-lessons-with-fr-mike-vol-2

There are many parents who look for advice from friends, and sometimes the responses are in the form of absolute declarations about the “only way” to parent.  In reality, many parenting matters are best left to an individual’s judgment.  As Catholics, we believe that there are certain issues that are black and white, but not everything falls into that category!  The first step to responding to others with charity is to realize that our way is not always the way for everyone.  In this episode, we also take on a question about discipline when you have 3 under 3, which gives us the chance to talk about toddlers - one of our favorite topics!  And we play a recording of a question sent in by a listener about mentoring teen boys whose brains are being flooded with testosterone.  Our answer?  Look to the elephants.  No, really, we do say that.  Listen in and join the conversation!   **Sign up for the free webinar on the Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting-2021/ For More: Elephants and Dads- https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood/humans-and-elephants-both-fare-better-with-dads-around Catholic Differences- https://reginadoman.blogspot.com/2020/12/my-family-church-church-as-big-rowdy.html  Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-pt-1/ Guide to Discipline- https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/

If you've been wondering how to bring the rich traditions of the Catholic Church's liturgical year into your home and into your family, this is the podcast for you! In it, we interview Kendra Tierney of Catholic All Year about incorporating the richness of our faith into the life of your family.  Kendra has lots of great ideas for moms and dads of all ages and family sizes.  After discussing the importance of incorporating Catholic traditions into family life we talk about what to do with kids of various ages, or when you have a spouse who is not enthusiastic about new traditions.  Kendra has some truly great wisdom to share!   Because this was an interview with our member site (the messy family neighborhood), we also have some great questions from other parents included in this podcast.  Listen in and get inspired to strengthen your family’s culture this Advent and Christmas season.    Referenced: Maidens Course: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/maidens-course/  Support our ministry to families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/  Board Meeting Webinar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

The use of technology is a major issue in most households. Tech is invading our homes in an unprecedented manner and the influence on our children is something we are just beginning to comprehend. How can parents effectively navigate these waters with their children? Kids need guidance in this area more than almost any other area of Life, but it is here where parents usually are completely unaware. In this essential podcast for parents we try to light a fire underneath you and show the seriousness of the tech situation with kids. We share our own experience and start giving you tips and tricks to guide your children on their tech use. Referenced: Maidens Course: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/maidens-course/  Support our ministry to families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Many times when we think about taking time to pray parents’ first reaction is “I don’t have time to pray!”  But the problem with that is that prayer is the foundation of our life of faith and relationship with God.  As we pray, we grow in knowledge and love of God.  We all need that! In this podcast, we discuss internal prayer which is also called mental prayer.  The many means that the Church has given us to pray such as in our liturgy are beautiful and some are essential, but that is not all there is.  We need to take time to speak to God and hear Him speak to us in the scriptures and within our hearts.  How should you do this?  Where can you start?  Listen in as we share about our own prayer life and walk you through how we take the time to be with Our Lord.     Referenced: Support the Messy Family Project: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/live-podcast-screens/ \ Join Live Podcast on Screens and Technology: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

We have a treat for you as we are sharing a special date night interview with Scott and Kimberly Hahn. They have been married for 40 years and have six children along with eighteen grandchildren. They are world-renowned Catholic evangelists, speakers, authors and teachers. In this show they share their wisdom on falling in love and staying in love through the tough times. They share some of their struggles and not always being on the same page with great encouragement and direction for couples. They also share some of the challenges in parenting and how to effectively pass on the faith to our children.  You won’t want to miss this episode and you may want to take notes. We also had a follow-up handout if you would like to use this show as a conversation starter for you and your spouse.    Referenced in this episode: Handout for this special date night: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/    Subscribe to our newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ St. Paul Center: https://stpaulcenter.com/ Kimberly’s new podcast: https://www.belovedandblessed.com/

After 26 years of parenting you would think that we knew how to promote an atmosphere of virtue in our home automatically. But it doesn’t work that way!  We have had to stop and evaluate the way that our younger children have been treating each other and address it intentionally.  In this podcast, we share some of the teaching we gave to our kids about practicing kindness, how we followed up afterwards, and why its important to train the actions AND the hearts of our children. Listen in to hear our Seven Tips on Kids and Kindness at home as well as Mike’s reflections on his recent hike on the Appalachian Trail, update on our fabulously successful Date Night with the Hahns, upcoming events, and how to promote our podcast.    Referenced: Catholic moms summit register: https://www.cardinalstudios.org/a/34145/eFUzDCVz Marriage summit access if desired: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/a/27520/xSMEEApS Scott and Kimberly Hahn interview: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/

The sexual relationship you have with your spouse is the most intimate relationship you will ever have, but it certainly can be complicated! In this podcast, we have a conversation with Byron and Francine Pirola, founders of Smartloving and international speakers and teachers.  Our conversation about physical intimacy between spouses is honest, frank, and explicit, so please listen to this podcast in privacy.  But we do believe this information is desperately needed by couples, so we have created a summary and download for you to use after listening to the podcast to create a conversation with your spouse.  Please listen in, use this topic as a conversation starter with your spouse, and share with others!     Referenced: Free Conversation Starter on Sexual Intimacy: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/physical-intimacy/  Webinar with Byron and Francine Pirola: https://smartloving.org/webinars/ Sign up for our virtual date night with Scott & Kimberly Hahn: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/

All parents will fail.  How do we know this?  Because we are all imperfect!  Many parents feel like failures when grieving over their children’s poor decisions or loss of faith. Or they look at themselves in the mirror and don’t like who they have become. How we define failure and how we deal with it will either paralyze us or call us on to greater holiness and virtue.  Recognizing how we have failed our children, and even how our own parents have failed us, is how we learn and grow.  In this podcast we define the difference between shame and guilt (one is good and the other bad!), the importance of recognizing what we can control and what we cannot, and the centrality of forgiveness in our relationships with our children, no matter what their age.  In addition to some hard truths, this podcast gives hope to every parent who wants to improve themselves through extreme ownership and humility.     Referenced: Virtual date night with Scott and Kimberly Hahn in October https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/  Covenant Eyes to protect your family - https://covenanteyes.sjv.io/MFP  Catholic Answers article: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/parents-and-the-law-of-love/ Sign up for one minute weekly encouragement: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/sign-up-for-minutes/

This past summer our family lost a beloved uncle, brother-in-law, and husband.  Alicia’s uncle passed into eternity at home with his wife, and Alicia and her sister Maria were privileged to be present for his death.  Death is a profound experience and one that we should all think about more.  Many of us are afraid to confront the thought of death though it is (obviously!) a part of everyone’s life.  Our culture influences us more than we realize and we can get lulled into thinking this world is all there is.  But this world is not our home!  In this podcast, we share the story of walking with them through this difficult experience, but also we share our reflections and the lessons that we have learned from them.    Referenced:  Virtual date night with Scott and Kimberly Hahn https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-hahns/  MP 022 : Dealing with Loss https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-022-dealing-with-loss/ Catholic Mom’s Summit https://www.cardinalstudios.org/a/34145/eFUzDCVz

In this podcast we continue to answer some very important listener questions about family life.  Many listeners have spouses who don’t share their faith life and forging unity when that is the case can be tricky.  We came up with some creative ideas on how to love your spouse more!  Other questions included disciplining pre-teens and teens and as well as forming their hearts.  Our Discipline Guide is a good place to start for this, but we expand on some of the ideas found there and apply them to our Questioner’s specific situation.  If you find our answers helpful, share the podcast, subscribe, and tell others about us.  And certainly feel free to send us more of YOUR questions as well! Referenced: Join our email list to hear about the virtual date night https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/  Messy Family Guide to Discipline - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/discipline-guide/ MFP 131 : The Power of “NO” - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-131-the-power-of-no/  MP 067 : Evangelizing Your Kids - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-67-evangelizing-your-kids/ 

Listeners send us questions all the time and we try to answer them as best we can via email.  Some of these questions are really great because they bring up subjects that many people struggle with. In this podcast we tackle some questions about in-laws, and we answer from the perspective of a married couple but also from being a mother and father-in-law ourselves!  We also give our advice on navigating the minefield of politics as well as social media.  Though we have a podcast on preparing tweens for adolescence, we answer a question about that as well.  Listen in and if you have more questions, email us.  Maybe you’ll be featured on the next episode of listener questions!     Referenced: Join our email list to hear about the virtual date night https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ MP 005 : Preparing your Tween (and yourself!) for Adolescence https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/ Maidens by His Design - https://amzn.to/32qpnRX Love Ed program from St. Benedict Press - https://www.saintbenedictpress.com/index.php/love-ed/

Rituals are an essential part of creating connections with other people, whether that is our spouse, our children, our extended family, our local community, and even our nation.  Rituals connect how we act with what we believe - communicate values can be contrasted with “routines” that create order and address merely physical needs. Both are important but on different levels.  When routines are disrupted, its a hassle.  When rituals are disrupted, the family cohesiveness is threatened.   When something is an obligation only with no emotional/heart connection, then the value of the ritual is lessened.    Play and Pray Challenge for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/   Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/patron-2020/

Looking at the turmoil we are experiencing within our culture, we are becoming more and more convinced that we, Catholic families, have the answer that people are looking for.  People are searching for purpose, belonging and identity. How do we “share” our family with the world? Well, first we need to make sure we have our own house in order.  Examine your family culture, shore up the weak areas, and be intentional about the messages you are sending.  The motivation to have a vibrant family culture is so you can take it to the next level and act in the world according to the unique giftedness that your family has been given.  We are not all called to serve in the same way -- we are all different!  When every family discovers their unique giftedness and then uses those gifts to respond to the call that God has put upon their hearts, God can establish His reign in the world.  Listen in to get motivated and learn how to discern the call that God has given to you.   Podcast references:  Build Your Family Culture, Elements of a Family Culture, Growing a Family Culture Download Play and Pray Challenge Sticker and Mass for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge-complete/ Support our ministry and get the fun kit for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Many of us are looking at the events of these days with despair, sadness, and even anger.  It is hard to witness division and hatred in our world and to see the suffering of those who are caught in its crossfire.  We want to respond but many of us don’t know how to.  This is such a huge problem with far-reaching consequences and deeply rooted origins.  Parents, do not allow the devil to use that which is far off to distract you from what is near!  The greatest influence you can have is within your own home.  Parents need to proactively discuss these issues with their children in order to form them.  This is YOUR job and no one else’s.  Listen in as we share our own experience and give tips on how to address these topics with your children.     Get free Play and Pray Challenge kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Become a Member: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

The Play and Pray Challenge is a way for us to spread the kingdom of Jesus Christ into every home in a fun, interactive way.  We have learned that if you are going to PRAY with your family, you need to PLAY with them!  This June from the 12th to the 21st, we are challenging families to do three things: Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  We want this challenge to go viral, so spread the word to get other families to do it too!     Watch the video and sign up for the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/   Join the waiting list for new member site: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/ Related podcast episode: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-091-king-home/

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.  When we trust our spouse we can stand before them, just as we are, knowing that we will be accepted.  Full knowledge with full acceptance.  That’s the goal, but the road to building trust is not easy for most of us, because we are sinful people dealing with our own shame.  As we work on our relationship with our spouse and with the Lord, we are creating a bond that helps us work together as a team and rest in the knowledge that He will be with us no matter what happens.  The reason I know “everything is going to be ok” is because I trust that God is in control.   Join messy family member waiting list: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

  One “yes” is protected by a thousand “no”s.  If we want our children to have the ability to say “yes”, to be responsible, free and, ultimately, loving people, parents need to believe in the power of NO.  When a parent says “no” and defines a boundary for a child, they are helping that child to shape who they are.  Boundaries enable children to “construct” themselves.  This is hard work for parents, usually because we don’t recognize what good boundaries are, and sometimes simply because we are lazy!  In this podcast, we talk about the book Boundaries for Kids by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud, and share some of our own experiences in defining boundaries for ourselves and our children.  Links:  Virtual Date Night RSVP Discipline Guide Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud Visit us at http://www.messyfamilyproject.org

The Church has always made it clear that parents are the primary educators of their children and chiefly responsible for their family’s spiritual formation. So what is our advice to you?  First, don’t worry if your kid fails this quarter in school and, second, turn off streaming mass and start leading your family in prayer. Be empowered to lead your family and focus on what YOU think is important during these challenging times.  In this podcast, we share some of the ways our family is bonding this month, and we give inspiration and ideas on how to lead your family. God has given you the grace. Family, become what you are!   Virtual Catholic Conference: https://aliciahernon.krtra.com/t/AMa71LKg02oQ Guide for Holy Week through Easter for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/celebrate-palm-sunday-to-easter/

Does this sound like you?  We won’t lie - all of the sudden being forced to be with all of our children 24/7 is not easy. We are struggling just like everyone else!  But instead of asking God “why?” we need to ask “what?”. What do you want to teach us, Lord? What do you want us to do? What do you want to show us?  We have said many times that parents are the first teachers of their children and leaders of their families. Today we see that more clearly than ever!  This crisis is giving us the opportunity to rid ourselves of all the extraneous activities that normally distract us and allowing us to focus on our children.  Listen in as we give some valuable ideas, encouragement, and inspiration for this time or any time of crisis.    “We know certainly that our God calls us to a holy life. We know that he gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty.” ~ St. Elizabeth Ann Seton   Advice and strategies for families in these challenging times, especially how to celebrate Sunday when there is no mass… sign up at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

Men and women approach sex from two very different standpoints.  This can create tension in your marriage. Nevertheless, sex is a topic that married couples need to talk about.  In this podcast you can expect honesty, humor, and above all some great insight to help you have a more satisfying, fulfilling sex life with your spouse. Listen in and discover how you can be more open with your spouse, because this is an important way to strengthen your relationship. Get the kids out of earshot, or put in your earbuds and listen in.  Moms and Dads, this one is for your ears only.     Marriage Check In (3 weeks to greater unity): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/ We’re expanding - job descriptions: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/were-expanding/ Upcoming Events: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

This Lent and Easter why not walk on the path of holiness that God has laid out for you already?  We are proposing that couples intentionally embrace their calling as parents and spouses. Since we are called to love and sacrifice first within their own homes, we designed a simple program called Cana90 to challenge families to become more of who God is calling them to be – communities of life and love.  We will help you choose commitments of prayer, fasting, and mercy that turn your heart towards your family. What would Lent and Easter look like if we leaned into our vocation even more. Let us begin again and seek transformation through prayer, fasting, and mercy for our marriages and our families.    Sign up for the Cana90 program: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Each of us has a story and we are part of a story.  We are part of the story of the human race, of the Church, of our country, and most importantly, you are part of the story of your own family.  In our modern world we tend to forget this! We also need to be aware that when we engage with our story in a healthy way and then we share that story with our children, we empower them.  When parents are at peace with the story of their own lives, they can share their experiences with their children and teach them using their own examples. We can give our children hope through the witness of our own lives.    Sign up for Cana90 at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/ Other links and resources referenced see:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-126-sharing-your-story/

Our culture all around us is throwing tough issues into our lives and the lives of our children all the time.  We are dealing today with topics that our most of our grandparents never had to confront, let alone explain to a child.  To guide our children in the way of truth, we must first understand the truth ourselves. Then, before we communicate, we need to recognize that children have specific stages of moral development.  We as parents need to realize this so we can “feed” them information appropriately and in a way that children can digest and use correctly. In this podcast we group “tough topics” into categories and then give our take on how to explain these to children.     Get your free book by sharing your experience of handling tough topics with your kids:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tough-topics-with-your-kids/   If you're interested in buying and finding out more about this great resource, visit MadeThisWayBook.com

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced.  (You’ll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique!  In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance.  Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly.     Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/ For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

We started this topic in our last podcast MFP122, but there was so much to cover we had to continue the discussion! In this podcast, we discuss the different ways boys and girls deal with aggression and why parents need to teach self-control differently to their sons and daughters. Navigating friendships is another way in which parents need to understand gender differences. Don’t have the same expectations of peaceful play for your sons and daughters - they each have their own challenges! And as kids get older and become adults the process of independence looks very different for moms than it is for dads. All of this is good for parents to realize so they can appreciate the gifts of their children and their amazing uniqueness found in their personality, temperament, and gender. For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyprojetc.org Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

In a culture that is proclaiming gender as “fluid” and is encouraging “gender-neutral” parenting, we proudly stand and say boys and girls are defined and different.  Wonderfully different. And did you know those physical variations extend beyond simply the obvious? Boys and girls have distinct wiring in the brain, eye structure, and hearing acuity.  Boys overestimate their abilities, and girls underestimate them. Boys feel just as deeply as girls, though they are less verbal. The distinctions are many and sometimes subtle. What does this deeper understanding mean for parents? The more parents realize how their sons and daughters are uniquely made, the better they will be able to understand and guide them to further maturity. In this podcast we draw from the research of Dr. Leonard Sax in his book Why Gender Matters, which we highly recommend.  There is so much ground to cover we split this into 2 podcasts! Part 2 coming next week.     Advent Kit for Families:  https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/ Tampa Event: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/ Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

The power of a name, the importance of memory, the responsibility to heal the world, the reality that God dwells with us - all of these are lessons that we as Catholics can learn from the Jewish people. At the end of October 2019, we had the privilege of being guests of the Foundation Stone Institute who hosted us for a trip to Israel and the holy sites there.  We had a powerful experience visiting the places where Jesus lived, worked, preached and healed. The trip gave us a deeper understanding of our Catholic faith, but also of the Jewish people, our “elder brethren”. There were many insights that we had and lessons learned, but in this podcast, we decided to limit ourselves to four things that we walked with that we think families can benefit from.  These values have been held by the Jewish people for centuries and we can and should learn from them.     Support this show and ministry at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Every parent wants their children to be happy, but it seems children today are more unhappy than ever before! Part of the problem stems from the expectations and pressure on our kids and part of the problem is that most of us don’t recognize the path to happiness ourselves. Dennis Prager states, “Happiness is a moral obligation.”  We all need to realize that happiness is a choice, not something that just happens. We need to teach our children that happiness is under their control, show them the choices that lead to happiness, and then form them with the self-discipline needed to make those choices. We can’t force our children to be happy, but we can give them the guidance and tools they need to choose it for themselves. Find out more about our mission and vision for the future: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

There are few bigger changes in life than going from having no children to having children. After that the next biggest life change is every child that comes after!  Moms and dads who have newborns need the support of family and friends in a particular way as they make these transitions. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, and even brothers can all listen to this podcast to learn about how they can support new parents at this critical time.  It's good for parents to know that it is important to be honest about the feelings they are having because sometimes expectations do not reflect reality. Being open to life is not easy but it can bring you more joy than anything you've ever done. It can also bring more unity and strength to your marriage if you keep lines of communication open and if you are willing to be vulnerable.     To contact us, and for more information and resources visit us at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org   Event Info: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We believe there is a conspiracy afoot in the world against marriage and family life, but it is not a conspiracy of earthly powers; it is a spiritual one.  Parents, by raising a family you have entered into this battle, so you need to keep your eyes open and take spiritual authority within your home and within your own life. In this podcast we discuss things like how the Evil One tries to deceive us, how we can give him footholds in our lives, and how we should respond to his attacks. By freeing yourself up to love, living in the light, and taking authority in our own lives we can live a life spiritual freedom, allowing nothing to hold us back. Remember, Christ the Victor has come to bring us life and it is by His grace and in His name that we shall overcome.  Show links and more info can be found at: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp118-know-your-enemy-spiritual-warfare-for-parents

There are different types of love, but the love that is exclusive, belonging to husbands and wives is eros, a passionate, romantic love which is an essential part of any marriage. As parents we are concerned with so many things - keeping our families financially afloat, the many needs of the children, feeding and clothing everyone - it is easy to neglect to fan the flame of romance between you and your spouse.  In this podcast we give you some encouragement and practical ideas for ways wives can pursue their husbands and how husbands can pursue their wives. We talk about WHY this is important and HOW you can do it better than you are today.   Take Our Listener Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP2019-podcastsurvey The Four Loves by CS Lewis - https://amzn.to/2LncWyW Love Languages episode - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-015-love-languages/ Messy Family Minute Weekly Email - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/sign-up-for-minutes/

St. Francis would tell his followers “Let us begin again for until now we have done nothing.”  This is a great inspiration for us because sometimes we feel like we are always beginning again with new habits, plans, and goals for our family.  We are the most consistently inconsistent parents out there! But we have become less stressed out about our inconsistency because we see that it is an opportunity to begin again with our children.  It is hard to create habits in ourselves, let alone a group of children! But habits are an important part of formation, as the quote above from Stephen Covey shows. Since we have made so many plans with our family, we would like to share with you some of what we have learned in creating habits for your family.  In this podcast we discuss questions such as how do you create appropriate habits for your family? How do you come up with a plan with your spouse? How do you keep those kids motivated?     7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: https://amzn.to/2Zj05l1 The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family:  https://amzn.to/2ZgndRj Amazing Camp for Teens: https://cysc.com/ Special weekend in Tampa for couples in February 2020… interested in hearing more? https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Our society not only devalues mothers, but also underestimates their importance in the life of a newborn child.  Some biologists believe that humans are born too soon because so much formation happens in the first years of life outside the womb.  The essential element in this formation is the mother. No matter how much time a mother spends with her child vs. being in the workplace, the quality of her relationship with her infant is what makes the difference.  In this podcast, we use the book Being There: The Importance of the First Three Years by Erica Komisak as a reference for parents seeking to do all they can to develop a healthy, securely attached, independent child.    Buy this book : https://amzn.to/318grhz Get our messy family newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ Family Retreat Kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/   Related shows Every Mother is a Working Mother - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-046-every-mother-is-a-working-mother/ High Powered Parents - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-092-high-powered-parents/

Social fragmentation, the break down of the family, isolation, and stress has wounded and broken many of us. Families need to be honest about their need for professional help - honest with themselves and with those around them.  It is a sign of strength to admit weakness! Plus, there are burdens that parents simply cannot carry alone. Marriage counselors, child therapists, 12 Step groups, doctors, and support groups are all resources that families can and should take advantage of in order to function in a healthy, holy way.  Counseling can offer hope, healing, and a path forward. Listen in as we discuss some of the challenges and obstacles, what to look for in a counselor as well as a note on therapy for children.    Dr. Aaron Kheriaty’s A Catholic Guide to Depression - https://amzn.to/2XAWqmF  Mike interview with Dr. Kheriaty for EWTN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIWlQ0ZUqY Article on choosing a good therapist  - https://www.catholiccounselors.com/choosing-a-therapist-a-guide-for-catholics/

Parenting is a path to holiness, that is clear.  Part of this growth in your holiness is taking on the responsibility for the formation of your children.  It's hard to form people! But it is a job for unselfish, dedicated parents and no one can do it better than you can!  In this podcast, we discuss principles that are important to keep in mind as we form our children. Ideas such as your children are not the center of your family, but part of a community; that you need to teach your children to give themselves away; that trust is earned and love requires boundaries.  We pick a few other rules that we have found to be important in our parenting to pass on to you. Along with parenting philosophy will come some very practical insights also that will help you form your children and bring peace to your household.   Family Retreat Kit and Videos: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/   Related Episodes and Blog Post: The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (episode): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-079-the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (blog post): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ Growing a Family Culture: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-096-building-a-family-culture-part-1/

During our tour of Australia, we had the opportunity to meet many listeners and make some amazing new friends.  One of our events was a day seminar for engaged and newly married couples with an Australian ministry - The Marriage Project.  During the day, we had a time to take questions from the audience and we loved it! It was great to experience firsthand the desire that these couples had for intentional, authentic relationships with each other and with their greater community.  We answered questions about blending families, challenge of children and marriage, discerning family size, and even our most important piece of advice to a newly married couple (that one was hard!). We hope you enjoy hearing us interacting with our listeners and hearing us really think on our feet!     Catholic Family Fests: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/catholic-family-vacation/ Summer Family Retreat Box: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/summer-family-retreat-box/

“The family is indeed more than any other social reality, the place where an individual can exist ‘for himself’ through the sincere gift of self...it is the ‘sanctuary of life'” ~ St. John Paul II, Letter to Families, #11 This episode is our first LIVE podcast, recorded during our Australian Tour in May 2019.  During this tour, we presented a seminar sponsored by our good friends (Australians, read “mates!” ) at the Marriage Project.  In this talk we examined the question “What is the nature of family?” Society cannot define was this nature is, because society did not give family its nature. Family has a given meaning all its own. According to St. John Paul II, a family is a community of life whose mission it is to guard, reveal and communicate love. It is a man and woman bound together in a life long commitment whose love is fruitful.   Therefore, our understanding of marriage must be seen within the context of family, since not only do we all come from a family, but we are made for family. Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilypro.wpengine.com/membership/ Join our newsletter (don’t miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

 “Are you the adult you want your child to become?” ~ Dr. Brene Brown High emotions and the advent of adolescence seem to go hand in hand.  Instead of getting caught up into our children’s emotion and the drama that may ensue, parents need to truly be “the adult in the room” and be an example of how to deal with strong feelings in a appropriate way.  To do this, we parents need to be self-aware and conscious of our own woundedness and need for healing. Only then can we be an example to our children and a source of hope sending the message that they CAN overcome.  We need to empathize with our child and empower them to master their emotions while using their intellect and will to act, thus integrating all their faculties to act virtuously. It's hard for parents to teach pre-teens and teens how to handle drama, but this is the job of hard-working, devoted parents! Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilyproject.org/community Join our newsletter (don’t miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe Cana 90 meditations (Lent & Easter seasons):https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90    Schedule for MFP events in Australia: https://www.facebook.com/757182281305801/posts/845469395810422?sfns=mo    Additional resources for this episode: Dr. Brene Brown on empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw More from Brene Brown Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2XRd2C8 and Power of Vulnerability https://amzn.to/2WgmlLI Teaching Your Child Self-control:https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-090-teaching-your-children-self-control Raising Confident Kids Who Aren’t Full of Themselves: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-043-raising-confident-kids-who-aren-t-full-of-themselves Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-part-1  

Have you ever felt like your world was going up in smoke?  Listen in as we explain this dramatic story of our car fire, where no injuries occurred or lives lost, but the disaster was complete.  Though the loss was great, God’s faithfulness and providence was even greater. We felt it was not a coincidence that this happened during the season of Lent because we are able to see the themes of fasting through detachment from goods, mercy that was shown to us, and the prayer that protected us and our children. No matter how Satan plans our demise, God can always have the victory.   Video and article: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/video-lent-and-how-we-narrowly-escaped-a-car-fire-aleteia   Join our newsletter (don’t miss out): https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact/subscribe   Cana 90 meditations: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/   

“The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” ~ Pope Benedict XVI Men today can’t do anything right. The world has taken the idea of masculinity and distorted it to the point that it is barely recognizable from the ideal man celebrated one hundred years ago. As dynamic Catholics living in this time, we want to celebrate men and encourage them to reclaim their true identity and realize who God created them to be - fully using their gifts and masculine qualities to serve others. In this podcast, we use the apostolic letter “Into the Breach” written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ to put forward and answer three questions - What does it mean to be a Catholic man? How do men love? And why is fatherhood so crucial? Referenced in this episode: The Apostolic Exhortation: Into the Breach Wild at Heart: Abba’s Heart: Check out past posts for Cana 90

“Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, mercy receives.” ~St. Peter Chrysologus We have a very exciting program to share with you all in this podcast that we are doing for Lent. We know that we want to bring our wills and our hearts closer to God, but how do we make sacrifices and offer up our wills as a married couple? What do sacrifices in Lent look like when you are raising children and are already laying down your life and your body for them? Our beautiful faith provides the answer for us. Offer up our prayers and fasting to subdue our wills and then show mercy first to those closest to us, our spouse and children. Allow all the “built in” sacrifices that we do NOT choose during the day to become an offering pleasing to God. Do it all under the authority of your spouse, who you also have authority over. Listen to this podcast and sign up for more ideas, structure, and accountability in Cana 90! Sign up for the Cana 90 program: https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90  

  “Wash the cup not because it is dirty, or because you are told to, but because you love the person who will use it after you ~St. Teresa of Calcutta Very frequently people will email or write to us asking for our organization secrets, tips, or techniques. Our secret is.. We don’t really have one. We do have principles and a philosophy that we live by, but the perfect system of organization for our home still eludes us. But, what we can give you is an overall view of how we make decisions and communicate with our children on making our home run so children are clothed, fed, and get where they need to go (for the most part!). Doing chores and managing schedules takes up much of our time as a family, but in the context of family culture, that is actually not the most important part of your family. Family operations needs to be seen in the context of your WHOLE family life and parents need to make sure the rest of the family culture is not neglected because so much energy is spent on our physical needs. Listen to the podcast, and then take a look as some of the resources that go with this podcast on our website. Also we have more practical tips listed on a blog post (Tips on Chores). Great Products and Resources: Please use these links as the ministry gets a small commission if you sign up the free app or purchase any of books or products.  We love and use these: We have just switched over to Cozi for the family chores, calendar, and shopping list. Very impressed so far.  Cozi is the #1 family organizing app. Create a free Cozi account and you'll also get the 2018 Summer Planner Printables! Alicia loves Norwex for cleaning everything in our house. Norwex - the power to clean without harsh chemicals. This books was so helpful in our household management - Don Aslett's Make Your House do the Housework Also we have used this to help keep the Hernon army well fed. Perhaps you should consider Once a Month Cooking Previous podcasts referenced: MP014 - Chores MP042 - Family Routine MP096 - Building a Family Culture MFP103 - Family Board Meeting

“Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is...a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming’...” - St. John Paul II   “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” - Brené Brown There have been times in our marriage when we felt ourselves drifting apart. Not because of any one catastrophic event, but just because we weren’t working on our relationship. We were just getting by. But in a culture antithetical to marriage, just "getting by" is not enough. All Catholic couples need to work to cultivate a dynamic, vibrant relationship, strong enough to bear the demands of family life, and weather everything the world will throw at it. The reality is, we are never done working on our marriage. In this podcast, we discuss the importance of “checking in” with our spouse to see how we are doing. To do this effectively we need to practice how to listen but also practice being vulnerable. This podcast has a worksheet that you can download at our website and use as a tool to work with your spouse towards a more intentional, unified marriage. Download our three-part guide to a more united marriage at https://messyfamilyproject.org/marriage Also you will find other items we mentioned like a parish bulletin insert and how to celebrate and advocate for marriage online. It's not about the nail video- https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/its-not-about-the-nail Today we discussed a great book called Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. If you get a copy at Amazon by clicking this link, our ministry gets a small donation. Thanks in advance!

A parenting fail is simply a lesson wrongly considered. ~ Mike and Alicia Hernon Have you ever let your emotions get the better of you? Have a discipline plan go south? Have a fun family time turn into a disaster? Yes, us too. All parents make mistakes! Even though we have a marriage and family podcast and we share advice and ideas, please don’t think that we (like you!) haven’t had some big “fails” ourselves! In this podcast, we share some stories of things we have done that didn’t turn out the way we planned. The good news is that through these fails we have learned lessons that stay with us even today. Hopefully you will be able to see yourselves in our stories, laugh a little bit and maybe even learn something from these examples of our own messy parenting!

“A family doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be united.” Families are busy - running from place to place with little time to look where they are going or to even form an idea of what they want their family to look like. The Family Board Meeting is a tool that couples can use to cast a vision for their family and create concrete goals that will make that vision a reality. In this podcast we discuss the importance of this time, talk about elements of a Family Board Meeting, and we give suggestions on logistics that will make it happen. Go to our website https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-resources/free to download the guide that can go along with this podcast. Creating a vision for your family and setting goals as a team is a powerful way for couples to be more intentional about building their own family culture.

“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19:14 Most parents realize that young children are not little adults and they have particular needs for their physical and mental well-being. We must realize that they have particular needs for their spiritual well-being as well. Parents need to learn how to tend the seed of their child’s faith life and that starts with acknowledging the differences, and realizing that in many ways, the child is closer to God than we are! The beautiful thing about parenting is that as we nurture our child’s faith, we will grow closer to God ourselves. We must learn from the child how to have a “child-like” faith as Jesus taught in the gospels. Listen in as we explain how the child’s faith is different than ours and how we can nurture their faith in appropriate ways. Book referenced during today's show: Looking for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd in your area?  Visit CGS USA

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 More than any other topic, discipline is something listeners have asked us to address in our podcast. Our hesitation has been that this is just such a complicated topic! One that deserves much time and thought because, well… it's complicated and there are no easy answers, as much as we would like there to be. So instead of trying to cover all things regarding discipline, we decided to give some foundational beliefs in our discipline philosophy. This podcast explores 5 principles of discipline that all parents can apply to their children, not matter what the age. This podcast compliments our Guide to Discipline found on our website. Podcasts referenced - The Five Love Languages, The Irreplaceable Role of Parents, and Parenting as a Team.

Welcome to the 100th podcast!  We are celebrating the public launch of our ministry with new branding, new website, and even new intro and outro music on the podcast itself!  As promised, we decided to interview the people who had more influence on our parenting than anyone else, and who have taught us the most. Those people would be (drum roll, please!) our children!  We hope you find both interviews entertaining and informative (though the younger kids were more entertaining than informative!). We decided that 12 people talking altogether would be too much so we first interviewed the oldest 5 children and then the youngest 5.    We talk about such topics as - What are the best and worst parts of being in a big family? What life lessons have you learned from our family? How did you handle fighting with siblings growing up? What did that teach you? It was fun for us to interview the older children and hear what influenced them and made the biggest impression on them.  They came up with some really great insights that we hadn’t even thought of! We hope you can listen in and celebrate with us, but also gain some insight and inspiration from hearing from the Hernon Ten.

We listen to what our parents say to us because this is how we figure out who we are. – Dr. Meg Meeker The words that parents say to their children are important, but equally as important (if not more) is HOW we say those words. We have found this through our own struggles with yelling! Communication happens not only verbally, but also emotionally, so our words can be lost in the way in which we express ourselves. When we raise our voices in anger through yelling we may unintentionally be verbally assaulting our own children. In this show we talk about having a plan, getting perspective and asking for help. Stay connected and hear about the new website, Advent box, and more by signing up for our newsletter: https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

Raising children is beautiful but also hard work. It’s a task for unselfish, devoted parents. ~ Archbishop Chaput Parenting is not for cowards, that is for sure! Thankfully, God gives children two parents who, when they work together, can provide the best environment for their child. But working together can be tough. Spouses come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, virtues, and vices. All of this needs to be worked through to get in sync with each other. Presenting a united front to your children is not only good for them, its good for you and your marriage as well. Listen in as we give some tips on how to parent together with respect, unity, and God’s grace.  

"Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored and that specifies both its dignity and responsibility: family, become what you are” (Familiaris Consortio, #17) We have discussed how important a family culture is. It is a powerful construct that communicates more effectively than your words alone can. But how do parents build a healthy culture in their home? What should the elements be? The first priority should be building a spiritual life, which we discussed in “Building a Family Culture” but what comes after that? In this podcast, we discuss the next 4 priorities: your marriage, the family’s network of relationships, discovering giftedness, and family operations. Listen in and then take some time to discuss with your spouse what needs to be strengthened in the culture you are building in your home. (BONUS: At the very end we are joined by a special guest.) Sign up for more on Family Culture at https://messyfamilyproject.org/community

Creating a Family Culture is a powerful way to influence our children in a way that goes beyond our relationship with any one individual child. It is greater than just you or your spouse. Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word. It is a natural construct, but it is actually spiritual also because it creates an invisible web that binds your family together. This system of values and beliefs that result in behavior powerfully forms the way of life for your family. Parents need to be thoughtful and intentional about the culture that they are stewarding within their home. Listen in as we explain the priorities that should be found in a healthy family culture.  Part 1 of 2... more to come  

Siblings: Children of the same parents each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together ~ Sam Levenson One of the greatest gift we can give our children is more brothers and sisters. But as parents our responsibility isn’t just to provide those siblings and just walk away saying, “Hope it all works out!”. We need to provide the environment and guidance that children need to have healthy, life-giving relationships with their brothers and sisters. This is a challenge - no doubt about it! But the effort that parents put into this formation is worth it in the long run. Listen in as we give tips, perspective, and encouragement to all parents who are working to overcome sibling challenges.  

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it is up to us to share our calm, not join in the chaos” You are at a friend's house for dinner with your kids. The 3 and 5 yr old are playing on the floor. Each has a toy, but then one child decides that he wants what his friend has. Chaos ensues. What are parents to do? How do you deal with your child? What do you say to the little friend? How do you manage this with your hosts? This is a sticky situation that many parents run into - how can you have peace between little kids visiting together? We talk about this and give some realistic expectations on little kids play and social interactions.

“...the ability to be “at leisure” is one of the basic powers of the human soul.” - Josef Pieper, Leisure, the Basis of Culture How many of us really appreciate what it mean to enjoy leisure in our lives? Life can’t be just about work, and simply “having fun” doesn’t capture what we really need to be rejuvenated in our lives. We need to allow ourselves to just “be” and we need to also create that culture within our family. Taking time for reading, creating, or playing games is one of the ways we can have a foretaste of heaven. In this podcast we discuss this topic, but we also give a list of recommended games for different age groups and games that the whole family can play, no matter what the age! Interested in the list of fun games we mentioned on this podcast?  Sign up for our newsletter or contact us.

To be in your child’s memories tomorrow you have to be in their lives today. ~ Unknown. Be who you were made to be and you will set the world on fire. ~ St. Catherine of Siena There are parents in this world who are greatly gifted. They started out as Catholic men and women who were highly successful in their professional lives and had made sacrifices to get there. When children come into the picture, how do these professionals, who are now parents, order their lives to make family a top priority? In this podcast, we discuss the principles that parents can apply in ordering these goods - the good of developing your professional skill and the good of family life - towards the optimal path to holiness and wholeness. There are no simple answers, but with prayer and discussion parents can make a decision that will give them peace. Take the survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MPSummer Become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/MessyParenting

"Sanctify the family and you will sanctify the world." No, we are not talking about dad (although he may be king of the remote!) We have a different King in mind. 62% of children say they stopped being Catholic between the ages of 10 and 17 according to the CARA research center. This means children are losing their faith while they are under their parent’s roof. How can we make sure our kids are not part of this statistic? What can a modern Catholic family do to create an environment that helps keep our kids faithful? Where should we start? We believe the “secret weapon” for Catholic families in the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart of Jesus within your home. When families proclaim publicly that Jesus Christ is King, great mercies and graces flow into the family. Listen in as we explain what this means and how to use this “secret weapon” to keep your family close to Christ. Resources: Enthronement of the Sacred Heart Ceremony Become a monthly supporter Books on Enthronement

“Emotions are like children. You shouldn’t lock them in the trunk, but you don’t want them driving the car either” Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self control is an under appreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign which was “Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference” ~Elie Wiesel Have you ever felt distant from your spouse? Living like married singles in the same house? or maybe just some dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through cycles of romance and then disillusionment which can lead to true joy. But without intentional decisions and actions, marriages can get stuck in indifference and that is a very real danger. What are the most effective steps to move out of this stage? How do you overcome indifference? In this podcast we give some practical and simple advice to husbands and wives who are striving for an exceptional marriage. Related Episodes: Five Love Languages Vulnerability in Marriage Arguing in Marriage  

We regularly get questions from our listeners on a variety of topics. Some can become podcasts, some are answered individually, but some questions are a bit in between. On this episode, we tackle someone struggling with outgrowing a friendship and wondering how to handle that and another who is working to build community where they are. Another listener has an autistic son and would like to encourage all Catholics to be sensitive and inclusive, especially in church. We had another question about godparenting when the parents of your godchild are not practicing their faith. All important and relevant issues for parents everywhere. Listen in to hear our take on these questions and then feel free to contact us with some of your own issues! Referenced episodes: Building Community Godparenting Evangelizing as a family Prepare the Way (video)

Dads, no one will call you Hero like your daughter will. - Dr. Meg Meeker The Father-Daughter relationship is sweet and sometimes cute, but the reality is that it is of vital importance in the light of every girl who will become a woman. Father’s don’t have to be perfect, but they need to be intentional about how they relate to their daughters. Well-fathered daughters enter the world with a healthy respect for themselves, and for men in general which often can help them enter into deeper, more fulfilling relationships as they enter adulthood. Listen in as we give some insight, inspiration and ideas on how you can work on your relationship with your daughter. Resources: Steubenville Father Daughter Dance Articles and Posts from Dr. Meg Meeker on Raising Daughters The Surprising Ways Your Father Impacts Who You’ll Marry Devotional for Strong Fathers, Strong Daughter  

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way...” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Very few of us are blessed to be surrounded by people who agree with us on our faith or values 100% of the time, but we need to navigate these relationships and keep them healthy in spite of our differences. This is true especially in parental relationships because honoring your parents is a commandment, without a caveat or condition. The reality is that when people are critical of our faith, our values, or our parenting choices we need to learn to respond first with love and charity. It is a simple answer but a difficult one. In this podcast, we give 5 steps in loving those who differ with us. This podcast was sponsored by an anonymous supporter who is struggling to stay in relationships with family members who disagree with their practice of the Catholic faith.

Our family is a circle of strength and love. Every joy shared adds love, every crisis faced makes the circle stronger. With every birth and every marriage, the circle grows. All of the parenting we have done for our son has led up to this point. The point where he separates from us and forms his own family. Feb 10, 2017 our son Patrick married Cassie in our hometown of Steubenville and it was a wedding to remember! Not everything went perfectly as planned, but that didn’t matter. The bride and groom beautifully reflected the love that God has for all of us and the formation of this new family should give all Catholics another reason to hope. We are so proud of our son and our new daughter, and we hope you are inspired by their wedding story!

Screens are part of our world and they are here to stay. TV, computers, smartphones, tablets are all around us and becoming an essential element in our everyday lives. Though many would like to demonize these devices, the reality is that they are amoral - not good nor bad. It is our job as parents to help our children learn to use these screens in a way that is beneficial for their physical, social, and emotional development. Screens are a big issue for parents and a complex one. In this podcast, we discuss navigating this topic with our kids and why limiting screens is it actually more of a challenge for parents than for children. “Their performance might be high in gaming and internet information processing, but what about performance in low-tech activities such as building relationships? Parenting? Achieving greatness at anything, from sports to music to business?” ~Amy and Evelyn Guttmann Links: What Screen Time and Screen Media Do To Your Child’s Brain and Sensory Processing Ability American Academy of Pediatrics: Media Use by Children Previous Messy Parenting episode on Kids and Technology

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps 37:4 Making decisions is a stressful and sometimes difficult task for most of us, especially when you are a parent. Deciding where to live, what job to take, or how to educate your children are probably three of the most important decisions you will make. How can you know what God wants?  How can you discern what is best for you and for your family?  In this podcast, we discuss things to consider when you have to make a big decision. God wants to bless you. Just seek His face, stay close to Him, and don’t stress out! Resources: Fr. Mike Scanlan’s What Does God Want TV Show with Fr. Timothy Gallagher on Discovering God’s Will Related podcast: MP 033: Educational Choice

We are all looking for the perfect gift. What gift is more treasured than our Lord? Many of you deeply desire for your children to know Christ in a special way this Christmas. In this video broadcast, we encourage you to first receive from the Lord, because we can’t give what we don’t have ourselves. In order to celebrate Christmas, use this time to seek reconciliation and give generously what you have been given. We can very simply honor the birth of our Lord through the very gift of ourselves to others. This is our fourth Advent broadcast and would love to hear your reaction. By signing up for our email newsletter we will also send you links for a great Christmas album that your family will enjoy. At the end of this is a sample with our daughters singing the Angel Gabriel. Related episodes: Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws Forgiveness Family Prayer Busyness  

Make Advent a time to renew your family's faith life with scripture. This the audio version from the Advent video series from Messy Parenting. Our hope with this series is to help you make Jesus Christ the King of your family and unleash God’s power in your parenting. This is the second of the four part series. This week we focus on "Making the Word of God Flesh in Your Home". In 20 minutes we share 3 ways to make scripture come alive this Advent (and throughout the year).

"Seven days without prayer makes one weak." The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas are full of many tasks, which are fun and beautiful, but also may take our eyes off of the One we need most at this time. Making room for prayer in our busy schedules isn’t just something that is important during Advent, but is an essential part of parenting and living as a Catholic in this crazy world. In this podcast, we take some time to define WHY we should pray, HOW you can pray, and, most importantly, WHEN you can pray. Why should we parents pray? 1. Out of justice, because God deserves your prayer 2. To gain inner peace and take time to slow down 3. To refocus on the meaning of life and remember what matters most 4. To receive grace and strength for your day 5. To seek His blessing, provision, and protection for your family 6. To listen to God and receive His wisdom for your life 7. To allow God to love you. Gaze upon Him and let the Lord gaze upon you.

“A child will have many friends and companions in their lives, but they will only ever have two parents.” The role of parents in the lives of their children cannot be underestimated. Of course, we have a natural and biological role that is irreplaceable for our children - we are to protect and provide for them - but we sometimes forget our irreplaceable emotional and spiritual role. The world would like to tell us otherwise, but we need to stand firm in the truth that we have a dignity and responsibility as parents that we can't surrender. When your children are young, you are not there to be your child’s friend, companion, or buddy. You need to be the authority figure, the protector, the image of God the Father to them. This is a daunting task, but God will give you the grace you need. Because this podcast is so important, we've listed an outline of it below. What is your “irreplaceable role”? How can you take your rightful place in the life of your child in a way that no one else can? Protect them. Infants and toddlers need protecting, but so do teenagers. Looks different, but someone has to do it. Provide for them. We realize we need to give food, clothing and shelter, but we also need to provide for kids emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Form them. You are the first and best teacher of your child. Lean into that role and use the power of your relationship to speak to their heart. Be a student of your child. Observe them. Learn their personality type. Find what motivates them. This is true at every age. We all want to be known and it gives security like nothing else to be “known” by your parents. Invest in them. If you died tomorrow, in a few weeks your workplace would find someone to replace you. But your children would be changed forever by your loss. Your family is the greatest return on your investment. And your family needs you more than anyone else. Give them a sense of identity and belonging. Your child is a son or daughter of God and you are the one to confirm that identity. Create a family culture so your child knows that when the world beats them up, they will always know who they are and have a place in your home. Give them a sense of purpose. One of the highest and most important needs of man is a sense of purpose. Children need to know that God has a plan for their lives, that He has a mission specifically for them. Their life has a purpose, and you will be there to walk beside them and find that purpose together.

“Life is pain, your highness. And anyone who tells you differently is selling something.” - The Princess Bride Children today are less able to deal with failure, rejection, and pain than ever before. As parents, we hate to see our children suffer, but how do we prepare them for real life? How do we help to make them strong, but flexible at the same time? In this podcast, we discuss how hard it is to see our precious children struggle, and we point out the pitfalls that we parents can easily fall into. We also give three principles you can implement in your parenting to help form resilient kids.

"You left just as you were becoming interesting.” ~ Professor Henry Jones to Indiana Jones All throughout our children’s lives, we are laying a foundation, a foundation upon which the rest of their lives will be built. How we relate to them, the consequences we provide to their behavior, and the teaching we give when they are teens (or even younger) will affect how we relate to them when they become adults. Parenting an adult child can be heartbreaking or amazingly satisfying, depending on the decisions they make. In this podcast, we give seven tips on how to parent your adult child and help them to launch into the world of adulthood.

“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.” ~ Benjamin Franklin We thought we were really nice people before we had kids. Our children can sometimes trigger anger that we didn’t even realize was there, anger that can surprise us with its violence. To overcome unrighteous anger, we need to understand why we get angry (sometimes it's not unjustified!) and make a plan for how we are going to deal with it. This can be a difficult issue for many people because it takes humility to admit when we are wrong, and vulnerability to deal with our own brokenness. Show Notes: Check out these resources. Book: Taming the Lion Within: 5 Steps from Anger to Peace by Dr. Rhonda Chervin Great article: How to Deal with Parental Anger by Dr. Sears Our podcast on The Courage to Correct Your Spouse Our podcast on Words Matter

“For the grace of Baptism to unfold, the parents' help is important. So too is the role of the godfather and godmother, who must be firm believers, able and ready to help the newly baptized on the road of Christian life.” Catechism of the Catholic Church, No. 1255 Our world presents images of cartoon fairy godmothers and mob-boss godfathers, but in actuality, being a godparent is a lifelong commitment with spiritual significance. To be an effective godparent, we need to be in a relationship with our godchild as a Christian as we assist the parents in the faith formation of their child. In this episode, we discuss how to choose a godparent, the importance of godparents in the life of the child, and how to be a godparent who actually makes an impact on the life of a young Catholic. Listen in to learn more about this important relationship. This sponsored podcast is dedicated to Katie Stockermans.

“If the devil cannot make us bad, he will make us busy.” ~ Corrie TenBoom If we are too busy to pray, eat with our family, or play with our kids, then we are too busy. When we look at our family’s schedule, we need to make sure that we have the “big rocks” in place. We need to make sure that we invest time in those things that we say are our top priorities. Show me how you spend your time, and I will show you what you value. In this podcast, we talk about families and our busy schedules. We look at how we can juggle it all and make wise choices for our children and ourselves. Really, most of our podcast ideas boil down to this - how do you make it all happen? Thanks to the Master Planner for sponsoring this episode! Show Notes: Our podcast on Kids and Activities Our podcast on Raising confident kids who aren't full of themselves Our podcast on being Overwhelmed

"The future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home." ~ St. John Paul the Great Every Catholic is called to evangelize. No matter where you are in life, we are to spreading the gospel of Christ in all we do. Does that mean that we need to carry a bible in the diaper bag and preach on the street? Not necessarily (though a bible in your diaper bag is a good idea!), the first step in evangelization is to love. When we evangelize as a family, that means that we first love, serve, and preach the gospel to our own children as we create a home in which others can come to be served and cared for. Your family can be a witness to Christ as you show how to love as Jesus loved. Thank you to Sean and Aine Ascough of Ireland for sponsoring this podcast! Show Notes: some resources we mentioned in this episode: Our podcast on Evangelizing your Kids Our podcast on Passing on the Faith Our podcast on Scripture and the Family

“The more ready you are to give yourselves to God and to others, the more you will discover the authentic meaning of life.” ― Jason Evert, Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves Chastity is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and a virtue that frees us to love others for who they are, not for what they do for us. The foundation of chastity should be intentionally laid when our children are young, so this virtue can fully flower in their teen years and beyond. This podcast isn’t a “chastity talk": it's fifty minutes of practical advice on what this virtue looks like when lived out in a family of all different ages and stages of development. Thank you to the Piwnicki family from St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Crystal Lake, IL for sponsoring this podcast! Show Notes: Our podcast on the importance of Friendship for your Kids Our podcast on Preparing Your Tween and Yourself for Adolescence Our podcast on the Messy Parenting Guide to Dating Book: Raising Pure Teens by Jason Evert and Chris Stefanick Book: Theology of His/Her Body  by Jason Evert

“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.” ~Anonymous One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It's hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven! Notes: The Absorbent Mind (Montessori book) Articles on toddlers from Focus on the Family (Christian website)

“It is in the family that young people have their first experience of Gospel values and of the love which gives itself to God and to others.” ~ St. John Paul the Great As Catholic families, we want our children to be open to the call to the priesthood or religious life, but how do we do that in a practical way? Where does this call come from? How can we support our children in responding to that call? Ultimately, the answer comes down to teaching our children to love and know Jesus, because the path ahead of them can only be walked with His help. In this podcast, Father Joe Doman, Alicia’s younger brother, shares his vocation story and insights into how the laity can foster vocations. We also discuss how to support the priests who care for us in our parishes.

“Wine is a constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” ~Ben Franklin God could have made food boring, dull, and simply to sustain us. But He didn’t. He made food good! Added with human creativity and work, food becomes a sign of love to our families. Parents work to buy food, prepare food, and serve food to nourish their children. It’s amazing how much work goes into just feeding people! In this podcast, we talk about feeding babies, the kind of food we give our kids, our perspective on organic and non-GMO foods, and why we think it's important to consider the philosophy of food that you are passing on to your kids. Additional Resources: Plating Grace (Fr. Leo is awesome!) The Catholic Table (great book and blog!) Once-a-Month Cooking (Cook book)

“More than ever necessary in our times is preparation of young people for marriage and family life.” – St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio Preparing for a wedding can be a whirl of appointments, deposits, planning, decision-making, “Pintresting,” and, sometimes, drama. But the wedding is just a day: marriage is a lifetime. Preparing for marriage is a very serious and important task for any couple. Marriage is naturally fraught with difficulties, and that's especially true in our culture, today. There is little support for faithful marriage, and many of us come from families who have given us poor examples of what a healthy marriage should look like. In this podcast, we list some topics that couples really need to discuss as well as some of our own insights on how to renew the sacrament of marriage in our Church. Show Notes: some resources we mentioned Catholic Bishops on Marriage Fr. John Riccardo: a Biblical Vision for Marriage Pt 1(iTunes) Video series: Beloved

“The future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home [the family].” - St. John Paul II The deepest desire for many of us as parents is to pass on the faith to our children. According to many statistics, upwards of two-thirds of young people are leaving the faith. So it's obvious that most parents are facing an uphill battle in this area and must intentionally evangelize their children. What is the secret formula for success? What does it look like to be an evangelizing parent? In this podcast, we share the top five ways to evangelize your kids. Gain some insight, spark a conversation, and go deeper in the work of evangelization. Listen in and share your ideas.

“Once you’re a parent, your relationship matters more, not less, because now other people are counting on you.” ~ TheDatingDivas.com Marriage is under attack, but many times the attack is not direct and aggressive. Instead, it is slow and subtle – couples simply drift apart. How do we keep this from happening in our marriages? In this podcast, we share five ways to keep your love alive in your relationship. Each of us must continue to pursue and discover our spouse, no matter how long we have been married or how well we think we know each other. During this episode, we also share how our listeners can help us spread this ministry of Messy Parenting. Listen in! Consider sponsoring the podcast

There are few tasks in parenting that can be as challenging or as rewarding as disciplining sons and daughters who are moving from childhood to adulthood, otherwise known as teenagers. This is an important time of transition for both them and their parents. Old ways of communicating and protecting them will not be as effective as they were. Some families breeze through this time, while it takes a heavy toll on others. In this podcast, we would like to give some foundational principles that we have found very helpful in discipling, not just disciplining, children who are going through this amazing and critical transformation in their lives. This podcast had so much information in it that we decided to break it up into two parts. This is the second part.

"Don't throw away your friendship with your teenager over behavior that has no great moral significance. There will be plenty of real issues that require you to stand like a rock. Save your big guns for those crucial confrontations." ~Dr. James Dobson There are few tasks in parenting that can be as challenging or rewarding as disciplining sons and daughters who are moving from childhood to adulthood, otherwise known as teenagers. This is an important time of transition for them, and it is a time of transition for parents as well. Old ways of communicating and protecting them will not be as effective as they were. Some families breeze through this time, while it takes a heavy toll on others. In this podcast, we would like to give some foundational principles that we have found very helpful in discipling, not just disciplining, children who are going through this amazing and critical transformation in their lives. This podcast had so much information in it, that we decided to break it up into two parts. The second part will be out next week.

“Father Mike Scanlan was a priest of the New Evangelization before there was a New Evangelization.” ~ George Weigel Father Michael Scanlan, TOR, who died on January 7, 2017, the week before this podcast, impacted many lives with the saving message of Jesus Christ. He was a friar, priest, preacher, teacher, healer, and university president, but to us, he was a spiritual father. In this podcast, we take some time to reflect on the lessons that we have learned from this man that we would like to share and continue to make real in our lives. We know you will benefit from hearing about this great man because he taught us both how to love Jesus in a deep, real, intimate way. We hope we can honor his legacy by continuing to proclaim the Gospel in the best way we know how -- by sharing these stories with you. The debt we owe him is beyond all measure. Thank You, Jesus, for this gift, this privilege, this humble friar who has changed our lives for all eternity.

“Human beings look separate because you see them walking about separately. But then we are so made that we can see only the present moment. If we could see the past, then of course it would look different. For there was a time when every man was part of his mother, and (earlier still) part of his father as well, and when they were part of his grandparents. If you could see humanity spread out in time, as God sees it, it would look like one single growing thing--rather like a very complicated tree. Every individual would appear connected with every other.” ― C.S. Lewis We all come from somewhere. We are part of the human family, but also we are part of a particular family with a history. So many of us, especially Americans, have lost the appreciation for our family tree that we should have. It’s important that we know where we come from, so we can pass that on to our children and to future generations. In this podcast, we talk not only about the importance of knowing our ancestry, but also about maintaining connections with extended family and teaching our children their family history through videos, keepsakes, and photos. All of these things are important in keeping us grounded in our place in history. Show Notes: Catholic tangent: I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts!

“In children, we have a great charge committed to us. Let us bestow great care upon them…Form the soul of thy son aright, and all the rest will be added hereafter.” —St. John Chrysostom We are so grateful for all the people who have emailed us encouraging words and stories of how these podcasts have touched their lives. We are MOST grateful for those people who email us questions because we can use them as topics for our podcasts! Thank you for trusting us enough to ask for our help. In this episode, we take some time to answer questions and give encouragement to those who have asked us about issues like teaching gratefulness, getting kids to sleep, and tithing. Keep those questions coming!

“Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Unforgiveness destroys marriages, relationships, families, and communities, but forgiveness is the most powerful weapon we have as Christians. When we forgive, with the grace of God, we are free from the power that any person and their actions have over us. Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible, and if it is dependent on us, then it would be. But we are not alone! Listen in as we talk about what it means to forgive and how to do it.

"The birth of Jesus brings us the good news that we are loved immensely and uniquely by God." – Pope Francis The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ – His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our family to focus beyond presents and treats to the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast, we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent, and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem. Show Notes: Previous podcasts of interest: Our podcast on Holidays with In-laws and Out-laws Our podcast on Visiting Family

“I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.” ~ Jim Gaffigan, Dad Is Fat Babies are a joy. If you are married without children, people will often tell you that no one can describe what it's like to be a parent, and they are right! Parenthood is something that has to be lived through to understand because you can’t explain it. God has this amazing way of combining an experience that is exciting, frustrating, amazing, and discouraging all at once. He does all this to form us into who He wants us to be, which is the best version of ourselves. In this podcast, we offer some encouragement, a dose of realism, and of course, practical advice in navigating the transition from being a married couple to being parents.

Warning! Political Talk Ahead! "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” ~ Edmund Burke This election is a difficult one for many reasons. What is a good Catholic to do? Over the years, Mike has been involved in politics on the local, state, and federal levels. He has had time to think and pray about some principles that apply to this election in America, but also to elections in other countries and at other times. We think you will find this advice practical and helpful as we navigate these muddy waters in our election this year.

"…Do good, be rich in good deeds, and be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." - 1 Timothy 6:18-19 Where we spend our money is a very personal decision. The fruits of our labors are important, and where our money goes reflects our values. Giving money away is where the rubber hits the road in our relationship with God. How much do we recognize that we are dependent on Him? Do we really give Him all we have? Using part of our hard-earned money to serve the Lord is a reflection that our lives are given to Him. Listen in to hear our philosophy, but also some practical advice on how to discern what God is calling us to in tithing some of our resources to the service of His Kingdom.

"I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle; I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!" The common answer when people ask us, “How are you doing?” is often “I am so busy!” Sometimes being busy is good, when you feel as if you are cruising on the crest of a wave. But the problem is that eventually, you trip and the wave crashes over you and tumbles you into chaos. So many things about being a parent are overwhelming because much of what we are dealing with is new to us! When we are overwhelmed, we parents need to stop and reevaluate. Listen in to this podcast (our first in a few weeks! We get overwhelmed too!) where we give some sympathy and empathy, but also some good ideas of how to deal with the common parental experience of being overwhelmed.

“To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Many cry that marriage today is under attack, but the most powerful attack on marriage is often less like a bombardment and more like a silent cancer that creeps into our relationship with the person that we should feel totally safe with - our spouse. For our marriages to grow, we need to reveal ourselves to the other more and more, and this involves risk. For many men, the risk is looking weak. For women, the risk is getting hurt. But there really is no other option to vulnerability! In a marriage relationship, you are either growing or dying. We need to all learn how to honestly share our inmost thoughts and feelings with our spouse if our marriage is truly going to bring us life. In this podcast, we talk about what holds us back, why we should go forward, and what the fruit of vulnerability is in our marriage.

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." - Romans 13:1 Every day, it seems like we hear of another act of violence by police or against police. Where is the respect for authority in our culture? How can we teach respect to our children? Actually, the more important question is why should we teach that to our children? In this podcast, we talk about the importance of respect for authority because authority ultimately comes from God. Our current culture engenders disrespect for authority. We need to change that, starting with our own family.

"I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood or brotherhood is a condition people have to work at." – Maya Angelou Growing up, all each of us remembers was fighting with our siblings. Now, they are our best friends, an integral part of our identity. How did that happen? Creating an environment in which siblings can form sisterhood and brotherhood should be an essential part of your parenting playbook. Your children’s relationships need to survive distance, conflict, and the test of time long after you and your spouse are gone. How do you do that now? How do you make that a priority in your family? Listen in as we share our experiences as siblings and as parents in a large Catholic family.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” - Matthew 6:26-27 Parents worry about so many things. When you have kids, it's like part of your heart is walking around outside of you! But Christ commands us not to worry. In this podcast, we ask: what is worth the mental and emotional energy of concern on your part, and what is not? We also discuss some of the common things that parents worry about, and the Catholic response to worry.

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer Our faith celebrates and values children and openness to life, so having one child or no children can be particularly painful for Catholic couples who long for a big family. To discuss this topic on a personal level, we interviewed Brad and Jessica Sheguit, Alicia’s sister and brother-in-law who have carried this burden for over seven years. In this podcast, Brad and Jessica share their struggles and give advice on how to support couples who carry this hidden cross. Show Notes: From the USCCB: An article on reproductive technology  & Guidelines on Reproductive Technology Additional Catholic information: www.catholicinfertility.org/ NaPro technology: www.fertilitycare.org

Every single person has a different perspective when looking at the same thing. How many times in our marriage do we come into conflict with our spouse over things that are not moral issues, just differences in opinion? It happens pretty often, especially when you are first starting out and beginning your family. In this podcast, we help you to see that those differences are actually gifts. We just need to figure out how to discuss our differences in a productive way. Many of our examples for this podcast come from listener emails that we felt were important to respond to.

You can’t put your head in the sand. If you don’t bring up tough issues with your child, they are going to encounter those issues, but from someone else's perspective. When do you bring up sticky issues with your kids? It’s so hard to know when and if you should discuss things like terrorism, abortion, or where babies come from. Kids bring up topics at the most inconvenient times! Plus, life is messy and as much as we would like to keep our children innocent forever, that is just not possible. In this podcast, we share some of our experiences and give some guidelines on how we have handled these issues with our kids. Listen in and let the conversation begin. Discussion Questions: How will we protect our child’s innocence? What issues are on the horizon for our family? What’s our response as parents to these issues?

"Community is a sign that love is possible in a materialistic world where people so often either ignore or fight each other. It is a sign that we don’t need a lot of money to be happy – in fact, the opposite." ~ Jean Vanier, founder of L'Arche Relationships are a complicated thing, but somehow we can’t live without them. Just as it is not good for a man to be alone, it is also not good for a family to be alone. We are created to live in community. How do we do this when our lifestyles tend to isolation? How do you find community with people who share your values? How do you create community where there is none? In this podcast, we share some experiences and ideas on how to form meaningful relationships with other people, and why this is vital to the health of Catholic families.

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. First, let’s be clear – deciding if Mom should work outside the home is not a moral issue. It is a personal decision made by couples in light of their priorities. In this day and age, most mothers have to work outside the home at some point. Some moms have home businesses, some work part-time, some work full-time, some are able to not work at all. No matter what, the employment decision is a difficult one for families. In our family, Alicia has worked part-time and full-time, so we have had to wrestle with many of these issues. Here are some questions for couples to discuss: Do we appreciate the role of a mom and how she contributes to the household by the work she is doing at home? How are we balancing the needs of our children with the financial needs of our family? If mom is working, what is our financial plan? We also responded to a listener's question about having more children when the mom has to work in order to keep the family afloat. Being a working mom is not easy – you have to be willing to screw up at every level. ~ Jami Gertz

“The Lord gave me this challenging child for a purpose. He wants me to mold and shape this youngster and prepare him or her for a life of service to Him.” ― James C. Dobson This episode is really meant for parents of little kids who cause problems. Such as toddlers who push other kids, kids whom they really like but don't know how to play with. The reaction of our society to these children (who are usually boys) ranges from disbelieving shock (“How could that child DO such a thing?”) to indifference (“He is just going through a stage”), but neither response is really the right one. Little guys like this are just amazing bundles of raw personality! But these little personalites need to be formed and trained by their parents – and yes, that means you. It can be truly embarrassing to have an aggressive child, but get used to it because your child is just beginning his work of embarrassing you! We also have some advice for kids at the other end of the spectrum - those who get picked on and pushed over. They too need to learn the right way to respond that will not teach them to be a doormat, which is not what we want our children to be. We also respond to a listener question from our podcast on Criticizing your husband.

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. Wives: which statement do you agree with more, regarding your husband? “I don’t know how I could live without him” or “I don’t know how he could live without me.” Do we treat our husbands like a child? Do we criticize our husbands in public or to our friends? Criticism doesn’t achieve the change women are looking for -- ever! Attacking the need to be respected is a sure way to put your marriage on the road to danger. How can wives speak to their husbands respectfully? How can husbands and wives work as a team to improve their marriage and their lives? Being disrespected rarely motivates a man.

“I have this problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.” ~ the modern child Raising confident children is the obsession of many parents today. Cries of “Good job!” “You can do it!” “You are awesome!” can be heard in playgrounds, sporting events, and auditoriums all over the country. Is this really how we should ground our children and help them to be the best they can be? The key to self-esteem is not what you do, but who you are. Who are you? You are a child of God, created in His image. Listen in as we delve into this topic and explore how we can communicate to our children a true confidence based on reality. Some questions to start a discussion: What activities can I do to help give my child confidence? How do I build my teen's identity as a child of God? Where does my own identity come from? In my accomplishments or in who I am?

'Spend’ your time on paper before you ‘spend’ it in reality “How do you do it?” People ask us this question all the time, so we finally decided to answer it, at least in part. In this podcast, we share why a routine is important and why families should budget their time, just as they budget their money. How do you make up this “budget”? Decide what your values are, then decide how they should be evidenced in your routine. As usual, we give some principles, and then some specifics on how you can make a routine for your family that reflects your values and ideals. Discussion Questions: What is our routine? Do we have a routine? Does it align with our values? What do we want to change about it? Show Notes: We referenced these other podcasts: Our podcast on Chores Our podcast on Family Board Meeting Our podcast on Family Dinners

"…I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." ~ Wedding Vows Our wedding was a day to remember for many reasons. First of all, we each married our best friend and began the greatest adventure of our lives. Also, it was a complete disaster by wedding standards. An ice storm in Philadelphia caused power outages, hazardous driving conditions, and canceled plans for many of our guests. In this podcast, we share our story so all of you can feel great about your weddings, even if they didn’t go as planned! A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime ~ Engaged Encounter slogan

"Am I not here, I, who am your mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you or disturb you.” ~Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego The Virgin Mary is not only a model and intercessor for us to Jesus, but she is also our Mother. She is the crown of God’s creation and a great gift to us from the Father. Who is this woman? Why is she so special? Why should we introduce our children to her? In this podcast, we answer these questions while sharing our own experiences and thoughts on this amazing woman. Show Notes: Best book >> 33 Days to Morning Glory Prayer for consecrating a child to the Blessed Virgin Mary  

"Failing to plan is planning to fail." – Ben Franklin Your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board. Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan? Once a year, it’s a good idea to get away, dream a little, and make a plan. A Family Board Meeting isn’t about success or failure; it’s about being unified as a couple in your vision and goals for your family. "Do or do not… there is no try." - Yoda Show Notes: • Three Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni • Beginner’s Guide to Goal Setting from Michael Hyatt • Family Mission and Vision article on the Art of Manliness

“Musical nourishment which is ‘rich in vitamins’ is essential for children.” ~ Zoltan Kodaly, music educator Music is a powerful tool, and an absolutely unique vehicle for ideas, emotions, and stimulation. As parents, we need to train our children to recognize music that is good and music that is not worth listening to. By exposing our children to lots of different types of music, we can help them to make judgments and choose what is good. We can’t underestimate the importance of music in our culture and in our home. "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." ~ Plato

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." - Matthew 18: 15 As married people, we each have a duty, a solemn obligation to help to get our spouse to heaven. Sometimes we help them by being a cross for them ☺, but sometimes we need to help our beloved by pointing out things in their lives that need to change in order for them to grow in virtue. Here, we're not talking about a difference in values – most of those are not moral issues – but correction regarding sinful patterns of behavior or vices that need to be rooted out. How do we do this? How do we know when to speak up and when to just pray or be silent? How do we get the courage needed to have this conversation with love? “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor Thanksgiving and Christmas are times of great joy and celebration, but can also be times of unprecedented stress and conflict. Buying gifts, traveling to see extended family, and keeping traditions are all important aspects of the holidays. How do Catholic families enjoy this while also keeping Christ as the center of our holidays? How do we love our families while we are striving to keep the peace and make everything perfect for our kids? Listen in as we discuss these challenges and the ways that we have dealt with them in our household. Show Notes: Shows we referenced and ideas for Advent and Christmas Our podcast on Visiting Family 9 Things to do to make a more meaningful Advent Dynamic Catholic's best Advent ever “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” - John 1:5

“With great power comes great responsibility” ~ Ben Parker (Spiderman’s Uncle) As Catholics, we have a great blessing in the clarity and beauty of the Church’s teaching on contraception. Using the natural rhythms of a woman’s cycle to regulate birth is a way that couples can use the reason of science as they are informed by the light of Faith. NFP is a gift, but it’s also a challenge! It’s hard to deny our bodies when our culture is telling us that we deserve every comfort as well as instant gratification.  In this podcast, we talk about the gift of NFP, but also the reality of the cross of denying ourselves. Listen in and tell us what you think! Show Notes: Links and resources we mention in this podcast. Humanae Vitae Dr. Janet Smith Couple to Couple League NaProTechnology (Creighton Model of NFP) USCCB on Natural Family Planning Theology of the Body Institute

You might be a millennial parent if you… have more pictures of your kids than you do of yourself on social media, feed your kids only organic food, regularly ask the internet for parenting advice, have a tattoo or piercing, or... The generation born between 1980-2000 has a particular way of parenting that is unique. Recently TIME magazine ran an article called “Help! My Parents are Millennials!” and we thought it would be a good idea to address some of the issues it brought to light. This generation is affected by the culture in some very good ways, but also in some very unhealthy ways. It's important to be open-minded, tolerant, and questioning, but not at the expense of being obedient, respectful, and humble. In this podcast, we look at how Millennials are parenting their children and what their particular challenges are. Show Notes: TIME magazine article on Millennial parents TIME Millennial parents raising kids poll  

“…parents must be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children. Their role as educators is so decisive that scarcely anything can compensate for their failure in it." ~ Familiaris Consortio #36 Making educational choices for our children is a daunting and stressful task for most parents. How do parents know what will be best for their children and for their families? The reality is that no one can make this decision for you. Parents need the grace of God to consider homeschooling, public school, or Catholic school and chose what is best for their child. In this podcast, we give some principles that we have used to guide our decisions and share some experiences of all the different schooling options we have chosen.

"What I do, you cannot.  What you do, I cannot.  But together we can make something beautiful for God." ~ Blessed Mother Teresa In our culture today, kids have so many options for activities that it can be overwhelming!  How do you balance family life with sports, theater, groups, and community events especially when you have many children?  Exposure to different activities is important because children need a chance to discover their talents. Nevertheless, we are doing a great disservice to our kids when we tell them that they "can be anything they want to be" -- because that simply isn't true. Not everyone can be an award-winning quarterback or the top gymnast! However, it is true that our children each have unique gifts that they need to discover, and part of being a parent is to guide our children through this process and eliminate things on the way.  

"To go on pilgrimage really means to step out of ourselves to encounter God where He has revealed Himself, where His grace has shone with particular splendor, and produced rich fruits of conversion and holiness." ~ Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI We as Catholics are incarnational people: part of the richness of being Catholic is that we can see and touch the elements of our faith!  Bringing our children to holy sites like special shrines, homes of the saints, or places of miracles helps us to make the faith real to them. These aren't just trips: pilgrimages are spiritual journeys that bring together what we know in our hearts and what we see with our eyes. In this podcast, we share about two pilgrimages that we recently went on - to the Holy Land and to Philadelphia to see the Holy Father. Listen in as we discuss how these holy journeys have strengthened our faith and inspired our children.

“Where there is a family with love, that family is capable of warming the heart of a whole city with its witness of love.” - Pope Francis Our Holy Father has a pastor’s heart, but often his quotes become controversial. He speaks directly to families, those suffering, and to those in power in a frank, honest fashion. With the Holy Father coming to the United States and the upcoming Synod on the Family, we are taking time in this podcast to discuss his words, some of his challenging comments, and why some of the things he says are taken in a negative light. We all have a responsibility to prayerfully reflect on his words with the knowledge that they are spoken by the Vicar of Christ. We welcome you to listen to our thoughts and share your opinions with us. Show Links:  Love is our Mission: The Family Fully Alive

"Learn the heart of God from the word of God." - Pope Saint Gregory the Great How is the Word of God honored in our homes? God is present in His Word; do we truly realize that? As Catholics, we need to surround our children with Scripture through stories, prayer, teaching, and song. We should be using the Bible to pass on the faith to our children, for it is through the Bible that they will come to know Who Jesus is and hear Him speaking to them. "Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ." - St. Jerome Show Notes: here are some great resources: iBreviary Scripture Studies from Scott Hahn and St. Paul Center Alicia's CD (songs help memorize scripture)

"Nothing makes a father happier than seeing a daughter with a smile on her face and her boyfriend with fear in his eyes." - Willie Robertson Daughters AND sons need direction and guidance when it comes to dating. The world tells us that dating is private and we have no business "meddling" in our teens' affairs. Nothing is farther from the truth! Kids need mom and dad's wisdom on navigating the perilous world of relationships and emotions. We have some practical advice to give from our own experience that we can share with you. Parents have to be intentional about discussing relationships with their kids and make a safe place for them to be honest and vulnerable, so they don't go seeking affirmation in the wrong places. Dating is another area in which Catholic families can affect the world in a positive way by our example. Listen in! "Your natural instinct is to protect your daughter. Forget what pop culture and pop psychologists tell you. DO IT." - Dr. Meg Meeker Show Notes: Here's what we referenced. Hernon Ground Rules for Dating (heavily copied from Jennifer Degler)  

Your marriage is only as good as the work you put into it. A child-centered marriage is a recipe for disaster. Teach children early that their “happiness” is not Mom or Dad’s reason for living. ~Breathing Grace: Everything I Know About Marriage in 200 Words or Less How often do we take the time to show our spouse that they are "Number One" in our lives? Dedicated time alone without the children is an essential part of any healthy marriage. The foundation of your family is your marriage, and we should never, ever take for granted that we are doing fine. In this episode, we talk about the importance of date nights and get-away weekends. We also address two listener questions - one on toy guns, and the other on how to have effective family time. Listen in and start the discussion on how and why we should all spend quality time with our beloved in order to improve our family life.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” - Ephesians 4:29 The words that are spoken in our home can create an atmosphere of trust, openness, and honesty, or one of hostility and distrust. We need to banish from our homes sarcasm and negative humor because they tear down family members instead of building them up. There are many ways that we can use our words to encourage our children and our spouses. We need to take the time to honor and love our family with our words, so our home can be a safe place for our children to thrive and grow.  

"Half of the time I feel like I'm running an insane asylum… the other half of the time I feel like I belong in one!" There are so many needs pressing on parents, especially moms, all day, every day. How can we prioritize our time and energy to create an orderly life for ourselves and our family? In the book A Mother's Rule of Life, Holly Pierlot describes the Six Priorities of Life that can help us create a routine in our day and make decisions that will help us use our time wisely and effectively. Despite what your children think, mothers can't do everything! Moms (and dads!) can create a balanced life by giving priority first to Prayer, then to Person, Partner, Parent, Provider, and Periphery (everything else!). If you enjoy this podcast, contact us about having Alicia come to speak to your parish or group to do a full presentation with more information on this topic. Show Notes: A Mother's Rule of Life book by Holly Pierlot

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} “My name is Rod, and I like to party.” – Andy Samburg in Hot Rod To be Catholic is to love to party, because every Mass is a foretaste of heaven, and heaven is a wedding feast! Celebrations are an important way to communicate our values to our children and to the world. By investing our time and treasure to gather friends and family together, we are saying, “This is an important event!” As Catholics, we need to reclaim the sacraments and holidays as times to feast and celebrate. This is how we can rebuild our Catholic culture and revive our communities. Listen in as we tell you about the crazy party WE had last weekend! Show Notes:  Sent in by a listener: I want my kids to know how to party

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." ~ George Washington It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, but the village is certainly an important part of his growth and development! The friendships that our children have, even at the earliest ages, are an important training ground for life. As parents, we can’t micromanage our children’s friendships, but we can guide them and provide a fertile environment for healthy relationships to grow. It's important to do this when they are young, because as children grow, friendships become more and more important and parents have less and less influence over those friendships. Listen in as we discuss this topic and its importance in the lives of our children. "A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter. He who finds one finds a treasure." ~ Sirach 6:14

"Why did God make you? God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him for ever in heaven." - Baltimore Catechism Dealing with the loss of life is difficult for adults and for children. Our generation is more poorly equipped than the ones that came before us to deal with this issue, because we are repeatedly told that we are in total control of our own lives. This is simply not true. As Catholics, we have the great gift of our faith to form our hearts and inform our minds, so we can embrace the suffering that death brings. In this podcast, we share our own stories of loss and give some ideas for talking with your children about this issue. This podcast ends with a special song written by a mother who suffered the loss of her child, and God's response to her. Show Notes: Cornerstone of Hope grief support. A great resource for those suffering from loss Story of our nephew Joshua Michael at my sister Regina Doman's site 20 Things you can do for Those Who Are Grieving Interested in Alicia's CD or music? Visit Alicia Hernon.com

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} "Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you." ~ Deut 5:16 We each have a family that we have come from, our family of origin, and sometimes they are very different from us. Because of this, visiting with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws can be stressful, but connecting with extended family is extremely important for the well-being of our children. In this podcast, we talk about the importance of visiting family, but also some issues that couples need to discuss ahead of time. “Life is short, family is forever”

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} "The task now for believers is to form our own families even more deeply in the love of God, and to rebuild a healthy marriage culture, one marriage at a time, from the debris of today’s decision." - Archbishop Chaput The Supreme Court’s decision to strike down the bans on same-sex marriage in many ways was no surprise. The Judeo-Christian values that have supported our culture for so long have been eroding since the 1930s. In this podcast, we share our reflections on this decision and what this means for our families going forward. We need to renew and strengthen the meaning and value of Catholic marriage so we can be a light in the darkness.

"All it requires is that you be a man, a real man, which means a man of courage, perseverance, and integrity. You were made a man for a reason. You were made a man to be strong, long husband and father. So listen to your instincts and do what's right. Be a hero." - Dr. Meg Meeker Fatherhood is devalued, underappreciated, and desperately needed in our society. Why is fatherhood so important? Why is it so hard for men to be good fathers? In this podcast, we discuss how our relationship with God the Father is the key to embracing who we are as parents. In addition, every man has a role as priest, prophet, and king in his family. Let's talk about what that means so every man can come to a deeper understanding of his role as a father. Show Notes: Dr. Meg Meeker: What only a dad can give Great short film from David Henrie: Catch

I love playing with preschoolers. They make me feel so powerful! Family game night is quickly becoming lost in our technological age, but it is an extremely valuable pastime for families with many benefits. Not only can board games bring people together, but they also exercise our brains and people skills while having fun! Listen in as we discuss why we play games with our family, the types of games to play, and some obstacles we have encountered with our kids. What are your top three family games, games you played when you were growing up or games you play now?

"There are no such thing as stupid questions - only stupid people." (but not you all!) All of you out there have helped to make this a lot of fun for us, and we love to hear from you! We have gotten so many encouraging comments from our listeners, but also some really great questions. In this episode, we decided to take some time to answer some of the questions we have gotten from all of you out there, so this is a very eclectic podcast! Some of the topics we cover include sleeping situations, dealing with kids who don't want to ask forgiveness, reading suggestions for newly married couples, family routines, and more. Thank you to all who sent in questions: keep them coming, so we can address them in future podcasts! Show Notes: here are some resources and podcasts we mentioned: Exceptional Marriages The ministry & show of Dr. Greg Popcak Our podcast on Love Languages and the 5 Love Languages book Our podcast on Family Meals Our podcast on Sibling Conflict Theology of the Body for Teens Our podcast on Preparing for Adolescence Family Prayer (special links: Book on Devotion to the Sacred Heart and Ceremony for Enthronement of the Sacred Heart)

Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits. Changes in technology happen rapidly, and kids are usually way ahead of their parents on the newest app, social media, or website. It is hard, or even impossible, for parents to keep up! Some parents choose to keep their children away from all screens, and though sometimes we envy these people, this isn't the route that we have chosen. The reality is that techology is here to stay, and as parents, we need to prepare our children to become responsible adults who can function in this world with self-control and discernment. There's no easy answer, but we can offer some encouragement and perspective!

Sometimes we try to love someone in a language they don’t understand. We all know that our mission is to love our spouses and our children, but how do we communicate that love to them? How do we speak so that others can understand what we are saying? Gary Campbell has written a book that we have referred to often called The Five Love Languages, and it is a great way to figure out how to speak in the way that our family can understand our love. Show Notes: The 5 Love Languages (website and resources) 5 Love Languages of Children book by Gary Chapman  

"The desire of a child to do a chore is inversely proportionate to their ability to do it." ~ attributed to a frustrated mother Chores are a part of every family's life, or at least they should be! Sometimes, faced with children who can't do a job correctly and with children who refuse to do a job without complaining, parents find it easier to just do everything themselves. But this doesn't teach children responsibility, nor the essential life skills every person needs. So why are chores valuable? More importantly, how can we get our kids to do them? Show Notes: Age-appropriate chores from Focus on the Family Happy Housewife chores based on age Maria Montessori's philosophy on children's work

"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior." Ephesians 5:22-23 Catholic lectors regularly skip this passage for a reason: people in the pews start squirming when it's read! Why is that? But this is an integral passage to help us understand not only the relationship between husbands and wives, but in understanding how we can image God to each other. Often this passage is misinterpreted and misunderstood, but after years of thinking about this and living it out in our marriage, we want to offer a different view. The heart of what we talk about is how God wants to love each husband and each wife through their spouse. Marital love is a powerful thing because God wants to use it to show us His powerful awesome love. Listen in as we offer our perspective on this compelling passage of God's Word. Show Notes: Read it in the Bible: Ephesians 5:21-31 Fr. John Riccardo's podcast on The Biblical Vision for Marriage An old article Alicia wrote on submission in marriage ( from 1998!)

"…the happiness you are seeking, the happiness you have the right to enjoy, has a face and a name. It is Jesus of Nazareth, hidden in the Eucharist." - Pope Benedict XVI The only way our faith as Catholics makes any sense is when we see our lives as a journey to deepen our relationship with Jesus. If our lives aren't about Him, what is the point? In this podcast, Mike and Alicia interview Alicia's parents, John and Michele Doman, who are the parents of ten and grandparents to over forty young Catholics! Amazingly, and by God's grace, all of the Doman children are living lives as dynamic Catholics - married and in the priesthood. John and Michele discuss their own faith journey and how they guided their children into a relationship with Christ over the years. There is much wisdom in their words, as well as humor and honesty. What a wonderful resource to hear from a couple so in love with the Lord and with such great experience!

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}  "All great change in America begins at the dinner table." ~Ronald Reagan Those of us who grew up with family dinners and who continue that tradition with our kids may not realize how counter-cultural we are becoming! Having dinner as a family is one thing you can do for your children to help keep them healthy, emotionally stable, and academically successful. It's a simple thing, so why doesn't every family have dinner together? In this podcast, we discuss why family dinners are an important part of our parenting, why they can be challenging, and some ideas to make your mealtime even better than it is now! Listen in and join the conversation. Show Notes: Grace Before Meals with Fr. Leo Family Dinner Box of Questions Game Once a Month Cooking or get their cook book Once a Month Meals Family Dinner Project

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} "Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal faithfully are His delight." Proverbs 12:22 One of the trickiest parenting situations to deal with is when a child tells a lie. Do you punish them? If you do that, won't they keep lying to avoid punishment in the future? How do you know they are lying? What if you think they are lying, and they are actually telling the truth? In this podcast, we will share with you what we did in our family when we had kids in our household who had a habit of lying. What we've learned is there is not a "one size fits all" approach to this issue, but we can give you some ideas and suggestions as we share our experiences with you.

"A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers" - Ruth Bell Graham The only person in the world you will always agree with is yourself.  Especially in marriage, people are going to disagree and this can lead to heated arguments between two people who really love each other.  This is normal and healthy!  We have to fight to work out our differences and come to a greater unity in our marriage.  The goal of an argument should not be to be right, but to be unified.  Even if you disagree, arguments should lead to greater clarity and understanding.  In this podcast, we talk about why to argue, principles for good arguing, and some basic ground rules.  

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} "For unflagging interest and enjoyment, a household of children, if things go reasonably well, certainly makes all other forms of success and achievement lose their importance by comparison." - Teddy Roosevelt Being blessed with a large family is what some couples long for and something that some couples don’t even expect! Having ten children, we have a pretty realistic perspective on having more than five kids (which seems medium-sized to us!) There are considerations to being open to having more kids that are deeper than "why not?" There are challenges that parents need to think about because we are co-creators with God. That is not a responsibility to be taken lightly! We know many people who have had an amazing experience growing up in a big family, but there are some people who were deeply scarred because their parents weren't ready for what was coming. Parents can never forget that they have a responsibility to not just give life, but also educate that life as well. We would like to share our experience with you to encourage you to be intentional about planning for what lies ahead if God blesses you with a bunch of kids! Show Notes: Familiaris Consortio #28 (or buy it at Amazon) Pope Francis's address to Family Associations (Feast of the Holy Family 2014) Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan Information on NFP from the USCCB Information on NFP from the Couple to Couple League   "I guess the reasons against having more children always seemed uninspiring and superficial. What exactly am I missing out on? Money? A few more hours of sleep? A more peaceful meal? More hair? These are nothing compared to what I get from these five monsters who rule my life … each one of them has been a pump of light into my shriveled black heart." - Jim Gaffigan

Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Family prayer should be the center of our lives as Catholics, but often parents find it challenging.  Praying consistently with our kids is not our strength, so of course that’s why we wanted to address it!  You need to find a type of prayer that works for you, and don’t worry about how “well” you pray.  The Lord just wants to hear from you and your children need to see your example (especially you dads!).  Our entire lives need to be submitted to the Lord, knowing that all we have is from Him.    Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Show notes and links available at http://www.messyparenting.org or http://www.facebook.com/MessyParenting/

You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid?  Imagine you are drowning and then someone hands you a baby. ~Jim Gaffigan   We believe the most challenging years of parenting are not related to how many kids you have, but rather how close in age they are. Young families say to us all the time, ”We shouldn’t complain because we only have three kids and you have ten.” This is not true! The period of time when your family consists of kids who are all in car seats, can’t tie their own shoes, and are barely potty trained is an extremely difficult time.  Be encouraged!  This is a phase that doesn’t last forever (though it feels like an eternity at the time).  Just think- if you can survive this, you can survive anything! Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The changes that happens in adolescence - physically, emotionally, mentally- are very similar to the changes that happen during the toddler years.  In both stages your child is developing in leaps and bounds and you are the one God has tasked to guide them.  In this podcast, we share some of our ideas and what we have done with our children to create rites of passage, give information when they need it, and helping them solidify their gender identity.  This is a crucial time in the lives of our children and its important to be intentional and have a plan of how you are going to help them and love them during this time.  This is geared especially for parents with kids in the "tween" and early teen years, 11-14.  

Dr. James Dobson once quipped, "Give me an army of toddlers and I can overtake the world!" The toddler years are an amazing time of human development, but this transition from infancy to childhood is challenging for most parents. Join us for encouragement and tips.

"Parents don't want justice- parents want peace!"  Isn't that how we all feel sometimes? We do want peace in our homes, but we also want to teach our kids how to handle conflict.  Kids are going to fight. Its a fact. How do we deal with that?