- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s not you - it’s your lack of boundaries. You'll only know how well you're doing in this work once you return to the places that made you feel the worst. It’s time to move past blame and victimhood.  The strength to overcome childhood pain lies in understanding that our future is in our hands, not dictated by our past. You can cultivate your self-worth and emotional intelligence, recognizing that true healing is an internal journey and can’t depend on those who raised you. Let's confront the emotional turmoil of setting boundaries and the discomfort accompanying this. Visualize those feelings and accept the anxiety and fear without unhealthy coping mechanisms. Break free from cycles of avoidance and shame.  Discover how self-soothing and verbal communication of boundaries can empower you to move beyond external validation and reclaim your own emotional independence. You have an emotional war going on inside of you. It’s time to set these boundaries.

Joe Ryan will host a sixty-minute Q&A session via Zoom once a month with limited spots to ensure full participation. If you'd like to join the discussion, please fill out the form below to receive an email notification when registration opens one week before the next scheduled session.Topics: Trauma, False Self, Family Systems, Addiction,Anxiety, Shame, Emotional Incest, Setting Boundaries Sign Up Here: https://joeryan.com/qanda

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ It’s not you - it’s your family system.   But it’s you, too. It’s time to talk about the necessity of weaning off external validation and learning to live a life aligned with one’s true self.    To heal, you need to do two things—learn to be okay with disappointing people and leave home emotionally. The rage that’s been building for all this time is ready to be released, and now you have to learn to live with it. All I can tell you is that your hurt, anger, and resentment hurt you, and you put way too much value in the people who raised you.     After this realization, loneliness will shine through, but you have to embrace it. If you need to find a surrogate family somewhere with somebody who'll better mirror you, do it. You must start living your life your way and find the places important to you.    Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions? Do they not like me? What's it going to be like when I show up? How are they going to guilt me and shame me? Then, you need to get a handle on those emotions of shame and guilt and start cutting emotional ties with toxic family systems.   It’s time to work through the impacts of generational trauma and learn the importance of developing self-love and independence. It’s time to achieve a fulfilled and authentic life built for you. 00:00 Introduction to Hard Truths of Recovery 00:21 Dealing with Family and Emotional Separation 05:17 Understanding and Managing Anger 08:04 The Loneliness of Recovery 08:55 Breaking Free from Family Expectations 15:41 Investing in Yourself 25:06 Conclusion and Personal Reflections Host: Joe Ryan Producer: Shelby Buckler

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In the most recent episode of "It's Not You, It's Your Trauma," Joe Ryan delves into toxic relationships. These relationships, characterized by emotional unavailability, abuse, and neglect, often reflect the dynamics we experienced in our early years.  Joe begins by examining why individuals enter and remain in toxic relationships. He explains that our childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic parents often lay the groundwork for our adult relationships. As children, we learn to neglect ourselves and prioritize the emotional needs of our caretakers in hopes of earning their love and approval. This pattern continues into adulthood, where we find ourselves trying to "fix" our partners in an unconscious attempt to heal our childhood wounds. One of Joe's most compelling points is finding comfort in familiar pain. Even though toxic relationships are damaging, they feel normal to us because they replicate the dynamics we grew up with. Being with someone genuinely caring for and nurturing us may be intimidating because it challenges our deeply ingrained beliefs about our worth and value. Joe emphasizes that the key to breaking free from these patterns lies in building our self-esteem and learning to value ourselves independently of others. Joe also discusses the significance of emotional independence. He urges his audience to imagine what it would feel like to leave a toxic relationship and to acknowledge the fear and panic that arise. These emotions, he explains, are rooted in our childhood survival instincts. As children, our survival relied on maintaining an emotional connection with our caregivers, regardless of the harm it caused. In adulthood, leaving a toxic partner can feel like a life-or-death situation because it triggers these same survival instincts. To genuinely heal and move forward, Joe encourages us to make better choices in the present. This entails recognizing our worth, establishing boundaries, and seeking healthy, supportive relationships. He reminds us that although the healing journey is challenging, it is ultimately rewarding. By trying to understand and heal our past, we can create a future filled with healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Anger and hate are both related to unmet needs. When we feel angry, it's because we want something that we're not getting. And when we feel hate, it's because we have deep needs that are not being met, and we're struggling to deal with them. Self-hate is a common problem that many people face, and it can be very hard to overcome. We often hate ourselves because we feel helpless and stuck and don't know how to do things differently. This can be especially challenging if we've been raised in an environment where we were not encouraged to be independent or take care of our needs.  To overcome self-hate, it's important to figure out our needs and start taking steps to meet them. This can be difficult, especially if we've never learned how to do this before. Shifting our focus from hating ourselves to feeling angry at those who have hurt us is helpful. This can be a useful step in the healing process, but it's important not to get stuck in feelings of anger and hate towards others. Ultimately, we must work on understanding ourselves and taking responsibility for our well-being.  This can be a challenging process, and it may involve making difficult decisions, such as cutting people out of our lives or disappointing others. However, it's important to remember that we are responsible for our happiness and well-being. We must learn how to meet our needs and stop depending on others for validation and support. This can be a lonely process sometimes, but staying committed to our growth and healing is important.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ If you grew up in a family system that was shame-based, you may feel weighed down by shame. Shame shields us from pain and neglect, but it's also a burden. Shame-based family systems are harsh and judgmental. As a child, you were exposed to criticism and verbal attacks because people didn't do things the way your family did. When you're shame-based, you need to surround yourself with people who share your views. This can cause you to judge yourself harshly. Shame wants to stay hidden. We fear being judged, so we try to be perfect. Perfectionism often stems from shame. We feel like we're being scrutinized, like a celebrity without the fame. We are usually our harshest critics. As children, we internalize the negative feedback we hear and try to fit into a box that doesn't feel right. We may develop self-hatred for not being like everyone else in our family. We try to conform to an ideal painted for us instead of living our own lives. Some people live their entire lives not realizing they're living a lie. They've bought into the system and think they're defective, broken, or unhappy. But the truth is, being authentic is more important than fitting into someone else's mold.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Many of us are emotionally stuck at a point where we feel that our self-worth is completely dependent on our mother's love and acceptance. This can lead to a deep wound when we don't receive the love and validation we need in the way we need it. In order to move forward and heal, it's important to reach a point in our recovery where our mother's opinion of us no longer has a hold on our sense of self-worth. We must learn to validate ourselves from within, and find the strength to recognize our own worth regardless of outside approval or disapproval. It's a difficult journey, but one that can lead to a life of greater self-love and acceptance. Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few have the courage to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a realization so profound that it changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness that comes with emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because, on the other side of that pain and shame, is freedom. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that no matter how deep the wounds, healing is possible. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation. Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few dare to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world. But then comes the light bulb moment—a profound realization that changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation. Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness of emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because freedom is on the other side of that pain and shame. Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows. This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing. Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that healing is possible no matter how deep the wounds. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love. So, if you're ready for an episode that will challenge you, move you, and ultimately inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, listen to Joe Ryan's latest podcast. It might just be the key you've been searching for.

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers.  At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers. Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child.  Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.’ They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally.  As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life.  The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves.  In this Episode: Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs! What happens when parents sabotage their children's successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives? Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick Avoid feeling betrayed by our child's independence and lack of need for us. This episode covers the why’s of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child. The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager's later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all involved? This episode reminds us that children can’t be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It’s not healthy for them, and it’s not healthy for us!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ In this episode, Joe covers one of the biggest & most frequent questions he gets! How do I get my partner to change? How do we get my wife to change? How do I get my husband to change? How do I get my brother to listen? How do I get him to go to therapy? It's simple…Here is the answer…. YOU DON’T This episode outlines the steps a person needs to take to stop trying to change your partner but to change what you are doing (or not doing) in the relationship for you to remedy the situation and take control of what you can change! In this Episode: Repeating the Same Patterns in Your Relationship…the Wash, Rinse, Repeat Syndrome What Motivates Your Partner to Have to Change? What will get them to your worth and value? The Benefits of Therapy…the proper steps have benefits you may not have even thought of for your future safety and well being Building a Life for Yourself, and Expand your Circle of Friends and Connections Eliminating Fear of Change and Making Changes Before it’s too Late Taking Responsibility for the Way You Are Treated in a Relationship This episode will help you realize where you are currently, what you need to do, and how you need to do it without expecting any help or change from the person you hoped you could change! You have to start looking at yourself and stop looking at somebody else because, more than likely, the person you hope will change and stay the way you want them to will never happen! Heal yourself. Stop trying to change your partner!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ After a long hiatus, Joe is back with a new perspective, insight, and positivity that he is ready to share! Deciding to focus on genuinely caring for himself for a while, Joe is ready to share some of the more important things he learned in this recovery phase. Stepping back from the pressures of constantly self-exposing his shame, embarrassment, and other innermost disappointments, Joe could genuinely focus and work through many things holding him back from obtaining happiness daily! These revelations, new insights, and small victories have brought him to a new place of peace and satisfaction, translating to a renewed ability to share all this with you with greater enthusiasm and focus! In this Episode: We connect the dots between phases, stages, and activities once the light bulb goes on! Working through the hangover and getting used to the new normal Reaching a point that you no longer have to prove your worth to the world Eliminating shame…accept things for what they were Learning to move out further in the direction you want Building things back “Your Way.” Getting back to a place where you can breathe with regularity! This episode shows that you can overcome and work through almost anything to start living the life that you want. Even if you're not sure what it is, it's getting out the shit…the hurt…the victimhood, the learned helplessness and the self-hate. Build up your strength and confidence within yourself so you don't fear rejection, humiliation, and failure. Get to know who you are and the way of living that is right for you! Remember….Recovery is Possible!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Family System Revisited builds off the Family Shame Episode (Episode 69), in which Joe elaborates on the pressures of family expectations and the toll it takes on a person in trying to fit into a family “system.” When we're born, we're born into a system. We are thrown into an existing system and put into a slot. Family systems dictate how you are expected to act, appear in public and how you are supposed to handle actions and emotions from everyone within your inner circle. The pressure to act accordingly and do only what will get you positive attention becomes a burden you can only carry for so long. Eventually, the byproduct of all this shame, whether from someone else or your own self, as you feel you can’t live up to the standard set for you in this unhealthy system. What do you do to lose the feeling of worrying about what everyone wants, thinks, or expects from you? Learn what Joe had to do to teach himself to be ok with being able to survive and being seen in ways that weren't acceptable by his family system and move past all the guilt and shame he felt as a child for wanting things outside his place in the system. In this Episode: Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame. Getting in touch with our anger and emotions Live within your own body…your own self.. without anxiety and fear. Learn that you weren’t put on this earth to fill the holes of parents who can’t fill them in their own lives. Integrate the parts of yourself in your new life that your family won't let you have Build a relationship with yourself…Love is an Inside Job! Learn to dismantle your family system's role to live and deal with the uncomfortable feelings of judgment and shame from your family system! Feel the relief and freedom that comes from releasing the bonds that have been placed on you by your family!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ Original pain work is the most profound work you will ever do on yourself. It is also the most difficult! In this episode, Joe talks about the abuse he experienced as a child and how he has dealt with it for many years by disassociating it with denial and by packing it away in this little dark place to be dealt at another time. Decades later (between the original pain and the fear that he continues to live), Joe shares in detail how he needed to work his way back to those places, the origins of his pain, and the abuse, hurt, and fear he has to connect the dots to determine how he got to the place he’s at today… and how he is now forced to confront and correct the issues to be able to move forward. In this Episode: Pinpointing where all these feelings and behaviors are coming from and how to get back in touch with them. Realizing you can’t always stay one step ahead of your pain…they will catch up to you if you don’t learn to work on going back to their origins and reliving them to produce a better outcome. Learn to “feel” your way through things to free yourself from your pain. Elvis has left the building… checking out physically and emotionally. Going “Toe to Toe” with your fears Putting in the work to go inside yourself can be frightening, but it will be your path to freedom and peace. Become stronger than your fears! Let joy take over by moving fear out of the way. No longer live in denial and live your truth. Find someone who can help you get to that place…time is ticking away, and it’s time to lean into your fears…Joy is waiting to take over your life!

- Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ “Making the Right Choice” directly solves issues you currently experience in your own life with a simple message… "You Can’t Do This Work Alone" In this episode, Joe talks about the important changes he made in his life by finding the right person to guide him through the initial stages of breaking out from where he was at that time to starting to take meaningful actions to move in the right direction. He reveals that It begins with “being seen” and allowing someone you trust to help you move through the phases of an emotional child to a healthy, emotionally balanced adult. Acknowledging you can’t do all of this alone is the first step and a perfectly acceptable way of attacking the issues head on. In this Episode: Having to admit that you need help from others, along with putting in the work needed to find the right “caregiver,” is key Learning to get out of your own way is a key step in the right direction. Work on Being “Seen” and find positive “Mirroring” (the kind you didn’t get as a child) Experiencing the freedom that comes from being “Unstuck.” Having the peace of mind of knowing you are not going through this alone or that these issues and feelings are unique to you Realizing Fear, Trauma, Anxiety, Panic & Shame doesn’t go away by itself. Even with help, you have to keep putting in the work to move past these feelings. Acknowledging that you are a strong person based on the mere fact that you have carried this pain inside you for as long as you can remember is powerful in your progress. It will help you to become brave and courageous to help you become humble and ok to accept help from someone qualified to help. There is no shame in asking for help…humble yourself and open up to somebody who genuinely cares for your well-being. You are going to have to trust someone at some point, even though you have that fear of being burned in the past by someone you feel has betrayed you. The choice to get help is yours…make the right choice!

- Website: ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠⁠ - Coaching: ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/⁠ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠⁠ “Relationship Triggers” delves into how we react to certain situations and conversations in our relationships, based heavily upon our history of reactions and events that have impacted us, going back as far as childhood. Even though these events involved different people, we still have this knee jerk reaction to the new and innocent person we are attempting to form a new relationship with. How do we handle these broken and damaged emotions when trying to build a new relationship with someone who may not understand the trauma we have endured? In this episode, Joe talks about the importance of navigating through the process of allowing yourself to grow relationships instead of cutting them off at the knees once they start to really get rolling. Being in a romantic relationship feels vastly different from being alone, as you are now connected to somebody else. Your reactions are being closely monitored by someone who may not have the same past/path traveled. Everyone has pain points and things that cause us to react differently to what others may think are trivial, but because of our different pasts, these reactions tend to uncover pain points that aren’t the same for each person. How do we navigate these waters to live the life we want? What should we expect from others to help us heal? This episode helps clear up some of these questions and may change your perspective going forward.  In this Episode: Putting in the time and effort to learn that it can be ok to be vulnerable with the right person Being in touch with your past to learn what your triggers are and where they came from in order to work through them Moving past the walls you have created for yourself through the “filters of the lens of your past.” Not turning into the type of person or parent who messed us up initially. Holes in our soul….hoping another person can heal them for us instead of us healing them ourselves Learning the limitations of others as we interact in an intimate relationship and learning when you need to go if that person can’t give you what you deserve after you have done the work to make yourself whole and ready to be loved properly. This episode helps you discover what parts of your childhood and your overall life in general have caused you to react negatively, right or wrong. Find out what you lack in your life and what triggers you, and focus on the root source and how you can repair those feelings on your own. Don’t expect relationships with others to solve any of this for you... It’s all on you.

Can I Recover On My Own? Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008.  - https://theanxioustruth.com/

- Website: ⁠https://joeryan.com⁠ - Instagram: ⁠https://instagram.com/joeryan⁠ - Coaching: ⁠https://joeryan.com/coaching/⁠ - Submit A Question ⁠https://joeryan.com/ask/ - Subscribe To All Episodes ⁠https://joeryan.com/subscribe/⁠ Are you living a lie? Do you know what type of person you want to be in life vs. the person you are expected to be? You might not know what or who you want to be, but you know you are unhappy with the person you have become because of many things, including Shame. In this episode, Joe goes deep into the topic of shame…and how everyone he counsels lives with it, regardless of nationality, belief system, politics, religion, sexuality, etc. Joe discusses how shame lives in the darkness, creates isolation, and doesn’t want to be seen. Follow the steps outlined in this episode to uncover your shame, bring it into the light, and eventually eliminate it. In this Episode: Learn to live a life outside of the role your family has set for you to live the life you want…one free of shame. Stop conforming and show up for yourself, not others. Take care of yourself, set boundaries, and learn to say no. Break yourself from any feelings or thoughts that make you think you need to confer with others before you do anything significant. Learn to become strong enough to make your own choices and free of always feeling like you must ask for permission. Be prepared to lose people in your life once you make these changes and start to live the life you want for yourself. If people are guilting and shaming you into being something that you're not to please them, they need you more than you need them! Learn to be there for yourself, first and foremost. Remember, nobody will change for you or teach you to love yourself. Shame has, can, and will manipulate actions. Having the strength to identify how not to allow it to take you down the road you no longer want to travel takes time, inner strength, and… lots of work. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ - Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/

Joe Ryan is a Certified Peer Support Specialist who knows trauma because he’s lived it and learned to live beyond it.  Joe has been on a lifelong journey to overcome trauma, shame, and the demons that plagued him from early in life. Joe is turning his mission outward, helping others conquer their traumatic experiences through his podcast (“It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma“) and one-on-one coaching. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/ Drew Linsalata, creator and host of The Anxious Truth. I am a full time graduate student in clinical mental health counseling on the way to being a licensed therapist. I’m an author, a speaker, and proud to be both an educator and advocate in the anxiety, anxiety disorder, and anxiety recovery community. I am also a former sufferer, having struggled with anxiety disorders and clinical depression for more than 25 years of my life before finally fully recovering around 2008.  - https://theanxioustruth.com/

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ How do we sit with our pain? How do we learn to grieve loss, innocence, self-respect, and pride…all while learning to empower ourselves to live our daily lives? In this episode, Joe discusses how we need to treat the pain we feel every day the same way we would grieve something even more devasting, like a death of a friend, partner, or family member. His message is that it is ok to take time for yourself to focus on your pains (mental and physical) and how he handles these overwhelming feelings to feel free and go on with his daily life. in this Episode: Realizing it’s ok to wallow in your pain temporarily, just don’t get stuck in it! Learning balance- don’t wait too long to let these feelings build over time and then try to take on too much at once Make plans to sit with yourself as you plan to be with friends. Learn where your feelings reside and learn not to suppress these feelings but to sit with them to build your strength up over time Learning to identify where these pains reside…if it’s physical, where in your body does it reside and how you can rid yourself of it when it appears Giving yourself some space to deal with your thoughts, feel discomfort, and don’t try to run from it – avoid the distractions and focus on where the discomfort comes from and learn to release it Learn to start the process the same way you would go back to the gym after years of sitting on the couch. Start small (light weights) and build this routine up over time until you can handle your bigger and more challenging issues. Learning not to feel shameful for having to stay home just to deal with these feelings Learning that all of your addictions won’t fix your problems and remove the pains This episode provides solid, practical advice on how to deal with all your pains and to learn how the only thing in life that is limiting you is YOU! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

A new episode will be out in a few days. Until then, you can listen to my interview on the Adult Child Podcast. In the interview, we discuss navigating dating with CPTSD, attraction vs. attachment, the importance of developing an unshakable sense of self., setting boundaries with family members, and the importance of sitting with our feelings. Listen On Apple Listen On Spotify

Subscribe To All Episodes https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Submit A Question https://joeryan.com/ask/ Grief…dealing with heartbreak and loss. Most of us have grieved the loss of a loved one… a pet loss, a friend, a parent, or a romantic relationship. The process doesn't have a timeline, and all five stages are not linear, yet they are all intertwined. It’s a big bucket of emotions… grief, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, frustration, fear, resentment, yearning, envy, etc. It's a lot of emotions to sort out, and it all stems from loss. In this episode, Joe covers his own journey that has reached the latter part of this process. Dealing with the recent ending of a year-long romance, Joe painfully shares how the pain process stems from the grief he feels and how he has learned to identify the series of emotions he is experiencing and how you can reconcile those same stages to help you deal with these same emotions. In this Episode: Opening yourself up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and giving away some of your power The George Costanza “do the opposite of your initial thoughts” paradox Not letting your desires outweigh logic Surviving being “Open and Vulnerable” and the strength you gain Dealing with the multiple stages of Grief and when you will know you have reached the last stage This episode builds off the last episode, Cut and Burn. The aftermath of staying in a relationship longer in order to grow from the experience is the conundrum. Part of the grieving process is to get to the point where you accept your role, you accept how you showed up, you accept the humiliation, and you accept all of the good and all the bad. But when we're in our grief and a breakup, all we can see is the hurt and the negative. If we don't get into our vulnerability, and we keep repeating the same patterns that we always repeat, and we cut and burn at the same point, we will never grow. We are never going to become stronger. We will never be able to work on dousing those fears and getting comfortable with being who we are. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Why is happiness so elusive for some? Why do we always feel like we are “on guard”? This episode covers the process Joe has had to practice to make himself feel comfortable and in search of any sense of joy. How do you get to this place when you have had so much trauma and have lived with your “guard up” most of your life? This episode uncovers some important steps you will need to take to move through the process. Learning not to be afraid of feeling joy and how to accomplish this emotion is crucial. Getting over the fears and stop pretending to be someone else, always trying to do only what you are comfortable doing and projecting an image to others that don’t exist is a key component in your quest to find true joy in life! in this Episode: Scanning the room for safety and feeling comfortable Deprogramming & preparing for loss that may never come Being happy in a world where there seems to be no happiness Tapping into the reservoir of Joy Having a relationship with ourselves Being alone isn’t a punishment...its finding out how you really are!  Struggling with the feeling of Joy This episode uncovers the importance of learning how to feed your soul and face your fears to take yourself off the journey of life on auto-pilot. Take time to figure out why you avoid certain situations and how to trust yourself in certain situations when they come up. Don’t paint yourself in a box. Move outside the box and learn to deal with your body's reactions. You have to start somewhere – a place that you may not want to go to first to end up in a place of joy. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Do you find yourself watching what everybody else is doing or how they were feeling? What their anger level or resentment level may be? Are they overwhelmed or feeling peaceful? Is this a safe time or is it a fearful time?  Is your inner safety based on the people around you? If so, you may have experienced “Emotional Incest” as a child. These feelings are the outcome of something deeper that you couldn't comprehend back then…even though you may have sensed something wasn’t right in how you were treated by a parent(s). The topics in the “Emotional Incest” episode delve into how parents use their children to fill emotional holes in their life that stem from an unfulfilled marriage, and how that ultimately affects their ability to maintain a healthy self-image, and relationships in their adult life. Joe uncovers a number of emotions one feels when experiencing this sort of treatment and the steps necessary to course correct yourself now, and in the future. This episode covers many examples of what may be holding you back from being able to have a loving, caring, mutual “give and take” partnership with that special someone. These issues discussed have impacted many of us on different levels, with the greatest level being the recipient of “Emotional Incest”. Topics in this Episode: When two parents are not getting their needs met by each other, they will triangulate and try to get their needs met by their children. How can you rebound from being the recipient of Emotional Incest? Learn how to find your worth and value to give yourself the things that you have given away Learned how to set boundaries- learn how to say no, to stand up for yourself, and to say this is where my emotional responsibility for you ends. Break the pattern of people pleasing and learn to take care of yourself- start loving yourself! Emotional incest victims don't know who they are or what they feel. They know what everybody else feels. Stop giving away your complete self from a place of deficiency. Work towards establishing a balance of give and take and avoid the feeling of fear that if you are constantly not doing enough for other people or they will be quick to leave! The ability to eliminate these fears and to work on your own needs and self-worth are covered in this episode. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ How do we reach a point of truly being able to love? How do we get past the fears we have built up that wall off the ability to feel safe and be able to share ourselves with people, especially with that “special one” when that time eventually arrives?  In this episode, Joe shares his innermost fears regarding being able to give and receive love freely. The topic of learning to be good on your own before you can be good with others highlights the importance of preparing yourself for when the times come you start to feel vulnerable with all others.  Topics in this Episode: Finding that feeling of love without fear… to feel safe without scanning the room for loss, hurt and betrayal Emotions are Energy…love, fear, anger & joy- learn to release and truly “feel” that energy How to deal with feeling ”unprotected” and “out of balance”  The journey inward…pulling back from the world to establish a baseline to learn how to trust yourself (and others) before going back “in”  Learning to stop filling everyone else’s needs and learn to fill your own first The insight in this episode is powerful yet basic. The concept of establishing a firm footing within yourself (and in life) before being able to open up to others leads to feelings of euphoria and freedom that have been walled up for years behind feelings of fear and insecurity. Learning not to fear the things we can’t control will allow you to release the energy crucial to living…and trusting in the process of loving others properly. There is a reservoir of love that is built up inside us that needs to be released. Learn how you can put yourself in that position to pull that lever and let those feelings flow! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ Release the Pain is a discussion based on a highly controversial Instagram post Joe made that stated ‘the fear you feel in your body is not happening now, it’s fear from your past that has been trapped inside of you”….Go back and re-experience the fear to release it”. The reaction from some readers triggered surprising push back, anger, and even hate! This episode delves into the process and reactions when allowing your thoughts and emotions to duke it out… to let them have a dialogue while you sit there as an innocent bystander and not mediate between the two. Topics in this Episode: We have things that happen where we don’t feel validated, and we don’t feel loved thus causing negative emotions. What happens when you express those feelings? What happens when the brain and the nervous system start to have a dialogue when dealing with suppressed feelings of frustration and anger? Learn to heal and not to avoid the pain and hurt in the process Teach your brain, your body and your soul to handle any discomfort you feel from within Fear, Humiliation, Feelings of Being Inadequate…how do you handle all of these feelings and how can you fix it? Listen and find out how Joe has learned to deal with it and how you can too! This powerful exercise helps you learn a technique Joe has found to handle the conflict he deals with often, and how it has helped him to better cope with these conflicting forces from within. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber  https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. In this episode, Joe really opens up…dealing with powerful issues surrounding ones’ authenticity and not pretending to be something you are by creating an image of himself that he needed to “survive”. Learn how to accept what comes in and out of your life and deal with things that are beyond your control by working on your self-worth and authenticity. Do the work, but don’t be isolated and avoid intimate relationships with others as you work through these issues. Be “seen” in the process as you work through these critical steps of transformation. In this episode, Joe covers how: You can't have authenticity without vulnerability Vulnerability is the “Truth” To work through the feelings of shame, self-hate, and worthlessness To get rid of your false self and allow others to see you for who you really are (your true being) There are great rewards in allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others. Being Vulnerable is taking a chance.  Learn how to live outside your false self to see who you truly are underneath it all! This episode uncovers critical steps to learning how we all come from different places in our feelings of vulnerability, yet we can all take the same steps to fix our fear of feeling vulnerable! Learn to become real and genuine!  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. An Unstuck Story is a powerful confession of Joes’ dramatic struggle to come to grips with his inability to do what his soul cries out for, not what is expected of him as a father, friend, son, and ex-husband. This episode deals with how to condition yourself to reach a point of doing “what will make you happy” vs “what everyone expects you to do”. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness…Identify your happy space and build the confidence needed to travel down that path to reach that point. Topics in this Episode Include: We live the life others need us to live..not always the one we want Our soul wants what it wants…our fears keep us “stuck” Creating a life that brings joy, peace, and happiness Starting the process of being “Unstuck.” Struggling with self-worth, guilt, and hesitancy in following a path of happiness that conflicts with what people around you expect from you? The path to becoming “unstuck” is revealed and provides basic insight on how you can do this in your own life to reach your “paradise”. The relief and internal peace you gain from listening to this episode is invaluable to your journey! Travel down that road with Joe and experience the relief and justification for your suppressed feelings and emotions by connecting with Joe’s moving confessions. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Your Job Has Been To Manage Your Emotional Well Being, Keeping Yourself Emotionally Safe. What Happens When You Have Resolved Most Of Your Past Hurt And Betrayal. You Become Emotional Unemployed. Now A Different Kind Of Emotional Work Begins; Soul Building - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Love Is Extending Yourself To Somebody Else, Putting The Relationship Ahead Of Individual Fears, And Becoming Emotionally Vulnerable For The Greater Good. You Can't Have Real Love Without Being Vulnerable - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. Holidays with family transport us back in emotional time to childhood and bring us back into the role we need to play. Use this time to see what your role is and how you pretend to be loved and accepted, to slowly dismantle the false self to become a more authentic you. Use this time to pay attention to the feelings and emotions that arise within you. Pay attention to the roles you and everyone else are playing, what feelings you have to hide, how you are showing up inauthentic.  You are allowed to make choices based on your own best interest. You do not have to make choices based on what others expect out of you. It's okay not to feel connected to people you're supposed to feel connected to.  When we start to understand who we need to be to fit in, we can learn to belong to ourselves. When we belong to self, the judgment from others starts to matter much less. Be authentic, be you! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Shame keeps us isolated and living in fear of being exposed. To dismantle shame, we must enter our shame and not run and hide from it. We come out of hiding by exposing ourselves to ourselves. Once we start owning our shame, we fear being seen less, feel more alive and free. So much of our lives was us living a lie; we didn't know it. We built layers of protection around us to protect us from feeling our shame, and we created a false self to survive. We became what we thought others needed us to be so that we could feel loved and accepted. We believed this false self was our identity, and we did anything to protect this image. If anyone saw through our false self, we immediately entered into our shame, and the feelings of worthlessness would take us over. We live guarded with multiple layers of defenses, never to allow ourselves to be seen by others or ourselves. Nothing outside of us will heal our shame; we must go inward and expose ourselves to feelings of worthlessness. We become vulnerable to our fears. We teach ourselves that our perception of ourselves is not our reality; it's shame keeping us hostage. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - Coaching: https://joeryan.com/coaching/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/For access to all episode and bonus content. Most of us never left home emotionally; we have stayed loyal to our family system by staying in our false self role, by abandoning our authentic self. We were molded into the role by being conditioned through shaming, anger, and fear. We learned how to adapt, conform and compromise our needs for the needs of the system.  To become our authentic self, we need to dismantle our false self role and leave home emotionally. We move away from feeding the family system and start feeding our soul as we move through the guilt and shame that has kept us emotionally hostage for so long. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episode and bonus content. The inner child gets stuck emotionally at the age that the abuse happened. We internalized the abuse and have carried it as our responsibility, and we have shamed ourselves for it ever since. We have mirrored our experience as not being valued, loved, or worthy of being cared for and carried it as our self perception. Joe discusses how Healing the inner child is first understanding that an emotional child lives within us. We then reparent this child to give them what they need to grow, develop and evolve into an empowered adult. What this child needed was safety through love, care, attention, and nurturing. As your inner child starts to feel safer within you and the two of you learn to trust each other, we then begin to discipline the inner child. We set limits and healthy boundaries as we guide this child through its fears towards internal freedom. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to this episode and bonus content. In this episode, Joe talks about the self-conscious, shame-based feelings that he constantly faces and how he has learned to deal with them without mood altering. This episode delves deep into the protective actions one takes to hide feelings of shame and paralyzing yourself from life’s most simple activities! Topics in this Episode: -Starting with his first drink at 10, followed closely with prescription drugs and eventual heavy drug use later in life, Joe discussed the mind-altering use to mask the feelings of shame and the ultimate exhilarating “freedom” that followed -Building the Wall of Hiding from Yourself and Everyone Else -Looking into the Mirror and Seeing an Emotional Child, Not an Adult Ready to Live in This World -Dealing with “Going Outside Your Comfort Zone” -Learning to Adjust to New Surroundings and Protecting Yourself by Withdrawing from Daily Life Activities -Self-Sabotage -Seeing below the False Self… -Cutting Off from Your True Self and Realizing “Shame Rolls Down Hill” -Leaving Situations or Family Gatherings where Shaming is Continual -Heal the Shame by Coming Out of Hiding Shame is Exhausting, Depressing and a Dull Ache You Can’t Pinpoint - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. What is below all those layers you have built up? What are you hiding down there? What is your secret?  Uncovering your secret is an emotional process that can't be forced, it requires patience. There are things in our path that only time can move.  While we wait for the next layer to reveal itself, we allow ourselves time and a safe space to grieve the previous layer and feed our soul as part of the healing process.  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. How do we recover from our traumatic experiences? When does the feeling of shame enter into the equation? What is the "pain of shame," and how should we deal with it? In this episode, learn how to deal with these emotional pains...and the dull ache that resides with it every day of your life! Learn to resolve trauma, not just store it away! Joe covers the effects of feeling "shamed" and not resolving the traumatic events that have led you to this point, as well as the difficulty in taking the steps necessary to face what put you in this place, to begin with. Learn how to overcome all of this to move forward and leave the shame and abuse you feel and have experienced behind!  - Website: https://joeryan.com  -  Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan   - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to this episode and bonus content. In this episode, Joe talks about how to deal with anger and not being afraid of being angry or having people being angry at you. Avoid feeling like you have to be a "people pleaser" to avoid people getting angry with you! Learn to set boundaries and not allow people to disrespect you and cross lines. Learn how boundaries can make everyone involved feel uncomfortable, yet become easier over time to set and manage. Overall a short but to the point revealing episode that effectively brings to light a crucial interpersonal relationship rule for those struggling with feelings of avoiding showing angry at all costs! - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. In this episode, Joe dives into the topic of feelings, thoughts, and self-pity. See how emotions take you over and how you should just let thoughts just "be." Learn how self-pity can actually be a good thing in your grieving process. Find out how going deeper into your pain can eventually lead you to greater joy in life. Learn to expose yourself to your fears and learn how to make them part of your daily existence. Dealing with situations that can lead to rejection makes everyone uncomfortable, and the natural reaction is to try to avoid it. Joes' response to that is to face it head-on and put in the work to turn your nervous system down to become more comfortable with these scenarios….scenarios that are currently destroying your peace! Finally, hear how re-living those negative experiences in your mind will allow you to become stronger!  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. When The Pain Of Avoiding Your Past Becomes Greater Than Facing It, The Journey Begins. Strap In; It's Going To Be A Long Hard, Tough Road. But At The End Of It, There Are Great Rewards  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Humiliation; being exposed before you're ready to be exposed. Humiliation brings a vast wave of powerful, uncontrollable emotion that can lead us into a shame spiral and emotional paralysis.  I guarded against humiliation at every moment, in everything I did in life. Not dealing with the emotions of embarrassment, I learned not to feel safe within myself, to have no internal boundaries, and to have no self-protection in guarding against the extremely debilitating feelings of shame that the humiliation triggered. To overcome humiliation, we need to embarrass ourselves to ourself. By becoming comfortable with being embarrassed, we fear humiliation less and, therefore, slowly healing our hypervigilance, codependency, panic, self-hate, and shame. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. We internalized happiness and success based on what society tells us it should be, not based on our internal moral compass. Our sole purpose has become to portray the image of an illusion that does not exist. Conform and be accepted or be authentic and be shammed.  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Today I Answer Your Questions. We Cover Fitting In Vs. Belonging To Self, Sitting With The Feelings Vs. Feeling Sorry For Yourself, And How Do I Reveal My Trauma In New Relationships. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Emotional Separation Involves Unbonding and Grieving, Where the Process of Growth and Transformation Meet Loss. The Disengaging of Patterns and Roles That Have Held You Emotionally Captive to Beliefs That Were Never Your Own We were never taught healthy separation or how to separate at all. You grow up in an enmeshed family system, and there is no leaving. There is no separating, it's conformity. We all must conform to the system's rules, or else we will be shamed and abused into line.   You must become what the system deems acceptable. There is no individuality; you do not stand alone; you do not have your self-identity or self-worth. Your value, your worth, everything you are is based on how the system views you, not on how you view yourself. Separating from that system is going against everything you've ever known, everything you've ever been taught.  Separation from your role and the role within the system is leaving home emotionally. Finding value within yourself and feeling the freedom to live a life based on how you feel, not how others need you to be. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Blind Spots Cause Unknown, Uncontrollable Reactions, And Behaviors We Are Are Unable To Recognize As A Way Of Protecting Us Subconsciously From The Feelings Of Pain The blind spot is in place to sidestep doing the original pain work by avoiding the feelings that were too overwhelming for us to experience when the traumatic events happened. We discover blind spots by peeling away layers of defense implanted by our subconscious to protect us from parts of us that have been cut off and have not entirely been experienced and felt yet. We must feel these feelings at the core, fully absorb, and process them to eliminate the blind spots so we can respond in the present and not react from the past. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Living without pain can feel more frightening than living with it. The struggle became a part of our identity, and we don't know who we are without it. We are uncomfortable feeling comfortable and run to fill that space with something familiar, welcome back self-sabotage. Put life on pause, and sit within the space. It does not need to be filled; fight the urge to fill it. Teach your body and mind that you are okay with being free of fear. It takes time to get comfortable without something that has been such a big part of our life, even if that 'something' is painful. When we know that we are no longer controlled by fear, we realize we are free to choose the life we want. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. There are so many different layers to this work. As we learn how to peel away layers of defensiveness, layers of protection, layers of hiding, and layers of fear. As we peel away the layers, the closer to the shame we get. The pain gets stored away inside of us, and we adapt. We don't learn how to adjust our psyche does it for us, so we never experience that pain again, it just happens. The further we go down, the more difficult it becomes because we're getting closer to the original pain, closer to the place where it all started the birthplace of the layers and the defensiveness. It was so painful, humiliating, degrading, and shameful that we couldn't handle the feelings and emotions. Now we slowly have to go back to that place and uncover the unconscious defenses that were put in place to protect us. We are not those helpless children anymore; we don't need those defenses that keep us from living the life we were born to live. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. It is not a child's responsibility to fill a parent's needs. When parents bring a child into this world, it is the parents' responsibility to fill the child up with its basic narcissistic needs. To give the child a foundation of self-love to build upon. The child needs to feel that the parent is there for them and not the other way around.  You should have been giving their blessing to go out in the world and find out who you are, where you belong, and who you were born to be. That's not the message we received. The message we received was, don't leave me, you're responsible for my feelings, my happiness, please keep a shiny, glossy, perfect facade for the world to see so that I don't feel my shame. When your basic narcissistic needs weren't met in infancy, your worth and value would be determined by how you feel others perceive you. Self-parenting yourself how you needed to be parented will tap the source of your self-worth. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. The judgment that we had felt, the pressure and the demands to become what somebody else needed us to be so that they didn't feel anything uncomfortable, they didn't feel judgment any ridicule any self-doubt. Becoming what they needed us to be so that they felt adored and loved. We ended putting those same demands on ourselves, we take that narcissistic power that we've experienced, and we point that power against ourselves. We are still trying to become what they wanted us to be; that was the only way we were lovable. Anything short of that perfection others were seeking, and we feel like we have failed ourselves. Enter self-hate and self-doubt.  There are tapes of negativity, judgment, and shame that we have adopted that run in our subconscious on an endless look telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love and acceptance for who we are. These tapes become our identity, and most of us don't even know that they are there. We see ourselves through the words, sights, beliefs, and feelings or another; we believe that it is our vision of ourselves when it's the narcissist within us - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. We deal with many sigmas, and suicide is very close to the top of the list. There are few open discussions about it, which makes those who have the thoughts feel more alone and ashamed for having them. This episode deals with suicide, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal feelings. If you are not in a place to hear about this topic, are having suicidal thoughts, don’t listen and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. What is the payoff in doing all this original pain work, going into your pain, trauma, and darkness? Is there a payoff? Yeah, there is. We do this work in layers. We take what's disturbing the peace within us and start to look at that first. We slowly process the pain and fear. We learn to accept and own it by feeling it. Once processed and released, we are emotionally lighter now that we have reclaimed space within us where pain once resided.  Within this space is where we create our life our way. You can now choose to fill this space with creativity, productivity, competency, and joy. Then it's on to the next layer, and the process repeats. Walk into your fear, feel it absorb it, process it, and be done with it. Then get out there and start living your life your way. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Original pain work is the most challenging work you're ever going to do. You can read as many books as you want. You can listen to as many audiobooks, you can listen to as many podcasts, over and over on an endless loop, it is comforting, it does feel good when you hear somebody that speaks words that you needed to hear, you feel understood, somebody finally gets you. And there's a comfort in reading those words and hearing that voice say them, but it's never going to remove unwanted feelings altogether.  Sitting with painful feelings and re-experiencing them, teaching ourselves that we can handle them is the way out of your pain and the path to joy. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. We Stay stuck by numbing out. We have found ways to live our life where we avoid any resistance or bad feelings. We are stuck in limbo complaining about others. All that energy and time wasted could be better well spent owing up to who you are and how you feel about yourself. It's time to own up to the things we don't like about ourselves. It's extremely difficult to be vulnerable, to experience the traits and feelings you don't like and or accept within yourself, to explore the darkness within you. You can't genuinely allow another in until you let yourself in first. Getting to know who you are, walking through those fears, embracing the parts of you that you hide, that you don't like, that you despise, that wasn't accepted, that's where freedom is. These are the places you need to go. You can go there, and you can become comfortable with the parts of you that weren't loved, the parts of you that you hate within yourself. You don't have to hide from them anymore. You don't have to protect them from the world.  By owing and incorporating the parts of you that you cut off, bringing the light and darkness together to live as one within you, peace will find you. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. As children, our survival our life depended on our source figures, the people who raised us. We instinctively knew that we are helpless without them, and without them, we would die. We learn quickly the difference between things we do that anger and upset our source figures and the things that please them. The personality traits and behaviors that displease the people who were raising us, we cut off those parts of ourselves, and the false self was born. We gravitate and cultivate the parts of us that they find lovable and take those parts on as our identity, leaving all other parts of us to wither and die off, but they never entirely go away. They come out as addictions and other forms of mood-altering, so we don't ever feel or express them again. To give up the false self, we must enter into the feelings of fear we had as children, incorporate those parts of us we have cut off and reclaim them. Fear arises when we move away from the false self, and our body starts to tremble, our mind begins to race, panic starts to take over as our flight or fight response kicks in. We want to run, to avoid, and put as much distance between us and the feelings as we can as these feelings were more than the child could handle, the emotions felt like death. It all comes down to fear. To undo the false self, we have to peel away the layers. We have to feel the feelings that we fear, sit with them, face them, and let those come out of us instead of pushing them down, pushing them away, cutting them off. Nobody can take your fear, or your pain away, except you. I wish there were a quicker, easier way or a magic pill. There just isn't. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. It's a little past midnight, and I'm sitting here alone, looking out the window to the vast emptiness that is out there. This quarantine has not discomforted me in the way of anxiety and fear. I'm not sure why a complete calmness came over me. Perhaps it's because there is only one thing I can do, keep distance, the rest is out of my control. Or maybe it's that for the first time, all of humanity is on the same page, and I feel connected to the human race in a way I have never felt before. We are all working together for the greater good. Ironically, we needed to separate from each other to unite. We are no longer fighting ourselves or each other to get ahead. We are finally all in this life together. We are all taking the time to take care of ourselves, and in the process, we are taking care of each other as a whole. Has there ever been a time where the entire world was affected by the same thing, in the same way at the same time? There is one collective consciousness happening right now. I know there's a lot of tragedy out there. I've experienced a loss over the last two days. Worry and fear are not going to bring my friends back, and it's not going to keep us safe. We have got it all wrong. We put money, greed, power, status, and celebrity above everything else. The health of this planet and all who inhabit it needs to come first. That is what will keep us safe. And right now that is what feels like is going on, that is the silver lining. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. When you change who you are within a family system, and you no longer play the role you were born into, you're taking a mirror and holding it up to everybody in that system. Holding up this mirror forces them to see themselves outside of their role, outside of their false self. It reflects a more realistic view of themselves. This view is challenging for them to see within themselves, as it takes them out of their role within the family system, and they can't see themselves outside of their role, it's too painful. The system is there to support the image of their false self and mask inadequate feelings, and they will hold to it with dear life. They feel they can live without, while not even knowing it. Instead of embracing the change that you're making within yourself so that you can live a more authentic life, they do not support you; they judge and commend you for forcing them to look at themselves. It's hard enough figuring out who you are outside of the family system, and it is ridiculously painful when you have a constant judgment from the people around you who fight your change with verbal and non-verbal judgment. When leaving the family system, there will be a strong obligation felt within to stay loyal to the people within the family system and to the system itself. This obligation will show itself as guilt, shame, and self-hatred. It is not your job to become someone you are not to make others feel better about themselves, to heal their shame, or patch the hole in their soul. You can not be there for anyone else until you are there for yourself first. Don't let the judgment of others keep you from living the life you deserve. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Learned helplessness is a condition where a person suffers from a sense of feeling powerless. It usually comes from a traumatic event or series of traumatic events or persistent failure to succeed. It's one of the biggest underlying causes of depression. When you grow up with abuse and trauma, you learn helplessness, and it becomes an identity for you, it's the equivalent of being locked in an emotional prison cell. When you grow up, and you move out on your own, nobody is guarding you, the cell door is not locked, and you can walk out at any time, but you can't do it. You have been conditioned to be helpless. We've become unwilling to walk away from the pain. We accept it as our reality. That's why so many of us get stuck in life and can't move forward. It's like we're in this endless loop, where we sit in pain, and we don't know how to get out of it. It becomes our identity, and it becomes our way of life. We have never known any other way than to completely experience pain and accept that as the reality of our lives. When we realized that the prison doors open, and we can leave, the fear of living without the pain keeps us there because we don't know how to exist without it. We are just stuck. Nobody is guarding us. We are the only person that keeps us from the life that we want and deserve. Your learned helplessness is reversible. It's going to take time, patience, and practice to overcome. The more you venture out of that emotional cell and feel the fear when doing so, the more you are reversing your learned helplessness and teaching yourself that you no longer have to be helpless to survive.  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Drew from The Anxious Truth and I was sitting around testing out his new Podcast gear. In the testing, we got into a conversation about part of the recovery process. There were a few gems that came out in the discussion, so I decided to put it out as its own episode. We talk about when your Subconscious telling you that you're done mood-altering. When you no longer have the energy to cover up and hide. When you are sick and tired of wearing the mask of the false self to be accepted by yourself and others, it's time to do the work of uncovering, experiencing, facing, accepting, and owing to the part of you that have been cut off so that you no longer have to hide who you are, not fear your own feelings and to stop being a walking reaction to protect the parts of us we don't want to be seen. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram:  https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ - The Anxious Truth: https://theanxioustruth.com

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. The false self is created when we have to cut off emotions that were unacceptable to our source figures. When unacceptable feelings and emotions we expressed, we were shamed and emotionally abandoned. Before logical thought was available to us. We cut off these emotions and were denied our reality in order to survive as children. To take the place of these emotions, we created a false self to give our source figures what they needed for us to be loved and connected. Whenever we need to access the emotions we have cut off we feel shame. This leaves us stuck in a childhood developmental stage. We never separated from our source figures emotionally. To be free from this stage and the shame, we carry we must give up our role and separate from our source figures. We must go into shame and feel what we could not when we were children. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. After recording an episode of The Anxious Truth Podcast we just kept talking. The discussion started with my account being blocked on Instagram, the reaction from friends and followers and how their response leads me to memories that had negative actions on my path up to this point.  - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ The Anxious Truth Podcast: https://theanxioustruth.com

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to all episodes and bonus content. Shift Your Focus From Internalizing How You Perceive People See You And Start Looking At How You View Yourself. Validate From The Inside Out. - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/

Become A Subscriber https://joeryan.com/subscribe/ For access to this episode and bonus content. If we don't take responsibility for our own emotions and reactions we will never heal. We will live this endless loop of blame and victimhood. We will find our world getting smaller and smaller, experience less joy, and become more reactive over time. Living life as a walking reaction is no way to live. Pausing at the trauma response, not reacting and allowing yourself to feel the feelings you fear is the way to disarm the trauma response - Website: https://joeryan.com - Instagram: https://instagram.com/joeryan - Subscribe: https://joeryan.com/subscribe/