Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Later idiots!

Ладно, да, наверное, это обман, когда я просто перевожу это описание на другой язык, когда серия слишком непонятна. А если серьезно, они только что сделали E.T. Инопланетянин, но поменял местами монстров и добавил сюжет о том, как Патрик Стар трахает мать ребенка. Это менее увлекательно, чем российская заправка Disney’s Under Wraps!

You think Pixar made a world of justified racism just to appease the “Don’t Say Gay” crowd? Naaaaah. Well, maybe. It’s someone's wet dream that’s for sure. Disney’s Pixar’s Elemental.

If you've ever thought to yourself, "Boy, I could sure use a Disney podcast with a splash of pirate anime and a whole mess of discussion that borders on homoeroticism," then son, do I have the episode for you. If you'd rather learn about the film in the title, I don't know, try googling it? It's one big lie, and you know it: Disney's 20th Century Fox's 'The Greatest Showman!'

Ruh roh, Raggy! Looks like this podcast has been shanghai’d by a group of salty sea dogs who want nothing to do with this week's movie! Which is to say, spoiler warning for the first 30 episodes of One Piece! Sure it’s less than 3% of the show so far and came out 15 years ago, but still, rules are rules. It’s not offensive to say shanghai’d is it? It's Disney’s Direct to DVD, The Lion King 1 ½!

So if I remember correctly this episode's talking points include the podcast's expiration date, the importance of resistance training, and Kashi has a cereal that makes you poop. Oh, and probably the dangers of being horny given the source material, but also probably not. It’s fun for the whole family, Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame!

You know it’s hard to discuss a film that's just packed with so much subtle symbolism. It’s just one of those things you should probably see for yourself as trying to describe the full experience is near impossible. So this week go watch the movie, and then come back and listen to people yell about Twitter and call it a day. It’s got a lynching scene some would argue, Holes!

가장 좋은 점은 내가 원하는 대로 입력할 수 있다는 것입니다. 모든 것을 한국어로 조금씩 번역할 것이기 때문입니다. Google 번역을 다시 시도하기 전까지는 조금 더 이해가 됩니다. 그 개자식은 정말 스탠리라고 했지? 털복숭이, 여우, 사냥개를 위한 우정의 색입니다!

¡Oigan primos! Join the Dunces as they take a deep dive into what might just be Latin America’s most inspirational story. To decide once and for all if lowly janitor Richard Montañez single handedly saved Frito-Lays from the brink of collapse by channeling his Mexican heritage and disrupting the food industry, or if he just sorta said he did and everyone kind of murmured about it for like 30 years until people looked into it and found out maybe he didn’t do any of it but it wasn’t really hurting anyone and could potentially do damage to call him out so it was decided it was for the best to let it go. It’s a real head scratcher for sure, Disney’s Searchlight Pictures’ Flamin’ Hot!

Oh brother, this episode is unbearable. Actually, that's probably not true, but no one can seem to remember anything before Sean/Shawn/Shan. So yeah, maybe it is, I don’t know. It’s Phil Collins pride and joy, Brother Bear!

Have you ever sat there and wondered how a bill becomes a law, but for movies? Well, you’re in luck because this week the Dunces demonstrate the process of transforming artistic vision into huge profits beloved by the mass majority, live! It’s a textbook example of something I swear, Disney’s Enchanted!

A long time ago in a galaxy... wait do we do that stupid intro for all of Star Wars or just the movies? I’m gonna go check real fast hold on. Uh, no, that's just the movies, I can type whatever I want here I guess.. well shoot. Um, "KIDNAPPING", alright perfect, print it. It’s another anthology series, Star Wars : Visions Volume 2!

If it helps, think of the first hour the entry fee to listen to the last 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes aren't good or anything, it's just more interesting as long as you're a fan of Grown Ups. It's the movie based on the book based on a different book, Disney's Treasure Planet!

Anyone happen to know the statute of limitations on child neglect? No reason, just curious. It's not like the Dunces cracked one of America’s most notorious cold cases that has been literally plaguing the world’s hearts and minds for well over a decade or anything. Just your normal average everyday episode here full of jokes and well-thought out and rehearsed movie summaries. It’s time to call CPS, The Muppets!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you? Sorry sorry, you probably need context for that question to make any sense. Well you see, this is a podcast where three fellas have a candid discussion about a Disney film they’ve recently seen. Now, this episode features a film all about a family of explorers who find themselves in a peculiar environment after they leave in search of answers to a problem threatening their way of life. So I ask again, on a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you?  It’s like health class all over again, Disney’s Strange World.

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

With another holiday season down the drain, we learn once again that maybe, just maybe, beloved made for TV movies without any actual vision or story to tell that can’t bother to get the original actors should probably just stop at the second one instead of wasting everyone's time. Oh well, at least we all got to share a moment with Cher, and I think that's pretty cool. It’s certainly the fourth one of these, Return to Halloweentown!

Look, it’s been four years of Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spooktaculars, so you know what happens during the grand finales at this point. The boys sit down, watch a movie that doesn’t thematically fit, talk a bunch about bears, and top it off with a quality of life check on Ben Stein. Same as the year before, same as the year before that, and so on and so forth. It’s scarier to think about watching it, Disney’s 20th Century Fox’s The New Mutants!

In this very special episode of the Disney Dunces you, yes YOU, get to root for whichever Dunce you’d like! How is that different from any other piece of media out there? I don’t really know, but I’m told people really like that sort of thing, and at the end of the day, it’s all just a numbers game baby! It’s just the right amount of comic book nonsense, Disney’s Marvel’s Werewolf by Night!

Beyond the reach of cellphones and super highways, there's a place called Perfect. In a town called Perfect, the only crime is not having ice cream on your pie. Elevator music isn't the usual. Carpets never stain. Every picture turns out. And prime time refers to something other than TV. A town where everyone gives 110%, even when tipping. Here, windows are self-cleaning. And even though life never gives them lemons, people still make lemonade. Or the only pressure is from the northerly breeze. There is no poison ivy or seven-year itch. And you only have to keep up with the Joneses on Saturdays. In a place called Perfect, people rise before the rooster. There are no allergies, only spring fever. Carpets never stain. And the local bank has hundreds of branches. Of course we don't live anywhere near Perfect, so there's Walgreens. With everything needed for the real world, that's life. This is Walgreens.

What better way of kicking off the season of screams than confronting yourselves with the fact that mothers are people too? An idea that just begs the question, “would you like fries with that?” It’s the Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spectacular Season 4 premier, Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire!

During the episode, the bird was given the benefit of the doubt, and I let the bird slide. Turns out, the bird wasn’t in the book. They just sloppily threw in a talking bird to tell the characters where to go when convenient, because they thought it was so unbelievable that Gipetto would go look for his wooden son of his own accord. Fuck this movie. It’s just Disney checking a box so don't waste your time, Pinocchio!

You guys remember when Larry the Cable Guy snapped a man’s arm in half? I feel like it was probably covered in the original Cars episode, but I really just wanted to make sure people know about it. Pretty sure you can just look it up on Youtube if you want. Like don’t get me wrong, he obviously didn’t mean to, Larry the Cable Guy isn’t a monster. Much like this series, these things just happen, and there’s not much you can do but get through it and hope for the best. It’s unfortunate is what it is, Cars on the Road.

Feet fans rejoice, for this fetish-filled fable’s for you! And for all of you who only like feet as a friend, don’t you worry your pretty little heads, as we have the normal levels of  gummy talk you come to expect, followed by a PSA on the dangers of vapes that is sure to give truth a run for its money. It’s sure to fill that cricket-sized hole in your heart, Disney’s Pinocchio!

I’d summarize what happened in this episode, but I just can't remember... Look, if Pixar can phone it in with this carp then so can I.  It’s got elements of a story to be sure, Disney’s Pixar’s Finding Dory!

Now you’re probably wondering if this is even a movie podcast anymore. But I think if you really stop and think about it, I bet you’d realize it was never one to begin with. And maybe, just maybe, the real movie was the friends we made along the way... It’s the artsiest kids movie you’ll ever see, Disney’s 20th Century Fox’s Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox!

Hello, and welcome to the inaugural episode of "Let’s Taco ‘bout It". The only Taco Bell podcast hosted by self proclaimed experts. This week we bring a little life hack to the dinner table to really crank up that cravings box, followed by a deep dive into the origins to everyone's favorite “cinful” side. It’s not really worth talking about, LEGO Star Wars Summer Vacation!

We did it, boys! This has to be the most controversial episode that these boys have ever released bar none. But of course what else could you expect from the topic of Disney’s most controversial film since “Song of the South?” It’s funny though, I don’t even think they talked about that quarter of a second peck on the lips shared by two middle aged women that got the film banned in 14 countries… weird. It’s just begging to be locked away in the vault, Disney’s Pixar’s Lightyear!

You ever want to make an animated series based off of your super popular movie property but needed a way to shoehorn the voice stylings of the late Gilbert Gottfried and Jason Alexander out of fear that your venture would fail without that much needed star power, so you sit down and scribble a plot line in the course of at most three hours to showcase a redemption arc for your past villain and introduce a new one who would bring super low stakes that would appeal more to children every week and shove it onto a VHS and call it a sequel? Ya, me neither. It’s canon I swear, The Return of Jafar!

Hey, did you know that Benjamin Franklin was a known grave robber? It’s true. You should look up that letter where he eloquently lists the reasons why old women are far more superior sexually to their younger counterparts. It boils down to them having to try harder because they are no longer beautiful, are super grateful for it, and don’t worry about how they look because “as in the dark all cats are grey.” Oh, and their vaginas don’t age as fast as their faces because science. Anyway, enjoy these idiots talking about a significantly less interesting Benjamin Franklin for a while. Ya, that's who Nicholas Cage plays, Benjamin Franklin Gates. I just learned that, and now I like this movie even less. It’s time to steal the Declaration of Independence, National Treasure!

Choo choo! All aboard the idiot train for a one way trip to the truth! That's right you fur faced imbeciles, at long last the true identity of James “The Baby Yoda” Webb is finally revealed. So put on your pink tank top and get out those big meaty claws for an answer that’s sure to leave you sufficiently whelmed. It’s the episode three years in the making, Beauty and the Beast!

No, no solo coloqué un texto en un traductor y terminé con esta descripción. USTED dejó caer esta descripción en un traductor y ahora es un desastre porque no puede leer español. El perezoso eres tú, no yo. Es la historia de la menstruación para latinoamérica,The Three Caballeros!

When I can’t remember what actually happens in one of these episodes, I take a quick peek into the Disney Dunces group chat to help refresh my memory for these summaries. This week it was just pictures of sexy turtle women, the Baby Yoda, and also one of them might be LGBTQIA2S+... I guess? I’m sure it all makes sense in context. It’s mainly an excuse to see more Aunt Cass, Baymax!!

Why say gay… when you can sing it! That’s right boys and girls and tikes - much like racism, taking pride in who you are is a year long activity and will not be confined to a single month just because THE MAN/WOMAN/PERSONS said so. Also don’t worry, I’d wager the Dunces haven’t been allowed near any school zone for some time now. It’s where Diana Ross got her start, Trevor: The Musical!

Hey, don't blame me! SCOTUS made us carry this episode to term to the displeasure of everyone involved. So I guess you’ll just have to learn to live with our mistake, ya? It’s not as bad as all that, but still pretty bad, Johnny Tsunami!

So it's Andy’s birthday… and the rest is history. Let’s face it, you know this story like the back of Benjamin “Buzz” Lightyear’s hand, but if you really feel the need for a refresher, the boys are here for you. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something you failed to pick up on your first thirty viewings, but probably not. It’s a post-apocalyptic tale for the whole family, Toy Story!

Do you hear me calling, out your name? Lamblala somethin' somethin' la blah dah dah ah. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo IIIIIIIIIIII, I want to be with you everywhere! Alright, now read every once in a while for the next hour or so, and you're good. It’s a sequel to someone, Hollywood Stargirl!

Holy cow! Not just one, but two special guest appearances in this week’s episode. Talk about going the distance! Oh, and for those worrying that they’ll have nothing left to look forward to after experiencing this godlike chapter of the Dunces mythos, I’ll see to it personally that Mr. Goldthwait returns when the boys eventually cover Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja. It’s related to Noah’s ark… somehow, Disney’s Hercules!

Sometimes, some crimes go slippin’ through the cracks. Other times, people feel the need to record their crimes and post it all over the internet for the world to see and hear. Bet you can’t guess which time this is! It’s the second, third, or maybe even fourth, most ambitious crossover in DPOM history, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers!

Picture Cinderella. Okay, now picture it with black people. There you go. It's Cinderella but with black people, Sneakerella!

Alright, so Marvel already had all these Asgardians running around, and now they’ve introduced Ra, Anubis, and all their friends into this wacky world. But I’m sitting here like, "hey, where’s The Last Supper crew? Are the beliefs forced upon me at a tender age not valid, or did Jack Kirby create Jesus and his Amazing Apostles but Stan Lee just forgot to take credit?" Anyway that’s all I got, which is a lot more than this series provides. It’s certainly a show you can watch on Disney+, Disney’s Marvel’s Moon Knight!

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Race relations, again?!” But we here at the Disney Dunces feel that discrimination should be addressed and eradicated all year round, instead of just one month out of the year. And we will not rest until the entire world is full of horrible racists. Also, that bunny do be packin’ those slacks tho’. It’s like every character passes the Harkness Test by design, Disney's Zootopia!

Imagine your parents went to the Louvre and picked up one of the guided tour tapes because they wanted to share that experience with you. However, on the plane ride back, they realize they’ve lost it and ask the man next to them if he wouldn’t mind recording his thoughts on the art so that they have SOMETHING to give you. And to his credit, he certainly tries his best, seeing as he thinks he’s probably been there, but instead of getting the information about the artist, brush strokes, and ideas portrayed, he just kinda tells you how nice it is and how you really just have to see it. That’s this episode. It’s a work of art to be sure, Princess Mononoke!

Rather than the usual, “here's a plot and follow along with us” format that you’ve come to know and love, this week the boys are covering one of, if not the most, influential stories of all time and examining its impact on every piece of media you’ve ever consumed. It’s highly recommended that you actually watch today's topic beforehand for the optimal listening experience - luckily for you though, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius only lasted for 3 seasons, so go make a day of it and thank me later. It’s the modern remake of a modernized retelling of the original teen dramedy, West Side Story!

Oh hello, I didn’t see you there. Welcome to yet another Disney Dunces Holiday Spectacular! Which is to be expected when major companies fart out content to constantly remind us the reason for the season in order to make a quick buck. Regardless, be sure to listen to this one before April 18th, because after that it reverts to a normal everyday episode. It’s Miracle on 34th Street for the next generation, Disney’s Better Nate Than Ever!

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

56:23, you’re welcome. It’s bad enough to make you think, “hey, maybe all lives do matter,” Disney’s Cheaper by the Dozen!

Uh oh, looks like it’s that time of the month again! Which is to say, time to listen to your favorite boys to talk about the complex journey that is becoming a woman. I’ll be real though, I couldn’t actually listen to this week’s episode because they took all the boys from my class and made us listen to a different podcast, but I’m sure it's very informative. It’s the long awaited "The Story of Menstruation 2", Disney and Pixar’s Turning Red!

Time to rise and grind, gamers! ...no, even as a bit, I just can’t do it. It just sucks so much. So uh, anyone check out the demo for the new Kirby game? You get to explore the ruins of a post-apocalyptic cityscape and Kirby drives a car with his mouth. It’s kind of wild. I guess it also implies that the human race has died off potentially, but that wouldn’t be the first time that's happened in a Nintendo game. Fans of The Crystal Shards or Pikmin know what I’m talking about. Alright, I’ll stop now and do the thing, but I’m just excited as it’s the most promising Kirby game to come out in a while - so thanks for reading. It’s "Certified Fresh" despite the fact that I can smell it from here, Free Guy!

I would argue that the harmonious melding of two desserts into something spectacular, while acknowledging that both Twix and doughnuts are still perfectly valid on their own, warrants a thirty minute discussion on the “Black History Special.” That being said though, the fried chicken bit was kinda fucked. It’s only as big of a problem as you make it, Remember the Titans!

It’s important to take a look at another people's history and culture to better understand the struggles and barriers they’ve had to overcome in order to inspire and give a voice to the voiceless. It’s also important for the fine folks at Disney+ to look at more than a thumbnail and say, “yup, that's a black kid” before shoving whatever into the 'Celebrate Black Stories' category, yet here we are. It’s certainly a struggle to watch, How to Build a Better Boy!

Woof woof, mother mushers! The Disney Dunces Dog Days of Winter are rolling on strong with yet another canine cinematic masterpiece. So join the boys this week for a rousing game of KFM and watch as they learn that there's nothing 'thong' with sucking Wyngz right off the non-existent bone. It’s somehow not a paycheck for the Baha Men, Disney’s and Sisqó's Snow Dogs!

You know how I know that Like Mike and Air Bud take place in the same universe? Not once in this entire movie does anyone stop and question the fact that a 13 year old boy is playing professional basketball. It’s almost like they as a society have already accepted that there must not be a rule against it, so it's okay. The boys don’t bring it up either, but what do they know about sports right? It’s the paws clause in full effect, Like Mike!

Whelp, the boys are finally back and with the Season 4 premiere in tow. But if I begin to summarize the talking points of this episode, the rest of this description would have to be an apology to all of Columbia and its people. So maybe we don’t talk about this one, yeah? It’s the episode that's chock full o’ nuts, Encanto!

Are you guys ready for a SPECTACULAR Christmas special? With some ASTONISHING insight. Full of AMAZING guests. In one SENSATIONAL spectacle. Broadcasted in SUPERIOR sound quality. FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD. Well, look elsewhere. It’s the backdoor pilot we’ve all been dreaming of, Spider-Man: No Way Home!

Anyone here order the Hallouligan Burger (comes with a thirty minute distraction from that thing you don't want to discuss and halloumi cheese)? That's right boys, the Hululigans are here to stay because sometimes it’s safer to let the vermin leave when they are good and ready than risk getting rabies. It’s almost as dark as Tim Allen’s past, present, and future, The Santa Clause!

Oh God, it looks like someone left the windows open and the HULU HOOLIGANS got in!! This week is nothing but murder monkeys and burger boys, so apologies to anyone out there expecting a comprehensive summary and review of an absolute Christmas classic. It’s the holiday staple that no one should include in their diet, Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish!

Here comes the boys, with yet another quirky Christmas crapshoot just in time for Hanukkah. Take this episode as a gift from our mishpocheh to yours, and let it serve as a nice reminder that you guys aren’t missing out on anything. It’s like he crawled so that the Geico Cavemen could run, Ernest Saves Christmas!

The Muppets are back, baby! Back to being the main point of discussion on the podcast that is. In any other context, they’ve been essentially dormant for years and any attempt at a revival has been met with a rather tepid response. It’s the Seinfeld of Christmas movies, The Muppet Christmas Carol!

Bring out your dead! Disney needs to slap a fresh coat of paint on your beloved childhood because new ideas are pricey and hard to come by. At least this one inspired a rather insightful conversation on the qualities that make a great literary hero. It’s like taking a trip back to your English Literature class, Home Sweet Home Alone!

You know what they say, "it’s Christmas somewhere in the world". So unless you're there, don’t bother listening to this one just yet. Even if you are, still don’t listen because Sinbad ruined this one just like how he ruins everything. It’s the holiday “staple” that's aged like milk, Jingle All the Way!

Nope, nothing weird or alarming about this episode! Just a couple of guys sitting around, talking about their favorite Simpson’s bit- uh... jokes for a prolonged period of time. And I guess we’ll just leave it at that. That’s a core memory for sure, The Simpsons Movie!!!

The Disney Dunces Podcast is seeking a Podcast Co-host to join the team. Previous podcast experience is a plus, but not required. Requirements include watching selected media, providing input during weekly conversation, and refraining from eating dinner during recordings. It’s the bare minimum that one could expect, Halloweentown High!

If you were looking for an episode featuring about 90% more Craig and just about 300% less Richard, then this is the episode for you! However, if you were looking for a fun, informative, and super concise look into The Mouse's newest spooky original animated series, then what are you doing here? It’s more than just an excuse to discuss money laundering, The Ghost and Molly McGee!

The Muppets are back, baby - yet their close proximity to death has never felt more appropriate. Same goes for the length of this description. It’s not exactly a thrill ride, Disney’s Muppets Haunted Mansion!

The trilogy of episodes based on the Trilogy of Trilogies carries on with yet another trilogy of stories based on said Trilogy of Trilogies. Yes. It’s the perfect way to kick off the Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spook-tacular in title alone, LEGO Star Wars Terrifying Tales!

The trilogy of trilogies has breathed life into an anthology of anime, yet this episode is lighter on the weeb talk than most. It’s not just the Animatrix in space, Disney’s Star Wars: Visions!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The trilogy of trilogies finally came to an end and the Dunces finally caught up. Now at long last, all of your burning questions will be answered. Is Chewie a dirty Dejarik cheater? Who exactly are Rey’s parents? And why does Richard keep a shirt featuring Craig within reach at all times? It’s Disney Dunces: Episode CXVIII - Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker!

Get your "bonjours" and "oui ouis" ready, because this week the Dunces are taking you on a culinary trip to Paris’s premier 1 or 3 star restaurant! The journey also comes complete with all of the Ricky Martin talk that one comes to expect with the territory. It’s proof that even those from the most humble of beginnings can be livin' la vida loca, Disney and Pixar’s Ratatouille!

Hey guys, dig this one. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. They covered shorts about a dog being a dog doing dog things, and his name is Dug. What’s up with that? It’s a memorial of sorts, Disney’s and Pixar's Dug Days!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… at least that's what it feels like when you consider how much time has passed since the last time the Dunces watched one of these movies. And you know what? I totally understand, because man... if you thought the second trilogy was bad, boy howdy this third trilogy is something else. But at the same time, it isn’t because it's just the original trilogy again, so that just proves that they’re both horrendous. Which in turn means the prequel trilogy is actually the best one by default? Yeah. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode CXV - Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi!

The Dunces, now in technicolor, for everyone involved but you. That’s honestly the only thing of note as it's one of those shorter episodes. I imagine because they couldn’t stand looking at each other for very long, and I can’t say I blame them. It’s hard to imagine anyone would want this on their streaming service, 20th Century Fox’s Eragon!

I’d like to say that this was just another regular ol’ episode of a regular ol’ podcast with no cause for concern. I’d like to say that you could just listen to this one and not even consider dropping an anonymous tip to some government agency concerning one of the hosts. And lastly, I’d like to say that this one devolves into just a solid hour of Tudyk Talk, but I suppose there’s always next week. It’s honestly just a really good movie, Moana!

Well I’ve got some great news for fans of comedy. If you’re looking for something with non-stop jokes with very little substance to hold it all in place, just watch what they did and leave it at that. It’s the film for the whole family (so long as you divide the scenes amongst them), Disney’s 20th Century Fox’s Mrs. Doubtfire!

Whelp, the results are in and turns out Disney is once again trying to scam you out of your hard-earned $30. So how about instead you save yourself some money and listen to this episode while you make your way to Disney World and ride the attraction yourself. Because you know what they say, "why see The Rock when you can be The Rock?". It’s Disney’s second attempt to bring a Weird Al song to life, Disney’s Jungle Cruise!

You know what I loved about revival television series-es based on movies from the late '80s? Nothing. It’s that quirky investigator drama revived in the form of a streaming service-exclusive series the likes of which you’ve only ever dreamed of, Turner & Hooch!

You know what I loved about movies from the late '80s? How they all have this uncanny ability to have any conversation about them just veer completely off course and into the world of connected universes of television shows from the early 2000s. And if that's not true, then how about you explain this episode of the Disney Dunces? Take that atheists. It’s that quirky investigator drama just begging for a revival in the form of a streaming service exclusive series the likes of which you’ve only ever dreamed of, Turner & Hooch!

dont watch it

Fair warning, this episode contains gratuitous descriptions of Monsters, Inc. "Rule 34", so make sure to bring a bucket and a mop. I’d type more, but that's truly all that's in this one... so yeah, uhmm, how are you doing? I’m either very glad, very saddened, or some place in the middle to hear that. Anyway, I’m going to say the thing now, but this was nice and we should really do it again sometime. It’s the last movie Pixar should have made, Disney and Pixar’s Monsters, Inc.! 

What happens when two young supple fish boys arrive in a small harbor town whose citizens have only one thing on their mind? From the creative mind that brought you Beyond the Sea and Albino Alligator, comes a true cumming of age story like no other. It’s Disney’s and Pixar’s and Kevin Spacey’s idea of a good time, Luca!

Fair warning, this is another one of those episodes that goes a little off the rails. But as long as you’ve seen Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball GT, My Hero Academia, Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation, The Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, The Magic School Bus, The Magic School Bus Rides Again, Spongebob Squarepants, Teen Titans Go!, Seinfeld, Community, Family Guy, Lilo & Stitch, The Emperor’s New Groove, and The Venture Bros., you’re going to be okay! It’s the DCOM people had to pay to see, Sky High!

This episode of the Dunces features a very powerful movie with a very powerful message. Since you guys are listening to this nonsense, you’re probably not too bright, so I’ll spell it out for you. It doesn’t matter your upbringing, your station in life, or even how you turned out. You can end up anywhere in this wacky world, even at a Dairy Queen. It’s a movie that asks the hard-hitting question, Cars!

In London Town, mentally troubled seamstress, Estella Miller is disregarded and mistreated by society. She then embarks on a downward spiral of revolution and fashion crime. This path brings her face-to-face with her alter-ego: Cruella de Vil. It’s like Disney played Mad Libs with The Joker script, Cruella!

Originally I was just going to copy and paste the intro paragraph on the "Gogo's Crazy Bones" Wikipedia page and call it a day, as I don’t know a damn thing about these little rubber idiots. But as it turns out, that article is something of an interesting read and I’d advise everyone to just check it out themselves. Anywho, here’s a fad filled with fads including unrelated fads to said fad, Descendants 2!

Oh boy oh boy! There is no better way to celebrate 101 episodes than by giving you 101 reasons why you should listen to this episode: 1. I respect your time too much to even entertain this bit beyond one bullet point - you’re welcome. It’s a good thing it's animated so we could avoid 101 moments of silence for this one, 101 Dalmatians!

One hundred episodes released means one hundred episode descriptions have been written, so I’m also celebrating something of a milestone myself. I’m dedicating this one to all of the people out there who take the time to read it. That means this one is for you Richard, and maybe Craig if someone happens to draw his attention to it. But not that third one, he’s way too handsome to be reading anything. It’s not at all the movie that was planned, Jack!

At one point in the film, Aunt Cass talks about how her celebratory hot wings are so spicy that she and Hiro are going to feel it in their buttholes tomorrow. The Dunces don’t cover that in the episode, but that's pretty cool. Anyway, it’s just like reading the comics (probably), Big Hero 6!

They said it couldn’t be done. They said it was unpossible, prepostiserous, and unmimaginableble, tet the Dunces have pulled it off. They managed to find a group of friends who are not only dumber than they are, but are also just as mean to each other - and all it really took was a clean sweep of the 100 Acre Wood. Start sippin' that juice, because it’s time for Piglet’s Big Movie!

Here we have a show about an aging John Stamos coaching a basketball team at an all girls high school. We also know that the Dunces know nothing of basketball, so this episode will most likely be hyper focused on one thing and one thing alone. May God have mercy on us all. It’s exhibit A in the upcoming trial of the century, Big Shot!

Oh boy! This week the Dunces mean business, and I mean BIG BUSINESS! That’s all I got. I’m not sure what even happened in this episode. It’s just three guys locked in a room talking about nothing for what I imagine to be an hour. So this week you get to listen and learn what the episode is about yourself. It’s a film that happened to be on Disney+ (probably), Big Business!

Cock-a-doodle-do! Now that’s bird for, buckle up buckaroo because you’re in for a wild one. Okay fine, it doesn’t actually translate into English that well, but don’t blame me for you having such a limited language. It’s a film guaranteed to make you express astonishment or admiration, The Big Year!

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Today’s episode of the Disney Dunces is just filled to the brim with questions. Luckily, the boys have their own little Knowsmore just waiting to answer them all. Man at the Computer, this one’s for you buddy. Don’t call it Wreck it Ralph 2, it’s Disney’s Ralph Breaks the Internet!

When Merida decides to go against tradition, she creates a rift not only between her country's leaders, but between her and her mother as well. She then makes matters worse by enlisting the help of a witch to change her fate, who turns her mother into a bear. Now she has to repair the tear in her mother-daughter relationship and reverse the curse before her ursine-loathing father does her mother in. And she does! That's the film, shut up. It’s hard to put this one into words, Disney and Pixar’s Brave!

They described the movie exactly how it played out, "blah blah blah, who cares, whatever". The truly unbelievable thing is the fact that not one of them mentions how Awkwafina is the perfect name for a mythical water dragon, especially compared to whatever stupid name they happen to give to furry Elsa that no one can seem to remember. It’s the $29.99 that you could have spent on anything else, Raya and the Last Dragon!

Well boys and girls, BHM has come and gone, but the Dunces aren’t about to let you forget that black people have existed just yet. It’s not nearly as good as the title makes it out to be, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit!

So, you know how every holiday your parents needed to lie to you about a fat guy in a red coat or a giant candy-pooping rabbit just to get you interested in celebrating? Well, as it turns out, Jamaica’s first Olympic bobsled team is the BHM equivalent . It may as well be The Santa Clause, Cool Runnings!

For those BIGOTS out there who are asking themselves, “What the hell does this movie have to do with black history?!” How about you consult the song at 54:32 and try and tell me it's anything but! It’s Nelson Mandela’s personal favorite, Kazaam! 

Alright, so hear me out: yes, they started almost two weeks later than they should have, and yes, they more than likely just picked the first movie they saw that happened to have black people in it. But I think they made a genuine effort to celebrate black history in their own sort of way, so just keep that in mind for the next few episodes. It’s Disney and Pixar’s play on words, Soul!

Good news, everyone! The boys are back from podcast school and as it turns out, you just can’t teach these old dogs new tricks. So enjoy this less than insightful summary of a film surrounding a man-made pandemic and a stolen election, not that you’d pick up on that listening to this. It’s their artsiest, fartsiest film to date, Isle of Dogs!

  What do you get when you cross three dunces and two eight minute long animated shorts? Apparently a forty-minute conversation about God knows what. It’s The wonderful world of Disney’s wonderfully delightful, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse!

Look, Thanksgiving may be canceled, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still be grateful for the fact that you don’t have to listen to this episode! It’s the holiday special befitting of the year 2020, Pocahontas!

Can you imagine a world where Disney forced all of their greatest villains onto an island where they proceeded to just bang each other? Well imagine no longer, because you’re living in it! It’s a lesson in the importance of contraception if anything, Disney’s Descendants! And no, it's not nearly as good as you hoped it would be.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… but not nearly as long ago as the other films. Because at long last, it's time to start the final trilogy in the trilogy of trilogies! And let's face it, it's the seventh one of these that the Dunces have covered - do you really need a summary to know what to expect? Han Solo is a rapist, Dragonball Z is the best, and a frenchman’s plumbing situation is infinitely more interesting than any of these films. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode LXXXII - Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens!

Yet another Season of Boys has come and gone, and the Dunces are left this week to face their own mortality. And what better way to do it than to take a look at the afterlife as told by the fine folks at Disney’s Pixar!?! Don’t call it the finale, they skipped right to the epilogue! It’s Disney and Pixar’s, and yours and mine, Coco! Except for you gringo, you don’t get a film.

Let’s be honest here, what could possibly be scarier than actually sitting down to watch an episode of modern day Simpsons? An episode on an episode, specifically The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror XXXI!

I’m going to be straight with you guys, if you’ve never seen the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original series "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", based off of the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original film "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius", you should probably skip this one as there is nothing of value here for you. On the other hand however, if you live and breathe the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original series, "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", you should probably skip this one as well as there is nothing of value here for you either. It’s a Halloween DCOM in setting alone, Can of Worms!

Ruh-roh! A spell has been placed on Halloweentown turning it and all its denizens grey in both personality and appearance. But have no fear, Agitha Cromwell and her granddaughter, Marnie are on the case! The only question is, will Benny the cabbie be able to get them to Aggie’s spell book in time to reverse the incantation, or is Halloweentown doomed to an eternity of boredom? Find out as we kick off this year's Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spook-tacular with Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge!

What do you get when you cross Marvel’s The X-Men with that typical Disney magic that we’ve all come to expect? Not this - this is more like Marvel’s The X-Men inbred with Marvel’s The X-Men, and reviews about as well as any Marvel’s The X-Men movie has reviewed in the past 5 years. It’s the DCOM disguised as a DPOM, Secret Society of Second-Born Royals. 

Now don’t be sour, the Cream Crew returns to make all your cream dreams come true! This time they’ve brought not one, not two, but THREE procedures for proper cream placement. Now it's up to you, dear listener, to decide which will lead you to the most triumphant Taco Tuesday. All this and more on this week's episode covering... The Peanuts Movie?

Better off Ted is a satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of Veridian Dynamics. Veridian Dynamics experiments on its employees, twists the truth, and will stop at nothing to achieve its goals. Better off Ned is a typo for the title of said satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of Veridian Dynamics. Veridian Dynamics experiments on its employees, twists the truth, and will stop at nothing to achieve its goals. I’d copy and paste one more time, but then the description would be longer than this episode. It’s Disney’s inept Elmo killer, Earth to Ned!

Hey look, Disney did that thing where they took a dump all over one of their animated classics - only this time they charged you $30 for the pleasure! So if you feel that Mulan needed less musical numbers, more CGI, and a whole lot more "being a bird", then go ahead and waste your money, because you don’t deserve to have it. If on the other hand you’re a decent human being, just go ahead and listen to this. It’s Disney’s apology for Winnie the Pooh, Mulan!

There’s 104 days of summer vacation, and they seriously couldn't pick one to release this film on? If that isn’t a clear enough sign that the universe is against each and every one of us, then try to deal with the fact one of the Dunces SOMEHOW couldn’t even be bothered to watch the only good show on television. Either way, it’s the only good Disney+ Original Movie on Disney+, Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe!

They say that the hardest thing you can do in film is trying to bring a true story to life - but those idiots didn’t have a mall full of circus animals and Crayola insertion to work with, because Disney+ makes it look easy. It's the DPOM of the decommissioned gorilla, The One and Only Ivan!

Overly enthusiastic magician Andy Duckerman (Adam Devine) gets thrown out of his magic act and finds himself in desperate need of work. Hired as a camp counselor at an elite magic summer camp, he exposes his kids to the greatest magicians he idolizes and emulates -- much to the approval of the camp owner (Jeffrey Tambor). As he gets his privileged and precocious charges in touch with their inner magicians, he imagines redemption at the camp's Top Hat competition. It's the DPOM that appeared right before your eyes, Magic Camp!

Oh no! It's an all-out alien invasion, and the fool-proof plan of burning down the forest is leading to nothing but civil unrest! But have no fear, Rule 63 Jesus is here to save the day with her innate power to purify! It’s the Disney dub of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind! ...wait, that can't possibly be right.

It’s the Disney+ original series, Muppets Now! I’d say more, but I’d rather not have this description run on longer than it needs to.

  Yarr, here be pirates - and not famous Hollywood types (which just feels like an important distinction to make). So get ready for a swashbuckling good time while your first, second, and third mate regale you with the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow, and how he set sail for adventure on the Isla de Muerta, twice! It’s the theme park ride-inspired film with the name as long as its runtime, Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl!

Oh boy oh boy, do we have a special episode for all you Patinkers out there. All your prayers are finally answered as we finally cover that cult classic starring Candy Mandy himself, The Princess Bride! And on this journey, we finally answer the age old question that's haunted the world for nearly half a century, "who is Mandy Patinkin and is he actually on Homeland or not?" All this and more on this week's episode of The Patinkin Pod!

Dad nab it, the boys at it again! This time with a film so daddy, it’s out of this world - literally! The Summer of Dads™ is strong with this one. ...alright, confession time, I’ve not actually listened to this one, so summarizing it would be an impossible task. All I can say for sure is that it involves Marvin and is thematically on point. It’s that one film that you’ve certainly heard of in passing, My Favorite Martian!

You’re currently at a crossroads. You can either boot up the ol’ Disney+ and watch a piece of American history come to life through the magic of musical theatre, or alternatively, you can listen to these three nobodies review their high school history class. Honestly though, you should probably just listen to Weird Al’s medley and save yourself a few hours. It’s Hamilton! Or as Disney likes to call it, $75 million well-spent.

The Summer of Dads™ is holding strong, and what better way to celebrate than to cover the strongest dad out there? That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the Bronze Eagle has landed! But what happens when this super dad’s not-so-super son lets his father's greatest weakness slip? Does young Scott Marshall have what it takes to right his own wrongs and become the hero that his dad always knew that he could be? Find out in this exciting look at the classic DCOM, Up, Up, and Away!

Looks like the Summer of Dads™ is in full swing, and what better way to celebrate the season than with a dad that really knows how. To swing that is, like he really knows how to swing. Because at the end of this, isn’t promiscuity truly the first step in becoming a dad? It’s a rather silly film, A Goofy Movie! 

Once in a blue moon, a film comes along that is simply indescribable - mainly due to the fact that all you can think about is that one scene where Josh Gad pulls his pants down, shovels piles of dirt into his mouth, and proceeds to shoot it OUT OF HIS ASS. But what else do you expect from a Tony award nominated thespian? It’s the DPOM that's got us all begging for more, Artemis Fowl!

Oh boy, you’d think an animated George of the Jungle movie would have a few more jokes and a lot less murder. But hey, maybe the humor in this one is just too sophisticated for anyone to pick up on. Maybe in twenty more years all this tragedy will look a lot more like comedy, and we’ll all owe Phil Collins an apology. It’s Disney’s Tarzan!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The second trilogy in a trilogy of trilogies finally comes to an end. And all we really have to show for it is one good joke ten seconds in and the key to getting Richard to kill any child of your choice. But hey, maybe that’s enough for some people. So get ready to hide your kids and to hide your wives, as its Disney Dunces: Episode LX - Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith!

What happens when a corporate Twitter account reaches out to a bunch of celebrities to comment on a film that they were in over seventeen years ago, and none of them bother to reply? In a perfect world, nothing at all, and we would all just go about our day as usual. Sadly though, the year is 2020 and the world is far from perfect. It’s Disney's 20th Century Fox’s Cheaper by the Dozen!

Do you ever look at someone and wonder, “What is going on inside their head?” Well wonder no more, idiots, as the fine folks at Pixar laid it all out for us over five years ago. But if you’re still having a hard time grasping the concept, listen to these three nitwits dumb it down for you, perhaps a little too much. It’s Disney and Pixar’s Inside Out!

Hey look, they did the thing again. You know, it's like a Youtube compilation video of Disney song covers, but with more ads, but like a second time. If you need more info than that, then you’re dumber than these guys. Just be sure to remember, "In Pod We Trust". It’s Disney’s The Disney Family Singalong: Volume 2!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Some jerk decided that "May the 4th" sounded enough like "May the Force" to make it a thing, and now once a year, all your favorite brands band together to cash in on all those nerd boners. It’s just a shame because now this episode is like 80% rape, 10% Hitler, and 100% selling out. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode LVI - Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones!

Oh no! Looks like the Beantown kidnappers are hiding out in the sleepy little unassuming borough of Edgefield, and the only folks who can finger the ones who done it are these three chowda' heads and a part time alley cat. So follow along if you can, and maybe you too can earn the coveted title of “Super Sleuth”!  It’s the 1997 re-imagining of Disney's That Darn Cat!, Disney's That Darn Cat!

What do you get when you cross Disney’s half-assed attempt to calm a world under quarantine with a half-assed discussion about it? A half-assed description to summarize it all! So join the Dunces as they discover just how to put the “F U” in family fun. It’s Disney’s The Disney Family Singalong!

Kowabunga broskies! The Dunces are back in an all new format to bring you the exciting conclusion to the Teen Beach saga. Time has gone awry in Surfside City when the cast of Wet Side Story pay a visit. So come hang ten with the boys while they discuss how kissing cousins become new acquaintances. It’s Ellen Degeneres’s Teen Beach 2! Incest free since 20-1-3!

Elsa of Arendelle. Josh Gad’s LeFou. Cyclops Cop. Those two boys that kissed in the background of that one episode of “Star vs The Forces of Evil”. There is much debate when it comes to Disney’s first openly gay character, but luckily we can all agree on Disney’s first openly incestuous couple. It’s the tongue in cheek DCOM that couldn't get away with it, Ellen Degeneres’s Teen Beach Movie! (Wait, shit, when did High School Musical come out again?)

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Three Dunces set off to provide in-depth coverage of every Star Wars film in Disney’s lexicon, and three movies in, that journey finally begins. It’s just a shame none of them actually watch this one, but fear not! For in troubled times, one can always look to the hymns of yore to guide the way! It’s Disney Dunces: Episode L - Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace!

Alright children, it's time once again to learn to let your freak flag fly! Because no matter how thoughtful you may be, it’s always important to be yourself, then give in to how others tell you that you should be, and then proceed to be yourself again. Because you know what they say, when you shoot for the stars, you’re sure to land amongst the girls. It’s the DPOM that’s sure to bomb, Stargirl!

Awww snap, it's time to once again get down and nerdy with the Dunces! This week the boys cover every dweeby delight from alchemy to anime, and topics well outside that scope because we know you poindexters are going to try to point out how small of a range that actually is. So roll those D20s and draw your Pot of Greeds, losers - it’s Disney and Pixar’s Onward!

Girl's dad has to do army. Girl pretends to be dad and goes into army. Girl defeats the Huns. Girl's grandma tries to steal girl's man. It's the P.F. Chang's of Disney animated classics, Mulan!

Timmy is an average kid that no one understands, but that's because Timmy is a complete asshole and no one should take the time to get to know him. If anyone out there is blessed with the gift of child, please teach them to be the exact opposite of Timmy. Teach them how not to be a Failure. It’s Portland’s own Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made.

Call 'em, beep 'em, if you wanna reach 'em - although you’re probably better off just listening to this episode, as one of the Dunces has developed a filthy disgusting habit of calling people out and naming names. You’ve been warned. It’s the alleged star-studded, live action Disney Channel Original Movie, based on the animated Disney Channel Original Series, "Kim Possible", it's Kim Possible! 

Well guys, this is sadly the most erotic and perverse film that Walt Disney ever got his grubby little hands on. We’re very disappointed in all of you degenerates who have seen this movie, and that goes double if you actually like this filth. And don’t even try to tell us that you watch it for the plot, because  we all know that there isn’t one to be found here! It’s Studio Ghibli’s classic cumming of age story, Kiki’s Delivery Service!

O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant, to what can only be described as the most blasphemous episode to date. Seriously, the Dunces break like four commandments just talking about Steve Urkel, five if you’re listening on the Sabbath! But at the very least, everyone can take some comfort in knowing that one of them will burn in Hell for all eternity. As for which one that is, the answer may surprise you. It’s Sister Act!

If you've ever wondered what the layout of Rapunzel’s tower was like, then boy oh boy do we have the podcast for you! We're talking a full-on, thirty minute, in-depth analysis of the whole thing! Top to bottom, every nook and cranny, every step accounted for, no stone left unturned. If however you’ve actually seen the film and realized it was just a single room atop a blocked off set of stairs at a glance, then I’m afraid this episode has nothing to offer you so move along. It’s Disney’s Tangled!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… and boy do I mean a long time ago! Like back when a fella' who repeatedly forces himself on a woman was seen as a charming rapscallion, rather than the mondo creep we see him for today. Back when Pop-Up Video was a normal everyday occurrence, making Mickey, Donald, and Goofy seem more welcoming than grating. And back before Maury Povich could tell you who your father was before he could blind side you with that info at the least opportune time. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode XL - Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back!

Ruh roh! The time trolley has gone haywire and looks like the Dunces find themselves trapped in the far flung future of 2049! A time period where man lives amongst the stars and women give birth to children and diskettes! Let’s see if they can master this new space age lingo and become gods of rock and roll before the station goes up in smoke! It’s Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century!

Alright boys and goils, let's all hop in the time trolley and take a trip to old New York - I’m talking 1899. A simpler time when the news was printed on paper, child labor was rampant, and no one had nothin' better to do but to sing about it. Please keep all hands and feet inside the trolley and try not to get soaked, whatever that happens to mean in the context of this film. It’s Newsies!

Hold on, this can’t be right, these cry alert readings are off the chart! Let’s see... says here this week's episode covers an untold true story involving the harsh conditions of the Alaskan tundra, terminally ill children, and one very brave dog who gives his all to save them. Oh no, and there’s no Cuba Gooding Jr. in sight! That settles it, you’d have to be a monster to not cry while watching this one. It’s Togo, The Now Told True Story!

So this is Christmas, and my god, Ms. Kringle, what have you done? Another year over, and a new crisis has begun - but don’t worry, the Dunces are here to cover this tragedy and two others that have definitely totally happened for like realsies. It's a Christmas special like every other Christmas special that has come before it, not to mention, the most progressive DPOM to date, it's Noelle!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… three dunces got together in order to needlessly summarize the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all time. To which they then double down on the needlessness of it all by attempting to summarize the episode summarizing the first/fourth installment of what is perhaps the most iconic film franchise of all tim It’s Disney Dunces Episode XXXV: Star Wars: Episode IV - A new Hope! 

Alright, everyone. Get ready to scrap those smart cars and trash those smart phones because the next step in the electronic revolution is finally here! Introducing the Smart House, with its patented floor sucking technology, smoothie making prowess, and overwhelming desire to satisfy your every need - even mothers are a thing of the past! That’s right, this baby cooks for you, cleans for you, and will help you seduce any eighth grade girl within a twelve mile radius, goddess or otherwise. The only thing it can’t seem to do is fucking relax.

It used to be that when Disney felt like releasing a subpar sequel to one of its animated hits, they’d have the courtesy of just farting it out on Disney VHS and DVD so that you could enjoy it from the comfort of your own home. But I guess when you give those films an actual budget and keep the original cast, they start to expect people to pay the full price of admission to make up the difference. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Disney's Frozen II.  

Listen up bitches and uhhh... male dogs? Get ready to split your spaghetti and pucker up on this wonderful bella notte, because Disney+ has finally arrived! And what better way to celebrate than to listen to the Dunces cover an exclusive direct-to-streaming service live action remake of the beloved classic that everyone remembers fully and completely. It’s Lady and the Tramp, now with 99.9% less racist caricatures!

Had we covered The Little Mermaid prior to this episode, this is the part where we would just copy and paste that description, sprinkle in a few new words here and there, and create a disgusting Frankenstein monstrosity of a description. But instead, we guess we'll just leave it to The Wonderful World of Disney™️, it's The Wonderful World of Disney Presents The Little Mermaid Live!

Alright, so this is a little awkward... it’s almost like the Dunces went to podcast school and none of them got sent to the corner. They talk about the movie, they talk about the songs, and they even cover the plausibility of fan theories that span across Disney’s extended universe. I mean okay, there might just be one little thing about troll gods, but hey, pobody’s nerfect. So join us in this no frills, just chills episode covering Disney’s break out hit, Frozen! Expect expectations to be subverted.

Listen up bitches, because it’s time for witches. And we’re talking REAL witches here, none of that make-believe J.K. Rowling level poppycockery. So grab the nearest virgin and have them light your blackest flame, because the Sanderson Sisters are coming to town! It’s Hocus Pocus!

Fall is here, Fall is here, it’s a wonderful time of year! That’s right, people! The air is crisper, the days are shorter, and the boys are finally ripe for the picking. So join the Dunces as they celebrate yet another bountiful harvest at the second happiest place on Earth, Dark’s Pandemonium Carnival! Just ignore that pricking of your thumbs, because it’s time for the family friendly fall classic, Something Wicked This Way Comes!

Oh boy, oh boy! It's not just the scares that keep on coming in this next installment of the Disney Dunces Scares Stupid Spooktacular! So get ready to stroke those nostalgia boners and whatever other boners that may just so happen to pop up, because this time the Dunces are running train on two classic Disney owned properties in this marathon down memory lane. It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Halloweentown… mainly!

Hold your horses! Now what exactly do a manic millionaire toad, a gangly glutinous school master, and a candy-filled celebration of all things spooky have to do with each other?! Well... I guess it all depends on who you ask. So join the Dunces for, what may or may not be, the second installment of their Scared Stupid Spooktacular. It’s The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad!

Good evening boils and ghouls, and welcome to the Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spooktacular! Join the dunces as they recount the tale of a perfectly ordinary manor with extra ordinary residents and the one man hell bent on giving them their happily Evers after. But, can he really stop the suave sophisticated specter from sleeping with his wife, or does he not stand a ghost of a chance? It’s Disney's The Haunted Mansion!

Alright, so.. you’re probably thinking to yourselves, "why on God’s green Earth did they decide to cover the sequel of a film that they spent a good twenty minutes trying to avoid talking about in an episode dedicated to talking about said film, let alone immediately the next week?!" The only reason I could possibly come up with is... well.. George just lucky, I guess? It’s George of the Jungle 2!

Welcome to the premiere episode of The Cast Cast. I'm your host, Master Caster Gaster, and join me and my co host while we discuss all of the podcasts that we're qualified to do and all of their potential names. Oh, there's a third guy to mumbling about some crappy Tarzan rip off, but that's okay, he doesn't get the business.

Uh oh! This week the Dunces are trading in their caps for fedoras as they get deep down into the seedy underbelly of 1947 Hollywood in order to unravel a mystery that’s been plaguing this great nation for well over half a century: where exactly are all the overtly sexual western cartoon characters?! It’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit!

Well guys, it took 327 years, but we finally figured out why John Proctor ripped up that piece of paper. So come take a bath with the boys, while they regale you with a tale of one little girl’s journey into womanhood after she foolishly signs away her name. Can she help her friends, save her parents, and make a profit for the bathhouse?! It’s the classic that Disney imported straight from the land of the rising sun, Studio Ghibli’s Spirited Away!

You guys ever watch season 3 of King of the Hill? It's the one that starts off with Luanne losing all of her hair due to an explosion at the Mega Lo Mart. It’s honestly a pretty fantastic season. It’s just that Luanne fluctuates from being bald, to having a full head of hair, to having very little hair on an episode-to-episode basis because the network decided they wanted to air these episodes out of order. And as much as that might bother you, these things happen and you just have to live with it. But I digress... Boom Baby! It’s the Emperor's New Groove! 

Bing bong bing bong, boys and girls! Pack up your pencils and trapper your keepers, because those school bells are-a ringin'! Class is in session and it's time for the Dunces to teach you a lesson in the wonders of conformity, cliques, and every other cliche East High is looking to throw at you. It's The Disney Channel Original Movie, High School Musical!

It’s the Disney Dunces with our special guest star, Craig of Craig’s Stuff! Woo! It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights. It’s time to get things started, on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, duncetational. This is what we call The Muppet Movie show!

Ah... 1920s Nawlins... a time and place to say goodbye to Victorian era morals and hello to that funny reefer man. A place where flappers took to the streets, and clubs roared with a sound that can’t be beat. A time where gators could still play the trumpet, fireflies act as locksmiths, and “Big Daddy” owned his fair share of people. So come on down the bayou, and join these po’ boys as they take a big ol’ spoon full of that completely accurate American history gumbo known as, The Princess and the Frog.

Hoppy days are here again! The Dunces are back, and they really toad the line in this by the brookes episode filled with the same ribbiting conversation you’ve come to expect. Let’s just hop you don’t suffer from any frog related amphobias, as we discuss season 1 of Disney Channel’s newtest original animated series, Amphibia! 

If you were lucky enough to not see this one in theaters yet, then do yourself a favor and listen to this instead. This is the only time that we feel for once that these Dunces actually put some knowledge out into the world. Sure, it's mostly about hyena clitorises and how not to act in a movie theater, but that's a lot more than this film could ever teach you. It's The Lion King again, but bad!

Aloha, Cousin! Did you ever think to yourself, “Hey if Stitch is experiment #626, just what exactly happened to the other 625 experiments?” Yeah, us neither. We just kind of assumed that they succumbed to a fiery heat death like any other good failed experiment, but maybe evil space scientists do things just a bit differently. So please, join the Dunces while we go over the preamble to the hit animated television show, Lilo & Stitch: The Series, that sparked the japanimated Stitch!, which inevitably leads to the Chinese produced, Stitch & Ai. For your listening pleasure, it's the made for TV special, Direct-to-VHS-and-Disney-DVD feature, Stitch! The Movie!

What are you doing?! You’ve seen this movie!  And multiple times I bet!! Hell, I’d wager that it's probably your favorite movie, or at the very least in the top ten. You’ve probably memorized all of the songs and break out all of your favorite quotes on the daily. And also let’s be honest, this film probably played a part in your sexual awakening. Yet still you’ve bothered to come here to listen to the Dunces dunce all over this beloved classic? Well if you insist... ladies and gentlemen we present to you, The Lion King.

Your friendly neighborhood dunces are back! This time, we're guiding you on a trip around the world! Pack your bags, people! We’re heading to Venice, Berlin, and places unknown to check out a tower and some kind of bridge! We'll also join some big festival of importance that we can’t seem to figure out the name of. Don't worry, we’ll be sure to talk extensively about subjects that we do understand so that this trip won’t be a total wash. Hold onto your butts for the plot twist that you always knew was coming, it's Sony Pictures presents Disney’s Marvel Studios, Spider-Man: Far From Home. 

The toys are back in town for this direct-to-video sequel of a sequel of a sequel. But luckily, the Dunces are here to guide you lost toys through all your existential questions and help you ignore your conscience in order to live life for yourself. It’s Disney and Pixar’s Toy Story 4! ...what the hell do you mean this was actually in theaters?!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of a single dunce and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of other hosts or entities with which the podcast has been, is currently, or ever will be affiliated with. Maybe your grandpa shares these views, but hey, it was a different time. Just laugh awkwardly and try to enjoy Thanksgiving, he won’t be around for much longer. It’s Lilo & Stitch!

If you’re like the rest of the world, you absolutely adore the Toy Story trilogy, and if so I’ve got some good news and bad news. The good news is that the Dunces are all about nothing but that rich Toy Story lore this episode. The bad news is, it covers the nonsense that you never bothered watching. So check your footwear for reptiles and pull out your child’s plaything while we explore exactly what lies beyond the infinity. Introducing all the Toy Story shorts and specials that take place after the events of Toy Story 3, it's Toy Story Toons, Toy Story of Terror, and Toy Story that Time Forgot!

Alright guys, stay and listen to this one. No seriously, we need you to sit. Play dead if you must, just don’t roll over on us now. It might sound like the Dunces got a bad case of the zoomies, but do your best to heel, while we fetch a quality summary of Disney’s Bolt. Who’s a good boy?!

Now this is a story all about how, this film got flipped turned upside down. We’d like to take an hour, just sit right there. We’ll tell you how Disney recycled yet another one of their movies, while we recycle some of our jokes. It’s Disney’s Aladdin! Again!

Let's take a "Step in Time" to lands of yesteryear to see the late, great Walt Disney repeatedly slam his face into a brick wall in order to obtain everyone's favorite nanny - and even further still, to get deeply personal with an author whose life has been anything but "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". So fasten those tin foil dunce caps, and take everything you hear with a "Spoonful of Sugar" and a pinch of salt, as the Disney propaganda machine fires on all cylinders to bring you Saving Mr. Banks. 

After 10,000 years of solitude, the genie deserves so much more than these idiots. But alas, join us on this fine Arabian night as the Dunces take you on a tour of the darker, more sensual side of Agrabah. It's the original animated feature, Aladdin!

Sorry all, but Marvel gave us the okay to spoil the heck out of this one. Join the Dunces as they turn a three hour movie into sub-one hour long nonsensical conversation in a single snap. Grab your most comfortable handicapable and/or person-of-size-accessible seating for this very PC coverage of Disney's Marvel's Avengers: Endgame.

It's all for one and one for all in this episode of the Disney Dunces, as the Dunces regale you with a tale of chivalry and deceipt all to acapella versions of your favorite classical hits. It's Disney's Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers!

Oh bother, the Dunces are back and this time with terrible accents. So please, sit down and stay a while as these boys uncover Christopher Robin's dark past and unknowingly learn a thing or two about the philosophy of Taoism and the ideas behind passive living. Its Disney's Christopher Robin!

The thing about pilot episodes and holiday specials is that they're rarely actually any good. So join the Dunces in a special kind of stupid as they dribble their way though the hit Disney Channel original film "Full-Court Miracle" in this double whammy of a world premier episode. Oy vey!