Looking Back, Looking Forward Hello, and welcome to episode 167 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Looking Back, Looking Forward   Thank you Patreon contributors: I want to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: Reminder the next two months I am on hiatus  I will have a fresh episode in December WCW highlights–World Childless Week, 16-22 Sept 2024 Childless Cat (Plant) Ladies Review last three episodes–links posted below Articles/links of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-78-11-childless-not-choice-women-changed-world-part-one/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-79-part-two-11-childless-not-by-choice-women-who-changed-the-world-2/   https://aseannow.com/topic/1337077-the-right%E2%80%99s-fixation-on-childless-women-a-tool-for-upholding-capitalist-norms/ Most recent episodes:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-166-my-conversation-with-jody-day/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-165-our-nine-year-podcastiversary/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-164-the-issues-of-race-and-the-medical-community/ My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice  

Hello, and welcome to episode 166 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? My Interview with Jody Day. Update time!   Intro: JODY DAY is the English/Irish founder of Gateway Women, the global support & advocacy network for childless women, and is often described as the founder of the ‘childless movement’. An author, two-times TEDx speaker, thought leader and psychotherapist, she’s known for her best-selling Living the Life Unexpected: How to Find Hope, Meaning and a Fulfilling Future Without Children (PanMac 2016/2020) and increasingly for her popular Substack, ‘Gateway Elderwomen’ which explores the adventure of elderhood without motherhood.    Jody’s been a World Childless Week Ambassador since its inception in 2017, and was chosen as one of the BBC’s 100 Women in 2013 & as a UK Digital Woman of the Year in 2021. She was also a founding and former board member at the UK Charity Ageing Without Children, and is a former Fellow in Social Innovation at Cambridge Judge Business School.  After a lifetime in London, she now lives by the sea in West Cork, rural Ireland, where she’s working on a novel (featuring a childless heroine of course!) and developing her Gateway Elderwomen project. She is managed by a small white terrier called Parsnip.   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: Are you still a part of AWOC? Working on a novel Substack—Gateway Elder Women ‘Women without children are that village’.--Jody Day We still pay taxes. Research links: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/11/19/growing-share-of-childless-adults-in-u-s-dont-expect-to-ever-have-children/   https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/   https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/   https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/11/19/growing-share-of-childless-adults-in-u-s-dont-expect-to-ever-have-children/ Christine Erickson’s New Legacy Institute Gateway Woman is now The Childless Collective  Mutual aid projects   Articles/links of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-143-the-things-men-talk-about-my-conversation-with-dr-robin-hadley/   https://gateway-women.com/living-the-life-unexpected-2nd-edition-world-blogtour-1-19th-march-2020/ Special thank you to: Jody Day, Founder of Gateway Women   Jody Day’s Contact Info: https://gateway-women.com/   website: www.gateway-women.com substack: https://jodyday.substack.com/ instagram @gatewaywomen & @apprenticecrone free download of intro & chapter 1 of Jody's book: bit.ly/free-ltlu   FYI: Spotify now allows podcasters the ability to respond to listener comments. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

Hello, and welcome to episode 165 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? My Nine Year Podcastiversary!   Thank you Patreon contributors: I want to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you still need to become a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   Thank you: And as I say every July, I can’t believe it!  Thank you for walking with me through the last few years as I dealt with real life.      Articles/links of interest: https://abcnews.go.com/US/vance-argued-higher-tax-rate-childless-americans-2021/story?id=112284318   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/maximizing-relationships-and-happiness-in-life/202407/with-love-to-my-childless-aunts Special thank you to: All of you!   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you want to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you want to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant,    and fulfilled life.’  

Hello, and welcome to episode 164 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Race and the medical community, how to fix it?    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Questions from listeners:   Listener Name: question from Spotify listener ‘Could you provide an actual bio description. I already know the title, I don’t know what you’re gonna talk about precisely. It would be very helpful instead of the basic uninformed text.’ ANNOUNCEMENTS: Before we get started: Android users, Google podcasts is going away–slowly, like by Summertime based on what I am hearing. That should give you time to find another way to listen.  Honestly, if you just go to your app store you can search for podcast player apps. If you are an Android user, you can use podcast addict or Pocket Cast podcast player apps.  Of course, you can also listen on YouTube music. And keep in mind, I do have two YouTube accounts where you can listen to the podcast.    If you listen to the podcast on Gaana, the largest music platform in India, they are transitioning podcasts to app-only listening. So if you are not finding the Childless not by Choice podcast anywhere else on their platform, search the Gaana app.  And thanks for listening India!       Body of episode: So, I want to tell you about an experience I had when I had my hysterectomy. Am I blaming race for what happened to me? That’s the thing about racism, it’s not always clear. I have always said ‘It’s a heart issue.’     Race and the medical community– Narrative–dictionary term The narrative that black people take pain at a higher range.  Talk about how there are differences that do not mean black people are inferior brown bandaids- pulse ox and skin color- Kidney disease–gfr, creatinine(?)   Talk about the young woman who invented the color change of bandages. when a wound is healing or is getting infected. Talk about women of color losing babies at a higher rate-    Talk about the role of AI in the medical community-   What is bias?  to give a settled and often prejudiced outlook: his background biases him against foreigners.   systematic error introduced into sampling or testing by selecting or encouraging one outcome or answer over others.   an inclination of temperament or outlook especially: a personal and sometimes unreasoned judgment: PREJUDICE Even AI is biased. But it’s not AI’s fault. Who is creating AI code?    I believe just as it takes a village, and community, to get most things done in our world, it will take a village to fix and correct the inequities of care in the medical and health community. We all need to look out for each other List of things to do when going to the doctor: Make a list of the questions for the doctor. If you are afraid to self-advocate, bring a trusted friend or family member with you. Go to follow-up and lab appointments. Don’t blow them off. Review your lab results and ask questions. Make sure you understand what the results mean.  Try to eat right, and take medications you are prescribed as long as you and your doctor are on the same page when it comes to medications.  Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion.  Make sure you and your doctor are on the same page. Do research, not to self-evaluate, but to understand what your doctor is telling you. Be aware, involved, and knowledgeable about your health.     Research links:   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4194634/   https://www.healthaffairs.org/doi/10.1377/hlthaff.2021.01466   https://www.stkate.edu/academics/healthcare-degrees/racism-in-healthcare   https://www.band-aid.com/products/adhesive-bandages/ourtone-adhesive-bandages Articles/links of interest: https://mhacf.org/   https://medicalxpress.com/news/2024-03-rheumatic-diseases-childbearing-problems.html   https://yen.com.gh/people/family-relationships/256354-nigerian-lady-child-buys-pampers-feeding-bottle-tearfully-prays-god-a-baby-video/ My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 163 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men worldwide, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Father’s Day   Thank you Patreon contributors: I want to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you still need to become a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Articles/links of interest:   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-160-praying-through-infertility-my-conversation-with-sheridan-voysey/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-143-the-things-men-talk-about-my-conversation-with-dr-robin-hadley/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-130-about-fathers-day-and-childlessness/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/ Special thank you to: All of the wonderful men who have shared their childless not by choice journey with us, and the world.  My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 162 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Why Won't They Listen? Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   HELLO EVERYONE WELCOME TO EPISODE 162! THIS IS A SPECIAL LIVE RECORDING AND I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO HEAR IT.  AS SOON AS I HEARD IT WAS HAPPENING I BECAME EXCITED BECAUSE THE ISSUES SURROUNDING HEALTHCARE AND PEOPLE OF COLOR IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR QUITE SOME TIME.    I MEAN QUITE SOME TIME AS IN YEARS: SINCE MY HYSTERECTOMY.  I WILL BE TALKING MORE ABOUT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES NEXT EPISODE, AS WELL AS THINGS WE CAN DO, NO MATTER OUR RACE OR GENDER, TO GIVE US A BETTER CHANCE AT PROPER CARE WHEN INTERACTING WITH THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY.   I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MRS. LASHONDA ROYAL, CHAPTER PRESIDENT, MS. ANNA DIEVEUIL-HORNBUCKLE, PUBLIC RELATIONS, AND ALL THE LADIES OF ZETA PHI BETA SORORITY, INC.,  FOR ALLOWING ME TO ATTEND  THIS MEETING.  BY THE WAY, IT WAS OPEN TO THE PUBLIC.    PLEASE NOTE: SOME CONTENT IN THIS EPISODE IS GEARED TO WOMEN WHO HAVE CHILDREN. PLEASE ALSO NOTE THAT ANY AUDIENCE MEMBER NAMES MENTIONED HAVE BEEN REMOVED. THE NAMES OF THE PANEL MEMBERS HAVE NOT.  LASTLY, NAMES OF MEDICATIONS HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THE AUDIO AS WELL. THANKS AGAIN FOR TUNING IN.       Articles/links of interest: https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/childless-employee-edi-unseen-minority/ Special thank you to:   Mrs. Lashonda Royal, Chapter President, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Ms. Anna Dieveuil-Hornbuckle, Public Relations Solid Rock Community Church My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM  

Hello, and welcome to episode 161 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about?   IVF and the Alabama Ruling    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   On average, IVF has a success rate of 46.7% (depending on individual fertility conditions).--cryosinternational.com 1 million: Number of babies born in the United States between 1987 and 2015 through the use of IVF or other assisted reproductive technologies, according to a report released in 2017 by the by the U.S. Society of Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART). Assisted reproductive technologies include IVF or the use of an egg donor, sperm donor or adopted embryo. Today, 40 years after its heavily criticized clinical introduction, IVF is available as a successful treatment for infertility almost all over the world. Over 8 million IVF children have been born, and over 2.5 million cycles are being performed every year, resulting in over 500,000 deliveries annually.--Google What is IVF? What is IVF and how is it done? During in vitro fertilization, mature eggs are collected from ovaries and fertilized by sperm in a lab. Then a procedure is done to place one or more of the fertilized eggs, called embryos, in a uterus, which is where babies develop. One full cycle of IVF takes about 2 to 3 weeks. Sep 1, 2023   How much does it cost to have IVF? While the average base cost of a single IVF cycle falls between $14,000 and $20,000, this is merely an approximation. The actual expenses may differ. Moreover, additional costs including medications, genetic testing, cryopreservation, and storage fees must be taken into account.   So just getting the pre-work done costs thousands, and the whole process is about timing. Timing. Ovulation, injections into the stomach at just the right time of the month.  All of the things that need to be done at just the right time, of the month. Oh, let’s not forget the should we call it, cultivation of the eggs. It’s a process. All of it.   And this process is done by doctors. People who studied for a very long time so that they could assist their patients. Politicians and judges went to school to study politics and law. Nowhere do the two professions meet unless a person gets both degrees.    I checked to see if this judge in Alabama has an MD-JD, in other words, a medical and law degree. I did not find anything in my research that says he does.  So what’s the back story anyway?  Well, apparently a patient went wandering around an IVF clinic and somehow got back to where the embryos were kept in a cryogenic state, and dropped a few of them, destroying them. A few couples that also were clients of this clinic heard about this and filed suit.  I mean, I have questions. How did this patient get back there? Why did she touch things that did not belong to her? Was she looking for her embryos? Was the clinic not working with her? Why was she back there?   But those questions aside, what I really want to know is how much research and homework was done by the judge to come to his ruling?  Did he consider how ruling against IVF would affect people who were having trouble getting pregnant? Was research done on the process of  IVF? Why it is done? Even how it is done? I don’t know.  Maybe he did and still decided to rule the way he did. Did he know that his ruling would affect men as well as women?    When these lawmakers are, well, making these laws, how much research is done? Seriously. I don’t mean just legal research. I don’t mean sitting in a law library or having your law clerks sitting in a law library trying to come up with legal reasons to cause terror in people’s lives. How much research did they do to understand the relevance of the law to current life? Does relevance to current life, say vs. before IVF was invented, matter in research and ruling?   I am no lawyer, but shouldn't the law have to somehow keep up with the current times?  And no, keeping up with the current times does not mean fundamentally changing the law otherwise as much as the law sometimes doesn’t make sense now; imagine if it was fundamentally changed to keep up with the fact that we are in the 21st century and not the middle ages.     Let me go deeper, do these lawmakers know or even care about infertility, the biological clock, gasp, male infertility?  Are these lawmakers just concerned about their interpretation of the law and making a name for themselves down through history, using God as a way to make it make sense? Let me stop here for a second:  God is not the author of confusion.  God has given us free will as human beings. He has given us wisdom, common sense, and the ability to invent things like IVF. He has created every human in His image. He loves women as well as He loves men.    All of the division we see globally, the mistreatment and hatred of women is not godly. OK, that’s me hopping off my soap box. It’s been a while since I’ve used my soap box, so thanks for allowing me the latitude.     Look, I realize the law is not based on empathy. And one can argue that point, but if the law were based on empathy some perpetrators would not be released on a technicality. Some people would not rot in prison for something they did not do. More work, and more research would be done in both cases.   People, men, and women; would not have to suffer through infertility, deal with IVF treatments, and then rely on a legal system that has no empathy, have done no research, have no real world answers, or understanding on the matter to which has to be ruled while not fundamentally changing the laws. I believe both can be done.       The bottom line is this, the patriarchy is acting as it has for a millennium.  But the part that gets me is when God is brought in. Let me repeat what I said earlier: God doesn’t hate women, He created us. He created humans in His image, so that would be men AND  women. He doesn’t prefer men over women. He doesn’t have disdain for women.    I don’t understand how the rampant mistreatment of women worldwide makes the world a better place. It doesn’t. Using God as a prop. Never a good idea. But it’s done all the time.  What happened in Alabama, and what is happening around the country is not being done in kindness and empathy. It is being done to grab power, to be judgemental, and to cause duress. For what reason? Power. It’s all  about power. When ultimately, God has all the power.         God’s process for how men and women should live does not include fast rulings done with no research, no empathy, no real legal theory,  that affect people in such a negative way.    I know the Alabama Supreme court cobbled something together to help protect those who are going through the IVF process from the judge’s ruling. The governor of Alabama has signed off on the ruling, but my understanding that this new ruling still does not fully protect people going throught IVF, but at least it is a start. I guess we will stay tuned!         Research links:   https://www.arcfertility.com/patient-resources/understanding-the-cost-of-ivf/#:~:text=While%20the%20average%20base%20cost,must%20be%20taken%20into%20account.   https://judicial.alabama.gov/CourtMemberBio/ViewBio?id=3#:~:text=Chief%20Justice%20Parker&text=Chief%20Justice%20Tom%20Parker%20was,elected%20Chief%20Justice%20in%202018.   https://www.cryosinternational.com/en-gb/dk-shop/private/blog/ivf-treatment-for-single-women/   https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/fertility-blog/2018/march/ivf-by-the-numbers Articles/links of interest: https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2024/2/21/why-has-the-alabama-supreme-court-ruled-that-embryos-are-children   https://www.newvision.co.ug/category/news/childless-woman-flees-from-abusive-husband-NV_183405 My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV Notes from the episode:     “God is not the author of confusion…God has given us free will..wisdom, common sense, and the ability to invent things, like IVF.’   ‘He loves women as well as men.’   ‘We are all created in His image.’   ‘All of the mistreatment of women globally is not God, and it’s not godly.’   ‘..He does not have disdain for women. That’s a human thing.’

Hello, and welcome to episode 160 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about?   A Conversation with Sheridan Voysey   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Intro: Sheridan Voysey is an author, speaker and broadcaster with a keen interest on makes life deeply worthwhile. Sheridan is a presenter of Pause for Thought on BBC Radio 2’s Zoe Ball Breakfast Show (heard by 9 million people daily) and has conducted over 2000 radio interviews in his 25-year broadcast career. He has been featured on BBC Breakfast, BBC News, Day of Discovery, 100 Huntley Street, BBC Radio 4, BBC Radio 5 Live, the ABC, CBC’s Tapestry, and in publications like The Times, The Sunday Telegraph, and Christianity Today. He speaks at conferences and events around the world.   Mr. Sheridan Voysey, welcome to the show! Body of episode:   Our daily bread–That is where I first heard your voice. Can you tell them thank you! I’ve been reading and now listening to ODB since my early teens. I’m sure they hear that a lot.     Infertility journey– Can you tell us a little about you and your wife’s infertility journey, whatever you are comfortable with telling us?    Praying Through Infertility–that’s how we met. How did you gather everyone, how did you choose? Was it 37 contributors total? Do you feel that your previous books led to Praying Through Infertility? At least most of the books? I say most because Open House is about writing if I’m correct?    The author of eight books, including Reflect with Sheridan, The Making of Us: Who We Can Become When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned, Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams into New Beginnings, and the award-winning Unseen Footprints. His writing has been featured in various publications…   Can you speak to childless not by choice men for just a moment on how to best deal with or manage the pain women may not be able to understand?    As we close out, can you give us, the childless not by choice community,  a word of encouragement? And can you tell us your contact information? Articles/links of interest:   https://punchng.com/a-thought-for-the-childless-woman-on-iwd-2024/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-143-the-things-men-talk-about-my-conversation-with-dr-robin-hadley/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-130-about-fathers-day-and-childlessness/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/ Special thank you to: Mr. Sheridan Voysey Sheridan Voysey’s Contact information: https://sheridanvoysey.com/   Current and future projects: Couples Discussion Guide Friendship Lab Charity, non-profit friendshiplab.org Mr. Voysey’s Suggestions for managing childlessness: Create a journal Find someone you trust Join a men’s group Speak with a man and he doesn’t have to be childless not by choice, make sure he’s empathic Make space for your emotions Get counseling Journal Read Ephesians 5:1-2 My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice  

Hello, and welcome to episode 159 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Headlines   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!       If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: So, it looks like, we meaning childless not by choice and child free people, are in the news again! It seems like we are always in the headlines, doesn’t it? And not usually for anything positive. There is always commentary, and suggestions, all un-asked for.   Well, in the recent headlines, the word deplorable was used, and the term commercial contract...in the context of those who choose surrogacy to have the gift of a child. I always believed surrogacy to be a gift. Yes, the woman carrying the baby typically gets paid, but why shouldn’t she? And yes, many countries have rules and laws surrounding these agreements. It’s not typically an act or process that is done willy-nilly. Of course like anything else, there are people who opt for the wrong or illegal way of doing things, so why would surrogacy be any different? Well, because a human being is involved. I get it, but calling the act deplorable? That’s kinda intense.    DEPLORABLE COMMERCIAL CONTRACT CHILDLESS ELDERLY RETIREMENT   I get that there are people who like to cut corners and do things for the wrong reasons, but ‘commercial contract’ sounds so, well, non-human.   And I really believe the word deplorable needs to be retired–or just used as little as possible. It is such a harsh word and I don’t think we realize that.  I know we all make mistakes, misuse words and verbiage; we all mess up. But I think the bigger issue becomes when we do not realize how we are affecting people by our words. Our opinions, our words affect people. The term ‘words matter’ has been thrown around a bit in the last few years, to no avail. Some people just do not understand how their words do matter, or how their platform fits into the scheme of the world.  I don’t believe most people mean to be mean. Some people on the other hand, I don’t believe they care how their words affect the listener or the reader, or the ones directly affected by their words. In other words, People may not realize what their words are doing, they have probably not done any research.  Research such as, why do women use surrogates? Why are people childless? Could it be some of them just could not have kids? Before making comments about how the childless fit into the world. What contributions do we make?  You know my story. I wanted children so badly I would have done just about anything to have one. But I also believe that people who did not want kids shouldn’t have to have them. I mean why are we trying to tell people what to do., How to live their lives. Whether or not to have children. Why is this happening? I realize that some commentary may come from the fact that the overall birth rate in the Western world is generally lower than the leadership machine of any given country might like, but where does it end when we start telling people what to do? Making people feel a certain way for not wanting children or not being able to have children.  I had already recorded this episode when I felt like I needed to dig deeper to find out why these comments were made. I searched for context. I couldn’t find any. But I just can’t believe these comments just popped up. There had to be a reason. If I figure it out sometime in the future I will let you know. But for now, this is all I got. They just decided this was their opinion so they said so. But in this world of social media, now more than ever, we really have to think about what we say. No matter how small or how large our platform. A few announcements please:    Patreon: If you are a patron, please stop by the Patreon page for a personalized video message from me. And if you are a current contributor, there is also a message in your Patreon in-box.  Please stop by the Patreon page!    Apple now provides transcripts!   Apple will now be providing transcripts! I am excited about this because I know there are people who are not able to consume podcasts by listening.  There is a link in the show notes that gives the back story and instructions on how to obtain the transcripts.   https://podcasters.apple.com/support/5316-transcripts-on-apple-podcasts Research links: https://thedispatch.com/article/surrogacy-is-good-for-women-and-good-for-families/   https://www.npr.org/2024/01/09/1223771148/pope-francis-surrogacy-criticism#:~:text=%22I%20deem%20deplorable%20the%20practice,speech%20to%20diplomats%20on%20Monday.   https://medium.com/illumination/the-dangerous-words-of-elon-musk-incites-hatred-and-division-against-the-childfree-942e5b613406   https://www.businesstoday.in/technology/news/story/elon-musk-support-restricting-voting-rights-for-people-without-children-388215-2023-07-05 Articles/links of interest:   https://www.healthday.com/healthpro-news/bone-and-joint/men-with-inflammatory-joint-diseases-seem-to-have-more-children   https://www.news18.com/viral/california-couple-chooses-child-free-life-says-its-unaffordable-for-them-8784475.html   https://www.gistreel.com/woman-loses-twin-babies-to-church-after-15-years-of-waiting/ My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice   QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE:  ‘It’s what we do with OUR story.’     If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.  Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV  

Hello, and welcome to episode 158 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about?   How Old Is Too Old To Have A Baby?   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: How old is too old to have a baby? Apparently it’s not age 70, because it just happened. A woman in Uganda has had not one, but two children. She just had twins!  Now, I’m not one to judge especially when people are dealing with a situation that onlookers may not have all of the insight and details.  I mean she lives in a part of the world where she was probably mistreated, shunned, talked about behind her back, for being childless. I mean check out this quote from the People article, link in the show notes: ‘The twins, who will go by Babiyre and Kato, have given Namukwaya and her husband a new status in their rural village. The mom will be known as Nalongo. which means mother of twins, while husband Walusimbi Badru will be known as Salongo, or father of twins.’    She also said ‘ "There was a time I felt very sick because of the pregnancy. I spent nearly all my savings.’  Those last six words: ‘I spent nearly all my savings’. How many times in our community, have we heard a childless not by choice woman say those words?  As I read this story I was torn between to thoughts, two opinions. I wondered if I did enough to have a child on my own before my time ran out. It’s easy to look back and second guess, but it’s a different story when you are living the moment, so I’m not going to beat myself up.  On the other hand, I wondered if she and her husband consider the childrens’ future? Does she have a care plan in place for them once she and her husband have passed? Does she have help with two newborns? Does she have help with them when they are two or three years old and getting into everything? How old will she be when they turn 18?  88, She will be 88!        How old is too old?   And if we ask how old is too old to have a child? How old is too old to adopt? Although at least here in the US, there are laws in place to make sure someone wanting to adopt has to have age correlation to the child’s. In other words, an adopter cannot be more than 20 years older than the child they want to adopt. According to research, that is more geared toward the adoption of an older child. How old is too old to foster care a child? Have you ever considered fostering a child? If so, I would like to hear your experiences. Let me know! And actually, any thoughts you have on this episode content I would really love to hear. Especially on the main topic of this episode. How old is too old to have a child? Was this fair to the children, even if the mother has help?  Am I being un-empathetic to this woman’s  plight of living in a part of the world where childlessness is frowned upon, and the woman is blamed even if the issue is on the husband’s part? When do we become content in our childlessness? Is there such a thing, contentedness in our childlessness?    There are links in the show notes to this and other stories I believe you may find interesting.   Also, be sure to visit the Resources tab. There’s a link that will take you to Sheridan Voysey’s site. Remember, I am a contributor to his new book ‘Praying Through Infertility.’          Research links: https://people.com/ugandan-woman-who-welcomed-twins-at-70-introduces-son-and-daughter-8423729 Articles/links of interest: https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/curious-case-stone-baby-1c9926251 https://www.sbs.com.au/language/filipino/en/podcast-episode/being-a-mother-is-a-selfless-act-that-perhaps-is-not-for-me-a-story-of-a-child-free-filipina-in-sydney/2f71w36y6 https://childlessnotbychoice.net/collaborators/   Special thank you to: My friend for telling me about this story. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. 

Hello, and welcome to episode 157 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? December 2023   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   What has happened the last few months Plans for next year–i have a few people i would like to interview next year. I just need to make it a little further through my grief journey. My brain is mush right now.   As cnbc women, depending on where we are in our journey, let’s pray for the children around the world. Especially those who have no one to pray for them, and those in war torn and conflict areas.  Humans first: I think about the bandwagon quite a bit as i watch what is happening in and to our world, perpetrated by human beings. The things we do to each other is just unbelievable.  But it is the taking sides when the correct side is the human side, that gets me.  Two things can be true. That is nothing new. Two actions, two behaviors, two responses can be wrong or  right. Let’s bring positive thoughts and behaviors to our world.  Next, i had the honor of being asked to be a contributor to renowned author Sheridan Voysey’s latest book, ‘Praying through Infertility’. How cool was that? The book will be available January 30th.  I will put a link to more information in the show notes. Please check out the book, and share with everyone you know, childless or not.   Hi everyone. I have some news. May I introduce you to Praying Through Infertility, due for release in January. I believe it may be a first book of its kind! A HIDDEN MALADY Right now there is someone in your office, church, neighbourhood, maybe even your family or among your friends who is battling infertility. They’re feeling isolated, their marriage may be under strain, and their faith may be fraying at the edges because of it. Praying Through Infertility is a 90 day devotional written for them. Or maybe even you. There aren’t many resources for Christian couples facing infertility, and many of those available focus on the female experience. In Praying Through Infertility I believe we’ve achieved a first: ️ 37 contributors from 9 countries sharing vulnerably Both female and male writers (*rare* for this topic) A variety of outcomes explored: pregnancy, adoption, staying childless If you're facing infertility, this is the book you've been longing for. If you know someone who is, it's the book to give when you don't know what to say. THE BACKSTORY When my publisher approached me about writing this book, I wasn't sure it was mine to do. My hands were full with other projects and I wondered if I'd said all I needed to in previous books. But when I realised this could be a collaborative project, drawing on the experiences of so many I've connected with around the world, a light switched on. And my goodness, my co-writers have *delivered*, touching on every experience an infertile couple can face: How to deal with baby showers and scan reveals How to address marriage and intimacy problems How to trust God when you wonder who will look after you when you’re old if children never come AND THE STORIES! I can't wait for you to read about: The couple whose shame was tearing them apart, and how they reunited The couple who not only adopted two children but their young mother too The husband who was finally able to express his never-expressed feelings And how so many wrestle with God and stay faithful through it all As you may know, the childless community is dear to my heart, so thank you for reading this far and for whatever you can do to get Praying Through Infertility into the hands of those who most need it. The book is out January 30th but available for pre-order with some bonuses now . #Infertility #infertilityjourney #infertilitywarrior #infertilitysupport          Articles/links of interest:   https://sheridanvoysey.com/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children-3/ Special thank you to: Sheridan Voysey   Links/apps of interest: If you are having a difficult time listening to the podcast, try listening on the following apps: Himalaya and Bullhorn.   My contact information: #youdonthaveto Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM Tik Tok at 2podcastertoo   https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. 

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 156 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Grief…Again, Hiatus, Love, Loss   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. 

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 155 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? My Conversation with Stephanie Joy Phillips, Founder of World Childless Week   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   I remember doing a past episode on the different reasons for childlessness. And I recall discussing the fact that there are many reasons for childlessness. You mention in your bio that being in an abusive relationship caused you to take contraceptives so you wouldn’t get pregnant by your partner. Can you speak a little more on that because I know there are listeners who can probably relate. Tell us how best to deal with unsympathetic doctors. Did you get a second opinion?  What caused you to create World Childless Week? How do we get involved, where do we listen? Tell us about the letters that were recently created, for libraries and for jobs. On your website, you mention that one week per year World Childless Week shows up to remind us how we matter, but that you are available year-round. What does the platform do for the rest of the year? Give us a final word of encouragement for the childless not by choice community, and tell us how we can find you on social. BIO: Stephanie spent a large part of her twenties in an abusive relationship and took the contraceptive pill to ensure children would not be born into that situation. In her early thirties, she met her husband-to-be but they didn't try to conceive until nearing forty. At the age of 39, she was told by an unsympathetic doctor "If he manages to get you pregnant it is highly unlikely you'll carry the full term". She knew at that moment, she would never be a mum. In 2016 Stephanie Joy Phillips founded three childless support groups on Facebook: Childless Path To Acceptance focuses on support, Childless Chit Chat is a trigger-free zone, and Childless Perks!! is all about laughter and finding the positives of being childless, without a parent saying 'I told you so'. In 2017 after realising there was no national recognition of the childless community she founded World Childless Week. Seven days that enables the childless community to have a platform where they can find their voice and share their stories with confidence. Steph lives in Worcestershire with her husband and two rescue cats, Storm and Tea-Cup. She enjoys gardening, arts and crafts, a good book, dining out, and relaxing in front of the television with a puzzle book and one of her two cats snuggled up beside her". Her website: www.WorldChildlessWeek.net Articles/links of interest: Inclusive Libraries Project: https://worldchildlessweek.net/inclusive-libraries-project   Inclusion of WCW in employer calendar: https://worldchildlessweek.net/employer-calendar My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV Copyright 2023©

Hello, and welcome to episode 154 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? Let Me Catch You Up   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Special thank you to: You, the Childless not by Choice Podcast  Listener. Everyone who made suggestions on how to feel better while in Denver. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV Civilla M. Morgan [email protected] www.childlessnotbychoice.net Podcast: Childless not by Choice Facebook.com/childlessnotbychoice/Facebook.com/civillamorgan Twitter=@civilla1 Instagram= @joyandrelevance Pinterest=Civilla M. Morgan Copyright 2023©    

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 153 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     Welcome to my eight-year podcastiversary!  What is today’s show about? My Eight-Year Podcastiversary!   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to say a special thank you to the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors. Some of you have been donating/giving/contributing, for years!  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   Before we get started though, I want to give a heads-up to those who listen to the Childless not by Choice podcast on the Stitcher Podcatcher app. Unfortunately, Stitcher is going away effective August 29, 2023. They say you may listen on their sister app Pandora. Many of you may know Pandora as a music app which it is, but Pandora started hosting podcasts a few years ago.  If you use the Stitcher app, there are instructions in the app on how to export your shows so you don’t have to go one by one searching from them in another Podcatcher app.    And as I always say, the Childless not by Choice podcast can be found on just about any podcatcher app including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Himalaya, Bullhorn, Google Podcast, you name it, the podcast is there!     Of course, if you have any questions about how to listen to the podcast, reach out in the Childless not by Choice Facebook Group, email me at [email protected], or Message me on social.    So, I want to talk to you for a few minutes about Milestones and Lemonade!   Milestone: I have been talking to you for eight years and I love it! A great big thank you to the long-time listeners! And a great big welcome to all of the new listeners! I’m so happy you found us! If you have been listening since the beginning, you have been journeying with me through episodes where I had fabulous guests. Times of Me only episodes, aka monologue episodes. You stayed with me through my grief at the loss of my mommy, and you have continued with me as I continue to care for my dad. You’ve journeyed with me by listening to the episodes that I created to help you on your journey, but you have given me grace for my journey. Thank you.     Lemonade. I love lemons! The nice, fresh, ripe lemons that you roll on the kitchen counter a few times before cutting them in half and squeezing them to make lemonade, or squeezing them on seafood to create another level of flavor!  But life’s lemons are a whole ‘nother story right?!   What lemon or lemons are you dealing with right now? We all get lemons in this life. And I believe although the lemon fruit adds another level of taste to many dishes, including lemonade, life’s lemons can feel harsh. Breathtakingly so sometimes. Until you turn them into lemonade. Remember, life is filled with choices. Unless you decide, choose, to make the best of the life you have been given; the childless not by choice life, things can become, and stay overwhelming for a very long time. Who wants that? Life is too short. Do the best you can with where you are, how you are, and when you are. Most of us don’t have full control over our jobs, our family members, where we live, etc., but whatever you can control, or manage, do. It will be good for your mental health. What is also good for your mental health is also to know the difference between what you can control and what you cannot.    PIVOT   Milestone. The first time I interviewed a man on the podcast was back in 2015! Link in the show notes! I couldn’t believe I had not considered men. It was a whole different conversation. Of course right? Please listen to the episode! https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/childless-not-by-choice-from-a-mans-point-of-view-with-fellow-podcaster-dr-vibe Episodes with authors–I searched through the back catalog and found about seven episodes where I had the great opportunity to interview authors who have written on the subject of childlessness. If you have not listened to the back catalog, why not give it a try? I’m saying that knowing full well, like most podcasters, that our earlier work can feel cringe to us, but hey, it also shows how the show has matured.    Speaking of: It’s OK to re-listen to an episode. Just like we re-watch certain movies or shows, we can re-listen to a podcast episode. I notice that every time I have re-watched or re-listened, I catch something I missed the first time. Now, in full transparency, every time you listen, that is a download for me. But honestly, if downloads were all I cared about, I would have quit podcasting a long time ago. There’s a show I watch that is now in its seventh season! I have re-watched most of the episodes multiple times. And I am always shocked at what I missed the first or even the second time I watched. I guess it depends on what we may have been doing, aka multitasking, the first or second time we watch or listen to something. Also, an episode may affect you differently now, than it did when it first came out. So there’s that!    Lemonade. I want to re-visit patronage and giving: If you find value in the content. If the podcast has helped you in any way, consider giving/contributing. I would like to continue creating this podcast, and regardless of the contributions, I will continue. Honestly, if I ever stopped the podcast it would not be because of the finances on the platform. It would be because it is time. But being able to use your contributions to pay for things on the platform, is so cool! Once again, to those of you who give regularly, thank you!  If you have been thinking about it but just have not gotten around to it, why not sign up during this time of my podcastiversary celebration? It would be truly appreciated. While I am asking, would you consider leaving a review at Apple Podcast to help bring recognition to the podcast? Anything you can do to help bring recognition to the podcast would be greatly appreciated!     Once again thank, thank you for being here. I see you, I think of you, you are worthy, you are here for a reason. You are fabulous! Don’t forget that! Here’s to another eight years. Cheers!   Special thank you to: Everyone who listens to the podcast! My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 152 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Father’s Day   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode: It may be a little ironic, or maybe not, but I have not created a fresh June episode because I am caring for my dad. Many of you have heard bits and pieces in previous episodes, that I am his primary caregiver. And it is an honor. The last few months, as in since about the end of February, he has battled on through multiple medical issues. And I have battled to advocate for him.  Unfortunately, advocating feels like an uphill battle.  It sometimes feels like the medical community wants to dictate how I should not care for my father because they know best, even if they just see him as another elderly person.  There were several times when I thought ‘This is it, he’s not going to make it.’ But he continues to be with us. I cherish and thank God for every single day, every minute, I get with him.  Being a caregiver who works,  means that I am on the run from the moment my eyes open in the morning, until bedtime. I do my very best to get at least seven hours, otherwise, there would just be no way to maintain my schedule. No. Way.  Bottom line, sleep keeps me from falling apart.  I want to thank you for your patience as I navigate my life as it currently is, and my podcasting schedule. Not to pat myself on the back, but because I do take this podcast so seriously, the research, the guests, the everything; being able to go back and ask you to listen to a previous episode, which is what I am asking you to do this month; does not feel like a cop-out.  I have had the great privilege of having fabulous guests throughout the life of this podcast. The episode 143 guest, Dr. Robin Hadley, is no different. Episode 143 first aired in August of 2022. Please take a listen.  Thank you!       Articles/links of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-143-the-things-men-talk-about-my-conversation-with-dr-robin-hadley/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-130-about-fathers-day-and-childlessness/ Special thank you to: Dr. Robin Hadley   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Without an Anchor on Mother's Day Hello, and welcome to episode 151 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Mother’s Day and Childlessness But first: Are you following the Childless not by Choice podcast? This podcast, my podcast? It’s really easy to do and costs nothing. Simply go to Apple podcast, search for Childless not by Choice podcast, and follow. As soon as a new episode comes out, you are notified. As a follower, you get the new episode about a week before I start promoting it on social media.  Also, if you are a patron of the show, meaning you make a financial contribution to the show, more on that in a second, you get to be in the know first, whenever something new is happening!    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode: This is year four since my mom left this world. I hear tell year three is the worst year of grieving a loss. Does that make year four and beyond, are more manageable? Maybe, but one of the important lessons I learned along the grieving journey, is that people grieve differently.  I’m glad I learned that early because I would have been upset at certain people that did not seem to grieve the way I was grieving. I also realized that my grief wasn’t necessarily more important, it was just different. And different can happen for many reasons. It can happen if you were the last person to see that person alive, or you were the primary caregiver. It does not mean that the people who were not there or who were not the primary caregiver are not grieving. It just means that people will grieve differently. That, again, was a very, very important lesson to learn, because I know I would have been upset if I did not get that understanding early.  So, does year four and beyond bring lesser grief? I don’t think so. I think grief just becomes more manageable with time. That’s it. I find that I smile more when talking about my mom now. I was told that would happen, but I did not believe it! My mom had jokes. She loved to laugh. I am convinced she would have loved Tik Tok. I’ve mentioned this in the past, but she even got jokes out of the evening news. Go figure!  Sometimes I think about the jokes she told over and over, about her childhood. There are inside jokes I will take with me to my grave. There are things she made me promise not to tell. Mostly benign things to be honest. But I will honor her memory by keeping my promises to her.  No matter how young or old you are when you lose your mother, it doesn’t matter, in my opinion. Your mother is your anchor. When you lose her, you lose your anchor, at least temporarily. That was something else I learned early in my grief journey. I couldn’t figure out the feeling I had. I felt lost, and it was scary. Then someone mentioned that she felt anchorless after losing her mother. I remembered thinking, ‘That’s it! That’s the feeling I had, but did not understand.’   It’s so important, at least for me, to listen to other people’s grief journey. It doesn’t mean mine will be the exact journey, it just means I can glean something, and I have. A lot. I have heard some women say things like ‘It’s been 20 years since I lost my mom, and I still miss her so much!’ I was like What?! I can’t feel like this for 20 years!  But now, four years in, I realize what they mean. It’s still early days for me, but I can see how you can miss someone forever but still be able to manage life even as you manage loss.  If you do not or did not get along with your mother, if she did not care for you like a mother should, or the way you needed her to, I believe you can feel anchorless as well. I believe it is definitely a type of loss. And I’m sorry for your loss. I hope and pray for you, a peace that passes all understanding as you continue on your life’s journey. Is there a convergence at a certain point in life as we continue on our childless not by choice journey, where the two types of grief: the loss of a mother and childlessness, converge? I think maybe yes. For me, off and on I’ve felt a little off-kilter because there is no one to look back to for guidance, comfort, or commiseration, which is what I got from my mom. And no one to look forward to, in a child, to see what’s going on in the next generation. The only real connection I have to the next generation would be the young people in my life, mainly my nephews. I get a little snippet of what the next generation is dealing with, managing, and experiencing, by watching little snippets of their lives. I’m a little out of touch with the current music and other trends because, I believe, I don’t have kids. Although honestly, I don’t think anything beats 80’s music!  If you have younger nieces and nephews whose lives you are allowed/able to be a part of, create a relationship with them. It’s easier when they are younger of course, but no matter when it is, start if you haven't already, make a genuine attempt.  Even if it’s a card every once in a while, a gift card to their favorite place on their birthday, going to a game when you can, you know. Something that shows them you care. You can do all of that without being pushy. Let me know how it works, or if you need any tips. I am so honored to be a part of my nephew's lives. I hope you can have the same or similar experiences. Well,  before I leave you, let me give you some reminders: Mother’s Day is a day of recognition.  There are many fabulous moms, step-moms, foster moms, grandmothers who are taking the place of moms, aunt-moms, you name it, there are some fabulous women out there doing fabulous things to raise fabulous kids, which in turn keeps society together. Because without them, there would be societal mayhem. If you think things are bad now…if you are one of these people I just listed, thank you! If you are childless not by choice, remember that you are worthy. We are worthy. With or without the recognition on Mother’s Day, we are worthy! If we are alive we have a role to play in this world. Never let anyone allow you to feel less than. Practice mental health. If it means staying off of social media, do that. If it means skipping a ‘Mother’s Day luncheon’, skip it. If you recall from earlier episodes, I had stopped going to church on Mother’s Day after my mom passed. I only went to honor her. If there was a luncheon, I went to honor her. Now that she’s gone, I skip church on Mother’s Day. Practice mental health. Whatever that is for you. And don’t let anyone try to guilt you into doing anything you prefer not to do. Create and maintain those firm but kind boundaries I talk about all the time, so that number three becomes easier to do. It will, I promise.  Do you recall from episode 150 where I mentioned that most childless not by choice listeners probably have had or will have some type of surgery? Well, I asked the question in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook page, and I got a number of responses!   Feel free to email me at [email protected] Messenger me on Facebook or Instagram, and let me know. I will keep the poll open for a while longer, and share the statistics on a later episode. You all know I love statistics!   #youdonthaveto       Special thank you to: ‘Mareshah Miller, for this quote: ‘Mothers in disguise are called aunts.’  My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV  

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 150 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Scar Tissue   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: Talk about what put me in the hospital for four days in early March.  So, on March 3rd I found myself in the worst belly pain I have ever had. The pain felt very similar to a pain I had the year before, but the pain had gone away by the next day. This time, it wasn’t going away. By the next day, I made the decision to go to the emergency room. I told them what was going on with this immense pain in my stomach, and they took an MRI of my belly. The test results came back: partially blocked intestines. I was like what?! What does that even mean? It turns out that what was causing the partial blockage was scar tissue.  I asked then scar tissue from what!? My last surgery for anything was in 2011! I was told it did not matter how long ago the surgery was, scar tissue can come back to haunt you at any time. The whole thing sounded out of this world. Unbelievable.  For a fleeting moment, I thought about how all those surgeries I had for a decade, as I tried to buy time. Should I have had the hysterectomy earlier? I should have skipped all of the myomectomies. But the fact is looking back is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything.  I guess the medical staff was used to this because immediately they gave me a concoction to coat my stomach and quell the pain. They also offered some very strong pain medication, but I declined it as I wanted to be alert and aware. I had gone to the emergency room alone, and my dad had recently been put into rehab. I wanted to be coherent for any possible phone call from the rehab center as he had been there less than a week.     Talk about the statistics for childless women over 50. So, according to Statista, a statistics company, 15.4% of women over 50 are childless. Why am I mentioning this, because well, I’m, um, a certain age? Ok, I’m in that age group.  OK, but I’m talking about this because as I mentioned earlier when I got the MRI results that I had a partially blocked intestines, the first things that started to come to my mind were ‘I should have had the hysterectomy earlier’, ‘I should not have waited an entire decade’, ‘why did I try to buy time?’ All of these questions! Until I made myself stop! Questioning, second-guessing, none of that would change anything now.      Discuss how not to get scar tissue I have an article on the website www.childlessnotbychoice.net about post-operation behavior to help you heal better and avoid scar tissue. Link in the show notes I knew that avoiding scar tissue was and is very important. I thought I had done everything I could to avoid scar tissue, but I guess not!     Discuss stress, adhesions, and scar tissue I was told that this type of issue, pain, is typically brought on by stress. And yes, I have been under a lot of stress the last few months. I have been trying to figure out how stress could bring this on. This isn’t my first bout with stress since my last surgery in 2011. But maybe it is a combination of high stress and just plain getting older.  Research links: https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2010/06/25/childlessness-up-among-all-women-down-among-women-with-advanced-degrees/ Articles/links of interest: https://kashmirobserver.net/2023/03/17/finding-hope-and-happiness-beyond-childlessness/?unapproved=45353&moderation-hash=17d1478d87afd99cead8a3fcc981ecba#comment-45353 Special thank you to: The hospital staff that cared for me during my four-day stay.  My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!   

Hello, and welcome to episode 149 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? International Women’s Month NOTE: I called it International Women’s History Month on the podcast. That’s OK, right?   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: So March is International Women’s History Month. There is so much that can be said about how far we as women have come, and how far we have yet to go. I guess it is like any other so-called minority. There is yet work to be done. And we cannot afford to rest. But we can stop to celebrate every once in a while.  Celebration gives us hope for the future, highlights those who have come before us, and those we see as the future. I thought about highlighting women who have worked to make life better for all women whether nationally here in the US, or internationally. Either way, their work helps us in every corner of the globe. But I’ve done that. It took two episodes to do it too. That’s how many fabulous childless not by choice women there have been, and are. The links are in the show notes for episodes 78 and 79–Childless not by Choice Women Who Changed The World! But there are two women I have watched and admired for years, and who honestly, let me put the word out, I would love on my podcast!  I have admired them for their class and grace in the face of a world that can be really harsh toward women who never had children.  And may I remind you, I talk about the childless not by choice. That is what this podcast has always been about, but if a woman decides she would rather not have children, it is not society’s business. It is her business. Why can’t we mind our own business?   Calling a woman a crazy cat lady because she never had children, says more about the name-caller than it does about the woman. I mean, we don’t typically get to know the real reason a woman never had children unless you listen to a podcast like mine. And I doubt name-callers have the time to actually do the research before calling people names and deriding them. Us.     Anyway:         Tracee Ellis Ross…  Tracee Ellis Ross is the daughter of Legend Diana Ross. She recently talked about not having children, and about going through perimenopause, saying 'I Can Feel My Body's Ability To Make A Child Draining Out Of Me’. Woah! Never thought about it quite like that before! She never married, so I feel like I have at least two things in common with this legend in her own right.  There is a link in the show notes with the entire article. There are actually two links in the show notes with content about Tracee Ellis Ross. Please check them out. No one escapes the joys and sadnessess of life, and I’m sure she has her moments, but I love the way she shows up and does life with positivity, poise, and charm, no matter what.     https://afrotech.com/tracee-ellis-once-addressed-her-black-ish-pay-gap-publicly-i-wanted-to-be-compensated-in-a-way-that-matches-my-contribution?item=5 https://www.essence.com/lifestyle/tracee-ellis-ross-perimenopause/ Jennifer Anniston  In a February 2023 Marie Claire article, Jennifer Anniston talked about the way she used to feel about the rumor mongers and naysayers who knew nothing about her personal life, saying “I used to take it all very personally — the pregnancy rumors and the whole 'Oh, she chose career over kids' assumption,” she told the publication. “It’s like, ‘You have no clue what’s going with me personally, medically, why I can’t … can I have kids?’ They don’t know anything, and it was really hurtful and just nasty.” We really need to lift each other up as women and keep in mind that everyone has a story. And furthermore, we do not know everyone’s story. How could we? It always amazes me how absolute strangers believe they have the right to voice an opinion about another person’s life.  The link is in the show notes for the full article.  Please check that out as well! https://www.marieclaire.com.au/jennifer-aniston-no-kids-career-comment So, remember, no matter where on the planet you are, fabulous woman, childless woman, childfree woman, a woman with children; I am thinking of you, hoping for you praying for you, speaking up for you.  You are worthy. You are valued. You are here for a reason. Happy International Women’s month!   There are lots of research links in the show notes for this episode. One in particular that I found interesting because they discuss childlessness, childfree-ness, singleness, single and childess. I mean they discussed all the angles of childlessness. Check it out!     Research links: Articles/links of interest: https://womenshistorymonth.gov/   https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org/womens-history-month/womens-history-month-history/   https://ifstudies.org/blog/1-in-4-projecting-childlessness-among-todays-young-women   https://afrotech.com/tracee-ellis-once-addressed-her-black-ish-pay-gap-publicly-i-wanted-to-be-compensated-in-a-way-that-matches-my-contribution?item=5 Podcast links mentioned in the episode: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-79-part-two-11-childless-not-by-choice-women-who-changed-the-world/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-78-11-childless-not-choice-women-changed-world-part-one/   https://www.marieclaire.com.au/jennifer-aniston-no-kids-career-comment Special thank you to: All the women in the world!    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. 

  Hello, and welcome to episode 148 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Beg, Plead, Bargain, Repeat!   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode: I begged, plead, and bargained with God for a family. I wanted at least one kid, a boy. It was always a boy. I even had a name picked out. You know, it is important not to tell people your business. It was so long ago so I don’t know  I don’t know why I mentioned the name out loud, but one day I did.  The first time I heard the name I felt an instant connection. I started researching the meaning, the definition and found it quite fitting for all I had been going through. The tons of fibroids, all of the myomectomies, the crying myself to sleep. The name reaps up painful memories of a challenging part of my journey.  Someone named one of her children that very name. It broke my heart. Honestly, I kinda felt somewhere deep down at that time, that I would not be having a child. But there was still a tiny window of hope. If that makes sense.   I worked at a certain company years ago where I recall all the young moms planning day trips to child-friendly locales. I wasn’t jealous, I thought it was beautiful. It was their way of getting their little people out of the house and getting themselves out of the house as well. All of these young women got along, so they wanted their kids to get along. Nothing wrong with that. But of course, I remained silent. I had nothing to contribute, even to say what a beautiful idea, could possibly make me a target.  I remained stoic, staring at my computer, as they all buzzed around me making their plans. I know some of you are in that part of the journey right now. And all I can tell you, as trite as it may sound, ‘this too shall pass’. It really will. And the other thing I will tell you is don’t pretend. Yes, it’s OK to smile through your day if that’s what you do, but please go to therapy.  At that point in my life, I had not gone to therapy yet. In fact, it was just before I went. Please go to therapy. Do nice things for yourself as often as you can during this time. Go to the beach, go to your favorite coffee shop, your favorite museum, or whatever makes you happy. And tell yourself every day, that you are worthy. You are not a second-class citizen. You are here for a reason. Remind yourself of all the good things about you, and work on whatever you need to work on to make yourself an even better human. That’s for you to know and to work on.  I am no longer dealing with children issues, I guess it’s grandchildren issues now. I mean it is never going to end, so the best thing we can do for ourselves is to belong to Community, the childless not by choice community. It has grown so much over the last few years. There is a place for you no matter where in the world you are.    You know, as I recall the times of crying myself to sleep, as I listened to my biological clock tick, tick, tick.  Begging God to answer my prayers, as things got progressively worse. And then the time came for me to have a hysterectomy. No answer. No response. Those are times that I look back on with a modicum of pain, but I am still here, so I believe my life events have strengthened me. In fact, empowered me. I know the same can be for you. Just hang in there no matter where in the journey you are.  That boy’s name. I won’t mention it. Maybe one day I will. But not today. It is a powerful name. You may try to figure it out. Be my guest. Hint: It’s not a person’s name, but it could be.  You know, I can say that my childless not by choice experience is based on this name. I got nothing out of my life that I expected or wanted. The life I wanted, expected, was somehow sacrificed. Yes, the name is very fitting.  I had to make the decision to push through. To not be bitter. To decide not to be bitter. It is an actual choice, a decision. It doesn’t just happen.    If you don’t make the decision, the results of life will make the decisions for you. And life’s choices, and decisions, are not usually good. We have to literally wash the lemons, cut them up, squeeze them into cold water, with some vanilla or lemon essence, and some sugar. YOu have to literally make the lemonade. Make the best of the life you have been given.   Before I let you go, I want to read this poem to you. I was searching for a notebook to take notes for a course I am taking. Knowing me I figured I had to have an unused notebook somewhere. I happily found the notebook I needed, and there was a folded piece of paper sticking out. It’s dated June of 2004.     Research links: 2004 poem I wrote and just found on the back of a notebook on Sunday, January 15, 2023: I don’t care how light or dark my baby is, I just want a baby. I just want him to be healthy. ‘Ten fingers, ten toes, two feet, two hands, and a nose! Two eyes, two ears; if it's a girl, enough hair for her bows. Dimples on her cheeks like grandma, or a dimple in the chin like me and grandpa. Kicking around when she has a pamper change, rolling over which starts her independence stage. A girly girl, or a boy full of energy; either one, it does not matter to me. I’ll take one of each at the same time, that would be a sight to see. Everyone loves twins you see, especially me! –Civilla (June 2004).       Episode quotes: ‘Do the best you can with what’s left of your heart.’-Civilla 'The journey does not end, the terrain changes.'-Civilla  Articles/links of interest: https://www.yicaiglobal.com/news/one-tenth-of-chinese-women-are-childless-up-from-6-cpdrc-says   https://people.com/parents/chelsea-handler-explains-why-she-doesnt-want-kids/#:~:text=Chelsea%20Handler%20is%20ruling%20out,see%20children%20in%20her%20future. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 147 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? My conversation with Yvonne John–Author of Dreaming of a Life Unlived, Speaker, and advocate for the Childless not by Choice community.    But first…   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: Today’s guest has visited us before. Tune into episode 103, link in the show notes to hear our first conversation. I Invited her back because she has done quite a bit since our last conversation. Check out her website, www.findingmyplanb.com, to see what I mean. And we will be talking about some of the things today. I can’t wait.   Hi Yvonne… Talk about the blogs on The Agojie People portrayed in The Woman King and the blog on Annie Turnbo Malone.  I actually went straight to the Annie Turnbo Malone post because, well there is a lot of history, most of it negative, unfortunately, about black hair. I did not know she developed and patented the straightening comb! Your blogs are very informative Yvonne!      Before we get started, can you tell us about the photo project you were a part of, and if there is a link or website we can go to?   Tell us about your role or contribution to The Gateway Women’s Reignite weekend workshops.  And you are training to be a therapist. Do you have a certain topic in mind will it be geared to childless not by choice? And Ted (Talk) tell us about Ted now that you’ve put the word out. I'll also be taking part in the WhittyGordon Projects 'Edge Of Visibility' Film - The film is about changing the narrative about women over 50 as being past it and recognising and shining light on strong women who are embracing the next phase of their lives in a way that is individual, creative and unapologetic. I know you said you would be doing a Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood, is that done or is it upcoming?  Thank you for all you do in the childless not by choice community, and in particular for the women of color in the childless not by choice community. Any final words for the listeners before we go?    Yvonne’s Contact Information: https://findingmyplanb.com   Articles/links of interest: http://www.whittygordon.com/ Talk by Yvonne John at Melanie Stidolph’s solo exhibition ‘As it is seen.’ https://melaniestidolph.com/   Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about/on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood  Interview by Lauren McMenemy from Minds@Work on being CNBC and how that impacts mental health at work Watch Yvonne in conversation with Lauren McMenemy  here:  https://youtu.be/--t1zrteCZY   My first conversation with Yvonne John:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-103-childlessness-is-not-an-illness-3/ Remember the conversation about the photographer at the beginning of the episode? Here’s the link to his website:  https://www.cephaswilliams.com/  Sarah Baartman images:  http://bit.ly/3VQNhR9   Triggers episode: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about David Richo:  https://davericho.com/books/ As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about Richard Rohr:  https://store.cac.org/collections/richard-rohr?_=pf&display=list&gclid=Cj0KCQiA45qdBhD-ARIsAOHbVdG-lzau4TsDX2DH-JKi_QHLI9trYICuGe6jd6QLAVir7gThA0JKAboaAr5eEALw_wcB Quote: ‘If you do not share your story, you will show your story.’--Richard Rohr. Special thank you to: Yvonne John My Patrons  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice  

Hello, and welcome to episode 146 and one half— the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.  Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Happy New Year!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode: Mention annual goals template  Consider becoming a patron–Patreon or PayPal  Episode 147–airs soon!    Articles/links of interest:   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 146 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. This is the December 2022 episode. Our holiday episode! Thanks for stopping by! Well, the last two months the podcast has been on hiatus, and I am happy to be back! What is today’s show about? Childless not by choice during the holidays! Over the last few years, I have talked to us, reminded us, of how to be, how to do, as childless not by choice people during the holidays!   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      **PLEASE CONSIDER BECOMING A PATREON PATRON THIS YEAR** If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   Thank you to the listeners from different countries.  A great big thank you to all of my listeners all over the world. From Australia to Tanzania, from China to Luxembourg, from Ghana to America. From India to Austria. You all are tuning in and listening! Thank you!  I continue to be humbled! I would also like to thank those who reached out to me via Messenger and email. I am so glad the podcast is helping you. Please keep listening!   Episodes coming up in 2023. So, I am working on more great episodes for 2023! I feel like 2022 had a theme of health. We talked about food, diet, well-being, exercise, mental health, and all the things that strengthen us from the inside out. I did not plan a theme for 2023, but I feel like it will come together beautifully just like 2022.  In the meantime, sit with me for a few, and let’s talk.   The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays.  I don’t know about you, but I can feel the feelings creeping in right around October. I start to feel un-holiday-ish. I tell myself that I will not celebrate this year. I’m just not up for all the pomp and circumstance of it all.  But as November rolls in, the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I try to get myself in the mood. And the thing is, I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving gives me a chance to cook and bake. Christmas typically gives me a chance to catch up with family and friends. Getting into the festive mood takes work these last few years though. I had that childish anticipation all the way through adulthood. But it has dimmed, and I know that it is at least in part because my mom is gone. And we all have heard how the holidays can magnify loss. It’s true, they do magnify loss. If you are going through and dealing with the same feelings, don’t ignore them. Recognize them, admit them to yourself, and take them one day at a time. But don’t allow your feelings to dictate your decisions. That is one thing my dad told me years ago. Feelings change. So when you are making your decisions about how to spend your holidays, be intentional. Intentional: it is our keyword for this episode because intentionality is very important. And it is different from than intention. You see, we can intend to do something and never get around to it. But intentional means we are making decisions actively. We are actively involved in our decision-making and in our decisions. Sometimes we have to intentionally show up at the gatherings, sometimes it feels like we have no choice. We have elderly family members whom we do not know how many more family gatherings we will spend with them. And then at the other end of the spectrum, we have young family members with whom we would like to build a positive relationship.  But I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with making different plans once in a while. Life is short. It’s short for everyone.   The thing about making different plans for the holidays or any other time is that we have to then stand by them. We have to practice standing by our decision once we have made our plans. The way to stand by plans and decisions is to weigh those plans and decisions carefully. Weighing, deciding, and then standing.   I think we get better at weighing, deciding, and then standing as we mature.  You know life is filled with disappointments. And sometimes we may have wished we had made different decisions, but the fact is, no one is perfect.  All we can do is the best we can do.   We have to decide to make certain decisions about our lives. We don’t know how much time we have. Any of us.  So thinking about ourselves more does not mean we are selfish. Everyone is living their lives. Are they selfish for caring for their spouses, children, their work-life balance? They wouldn’t think so. I don’t think so.    It is definitely OK and healthy, to care for ourselves, to consider ourselves. To love ourselves. To speak kind words to ourselves, and practice makes perfect.            Here are five ways we can love, consider, and protect ourselves:    Look in the mirror every morning as you wash your face or put on your makeup, and smile at yourself. Say kind words to yourself, even when you have messed up. Never, never, never call yourself names, even in jest. Never.  Do not allow others to call you names, even in jest. If someone is calling you names and says they are joking, be aware. I realize some of you live in parts of the world where pushing back can be dangerous. If you are not able to push back on the name-calling or mistreatment, practice speaking silently to yourself and saying ‘I do not receive that.’ Do not allow negativity into your spirit, your heart, or your mind. You would be surprised to know how much unchecked negativity is affecting you. Do not receive it.  Do something kind for yourself on a regular basis. The women in my Facebook group know that I buy myself flowers on a regular basis. I work from home, so in the midst of all my office stuff, I get to glance over at my flowers every once in a while. They bring me a moment of joy as I work. Do something. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.    When the world, our world, realizes we have only good, positive intentions for ourselves, they will eventually come to realize that they are getting nowhere trying to get us to ‘come around'. That is why it is important for us to know ourselves, to respect ourselves, to be kind to ourselves.  If you don’t like and respect you, it will be difficult for others to like and respect you, even your own family members.  Consider this: if we are doing what everyone else wants us to do all the time, are we happy? Are we living our best, most joyful, and relevant lives? You know, I did not know what gaslighting was until just a few years ago. But once I found out about it, I realized there were times during my life when I had been gaslit! I am glad I can now recognize it for what it is, and can act accordingly. Acting accordingly when being gaslit means recognizing it when it is happening, trusting your gut that it is happening, and then standing firm in the love and protection you created for yourself. I put an article in the show notes that defines gaslighting, and explains how to recognize it. Check it out. It’s intriguing.  And no, I did not take a sudden left turn and changed the subject. Gaslighting can happen to anyone. But it I believe we are more susceptible when we are heartbroken, grieving, and unaware of how worthy we are.  We all as human beings have been through a lot these last few years.       We have suffered some form of loss, and then on top of that loss a pandemic. Some of us are still dealing with brain fog and other effects of COVID.  I am dealing with serious brain fog. But honestly, I don’t know if it is COVID  or being a woman of a certain age, or both. Either way lets practice those five things I mentioned earlier, especially as we head into a fresh new year. Let’s practice being intentional.  Closing: Be sure to check out the show notes. I put some links in this episode's show notes that I believe you will like. For instance, there is an article here on the definition and effects of gaslighting. There is a link to my Only One in the Room interview. It’s always cool to be interviewed! Thanks again to those who reached out to me during hiatus. You made my day!  Remember, be kind to yourself!    See you in January! Articles/links of interest: https://punchng.com/court-dissolves-14-year-marriage-over-childlessness/ Video interview of my guest appearance on The Only One In The Room Podcast:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD8pPwm88c   Article on the definition and the effects of gaslighting   https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/gaslighting/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA99ybBhD9ARIsALvZavVGy2VRJhIZTWHsOBEFyrsuskUlywx_TwnYtS_cVrsCjtF2qwWuh24aAgC0EALw_wcB Episode quotes: Be intentional. Five things we can do to love, consider, and protect ourselves. Practice speaking silently to yourself…do not allow negativity into your heart and your mind. Say kind words to yourself. Special thank you to: All of the wonderful listeners of the Childless not by Choice podcast!  All of the guests of the podcast! All of the wonderful patrons of the platform! My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello! It’s me, Civilla! I wanted to stop by to let you know I am going on hiatus, returning in December with a fresh new episode.  While away, I will definitely be working. completing blogs I have not had much time to work on, planning 2023 episodes, and getting caught up on some much-needed rest! Speaking of 2023 episodes, if you follow me on Instagram at Joyandrelevance, you heard my open call for 2023 episodes. For details, visit my Instagram page for details. I pinned the video to the top. In a nutshell though, if you or someone you know might be interested in being interviewed for my Childless not by Choice podcast in 2023, reach out to me at [email protected].  PLEASE NOTE: you must be childless not by choice. In other words, never able to have the child or children you wanted. Once I receive your email, I will schedule a time with you via Calendly, for a pre-interview. This does not mean there will be a guaranteed interview. I will not be able to interview everyone I speak to. And please do not be upset or offended if I do not think we should follow through. I will always put my listeners first, and I will not air an episode I do not feel will help them on their childless not by choice journey. I appreciate your understanding. While I am away, please be sure to go back through the back catalog and listen to episodes you may have missed. Check out the website, and join one of the Facebook groups. The Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group is for women only, who never had children. The Supporters of the Childless not by Choice Community Facebook with Civilla Morgan is for anyone. If you are on Instagram, feel free to follow me at joyandrelevance for more content on childless not by choice, and for pictures. I love pictures.   Speaking of pictures, I am also on Pinterest, at civilla1. I post the episodes there as well. And I have thousands of pictures of everything I’m interested in. So there. I LOVE pictures! In the meantime, in other news, I was honored to be a World Childless Week Champion for 2022. Click the link in the show notes to be taken to the World Childless Week website.  World Childless Week 2022 went from September 12th to the 18th, so by the time you hear this, it will be over. But it takes place every September. Please do check out their site, get some knowledge and info, and be ready for next year! It was truly an honor to be asked! Also, Michael Hughes of the Full Stop Pod podcast created a beautiful video of childless not by choice platform creators encouraging us all on this childless not by choice journey. Once it is available for public viewing I will let you know! Next, I have also added the link in the show notes for a recent podcast interview. I was interviewed on the Only One In The Room Podcast! It was so exciting and I can’t wait for you to hear it. The link is in the show notes. I really felt like with this interview I was telling the world about us! One more thing: if you would like to become a monthly patron of the podcast, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice.net. If you would like to make a one-time or every once in a while contribution, visit my Paypal account at [email protected]. Every contribution, no matter how large or small, will go toward the podcast. In fact, I am thinking, after seven years of using the same equipment, of doing an upgrade. Changing my microphone and purchasing a new boom arm, to be exact. I have already purchased and am learning how to use an audio interface product. Thanks, Rob, my podcast producer, for your help.    So I have a story for you before I let you go. And I am telling you in the hopes it will encourage you as it did me:  On the day I am recording this episode, Hurricane Ian is headed straight at us. Every forecast says the entire state will be taking a hit. It is also a Sunday today.  My typical Sunday is to attend church online or in person. It’s what I have done every Sunday of my life unless I was sick. But with Ian headed our way, and having had to work all week, I had to order hurricane-type food curbside from my local grocery store yesterday.  Today I had to go top off my gas tank and then buy gas for our generator in case we lose power. But something I have never had to do before was to fill sandbags. I spent my Sunday morning buying gas and filling sandbags.  I will be honest, I was feeling pretty down. Much of the negative feelings came from the fact that I had lined up a lawn mowing company to mow our lawn, but he didn’t come through. The grass is high, if this storm comes through, there will be even more debris on top of the high grass.  I have no idea what is wrong with our lawn mower. So I sit here not knowing how or when our lawn will be mowed. Back to the sand pile: I got to the location where people were filling sandbags, backed up to a sand pile, and realized everyone had their own shovels.  I didn’t know you had to bring your own shovel. There were two women who had a shovel and a small bucket. They offered me their bucket. I was so thankful because it saved me a trip to the local box store as driving home was too far away.  I started filling sandbags and putting them in my trunk. Another vehicle pulled up with two men and a little girl, and they started shoveling. Suddenly one of the men said ‘why don’t you use one of my shovels instead of using that bucket?’ I thanked him profusely, handed the bucket back to the two ladies, thanked them; and continued to shovel.  I was trying to fill as many bags as I could because I knew I would have to give back the shovel when the men were leaving.  Several bags in, I heard when one of the men said to the little girl, ‘go ahead, ask her.’ Suddenly the little girl said, ‘ma’am would you like me to hold the back open so you can put the sand in?’ I told her how kind she was and thanked her for her help.  It looked like the men were finishing up. So I asked if they needed their shovel back. One of the men said ‘no, when we are finished we will help you with your bags.’  Whew, all of these people had no way of knowing how really low I had been feeling all morning! I feel like God knew how low I was feeling, and wanted to remind me that He is in the big things and the little things. He sent me to that sand pile.  If you ever feel like offering help to someone on this journey called life, do it. If they say no, it’s on them. You did your part. If they say yes, you can feel good in knowing you are helping to make this crazy world a better place for someone.             Here’s a quote from TobyMacSpeaks: ‘Some stranger somewhere remembers  you because you were kind to them.’  Well, you know how to reach me. Just remember to give me 24 to 48 hours to respond.  Remember, everything you need to know about this episode is in the show notes!    See you in December!     Links mentioned: World Childless Week https://worldchildlessweek.net/events/2022/9/12/world-childless-week-2022   The Only One In The Room podcast interview  https://megaphone.link/LAV6430207146 https://cms.megaphone.fm/channel/LAV2696308372?selected=LAV6430207146 My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 144 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Joyful Eating!   But first! Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Intro: I was thinking as I prepped for this episode that I don’t believe I’ve ever read a book by a nutritionist. I’m sure at some point most of us have read some type of nutrition flyer our doctor gave us at an appointment. Or maybe we googled a particular food, or even what food to eat for a certain medical complaint like certain fruit or vegetables are good for inflammation. Or if you are like me, I make many food decisions based on what I read on the label. I watch the sugar, salt, carbohydrates, etc. Well, except during my birthday month. But I digress!    Reading Joyful Eating was an eye opener as I think my biggest take aways were: not beating myself up over my weight, not feeling guilty about my food choices, to diet or not to diet, and my general relationship with food!   Today we are chatting with Nutritionist/ Author | Nutrition Writer | Recipe Developer | specialising in a non-diet and mindful eating approach, Mrs. Tansy Boggon. I put a link in the show notes to her website, blog, and social media contact. Tansy Boggon wife of our June interview guest Rob Hutchings! Link to that episode in the show notes!   Hi Tansy, welcome to the show! We have so much to talk about!  Body of episode:   As I read your book Joyful Eating, I dog-eared and highlighted so many pages! And I love how you start with your food story, including the story of your mom and grandmother. Why did you choose to start Joyful Eating in this way? What caused you to become a nutritionist?    (pg 7, 13).    Do you believe the stress of childlessness, our self-worth even, can tie in with our relationship with food?   Well, speaking of the previous question, on page 26 you speak of ‘the myth of optimal health’.  (read highlighted section). On Page 27 you say…read section). I thought it so intriguing and important to recognize that weight, healthy weight, can be relative to the doctor we are seeing: cardiologist, primary care provider, psychologist, etc. Tell us more!    Self-care is definitely important right? Many childless not by choice people are doing what they can healthwise to try to have kids. Then coming out the other side of not being able to have kids do you let go of your health and self-care, or find a happy medium? In fact, on page 70 you say that ‘accepting what is does not imply inaction’.  I love that! In our pre-interview, you said that ‘Life can bring joy even as a childless not by choice couple. It has brought a playfulness after the time of adulting and also trying to have a child’, Can you speak to the person listening who may be trying to figure out the ‘playfulness’ aspect of life, for those who have partners as well as those of us who do not?      7) Tell us about your children’s book, how is that done as a childless not by choice person? I mean there are lots of childless not by choice people working with children every day, but is it a giant step to write a book for and about children?   8) And of course, we understand that one’s comfort level around children relies on how raw, where you are in your CNBC journey, so definitely don’t beat yourself up if you just can’t be in the room at that moment. But tapping into the way children see the world is a beautiful way for childless not by choice people see the world.  NOTE: Chapter two of Joyful Eating is available as a free download from Tansy’s website.    Articles/links of interest: BLOG: https://www.joyfuleatingnutrition.com/single-post/personal-reflections/living-a-meaningful-life-without-children/   https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-61-alternative-nutrition ‘The Weight of a Woman’, sequel to ‘Joyful Eating’   Nutrition for Children:  ‘The Superheroes on Your Plate’. This is the Rob Hutchings episode:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/ EPISODE CLIPS:  ‘I acknowledge that my relationship with my food and my body are constantly evolving...’  ‘We’ve been taught our whole lives that the way to change our bodies is to criticize, to put it down...’ ‘...rather than focusing on this weight…we’re imposing an outcome that we want that is very arbitrary…based on what I believe, or the weight I was 20 years ago, or what we see in a magazine…’ ‘I’m not going to have a tummy issue because I never had children…I have a tummy issue.’ ‘Chapter  ‘Health is not static, it’s dynamic.’      Special thank you to: Tansy Boggon Tansy’s Contact Information: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tansyboggon/ www.joyfuleatingnutrition.com My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

The Stories Men Tell, my Conversation with Dr. Robin Hadley Shakespeare's 'Ages of Man' : All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;   And then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress’ eyebrow.  Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slippered pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side; His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.  https://www.thefreshreads.com/the-seven-ages-of-man-summary-and-analysis/ Hello, and welcome to episode 143 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? The stories men tell!   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: I went back to search for our first ever interview and it was 2017! Time flies doesn’t it? (link in the show notes).  In that story, you told a story about an interaction at a sports field. I’ve thought about that story because it just tugged at my heart. Can you tell us more stories of men dealing with childlessness in the real world? (five stories?)   Discuss the book–It’s more educational, four chapters on men’s stories, background to aging, childlessness, a reference book with the human stories, including Robin’s, why don’t men talk.   Tell us a little bit about AWOC–Aging Without Children, of which you are a member. ‘If you’re not counted you don’t count.’--Horace Sheffield.     Articles/links of interest:   All The World’s a Stage, William Shakespeare, read by Morgan Freeman   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5hcaYEcAp0     https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/   Cynthia Daniels—Exposing Men–The Science and Politics of Male Reproduction    Blogs: 'Coping with Father's Day as a childless man': http://bit.ly/2HRekoC 'Negative perceptions of older childless men': http://bit.ly/2LnGZnQ 'The un-held hand': http://bit.ly/2n2sn2H ‘Non-fatherhood on ‘Fathers Day’: http://bit.ly/2MvBpQm 'The case of the invisible older childless men': bit.ly/1SFNsrJ       News media: Daily Telegraph: 'Men 'just as broody as women': http://bit.ly/179NLSD   'HOW IS A MAN SUPPOSED TO BE A MAN? Male Childlessness –  a Life Course Disrupted': https://bit.ly/3aa3TfO 25% discount CCPOD discount code   Latest work: Hadley, R. A. (2020). "Male broodiness...": https://bit.ly/36pOvLz Hadley, RA. 'Men and Me(n)' researching men: https://bit.ly/3c3EKTJ Marston, Musselwhite & Hadley. COVID-19 vs Social Isolation: https://bit.ly/2xYSUGC Academic papers 2019: 'Anxious childhood attachment predicts childlessness in later life’: http://bit.ly/2RcGXEM 2019: ‘Social networks of older childless men: http://bit.ly/2LHvJWr 2019: The impact of male involuntary childlessness: http://bit.ly/2INE9rX 2018: The lived experience of older involuntarily childless men: http://bit.ly/2CXeJGQ 2018:The lived experience of older involuntarily childless men: http://bit.ly/2KgP5gt 2011: Involuntarily childless men & the desire for fatherhood:http://bit.ly/2iMN4RB Book chapters 2019: Deconstructing Dad. Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology: http://bit.ly/2VHuJTU 2018: Ageing without Children, gender and social justice: http://bit.ly/2twhV6s 2018: I Only Wanted to be a Dad': https://amzn.to/2z7q9I6   Special thank you to: Dr. Robin Hadley  Dr. Hadley’s Contact/Social Media:  Website: https://www.robinhadley.co.uk/ Orcid: https://orcid.org/0000-0003-4254-7648 Twitter: @robinhadley1 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-hadley-47282471/ Amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/author/robinhadleybook My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice Attached are the reviews of the book that have come out so far. The article titled 'Book review 2022 HRM' is one I wrote on behalf of an academic who wanted to help promote the book but didn't have time to read it!   Episode quotes:  ‘Why are you on the church school board if you don’t have kids?’ ‘The church is my family.’ ‘If you’re not counted, you don’t count.--Horace Sheffield. ‘Men, including fathers, have a fear of being seen as pedophiles when they are single and or childless.’ ‘Society doesn’t want to know its men are not virile.’   25% discount CCPOD discount code  

Intro: What is today’s show about? My Podcastiversary!   Hello Guys and Dolls, welcome to episode 142! And seven years! I had no idea I would still be podcasting. I had no idea I would still like it, never mind the fact that I absolutely still love it!  That clip you just heard, was me responding to the question of the month on The School of Podcasting podcast. It is one of the podcasts for podcasters that I listen to on a regular basis. In fact, I interviewed the host of that show a while back. I will put the link in the show notes.  So, about the podcast: hearts are healing, minds are being refreshed, new people are finding the show, and childless not by choice people are boldly exploring new ways to live the childless not by choice life.  For instance: in episode 141 I spoke with Triathlete Rob Hutchings for our Father’s Day episode.  We talked about his journey to adoption and how that journey ended without a successful adoption. But he and his wife have decided to live their best most relevant lives hiking, swimming, and traveling. Oh, and I will be interviewing Rob’s wife for a future episode!  In episode 140, Hiding in plain sight? One of my long-time listeners posted in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group that this episode spoke to her.  I really loved hearing that!   Over the past year we have discussed, the need for hope, in episode 139, pre-and peri-menopause, episode 138, and episode 137 where I spoke to Sheri Johnson about worth. Our worth as childless not by choice people. By the way, if you want to hear Sheri interview me, check out her podcast Awakening Worth, episode 57! Whew! I got some serious feedback on that episode. I really enjoyed it!  Going all the way back to January of this year, 2022, there were two episodes that month. Episode 136 where I stop by to say Happy New Year! And episode 135, Where I speak to the one and only Sarah Roberts, founder of The Empty Cradle. That was a lovely episode and a wonderful way to start the new year!  It’s been a fabulous year so far! But there is so much more coming! I am not even sure I will take my two-month hiatus! If I decide to, I will stop by to let you know. Stay tuned!    So look, I would like to say a great big THANK YOU to all of you who tune in every month. For those who are just finding the podcast and the platform, for those who tell others about the podcast. Thank you.  Spreading the word is what I really want to happen now. I want more childless not by choice people around the world to feel hopeful about their lives although things did not turn out as expected.   I want you to know that even when you are feeling down or negative about life, those feelings are fleeting. You are worthy. You have as much right to be here as anyone else.  Those thoughts and feelings come to the best of us. The key is to recognize them, but not entertain them. Don’t let them hang around for too long.  Manage your mind and your heart regularly. What you entertain and allow to hang around, is what can overwhelm you. So look to be overwhelmed in a positive way.   I want to tell you a couple more things: one, I am on Tik Tok! I fought it for so long, but I finally joined the platform. I am slowly building content and I already have a small following! I will tell you that I get so many jokes from that platform. I can be having a really bad day, but if I tune in just before bedtime, I will definitely get a laugh or two! What I like about the platform is that it really picks up on what I like, so I will seldom get any craziness in my feed. If you are on Tik Tok, please do follow. I would love to hear from you! Drop a hello from time to time! Also, one of the ways I really feel that getting the word out to every part of the world is using a podcast app that acts like a phone. And acting like a phone means the listener has the option to tune into the podcast by dialing in. The only app I am aware of that does this is an app called Bullhorn. If you live in a part of the world or you know someone who lives where data is difficult to obtain, or just plain expensive; try Bullhorn. And no, they are not sponsoring my podcast. I just love that their product can work for those where data can be an issue.  Well, I want to once again thank you for listening to the Childless not by Choice podcast. I hope you are subscribed, or as Apple calls it, following. I hope you are following. Remember, you can subscribe on the Apple app, but there are tons of other podcast apps out there. They are also called podcatchers. I am subscribed to multiple podcatcher apps, such as Stitcher, Gaana (which is an Indian app), Overcast, Himalaya, Bullhorn, Google Play, Podbean, and then of course Spotify, Pandora, and I am sure I am missing someone. So whatever your preference, I am probably there! If you ever have questions about subscribing, episode suggestions, anything, message me! I am happy to help! Happy Podcastiversary! Keep listening! Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Articles of interest:   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/final-cnbc-ep-140/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/more-hope-please-and-other-things/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-137-what-is-your-worth-my-conversation-with-sheri-johnson/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-135-the-empty-cradle-my-conversation-with-counselor-sarah-roberts/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-116-my-conversation-with-dave-jackson-3/ Special thank you to: My guests and listeners this past year. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM TikTok: 2podcastertoohttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 141 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Rob Hutchings: ‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Intro (for guest episodes): Rob’s intro Triathlete and marathon swimmer, Rob Hutchings takes us on a whirlwind journey from triathlons and his first marathon swim in his home country of Canada, to Ironman competitions across the pond. Then down under to Australia and New Zealand where he embarked on marathon adventures off the beaten track, on land, and in the water, which led to his biggest challenge – an unprecedented attempt at swimming the turbulent 256 km Clutha River. In Downriver Nomad, Rob shares his story of adventures and adversities not only in the water, on the racecourse, and off the beaten track, but also his struggles with an alcoholic father and his own unsuccessful path to fatherhood. His is a story of humor, heartbreak, and challenges that will inspire the absolute beginner in adventure sports to the seasoned endurance athlete. Join Rob on his nomadic adventures in triathlon, marathon swimming, and adventure sports, packed with hairpin bends, whirlpools, rock dodging, and white-water rapids. Body of episode: Questions for Rob Hutchings:  ‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’    I thoroughly enjoyed your book and how you were able to combine your infertility journey with your passion for triathlon. It was beautifully done.   Tell us a little about the Australian adoption process, and how it is the way it is due to the history of ‘The Stolen Generation.’ (Pg 167)   So because of the Stolen Generation issue, Thailand is suggested. The process was harrowing! Then, not to give away too much of the book, you were advised to try adopting from Colombia (pg 169…). The whole process must have been more than stressful? Those unsolicited questions and suggestions. My goodness, a number of years ago I interviewed the founder of Waiting Wombs. She is out of Kenya. As I read some of the suggestions you all were given to try to have a baby, I thought back to that episode. It occurred to me that suggestions, unsolicited suggestions are global! How did you and your wife deal with this?  (Pg 147)   That trick question on the psych eval (pg 171). That was terrible! Every time I think about the grilling potential adoptive parents go through, I think about people who have kids naturally. They go through nothing. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be some type of process or protection of the children, but I find the process a little extreme, outside of any cultural history of abuse, as we discussed in The Stolen generation issue earlier.  How did you make sense of the grilling, of not being believed?   I found it interesting how you discuss in the book, that couples wait in different ways, for word on adoption, and that indeed the stress can split some couples apart. Talk to us about the stress of waiting and any tips you can give couples for keeping their relationships from falling apart. I did some research on your wife’s book Joyful Eating. (Pg 179) would it be OK to put a link to the information I found in the show notes? If you have info on how we can obtain the book, I can put that in the show notes as well.     You guys had me researching raw chocolate!   That final decision to stop the adoption process. (pg 181). I felt it deep in my heart.  Honestly, the entire book brought out so much emotion. That type of writing takes a lot of talent. Kudos to you! Before we close out, any final words you can give to anyone listening who is still trying: to adopt, to go through IVF, whatever journey they are on?    Thank you so much for your time today Rob.   Articles/links of interest:   https://oceanswims.com/lifestyle/rob-hutchings-the-downriver-nomad/?fbclid=IwAR2fJWWPOstXR_S9e1OJgcX87qvG4UsaaSG0KXki_ed_y7XyyctM48_VRIE   Clutha River Swim: Short version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVyqCkHTDrY Long version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeIW6ioSHZA   https://www.saltwire.com/nova-scotia/sports/corner-brook-native-rob-hutchings-completes-swim-of-new-zealands-longest-river-419202/   Easter 2022 Marathon Swim:   https://worldchildlessweek.net/thurs-16-2021/childlessness-the-roughest-waters?fbclid=IwAR3xYw3UhJEcAorZI-OaANnbde4SxiStWoV9HsIV2eFx5XOrY9C7nyTIZvU   See the book synopsis and other endorsements here:  http://adventuresoutsidethelanes.com/downriver-nomad/   Joyful Eating by Tansy Boggon  https://www.google.com/books/edition/Joyful_Eating_How_to_Break_Free_of_Diets/W89UEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover Special thank you to: Rob Hutchings for joining us this episode.   Quotes from Rob: 'The river was in control, not me.' What I like about river swimming and childlessness really made this apparent to me...the river is in charge...this is.   'Life is a series of chaotic events.' 'Life is inherently chaotic...' My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life.’ Survey: https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV  

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 140 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!    What is today’s show about?   Hiding in plain sight   Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Read my social media post for the month of May.    Body of episode: This year I decided not to concentrate so much on Mother’s Day, but instead to concentrate on how those of us who are childless not by choice show up in the world, especially around days like Mother’s Day.    I would be remiss if I did not wish those listeners who are moms a Happy Mother’s Day. And of course, a very Happy Mother’s Day to our own moms, whether they are still with us or not.  As many of you know, my mom, my best friend, and favorite person ever; passed the week of Mother’s Day, 2019.  Talk about making a grand exit.  I miss her so much I still cry myself to sleep some nights.  Her birthday is at the end of March, but I promise you as soon as February hits my whole outlook on life changes. It’s like the sky just goes dim.  April, no biggie. And then comes May.  I miss trying to figure out what to buy her for Mother’s Day. She loved scarves and brooches. And she loved a certain perfume that I won’t bother to mention. She also loved all the music by The Gaithers, so I usually tried to get her their latest CDs. I loved shopping for her.  Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day mommy. I love and miss you.   I would also like to say Happy Mother’s Day Mexico as Mother’s Day Mexico is on May 10th.   Well, if your mom is still here, and you are able to reach out, please try to do so. I know some relationships are frayed, I get it. I will leave that to you.  Either way, this time around, this episode is for those of us who are childless not by choice during the month of May.  Those of us who may be hiding in plain sight, or maybe deciding to do something different on Mother’s Day. In fact, one of the ladies in our Facebook group for women only, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group; asked what everyone does to get through Mother’s Day. The responses were varied. I loved that she asked the question.  Some responses included spending time with their own mothers, celebrating mothers in their lives, etc. If you have been listening long enough you know I stopped attending church on Mother’s Day. I had started going to my mom’s church with her to celebrate her. But now that she’s gone, I don’t go at all. Although I will probably watch online.            You know, when I think about hiding in plain sight, I think about those puzzles we did as children, and that we now do as adults to keep our brains active. You know, kinda like the Where’s Waldo puzzle searches. The item being searched for is right in front of us, but a lot of times we miss it.  As childless not by choice people though, are we being searched for, or are we typically ignored? And I don’t mean that to sound like everyone is mean. But let’s face it if you are the one person in a crowd: a party, a family gathering, etc., aren’t you ignored while the parents are questioned about how big the kids are, how they are doing in school, are they behaving, etc.  And you had better fall in line and join the Q&A or you are viewed as uncaring.  Oh, and before someone gets offended, I love the kids in my life. I want to know how they are. I want to invest whatever I can (and that does not always mean money). But you do run the risk of being ignored if you have not made a contribution to carrying on the family line.   You’ve probably experienced it: someone asks ‘do you have kids?’  or ‘How many kids do you have?’ When you respond that you do not have kids, the conversation goes silent, there is discomfort,  and then you each find someone else to talk to.  Has that ever happened to you?     What about the commentary about you being made to work late because you don’t have kids and your co-workers do.  The commentaries are made without thought to our plans. If our plans do not include children, they are not real plans.  What to do? How to deal with this? I’ve said it before, but it can never be said too much: We have to make sure our co-workers and family members, the people in our lives realize and recognize our kind but firm boundaries.  And then we have to be willing to make other plans when the–family, friends, and co-workers, refuse to respect us as childless people.  Life is short. Do we really need to hear the unsolicited suggestions and commentary about our lives? Do we need the mental and emotional abuse especially if we have already discussed the behavior with people? No. The answer is no. I know that it’s much easier to hide in plain sight. To lay low and just go with the flow, than rock the boat at work or in the family during the holidays. But I have to ask you, what would your life be like if you made decisions, good healthy decisions about the direction of your life? What would happen if you told your co-worker or boss that although you would generally stay behind, you do actually have plans? What would your life be like?   Before I leave you today, I want to read you something that really spoke to me. I saw this quote on Twitter near the end of April and wow. I mean I read and re-read it several times. I asked permission to share it and I am so glad she said yes.  Oh my gosh. I read that quote, re-read it, and then said ‘wow, that’s me. That’s where I am. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I want you to be. No rush, just head in that general direction. You will get there.   Thanks for listening! My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice Episode quotes:

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 139 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. It’s me, Civilla Morgan. Well, this is a minisode.  I had other plans for this episode, but since I had no plans to skip April, I decided to just go ahead with what I had. So if you will give me just a few minutes of your time, I promise it will not be a waste of time.    What is today’s show about: More Hope Please! And a few other things. Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!        If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   I was interviewed by Sheri Johnson on her podcast Awakening Worth. Episode 57. Link in the show notes. I was asked by the Not a Momma Life Podcast to hijack them for one episode! How cool, right. You got it, link in the show notes. Have you read the quarterly newsletter? It’s the first newsletter of 2022. Do check it out. Subscribe for free on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.   I’ve been trying to decide if I should get transcripts done for this podcast. I was advised by one listener that transcripts would be nice as English is a second language and some things got lost in translation when listening. I never thought about that. The initial reason I considered transcripts was for those who are hearing impaired. I have had one episode transcribed so far: episode 137. I will place the transcripts for episodes where I create transcripts, at the bottom of the show notes for said episodes. I may create a section on the website for transcripts at a future date. But for now, they will be in the show notes for said episode.    I am also going to be quite transparent with you: transcriptions are an additional cost to the platform. If you would like to make a contribution to the platform either for general costs or if you want to contribute specifically for transcripts, let me know. You may Paypal me at [email protected]. And of course, if you would like to give monthly, visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice thank you!      Reviews for good–podchaser.com, leave a review for this podcast and .25 cents will be donated to World Central Kitchen. If you are not familiar with WCK, they go to wherever in the world there is conflict and feed people. They put themselves in harm's way to feed people. They are currently in Ukraine. Thank you!   Transition to talk about hope:    Did we talk about hope in a prior episode? Maybe. But I think we can all use more hope, right?  What’s going on in the world–Have you thought of the fact that almost every country has some type of drama or conflict going on? I mean is it because we are more connected so that we know right away when something happens around the globe? Most likely.    Do you believe we can be stressed by other people’s stress?  Is there such a thing? I think so. I mean I have been glued to the news and to Twitter following the conflict in Ukraine. It’s heartbreaking to watch.    So I went on a search and found an article saying that stress can be caught, like catching a cold. I don’t know, you decide. I put a link in the show notes.  But I am thinking of it differently. Like the stress of watching other people suffer, whether it is a terrible car accident on a local highway or street. Or on the other side of the world, watching a sovereign country gets invaded. Or hearing in the news about civil wars that have been going on for decades.  What about a friend or family member who is in some type of conflict and drama? That can stress you outright? You know where I am going with this: Limit it all. Yes, many of us want to know what is going on around the world and in our world, but too much of it can be quite stressful.    It is up to you to decide how much you can take in. It is up to you to decide to step away for some amount of time, decided by you, not by someone else. It’s OK to step away.   At this point in a somewhat post-pandemic period as there continues to be worldwide drama, it is very important to find a happy medium.    No one wants to get caught flat-footed about an issue they should have been paying attention to. But at the same time, not taking a moment away from even the heartbreaking grief of others, can be unhealthy. Find your happy medium and create your kind but firm boundary around it.  Respect your health, your heart, and your mind. You will be healthier and stronger for it.        Thanks for tuning in, see you next month!  Links mentioned in the episode:  Sheri Johnson https://sherijohnson.ca/ https://sherijohnson.ca/57/ Not a Momma Life Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/in/podcast/takeover-episode-alert-all-about-a-childless-perspective/id1540665175?i=1000550533548 Articles/links of interest:   https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/secondhand-stress-how-people-around-you-can-increase-your-anxiety#:~:text=It's%20true%E2%80%94stress%20from%20others,become%20more%20anxious%2C%20as%20well. Special thank you to: Not a Momma podcast Awakening Worth Podcast   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 138 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Pre- and peri-menopause    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice (Pull up site while I’m talking and go over the levels)  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode: So, pre-and peri-menopause. I’ve been wanting to talk about this for quite some time. I hope this content helps you recognize signs you may have ignored or missed.  And how to deal. As I did the research for this episode, I realized this content might be quite triggering, so please know that upfront, and maybe wait to listen until you are in a good place. Maybe tomorrow you will feel better than today, for instance. Just FYI.  Remember to check the show notes for all of the links I used in the research for this episode.   Let’s get started:  According to Let’s Get Checked: ‘Hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and difficulty having a good night's sleep; the signs and symptoms of menopause in women are all too well known by most but aren’t believed to be experienced by many until they hit their 50s; with 51 being the average age in the United States, according to Mayo Clinic [1]. To set the record straight, menopause doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, your body can take a significant period of time before menopause to transition, this is known by experts as perimenopause or premature menopause by some. So if you’re experiencing menopause symptoms at a ‘not so’ menopausal age, this might be why; some women will notice certain shifts in their 40s and some might notice perimenopausal symptoms as early as their 30s.’   Perimenopause, which translates to ‘around menopause, includes symptoms such as:  Vaginal dryness Irregular menstrual cycles or heavy periods Hot flashes A shift in cholesterol levels Sleep problems Other emotional symptoms can include: Irritability Lack of motivation Fatigue Mood swings or changes I don’t know about you but I never attributed fatigue to the possibility of peri-menopause. Probably because like many of you, my daily to-do list is as long as the day. We all have so much to do every day right?  Now the hot flashes, I can write a book! I take a supplement that seems to help. Because I am not a clinician, I will not mention any names. I will say that it is something I get from my local health food store.  I did a lot of research, taking many different types until I found one that actually worked. I went the natural way because I really did not want another prescription drug in my system.  Of course, if a prescription works best for you, do what is best for you. And definitely have a conversation with your ob-gyn or general practitioner.      Now I’m going to be honest with you: I really thought that pre-menopause and peri-menopause were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I can’t even explain why I thought that, but here we are.  Anyway, according to Healthline:  ‘Premenopause and perimenopause are sometimes used interchangeably, but technically they have different meanings…’ they go on to say that ‘premenopause is when you have no symptoms of perimenopause or menopause.’ OK. Well, kinda makes sense since pre- means before right? But honestly, peri- means about the same thing, before, near, etc. Once again, that’s why it’s always a great idea to do research. Healthline also says ‘You still have periods — whether they’re regular or irregular — and are considered to be in your reproductive years. Some hormonal changes may be occurring, but there are no noticeable changes in your body. On the other hand, during perimenopause, you’ll start to experience symptoms of menopause.’ Now, I don’t know about that. I believe that if ‘some hormonal changes may be occurring’, then symptoms must be evident. You may realize some time down the line in your pre-/peri-menopause journey, that you will look back and say ‘wait, I do recall that feeling or that episode. That’s my humble opinion, for whatever it’s worth. Well, as I continued my research, I came upon Web.MD’s take on pre-and perimenopause. Always gotta see what is going on at WebMD. They say that:  ‘Perimenopause, or menopause transition, begins several years before menopause. It's the time when the ovaries gradually begin to make less estrogen. It usually starts in women's 40s but can start in their 30s or even earlier. Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs. In the last 1 to 2 years of perimenopause, this drop in estrogen speeds up. At this stage, many women have menopause symptoms. They also say that:   How Long Does Perimenopause Last? The average length of perimenopause is 4 years, but for some women, this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years.’ Key: Perimenopause ends when women have gone 12 months without having their period.    Also in my research, I came across a site called ASRM–American Society for Reproductive Medicine. They have pretty similar information. One thing that stood out, and this may be a trigger for some of you: ‘ Pregnancy is rare but not impossible, so contraception is still needed to avoid pregnancy.’  Hmph. So there’s that.  Finally, Franciscan Health. They really get straight to the point, I mean “Your ovaries are shutting down, but the process takes some time. That process is called perimenopause." Whew!  They do also say that ‘The first perimenopause sign is typically a disruption of your menstrual cycle. For many women, your period starts earlier or later than normal. For example, if your menstrual cycle has always been 28 days, during perimenopause, your period could come as early as 21 or as late as 35 days. Some women start skipping months entirely and then experience heavier-than-normal periods when they do have them.’ So although many women have experienced this, if you have not yet, here’s your FYI. If your period arrival times start to go awry this may be why. Mine showed up like clockwork (thanks mom for showing me how to count the days). Because I had fibroid issues, my experience with pre-peri-menopause was not long-lived.  I will tell you that my experience included what I call man-made menopause and natural menopause. When I was trying to buy time hoping to meet Mr. Right, I agreed to an intramuscular injection that was used to reduce the size of fibroids. The medication came in a monthly form and a quarterly form. I tried both. This medication had to be injected by the doctor, um, in the buttocks. Yeah. So actually I went through menopause twice.   But the side effects were horrendous! I was so upset, moody, short-tempered. Just terrible. I eventually advised my ob-gyn that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like if I had continued on the medication I would have to be committed. Yes, it was that bad.  In fact, the hot flashes from this man-made menopause were in my opinion much worse than natural menopause.   Every time I stopped any type of treatment during that 10 year period, I felt so down and dejected. I just wanted to know what it was that I did wrong to be in this situation.  If you are asking the same questions just know that you did nothing wrong. Life is indiscriminate. That’s it. Indiscriminate.  Don’t beat yourself up. Do the best you can physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally; to care for yourself.   As I always say, find a doctor, an ob-gyn who is committed to your care. My Ob-gyn committed to going on my journey with me. He did not push me toward the hysterectomy, but when I was ready he was very positive and encouraging, advising me that he knew it was a difficult decision but that I was going to have an exponentially better quality of life. In the end, he was right. But it was definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time. It was a difficult time. But I made it! And so can you.  If you are or think you are dealing with pre-or perimenopause, please talk to your healthcare provider. And be sure to do your own research so that you can have an engaged and fruitful conversation with your doctor.  Notice I always say to get a second opinion and even change doctors if you feel your doctor is not listening? Well, pre-, peri-, and menopause, are the areas where they are not known for listening very much. I hate to brush with a broad stroke, but I have heard so many women say, myself included; that they were prescribed ahem, a medication to calm their nerves when complaining about sleeplessness, hot flashes, etc. Don’t just accept that a ‘calming prescription’ is the only way to fix these issues. So, yeah, do your homework, do your homework, do your homework. Get a second opinion, see what your hormone and estrogen levels are, see what your doctor suggests, see what is available OTC–over the counter. Know your body.       Research links: https://www.letsgetchecked.com/articles/what-is-perimenopause-signs-symptoms-and-causes/?imp=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgP6PBhDmARIsAPWMq6lxO1QBaioj4C5CTXG9WeSZUyl_TxDSS9Pf4qOwPFhsH_WaPBgjPZgaAoYNEALw_wcB   https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/difference-perimenopause   https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause   https://www.asrm.org/isitmenopause/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAgP6PBhDmARIsAPWMq6nWedffRwB4EEjK3UfxkPrbXeRmMNYqI8KQytewQeR3RQenoc1M07EaAvKeEALw_wcB   https://www.franciscanhealth.org/community/blog/first-signs-of-perimenopause Articles/links of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-115-facing-childlessness-with-art-my-interview-with-dr-krista-cooper-2/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice  

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 137 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? What is your worth? Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Intro (for guest episodes): Sheri Johnson turned the pain of three miscarriages and six years of an infertility journey into a passion to inspire childless not by choice women to live full, unconventional lives of meaning.  She made the decision to use her coaching background to create a process for navigating the triggers. She teaches her process in 1x1 coaching and in her membership program.  Sheri says that women leave the program feeling empowered with practices they can use throughout their lifetime.     At the end of our discussion today Sheri will tell you how to obtain a free gift created just for you!     Hello Sheri, welcome to the show!   You say that many women do not realize they are grieving, tell us what you mean by that?   Now this in itself may be triggering, but you say ‘Triggers can be a part of grieving’, how so? Tell us about some of the tools we can use to heal…                       Mindfulness              Journaling             Meditation             Nutrition             Essential oils             The Bible   When we spoke before recording, you said something that really intrigued me, that ‘women seem to just be waiting to get better…’ Guess what you all? Sheri has a gift for you!  Sheri’s information: Free gift from Sheri:  www.sherijohnson.ca/quiz Contact info: @Awakening.worth  Podcast: Awakening Worth   Quotes from Sheri: ‘...I’m open to the healing that’s meant for me.’  ‘I’m responsible for building my self-worth.’ ‘It’s not the person bringing the baby into the office that causes the pain, that person is triggering the pain.’ ‘It’s like pressing on a wound that’s already there. They didn’t cause the wound, they are reminding you the wound is there.’ ‘...we can try to educate the world about childlessness. There's a tendency to want to educate, but it’s like playing a game of whack a mole…it doesn’t matter how much we educate…the healing comes when we focus on healing our pain.’  Articles/links of interest: https://www.rt.com/news/545233-pope-childless-pet-owners-selfishness/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jan/12/more-people-is-the-last-thing-this-planet-needs-the-men-getting-vasectomies-to-save-the-world My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.  TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS [Music]Civilla Morgan: Well, hello, hello, hello everyone and welcome to episode 137 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to the childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in. What is today's show about? In one word, it's about worth. What is your worth? But before we get to our show in which, by the way, we have a guest, always excited when we have guests, I want to thank my Patreon contributors for all you do and your monthly contributions to the platform. You are truly appreciated, and I'm grateful for your sticking in with me and being there monthly, listening, tuning in of course, you can always reach out to me if you have any questions or suggestions and that goes for everyone who tunes in. If you would like to become a patron, please go to patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, follow the steps to become a patron, and regardless of the level you join in, there is a free gift for you. Thanks again to my patrons. Civilla Morgan: Sheri Johnson turned the pain of three miscarriages in six years of an infertility journey into a passion to inspire childless not by choice women to live full unconventional lives of meaning. She made the decision to use her coaching background to create a process for navigating the triggers. We all know about those triggers. She teaches her process in one-on-one coaching and in her membership program, Sheri says that women leave the program feeling empowered with practices they can use throughout their lifetime, and at the end of our discussion today, Sheri will tell you how to obtain a free gift she created just for you. Sheri, hello. Welcome to the show. Sheri Johnson: Hi, Civilla. Thanks so much for having me. I am excited to be here today. Civilla Morgan: I'm so glad that you are here and I can't wait for the listeners to hear all about you and your platform, and how you are helping in the childless not by choice community. I'm so glad you could make it. Sheri Johnson: Thank you.Civilla Morgan: Let's jump right in. I know we're starting with a really heavy question here. You say that many women do not realize that they are grieving. Tell us what you mean by that. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, you are really diving right in. I love it. Civilla Morgan: Yes. Sheri Johnson: Go deep. Quick, let's forget about the pleasantries. I think grief is a funny thing. It's something that we really associate with a loss, and it's very easy to identify when you've lost a person, somebody that you love and knew and miss. But when you lose a dream, it's different. You don't necessarily associate that with grief. I didn't. Even after as you mentioned I had three miscarriages, I didn't even really think I was grieving then and I didn't think my grief was worthy.  I thought you get to grieve when you lose a baby or when you lose a child or a father or a friend. When you lose something that you didn't even know, a child you never met, how is that worthy of grief? So it had already come up for me after my miscarriages, but then again, on my childless journey, I didn't realize that what I was feeling was grief or that I was allowed to feel that or express it. Does that resonate with you, Civilla? Civilla Morgan: Definitely. Especially the allowed part, because you tell yourself and maybe we don't all think this way, but I know for me, I told myself, well, there are worse things that can happen in the world to me, and you just keep thinking it could be worse and maybe I'm just being weird and that's why nobody can resonate or understand what I'm talking about when I'm childless and wanted children so badly that I cried myself to sleep every night, but I never recognized that it was grief either. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, it's like you have this yardstick and our type of grief is down at the bottom. It's shouldn't be a big deal. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: Real loss is when you lose a living person. Civilla Morgan: Yes, like many of the listeners know, I lost my mom two years ago, who was my absolute best friend ever on the planet, and so I miss her dearly every day. Every single day, I think about her and I miss her and I'm grieving her.  Some people may think, oh my gosh, two years that's a long time, what's wrong with you? Other people totally understand that was the first face I ever saw on this planet and we got along really well. Some people don't get along with their moms and I'm sorry, but I got along really well with my mother. We have so many inside jokes that I can never share with anybody else.Sheri Johnson: Oh, that's beautiful.Civilla Morgan: Sometimes I think about them and they make me laugh and I could never say them to anybody else, but that's one type of grief. But yeah, we should not be minimal. Is that a word: minimalize? Sheri Johnson: Minimize. Yeah. Civilla Morgan: Oh my God. It's just cold in Florida and it's just cramping my brain here. Sheri Johnson: Oh, you should come to Canada. Civilla Morgan: No, not right now. Sheri Johnson: I wish you come to Canada. Civilla Morgan: No, I can only imagine the weather up there, but you can't minimize the grief and the pain that you have from being childless.  It's a different grief, but grief is still grief and it's still important. Sheri Johnson: Absolutely. Civilla Morgan: That made absolute sense to me. Now, another thing that we talked. In the pre-show, we were talking about triggers. This may be a little triggering to some people, but hey, that's what this podcast is all about: trying to get us through all of that stuff. But you say that triggers can be a part of grieving. How was that? Sheri Johnson: Well, that's a really good question actually. I think we forget that grief can show up in many different ways. We're used to it showing up as sadness, deep sadness in some cases, but it can also show up as anger or frustration or disappointment or hurt. All these other things can come out and it's all related to that grief and we just don't realize it. That's where I see triggers fitting in and when I say triggers, I think there's two types of triggers. There's triggers that remind you of your loss, those things that just bring back to, oh, I'm right back at the funeral or I'm right back in the moment. But there are also triggers that don't necessarily trigger sadness. They trigger anger and those are like hot buttons. To me, some examples would be just the questions: when are you having kids, or do you have kids or someone who announces their pregnancy or you're sitting around a table with a bunch of your friends, and all they can talk about is their children. Those are the things that tend to trigger anger or frustration or all those other emotions that we don't necessarily associate with grief, but they are. They're linked back. They're showing us pain that we haven't yet healed from. Does that make sense? Civilla Morgan: Oh, yeah. That's really very interesting because yes, for some people, it just depends on where you are in the journey as well. Whether that very thing, that person showing up at the office, the new mother showing up at the office with her baby, is that going to trigger anger or is it going to trigger some other emotion just based on where you are in the journey? Again, here we go with minimizing again the feelings that we have because immediately some will say, oh, you're just jealous or why are you mad or upset that this person had a baby? But that's not what it is. It's seldom what it is. 99.999% of the time we're not mad at the person or angry at the person because they have a new baby. We're angry if we want to use the word angry, at ourselves or at life, because we didn't get to have the baby or have that experience. We're happy for you. I always say this. We are happy for you as moms. We're not angry at you. We're not jealous. We're just maybe upset at how things turned out or did not turn out for us. Sheri Johnson: I don't know if you want to spend some time getting into triggers a little more deeply. But the way that I look at a trigger, it's not the person who brings the baby into the office that is causing the pain. That person's triggering the pain. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: It's our own pain. I like to use a metaphor. It's like pressing on a wound. You already have a wound that's there. If somebody presses on it, they're not causing it. They're reminding you that it's there and it still has healing to do. So it's not others that are causing it, but they're reminding you that it's there, and depending on where you are on your journey as you said, that wound can be in various stages of healing.  It might be scabbed over and someone is tearing that off or might be almost healed and that trigger feels like a pinprick versus a blow in the gut. Civilla Morgan: Or the heart.Sheri Johnson: That's usually more what it feels like, isn't it? Civilla Morgan: But something you just said too, it depends on where you are and we keep saying to each other basically, it depends on where you are on the journey. When I started out in my journey, of course, the wound was raw as all get out. That's where a lot of the listeners probably are right now. You're just like, is this ever going to stop hurting? Am I ever going to stop feeling this way when I see a pregnant woman walking down the street? Am I ever going to figure out how to deal with this: the fact that I'm not going to have children and maybe they can't adopt, or maybe for whatever reasons, because you know that we are always asked, “Well, why don't you just adopt?” One of my pet peeve questions. Sheri Johnson: That's a trigger, right? That's one of our triggers. Civilla Morgan: Exactly. It's a big trigger because it's like, you don't know our story. You don't know what we can or cannot do or afford to do. Even with financial assistance, can we do it? I just don't know how we get across to society that is just not okay to ask certain questions or make certain suggestions, especially when there were not solicited. Tell me what you think about that. Sheri Johnson: It's a really interesting question because I have a little bit of a different view on that. The way that I look at all of those questions, those triggers, we can try to educate the world on how to be sensitive towards us, towards childless women and I found the same thing after miscarriage and in the infertility world as well. There's a tendency to want to educate or to bring awareness to everyone around us so that they stop asking those sensitive questions. To me, it's like playing a game of Whac-A-Mole. Do you know that game? Civilla Morgan: Yes. Sheri Johnson: You can educate one person and then there's going to be another person. Civilla Morgan: Another 20 people. Sheri Johnson: Right. It never stops, and it doesn't matter how much we educate or how much we raise awareness as needed as those things are. The healing comes when we focus on healing our pain, and that was a big revelation for me. Once I actually found a way to heal from the pain, the triggers went away. It doesn't matter when someone asks me, because now it's too late for me, most people know I'm 49. Most people know that I'm not going to adopt. So I get the question, why didn't you adopt or do you have kids? Whatever those questions are, they still get asked, but they don't bother me anymore and it's so liberating and I think that's the joy and the fulfillment and the feeling that I want the childless women out there to know is possible. Civilla Morgan: Which kind of leads to my next question. But I also want to say before we leave this topic unless you have more to say about triggers because that could be a whole episode on its own. I think I may have done one on triggers, but that's a big subject. I really like that you tell us that we can get to the place where those questions don't bother us anymore. We are all in different places and I kind of wanted to say this earlier, too, and that's not what either of us is saying. But we cannot beat ourselves up for where we are in the journey and you can't rush yourself along the journey either. There's no rushing yourself along the journey because you can find yourself right back where you left off if you try to push yourself through, which is another thing to keep in mind. So for somebody that's out there listening who may be early in the journey and you are just like beside yourself with grief and wondering what's going to become of you, your life. All of this stuff that we think about as childless women. I know some of us because I'm a little bit older than you are, we're thinking about what are our elder years going to look like for those of us on the other end of the age spectrum from those just starting out in childlessness. We're wondering who's going to take care of me. That conversation comes up quite a bit, but I really want to remind us that as far as the, who's going to take care of me question, having children doesn't guarantee you're going to have somebody to care for you. That's one end of the spectrum. Sheri Johnson: True.Civilla Morgan: Then on the just starting out spectrum, just know that you could get to a point like Sheri said, believe it. Trust us. You can get to the place where those questions will not bother you as much as they're bothering you now and maybe even to the point, like Sheri says where they just don't bother you at all. It can happen. Sheri Johnson: Can I add something to what you were saying, Civilla? You mentioned you can't rush yourself through that process and I absolutely agree, especially when it comes to the sadness, you have to give yourself space and grace to just feel those emotions and allow them to work through you. But when it comes to the triggers, I actually think I wouldn't say rush it, but what I found is that when I actually took some action towards my healing, I healed a lot quicker because I have heard of women who, none of them are my clients, but they talk in online support groups and that kind of thing and their grandmother have friends who are grandmothers and they are of the age when maybe they could have had children and grandchildren. They're now being triggered by all the grandmothers around them who are talking about their grandkids. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: So it can go on for a very long time if you don't take some action towards that healing and I guess what I'm saying is that time doesn't necessarily your wounds. Sometimes you need to actually do some of that painful but very liberating work that will get you there to where you and I are. Civilla Morgan: Do some work. I totally agree with you. Yes, we have to do the work and I think honestly, some of the work comes in listening to podcasts about childlessness and being a part of a community of childless not by choice people and that's work.Sheri Johnson: Yeah. Civilla Morgan: So again, for those who are just starting out or those who maybe not just starting out, but haven't done much work, just know that even listening to podcast episodes about the childlessness aspect of your life, that is work. But Sheri's platform and we're going to get into that a little bit more, Sheri's platform will help you with actual work other than listening to episodes and being part of the community such as my next question for you. Tell us about some of the tools that we can use to heal. I know in our pre-conversation we talked about things like mindfulness and journaling and meditation, even nutrition, essential oils, the Bible even. So tell us some more about those tools. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, I think all of those things came into play for me and what I found in the spiritual community was that all of those things are used, but we're not taught to use them in a way that's specific to healing from something like childlessness and taking the first few steps down that path and embracing the joy that you can find there. I started using them in a very deliberate way, and that was when I really started to feel the transformation. So meditation and journaling were big parts where I could really sit down with my journal and all these thoughts that were swollen around in my head and usually thoughts that were just kind of on repeat. I could start writing in a journal and get those out in my journal with some targeted questions to ask myself and suddenly all this stuff would start to come out on the page that I didn't even know was in my head and then I could sit quietly in meditation and ask God, ask the universe, whatever language is your thing, your source energy, your higher self. I could just ask that source energy, "How can I release this? Help me to release this," and just saying those words, showing that you're open to releasing that pain can help to do that. You mentioned nutrition and essential oils. Nutrition, that was kind of how I started my career down the wellness path. Nutrition is something that we sort of think of as a very physical thing. It's something that you do to lose weight or to get healthy, or it has a purpose and I started to look at it as a way to fuel my body and my soul same with physical activity: getting out into nature. It wasn't for the purpose of staying lean. It was to feel better and your physical and your spiritual and you're emotional. They're all connected. Civilla Morgan: Oh yeah, they are. Speaking of nutrition just for a minute, I have lost about 10 pounds I think over the past couple of weeks and I know why I'm losing the weight. But I can tell you that since the weight has started coming off, I'm a person of headaches and migraines and sinus headaches. You name the headache I've had it since I was 11 years old, but I noticed as the weight was coming off, that I had less headaches. Even though if I went outside and my vehicle covered with pollen and yes, I would start sneezing and a lot of those headaches were sinus headaches and all of that, I was waking up with less headaches as I felt the weight coming off and I started connecting the dots. I'm connecting the dots, you know? Like you said, nutrition it's not just about being lean or, of course, you're going to lose weight, you're going to feel better and not weight shaming anybody. That's not what this is about. It's more that as you drop the pounds, let me speak for myself, I'm feeling better in myself, in my mind and in my body and I think nutrition is a really important part of this lesson and I think they're all important. The mindfulness, I know we talked about mindfulness and I did a mindfulness episode not long ago and journaling. I'll let you talk more about them because I think they're all awesome. Sheri Johnson: The journaling is something that I developed a process around it all really. It was almost like once I started using them, I used them in a specific way as I said before. So I would start with say a trigger and somebody asked me a question or somebody said something that triggered me. My mom, for example, at Christmas time, she wrote a text to me and my two siblings and said something to the effect of, "Well, Christmas is all about the kids." I kind of thought, oh, how does that make me feel? What I used to do before I discovered this process, I used to just get angry at her and say, oh, it's all about my sisters and their kids and they're more important than me and I made that mean something about myself and then I started to shift that perspective. I found that I could take that trigger and say, "Okay, let me write about what's underneath of this. Where is this coming from?" I'd start journaling about that and then that would lead to other questions like, "How does that trigger make me feel and where is that emotion really coming from and when have I felt that emotion before?" Because quite often, this isn't the first time that's happened. It has happened before in adult life, but it's also happened probably way back into teenager hood and childhood. Asking those questions and writing down what I found is that so often what's underneath of those triggers is this feeling of inadequacy. This feeling of I'm somehow flawed or I'm somehow not worthy. In this case, my mother is making me feel like I'm less worthy than my sisters because I don't have kids, but that's my self-worth. Sheri Johnson: I'm responsible for building my self-worth. Once I identified that, then I could start using some of these other things to build that self-worth back up, so essential oils as an example or nutrition. It doesn't even really matter: healthy food, going out and getting exercise, using essential oils, giving yourself self-care. But all of those things are that: self-care.  You won't do those things unless you feel worthy and deserving of all of those, so they're all interconnected. Eating well is going to make you feel worthy and feeling worthy is also going to make you eat better food, because you're going to want to fuel yourself with better food when you feel you deserve to be healthy. It's a cycle. It's kind of like a chicken and egg scenario a little bit. I don't know which one comes first, but it's a cycle. So practicing that cycle of worthiness, identifying those things through journaling and through meditation and then practicing them through use of essential oils or your self-care routines or nutrition or getting out into nature, those are all ways of practicing your self-worth. Does that make sense? Civilla Morgan: This is absolutely fabulous and I like how you say they're all interconnected and they are like the chicken and egg scenario. Not one is better than the other. They're all needed together and I really like that if we start practicing these things, which I know you're going to tell us more on how to do that. If we start practicing these things, we start feeling better about ourselves and when the questions come or the triggers come, I just thought about like when you're inside of a bouncing ball and the things were bouncing off of you. Sheri Johnson: Yes. Civilla Morgan: Those are the things that I just imagined and I know there may be some listeners who are thinking, "I'm never going to get there," but I'm telling you, it's the work that Sheri talked about earlier. We have to do the work and tuning into the episode is the work. As I said before, joining a positive group like the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, those are all great ways to start the work.  But I'm telling you, just this little section here that we just talked on the tools that we can use, that again could be a whole other episode. This is great, great stuff, Sheri. Thank you so much for breaking all of this down for us. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, you're welcome. Civilla Morgan: Another thing that we spoke about before the recording, all of this is intriguing me, but this was intriguing too. You said that women seem to just be waiting to get better. Can you tell us more about what you mean by that? Sheri Johnson: I actually alluded to that earlier in our conversation here. We wait for time to heal us. We've been told this all of our lives. I mean, can you actually remember the first time someone said time heals all wounds? I can't. Civilla Morgan: Yeah, since the beginning. Sheri Johnson: So we grow up with this idea that we just have to wait it out. My theory is that waiting it out, all that does is we just adjust to the pain. To give an example, I like to use going back to the physical wound scenario. Let's say you break your arm. You could just let that heal by itself and it will eventually heal. It may not heal correctly. It may take a long time because it's not set properly, so you could let it heal by itself. It will kind of eventually heal and you'll adjust to the pain.  If it doesn't heal properly, then you'll kind of set it aside, both tearing or some sort of anti-inflammatory to keep the pain down and you just sort of adjust to that or you could go and have it set and take some action towards healing that broken arm, put a cast on it and it's going to heal much more quickly and it's going to heal properly. In the case of allowing it to heal, what I think is we just kind of cover up that pain, bury it. Sometimes if you don't get it set right away, have you ever heard of people who have to get their bone re-broke and reset?Civilla Morgan: Oh. Sheri Johnson: That can be something that we do emotionally as well. You actually have to break yourself open again to get at all that emotion and allow it to release and reset. It goes back to our conversation about taking action towards your healing. You had Sarah Roberts on your last episode, whether it's going to some sort of counseling or therapy or coaching or listening to a podcast or joining an online Facebook group or doing some of the things that I offer, whatever you do, taking some kind of action is going to help you cast that bone. It's going to help you to release all that emotion up front so that you're not bearing it and just adjusting to. Civilla Morgan: This is just really great information. I mean, I keep saying it, but it's really fabulous. It's helping me. Sheri Johnson: Oh, good. It's all stuff that helped me. Civilla Morgan: Of course, I know that means that it's helping listeners out there as well and so this is just really, really awesome and I can't wait for this episode to air. But in the meantime, before we get to the gift you have for us, I want to give you the opportunity to just give us some final words as we close out this episode. Just tell us some things to help us through this year. Sheri Johnson: I think the number one thing I would say is just close your eyes and say, "I'm open to healing. I'm open to whatever solutions come my way." Simply opening yourself up to the multitude of solutions that are out there, I feel like it's going to bring the right one into your hands. I think so many of us, myself included, we kind of go through life. Everyone's giving everybody else advice and we tend to shut down and think I just need to handle this by myself because nobody gets it. But when you just turn that perspective around and say, "I'm open to the healing that's meant for me, that's going to come." Something is going to happen in that the right podcast is going to land in your feed or the right post or the right person is going to stand in front of you and have what you need to get through what you're going through. Civilla Morgan: That's awesome and so the key is to be open to healing. Sheri Johnson: Yes, exactly. Civilla Morgan: That's wonderful. Before you tell us about the free gift, and I know we didn't discuss this pre episode, tell us about the podcast. You have a podcast coming up, right? Sheri Johnson: I do. Yeah, I currently have a podcast that's called Love & Loss and my first two years of that podcast were focused on miscarriage: women who had suffered from a miscarriage and were struggling to get through that. As my own journey evolves, as I've made my way through infertility and my three losses and have embraced my childless journey, I really am starting to pivot my business, my podcast, everything towards childless women as well. So there are certainly women who've had a loss in that group, but there's also women who have maybe entered childlessness because they never found the right partner or they did find a partner, but that person didn't want kids. There's a multitude of reasons that someone lands in childlessness and what I learned is that all the triggers, the pain it's the same for all of us. So I really wanted to open that up a little bit more to a broader audience and so my podcast is pivoting. It's going to be called Awakening Worth. By the time you air this, we'll have a few episodes out on that and my whole business will really be focused on helping childless women develop that sense of self-worth to drop the feelings of inadequacy and not fitting in, so we all too can lead the joyful fulfilling lives that you talk about in your intro. Civilla Morgan: Exactly. The name of the podcast everybody's going to be Awakening Worth. You can also find Sheri on Instagram at awakening.worth, W-O-R-T-H. Now, tell us about the free gift. Sheri Johnson: Yes, so I have developed a quiz. Takes two minutes. It will help you uncover whether your sense of self-worth is helping you to heal or hindering or blocking you from healing and living your joyful child free life, because it can feel more like a child free life than a childless life. When you take that quiz, you'll get a full breakdown of your results and then you'll also get my free PDF download, which is my secrets for living for embracing a child free life. So that can be found at sherijohnson.ca/quiz Civilla Morgan: And Sheri is S-H-E-R-I. So http://www.sherijohnson.ca/quiz Sheri Johnson: Yes. Civilla Morgan: Right. Okay. Everything's in the show notes, everybody. All the information is in the show notes. Always as I always ask, please read the show notes because not only are the things that we discussed on this episode in the show notes. Sometimes I find interesting articles and I don't always get to put them in the Facebook page, but there are some articles that I come across during my time online that I think you might find interesting. There's one article in there. Well, I'll let you look at the show notes and look at the articles. I'll leave it like that, but Sheri, I want to thank you so very much for this time that you spent with us today. This was so informative. So truly helpful. I mean, I've been on this journey for a number of years, but I don't think we ever stop learning or stop getting better. I really feel like this episode was a help to me as well. I want to thank you very much for your time today and for everybody out there listening, thank you for tuning in. If you want to reach out to Sheri again, the information is in the show notes. If you want to reach out to me, my contact information is in the show notes and until next time, have a great one. Bye.[Music]

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 136 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? Happy New Year Goals and Visions document Join FB groups–make them primary Survey    Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Articles/links of interest: https://www.independent.ie/life/i-learned-that-shame-is-what-keeps-the-taboo-alive-today-tackling-the-stigma-of-childlessness-41240183.html https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 135 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? The Empty Cradle But before I continue, let me say thank you to...   ...my Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice    Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Intro: Sarah Roberts I’ve known about our guest for quite some time. You know how you travel in the same circle as someone, but you’ve never been introduced, you’ve never met, but you know the person exists?  Then one day I came across her platform’s intro video on YouTube, and I asked myself why I had never interviewed her. I watched her video three times before I decided to ask if she would be a guest.  There is a link to the video in the show notes. Check it out. It really captured me. And I am so happy she said yes.     Sarah Roberts, welcome to the show!  ***Acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the country.   Questions/Conversation starters: I am intrigued. Your background is in counseling, social work in child protection, youth work, drugs and alcohol, teaching, HIV/AIDS prevention, teaching, community education and community arts. How and why did you make the switch from that to speaking to grief therapy, to speaking to the involuntarily childless?    ‘We really need to be doing this work ourselves.’ Therapy for childlessness. People need to start from a place of respect.     Explain the ‘social context of childlessness’.   How does your faith and spirituality, your Christian perspective, come into play in our childlessness arena? How do you use it in your counseling?      So, diversity: why is it important to you? What does cultural appropriateness have to do with childlessness?       There is the ongoing counselling work I do with women towards the end of their fertility journey and coming to terms with permanent involuntary childlessness.  I also offer individual and group programs, courses and community.       Sarah's quote: ‘We really need to do this work ourselves.’--Sarah Roberts 'Is there something wrong with me?'--Sarah Roberts   Links of interest: https://www.theemptycradle.com/home.html https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-126-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditation-on-life-my-conversation-with-author-donna-ward/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/   More information on the Australian Aboriginal Community https://aiatsis.gov.au/   The story of Hannah https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1samuel+1&version=NIV Sarah’s Contact information: http://www.theemptycradle.com/ https://linktr.ee/theemptycradle Email - [email protected] Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/involuntarychildlessness/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/theemptycradle/   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 134 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   What is today’s show about? Today’s show is about a dame. But first, thank you to… ...my Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   BTW, if you are a Patron, there is a fresh new video on the Patreon site. Be sure to check it out!  So, welcome to December Ya’ll! It’s a tough month for us as childless people, but never you fear, have I got a story for you?! But first I want to thank you so much for your support this year. Thanks for listening to episodes, and thanks for reaching out to let me know how the episodes, the podcast, is helping you.  I hear from a lot of you on Instagram, how cool right? Remember, you can find and follow me @joyandrelevance on Instagram. I’m also on Pinterest, Civilla Morgan.  Sooo, January is already recorded! I can’t wait for you to hear my conversation with Sarah Roberts. It is just the perfect way to start a new year! Be sure to tune in. Hey, tune in all year. And don’t be a stranger. Your feedback really is a real source of encouragement.   I’m a history buff. I mean I love anything history. World history, the history of humanity, medieval history, art history. I mean I love history! In fact, one of my favorite podcasts is all about women throughout history.  So imagine my shock and surprise when I heard about this amazing woman!  You see, the woman I’m talking about today was childless and husbandless, like many of us. And that’s what caught my eye. She had been mentioned on social media on the anniversary of her death. I believe it was a Google Doodle. I like to read the story behind Google Doodles because well, I love history and historical facts. But when they said she never married or had children, well, me too!  The timing of it all was quite interesting too. I had been reading lots of posts on IG, about the treatment by society of those of us who never married and never had children, in earnest, the last couple of months. I mean it’s a thing, I’m living it, and have been for many years. But I had not heard much talk about it until the last few months as of this recording.  The pain in the posts was palpable.  Well, after a little digging, I found one book on Amazon which I promptly ordered. I had to wait a little bit for the book, which made me a little nervous, but it finally came. It is an interesting read. Information on the book in the show notes, as well as some additional informational links on this lady!  So here’s the thing:  Childless, husbandless, and a dame. Mary Eugenia Charles’ father started his life as a mason and then a farmer. He was snubbed by the elite, but that did not get in the way of his goals. He quietly went about the business of amassing wealth while the community looked down on him until he surpassed them in wealth. Her farmer father turned banker for the everyday person. His plan was to send his four children to the best schools. Two of them became doctors, one became a nun, against her parent's wishes. And Eugenia went to law school. Then she got into politics.  Oh, but imagine a woman getting into politics in the 1960s. You think it’s a man’s world now. She had to create a tough exterior to deal with men who definitely did not want her in their presence. They felt she was a deviant because she never married and never had children. They felt she belonged in a lower class because her father had to work his way up the class ladder.  She has been listed in Guida-Myrl Jackson-Laufer’s list of ‘Women Rulers Throughout the Ages’, listed among women such as Cleopatra, Mary Queen of Scots, and Isabella Queen of Spain; just to name a few.   But hey, she gave as good as she got, although it had to be tough to hear that she was sterile, wore cheap underwear, really? Ignored when she fainted in the midst of these sharks. But she survived.  She was indeed so successful at turning her country around, she ruled for 15 years, even surviving two attempted coups. Some of you may remember the invasion of Grenada back in the 1980s? She was an integral part of that. She brought battling factions in her country Dominica, not to be confused with The Dominican Republic. Two very different places.  together, and put strong people in her cabinet; which tells me she had a healthy level of self-confidence. Something I personally like in people I surround myself with. Just an aside.  Intriguing right?  I mean aside from the obvious that she was childless and husbandless? It is said that she never married because she never met anyone she wanted to marry.  These aren’t the days of arranged marriage right? So she just never met anyone and sometimes that’s just the way it is. Yet she made things happen despite the treatment she received, and despite not adhering to society’s ‘norms’. I mean some people marry so that they are not lonely. Some people opt not to marry if they can’t marry for love. Oh, this diehard romantic was shocked when I found out in my younger years that people married for all types of reasons and that love was just one of the reasons! The shock!  I also came to the realization that for me, I had no intention of marrying for anything less than love because when the going gets tough I have to know I love this person.  But that’s me. So, how are you making stuff happen despite being childless or childless and husbandless? How do you deal with the people who watch you faint and ignore you? Or the people who accuse you of wearing cheap underwear? What about the people who spread assumptions about you? How will you deal? How do you deal?  Let me remind you... Those of us who are husbandless and childless are a family unit unto ourselves. I’ve said it before, a family is not only parents and kids, or husband and wife no kids. It can be you, just you. Human, worthy, single, childless, beautiful you.  Remember that this holiday season. You deserve a place at the adult table just as much as the couple or the parents. Your sleeping arrangements should not be an afterthought.   Now look, I realize you don’t want to create drama at the family gatherings, and I don’t want you to either. But I bet that’s why some families believe they can treat the single childless family member as an afterthought. They don’t believe you will make a scene. And you don’t have to. If there is a problem, kindly pull the host aside and have a civil conversation. If you feel the conversation is going nowhere, feel free to adult and make alternate plans some years.  Look, we all want to see our family members, we all want to belong. But we have to decide if we want to belong so much we are willing to accept bad treatment gathering after gathering after gathering. Making alternate plans sometimes shows that you love and respect yourself. Please, love and respect yourself. Until you do, no one else will.  We are living in unbelievably difficult times. I mean family gatherings were difficult pre-pandemic. Now, everything has changed. Life as we knew it is no longer, no matter how much we want it to be all back to normal.  Normal is going to be different. And I believe the reason some of us are having a difficult time acclimating is that we are not moving ahead, but looking backward.  There was good back there, but there was also bad back there. There was dysfunction, there was petty behavior at family gatherings. And yes, there are good memories from back there.  But ahead, are good memories and good times. Especially when you create those moments and exercise those kind but firm boundaries. Trust your decisions. Trust your heart. Trust yourself. And have a lovely Holiday Season. Details of her life:  Mary Eugenia Charles, DBE was a Dominican politician who was Prime Minister of Dominica from 21 July 1980 until 14 June 1995. The first woman lawyer in Dominica, she was Dominica's first, and to date only, female prime minister. Wikipedia Born: May 15, 1919, Pointe Michel, Dominica Died: September 6, 2005, Fort-de-France, Martinique Nationality: Dominican Previous office: Prime Minister of Dominica (1980–1995) Education: University of Toronto, London School of Economics and Political Science Organization founded: Dominica Freedom Party   [email protected] www.marylandattorneyatlaw.com; 301-218-9400 Articles/links of interest:   https://www.thegrenadarevolutiononline.com/damecharles.html   https://www.britannica.com/biography/Eugenia-Charles   Add hashtags: #youdonthaveto   Add alt tags: they help sight impaired people know what the episode is about    Survey link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice     Research links: Articles/links of interest: https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april   https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-120-lets-talk-about-it Special thank you to: Everyone who reached out the last few months, including 2020.  I received several pieces of feedback on Instagram Messenger from people who advised the podcast has helped them quite a bit. I have put links to the episodes mentioned in the feedback here in the show notes. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear from you when an episode or the podcast on a whole, has helped you on your childless not by choice journey. Podcasters do not ask for feedback because we are narcissistic. Feedback is an engine for us. I like to give you all little tidbits of insight into the world of podcasting from time to time. And in the world of podcasting, feedback is part of the engine that keeps us going. When I first started podcasting and I was not getting tons of downloads, I would sometimes ask myself why exactly I was doing this. No one is listening, I would tell myself. I am not hearing from anyone. And just then, so many times, just then, I would get an email, a message in Facebook Messenger, or an Instagram post from a listener thanking me for what I do. It never failed. Those messages helped. So when you send a message, know that I read it. In fact, I have responded to every piece of feedback I’ve received. Thank you!   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 133 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? In this week's episode, we will discuss... No new episodes for October and November, back in December.      2)   1x1 conversations with me.       3)   If you have not already done so...               But first... Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank my patrons, my Patreon patrons, for their monthly support.  (Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!)      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode:   No new episodes for October and November, back in December.   I believe this is my third year taking October and November off. As many of you know, my mom passed in May 2019, but by August or September, I was drowning in grief. If I remember correctly it was about that time I decided to take a look at the possibility of taking some time off from podcasting. That two-month break helped so much I decided to continue doing it.   But I am going to be forthcoming with you from a podcaster’s point of view: when I first decided to take this break, I thought about the fact that taking two months off annually would keep me from achieving a higher number of podcast episodes. You know, six years in, and having started out with two episodes per month, I should be closer to 200 episodes at this point.  But as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I deleted it! The thought had to go. I could not afford to allow ego and comparing myself to other podcasts and podcasters to affect my decision to think about my mental health. I believe when we pay attention to where we are mentally and emotionally, and adjust accordingly, we show up in a healthy way to the world, to our world; and to the tasks, we signed up for as well as the tasks we have been assigned. I know I talked last episode about mental health, but unless I got this absolutely wrong, incorrect; I believe all seven billion plus of us continue to be in a stressful and tiring place. Maybe not all the time or all at once, but this world is in a difficult place right now.  I don’t know about you, but globally it feels like things are happening one thing right after the other. We will have to make the individual decision as to what we take on and what we keep at bay. And the list can be fluid, every day is not the same. But we have to put some thought into our daily decisions. That is how I believe we protect our mental health without feeling guilty.      Examples include:  cutting down on how much news we ingest. Being in the know by watching the news is not bad, it's how much we take in that can be bad. I am guilty of too much news. I will admit it right now. Some people consume news all day and it does not seem to bother them. But they want to talk to you about it and maybe you just don’t want to hear it.  Now when the news started to bother me on another level, and that started right around...now. Go figure. I decided to do more reading and less news consumption. We have to pay attention to when things take a turn inside our heads and our hearts. We have to be that in tune. For some, it may take work, but for others, and I believe those of us who are introverts, we know almost before it happens when our heart and our mind are turning a corner. And we say ‘OK, that’s it, no more...news, negative conversation, negative thoughts…’ etc. And you do this without feeling guilty or necessarily making those around you feel bad. It can be done. Which kinda leads to...    balancing helping others and maintaining our peace and downtime.  You’ve heard the term: ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ Some of us are caring for others, some do so in a professional capacity. Either way, try to find some time to take a break. Even if it is an hour at your local coffee shop or sitting out on your patio taking a nap. We all need a minute. Don’t be afraid to take the minute. Oh, and the beach. Don’t forget the beach. As much as I talk about it, I only got to go once this summer. The second time I decided to go, it started pouring rain. Any whoo...take a moment for you. Next...       Try not to internalize things. I believe many times we internalize things we believe are our fault, but even if the issue is our fault, internalizing is not healthy. Find a way to manage issues without taking everything to heart. It will help maintain your heart health. If you can make things right with the person you may be at odds with, try. If they don’t want to, at least you know you tried. And remind yourself, no one is perfect. Not even you.    I have looked back on situations and wished I had not said something or wished I had apologized right away, but if that’s not how the situation worked out, know that you did the best you could with the situation, and try to handle things better the next time. This is for those of you, like me, who like to beat yourselves up. Trust me. I know. But what I also know is that there is not one single perfect human on this planet.  Some pretend they are. They may even come after you like they are perfect, forgetting that just yesterday they made a mess. Do the best you can, always. Keep your heart in the right place, and remember: There is no perfect human. And...   Don’t be afraid to ask for help. To get help. Which segues nicely into the next topic.               If you would like to have a 1x1 conversation with me about issues you may be having around your childlessness, go to the Shop page.    Click the link for 1x1 sessions, and follow the directions.   Please note there is a non-refundable fee for this service. I believe that talking things out helps quite a bit and I look forward to speaking with you. But please note: I am not a licensed therapist.  I am a person who has run the gamut of feelings from deep sadness, dare I say depression, as I watched my life not turn out the way I expected it to turn out. To arrive at a place I did not expect to be, never even knowing such a place existed. Then coming to terms with my childlessness, and the way my life turned out. I believe talking about that journey helps quite a bit.     So, just a few more things...If you have not already done so: Please take the survey. There is a link here in the show notes, as well as in the Facebook group.   Please also leave a rating and or a review for the show. You can do so at Apple Podcast or within any app on which you listen.  If you have episode ideas, please email them to me at [email protected], or Messenger me. Feel free to do so even during my hiatus. I will be back in December with a fresh new episode. If you are in the U.S. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I really do not know what Thanksgiving will look like this year as we continue to battle this crazy virus. But wherever in the world you are, please stay safe. And remember what I always say about family gatherings, whether they are in person or on Zoom, you can leave when you are good and ready.  You do not need to accept disrespect. Remember, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Kind but firm boundaries. Practice them, and take care of yourself!  See you in December!     Items of interest: https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-86-longing-for-motherhood-holding-onto-hope-in-the-midst-of-childlessness-my-interview-with-chelsea-patterson-sobolik   https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april Survey link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 132 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!     What is today’s show about? Mental health, mental rest, self-care.    Thank you Patreon contributors: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Body of episode: Hello once again! Thank you so much for tuning in! Well, I am going to call this our Mental health, mental rest, self-care episode.    Mental health, mental rest, self-care.  At the beginning of August, I made the decision to step away from social media for the entire month. All through the month of July, I considered it as I realized I would basically have the month to myself. Dad is hanging out with his favorite child, kidding: my brother and his family are caring for dad this month. As a caregiver, and I would do it all over again, you are always on a high level of alert, as you are caring for another human being 24/7.     So I decided that while dad was with my brother and his family, I would take myself off social media, get some mental rest, go to the beach and enjoy my birthday month. And I have been doing just that!  I did consider that it might be an odd month for me to step away as it is a busy birthday month for my family. Most of my immediate family members have August birthdays! But I am sticking with my decision. I mean if it were an easy decision would it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not.  It’s been really weird to see so many social media notifications. On day three I was close to 200 already! I wonder how many there will be on August 31st?!   Well, not having to be on alert for 31 days and taking a break from social media, that combination does not happen very often. So I will be taking every advantage. I did put an out-of-office graphic on my Facebook and Instagram pages, I hope everyone realizes what is happening and that I am not ignoring them. Either way, my brain, and my body needed this. All of it! Look, Mental Health Awareness month is in May here in the US, but the fact is, we should be thinking about our mental health every month. Mental and emotional health is always important as we are able to make better decisions when our brains are rested and healthy.   So what about you? Would you give it a try? Everyone’s mental health break is not the same. It does not have to be an entire month. It can be a week, it can even be a day, depending on what your life is like. The key is to recognize that you need a break, no matter what your life, your schedule, is like. The fact is, no matter how strong we think we are. We all need a break.  We are living in different, and honestly, strange times. 2020 beat us all up, mentally and emotionally. And 2021 seems to be only slightly better. People are still dying from COVID, there are still employment issues as well as the ending of a moratorium on evicting renters from their dwellings here in The US.  Life has always been hard. You have heard me say in the past: life is not for the faint of heart. We must try to take a break when we can. And I am thankful that I get this time.  So, I’m heading to the beach. I am going to get caught up on my reading. I am going to get some extra sleep. I am also going to enjoy the birthday gifts. The flowers. I have two vases of flowers that I hope will live the entire month of August. Take a look at the pictures I am posting here in the show notes. I will also post them on my Pinterest page once I am back on social media on the first of September.          I really hope you will take some time for yourself. Any time, some type of time. Recognize how you are feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally, and take heed. If you do, you will be a step ahead of the game of life.    Before I let you go, I want to talk to you about something that I believe is very important and in my opinion tied into mental health: Mindfulness.  I put some links here in the show notes to sites that discuss mindfulness, and mental health awareness. I also posted a link to a site on minority mental health. Be sure to check that out.    So, what is mindfulness? Definition: ‘Being mindful means being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and how you're feeling both physically and mentally. ... It means being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.’--Apr 20, 2018.  Now for those of you who may be Believers, that definition may sound a little bit familiar. Check this out:  ‘Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.’--Philippians 4:8. Sounds similar to the definition of mindfulness right? The bottom line is this, whether you are a Believer or not, it’s important to recognize that if you are struggling with negative thoughts, especially in the midst of the craziness of the last year and a half, it can be difficult to believe that things will get better, at least anytime soon. But even in the midst of all of this craziness, if you can set your mind to think on positive things, on good things, I believe it will help you make it through these difficult times.    Think about positive things:  It can be something nice a friend, family member, or even stranger did for you.  Think about how you feel when it is your day off from work. Think about how it feels to be able to sit in your favorite coffee shop again.  Think of how you feel when you are in a good mood, and then remind yourself that you are responsible for your mood even if others are trying to get on your very last nerve.  Renew your mind with good thoughts.    Check out some more suggestions below:    Some examples include:   Pay attention. It's hard to slow down and notice things in a busy world. ... Live in the moment. Try to intentionally bring an open, accepting, and discerning attention to everything you do. ... Accept yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend.--Google. Focus on your breathing.     Sounds simple, but it’s usually the simple things that work best. So, that’s all from me this month. I am going to go do all of the above, and I hope you will too. And don’t forget to check out the links in the show notes!    P.S. There are some wonderful admins and moderators managing the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group if you are in the group and have questions.  Although I am not on social media this month, you may email me, my contact information is in the show notes. You may also Messenger me, but I will not be able to respond until September.  So, see you in September! Articles of interest: https://www.minorityhealth.hhs.gov/minority-mental-health/   https://www.mindfulschools.org/   https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

6th Anniversary episode  Hello, and welcome to episode 131 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!   Welcome to my six-year podcastiversary ya’ll!!! I am so excited! But first... Today’s episode is brought to you by Omio. Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all: Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win situation right? Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up we need in 2021! Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply. https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385  END DATE: July 31st   Well! Six years! Whew! I’ve lost episodes, I’ve had to have Zoom techs help me find an episode in the middle of the night during my time, while the rep was on the other side of the planet during the middle of his day.  I’ve had to ask an interviewee for a re-do. The most humbling thing a podcaster has to do.  I have literally cried tears over an episode that got messed up.  More than once!  I’ve felt like putting away my podcasting gear and finding something else to occupy my time. And not neatly putting it away, throwing it across the room!  Having started this podcast, this platform, from scratch; I recall when the number of downloads I now get in a day, was my total number for a whole month! That is what you call from scratch! And as time progressed I received emails, Facebook Messenger messages, voicemails, feedback, (I love feedback you all, hint hint) left on my childlessnotbychoice.net website. You know you can do that right? Just click the link that says ‘send a voice message, and you get 90 seconds to leave me a message. Some have had so much to say they’ve left several voicemails in a row! I love it! And speaking of hearing from people, I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Be sure to visit the Patreon site regularly as I will be placing more content in there just for you!   More on that a little later.    If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit http://www.patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your mailing address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated!  https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, as I was saying, I love to hear from you. In fact, while I was working on the content for this episode I received an email from a new listener. She told me a story that brought some memories rushing back into my brain!  I thought I had forgotten those stories but whew! As childless not by choice women, many times we try to find ways to nurture. I mean we were born to nurture weren’t we?  As I read her email I recalled how...  Once, I was asked to mentor two sisters. They were pre-teens and the story was that their mother was MIA. I believe we had the mentorship arrangements for a few months until their mother came back on the scene. The end. That’s pretty much how it ended.  I felt heartsick, and honestly, I felt used.  On another occasion, I was asked by a young woman’s mentor to watch her baby while the two of them went to a local event. It was just a couple of hours, but when I took the baby back as soon as I was called, the mother seemed beside herself.      The same woman who asked me to watch the baby, came by the house a few weeks later, with a little boy, about 5 or six years old. He was so energetic he almost tore up the house.  A couple of days later she called with urgency and asked me to babysit the little boy. Saying she had to go out of town and had no one else to watch him. I got hip to her and told her no. No ma’am.  I was pretty hard on myself. Why did it take me three events to see what was happening?  To see that what comes naturally to most women was being used against me? You know what I am going to say next, right? Boundaries. It’s issues like these that make it important for us to create and maintain proper boundaries.   I found a quote on Facebook: ‘A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect.’--TobyMac, one of my favorite musicians.   There is nothing wrong with wanting to nurture. There is nothing wrong with the way we were created. There is nothing wrong with us. The key is to recognize these things about ourselves, and then manage them accordingly. If we don't, others will.  You’ve probably heard that people recognize things in us we do not recognize in ourselves. We all have blind spots. Here’s the thing: There is no shame in who we are. We just have to find the right way to be who we are. The right way to be who we are with dignity. We all deserve to have the ability to maintain our dignity. You know, it was an honor to hear from this new listener as she detailed what was going on in her life.  A couple of days later I received an email from someone who had just heard the podcast for the first time that day! Wow! Can I tell you that sometimes I suffer from total imposter syndrome!? Still! But who am I kidding? Thank you for reaching out and telling me how much the podcast helps you.  It means a lot.  You know, I am constantly speaking to an audience that is composed of people who are just finding out they will not be having children. That audience is not quite childless not by choice yet because you may be considering adoption, or thinking of starting IVF. But you did a search and found this podcast.  Then there’s the group that has been on this journey for a few short years. You may just be coming into the acceptance phase.  You still have your moments, but you can generally make it through your day, week, month, without falling apart...too badly, at the sight of a pregnant woman or a co-worker bringing her new baby to the office, Barely. Then there’s the group, like me, like some of you, who have been childless not by choice for many years. You still feel the little tug, but you can move on with your day without thinking of the incident that caused the tug most times. You seldom get triggered, but it can happen. You are definitely a leader in the childless not by choice space, and can definitely encourage other women in the community to realize that they will make it to a good place.   That’s what a journey is all about right? We’re all on a journey, and we find ourselves in different places in, and on that journey. No part of the journey is more or less important than the other. The key is to continue on. To push through. To become what we were put on this earth to do. Keep going OK? Don’t give up.   Omio So, thanks again to Omio for sponsoring this episode.  Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it’s never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all? Using Omio saves you time and money! That’s a win-win in our books! Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it’s just the pick-me-up 2021 needs! Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply. https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385  END DATE: July 31st So, changes are coming:  First, Patreon: 1) Patreon--If you are a Patron, I have some surprises in store for you! Reminder, patrons are those who help the show financially, on a monthly basis. They signed up to do that by going to https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice and following the instructions to become a patron. There is actually a button on the upper right corner of the Patreon website that says Become a Subscriber. Follow the steps to subscribe at the dollar amount that you would like deducted monthly. Remember, I have a gift for you regardless of your giving level.  There are four tiers: $5.00/$10.00/$25.00/$50.00 per month.  According to a 2019 article from LifeHacker.com, 99% of podcasts make zero dollars. See the link to the article in the show notes.  I don’t call something nothing, but I guess we all know what they mean. 1% of podcasters are making a living off of their podcast income, including being able to pay their podcast fees.  I want to be very clear: I did not start this podcast to make money. People who create podcasts because they think there is money in it, just like the article says, they don’t last. They pod fade, as it is called in the podcasting industry. For 99% of podcasters, podcasting is a hobby or a passion project, they are doing it because they love it. And if they, we, have patrons who believe in what we’re doing, well, that’s just awesome!    But I believe I should also advise you that I am actively searching for paid sponsors. Another question that I ask about in the survey.  Again, more on the survey in just a moment.  And that’s it about Patreon and money for this episode. I hope I haven’t lost you. If I haven’t, thanks for listening to this point.  2) Next, The Community.  Many of you know by now that after months of thinking about this, I have decided to close out the Community site that was situated on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. In fact, by the time you hear this episode the site should already be closed and removed from the website. I emailed everyone who was a member of the community site, and I posted a message in our Facebook groups.   I want to make it clear that I LOVE Community. I believe Community keeps us mentally and emotionally in tune with each other and with our journey. Community allows us to manage our loss in a healthy way.  Until I decide what’s next Community-wise, I really do suggest that you join the Facebook group if you haven’t already, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan. Remember, that is a group for women only.  There is also the Supporters of the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. That group is for everyone. I also strongly suggest that you subscribe to the newsletter if you haven’t already.  I’m not one to overload your email with stuff. Those of you who are subscribed can attest to that. But being subscribed will definitely keep you in the loop. Please subscribe or join a Facebook group to stay in the loop. And remember, feel free to email me just like the two listeners above did, at [email protected].        Stick with me for a few more minutes. I want to share just a couple more things with you. In June I was happy to be a panelist on the Gateway Woman June webinar--’ Celebrating the Spinster’. I know, most of us who are single and never married would shudder at the thought of being called or calling ourselves spinster. But after that conversation, I totally understand why the author Donna Ward whom I interviewed, see episode 126, link in the show notes, used that word. You’ve got to listen to this conversation. It was an eye-opener for me when I got the light bulb moment. Be sure to listen.   Also in the show notes is the link to the study Donna Ward mentioned in the conversation. I hope you will take the time to read it. We need to have a plan as we age, especially if we are single and childless. I’m not trying to scare you or stress you out, I just want you to think ahead.  Well, I am happy to share the following with you: the founder of WCW--World Childless Week, Stephanie Joy Phillips, asked me to share the following with you:   "Did you know that World Childless Week will be running for the fifth time this year from the 13th – 19th September? Each day has a different topic: our stories, childlessness and sexual intimacy, leaving a legacy, men matter too, have you considered adoption, we are worthy and moving forwards. You have the freedom to express yourself in any medium you prefer, from dancing to writing and everything in between. The founder, Stephanie Joy Phillips, welcomes your submissions from now until the 29th August. You don’t have to be a professional and you have the choice to remain anonymous.   Stephanie says the most important thing to remember is the week is for us and about us, a way to share both our darkest secrets and happiest moments. The Childless Not By Choice community deserves to be seen and to be heard.    You can find full details of how to make a submission and learn about all of the other events running during the week by taking a look at www.worldchildlessweek.net".      3) Soooo, the survey. There is a survey link in the show notes that I would really like you to take the time to take. Your responses to the survey questions will be read by myself, only. I am serious about making this podcast better and better. You don’t get to six years without making changes from time to time. And I am willing to do that, with your help.    Your responses will help me as I continue to make changes and updates on this podcast, this platform. Are you in this with me? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please complete the survey. The link is in the show notes.  Survey link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link Lots of changes right? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but change is good, no matter what you’ve heard about it. Especially when it makes things better and it’s not just for the sake of change.    Sooooo, last but definitely not least, I would like even more eyes and ears on this podcast and this platform. I would like you to rate and review this podcast. It’s very easy to do. You can go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click on the Podcast tab, and under each and every episode you are given options such as share, leave a review, etc. Click leave a review, and follow the steps.  Even easier, if you listen on Apple Podcast, tap on the Library tab, tap on the Childless not by Choice podcast, and scroll down to where you will see Ratings and  Review. As I look it looks like there are more people rating it than reviewing it, but do what you are comfortable with either or both.    If you listen on the Stitcher podcast player app, you can click the heart for a particular episode. On Overcast, you can click the star.    Well, I think I am finished! I am so excited to still be podcasting and to still love podcasting, even during the crazy times. I am really excited to not only be a part of this awesome community called podcasting. But I am excited and honored that you are listening and that these episodes are making a positive difference in your life.    See you in August!  Bye!     Articles of interest: https://lifehacker.com/youll-never-make-money-podcasting-1838640571 https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-126-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditation-on-life-my-conversation-with-author-donna-ward/ https://vimeo.com/559979682 https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=065cec3ede&attid=0.1.3&permmsgid=msg-f:1701853975113270514&th=179e332c6e3684f2&view=att&disp=inline

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 130 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.   Body of episode: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.  If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! So, welcome to episode 130! This is the Father’s Day USA edition, but would you believe that none of the gentlemen whose voices you will hear in just a moment are American? I mean, not American, not in The USA. How did that happen? I don’t know, but you know what this just underscores the point that childlessness is worldwide. It happens in communities, villages, and hamlets around the world.  Childlessness affects people of all financial statuses, races, colors, you get the point.     I am so honored to have these guests for our Father’s Day episode.  I reached out to these gentlemen and asked them to talk to us about how they manage Father’s Day and they agreed! You know, I really wanted their voices to be heard by the childless not by choice men who listen to this podcast, and of course the wives and other family members of childless not by choice men.   You see, for the first few years of this podcast, I did not consider the fact that men could be childless not by choice? I mean seriously? I guess when we are deep in our own sorrows we can sometimes forget that others hurt too. So glad I finally figured it out!  The other thing I figured out was that although I know what it is like to be a childless not by choice woman, I know how it feels, I know the heart hurt  I can sometimes feel, Even though I know all of that, I do not know how a childless not by choice man feels. So here we are. I will let them tell you. And if you would like to, be sure to follow them on their platforms. I will put their information in the show notes.     Well, what did you think? Pretty awesome huh? If you are a childless not by choice woman who has a childless not by choice man in your life, please ask them to tune into this episode. Hey, they may listen to other episodes of this podcast which might help create a conversation.  You know, I wonder how many men listen to this podcast? If you are a man who listens and wouldn’t mind saying so, drop me a message by going to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, and click on the link below that old-time telephone. You can also email me at [email protected]. Don’t worry, I won’t use your full name. I never use full names. I can also use anonymous if that is what you prefer. You never know, you may be an encouragement to another man.    So, before I let you go, I want to ask if you have not already, to be sure to fill out the survey. Link in the show notes. I am getting some really awesome feedback and it is greatly appreciated. I am reading every single response because your responses are going to help me with some decisions I am working on as I am now in year six of podcasting. Next month is my actual six-year anniversary, so more details next month.  Well, thanks again to my patrons, and thanks again to these wonderful gentlemen that you just heard from.       https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Thank you to our special guests: Andy Harrod--UK--Clan of Brothers Facebook group, Invisible Childlessness on Twitter and Instagram.   Robin Hadley--UK--www.robinhadley.co.uk   Michael Hughes--Australia--The Fullstop Podcast, Blog: marriedandchildless.com, Clan of Brothers Facebook group.   Sikhumbuzo Dube--Zimbabwe--Shunem Care, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as Shunem Care. Blog: www.shunemcare.home.blog. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice   Survey: Tell me your thoughts by clicking the link below:  https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV  

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 129 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.   I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Tiffany Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Well, I have a really cool surprise for you! I reached out to several women from around the world and asked them to talk to us about how they manage Mother’s Day. Each woman had three minutes to tell us about them, what they do on Mother’s Day, and how you can follow them on their platforms.  Yes, that’s right. I know you enjoy hearing my voice. Many have told me so. It’s humbling to hear how this podcast helps you manage your childless not by choice life episode after episode. And you know what, I hope I can continue to add value to your journey. In other words, I hope you will continue listening.  But the ladies you are about to hear from, well I follow or have had some interaction with all but one of them. I want you to hear their voices because I feel they are adding a great deal of value to the childless not by choice community globally.   I will be back to close out the episode after we have heard from these wonderful women.  Body of episode content: Contributors: Bindi Shah Karen Enfield Nicci Fletcher Brandi Lytle Raphie Wagner Ina Diaz Berenice Smith Yvonne John Sarah Lawrence Jody Day Civilla Morgan   Closing:     Well, what did you think? I hope these beautiful voices were a source of encouragement as you make your way through Mother’s Day, whenever that is for you. I mean I had no idea Mother’s Day was in December in Panama. Christmas and Mother’s Day in one month! Wow!  Well, Mother’s Day is in May here in the US. It is a doubly tough month for me as this year will be two years since I lost my beloved mommy.  Her birthday was in March. So, March is her birthday, and then she leaves us two months later, three days before Mother’s Day.  I know I’m probably hitting all types of triggers. It is not my intention to cause triggers and tears, but I want to remind you that we are all on this journey together. There are differences, yes. Some of you do not/did not have a great relationship with your mothers. Some of you are married without children. Like me, some of you are single and childless.  I could go on. But the bottom line is this: your journey, your path, your childlessness; does not affect your worth. It never has and it never will. You are worthy. Your path is worthy. Your journey is worthy. Hold your head up, look straight ahead, and keep walking. Happy Mother’s Day.        What is celebrated in May:  May 1 is Lei Day in Hawaii May 2: World Tuna Day May 4–11: Root Canal Awareness Week May 5 is Cinco de Mayo May 8: No Socks Day May 9 is Mother’s Day (United States) May 14: Dance Like a Chicken Day May 31 is Memorial Day Special thank you to: Special THANK YOU to all of the wonderful women who took part in this episode!  ‘Be responsibly selfish.’-Sarah Lawrence. ‘Mothering is a verb, not a noun.'-Jody Day.    My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 128 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.     Correction: I would like to issue a correction:    In episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors, the January 2021 episode; I made the comment that ‘only in America’, in reference to Kamala Harris becoming the first woman in such a high leadership role. I should have specified that for the first time in American history, Kamala Harris is the first woman to reach that level of leadership, Vice President of The United States of America, as there are obviously quite a few women running countries all over the world.  A listener brought that to my attention and even sent me a really cool video highlighting these wonderful female world leaders.  My apologies for the misspeak, and be sure to check out the really cool video. I watched it twice!  I’ve also put a PEW Research article link here in the show notes, that discusses amongst other things, childless women, and women in leadership roles. It’s a great article.   Body of episode content: WARNING: This episode may cause all types of triggers. I mean just look at the title. So please listen in a safe place.  In fact, I will give you some time to hit the pause button or to get to a safe place, by telling you about my new habit.  So, I was Googling what we, the general human beings, celebrate in the month of April, and well, it’s a lot. Some things are like, really? Others are quite serious:  Here are some examples: Fresh Florida Tomato Month National Fresh Celery Month National Soft Pretzel Month National Straw Hat Month  Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month National Autism Awareness Month Stress Awareness Month Black Women's History Month  Celebrate Diversity Month National Arab American Heritage Month Sexual Assault Awareness Month  Sexually Transmitted Infections Awareness Month There are tons more, but I wanted to give you a list from the mundane to the quite serious. What stood out for me though, was National Take a Chance Day. I want to ask you to take a chance. It’s April, the beginning of the second quarter of 2021. Things are still iffy with the pandemic, but our governments are trying. And remember, none of us have been down this road before. We are all trying to figure things out. But even so, I believe there is something you can take a chance on. Why not start that book, that newsletter, a new exercise regimen, a food you have never had before. Talking to that person you are crushing on, or even talking to someone, a co-worker, someone you attend religious services with, who does not share your skin color or race.  There are so many things we can take a chance on, that really do not include too much risk. What’s the worst that could happen? We may find that we don’t like that food we’ve always wanted to try, although it may have been the way it was prepared. We may find that the person we were crushing on felt the same about us, or that maybe they are not a good fit after talking to them. We may find that starting that book or newsletter was easier than we thought. Or that co-worker or fellow churchgoer is really nice, or maybe not. But how would we know if we don’t take a chance? So, National Take a Chance Day is April 23rd. And maybe you’re listening after the 23rd, but I say take that chance. If you decide to, let me know! Now, onto our story.  Remember, this may be a tough one.       You may ask, ‘why does she talk about mental health so much?’ But the fact is, I hear quite a bit that regardless of what subject matter you are teaching, helping, coaching on; you do not have to be perfect to teach or lead others. You just have to be slightly ahead of them on the journey. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret: most days I feel slightly ahead like I am really helping you. But some days, my heart feels a little sad over the things that did not happen for me. I think it’s natural. And what’s even more natural is to recognize those days and then keep moving.  I don’t think we should ignore our hearts when they are feeling sad or retrospective.  The reason I talk about mental health so much is because as childless not by choice women, we can often find ourselves inside our heads.  And as we all know, inside our heads is not always the best place to be. It's the reason journaling is suggested whenever we have been through a traumatic experience or when we just need to get something off of our chest. I believe we should journal even if there is not much going on in our lives. Journaling is healthy for our minds and for our souls.  Keeping things, anythings, bottled up inside is never a good idea. It will manifest either in a complete meltdown, usually at the wrong time, or a literal change in our personalities, and how we manage life.  If you need help, ask a trusted person in your life to assist you in getting that help. Journal. Continue to tune into this podcast. Join our Facebook groups. Interact with the childless not by choice in the groups. Realize that you are not the only one. You are not on an island by yourself. It may sound trite. I know every situation is different. But I know community helps take us out of our own heads.  So, back in 2004, Lisa Montgomery concocted a plan that would end in the murder of the just 23-year-old Bobbi Jo Stinnet. Link in the show notes to the article on the story.  It sounds like yet another terrible murder until you realize that Lisa Montgomery drove several hours to Bobbi Jo Stinnett’s house under the guise of purchasing puppies, to carry out her plan. What she actually did when she got there was horrendous. What she did put her on death row.  On January 13, 2021, she was put to death for what she did.  The first woman in 60 years to be put to death in her state. I was initially not going to cover this story because Lisa had children, four of them. But I decided to go ahead. Because here’s the thing. Mental health is mental health. Lisa committed this horrendous murder in an attempt to manipulate a certain situation that was going on in her life. Her attorneys’ defense was that she had gone through a terrible childhood which included terrible abuse by her stepfather.  Lisa needed help. The level of abuse she endured from the very young age of about eight years according to some accounts, led her to do what she did.   According to one article, link in the show notes, Her second husband Kevin Montgomery noted that "The only thing I can think of is she wanted a baby so bad,"   It’s true, not everyone asks for help. In fact, most people believe they are just fine even though the entire world can see they clearly need help. And the fact is, in this world, you will seldom receive help if you do not ask for it.  Unfortunately, even when you ask you may not get the assistance you need. Sometimes it is because you are asking the wrong people. But I strongly suggest that you ask, and you keep asking.  When we do not have an advocate, and many of us do not; we will have to advocate for ourselves. Now I know, that is a learned behavior for many of us.  It can be difficult, especially as women and in some societies, to stick up for ourselves. But please know, especially once you are an adult and no longer under the hand of those who should protect you but choose to abuse you instead, that you are worthy. You are worthy of obtaining the mental health you need. You are worthy of stopping the abuse that can continue from your parent’s home to your husband’s home.  You deserve advocacy, even and especially self-advocacy.  I have had the opportunity to interview several authors on this podcast. There is a book list on our Community page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.  I have also created guides on the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. Guide number five is a list of podcast episodes where I have interviewed childless not by choice authors. Please tune into these episodes. Please get these author’s books. Reading books written by women like us helps us to realize and maintain good, positive mental health.  It is a type of advocacy when we can see ourselves in books and hear ourselves on podcast episodes.     Look, we have all been through some type of trauma in our lives. If we haven’t we will. I’m not wishing you ill will. But the fact is, life is hard. It’s filled with difficulty. It is filled with broken hearts, unfulfilled dreams, and unfulfilled plans. What do we do with all of that sadness?            In 1998, Gloria Williams dressed up as a nurse and walked into a Jacksonville, FL hospital.  Her mission: steal a baby. She was almost caught as two other nurses ran down the hall with another patient who was in labor. They reminded the ‘nurse’ that she was not supposed to be arm carrying a baby. The rules were that medical staff were supposed to move babies by bassinet only.  Ms. Williams went back into the mother’s room, chatted her up some more, until the coast was clear, and walked out with the baby. She raised the baby as hers for the next 18 years, until the lie was finally brought to light in 2016.           She was facing 22 years in prison. She got 18. Her daughter still sees Ms. Williams as her mother, in fact asking that they not toss her in jail and throw away the key.  Well, Ms. Williams got 18 years, which she said was ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’  According to the ABC News article, link in the show notes: The NCMEC--National Center for Missing & Exploited Children says: ‘Many women who steal babies do so in a desperate attempt to keep a boyfriend or husband they fear may leave them if they don’t have a child to bind them together, analysis of past abduction cases has found. They are of child-bearing age and may already have children at home, the group says. They may pretend to be pregnant, they may have recently lost a baby due to miscarriage or they may suffer from a medical condition that prevents them from becoming pregnant themselves…’  So you see the profile the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children research proves. It is quite evident that not all baby abductions are done by childless not by choice women. Like any diabolical plan, there are different reasons people do these things.   But the bottom line is that we have the research to prove that childless not by choice women don’t go around stealing babies. But we already knew that, didn’t we?  The key for us is as I said before if we need help, we need to admit it and seek the help we need: therapy, journaling, Community.     You know, as I researched for this episode I came across a Reddit post where a woman said that her co-workers were telling her she should not babysit because she might be tempted to steal the baby, something like that. There are all types of really silly people out there saying things to hurt people. Sometimes they mean to, sometimes they do not. Either way, the hurt happens.  What will you do about it? Start now, therapy, journaling, Community.        Patreon: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   ***Suicide prevention phone number: 800-273-8255   Research links: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/02/25/in-vice-president-kamala-harris-we-can-see-how-america-has-changed/   This is the link to the video I mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUujjBqpxOg   This is episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-98-pet-therapy-for-the-childless-not-by-choice-demographic-3/ The following links are stories and articles related to our discussion on theft of babies: https://www.tristatehomepage.com/news/indiana-news/woman-convicted-of-killing-pregnant-woman-stealing-baby-set-to-be-first-woman-executed-in-nearly-70-years/   https://www.smh.com.au/world/unborn-child-theft-ex-husband-steps-in-20041223-gdkd8e.html   https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-abductors-gloria-williams-fit-similar-profile/story?id=53081106   https://www.missingkids.org/blog/2019/post-update/who-would-steal-a-baby Articles of interest:   https://www.thejc.com/comment/opinion/large-families-should-be-seen-as-a-modern-sensible-way-forward-1.512292   https://www.thebalanceeveryday.com/april-is-national-month-calendar-3514983 Episodes and articles of interest:   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/   This is the Instagram interview from Macbeth.childfree.childless: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMw7oF-lpa_/?igshid=oz6d42xzm66j   https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/6840289/kids-one-question-never-ask-woman-michelle-keegan/ Special thank you to: My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  If you would like to make a donation without becoming a patron, visit my Paypal account at [email protected] . My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription or following the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!      

Hello, and welcome to episode 127 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.  I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.  I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Guest Bio:  Marilisa Beatty is the current Mrs. Pennsylvania America 2020.  She was crowned in August of 2020 and will be competing for the title of Mrs. America.  Marilisa holds an M.A. in Strategic Communication from Villanova University. She is the CEO and Principal of Key Qualitative, Inc., and the Key Messages App - both businesses specializing in global, qualitative research.   Marilisa is highly active in her community and is an advocate for fellow infertile and childless women to share their many gifts with the world through community service.   As Mrs. Pennsylvania, Marilisa will dedicate the next year to continuing her service work, and promoting her platform: "Bigger than Infertility". In the coming months, she will be spearheading a nation-wide volunteer service hours drive within the childless and infertile community, to spread the message of living a life that is "Bigger than Infertility", while helping others in the world around us, and promoting the fact that WE ARE WORTHY!   For more information on Marilisa, her platform, or volunteer hours drive as that project develops, you can find her on Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020.  Welcome to the show Marilisa, it is so wonderful to introduce you to the childless not by choice community!    How did you get into the world of pageantry? Is that a word? Take us into that world a little.  Dumplin--NFLX   What are the similarities and differences between Miss and Mrs? Tell us about Key Qualitative Inc. and the Key Messages App, they both sound intriguing? Speaking of apps, tell us about that app you signed up for that time? So one day you and your husband moved from PA to CO site unseen? How did that come about? (Once they found out, she and her husband, that they could not have children, they had to reinvent themselves.) Tell us about your platform: Bigger than infertility?     Community Service hours drive created out of her Bigger than Infertility platform.    So, any community service counts listeners!  Marilisa works a lot with homeless people, homeless women, in particular, re-introducing back into home life.  What is your passion, listener?    Links to check out:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bjhy2a-jhOY Volunteermatch.com Google volunteer opportunities in your area biggerthaninfertility.org   Special thank you to: Marilisa Beatty--’ Take back that control from infertility.’ There is no wrong way to mourn. We are not less than, we are worthy.   Marilisa’s Contact Information:   Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020 YouTube Channel: All of our Appearances Have Been Canceled https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8s5-VK3lX8 My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 126 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in. What is today’s show about? Well, today we have a guest! I am so excited! But before I introduce her to you, I want to say a big thank you to my patrons! Patreon Contributors: Thank you for your monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you are not yet a patron, join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, by visiting patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one-time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions go toward the monthly maintenance fees of this podcast. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, our guest! Intro: Donna Ward is a writer, editor, and publisher with qualifications in Classics, Economics, and Social Work. She worked in policy development, welfare management, and community development before establishing her private practice which offered individual and group psychotherapy, and an organizational consultancy offering, strategic planning, conflict resolution, research, and report writing. In her retirement, she established the literary journal, indigo, and the micro-press Inkerman & Blunt. Her prose has appeared nationally and internationally including in the Griffith Review, Huffington Post, and The Big Issue. Her memoir, She I Dare Not Name: A Spinster’s Meditations on Life is available now.  And that is what we are going to discuss today, She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster’s Meditations on Life’ Body of episode content: Welcome, Donna Ward! Thank you for joining us! I kept running your title through my mind, why ‘she I dare not name’? Who is she?   I thought about the organization Aging Without Children, are you familiar with them? I’ve put a link in the show notes.  So, spinster...what feedback if any, did you get on the use of that word? Is it almost like a curse word?   ‘I write to shatter the stereotype that shadows me in a singular narrative, a narrative that writes me out of my own society.’ Whoa! That was deep! I guess that is pretty much like the rude commentary and questions we get from friends, family, and strangers alike right?   I read a review by Shelley  McInnis. Have you read it? I put a link in the show notes.    Could you read us a portion of an essay?   What can the woman, or the man, who is enduring a particular type of loneliness, deep loneliness that only someone who never married or had children would understand, do to deal with it when they see it coming?   Where can we find your book and what is your contact information?      Links of note: https://www.awwoc.org/ https://newtownreviewofbooks.com.au/donna-ward-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditations-on-life-reviewed-by-shelley-mcinnis/ https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/25-famous-women-on-being-alone.html https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/03/30/7-women-who-had-very-full-lives-and-never-married/%3foutputType=amp https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19932102/famous-quotes-single-ladies/ Dante’s Inferno   Special thank you to: Donna Ward Donna’s Contact Information: Booktopio Donna-ward.com.au My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.    

Hello, and welcome to episode 125  of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.  I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.   Well, it’s still January as of this recording, so Happy New Year! Happy 2021! If you’re here in The US, let’s just say we’ve already gotten off to a pretty rocky start, but it has also been a quite historic start as well.  It would be disingenuous at episode 125, to pretend we have not had some sort of relationship the past five years.  You have listened to me through the loss of my first podcast producer. It was a shocker as it came without warning. I had to ask a mutual friend, believe it or not, to edit the episode that was due. At that time I had no clue how to edit an episode. Now I have much more insight and knowledge on how to edit but I would still rather pay someone else to do it. You have listened as I talked about the loss of my mom and how during the time of her illness I went from two episodes per month to one, which is where we are now.  And where I believe we will be for the foreseeable future as I continue to care for my dad and maintain all of the other things I have on my plate. You listened to me talk about how much I miss her and how I felt some in the healthcare community failed her. Thanks for listening.   So, that rocky start I was talking about: I cannot begin to tell you how utterly angry, dismayed, shocked, and scared I was. All of those emotions wrapped up into one. I could not believe what I was seeing when Americans stormed their own country’s capital building chanting death to certain leaders. I posted on my Facebook page that day:  ‘Too often we don’t know what we have until it’s gone, taken away, given away.’   I watched the insurrectionists try to give away the last 240 years and it broke my heart.  My deepest condolences to the family of the police officer that was murdered. My deepest thanks are added to the millions who watched that handful of police officers try to protect the country’s seat of power.   And the historic start: The first woman, a woman of color became a national leader in America. Her father is Jamaican, and her mother was Indian--both immigrants. Only in America folks! I pray for the safety of our new president and new vice president daily.  I pray that even though there are some that want to see them fail on an epic level, there are more of us that are for them than there are against them.  I have to tell you though, that I also prayed for our previous president. He needed prayer. This may not be a popular stance with many, but as a Believer, it is mandated that I do so. See the link in the show notes for proof. That is all I will say about all of the above. But you know what? It ties in well with today’s subject matter.  Before we move into today’s subject matter, two things: the first episode of 2021 was supposed to be my interview with Mrs. Pennsylvania 2020, except I um, messed up on the recording and did not know until my podcast producer went to record it. Totally my fault. So that interview has been rescheduled and will be airing hopefully in March. Thank you for your patience!    And    I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, what is today’s show about?   Jonas Salk (1914-1995) was the American medical researcher who developed the first polio vaccine in the mid-1950s.(Sep 24, 2014.) And then he refused to patent the vaccine, making it easier for more children to have the opportunity to be vaccinated. That means he gave up a lot of cash! I wish more people knew that no one lives forever, and you can’t take it with you. It appears Jonas Salk knew this.    But did you know that he said:  ‘Our Greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.’--Jonas Salk. I believe that is what he was doing when he opted not to patent the vaccine.    Well, I don’t know about you, but I never thought of myself as an ancestor. Not just because I am childless but because I’m still here. I don’t really want to think about myself in the past tense. However, I guess as we get older we start to think about our mortality. At least most people of a certain age do right? There are that few who believe they will live forever, but as far as I know death comes to all of us. At the risk of continuing down a morbid path, let me move on.  I can’t remember where I first came across this Jonas Salk quote, but I do recall it stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t know what to think at first.  In split seconds, my brain went from ‘well that leaves me out of the mix’, to ‘wait, I can still be a good ancestor, an ancestor in general; even though I never had kids. I mean it was seconds from one thought to the next.    In fact, as I write the content for this episode, this has happened to me twice. This as in, I immediately went to ‘well, that leaves me out of the mix since I don’t have kids’, to wait I can still take part.  You see, I belong to a Facebook group where they asked everyone to join in this game where you include your child’s name in the response. Immediately I thought ‘well that leaves me out’. And then I thought well, ‘I can include the word childless where my child’s name would have been placed.  I wondered what the response would be to my inserting the word ‘childless’ until I saw multiple other women saying things like, ‘what name do I use if I don’t have kids ?’ or ‘Well I included my pet’s name since I don’t have kids.’ It turned out to be a fun game and I’m glad I played. Look, I realize we are all in different places in our journey. I know that game may have sent some into anywhere from a tailspin to a pinprick, as Jody Day says. But what I want you to know is that you can take situations like these: a quote that you initially feel does not pertain to you or a game that you do not think you can join in because of your childlessness; and turn them around to your advantage.  You do what’s best for you where you are. Don’t allow childlessness to keep you out of the game. And don’t let the game make you feel bad about your childlessness.   Being a good ancestor...         Being a good ancestor pertains to all of us, childless or child filled.  Being a good ancestor makes room for those of us who do not have children, to still be able to leave a legacy.    Being a good ancestor means being a positive contributor to our communities.  Being a good ancestor means finding a way to leave a small footprint, i.e. using less than we need from this planet.  Being a good ancestor means being good aunts or uncles--how do we interact with our nieces and nephews? What can we do to help them get ready for life when they are very young? How can we be good support systems when they are young adults?   Being a good ancestor means doing what we were put here to do. Because remember, we are here for a reason.  What can you do to be a good ancestor?   Well, thank you for tuning in to our first episode of 2021! There are more great episodes coming. Next month you will hear my interview with Australian author Donna Ward, on her book ‘She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster’s Meditations on Life’. Yup, you heard right! So be sure to tune in for that episode in February!  In the meantime, remember we meet via Zoom every couple of months, but the link will only be placed in our Facebook group. The next meeting is slated for February. Be sure to browse through the show notes here for details on how to contact me or anything else having to do with the podcast.  Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! Happy New Year!    Research links:  https://www.salk.edu/salk-together-2/   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/human-impact_b_916396   https://theexperimentpublishing.com/2020/11/how-can-we-be-good-ancestors-hear-from-roman-krznaric-on-the-key-to-long-term-thinking/   Podcast episodes you may also like to listen to: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ The Scripture I mentioned above: ‘First of all, then, I urge that petitions (specific requests), prayers, intercessions (prayers for others) and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all people, 2 for [a]kings and all who are in [positions of] high authority, so that we may live a peaceful and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.’--1 Timothy 2:1-2.  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Or just go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net . ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 124! Imposter Syndrome!  Before we get into the episode... Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. To join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Your financial gifts go toward paying my podcast producer, paying my podcast hosting fees, buying ads on social media, and all things podcast-related.  Every dollar helps. If this podcast has helped you, help me help someone else which is what happens when someone sees an ad or hears an episode.     https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode content:   Feeling like an imposter when we do life as CNBC women: I got this list from zencare.co Extreme lack of self-confidence. Feelings of inadequacy. Constant comparison to other people. Anxiety. Self-doubt. Distrust in one's own intuition and capabilities. Negative self-talk. Dwelling on the past.   So... When do you most feel like an imposter: When attending an event and immediately feeling like an imposter when all of the women start talking about their kids. At work when a co-worker visits the office with her newborn. You wish you had a way of slipping out without being noticed, just like an imposter would do.    When you are the CEO of a company or the Prime Minister of a country, and another woman says you cannot lead because you have no real investment in the future of the company/country.   When your siblings show up with their kids and well… When people assume you have children and they make commentary such as ‘you wouldn’t want that to happen to your kids would you?’     When someone says ‘you don’t have kids so you won’t understand’.     Where do you belong as a CNBC woman? Anyplace you want to be. Anyplace you worked hard to be. At any table, you feel you belong.      How we should deal with imposter syndrome and gain the confidence we deserve:   Gain confidence by joining a group, a community, of people who are in your same boat. Stop comparing your life to other’s lives.  Everyone is on their own journey.  Depending on where you are in your childless not by choice journey, you can feel anxious and doubtful about where your journey leads. I won’t lie to you, it can seem scary. No one knows what the future holds, and a future without children may seem scary and lonely…but remember, your future is what you make it. We’ve talked about this before, remember, there is no guarantee that if you had had children that you would have someone to check in on you, to care for you. It would have been a 50/50 chance. Trust yourself, even if or when no one else will. Even when you stand alone in your healthy boundaries. Trust yourself. You are worthy, and the longer you continue on in your journey, you will continue to realize and enjoy your worth.    It took me a long time, but I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and say positive things to myself. Sometimes I even smile at myself. Do I think I am better than everyone else? No, because I am not comparing myself to anyone else. I am on my own journey, you are on yours. Look in your mirror in the mornings. You may feel dorky at first, but trust me, practice makes perfect. Practice saying nice things to yourself. Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror. Kindness to yourself will show in the way you interact with the world. They--the world, your family, your co-workers, will see a difference.      So don’t look back on what might have been, what could have been. Looking back will not change things.  Look around you now. Look ahead to what can be.    So, we’re heading into a new year. 2020 has been beyond crazy right. I mean you know the saying ‘you can’t make this stuff up’, has new meaning.  But before we get there, about the Holidays. Well, usually we would be discussing how to deal with family and friends, maintaining healthy boundaries, leaving the party when we were good ready, etc. Most of us aren’t heading to any parties right now, right? So we’re most likely in the opposite place: seclusion, furlough, maybe even loneliness? Totally opposite direction. What to do about being in a different place this holiday season? Well, none of us have been down this path before. I mean the last pandemic was 100 years ago. So I am not going to pretend I know everything to say here. What I will say to you is what I would say to me:    Do what you must to remain healthy mentally, spiritually, emotionally, even physically.  That means mentally that you speak with a therapist if things seem to be spinning, or even slowly swirling out of control.  Don’t wait until you have no sense of direction. Instead, take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself.    Many of you know that I am a Believer. That means for me, that I read my Bible daily, I listen to sermons by pastors I really like and respect, I go to church (online. I haven’t been inside the church building since about March), and I read and listen to devotions.  So in addition to my morning devotions, sometimes throughout the day, I will listen to one of my favorite pastors. These practices keep my mind clear and healthy, leaving less room for negativity. Do I have my ups and downs especially during this crazy pandemic? Of course. But I look to my faith as my foundation that the rest of my life branches from.  What are your spiritual practices?   Emotional health is pretty similar to mental health. The difference though is that emotional health is the ability to cope. The WHO--World Health Organization says that ‘Mental health is  “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”.  If you are having trouble coping, a word I don’t generally like, but I think it works in this context, get help. Bottom line.     Physically. Well, I have recently started back on my treadmill. 30 minutes every morning. And it is when I am on my treadmill that I do my devotionals. So I’m multitasking, something I love to do. It took me several months to get back on although I know I needed to, and I am telling you, it is the best investment in oneself. Exercise is a self-investment. It makes me feel physically better, stronger, and able.  And it’s also good for mental health.   So, there you have it. Imposter syndrome and mental health. Please take this information with you into 2021. I don’t know what is in store for us, but one way or the other, we must keep up our strength and our hope.          Well, two more things before I go:   check out the Goals list in the Shop page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.  It will help you as you head into the new year.   Leave a rating and review in Apple Podcast. I do not ask you to do this very much, but I will ask more in 2021, so don’t get tired of me. I  would really appreciate it if you would take a moment and rate and review this podcast. I’ve also put a podcast rating link in the FB  groups and here in the show notes.  I am seeing an increase in listens and downloads and I appreciate that. But when you rate and review a podcast it puts more eyes and ears on the podcast.  So click the link in the show notes and help me get the word out that there are childless not by choice women on this planet and we are just as worthy to be here. This link actually allows you to rate and review in Podchaser, iTunes, Castbox, and Stitcher.  Any questions, let me know. I can’t do this all by myself!   https://lovethepodcast.com/childlessnotbychoice?fbclid=IwAR35y5hLEQsg2EouqiJ4tXOjiHkPB39UbsmCS0FbMuvkN6VwvKAP0wAvdLs     Links to stories you might be interested in: https://demography.cass.anu.edu.au/events/assisted-reproduction-late-fertility-and-childlessness-australia https://blog.zencare.co/imposter-syndrome/   Episodes of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-114-the-holidays-the-loneliest-time-of-the-year-2/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 123.  Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susan Imholt Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Today's Show:  Well, let’s talk about a few things, get caught up, and all that good stuff, and be sure to listen to some words of encouragement I want you to hold onto.  And then I’ll see you in December!  Reminder, I am on hiatus October and November. No new episodes. But there are 123 episodes including this one, in the library. Go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or your favorite podcast player app. You know the drill!  And, remember the August newsletter is out. Be sure to check it out. Going forward, there will be a newsletter every quarter starting in January.   Another way to stay in touch is through the Facebook group, and through the Community group on the website. I will be in both groups from time to time throughout my hiatus.  Come on in and join us for conversation.  By the way, I will be having a Zoom call in September. The link will be posted in the Facebook group.  Other places you can find me include Twitter, @civilla1, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. I love Pinterest you all.  It’s one of my favorite places to be.   Speaking of the Facebook group, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, I took a number of episodes from the podcast library and segmented them by subject matter.  Maybe there is a subject matter you want to know more about? Check out the units! So there you are. I won’t completely disappear. I will be around, just not creating new episodes.  If you go back a few episodes in the library, you will recall I started this last year after I lost my mom. I really needed a mental and emotional break. I miss her so much. It’s been a little over a year and I’m still trying to catch my breath.  Taking these two months off means the world to me.    Well, I wanted to leave you with a few words of encouragement:   You matter. You matter. You matter. Take every day one day at a time.  Take every situation one situation at a time. It does not make sense to worry about something that may not even work out the way you are worrying about it may happen. Set kind but firm boundaries. Remember, you matter. This means you must live your best most relevant life. You were not born to live your family and friend's lives. You must plan your time with and without family and friends. Find your own interests, or create them. Create your own circle of friends. It does not mean you love your family less, it means they must know that you have kind, firm, loving boundaries. Boundaries are healthy.   And let me tell, it is very easy as a childless woman, and especially if you are also single, to be disrespected. I know you’ve heard it all: ‘You’re not a mom, you wouldn’t understand’. ‘That is a silly question, you have obviously never been married’. ‘When you have a child I will listen to your suggestions’. ‘You’re single, we can put you on the couch and save the bedroom for a couple.’ When I interviewed Jody Day in episode 90, we discussed her book ‘Living The Life Unexpected’, in which she talked about the woman who was put in a tent in the garden as family planned sleeping arrangements over the holidays. Can you imagine?  Not only must you set boundaries, but you must also adhere to them so that everyone around you must adhere to them as well. Remember, if you don’t respect yourself why should anyone else? Join a group, like ours, where you can get the support and commiseration you need.  Good, positive support groups are good for your health! Community is good for your health.   I have a question for you. Are you doing what you dreamed you would do when you were a kid? In some cases it may not be practical anymore, but what are you doing now, even in a hobbyist way, that is fulfilling to you? If you are doing something fulfilling, kudos to you. If you are not and you are feeling stuck, feeling sorry for yourself, maybe even feeling like your life is wasting away as you watch others living their best life, it is time to turn things around.  Start on a small scale. Start by writing it down. Whatever ‘it’ is. That is where you start your plan.  You can even journal as you make your way through the process.  Don’t let your life go because things didn't turn out as expected.   Fight for you.  Fight for your peace.   Fight for your boundaries.  Life is short and you only get one.  Whose life are you living? Even if it is not the life you expected to live, make sure you are living the life you are choosing to live. Yes, there are tradeoffs. Some of us are caring for family members, in fact, we have family and friends that we must and we should interact with. No one is an island.  But the key to keeping healthy, kind, firm boundaries, is knowing when to say no, when to say yes, and when to rest; to yourself and to everyone else.  Don’t give up on you because life pulled a 2020.           ***PLEASE NOTE A CHANGE: I’VE UPDATED THE NAME OF THE SUPPORTERS GROUP TO:  SUPPORTERS OF THE CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE COMMUNITY WITH CIVILLA MORGAN   Special thank you to: You!  Thanks for listening. Thanks for your feedback. Thanks for allowing this podcast to walk with you on your journey to relevance and joy.  You might be interested:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 122--Mapping the journey, living the life of a childless not by choice woman. Before I introduce you to our guest, let me first say thank you to my Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Intro:  Ruth Berkowitz, MA, is a Wellness Coach for Individuals, Children, and Families. Ruth says that her mission is to help raise the Divine Feminine back to her rightful place within the woman, the family, and society. She holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology with an emphasis in Spiritual Psychology. Sociology, Family Systems, Mindful Meditation and Movement, and Creative Expression inform her healing work with herself and others. Ruth is 49 years old and childless not by choice by circumstance. Her intention is to see the opportunities for healing and growth in this loss while carrying the grief with grace and acceptance. Her heartfelt aspiration is to empower herself and others to reframe their life story and find purpose and fulfillment as the nurturing, generative women they already are.   Body of episode content: So, one of the main reasons I wanted to interview you was because I wanted the listeners to hear the ‘day to day’ of a childless not by choice woman. Someone other than myself. What is the most challenging part of being childless not by choice? (My answer is the Self-Judgment/Powerlessness, i.e. Shame/Sense of Failure.) How do you work with yourself when these come up? In what ways are you able to express the nurturing and generativity at your core? What are the blessings/silver lining? How do you cope with triggers? How do you cope with the grief? What is Spiritual Psychology and how do you apply it? But I mean to be Childless Not By Choice?   Episode links:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children/ Special thank you to: Ruth Berkowitz   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 121!  Today’s show... Well, before we get into today’s show, why doesn't the church talk about childlessness? I would like to stop and recognize that this month makes five years of podcasting, speaking to, and encouraging the hearts of the childless not by choice community globally!  The platform itself is slightly older, with the podcast becoming the center of the platform. It does not make the other aspects of the platform: the blog, the community, the website, any less important, but honestly, the podcast is what really gets the word out. Once you listen to the episodes hopefully you are curious enough to come on in and explore the rest of the platform.   If I stopped podcasting today I would still see this as one of my great accomplishments. I don’t mean this in a self-congratulatory way. I believe the goal of creating a place for the childless not by choice community to come to; whether it is the Facebook groups, the newsletter, or the podcast; a place has been carved out for us, the childless not by choice demographic with this podcast, this platform.  And I am grateful God chose me to do it. I am even more grateful that you are listening because that means you are finding value, getting help, and finding commiseration. Community. And you know how I feel about Community.       Once again, thank you!  So, there is a lot more in the show notes than what I have said. Please, please visit the show notes when you listen to the episodes. Every episode is chock full of great information. When I listen to podcasts I browse the show notes while I am listening. Unless I am driving of course. Never browse show notes while driving! In fact, as a podcaster, I listen to podcasts about podcasts. Those particular podcasts I listen to while I am at home, at my desk, because I sometimes take notes and follow up on suggestions literally while listening to the podcast.  Some people have told me that they listen to this podcast without distraction. Some of my podcasts I listen to at night. Find your podcast listening groove. See what works for you.       Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE   Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.     As I mentioned in the last episode, on Mother’s Day, a couple of months ago at this point,  we had a nice little get together in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group.  It was nice to get together with other women who may have varying degrees of difficulty dealing with Mother’s Day.  By the time you hear this episode, we would have had our July meeting. If you are not already a member of the Facebook group, come on over, answer the pre-entry questions, and join us in the group! If you do not fit the demographic, there is a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Supporters group as well.   So one of the ladies in our Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan, asked why doesn’t the church talk about childless women...you know, barren women as the Bible calls us. And I got to thinking that the reason is the Bible never talked about a barren woman who remained barren. All of the barren women in the Bible’s stories ended up having children.  So then church folk are left to think from a wide range of thoughts, ‘just give it time’, to ‘what did you do wrong?’ to ‘What are you doing wrong?’ I was talking to a friend about the fact that I was working on this episode recently, and she said ‘well what about Anna? So let’s talk about Anna for a minute. Anna, not to be confused with Hannah. Because Hannah begged God for a child and ended up with six including her firstborn who would eventually become one of the most known prophets in the Old Testament, Samuel.  Not only was Samuel a prophet, but he was also a counselor to kings. But Anna. Well, according to The New Testament, Luke 2:36, Anna was a prophetess who was quite elderly by the time she is mentioned. She had been married for seven years and then widowed for more than 80 years. She never remarried instead spending her time in the synagogue praying and fasting. She met Jesus when his mother brought him to the temple as a baby. As far as I have researched, she never had children.  That’s Anna. Everyone else, all of the other barren women mentioned in the Bible who were childless and cried out to God, got an answer of ‘yes’. Rachel, Hannah, Sarah. Young, old, somewhere in between; they got their child. Sarah had Jacob. Rachel had Joseph and Benjamin. Hannah had Samuel and five other children. Oh, by the way, the woman with the issue of blood, she may have had children before the issue. There is no mention of that, nothing came up in my research.  The question and the title of this episode is ‘Why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness?’ But my question is ‘Why didn’t God talk about childlessness?’ Childlessness as in the woman who never got the child? I have some ideas. Some of them may seem like cop-outs, but well, here goes:  First of all, I’m quite sure there were barren, aka childless women in that era. Childlessness is nothing new. I mean just biologically it would make sense, and remember, the women I mentioned earlier initially could not have children.      Remember, women were considered next to nothing if they were childless. OK, they were considered worthless if they had no children.  In fact, although Hannah’s husband loved her dearly, when he realized they weren’t having children he brought on a second wife. He had to have children to carry the family line. Today, in some parts of the world, women are still looked on with disdain if they cannot have children.    But listen to this: if a woman was wealthy enough, they could have a servant have a child for them. Which is what Sarah, Abraham’s wife, and Rachel--wife of Jacob, initially did. They had their maids sleep with their respective husbands and then raised the children their maids had as their own. Until in Sarah’s case, it was no longer convenient. Sarah’s maid had Ishmael, but then her maid began to forget her station in life, and Sarah wasn’t having any of that, she tried to have them--the maid and her son, her husband’s son, sent away. You can read the story. The link is in the show notes.  We now live in a society where although we run into the random person who does not understand our childlessness and the pain that can come with that childlessness, I believe the women in that time had it much harder than we do today. Yes, if we are childless and in some cases also husbandless, we have concerns about our elder years, we are the sole breadwinner for our households, people wonder what is wrong with us, really?  Back then, a woman’s son was her retirement plan. Basically, the more children she had, the better her elder years looked. But back to the question, why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness? Why wasn’t there a direct story in the Bible about a woman who never had children? Yes, there was Anna. But why wasn’t her childlessness confirmed or highlighted? Why wasn’t there a direct story about a woman like me? Like you, if you are listening as a childless not by choice woman?       Could it be that there are so many problematic layers to the human condition, and in this case the issues around childlessness, that the church, like society, just wants every aspect of our lives to fit into neat little boxes, and when an issue does not fit, well, better to look the other way, remain silent, highlight the miracle baby, and highlight the woman who has children. We all love the cute, cuddly little people right? So if you cannot have one, well…it’s not like the church does not address the other issues people come into the church with such as alcoholism, adultery, lack, even hate. But childlessness? Well, maybe you’re not praying correctly. Or back to what I said earlier, something is wrong with you, you are doing something wrong, you did something wrong.  In too few cases, the church talks about the true-life fact that God does not answer every prayer the way we want or ask. Some women will not marry? Some men will not marry. Some couples will not have children. Does that make us weird?  Does your church have a singles ministry for people to be normal in their singleness, without feeling like they are attending a meat market every time there is a singles event? Could we have a singles event where we can allow people to possibly meet their future spouse organically? Can we have conventions where we have a breakout session for childless couples, childless women, etc? Is it possible for the church to see us instead of looking the other way instead of treating us like unanswered prayers? I have hope.  We are living in a time of great change. And that great change is including the church whether the church likes it or not. I am hoping that change will allow for more inclusivity of those of us who tend to live on the fringes, in the cracks, you know, as in ‘we tend to fall into the cracks’. And then we pretend we’re OK but we know that on some level we are being judged. Judged that we did not get the spouse. Judged that we did not have the child. Judged because our family of one or if you did get the spouse, a family of two; doesn’t quite look ‘normal’.    Look, the fact is I don’t know why God didn’t mention the barren woman, but I do know that’s no excuse for the church not to mention her because there are other issues God did not go into great detail about, but the church has a definite opinion on how to deal with those issues.   I think the church may be having a tough time dealing with childlessness because there is a scripture that says ‘"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth…"--Genesis 1:28. Most theologians take that to mean go and have tons of kids.  And hey, maybe so. But so time back I had a conversation with someone who said that in the case of childlessness, it could also mean for us to be fruitful in our work. Whatever work we are given to do.  Childlessness does not mean we do not have a calling on our lives. It does not mean that we should be forgotten, blamed, or ignored. It simply means that our hopes and dreams did not work out the way we expected and that God does not say yes to every prayer.          Articles, links, and all that good stuff:    There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.[a] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.--Luke 2:36-37.       "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."--Genesis 1:28     https://www.army.mil/article/85225/commentary_christians_have_duty_towards_others   https://www.vanguardngr.com/2020/06/my-battles-against-childlessness-ibidun-ituah-ighodalo/   https://answersingenesis.org/contradictions-in-the-bible/did-michal-have-children-or-not/   https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/09/05/not-having-kids-is-nothing-new-what-centuries-history-tell-us-about-childlessness-today/ Special thank you to: To the wonderful ladies in the Facebook group. To the wonderful supporters in the Supporters group.  To the wonderful listeners all over the world. To those who have subscribed to the podcast.  To those who have subscribed to the newsletter, thank you for your patience.  To those who give financially on a monthly basis. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!    Also, remember, if you would like to be a guest blogger, remember to click the link on the bottom right of the home page of the childlessnotbychoice.net website for instructions.  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode --120! When I started this podcast I had no idea. I could just end that sentence right there. I mean, no idea what I was doing, no idea of the deep valley moments of lost episodes, ruined episodes, tears of frustration. And the mountaintop moments where I got the interview! The authors, the suggested episode topics from people listening from halfway around the world. The emails and Facebook Messenger messages from people who wanted to remain anonymous. The words of encouragement, the care package from a listener in Hawaii or funding for lavalier mics from a listener way in the northern part of our planet. I had no idea.   I had no idea I would make it to 120 episodes. Podfading is a real thing. It typically happens around episode 7.  You just realize this podcasting thing is not for you, or maybe life gets in the way. And you stop, promising yourself you will be back. But… And life did happen to me. As my mom became more ill, I went from two episodes per month to one. I’m on my third podcast producer in five years. I have decided that going forward I will take a two-month break in October and November. That saved my sanity last year.      I’m humbled. I’m thankful to you for listening and tuning in month after month. I’m thankful for your episode suggestions. I am thankful for your letters and notes as they encourage me just as much as you say this podcast encourages you. Every once in a while I still have imposter syndrome. But I push through and keep writing and creating. I mean, am I an imposter if I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old?  Maybe. But I love to write, I love to create with my writing.  And look, there’s a 120 episode just about five-year-old podcast here. I had no idea! Thank you! Now please tell someone about this podcast!     Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening to Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Body of episode content: Let’s talk about it. There is a pandemic going on, there is social unrest in America, we watched a man murdered on video in broad daylight, in 2020, solely because of the color of his skin. And here we are thinking it's the 21st century and we are more civilized.   Other countries marched in commiseration and agreement with us, that police brutality against people of color must stop. We saw you on the news, and we thank you, from New Zealand to South Korea, to Australia, to Scotland, to South Africa, to Canada. The Indigenous people of Australia, the Maori, The Native Americans, we see you. We are all human first. And if we are alive, if we made it through the birth canal, we deserve at the minimum, basic human respect.   There is social unrest in other countries, for various reasons. Wherever you are listening from there is probably some breaking news. There’s always breaking news.  And there is a lot of stress. Our own personal stresses. Bills, joblessness due to the pandemic or not, caring for loved ones, worrying about our personal future and the future of our respective countries.  Yes, we childless not by choice women have worries too. I have said it in previous episodes, we pay taxes into school districts to which we have no kids enrolled. That’s not a hater or hateful comment. It is a fact.  We have concerns. They may be different concerns than those with children, but they are just as valid.   Whew, talk about stress! What to do?!  Well, I talk about what to do in episode 118. How to keep the stress levels down, getting mental health help by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. And taking time for yourself. I talk about recognizing and dealing with triggers in episode 94. Be sure to check out both episodes, links are in the show notes.  Also in the show notes is a four-minute recording called ‘Privilege is like a Blanket’. Check it out!    So, in light of everything that is going on, and although I created that four-minute episode I mentioned about privilege being like a blanket, I want to go deeper.  Because I would bet all I have, that America is not the only country where racism exists.  And more to the point, it is not the only country where implicit bias and racism are built into every part of the human existence. From kindergarten to the nursing home, people of color have been and are being treated with implicit bias. I put a link in the show notes about a doctor, an educated man, who is also a lawmaker, asking if the virus is affecting people of color more because we’re not washing our hands. Yes, it’s 2020 and people with this filthy mindset are walking among us. It’s scary. This guy could have been my doctor. I’m not a mind reader. Discernment of his stupidity might be the only thing that might have saved me from continuing to go to him. So, if implicit bias exists in all aspects of our lives, even healthcare, what about the healthcare of childless not by choice women?  Aha! Great question.  Women who have been sterilized down through history: It's estimated that as many as 25-50 percent of Native American women were sterilized between 1970 and 1976. Forced sterilization programs are also a part of history in Puerto Rico, where sterilization rates are said to be the highest in the world. Google--Jan 29, 2016 Imagine going to the hospital for a common surgical procedure such as an appendectomy, only to find out afterward that you’d been sterilized. In the 20th century, untold numbers of women of color endured such life-altering experiences in part because of medical racism. Black, Native American, and Puerto Rican women report being sterilized without their consent after undergoing routine medical procedures or after giving birth. Others say they unknowingly signed documentation allowing them to be sterilized or were coerced into doing so. The experiences of these women strained relations between people of color and healthcare personnel. In the 21st century, members of communities of color still widely distrust medical officials. Women who have had surgeries they did not need, and yes this can happen to women of any race: An estimated 7.5 million unnecessary medical and surgical procedures are performed annually with the number of unnecessary hospital stays around 8.9 million a year...  --Google So, as we close out here, I wanted to remind you of a couple of things. If you are a member of the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, we had a little get together in our Facebook group on Mother’s Day! And now we are planning on having another get together in July, but this time it will be in Zoom so that more of us can come on video. Facebook only allows two people at a time. That’s not a real party! So, there is a poll going in the group, be sure to choose the date that works for you. Majority wins. I will post the date and time in the group, and the Zoom link a few minutes before we start. Be sure to check out the show notes. I put links in there to the two episodes I discussed in this episode, and there’s a bunch of other stuff. Always check the show notes!    Articles of note: https://supchina.com/2020/06/09/the-troll-who-shamed-yang-liping-for-childlessness-condemns-online-abuse-after-controversy/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/bonus-episode-privilege-its-like-a-blanket/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-118-that-virus-sets-new-boundaries/   Articles used for this episode: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/the-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states/racial-disparities-in-health-care/ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/11/us/politics/steve-huffman-african-americans-coronavirus.html https://www.thoughtco.com/u-s-governments-role-sterilizing-women-of-color-2834600 https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/11/health/virginia-doctor-hysterectomies-trnd/index.html https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/18/unnecessary-surgery-usa-today-investigation/2435009/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2019/11/11/an-obgyn-mutilated-women-with-unnecessary-hysterectomies-tube-ties-cleanouts-feds-say/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.   Until next time, Bye!  

As a Podcaster, fortunate to have a platform where I speak to and encourage the childless not by choice global community, I feel humbled and thankful. I could not continue on, however, without addressing the social and civil unrest, AND the rightful marches of protests that are currently happening in the United States where I live.  I am heartbroken to have had to see in 2020, a man murdered in broad daylight by the person who was supposed to protect and serve him. The first time I shed tears was the day his brother arrived at the site where he was murdered. My heart broke yet again. Every time I see his brother I cry. It could have been my family member.  It's the 21st Century, but for many people of color, it could be the 1960's, the 1860's, or earlier in human history where people of color were enslaved and dehumanized. Having a two-term black president did not seem to help much although it was much more than I thought I would see in my lifetime.  Yet here we go again. I recognize that I have listeners from around the world and that the laws of your country may be different than the laws of The United States of America. But I believe you will still understand the meaning of this four-minute recording I created in honor of Mr. George Lloyd and all of the people of color who have died, unarmed, at the hand of the law keepers of this land.  Thank you for listening. 

Mother’s Day 2020 Intro:Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 119!   Well, we have some things to talk about this Mother’s Day. But before we get into that... Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here I also wanted to share something with you: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So...let me start by saying this, although it may sound like I am starting a conversation in the middle of a sentence...   Being kind to yourself alleviates the painful words and nonsense from family, friends and strangers. When you are kind to yourself, you like yourself.   You have to like you, sincerely like you, faults, and warts, and all. And when that happens, then you will get to the point where you love yourself. I’m not talking about a prideful, haughty, perfectionist like or love. I am talking about a self-respecting love despite faults and failures. You must know that no one is perfect, not even beautiful you.  We will all have faults and failures. The key is to know what they are. Look them in the eye and know them. Then make the decision every day not to allow them to define you.  When you do that, failures will happen, but much less often than if you pretended you were perfect and everyone else was at fault.  This is a great segue to point number three... We are all in different places in our cnbc journey in particular, and in our life journey in general. This means we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s. Look, there can be a group of childless not by choice women sitting chatting together, and one of the women in the group can be so deep in her grief she might be thinking to herself that another woman in the group doesn’t seem so dissatisfied with her life. This woman probably did not want kids to begin with.  And nothing could be further from the truth. It just so happens that this sincerely happy woman is at a place in her life where she has achieved acceptance. See what I did there? The key word is achieved. It takes work to reach acceptance. And even after acceptance has been achieved, she may still have moments that last a few seconds or a few minutes where she feels a tug, a whisper, of what might have been.    Grief, you know? It doesn’t completely disappear, it blends into the fabric of who we are, our experiences. It doesn’t get erased, forgotten, or ignored.  So, when the insensitivities come, and they will, they will be met with, if not now, at some point on your journey, proper boundaries of self-respect and self-love. Such healthy boundaries will allow us to deal with insensitivity year-round, but especially on Mother’s Day.   Well, I could not end this bittersweet Mother’s Day without wishing my own mommy a Happy Mother’s Day. My heart is still broken into a million pieces. May 6th will be a year, but it feels like just yesterday that she left this earth where she was bound by constant pain. I miss her more than words can say. And my subconscious knows it because the closer we get to May 6th, 2020, the more my heartaches. The more I feel the tears coursing down my face out of nowhere.  It’s amazing how little the world cares about your loss, and how much that small circle of friends does. I am so thankful for the wonderful women who have rallied around me.  They know who they are. The wonderful women who are physically nearby, and the wonderful admins in our childless not by choice group who have their own lives to deal with, but still tend to our Facebook group. Thank you to all of you for checking in, for praying, for kind words, for community.  Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Episode takeaways:   ‘The closer we get to May 6th 2020, the more the tears course down my face out of nowhere.’   ‘Thank you to all of you for checking in, for your kind words, for community.’   ‘Mother’s Day is not easy for so many reasons.’   ‘I don’t like to say things like ‘she’s in a better place...I’d rather say she’s in a place where there is no pain.’   ‘As a Believer, I know she is in Heaven, and I know Heaven is a much better place than this earth, but I prefer to say she is in a place where there is no pain.’     ‘Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Happy Mother’s Day.’    ‘You’re where you’re supposed to be.’   Special thank you to: Stitcher Premium. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 118! What is today’s show? How CoronaVirus sets new boundaries. Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   CoronaVirus sets new boundaries!   If you have been a part of our CNBC family for any time, you know how much I discuss and completely believe in the importance of boundaries because I believe proper boundaries promote positive mental health. When we allow others-family, friends, co-workers, etc, to cross boundaries by guilting us into running errands because we do not have children. When we allow them to speak to us in a negative way. And when we allow people to continually push us into acquiescing to a decision we did not originally want to make because they think our voice is unimportant, we are allowing them to cross boundaries and normalize disrespect. Make sure that you have set kind but firm boundaries in every aspect of your life. Setting boundaries takes time and patience--with yourself and with others. Be nice, keep trying, and know it will be worth it! Speaking of boundaries, how does Covid 19 affect those of us who are childless not by choice?     Family interactions--stay in place, stay at home, but suppose you have elderly family members who need help, it can seem overwhelming, confusing, and crazy.   Family looks different to the childless not by choice person--as childless not by choice people, sometimes we have fewer people to interact with anyway.    We may not have children of our own, but for many of us, there are children or young people in our lives that we care about immensely. We care about how they are doing, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We want them to be OK. Isn’t that beautiful? We still get to share ourselves, just not in the way we expected we would. Now that many of us are ‘staying in place’, that gives us more time to get in contact, at a safe distance, with those same young people or elderly people in our lives. Do it! We will probably never have this amount of time again.    When we are young we feel like we will live forever, but we need to follow the CDC guidelines. Many people outside of the at-risk demographic are now getting sick and even dying. Follow the guidelines. Stay home as much as you can, only going out if you absolutely need to. I know it’s not easy, but that six feet of social distancing can save your life. There is a ton of information out there and I know we are on information overload right now, but I am putting a link to a great article from All Recipes in the show notes. You may ask what does a recipe have to do with fighting the CoronaVirus, but trust me, I really like the way the article was written, and how informative it was. And I LOVE All Recipes. And no, they are not paying me to mention them here. But not only do I like the fact that they post real-life, doable recipes, but they also respond when you post a comment on Facebook! They really do exist! LOL.    Consider those in our families who are at risk or the person who has pre-existing conditions. As I mentioned earlier, consider the safety of those around you who are elderly, and/or at risk. And remember, we may not always know who is at risk. There are many young and younger people out there who have unseen conditions. Let’s just consider each other as we go about our day, even if we are staying in place. And I would be remiss if I did not mention that on top of dealing with the overwhelming situation we find ourselves in as a world, some of us are also caregivers. We are supposed to be six feet apart at all times, social distancing; but we are also caring for an elderly parent or other family members. How are we supposed to do that? It’s not easy. But the best we can do is the best we can do! By the way, where we can, we should help our elderly or at-risk neighbors who may not have family members to help them. If we can’t help directly, we can help by donating time to an elder care center or even donating food to a food bank. There are a lot of people who have lost jobs and income, a lot of elderly who have lost support because their support has been furloughed or laid off. What is happening in our world right now is truly a major domino effect.   Get the mental health help you need. This is so important I wanted to discuss it last, just before we end our time together. We were already battling the emotions that come with the loss of the ability to have a child, to have the family we envisioned. We were dealing with decisions we would have to make about every day, now probably innocuous events. We were dealing with life the way we were learning to deal with it as childless women and men, and then on top of that, a pandemic hits everyone. And we all know that everyone deals with these types of events in different ways. In addition to handling stress in different ways, people’s true colors begin to come out, the scam artists come out in full force to take advantage of people. There are layers and layers of things happening that cause such stress. Some people have just suffered major losses and now have to deal with this temporary new normal. If you are feeling overwhelmed please, please seek help. Speak to a trusted friend or a professional; someone who can speak with you objectively. Many major corporations offer therapy assistance through their EAP’s--employee assistance programs. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. I had to get help twice in my life: once after my hysterectomy. And then more recently when my mom passed. In fact, I am writing the content for this episode the day after her official birthday, and on the day we celebrated it. My mom always said that her mother said she was born on the 29th of March, but the hospital put the 30th on her birth certificate. They never changed it, so we celebrated on the 30th. It has been 10 months since she passed and I miss her so much sometimes I can hardly take it. She was in pain for many years, and now she is not. Now I must continue on with life, with my new normal. And then a global pandemic. It can be more than overwhelming. Seek assistance. Don’t be afraid. Please check out the links I’ve put in the show notes.         Resources: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/category/resources/ https://www.allrecipes.com/syndication/how-to-keep-the-coronavirus-from-coming-home-with-you/?utm_term=63B9DA34-72DE-11EA-A79B-162A50017A06&utm_campaign=allrecipes_allrecipes&utm_content=internalsyndication_coronavirus_parents&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwAR0SJmroD0wliQnNl6u_5YqFIfgFWc5Ehky3o93CP91du-eZUe9zTZ6HCj4   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 117! Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Episode content: It’s not just about being childless not by choice. It’s not, dare I say, that simple. There is so much more to it.  Episodes mentioned in the podcast: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ From the Shop page: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/   Articles of interest: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202001/people-who-never-have-children-21-facts-500-years My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 116! And welcome to February! I hope you have taken a moment and gone to the Shop page of the website for your link to Blueprints for your goals and visions.  This blueprint will walk you through your goals and visions for the entire year. And the best part is you can use the same blueprint every year!   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/  It is a great way to get your new year off to a great start! The link is in the show notes.  Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Well, we have a guest today!  On today’s show, we have...  an award-winning podcaster who has been podcasting since April 2005! He has been helping people understand technology for over 20 years, he launched the School of Podcasting in 2005, and he has helped hundreds of people launch podcasts. He has recorded hundreds of episodes maybe even thousands of his own!  He is literally one of the OG’s of podcasting, and he is in the Podcasting Hall of Fame! Dave Jackson, welcome to the show! Questions: How many podcasts total?  ‘School of Podcasting’ and ‘Ask the podcast coach’ building a better dave’  Congratulations on all of the accolades, accomplishments, and success in the world of podcasting! And you have a teaching degree correct? What grade level did you teach? How have you decided to deal with the parts of life that did not work out the way you expected?  But there can tend to feel like something is missing unless you have come to terms? Life not turning out as expected causes one to have empathy for others on life’s journey? faith Do you think that getting to teach, whether children or would be podcasters, is the salve to your heart and to your life? Could you leave us with a word of encouragement? Where can we find you online? How to find Dave Jackson online: https://powerofpodcasting.com/ Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!  My Patrons:  Jordan Morgan The Knights Articles of interest: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/17/male-childlessness-not-reproducing-what-am-i https://www.abc.net.au/life/childfree-men-on-leaving-behind-a-legacy-and-other-pressures/11274052 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DKJOAmzXP4   Click here for help with creating your goals and visions:    https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 115 Welcome to the first episode of 2020!  What is today’s show about? Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                                Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Intro: Krista Cooper PhD, LLMSW is a native of Hartford, CT, of Jamaican heritage.  she attended Oakwood College in Huntsville, Alabama where her love of languages and the written word resulted in a change of major from Pre-Med to English and Spanish. While at Oakwood, she also studied for a year at Colegio Adventista de Sagunto, Spain.  After obtaining her Bachelor of Arts degrees in English and Spanish, Dr. Cooper obtained her Master of Social Work from the University of Michigan.  After graduation, she worked as an Intake and Assessment Social Worker in the Children and Families Division as well as working as a Substance Misuse social worker in the United Kingdom. Other areas of work experience include geriatric populations and mental health work with children and adults.   In 2012, prior to the completion of her doctoral studies, Dr. Cooper accepted an Assistant Professor of Social Work position at Andrews University. While there and completing her dissertation, she began experiencing several health and life challenges related to uterine fibroids. This sparked an interest in exploring in more depth the experiences of women living with reproductive health challenges.  Upon completion of her doctoral studies in 2014, and her own subsequent healing process, Dr. Cooper applied for a grant that would allow her to explore the aforementioned area. She was granted funding for research entitled, ‘Identity and Experience: The Lives of Women Living with Symptomatic Uterine Fibroids.’ Results from the study and its focus on individual story prompted her to start Reproductively Yours LLC which focuses on reducing the stigma associated with women’s reproductive narratives through education, story work, creativity and community building. Her greatest desire is for women that currently live or have lived with reproductive health challenges to know that they are not alone.   Welcome to the show Dr. Cooper!   So you finally gave in to the prompting you felt in your heart, to start your business, what are your dreams for this business? What types of people are you hoping to help? Where do you see your business, your platform, by the end of 2020?   *The cost of IVF is around $10k for each cycle, was that a prompt for you to start your company correct? Faith and childlessness Christian community Nutrition and self-care Understanding who I am and who God created me to be Reproductive health challenges and reproductive health trauma: Reproductively Yours. I was intrigued by the list of people and issues you wanted to or have researched.  Researches reproductive issues-- Afro Caribbean women living with HIV Being a woman Being an immigrant Being a black female immigrant  Majority of women she interviews are Jamaican or Trinidadian Do these subject matters, issues all tie together? How?   So, let’s talk about something we and many of our listeners know so much about, fibroids.    We talked about our horrific experiences with fibroids, being in the car or out and having accidents, iron so low it was difficult for you to breathe, needing to have IV iron all dealing with this with no family around nearby, no real support system, then finding out after graduating college that early menopause had set in...  Getting to be able to speak with other women who were going through the same things with fibroids, hysterectomy.  So you got a grant through your college to research women who are dealing with these issues.    During your research, qualitative research, you realized you were also researching yourself!  She was having difficulties, feeling tired and worn out, and realized it was because the content was so close to home, she ended up allowing a friend to interview her and that was when everything started to fall into place.  She read a quote that says ‘ the best research is research where the results lead back to yourself.’--Basal Vander Kolk.    5) Working on writing a paper that includes the arts.   Tell us more about the paper you are looking to write which will include another type of media: art. 6)  Did we miss anything? Tell the world!   Mentioned in the podcast: https://www.besselvanderkolk.net/index.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life! Welcome to episode 114!  Happy December! This episode is brought to you by the ‘Your Blueprint for your Goals and Visions’ program which can be found on the shop page of our website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, It is literally a template, a blueprint that I created after years of researching how successful people plan for the new year. It’s simple. For a small investment in yourself this new year, download the template, fill in the blanks, and follow your decisions monthly, quarterly, bi-annually, and annually. The sooner you download the template, the sooner you can get a jump on the new year.  You have the freedom to tweak and change what you want in the template, but the key is to work with the template throughout the year, allowing it to help you.  You get to witness your own mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical growth! Place your order on the website and get to work on you!    Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors. Remember, you may contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you may go to the website and click on the donate button.  Your monthly contributions via Patreon or your one-time donations are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                                Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. It’s December! We are now smack dab in the middle of the Holiday Season, and 2019 is coming to a close! It’s been a tough year for many of us. I know some of us are ready to see it go bye-bye! If you are in the United States or you are an ex-pat, we celebrated Thanksgiving last month. I hope you had a wonderful family get together. And if you kept your own company, that’s great too. You know we introverts love our own company!  So, there are a lot of changes taking place. I am finding that losing a parent changes you to the core. From big things to little things.  The stages of grief are real. They are real no matter what or whom we grieve.  Remember, if you are grieving any type of loss, the holidays can tend to exacerbate those feelings. Here are just some of the things you can do to take the edge off whether you are navigating being childless during the holidays, or grieving the loss of a loved one:   Seek therapy, and try to do so well before the Holidays so you get a head start on the feelings and emotions the Holidays can manifest.  But either way, it is never too late to strengthen your mental health. Speak to a trusted friend or religious leader. Talking to a good listener is a great release.  Take a bubble bath and take a good book to read or listen to. Or take Netflix, Amazon Prime, or your favorite TV app and watch a great movie!  Don’t forget the Epsom salts and lavender!  Go for a walk along your favorite lakefront, street, or neighborhood.  Sit at the coffee shop with a good beverage and a nice book.  The key is to do these things right in the middle of the holidays.  Don’t worry about being judged because you will probably be judged anyway.  If you need to talk, be sure to join the Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan.  I will be in the Facebook group throughout the season. And of course, the other admins will be in there as well. Also, the other ladies in the group are quite friendly and responsive. If you are feeling alone, come over to the group. There will always be someone there to talk to.        Well, hopefully, you were not looking for October and November episodes. I took a much needed two-month hiatus. This just meant I used that time to work on this episode, content for 2020 episodes, work on my new limited-edition podcast, and the list goes on.  Yet, I appreciated the break. Thanks for understanding. In fact, I have decided that going forward, I will be taking October and November off. Sometimes it takes an overwhelming loss, and being overwhelmingly tired, to make a change you did not ever think you would. And those changes turn out to be just what was needed.  In fact, some podcasters operate in seasons, like a television show. I never wanted to do that. Maybe it was FOMO--fear of missing out. Maybe I felt like I did not have enough episodes in the library. Maybe I was competing with myself. At any rate, it was just such a great break! I will be taking October and November off each year, moving forward.   About the blog! It has been many months since I last blogged.  I did not realize how much I missed it! I will put a link in the show notes to my most recent blog, but I want to read a portion of it here if you don’t mind:          ‘Unfortunately, some people do not know how to either let kids be kids or move to another location, so they verbalize their aggravation, and that of course, can make most parents upset.  I believe even childless people know that children need room to grow physically, mentally, and emotionally.  If someone says something mean to a mother about her child, it still should not be assumed that person does not and should not have children. If that is the thought process, who is being mean now?      Look, I believe the reason society continues to propagate that mothers are more important than childless women is due to the innate need for humans to perpetuate the species. This means we will continue to hear mean spirited thoughts and belief systems spilling out of people’s mouths. They may not mean to be mean, in every instance. But the fact is, society tends to believe that once a woman has a child she is elevated to a special place, while childless women remain low on the totem pole. We are seen as society’s packing peanuts.’  Be sure to click the link in the show notes to read ‘the rest of the story!  So, here’s the thing, we are heading into another year!  2020! What would you like to peel off of your life and toss into the garbage this year? You probably have not quite thought about it that way have you? But we are all works in progress. At least we should be. There is no perfect, or completely ‘done’ human. We all have triggers, we all have doubts, we all have fears, we all have hopes and dreams. You may be thinking you are too old to dream. Or maybe you think it is too late for the dreams and plans you had.  But may I remind you that you can change your dreams. Not because you are wishy-washy, but because life has twists and turns. We can either work on navigating the twists and turns or stay stuck on what did not happen for us. Let’s not stay stuck there. Life is too short. Look, I have the same ups and downs you do. There are times, especially during the Holidays that I am surrounded by people I love, but I am lonely as all get out. And please, no attempts to set me up. I’m not interested. I am trying to make a point. We ALL have ups and downs. And I know this because we are all human, and the ups and downs are a part of the human condition. It is how we manage our ups and downs and not allowing life’s circumstances to manage us, which makes the difference. We have to practice recognizing triggers, recognizing when those negative feelings are coming for a visit, and turning them away at the door. We turn the negative feelings and triggers away at the door with the list of things I mentioned above, bubble baths, walks, talking to a trusted friend, seeing a therapist.  And knowing our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing whether or not we can go to a baby shower or to a children’s birthday party. The choice is all yours! If you never got the chance to listen, I will put a link to the episode on triggers in the show notes. Please listen to it. We all have triggers and the whole world will not know what triggers you. But when YOU know what triggers you, you will know how to manage those triggers so that you do not explode on those around you.  Look, we don’t want or need people to walk on eggshells around us. The goal is for us to get along without being made to feel less than by others or by ourselves.  So I am asking you, What changes would you like to make about you, for you, in 2020?           Thanks for tuning in today! Don’t forget to visit the Tee Public online merchandise store. There you will find content: t-shirts, hoodies, laptop cases, mugs, etc.with the Childless not by Choice logo! Every purchase means a contribution to the Childless not by Choice platform. Thank you!    Well, thanks for tuning in. See you next year! Bye!  Articles of interest: https://www.getreligion.org/getreligion/2019/11/29/big-think-story-what-does-religion-have-to-do-with-slumping-global-birth-rates https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/childlessness_trend_continues_in_finland/11082035   Advertisements and mentions:  https://www.bullhorn.fm/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/beware-here-comes-the-holidays/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

Hello there, it’s me, Civilla! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. So, here’s the thing: I am in search of new music. I’ve been thinking of writing something myself, or just search for something to buy. Not sure yet, but for now, no music on the intro or outro. I guess you are witnessing a transformation right here on the platform huh? Wherever the music comes from, I will know it when I hear it.  Well, welcome to episode 113!    ‘eclectic, encouraging, engaging!'   We have a lot to talk about today, so let’s get started!    Today’s show is about:     How are you doing wherever you are on your journey? Units Bullhorn The 10 silly things people say when you lose a loved one...and the things that could be said. In a different place now after losing my mother.   Remember to go to Apple podcast to rate and review this podcast. Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via that Donate button, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Bullhorn-https://bullhorn.fm/   The short conversation I had with the Bullhorn representative at Podcast Movement was eye-opening! My takeaway was that anyone anywhere in the world can listen regardless of access to bandwidth or not. Because you don’t need bandwidth! What!? My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.   Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.  Welcome to episode 112!  Well, I am recording this episode from Podcast Movement 2019, Orlando, FL.  I have been having a great time, learning quite a bit, as usual; and looking forward to implementing a lot of what I have learned.  A great big thank you to Talk Shoe for providing the opportunity to record live, (mention the microphone being used). TalkShoe is a community-building podcast platform that offers storage, streaming, global call-in capabilities, and state-of-the-art tools you need to get noticed online.  Thank you Talkshoe and Retro Voice EV microphones!  Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected] or [email protected]                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Sub intro: Well,  here is the episode I’ve been working on, replete with info from the poll I took within our platform. I really felt like I had read or heard somewhere that most childless not by choice adult children end up becoming caregivers for their parents, but when I went searching for the information I could not find it. I engaged the members of the childless not by choice Facebook group, my local research librarian, and even another Facebook group that I belong to. Everyone seemed to have heard it said, but we just could not find it. A great big thank you to everyone in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan and Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group for responding to the poll. You helped me immensely. A great big thank you also to the group of childless women who maintain help other childless women!    Before we continue, I would like to thank my Patrons! Patreon: These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link can now be found on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the patreon website,  and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Anywhere from $5.00 on up. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated!  Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here    Magnum Opus:   So, here are the poll results from within the Facebook groups: There were two initial questions, and then a third one was added by one of the group members. And I appreciate that because of course, it helped to better quantify the original questions:   Have you cared for an elderly parent or family member in the past? yes=39% Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=25% Never cared for an elderly parent or family member.=36%    Here are the responses based on a total number of respondents:  Question 1= Have you cared for an elderly parent/family member in the past?=17  (39%) Question 2= Currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=12 (27%)  Question 3= No= 16 (36%)=   Remember in episode 111 I said I would not be surprised by the response?  I still wish I could find whatever it was I had read on this subject though. If you have read or heard that most or many childless not by choice women and men are caregivers for their parents or another family member, please let me know along with the citation. It would be greatly appreciated. Knowing my brain, I will be subconsciously searching until I find it!    So, I came to Podcast Movement 2019 thinking I would be back for a second year of meeting new people, possibly getting some new people to interview or being interviewed. But a funny thing happens when you make plans: those plans get turned on their ear! What happened, and is happening, is I am now feeling a pivot. I have no idea what that pivot will be, but I feel just as we would feel the wind blowing, that it is time for change. Last year I mentioned going to the next level. And I talked about ‘the next level’ again this year, until the first day of this year’s event. Something has changed and I honestly do not know what it is yet. I am being encouraged by a new friend I met at the convention, to remain open and it will come to me. So I am doing just that.  I have had conversations at this event that I have not had in the past. I started the process a month or so ago, for something that will strengthen the reputation of the platform. When the process is complete I will let you know!   So, in the last couple of episodes and in this one, the discussion has been on grieving. I have been transparent about my loss, (episode 110), talked about how the brain handles grief, (episode 111), and I was hoping to close out the three episodes with an interview. But it did not work out that way. This episode will be the third for this series on loss and grief. If I am able to finally obtain an interview I will let you know where that interview can be found.     As we continue on with our subject matter here on the podcast, I will continue to take suggestions in the background, from those who have gone down this path before me: to lean into the grief, to feel all five of those stages of grief, and to allow myself to cry in front of others if that is when the tears come. And to take grief counseling.  I am doing all of the above.   Well in the first link below under ‘Links used for this article,' There is an eye-opening article on the NCBI--National Center for Biotechnology Information website. The title of the article is ‘Bereavement after Caregiving’.  In this article, they discuss ‘Caregivers at risk for poor bereavement outcomes’ and ‘Diagnosis and treatment of complicated grief’, amongst other issues. One thing that stood out to me in the article was that complicated grief could include a form of PTSD--post-traumatic stress disorder.  This article is worth the read if you are dealing with loss that may include as they call it, ‘complicated grief’.   They not only provide the symptoms of complicated grief, but they discuss how to deal with it, and who is most susceptible. There was a surprise in that portion of the article. I will let you read it and see if you see it. I will say this to give you a hint: I believe how people deal with grief and grieving can be cultural. I did not say one culture deals correctly or incorrectly with grief, I am simply saying the differences can be cultural.  And yet within each culture grief can be exhibited differently by personality and upbringing. In fact, I had a wonderful conversation with a lady here at PM19 who lost her mom a year ago. She was telling me that in her culture people talk about their loss openly. But we both came to the conclusion that Western culture seems to look the other way out of fear of hurting the person who is grieving.   Lest I go down a rabbit hole, I will leave this here and continue on.  It’s a short but very deep read. I hope you check out the article.     Be sure to also check out the links under Links used for this episode, and the episodes mentioned in this episode.’  The show notes are there just for you! Articles you might find interesting: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/11/08/adult-caregiving-often-seen-as-very-meaningful-by-those-who-do-it/   https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries   https://rtd.rt.com/stories/childfree-movement-birth-rate-voluntary-childlessness/   https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/ptsd-trauma-caregiver-support-fd.html Links used for this episode: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2790185/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091743506001629 (leisure-time exercise for caregivers v. non-caregivers) https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1 https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries Episodes mentioned in this episode and suggested episodes: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-101-ivf-versus-ptsd/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-110-tribute-to-my-mother/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-111-our-brains-are-simply-amazing/ Closing: Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, if you find value in this podcast, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe drawing attention helps to get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out!  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.  Welcome to episode 111!  Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected] or [email protected]                                                Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Episode intro: Well, thanks to everyone who took a moment to extend their condolences on the passing of my beautiful mommy. It is greatly appreciated. At the time of this recording, it has been just about two months. Needless to say, I continue to take it one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at the time. I will not rush myself to get to a place, whatever that place is. I’ve actually heard people marvel at others who are ‘still not over it’, on the loss of a parent or family member. I have heard some very silly things from people upon the passing of my mother. And I hear from others who have traveled the path of deep loss, that it happens. I opt to say nothing and push the conversation along to another subject, or to an end. That goes for family, friends, and strangers. And hey, while I am being transparent, I am signing up for grief assistance, just waiting for the sign-up date. So as usual, let me also remind you that if you are dealing with any type of grief, or maybe you have not dealt with grief in your life, please do so. Good counseling is a great mental health strengthener.  And just like your physical health, if you don’t click with the first therapist, counselor, etc, try another one. Please, don’t be afraid to protect and strengthen your mental health. And of course, do not be afraid to maintain proper boundaries in all of your relationships.  You know We all grieve in different ways. Some people grieve inwardly, some grieve outwardly. Let’s allow everyone to process in their way. The reason I say this is because it is easy for us to say ‘hey, I don’t think that person is as sad about their loss as they should be’. We don’t know that. And no one should have to prove that they are grieving. I’m kinda going off on a tangent, but I really want to get this thought out there.  And this goes for those who are grieving the loss of a child or the ability to have a child as well as those of us grieving the loss of a parent. Let’s just allow each other to grieve the way we grieve individually, to seek counseling if we need to, and know that with major loss may sometimes come major changes. It may look sudden on the outside looking in, but in my opinion, I believe the changes may have been considered for quite sometime after the loss.   The professionals say not to make any major life changes for six months to one year after a major loss. And I agree with that because our brains are completely scrambled with grief.  See the great article in the show notes on how scrambled our brains can become. So in my humble opinion, steer clear of anyone who tries to get you to make major decisions during that time frame.                Well, I would like to thank my Patrons. These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link is right there on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the Patreon website,  and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated!    Patreon Contributors:   Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Magnum Opus: So here’s the thing, I am totally continuing to toss and turn and buffet in this new reality, this new normal that is taking place whether I like it or not; of living without the person who was my anchor for my entire life, even as I continue to care for my other rock, my dad.  It occurred to me that I should do some research on an entire group of people who exist within the childless not by choice demographic. This is not to snub those who are not childless not by choice; because I believe whether you have children and or a husband or not, caregiving is indeed a superpower.  And yes, if you are sandwiched between caring for your own family and for your parents, you do indeed have a lot on your plate. But those who are single and or childless in many cases have put their lives on hold to become a caregiver. There is give and take in all aspects. And yes, choices have been made regardless of the demographic to which we belong.      Also, allow me to be clear before I continue: I am not putting myself or any caregiver on a pedestal. We are just as human as the next human. I know because we get tired, we get frustrated, we cry, we beg for help, we oversleep, we undersleep, we can become argumentative with the medical community and with our own family members, or we can withdraw. I’ve done both.  All the things that are part of being human. But here’s the thing, we--all caregivers--do it while maintaining our own lives. That my friends is the difference. And lest you think I am trying to make anyone feel guilty, not everyone can do this.  BUT, if you cannot, you can help when the primary caregiver asks for it, and even if they do not. How? You can send them away for a few days of respite. You can pay a copay here and there for the person being cared for. You can ask the caregiver what they need personally and or practically.  If you know someone who is currently in a caregiver role, please do not hesitate to ask them how you can help. Some people have a very hard time asking for help. Some think it should be quite evident they need help. We all have our own personalities through which we see and deal with the world.    Let me also say that the premise of this podcast has not changed. I created this podcast to speak to the hearts and minds of the childless not by choice demographic--men and women--globally.  In fact, over the past year or so I have been thinking of creating a new podcast with a totally different subject matter. And it may happen in the future. But for now, I want to continue this podcast on its natural progression, and right now that natural progression includes the fact that loss, not just the loss of the ability to have children, but the loss of a loved one is part of our journey. It is a part of real life, as I know you well know.   Right now real life for me is that I am grieving. And I do not think it is right to continue on my journey of encouraging and creating awareness,   pretending all is well.  I am physically back to my regular activities, and I am back to work, and I continue to care for my dear dad. But inside, my heart hurts, it is broken into a million pieces. I will not rush it along. I will encourage it to continue on the journey of life and to be encouraged, but I will allow it to heal at its own pace. Indeed, my heart is thankful to those who encourage it to do just that.   And yet, because of my empathetic nature, I am thinking of you. Dare I say, at the risk of sounding self-absorbed, I love that about me. You see, I can’t be the only childless and or husbandless woman, or man for that matter,  who took care and is taking care of a parent or loved one. So I went searching for the statistics to bear out my thoughts. And as I did my research I would stop from time to time to listen to one of my favorite podcasts.  As I listened to one of the hosts read a quote from one of the characters in the story they were discussing, from a man who basically called those of us who never married or had children, the neuters of nature. That, of course, was quite harsh, but there are a lot of harsh people in the world. That has been the case from day one. I believe people who present with harshness and or criticism have other things going on. Maybe they have unresolved issues in their own lives. Or maybe they never really had to deal with tragedy so the only thing they can do is judge. I really don’t know. But what I will say is that we must not allow other people to project onto us what is theirs to deal with. I believe we can be empathetic without allowing projection and blurred boundaries. What do you think?     Regardless, there is a demographic within our demographic, that is doing the right thing for all the right reasons, all while knowing this was not quite what they had planned for their lives. Many have put their entire lives on hold to do the right thing, to know that if for nothing else, they want to live what I call a #regretfreelife. I want when I get to be my parents' age, God willing, that when I sit in my rocking chair and think back, that I did the best I could to take care of them AND, a big AND, to take care of myself. Because a big part of being a caregiver is self-care. If you don’t take care of yourself you will not be able to properly take care of the person or people you are caring for.  For me, that means a bubble bath now and then, a beach trip once in a while, or just sitting at Starbucks with my laptop and a beverage every so often.   The fact is though, caregivers who are grieving the loss of their loved one started grieving long before the loved one left this world. We grieved how we saw the loved one battling their illness, going down hill health wise, needing more assistance. We are grieving wondering what more we could have done. Wondering if we missed something. And then when the person passes, we have to grieve that they are gone. Whole families can be grieving the same person and the grief will be done in different ways, indeed based on whether or not one was the caregiver. So, as I set off on my research, I posted a poll on my Facebook groups asking if as a childless not by choice person you have cared for or are caring for an elderly parent or family member. The response to that poll will be in episode 112, along with some additional interesting information I found as I conducted my research.  Regarding the poll, let’s just say that so far I am not surprised by the response. I hope you will tune into episode 112 so we can review the findings together.  Meanwhile, I’ve posted an article here in the show notes under ‘Articles you might find interesting’, that I have read several times. It is a great article for anyone who is grieving.  I think you will find it fascinating even if you are not currently in grief mode. Our brains are simply amazing! I hope you will check it out! By the way, I am also working on episode 113. I have been researching like crazy, and actually have reached out to the CDC--centers for disease control, The United States Census Bureau, and The National Center for Health Statistics. I have had to send clarifying responses, and am still waiting to hear back. But more on that later.  ***Articles you might find interesting: https://barbarafane.com/grief-symptoms-how-grief-affects-the-brain/#.XR62mOhKjIU Closing: Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe bringing attention helps get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out globally!  If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] or [email protected] for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button and whenever there is a new episode it will drop into your podcast player app of choice. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 110! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                               Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Well, this is a special episode. I will do my very best to get through it without breaking down. You may wonder why I’m doing this while everything is so fresh, so raw, but I believe now is the time. I need to do this to move on. Bear with me.  So, here’s the thing: I got my first real job when I was 14 years old. It was a summer job helping build the set for a play that would be performed that summer by members of our community, including my school’s swim class teacher. The play was called Guys and Dolls. I could not begin to tell you much about the job or the summer, but I will always remember the tune to the title song of the play. I have found myself humming it from time to time over the years.   But I also remember one incident. My swimming teacher was apparently also a set designer. She was painting backdrops and I was positioning the backdrops. The only thing I remember her saying to me that summer was ‘ did you tell your parents?’ I responded ‘no.’ Within hours of my response to my teacher, and making my way home after work, I was confronted by my very upset parents, asking how I could not tell them such a thing. Ugh, she had told on me, and somehow, even at age 15, I knew she was doing the right thing, and probably also covering the school of any backlash and I totally got it. I don’t recall being mad at her. What did I not tell my parents? Well, some time near the end of the school year I had stayed after school for intramurals and was trying to be cool, jumping into the deep end of the pool knowing full well I could not swim. I nearly drowned. Someone had run and called the teacher that was covering intramurals that day. All I remember was feeling two really strong hands grab me from behind and pull me out of the pool, and my coughing embarrassingly on the pool deck. He was just in time too, because I had begun to run out of energy from flailing around, and had started to drift to the bottom of the pool. As a deeply shy and introverted 15-year-old, I wonder even now, if I had properly thanked those two teachers.  I hope so. That was the second time in my life I almost died. There was one previous incident when I was nine, and there would be one more when I was in my early 20’s. I’m wondering why I’m thinking about that long ago swimming pool event in particular. I’m not sure. Maybe because at that point in my life I believed my parents would be around forever? But of course, that is not the case for anyone. We all die don’t we? All of these years later, the last time I saw my sweet mom, my best friend in the whole wide world was the evening of Sunday, May 5th as I got her ready for bed. By the morning of May 6th, she had exited this world leaving behind chronic pain, and chronic illness. I miss her terribly. What breaks my heart the most is I did not have a chance to say goodbye. My heart aches for my dad as June 5th--a month to the day after she died--would have been their 54th wedding anniversary. They loved each other so. I watched them all my life, through the ups and downs, thick and thin, flat broke, and money in the bank. They stuck it out. We don’t see many couples sticking it out through thick and thin these days. We hear a lot of ‘I don’t love him or her anymore’, ‘we’ve fallen out of love’, ‘we just can’t see eye to eye on anything anymore’. How exactly does one fall out of love? And could it be that couples don’t see eye to eye because no one wants to give in once in a while? Or maybe the same person is always giving in and the other person just doesn’t get that it can’t always be their way? Hey, I’m not a shrink. So I will leave those thoughts and questions right there.    I sometimes thought I did not deserve my mom. She was quiet, reserved, her favorite color was beige. She taught us how to clean up after ourselves as young women, and my brother as a young. She taught us how to live clean, how to cook, and how to maintain a clean home. As nice and kind as she was, she did not mince words with us when we got out of line.  But she also taught us how to be kind to others, how to let things go sometimes, and as she said ‘put the best construction on things’. Something I usually found difficult to do. I believe I was the most difficult of her five children because of that very difficulty. As an adult, I often wished I had listened to her more. But she was a patient mom.   Being the mother of five children, she did not know the intricacies, the emotional pain, of being childless not by choice. She asked me questions, and she defended me when I told her the latest stupid comments or actions of those who did not understand the life of a childless not by choice person. She was my biggest defender. No matter how old we got to be, we called her Mommy. We call my dad Daddy. I guess it’s a Caribbean thing. I will never trust another human being as much as I trusted my mom. You may say that is just the rawness of such a recent loss talking.  But it’s a fact. My mom learned how to text on her Android phone, and use her iPad very late in life. But she learned them. She enjoyed texting the entire family. She enjoyed researching celebrities ages on her iPad. She did not consider herself a smart person, but whenever she started with that ‘I'm not smart’ bit, I would remind her that she was one of the smartest people I knew. She could tell you about every event that was going on around the world. She knew who Lady Gaga was, she loved listening to The Gaithers and watching Bobby Schuller’s service on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons.  She was the smartest woman I knew. My mom raised five kids without serious incident, working her fingers to the bone to provide for us.  She was mistreated on some of her jobs. And I remember feeling so helpless when she would tell me about the latest incident. But she always said she wanted to keep a righteous heart. And several times she would tell me how she had run into one or two of the people who did her wrong and they were not in a good place. But she never spoke badly about them and their plight. It will take the rest of my life to become half the person she was. I battled the medical community to pay attention to her needs the last few years of her life. Unfortunately, they did not care about the role of the caregiver, and I felt they definitely did not care about the plight of the elderly. Many of them ignored anything I had to say because although I knew my mom much better than they did, they could not hear above the din of their seven to 10 years of education. One time when she was in rehab, against my wishes, they gave her two similar diabetes medications. I ended up not sleeping that entire night as I did not trust the rehab staff to stay awake and prevent her blood sugar from going to zero. They proceeded to feed her junk all night to keep her blood sugar up. Shortly after that I had her taken out of the facility and brought her back home. I am not a clinician, but I did my best by my mom. I truly hope that one day caregivers will be heard in the medical community. In the meantime, if you are a caregiver, do not ever give up on your family member. Advocate for them even when the medical community gets upset and kicks you out of the hospital. Yes, that has happened to me. They would rather say ‘I'm sorry’ or say nothing at all if something terrible were to happen during one of their ‘mistakes’. I heard from one of her specialists calling to give condolences. The life of a caregiver is not easy. No part of it is.  Becoming a caregiver changes your life...forever. And most times there is no warning that you are becoming a caregiver. It literally just kinda happens. Initially, you are taking your loved one to doctor’s appointments, then you find yourself handling prescription issues at the pharmacy advocating for your loved one, and then you begin to administer medications, and the doctor is talking to you even more than to the patient, about next steps after each appointment. Then you incorporate their schedule, their life, into yours; into your calendar, or in my case because I’m old school, into my daytimer.   Caregivers have to watch time: time away from the person being cared for, time to administer medications, time to eat, time to get to doctor’s appointments. There are late nights...illness exacerbates at night. And the most overwhelming feeling for a caregiver is the feeling of helplessness which happened quite a few times for me. I was and am literally responsible for the person who took care of me. I was taking care of the person whose loving face was the first I saw when I came into this world. Talk about pressure. I did not want to mess up.               I really thought I had more time to make changes in her care. The morning she passed I had planned to call one of her physicians to start a new treatment. But it was not to be. I now battle in my mind; the battle of wishing I had more time to make changes. But I also know as one my sisters always reminds me, ‘God is sovereign’. The bottom line is, we all have a day assigned to us, that last day on earth. The best thing we can do is to be sure we have our affairs in order so that we do not leave any undue burden on our family, and to be ready to meet our maker.   My mom thanked me for caring for her. And all I could say was ‘you’re welcome mommy’. But what I should have said was ‘it is my honor. It is the least I can do.`` I know she knew I loved her though. I gave her loud kisses on her cheeks from time to time, I prayed with her some nights and comforted her as best as I could as things got worse. I was in love with her dimples, always wishing I had gotten them. But it turns out those beautiful dimples skipped a generation.    Sometimes when I would be washing dishes she would sit at the kitchen table and we would talk about one thing or the other. I would say something and then get no response only to realize she snuck out on me to go watch the evening news.        Well, She played that trick on me one last time. She snuck out on me without saying goodbye. I knew she did it because if she told me she was going I would have begged her to stay, as much pain as I knew she was in.   My consolation as I grieve the loss of her presence in this world is that she is no longer in pain. She is no longer taking tons of pills, and going to tons of doctor’s appointments. She is now spending her time singing in the Soprano section of Heaven’s choir. Sing on my sweet mommy, until we meet again.     Patreon Contributors:   Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Articles of note: https://news.yahoo.com/longing-motherhood-loving-one-another-103003795.html Special thank you to: Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 109!  Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                 Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Intro:    Body of episode content: On the introduction page 12, you say... Can you talk to the childless not by choice woman who may be dwelling on the fact that she did not have children, she did not experience pregnancy or teen curfews, about how she can feel empowered in helping an absolute stranger go through college, or become a lifelong learner and teacher; how to accept her capacity to manage her life of ‘more freedom’ without feeling like she needs to answer to society about what she is doing with her time and money? This may be a bit of a follow up to the previous question, but you say on... ‘our impact on the world is enormous but often understated.’  As I read that passage I thought about two Prime Ministers who are childless: Theresa May of The United Kingdom and Australia’s former Prime Minister Julia Gillard. Probably for different reasons, but the fact is they are childless. And whether one agrees with their politics or not, the fact is they are childless and leaving a footprint. But they have gotten so much flack for being childless. How do you think those of us who are not so high profile can deal with society’s backlash? Your Introduction section can be a book unto itself! 14 ‘Who mentors a non-mom?’ I truly believe that is where and why Community is so important? As I read your book, I felt a sense of large scale community, it felt truly global, probably in part because the book reflects your travels as you interviewed and spoke with childless women--by choice or not. Could you describe community to us?   Pg. 8--Ch.1-- These are the things society just generally does not think about. And if we allow society to not think of these things, we allow them to treat us like second class or unimportant citizens on life’s journey. How do we get them to see such intricacies without creating a sob story with every interaction we have?     Pg. 34--Now I was really surprised by that statistic. It has never crossed my mind to witness a birth, and honestly, I have no interest. I just think it would make me dwell even more on what I did not get.  Seriously, none of these women felt a pang of jealousy, sadness, ‘why not me?’   In chapter five where you beautifully but in a bittersweet way describe the end of your marriage, you talk about how important it is for us to consider how we define family. How our boundaries are shaped. Because proper boundaries are important to our mental and emotional health, childless or not. But as childless not by choice women we get to choose don’t we?   (pg. 141) What I really loved about the book was how you incorporated the many facets of our humanity--childless, childfree, dreams and aspirations, what did and did not happen for us, our religious beliefs (thinking about Marianne’s story which intrigued me because I grew up in church), or not; planning for our elder years, all of these things remind us how three-dimensional we all are. As human beings, we all belong to multiple demographics and those who refuse to acknowledge that we are all more than our visible demographic tend to see us as one dimensional any way.  But we are more than our childlessness aren’t we?   Any closing thoughts, anything you would really like to cover before we sign off?        Kate Kaufmann’s Contact Info: katekaufmann.com Articles you may find interesting: https://www.heraldscotland.com/arts_ents/17644303.we-are-a-pro-natalist-society-lorna-gibb-on-living-without-children/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-105-my-interview-with-pamela-mahoney-tsigdinos/ Special thank you to:   Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 108   Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                               Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Let’s jump right in!   ‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn.’--Ernest Hemingway. Some say this was a short story Ernest Hemingway was asked to write. Some say this story pre-dates him. To me, regardless of the origin, it sounds like a story prompt. You know the prompts your English or history teacher probably gave you, and then you had to come up with the rest of the story. What is the rest of the story, your story? Why not use this story prompt to write your story. Write the story you would like to see play out for the rest of your life, not the life you wish you had. Your life. Be realistic, be positive, be truthful, be kind. If you feel like sharing, send your letter in and I will read it on a future episode.       Before we move on, I would like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. And becoming a Patron just got easier. The link https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice is now on the www.childlessnotbychoice.net website. Just go to the home screen, look to the left below the telephone, and you will see the Patreon link. Clicking the link takes you to the Patreon site where you can choose whichever level of contribution fits your monthly budget. It’s that easy! Your contributions are appreciated!   And by the way, that telephone on the website, there is a link below it that allows you to leave me a 90-second message. Give me a shout out. I may play your message on a future episode! Thank you to: https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Sandra Carzado Your Name Here In this episode, I want to talk about depression for a moment.   According to Google, the definition of depression is 1.) ‘feelings of severe despondency and dejection.’ We’ve all been there. I remember feeling the most depressed during my 30’s.  Probably because that was when everyone I knew was getting married and having kids. I kept asking God what was wrong with me. What was it about me that other people seemed to see that I did not? I questioned everything about myself. How tiresome that was! If you are going through the same thing now, I totally get it but try turning the conversation around in your head. Start telling yourself good things. It may seem forced at first but keep at it. There are some great affirmations on the Home page of the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. Check them out.     You see, if you don’t like you, no one else will. And if you don’t speak positive things to yourself, all of the negativity from the negative people around you will seep through with no filter. Be your own filter. Create healthy boundaries. Smile as you protect yourself from the ugliness of the world. You are here. Make the best of it.   Because the alternative, I’ve been there. It is not something many of us want to admit. It has taken me 108 episodes to finally admit to depression. It’s not an easy thing to talk about even to a trusted friend. I have been depressed over my childlessness. Depressed over the fact that my life did not turn out as expected--having a family, like normal people. I have wondered why I am on this planet. I mean really, what’s the point? What do I do now? What do I do with that innate need that 99.99% of women and men have, to want children? We see children as a way to carry our essence into the future. I wanted to pour all of my knowledge into a little vessel that had my features. I wanted to teach that little person how to get along with everyone, how to use a knife and fork, how to make it in the big city or in the wide open country. I did not get to do that. Now my branch of the family tree has come to an abrupt end. How depressing is that? Well, here are five things you can do to look that tree branch in the face and overcome the depression that can come with an abrupt ending you did not see coming. Give to your local community: time/practical items/finances/life experiences/knowledge. Ask for help from a health and wellness professional, i.e. a therapist for the mental and emotional issues. Get an exercise coach for your physical well being. When you feel good, or at least better about yourself, depression is less likely to hang around, at least not as long as it would have otherwise. Plan for your future.  Put away as much as you can for your retirement, get rest and exercise, as mentioned above, and be aware of programs in your community that are there to help you as you age, and based on your age. Fight for your mental and emotional wellbeing. This means creating healthy boundaries between you and your family and friends. I created an entire course on how to create kind but firm boundaries. .  Remember, even during those times when you ask yourself why you are here unless they are trusted confidants who understand your struggle, your family and friends do not need to know. That is what your therapist is for. It’s not that you are pretending to be OK. Pretending to be OK would be opting not to admit you are depressed or opting not to see a therapist.  You just can’t tell everyone everything. You may have not had the horrible opportunity, but there are people who exist that like to kick a person when they are down. Protect your heart. And remember, even if you are all by yourself, you are a family unit. Do not allow anyone to speak negatively into your spirit and your soul about that. Carry on. Yes,  push through no matter what. Feelings come and go. Do not allow a temporary feeling to prompt you to make a permanent decision. I am not sure who said that, but it is so true. Get the help you need, take care of yourself, and carry on. All will be well as long as you do not stop along the way, to dwell on what was not to be. It was not to be. If it were, it would have happened--naturally or by your doing what was needed to be done to make it happen, i.e. adoption. Don’t beat yourself up if the adoption fell through, or the engagement broke off. Trust me when I tell you I am thankful for the day I broke off what I later realized would have been a nightmare!  Anywhoo!   Recently I was interviewed on a podcast where the host asked if I had ever considered suicide.  Well, here is my answer. I did not consider it, but if you have, I get it. But don’t do it. I sometimes wondered what it would be like just not to be here. Would I be missed? Yes, the answer is yes. We would be missed. Not by the children we did not have. In some cases probably not by family members. Which is very sad but it’s the world we live in. You would be missed by the impression you would have made on this planet. The impression you are making now. The impression you are working on making now. Don’t give up. Man or woman, do not give up. You are the contribution to this world! Your talent is the contribution. Your existence is the contribution. Hang in there. Push through those valley moments. Take that sad story prompt I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, and make a beautiful story out of it. That’s the wonderful thing about us as human beings, we can turn the ugliest, saddest prompts, into the most beautiful stories.                    Do you have suggestions for pushing through depression? Let me know so that I can share it with your fellow listeners. Thank you for tuning in to episode 108. I posted some great links in the show notes for you on mental health, depression, and counseling for those of us who become depressed over our childlessness.      The show notes are always chock full of great content created just for you. Be sure to check them out! Remember to leave me a message from right there on the website, or become a patron by clicking the Patreon link from the website.www.childlessnotbychoice.net.      Until next time, bye! Articles used for this episode: https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/depression https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/involuntary-childlessness-depression.htm My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 107!   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                 Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Well, this episode is chock full of great content, so let’s get started!   What’s new: Podfest 2019--Talk about my interview, making new friends, one of whom I may interview soon: Blocked from FB for most of a day! Well, what do you think about this email? It came up in my work email and hit me like a ton of bricks: ‘A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.’--Helen Keller. In the next few minutes, I am going to tell you about some things that will help you make the turn, instead of failing to make the turn. You see, we did not get to have the children we so wanted. That is the bend in the road. But we can take that misfortune and turn the corner into the best most joyful and relevant life that we can.  When you drive a vehicle and you begin to skid, the professionals advise that you turn into, not away from the skid. It seems quite the opposite of what our brains might tell us to do right? We want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible, and it seems like we should try to get out of the skid.   Well, I would venture to say it is the same thought process with trauma, loss, etc. we just want to get out of the pain as quickly as possible, and that means going in the opposite direction, not towards the pain! But the way I’m interpreting this quote, I need to turn into the curve, into the skid, until suddenly, one day, I find that I’ve turned the corner! What do you think?   Patreon Contributors: Well! I would like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. And becoming a Patron just got easier. The link https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice is now on the www.childlessnotbychoice.net website. Just go to the home screen, look to the left below the telephone, and you will see the Patreon link. Clicking the link takes you to the Patreon site where you can choose whichever level of contribution fits your monthly budget. It’s that easy! Your contributions are appreciated!   And by the way, that telephone on the website, there is a link below it that allows you to leave me a 90-second message. Give me a shout out. I may play your message on a future episode! Thank you: Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Sandra Carzado Your Name HereAlso: I will be creating a private VIP list on my Instagram page, @joyandrelevance. If you are a Patreon member and you are also on Instagram, I will add you to the VIP list which will allow you to be the first to know whenever there is big news afoot!   Now, we get into the meat of the episode: life insurance, long term care, retirement communities, oh my! Let’s talk about it! But first, please note: While I am life and health insurance licensed in the state of Florida, I am not currently with a firm; so I am definitely not attempting to sell you any product. The things I am about to discuss are based on my experiences and on research that I did for this episode. The links to the research are in the show notes. Links used in my research: https://www.thinkadvisor.com/2013/08/30/the-shocking-statistics-behind-the-life-insurance/?slreturn=20190211231437 https://smartasset.com/checking-account/checking-account-average-balance https://www.cnbc.com/2018/08/28/how-much-money-americans-have-saved-at-every-age.html https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/new-study-reveals-more-than-40-percent-of-americans-dont-have-any-form-of-life-insurance-2018-09-04 Stories you might find interesting: https://www.radio.cz/en/section/curraffrs/one-in-six-czech-30-somethings-likely-to-remain-childless https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6802107/Fertility-issues-raise-risk-cancer-women.html   Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org.   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 106!   Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform get the word out. Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Ivy Calhoun Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                               Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. We are going to one episode per month starting in March. I am working a day job now. Honoring my parents. The Podcast will continue on! If this podcast, this platform, has helped or encouraged you; make a contribution toward helping create awareness and conversation.    Your patronage, Paypal contributions, and product purchases help the podcast. Thank you for tuning and staying plugged in with us! My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 105! •Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                               Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Bio/Intro:   Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (Sig- DIN - us) is an author, blogger and women's health advocate. She emerged as a reluctant spokeswoman in 2008 after a health reporter from The New York Times asked if she’d be willing to openly discuss her infertility experience. Pamela discussed the stubborn persistence of the infertility condition and the lack of a cultural framework to process the losses associated with being childless not by choice. The New York Times feature story that resulted produced astonishment and relief that someone candidly addressed the trauma of failed IVF and legacy of infertility. Soon thereafter she wrote what became an award-winning book called Silent Sorority. It became the first memoir on infertility not authored by a mother, Pamela's writing explores the complicated, disenfranchised grief and identity issues that accompany involuntary childlessness. Now more than a decade outside of the grief she once felt so viscerally, she educates and writes about the false promises and limitations of reproductive medicine and the personal and social impacts that accompany failed IVF. She is the co-founder of the grassroots initiative ReproTechTruths.org.  When she’s not researching and writing she enjoys discussing history, Indie films, documentaries, politics, current events and literature with extended family and friends. Questions: In one of your articles, I read that childless not by choice women quote ‘have more time to confront our feelings than the mother who is busy raising or trying to have kids.’ That statement made me a little nervous as I’ve always believed that when we have too much time to think we can go to some dark or negative places, and sometimes that is good, as going to those places can help a healthier mind process and bring thoughts back to a good place resulting hopefully in a positive outcome of our processing. But what do you say to the woman who is still grieving and maybe not quite dealing with negative thoughts properly?       2)  ‘It is quite striking to see that women who do have children but still wish for more children report poorer mental health than those who have no children but have come to accept it.’  This is a quote from your blog ‘Fess Up. What Are Your Blind Spots?’ In that article you made two great points: 1) if you or probably most childless not by choice women had had the child, they, we, wouldn’t grumble about the fact that these women should be happy they got the one. And 2) human nature tends to maintain a level of loss if we don’t get everything we wanted, i.e. the number of children we really wanted. I will be honest, one of my biggest pet peeves is to hear a woman murmur about not being able to have more children. I always want to say ‘are you kidding me right now?’    3) The rest of us — we didn’t even make the cut as outliers — no graphics on the number of women who came away empty-handed after extensive (and expensive) fertility treatments and no graphics on the number of failed adoptions. That would be a great project for those of us running childless not by choice platforms, groups, etc, to gather that information from our readers, listeners, and followers?     4) There is no ‘welcome to the club kit’ for childless not by choice women. We see the rites of passage, but we don’t get to partake.  What should we do instead? What is our rite of passage, and passage to where?   5) As I read the article your blog ‘Prince Harry and I Agree: Bury Grief at Your Peril’, your new neighbor upon hearing that you and your husband were never able to have children and she says ‘you can have one of mine’, I found myself thinking how far we have come as a society to be able to talk about childlessness, but how far we still have to go when people are still using that old, tired line. How far along are we, do you think? Do you think we’ve only just scratched the surface in 2019?   6) In regards to Erik Erickson’s ‘Generativity versus stagnation’ stage--stage seven of his eight stages of the theory of psychosocial development’, (This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs).  What can we do as we become older, to help alleviate that helpless feeling that we will leave the planet leaving nothing of consequence behind? Asking for a friend.  Books, Articles, Blogs, by Pamela Tsigdinos: https://blog.silentsorority.com/pope-prejudice-reinforce-negative-views/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/placing-motherhood-on-pedastel/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/grief/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/how-about-a-time-cover-story-on-women-who-arent-moms-or-childfree/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/blindspots/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003PJ7D3U/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1   Silent Sorority is an award-winning book. It reveals with candor, humor, and poignancy the intense and at times absurd experience of adjusting to a life as a "non-mom" when nature and science don't cooperate in the family building department. Outside of the physical reckoning there lies the challenge of moving forward in a society that doesn't know how to handle the awkwardness of infertility. With no Emily Post-like guidelines for supporting couples who can't conceive, most well-intentioned "fertile" people miss the mark.   https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/2018/3/6/accepting-childlessness-after-infertility https://www.coming2terms.com/2007/02/03/just-the-beginning/ https://www.coming2terms.com/2009/11/01/the-ultimate-test/ https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html Generativity versus stagnation is the seventh of eight stages of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs). Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world through creating or nurturing things that will outlast an individual. People experience a need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often having mentees or creating positive changes that will benefit other people. We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations. Through generativity, we develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. By failing to find a way to contribute, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. These individuals may feel disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care. Pamela’s Contact information: Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos Award-Winning Author & Top Health Blogger Connect: [email protected] @PamelaJeanne Check out ReproTechTruths and the #UnmaskingIVF campaign My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. If you are joining us for the first time, welcome! And thank you to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 104! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: [email protected]                                               Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Well, I must give a shout out to my VIP’s!   My VIP’s are my Patreon contributors who have decided to financially support the Childless not by Choice Podcast and platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. Their monthly contribution to the secure Patreon site helps finance the vision of creating conversation and awareness globally for and about the childless not by choice demographic. Click the Patreon link in the show notes for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here https://childlessnotbychoice.net/category/podcast/   Mailbag: I would also like to thank a wonderful listener from Scotland, Angela, for writing in: What a beautiful email I received just before Christmas. Episode content: Here is the link to your 2019 Blueprint for your Goals and Visions: Click to create your personalized blueprint of what you want your 2019 to look like! https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ Links to statistics: https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/   Childlessness in the US: https://www.statista.com/statistics/241538/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-ethnic-group/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/268083/countries-with-the-lowest-fertility-rates/ Rest of the world: https://www.statista.com/statistics/270164/fertility-rate-in-china/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/271309/fertility-rate-in-india/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/270088/fertility-rate-in-japan/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/271341/fertility-rate-in-russia/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/270362/fertility-rate-in-the-united-kingdom/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/422466/fertility-rate-in-nepal/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/276711/fertility-rate-in-the-netherlands/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/270466/fertility-rate-in-italy/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/270335/fertility-rate-in-france/ https://www.statista.com/statistics/275413/fertility-rate-in-mexico/   The psychological impact of childlessness-- http://www.ncmedicaljournal.com/content/77/6/427.short https://academic.oup.com/humupd/article/14/6/605/633528 https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/ https://academic.oup.com/humupd/article/14/6/605/633528 Relevant episodes: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-shame/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-101-ivf-versus-ptsd/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-65-my-interview-with-mrs-maureen-hornstein/   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  Their email address is www. Morganair.net, that’s www.morganair.net. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is  also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.   I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Your tuning in whether childless not by choice or not makes you a part of the conversation. Thank you!   Welcome to episode 103!   I have some VIP’s to shout out! Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: [email protected]                                                 Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a message of up to 90 seconds.   Still trying to figure out how to achieve your goals this year? I have made available to you the same blueprint I use every new year.  Blueprints are a great guide and guideline to help you meet your goals! Here’s the link! https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/   Well, in today’s episode, I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to Yvonne John. This was such an awesome episode to record!   Intro: Yvonne John   Yvonne’s Bio: Yvonne was never sure if she really wanted children but knew that she was expected to get married and have a family, in that order. Somewhere in between her dreams of traveling and experiencing what life had to offer Yvonne did wish for the perfect family, a husband, and four children. By the time she had reached her thirties this dream had fast lost its momentum, and by then Yvonne had given up on the dream of being a wife and mother. Because of her past, Yvonne had decided that it was now time to live by her choices. Yvonne believed that the opportunity to become a mother had passed so it was time to move on. It wasn't until Yvonne met her husband at 38 her faith in love was reignited. A year into their marriage Yvonne and her husband decided to try for a baby, which led to the unexpected sadness that was to follow when Yvonne was informed that she had 'Unexplained Infertility'. While trying to understand her grief Yvonne was introduced to Gateway Women, where she has been on her journey of forgiveness and renewed self-discovery.   Yvonne is the author of “Dreaming of a Life Unlived: Intimate Stories and Portraits of Women Without Children” (2016) and has appeared on numerous radio and television programmes to talk about her experience of recovering from the grief of involuntary childlessness. Yvonne blogs about this at “Finding My Plan B”. A graduate of Gateway Women year long Plan B Mentorship programme, Jody Day (founder of Gateway Women) personally invited Yvonne to lead the Reignite weekends for women of color having come to understand through many conversations together that there are unique aspects to the women of color experience of childlessness that would be better served in a dedicated workshop.   For more information on Yvonne's book, Blog, and platform, please check the show notes!     Between 1948 and 1970 nearly half a million people moved from the Caribbean to Britain, which in 1948 faced severe labor shortages in the wake of the Second World War. These immigrants were later referred to as "the Windrush generation". In reference to the ship MV Empire Windrush, which arrived at Tilbury  Docks, Essex, on 22 June 1948, bringing workers from Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and other islands, as a response to post-war labor shortages in the UK.   So when we had our pre-interview chat I realized right away that we have at least one thing in common: our families emigrated from the Caribbean, mine to the US, and yours to England.   1) I am sure like anyone whose family emigrates from another country, you lived and to some extent still live with one foot in the old country and one foot in the new country, tell us a little about how that was for you growing up in The United Kingdom.   2) Your workshop which is geared toward childless, not by choice women of color was created because we do have what I believe is cultural circumstances around not being able to have children. The cultural issues we have to deal with are probably the main reason we hide our childlessness, or like Michelle Obama said recently, not being more open about the struggle with infertility and miscarriage. How do you think we can fix this, how do we keep a ‘happy medium’ between talking about our struggle and not oversharing?   3) Why do you think black women are not more supportive and edifying of each other? Which can lead to the hiding our feelings--doesn’t allow for honesty.   4) We’ve covered some pretty heavy issues today. And here’s another one:  we previously talked about episode 94--Triggers. You mentioned that your experience with the Charismatic church was negative, and in fact one of the reasons you reached out to me was because you heard me say in a previous video conversation, I will put the link in the show notes, that I wanted to work on getting the church in general, to be more aware of the childless not by choice members sitting in their pews. Do you think we still have a long way to go to church whether charismatic or otherwise, with how childless women are treated? Church folk tends to think childless women are sick and need to be prayed for right?   5) ) Pivoting a little, as we come to a close, hysterectomy: are you still planning on scheduling one for yourself? I would like the women who are considering or have already scheduled their hysterectomy, to hear what you plan to do as far as writing a letter to say goodbye (to your womb). Can you tell us your process, and if we’ve already had the hysterectomy, is it too late to say goodbye?       6) Is there anything we did not get to discuss that you really wanted to get the word out on before we close?   Thank you/closing: Don’t forget to check out the show notes! Yvonne’s contact information is there, there are links to news stories I found interesting, the link to my online store chock full of great products created for the childless not by choice community is there, contact information for my sponsor Morgan Air as well as the contact information for my supporters. And of course, my contact information is there.   Yvonne’s contact information: https://www.facebook.com/dreamingofalifeunlived/  https://gateway-women.com/event-directory/ Yvonne blogs at http://bit.ly/findingmyplanb Her book ‘Dreaming of a Life Unlived’ can be purchased on Amazon at http://bit.ly/alifeunlived and the ebook via http://bit.ly/ofalifeunlived   If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!   Special thank you to: Thank you to Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  And their email address is www.Morganair.net. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.   Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. Episodes and books mentioned in this episode: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-65-my-interview-with-mrs-maureen-hornstein/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/video-conversations-with-trailblazers-in-the-childless-not-by-choice-demographic/ https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1547407221&sr=1-1&keywords=kristin+neff+self+compassion   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/21st-century-hannah-31-days-encouragement/   News stories of note: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/pa/article-6037381/Caution-urged-social-egg-freezing.html https://www.mamamia.com.au/childfree/     My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.   Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 102! Our Christmas 2018 episode!   I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to: Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me:   Email: [email protected]                                                 Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a message! Here it is! The link to your blueprint for the new year...instead of making a basic list of new year's resolutions: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/   Well, here we are, Christmas 2018. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays, and wishing you all the best in 2019! Our next episode will be on January 14th!   But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’s still 2018 after all. How was your year? What accomplishments, milestones, or feats did you meet or overcome? What plans do you have for the new year?   I create goals and vision board list, using an outline I have tweaked throughout the years. Writing a list of goals on a yellow lined piece of paper just wasn’t working out for me. I would forget about the paper until about halfway through the year when I would see it sticking out of the daytimer, and then I would try to play catch up.  It wasn’t efficient and my dreams and visions were not coming to fruition. I was just ambling through one year after another.   But the last three years have been different.  Right around 2014 or so I started researching how successful people created their goals list. One of the things I noticed was that successful people did not have new years resolutions. They had goals. And many of them also attended and created vision board parties.  I became curious and decided to create my own goals list. In fact, it’s turned out to be much more than a goals list. Some may even say I went a little overboard. Based on my research,     I created a personalized goals/vision board/reading list. I then broke down my goals into monthly and quarterly expectations. I created a section for my reading list, and a list of pictures I would like to cut out for my vision board. Yes, I got really detailed.  But can I tell you that each year that I took the time to create this goals and vision board outline, so many things that were on the list happened?! I was no longer hopeful while directionless, which is what happens when you write a list of dreams and wishes down on a piece of yellow lined paper and then forget about them.  You mean well, but you don’t do much because you don’t have the goals and visions in front of you literally guiding you!   Let me give you an example: I had set a number of downloads for this podcast, that I wanted to see by the end of the year. I literally said I would like to see this number of downloads and listens by December 31st. I didn’t just sit back and wish for it to happen, I set about promoting the podcast all over social media, handing out business cards at events, doing everything I had always done to create awareness about the platform.  But the crazy thing was that my goal number was set in October! I couldn’t believe it! And the number of downloads have continued to increase. Somebody is going through and listening to all of the episodes. Thank you!   The outline for this goals and visions list is so interactive you can tweak it throughout the year. You don’t just write something down and then forget it. It does not allow you to because you are looking at it, tweaking, and updating with met goals on a regular basis. I really believe you will like being in charge of your goals, dreams, visions, and possibilities!   Sound interesting?  If you would like a copy of the outline I personally use for my goals and visions, simply email me at [email protected] for instructions on how to obtain your copy. There is a fee of just $10.00 for this copyrighted outline that will change the way you get ready for all of your future new years.   So earlier I asked how your 2018 was. Have you had a chance to look back on 2018 yet? I start my look back, and my look forward right around September. I’m a daytimer type of person as I mentioned earlier, so I buy a fresh new daytimer in September and start updating it with birthdays and events for the new year. Look, some of us are going to limp out of 2018, it’s been such a tough year.  But I encourage you to still expect a great 2019. Positive expectation is half the battle. It takes you halfway toward having a better year no matter how things look right now. At the time of this recording, we’re halfway into the final month of the year, and I’ve received some insight from an unlikely event. Life does not stop because it’s the Holidays. What’s my fresh insight? That not everyone is going to be comfortable with this platform or our childlessness. Still. And I realize that, but when something happens to remind me of that fact, it’s like a fresh new revelation for me. I had two interactions in one day. One mom, I spoke to and congratulated on her beautiful children, she was gracious and thankful. Another mom I tried to say hello to tried to avoid eye contact! It was literally a night and day experience. It reminded me that there are still some who see what I am doing as a means of discomfort. I suppose it goes with the awareness creating that this platform does. But I still believe that as we are all human beings no matter where in the world we live, and no matter our circumstances, we can find common ground. And that’s when it hit me. There are two things everyone can do this holiday season, and all through the year: Find common ground. Be kind. You see, as human beings, we like to put each other in boxes. And we love totem poles. If someone does not fit in a certain box, we call them an anomaly. So here in America, certain people are supposed to like certain foods, another group may like to drive a certain type of vehicle, etc. But if you see someone driving something their people group does not typically drive, they are an anomaly. This is the very reason I do not like to generalize about people groups. No people group is a collective. Just as no demographic is a collective. You may be listening to this podcast, and you may be childless not by choice, but I can guarantee you we both had and are having different experiences even in our childless not by choice issues. It is dangerous to act and react, to treat all people of a certain demographic in the same way.   And the totem poles, I didn’t forget about those. Yes, we like totem poles. And I am not talking about the totem poles that certain people groups engender in their ethnic backgrounds. I am referring to the fact that human beings like to know they are above another human being on the totem pole of life. We are always attempting to one-up each other. We want to know that we are doing better than the next person. Indeed, if we see someone we perceive is doing better than we are, envy and jealousy can set in. But why not just be happy for that person as we continue on our own journey? My mom told us as children never to begrudge anyone because we did not know what they did or had to go through to obtain what they have. Try being happy for people even when they have exactly what you would die for. Be happy, wish them well, and continue on your journey. That leads into my second point: be kind. There is a quote, and I used it for day nine of my December 31 Days of Empathy campaign. ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.’--anonymous. Unfortunately, no one escapes this earth without having been dealt some tough, heartbreaking events. And we don’t always get to know when someone is going through, because most humans share their grief only with those they trust.  After all, many of us as childless not by choice people have been asked why don’t we just…’ just get over it, just adopt, just go play with the kids in the family, just. All of those justs are an utter lack of empathy. Maybe we can just be kind to each other.  This Holiday season, no matter what demographic you belong to, try to find common ground and be kind. No matter what, be kind. If it seems that those you are attempting to find common ground with are not interested, move on. And as childless not by choice people, be sure to go where you are valued because whether you had the child or not, you are a valued human being no matter what your society says. Remember, the woman or man who has children has problems too. They may not be the same problems we have, but we should never discount anyone’s problems. One person may be worried about their child’s grades, what college they will get into, or even how they will pay for their child’s education. Another person may be worried about putting away enough money for long-term care because they will have no one to take care of them when they are old and become ill. The common ground is that we all have worries. So be kind to yourself and others. And find common ground. And enjoy your holiday season however it looks!  Whether you have little or much, whether you celebrate with a huge family or it’s you and your fur baby. Enjoy your own company or the company of those around you. And no matter what, you will find something to be thankful for. I know you will.    Questions about the platform or podcast? Suggestions for an episode or even looking to purchase ad time? contact me at [email protected] for details.   Articles, episodes, and sites mentioned in this episode: So I received a notification that there was a childless not by choice article available for me to read. I opened it, and the author basically blamed ones astrological sign and other card reading devices for people’s childlessness. Did you know that was a thing? It was news to me. No, not posting it here!  There’s always some new and random way to try to poke the childless not by choice in the eye huh? Don’t you worry, with all of this awareness and conversation going on in and about our demographic, such foolishness will soon be a thing of the past.   Now check out this next article... https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/12/hollywood-still-doesnt-know-how-to-talk-about-childless-women/577906/ Once again, here is the link to your blueprint for a successful new year!   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/   Well, remember to reach out if you would like the link to the Goals and Visions blueprint. I am excited to hear and see how it will change your life in 2019. And once again, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and I will talk to you again on January 14th!   Bye!     My contact information:[email protected] Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 101!   Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to! Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Well, I would like to give a special shout-out to Dr. Cristina Archetti, Oslo, Norway, for suggesting an episode on the connection between IVF and PTSD. I have put a link to her YouTube video in the show notes. We connected after I watched her video on YouTube, entranced that someone created a video all about the childless not by choice experience. Thank you, Dr. Cristina! Content: For people with PTSD, it is very common for their memories to be triggered by sights, sounds, smells, or even feelings that they experience. These triggers can bring back memories of the trauma and cause intense emotional and physical reactions, such as raised heart rate, sweating and muscle tension.--Google So, what is PTSD--post-traumatic stress syndrome? I think we generally believe we know what it is, whether we have experienced it ourselves due to direct experience, know someone who has it, or watched a movie where someone exhibited it. As with most issues, diseases, experiences these days; we are familiar with it on some level. But here is a clinical definition: ‘Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) describes a series of predictable symptoms that take hold once a patient has survived – or in some cases witnessed – a severely traumatic or life-threatening event. Because the brain becomes overwhelmed by the pain and fear of the trauma, memories of the event do not fully process, causing the individual to re-experience the trauma as if it were occurring in the present.’--theoakstreatment.com. They go on to say that ‘Signs of PTSD can range from flashbacks to nightmares, panic attacks to eating disorders and cognitive delays to lowered verbal memory capacity. Many trauma survivors also encounter substance abuse issues, as they attempt to self-medicate the negative effects of PTSD. Most mental health professionals and diagnostic manuals agree on 17 major signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. Just as not every trauma survivor will develop PTSD, not every individual with PTSD will develop the same signs – and rarely do all 17 exist in one individual.’ Wow, 17 signs of PTSD, I did not know that!    Also discussed on the website are: Signs of Re-experiencing Trauma in PTSD Trauma Avoidance Signs of PTSD Hyperarousal Signs of PTSD--i.e. One PTSD symptom associated with hyperarousal is insomnia. The Importance of PTSD Treatment PTSD Medication--as I read up on the PTSD Medications, I recognized one. Most people would probably recognize it if I mentioned it. It never occurred to me that anyone experiencing childlessness not by choice could possibly be experiencing or have experienced PTSD. Well, my OB/GYN had wanted to prescribe this medication to me for the longest time, but I always said no because of the negative perception attached to that medication. However one day I went for a follow-up visit and out of the clear blue started crying. He seemed surprised and said that he knew I had turned down the prescription before but that he had never seen me cry throughout my entire ordeal. He wrote the prescription, I held onto it for a week or so, trying to figure out what to do. And then I filled it. There. I think you may be the first person I had ever told. But what does PTSD have to do with IVF? Well, first let's make sure we are all on the same page with what IVF is, exactly, and for the purposes of this episode, I will not go into causes of childlessness not by choice except to say in a nutshell, it is when a couple just cannot conceive naturally for any number of reasons. I want to talk more along the lines of what goes into the action of IVF, and how it relates to PTSD. So here, In a nutshell, according to a Google search is the definition of IVF: ‘a medical procedure whereby an egg is fertilized by sperm in a test tube or elsewhere outside the body.’   But back to PTSD for a moment:   As I did my research, I had a burning question: Can PTSD be cured? We all want a cure, right? We don’t necessarily want to live with negativity or the results of a negative experience for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, there are some instances where we will have to live with the effects or after-effects of a life event. In the case of PTSD,  research says ‘As with most mental illnesses, no cure exists for PTSD, but the symptoms can be effectively managed to restore the affected individual to normal functioning. The best hope for treating PTSD is a combination of medication and therapy.’   Two similar therapies I found to help people with PTSD are CBT--cognitive behavioral therapy, ‘a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns or treat mood disorders such as depression.’ And CPT--’Cognitive processing therapy (CPT) is a manualized therapy used by clinicians to help people recover from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and related conditions. It includes elements of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) treatments.’ Slight differences in the two. Clinicians may find the differences a little more than slight, but they seem very similar to me.   So, IVF, how can it cause PTSD? General knowledge is that only 25% of attempts at IVF is successful. 25%! According to a 2017 article in theconversation.com, that success rate is actually 33%. That’s still a relatively low number. In this same article, they say that there is now a way for women using IVF to get pregnant to know the likelihood of success. Quote: ‘Overall, for women starting IVF, 33% have a baby as a result of their first cycle, increasing to 54-77% by the eighth cycle.’  The eighth cycle?! Many insurance plans do not cover IVF on the first cycle nevermind the eight. Eight. I have a question for you: Is there a point where it becomes too many tries, whether you have the money or not? OK, IVF: ‘In Vitro Fertilization is an assisted reproductive technology (ART) commonly referred to as IVF. IVF is the process of fertilization by extracting eggs, retrieving a sperm sample, and then manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish. The embryo(s) is then transferred to the uterus. Other forms of ART include gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT)and zygote intrafallopian transfer (ZIFT).’--Americanpregnancy.org    Some side effects after IVF may include: Passing a small amount of fluid (may be clear or blood-tinged) after the procedure Mild cramping Mild bloating Constipation Breast tenderness   ‘Women who undergo fertility treatments may find the situation so distressing that they develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a new study says. In the study, close to 50 percent of participants met the official criteria for PTSD, meaning they could be diagnosed with the condition. That's about six times higher than the percentage of people in the general population who suffer from PTSD (8 percent.)’--https://www.livescience.com/22194-fertility-treatment-ptsd.html   Additional information I found out about the possible dangers of IVF:   Possibly linked to cancer 2) Multiple births. ...3) Premature delivery and low birth weight. ...4) Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome:Rapid weight gain — such as 33 to 44 pounds (15 to 20 kilograms) in five to 10 days.5) Severe abdominal pain.6) Severe, persistent nausea and vomiting.7) Blood clots in legs.8) Decreased urination.9) Shortness of breath.10) Tight or enlarged abdomen. 11) Miscarriage. ...12) Egg-retrieval procedure complications. ...13) Ectopic pregnancy. ...14) Birth defects. ...15) Ovarian cancer. Links used for research:   PTSD:   https://theoakstreatment.com/ptsd/signs-and-symptoms/ http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/08/13184349-fertility-treatments-may-put-women-at-risk-for-ptsd-symptoms-study-suggests?lite   https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/641243?journalCode=ssr   https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-treatments-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder#1   (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa040603 IVF: http://theconversation.com/women-now-have-clearer-statistics-on-whether-ivf-is-likely-to-work-81256   http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/in-vitro-fertilization/   https://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/news/cambridge-news/ivf-treatment-cambridge-nhs-13465755 https://www.livescience.com/22194-fertility-treatment-ptsd.html https://www.winfertility.com/risks-ivf-six-rare-complications-ivf-treatment/ https://www.infertilitytexas.com/blog/is-there-a-link-between-ivf-and-cancer Articles and podcast episodes mentioned in this episode:   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-68-is-childlessness-a-crisis-caplans-theory-of-crisis/   https://reprotechtruths.org/ivf-trauma/   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XcAzx0jlhI&t=9s Special thank you to:   Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765. Their email address is www. Morganair.net. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it! Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:[email protected]: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. We are not all living the same type of life, and sometimes there is no one more painfully aware of that fact than the childless not by choice person. And that’s why this platform, this podcast, was created. But the great news is people of all demographics listen to this podcast! That means the awareness and conversation are taking place! When that happens globally, the childless not by choice are no longer stigmatized, bullied, or ignored. How awesome is that?! Well... Welcome to episode 100! I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to: Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Today we celebrate episode 100! I cannot begin to tell you what it has taken to get here! The podcast turned three this past July, and the platform turns four in this very month. This has been a celebration year on many levels! Looking back on when I started to build this platform in November of 2014, thinking on the people who came alongside to help me build it, and seeing where it is now is just amazing. My podcast producer told me recently that episode 100 puts me in the top 20% of podcasts that are at 100 and above in episodes! Wow! I am truly humbled! Thank you to everyone who has listened to the episodes, given feedback, requested that I cover certain topics, and let me know via email, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, and Instagram, how much this podcast has helped you!      To help celebrate this momentous occasion, I have a few guests! They are members of the platform, and I am so excited to introduce them!   Welcome everyone: Group contributors: Joanna H. Temika G. Sherry F. Joanna M. And  Myself   How did everyone find out about the platform? How long has each person been on the platform/listening to the podcast? How has the platform helped with dealing with your childlessness? What was your road to acceptance like? Or are you still trying to get to acceptance? What would you say to the childless not by choice woman or man listening who is still struggling with childlessness? Have you discussed your childless not by choice journey with anyone since joining the group? How do you deal with the times you feel down about your childless not by choice journey? I want you to encourage the childless not by choice woman or man who is listening. Closing comments If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or your favorite podcast player located on your smart device, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, etc, and search for Childless not by Choice. Tap the subscribe button and you will receive notifications every time a new episode posts!   Articles, episodes, and sites mentioned in this episode: https://honey.nine.com.au/2018/10/02/09/13/shelly-horton-defends-her-decision-not-to-have-children My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 99! I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  Their email address is www. Morganair.net Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it. I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to! Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Episodes mentioned: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-shame/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-88-finding-hope-today-my-interview-with-licensed-therapist-christy-jordan/ Special thank you to: Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMIf you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or any of the following apps: Stitcher, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 98! I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765. Their email address is www.Morganair.net Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it. I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org.   Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to! Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here   Michelle Link As the last of their six children are now grown, Michelle Link and her husband of 29 years have opted to continue the energy and chaos of family in their home, by adopting dogs. Training their three Goldendoodles has become Michelle’s passion, which ultimately culminated in the therapy dog certification of their girl, Murphy. Michelle volunteers with Murphy in several capacities as a therapy dog team, but she is also inspired to educate and encourage others, sharing the life-changing benefits she’s discovered in her personal relationship with Murphy.   Questions: 1)Murphy is a Goldendoodle--Therapy and emotional support dog,          does the type of dog matter for training and certification?   2) One of the things I learned from you in our pre-interview conversation was that there is a difference between a ‘Prescribed emotional support dog’, and a ‘certified’ dog; What’s the difference? And then what is the difference between a companion pet,  an Emotional Support Animal, and a Service Dog?   3) Other than your own experiences with pets, are you aware of any studies that support the benefits of a relationship with a pet? ‘American Journal of Critical Care Study’ ‘Mass General Study, women who had at least one child and a pet…’ FMRI Study...levels of oxytocin’.   4) When did you personally realize the healing value of a relationship with dogs?   5) Speak to us about the fact that there is value in having fur babies, and that doing so does not diminish or minimize those with pets who happen not to have children?    Michelle’s contact info: [email protected] Instagram: @therapyteammurphy Articles and links just for you: https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/   The following link is for your enjoyment: https://www.yahoo.com/gma/woman-removed-plane-boarding-emotional-support-squirrel-105012179--abc-news-topstories.html?.tsrc=fauxdal&guccounter=2 My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I am also reaching out to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 97! I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765.  Their email address is www.Morganair.net. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it. I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org.   Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to!   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here   Content: In the month of October, I am highlighting the importance of maintaining mental health in the childless not by choice community through therapy dogs, and through pets in general. Those of us who are childless not by choice and have or had pets are often chided for having pets instead of having children. Many times those who do not know our story or understand our journey find it easier to make fun of childless women with pets, reminding us that a pet is not the same as a child. I believe that as childless not by choice women we are well aware of the difference between a human and an animal, but it is difficult for most people to understand that everyone has a story, and that everyone’s story is different. Unbelievably, some people still believe that a childless woman or couple just did not want children. It is still difficult for many to understand that life just dealt some us a different set of cards. What we, whether childless not by choice or not, do with the cards we have been dealt proves to ourselves and to the world, that we are strong, or on our way to gaining strength through and for our journey. Deciding to have a pet and to spoil that pet is just one way we as childless not by choice women decide to manage the life we have been given. Notice, I did not say handle or cope with, I said manage. Because we must manage our lives no matter how that life turned out, and not allow life to manage us. So this month, I am posting a guest blog written by one of our childless not by choice members. It will post on the 15th. Our guest blogger will take us on a journey, showing us how having pets helped her come to terms with childlessness. And on the 22nd, you will get to hear episode 98, where I interview Michelle Link and her beautiful therapy dog Murphy. That was such a wonderful interview! I learned quite a bit as we discussed the differences between therapy dogs and emotional support dogs; and how important they both are to mental health. The bottom line is this, whether you are childless not by choice or not, the need and the ability to care for another being helps heal the soul.  And when caring for this being as a childless not by choice woman or man, the healing process can help fill your mind with love instead of dwelling on a  life that did not happen as expected. We can choose to dwell on what did not happen for us, or we can reach out and help others. We can reach out and adopt a dog or cat from a shelter, or buy a fish tank and fill it with our version of beauty. We can reach out to the beauty the world has to offer, or we can go within and live with the hurt of what could have been. What is not, and in many cases will not be. We have choices even when we did not get to choose whether or not we would have children. That is not the only choice we get in life. And life is short. Choose and then live that choice out loud. When you do that, if you are chided for being a pet mom, you will not even hear the commentary because  chances are you already made the decision to live the life you have been given. How strong are you!? so come with us on our journey through the month of October. It’s going to be beautiful!   https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/   Also highlighted in October is Miscarriage Awareness. If your journey includes miscarriage, please accept my deepest condolences. Be sure to visit the Resource tab on the website for an article I wrote on dealing with the grief of miscarriage. To be transparent, miscarriage is not a part of my journey. But I wrote the article to encourage you with hope for your journey even through your loss. I hope you will take a moment to read the article.       Articles of note and interest: https://positivelywoof.com/pet-calendar-year-at-a-glance/ https://resolve.org/what-are-my-options/living-childfree/navigating-living-your-life-childlessness-and-child-free-after-infertility/ https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/06/world/asia/afghanistan-rasool-landay-childless-women-scam.html https://thegrio.com/2018/10/06/tracee-ellis-ross-says-shes-good-with-being-45-single-and-childless/ PLEASE NOTE: in the previous episode I mentioned that my old title was showing up on the Podcast section of iHeart Radio. That has been corrected. You will now find the title Childless not by Choice on iHeart Radio’s Podcast section. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMIf you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or anyone of following apps in your app store: Stitcher Radio, Overcast, Castro, Podbean, etc; or the radio apps such as Spotify, iHeart Radio, and Google Play Radio. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 96! This podcast was created for and about the childless not by choice community on a global level, as well as for everyone who recognizes that not everyone is living the same type of life. Thank you for tuning in!   Sponsors: I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Morgan Air can be reached by calling 813 500 7765, (repeat), or via email at www. Morganair.net, that’s www.morganair.net. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it.   I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Childless Mother of Trees--Saalumarada Thimmakka According to Wikipedia, Saalumarada Thimmakka was born in Hulikal, India. She is purported to have been born in 1908, making her more than 100 years old! With no formal education, she became a self-taught environmentalist. She and her late husband started planting Banyan trees along a stretch of highway from her town to the next.   It is said they started planting trees when they realized they were not going to be able to have children. I searched but did not find any information on her husband attempting to put her aside or divorce her which tends to happen in many societies where children are expected and if they are not produced, shame on the woman. But I found no such information. In my research, I did find out that his family gave her a very hard time, but he appears to have stuck with and even helped her plant trees until he passed on. Kudos to him!   As I researched and read articles about this self-taught environmentalist, I counted 15 awards!   The author of the article on the Karnataka website ended the article by saying: ‘Saalumarada Thimmakka at the age of 105 lives with her foster son Umesh. She is an inspiration to every woman the society labeled as barren.  The green crusader bestowed the society and mankind with hard work, patience, and undying love for the environment.’ Imagine what you can do when you turn your pain into purpose! Early in the creation of this platform, a wonderful gentleman reminded me that people like to quote the Bible where God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.  He mentioned that multiply does not mean just having children. There are many ways for humankind to multiply. You see, as childless not by choice women and men,  we have journeyed through the trauma of not being able to have children, no matter the path that got us to the point of childlessness. As we make our way on this journey, we will run into people who misunderstand and or misinterpret the Bible in an attempt to have an answer for every negative in life. We humans tend to want to have an answer to everything. We want to be able to plug every issue into a box, and we want to advise people on why something did or did not happen to or for us. So we say things like childlessness means we did not multiply. Hmmm, we must have done something to make God angry. Childlessness means our quiver of arrows is empty, and we will have no one to care for us when we become old.  For those of you who are Christians, who have a true grasp on the Words in the Bible, we know better than to limit God’s words to such simplicity. If you are childless not by choice, your life is not over. You can replenish the earth in many other ways. You can pour into the life of a child that does not belong to you, however that happens: through being a teacher, through being a mentor, through being an encourager to a struggling mother. You can contribute to back to school backpack drives through work, church, or a local organization. You can plant trees like Saalumarada Thimmakka did. You can sponsor a child in a far away land. Don’t listen to those who tell you your quiver has no arrows, or that you are fruitless because you are childless. Lift your chin from shame, and ignore the narrow minded understanding from such words. Trust your journey. Walk your journey. Do the absolute best you can on your journey. That is your job. Your journey, your job. Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. Information on India: ‘United States is about 3 times bigger than India. India is approximately 3,287,263 sq km, while the United States is approximately 9,833,517 sq km. Meanwhile, the population of India is ~1 billion people (943 million fewer people live in the United States).’--Google Search Childlessness in India:  https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/soul-curry/being-childless-by-choice-in-the-indian-society/articleshow/58695326.cms https://www.scoopwhoop.com/Heres-Why-More-And-More-Married-Indian-Women-Are-Choosing-To-Remain-ChildFree/#.thc55rxjr Articles used for research in this episode:   http://kalamfanclub.com/saalumarada-thimmakka-the-106-year-old-woman-who-planted-over-8000-trees-in-65-years/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saalumarada_Thimmakka https://www.karnataka.com/personalities/saalumarada-thimmakka/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY4yzEZ9uc8&vl=en My contact information: [email protected]: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMUntil next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 95! This podcast was created for and about the childless not by choice community on a global level, as well as for everyone who recognizes that not everyone is living the same type of life. I would like to thank my sponsor Morgan Air Conditioning. Morgan Air can be reached by calling (813) 500-7765. Their email address is www.Morganair.net. Along with a stellar business reputation in the Tampa, FL area, Morgan Air is also known and well received for giving back to the Tampa, FL community whether it is back to school drives or donating services to the less fortunate. Thank you Morgan Air for recognizing the vision of Childless not by Choice, and being a part of it. I would also like to thank Devoted, the musical duo who created my theme music. Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org.   Well, I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to! Patreon Contributors: Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun About/Intro: Chiara Berardelli is an Italian Scottish singer-songwriter living in Glasgow, Scotland. She grew up playing classical piano but spent most of her time playing along to any songs that made it over the airwaves to the Highlands of Scotland. Chiara left her job as a doctor to follow her passion and studied music and songwriting in London and Bath. A lover of words, chords, and honesty she writes confessional pop songs about life and how it affects her. In 2010 she recorded her debut album 'Don't Be So Lovely' with Mark Freegard (Eddi Reader, Del Amitri) at Kyoti studio, Glasgow and self-released a further EP,  'My Big Mouth' in 2014. Her new album, Seamonster, released on March 2nd, 2018, is her most personal project to date, inspired by the loss of her dream of becoming a mother. The songs depict a journey, from the crashing realisation that something so longed for is permanently out of reach in the title track to the tentative beginnings of finding joy again in the song Somewhere New. Deep Space Hibernation, the lead single from the album, was chosen by Radio Scotland's Janice Forsyth as her single of the week on the Afternoon Show and has also won an International Songwriting Award. Chiara will be launching the album in Scotland at the end of March and is planning a UK wide tour in the Autumn. Questions: I really like the ‘Another Planet’ track, tell us the back story.   Tell us about your album Seamonster?   How has the music helped you process childlessness?  How do you want it to help those of us who are listening to your music?   How long were you a practicing GP--general practitioner?   In our initial conversation, you mentioned you never wanted to be a doctor, but is there any aspect of it that you miss?   What kind of response do you get at your gigs, to the songs? Do you tell the audience the reason behind the album? What does your family think about your new life calling? When is your next gig? Is there anything else you would like to tell us before we wrap up? Chiara’s contact information: https://www.chiaraberardelli.com   Articles and episodes mentioned in this episode: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-shame/ My contact information: Email: [email protected]: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit subscribe. It’s that easy! Also, if you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 94!•Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here   Discuss www.civillamorgan.com I am available for speaking engagements. I am available for one on one conversations on whether or not podcasting is good for your brand. I have an affiliate link if you are interested in Podcast Movement events!   Episode content: As I did the research for this episode, I realized there are quite a few types of triggers! Of course, because our podcast concentrates on childlessness not by choice, I am always concentrating on the triggers that affect us. The negative things people say and do to highlight our childlessness, whether unknowingly or on purpose.   But research showed that there are of course sexual assault triggers, there are PTSD triggers, there are emotional triggers, and the list goes on. But then there are also what I call individual triggers. For instance if as a child, you were abandoned by your parents whether literally or figuratively; as an adult, you can have abandonment triggers where if you are stood up for a date or someone does not return your phone calls or no longer wants to be your friend, you may not handle the separation or feelings of separation very well.     Another ‘individual’ trigger might be having to endure the silent treatment as a child. If a parent were mad at you they would stop talking to you for a certain amount of time. As an adult, this silent treatment by a spouse or co-worker can create a triggering event. What I noticed with many of these examples were that they were created in childhood. This is where I believe our triggers as childless not by choice women may be different.  Our triggers happen once we are adults and hoping to be able to start a family, only to find out that we will never have the family we desired. We find out typically after a doctor’s appointment where we hear the bad news that we have been diagnosed with--insert diagnosis here--.   We then start to navigate a new journey, one we did not expect to have to. We slowly come to the realization that having children was never a guarantee. It took me a long time to come to that realization!   Yes, I know there are some women who knew when they were children that they would not be having any of their own. Typically because of something that happened to them as children or something they witnessed. Again, there is that common denominator: a childhood event.   But I still believe childless not by choice triggers are an adult event. So what are examples of childless not by choice triggers? These are based on personal experience as well as the experiences childless not by choice women have advised in our group, that they have experienced: Family members call out your childlessness in public by asking when you will be having children, advising you they are waiting for the next baby. Family and friends who allowed you to have a relationship with their children, and then out of the clear blue stopped the relationship from continuing. Family and friends who make passive aggressive comments about your childlessness. Strangers who ask if you have children and then prolong your response with their heartless or thoughtless commentary.   These are just a few examples.  But the fact is, when any of these things happen, depending on where a childless not by choice woman or man may be in their journey, this type of commentary can send someone into a tailspin lasting a day or more.   Those of us who have decided to deal with our triggers may not be sent into such a tailspin. We recognize the commentary as a pinprick to the heart versus a horse kick to the heart, as Jody Day so eloquently put it in episode 90: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/   So how does one get from a days-long tailspin to a temporary pin prick when dealing with triggers? I have said it in previous episodes, but here it is in a nutshell, based on a Google search:         ‘First step is to beware of your triggers. Next, recognize when the wave is beginning. Take some simple steps like stopping what you are doing breathe deeply for 5–10 breaths to regain some emotional control. You can teach yourself to limit your emotions.’--Google. Three questions to consider as you begin to face your triggers: What are your triggers? How do you feel when they take place? How long do these feelings last?     This is an important step. In fact, think about these three question above before a triggering event, when you are in a calm place.  When you do this, you have faced the monster!   Next step: Remember, there is no way to avoid the triggers. In fact, it is not healthy. If you feel you cannot face the trigger or triggers alone, please see a therapist. Once you make the decision to face these triggers, you will feel a weight lift off of your shoulders. You are basically admitting to yourself that you have triggers surrounding your childlessness, and what those triggers are.     When you admit these things to yourself, they are actually a strengthener to your psyche and even to your character. Remember, you cannot control how someone else treats you, but you can control your reaction to that treatment. When someone says or does something that could trigger you, and you have taken steps toward facing, recognizing, and dealing with said triggers; there is no way those triggers can affect you the same way as if you had not begun to deal with your triggers.   Can you see how important it is to face and deal with your triggers? It is very important. It will take time for you to get from days long tailspins to minutes long pinpricks, but it can happen. It all starts with you.  Isn’t that usually the case?      Be sure to check out the links I listed below.  They were used as research for this episode. I especially liked the article on the Psych Central website, ‘What is a Trigger? By U. of Alberta, Sexual Assault Centre’.   Articles and sites used for the research of this episode: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-a-trigger/ https://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Unavoidable-Anxiety-Triggers https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18348/what-are-emotional-triggers-why-you-need-to-understand-them.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. •Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan MorganWell, by the time you hear this episode I will be back home from my first time attending a Podcast Movement Convention, a convention for podcasters and would be podcasters. Podcast Movement 2018 is being held in Philadelphia, PA, this year. Technically it’s my first visit, but my voice went to Podcast Movement 2017 which was held in Anaheim, as I was asked to do voice over at that event for the award ceremony segment.   Well, as I speak, it is the morning of day 2 of the convention. I had to grab coffee on the way to this recording to be sure I was coherent! I would like to thank the people at Talkshoe for affording me the opportunity to record live from Podcast Movement 2018! Thank you Talkshoe! And I would also like to thank Heil, the makers of microphones, headphones, and pertinent audio and sound gear. And of course Steve Stewart, Podcast Producer, Director of FinCon Podcast Network.   Well, if you’ve been listening to Childless not by Choice for any length of time, you know how much I love the medium of podcasting because it has allowed me to get the word out globally that we, the childless not by choice community, does exist, in plain sight!   I am blessed to be able to attend Podcast Movement 2018, as it adds another layer of learning and going to the next level in my commitment to you and to the craft that allows me to speak directly to you. Well, as the month of July comes to a close, so does my month-long celebration of three years of podcasting. The celebration may be coming to an end, but the joy in my heart because I get to give a voice to us, and I get to encourage you, that will continue on. Thank you for celebrating with me this month! In fact, the only thing cooler is when I get to hear from you when you’ve listened to an episode that helped you so much, like this message I received via Facebook DM: Quote: ‘Hi Civilla! I was listening to your podcast episode 59 Endometriosis. I was suffering from that horrible disease for years and years since I was 22 yrs old. I remember you told me that you noticed a turn for the better in my comments on FB. Well, I did some of the things that you talked about in the podcast. I went to talk therapy, got several medical opinions regarding the disease in my body, and I found a doctor that did the Excision of Adhesion surgery. And I’ve been great ever since! Only I haven’t gotten pregnant. But at least I feel better, ttyl.’--TG. --unquote.   Wow! It doesn’t get any better than this!   You know, as I read that message the first time, I was so touched by the timing. I tend to get a message or email like this right after I finished wondering if I am really getting through to anyone! It never fails! Lol!  As I read it again, I started thinking about how my suggestions are based on personal experiences. Honestly, it is sometimes bittersweet. as I sometimes look back on my experiences, and there are things I wish I had done, or done differently or things that I had known. But I can’t dwell back there, in the past. And neither can you. We must look ahead, face forward even if we still feel immobilized by grief.      Here is another message I received just a couple days ago, from a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group member:      I just listened to this podcast and I'm very grateful that something like this is available for I wouldn't be around since experiencing becoming childless.... I also watched the youtube video by Dr. Cristina and it hit the nail about what I'm dealing with... I still have my down days and I have not attended anything dedicated to children (recently a baby dedication happened at church which I saw ahead of time when it was going to happen so I didn't go)... I know by listening to these podcasts will help encourage me to keep looking up and finding that acceptance to being childless... as I'm approaching a year of my surgery... I looking at this from a different angle and now hope that churches see that this is a real deal and they should open their hearts to those of us who are not able to have children so they can see we are as important just like the mommies and daddies...Thank you Civilla for putting these together for I know I am not alone and even with tears falling that I am loved and valuable even though I can't have my own children.--Staci M.    She is referring to episode 91--celebration of three years of podcasting. And the YouTube video she is referring to, I will put the link in the show notes. THAT is a powerful video by a wonderful doctor, who is childless not by choice.       Look, It is already difficult enough that grief comes in waves, and as we move along in our journey the time between each wave can be longer than when we first realized we would not have children. In the beginning, the waves were seconds or minutes apart. Now, they may be days and months apart. And yes, there are triggers. And the triggers are different for everyone. And triggers can bring a wave crashing into our peaceful surf. You guys know how much I love the beach!    Don’t ignore your triggers, but do not allow them to run your life either. Recognize them, do what you must to manage them: see a therapist. Remember episode 88, where I interviewed Licensed Therapist Christy Jordan? Her contact information is in the show notes for that episode. And I will be adding her information to the Resource tab on the website.  Talk to a trusted friend or spiritual leader. Join a virtual community like ours which is on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or search for a local area MeetUp with a positive spirit, or vibe.  It doesn’t make sense to sit and chat with women who are also childless and come away from the conversation feeling more depressed.   And remember, if you would like to speak with me one on one, the instructions are on the Shop tab on the website. Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with triggers. We are humans dealing with something that in most cases we did not think we would have to. Especially when we are surrounded by family members who had multiple children with no problem.     And of course remember to get a second opinion, as TG did, in the above message. Second opinions are very important, especially if what the first opinion is suggesting is questionable in your mind, or irreversible.  This is why I say it so often: get a second opinion. Getting a second opinion is not disrespectful to your doctor. Indeed, they almost always expect you to do it when they give you a bad report. So please do not be afraid. You only have one body. And if they are talking hysterectomy, you only have one uterus. Review all of your options.    It took me 10 years to come to the realization that my only option would be a hysterectomy. No doctor could convince me before I was ready. And they did try. That was the reason for my requesting a second opinion. A doctor who instantly suggested a hysterectomy after my first visit. This was although he knew I had no children. He asked if I wanted children, and I told him I did.   I left his office and never went back. My new OB/Gyn would be the one who stood by me as I waited, hoping to meet Mr. Right. It was only when I finally decided to have the hysterectomy, that he advised me I would have an exponentially better quality of life, I did not care. I was about to lose the ability to carry a baby. And none of it was fair.    I felt good the morning of the surgery. I felt strong.    I felt a little twinge of ‘what have I done?’ after the surgery, but honestly, it did not last long. There was that moment I have told you guys about where I cried incessantly until I decided to visit a psychiatrist, but my OB/GYN was right, my quality of life has gotten better exponentially.   What I am saying is, find a doctor you trust, review his or her findings, and make a decision. Don’t blow things off especially if a cancer diagnosis is involved. I did not have that diagnosis, so waiting around for Mr. Right for 10 years was uncomfortable, embarrassing, depressing, but cancer was not a part of my story. Bottom line, exercise common sense, have a say in your treatment and do what is best for you. It is your body!        And remember, if you do have a hysterectomy, there is a PDF on the Resource tab for post-hysterectomy care. I can’t tell you why doctors do not tell their patients the practical things, like waiting a few weeks before wearing heels. Heels put pressure on your midsection that you do not feel until you have a surgery like that. That is no good for the healing process.   Wear loose clothing the first few days or weeks. I still cannot answer the question as to why I wore jeans with a belt to an MD appointment shortly after one of my several myomectomies.   Common sense things like these will help you heal faster. Check out the PDF list for more information.         And thanks again for tuning in. Until next time, bye!   Articles of note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XcAzx0jlhI&t=9s   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-88-finding-hope-today-my-interview-with-licensed-therapist-christy-jordan/   https://www.mamamia.com.au/childfree/   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/pa/article-6037381/Caution-urged-social-egg-freezing.html   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThings I said in this episode:‘You want to heal properly or you will never heal properly.’ Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.    

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. •Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan   It may seem that way, as I am using the possessive adjective to describe the fact that I am childless. That my life did not turn out the way I expected it would. But the more important issue is that human beings tend to blame each other for things we cannot control. My childlessness is not my fault.   If you are a Bible reader, you may recall the story of the man with the shriveled or withered hand. The Disciples asked Jesus if it was his parent's fault or his, why his hand was withered. Jesus’ answer was ‘it’s nobody’s fault.’   Be honest, have you never wondered to yourself ‘what in the world did he/she do to deserve that?’ when you see something bad, horrible, or horrific happen to someone. You may have even heard someone verbalize it as ‘karma’, or ‘what goes around comes around’. As human beings, we figure it’s just payback.   But isn’t it possible that stuff just happens? Don’t we live in a world where stuff really just happens? I believe we do. Yes, I believe to an extent that what goes around comes around. That we should treat people the way we would want to be treated. But we all know that it rains on the just and the unjust. The difference though is how we manage the cards we have been dealt. In fact, having or obtaining the tools for managing the cards we have been dealt.      I believe one of those tools for any problem or issue you or I have, is community. I strongly believe that when we belong to a community of strong, positive, people who want to get better and not wallow in the self-pity of what happened to us or what did not happen for us.     Community protects us from those who secretly or passive-aggressively nicely tell us that we did not pray hard enough for a child. Some of us are told not to give up even though we no longer have a uterus. Indeed, some are told so even when they were born without one. I especially like the ‘well, it was not meant to be’. It is one of my favorites. Right up there with ‘you should be happy you don’t have kids, they are a lot of work’. These are the same people who tell you that ‘you don’t have kids, so you would not understand.’   And sometimes these remarks come from the lips of the same person. ‘Be glad you don’t have kids, they are a lot of work’, and ‘you wouldn’t understand, you don’t have kids.’  Which one of us seems unhinged? Because unhinged, among other things, is what many childless women are called. And God forbid if we are also single. Then we are weird, overzealous with our nieces and nephews, lonely, clingy, needy, or mean. Society says that’s why we did not get married or have children: We chose the career over the kid, or as a friend of my mom once told her, I was too picky. Mind you, this woman couldn’t pick me out in a crowd. She knew nothing about me, but she knew I was being too picky and that is why I never married.   Well, regardless of the cards we have been dealt, I believe we can all be weird, overzealous with the children in our lives, clingy, needy, picky, or mean! After all, we are all human beings first, and none of us are what has happened to us or what did not happen for us, however.     So the next time your initial response is to blame someone for their ‘condition’, do a quick self-check and remind yourself ‘it's not my fault it’s not your fault. Stuff happens.’  How we deal our cards is what sets us apart.   Blog: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/my-childlessness-is-not-my-fault/ Articles of note:   https://drsuetalks.blogspot.com/2018/07/should-fertility-clinics-deny-treatment.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Well, when I set out three years ago to do this thing called podcasting, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Fortunately, some awesome people came alongside me along the way. The first few episodes reflect my fear, or my effort to hide my fear. The newer episodes still make me cringe when I hear them, or if I see someone going through and listening to the entire library. I pray they don’t judge me, lol. But as I just surpassed episode 90, I can honestly say things have gotten much better. There are fewer nightmare scenarios. They happen, but they are less. I will admit that I actually cried for the first time over an episode not too long ago. I will not tell you which one of course. I mean the tears just streamed down my face almost without notice. Suddenly they were just there and would not stop! I would have done anything not to have cried in front of my poor podcast producer. He was very stoic about the whole thing and worked so hard to fix the issue. It actually turned out really well. I continue to be eternally grateful for him. Talk about an answer to prayer three years ago! As the months and years have gone by, I have received more and more emails and Direct Messages. People are slowly coming out of the woodwork and reaching out. I want to tell you that I know how tough it is and that I will probably not hear from many of you. And that is OK, but just keep listening and allow your heart to heal. And for those of you who do reach out, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is your notes and letters that keep me going.   Like this recently received email: Dr. Cristina. When I saw her video on YouTube, I was speechless. I will be putting the link to said video in the show notes. And I will be working on and researching for this episode soon. I am actually really looking forward to it as I would never have put PTSD and infertility together. Our mind and body are amazing, aren’t they? Intricate and basic at the same time. Thank you, Dr. Cristina, for your wonderful email.        Or this Facebook DM that I received from Diana, and for which I created episode 89. I will put the link to that episode in the show notes.   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/   Or this May 2018 message from Carol where she referenced my interview with Chelsea Patterson Sobolik in episode 86. Every episode I mention there will be a link to that episode in the show notes.   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-86-longing-for-motherhood-holding-onto-hope-in-the-midst-of-childlessness-my-interview-with-chelsea-patterson-sobolik/   I am so thankful for that timely episode so that Carol and so many other women who sit in church probably feeling less than, can realize that not all prayers are answered the same way. As Chelsea said in episode 86, not every story ends with a neat bow. Well, the platform continues to grow. There are now well over 300 women in the Facebook group, and we are continuing to grow the Community over on the website. The Community set up is similar to Facebook except it allows for more conversation, groups, and forums. You simply have to log in and join the conversation. The community is on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. See my contact info in the show notes. This is year three of podcasting, but November will mark year four of the creation of this platform. As I mentioned earlier, some wonderful people have come alongside and helped me in the back end. My Podcast Producer Kevin Scullion of Alba Digital Media. He also maintains my website. My theme music created by Devoted, and Morgan Air who sponsors this podcast.  I have been asked what airconditioning has to do with a childless not by choice podcast. And my response is, What does air conditioning have to do with donating backpacks to kids who would not otherwise be able to afford them? If you see a need fill it. When you know there are hurting hearts all over the globe and you feel lead to help whomever you can, branding is not necessarily a deterrent. Having said that, I would love more sponsors. Sponsorship opportunities are available for as short as one month, for example, if you have an upcoming event. You may also sponsor the show for three months, six months, one year, or more.   Email me or DM me and I will send you the application.   Sponsorship money and Patreon contributions are reinvested into the podcast and the entire platform. I want to build courses directly into my website, and the platform for those courses are not cheap. I also plan to upgrade my podcast system, including building or buying a portable sound booth. Every penny will be put to use. Enough about money...for now.   Well, here’s to many, many more years of Podcasting, creating conversation and awareness, and watching hearts heal. My sincerest thanks to you for listening, conversing, and sharing this platform. Before I sign off, I would love for you to hear this wonderful message that was left on my website: Message from Mareshah.          Episodes/articles mentioned in today’s episode: Episode 86--see link above Episode 89--see link above Dr. Cristina Archetti’s YouTube video: ‘Embodied’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XcAzx0jlhI&t=4s Blog: The 40th Anniversary of-of IVF: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/ivf-infertility-treatment-how-change-louise-brown-motherhood-a8332241.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   Just a reminder, visit the website where you can join the community group, check out all podcast episodes, blogs, and resources  www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the website is where the conversation is happening. Well, we have a special guest today! Intro Jody: Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, is author of the best-selling book ‘Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’, and the best selling book ‘Rocking The Life Unexpected--.  She is a founding member and former board member at www.awoc.org (Ageing Without Children). Her TEDx talk, 'The Lost Tribe of Childless Women' was given at TEDxHull in March 2017 and has had more than 27K views. Jody was honoured in BBC'S 100 Women in 2013. And she is a trainee psychotherapist, and a former fellow in Social Innovation at Cambridge Judge Business School, Cambridge University. She runs workshops, online courses, a global online community and global social events for women coming to terms with a life that doesn’t include motherhood, and is currently training other women to lead her workshops in the UK, Ireland, Europe, The USA & Canada. She plans to train more in Australia and New Zealand in the near future. Gateway Women has an aggregated social reach of over 2-million, between the website, various social media platforms, and its global public and private communities. Jody was partnered/married for 16 years in her 20s and 30s, during which she experienced unexplained infertility after an abortion in her very early 20s. She was single for many years before meeting her current partner. They divide their time between Ireland and Ibiza. Welcome, Jody:   I’m going to start out by going way back in time: Your article ‘I may not be a mother – but I'm still a person’--written in The Guardian Newspaper, --Friday February 24, 2012... As I read the article, I could feel my heart breaking for the way you were treated at the party. I know the article was written so long ago, and it is not healthy to dwell on things, but what comes to mind when or if you think back to those times and events?       2) Why did you name your platform Gateway Women?   3) I read a quote recently: ‘When our broken dreams have cost us so dear, dreaming a new dream takes great courage’.--It was attributed to Gateway Women. Was that your quote? Either way, how do you grasp the courage to dream a new dream?   4) As I read through your intro in ‘Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’, I stopped short at the section where you considered doing volunteer work in Kabul, but reconsidered because you did not think you could deal with the Kabul winter. You weren’t even considering the fact that Kabul was in the middle of a war and that you could become a casualty. I definitely understand the level of grief where we do not even consider our safety. How do you get people outside of the childless not by choice demographic to understand that level of grief. Do you even bother?        5) In chapter one, you talk about the ‘universe of pain, heartbreak, surprise, dashed hopes, shock and grief…’ and the word shock jumped out at me. Shock for me was delayed...and then it came and went in waves. Which one of those nouns jumps out at you, if any? How did you overcome?   6) I’ve been questioned about how I am childless not by choice because I did not meet Mr. Right. It wasn’t an infertility issue, it was a social issue (no Mr. Right) plus biology (fibroids) equals no children. I read your list of 50 ways to be childless not by choice. My reason was number one! I got a little chuckle as it always amazes me how people can see you but not see you.  Do you ever get tired of telling your story, explaining your childless? Or does it make a difference who the audience is?   7) (Ch. 3) Life can be tough. Motherhood can be tough. Childlessness can be tough. Well, we all know life can be tough. How do we get the motherhood camp and the childless camp that life is indeed tough no matter which camp we belong to, that being childless is not a free ride?        8) In chapter 3 I believe, you say:   ‘Ideology is that which everyone believes to be ‘true’, but it’s actually a mixture of accepted prevalent beliefs that serve to support the dominant power group. Up until 500 years ago everyone thought the world was flat. That was an idea, not a truth, and around it was created a powerful ideology of Western Europe being at the centre of the world. So perhaps the ‘belief’ that a woman can only have a meaningful life if she is a mother may prove to be an ideological one and not the purely biological one that many of us have come to believe.’  Do you think society can really get past this ‘biological’ process we have utilized since the dawn of time? Is it just a matter of society learning to embrace empathy?   9) Chapter 4, ‘Grief is a dialogue not a monologue’ --   ‘Just as one of the most painful romantic experiences is ‘unrequited love’, I think that disenfranchised grief is a form of ‘unrequited grief’--a grief that is not allowed to be expressed, not allowed to be in a relationship.  But grief cannot move into its active state, ‘grieving’, without a relationship because grief is a dialogue not a monologue. And until we find a place to have that dialogue, either face to face, online, or with a skilled therapist, it stays wedged in our hearts like a splinter.  And it festers as it waits, infecting our life and our soul with sadness.’ (Location 1215 in Kindle).   Not only do we need to dialogue, but it is important to dialogue with someone who understands our pain. This is why community is so important isn’t it?   10) I never thought of the term ‘double whammy’ as possibly patriarchal until I read your book. It made me take a look at the way I use the term to describe what has happened in my life--no husband, no children. The last thing I want is to be pitied.  What an eye opener!   I had so many more questions, but I had to cut it off somewhere. I do need to mention that as I read about how families treat the childless not by choice family members among them. I have experienced this to some level, as I am sure almost all childless not by choice women have.   11) I read about the one woman who was forced out of her own bedroom to sleep in a tent in the garden to make room for her young niece! I was like, ‘are you kidding me???’   I love your suggestion that the time to negotiate proper treatment during family get togethers is not right before the get together.   I talk about kind but firm boundaries quite a bit on my platform. The bottom line is, we need to as childless not by choice women, condition or train the people around us, as to how we expect to be treated. But at the same time, we have to believe we deserve respect, and it can be hard depending on where we are in our journey. If we are feeling shame and then our family and friends shame us, we will probably just allow the shame to continue at least for a time.     Oh my goodness, there is so much more: The Spinster stereotype, the doting aunt stereotype, the older childless woman being a witch or the mean Cruella de Ville...my mom got married at age 28, and on her marriage certificate it says her previous status was Spinster. She was 28! I have always been offended with that language. But my mom always said those were the days. It doesn’t seem like much has changed.   Is there anything you would like to add, anything you would like to say before we close out? NOTE: Read more about the fetishism of motherhood in chapter 3. It is deep! Chapters 8-10 pressed all types of buttons for me. Please do take the opportunity to read this book. I think you will thoroughly enjoy it! Books by Jody Day:   ‘Living the Life Unexpected, 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’   Articles/Blogs written by Jody Day: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/25/child-free-women-jody-day Jody’s contact information: https://gateway-women.com/ Twitter: @GatewayWomen Instagram: @GatewayWomen Facebook: @GatewayWomenUK Email: [email protected] www.awoc.org ‘It’s not a when, it’s an if.’--Jody Day. Articles of note/episodes mentioned in this episode:   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/   http://allafrica.com/stories/201806050128.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon and become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   I’ve done episodes on various types of infertility disease states such as Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, PCOS, MRKH, Fibroids, to name a few. In the case of these diagnoses, you have just that, a diagnosis. Indeed, you have the proof that comes along with or proves the diagnosis. There’s the scar tissue of endometriosis, the constant not taking a baby to term in miscarriage, the cysts, the tumors. The ugly proof truth is there constantly. The side effects are there, and the surgery suggestions that come with some of these diagnoses. But what about when no one knows why you are not getting pregnant?        Welcome to episode 89--Unexplained infertility I received the following message back in April: ‘While listening to your PCOS segment, I wondered if you have ever done an unexplained infertility seg. If you haven't I would like to ask you to think about doing one because it is something that isn't talked about often enough. I have unexplained fertility and I feel it is the greatest struggle of my life. It is a mystery disease that makes doctors shrug as there is no cure if there is no disease other than lack of pregnancy. I am currently fighting it by following a strict keto diet of low carb high fiber veggies, no sugars or processed carbs and fatty meats. I listen to your podcasts while at the gym because they make me feel less alone, and that you are fighting my disease with me. Thank you for your time.’—Diana.’   So, let’s talk about unexplained infertility…   Unexplained infertility, aka idiopathic infertility   According to a CDC article on Womenshealth.gov, Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). Women who can get pregnant but are unable to stay pregnant may also be infertile. About 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant’. Unexplained infertility and female age And... According to https://www.advancedfertility.com/unexplai.htm The likelihood of a diagnosis of unexplained infertility is increased substantially in women 35 and over - and greatly increased in women over 38. The reason for this is that there are more likely to be egg quantity and quality problems as women age. Since we do not have a "standard category" called egg factor infertility, these couples sometimes get lumped into the "unexplained" infertility category. Most women over 40 who try to get pregnant will have difficulty, and fertility over age 44 is rare - even in women who are ovulating regularly every month. The point is that the older the female partner, the more likely that there is an egg-related issue causing the fertility problem. Unfortunately, there is currently no specific test for "egg quality". (I did not know there was not a test for egg quality.) Also mentioned on the same website... Chance for getting pregnant on own - without fertility treatment - for couples with unexplained infertility The duration of infertility is important. The longer the infertility, the less likely the couple is to conceive on their own. After 5 years of infertility, a couple with unexplained infertility has less than a 10% chance for success on their own. One study showed that for couples with unexplained infertility and over 3 years of trying on their own, the cumulative pregnancy rate after 24 months of attempting conception without any treatment was 28%. This number was found to be reduced by 10% for each year that the female is over 31. (Reference: Collins, JA, and Rowe, TC. Fertility and Sterility 1989;52:15-20.)   According to verywellfamily.com. I found the following quite interesting, and I would strongly suggest you check out the site, but listen to this: they seem to believe there is a fundamental difference between two terms that seem to be used interchangeably: Unexplained Infertility vs. Idiopathic Female or Male Infertility They say, It’s important to clarify that unexplained infertility is not the same as idiopathic female or male infertility. Idiopathic means unexplained. But when a doctor talks about idiopathic male infertility, for example, they have already determined the man is infertile. His semen analysis results were not normal. Why are the semen analysis results not normal? That may not be known. If the doctor can’t determine the cause, they may say he has idiopathic male infertile. Idiopathic female infertility may occur when a woman isn’t ovulating regularly or normally, but it’s unclear why ovulation isn’t happening when it should. In both of the examples above, it’s known why the couple can’t conceive—she isn’t ovulating, or his semen isn’t in the fertile range. With unexplained infertility, the eggs are coming, the sperm are fine, but the couple still isn’t getting pregnant. So that’s the bottom line with regards to the term or terms: unexplained infertility and idiopathic infertility. But as I researched whichever term you want to use, I will call it unexplained infertility to keep it simple, I started reading about secondary diseases that can cause infertility. Like Celiac Disease for instance!  The link to that article is in the show notes. https://www.verywellhealth.com/celiac-disease-and-infertility-562998 So, if you are dealing with any other disease, or think you may be, it may be a great idea to speak with your doctor about the possibility of a secondary disease interfering with your fertility. And remember, get a second opinion. The issue of Celiac Disease also came up in Heather Huhman’s HuffPost article. I put the link in the show notes.  I am not going into detail on Celiac Disease here because the episode is not about that, but about unexplained infertility. But I strongly suggest you read up on it if you have been diagnosed or suspect you have the condition.   I'm listing the episode link below because some of my research for this episode included information from Heather Huhman: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-58-pcos-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/   Some other interesting things I found out in my research: Google ‘Not enough water, not drinking enough water — or drinking too many unhealthy beverages like sodas, coffee or alcohol — can lead to dehydration and negative effects upon your fertility... --Apr 21, 2015’ ‘Ginger– Ginger is an incredible food that reduces inflammatory responses in the body (good for fertility) and encourages healthy, gentle, detoxification (good for fertility). It also helps in overall digestion, which increases your ability to nourish yourself. Mar 28, 2017’ There were more suggestions on foods, herbs, and nutrition in general. I will let you do the research on that as we are all different and different things work for different people.  And I do not want to get bogged down in sounding like I am suggesting a cure for infertility. Articles of note: http://allafrica.com/stories/201806050128.html Articles on idiopathic infertility:   https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/infertility   https://www.thebump.com/a/celiac-disease-during-pregnancy   http://www.winfertility.com/a-success-story-pregnant-after-unexplained-infertility/   https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/252824.php   https://www.advancedfertility.com/unexplai.htm   https://www.verywellfamily.com/explanations-for-unexplained-infertility-4081776   https://www.huffingtonpost.com/heather-huhman/5-frustrating-facts-about_b_7632640.html   https://celiac.org/celiac-disease/understanding-celiac-disease-2/what-is-celiac-disease/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.     Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   Well, we have a special guest today! Introduce Christy: Christy Jordan is a certified addictions professional and mental health counselor with over 10 years experiencing working with individuals, families, and couples.  Her focus is helping others find hope to overcome life's obstacles and creating a life without bondage whether that is in their relationships or as individuals. She provided office and online sessions based on clients needs working with clients internationally and locally.  Her website is www.findinghopetoday.com where you may contact her directly, or find more information on her experience and expertise.     Welcome, Christy:   Well, let’s jump into the questions!   1)My question for the therapist is about intimacy in marriage.  Now that my husband and I are working on accepting our childlessness, it feels like intimacy is no longer a priority.  I sometimes feel like he finds other things (work, hobbies) to keep himself occupied. I understand that this may be part of the grief process but my question is... as a couple, how do we keep the intimacy and communication alive in the marriage while we adjust/ accept our CNBC status?   2a) Is when as a couple you get to the point of realizing it really is not going to happen and “you are an empty nester without ever being a nester” how do you keep it all alive?     2b) How does a couple transition into the “new and different dreams”?  Is it just easier said than done?   3) How do you let go of any resentment towards yourself because you are the reason as a couple there are no kids. 4) Another question from one of the group members: Can you talk to us about how legacy looks for the childless not by choice woman, man, couple? 4a) Can you talk about the consideration for divorce when a spouse refuses to consider adoption?   5a) How do you stop thinking if there will be anyone to take care of you? 5b) Will you ever find lasting peace with your CNBC journey? Christy’s contact information:   www.findinghopetoday.com   Books and other resources recommended by Christy: ‘The Bondage Breaker’, by Neil T. Anderson ‘Communication, Sex, Money’-Edwin Louis Cole 'Boundaries in Marriage--(great for communication strategies), by Dr. Henry Cloud Also... Dale Partridge has a great blog and teachings on purpose and legacy   Thought Redirection Techniques (these are third party websites, and in no way connected with the Childless not by Choice platform. These sites are listed here solely to help you find additional assistance in mindset and thought process on  your childless not by choice journey.)     https://mrsmindfulness.com/the-four-keys-to-overcoming-negative-thinkingfor-good/   https://learnevolveandthrive.com/how-to-redirect-your-thoughts-when-you-experience-emotional-pain/ https://chopra.com/articles/the-art-of-redirecting-negative-thoughts   ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’--Philippians 4:8. My contact information:   Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan Well, this is a short post-Mother’s Day episode where I stop by to catch up with you. How did you do? I hope all went well.  We are always thankful that our moms are recognized. But there is that dread because there is no one to call us mommy. That elephant in the room! Be sure to check out the tips, ‘ Self-care tips for the childless not by choice woman on Mother’s Day’. Other episodes mentioned in this episode: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-65-my-interview-with-mrs-maureen-hornstein/   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-shame/   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-86-longing-for-motherhood-holding-onto-hope-in-the-midst-of-childlessness-my-interview-with-chelsea-patterson-sobolik/   We have that internal battle going on, negative thoughts and feelings, society’s norms, how others feel about us, other people imposing their opinions on us. If Mother’s Day didn’t go so well this year, there is always next year! There are so many childless not by choice platforms.  I don’t want you to feel like there are no resources out there like I felt when I first realized I would not be having any children. Global conversation for and about the of the childless not by choice demographic is taking place! My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’. Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   Well, today we have a special guest!   Intro: Chelsea Patterson Sobolik says about herself, ‘There are many ways I could describe myself – wife, author, Congressional staffer, daughter, friend, lover of coffee, fresh flowers, and acoustic music, but the most important thing to know about me is that my heart, mind, and soul belong to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He saved my soul from the eternal separation that I rightly deserve due to my sin, adopted me, redeemed me and calls me His own. When I’m not writing, I’m working my full-time job, as a Legislative Assistant on child welfare policy on Capitol Hill – basically, I get to help work on policies that would make adoption and foster care better, and help improve the lives of children. My heart lights on fire whenever I get to write or talk about adoption! A large part of that stems from the fact that I was adopted from Bucharest, Romania as a child. Apart from my salvation, being adopted is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I grew up in North Carolina, with five adopted siblings from Eastern Europe!  I am a graduate of Liberty University. My husband Michael and I call Washington D.C. home as of a couple of years ago, and it’s been the adventure of a lifetime. While I do miss parts of the south – for instance, people smiling at me and being generally more kind, D.C. quickly became home. I live on Capitol Hill, just a few blocks away from the Capitol, and  I work for one of my heroes. DC stole my heart, and I love getting to do life here. Welcome, Chelsea! Well, I think I wrote down 20 questions and points that stood out to me as I read your book. It was so hard to pull out just a few. But let’s get started!   The Gospel Coalition website has a blog post you wrote back in January 2017.  I’ve put the link to that post in the show notes under your contact information. But some of us were not able to adopt. In fact ‘why don’t you just adopt’ is a question every childless not by choice woman I know has been asked. It’s actually a pet peeve in the childless not by choice community, because if we had wanted to or were able to adopt, we would have. The average adoption these days is about $30k. Your job description is to work ‘as a Legislative Assistant on child welfare policy on Capitol Hill – basically, I get to help work on policies that would make adoption and foster care better, and help improve the lives of children.’ Was that on purpose? Do you ever have moments when you feel left out? 2) As I read the foreword to your book ‘Longing for Motherhood, the author of the foreword said, he ‘fully expects that sometime after this book is published and in your hands, Chelsea will, in fact, find herself a mother of children...but if not, she is not deprived.’ I had to read that a couple of times...but I was a little confused, especially after reading the reason for your childlessness--Mayer–Rokitansky–Küster–Hauser syndrome (MRKH). I even wondered if he referred to your job of helping to make the adoption process easier?     3) I recognized so many parallels between your experience and mine as I read your book. Grief is truly a globally felt and understood, or maybe I should say misunderstood, language; regardless of anything else that may differentiate us.  I begged and bargained with God. I told my mom she has five children of her own, and that she did not really understand my pain. Grief made me angry. Would you speak to the woman who is currently in the midst of the anger phase of her grief?     4) In the chapter, ‘Equipping the church to care for the childless’,  Thank you by the way, for highlighting the fact that some women are not only childless, we are husbandless. It’s what I like to call the double whammy. What do you think it will take to get the church to realize that the congregation is now more than ever, made up of more than mom, dad, and kids, but that there are single never married people, there are widowed people, there are childless people?   5)  In chapter two, you talked about redeeming the dead time in the day. It is so important to protect our thought life, isn’t it?   6) You mention that it is OK not to be OK. Can you encourage the woman or man out there, that is not feeling OK and wonders how to get through those feelings?   7) Well, as I mentioned in the beginning, I had so many notes, but as we wrap up, would you leave us with a word of encouragement with something you said in chapter 3: ‘your trials have an expiration date?   8) Chelsea, thank you so much for your time today. You are speaking to women and men who listen all around the world. You have a global audience. Is there anything else you would like to add that we should have covered?     Thank you for your time today Chelsea! Chelsea’s contact information: Website: http://www.chelseapattersonsobolik.com Book: ‘Longing for Motherhood, Holding onto Hope in the Midst of Childlessness’ Blog posts: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/today-is-my-birthday-because-my-mom-chose-life/ (January 2017) https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/profile/chelsea-patterson/ “The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”– Elisabeth Elliot Books suggested by Chelsea: ‘The Broken Way’, by Ann Voskamp ‘Spiritual Depression’, by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones   Articles and links of note: If you have not listened yet, below is a link to my episode ‘Adopt for the Right Reasons’ http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-82-adopt-for-the-right-reasons/ My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.     Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   I had never heard of Adenomyosis until just a month or so before this recording. I was searching around for what infertility issues were highlighted in particular months throughout the year, when I happened upon Adenomyosis, and that it was highlighted in April. After reaching out to an Adenomyosis website, and never hearing back, I back burnered my research. After all, I had never heard any of the women in the Facebook group mention it. But then, I had the opportunity to speak to one of the women in our Facebook group Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, and she said that was her issue! Go figure! She asked that I look into doing an episode, so here we are! The next thing I wanted to know after figuring out just what Adenomyosis is, was how is it similar or different from Endometriosis. Because at first glance, they seem very similar.  In fact, I did an episode on Endometriosis a while back. Here is a link to that episode.   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-59-endometriosis/   So, what is Adenomyosis? Well, according to our friendly neighborhood Google, ‘Adenomyosis (ad-uh-no-my-O-sis) occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, exists within and grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. The displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — thickening, breaking down and bleeding — during each menstrual cycle.’   But before we continue, I would like to ask our guest, Sandra, to talk to us about her experience with Adenomyosis. Hi Sandra, welcome to the show!     When did you find out you had Adenomyosis? What did the doctors suggest you do? You have a global audience right now, what would you tell other women who suffer with Adenomyosis to do as far as coping, interacting with the medical community, and with their family and friends, even foods that you avoid? Is there anything else you would like to add before we wrap up this portion of the episode?     Thank you so much for your time today!   I so appreciate Sandra coming on and telling us in her words and experience, more about this disease. As I continued my research, I found this website, dr.seckin.com, on that website, they explained that, quote:   ‘Adenomyosis is endometriosis strictly in the uterus. It causes the endometrial tissue of the uterus endometrial cavity to grow into the uterus muscle-damaging the uterine wall. It is similar to endometriosis, except with endometriosis the tissue grows outside of the uterus. Endometriosis and adenomyosis are both metaplasia conditions, meaning that the diseased cells will change into the organs in which they invade. In the case of adenomyosis, this causes abnormal uterus cell growth. Due to the similarities, but subtle differences between adenomyosis and endometriosis, adenomyosis is often referred to as the “sister” disease of endometriosis.’   So in a nutshell, endometriosis affects the outside of the uterus, and adenomyosis affects the inside of the uterus. Just when you think things can’t get worse, there is just a different way for childlessness to infiltrate itself. To complicate things even further, apparently, with exceptions, of course, endometriosis tends to cause infertility, meaning you will probably not have children. And in Adenomyosis, you may still be able to have children before Adenomyosis sets in your later years. Go figure. So, once again, according to drseckin.com, a younger woman can get Adenomyosis and end up never having children...why? Because if she has Adenomyosis, she probably has Endometriosis. Wow!   Interesting Statistics from drseckin.com:     About 40% to 50% of patients with adenomyosis are likely to have endometriosis. 50% of patients with adenomyosis will also have cases of fibroids. 1 in 5 patients diagnosed with endometriosis after the age of 30 will have adenomyosis or be at risk for the disease. Patients with adenomyosis will often also present with anemia, which is a condition where the body has a deficiency of blood cells or hemoglobin and in turn will result in a pallor and weak appearance. Adenomyosis is a major cause for hysterectomy.   Symptoms: Symptoms can range from heavy periods, to difficult bowel movements, to no symptoms at all. See the drseckin.com site for the full list of symptoms. And of course, talk to your OB/GYN about the options that suit you. Everyone is different, so what may have worked for your friend or even your sister, may not work for you. And while we are on that subject, I know I sound like a broken record, but have questions when you go to see your doctor. If you feel you need to, based on what he or she suggests, get a second opinion. In the show notes, I added a link for webmd.com because there seemed to be a video embedded I would guess, more information about Adenomyosis. I was not able to get it to play. Hopefully, you will be able to.      I also went to healthline.com because I have used them for research in the past. But after several websites, the information is generally the same. I just want you to see the research links that I used. ‘Much like Fibroid tumors, Adenomyosis produces physical, emotional and psychological challenges that can significantly affect a woman’s lifestyle. As symptoms progress, many patients begin to feel “trapped” without a way to escape this disease.’-- http://www.alternativesurgery.com/education/adenomyosis/   Now keep in mind, my podcast episodes are not suggestions for treatment. I am simply researching issues and diseases that affect our childless not by choice community, to bring awareness. You should still see a doctor of your choice and come to decisions with your doctor as to best treatments for yourself. Having said that, I have put the link to alternativesurgery.com in the notes below under ‘links used for research.’ Also, there is a video on that website under the Adenomyosis section, that is just over a minute long. As I said, I had no idea this disease state existed before this month, the time of this recording. I truly learned quite a bit in conducting my research. If this is something you have been diagnosed with, or you are now wondering if this is what is actually the diagnosis, I hope you can talk to your medical professional with less trepidation after listening to this episode.      Thank you for listening. And please check out the show notes for each episode, and for my contact information. If you would like to leave me a message in 90 seconds or less, visit the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to your left, and click the link below our old timey telephone! We have more great episodes coming up, so stay tuned! Links used in my research:   https://www.drseckin.com/adenomyosis https://www.webmd.com/women/guide/adenomyosis-symptoms-causes-treatments#1 https://www.healthline.com/health/adenomyosis http://www.alternativesurgery.com/education/adenomyosis/   Articles of note: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/detail/national/30343129 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5605513/Men-getting-shut-fertility-discussions-warns-leading-gynaecologist.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/childless-women-are-not-necessarily-workaholics.html    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com  Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM    Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   Until next time! Bye!

Rubbing Salt into the Wounds Years ago, when I was still trying to hang onto hope, I did everything my OB/GYN suggested. One of those things was to take an injection that was available in a monthly or 90-day dose.  The medication was used to dissolve fibroids. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of this medication was menopausal symptoms. I called it man-made menopause. I had hot flashes, mood swings, depression, and sadness. I believe the depression and sadness was also due to the fact that I was dealing with all of this drama in an effort to buy time while waiting to meet Mr. Right. I had considered IVF and I made two attempts at adoption. But I decided against IVF, for two reasons. It was too expensive and my mom compelled me not to take that avenue. But God was not answering my prayers. The prayers I sent up to him for more than a decade. I begged him to forgive me for whatever sins I had committed.  I asked him to forgive my family for any generational curses that were causing these cursed fibroids. I bargained with him. I begged him for a husband, I begged him for a child. Silence. The silence was deafening. Sometimes I would feel Him impressing upon my heart that everything would be alright. But it was not. I wanted a child. Nothing would ever be alright without a child. I never met Mr. Right, I never had the baby, and I ended up having to have a hysterectomy. Silence. Now I am going through natural menopause. It is nowhere near as bad as the man-made menopause. I am not depressed and I am not having mood swings, but the incessant flushing is almost impossible to bear. It feels like salt is being rubbed into the wound. The wound of everything I have had to endure. How many people do you know who have gone through menopause twice? They say God will not give us any more than we can bear, but honestly, I believe that is just a saying. I am not whining, because many people around the world, children and adults alike, are enduring unbelievable grief and sadness. As a fellow human being, I think about people around the world on a regular basis. I think about childless women, I think about abandoned and enslaved children, and I wonder what I can do to make things better for others. The fact is, although my heart is broken, it is healing. But nothing that breaks will ever be the same again, whether we are talking about broken china, a broken leg, or a broken heart. They will never be completely brand new. But they will be functional. And the level of functionality depends on use. We can walk on a leg that was broken after it is healed. We can use broken china after it is glued. We can function with a broken heart. But it is up to us. We have to choose to function with the broken heart. There is a lot to be done in this world. And I believe we can do our part broken and healed.       Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   What I read to you earlier was my latest blog post dated April 2, 2018, called ‘Rubbing Salt Into the Wounds’. Any leader of anything will tell you that what they are leading is not about them. Yes, many times the leader of any platform or organization will tell you they started the organization because it was needed and it did not exist. And that is the reason I started Childless not by Choice/21st Century Hannah. I needed help in my darkest moment, and I could not find it. But another issue that comes with being a leader is there is seldom time to hurt, or at least say that you are hurting. You just get on with the work at hand, and you try to push down the pain because so many others are looking to you for guidance with their pain.   And that’s why you started your organization in the first place. So we push through our pain. Some days it is harder to do than others, but we get relief when we get notifications and messages from people saying how much our platform has helped them, like the Facebook message I received from Diana who said, ‘I listen to your podcasts while at the gym because they make me feel less alone, and that you are fighting my disease with me. Thank you for your time.’—Diana, 4/3/2018. Or LM who said... ‘I have been listening to some of your talks on podcast and would like to thank you. Your making so much difference to my life, I'm not alone with the way l feel and think. You’re a godsend to so many people. When l feel down l listen to you, it picks me up. Thank you again.’- (3/26/2018). Messages like these keep me going. They are a reminder that this is not about me.  I knew I could not be dealing with the mental and emotional pain of childlessness not by choice.   There are people worldwide who are much worse off than those of us in the Western world. There are childless women being divorced, cast aside, and cheated on, because they cannot produce a child. Sometimes the reason for childlessness does not even lie with them. But culturally, there is usually nothing they can do to address that fact.   Back in September 26, 2016, I did an episode called About the Children. http://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children/   And one of the books I am reading this year is called ‘No Longer a Slumdog’ by K. P. Yohannan. I keep thinking about the children worldwide who are bought and sold like property, their bodies being used and abused. And honestly, I ask God on a regular basis where He is in all of this. Some may say it is because I am childless.  But to anyone who says that, my response is ‘nothing in this life is that easily figured out.’ Sorry, wrong answer. I would venture to say that it is hard to look the other way with the level of technology available to just about anyone. These days we get pollen count notifications on our smartphones, we receive local news notifications all day, and no matter where in the world we are, we can know breaking news immediately, worldwide. We see the disturbing and heart breaking pictures on TV of hurting people all over the world. No, it’s not because I am childless, it is because I am being compelled to do something. Everyone who gives to a charitable cause is being compelled to do something. Everyone who donates their time on weekends to a charity are being compelled to do something. So what’s wrong with me or any other childless woman being compelled to do something? No, that smug answer that it is because I am childless will not work. I will keep you posted on what I can do from my little place in the world, to help once I figure out what that is.  So as I said at the end of my blog post, ‘We have to choose to function with the broken heart. There is a lot to be done in this world. And I believe we can do our part broken and healed.’   Is my heart broken? Why yes it is. My life did not work out the way I expected it to. The childless not by choice women in the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group will tell you the same thing. Childlessness, failed IVF and IUI treatments, are not what they bargained for. Family members who leave them out of birthday parties and holiday affairs is not what they bargained for. Being happy about yet another baby announcement while they die another death internally not due to jealousy. HEAR ME PLEASE, it is not jealousy, it is the sadness for what did not happen for us. We can feel both. It does not have to be one or the other. It is spouses asking ‘why can’t you just be happy for so and so,’ when they see you crying yet again. It is being misunderstood. It is the refusal to believe that if you should not say to someone whose loved one just died, ‘why can’t you get over it already?’ Then you cannot, should not say it to a woman who will never have a child. What can you do you ask, to help the childless not by choice woman live a life she did not ask for? Walk along with her, with us, and help us learn how ‘to choose to function with the broken heart… to ‘do our part broken and healed.’       My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   I would like to thank my Patreon contributor. Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   Please note: this episode contains mature content.   Well, I decided to do an episode on this subject matter after hearing about this issue on one of my favorite podcasts. I was shocked to find out that a historical figure they mentioned had contracted a sexually transmitted disease and that his wife had several pregnancy losses before eventually having multiple healthy children. I will not mention the names of these people because this episode is not about them. This episode is for and about the families affected by and most probably not even aware that, STD’s are why the miscarriages and other physical issues are happening.  Please know that I am not condemning anyone. I am simply creating awareness. I want you to know the facts so that you know how to take next steps, how to speak with your spouse and to your doctors in an educated manner. In fact, I am discussing this issue so that you are not possibly spinning your wheels.   Honestly, my heart broke as I heard about this family. And my heart broke as I did the research for this episode. The statistics were earth-shattering.  Can you imagine a woman not realizing the reason she may not be conceiving, or the reason she may be miscarrying could be due to an STD? How very, very sad.  Yet another possible speed bump on the journey towards the chance of having a child, for those of you, still trying. But as the saying goes, ‘knowledge is power.’ When you obtain the knowledge, then there is the possibility of a fix, an adjustment; to zig instead of zag.  OK, let’s jump right into the subject at hand:  After hearing of the plight of the aforementioned family, I started researching the possibility of STD’s creating problems for those attempting to get pregnant. And this is the first thing I found in my Google search: Quote, ‘Chlamydia and gonorrhea are important preventable causes of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and infertility. Untreated, about 10-15% of women with chlamydia will develop PID. Chlamydia can also cause fallopian tube infection without any symptoms. ... Most women infected with chlamydia or gonorrhea have no symptoms.’ —Google, October 6, 2017.  As I continued my research, I went to the WHO website, and According to the WHO, here are some key facts from their Media Centre site: WHO—World Health Organization Key facts: (From the Media Centre site) More than 1 million sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are acquired every day worldwide. Each year, there are an estimated 357 million new infections with 1 of 4 STIs: chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, and trichomoniasis (pronounced trekomoniasis). More than 500 million people are estimated to have genital infection with herpes simplex virus (HSV). More than 290 million women have a human papillomavirus (HPV) infection1. The majority of STIs have no symptoms or only mild symptoms that may not be recognized as an STI. (I believe that is why many women do not realize this is why they keep miscarrying) STIs such as HSV type 2 and syphilis can increase the risk of HIV acquisition. Over 900 000 pregnant women were infected with syphilis resulting in approximately 350 000 adverse birth outcomes including stillbirth in 20122. In some cases, STIs can have serious reproductive health consequences beyond the immediate impact of the infection itself (e.g., infertility or mother-to-child transmission) Drug resistance, especially for gonorrhea, is a major threat to reducing the impact of STIs worldwide.   What can you do personally to protect yourself from being a part of these statistics?   Your sexual health is important—just as important as any other aspect of your health. I know that depending on where in the world you are, some of you have more management over your lives than others, but whatever you can do to protect yourself, please do so. Next: Have a heart to heart with your spouse—whether it is on this subject matter or infertility in general. Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to next steps. Being able to do this protects both of you from false expectations. Communication is key. And it does not make sense for only one of you to get checked if that is what you decide to do.   Finally, continue your own research. Only you can decide what your final decision will be. Now that you have the knowledge, use it in wisdom.   Media Centre fact sheet site: ‘What are sexually transmitted infections and how are they transmitted?’ ‘Prevention of STIs’ ‘Diagnosis of STIs’ Treatment of STIs http://siteresources.worldbank.org/INTPRH/Resources/STINoteFINAL26Feb08.pdf--See page five of this World Bank PDF to see the global map of how STD’s present.     Research links used for this episode: https://www.cdc.gov/std/infertility/default.htm   Check out this CDC PDF for details on the CDC’s spotlight on STD’s: https://www.cdc.gov/std/dstdp/dstdp-stakeholder-report-design_web.pdf   http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs110/en/   http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/statistics/   http://siteresources.worldbank.org/INTPRH/Resources/STINoteFINAL26Feb08.pdf     Articles of interest:   https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/evewoman/article/2001273738/outspoken-mp-millie-odhiambo-opens-up-on-not-having-a-child-her-wish-to-have-one-by-55     My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   Until next time! Bye!    

Thank you for visiting Childless not by Choice. Remember to help me get the word out by telling your friends about the show. Feel free to share with your social media followers! Well, my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   As I conducted the research for this episode, I got to thinking, you know, the decision to adopt is like just about any other decision that you make with forethought, common sense, and planning. I mean what to have for lunch does not take much planning at least for the most part unless you are planning a special lunch. Planning what route to take to get to a special event may take some research and then some planning, but it should be figured out quickly. Then decisions can become gradually more difficult. Where to live, should you buy or rent, date this person, marry that person. Those take much more research and planning. At least they should. But bringing a child into your life via adoption, how much thought should you put into that? Did you think about the child during the process, the child’s personality, the child’s racial or ethnic background; or were you thinking about getting the funding together to complete the adoption? Did you think about whether you would tell the child he or she was adopted if he or she was the same race as you? What if you ended up having a biological baby, would you still love the adopted child the same way? How would your family treat the adopted child? Did you think about behavioral issues as the child matured? Would you feel guilt over regretting that you adopted the child?   When you think about it, it’s much like getting engaged and planning a wedding right? Yeah, I know, I’ve never been married, but indulge me. Allow me to exercise common sense and the marriages I witness daily. If you are married, did you do any soul-searching, marriage counseling, therapy-seeking, talking to couples who have been married for a million years before you said, ‘I do’? Or did you jump in feet first because it was time? And in either case, soul-searching or jumping in feet first, did the marriage still have rocky roads, speed bumps, and brick walls, or was it smooth sailing? Hint: whether you did the pre-marital things or not, there will still be rocky roads, speed bumps, and brick walls. But hopefully, you married someone who is all in, like you. Are you all in for the adoption?   OK, I will let you think about those questions. back to adopting a child. (pause) Well, wait. (pause) Did you consider the child? (pause) Or did you just consider your feelings, the ones that emanate from within as well as the ones society put upon you?  You know, like I mentioned earlier, it is just time and since you can’t have one of your own, you will just adopt. I know, by now some of you are probably mad at me, calling me a hater because I did not have a child. You know, that one child, that little boy I always talk about. Yes, I thought I would have a little boy. I even had a name picked out for him. But I will tell you that I also attempted to adopt on two different occasions. So, you may think me a hater. But I will tell you I never considered any of the above questions I mentioned above.  I just felt it was time, husband or not, it was time to have a child—of my own or by adoption. Society and my thoughts were weighing on me continually. There was a battlefield going on in my mind constantly! ‘You know you’re the only one who doesn’t have a child don’t you?’ ‘People are watching you, and the wonder what is wrong with you’.  One of my worst thought battles was ‘people feel sorry for you, they are pitying you’. But there were good thoughts too, I really wanted to nurture and train up a child. I wanted to pour into a child so badly. I wanted to read bedtime stories, teach my child how to read especially since I started reading at an early age. I wanted to teach my child how to live in and be able to interact with anyone anywhere. I wanted to teach my child class because we all know you can’t buy class. I wanted to teach him or her that love of family was important, and love of God was foremost. But none of that happened, because I never had the child, and I never got to adopt.          I only thought about my need to nurture a child. I only thought about how society must have viewed me, and probably still does. Husbandless, childless, weird, non-conformist, anti-establishment. You know the establishment. Get married, have children and ‘settle down’ like normal people. And when I attempted to explain that I just never met the right man, I would be told to just settle. Just take what I can get and get into alignment with society’s norms. Then I realized I do not owe anyone an explanation. I am not asking you not to adopt. There are a lot of beautiful children around the world who need love, nurturing, and guidance.  I am simply asking you to think about the reasons for your decision to adopt. Consider all aspects of the adoption. Consider the child. And then consider this: What would adopting a child do for you? What would you do if you were not allowed to adopt—i.e., turned down by an agency, not enough money, not enough income, etc.? What are your alternatives if you were turned down? There is a saying here in the US, ‘check your heart’.  What is your heart saying about adopting? Really.     Notes and corrections: The exam was 250 questions with eight hours to finish, not 125 questions. The verse I was trying to remember: “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”—Luke 6:45     Content mentioned in the episode: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/falling-through-the-cracks/ http://childlessnotbychoice.net/elderly-childless-ready/ http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-70-waiting-wombs-trust-my-interview-with-founder-hadassa-trip/   https://www.pinterest.com/Civilla1/     Links/sites used for research: https://adoption.com/forums/thread/373947/the-right-reasons-to-adopt/   https://www.babble.com/pregnancy/14-reasons-you-shouldnt-adopt/     Articles of interest: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5463967/Childless-couple-parents-adopt-nine-siblings.html   https://www.tuko.co.ke/267894-they-dont-children-kambua-speaks-trolled-pregnant.html#267894           My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM (https://www.pinterest.com/Civilla1/)   LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of Childless not by Choice! Thank you for listening! Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, thank you! I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to help me get the word out by telling your friends about the show! Share the show with your social media platforms! Well, my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/   Jordan Morgan     Well, our childless not by choice platform is transforming right before our eyes. It has become a community! What is the difference you ask? Well, we are currently a series of Facebook groups and Facebook pages. There is the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook Closed group which was created for women only. Then there is the Childless not by choice Supporters group with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, and then there are pages like 21st Century Hannah and Friends who love BooksbyCivillaMorgan, and the list goes on! Well, we are moving into our own space, on the website! Yes, if you visit www.childlessnotbychoice.net right now, you will notice some major changes. If you have never been there, you will not recognize the difference. So, no worries. In either case, this episode was created to give you a tour, so here we go! Visit the website Discuss the home screen—tabs and navigation Log in with FB credentials of create user id and password Visit the Lounge and the other current and future groups/rooms Discuss the current and future forums   The platform will always be for and about the childless not by choice woman, but that there are different nuances to childless not by choice issues. Discuss resources—  Discuss the paid member section   "Everyone is on one road, but a different path. And no path is easy. Never allow anyone to discount your path."--Civilla     What do you think of this article? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5431227/Women-older-mums-likely-kids.html     My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM    Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah    Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!  Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Jordan Morgan   Well, are you being insensitive? Here is how to know:   1) Of all the places to sit and talk about whether you and your husband want another child, you choose to sit directly in front of or within hearing distance of your childless not by choice family member.   2) You mention or directly tell your childless not by choice friend or family member that it took so long to have your baby (a whole year) that you understand how they feel. 3) You wonder out loud how a woman can be so selfish as to not want babies when you do not know WHY a woman does not have babies.   4) You tell a childless not by choice woman that she does not understand because she does not have children (because Lord knows the common-sense part of our brains is underdeveloped until we have children). 5) You do and say things to or in front of a childless not by choice woman to get a reaction. 6) You tell a childless not by choice woman that it just was not God's will for you to have children (as you chase yours around the house). 7) You tell a childless not by choice woman that she can have yours or that she should be happy she does not have kids because they are a lot of work. 8) Contributed by Stacy-- ‘when family members lack understanding and empathy for what you have gone through or are going through in your childlessness.'   If you are reading this and you are childless not by choice, please visit my website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click the Resource tab, and you will find PDF content to help you along your journey.    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening!  Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally.   Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan   Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Welcome to part two of 10, 11 Childless not by Choice women who Changed the World In this segment, we start the list with famed French Chef Julia Child! Popular TV chef and author Julia Child was born on August 15, 1912, in Pasadena, California. In 1948, she moved to France where she developed a penchant for French cuisine. With a goal of adapting sophisticated French cuisine for mainstream Americans, she collaborated on a two-volume cookbook called Mastering the Art of French Cooking, which was considered groundbreaking, and has since become a standard guide for the culinary community. She also became a television icon with her popular cooking shows such as The French Chef.  Child lived a privileged childhood. She was educated at San Francisco's elite Katherine Branson School for Girls, where—at a towering height of 6 feet, 2 inches—she was the tallest student in her class. She was a lively prankster who, as one friend recalled, could be "really, really wild." She was also adventurous and athletic, with talent in golf, tennis and small-game hunting.   In 1993, she was rewarded for her work when she became the first woman inducted into the Culinary Institute Hall of Fame. In November 2000, following a 40-year career that has made her name synonymous with fine food and a permanent among the world's most famous chefs, Julia received France's highest honor: The Legion d'Honneur. And in August 2002, the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History unveiled an exhibit featuring the kitchen, where she filmed three of her popular cooking shows. Child died in August 2004 of kidney failure at her assisted-living home in Montecito, two days before her 92nd birthday. Child had no intentions of slowing down, even in her final days. "In this line of work...you keep right on till you're through," she said. "Retired people are boring. "After her death Child's last book, the autobiography My Life in France was published with the help of Child's great nephew, Alex Prud'homme. The book, which centered on how Child discovered her true calling, became a best seller. (My notes on Julia Child: Did you get that? Her autobiography was ‘centered on how Child discovered her true calling…’ have you discovered your true calling yet, because you have one. https://www.biography.com/people/julia-child-9246767   Harriet Tubman (1822–1913) was an escaped slave who became a leading figure in the abolitionist movement. Harriet Tubman also served as a spy for the US army during the civil war and was an active participant in the struggle for women’s suffrage, an iconic symbol of courage and resistance to injustice, inspiring many generations of civil rights activists. Tubman helped rescue over 70 slaves, in about 13 expeditions (and offering advice to many more). She often traveled in the darker winter months, making it easier to travel incognito by night. Because of the dangers on the road, she always took a revolver with her. She was also willing to use it to threaten any escaped slave who wished to go back because she knew returning would endanger all the escapees. She was proud never to lose an escaping slave on her expeditions. In April 2016, it was announced she would figure on the US $20 bill. https://www.biographyonline.net/women/harriet-Tubman-biography.html   Eva Peron served as Argentina’s First lady from 1946 to 1952.  Eva Peron or ‘Evita’ became a powerful political figure with a large support base amongst the poor and working-class trade union members. She inspired millions with her campaigns to help the poor and give women the right to vote. To her supporters, she was a saint who strove to overcome poverty and injustice. To her detractors (in the nation’s military and bourgeoisie) she was a controversial figure at the heart of Argentinian politics. Eva Peron remains an important symbol of emancipation, especially for women in Latin America. She was one of the first women to create a lasting political/humanitarian legacy. Christina Fernandez, the first female elected President of Argentina, claims that women of her generation owe a debt to Eva for “her example of passion and combativeness”. http://www.biographyonline.net/politicians/american/eva-peron.html   Cicely Tyson is an award-winning film, television and stage actress. She is known for choosing quality roles that send positive messages to women of color. Cicely Tyson was born in New York City on December 19, 1924 (although some believe her birth year to be 1933). She built a successful career by carefully choosing roles that exemplified quality and depth. She has won accolades and awards for her performances on TV, stage and in film, with credits including Sounder, Roots, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman and The Help. Tyson has won two Emmy Awards and a Tony Award, among other honors, over the course of her acting career. She was inducted into the Black Filmmakers Hall of Fame in 1977. Tyson grew up in Harlem, New York. At the age of 18, she walked away from a typing job and began modeling. Tyson was then drawn to acting, though she had not been permitted to go to plays or movies as a child. When she got her first acting job, her religious mother, feeling that Tyson was choosing a sinful path, kicked her out of their home. Despite her mother's initial disapproval (the two didn't speak for two years before reconciling), Tyson found success as an actress, appearing onstage, in movies and on TV. Tyson was nominated for an Academy Award for 1972's Sounder. She also portrayed notable roles on television, including Kunta Kinte's mother in the adaptation of Alex Haley's Roots and the title role in The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, which earned Tyson an Emmy Award in 1974. Moving to Broadway in 1983, Tyson was the lead in The Corn Is Green, a play set in a Welsh mining town. However, Tyson's career trajectory wasn't a smooth one; at times, she had trouble simply finding work. She flatly refused to do "blaxploitation" films or to take parts solely for the paycheck and was selective about the roles she chose. As she explained in a 1983 interview, "Unless a piece really said something, I had no interest in it. I have got to know that I have served some purpose here.'' Through the years, Tyson has kept much of her personal life—including her birth year—under wraps. One known personal detail is that Tyson was married to Miles Davis for seven years in the 1980s. Though other information about her life is scant, Tyson has a well-known commitment to community involvement. She co-founded the Dance Theater of Harlem after Martin Luther King Jr.'s assassination, and when a school board in East Orange, New Jersey, wanted to name a performing arts schools after her, she only agreed to accept the honor if she could participate in school activities. In addition to attending meetings and events, Tyson has even taught a master class at the school. Tyson has received numerous acting awards and nominations and became a member of the Black Filmmakers Hall of Fame in 1977. She has also been honored by the Congress of Racial Equality and by the National Council of Negro Women. And in 2010, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People presented Tyson with its 95th Spingarn Medal—an award given to African Americans who have reached outstanding levels of achievement. In 2015 Tyson was nominated for an Emmy for her guest starring role in ABC's How to Get Away With Murder and was a recipient of the Kennedy Center Honors. The following year, she was honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Barack Obama. For more information on Cicely Tyson, click the link below: https://www.biography.com/people/cicely-tyson-9512950 (my notes on Cicely Tyson: Did you get that? ‘However, Tyson's career trajectory wasn't a smooth one; at times, she had trouble simply finding work. She flatly refused to do "blaxploitation" films, or to take parts solely for the paycheck, and was selective about the roles she chose.’ QUOTES: “I feel so guilty about the state of young people today. And I say that because our generation fought for everything. We fought to sit down at a counter, to sit on a bus. They were left with nothing to fight for.” —Cicely Tyson  NOTE: In the episode, I said she was born in the same part of the world I was. I meant to say her family is from the same part of the world where I was born, The Caribbean.     Dian Fossey was born in San Francisco, Calif., in 1932. Her parents divorced when she was young, so Dian grew up with her mother and stepfather. By all accounts, she was an excellent student and was extremely interested in animals from a very young age. At age 6, she began horseback riding lessons and in high school earned a letter on the riding team. When Dian enrolled in college courses at Marin Junior College, she chose to focus on business, following the encouragement of her stepfather, a wealthy businessman. She worked while in school, and at age 19, on the summer break following her freshman year of college, she went to work on a ranch in Montana. At the ranch, she fell in love with and developed an attachment to the animals, but she was forced to leave early when she contracted chicken pox. Even so, the experience convinced Dian to follow her heart and return to school as a pre-veterinary student at the University of California. She found some of the chemistry and physics courses quite challenging, and ultimately, she turned her focus to a degree in occupational therapy at San Jose State College, from which she graduated in 1954.   She spent many years longing to visit Africa and realized that if her dream were to be realized, she would have to take matters into her own hands. Therefore, in 1963, Dian took out a bank loan and began planning her first trip to Africa. She hired a driver by mail and prepared to set off to the land of her dreams.   It took Dian Fossey’s entire life savings, in addition, a bank loan, to make her dream a reality. In September 1963, she arrived in Kenya.   Following her visit to the Virungas, Dian remained in Africa a while longer, staying with friends in Rhodesia. Upon arriving home in Kentucky, she resumed her work at Kosair Children’s Hospital, in order to repay the loan she had taken out for her trip to Africa – all the while dreaming of the day she would return.   In 1980, Dian moved to Ithaca, New York, as a visiting associate professor at Cornell University. She used the time away from Karisoke to focus on the manuscript for her book, “Gorillas in the Mist.” Published in 1983, the book is an account of her years in the rainforest with the mountain gorillas. Most importantly, it underscores the need for concerted conservation efforts. The book was well received and, like the movie of the same name remains popular to this day.   Dian had not been back in Rwanda long when, a few weeks before her 54th birthday, she was murdered. Her body was found in her cabin on the morning of Dec. 27, 1985. She was struck twice on the head and face with a machete. There was evidence of forced entry but no signs that robbery had been the motive.   Please click the link below for more information on Dian Fossey.   https://gorillafund.org/who-we-are/dian-fossey/dian-fossey-bio/   Quote: “There was no way that I could explain to dogs, friends, or parents my compelling need to return to Africa to launch a long-term study of the gorillas. Some may call it destiny and others may call it dismaying. I call the sudden turn of events in my life fortuitous.” — “Gorillas in the Mist”   “When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate on the preservation of the future.” — “Gorillas in the Mist”   Women I also found interesting, but I promised 10! Feel free to check out the biographyonline.net site if you would like to learn more about these women!  Ginger Rogers Betsy Ross Helen Keller Kathryn Johanna Kuhlman Bonnie Raitt   Is there a woman who did not make the list? Let me know. I would love to do a follow up to this episode as I believe it is such an encouragement to see these women did not fold their arms and check out of society.   Below are two links that list men and women down through history, who never had children: http://nkohk.forumotion.net/t16-the-long-list-of-childfree-and-childless-in-history http://brianhassett.com/2010/06/people-who-dont-have-kids/   Used for research purposes, some of these women did have children: http://www.biographyonline.net/people/women-who-changed-world.html     Articles of note: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/opinion/columnists/berejiklian-gillard-may-merkel-power-to-childless-women/news-story/004e9d8eaf2940ba43ce39d3bd86fc3b   If you haven’t already joined the Facebook group, you are missing a lot of great conversation, commiseration, and encouragement. There are women in there from all around the world who have found a great place to encourage and be encouraged! Come on in and join the conversation! I am working on courses just for you. Right now, ’10 Days to Setting Kind but Firm Boundaries is available when you go to the website and click on the Courses tab. It costs just $29.97 to realize what it takes and how to create kind but firm boundaries. Visit the website, explore, and don’t forget to visit the Resources tab where you can download free PDF content.     My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah In Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! Until next time! Bye!    

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount monthly to help fund the creation of awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally.    Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan   Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:  https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Well today, at the suggestion of a member of our Childless not by Choice Facebook group, I am going to tell you about 11 childless, not by choice women who changed the world! Cool, right? What a wonderful way to start off the new year! I want to remind you that although we are on a childless not by choice journey, a journey we did not plan when we were seven and playing wedding with our dolls or writing little love notes to the cute boy in 6th grade. Or maybe you married the love of your life only to realize there would be no natural born children. You are still on this planet for a reason. Once you face the fact that you will not have children, and whether you adopt, you must decide what you will do with the rest of your life. Will you blend into the background of life, existing, deciding not to show up for your own life?  Opting to live with a level of unhappiness that exists just beneath the surface. An almost, not quite sadness that brews just beneath the surface? A seething bitterness, anger, envy, or fear of growing old and alone. Your prayers, dreams, hopes, and wishes smashed to pieces. OR, you, we, can CHOOSE to face all that negativity squarely in the face; however, it manifests: family, friends, frienemies, and strangers; and CHOOSE to create the life you would like to live. With that, here is part one of the list. Listen to episode 79, for part two.         The list: There were many wonderful women to choose from. It was tough to narrow it to 10, you know, the typical top 10 list; but that 11th person I just could not leave off. How I decided: I chose women from around the world I chose women from different walks of life I chose women from different socioeconomic levels I chose women who made a global as well as local impact with their lives. I chose women who made an impact in just about every industry: medicine, music, religion, politics, social justice, and the arts. Well, almost every field. Well, without further ado, may I present the list: Dr. Audrey Evans—Born in York, England, 1925.  Life’s work: Pediatric Oncology. She “developed the Evans Staging System for neuroblastoma, a malignant hemorrhagic tumor of the adrenal medulla that occurs mainly in infants and children.” She also co-founded the Ronald McDonald House. I posted two links below. One is a link of more information on Dr. Evans, the other is an awesome video where she is interviewed. I purposely did not say too much about Dr. Evans because that video says it all. It will leave you speechless.  https://cfmedicine.nlm.nih.gov/physicians/biography_106.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hstjG19OjkA  (I LOVE this video)   “Rosa Louise McCauley Parks (1913 – 2005) was an African American civil rights activist and seamstress whom the U.S. Congress dubbed the “Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement”. Parks is famous for her refusal on 1 December 1955, to obey bus driver James Blake’s demand that she relinquish her seat to a white man. Her subsequent arrest and trial for this act of civil disobedience triggered the Montgomery Bus Boycott, one of the largest and most successful mass movements against racial segregation in history, and launched Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., one of the organizers of the boycott, to the forefront of the civil rights movement.”  In other words, she was a catalyst! I know she did not get up that morning thinking ‘I think I will be a catalyst today!’ For more information on Ms. Parks, please view the link below.  https://www.biographyonline.net/humanitarian/rosa-parks.html   Mother Teresa (1910–1997) was a Roman Catholic nun who devoted her life to serving the poor and destitute around the world. She spent many years in Calcutta, India where she founded the Missionaries of Charity, a religious congregation devoted to helping those in great need. In 1979, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and became a symbol of charitable, selfless work. In 2016, Mother Teresa was canonized by the Roman Catholic Church as Saint Teresa. One of her famous quotes was: “It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.” See the link below for more information on Mother Theresa. https://www.biographyonline.net/nobelprize/mother_teresa.html    “Mary Cassatt (May 22, 1844-June 14, 1926) was an American artist best remembered for her paintings depicting the intimate bond between mothers and children. She was one of the leading artists of the Impressionist movement and along with Marie Bracquemond and Berthe Morisot, she is counted amongst the greatest female artists of her time.   For more information on Mary Cassatt, click the link below.  https://www.thefamouspeople.com/profiles/mary-cassatt-6066.php   Joan of Arc (1412-1431) is a French heroine and Roman Catholic saint. Born in obscurity to a peasant family, she traveled to the uncrowned Dauphin of France, advising him to reclaim his French throne and defeat the English. Joan of Arc was sent alongside French troops to the siege of Orleans and rose to prominence after the siege was lifted after nine days. She was later captured and burned at the stake for heresy. However, as she predicted, seven years after her death, France was reunited with the English defeated and Charles crowned King. Quote: “One life is all we have, and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.”—Joan of Arc For the rest of the story, please click the link below: https://www.biographyonline.net/women/joan-of-arc.html   Oprah Winfrey--January 29, 1954--is an American media proprietor, talk show host, actress, producer, and philanthropist. She Overcame childhood abuse and rejection as a young woman to become one of the wealthiest women on the planet.  Oprah Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. Her parents were unmarried and separated soon after conception. Oprah had a difficult childhood. She lived in great poverty and often had to dress in potato sacks for which she was mocked at school. She was also sexually abused at an early age. Oprah has proven to countless woman, and in particular black women worldwide, that it truly is not how you start out, but how you end. It truly is up to you. Quotes: “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.”   “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”   https://www.biographyonline.net/humanitarian/oprah-winfrey.html     In Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! If you haven’t already joined the Facebook group, you are missing a lot of great conversation, commiseration, and encouragement. There are women in there from all around the world who have found a great place to encourage and be encouraged! Come on in and join the conversation! I am working on courses just for you. Right now, ’10 Days to Setting Kind but Firm Boundaries is available when you go to the website and click on the Courses tab. It costs just $29.97 to realize what it takes and how to create kind but firm boundaries. Visit the website, explore, and don’t forget to visit the Resources tab where you can download free PDF content.     My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM “When someone tells you to just forget about it, ask them what they have forgotten.”—Civilla Morgan Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Until next time! Bye!

Hello hello, hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Merry Christmas! And welcome back to another episode of Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan   iTunes Reviews: October 10, 2017, by Ateqers from the United Kingdom: 'It is an excellent program, full of insightful comments and educational.'  Thank you Ateqers, hope I am pronouncing your name/handle correctly, for your comment and for your five-star review.  It is greatly appreciated!    Many of you listen to this podcast on different platforms. Google Play Radio, Stitcher Radio, Apple Podcast, my website, just to name a few. But I am happy to announce that you may now listen on Spotify! How exciting right?   Well, I am so excited about today’s episode. I LOVE Christmas and to be able to post the final episode of the year on Christmas Day has me as excited as a kid in a candy store, literally! So, let's get started. I wanted to tell you about how the ladies in the Facebook group are doing, in their own words. I think it is fitting as we come to the end of 2017, that we look back at the growth: The growth of the women in the group and the growth of the platform! Here is the first post:  Ladies who have found solace in the group: Gaby--In one week, it will be the 4th anniversary of my 3rd miscarriage. Unfortunately, all my miscarriages have been during the holidays (Thanksgiving or Christmas). This time of year is always difficult - I'm sure for us all. I'm trying to focus on charity work for children in need. I also joined a mentor program for young girls who have few to no resources around them. While helping others may not replace having your own children, channeling the mourning and at times regret into something positive is hugely helpful. No specific reason to post other than to share with you all, my sisters on this challenging path. Thank you for being here. I wanted to add that when I asked Gaby how she felt now at the end of the year compared to January, she said the following: “By the way, I feel about the same since January. Strong and grateful, with a side order of some fear and sadness. They are all collocated. Coming to the group has almost immediately taken away my feelings of being alone.” I wanted to add that because I believed that would resonate with a lot of you. Joanna (upon welcoming a new member to the group) ‘Hi ----, I joined at the weekend for the same reason. So grateful for the group and glad you found us too. I feel better for the support in just a few days. Just knowing that people understand.’ I also wanted to add a word of encouragement given to Joanna by a good friend of hers who has children:   Debbie—‘Tomorrow my niece gets married. In all honesty, besides excitement for her, my husband and I are sad by what we will never experience. I made a decision about 6 months ago that if I start to feel discouraged over something to reach out and be an encouragement to someone. So, yesterday I wrote a message to my sister-in-law and brother-in-law because I knew that even though this is an exciting time there has to be some emotion of "giving their daughter away." She responded that the message was needed and timely. I know we all have an ache that most do not understand. I am learning to put myself in other’s shoes, reach out and be an encouragement and what do I find? It helps me to not fall into the 'pit of despair." The journey of life is hard enough. What do you do when you start to see yourself fall into discouragement over being childless not by choice?’   Aren’t those wonderful testimonials to the growth that can happen when we choose to push through our pain? These ladies are just awesome for choosing to share their growth and their pain, knowing that in doing so, you can be helped. If you are childless not by choice and you would like to join a group that cries, encourages, commiserates, and grows through pain; Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan is the place to be. There is also the Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. So, come on in and join the conversation. There is a place for everyone! Well, what a year this has been! I have witnessed the growth of the platform, engagement from the women in the group, wonderful words of thanks and encouragement for how this platform has helped them push through to a better place.  I have a second Patreon contributor now. My heart is forever touched by the thoughtful gifts of beautiful 2018 calendars and chocolate covered Macadamia nuts from Janice. And the financial contribution for microphones from Susan! How cool was that?! Thank you, Janice and Susan! I am loving this sense of community that has been created.  And I know it will only continue into 2018 and the years ahead. We are getting the word out that there is an entire demographic of women, and men, around the world, who exist and in some cases, hide in plain sight! Awareness is being created, and conversations are being had.        Hearts are being healed, and relationships are being built or re-built! Those stories of healing and strengthened relationships are gifts to me, just as tangible as the ones I mentioned earlier. I can’t wait to see how 2018 will witness more help and healing! I hope you will join us, and join the conversation!    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. It is appreciated!   Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link below for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan   Intro: Well, we have a special guest! Ms. Halona Black is on a mission to help women realize how to fight the battle against fibroids. Halona says “I am not a physician or nurse. I'm an advocate for women's wellness and guide women through making choices regarding their reproductive health through an integrative approach. That means that food and lifestyle are of the utmost importance. I do teach cooking classes.” Welcome, Halona! Questions: What is your ‘why’, we hear that term a lot, but what put you on the journey to battle fibroids?   You say that ‘Herbal remedies are wonderful’, tell us more about them?     Some years ago, after my hysterectomy, I went to a Natural Medicine MD for an issue other than my hysterectomy. I honestly cannot recall, may have been migraines. After a few visits I stopped going because, and the main reason was because after she read on my questionnaire that I had had a hysterectomy, she said several times that it was too bad I had not come to see her before my surgery, that I would not have had to have the surgery. Hearing that more than once made me feel like so many negative things. Because the fact was, I had already had the hysterectomy and there was no turning back. You say that ‘Living a happy life is important. It's also important for women to know that even if they have lost their womb due to fibroids or other issues, it is still important for them to take care of their reproductive health.’  How exactly does a woman take care of her reproductive health if she no longer has a womb?   Some of the women in my group have had hysterectomies. Do you have any examples where someone was helped post-hysterectomy, and how?   Tell us about your 10-Day Detox book. It’s available on Amazon, is it available anywhere else?   Anything you did not get to discuss as we wrap up?   Halona’s contact information:  http://GarlicAndLemonsLLC.com www.GarlicAndLemonsMag.com.   Halona’s ebook is available on Amazon: Loving My Fibroids Away: A 10-Day Detox Plan Kindle Edition, $7.99 5-day ecourse on the website [email protected]  to order the physical workbook, $37.00 PLEASE NOTE: As Ms. Black mentioned, she is not a clinician. Please see a licensed clinician for health-related issues and questions. Thank you.      Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @joyandrelevance Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Until next time! Bye!  

Hello hello, hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to another episode of Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Thank my Patreon Contributors:   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link in the show notes for details and to become a Patron!)   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan     Today’s episode is about Gratitude, ‘30 Days of GRATITUDE! To be exact!   We did a Facebook Live at the end of October to kick off the 30 days of GRATITUDE event all November. To close out November, we will do a Facebook Live inside the group, on November 30th from 6:00pm-6:30 pm US EST. If you are not in the group but would like to create a list, please do create your list of 30 items.  Use nice paper or a nice journal book, because I suggest you keep your list in a prominent place where you can remind yourself of those 30 things on a regular basis throughout 2018. A couple of the ladies in the group sent me words of encouragement for you! Isn’t that nice? Here is the first one:      The Other Me I took a path I did not choose Nor thought I'd ever take, My dreams were of Prince Charming And of the babies we would make. But something really bad occurred That destroyed those dreams so dear, And who I would be without them At first, was none too clear. From the shattered fragments Of my old dream I once had, I saw a shining treasure, And I wasn’t quite so sad. So, I now pursue a new dream Because I am an “Other.” I have joy along the journey, And I'm thankful for my mother. —Carol   This poem was written by Carol, one of the ladies in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan group. Thank you, Carol, for sharing your beautiful words with us. I am sure it touched many hearts!       And here is the other item:   Hi Civilla, I would like to share the 4 F’s: Faith, Focus, Fortitude, and Follow-through: Faith - in your spiritual being to nourish your soul and wellbeing. Focus - on caring for your physical & emotional health.  Don’t be afraid to seek out professionals to help you (& partner) to cope. Learn new ways to cope! Fortitude - Strengthen your heart with the love and support of those who love you, whenever you are feeling emotionally vulnerable. Follow through - with courage in facing your future. Know you can (& WILL) find joy, love and laughter again.  Move on to live your best life! This wonderful lady also said:  “I am grateful for my husband, without his faithful love and support, I don’t know where my journey in life would have taken me. At this moment in time, there are so many things I am grateful for and I just don’t have just one.  I know the above 4 F’s is a lot of words, it’s more like me sharing to the women who are not at this level of joyous contentment (I am at now). Once upon a time (dark times) I was in their shoes!” Aloha, Janice   Thank you, Janice, for your wonderful words of encouragement!   Well, I won’t read you my entire GRATITUDE list, but I will read you three things from my list, here goes:   My Parents/family—I couldn’t do this without their love and support even when they did not fully understand my grief.   The ability to help others through the childless not by choice grieving process—Some tell me that creating this platform is a gift. If it is, it is my gift to you.    The members of my childless not by choice platform/ growth of the platform—I am thankful for the trust you all have put on this platform. You have joined the Facebook groups, followed on Twitter, subscribed to the Newsletter. You have purchased the devotional, and most importantly, you have told me how much this platform has helped you. THANK YOU! I am thankful!   My word of encouragement for you: Well, here in the US we just celebrated Thanksgiving, so we are right in the middle of the Holiday Season. I know many of you are dreading yet another holiday season of no children to buy gifts for, watching other people’s children dressed in cute festive outfits, and maybe even spending more time alone than you would like. In our Facebook Live on the 30th, we will be discussing 10 ways to navigate The Holidays as childless, not by choice women. I hope you can join us. One of the things I suggest is that you concentrate on helping others. In fact, I mention helping others in different ways throughout the list. Helping others is that important to calming our nerves and our psyche. When you are considering others, it is difficult to dwell on what did not happen for us. As I always say, it’s not that we are ignoring our feelings. Our feelings are valid. Our hearts hurt. We feel like second-class citizens who missed out. I get it. But still, I say, we have a choice as to how we will deal with it. We can sit idly by, and watch the Holidays from our living room window, or we can go out and find an organization that needs help distributing, giving, helping, or listening. It’s all about choice.   Well, after this episode, there are two more in 2017! I feel like I am doing a countdown. The next episode on December 11th, I will be talking to Ms. Halona Black as we discuss the war on fibroids! That is a great episode especially if you deal or dealt with fibroids. And even if you had to end up having a hysterectomy because of them, Halona has some great suggestions for self-care! I hope you will listen in!   Well, I don’t want to sign off without reminding you to come join the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group if you are a woman who is childless not by choice. The group has grown by leaps and bounds, and it continues to grow. There are women in there from all around the world, all on the same journey as you and me, navigating life as childless, not by choice women. Come join the conversation. Don’t attempt to do this alone, or only with people who do not understand. And remember, there is a Childless not by Choice Supporters group with Civilla Morgan for men who are childless not by choice and for everyone who is interested in the platform but may not fit the demographic. I will eventually get a childless not by choice men only group up and running, I will let you know when that happens. In the meantime, there are those two groups as well as the different Facebook pages available to everyone. So come on by!      My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Until next time! Bye!

Hello hello, hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to another episode of Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:   https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah    Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan    In this episode, I update you on the final episodes of 2017, and the first two episodes of 2018!  So much good stuff to look forward to!   November 13, 2017—End of year update episode November 27, 2017—GRATITUDE, Thankfulness December 11, 2017—The war against fibroids, my interview with Halona Black December 25, 2017—Special Christmas episode! Final episode of 2017 2017 was a long year in some respects, but it also seems like it flew by! I am currently working on my 2018 goals, are you? It is important for us to think and speak positively! At the beginning of 2017, I said I would concentrate on health, fitness, and nutrition, not knowing how and when I would do it. But I ended up having quite a few episodes/interviews on mental and physical health as well as nutrition. I even got to interview a real live bodybuilder! Everything came together just from my saying so. Be wise with your words! We also had the opportunity to discuss how to deal with grief (the August episodes). The November 27 episode will be all about GRATITUDE! Write one thing you are thankful for and by November 30th we will have 30 items, things we are thankful for!   Our December 11 episode will be on nutrition as well as how to manage those crazy fibroids! Our December 25 episode will be happening! It will be a special episode. Be on the lookout! Our January episode will be a two-part episode that I believe is an encouraging way to get the new year started off on the right foot!     Don't forget to leave me a message from my website! Yes, go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. Look to the right and click on the tab that says 'send voicemail'. It's that easy!   Well, the group is growing. And I am so thankful! There are a lot of childless not by choice groups on Facebook now, so if you are having trouble finding us, just send me a message! I will point you in the right direction.   November makes three years since I started this platform from scratch! It’s been quite the journey! And I am looking forward to continued growth!        Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah    Until next time! Bye!    

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.   Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:  https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah  Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan  Spirit and Demeanor People can sense a spirit, or demeanor about us. They may not always realize what it is, they may not even realize they are sensing something; but they do sense that something may be off. We take in and make a part of us, our spirit, what we have been through. It can be anything: abuse, childlessness, life not turning out as we expected. We must make the decision to face what we have been through. When we face that monster, we can become stronger. We will become stronger. We must decide that we want a better life for ourselves despite what we have been through. When we make that decision, our demeanor will indeed change. People will recognize that change. Those people who knew us when we had that negative spirit or demeanor, will recognize that change. People will realize they can trust us to babysit, or run a daycare center, or be a kindergarten teacher; because they recognize that we pushed through and came through the other side hurt but healed…or at least healing. We are stronger than even they could ever be. There are people out there who want to tell us how to act or react, but the truth is, they could never survive what you or I have been through or dealt with. The bottom line is that you must want to heal. You must want it. And you know what, life is short. So, do you want it? Do you want mental, physical, emotional, spiritual healing, health, healthy relationships; or do you want to wallow in self-pity, sadness, depression? What do you want? Whatever it is you want, it will take work. It takes work to be mean and jealous. It takes work to get rid of those feelings. The thing is though, once you work and push through to the positive feelings, even when the sadness pops up from time to time, you will know what to do with it. You really will, because you want healthy and not hateful.        Episodes mentioned in the podcast: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-72-male-and-childless-not-by-choice-my-interview-with-dr-robin-hadley/   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-65-my-interview-with-mrs-maureen-hornstein/   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life; although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Before we get started: Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated. Individual thank you’s if any: Shout outs: Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link below for details and to become a Patron!) Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber:  https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah  Current Patreon contributors: Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan   Well, today I have a special guest! This wonderful gentleman and I follow each other on Twitter. But one day I took a longer look at his Twitter profile and became intrigued with his platform. He talks about childlessness from a man’s point of view! Many of you recall there was a time when I did not consider the thought that men could have difficulty dealing with childlessness. I am so thankful for growth and for revelation! Since I opened my mind to the fact that men can and do suffer whether emotionally or from society’s expectation, I have had the great opportunity to discuss childlessness from a man’s point of view a couple of times here on the podcast. And now I have the great opportunity to interview Dr. Robin Hadley. Let me tell you a little about him!      Dr. Robin: Was born in 1960 in a working-class area of Manchester (UK). He was the 7th of 8 children, 4 boys and 4 girls. Dr. Robin left school with only a few qualifications. But his wide-ranging careers have included such roles as counsellor, deputy technical manager, and scientific and technical photographer (28 years), kitchen assistant, and even bartender. Dr. Robin’s training as a counsellor and his own experience of the desire for fatherhood, led him to research the subject of involuntarily childless men’s desire for fatherhood as research dissertation for his Master of Arts in Counselling, The University of Manchester. He followed up with a self-funded Master of Science (again at The University of Manchester) exploring the levels of desire for parenthood (‘broodiness’) in females and males, parents and non-parents. He was a Social Gerontology PhD studentship at Keele University in 2010. And for his PhD study examined the experiences of involuntarily childless older men, and awarded his PhD in December 2015. Post PhD, Dr. Robin has held a number of short term Research Associate posts on projects relating to ageing, dementia, technology, and fathers influence on infant feeding. Welcome Dr. Robin! *Please note that Dr. Robin’s contact information, along with links to his Theses are in the show notes. Questions: First, for our non-UK listeners, tell us exactly what ‘broodiness’ means. I believe the term may be used in a slightly different way here in America!   In our first meeting, I asked if you are childless not by choice and you advised you are. Was it due to circumstance or was it biological? I may seem nosey, but I know there are many men listening, and I want them to realize they are not alone. In your research, you mentioned the biological clock. Did you find that men have biological clocks like women do, in a different way, or not at all?   In your thesis, you said: quote: ‘Research has mainly focussed on family and women, with the fertility intentions, history and experience, of older men being overlooked. Most nations do not collect the fertility history of men and consequently, it is impossible to judge the population level of childless men. Although involuntary childlessness has frequently only been associated with infertility treatment there is growing recognition that there is a latent population that is absent from research literature. ‘Have you seen any change in the two years since you wrote this?   In your PhD Thesis Summary where you mentioned the research of the 14 men aged 49-82, did you notice a trend of any type, aside from the ongoing grieving, was there anything that stood out or that surprised you about their responses? I am assuming grieving is ongoing?   Did you have the opportunity to teach these men anything that would help them cope with childlessness? Is there a word of encouragement that you can share with the male listeners?   ‘Post PhD, you have held a number of short term Research Associate posts on projects relating to aging, dementia, technology, and fathers influence on infant feeding. Tell us more about this research, such as did you recognize an elevated level of dementia, or any other negative impact on the men you researched?   In closing, is there anything you would like to add, anything I missed? There was so much, and I found your thesis papers intriguing. So I am sure there was much more we could have discussed!   Dr. Robin’s contact information: http://www.robinhadley.co.uk/index.shtml   Specialty areas include: men, masculinity, male childlessness and infertility, fatherhood, gender, aging, older men, impact of childlessness/infertility, family.   Dr. Robin’s Papers, Thesis and MSc Thesis: http://bit.ly/2fg0RLc  https://drive.google.com/file/d/0By0paj_-gAAbbXVIR3drQjVGdGM/view?usp=sharing   Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. If you found value in this episode, or the podcast and platform in general, feel free to visit my Patreon site. See the link below. Patreon gives you the opportunity to schedule monthly contributions of any amount, to a platform for which you find value! Please also feel free to visit iTunes now known as Apple Podcast, or just go to the website and subscribe to the podcast. It would be appreciated!   News stories and articles on childlessness… http://www.vogue.co.uk/article/surrogacy-in-the-uk    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   Do you use hashtags? Would you consider helping me spread the word about the Childless not by Choice platform by using them in your social media posts when telling others about the platform—podcast, blogs, etc.? #childlessnotbychoice #21stcenturyhannah #awarenesscreator #civillamorgan Thank you!    Would you help me out by taking this short survey? The survey helps me to know who is listening which helps me with producing correct content for my listeners.    https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah    Until next time, thank you! bye! 

Podcast—Episode 71--The Most Annoying Thing You’ve Been told about being childless Hello, everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life; although we could not, did not, have children we so wanted.    Thank you's: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated.   Thank you to my Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link in the show notes for details.)  My current Patreon Contributors: Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan  Put the link below in your browser and sign up to become my next Patreon Subscriber. Thank you!  https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah   In this episode, I go to my Childless not by Choice Facebook group and ask the question, ‘what is the most annoying thing someone has said to you about being childless?’ back in April! A month before Mother’s Day in the USA. Aaaaah, the responses. Will they shock you? It depends on if you have been on the giving end or the receiving end. Let me know, I’m curious! Oh, and I forgot to add another comment many of you should find hurtful. See below: One lady said that she was told by someone to leave their children alone and go get her own. I don’t know about you, but that is downright petty! If you have a comment you did not hear in the episode, send it to me and I will add it to my list. I’m thinking of updating this episode if I get more comments. Please only send in the comment if it happened directly to you.   Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!   “I have decided NOT to live a life of hiding, fear, and apology, for prayers not answered.”—Civilla Morgan.   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Until next time, bye!

Hello everyone, Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life; although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share and re-share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that! Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated.   Individual thank you’s:   Shout outs: Thank you to those who have purchased a copy of my devotional or taken the course, ’10 Days to Creating Kind but Firm Boundaries’. Every penny received goes right back into the platform.   Thank you to my Patreon Supporters! You all encourage me to keep on keeping on! Money received is used for: Monthly payment to my podcast distributor. Monthly payments to my Podcast Producer. Podcasting equipment such as microphones, headphones, paid recording software, etc. Purchase and maintenance of a classroom for future online courses. Website maintenance.   Hadassa says “I founded Waiting Wombs Trust, an organization that brings together couples, women, men who have walked the child waiting journey and succeeded on are still in wait. We also create awareness about childlessness. We support such by sharing experiences, encouraging and waiting together. We have also partnered with some doctors to help needy cases or just waiting wombs in general. Childless couples and mostly women go through a lot.”   Interview questions:  Tell us why you chose the name Waiting Wombs project, tell us about the project. Tell us about your Facebook Group. It’s a large group! Are most of the people from the continent, are they based in Kenya? How do the men deal with the group, are they involved at all? How long has the Waiting Womb project been in existence? How do you encourage women and couples who are waiting? Do you get the ‘why don’t you just adopt?’ question over there? And do you get unwanted commentary from strangers and family? How do you overcome moments of sadness?   Hadassa’s Contact information:  www.waitingwombstrust.org [email protected] Facebook: Waiting wombs (ww)   Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. If you found value in this episode, or the podcast and platform in general, feel free to visit the donation jar on the website, stop by iTunes and leave me a rating and review, and of course tell a friend.  If you would like to make a regular donation to the platform, visit my Patreon page and get set up. Every donation will go back into the platform. $1.00, $5.00, $10.00, any amount is appreciated! Thank you to my current Patreon Supporters: Podcaster Sarah Williams of The Tough Girls Podcast Jordan Morgan Click the link below to become my next Patreon Subscriber https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah    My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Until next time, bye!   

Hello, everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Please remember to tell your friends about the show and share episodes to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!   Well, today I have a special guest, and I am so excited! You know how some people come into your life and you are just so happy they exist? That’s how I feel about this special young lady, she is just beautiful inside and out! Let me tell you a more about her before we get started:    Valerie Zollinger is a Certified Professional Speaker, Best-Selling Author and Leader. Her unique blend of passion, authenticity and extensive understanding of human behavior results in enlightening and engaging presentations for audiences. She is known as the “Light Giver” for her great strength, compassion, and desire to spread a message of hope in the face of any challenge or adversity.   Valerie received her Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees in Social Work from the University of Central Florida. She has ten years of experience working with people from diverse backgrounds in various settings including mental health, hospitals, and dialysis clinics. She has helped thousands of people make positive changes in their lives. Valerie prides herself on being a loving and accepting person. She has had a passion for writing and for helping others since she was a child.   Valerie is a successful business owner with Arbonne International and a team leader. She is the President of the Board for the Bereaved Survivors of Homicide, Inc., and a member of the Junior League of Greater Orlando. Her vision is a world where all people know and understand that a healthy, powerful body leads to a healthy, powerful life. Valerie’s mission is to inspire others to make the changes necessary in their lives to step into their greatness.   Welcome Valerie:   Let’s get started! You have done this talk several times, and I am honored that you are sharing it with us today!  I just know that the childless not by choice community will gain help and healing just by hearing your story, and by listening as you explain the five F’s to us today! I know I did!    Finance- Faith- Forgiveness- Friends & Family- Fitness-   In the episode, I mentioned a previous episode where I interviewed CFP Reshell Smith. Here is a link to that episode on finance for women around the world:    http://childlessnotbychoice.net/childless-not-by-choice-reshell-smith-interview-finance-for-women-around-the-world/     Closing: Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. If you found value in this episode, or the podcast and platform in general, feel free to visit the donation jar on the website, stop by iTunes and leave me a rating and review, and of course tell a friend.    Valerie’s contact information: Contact Valerie at [email protected] or (407) 342-6481. Visit her websites: valeriezollinger.com and valeriesmith5.arbonne.com.   My contact information:   Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM    Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Until next time, bye! 

Hello, everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted.                                                          Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated.   Individual thank you’s if any: Thank you, Lily, for your email thanking me for the newsletter and for the podcast. That means a lot to me as I continue to create content for us.   Remember, you may register for the newsletter or listen to any podcast episode by simply visiting www.childlessnotbychoice.net. I have created and am creating content for you on a regular basis, and it’s all on the website. Well, today I am going to discuss a subject of which I knew nothing, but for which I use regularly as my platform’s byline.  It’s a funny thing about not knowing what we don’t know, isn’t it?  All through the platform, in all my intros, I say that ‘you can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life.’ Never realizing that thought process could possibly have its roots in a sociological or psychological process for coping. As many of you know, I wanted children more than anything on this planet. I managed pain and embarrassment for a decade attempting to buy time to possibly have a child. Ultimately, it did not happen. I wanted to have a child or children with someone who would help me raise them. I really could not imagine raising a child by myself, although at one point in my 10-year journey I did consider IVF as I started to run out of time, and after two failed attempts at adoption.  I finally scheduled the surgery that would end my physical pain, embarrassing monthly accidents, and any hope I had left, of ever having a child.    I fought and struggled my way through sadness, bitterness, shame, fear, feeling like a second-class citizen, battling all the negative thoughts that tried to take up residence in my mind. I made the decision, the choice; to journey to a place of acceptance and realization that I would not have the children and the lifestyle I had expected. I had to decide: what kind of life would I have? Would I allow myself to live as a self-imposed second-class, shamed, and embarrassed about my situation citizen? Or would I make the decision to speak out about my situation knowing there were millions of women experiencing a similar journey?  Women who were and are hiding in plain sight? Would I be willing to face down the critics who asked why I could not just get over it, or my favorite…’why don’t you just adopt?’ Those of us in the childless not by choice community love that question. I think that’s our favorite question.     Could I really convince women around the world, and men, that they really could live joyful and relevant lives? Would they believe me? Do I believe me? Some days I believe it, some days I ask myself who am I kidding? I have my moments, especially around Mother’s Day, where I feel like I am fooling myself. It is around that time that I feel like a fraud. http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-64-i-feel-like-a-fraud/  But the alternative was scary.  Depression, sadness, fear, bitterness, envy…I could not and cannot imagine living the rest of my life with those feelings as my narrative. There had to be an alternative.   There will be moments of sadness weaved into the tapestry of our journey, but deep down, even during those moments when I feel like a fraud when I don’t believe me; I know I made the right choice. The choice to be relevant and joyful. The choice to help others.  I decided that the negative alternatives were just not an option.  And remember, choice does not just happen. It is a process. There will be good days and there will be bad days. But underlying the ups and downs is the choice, the decision.   So here is my point: It turns out that my byline of living a joyful and relevant life is much the same as Caplan’s Theory of Crises. What is Caplan’s Theory of Crises? I’m glad you asked:      ‘Caplan (1964) initially defined a crisis as occurring when individuals are confronted with problems that cannot be solved. These irresolvable issues result in an increase in tension, signs of anxiety, a subsequent state of emotional unrest, and an inability to function for extended periods. James and Gilliland (2005) define crises as events or situations perceived as intolerably difficult that exceed an individual’s available resources and coping mechanisms. Similarly, Roberts (2000) defines a crisis as “a period of psychological disequilibrium, experienced as a result of a hazardous event or situation that constitutes a significant problem that cannot be remedied by using familiar coping strategies” (p. 7). The Chinese translation of the word “crisis” consists of two separate characters, which paradoxically mean danger and opportunity (Greene, Lee, Trask, & Rheinscheld, 2000). Crisis intervention thus provides opportunities for clients to learn new coping skills while identifying, mobilizing, and enhancing those they already possess. The following are characteristics of crisis events: The event precipitating the crisis is perceived as threatening. There is an apparent inability to modify or reduce the impact of stressful events. There is increased fear, tension, and/or confusion. There is a high level of subjective discomfort. A state of disequilibrium is followed by rapid transition to an active state of crisis.     Crisis Intervention is an immediate and short-term psychological care aimed at assisting individuals in a crisis situation to restore equilibrium to their biopsychosocial functioning and to minimize the potential for long-term psychological trauma.                The two things I really liked about the above information: are the last sentence, and how the Chinese created two paradoxical characters to equate to crisis.  *** It is so important to quickly work on minimizing the potential for long-term psychological trauma. Many people are afraid to go see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it is important to see one immediately after a traumatic experience or crisis.  In life, there will be trauma. There will be crisis. But there is also hope.  Which leads to the other thing I liked: the meaning of the Chinese two-character definition of crisis: danger and opportunity.  Those two words: danger and opportunity, are not typically used in the same sentence. But isn’t it wonderful that the Chinese thought of the possibility of hope even during trauma, during crisis? Even in crisis, there is hope. Hope is what I hung onto for ten years, until my final surgery. I could have lost all hope after that surgery, but I decided to create a new hope. It didn’t happen overnight. Sometimes choice is a process. You may have had to take a left turn. Maybe that IVF treatment failed yet again, and you cannot afford any more treatments.  Maybe you had to finally have a hysterectomy. Totally not what you had planned.  And while trying the treatments, or trying to hang onto that uterus, you had hope. But now that those hopes have been taken away, you must manifest a new set of hopes. Life is a journey. You know that as well as I do. There will be ups and downs, back tracks, winding roads, fear, sadness, happiness, guilt, strengthening events, clueless people making clueless comments, and seemingly mentally weakening events. But throughout the entire journey, we must hang onto hope.      I’ve put the Kaplan’s Theory of Crisis graph in the show notes.  It is a pictorial graph of the progression of how we deal with crisis: before, during, and after.   If you look at the graph, you will see how many of us are going along, managing life, pre-crisis. But during the crisis which I call the ‘glass half full or half empty’ visual, the affected person’s coping mechanism drops precipitously, but then there are three levels of recovery. In the green level, you can see that the person recovered to higher than where they were before the crisis. Another person recovered to just about where they were or just a little lower. But a third person’s coping capacity was seriously diminished. They did not recover per se, they either just checked out of life, or it would not take much to send them over the edge. Their mental, emotional, may be even physical state, is fragile. I believe the hope that you may have held onto at the outset of the crisis, or a new-found hope post crisis, is what helps a person to recover above and beyond that seriously diminished capacity to cope. This is how important hope is. So, I am asking you to hang onto hope or find a new hope if life did not turn out the way you expected. If you do not have that baby you hoped for. If you never have that baby. If you must watch women around you have child after child after child. Knowing some of them consider their children mistakes. Watching some of them give up their little girls out of tradition. Exchanging their children for that next drug induced hit. Even killing their children.  I know I have asked you to do this in previous episodes, but I am going to ask you again: whenever you hear about or see these heartbreaking stories, pray for the child. Help where you can, and find new hope. Recover to higher than where you were pre-crisis. Do not allow this crisis to take you to a place of hopelessness and diminished capacity to cope. Have hope!            Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. If you found value in this episode, or the podcast and platform in general, feel free to visit the donation jar on the website, stop by iTunes and leave me a rating and review, and of course tell a friend.       Citations: https://uk.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/14229_Chapter5.pdf   http://ptgmedia.pearsoncmg.com/images/9780132431774/downloads/jackson_ch1_overviewofcrisisintervention.pdf   Tags: Suicide, childlessness, loss, barrenness, PCOS, miscarriage, infertility, fibroids,   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Hashtags:   #civillamorgan #21stcenturyhannah #childlessnotbychoice  Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!   Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Until next time, bye!

Hello, everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by Choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyfully relevant and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Please remember to tell your friends about the show, share episodes to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!                                                          Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated. Individual thank you’s if any:   iTunes review: There are differing opinions in the podcasting community about a podcaster’s status in iTunes, but one thing I believe we all agree on is that the more reviews the better. Why? Because when visitors see quite a few reviews they become curious about the podcast. I believe though, that if someone is searching for a particular subject matter, they may give the podcast at least one listen no matter how many reviews they see, but I still believe the more reviews the better. So, your stopping by and giving me a review would be just wonderful, and giving the podcast a listen, even more so! Thank you!   Shout outs: My cousin Amber who got me set up on the nitty gritty back end of podcast set up. She was so patient with my cluelessness! My Podcast Producer, Kevin Scullion of Alba Digital Media. My Childless not by Choice Group Admins: Kerri, Elaine, and Sarah.    My listeners! Facebook Groups: I have a few groups and pages on Facebook. Two of the groups were set up specifically for the childless not by choice demographic and supporters of the platform. One group is for women only, Childless not by Choice, and the other group is called Childless not by Choice Supporters.  Both links have been posted below. You may also join directly via the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, as well. If you have problems finding the group, email me at [email protected] for assistance. Turn-around time is right around 24 hours. These groups are kept up to date with fresh content regularly, and conversation is welcomed! Childless not by Choice: https://www.facebook.com/groups/545985648898951/ Childless not by Choice Supporters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/booksbycivillamorgan/   One on One sessions: Well, I am close to being all set to welcome you to one on one sessions! I know these sessions are needed and I cannot wait for us to talk! Please note: these one on one sessions will be conversational based on experiences, best practices; discussing such things as clear, kind, but firm boundaries. These conversations will not be a replacement for speaking with a professional. The sign up will be on the Shop tab on the website.   Webinars/classes: I am creating some subject-based webinars and classes. The first subject I will be broaching is suicide, suicidal thoughts, etc. I know that there are millions of us around the world on this childlessness journey. And we are all in different places in our thoughts and feelings on our childlessness. It does not help that society seems to think they have a say in our production or lack thereof. What many people do not seem to understand, is that childlessness is not just physical, it is also mental and emotional. Their unwanted two cents do not help. So, I am hoping this first webinar will help those of you struggling with thoughts of suicide.  Please note, this will be paid content.   Well, thank you for listening. I cannot believe it’s been two years! Podcasting is one of a handful of things in my life that I am so glad I did, and have no regrets.  Don’t you love when you can make two or three decisions like that in life? I am truly thankful that this medium has allowed me to reach you.      As promised, here is the link to my episode with my Podcast Producer:  http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-66-my-two-year-podcasting-anniversary-interview-with-my-podcast-producer/   Don’t forget to check out the articles of note below!   Articles of note: Is there a connection between divorce and infertility? Check out the article below: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318292.php   Male infertility? http://www.nigeriatoday.ng/2017/06/male-infertility-major-factor-in-childlessness-says-expert/         My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM    Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Until next time! Bye!

Episode 66—Two-year anniversary episode, my conversation with my Podcast Producer/Web builder Kevin Scullion  Hello everyone! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyfully relevant and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have children we so wanted. Thank you for allowing me to sit with you a while!   Intro, how we met—   How did you get into podcasting? Tell us more about your podcast… What made you want to start creating (websites) and editing (podcasts) for others? 4) Tell us how podcasts can be a wonderful resource…  5)What creates longevity in a podcast? 6) How can people reach you if they need assistance with podcast production and or web building? And how do people access your podcast?   Shout out: ‘Wow! That was so brutally honest. Hats off to you for opening up yourself to others like that. That is why God is using you so powerfully. Of course, I have no answers for your questions. I am not in the same boat as you, but in a similar situation of sometimes feeling, "How can I say so and so when I am not even there myself?" You are needed. You are not a fraud. You are simply doing God's will. Keep on doing what you do.’ Love, Olive (In response to the main article in my June Newsletter, Your Monthly Guide to Living the Childless Life)   Kevin’s contact information: Use the link below to contact Kevin for your podcast production or web building needs http://albadigitalmedia.com/     Use the link below to listen to Kevin’s podcast episodes http://www.bonnietours.com/episodes/   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Until next time! Bye!  

Episode 65—My interview with Mrs. Maureen Hornstein Hello everyone! Thank you for listening to another episode of Childless not by Choice! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!   Mrs. Maureen Hornstein is originally from a small town in Minnesota, USA. At University, she studied Speech-Theater, Music, and Education. Upon graduation, she joined the staff of a faith-based organization, Campus Crusade for Christ International now known as Cru.   Maureen and her husband, Hank, have spent most of their careers living in three countries outside of the United States. Currently, Maureen is the Women's Asia Strategy Coordinator for the Jesus Film Project. On that project, she works with various media tools that help women realize that no matter what their family or country may think of them; God their Creator, made them valuable.     Was it a conscious decision to work and live outside the United States?   In your bio, you say that you help women realize that no matter what women’s families and cultures may tell them, their Creator values them. How exactly do you convey this truth to women? Is this through your Jesus Film Project, or in your daily life’s journey?      When did you and your husband realize you would not be having children?   Do you both come from large or small families?     Was there any pushback from either of your families when they realized you weren’t having children?   Did you and your husband have to journey to a place of acceptance?     What suggestions would you have for women struggling with childlessness?   To contact Mrs. Maureen Hornstein: Magdalena Today on Facebook www.magdalenatoday.com Jesus film media app     "Empathy is finding echoes of another person in yourself."--Mohsin Hamid.     Stories of note: http://www.the-star.co.ke/news/2017/05/17/we-are-not-barren-or-infertile-we-are-just-but-waiting-wombs-childless_c1557714 https://www.rt.com/op-edge/389574-macron-may-merkel-europes-childless/   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance  Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Until next time! Bye!

Episode 64— I Feel Like a Fraud Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!                                                         Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated. Individual thank you’s: Shout outs: Carla from CO. Thank you for your wonderful email, and for sharing your blog with me. In reading her email and blog, I recognized that we have had very similar experiences as childless not by choice women. Thank you, Carla, for reach out!   I feel like a fraud… That’s what I told my brother. And that’s what I told a very good friend of mine. It was a few days after Mother’s Day here in the US. I had been afraid to verbalize it to anyone because I wasn’t sure what reaction I would get. How could I possibly be two years into building a platform created to help women who are childless not by choice feel better about themselves. Feel better about their lives. Many of you know, my byline: ‘Living a joyful and relevant life although childless not by choice.’ It all started a few days before Mother’s Day. It always does.   Stories of note: http://www.the-star.co.ke/news/2017/05/17/we-are-not-barren-or-infertile-we-are-just-but-waiting-wombs-childless_c1557714   https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/12/theresa-may-children-politics-women-gender   http://micetimes.asia/to-make-money-not-kids/   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: Civilla Morgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   p.s. There is a lot of conversation going on in the Facebook Group Childless not by Choice. If you are childless not by choice and would like to join the conversation in a judgment-free zone, stop by and become a group member!   Until next time! Bye!  

Episode 63—My Interview with Fitness Coach Michael Echeverria Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of Childless not by Choice! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share with your friends and followers! I would appreciate that! Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated. Today’s episode is an interview with Fitness Coach/Bodybuilder Michael Echeverria. You are in for some surprises on just how simple good nutrition and fitness really are. And you may find that the so-called Third-World countries may have better food options than we do in the Western world! Don’t you just love Michael’s energy! It was a pleasure to speak with him. And I hope you learned as much as I did about fitness and about the right foods to put in our bodies. To learn more about Michael and his platform, Fitness by Design, see his contact information below.    Michael’s contact info: www.fitnessbyexample.com (407) 529-4512   Here are some news stories of interest: (I like to post stories I come across that pertain to the world of childless, not by choice): http://micetimes.asia/to-make-money-not-kids/   http://www.breitbart.com/london/2017/05/09/election-macron-leaders-europes-top-four-economies-zero-children/   https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/may/12/theresa-may-children-politics-women-gender   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Remember, I love hearing from you! Email me, DM me on Facebook or Twitter, or leave me a message on Speak Pipe on the website. All of the contact information is below!   My contact information: email: [email protected] Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance (content mostly on the subject of childless not by choice) Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Until next time! Bye!

Hello! Civilla Morgan here! Welcome to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.  I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life although we could not have children.  Thank you for allowing me to sit with you a while!   Well, you heard correctly in the intro. I have made the decision after more than a year of ‘discussions’ with my podcast producer, to change the name of the podcast. The platform will still be called 21st Century Hannah, but for easier searchability, the podcast name has been changed. So welcome once again, to Childless not by Choice!   Thank you’s: Thank you for your FB re-shares and your Twitter comments and re-tweets. It is always appreciated. Individual thank you’s if any: “Thoughtful and informative. Civilla delivers valuable insights and resources for anybody affected by or interested in childlessness.”--Fotograffs, United Kingdom  (April 2017)  Shout outs:   I want to let you know up front, that parts of this episode may be graphic. If there are children around, you may end up answering a lot of questions! I wondered why this episode might be more graphic than the other three in this series, and maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just that it is being done through my lens of experience. For some of you, PCOS was your story. For some, Endometriosis was your story. And for others, Miscarriage was your story. Well, Fibroids are my story.    Let's get started: According to webmd.com, A lot of women have uterine fibroids at some point in their life. You may have even had them and never known it. That’s because they often don’t cause any pain or symptoms. Uterine fibroids, which your doctor may call leiomyomas or myomas, are muscular tumors that can grow on your uterus. They rarely turn into cancer, and if you get them it doesn’t mean you’re more likely to get uterine cancer. Fibroids can vary a lot in size, shape, and location. They can show up in your uterus, uterine wall, or on its surface. They can also attach to your uterus by a stalk- or stem-like structure. Some are so small that your doctor can’t even see them with the naked eye. Others grow in big masses that can affect the size and shape of the uterus. Uterine fibroids usually appear in women of childbearing age -- generally between 30 and 40 years old, but they can show up at any age. They’re also more common in African-American women than in white women and tend to show up earlier and grow quicker in African-Americans, as well. Doctors don’t know why that is.   According to Health Remedies Journal website, Fibroids: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments. Fibroids are non-cancerous (benign)tumors that grow from the muscle layers of the uterus (womb). They are also known as uterine fibroids, leiomyomas, or myomas. Fibroids are growths of smooth muscle and can vary from the size of a bean to as large as a melon. Aug 3, 2016 fibroids are lumps that can grow on the inside, outside or the wall of the uterus,  Some symptoms include: Excessive menstrual bleeding Longer than usual menstruation--Overtime abnormally excessive bleeding may also lead to other potentially serious side effects.  (For me it was low iron, at times dangerously low. I spent many years taking the highest dose of non-prescription ferrous sulfate, and even had iv iron on one or two occasions. It was so many years my body had gotten used to living with very low iron.) Fullness in lower abdomen ( my note: I don’t remember feeling full, but I did feel pressure on my bladder. It was very scary feeling the pressure of needing to go to the bathroom but not being able to go. The scariest moment of that happening for me was just before surgery number two.) Pelvic or lower back pain ‘As fibroids grow in size, they can apply extra pressure on the neighboring organs and cause unwarranted pain in the pelvic area. The pain may also radiate to the lower back and some women may also feel the pain extending into their legs.’   (I had the back pain and always sat with a support pillow behind my lower back. I was so fortunate to have a vehicle with lumbar support for many years. It’s amazing the small things that we can tend to take for granted until we don’t, right?)   Frequent urination   Loss of bladder control     Constipation The constant pressure in the pelvic region can also lead to constipation, bloating and even diarrhea for some. For instance, when the fibroid growth is located towards the back, pressure applied to the rectum can cause constipation. (My note: At first, I was like constipation? Really? But the explanation makes sense. That earlier explanation re: affected organs right?   Reproductive problems--Fibroids that develop in the cavity of the uterus may cause infertility by preventing implantation. Fibroids may also block the fallopian tubes causing problems in conceiving. In these cases, blockage of the fallopian tube caused by fibroids does not permit the embryo to enter into the cavity of the uterus.   Abdominal swelling Depending on the size and number of fibroids present, the condition can occasionally cause the uterus to grow to the size of a five month pregnancy. This symptom can be observed as an enlarged belly or swelling in the abdomen. (Yes, I remember wearing my shirts and blouses out and long. I used to feel so embarrassed!)   Anemia The heavy bleeding experienced with fibroids can sometimes cause a woman to become anemic. With heavy menstrual bleeding persisting overtime, the body may not be able to make new blood cells fast enough to replace those that have been lost. In such instances, some women with fibroids may need to take iron pills to compensate for the loss of blood. At the same time, anemia may also result in fatigue, weakness, fuzzy thinking and moderate to severe light-headedness. (So yeah, basically what I mentioned earlier.)    http://healthremediesjournal.com/11-symptoms-of-fibroids/?utm_campaign=fibroidsymptoms&gclid=CK7nq8WKrdMCFQsQgQodmesI7g   http://www.webmd.com/women/uterine-fibroids/     Articles of note: https://www.statnews.com/2017/03/27/parents-having-children-live-longer/   https://www.rte.ie/entertainment/2017/0325/862542-dawn-oporter/       Until next time! Bye!   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah  

Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit!  Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!                  Well, this is a short episode. We are right in the middle of a mini-series where I am devoting an entire episode each, to the four most familiar infertility disease states; at least what I believe are the most familiar: PCOS, Endometriosis, Miscarriage, and Fibroids.   We just did the Miscarriage episode, and the final episode in this mini-series will be on Fibroids. But I wanted to stop by with this mini-episode to talk about all the different types of nutritional supplementations that are out there right now.   The buzz lately has been about gluten free, organic, essential oils, healthy shakes, and smoothies, etc. I will admit I have tried many of these things, and in fact, I do continue to use some things on this list. And while I am not here to sponsor or support any one product, I will say that the healthier we can eat, the better we can treat out bodies, of course, the better we will feel physically.   As you search for what works for you, be aware of triggers. There are mental and emotional triggers, and there are food triggers. Don’t ignore the triggers.      The fact is, as childless not by choice people, we are already feeling a certain way emotionally, mentally, physically; and maybe even spiritually. Opt not add bad eating to that list. The key to living positively in this space is to do our best in each area of our lives.   My contact information:  [email protected] Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM     Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah      Until next time! Bye!  

Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that! Welcome to episode 60—Miscarriage As I did my research for this episode, I started wondering which of these four issues that I discuss in my miniseries of the four most recognized infertility issues is the worst: PCOS, Endometriosis, Miscarriage, or Fibroids. I mean what’s worst, not being able to get pregnant, or getting pregnant, knowing there is a human being inside you; and then not? I have my opinion on that, but I will let you decide without my thoughts and opinions coloring the issues. By the way, don’t forget to check out the following: Monthly newsletter Blogs on both websites Survey link below News stories below Links to two of my previous podcast episodes mentioned in this episode   I started my research with statistics because I continue to be intrigued by the high number of miscarriages that take place per number of pregnancies. I believe the reason is because I am thinking of the advances in medicine, i.e. we are in the 21st Century! Shouldn’t things be a lot better than they were in say the 1800’s, even 100 years ago? But as I continued to research, I realized it was not necessarily about the advances in medicine, but more the imperfections of us, we humans. Our bodies are amazing, from head to toe. But one of the awesome things that our bodies will do and that would create negative emotions is to reject an organism it believes to be foreign. In the case of a miscarriage, that foreign organism may be an embryo with damaged chromosomes. See the full story at www.verywell.com where they say in part that ‘Laboratory studies on IVF patients have found that a very large percentage of eggs harbor chromosome abnormalities (the leading cause of miscarriage)…’         My immediate thought was that miscarriage that happens very early in a pregnancy, and the miscarriage that happens later in a pregnancy may result in two different emotional events. Maybe? Tell me what you think. I mean if there is a miscarriage at a chromosomal level, is it different, dare I say easier to deal with than a miscarriage at three or four months?        The statistics per my research on the Very Well website: The biggest miscarriage risk factor is a mother's age. According to the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists, the number of miscarriages in the first trimester for women increases dramatically as a woman ages. Here are the statistics showing this rise: age 20 to 30 years: 9 to 17 percent miscarriage rate age 35 years: 20 percent miscarriage rate age 40 years: 40 percent miscarriage rate age 45 years: 80 percent miscarriage rate   Bottom line, generally speaking, and you can go back to my episode where I interview Dr. Shari-ann James, 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage.    Links to previous episodes mentioned in this episode: Dr. Emine Cay Masters Dr. Shari-ann James   Research sites: https://www.verywell.com/making-sense-of-miscarriage-statistics-2371721   https://search.cdc.gov/search?query=miscarriage&utf8=%E2%9C%93&affiliate=cdc-main     Podcast episodes mentioned in this episode: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/mental-health-in-the-childless-not-by-choice-community-my-interview-with-psychologist-dr-shari-ann-james/   http://childlessnotbychoice.net/menopause-infertility-childlessness-my-interview-with-dr-emine-cay-masters/     News stories and articles of note: https://infertilemidnightbaker.wordpress.com/2017/03/25/an-open-letter-to-my-fertile-friends/amp/     My contact information:   Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com  Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah     Until next time! Bye!  

Episode 59—Endometriosis Hello everyone! WELCOME BACK TO 21ST CENTURY HANNAH, WHERE MY MISSION IS TO RECOGNIZE AND SPEAK TO THE BROKEN HEARTS OF CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE WOMEN, AND MEN, AROUND THE WORLD.  I AM SPREADING THE GREAT NEWS THAT WE CAN LIVE A JOYFUL AND RELEVANT LIFE REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT WE COULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Well, I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share with your social media followers! I would appreciate that! Also, if you find value in the content of these podcast episodes, click on the donate button on the website! Donations go toward podcasting equipment and building out the platform to create online courses for women and men who are childless not by choice. I want to create courses that will take my demographic from hopelessness to healing. Well, today’s episode is all about Endometriosis. Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus. Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, fallopian tubes, and the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond pelvic organs. With endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal bands of fibrous tissue that can cause pelvic tissues and organs to stick to each other. Endometriosis can cause pain — sometimes severe — especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. Surprise: Fortunately, effective treatments are available.  I did not realize that effective treatments were available. I honestly thought there was no effective treatment for Endometriosis.     Some things that surprised me: The severity of your pain isn't necessarily a reliable indicator of the extent of the condition. Some women with mild endometriosis have intense pain, while others with advanced endometriosis may have little pain or even no pain at all. Endometriosis is sometimes mistaken for other conditions that can cause pelvic pain, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or ovarian cysts. It may be confused with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a condition that causes bouts of diarrhea, constipation and abdominal cramping. IBS can accompany endometriosis, which can complicate the diagnosis. It’s really important to get a second opinion especially if you’re just not feeling that the diagnosis is correct. I truly believe, and I have said it before, no one knows your body better than you do. If you are not convinced about a diagnosis, get a second opinion.     Causes: Although the exact cause of endometriosis is not certain, possible explanations include: Retrograde menstruation.  Transformation of peritoneal cells.  Embryonic cell transformation.  Surgical scar implantation.  Endometrial cells transport.  Immune system disorder.  For additional details on each of these causes, see the Mayo Clinic article link in the show notes below. As I continued my research, I went next to the Hopkins Medicine site, link in the show notes, and found the following risk factors that could cause an increased possibility for a woman to have endometriosis: Risk Factors of Endometriosis They say that… While any woman may develop endometriosis, the following women seem to be at an increased risk for the disease: Women who have a first-degree relative (mother, sister, daughter) with the disease Women who are giving birth for the first time after age 30 White women Women with an abnormal uterus   Now the following information was of particular interest to me, and I am sure to those who have been diagnosed with Endometriosis: Relationship of Endometriosis to Infertility:   Endometriosis is considered one of the three major causes of female infertility. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, endometriosis can be found in 24 to 50 percent of women who experience infertility. In mild to moderate cases, the infertility may be temporary. In these cases, surgery to remove adhesions, cysts and scar tissue can restore fertility. In other cases — a very small percentage — women may remain infertile. (Hmmmm, kinda sounds like when they told me after one of my first myomectomies, ‘OK, we removed the fibroids, now go out and get pregnant before they grow back.’ Um, OK. Anyway... How endometriosis affects fertility is not clearly understood. It is thought that scar tissue from endometriosis can impair the release of the egg from the ovary and subsequent pickup by the fallopian tube. Other mechanisms thought to affect fertility include changes in the pelvic environment that results in impaired implantation of the fertilized egg. For additional information and ways to ease the pain, visit the link: Hopkins Medicine link below. Another site you may find helpful is the ACOG, American Congress of Obstetrics and Gynecologists. It’s a site that seems to be regularly updated with educational material and workshops. Check it out! So I love statistics because they tell a story in numbers. Yes, numbers can be skewed by human mistakes, i.e. mis-count, etc. But numbers, statistics, are the best we have at coming close to perfection. So, according to additional research: Endometriosis can first occur when girls first get their period. Endometriosis affects176 million women worldwide, and 1 in 10 girls and women in the US. Endometriosis usually causes symptoms during reproductive years (~12-60 years old), however many women and girls are undiagnosed. The following additional statistics are from the CDC—centers for disease control website: Because some women might have endometriosis, but do not have symptoms, it is difficult to know exactly how many women have the condition. Current estimates suggest that 6% to 10% of women of reproductive age have endometriosis,1,2 or approximately 5 million women in the United States. In 2011, the NICHD-led Endometriosis: Natural History, Diagnosis, and Outcomes study found that 11% of a group of women with no symptoms of endometriosis actually had the disorder. If this finding applies to all the women in the United States, the number of American women with endometriosis may well exceed previous estimates of 5 million. Endometriosis is most common in women in their 30s and 40s,3 but it can affect any female who menstruates.    Information from the following links were used at least in part for my research:    http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/endometriosis/home/ovc-20236421   http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/gynecological_health/endometriosis_85,P00573/   http://www.acog.org/   https://www.cdc.gov/   https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/womensrh/healthconcerns.html   http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/gynecological_health/endometriosis_85,P00573/   Stories of interest from around the world:     http://www.graphic.com.gh/news/general-news/don-t-ridicule-childless-women.html   http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/what-not-to-say-to-couples-who-don-t-have-children-1.3018634   https://www.rte.ie/entertainment/2017/0325/862542-dawn-oporter/     My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   I was honored to be one of several female podcasters recognized by Podcast Movement during their Women's History Month celebration! copy/paste the link below in your browser for details!      http://podcastmovement.com/pm-celebrates-womens-history-month-she-podcasts/   “When someone tells you to just forget about it, ask them what they have forgotten.”—Civilla Morgan   Thanks for visiting! Until next time, bye! 

Hello everyone, Welcome to episode 58! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the PODCAST, and feel free to share episodes to your social media followers! I would appreciate that! About PCOS I knew nothing about PCOS—polycystic ovarian syndrome, until I started researching the illness.  It saddened and surprised me as I read the symptoms and the manifestations of the disease.  Many of you are boldly living your lives as you battle the disease, and I am proud of you for not giving into it!  So one of my first questions as I researched PCOS, was just how many women have this disease? And I found that according to a 2015 article that was updated in 2016, Huffington Post article written by Heather Huhman, ‘Between five to 10 percent of women of childbearing age in the United States, or roughly 5 million, have PCOS. That percentage makes it one of the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women. What's more, it also makes it the most common cause of female infertility.’ According to a Science Weekly article, 1 in 15 women worldwide suffer from PCOS. And what’s more, apparently the medical community still does not know much about the disease! What are the symptoms? Acne Weight gain/trouble losing weight Extra body hair Irregular periods And of course, trouble getting pregnant Those are just some of the symptoms.  As with any of the other issues that cause childlessness, or trouble having children, all you can really do is what is in your power to do.  That means eating the right foods and watching your weight as much as possible. How does nutrition play a part? So of course because nutrition is on the forefront for the podcast this year, I had to check out what the best foods are for women suffering from PCOS. I wasn’t surprised, and you probably won’t be either: High fiber foods, anti-inflammatory foods, and lean protein. Limit the processed carbohydrates. No surprise, right? I know it’s probably easier said than done especially if you live in a place where it’s hard to get to these types of foods, but please try your best. I know you will feel better.           As usual, you know your body best. If you are just not feeling right regardless of what your physician says or prescribes, it is OK to do your own research, to exercise proper nutrition, and remain positive. I know, we have our up days and our down days in this world called childless not by choice, but overall, we have got to encourage ourselves. And for those of you who are still holding out hope. It’s OK to do so. There is a percentage of women who suffer from PCOS, who ended up having children. If you suffer from PCOS and you and your doctor are still hopeful, I will hope along with you! Hang in there!   Additional information and links based on PCOS: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heather-huhman/frustrating-facts-about-pcos_b_7686030.html https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070831204314.htm http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview#1 http://www.webmd.com/women/features/pcos-polycistic-ovary-syndrome-women#1 http://www.healthline.com/health/pcos-diet?s_con_rec=true&r=1#Overview1   Stories of interest: https://www.romper.com/p/people-feel-moral-outrage-toward-those-who-choose-not-to-have-children-study-finds-41800   https://www.pakistantribe.com/54929/fighting-infertility-eat-walnut-day-keeps-childlessness-away   http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2017/02/21/nigerian-woman-seeks-divorce-over-childlessness     Please help me out by taking this very short survey. Thank you! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Do you like the podcast, are you finding value in the content? If so, why not purchase a copy of the devotional from the website? You may also make a donation by clicking the donate button on the website or make a donation in Patreon. It would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Until next time, bye!

Hello, everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!   So I was watching a TV show the other night, and in one of the story lines, the couple was having fertility problems. They decided to visit a new doctor for alternative help in getting pregnant. The doctor asked the woman to have labs done. He then turned to the husband and advised him he would have to provide a semen sample. The husband’s response: ‘why?’  Do I need to say how imperative it will be to have men on board? They must be included in the conversation to help bring and contribute to the issues of the childless not by choice dynamic globally. Men are typically heads of households around the world, and they must realize many things. They must be aware of the fact that proper nutrition is important, that childlessness is not always the woman’s ‘fault’, and that there is no shame in going to the doctor as a couple. I know this will be easier said than done in many cultures. Even the so-called Western countries. Remember that TV show I mentioned earlier? That is an up to date television show that airs here in the United States. I will not pretend to understand the things men have to deal with when interacting with each other and with the world. It must be so difficult sometimes to maneuver the male ego, the interaction with friends, especially those who have children. Men may indeed have the same issues of not producing as women do, but maybe in a slightly different way.        Any men out there who are childless not by choice, any male fertility MD’s? Men, you are an integral part, not only physically, but emotionally. "A life unlived is no more a life than a picture of a river is a river"--Farzad Khosrownia Shout out to regular listener Elaine S. of Canberra, Australia. Shout out to regular listener Mimi, Orlando, FL, USA.   Until next time! Bye!   My contact information:  Websites: www.childlessnotbychoice.net                www.civillamorgan.com   Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah    The link below is for a non-mom summit coming up in October:  http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/3226674   The link below is yet another example of how childless women are disrespected:  http://www.news.com.au/finance/work/leaders/no-need-to-question-new-premier-gladys-berejiklians-child-status/news-story/46bb09d47573922d7b313effd5086912 http://www.upworthy.com/kim-cattralls-poignant-spot-on-response-to-those-still-asking-why-she-doesnt-have-kids?c=ufb4 Well! What do you think about the story below?! http://thenationonlineng.net/childless-couples-free-treatment/   What do you think about this?!  The lengths to which a woman would go not to be childless!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLkLbOvmvrw 

Podcast episode—February 13, 2017 Episode 56—12 Minute Convo Interview Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!                                                         The tables are turned once again! In this episode, I am interviewed by fellow podcaster Engel Jones. Engel has set out on a mission to interview people from all walks of life. In fact, he has interviewed hundreds of people--in 12-minute episodes! What a novel idea right? It’s amazing how much one can learn about a person in 12 minutes, but it is all about the questions. There were two times during the episode that I was touched to the heart. I know when you listen, you will be able to tell. Well, I had a wonderful time, and I believe you will enjoy listening to this episode as much as I enjoyed being interviewed. Enjoy!    Contact information for Engel Jones: http://www.twelveminuteconvos.com/   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM Speak Pipe—found on my website, look to the right.   Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah   Until next time! Bye!

Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. And thank you to my repeat listeners. If you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that! Well, it was such an honor to interview Dr. Shari-ann James for this episode! Her specialty within the world of psychology is just what we need in our community of childless not by choice women and men worldwide. I was so happy to hear this type of niche psychology is available and on the upswing. This will not be just another conversation on grief when a grieving woman walks into a psychologist’s office, it is the conversation.     I hope you enjoyed the interview as much as I did, and I hope you will write in to let me know. I will be interviewing and mentioning Dr. James’ awesome practice in the future. But in the meantime, I hope you will take the time to seek her out if you are dealing with any of the issues we discussed.   I have posted every way Dr. James can be found, as well as her education and memberships.  This is one smart lady! I really hope you all will take the opportunity to visit her website, and if you are local and find that you need assistance with traveling the path of childlessness, infertility issues, and loss, that you will seek her out.   PLEASE NOTE: There were some audio issues that I did not realize were happening until I went back to fully listen to the interview. My podcast producer corrected the issue as much as possible. And he has already had me implement some fixes so this does not happen in the future. I hope you will overlook the issue as the content is so compelling. There is great information in there for you, for us! Thank you for your patience.   EDUCATION: PhD, Counseling Psychology, University of Georgia EdM, Counseling Psychology, Columbia University (Master’s) MA, Organizational Psychology, Columbia University, (Master’s Degree) BA, Psychology, St Peter's College   DR. JAMES’ PROFESSIONAL MEMBERSHIPS INCLUDE: TRAINING & PROFESSIONAL MEMBERSHIPS: Professional Membership with Postpartum Support International (PSI) ​Professional Membership with American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) Professional Maternal Mental Health Certificate Training through PSI and 2020 Mom Project Extensive bereavement training on perinatal loss through Resolve Through Sharing (RTS) Gottman Trained Educator for the Bringing Baby Home Program, which is a program for new parents experiencing the transition to parenthood   http://www.perinatalwellness.net https://www.facebook.com/perinatalwellnessorlando/ https://www.pinterest.com/drshariannjames/   Podcast- the wellness pod https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wellness-pod/id1180289237    Helpful resources http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/living_childfree/ http://nationalshare.org

Hello, everyone! Thank you for stopping by for another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that! Well, I did not actually keep it short, like I thought I would. What was I thinking, lol!   In this episode, I talk about the topics I would like to discuss on our podcast in the coming year. I also talk about the complications I experienced after my hysterectomy. I thought I would be able to deal with the hysterectomy because I had three prior, similar surgeries. Not so! This complication is what lead to the nutrition episodes I will be discussing.     I also want to discuss the different ‘disease states’ that those of us childless not by choice experience. I haven’t discussed these disease states individually yet, but remember, this podcast is just a little more than a year old. We have lots to discuss in the years to come! So, I will be talking about fibroids, which I talk about a lot because that was the reason at least in part, for my childlessness. But I will also be talking about: PCOS infertility miscarriage endometriosis medical mishaps (I have one episode now where I interviewed a young lady who had to have a hysterectomy due to a medical device mishap. Check out my episode: ‘My Interview with Traci Nichols, Childless not by Choice’ from November 2, 2015.)   I will also discuss other disease states, medical, or physical mishaps, and issues as I may have missed something?   But this year among the other things we discuss, nutrition and the above-mentioned disease states will be primary.   So stay in touch, it’s easy! See below for my contact information.   Until next time! Bye! My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM Please take a moment to take this survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah

PODCAST—FINAL PODCAST OF THE YEAR—SHOUT OUTS TO MY SPONSORS AND SUPPORTERS, AND…CHILDLESS AT CHRISTMAS: Hello everyone! Thank you for visiting another episode of 21st Century Hannah! I appreciate your taking the time to listen in once again. Thank you to my repeat listeners. And if you are listening for the first time, I hope you will come back for another visit! Remember to tell your friends about the show, and feel free to share to your social media followers! I would appreciate that!   CORRECTION: I don’t know what I was thinking, but in this episode, I said several times that this was my first ever December episode.  But that was and is, incorrect. I had two episodes in December 2015. What was I thinking? I don’t know, but whatever it was, it sure threw me for a loop. I still maintain however, that there is something different about this December.  Maybe it is as simple as the fact that I am meeting my stride. I feel much more comfortable now than I did a year ago, so please pardon my error! Thank you!      Shout out to my sponsors and supporters: Morgan Air-conditioning is a sponsor of my show and I am so thankful to them for understanding and being a part of the vision. You may wonder what air conditioning and childlessness have to do with each other. Listen in and find out!   Alba Digital Media produces my podcast and they created and maintain my website. In fact, they maintain the website I had when I met them, as well as the website they created for my platform. If you need a professional to create your website or videos, please contact them. They also offer maintenance contracts. Check them out!   Edinburgh Dusters is a cleaning company in Edinburgh, Scotland. But the owner also loves graphic design and assisted quite a bit with graphics in the initial creation of my website. I will always be thankful. If you are listening from the Edinburgh area and need assistance with large and small cleaning needs, contact Edinburgh Dusters.   Devoted created the theme music for my podcast. I had so many songs to choose from, but kept coming back to the song you hear on my podcast. If you have any music needs, please contact Devoted!   Childless at Christmas: It’s Christmas and we do not have children of our own. That means if we are buying gifts, we are buying for OPK’s—other people’s kids. Nothing wrong with that of course. I give to local charitable organizations as well as to international organizations on a regular basis.   I believe we should help when and where we can, while maintaining healthy boundaries. There is nothing wrong with babysitting, giving, helping. But remember, we should never allow our lives and schedules to be dismissed because we are childless. We should have a life of our own, and not live the life of a friend or family member.   Remember, creating our own life, our own schedule, can be daunting. Some personalities do not want to be lonely. And they think that is what will happen if they set out to create their own life. But just about everything we do in life is at a risk. And life is short. I never want to sit down at 90 and wonder ‘what if?’   As we end 2016 and head into a new year, remember new years are more than new year’s resolutions. New years are a chance to continue in good habits, and to create new good habits. New spiritually, physically, and emotionally good habits. So, hang in there. Be strong. Seek assistance when you need to, and continue to be your beautiful you!   By the way, the candy cane wreath I mentioned in the episode, I found on Pinterest. I pinned it onto my ‘Christmas’ page if you want to check it out.   I also have a page called ‘Childlessness. 21st Century Hannah, my platform, my message’. I’ve pinned a lot of wonderful and encouraging posts on that page. I won’t tell you the number of total pins I have. It’s shameful!  But most of them were pinned while I was on the treadmill.  Well... BEST WISHES FOR A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, AND A WONDERFUL 2017!!!       Don't forget to look below for my sponsors and supporters contact information, and below that, my contact information!  Contact information for sponsors and supporters: https://www.morganair.net/ https://albadigitalmedia.com/fully-responsive-web-design/ http://www.edinburghdusters.co.uk/ [email protected]   My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @civilla1 Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM   Until next time! Bye!